Black Dot Sportswear

What does Tiger Woods have in common with a Baby Seal?

2009-12-08T10:32:00.001-08:00

Both get clubbed by scandinavians.

This Snarky Puppy Won't be Humping Your Leg

2009-11-25T22:33:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, New Orleans Jazz / Funk / Experimental band Snarky Puppy just has a clever name. It's snark-free.

"Loose Screws" is both a good song and a dating tip.

Married Recently in Texas? Think Again.

2009-11-25T22:04:00.000-08:00

CBSNews reports on their Oops: Did Texas Ban Marriage? Blog that in 2005 Texas passed an amendment to ban gay marriage but may instead have banned marriage outright.

That'll teach 'em!

Consider the upside: it's been roughly 5 years so about 10% of you can save a bundle not-divorcing from your not-marriage. This should also be a boon for bars and therapists state-wide!

Effective Communication IS Sarcasm and Snark

2009-11-25T21:03:00.000-08:00

Over on Skepchick there's a post Civility & Skepticism where they write "Here at Skepchick, we often use humor, sarcasm and snark to get our point across." We couldn't agree more! Anyway, there's a podcast on the debate on that method vs "civility". Yeah, like civility.is.awesome.

This is SO scary it had the nation glued to the TV

2009-10-23T20:27:00.000-07:00

Flavorwire has a great post on a pumpkin carving of "Falcon’s delicate body dangling over the harsh cityscape below."

TWO TWO TWO (yes I know that's 3) Can you answer honestly?-like Facebooky quizzy thingys

2009-10-11T17:38:00.000-07:00

Blah blah how-to instructional crap omitted for your reading pleasure, or perhaps that may have been the best part...

I cranked this up to 12 on the snarkiness meter - 1 better than those damn 'Tap hacks.

Part 3

1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
That stayed in?

2.Where was your profile picture taken?
About 6ft away from me.

3.Can you play Guitar Hero?
I know Juke Box Hero, Greatest American Hero, but not the song Guitar Hero.

4.Name someone who made you laugh today?
I don't name names.

5.What time did you go to bed and why?
Which time? Why? To sleep, duh.

6.If you could move somewhere else, would you?
I tried moving to the couch, but the keyboard cable isn't long enough.

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
As I recall, kissing is supposed to create fireworks.

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you?
Temporally it would have to be John. I believe we're in nearly the same space-time.

9. Do you believe exes can be friends?
I befriended a number of Y's, one W once but he thought he was twice as good as my favorite, my dear V, so I dumped the bastard. I heard once you go X you never go back.

10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
Isn't he the bastard who OD'd MJ?

11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
When Miss Demeanor ground her high heals into my hand.

12. Who took your profile picture?
Paparazzi. True.

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Everyone in Glendale (and posted it here. You have to squint to see them)

14. Was yesterday better than today?
Hell Yeah. Yesterday I didn't die - today's still up in the air.

15. Can you live a day without TV?
Sure, but would it be worth living?

16. Are you upset about anything?
Nope, but I'm often upfront, uptight, and uppity.

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
If they're priced right. The everyday values at Wal*Mart are the best.

18. Are you a bad influence?
Yes, but that's why I recommend everyone gets a yearly influenza vaccine.

19. Night out or night in?
This is a tough one for me, so I stand in the doorway.

20. What items could you not go without during the day?
My coffin - that damn sunlight!

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
That friend of mine I "accidentally" shot while we were hunting. Time to go ... again. Oops, the question is "visited" not "put."

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
"If you can read this, you're too close"

23. How do you feel about your life right now?
Now? Good. Or now? So-so. Or now? Getting confused. How does one answer this? Now? Damn, make it stop!

24. Do you hate anyone?
Not just anyone, but a few of you in particular. Yes, that means you Stan! Fucker.

25. If we were to look in your facebook inbox, what would we find?
Emails... were you expecting a shark or something?

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
Is it essay or multiple guess?

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
Yes, perfect before sex (unfortunately not after.)

28. What song is stuck in your head?
A stray track by Silver Bullet Band. It happened when I was 5 during a drive by.

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?
Dunno, but they must be on stilts. Scary clown! Scary clown!

30.Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50?
That's just sick.

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Nada.

32. Do you think too much or too little?
duh.

Part D

1. What time did you get up this morning?
Kinda embarrassing, but isn't that just supposed to happen to teenage boys?

2. How do you like your steak?
Not through the heart, thanks.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
This is the US, we don't have any g'damn cinemas here ya damn Brit.

4. What's your favorite TV show?
I only have only 1 TV so I guess it's my favorite, and since I have a DVR, it shows me no commercials.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
IN? As in like a cave?

6. What did you have for breakfast?
The Pilsbury Doughboy - I was carbo loading.

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
I guess doughnut-fried-steak doesn't count as cuisine, does it?

8. What foods do you dislike?
Foods killed on the highway.

9. Favorite Place to Eat?
My mouth. I tried with my nose and while it kinda worked, it was a pain. Don't even ask about the ear eating incident.

10. Favorite dressing?
Catsup, and not that foo foo fancy ketchup crap.

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?
A Hard Bargain

12. What are your favorite clothes?
The ones bronzed on my mantel.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
The Chance cards tell you where to go, ya damn cheat!

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
Empty that bad boy into like 3 or 4 Full shots. Yeah, that's right. Salute!

15. Where would you want to retire?
My bike.

16. Favorite time of day?
Miller.

17. Where were you born?
Well, it depends on if you listen to the pro-lifers or the pro-choicers or the pro-golfer (yeah, I think there was a little bit of hanky panky on the Back 9... Err, I guess it had to be the Front 9).

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
I like to sport my watch on my left wrist.

19. Who do you think will not tag you back?
I'm about last to this party so if anyway makes it this far.... I'm outing Dave. Dave is a closeted non-tagger.

20. Person you expect to tag you back first?
Probably the same jerk who hung "kick me" on it.

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
Uh, Dave, I suppose... sorry, man.

22. Bird watcher?
Again, this ain't f'n Britain!

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
I am person the whole day, although when I sleep I can't be completely certain. I could be a werewhale - that could explain the wet mattress every morning.

24. Do you have any pets?
Do they need names?

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
If it was new and exciting why the hell would I write it here - haven't you been reading my status?

26. What did you want to be when you were little?
Bigger.

27. What is your best childhood memory?
Rosebud!

28. Are you a cat or dog person?
Didn't I just admit I'm a whaleperson?

29. Are you married?
No, I'm not marred.

30. Always wear your seat belt?
Only when driving.

31. Been in a car accident?
I've pissed myself, but never in a car.

32. Any pet peeves?
Pet's peeve me.

33. Favorite pizza toppings
Most toppings, just hold the pizza.

34. Favorite Flower?
Any of the dyed ones that leach out into the vase water.

35. Favorite ice cream?
I scream for no man, nor women actually.

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?
It's fast based on the greased time through your gut, right?

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
More interestingly, how many times have I passed it?

38. From whom did you get your last email?
FEMA. True.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
99cent store... can you imagine like the 72ft long receipt?

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?
I had thought so, but then I read back through my diary and I realized I had planned it all along.

41. Like your job?
All guys like 'em. Well, most. Really, how bad do you have to be to screw that up?

42. Broccoli?
Choppin'!

43. What was your favorite vacation?
When the internet was down for nearly 2 days back a few months ago.

44. Last person you went out to dinner with?
Some strangers at lunch today.

45. What are you listening to right now?
keystrikes.

46. What is your favorite color?
Steak. If freakin' colors can be candy flavors, than that flavor can be a color. Got a problem wid dat?

47. How many tattoos do you have?
Just the one. Well, just his bones.

48.How many piercings?
Does trepanation count?

49. How many are you tagging for this quiz?
Depends on how long the spray can lasts.

50. Coffee Drinker?
Yes, but I don't swallow.

BONUS
You actually read all this crap?

Top Math is Hard Lists

2009-10-09T20:38:00.000-07:00

Snark Much's blog has a post Snarky's Top 4 Top 10 Lists of Wacky Holidays & Observances, 4th Quarter

Now, that could be 40, but it turns out it's 51. Go figure.

4th Quarter? Does that mean the game is nearly over? Perhaps she needs a time-out. Of course, with those glossy lips and spinning heart I'd prefer if she hits the showers.

YASD (Yet Another 'Snarky' Definition): "sharply critical"?

2009-10-09T20:29:00.000-07:00

Euripides on his blog says:

The Snarky Files. Snarky means several things. I prefer the definition of "sharply critical." Here's my take on some news stories this past week. No real news here, just snark.

While we love the term "Snark Files", and agree with "sharply critical", the definition is missing it's humor. And on that note, only you can decide if his posts on the "moral bankruptcy of our US society and within the government" are funny.

My life according to Vogon Poetry ("On no account should you allow a Vogon to read poetry to you.")

2009-09-29T17:44:00.000-07:00

Using only poem titles from ONE poet, answer these questions. Pass it on to 12 (or a million) people you like, plus me because I want to see what you posted. You can't use the poet I used. Do not repeat a title. Repost as "My Life According to (POET)."

Are you a male or female?
Its earted jurtles

Describe yourself:
Like jowling meated liverslime

How do you feel:
Oh freddled gruntbuggly

Describe where you currently live:
Into a rancid festering...

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
With crinkly bindlewurdles

Your favorite form of transportation:
On a lurgid bee

What's the weather like:
As plurdled gabbleblotchits

Favorite time of day:
Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles

Your relationships:
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes

Your fear:
That mordiously hath bitled out

What is the best advice you have to give:
See if I don't.

If you could change your name, you would change it to:
Are slurping hagrilly up the axlegrurts

Your soul's present condition:
Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon

And now, a Very Special Blossom, er, I mean Snark.

2009-09-25T13:19:00.000-07:00

The Huff Post has a little article about Kirk Cameron's "very special" (cough, cough) edition of Darwin's "Origin of the Species", including a link to Kirk's YouTube video and ZOMGitsCriss's just-oh-so-slightly snarky response:

"The Matt Kern Baby Seal Killing Society" Facebook group?

2009-09-25T13:10:00.000-07:00

The Facebook group The Matt Kern Baby Seal Killing Society, describes itself as "For all those who love killing baby seals with assorted weapons."

We can only imagine they mean it sarcastically, as we do.

Ironically, the Facebook category is "Common Interest - Pets & Animals." Yup, that's common pet interest.

Snarky AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

2009-07-14T17:46:00.000-07:00

(we wish we could take credit for this! and sorry for the all caps crap. you didn't think we were going to put the effort into fixing it, did you?)

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. *REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4.. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE: WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

Snarky facebook: finish the sentence.......like, now!

2009-04-12T17:54:00.000-07:00

Finish the sentences. Then re-post it as "Finish the sentences" (in your NOTES section) when you're done!

1. I've come to realize that my last kiss... will probably be with an undercover assassin with poisoned lipstick.

2. I am listening to... a mysterious tip tap tip tap. Oh wait it stopped, no started. Hmmm, I remain perfectly still, it stops. I wonder what it is?

3. I talk.... talk talk. All I ever do to you is talk talk talk talk.

4. I love.... facebook! (Where's my $5 commission?)

5. My best friends.... are dogs. But they always play poker without me. Bitches!

6. My first real kiss… is I don't recall anymore. Sad, but true.

7. Love is....facebook (cha-ching!)

8. Marriage is.... like Facebook, sometimes fun, sometimes a chore, and always there. Until it's replaced by the next big thing.

9. Somewhere, someone is thinking.... why am I wasting my time reading this? Oh wait, that's everybody.

10. I'll always remember.... my first pack of Marlboro's.

11. The last time I really cried was because.... I got a boo boo. Then I got it kissed, and a band-aid with Jessica Alba on it. It was hot.

12. My cell phone.... There are many like it, but this one is mine. My cell phone is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I master my life. My cell phone, without me, is useless. Without my cell phone, I am useless.

13. When I wake up in the morning.... I reach under my pillow to make sure my cell phone is there.

14. Before I go to bed.... I kiss my cell phone g'night.

15. Right now I am thinking about.... no, not my cell phone. What kind of freak do you think I am? I'm still thinking about my Alba band-aid!

16. Babies are.... too young for cell phones, but you can get them plastic play ones.

17. I get on Myspace.... but usually it's like mymonkey on myback.

18. Today I.... dismantled and cleaned my cell phone.

19. Tomorrow I will be... bringing it by the Verizon store to get a new one. Thank you no-questions-asked insurance!

20. I really want to be.... a ballerina.

21. I am allergic to.... shrimp on the barbie, or shrimp anyhow. Actually, Barbie too - and damn, if I'm not surrounded by too many of them in LA!

22. I am annoyed by.... people answering their phones in the can. The echo is annoying.

23. One food I refuse to eat is... gefilte fish. Way back in college, I stocked grocery shelves at night. One night I dropped an entire case of glass jars of GF - it stank so bad we evacuated the store.

24. The most recent thing I've learned is.... the tip tap tip tap noise is the keyboard!

25. The number one thing on my bucket list is.... fixing the hole in it.

26. Something I've always wanted to learn to do is.... a pirouette.

27. I have a high tolerance for.... hard-fought failure.

28. I have a low tolerance for.... easy success.

29. My wish... is for an endless series of FB notes to be snarky on.

30. One person I would happily make a fool out of myself if I ever saw in person.... any of you.

Snarky Facebook "4 Things"

2009-03-22T17:55:00.000-07:00

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Hardener
2. Stocker
3. Food Construction
4. (censored)

Four movies I've watched more than once:
1. Four Viewings and a Funeral
2. The Four Answers
3. The Four Horsemen of Calypso
4. Four Seasonings (Food Channel)
(Hmm, that's a total of 16. Am I doing this right?)

Four places I have lived:
1. At Work
2. Alone
3. With a negligent homicidist
4. With cockroaches

Four places I have been:
1. Earth
2. Air
3. Fire (briefly)
4. Water (helped with #3)

Four Favorite drinks (aye, matey)
1. Pacific
2. Atlantic
3. Gulf of Thailand
4. Guinness

Four of your favorite foods:
1. Fresh
2. Free
3. Defrosted
4. Frosted

Four things I haven't done yet, but want to:
1. Face Book's "4 things"
2. Answer one of these notes seriously
3. Jump on the FB bandwagon of hating the new layout
4. Organize my collection of ASCII porn

Last four movies I saw in the theater:
1. Coraline (first 10 mins)
2. Knowing (last 20 mins)
3. Slumdog Millionaire (not sure, questions 3 through 5)
4. Race to Witch Mountain (only enough to realize I what I was watching and then turned myself in)
(yesterday, as I snuck from theater to theater dodging the 15yr old "guard")

Four TV shows that I watch:
1. Anything with a scrolling ticker - Moving my eyes to read is so tiring!
2. Incontinence Ads
3. The Late Late Late Late Late Show with Regis and the Belle du Jour
4. The Snuggie Show (by far the best written plots on TV!)

Snarkly Facebook "Random Questions"

2009-03-04T18:00:00.000-08:00

What did you wanna be when you grew up?
still breathing

What's the one thing you thought you'd never do & did?
get laid

Most annoying song ever?
"I'm a Creep" because it's on Rock Band, and I sing it. Now that's annoying.

What are you fixing right now?
i'm fixing to go over yonder crick.

Your ideal vacation?
BnL's flagship starliner Axiom sure did look relaxing, didn't it?

Are you a vegetarian?
no, but I eat vegetarians.

Do you believe in Heaven?
what the hell kinda question is this?

Have you ever come close to dying?
weekly, on the 405.

What jewelry do you wear 24/7?
just my blingtastic Platinum grill.

Would you ever have plastic surgery?
no plastic, only Platinum baby!

What do you wear to bed?
shouldn't this be Who?

Have you ever done anything illegal?
who could answer no here?

Can you roll your tongue?
both "Rrrrrrrrruber-bisket" and length-wise rolls, but not a width-wise roll.

Do you believe in Abortions?
I believe some people are poster-children for Abortion.

Do you smoke?
no, but where there's friction...

Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
no way, that would be creepy. I keep Eric Burdon, et all, stuffed on my mantel.

If you won the lottery, what would you do first?
uh, get the check. Wouldn't that be first?

If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
green M&M's

When's the last time you cried?
for Argentina

Do you read blogs?
nope, just write them - which explains all my tipos and errorrs

Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
no, but you can come over for a dress-up party. I get to be Sarah Palin.

Ever been involved with the police?
I was their groupie for a while. Please don't ask me how I got backstage; please.

Do you talk in your sleep?
no, but I'm a great sleep listener, believe me. Please do tell me your life story; it's sooo fascinating.

Ocean or pool?
I thought we all decided the best place to pee was the shower? I suppose Ocean is good too. In the pool is frowned upon.

What's your favorite song at the moment?
of all time: AQUA's “Barbie Girl”. I actually ear slapped myself to avoid this song.

Window seat or aisle seats?
middle seat, I like to be the meat in the sandwich.

Ever met anyone famous?
I've met myself - luckily my assistant steered me towards someone more interesting.

Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life?
this is a tough question for the unemployed guy.

What is your favorite sport to play?
(censored)

When was the last time you went to the bathroom?
about 1 FB list, 14 FB comments, 2 chats, and 6 emails ago.

Do you drive a stick?
I'm a male aren't I?

Are you self-conscious?
I find it easier than being other-conscious. Some people think that selfish, but fuck'em.

Have you ever given money to a bum?
yes, and I've also paid Mariachis to leave also.

Have you been in love?
Courtney? Hell no! Do you have any idea what else has been in there?

Where do you wish you were?
on payroll.

Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
no, but I was hit by one. Oh, the obvious irony.

Can you tango?
not really, but I can untangle, which is usually necessary after I get tango'd.

Last gift you received?
a FB Beer, which is just a slap in the face.

What occasion did you receive your gift?
dunno, it was Monday?

Last thing you spent lots of money on?
Tango lessons.

Last wedding attended?
as a guest, or doing my florist job?

Can you sing?
not unless you want to be annoyed.

Person on your mind?
me, duh.

What's your least favorite chore(s)?
breathing. As soon as I cross it off my list, that damn CO2 builds up and I'm forced to do it again.

Biggest age gap between you and your lover?
Physical or Mental or Emotional?

How long was your longest drive in a car?
about 4 feet, but the hard part was swinging the #1 Wood.

Snarky Facebook "Finish The Sentence"

2009-02-26T18:07:00.000-08:00

1. My ex was... once my future wife.

2. Maybe I should... get a job.

3. I love... reading that the centerfold's love walks on the beach, and puppies.

4.People may say I am... snarky; those not saying that are not paying attention.

5. I don't understand... 'tween music.

6. When I wake up in the morning... I sometimes wonder what my name is.

7. I lost... my map.

8. Life is full of... FB lists.

9. My past is... when entropy was lower.

10. I get annoyed when... there is large localized entropy increases.

11. Parties are... for throwing at Tom Jones; oh wait, those are panties.

12. I wish... is something I say rarely, if at all.

13. Dogs... playing poker is still my fav picture.

14. Cats... screensavers are still not my fav.

15. Tomorrow... is a rotational event.

16. I have low tolerance... for intolerance.

17. If I had a million dollars... I'd buy the rights to the BNL's song of this name.

18. I'm totally terrified of... twinkies; they'll outlast us all!

19. Sometimes I... pee.

20. Being in a relationship means... having relations, right?

Top 10 Reasons Why it's Good to be Laid-off

2009-01-13T18:09:00.000-08:00

10. Immensely interesting reading all the fine print for COBRA, CA EDD, ESOP, Fed UIEB, Releases, etc.

9. Going green just got a lot easier - no 405 car commute!

8. All the Cool people are doing it!

7. My Official Half-to-Full Marathon Training starts today - I can train you too, for a small fee.

6. Bush Jr and I can hang with all the other unemployed slackers at the Mall food court, and make tomato soup from hot water and ketchup.

5. My workout will become routine and strenuous. First step: muscle beach; next step: being elected the next Govinator!

4. Spend lots of quality time on & up-to-the-minute updates on FC, FB, MS, and Lynkedyn.

3. Finally finish my training to become a Docent at the Incredible World of Navel Fluff (yes,it's a real place).

2. Get all the free food and drugs I can take by become a Product Safety tester and Clinical Trial subject.

And the #1 Reason Why it's Good to be Laid-off is....

Surfin' dude! I'm going to be living in an Airstream on the beach by the end of the month. No Hodads!

Speed dating: an experience

2008-08-09T18:25:00.000-07:00

I haven't the nerve to write up my experience, so here's Don Pardo to introduce the show, set on a Thursday evening last month in a trendy after-work-drinks place in downtown LA:

Bachelorette #1 is a nervous, timid Bay Area native, who'll only meta-date**. After you talk with her she'll feign the need for a bathroom break and then bolt.

Bachelorette #2 is a curvy girlish Los Angeles native kindergarten teacher. To get over a long-term breakup she started and completed her Masters Degree, but that didn't really work now did it? She won't look you in the eyes, but is the type who’d probably quiz you on the color of hers.

Bachelorette #3 is another Los Angeles native, a bitter formerly married 17 yrs soccer mom, stuck in suburbia but with "big plans". She's attractive in a plastic way, and travels to mundane places as a Building Manager.

Bachelorette #4 is a native of nowhere and everywhere; she's a Downtown lawyer hoping to start her own practice. When you mention you work in IT, she's soak you for all the free tech support she can get until the gong.

Bachelorette #5 is an Amazonesque woman who will ask you first how tall you are, and then tell you she wrote down each of the Bachelor's names at the same time as "NO" on her scorecard as they sat down. She'll expound on her many dissatisfactions and loneliness, but punctuates with "but I really am happy with my life". As the last one, you'll end up meta-dating** her awhile after the gong until you can find a polite way to excuse yourself. She’s a nurse-practitioner you won't want to play doctor with.

Bachelorette #6 did an about face upon entering the dating room. Perhaps that was about someone's face?

Bachelorette #7 and #8 blamed traffic from the safety of their cell phones, but surely there was some other reason?

Notable Bachelors according to the Bachelorette's:
* One guy came with a Columboesque notepad, and an endless list of questions. Oh, just one more thing...

* One guy was notable for his "gun show". I believe the Bachelorette's wanted to frisk him for a loaded weapon.

* One guy was funny, and tiny. Oof, "tiny"! That really sucks, dude.

* Two guys talk way too much. Don't they know that's the girl's job?

* The girls talk about the guys in the powder room during break. It's High School Musical Chairs vol. III.

My Observations:
* One guy left his half-completed scorecard of “no’s” at the urinal during break and presumably bolted.

* Some strange guy - not a Bachelor, not an organizer - walks behind me, gives me want I assume is "you-go-bro" rub on both shoulders while I’m talking to one of the bachelorettes and then walks away. WTF?

* I won’t even go into the ridiculous email follow-up I received the next day from the sponsor. I can only say that I’m thankful I didn’t have to pay for the experience.

**Meta-date: Daters who talk about the date, or about dating in general, without actually engaging in the date. (C) Todd 2008

The next Day I received an email, which I've [edited] for humor & brevity:

Hi [cash-tomer],

Thanks for [leaving alone] on Thursday night [that way you'll pay us again for the next event]. I hope that you enjoyed [blogging about] the event!

Congratulations! You are among those people that have scored the highest number of 'yes' votes at any [get a life] event; you have consequently been awarded 'Elite' membership [has its privileges, and costs] status. Only people that attract a 'yes' votes [there english bad hear] from at least 50% of the people [and we use that term loosely] they meet achieve [sentient] status. ...you didn't get any mutual matches. However, each event is full of [nude under their clothes] people, so why not try your hand again? [If that dating luck continues, the only sex I'll get is by my hand.]

Because we want all our events to be filled with [actual breathing] people like you, you'll be able to attend future speed [Donner] parties at a very special [Blossom]. You'll also be invited to Elite Members Only [Jacket] events where everyone has that special something that others find attractive [read: money$$$]. On top of [spaghetti], look out for other Elite Member special offers, including free tickets to special events! [We're just so special, better than those damn sneetches without belly stars.]

If you would like to be invited to another event you will need to re-register. Simply visit your 'My Details' page and click on 'proceed to payment'. [If you would like a drink, please proceed to payment. If you would like the enjoy some appetizers and have food stuck in your teeth during your date, please proceed to payment. If you would like to attend a speed dating strategies class, please proceed to payment. If you'd actually like to write funny stuff, please proceed to payment.]

... More importantly, because we now know something about your [perverse] preferences, we will be able to place you at future [death matches] with increasingly compatible groups of people. [Just keep paying, we'll get it right eventually.]

We look forward to seeing you [heckle our daters] at another event soon!

[Get a Life] - Speed Dating [doggie] Style

If you believe this email has been sent to you by mistake, please contact [dungeon]master@[getalife]

. [Oh, please, tell me it was a mistake!]

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2005-10-20T11:06:00.000-07:00

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New BSK Journal available!

2005-09-28T18:32:00.000-07:00

We've modified the original BSK design to work on a Journal, and as you can see, this is the Travel Journal you brought on your Baby Seal Killing adventure! The journal is Wire-O bound, has 160 blank (unlined) pages, and measures 5" x 8". Use it to record anything you can think of, after you pick it up at our shop.

A new BSK Hat is available!

2005-09-28T07:23:00.000-07:00

We've modified the original Baby Seal Killing design to fit on a hat and I think you'll like it! Visit our shop.

The "Official" Grand Opening of our CafePress!

2005-09-27T13:04:00.000-07:00

CafePress says:

Congratulations, we've picked your shop to be featured on our GrandOpenings, the feature page dedicated to putting the best new shops in the spotlight. Your products look great and the shop looks fantastic! Grand Openings are updated Tuesday evenings, so tell all your friends!

New BSK Splatter Mousepad available!

2005-09-26T11:55:00.000-07:00

Accessorize your desk with this matching Baby Seal Killing design Splatter Mousepad!

Introducing the Black Dot Sportswear Custom shop

2005-09-26T08:20:00.000-07:00

Contact us at Black Dot Sportswear and describe what you're looking for, such as any Black Dot Sportswear Logo and/or Baby Seal Killing design. We'll get it put together and available at our Black Dot Sportswear Custom shop of a short time only!

Finally finished moving BSK store to new shop

2005-09-25T00:51:00.000-07:00

We've got the Baby Seal Killing design in men's, women's, children's, infant/toddler's, hats, caps, mugs, baseball jerseys, hooded sweatshirts, t-shirts, Raglans, long sleeves, short sleeves, sweatshirts, fitted tee's, golf shirts, baby-doll tee's, spaghetti tanks, ringer t's, sleeveless, cap sleeves, organic cotten, hoodies, tee-shirts, and, of course, the Apron!

Some made in the USA!