It’s a dumpster fire of all dumpster fires

We are barely 3 weeks post-inauguration and new administration and quite frankly it’s a dumpster fire of all dumpster fires! The U.S. is grappling with political unrest, economic uncertainty, climate crises, and the everyday struggles of just being human. Add in the never-ending scroll of social media, where every post is designed to provoke a reaction, and it’s no wonder so many of us feel exhausted, anxious, and overwhelmed.

Last week I created a cure graphic and promised myself I was going work toward a phone Free February – i.e. put my phone down, stop the doom scroll and be a healthier and happier person! I haven’t been particularly successful, but I have limited my online consumption some!

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  Limit Your Time – Use built-in app timers or screen time limits to keep your scrolling in check. Set specific times for checking news and social media rather than letting it consume your day.

• Curate Your Feed – Unfollow or mute accounts that make you feel drained. Follow people and pages that uplift, educate, or make you laugh.
• Take Social Media Breaks – Try a weekend or even a full week off from social media. Notice how you feel. If you feel better, consider making these breaks a regular habit.
• Avoid Doomscrolling Before Bed – Your brain needs time to wind down. Instead of consuming heavy content before sleep, try reading a book, meditating, or listening to calming music.

• Check the Source – Is this information coming from a reputable news outlet? If you don’t recognize the source, verify with trusted sources before sharing. Do your own research! And that’s not a opinion piece. Find a good fact checker and use it! I like FactCheck.org but I also like to check different sources (especially ones that aren’t my particular political bent) Berkley has a good list of fact checking resources here 
• Be Wary of Sensationalism – Many headlines, memes, and posts are designed to provoke strong emotional reactions. If something seems outrageous, fact-check it.
• Diversify Your News Intake – If all your news comes from one place, you’re likely getting a skewed perspective. Follow a mix of sources to get a more balanced view.
• Ask: “Do I Need to Know This?” – Not every piece of news requires your attention. If it doesn’t directly affect you or your ability to help others, it’s okay to step back.
• Admit if you got it wrong – none of us are perfect! If you shared a wrong meme, story of information admit it and correct it.

• Move Your Body – My favorite is to ride my bike or take the dogs for a walk but any exercise, yoga, or even simple stretching can help relieve stress and boost your mood.
• Talk About It – Share your thoughts with trusted friends, a therapist, or a support group. Verbalizing your feelings can help lighten the load.
• Journal – Writing down your thoughts can be a powerful way to process emotions. It doesn’t have to be structured—just get it out on paper.
• Create – Paint, write, play music—whatever helps you express yourself. Creativity can be a powerful tool for emotional healing. I have been tacking home improvement projects. It focuses my mind elsewhere.
• Pray or Meditate – If you’re a person of faith, spirituality, or not lean into practices that ground you and remind you of hope. Silence can be restorative! I love the Calm App and the Centering Prayer app

• Support Causes That Matter to You – Whether through donations, volunteering, or advocacy, find ways to contribute meaningfully.
• Focus on Your Local Community – Sometimes, the biggest impact we can make is right in our own neighborhoods. Look for ways to support those around you.
• Set Realistic Expectations – You can’t fix everything. Choose one or two causes you care about and focus your energy there.
• Rest is Resistance – Burnout helps no one. Taking care of yourself allows you to keep showing up. I take a sabbath day each Friday! It helps!

Several days later I related the above story to my friend Dawn Bugni. Dawn is a Master Resume Writer (one of only a handful in the world) and she is always insightful in her comments.  We were having dinner and as is common for our conversations we started talking about social media – Dawn and I met via Facebook, we learned twitter together back in the day, and we both successfully use social media to drive business to our respective ventures. When I related the above story to Dawn her reaction was ‘well, yeah! You don’t post a pic of cleaning the toilets, paying the bills or arguing.’ This naturally lead to discussions on things we have seen posted via social media that are inappropriate.

Here are a few examples:

• status updates that nearly always contain some form of alcohol consumption;
• status updates where you complain about money (especially if you often post about extravagant purchases – people put two and two together);
• status updates that contain personal relationship information (I don’t want to know that much about your sex life – good or bad);
• status updates that complain about an employer (yes, we all know why you change jobs regularly)
• and the list goes on and on.

According to the consumer reports survey ‘Insurers, employers, and college admissions officers sometimes use social media to evaluate people. They may, for example, turn to a service such as Social Intelligence that scours public postings on Facebook and other social networks as part of a background check.’

69% of Human Resources managers say they’ve rejected job applicants because of what was on their social media pages and 25% of College recruiters say they are using Social Media as a means to determine to whom they send letters of acceptance.

It seems obvious that what you say in public reflects on you, on your life and on your character.

I like to believe that I do live a happy life and if you read my blog you know that is an active pursuit for me. I also learned at my mother’s knee that you always put your best foot forward in public (I don’t think that is just a southern thing). My father was a man who loved to build things; he often said to me ‘measure twice cut once’. It really just means be sure of your measurement before you make you cut. I believe this is an adage we can adapt to social media postings. Be sure of the picture you are painting of your life via social media.

Last night I was invited to be a part of a panel discussion. The topic was tips to help small businesses succeed. The first speaker ran long so in order to allow for the question and answer time I cut my comments. I basically relayed the story from my January of 2010 blog post entitled ‘When Social Media Doesn’t Work – How to Avoid the Agony of Defeat”. The long and the short of the story is that I joined a gym and saw no results because I didn’t really go to the gym and workout. I related it to Social Media and how people claim it doesn’t work but really they have joined but don’t participate. They lose interest and say it doesn’t work when really they never did the work to make it work.

At the end of the session one of the panelists (a business coach) turned to me and said: ‘You know I used to encourage social media, I hit it hard, and it didn’t work. If I can’t do it no one can.’

WOW!

I just nodded and wandered away. But the message he was sending was clear – he had missed my point completely! He had joined the craze but failed to do the work necessary to see results. Then claimed the process did not work! Just to be fair I took the time to look at his Facebook page; since April of last year he has posted nine times – YUP, NINE! I looked at his twitter and since June 2011 he has tweeted ZERO times! I am getting a clear picture of why social media doesn’t work for him.

I’m not here to harp on an old story, but if you want to lose weight by joining a gym you must go and workout. If you want to learn to play the piano, you must practice and if you want social media to work for you, you must participate.

Social Media isn’t magic – it is work! But the return on investments are high, if you put in the time and effort!

This story could get REALLY long…but the short version is that we were approaching our contractual year of AT&T service and we were ready to move on!

On one particularly bad service day in mid-March, I took my complaints to twitter! Suddenly AT&T responded. After a few exchanges I received this response:

I sent my information. I received a telephone call from AT&T. After a short conversation I was connected to the most amazing personal ever – Debbie! Little did I know that Debbie and I would talk every day (sometimes multiple times a day) until she found a way to have my problem fixed!

Let me be clear – I received a call from Debbie in the escalation department at AT&T EVERY business day for over a month (ie until my problem was solved).

I had a total of five AT&T employees come to my house. Some were techs, some were lines people. All were polite and all but one seemed very interested in solving my problem! (One tech, Eric, displayed the attitude I expected from AT&T when he told me on the phone BEFORE he came to my house ‘maybe you just need to switch to Time-Warner’).

In the end my problem was solved by dropping from 6meg service to 3meg service. I don’t know why going to a slower speed made it all better. It seems no one else knows either. However, I have decided:

This is a metaphor for my happiness!

I have found that I can add to the over all joy in life, finding peace of mind by slowing down. Doing more things I love by removing other things – Like television. By slowing down and spending more time enjoying what I am doing and not just getting it done. By deliberately scheduling my down time rather than waiting for it to happen.

What about you? Could your life; your pursuit of happiness be increased by slowing down?

Think about it.

No too long ago I was out with a group of friends. As the evening was winding down we all were checking our phones, facebooking, tweeting etc – sans one fellow. He became enraged! Ranting on about how we were living in a false world and he preferred interaction with ‘real’ people and not friends we imagined that were in our phones.

Time and again the mistake is made when we think we live in an Anonymous world when we are in the virtual realm. We say things we would not ordinarily say. We do things we would not really do. All the while thinking we are in some magical land, like Vegas.

I can honestly say I have met some of the best people I know via the internet. One of my very best friends I met via twitter. There are people I interact with daily who I know via Facebook. You see the magic of these social interactions is not the virtualness, but the real nature of the relationships. To me it is the absolute best of the internet.

Conversely, because all too often we develop the what happens online stays online, we behave badly and forget that there can be real consequences. The person who reads what you type is just as real. What happens when your Vegas comes to the attention of your boss, or mother? Are you proud of what you’ve said? Are you willing to ‘own’ it?

This is a cautionary tale. I caution you to be wary of what you share. For the reason that nothing is lost once it is on the internet. In 1997, prior to my meeting Jenn, she was the subject of a front page story for the San Francisco Chronicle. Yesterday when I googled her name that article still comes up. I mention this to illustrate the length of time things can and do live on the internet.

What you say today may create issues not only today with the real people with which you interact but with future people who can access that information.

What my time on Pinterest has taught me is, well, there are so many delectable foods in the world AND people love to share inspirational sayings. Some are cute. Some are insightful. Others are funny or witty. Which has me thinking, why do we love to share them so much?

After minutes of solicitous consideration, I believe I have the answer. We share the sayings for the same reason I write this blog….we want to inspire OURSELVES to be better. We believe that if we can live by the saying just for today we can improve our lives. Maybe we think we can magically hold on to the feeling we felt when we read that bit of inspiration. Maybe we want to share that feeling with others.

My post today is light hearted, but my message is serious. Get inspired! Find the thing that moves you and share! Share it with your spouse, your friends, and even the world!

At one point in our discussion last night one of the participants said ‘and don’t link your Facebook to your twitter or you’ll piss Gayle off’. I can’t deny that this is true; you will irritate me beyond belief. Nonetheless, I do not believe I am the ONLY one!

People link accounts because it is convenient. It is easy to think, I can post to Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Linkedin, etc and all I have to do it type it once. After all convenience is the American Way. The part that is not being considered in this scenario is the convenience of the reader (your audience). Each of the social media platforms has their own special way of interacting. What works well on one doesn’t necessarily work well on another.

When you insist on posting for your convenience and not the convenience of your reader (target audience) you run the risk of alienating the people who enjoy one platform over another. For example here in town there is a company that was VERY engaging on Twitter when they first opened their business. They posted the daily special, and were incredibly engaging with customers. At some point in time they discovered the ability to link Facebook to their Twitter account.

Now every tweet looks like this:Even worse, they no longer notice when someone tweets to them and they lose any chance of interaction.

The inverse is also true. I have a friend who constantly sends twitter retweets through to her Facebook. Unfortunately, even a wonderful message like this one:seems strange in a world where RT (retweet) and # (hashtags) aren’t common.

And in case you don’t yet know it, Social Media is about being SOCIAL! So think twice before linking your social networks for YOUR convenience. If you learn the common practices of each network and tailor your message to fit that format you will find your message better received. Believe me your customer will notice.

These people are apart of my everyday life. We share joys and sorrows. This group of people saw me through several misdiagnoses and eventual surgery the end of last year, some even visited me in the hospital. We offer advice and are even available for private counseling –also known as direct messaging (and occasionally even a phone call).

There was a lot of laughter last week about meeting the people who live in our phones (or desktop); however, I do not think anyone in this group loses sight of the fact that we are all real people.

In years past the tweetup has been a huge event. As you know, tweeters come and tweeters go but it was fun to see this core group of true social media users in Wilmington, North Carolina.

Attendees:

• @dalm8ton  – me
• @3athlete – Jenn Beddoe
• @peaceOcakestand – Jen StPeter
• @DawnBugni – Dawn Bugni
• @amyMcHodges – Amy Hodges
• @JimWare – Jim Ware
• @lelly28461 – Elenor Erickson
• @alimoongoddess – Ali McCollum

We’re going to try to have a Cape Fear Tweetup every other month. So be the lookout for the #CFTweetup hashtag to be floating around in March 2012.

Event Photos

What I have discovered in 2012 is that while I have plenty to say about social media, my tenor is snarky. I want to blast some guy who inappropriately (in my opinion) shared his chicken soup recipe. I want to prattle on and on (WOW do I have a WHOLE LOT to say about the guy who invites me to some event every day via Facebook and Linkedin (often after I have declined MULTIPLE times). I want to call out people who give me Klout on off-the-wall topics. I want to take all my frustration and put it here and lead you in with a snappy headline.

Unfortunately, for me, and fortunately, for you, THAT isn’t what Social Media is about. Too often we get caught up in the anonymity of the media and forget the social. We get caught up in complaining about the service at our favorite or not favorite restaurant. We complain about our neighbors or whine about our ailments. And really, WHO WANTS TO HEAR THAT?

It’s a trap, the trap of self absorption! We have all, no matter our age, fallen into the me generation! Are you tweeting because you want to be seen as an expert on a topic? Is your Facebook all about promoting your next event? Is LinkedIn just a place to disseminate your blog? What about google+ is it non stop drivel?

Now is the time to get clear on your message! Decide who you are and how you want your social media efforts to be received; then step out of your shoes and into your audience’s shoes. Figure out what they want to hear and how they want to hear it. When you do, you will enjoy the amplification of your voice as social media can do so well.

Then I read an article about how Klout is the beginning of Web 3.0. The there was a discussion with a trusted colleague about the important your Klout score was when it came to employability, and while I have no plans to find an employer anytime soon, I am concerned with people hiring me. And just because I do not give credence to the Klout Score, it certainly stands to reason that they might; especially since they would be hiring me in a social media capacity.

It has caused me to embark on a journey to have a respectable Klout score. My score hovers just under 60 and Klout lists me as a ‘specialist’ whom they describe as “You may not be a celebrity, but within your area of expertise your opinion is second to none. Your content is likely focused around a specific topic or industry with a focused, highly-engaged audience.”

What I’ve learned is that friends can list you as influencers of just about anything. One of my funny friends listed me as an influencer about Buffalo Wild Wings (said with an unbelievable tone). Don’t get me wrong, I do like wings and I do play trivia at B-dubs but beyond that I got nothing.

In my investigation of what you can do about blocking friends from giving you Klout in inappropriate topics what I found is…basically nothing! I did find an article about about blocking those friends (I love how she calls it putting them in time-out). What you CAN do is delete the topic from your list. This may diminish your score, but it will remove the offending topic.

The bottom line is Klout unto others as you would have them Klout unto you.