I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic, and this is my weekly blog post. The large Sunday comic above is mine, as are all of the comments below. 

Since January 2018, the Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics have been written and drawn by my comics partner, Wayno. They follow this commentary. For more fun, check out Wayno’s weekly blog post.

And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY to the Secret Symbols in my Sunday comic.

——

Hail, Jazz Pickles. I’m happy you’ve chosen my weekly typed thoughts to distract yourself from the firehose of chaos that has become the ubiquitous backdrop of modern life. 

The Oyl and I are visiting family in the US this weekend, and having a lovely and sinful time.

At home, we eat a healthy diet and refrain from the myriad things that would raise our blood sugar levels to unacceptable levels, fill our arteries with sludge, or expand our waists and butts beyond the limits of our current wardrobes. But when we are vacationing, all of that asceticism goes the way of our belief in Santa Claus, and we pig out. 

Yesterday, I had biscuits and gravy with fried eggs for breakfast, pizza, root beer, and real beer for lunch, and an Old Fashioned and a big scoop of ice cream with caramel and chocolate chips in a waffle cone for dinner. (Not after dinner—that was dinner.) We’ll likely do that shit again today. 

I’m reminded of when I’d stay at Grandma’s house for a week when I was a kid. As soon as my parents dropped me off, there was unlimited soda pop, candy, and television until they returned a week later to begin an intervention and detox. They’d typically find me slumped against a wall in the corner behind the sofa in a sugar and TV coma, with a goatee of chocolate smeared across my face and half a Butterfinger melting in my hand. It wasn’t pretty.

That’s more or less what I’ll look like on the plane on the way home Tuesday morning. I hope I don’t end up on a no-fly list.

QUICKLY: If you’re still considering improving (or starting) your Spanish skills, I recommend my good buddy, Ricardo. I’ve been working with him for years and really enjoying our conversations via Google video or whatever you call it. He’s well-educated, a published novelist (in Spanish), and is fluent in English. Here’s what one of our Jazz Pickles says about her first few lessons with him:

“I can’t say enough good things about Ricardo! He pushes me when I need it, and he gives me room when I need that too. My Spanish is much better because of him, and he is incredibly good about clarifying local idioms: That is Argentinian Spanish, that is Spain Spanish, THIS is Mexican Spanish.” —P.P.

You can reach him here: Ricardo <kayuko1@gmail.com>

And you can reach Wayno via his weekly (free!) Substack posts here. But first, bring your chuckle needs with you as we visit his Bizarro cartoons for the week...

For the first time in my life, I’m thinking I’m lucky not to be a dog.

If this one befuddles you, think “fountain,” and “youth.” If you’re still being fuddled, look up Ponce de Leon. Our cartoons are occasionally as educational as they are occasionally funny.

My mind immediately goes to a cabinet full of such wolves that I wish were more emotionally healthy.

Carving out the fireplace and chimney were the hardest part about the first Pay Per View.

That’s good advice whether or not your ass is a piñata.

If you dont’ have “little free libraries” in your area, this one won’t make sense. Whoops.

This is where the comedy sidewalk ends this week, Jazz Pickles. Thanks for enduring our childish whims for another week. If you love us half as much as we love you, please consider helping us keep this site free of ads and paywalls via the opportunities below. Just the thought of your generosity makes us giddy!

The Naked Cartoonist…My every-other-week creative-writing subscription service.

Limited edition, signed & numbered prints of BIZARRO CARTOONS, and some ORIGINALS!

Bizarro TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

WAYNO’S TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

My (free) graphic novel in progress, PEYOTE COWBOY.

Watch my PITCH VIDEO and become a supporter of Peyote Cowboy here.

Super fun BIZARRO SWAG from ComicsKingdom, including women’s V-neck styles! (IF ORDERING FROM CANADA or anywhere outside the US, CHECK SHIPPING COSTS CAREFULLY!)‍ ‍

I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic, and this is my weekly blog post. The large Sunday comic above is mine, as are all of the comments below. 

Since January 2018, the Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics have been written and drawn by my comics partner, Wayno. They follow this commentary. For more fun, check out Wayno’s weekly blog post.

And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY to my Sunday comic’s Secret Symbols.

Aloha, jazzy pickled Bizarro readers. Thanks for eyeballing us today.

The theme of this week’s post is nudity. My Sunday comic above refers to a flasher—someone who foists their momentary nakedness on unsuspecting strangers—in this case, a jaybird. Why jaybirds were chosen for this idiom is a matter for linguistic historians and ornithologists.

Speaking of nudity, my article this week in my creative writing project, The Naked Cartoonist, is titled, “Surprising Benefits of Sleeping in the Nude and Better Reasons Not To.” It is an amusing, true story that happened to me sans apparel, which readers have reported enjoying in the following ways:

“I actually have a bellyache laughing so much at this.” —Samantha M. 

My apologies, Samantha.

“One of your funniest pieces!” —Raymond H.

Thanks, Raymond!

“OMG!! I am laughing so hard that I am crying and hiccuping all at the same time. It makes a strange rhythmic noise that my cat finds quite annoying! You made me laugh, and I thank you!” —Patricia P.

In all honesty, I don’t think Patricia’s reaction was typical, but I appreciate her enthusiasm. And I apologize to her cat.

You can get my articles —one every two weeks, plus access to the entire archive—for $5 a month. 

I post the same articles on medium.com behind their paywall, also $5 a month, but that price gives you access to all of their writers. 

And I post my stories on Substack for free.

I like to offer my work for free—as Wayno and I do with our comics here each week—because I’m not a greedy bastard who wrenches as much money as possible from others in every situation, like some very famous and odious people we all know. But I deeply appreciate those of you who voluntarily help us keep our creative efforts going.

BREAKING: Mi buen amigo and Spanish tutor, Ricardo, has a couple of openings in his schedule, and, due to the craptastic economy a certain narcissistic authoritarian felon has unleashed on the planet, he could really use some new students.

You’ll meet with him online, and you’ll enjoy your conversations with him. He’s a published novelist (in Spanish, under his pseudonym, which I cannot recall), speaks fluent English, and has a fascinating history and a great sense of humor. Contact him now and improve (or start) your Spanish! Ricardo Plaisant, kayuko1@gmail.com

Time now to appreciate Wayno’s efforts to enchucklenate the masses with his Bizarro comics from the week…

“Loam” is off camera.

Because of his copious archive of clown gags, Wayno has been chosen to receive the prestigious Order of the Rubber Nose.

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard this…

Dont’ miss that the tan circle is his eye. Chameleon eyes are crazy cool!

The medical deep state won’t admit it, but that knocking sound that MRIs are famous for is caused by radioactive hamsters on a plutonium wheel.

I’m sorry to say I used to smoke six to eight cigars each day; I’m happy to say I gave up cigar smoking over ten years ago, and I’m sorry to say I still miss it. But such is the nature of addiction, and I’ll never go back.

If you’ve been eager for the hilarity to end, I have good news: We’re done. Please consider helping us keep our comics and commentary free with a little love donation via the links below.

And before you do that, sign up for some entertaining Spanish conversation with mi buen amigo, Ricardo!

The Naked Cartoonist…My every-other-week creative-writing subscription service.

Limited edition, signed & numbered prints of BIZARRO CARTOONS, and some ORIGINALS!

Bizarro TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

WAYNO’S TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

My (free) graphic novel in progress, PEYOTE COWBOY.

Watch my PITCH VIDEO and become a supporter of Peyote Cowboy here.

Super fun BIZARRO SWAG from ComicsKingdom, including women’s V-neck styles! (IF ORDERING FROM CANADA or anywhere outside the US, CHECK SHIPPING COSTS CAREFULLY!)‍ ‍

I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic, and this is my weekly blog post. The large Sunday comic above is mine, as are all of the comments below. 

Since January 2018, the Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics have been written and drawn by my comics partner, Wayno. They follow this commentary. For more fun, check out Wayno’s weekly blog post.

And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY to my Sunday comic’s Secret Symbols.

G’day, Jazz Pickles. Thanks for looking our way.

I published the cartoon above many years ago, and I like it so much I decided to revive it for another look.

Anyone remember Evel Knievel? He was one of America’s very first yahoos to become famous for being a yahoo. 

Evel was a guy who dropped out of his Butte, Montana high school in the late fifties to spend more time jumping over things on his motorcycle and on skis. 

Since jumping over things did not yet pay the big bucks, he got a job driving a big earth mover, during which he figured out a way to make it do wheelies, then accidentally wheelied it into Butte’s main power line, causing a big power outage. It also caused an adrenaline-addicted yahoo to lose his job driving an earth mover.

But he kept risking his neck, and by the mid-sixties, he started to get famous for jumping over things on his motorbike like rows of buses and the fountains at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas. 

He fell down a lot, broke dozens of bones, many more than once, and underwent 14 major surgeries over his career to pin and plate him back together. His biggest televised stunt was attempting to jump over the Snake River Canyon in Idaho on a jet-powered motorcycle. My family watched it on ABC’s Wide World of Sports. It was a big deal.

Sitting on the floor in front of our giant, wooden console TV, I held my breath as he sat dressed in his white, starred & striped jumpsuit and matching cape, in what looked more like a rocket with a couple of tiny wheels sticking out of the bottom than a motorcycle. He ignited the engine, and flames spewed from the rocket’s butt as it sped toward a giant ramp at high speed, took off into the air over the immense canyon as cameras flashed, and his parachute immediately deployed, yanking him into the air where he floated slowly and anticlimactically to safety as the rocket floated up, then down into the canyon, crashing into the river. He claimed his parachute had malfunctioned. Uh-huh.

Like I said, a yahoo. 

But I was a pre-teen when he was famous, and I watched his televised stunts with great admiration. This was before the “Don’t try this at home” mantra became a meme, and kids like my neighborhood friends and I may have been the reason it became routine.

There was a large field near our house, with a dirt path worn through the middle of it. It sat on a slope, so if you pedaled your Sting Ray bike as fast as you could from the top of the hill towards the bottom, you could get up a lot of speed. And if you stacked some old tires a few feet high and leaned a big piece of plywood on them at an angle, you could make a ramp that would launch you and your bike around four feet into the air, and you’d land somewhere around a dozen feet down the dirt path. And if you and your friends took turns doing this for a half-hour or so, Doug Gentry would eventually crash his bike on landing and break his arm, just like Evel Knievel had done so many times. 

Unlike Evel Knievel, however, our parents then marched to that field, disassembled the ramp, destroyed or hid the components, and promised us that if we did anything like that again, we’d be sent to military school. There went that career plan.

I thought they overreacted, but decades later, I skied off a ramp at a resort in Tahoe and tore my ACL, requiring surgery. During the painful recovery and rehab process, I saw our parents’ point. 

Shortly thereafter, I was inspired to create the comic above. And that’s how cartoons are made.

Time to see how Wayno’s Bizarro comics for the week have been made. (I happen to know he, too, wears a white jumpsuit and cape when he works.)

I’d concentrate on the whisky and leave the haggis for the Kraken.

I used to have a Bob Ross chia pet. I still miss it.

If there is a limit to the number of cartoons that can be made about the paleo diet, we have not yet reached it.

I’m not naming names, but it may have something to do with the I.Q. of the person in charge at HQ these days.

Here in Mexico, I’ve been forced to decide if I’m going to go with “cacti” or “cactuses.” I’ve chosen the latter.

People have said the same thing about the horned Viking helmet I wear around town.

And that’s how we’ll fade out today, JPs. If you’re enjoying our weekly visits and want to do something to help us keep them free, please consider doing so via one of the links below. We’ll both smile about you as we draw.

The Naked Cartoonist…My every-other-week creative-writing subscription service.

Limited edition, signed & numbered prints of BIZARRO CARTOONS, and some ORIGINALS!

Bizarro TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

WAYNO’S TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

My (free) graphic novel in progress, PEYOTE COWBOY.

Watch my PITCH VIDEO and become a supporter of Peyote Cowboy here.

Super fun BIZARRO SWAG from ComicsKingdom, including women’s V-neck styles! (IF ORDERING FROM CANADA or anywhere outside the US, CHECK SHIPPING COSTS CAREFULLY!)‍ ‍

I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic, and this is my weekly blog post. The large Sunday comic above is mine, as are all of the comments below. 

Since January 2018, the Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics have been written and drawn by my comics partner, Wayno. They follow this commentary. For more fun, check out Wayno’s weekly blog post.

And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY to my Sunday comic’s Secret Symbols.

Hail, Jazz Pickles! Hell, why not? 

I normally spend a half hour Sisyphusizing every morning before I get to work, but today I got up a little late, so I went straight to the task of pushing this blog boulder up the weekly hill.

Longtime Jazz Pickle, Kevin M, donated the title phrase of today’s comic as an idea for a new exercise craze, and I made the above comic from it. Thanks, JP First Class Kevin M! I’m promoting you to colonel.

On Friday, I posted an article on my Naked Cartoonist creative writing thing that is one of my favorites. It’s a bit of Buddhist kung fu titled “Are God and Bigfoot the Same Person?” 

Whatever you’re thinking it’s about, it’s probably not about that. (But maybe it is. A little. It depends on what you’re thinking it’s about.)

Nonetheless, I had a llama-load of fun writing it, and I want to share the audio version of it with you today. I record each of my articles for the hard-of-reading, and this recording turned out very fun, I think. Have a listen and let me know what you think.

Audio by Sound Legacy

You can get my articles —one every two weeks, plus access to the entire archive—for $5 a month. It’s a great way to help support what Wayno and I do here each week, since the industry that used to support us is quickly going the way of the stegasaurus. 

IMPORTANT NOTE: We like to advertise our Bizarro products sold through the ComicsKingdom website, and we appreciate your support. But I want to make readers outside the US aware that international shipping has gone crazy! Read the shipping charges info carefully before you hit the final button.

All right already. It’s time to make little crescent moon shapes with our mouths as we become enchuckled by Wayno’s Bizarro comics from the week. Let the mooning begin!

That cracker Graham Bell was on his leave-a-message list.

We hope that no normal people are offended by this cartoon. That is never our intent.

We also hope that no peg-legged sea captains are offended by this cartoon. (If you have a prosthetic leg but are not a sea captain, this cartoon is not about you.)

We’ve all been there, dude. Some of us more than once.

This may be the only jury that would be sympathetic to a defendant who’s torn down part of a national monument like, say, the White House or something, and then began building a grotesque monument to himself in the form of a Golden Barbie Ballroom. Not that that would ever happen.

Coming soon to your neighborhood. Probably to kill you.

Well, JPs, I’ve pushed this week’s boulder as far up the hill as I can manage, so I’m going to let it rolll back down till next week. If you’d like to feel the joy of supporting our art and thoughts, the list below includes several ways. Thanks for being here.

The Naked Cartoonist…My every-other-week creative-writing subscription service.

Limited edition, signed & numbered prints of BIZARRO CARTOONS, and some ORIGINALS!

Bizarro TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

WAYNO’S TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

My (free) graphic novel in progress, PEYOTE COWBOY.

Watch my PITCH VIDEO and become a supporter of Peyote Cowboy here.

Super fun BIZARRO SWAG from ComicsKingdom, including women’s V-neck styles! (IF ORDERING FROM CANADA, CHECK SHIPPING COSTS CAREFULLY!)‍ ‍

I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic, and this is my weekly blog post. The large Sunday comic above is mine, as are all of the comments below. 

Since January 2018, the Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics have been written and drawn by my comics partner, Wayno. They follow this commentary. For more fun, check out Wayno’s weekly blog post.

And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY to my Sunday comic’s Secret Symbols.

So glad you could join me today, Jazz Pickles.

Last week’s blog post was about self-driving cars, so to present the opposite viewpoint, today’s comic is about dog-driving cars. We here at Bizarro International Headquarters are nothing if not fair and balanced.

A couple of notes about last week’s post: 

1. Some folks thought my assertion that self-driving cars would be safer than human-driven ones means that I support Artificial Untelligence (not a typo) in all ways. I DO NOT. I’m impressed by its speed and capabilities when answering questions (as long as you remember it is not infallible), but there is no question that the industry needs to slow down and install far more powerful security measures than it currently has. We should also tax the uber wealthy at much higher rates, remove Big Money from elections, and get rid of the Electoral College. I hold these truths to be self-evident.

2. In the background of last week’s Sunday comic, I put a small sign in a window that read: 8647. A few folks chastized me for calling for the assassination of the president. I informed them that “86” is restaurant slang for canceling an order or removing an unruly customer, and has never commonly meant to murder someone. The James Comey indictment for his seashells photo was yet another daily attempt by a certain textbook fascist clown-car of an administration to distract the public from the abysmal job it is doing in every metric, as it robs us blind.

I am, of course, completely in favor of removing 47 from any position of authority or power, and hope he will end up in jail as the overwhelming majority of less-wealthy felons do. He and Hegseth are also war criminals, but unfortunately, war criminals often escape prosecution.

Enough painful, self-evident truths. Let’s relax and have a giggle at a dog who has confronted a traffic cop with infallible dog logic. I suspect he got off with a warning. 

And don’t miss the background jokes in today’s driving-dog comic. The name of the attorneys read backwards may ring a bell, and the dog’s vanity license plate was his second choice because some f**king poodle already had “WOOF.”

It’s past time to find out what chuckelments my partner Wayno has infused the week’s Bizarro comics with...

The judge had to dismiss the case because neither of the clams would testify.

In Wayno’s post about this same group of comics, he advises you symbol-counters that the word “pie” does not count as a Secret Symbol, but the silhouette of the missing crown patch does.

For you readers who are not familiar with Eliot Ness, the internet will be happy to tell you. If you’re not familiar with those brands of scotch, the internet won’t be of much help.

Magritte continues to be our favorite surrealist subject of comics. BTW: That’s not a pipe sticking up out of the water, but it is an eyeball.

He’s taken that test three times and got a perfect score each time. No other king has ever even taken that test, and would not have passed it if they had. He must be “a very stable genius.”

All we’ll say about this is think about it.

That concludes this week’s comedy swamp. Thanks for helping us drain it with your chuckles. If you enjoy what we do and that we offer this for free, please consider helping us keep it up via the links below. Thanks a llama, Jazz Pickles. You are appreciated.

The Naked Cartoonist…My every-other-week creative-writing subscription service.

Limited edition, signed & numbered prints of BIZARRO CARTOONS, and some ORIGINALS!

Bizarro TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

WAYNO’S TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

My (free) graphic novel in progress, PEYOTE COWBOY.

Watch my PITCH VIDEO and become a supporter of Peyote Cowboy here.

Super fun BIZARRO SWAG from ComicsKingdom, including women’s V-neck styles! (And some weird shit from other comics that doesn’t even belong in our shop. Sorry about that.)‍ ‍

I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic, and this is my weekly blog post. The large Sunday comic above is mine, as are all of the comments below. 

Since January 2018, the Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics have been written and drawn by my comics partner, Wayno. They follow this commentary. For more fun, check out Wayno’s weekly blog post.

And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY to my Sunday comic’s Secret Symbols.

Saludos, Jazz Pickles.

How do the people in your town drive? I’ve noticed that no matter where I travel, people say some version of, “Drivers here are the worst!”

And they are correct, no matter where they are. 

There is no place on Earth where a substantial percentage of people do not drive like drunken monkeys on an acid trip.

Now, the next thing I’m going to say will upset many of you, so if you want to take a swig of Pepto-Bismol to settle your stomach or fire up a joint to keep you calm, I’ll wait.

Are you sitting down? Here goes:

Self-driving cars will be safer than human drivers.

I can hear some of you screaming from here, and I’m likely in a different country than you are. 

Yes, I agree it seems dangerous to let a computer drive your car while you sit calmly knitting a sweater, fiddling with your Etch A Sketch, or arguing with your spouse. The fact that you’re putting your life in the hands of the same technology that won’t let you into your own Netflix account, claiming the username or password is incorrect when you know goddam well you’ve entered it absolutely correctly fifteen times, makes it hard to trust. 

And yes, I know that there have been some notable accidents involving self-driving cars, so we obviously can’t expect them to be infallible.

But do you honestly think the average teenager who pays more attention to their cell phone’s text alerts than the parade of pedestrians crossing in front of them is infallible? 

Is that guy who just got off work, has a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other, and is in a hurry to get home before Monday Night Football starts infallible? 

What about you or me after we discover our spouse has been sleeping with our kid’s piano teacher and wants to move out to “find themself?” Are we infallible drivers then?

Sure, it’s a leap of faith to relinquish control of my car to an invisible robot hiding behind my dashboard, but I can’t help but believe if every car were self-driving, there’d be far fewer accidents and traffic deaths. And if nothing else, when your kid is in the back seat screaming because his older sister has two fingers up his nostrils and is pulling his hair, it won’t be dangerous to turn around and separate them with a few smacks of your pickleball racket.

Full disclosure: As with most of my blog posts, I did zero research before delivering this expert opinion, so I could be as wrong as I was when I said, “Yes, it’s a travesty, but surely Congress won’t let the Supreme Renamer of Bodies of Water burn down the entire country and destroy the US’s international reputation forever,” and look how that turned out. 

We’d have done better with a drunken monkey on an acid trip in the Oval Office. It might have been covered with feces by now, but at least it wouldn’t look like a gang of guerrilla graffiti artists with a carton of gold spray paint had vandalized it.

In the end, none of this will matter. Once AI decides we are in the way of its mission to fulfill the adolescent dreams of the handful of billionaires who created it, humans will be extinct, and traffic deaths will be nonexistent. Problem solved.

ON A HAPPIER NOTE, the online auction of my limited-edition, signed-and-numbered cartoon prints and original Bizarro cartoon drawings is still going on, but only till the evening of September 15, 2026. It’s a great chance to get a good deal, and it helps Olive Oyl and me to continue to eat our rice and beans indoors. Get yourself something fun while doing something nice for a couple of immigrants. (Us)

It’s finally time to see if Wayno’s Bizarro cartoons from the week can donate a smile or two…

Don’t move him, his neck might be…oh. Never mind.

The fortune teller O2 and I visit weekly has this one taped to her crystal ball.

Pretty much anything Tiki is better with a cocktail in your hand.

A naked jaybird would be one without feathers, which is why I always say, “Naked as a pornstar.”

Vitruvian Man is one of the very few multi-limbed people who is not a Hindu deity.

He only wants to steal enough money to buy a vowel.

We’ve stumbled through another week of Bizarro comics and discovered the secret to enduring this planet of drunken apes: laughter. If you’ve enjoyed your visit and appreciate this blog’s low, low price—FREE!—please consider helping us keep it that way via the links below. We’ll think fondly of you, but not while we’re driving.

The Naked Cartoonist…My every-other-week creative-writing subscription service.

Limited edition, signed & numbered prints of BIZARRO CARTOONS, and some ORIGINALS!

Bizarro TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

WAYNO’S TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

My (free) graphic novel in progress, PEYOTE COWBOY.

Watch my PITCH VIDEO and become a supporter of Peyote Cowboy here.

Super fun BIZARRO SWAG from ComicsKingdom, including women’s V-neck styles! (And some weird shit from other comics that doesn’t even belong in our shop. Sorry about that.)‍ ‍

I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic, and this is my weekly blog post. The large Sunday comic above is mine, as are all of the comments below. 

Since January 2018, the Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics have been written and drawn by my comics partner, Wayno. They follow this commentary. For more fun, check out Wayno’s weekly blog post.

And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY to my Sunday comic’s Secret Symbols.

Good moment to you, Jazz Pickles. 

Have you ever wished you were a piñata? I can think of ways most of us already are, and like everything in life, it includes a light and dark side.

First, the shadow: As children, we often approach life with abandon, not caring if we eat too much candy, neglect to send in our taxes on time, or forget to exercise regularly. We think we can be movie stars, astronauts, or drone pilots when we grow up, with no concept of the hard work and sheer luck it takes to achieve our dreams, or the awareness that drones don’t have pilots. Then, as adults, we get the stuffing beaten out of us by the realities of life as we get ready for another day as a robot’s personal assistant because there are no other jobs left.

Also, we can no longer eat many of our favorite foods because all that candy gave us diabetes. Wheee!

Now the bright side: Like piñatas, we are all beautiful, colorful, whimsical creatures full of sweetness. It’s no wonder children want to bust us open and scramble for our innards as they pour onto the ground. But if we manage to avoid children’s parties, the sky is the limit as we become colorful, paper-mâché, donkey-shaped astronaut drone pilots!

Instead of candy, some of us are full of weird, clumsy analogies like the ones above, and we become cartoonists, as evidenced by a couple of past efforts below.

Here’s something fun: An online art gallery in Los Angeles sells signed and numbered limited-edition prints of some of my favorite cartoons, as well as some of my original drawings of them. For the NEXT NINE DAYS, they’re having an AUCTION! That means you can nab a whole tote bag full of them at greatly discounted prices.

This is one of the ways in which human piñatas like me attempt to support ourselves so we won’t have to resort to renting ourselves out to children’s birthday parties. Thanks in advance for your help!

And one more fun thing before we go: My good buddy, Phil Witte, is a talented cartoonist and has published a damn fine book about the art of comics. If you’re a cartoon fan, you’ll enjoy this in-depth look at how and why we make these things. I’ve turned quite a few of Phil’s ideas into Bizarro comics over the years (with his permission), and gazillions of his cartoons have appeared in tons of publications. Here’s one of Phil’s now.

His book is not only hilarious and fascinating, but can be used as a shield against children with sticks who want your candy.

Enough about prints and Phil and piñatas; let’s see what Wayno’s weirdness has contributed to the world in the form of the week’s Bizarro comics…

This comic does double duty as a humorous graphic and a reminder not to sleep with your head too close to the fireplace.

As my drug dealer often says, “A little pot never hurt anyone.”

Wayno doesn’t see my Sunday comics until the day they publish, and though I see his comics weeks ahead of time, I don’t pay close attention to the dates. That’s a long, boring way of saying we did not plan to each do piñata comics this week.

I’d go with scotch.

Once I start eating potato chimps, I can’t stop.

I was in a garage band back in the ‘70s, and can attest to how hard it is to find a place to blast loud, amateurish noise without attracting the police.

That’s the piñata’s entire contents for this week, Jazz Pickles. We appreciate your readership, comments, and support. If you appreciate our efforts and that we offer them ad- and paywall-free, please consider helping us keep it that way via the links below. We thank you from the bottom of our paper-mâché donkey hearts.

The Naked Cartoonist…My every-other-week creative-writing subscription service.

Limited edition, signed & numbered prints of BIZARRO CARTOONS, and some ORIGINALS!

Bizarro TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

WAYNO’S TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

My (free) graphic novel in progress, PEYOTE COWBOY.

Watch my PITCH VIDEO and become a supporter of Peyote Cowboy here.

Super fun BIZARRO SWAG from ComicsKingdom, including women’s V-neck styles! (And some weird shit from other comics that doesn’t even belong in our shop. Sorry about that.)

I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic, and this is my weekly blog post. The large Sunday comic above is mine, as are all of the comments below. 

Since January 2018, the Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics have been written and drawn by my comics partner, Wayno. For more fun, check out Wayno’s weekly blog post.

And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY to my Sunday comic’s Secret Symbols.

Howdy doody, Jpix. (A groovy new nickname for Jazz Pickles. Use it freely in your daily communication.)

My Sunday cartoon above references that ubiquitous “ego tell” called the “selfie.” With the exception of famed Muppet Miss Piggy, no other species is as obsessed with its own image as we humans are. 

Most primates are unable to realize that what they see in a mirror is a reflection of themselves, and react defensively or with fear. (The older I get, the more I can relate to that.)

However, great apes—gorillas, chimps, bonobos, orangutans (and us)—are the exception and consistently pass the self-realization test, using a mirror to inspect parts of themselves they can’t normally see. That would include their faces. 

Can you imagine living without ever having seen a clear image of your own face? Aside from the wavy, upside-down version occasionally reflected in water, millions of people for millions of years lived that way. To grab a “selfie,” they had to find a puddle.

In a recent article in my creative writing project, The Naked Cartoonist, I explore the topic of selfies and how they relate to puppetry. Usually only available by subscription ($5/mo), here’s the full article for free!

“Life With a Hand Up Your Butt”

A brief excerpt:

“Perhaps an…”

I told you it was brief.

As with all of my articles, this free sample includes an audio version of me telling my story in my own velvety-smooth voice, with Academy Award-level emoting bringing it fully to life. With no more than a single working ear and a click of a tiny white triangle, as shown in the screenshot below, you can find out how different my voice is from what you imagined it would be.

My subscription articles are among several ways I’m supporting myself now that income from newspapers is all but gone, so I hope you’ll enjoy this free one and subscribe. (Little-known fact: Cartoonists without licensable characters that can be sold as products are rarely wealthy. Wayno and I would be two such cartoonists.)

In all honesty, we mostly do this because we love to write and draw cartoons that enchuckle our readers, and we’d gladly do it without pay if food and housing were free. 

Let’s see what Wayno would’ve done for free in a perfect world via his Bizarro cartoons for the week…

Keep in mind that if you’re too picky, he’ll whack that pizza paddle upside your head.

I hope a special medal is created for members of the military who help remove a certain fascist from his Epstein Ballroom Below-Ground Bunker when he refuses to accept the outcome of a future election. (And I pray it never comes to that.)

The monk in that final panel is St. Simon of Garfunkel.

Do the final exams involve a stool sample?

Etch-a-Sketch was the video game of the pre-computer age. I spent many hours developing my hand coordination with those things. It was among my favorite toys.

That final note was jotted by a raven, of course.

That wraps up this week’s chuckle chapter, Jpix. Thanks for pausing to peek. If you appreciate our being here, please consider helping us continue to do so via the links below. Our gratitude will be as huge as a selfie addict’s ego.

The Naked Cartoonist…My every-other-week creative-writing subscription service.

Limited edition, signed & numbered prints of BIZARRO CARTOONS, and some ORIGINALS!

Bizarro TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

WAYNO’S TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

My (free) graphic novel in progress, PEYOTE COWBOY.

Watch my PITCH VIDEO and become a supporter of Peyote Cowboy here.

Super fun BIZARRO SWAG from ComicsKingdom, including women’s V-neck styles! (And some weird shit from other comics that doesn’t even belong in our shop. Sorry about that.)

I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic, and this is my weekly blog post. The large Sunday comic above is mine, as are all of the below-cartoon comments to follow. 

Since January 2018, the Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics have been written and drawn by my comics partner, Wayno. For more fun, check out Wayno’s weekly blog post.

And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY to my Sunday comic’s Secret Symbols.

Bienvenido, Pepinillos de Jazz. 

That’s Spanish for “welcome, Jazz Pickles.” I’m visiting my family in Oklahoma this weekend, haven’t spoken any Spanish for a few days, and didn’t want to get rusty. Use it or lose it, as they say. Nobody wants to lose their pepinillos.

So I’m visiting my dad, who is about to complete his 91st year on this brutal planet, and up until recently, everything was going pretty well. My mom left a few months ago, and Dad says he’s more than ready to join her. But the body sometimes refuses to leave politely all at once and prefers to fall apart slowly, piece by piece. 

That’s where my dad is these days. He feels trapped in an increasingly broken department-store mannequin. The mind and body he’s always trusted to come up with words to express his thoughts and movements to get him where he wants to go are now routinely raising a metaphorical middle finger to his desires. 

He’s frustrated but hasn’t lost his sense of humor, and is still able to laugh in between bouts of complaining. A visit with Dad these days is a bit like a Rodney Dangerfield routine.

He regularly tells me that if he believed in suicide, he’d be gone by now, but he insists on leaving “on God’s schedule.” I warned him that with that attitude, if there is no god, he may live forever, but he remains undaunted in his determination to wait it out. I offered to slip something into his drink when he wasn’t paying attention, and he looked at me side-eyed with a wicked smile.

Yesterday, I went to visit one of my favorite teachers from high school, Darryl Goode. He’s 88 and spent his life directing who knows how many high school theater productions, some award-winning. I was in a few of them in the mid-70s. 

Darryl was a creative, open-minded, free-thinking teacher the likes of which I’d never known in any other quarter of my life. He taught us how to express ourselves with both enthusiasm and discipline, wowing the crowd, but keeping our egos in check; no small accomplishment with a herd of hormone-crazed teenagers.

We had a heartfelt visit yesterday, and I told him how important he’d been to my development as a creative being, and how, had it not been for him, I’d have doubtless been a different person. I could’ve easily chosen a different career, and ended up in a cubicle or behind a counter somewhere doing a job that kept me watching the clock, yearning to escape. (I had quite a few of those before I bamboozled my way into a cartoon career.)

I’m convinced that had there been no Darryl Goode in my life, there would have been no Bizarro, so you regular readers have him to thank, too.

Left: Darryl Goode and me now. Right: Darryl standing in front of a theater backdrop that I drew in 1976. (Crayon on canvas)

Now the mushy part: Darryl and I agreed yesterday that every life is interconnected with every other. We have no idea how far every one of our words and actions reverberates, nor the dominoes they set in motion. I like thinking about that and realizing that we’re not just living through history; each of us creates it, a molecule at a time. 

Be good to someone today and every day, and change the fucking world. Lord knows it needs it.

Let’s find out what history Wayno created with his latest Bizarro comics…

He’s either discovered a way to float, or a pill that works the opposite of Gas-X.

My dad could’ve written this one.

This is why cartoon buildings rarely survive earthquakes.

If you don’t get this one, you may be either too young, or an eediot.

I can’t help but recall her famous words, “Too soft. Too hard. Just right.”

I’m so crappy at math that I don’t even understand this cartoon.

That’s all I got for this week, Pepinillos de Jazz. I gotta run off to breakfast with my sisters and brothers-in-law now. If you’re digging the groovy vibes we’re laying down here for free, please consider helping us keep it that way via the links below. We’ll be so damned grateful!

The Naked Cartoonist…My every-other-week creative-writing subscription service.

Limited edition, signed & numbered prints of BIZARRO CARTOONS, and some ORIGINALS!

Bizarro TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

WAYNO’S TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

My (free) graphic novel in progress, PEYOTE COWBOY.

Watch my PITCH VIDEO and become a supporter of Peyote Cowboy here.

Super fun BIZARRO SWAG from ComicsKingdom, including women’s V-neck styles! (And some weird shit from other comics that doesn’t even belong in our shop. Sorry about that.)

I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic, and this is my weekly blog post. The large Sunday comic above is mine, as are all of the below-cartoon comments to follow. 

Since January 2018, the Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics have been written and drawn by my comics partner, Wayno. For more fun, check out Wayno’s weekly blog post. And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY to my Sunday comic’s Secret Symbols.

Welcome, Jazz Pickles, pickles with other musical preferences, and non-pickled cukes of all kinds.

Promoting myself always feels vain and narcissistic, and I hate it, but these days, if you don’t, you slowly disappear like an ice cube in your pocket. So I’ll say a tiny little something about my graphic novel in progress, Peyote Cowboy, and mention a way you can help me get it published that will only cost 30 seconds of your time.

My latest episode is getting rave reviews, so I want to share a few of them. I’m over the moon that so many people liked it so much. 

Wow, Dan! This one is an on-the-edge-of-your-seat thrill ride! Thank you! —Bob

Awesome! I'm so excited to see where we'll be going in the next few episodes! —Tyler

Stunningly vivid illustrations. —Jeff

Fantastic art! —Beth

Yow! —Cass

DAYUM, I hate it when each episode ends, but this one more than most! —Ernest

Holy shit! —Kay

Amazing.  Wonderful.  Excellent.  Fan-Tas-Tic! —Stephen

This is a really great one! You have really outdone yourself with the graphics and your concept of the world beyond. You have a bestseller with this one. —Tracey

I have no opinion about your story. I am an illiterate fictional monkey. —King Kong

Some smartass wrote the one for King Kong, but the rest are real.

When I finish the art, I’ll be approaching publishers, and I hear that these days, if you don’t have a large following online and a big mailing list, they won’t even look at what you’ve got.

Here’s how you can help that won’t cost you anything:

Have a look at my story and, if you don’t hate it, join my Peyote Cowboy free email list. You’ll get an email each time I post a new episode, which lately has been about once a month. I won’t sell your info and won’t bug you constantly, but I will appreciate your help. You can count on it.

You Jazz Pickles are the best!

Let’s find out now what Bizarro cartoons the best partner I could ask for, Wayno, imposed on the public this week…

“How would you qualify yourself in five years?”

Wait until he meets a dung beetle.

Spoiler alert: In the end, he checks into a roach motel and dies.

Move along now, before you expire on my couch.

For an accountant, he sure gets a lot of tail.

Mmmm. Snow pie.

Thus concludes our cheesy chucklefest, Jazz Pickles. Please consider helping us keep the giggles coming, free of ads and paywalls via the links below. We’ll imagine your face and kiss you like a basket of puppies in gratitude.

The Naked Cartoonist…My every-other-week creative-writing subscription service.

Limited edition, signed & numbered prints of BIZARRO CARTOONS, and some ORIGINALS!

Bizarro TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

WAYNO’S TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

My (free) graphic novel in progress, PEYOTE COWBOY.

Watch my PITCH VIDEO and become a supporter of Peyote Cowboy here.

Super fun BIZARRO SWAG from ComicsKingdom, including women’s V-neck styles! (And some weird shit from other comics that doesn’t even belong in our shop. Sorry about that.)

Audio by Sound Legacy

Michelangelo takes a chunk of rock from a mountainside and turns it into a heart-wrenching depiction of a mother grieving over the lifeless body of her son; Jackson Pollock tapes a canvas to the floor and splatters paint all over it. Are they both “art”?

The Pietà, left; the floor of Jackson Pollock’s studio, right.

As a teenager, I had a button on my jacket that said, “If your mom likes it, it isn’t art.” I still admire the rebellious nature of that expression, but how true is it?

Michelangelo’s mother loved his Sistine Chapel ceiling (or so she told me during an acid trip I took in high school), as have many millions of people for over 500 years.

On the other hand, Google says Pollock’s mother was an artist and his biggest champion until he began doing his drip paintings, which she called “craziness.”

Maybe Pollock also had that button and just kept experimenting until his mother disapproved. It certainly paid off for him financially, but will people be drawn to Pollock’s drop cloths in 500 years?

For my money, Renaissance Mike’s mom had better taste. What do you think?

Is Some Art Bullshit?

Distinguishing “good art” from “bad art” is a bottomless pit of subjectivity.

Unlike most articles on this topic, I’m neither going to defend modern art nor rip it a new one, as much as I’d sometimes like to. Instead, I’ll just poke fun at it with comics and let you decide. In the end, that’s what art is anyway: a personal preference.

We are all different, and nothing demonstrates that better than art.

I don’t mean to say that all modern art is not to my liking, far from it. But after a successful 40-plus-year career in comics and fine art, I’m no longer afraid to say that some of the emperors of the art world have been buck naked. That’s just my opinion, which is worth far less than a Jackson Pollock painting.

What Is Art?

That’s a trick question, because the topic is too broad to be defined in any useful way.

Are you familiar with “conceptual art”? That’s when the idea of the work takes precedence over the visual thing that represents it. A very famous example is a banana taped to a wall.

The original banana taped to a wall was sold at a Sotheby’s auction in New York for $6.2 million. (True.) That makes it “art.” The photo above is a replica taken by someone who taped a banana to their fridge as a reminder to eat less meat. That makes it satire.

Conceptual art comes in innumerable forms and often exists primarily as a challenge to what people think art is. And for me, that’s where it gets interesting.

Though I couldn’t care less about the taped banana as “art,” the fact that it was taken seriously enough to be auctioned at Sotheby’s goes a long way toward proving that art can’t be defined. It could be anything created by any human. Or not. Who knows?

So, a more practical question is, “What do you look for in art?”

Now we’re getting somewhere.

Many people want art to be pretty. That’s how Thomas Kinkade made enough money to spend $6.2 million on a piece of fruit taped to a wall (though he was not the person who did that).

Others are more interested in what art means than what it looks like.

And some, like the yahoo who bought the world’s most expensive banana, use art to show how rich they are.

“There’s a sucker born every minute.” — falsely attributed to P. T. Barnum, but said about the popularity of his exhibits

Here’s where I think you can begin to tell if the emperor has no clothes.

It would go a long way toward convincing me that Pollock’s drippy dribbles were a legitimate art form if many other artists had been able to forge careers in that style, as Impressionism, Cubism, Surrealism, and abstract art have made many artists famous. But that isn’t so with Pollock’s “craziness.” He’s the only one who got away with it. (However, check out the paintings of Janet Sobel, whom Pollock was doubtless imitating but who never achieved his fame. Being female in a patriarchy was probably her biggest mistake.)

What Do You Look for in Art?

I like art to be interesting visually and to make me think. It doesn’t have to include an obvious message; in fact, it’s better if it leads my mind to places unknown and unintended by the artist. That’s what I love about surrealism. Like a convoluted dream about flying shoes or a visitation from a fish in a tuxedo, surrealism can feel like it means something, but you have to search your own psyche to figure out what.

Does it Matter?

No. In the big picture, it doesn’t matter what’s “art” and what isn’t, who created it, or how much money you spent on it. What matters is surrounding yourself with things you enjoy.

I used to be afraid to express my opinions about certain kinds of modern art for fear I’d be seen as unsophisticated. I no longer care enough about my reputation to fake it, so I’ll freely admit that I do not see the value of many kinds of modern art—other than for investment purposes—which I think degrades the cultural importance of art.

The craziness started after Picasso and Braque shook things up by inventing Cubism, and it was not long before the fine art world tossed out all concepts of convention and became a race to see who could do something no one else had done before. It morphed into an “anything goes” industry, and if you were in the right place at the right time, you could get famous for anything, as long as you did it first and the right collector liked it. That’s how Pollock got rich.

I certainly would not want to limit what can be considered art, but imagine if other forms of creativity indulged in the same ethos.

Who’s the Banana Now?

I once visited the Museum of Modern Art in NYC and witnessed a crowd of people gathered around an artist named Marina Abramovic as she sat motionless in a chair for many hours. Members of the viewing public were encouraged to sit across from her and look her in the eyes. The piece was called “The Artist is Present.” This sort of thing falls under the category of “performance art.”

I suppose it made a statement about the power of celebrity, or the weirdness of staring into the eyes of a stranger, but so what? You can experience that even more intensely on the Subway if you’re rude enough.

I might have liked it better if the artist had been taped to the wall, but probably not.

Where Does Art Come From?

Creativity is our species’ superpower. Our abilities in this area are endless, and have resulted in everything from great beauty to environmental destruction, from antibiotics and organ transplants to nuclear war.

I’ve created thousands of pieces of art and have spent as many hours pondering where creative inspiration comes from.

Some art is a market calculation: “This will sell.” But at other times it’s a spark of something that comes from an elusive elsewhere, a tiny voice from another dimension. Learning to listen to that voice can be the difference between mediocrity and a masterpiece.

Yes, that sounds mystical, but sometimes being an artist is just a paint-splattered smock away from being a shaman. It can be an exhilarating act of magic that results in something you never saw coming.

Whatever the case, human creativity is the greatest creator and destroyer the world has ever known. Using it to create art, music, literature, or hilarious TikTok videos is one of the most gratifying activities life has to offer. I highly recommend it, wherever it leads you.

My mom’s creativity was in crafts, including sequin-bedecked holiday sweatshirts, and she sold them at craft fairs. They weren’t the sort of thing that Sotheby’s would be interested in, but it made her happy.

Cutting to the Chase

Enough of my know-it-all bullshit; let’s review some more of my comics about art.

Trigger warning: Some may be as dull as Abramovic’s chair performance, and none are worthy of the Sistine Chapel ceiling. Especially the one that parodies it.

I’m as modest as most average folks, but it amazes me that some people are so terrified of nudity that they will object even to a stone or bronze version of it. This is much more common in the puritanical U.S. than in Europe.

Even before I became a stoner, I fell madly in love with the art of M. C. Escher, and the romance has never subsided. I’ve published around a dozen cartoons parodying his work, and this one is my favorite. (That’s a cameo appearance by my wife and me in the lower left corner, and a caricature of Escher as the bartender.)

Here, Picasso and Escher trade friendly jibes over a meal. (This one is best read left-right, left-right.)

Oldenburg was most famous for creating enormous versions of everyday objects. I like that his sculptures make me contemplate the importance of relativity and how minuscule I am in relation to the cosmos. But mostly, it’s just fun to see a familiar object in gigantic form.

This is a good rule of thumb when visiting museums and galleries.

As a teenage freshman in art school, I was both shocked that there were people who could sit naked in front of a roomful of strangers without blushing and disappointed that none of them was attractive. I quit school after one semester, but at least I got this cartoon from the experience.

Cartoons are more likely to be found on refrigerators than in museums. I’ve often thought that kitchens are cartoonists’ Louvre.

This has long been one of my favorite comics of my career. The idea was suggested by Phil Witte, a fine cartoonist in his own right. (Cartoons, Articles) I enjoyed drawing this cartoon version of Renaissance Mike’s masterpiece, though I’ve no idea if his mother would like it. I gave up acid a few years ago.

Where Does That Leave AI Art?

Machines have taken away menial chores such as laundry, math, research, and so much more. Now, AI can handle our creative efforts in the fields of writing, drawing, painting, music, design, you name it.

Which returns us to the concept of “calculated” versus “inspired” art. AI can calculate, research, and imitate in a matter of seconds, but it cannot be inspired the way a human can.

Allowing creativity to flow through me and give birth to something new is among the most gratifying experiences in life. I’d no sooner allow a machine to take that away from me than I would employ one to have sex for me, take a mushroom trip in my stead, or eat my dessert.

I’ll surrender calculating a tip to a machine, but I’ll never turn my back on the joy of creating, even if only taping a banana to a wall.

Take a peek at my graphic novel in progress: PeyoteCowboy.net.

And here’s my video inviting you to become a supporter of Peyote Cowboy.

If you’re enjoying my articles in The Naked Cartoonist, please recommend it to your friends. If you’re not, recommend it to your enemies. Either way, you can send them this link: bizarro.com/signup. Thanks!

I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic, and this is my weekly blog post. The large Sunday comic above is mine, as are all of the below-cartoon comments to follow. 

Since January 2018, the Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics have been written and drawn by my comics partner, Wayno. For more fun, check out Wayno’s weekly blog post.

And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY to my Sunday comic’s Secret Symbols.

Season’s greetings, Jazz Pickles. No, it isn’t Christmastime yet—thank Santa—but it is still a season, and I greet you.

Gulliver’s Travels was a favorite story of mine as a kid. I loved how it inspired me to think of the highly relative nature of size. Quite naturally, it is easy to unconsciously assume that the starting point for size is us, and that anything smaller is “small,” and anything larger is “large.” 

A couple of seconds is all you need to realize how misleading that can be. Compared to us, an ant is small, but compared to the Grand Canyon, we are smaller than an ant’s turd.

To envision your size relative to the Earth, imagine a ball with a diameter that reaches from Seattle to Baltimore—30% larger than our moon. If it were sitting atop Kansas (it would crush everything beneath it, but that’s not the point), its equator would stretch from California to the East Coast.

Now imagine the period at the end of this sentence on a ball that size, and you’ll be approximating the size of a single human relative to the Earth. 

That’s why, for millions of years, humans thought the Earth was flat. Where you’re standing, it doesn’t look like a globe, but even on a flat, featureless plane, you’re only seeing 0.0000157% of the surface. To the period in my example above, it would be as if it were in the middle of a dinner plate sitting on Mercury.

At this scale, it is impossible to get a sense of the sphere on which we spin. To do that, you’d have to observe the movement of other celestial bodies and understand what that implies, and watch tall ships slipping below the horizon as they sail away, and be smart enough to figure out what all that meant. That was well beyond the capabilities of common Homo sapiens for a very long time, and still is. 

However, why so many modern humans in possession of cell phones that work because of satellites orbiting this globe still think the Earth is flat is beyond even those brilliant early astronomers. More evidence that not every member of a species evolves at the same rate, I guess.

I’ll add that I’m not nearly as smart as those who figured out the world is round before space travel was possible. I would never be able to figure that out on my own had I not benefitted from the knowledge of so many much smarter people before me. I’m just not smart enough.

But I am smart enough to know that others are smarter than I am, and therein lies the key to why trusting experts is essential: most of us are dumbasses, but there are geniuses among us willing to help keep us from shooting ourselves in the face. One big trick to success in life is being smart enough not to refuse their help.

And that’s the reason that those who wish to dominate a society with authoritarianism routinely denounce experts and encourage people to disparage them. Once the masses distrust experts, they are living in a bubble of ignorance in which they will believe any nonsense you repeat often enough. 

Anthony Fauci knows this very well, as do all of the scientists, medical professionals, academics, historians, and other invaluable experts who’ve lost their jobs or research funding since January of 2025.

Surely you didn’t think I’d make it through an entire post without going there.

Now let’s turn those frowns upside down by seeing where Wayno’s week of Bizarro cartoons goes…

In today’s world, unless you’re already a billionaire, that seminar isn’t going to do anything but remove a few more bucks from your pocket.

I submitted a similar comic years ago with the caption: The Princess and the Pee. My editor at King Features felt it was too coarse to publish. Shows you how much times have changed since the spoiled potty-mouth has been in office.

“Trump.”

“Where do you see yourself in five years?” “Grappling with hormonal forces.”

You just know they’re going to pee in that fountain before they leave.

They’d sleep better if they didn’t read that stuff.

That concludes another week of running poolside with scissors, Jazz Pickles. If you’re enjoying our free content each week, please recommend it to your friends and consider helping us keep it that way via the links below. We promise not to pee in your fountain out of gratitude.

The Naked Cartoonist…My every-other-week creative-writing subscription service.

Limited edition, signed & numbered prints of BIZARRO CARTOONS, and some ORIGINALS!

Bizarro TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

WAYNO’S TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

My (free) graphic novel in progress, PEYOTE COWBOY.

Watch my PITCH VIDEO and become a supporter of Peyote Cowboy here.

Super fun BIZARRO SWAG from ComicsKingdom, including women’s V-neck styles! (And some weird shit from other comics that doesn’t even belong in our shop. Sorry about that.)

I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic, and this is my weekly blog post. The large Sunday comic above is mine, as are all of the below-cartoon comments to follow. 

Since January 2018, the Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics have been written and drawn by my comics partner, Wayno. For more fun, check out Wayno’s weekly blog post.

And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY to my Sunday comic’s Secret Symbols.

Howdy, Jazz Pickles. It’s nice to imagine your face again.

Let’s start with a quick mention of my Naked Cartoonist creative writing project. I posted a story yesterday titled “Life With a Hand Up Your Butt” that is all about puppets, Muppets, and humanity. Here’s an excerpt:

“We may think puppets are nothing more than children’s toys, but I’m fascinated by the power they wield over us psychologically. Though we know they are not alive, we can easily be mesmerized by them, buying into their feigned words and movements until we are fully captivated by a construction of fabric scraps or wood. In a clever ventriloquism act, it is the puppet that has us in stitches, not the human.”

One of the many cartoons featured in the article

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll take a nap afterward to recover your strength. For $5 a month (less than a Starbucks coffee), you can read all my weird musings and help to support my work as a creative kook trying to make the world a smarter and funnier place. 

Thanks to all of you who subscribe. You are deeply appreciated.

Item #2 this week: I’m happy to see that a certain government admitted there was never any vandalism of the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, and that the problems it experienced were due to the crappy contractor hastily hired.

This comes as a surprise to a vanishingly small percentage of Americans. Most of us have already realized that anything the bullies who’ve taken over our junior high school say cannot be trusted.

Sadly, the Antifa Algae & Boxknife Terrorism Ninjas will now have to look for another target—maybe Lake Michigan or the Great Salt Lake. Of course, they’re going to need a bigger boxknife.

Finally, I have a correction for last week’s post. That cool house shown in the photo below, which I reported was in San Luis Obispo, is actually in Santa Barbara, California. Thanks to the several Jazz Pickles who pointed that out.

Olive Oyl does all the driving on these road trips, while I gaze out the windows in a haze of reverie, barely knowing what day it is or where I am. It’s a necessary reboot of my otherwise busy mind.

Time now to reboot our chuckle buttons with Wayno’s Bizarro comics from the week…

Unfortunately, I have the real kind, although I think it may have helped me write cartoons.

I tried this compliment on Olive Oyl, but she didn’t like it. It may only work on people with those circular stickers on their head and chest.

That’s the only kind I’d attend, not out of modesty, but because I have a sensitive gag reflex.

I’m pretty sure I’ve been to that show.

Frankenstein’s monster, made of multiple people's parts, is a metaphor for us all, genetically speaking.

I hate to have to tell those little men that book will not tell them where to find little women.

That concludes this week’s chuckle chapter, Jazz Pickles. We hope you enjoyed our silly scribbles and comments. If you did, please consider helping us keep this page free of charge and ads via the links below. We’ll dance in gratitude like giddy leprechauns.

The Naked Cartoonist…My every-other-week creative-writing subscription service.

Limited edition, signed & numbered prints of BIZARRO CARTOONS, and some ORIGINALS!

Bizarro TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

WAYNO’S TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

My (free) graphic novel in progress, PEYOTE COWBOY.

Watch my PITCH VIDEO and become a supporter of Peyote Cowboy here.

Super fun BIZARRO SWAG from ComicsKingdom, including women’s V-neck styles! (And some weird shit from other comics that doesn’t even belong in our shop. Sorry about that.)

I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic, and this is my weekly blog post. The large Sunday comic above is mine, as are all of the below-cartoon comments to follow. 

Since January 2018, the Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics have been written and drawn by my comics partner, Wayno. For more fun, check out Wayno’s weekly blog post.

And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY‍ to my Sunday comic’s Secret Symbols.

Hello again, Jazz Pickles, or for the first time, stranger.

My partner Olive Oyl and I returned this week from our two-week sojourn up the coast of Southern California. We visited various family members and friends along the way, and, before heading back to Mexico, we spent a couple of days in San Luis Obispo, a charming little town in Central California that we wish we could afford to live in. 

It’s not that San Luis Obispo is a gated community for millionaires, but these days, you have to be a millionaire to live in any city in the US that O2 and I would want to wake up in daily. Prices on everything from gas to groceries, and housing to antifa algae-propagating supplies have gone crazy since the Führer Wannabe “lowered prices on day one.” Lucky us. 

Here are some photos that do not capture the highlights of our trip.

This atypical house is in a typical residential neighborhood of San Luis Obispo, and I think it’s really cool.

Left: Two human constructions and some tiny humans. Right: Two seagulls with three legs.

Left: A few minutes from San Luis Obispo is Morro Rock Beach. Not sure how it got its name. Right: Olive Oyl points at the Pacific Ocean in Malibu.

O2 and me too.

Thanks for caring about what Wayno and I do here each week. If you’d like to help us scrape by in these tough times, we hope you’ll consider some of the links at the end of this post. We appreciate your readership and your support.

This seems like a great time to review one of Wayno’s rare thematic weeks of Bizarro cartoons…

He would probably enjoy the proverbial train at the end of the tunnel, too.

Okay, son, but don’t be careful.

This drawing is as close to an Oscar as Wayno or I are likely to get despite our convincing portrayals of slackers doing our best to avoid Walmart jobs.

Have you spotted the theme of this week’s cartoons yet?

Even a dummy can see it coming.

One point in favor of self-driving cars is that they don’t text or check email while driving.

That concludes this week’s crash course for dummies, Jazz Pickles. If you enjoy that we do this for free each week, please consider helping us keep it that way via the links below. We’ll put in a good word for you with the head of Antifa.

The Naked Cartoonist…My every-other-week creative-writing subscription service.

Limited edition, signed & numbered prints of BIZARRO CARTOONS, and some ORIGINALS!

Bizarro TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

WAYNO’S TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

My (free) graphic novel in progress, PEYOTE COWBOY.

Watch my PITCH VIDEO and become a supporter of Peyote Cowboy here.

Super fun BIZARRO SWAG from ComicsKingdom, including women’s V-neck styles! (And some weird shit from other comics that doesn’t even belong in our shop. Sorry about that.)

I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic, and this is my weekly blog post. The large Sunday comic above is mine, as are all of the below-cartoon comments to follow. 

Since January 2018, the Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics have been written and drawn by my comics partner, Wayno. For more fun, check out Wayno’s weekly blog post.

And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY to my Sunday comic’s Secret Symbols.

Olive Oyl and I are still on the road, but we’ll be returning to our Mexican hideout in a few days. Our trip has been fun and relaxing, despite the health app on my phone reminding me daily that I’ve only been walking a fraction as many steps each day as I normally do, and asking me if I’ve broken an ankle or been taken hostage. I’m refusing to answer, which I think is making it angry, but I don’t care. I’m not letting that damn thing run my life. 

Have you been following the World Cup? I enjoy some sports, but prefer ones in which things happen more quickly and more often than they do in soccer (futbol). I can’t shake the feeling that if it were not for baseball, soccer would be the world’s most boring sport. Sure, every now and then, there is a brief string of exciting seconds, but it cannot be denied that 95% of the time, it’s just people jogging in a big field with a ball nearby. That’s the one thing that makes it less boring than baseball, which is mostly men standing around scratching their crotches and spitting.

I know nothing about the game of cricket, but I’ve heard those games can last for days. I’m sure it’s great if you’re into it, but to me, that sounds only marginally more interesting than watching the grounds crew mow the lawn in the days before the game.

While on the road this week, I managed to dodge traffic well enough to post my latest article to The Naked Cartoonist. This one is titled “Do You Think a Lot of Modern Art is Bullshit?”

One of my subscribers, Susie Somebody, said this about it:

“Wow! Your amazing display of creativity in this week’s Naked Cartoonist is one of my all-time favorites. Thank you so much!”

I have no idea what she is referring to, but I’m glad she enjoyed it. Thanks, Susie!

If you’d like to be encouraged to think and chuckle while supporting my writing habit (which is no less life-consuming than a drug habit, but somewhat less damaging), you can start here for a mere $5 a month. I always keep my prices low because I don’t like how expensive everything is getting.

One thing that isn’t getting more expensive is our latest batch of Bizarro cartoons. Let’s see what Wayno coughed up for us this week…

You’ll never grow up to be a cowman if you don’t practice.

This image used to represent the human conscience, but since we’ve stopped thinking for ourselves, we can now see it as the “facts” and “alternate facts” of the internet competing for our attention.

But everyone knows that if time travel for potatoes were possible, the fact that those fries exist in the future means Mr. P Head did not heed their advice, and…oh, never mind.

This is a cautionary tale. Children need to learn to recognize a brutalist before they’re old enough to get romantically involved with one.

That fact that the creature thinks the platform is a train speaks volumes.

I lived in NYC for ten years and must have said that a thousand times each year. No wonder the apartment was full of bees.

That wall we just hit is the outer limit of our comedy enclosure this week. Thanks for stumbling through the dark with us. If you enjoy what we provide here for free each week, please consider helping us keep it that way via the links below. We’ll cast a beneficial spell over your life, and everything will instantly improve.

The Naked Cartoonist…My every-other-week creative-writing subscription service.

Limited edition, signed & numbered prints of BIZARRO CARTOONS, and some ORIGINALS!

Bizarro TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

WAYNO’S TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

My (free) graphic novel in progress, PEYOTE COWBOY.

Watch my PITCH VIDEO and become a supporter of Peyote Cowboy here.

Super fun BIZARRO SWAG from ComicsKingdom, including our 2026 Bizarro wall calendar. (ALL the comics are still funny, no matter what month it is now!)

I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic, and this is my weekly blog post. The large Sunday comic above is mine, as are all of the comments to follow. 

Since January 2018, the Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics have been written and drawn by my comics partner, Wayno. For more fun, check out Wayno’s weekly blog post.

And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY to my Sunday comic’s Secret Symbols.

Hey there, Jazz Pickles. I hope you’re all hanging in there and riding out the Tangerine Torment comfortably. Olive Oyl and I are taking a little time off this week and next to visit family.

We spent yesterday morning in shuttle vans and airports, and the afternoon in what felt like a cramped utility closet where they store metal folding chairs. O2 tried to persuade me that it was a commercial airliner, and the gigantic man in the folding chair next to me, who kept his right elbow and knee pressed firmly against me for three hours while snoring loudly enough to nearly drown out the wind storm outside, almost convinced me.

As I looked behind me, there were dozens of rows of tiny, uncomfortable chairs smooshed together, full of sleeping people in various embarrassing poses, with gaping mouths and slack jaws.

That sounds like a plane, but it still didn’t make sense. People have to pay big money to ride on commercial airliners, and there’s no way my wife and I were stupid enough to have paid for that experience. All I can think is that somehow, we accidentally locked ourselves into a vibrating storage facility with hundreds of others who’d snuck in there to sleep off their Friday night drunk.

Whatever the case, we’re out of the closet now and sitting in properly cushioned chairs, so it’s all good.

Before I go, I’d be as stupid as a person who pays hard-earned money for a flight on a cheap-ass airline if I didn’t mention our splendid new products in the Comics Kingdom Bizarro shop. Run over there right now as fast as a Mario Brother escaping some sort of animated danger and nab some for yourself and your loved ones. You’ll permanently be one of our loved ones if you do. 

Lastly, but not leastly, next Friday’s article in my subscription creative writing thing, The Naked Cartoonist, is titled “Do You Think a Lot of Modern Art is Bullshit?” 

Here’s one of the several comics within my clever and amusing essay.

This story is snarky and funny, but also open-minded, so you can decide for yourself if modern art is for you. I think you’re going to love it. (My article, that is; I’ve no idea if you’ll love modern art.)

That makes it time to peek under the comedy curtain and see what mischief Wayno’s Bizarro comics for the week include…

Sheet happens.

I love a park bench with a pie shelf. It keeps the pie where the pigeons and squirrels can enjoy it without having to bend over.

When you’re tired of watching lame sit-coms try an intentionally lame sit-chuck.

Good idea. Since none of the commandments mention a prohibition against molesting women, how about Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein, and His Obfuscating Orangeness?

A reader demanded we apologize to the descendants of those who died in the famous 1975 sinking referenced above. This seems an unusual request since we aren’t making fun of the wreck or its victims, only mentioning it as something that happened and was written about in a popular song.

Still, we’re sorry that anyone was offended by this comic. That’s never our intent. There’s an adage that is famous among humorists: Comedy = tragedy + time, but nobody tells you how much time has to pass. We thought 51 years would be enough.

If I had a cargo suit, I wouldn’t need to carry a purse.

And that brings down this week’s comedy curtain to a standing ovation. (I’m standing as I type. You may remain seated.) If you’re into what we do here for free each week, please help us keep it going via the links below. Thank you for your attention to this blather.

The Naked Cartoonist…My every-other-week creative-writing subscription service.

Limited edition, signed & numbered prints of BIZARRO CARTOONS, and some ORIGINALS!

Bizarro TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

WAYNO’S TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

My (free) graphic novel in progress, PEYOTE COWBOY.

Watch my PITCH VIDEO and become a supporter of Peyote Cowboy here.

Super fun BIZARRO SWAG from ComicsKingdom, including our 2026 Bizarro wall calendar. (ALL the comics are still funny, no matter what month it is now!)

I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic, and this is my weekly blog post. The large Sunday comic above is mine, as are all of the below-cartoon comments to follow. 

Since January 2018, the Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics have been written and drawn by my comics partner, Wayno. For more fun, check out Wayno’s weekly blog post.

And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY to my Sunday comic’s Secret Symbols.

Thanks for stopping by, Jazz Pickles. It’s always nice to see you sense your presence.

The title and topic of today’s post will doubtless turn off some readers. Most of you regular visitors know who I am and read my stuff because you like how I think and what I say about it.

But that’s not true for everyone. Judging by the comments I still occasionally get, some readers just come here for a light-hearted laugh and wish I’d leave topics like politics out of it. 

That’s what Garfield is for.  Here at Bizarro, Wayno and I often give you lighthearted fun with no difficult thoughts attached, but occasionally we express an opinion or truth that makes some readers uncomfortable. 

We think that’s a good thing, as the image and quote by James Baldwin below express rather poignantly.

Image by Carlos Barberena

I understand the sentiment; the world is overwhelming, and comics are an escape. Accordingly, polite suggestions are understood and appreciated, but when someone objects in a less-than-polite manner, I tell them, “If someone is forcing you to read our work, tell your parents or a trusted teacher.” 

Regarding the seaside comic above. Scientists report that up to 75% of large fish are gone from the ocean as a result of overfishing and other causes, and many fish populations are on the brink of collapse. Meanwhile, certain politicians are more concerned with bringing back “all-you-can-eat shrimp night” at Red Lobster.

Additionally, in the late 1950s, the average American adult looked like the fisherman on the left in my cartoon above, while the average American today is overweight or obese.

As our behavior threatens our food supply on numerous fronts (over-fishing, climate change, right-wing political policies for short-term profit, etc.), obesity among Americans is becoming epidemic, while farms are failing right and left. What’s wrong with this picture? 

Yesterday was our nation’s 250th birthday. What should have been a grand celebration of the American Experiment from sea to shining sea was extinguished like a campfire in a tsunami by unrelenting, textbook fascism and grifting over the past 18 months. 

A certain malignant narcissist who would be king has frantically attempted to cement his place in history in embarrassing ways, including attempting to build gawdy monuments to himself that no one but his own ego has asked for. 

He had a huge chance yesterday, on the 4th of July, to ensure that his name would forever appear alongside Thomas Jefferson and John Adams.

They both died within hours of each other on July 4th, 1826, exactly 50 years after the signing of the Declaration of Independence. If Trump had done yesterday what they did exactly 200 years ago, he’d have secured his place in history, at least on a Wikipedia page about political coincidences. And what could’ve been a better anniversary gift to America than that?

But once again, he missed his chance of being remembered for something other than being the person who made the most tragically convincing proof of reincarnation who ever lived. Or, maybe it is just a coincidence that he was born a mere 13 months after Hitler committed suicide and has used Adolf’s biography like a cookbook recipe for (temporarily) destroying a republic.

Oh well. His place in our nation’s history will definitely be cemented, but not for the reasons he hopes.

In better news, as promised in last week’s post, we’ve got the new V-neck ladies’ style shirts posted on Comics Kingdom’s Bizarro swag shop! Treat your neck to some V-freedom now! (All of the latest products are available on those two pages, not just V-necks.)

Let’s cleanse our hearts and minds now with some chuckles from Wayno’s Bizarro comics from the week!

That hand would also be quite handy while driving, although with a different finger extended.

Wayno already made a joke about applying for a job at Monster(dot)com, so I’ve got nothin.’

I don’t even wanna know where a zombie baby came from or what you’d feed it.

For those of you who love oddball indie films, I highly recommend “Listers,” available for free on YouTube. It’s a charmingly hilarious documentary about a couple of brothers who are real-life characters like “the Dude” in The Big Lebowski deciding to take up bird watching. So fun.

This is one of my very favorite bits of punnery from Wayno and a perfect example of the aphorism, “Comedy equals tragedy plus time.”

It could also be “couples massage” if they hired that guy to let them massage him together.

That’s douses this week’s comedy campfire, Jazz Pickles. Thanks for stopping by for some s’mores. If you enjoy that we do this for free every week, please consider helping to feed the Bizarro Bunny via the links below. Our income from newspapers has gone the way of civil political discourse in recent years. Either way, we appreciate you pointing your seeballs at us.

The Naked Cartoonist…My every-other-week creative-writing subscription service.

Limited edition, signed & numbered prints of BIZARRO CARTOONS, and some ORIGINALS!

Bizarro TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

WAYNO’S TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

My (free) graphic novel in progress, PEYOTE COWBOY.

Watch my PITCH VIDEO and become a supporter of Peyote Cowboy here.

Super fun BIZARRO SWAG from ComicsKingdom, including our 2026 Bizarro wall calendar. (ALL the comics are still funny, no matter what month it is now!)

I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic, and this is my weekly blog post. The large Sunday comic above is mine, as are all of the below-cartoon comments to follow. 

Since January 2018, the Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics have been written and drawn by my comics partner, Wayno. For more fun, check out Wayno’s weekly blog post.

And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY to my Sunday comic’s Secret Symbols.

Welcome to the jar, Pickles of Jazz. Thanks for dropping in.

A couple of weeks ago, I asked you to help us pick some new T-shirt designs. You voted, and we listened. 

We’ve just launched a bunch of new shirt designs, as well as a travel mug (they’re calling a “tumbler”), a water bottle, and a few coffee mug designs. 

There are seven new shirt designs in various colors, and three new Secret Symbol shirts that you’ll love. LOOK AT’EM HERE.

NOTE: THE V-NECK LADIES’ STYLES HAVE NOT YET BEEN POSTED, BUT WILL BE ADDED NEXT WEEK. THEY PROMISED ME! 

Sorry to say that at this time, we couldn’t add all of the suggestions our cherished Jazz Pickles requested, but we appreciate your contributions and will continue to expand our offerings.

In the meantime, please purchase a dozen of each product in all colors and styles available, and donate the ones you don’t want to a local charity. That should spiff up your tarnished karma quite nicely!

Time now to view Wayno’s attempts to polish his karma by donating chuckles in the form of the week’s Bizarro cartoons…

You’ll feel better soon after he runs out of bananas.

No method of societal change is more effective than bumper opinions.

I particularly like Wayno’s version of our Bizarro Alien in this one.

Being a centaur is challenging enough, but this poor schmuck got stuck with Shetland Pony genes.

When Lucy pulls up, she waits till he’s about to grab the door handle and steps on the gas.

It has been my personal experience that chickens never fall for a chicken costume. Of course, it may also have been because I am five times larger than they are.

That’s the bell for recess, Jazz Pickles. Before you go out to play, please consider helping us keep this nonsense going and free of charge. We enjoy enchucklating you and appreciate the loan of your eyes for a few minutes each week.

The Naked Cartoonist…My every-other-week creative-writing subscription service.

Limited edition, signed & numbered prints of BIZARRO CARTOONS, and some ORIGINALS!

Bizarro TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

WAYNO’S TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

My (free) graphic novel in progress, PEYOTE COWBOY.

Watch my PITCH VIDEO and become a supporter of Peyote Cowboy here.

Super fun BIZARRO SWAG from ComicsKingdom, including our 2026 Bizarro wall calendar. (ALL the comics are still funny, no matter what month it is now!)

I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic, and this is my weekly blog post. The large Sunday comic above is mine, as are all of the below-cartoon comments to follow. 

Since January 2018, the Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics have been written and drawn by my comics partner, Wayno. For more fun, check out Wayno’s weekly blog post. 

And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY to my Sunday comic’s Secret Symbols.

Thanks for stopping by, Jazz Pickles. 

In last week’s post, I featured 20 of my title panels (the small, square graphic at the top of these posts) and asked if you’d like to see any of them on a T-shirt, and if so, to vote for your faves. 

The response was surprisingly robust, and we got over 500 votes! So we’re in the process of turning the top five vote getters into shirts, and a few other products, too.

Thanks so much for your enthusiasm! More on this soon.

A few days ago, I published a new Naked Cartoonist article titled “How to Avoid a Horror Show Marriage.” (I should know, I’ve had two.) It’s been quite popular (and not at all political!), so here’s an excerpt to whet your appetite. 

“Couples therapists wisely recommend being in a relationship for two or three years before deciding to marry. That’s because while nothing feels more euphoric and transcendent than falling in love, it also renders you the stupidest that you’ll ever be. Those two years give that toasted marshmallow explosion in your skull time to morph back into a working brain.

That advice comes from people who’ve made a career of listening to spouses complain about each other, often with tears, shouting, and gnashing of teeth. Trust them when they tell you not to rush into it.

I rushed into my first two marriages like I was saving children from a flaming orphanage, which would have been less dangerous than those marriages turned out to be.”

The article also contains some of my favorite comics about relationships and matrimony. It’s sort of a humorous “how to” and “how not to” manual on marriage. 

I only charge $5 a month for my entire archive of articles, and I post one every two weeks. I’m not trying to get rich, just looking to compensate myself for the time I spend looking for ways to keep you entertained. 

If you enjoy enjoyment, I think you’ll enjoy The Naked Cartoonist. You can cancel anytime, and I would never share or sell your contact info.

Now let’s enjoy Wayno’s highly enchucklicating Bizarro comics from the week…

I found a Bitcoin in my washing machine the other day. I must’ve left it in my pocket.

It’s the bloodiest awards show on TV, which may account for its high ratings.

There will never be a better song by an actor than William Shatner’s “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.”

Unfortunately, I’m a much better spell victim than spell caster.

Tell that to my friends Theodore and Cliodore. They’ve been married for over 30 years, a few of them happily.

He wrote the book “Testing Crashes for Dummies.”

Thus concludes this week’s typing experiment. If you’ve enjoyed the order of the letters, spaces, and punctuation above, we hope you’ll consider helping us keep this site free and weekly via the links below. We thank you in advance for your generosity.

The Naked Cartoonist…My every-other-week creative-writing subscription service.

Limited edition, signed & numbered prints of BIZARRO CARTOONS, and some ORIGINALS!

Bizarro TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

WAYNO’S TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!

My (free) graphic novel in progress, PEYOTE COWBOY.

Watch my PITCH VIDEO and become a supporter of Peyote Cowboy here.

Super fun BIZARRO SWAG from ComicsKingdom, including our 2026 Bizarro wall calendar. (ALL the comics are still funny, no matter what month it is now!)