Black Bile Box

Party games from the dead

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Sat, 20 Aug 2011 16:30:00 +0000

Q) What's coated in candy and wrapped in cellophane? A) Drunk!

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 13:57:00 +0000

You know what's better than sex in your office? Sex in somebody else's office.

Execution

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 14:36:00 +0000

Assange is a threat to fascism everywhere, he must be executed.

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 03:41:00 +0000

I'm like a chocolate cake full of semen; chocolate on the outside, semen in the middle.

Tunes of the heart

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 01:04:00 +0000

I think I'll load some inspirational music onto my ipenis and work out

Applesauce

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 01:43:00 +0000

Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing with my life. Then I realise, absolutely nothing, and I get back to work.

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Sat, 23 Oct 2010 00:48:00 +0000

What the fuck are you looking at cunt?

delectatio morosa

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 20:29:00 +0000

I don't remember who your mother is, but I'm your dad. Each and every one of you.

Missing

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 21:25:00 +0000

Where's that prostitute of mine, have you seen her? She can't have gotten far, that wheelchair of hers is slow.

Hello 2010

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 06:05:00 +0000

You've accomplished nothing.

Think of everything we've accomplished

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 04:52:00 +0000

It's 2009. Let yourselves cry.

Don't forget my lunch

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 01:04:00 +0000

A new study is reporting that women become more forgetful during pregnancy, a condition called 'baby brain'. This study is wrong. A woman's memory isn't impaired because she is pregnant, but because she is a woman.

A German exchange

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 02:16:00 +0000

The other day I hit up a sexy German exchange student. She spoke for a while while I pretended to listen. I must have nodded at the appropriate places as she said she felt some sort of "connection" between us. There's only one connection I'm interested in feeling, I'll be taking the deep and leaving the meaningful at home.

Do It

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 02:46:00 +0000

Jasper says you have to start watching Californication on Channel 10, Mondays. You'd better do what he says.

The son I never had

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 02:06:00 +0000

The little things

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 01:09:00 +0000

I like subscribing to mailing lists using rude or obnoxious titles. That way when I start receiving their shitty image-laden mail with the chirpy opening "Hello Dickface!" I get to write a long winded diatribe complaining of their abuse of customers, blaming the renaming on some disgruntled employee.

Saturday afternoon with Methusael

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 08:50:00 +0000

<Jasper> There is a fitch in the office across from mine, she is blond with big knockers.
<Jasper> Naturally I love her for her intellect. And the fact that she may sleep with me
<Methusael> Naturally.
<Methusael> Take some covert photography of her, I will help you find an angle.
<Jasper> I normally like to go in perpendicular, if you understand my meaning.
<Methusael> EXPLAIN IT TO ME.
<Jasper> Well you see, if you attempt entry at too shallow an angle to her personality, you run the risk of total internal reflection, where she will deflect your meagre approach.
<Jasper> Most people try to optimise entry by an angle of incidence 45deg to the perpendicular, a mix of idle chatter and deeper psychological exchange.
<Jasper> I on the other hand prefer the 90deg level of entry. I start baring humiliating personal deficits in my character, along with intimate personal details about herself, revealing that I've been monitoring her closely for weeks.
<Jasper> I find this approach typically penetrates a girl's psyche, leaving her speechless, at which point courting can commence

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 03:10:00 +0000

I LIKE BEETROOT

Conversations with Methusael

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 09:06:00 +0000

<Jasper> I plan to go to the doctor tomorrow
<Methusael> Why's that? You unwell?
<Jasper> I've been coughing quite a bit since i got back from overseas, phlegmy.
<Methusael> Tubercolosis, my friend.
<Jasper> I'm sure it's late-stage
<Jasper> So I wiki'd it
<Methusael> Wikipedia ... for all your medical diagnosis needs.
<Jasper> Yeah, if only I had a panicy news report to back up my worries
<Jasper> Maybe I should go and engage in sexual intercourse with men
<Jasper> and monkeys
<Jasper> try and pick up syphilis and mutant aids
<Jasper> and top it off with raw chicken from Asia for a case of bird flu
<Jasper> then have sex with every woman in my city
<Methusael> It would almost be worth it.
<Methusael> Just for the stirring yarns you could tell your kids.
<Methusael> And I'm assuming you could father QUITE A FEW.
<Methusael> You'd be dead before they could understand your stories, but that hardly matters.
<Jasper> I'd write them all letters
<Jasper> to be delivered at some exact moment in the future
<Jasper> at some exact place
<Jasper> with their exact name
<Jasper> and sign it from Doc.

Cermaic Joys

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 12:48:00 +0000

"Naturale toilet tissue is manufactured from clean office waste paper, giving uncompromising softness and strength". Sometimes I sit and wonder how many shattered hopes and dreams are contained within the recycled memos I wipe across my arse. I'd like to think a lot.

My kind of man

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 11:41:00 +0000

I find the sexual stamina of today's generation to be extremely lacking. Today's feminised man is only interested in monogamous trysts; ménage à trois and swinger parties have become a thing of the past. It is a sad day when men must get their instruction on sexual prowess from the animal kingdom, a beast of God.

"A guinea pig called Sooty enjoyed a night of passion with 24 females after fooling his way into their cage in south Wales." Sooty sired 42 offspring in just 2 nights. When the keepers found him "he was absolutely shattered - we put him back in his cage and he slept for two days". Most men can't even handle one woman these days. Aristocratic procreation would be so much easier if nations would adopt my idea of easy-access rape camps. If only, Russia.

On a side note, I find the human condition of affection towards all things cute and fluffy to be vacuous and a sign of weakness. All such fluffy pets should be exterminated, preferably by gassing. This technique has worked well for past vermin - nigglets, Charlie, and kikes.

Every man and his dog

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 11:03:00 +0000

There are too many blogs on the Internet, the government should delete half of them.

Wireless Pants

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 08:18:00 +0000

That chick on the Nintendo DS Animal Crossing commercial is smoking hot. I'd sure love to pose as a 16 year old girl in her chat room.

Incontinence

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 01:47:00 +0000

Female obedience is just a kidney-punch away.

A man's man

noreply@blogger.com (Jasper) — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 02:03:00 +0000

Sean Connery telling it like it is on a man's moral obligation to slap a woman - "I think it's absolutely right". It's good to see that the PC faggots haven't completely taken over Hollywood.