Bizarre state...by default.

Bye Bye Blogspot!!!

2005-12-22T18:56:00.001+05:30

Yup, that's right. Z000nie has left Blogspot and moved to WordPress. It was a nice experience here on Blogspot, but then...

Anyway, kindly note my new URL, though its not a big change from my previous one (just remove the blogspot part from the previous link).

www.arz000n.com
([w][w][w][.][a][r][z][zero][zero][zero][n][.][c][o][m])

Please note on my new blog space:

No registration with WORDPRESS is required to make comments. Just punch your thoughts and blog URL while making a new comment.
All comments will still be moderated, as was happening with this blog
SpamKarma plugin will allow me to block specific IP address from making comments.
BlogRoll will be used to make BLOG FRIENDS list.

I hope to see all you guys in my new blog space soon.

Merry X-Mas People!!!

Countdown begins....

2005-12-17T12:48:00.000+05:30

Its been over a week now, I kept myself away from Blogspot (& of course blog hopping), the same place from where I started blogging exactly an year ago. After meeting so many good people, I'm finding it very difficult to stay away from blog world.

I can't give up writing posts, coz its always a good feeling to see people visit ma blog and have a good laugh coz of the bizarre thinking of Z000nie.

That's why I decided to start my blog at some other space, on my own domain name now. Yesss...I'm coming out with my own blog real soon, its just a matter of few days. Infact early morning yesterday, I was able to successfully port all my posts from this blog. Woooo..Hoooo!!!!

These days, apart from ma work, Im spending some time in learning CSS and PHP (yaaawwwnnn!!) in order to tweak my new baby, so give me a week's time and I think I'll be up and running....

Guys, dont forget to check out this space on 25th for my new blog URL. Hope to see you'll there soon.

Alwite, now its time for me to head for ma shower. What da...half of the day's already gone. Damn!!!!

Bizarre state... is PHROZEN in time!!

2005-12-12T19:02:00.000+05:30

This was planned couple of weeks back, but then I was finding it very difficult to keep myself away from blogging...away from all you beautiful people I came across.

However, looking at the goals and responsibilities set for me by the management, I may not be able to spend much time on blogs. Also, I need to catch up with lot of technologies coming out in the market, appear for a couple of certifications, blah, blah, blah…which I was not able to, thanks to blog-addiction.

Bizarre state... will remain phrozen for some time (not sure for how long ???).

Till then, I'll miss all you guys. I had amazing time of ma life and blogging was the only medium I used to cheer myself up.

Greetings for X-Mas & New Year to all ma blog-visitors.
Have fun and enjoy life.
Greetz!!

After outsourcing…its OUTSEXING!!!

2005-12-08T16:42:00.000+05:30

(Warning: Explicit material. Reader discretion advised.)

Outsourcing to India is the latest trend in IT industry, these days. You name it and “developed” countries are eager to outsource anything to “developing” countries under the name of cheap labor.

Take for example, few days back I read an article about one such outsourcing where final year exam papers were being scanned so that they could send it across to India, while the teachers enjoy the vacation. Now that is something which amused me a lot.

We were ruled by Britishers few years back, thanks to the effort of few great people; very soon we got our Independence. But what are we doing now? Paid slavery? I’m an IT slave and serving few clients myself. I know, what matters by the end of the day is the quality that you deliver and they don’t care about how many and what kinda people worked on it. You meet the deadline on time and the client’s happy.

So I believe the time is near, when anything and everything will come to us and we’ll happily perform the duty. The day is not far, my friends, when the following conversation will take place in almost every “sweet-and-happy” home somewhere out there on this planet.

HE: Honey, its Friday night. Time for “fun”!!
SHE: (I’m done with headaches, back aches, this ache and that ache…need to find out a work around soon): Yes!! You know our neighbors have come across this concept of outsourcing “fun” to India...and they call it as outsexing. We just have to DIAL 1-800-Out-Sexing for India and ask operator to connect to any couple of our choice. That’s it.
HE: Is it that simple? Wow!! I think we should give it a try. What say hun?
SHE: Go ahead!!

HE: Hello…operator…can you connect me to someone who can help us in having “fun”
Operator (someone from deep South): Vannakamm SARRR!! You have reached “fun” line of Out-Sexing. Please dial serro for “fun” on the phone
Please dial serro serro for “fun” on internet
Please dial serro serro serro for “fun” on web cam
Please dial serro serrro serrro serrro for...

HE: Errrr…hold on a sec dude... Why you have only serros…in your menu list?
Operator: SAAAR, the other keys are outsourced for some other purposes you see. Kaasst cutting is going on.

HE: Alright…alright…just make it quick..

HE: Hello…Is this the contact number where we can outsource our “friday night fun”
Voice from the other end: FUN?? Do you mean…
HE: Yes…yes. Exactly!!
Voice: What the F#$#? Where the hell is Babloo? I think he has registered our Phone number on some illegal sites…
HE: Errr…what?
Voice: Nothing. That was for my idiot son…And you….you…firangi…don’t you even dare to call here again!! We don’t provide any kind of entertainments like this.

*thud*

HE: Is that what you meant by “fun”
SHE: No…no… I think we got the wrong line. Can you please ask the operator to connect again?
HE: Betta this be the right one now.

This time I’m sure he gets lucky enough to get through the right “outsexed” couple. They both enjoy watching the outsourced “fun” and then…when the fun time is over…

HE: Boy that was awesome…What dya say?
SHE: It sure was…now I’m tired. Gotta get up early tomorrow.
HE: Gnite hun!!
SHE: Nite…Nite!!

However, don't be surprised if the actual thoughts go something like this:

HE: Damn…that chick in outsexing was HOT. I seriously need to consider this option of outsexing seriously.
SHE: Thanks to outsexing. I was running outta excuses anyway.
Outsexed guy: They never realized that I was doing “it” with a plastic doll…and I charged them for 2 people. Hehehe….sucka!!

Void in me...

2005-12-06T09:25:00.000+05:30

Two things which I’m always gonna regret till the time I exist on this planet are:

Not having pet like a giant Dinosaur &
Dreaming about having a GF from MARS.

My first obsession started when my mom took me and bro to watch Jurassic Park, which also happens to be my first movie in theater. Being a young kid of like 16yrs of age, I was very innocent and carried a beautiful thinking (I really mean it. Even though those huge creatures were roaming around naked, my eyes never ran on their private parts…I was that innocent kid).

While the movie was going on, I couldn’t resist the thought of having a pet like something as huge as a Tyrannosaur, which Mr. Spielberg had handsomely portrayed on the wide screen. Was he really of that big size in real life, or the theater screen made it look huge, I just wonder at times. Coz I remember watching GODZILLA on my 21 inch TV at home…GZILLA felt like a lost and panicked FROG from some rain forest. I was trying to get scared till the end, but I never was. Maybe the other reason was coz that chick (Audrey Timmonds) in that movie was too cute.

I like pets and have quite a few of them at my home. Addition of one small dinosaur would have completed my family picture. I would have kept Dino (I even thought of a name for him, back then) in my study room; feed him Indian Rice, curry and chapattis daily and weekends would have turned into bathing day for my new pet. I even thought of taking him to my school along with me, and dare if any teacher scolded me, I would have just said, “DINO CHOOO!!” and there you go…Steven Spielberg’s sequel of Jurassic park right in front of my eyes in my own school park!!

Boy...don’t you think that sounds more KEWL than owning an XBOX 360 and playing 3D shooting game on it??

(Alright that was kinda evil...I apologise)

Obsession for having a GF from MARS started immediately after I saw SPECIES. Thanks to cute Natasha Henstridge in that movie. I dreamed about calling my alien GF as Natasha itself coz I believe that’s one cute name in itself.

Introducing to my friends would be a lot exciting then. Dare anyone (I think all my retard, single and horny buddies would try) give a bad and lusty look to her; she would have easily taken care of everything, with her mysteriously long alien arms. What are they called as anyway...tentacles??

Whatever it is, as long as I breathe here, there will always be that small vacuum inside me, which I know can never be fulfilled by owning a GREAT DANE as my pet or even a hot RUSSIAN CHICK as my GF.

*sob*

*sob*

More Q's about Z000nie...

2005-12-04T22:48:00.000+05:30

I don’t remember from whom the following Q’s were stolen, but this post was lying in one of my documents for like ages.

UNIQUE

1. Nervous Habits - Fake gulp with tired look on face, sweat on forehead
2. Are you double jointed - Nope
3. Can you roll your tongue – Very much and it can even touch tip of my nose. (weird haan!!)
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time - Yes, I used to enjoy kinda mimicking THE ROCK and freak out mom, who thought I’m growing up into a retard.
5. Can you blow spit bubbles - No...I tried this while in college, but ended up spitting on the guy next to me.
6. Can you cross your eyes - Yes...afta this stunt I get kinda headache.
7. Tattoos - None (would go for one pretty soon)
8. Piercing - None (I’m really boring guy!!)
9. Do you make your bed daily – No...I hate this. My day starts with laziness.

CLOTHES

10. Which shoe goes on first - Right shoe first (I've actually started wearing socks inside the shoes now...and Im enjoying it)
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? - Nope
12. On the average, how much money do you carry – 600 bucks max (but I carry 2 CC’s and 3 Debit cards...they always come handy)
13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7 – Gold chain and Gold ring
14. Favorite piece of clothing – Black T-shirt (usually of some rock band - Mettalica and Iron Maiden are common)

FOOD

15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it – Twirl it. I like it that way.
16. Have you ever eaten Spam - No
17. Do You Use Extra Salt On Your food – A lot (I cant eat food without extra pinch of salt)
18. How many cereals in your cabinet – I really don’t have any clue.
19. What's your favorite beverage - Diet Coke / Sprite / Mountain Dew
20. What's your favorite fast food restaurant – Smoking Joe’s (At times Subway too)
21. Do you cook – I tried this stunt once. Was not able to make out whether it was rice or white daal.

MANNERS

22. Do you swear – Nope (Its sign of weakness for me)
23. Do you ever spit – At times yes (People usually get annoyed)

FAVOURITE

24. Animal – Cats (I think they are cutest creatures on this planet...PEACE OUT guys!!)
25. Food - Italian (Any Italian blogger who is single...please contact me offline)
26. Month - August (Lot of birthdays in this month...from ma family and friends)
27. Day – Friday’s (Casual day,"bird" watching day, travelling back to Mumbai day...do you need more reasons now??)
28. Cartoon – THE SIMPSONS (My life blood...I watch repeat show at 1am on STAR WORLD)
29. Shoe Brand – Woodland / Lee Coopers (More on Woody's...they are much more comforatble than LEE)
30. Subject in school – Chemistry (Used to love remembering salt names and working out on different reactions. Wanted to specialize as Chemical Enggr...wonder what my blog name would have been then...)
31. Color - Black
32. Sport - Wrestling (How I luvvvv to see those punches all the time)
33. TV show – Seinfeld, Everybody loves Raymond, Friends
34. Thing to do in the spring – Never did anything special.
35. Thing to do in the summer – Go on short vacation (If there were any beaches around, would have gone for sun bathing and catch glimpse of few cuties)
36. Thing to do in the autumn – Watch leaves fall down...dont know what else to do and then write down here about it.
37. Thing to do in the winter – Snuggle up in ma sheets and goto sleep early...wake up late too.

IN AND AROUND

38. In the CD player – DJ Mylo, Black Eyed Peas, Sean Paul, Eminem
39. Person you talk most on the phone with – Mom (No one calls me during weekdays; Weekends I don’t attend any calls)
40. Reading – RD’s, PC Quest, Linda Goodman (Sun Sign)
41. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows/mirrors – Nope. Don’t enjoy it much
42. What color is your bedroom – Light brown
43. Do you use an alarm clock – Only if I’ve early morning meetings or odd working hours.
44. Window seat or aisle – Window (If I don’t get it, I curse the person sitting near window)

DUMB

45. What's your sleeping position – Most of the time on my chest. (Never sleep on my back, coz I start thinking about my daily activities, and that screws up ma brain).
46. Even in hot weather do you use a blanket - Yes, I can’t sleep without a blanket.
47. Do you snore – I don’t think so.
48. Do you sleepwalk – Never...but I'd love too, and freak out people.
49. Do you talk in your sleep – Nope.
50. Do you sleep with stuffed animals – Nope. Thought of when I’d pet dog, but mom never allowed. My kitten do jump in occassionally to surprise me, when I'm at home.
51. How about with the light on – Only when I’m staying in hotels on business trips...never on ma own expense
52. Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on – Not at home, my parents will kill me (Done almost every day for 4 months when I was in Delhi staying in hotel. Used to switch it off early morning)
53. Last interesting person you met – Can’t remember (I usually end up meeting retard people like me, nothing interesting in them to remember)

If anyone is intersted in taking this tag, please go ahead.

Interview with Fekta Kapoor

2005-12-02T13:57:00.000+05:30

(I like Ekta Kapoor and I love her determination, passion and dedication towards her work. I just love it. Infact I wrote one post about her like 267 days back, titled eKta eKta. Only thing I dont like are her crying soaps, which I was forced to watch till 2 years back, while I was staying with my family in Mumbai. Thank god, weekends are spared...now I enjoy going back home. Following is a short interview of FEKTA KAPOOR, which is totally a bizarre imagination of mine. Hope you'll enjoy it. Greetz!!)

The very first question which everyone is curious to know about is, how long is this 'K' factor gonna continue?
“K” is bringing me more success. Also HINDI OXFORD dictionary has around 6597 words starting from K. I don’t think they are gonna end anytime soon. As long as FEKTA is alive, “K” factor is going to be with her.

That’s nice. So how is your new soap, Kitni Mast Hai Zindagi different from the other family serials?
With this serial I’m planning to focus on youngsters as I know they are part of the family too…no matter how much they spend there time out smoking grass or screwing chicks in college. My next targets are kids, where I’m planning to come out with new serials like

Gramma’s day out
Kyonki saans bhi kabhi bachchi thi
Kwaa…Kwaa…my baby cries.
Who let the kids out?

Why did you choose MTV to launch this serial?
I approached many channels but then audience damaged all of them after my show was aired…I was bit paranoid to approach STAR. But, I don’t understand, why can’t people sit and tolerate my soaps any more. After STAR said no, MTV was the only option left, so I thought, this time I’ll launch it from here. My next launch will be from my own Channel TEAR PLUS, which I’m launching in 2006.

Why the hunt for actors? Is there a scarcity in Mumbai?
I always cast fresh people. After success of my long running soaps like Kyonki Saans… and Kahani Ghar…, I realized after 300 episodes, actors lose the touch of natural crying. I don’t want to spend unnecessarily on glycerin on each of my episodes. So right now I’m searching for natural born actors who can cry when I say CRY.

What's the reason behind the strange spellings of your serials?
Strange? They are not strange….they bring me luck, fame success, money and…more money. Infact I was planning to change my name to KEKTA KAKOOR, but then lots of K’s make you go K…K…K… and it doesn’t sound good too…so I continued with FEKTA.

After the success of “Kya kool hai hum” are you planning to come out in future?
Right now, nothing is planned as such, but I’m thinking of few titles for which I need to start writing scripts on…

Khatron ke Khiladiyon ki Kahani – all K’s in here (*grins*) This I’m sure is gonna reach OSCAR!!
Kutto ki zubaani, Ghar Ghar ki Kahani – this movie is dedicated to my pet dog who died last year while watching last episode of HUM PAANCH, my first soap ever. Right now only this two…I need to hunt cast for this too now.

Tell our audience something about your personal life. Now that you’ve turned 30, what is your immediate plan?
Turning 30 brings a lot of happiness from inside. Immediate plans are to quickly finish the scripts for the above 2 mentioned movies and launch my own channel pretty soon.

No, I mean, plans for your personal life. When are you planning to marry and get settled?
I’m not able to find a guy who could keep me happy after I come back home. You know what I mean…

Oh yeah, you mean *AHEM* *AHEM*
Jeeezz….no!! I need someone who could be like a house husband and take care of the family while I’m out directing new soaps and doing cast hunting. Who could finish my pending scripts for upcoming episodes on time. You know…

I wish you good luck FEKTA. Before we wind up, what message you’d like to give our youngsters who are reading this interview put up on some blog?
Three things will get you fame and money…and more money. Crying, Crying and loads of natural crying. If you think you can deliver this for 18hrs in a day, 365 days in a year and you look good after loads of makeup and new clothes on you, then I think you are part of my new soap. Contact me…hehehe.

Bizarre Interpretation!!

2005-11-30T13:42:00.000+05:30

Go Slow. School Ahead.
School teachers are pretty; don’t forget to catch a glimpse.

No Parking.
If violated, car will be scratched

No Smoking.
If violated, face will be scratched

Go slow. Men at work.
Read: GO. Slow Men at work.
Else Read: Men work fast at night, now they are working slowly.

Observe Silence in the library.
We want to hear who is screwing behind that last book shelf

Sealed for quality.
Beauty and quality lies in the eyes of the beholder. If you dare open the seal and don’t find quality, get your eyes checked before suing us.

Sprite can: Get 20% extra…FREE!!
Diameter of can already reduced by 25%, you dumb ass.

Pune Express Highway: Tunnel Ahead. Don’t stop inside the tunnel.
Dare you even thinking of having sex while in inside the tunnel, with no lights around.

Lost & Found
You lost it. I found it, so I’m keeping it. Get lost sucka!!

On Eatables: Best before xx-2005
It’s already expired. If you delay it further, you will be expired.

(I’m busy in meeting my project delivery dates and also taking technical round of interviews for new candidates these days. Hopefully, next post will be on “FEKTA KAPOOR” and her upcoming soaps sometime soon, till then GO BIZARRE guys!!)

A-to-Z about Z000nie

2005-11-28T12:25:00.000+05:30

A - Age you got your first kiss: Yet to be kissed. (Came close last year, but didn’t take the initiative. Damn, I'm so dumb.)
B - Band listening to right now: DJ Mylo.
C - Crush: I do have a crush…a huge one infact.
D- Drink of Choice: Lemon Ice tea (Lately I’m in love with Mango/Orange Slush too)
E - Easiest person [people]: My mom.
F - Favorite band at the moment: Black Eyed Peas.
G - Gummy worms or gummy bears? Gummy Bears.
H – Holiday: Hmmm…Need to go for a short vacation soon
I - Instruments: None. I was never interested in playing any instrument, though I enjoyed watching others play it.
J - Juice: Mango (At times I prefer Grapes/Watermelon too )
K - Kids: I just adore them. Might adopt one in future.
L - Longest car ride ever: I had to visit my clients place in Al-Ain which is around 3-4hrs from Dubai. We planned to start early, but meetings at the last moment took time, and finally the journey started at 11am. Traveling in that desert heat at the speed of more than 130KM/hr was one awesome experience.
M - Major: Computers (Kam-puter in simple terms))
N - Nicknames: Z000n, Z000n bug, Z000nie.
O - One wish: I wanna goto US :(
P - Phobia[s]: Of getting hit by a vehicle while on street.
Q - Quote:

Kindness in words creates confidence.
Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.
Kindness in giving creates love.
~ Lao Tzu

R - Reason to smile: My parents, friends & people who know me online.
S - Song you sang last: Sun jara…soniye soon jara – From Lucky (Few weeks back, used to hummm this almost everyday)
T - Time you woke up [today]: 0530hrs
U - Unknown fact about me: I was so selfish in love that when I sensed things were not looking good between us, I told her that I was ready to leave everyone including my family if she asks for. Now I regret for looking down ma family for someone I hardly knew much about.
V - Vegetable you hate: Eggplant /Aubergine / Brinjal. I don’t see anyone cooking nice edible dish using Brinjal (Sorry guys)
W - Worst habit(s): Speaking out everything inside. I can’t keep secrets…I tried hard but I carry a false sense of security about people around me. They are waiting to stab me anyway.
X - X-rays you've had: Chest Routine Medical Checkup
Y - Yummy food: Pasta, Spaghetti and Pizza anytime of the day.
Z - Zodiac sign: LEO (When I say this, it makes me feel like a LION. I know Im not anyway..hehehe)

If anyone wants to get tagged, please go ahead.

Blog-o-scope by Sojan Bloggerwalla

2005-11-25T09:39:00.000+05:30

(Warning: Please note this is yet another Bizarre post from Z000nie. Believing on the predictions totally depends on you. I'm a LEOn, right now I'm myself confused whether to Meeaooww or Grroowwl!!)

Aries (March 21 – April 18)

New posts, Blog hopping, commenting – all three keep you more than busy in second half of the year. You'll try to improve your personal relationships by trying to make maximum comments on your fellow blogger friends. However, it is in the sphere of your blog template that you have the most visible activity. Blog Add-on's like chat-box, multimedia, funky graphics in side panel, etc. will have to be handled carefully for maximum visitor hits.

Taurus (April 19 – May 19)

Inspiration in blog-o-sphere becomes your main focus, rather than religion or spiritual pursuits. A good development for you is your sharp thinking enabling you to comment FIRST in every new post of your blog mate. At the same time, your determination and decision making traits to face unusual and filthy comments from Anonym-asses with ease on your blog, will come handy. On the personal front, there is greater family bonding and warmth, especially with older relatives, parentsafter your dedication towards blogging is revealed.

Gemini (May 20 – June 20)

You now blog at work to please yourself in terms of doing something worthwhile. While you excel obviously in blogging, you may have a little misfortune in terms of loss in business or even in your next appraisal. You need to tread with care where your blog mates are concerned. It is good time for taking up free-lance template design work or even some work from home (viz. updating your wife's or kid's blog).

Cancer (June 21 – July 23)

You may be enthusiastic about certain developments on your blog in terms of new Add-ons. Your efforts and hard work will be appreciated by regular blog-visitors. Blog-hopping is the interface that holds you together; it is where the fun part of this day happens. You could find giving advice to someone new to blog-o-sphere. This is good time to sign-up with Technorati to make new contacts. Make new blog templates at your place tonight after office to increase visitor count.

Leo (July 24 - August 23)

You'll be more focused in coming out with innovative ideas for your new posts. Your determination towards making new posts every day will become more organized. Those in IT industry will benefit coz of lot of idle time (read no project at hand). For few, ideas for a short break from blog-o-sphere may surface tonight. Love life may be tense due to your partner's inability to understand your needs. In case of breakup, chances are that you might find your new blog-partner today.

Virgo (August 24 - September 23)

Work will progress smoothly and there could be favorable developments in office. You may get involved in a serious love affair with a blogger, which will give you immense satisfaction. Don't forget to clarify the gender before making any blind commitments. A new comer on blog might try to divert all your blog traffic on his new blog. Don't view this person with suspicion for there might be a lot of sense in what he says. You'll see shitty comments from Anonym-asses as bad dreams of life, rather than obstacles.

Libra (September 24 - October 23)

You are likely to be in restless mood due to a long break of almost 2.2 days from blog. A new hobby fascinates you. You enjoy expressing creatively. Music is likely to play a more important role now; you might even go ahead & add a music-add-on in your template. You might come across your childhood friend (who is also blogging now) while blog hopping. Let your hair down this evening and dedicate time to family who long for your presence. Plan to enjoy a little quiet time with a loved one writing a short & sweet post for tomorrow.

Scorpio (October 24 - November 22)

It could be a hectic day at work but don't let this deter you from being proactively blog hopping from your cell phone or penning down new ideas on office notepad. You will earn name and fame only if you register to Technorati, Blogflux, Blog directory, etc. Short travel will create tension as it will keep you away from blog-o-sphere for a while. Visitors from unexpected part of the world (viz. Timbuktu, Andaman & Nicobar Islands, Antarctica, etc.) are indicated. Married bloggers will enjoy healthy sex life.

Sagittarius (November 23 - December 22)

You may have to actually work part of the day today, but after lunch afternoon is all yours. You'll be able to utilize it for blogging either for writing new post(s) or blog-hopping. Blogger pals might find you witty and eccentric just now. Understanding with your life partner will be good. You may get promoted and transferred to a department with high-speed and unmonitored internet connection. This evening you may find yourself in a poetic mood, which might result into a new post for tomorrow.

Capricorn (December 23 - January 20)

There will be lots of activities at work and you may have a tough time staying on schedule for your upcoming posts. However, during later part of the day you might want to update your blog template or even change it to a new one. As far as post is concerned, think about writing a review of an activity, city or accommodation while traveling or vacationing. Romance and flirting on blog will be healthy.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 19)

Blogging at work will be smooth sailing and you will be inspired to put in your best efforts. Your sense of humor and ready with will draw bloggers on your blog. Blog-rolling new links is on agenda. This is also the time of your life where you'll be able to enjoy by able to make first comment in at least 13 favorite blogs of yours. Minor health problems are likely if time spent in blog-o-sphere is more than 17hrs. Cardiac problems are indicated, if comments for 15 consecutive posts are less than 4.

Pisces (February 20 - March 20)

Hectic activity at work could leave you feeling tired and exhausted. Romance goes from low on the priority list to number two (number one obviously hafta be blogging). Sympathy and understanding with fellow bloggers are emotional qualities that take on greater importance. Its wisdom, not knowledge while making comments that counts now. It's also time for sweet words, candlelight and romantic posts at nights. Enjoy it!!

Those were the "socks" days of my life…

2005-11-23T11:40:00.000+05:30

Once upon a time, I used to wear socks inside my shoes, but now as I’m growing old and lazy…I just don’t feel they are necessary at all. It’s a fact, if you want to judge a guy’s personality, look at his shoes. Nowhere it's mentioned, look whether he is wearing socks inside them or not. I wear LEE COOPERS the costliest one, so I carry a good personality. But when you look inside it, where are the bloody socks?? Does that mean I’m having FAKE Personality?

As a kid I was forced to wear socks by my mom while going to school in those tiny white shoes that was compulsory according to school’s policies. But now, when the company policy is to wear formal shoes, they never said you hafta wear formal socks along with the shoes too. I know I know…they even never said anything about formal underwear anywhere in that “Employee Handbook”, but I believe underwear is compulsory…whether it’s formal or casual it’s up to the guy wearing it.

Frankly speaking I really don’t remember buying any pair of socks myself. Whenever I needed them, I used to go, “Mom, I need new pair of socks” and BOOM!!…there you go…brand new socks right on shoe rack. And the surprising fact is that no one ever measured ma foot size, but whenever I try new pair of socks, they just fit in perfectly. Voila!!

Being a bachelor and staying away from family comes with its own small pack of advantages. Like we can move around for months without cleaning up anything that is lying around the bed, wash clothes only when AXE deodorant gives up its fight of making us smell good and of course when the guy from end of the floor complains of either smelly socks or a dead rat.

Yes, that’s the first sign of getting a new pair coz washing is like torture-test to the detergent. At times I wonder instead of those commercials showing how to bring safedi (whiteness) on shirt with stains, they should try washing ma used socks instead. They might change there slogan to, “Aaaya naya UJALA, poori bottle wala”, coz char boond will not make any difference at all. Infact, I’m so sure they’ll never come out with a new version of there product in future.

Being a religious guy, I strongly believe that instead of having “USE AND THROW” concept on ball-point pens, they should start using it on socks….you use it, pass on your shoe stink to it and then throw it. You are happy, you shoes will never smell bad and yes, your neighbors in office will never think of throwing stapler in your direction, whenever you cross their cubicle.

By the way, ever thought of this. If your body stinks, you have soaps & perfumes; if your arm-pits stink you have Deo’s. But it’s unfair that you don’t have anything if your socks stink. One of ma retard friend used to apply DEO in there, just to skip washing them…..yiiikeeess!!

Backup Backup!!

2005-11-22T10:59:00.000+05:30

Just 2 days back, I tried accessing two blogs (Di’s – peepssheep _ blogspot _ com and Katya’s – katyacoldheart _ blogspot _ com) that I used to frequently visit when I entered blogging, I was surprised to see that they were hacked by some punk. Whole blog was deleted and URL was used to sell his shitty products.

That’s when the thought of taking backup came in my mind and I had to Google for some information. I would like to share that with ma blogger pals from this post.

Its all the hard work that we put up in creating a blog, which I don’t think anyone, will enjoy getting erased by someone “just for fun”. Requesting you all to kindly take precautionary measures about the same.

Backup Method I:
If you have patience and can play around with Template file, please go ahead and give “Blogger: How do I create a backup of my entire blog?” a try. It tells about a method, which requests you to make certain changes in the template file and take backup of your posts. After that you need to revert back to the original template file.

I need to try this out, maybe during the coming weekend, right now loads of work on ma head already.

Backup Method II:
Download HTTrack Website Copier. HTTrack is a free software that lets you download a website or a weblog straight into your computer. It will automatically build directories and obtain HTML, images and other files from the server in to your computer, creating a "mirror" site locally. This will make sure that you have an offsite copy of your blog all the time along with the comments, in case you need to upload them all if you fall pray for some hacker.

For guys who are making posts from café or office shared computer, might be interested in knowing more about how to prevent themselves from getting hacked. Kindly read my post “OMG, I got hacked” to know more on how you need to punch in your passwords safely.

If anyone knows any other method, please share it with me.

(Z000nie’s bizarre post, “I don’t wear socks” is coming today evening, thought of making this quick post to share ma knowledge with all you beautiful people. Greetz to everyone!!)

Z000n's Secrets Revealed

2005-11-20T15:06:00.000+05:30

The following list of Q's are shamelessly stolen from Becky.

Smoked a cigarette – Never, and don’t even feel like smoking ever in ma life.
Crashed a friend's car – I don’t know how to drive. But was caught on 2 occasions where I was sitting next to the drivers seat and had an accident. Came out without a scratch though.
Stolen a car – Nope (If I was in US, I would have attempted for it during my teens...excited hormones you see)
Been in love – Yes. *blush*
Been dumped – Yes…at start of this year.
Shoplifted – I just can’t. If I ever, I might faint on the spot.
Been fired – Nope. When one of my previous company’s was not leaving me after my resignation, I asked them to fire me so that I could get relieving certificate.
Been in a fist fight – Yes. Once in 8th std.
Snuck out of your parent's house – Nope.
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back – Yes. I carry crushes hidden inside me…and then after sometime I realize…if I only I’d said something…
Been arrested – Never.
Gone on a blind date – Hmmm…not a date, but went to meet an online friend.
Lied to a friend – Yes.
Skipped school – Never.
Seen someone die – Not a human being…but my pets, yes.
Had a crush on one of your internet friends – Yes.
Been to Canada - Never
Been to Mexico – Nope
Been on a plane – Lot many times.
Purposely set a part of yourself on fire – I would never do that. Not even in my dreams.
Eaten Sushi – I would love too (only on company expense!!)
Been jet-skiing – Nope.
Met someone in person from the Internet – List is quite long.
Taken pain killers – Yes. I get severe headaches at times.
Loved and missed someone – Yes. I still miss that special someone.
Flown a kite – Yes.
Built a sand castle – Nope.
Gone puddle jumping – Nope. Never enjoyed rains.
Cheated while playing a game – Nope.
Been lonely – Yes…it hurts.
Fallen asleep at work or school – School…I don’t think so. Never slept at work, even when working on odd hours.
Used a fake id – Real life….nope.
Watched a sun set – Yes
Felt an earthquake – Oh yeah…quite a few times.
Touched a snake – Yes.
Slept beneath the stars – Yes…at my hometown.
Been robbed – Nope.
Been misunderstood – Yes...I'm always misunderstood. Thats the tragedy :(
Petted a reindeer/goat – Yes.
Won a contest – Yes…just few days back I got a big silver coin from RD.
Run a red light/stop sign – I usually do when Im out with ma bro on his bike.
Been suspended from school – Never.
Been in a car accident – Yes…when traveling with ma boss from previous company, he dashed a two-wheeler head-on.
Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night – Nope.
Had déjà vu – Oh yeah…a lot many times.
Danced in the moonlight – Nope.
Witnessed a crime – Nope.
Been obsessed with post-it notes – Not much. Though I carry it in ma office desk.
Squished barefoot through the mud – Yes.
Been lost – Yes. I have poor sense of geography. I hate traveling alone.
Been on the opposite side of the country – Nope, but I would love too.
Swam in the ocean – Nope...infact I dont know swimming (Started reading "Learn swimming in 48hrs", lets see)
Cried yourself to sleep – Yes…as a kid I used to.
Played cops and robbers – Yes.
Recently colored with crayons – Nope.
Sung karaoke – Yes…but alone.
Paid for a meal with only coins – Nope.
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't – Yes.
Made prank phone calls – Nope…but I used to give miss calls to this gal studying with me in 11th and 12th std.
Caught a snow flake on your tongue – Nope. I so want to one day.
Written a letter to Santa Clause – Hehehe…nope.
Been kissed under the mistletoe by your boy/girlfriend – Nope...not yet.
Watched the sun rise with someone you care about – Nope.
Blown bubbles – Nope.
Bonfire on the beach – Nope
Laughed so hard you pee your pants – Never
Cheated on a test – Yes.
Been kissed by someone you didn't like – Nope.
Gone skinny-dipping in a pool – Hell no!!

If anyone wants to get tagged, please go ahead :)
(Deepa and Truth Fairy, I'll be working on your tags next weekend. Thanks!!)

Intelligent Nugget‘s

2005-11-18T10:35:00.000+05:30

“Dude, why is your new monitor so dull looking? Is there any problem with its resolution or something?”
“Nope. I had to decrease the color resolution.”
“And that is because…?”
“If I keep the resolution high from now itself, when its already new…I’m sure the colors inside this monitor are gonna fade pretty soon. I don’t want this to turn into a black-n-white after like 2 years down the line”
“You are genius!!”

“Can I borrow this mouse attached to your PC for a while?”
“Why?”
“I’m playing HALO in multi-user mode on a single PC. And my friend also wants to have a mouse to operate all controls”
“Do you think that will work?”
“It has to. I got 2 USB ports.”

“Do I need a CD-writer to take backup of all my data on a CD from my system?”
“Yes, of course. How you gonna burn the CD then?”
“No…I got latest version of this CD burning software 2 days back. Software makes everything come true. I don’t think there should be a problem.”
“If you are able to, please make a copy for me too then.”
“Oh sure I will. After all we are CD-Brothers...remember!!”

“Z000nie, what time is it now bro?”
“Dude, you are working on your system that has a nice little clock module at the bottom right corner of your screen. Also, god has given you a nice Nokia Cell phone which is working without any problem. Do you still need to ask the time again and again?”
“I was just checking whether you are aware of all this or not!!”
“How I wish to see you getting punched right on your nose, d!ck head!!”

“I just sent you an email, did you received it in your inbox?”
“I think I should have. I trust the mail server.”
“It’s not the mail server dude. I don’t trust the admin guy maintaining that server. What if he is snooping all ma emails and deleting them at his will”
“Since I sit in your adjacent cubicle, you can drop by anytime after clicking send to confirm about it. But what if you are sending mails to someone outta this building. How are you gonna check?”
“I send another e-mail, asking for confirmation”
“Wow!! You are one guy with brains. Boy, you are wasting your hidden talents in India.”
“I know…”

“Wawww….she’s one hot chick, man”
“Yeah I know…and in that tiny dress...she even looks cuter”
“Can we just edit this photo in a notepad and…you know, as every file is made up of 0’s and 1’s…”
“Yeah…I know that. What’s your point?”
“We will replace all 1’s with 0’s so that we get to see her naked”
“Brilliant!!”

Secrets of IT Revealed: How to handle clients?

2005-11-16T15:50:00.000+05:30

After my post on Survival in IT - Hidden Secrets Revelealed, few months back, I thought of writing a post on how to deal with clients, if you are working in this Industry. After gaining enough experience, I dont fear penning down my 9 commandments which I religiosuly follow everyday I enter my office.

Clients are like GOD in our sweet industry. No wonder, people have gone to the extreme of keeping clients photograph on there desktop, worshipping them before starting day’s activity and things like that. They play a very important role and your future (& your appraisal, salary, perks, etc.) depends on how much business they give it to you.

Then how to deal with them Z000n, I hear you ask.

Just follow 9 simple commandments given below, you will be running up the ladders (Might even land into your clients office if you’re fast climber)

Thou shall always respect your client and treat him as GOD. International clients are never visible when you deal with them. You only hear there voice (and shouts) on your cell phone. GOD is also not visible, but you know HE is somewhere around.
Thou shall never get “emotionally” attached to your client while working for him. Especially during audit when you are sent to find flaws in their processes. I remember while dealing with an Umm-ricccan client, he introduced me to his family. Then he used to drop me at my hotel after office too. Oh boy, it made me a bit difficult to highlight flaws in his business processes
Thou shall never audit your clients laptop. Everyone likes to watch p0rn. Do I need to say anything more?
Thou shall use your clients snap as wallpaper. This will act as a booster to work hard or get screwed from “human species” seen on that wallpaper
Thou shall accept whatever your client says about yourself.You are dumb, if this is what your client says, accept it. Client knows better that what you really think of yourself
Thou shall never sleep with anyone from the client’s side. Never do this. You’ll get screwed up from four sides at a time – office, client, home, girl friend.
Thou shall treat your client with equal respect even when not involved in face-to-face communication. When we used to have telephonic conference call with our Japanese client, we used to BOW (Japanese ishtyle) in front of the telephone as soon as we hear the voice from other side. This is called giving “equal respect”. Hindi-Japani bhai-bhai!!
Thou shall always accompany your clients for dinner, if they visit you. Never miss this golden chance. While having meals, keep on bouncing Q’s related to project at hand, to make them believe that for 24hrs only WORK is on your mind. It doesn’t matter if you play HALO-combat game when you’re actually suppose to work.
Thou shall never cry in front of client for salary raise. Stop acting like a cheapo at least in front of your client. I’ve seen people actually doing this.

Anti-blogging chewing gum!!

2005-11-14T00:18:00.000+05:30

Ever switched on TV at weird times (time slot that does not fall under prime time)?

Majority of Indian channels show Telebrands/Teleshopping – it’s a show where a bunch of happy and smiling people are selling unbelievable products.

Yes, you name it, and they have something to meet your needs.

Glow in dark condoms (Yes, I saw this episode. They asked a short-n-slim guy to actually wear the condom like a cap on his head in order to show how it glows in dark)
Knife that will cut your coke can, furniture and even your pets into pieces (ewwww)
Hair dryer that will dry hair like objects from every part and pit of your body (No comments)
Facial cream that will make your skin glow (I remember watching one episode where after applying the cream, that model literally gave out radiation. I’m sure she got selected for STAR WARS - 4)

While watching TELEBRANDS, the only thing that comes in my mind is, “Boy, all these people make me proud of the acting industry. You see, they are natural born actors…the only bad thing is that they were never able to grab the opportunity at the right time”. I think, maybe now they have given up all struggles and have decided to become on-screen sales person.

The other thing that is very common is that long toll-free number flashed on screen soon after marketing is done. “Dial the number flashing on your screen, and we’ll deliver this product in minutes. Hurry up!! Early bird will receive lot of free goodies FREEEE. So what are you waiting for? Dial the number now. It’s flashed at the bottom of your screen.”

This reminds me of late night shows I used to watch in Dubai, where some cute naked chick used to appear suddenly while watching a good movie and say something similar. For a moment, yes…you are tempted to dial the number. But for Telebrands…jeeeez, give me a break!!

Majority of the time these people try to sell products that will help you give up addiction of Smoke and alcohol. I don’t do any of these, but yes I’m addicted to blogging. Now I’m waiting for something similar to come up very soon:

Hello, guys I’m Billy Bob. Last year during X-mas, I found out that my girlfriend was cheating behind my back. To get over the depression, one friend of mine introduced me to blogging. After that my world totally changed. I enjoyed spending hours and hours at a stretch on blog, writing posts at weird hours and blog hopping on weekends. I got so addicted that I started neglecting my job, my family and pets. Until one day I realized, I was job less, my family moved somewhere else, without even commenting on my blog, where they are right now…and pets, I don’t remember where the hell they are right now. May God bless their kind soul!!

But now, things have changed yet again for me, thanks for this anti-blogging chewing gum from BOOBLE.com. Whenever I get the urge to write a post or do blog hopping, I chew this gum to take my mind off it. Now I get time to hang out with my friends after office hours and they too have given up blogging. My pets have returned back to me from the wild. However, I’m yet to track down my family, but I know once they see this Ad on TV, they are going to call me back. “Hi mom!! Hi dad. This is me Billy.”

Guys, I know what I’ve been through myself and I know while this show is being aired on your TV channel, few bloggers out there are busy writing some post for there blog. Believe me this chewing gum is going to put your life back on track. You can see happiness flowing out of my face, right here…right now. You'll see that on your face too.

The long wait of frustration and lonliess is over.
Place your order now. Number is being flashed on your screen. Hurry up!!
First 100 lucky customers will get anti-smoking chewing gum free and next 100…unlucky fellows, you’ll not get anything…so please don’t even ask for it.

Hurry up!!
Don’t think, just call on the number flashed on your screen. Mom, dad I’m waiting for your call too.

And *dare* anyone even think of writing a post on this. We reserve rights to sue if we see our brand name appear on any blog.

Weekend Humor: Warning signs!!

2005-11-12T10:41:00.000+05:30

Company pick-up bus:

Pick pockets on the rise. Stay alert. Claims will not be approved.

Outside Bosses cabin (during appraisal):

Crying inside, strictly prohibited.
No CRYING. Tissues are not provided by the company.

Inside ladies special bus:

Reserved for GENTS.
Reserved for BACHELOR.

Outside Z000nie’s Cubicle:

This is Z000nie. Please don’t enquire about RAMA.
I’m not getting paid to find out who & where RAMA is.
All BEP fans will get FREE MP3 CD on request. Hurry before offer ends!!
I reserve rights to fart in ma own space.

On Resume (at the bottom of every page):

*Conditions Apply. Please read risk document before calling.
Projects mentioned can change without prior notice.
Resume once sent, will not be taken back.

On pack of Condoms:

Do not iron. No dry cleaning.
Wash only with mild warm water.
Starching will give better results

ID, VC & CV

2005-11-10T15:36:00.000+05:30

After post on Identity Cards, its time to say something about those small white color cards that sit nicely in your valet and also serves as a good medium to start a conversation with strangers (read chicks in business meetings). Yes, I’m talking about Visiting / Business Cards (VC)

I carry amusing history of these cards. When I Was in my first company and afta spending like 9 months, we gained popularity and started getting invitations from “after dark” happening places for meetings. It was observed that, people don’t mind if you flash your VC on their face (just like FBI, don't move, we got you...kinds) and then with a smile start the conversation. Its one of the good things of being in IT, you already have a reason to initiate a conversation. How can I forget those angry looks (at times words too) I used to get, after saying, “You look familiar to me, were you in this college” or “Your face reminds me of Katrina Kaif…sisters??”

Jeeezzz....

Anyway, so before sending order for printing, my boss asked me, “Will you stay back for like an year, so I’ll order 100 VC’s for you”, and my obvious reply was, “Definitely”

After I got that bunch, within a week I resigned. Shamelessly I carried that VC-box along with me as Souvenir.

Came my 2nd company and I realized that during International trips, it’s very much necessary to carry minimum FIVE VC’s along with you all the time. During a meeting, you are definitely going to exchange three; remaining two can serve as spoon while munching cone ice cream’s after office.

I kept that in mind before leaving for ma 2nd trip and I didn’t even check what was printed on my VC, when I got call for 3rd company. I resigned directly from Dubai, even before landing here. While in third company, I never even bothered to carry it around coz my Designation was kindda stupid there.

However, in present company, I applied for them on my very first day itself. Thought it'll break the jinx. Somehow I survived till now, it’s already been 9months. But I don’t know for how long, as I’m already getting poached since last weekend.

Enough of me, lets focus on Visiting Cards. The main problem is to carry them around with you. I mean, in your vallet, they consume a lot of space and while travelling, one butt cheek suffers a lot. I hope I don't end up having one flat cheek...The best place is to keep it inside your tie, at the bottom part which is pretty wide. It also serves the purpose of keeping it in place.

Also, at times I wonder why VC's don’t carry a small passport size photograph on it. Then how different will it be from Identity Card? The only difference being, ID’s don’t carry summarized summary of your achievement in 2 lines, but VC does. Isn’t it?

Then can CV be called as expanded version of VC??
(Please don’t get confused in abbreviations, CV-Curriculum Vitae and VC-Visiting Card)

How many of you remember people just by looking at VC you get in a meeting from some dumb looking guy? I just cannot. I’ve poor memory for faces and most of the time I don’t even care to read what’s written on it.

Something to ponder: Do gals carry VC’s in there handbags?
I never got any in ma life yet. I mean, just wondering, are they pink in color having lipstick at the bottom. Maybe they even apply perfume to smell good. How about having a small mirror behind it, so that in emergency they can rely on quick make-up.

Who knows?

They are mystery in themselves!!

Mu"D"ick on your body!!

2005-11-09T18:54:00.000+05:30

Musical breast implants

Computer chips that store music could soon be built into a woman's breast implants. One boob could hold an MP3 player and the other the person's whole music collection. BT futurology, who have developed the idea, say it could be available within 15 years.

Read more about this on "Musical Breasts Implants" article.

I love music and I wouldn’t mind if its coming from iPOD or urB00B. But 15 years down the line, I think hopefully I’ll be married by then with kids. So after reading this news, I was not sure whether to jump outta joy or to cry that I’ll not be able to hear music from “natural resources”.

The researchers say that rest of the control, (volume, song selection, etc.) will be provided on the wrist in the form of a panel, which will be connected using Blue Tooth. I don’t understand this, when the whole music stereo (along with MP3’s) is inside those “twins”, shouldn’t they use the natural buttons GOD himself has provided there?

I came to know about such implants when a friend of mine showed me raunchy snap of Pamela Anderson (during her B00b-watch …I mean Baywatch days) way back in 2001. For a moment I was not able to make out whether she was wearing Halloween Costume or had watermelons stuffed inside. Later I saw on Discovery (my ultimate knowledge guide) how painful the whole process is of getting silicon stuffed inside.

I was just wondering what kinda implants do guys do for?
Hair?
Butt?
Chest??
I don’t know…even Google is not helping me too.

Now that B00b-mp3 player is out, I was just wondering if those researchers extend their research on guys too.

Where will they even think of planning to put the player?
Biceps?
Jeeezz…I’ll have to run down to Gym to get those muscles then.

What else?
Nothing.

The only other body part is *Ahem*….*Ahem*

I think that’s the only place we guys can think of storing like 10-60GB (depending on the mood) worth music with Dolby Digital Surround sound in the “twins” available below.

Thinking a bit deeper, why not to have FM Antennae plugged in too and we can point “it” in any direction we like, right??

Voila!!
Live music for 23hrs!!

Wooo….Hooooo!!

Dude, where’s 1hr gone, I hear you ask?
Come on, we guys need some rest while peeing, don’t we??

Anyway, in future if you hear such a news from trusted news channel, you know where you heard about it first, right fellas?

I so wanted to patent this idea of mine, coz I can see myself counting dollars (no indian currency this time) from now only.

Kir-ket and Marri-age

2005-11-07T19:57:00.000+05:30

Cricket never attracted me towards itself. I remember going for after-dinner walk when the finals between arch rival and India was being aired on Star Sports. Infact I came to know what a test match is when I started ma graduation and was forced to watch 5-day matches in hostel TV room, after bunking lectures.

As a kid, I used to hate ma friends glued to TV set for hours on weekends, reason – Ravi Shastri is going to bowl and bat in this match. Jeeeezz….I used to laugh at them saying, this is all set up already. Director of this match is sitting somewhere outside and this “movie” of people getting out and fours-n-sixes are all part in the script. Stop getting excited and let’s go out and play hide-n-seek.

When match fixing scandal came out few years back, I can’t put down in words how happy I was (please note my vocab is limited). It was like a dream come true for me, I was so thrilled as I’d never thought that my Indian team would make ma dream come true one day and make me PROUD too.

YIPPEEE!!

Anyway, this post is not about cribbing our improved version of cricket team however, it’s about the fascinating (at times funny) commentary that goes in the background. This is something which always surprises me. What’s the need of commentary in the first case?

Alright, there are few guys already on the ground giving necessary audio to the ongoing action, then huge audience who give instant response to each and every ball thrown on the field. Why there hafta be 2 guys giving background noise all the time?

If you think for a while, what’s the difference in watching a recorded match and a shaaddi-da-video (wedding video)? Former one has a commentary while the latter one comes with a good marriage songs or live recording of voices to feel the real action. Ever heard following while watching wedding cassette:

Ravi: We are here to witness the live action between BRIDE and GROOM straight from Lokhandwala Complex Marriage Ground. Very good morning to ma fellow commentator Maninder. And to you people watching this from their living room while munching pop corns and free left over wedding sweets.
Maninder: Very Good morning Ravi. As you can see BRIDE has won the toss and she has decided to come into the mandap before GROOM. I just wonder what he is doing inside his dressing room for so long.
Ravi: I’m sure he is preparing for his class action once he gets in front of her.
Maninder: I would like to remind our viewers that this video recording is sponsored by MOOD Condoms (Safety First, Rest laters) and co-sponsored by Birth Control Pills (Goli ki Humjoli), Divorce ki pappi (by Advocate Shaadiwala for on the spot divorce. Just send SMS with DIV to 8686) and After-Honeymoon Blogging-Package (Life membership of templates free).
Ravi: And don’t forget to mention that our refreshments are thanks to TolaRam’s left over diwali pack of sweets.
Maninder: Hehehe…yes. How can I forget that? After eating them, I already went thrice for nature’s call. What an awesome arrangement?
Ravi: Errr….whateva…Maninder, I hope you remember that GROOM has an excellent record in his previous innings…I mean marriage, where he scored triplets in just one year. However, due to poor performance after that success, he never was able to perform well.
Maninder: Yes, I clearly remember that innings. He was just 19 that time and what a terrific innings that was. I have a copy of his innings in ma personal best collection.
Ravi: Anyway, back to the mandap…

And the commentary continues…

Ever heard something like this on a wedding video?
I don’t think so anyone has yet…but no worries I will put mine on blog, so that you guys get to see and yes, hear of course, a bizarre blogger wedding.

Please note, commentary will only be put up on blog, for video with blurred faces there will be certain charges, which are not decided yet. For full unedited version of ma wedding video, there will be extra charges, depending on how much “extra” shots I’m putting in.

Random bubbles of Bizarreness

2005-11-05T22:26:00.000+05:30

Harry Potter is kinda long name and consumes around 15 sec of oral communication time and around 2.3 mins while writing it down.
Can this name be merged into a single name, HOTTER??

While waiting on the signal, I saw this garbage dumping truck waiting next to ma vehicle. Clean MUMBAI, GREEN MUMBAI was written on one side of that stinking, brown colored truck. I was just wondering what’s the point in writing CLEAN & GREEN on that stinking vehicle. Shouldn’t it be, “BROWN & DIRTY SHIT inside to make CLEAN & GREEN MUMBAI outside”

While in Delhi, traffic came to halt for like 5 mins, because some VVIP was traveling in his ambassador with all those Bikes and Jeeps with sirens in front and behind his vehicle.
Now if due to some emergency, he has to travel on his bike at the last minute, where will that SIREN be placed so that he can avoid traffic.?
On top of his helmet?

I’ve seen people clicking snaps of there loved ones with a long and broad smile at any weird place you can think of. Take for example, just few hours ago I was in a shopping mall, where I saw one guy clicking snap of his GF (hope I’m right) bang outside the entrance of PANTALOON. Jeeeez…
Give me break.
Which makes me think…why they are called as Kodak moments?
Coz such moments doesn’t come back. They are precious. Ten years down the line, they will remind of the moments captured in the form of a snap.
I don’t click snaps even though I carry ma cell phone with cam in it. I think ma life is already very flat to capture any “moments” of any sort. Maybe 5 years down the line it will be bumpy like a pot-hole and another 5 yrs…it will be manhole.

Manhole reminds me…
I did read few incidents of people having accidents coz of open man holes during pre-monsoon season in Mumbai.
Now if a guy falls in an open MAN hole, can that be said as: “He is Gay fcuker”, coz he literally got screwed up by that open man-hole.
And what if a chick falls down an open man-hole…

But hold on a sec…never heard of any such incidents. Maybe gals are smart enough to watch out for any open “MAN holes”.

Gals don’t think about sex, like we guys do…all the time.
I think they don’t have to, in the first case…
They just have to “protect” and serve…
By that I mean, take necessary protection and then serve…
Oh yeah, we are Bad boys…Bad boys…
Wtch you gonna do…
Wtch you gonna do…
When we come for you!!

Ahem...I need one...cough

2005-11-03T11:08:00.000+05:30

“What do you want dude??”
“I need some movie titles. Show me the collection.”
“What kinda movies?”
“How about English movies? Hollywood…”
“Double X or Triple X”

Jeeeeeeeeeez.

This was the conversation I had with almost every DVD owner in Pallika Bazar (Delhi) during my last trip to this pirated zone.

It makes me wonder, what species of human beings spend money in buying such things?
Dude, it’s available for FREE on net, spend time there instead of making a bold move in public. I mean, considering the looks one get from people around, after you say…”I need p0rn”, is kinda weird. They will look at you from top to bottom, as if the only movies they ever watch are Ramanand Sagar’s Complete RAMAYAN and B.R. Chopra’s THE MAHABHARTA. P0rn is like taboo for them, and people who watch it are horny freaks.

I myself give bad looks to people who ask for such movies openly.
I don’t know why.
Is it coz he is such a jerk to speak out loud?
Or I need to modernize myself to 21st century.

There are few things, which are necessary after you hit a certain age in your life. For example, guys don’t need shaving kit soon after they come to know how to spell it. No one is born with a beard and moustache. Only after 14yrs or so, you suddenly feel growth of facial hairs, which needs to be removed on daily basis. Same is with p0rn and condoms - you require it after you hit your teens.

I myself have never purchased condom yet…nor have I seen people purchasing it in front of me. Now it indirectly means, you are going to have a “supa-dupa” time as soon as you leave the medical shop. Definitely they are not going to be used has Big B’day balloons in your b’day party. People making purchase along with you in that shop are bound to give some looks…or giggles in your direction. Don’t you think so?

In order to avoid all such embarrassment, there has to be some secret code…a universal one, using which when you enter the shop, you don’t have to speak out loud. For example, while you enter a movie shop with the intention of “action” movies, the code should be used in a way like:
You enter the shop and see people around buying “clean” movies.
You look at the owner and start your secret hand-shaking process.
Slowly you shake your head twice in right direction and in thrice in left direction.
Owner gets the signal about your “requirement”
He goes inside slowly and comes out with a brown paper bag.
You exchange money with brown bag and happily go back home.
People don’t know what you purchased, no one gives you bad looks and above all, no jerk is going to sit and write this whole matter as a post on this blog.

See everyone’s happy!!
Life is not that complex and filled with embarrassment anymore.

Now where the heck is October issue of Playboy I downloaded last night…

Se7en

2005-10-30T21:28:00.000+05:30

Thanks to everyone who tagged me for this. I’ve purposely not disclosed there names coz this post is gonna be one hell of a boring write up (infact I fell down twice on the keyboard while writing) as my life is already very flat and dull…on that if you want me to scribble down seven things, it will be seven times more dull.

So get ready to yaawwnn…

Seven things I plan to do:
I plan a lot of things, but they are never put into action. In fact, you can say, I’m a very good planner, if not for my laziness I would have been more successful person than what I am right now. These are the following things I want to do in near future (in next 7 days, I mean)

Make a plan first of what to do seriously. This I’m planning to write down on a piece of paper and not on some imaginary scribble pad.
Get new pair of Woodland’s. It’s almost 1.5yrs I haven’t purchased new shoes and this one stinks. I gave up removing shoes during office hour’s coz guy from the other cubicle once locked a call with the helpdesk. Later on he told me about stink problem coz of some probable dead rat somewhere near his cubicle. *damn* that was close.
Clean up my lappy. It’s all sticky and kinda smelly coz of the drool.
Download more MP3’s. I seriously need change in my play list. (Kindly let me know if anyone wants me to sing any of BEP’s song from both Elephunk and Monkey Business birthday’s…I’ve by hearted them by now.)
Clean up mess in my apartment. If not the whole room, at least throw wrapper’s and prepaid cards lying at 2m distance from my bed. At night, they make funny noise when fan is put up in full speed.
Give up making fun of gals on my blog. Last weekend met a friend of mine online and she was pissed off after reading my posts which made fun of chicks. I’m still trying to figure out which post was that.
I really don’t know what I’m thinking right now. Should I get firecrackers or download few more flash animations from online. Hmmm…

Seven things I can do:
Being a LEO, I don’t think anything is impossible for me. I throw this statement at anyone who asks the same question.

I can be real pain in neck, if you try to test my IQ.
I can be real pain in a$$, if you force me to watch Bollywood movie in theater. Many have tried doing this, now they are just invisible to me. Don’t know where they disappeared.
I can fart and walk around at the same time. This trick I learned after I started blogging, though blogging and farting has no relation what so eva…but I just wanted to say I CAN DO IT.
I can write posts for ma blog at weirdest hour and at un-thinkable places. I was meeting a friend of mine afta a long time while in Delhi and while talking to her, I was writing post on ma cell. She was like…whats happening?
If free time in hand, I can spam everyone in ma mailing list with tons of forwards I get daily. I never get tired doing this on weekends
I can write post of around 238+ words with a single hand.
I can stand and watch chick’s whole day outside Frank Finn Air hostess training centre. I never get tired standing there…dunno how.

Seven things I can’t do:

I can’t cook. I just can’t. I tried making out-of-the-pack 2 mins Maggie noodles for evening snacks one day. It took me like 20 mins to figure out whether to boil water for 2 mins and then drop these noodles in it…or to both boil and stir noodles at the same time.
I can’t play Solitaire and work on document in office at the same time. So I prefer keeping 20 mins from ma 8hr schedule only for Solitaire and Freecell.
I can’t lie. I’m a poor liar. The other day someone asked me, do you really mean what you write in your blog. My reply was if I’d to lie, there was no need to spend so much time in writing, right? She replied back, you are retard then. Damn, I should have lied to her.
I can’t tolerate bodily odors. I get headaches. I prefer avoiding people rather than having headaches.
I can’t blog hop much these days. I’m kinda tired doing that for past couple of weeks.
I can’t do this.
I can’t do that.

Being a blogger friend of mine, if you are reading this, kindly figure out what is “this” and “that” & let me know in order to receive a surprise Diwali gift. Being a festive season, my brain has just stopped thinking.

Seven things I say most often:

What the hell?
Fcuk off
Sh!t (or something close…Holy Sh!t)
Oh boy…
I’ll screw your happiness, if you fiddle around with me
I’m pissed off right now.
Something stinks in here…is that smell coming from my shoes.

Seven people I want to tag:
I liked this section. It’s similar to those forwarded mails you get every time, at the end of which it’s written:

In order to make your wishes come true, forward this mail to:
1. 100-90 friends – One chick will throw her used tissue paper on you this week.
2. 70-90 friends – If you are working, your boss will make an offer to sleep with you. If in college, one of your classmates will.
3. 50-70 friends – If you wanna see your neighbor run away with your wife
4. 30-50 friends - If you don’t wanna see your kid/sibling becoming a blogger.
5. 10-30 friends – If you are at home on dial-up and really trying to finish homework before your parents get back home.

Keeping this in mind, I so wanna tag following people for Se7en. (Guys get down to work now & please don’t curse me)
Niki-san
Pallavi
Erika
Harshul
Phoenix
TripleSix
Mirage

Gummy Bear

2005-10-27T20:12:00.000+05:30

As a kid, I remember when we used to fall short of pocket money and could afford only one Gum per week, the only way to keep on chewing for 6 days was to wrap it up at night in the same wrapper it came from.

Did I hear someone go ewwww??

Believe me it tastes funny in the morning and surprisingly it never decays. I never understood how and why behind it, and I never put any sincere efforts on it too. In fact, right now my network cable is in place for like 6 months now, thanks to Centre-Shock bubble gum.

If you work in IT, either you’ll get addicted to smoke or alcohol or if you carry athletic background, you’ll chew gum to keep themselves entertained. I call these people as IT-Cows; you look at their face and their jaws will instantly remind of you of those poor cattle down the street.

As of me, I don’t do anything of the above, but its fun to chew gum sometimes. I usually do this on Fridays when it’s a casual day and people are in jolly mood. Once you know you’re done exercising your jaws, make a nice roll and randomly throw it in some cubicle. If you hear “Ewwwww…Ewwww…Ewwww” (sure she’s female) or “Mutha fucka” (guys, boss, visitor, pizza delivery guy), just have a nice grin and slowly stand up with a surprise look. If needed, show your friendly attitude to the victim friend of yours by helping him hunt down The Culprit.

There are many ways you can enjoy your boring work in office, this was one of them. Rest will follow as I continue blogging ahead.

At times I wonder, can bubble gums be recycled?
I mean, before going to sleep, you put it in freezer along with flavored juice (mint, strawberry) and some jelly’s. Next day before starting for office, put the new recycled home-made gum in your mouth and there you go. Now that the idea is out, if someone tries to sell such a product, you guys know where you read it first. Right? Boy, I can imagine counting Rupees right now (can’t count dollars, this cheapo idea will make money in India)

If my memory helps me here, when I was in 5th std. I was thrown out of the class once. While my English professor was teaching Shakespeare I was focusing on softening the gum for blowing bubbles after the lecture (that’s one of the stupidest technique I eva used to impress gals). Damn, she asked me to throw it from the window, right in front of the whole class. Later on she became a family friend and I always used to avoid her with the fear that she’d bring up this issue in front of my mom, which until now (Thank you Gum-God!!) she hasn’t.

However, word of caution for those who carry filling in there tooth. Kindly take care while chewing with all your enthusiasm. I once neglected this warning and after 10 mins, along with the sugar present inside the gum, my filling also magically disappeared. Think it was pulled out by that sticky substance and before I could find it out, it was outta my mouth. Now I used that vacant space to hide emergency toffees.

Taquila ka shot - Tanushree Dutta

2005-10-27T20:08:00.000+05:30

I got around 7 pics of Tanushree few days back in email, most of them are in the pose shown above. Now I dont understand one thing, is she trying to

show that she is bra less?
show her bare cleanly shaved smooth back?
show her butt?
or what??

Gals in tiny clothes can be confusing these days...

*pooooof*

(Thanks to FD for forwarding it.)