Black Mascara

Lunarin - singapore progressive goth metal band

2010-11-25T21:22:00.000-08:00

The Return of Evanescence! SOOOONNN!! Argh d waiting~~~ ≥"≤

In d meantime, I need some new songs to listen to coz I sudenly hv thiz mad-for-music so-called syndrome, I find it dificult to concentrate work without music..the silence n repetitive can reli hurt me n add to my headache.

So here's a band I accidentaly came across to from facebook's advertistment (d one at d rightside of ur screen) I saw diz band call Lunarin frm Singapore..n wat caught my eye was written there, their influence were A Perfect Circle, TOOL, Soundgarden, Smashing Pumpkins, Tori Amos, Alice in Chains.

Checked out their musix..awesome2 stuff!~ (lol I'm in d mood 2 help promote them around, they're not much known yet in Malaysia)

Zero Point Red reli sound kind of like APC's Gravity. Lol. xD.. I listen over n over n I forgot wats d meaning of 'getting tired'. (note: DJ u hv to listen to this n tell me wat ya think.^^)

So, here r d links.

http://lunarin.bandcamp.com/album/duae

http://lunarin.bandcamp.com/album/little-pieces

http://lunarin.bandcamp.com/track/zero-point-red-2

http://lunarin.bandcamp.com/album/the-chrysalis

http://lunarin.bandcamp.com/album/the-void-a-collection-of-remixes-of-lunarins-the-sky-algiers

The last link above was latest album, they voted with their fans for a fav song frm Duae ][ n send tat song 2 various ppl for remix. Then, upload it free for all 2 dwnload. One of d nicest band u eva came across yet huh.^^

And here's how u can make ur anti-child sex trafficking heard n dwnload a great song at d same time!

http://www.soundout.sg/artist.php?a=9

]Say NO! to child porno!![

As for tat album The Chrysalis..trust me its reli awesome creative juice. I juz got it.^^ listening to it now as I type tis post. xD.. (I think she sound like a female version of Maynard James Keenan.)

Enjoy da musix! ≥₀≤~♪♪♪

A Letter from Mom and Dad

2010-11-24T13:52:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUAE0aYrUBA

"Jophaboia" (fear of cakes)

2010-11-18T02:13:00.000-08:00

On 16th November 2010, the cops were evywhere to stop citizens of Malaysia having cakes to celebrate a month old of an online protest for the proposal of a 100-storey megatower. It was just a peaceful n fun cake party but smhow d authorities sees it as a threat. Lol. And the vice president of UTAR Dr. Teh claimed that "all gatherings of more than 5 ppl in a public premis with a specific intention is illegal". @_@"

I noticed that most of the ppl in d online protest missing smthg. Like evybody else, are stupified by the gov's better judgements. Nobody mention about acts that concerns with the written law and constitution. I was reli wondering is it true I can't walk outside with 5 ppl or more? If its true, then I can't go to class, work in a same office with evybody else, or just for jalan-jalan la?

So I juz check in the internet. Apparently many ppl before this has joked abt this act for a long time ady, but nthg serious has happen yet. I found out smthg, so sharing it here.

Police Act 1967 (section 27a) stated that any mass gathering of more than 10
persons without permit from the Ketua Polis Daerah (Chief District
Police) for the same specific reason is illegal. Gathering without permit
can only be held at private premis.

For ur info, there r no Police Act amendment for the past 40 years eventhough we have changed 3 prime ministers. PM Badawi created the Suruhanjaya PDRM, PM Najib has always care for the "transformasi" but nobody bother to amend the Police Act at all. I feel that it's a big misinterpretation of a very outdated law.

Ridiculous.

The reasons that made me so against the proposed Megatower Warisan superstructure project

2010-11-17T02:50:00.000-08:00

Here are why..

I've stayed in the vicinity for more than half of my life with my (late) dad and mom. I used to live in a wooden squatter house with zinc roofs, the place was demolished long time ago, and the incident does left an impact of despair for my family, I was very young then but I felt the loss of my home environment to which I've grown accustomed to. My dad was always feeling sickly and weak to work, he never go for medical checkups because he feels we couldn't afford any future medical fees. He managed to secured us to several flats but things happened, we have to move many times. It was a stirring childhood I have. Finally we settled for a home we stay til today, and also some small hawkering business at several parts of this vicinity. I finally grew up, and I still live there bcoz my mom passionately so used to this place, the business she and my dad built remains our livelihood.

Over the years, the place changes, well..knowing KL, traffic condition. Erecting another 100 storey mega-tower will be disastrous. Traffic will be on daily basis, inmovable for hours.

But that is the least of my reasonings for my protest at the proposed project. People all around are disatisfied with the project bcoz it took such a massive fund. But not all people will feel what the people who actually made their livelihoods at the very place the proposed tower is. The knowledge came to me just last night, from smbody I talked to at the political lectures at my home. I can hear their loud mic from my room.

I have no intrest in politics whatsoever, but I realize I can't be in the dark all the times. What I found out triggered me to write this, I've not written my thoughts and fears like this for a long time.

Apparently they are erecting the tower very near to the place where we are trying to find the next mouthful of rice over Jalan Pudu. How come there is no news or people from the government properly come consult with the local communities here, the traders who made their livings at both sides of the road? Do they seriously think people here are like cows, so stupid til the government can shoo us go anytime they like and want? This is one of the oldest part of KL, too. I feel like the history is going to repeat itself again.

These few nights, there are politicians (I used to care not who the FUCKK are they!) coming to the place I stay for lectures. My place is governed by an opposition party. People who had been to my place in Pudu will know that the place is now swarming full of prostitutes from mainland China.

It took me alot courage to try chat to the one of the man who said he is the one who can take care of us if we vote him. At the same time I have to conserve my words else the syndicates ppl undercover there might mistook me for talking abt them, one of these days they might get me killed or harm my family.

To be frank, I'm just an ordinary person and I'm concerned abt what would happen to my family who might face further hardships if the gov continues to turn deaf ears to us. The huge fund RM5billion for the tower does sounds alarming. They keep saying that it's their own private bumiputra funds. When I heard that, I wonder where does their money come from? I've so many negative n ugly answers for that, but I will not put it like the deputy PM put it.

Do you know the Deputy Prime Minister said that we non-bumiputras are 'jealous' of the Malay progress, thats why we opposed the plan.

My mom always lament abt the ever rising prices of evything, its not that she loves to complains..but things do get out of hand and we do suffers losses. I keep wondering why is it all the local products we use on daily basis are the ones that keep getting more expensive. Why is the tax for evything is so high? What is the reason for this? And yet the bumiputras at the PNB said we non-bumiputras has nothing to do with the tower building.

I had so many incidents before that concerns with me n my family not being bumiputeras. Thats why I feel even more uncomfortable with them planning to build this thing. What would become of us in the future, its scary. Its like, the gov is making the law as a 'blank check'. They can do whatever they want for their benefits, regardless of how alot ppl from low n middle classes are suffering.

I feel like 'kerajaan didahulukan, rakyat dipermudahkan'. Feels more like dictatorship.

PS: The budget 2011 do has alot idea from the so-called 'first lady' of Malaysia. Why else would PM Najib said smthg so fucking stupid like this during such a serious presentation?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcY4zbQnnT4

"The items that gets tax reduction for 2011 are handbags, children clothes, purse, golf balls, syampoo, curtains, tableclothes, blankets, tshirts, fake jeweleries, face powder Telco brand, hair dye, bra and underwears.."

@_@" so I get to buy cheaper bra and underwears next year huh??

We Malaysians cannot have freedom of speech and share thoughts for fear of ISA come finding us, even if its smthg important as much as a plea. Even having a peaceful cake eating ceremony at a public place is apparently illegal now according to the Vice President of UTAR. Cops will arrest u if ur more than 5 persons together.

I just hope they don't kick us out of our livelihood vicinity soon.

What does my future holds for me, my family n fellow Malaysians who face the same problems as I do..

boku no namae wa joker des~

2009-07-15T13:11:00.000-07:00

The first time I watched Dark Knight was almost a year ago, and during the time, I dun feel much bcoz I took it as entertainment and watching it for fun coz evybody's seen it but me. This is the 2nd time I watch this movie again, few days ago, smhow my judgements were difrent now, which I would like share my views here.

If you feel that Joker is a villain, Batman as an American hero, Alfred is the friend to that American hero (a british)...you're right, and wrong! Haha. Batman is NOT a hero in Dark Knight at all. Eventhough the movie title point directly to Batman..he isnt the "hero" in my eyes ANYMORE.

I'm just training myself to be more "realistic" (not meaning that I duwana be like the neo-noir Tim Burton with his dark background and full of mystery sort) But I guess I just want a brighter background and less comical. Duwan always be in Batman's hiding ground. I think this movie really show the world who exactly is this "Batman"

I just wana talk about Batman and Joker here..

Harvey Dent is a mirror to this capitalist political world who is finaly disappointed with the ugly world of politic, and under the advise of Joker, he FINALY became a "Pejuang Rakyat" (ppl who fight for the right of the citizen)

Batman is teh alterego of this human call Bruce Wayne..is a Capitalist who is very powerful in Gotham City.

Joker is NOT a villain or a terrorist! He is a PEOPLE'S HERO who fight like a gerilla. No need to pity those Gotham ppl who fell "victim" to Joker bcoz they are bastards who put money as top priority, plus they are Capitalist! When I see Joker attact Bruce Wayne's party, he is attacking the Capitalist. B4 taht, he also attacked the police and judge. For Joker (the people's hero) these police and judge are like the "wayang kulit" (shadow puppets) controlled by the Capitalists who rulez Gotham city (which is true!)

My friend was watching the movie with me at the time too when I mentioned abt Joker being a HERO. They asked me, how can I call him a Hero when he can murder a whole ferry full of ppl? Well...its bcoz they are Capitalists! And I guess I can see how selfish these ppl are also.

There are 2 ferry. One with normal citizens. The other is prisoners. How come the normal citizens are so selfish til can say they should blow up the ferry with the prisoners? What an easy desicion for them to make! For them, tehy have to live on so that they can continue having their Capitalist descendants. But for the prisoners, they were fighting and arguing...until come to apoint, one of them throw the key into the sea and that, in my eyes, they are leaving it in the hands of the Lord. They know that they are the victims of the Capitalist (create hardships of life to many ppl) and caused them to bcome criminals (I mean, how many ppl would bcome a criminal for fun anyways)

Joker's fight has frightened the Capitalists until Batman has to create a new weapon. This is the world of these godamn Capitalist --> WEAPONS. This is what I think why Batman didnt kill Joker, bcoz Batman needed Joker to test his weapon on. Without Joker, his weapon is useless and therefore canot make it into a profitfull business.

Then to why Joker dun work well with mafia.. Hey, dun forget that mafia are also from Capitalist. But just bcoz they are not official registered, thats why they are mafias. In the end, Joker killed all these mafias. If mafia is a crime, in this movie, so who destroyed these criminals? Police? Batman? No...Joker did. Joker's mission is damn big. He will destroy the Capitalist to the super core! Blowing up a hospital is not the meaning of lost of humanity, but its a symbol of destroying the Capitalists who "makan duit rakyat" (take citizen's money more than it should) and "makan RASUAH"

This film shows Joker at his best. And God bless Heath Ledger too. RIP. He has carried out the character who is one of the best HERO ever!

In Malaysia, its not much difrent from Dark Knight. I feel that UMNO is like the Capitalist. And PAS is the mafia. Najib is like Batman who wana be a hero to destroy those who disturbs his businesses. Batman with all his weapons and gadgets, isnt it same like him who always buy weapons? This movie can dedicate to Malaysia's geo-politic bcoz he is the "dark knight"

To Malaysians, we should take Joker as a Sensei. Learn his "perjuangan"...his fight. He fight the mafia first. We as the Rakyat, we attack pekida first then the police and judge then umno!

Especialy the chinese ppl should..how come other ppl thinking we so "goyang kaki" here just bcoz this ethnicity has conquered most of the lands and businesses in this beloved country we call Malaysia. But that will be in another story in another post later...

Ehhemm..Why so serious? ~>_<~

the real terrorists...

2009-02-03T14:11:00.000-08:00

Israel is currently bombing women, children, religious centers and civilian neighborhoods in Gaza. Because their victims are Muslim, they think they can hide behind the "War on Terror" excuse.

What the hell?!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHMDUFRVQOg

Children should have the right to live without fear and hate...

Crazy dream staring Zacky V!! (no joke, this dream was crazy!)

2009-01-05T13:13:00.000-08:00

Ok. Sleeping is one of my all time fave thg to do, and mainly is bcoz of some of my dreams which are kind of off the chains crazy. Start of the new year, I had one of the best dreams ever, thats why I wana write them down here! Serious! This latest dream of mine was one of my personal fav bcoz Zacky Vengeance was init!

(the following statement is a DREAM! I've never met Zacky V and there is NO WAY this dream is real)

Before I went to bed last night, I was watching my All Excess Avenged Sevenfold DVD especialy the music video "Seize The Day"...

Erg. This is embarassing, but REMEMBER, its a Dream, I can't control my dreams!

Ok..here goes~

Its about midnite, me and Zacky are sound asleep in bed. The setting is so beautiful, moonlight shining into our room from the big glass window next to the bed.

Zacky then wakes up and and looks over to the sound asleep me. He sits up and thinks for awhile. Then pull on his black hoodie jacket, black baggy jeans and Misfits cap and pull the hood over it. Before leaving, he stick a note on the mirror.

He lean over to me and kiss goodbye on my cheek. Then pull a black bandana over his face, until only his eyes show.

(like i said, its pretty much like Seize The Day music video))

Then Zacky grabs his baseball bat and rushed out of the apartment door. When he reached dwnstairs, M.Shadows, Synyster Gates, The Rev and Johnny Christ are waiting in their dark outfits. "You ready?" Shads asks.

"Yeah" Zacky says unhappily, as if regretting what he was about to do. "Lets just get this overwith..." Then they all go outside and pile into the car.

I heard the car screeching down the streets, I woke up and sit up in bed. I turn to my side and saw Zacky wasnt with me. "Where is he?" I said aloud and saw the note on the mirror Zacky left for me. I read it aloud : "Crystal, I know you dont want me to do it, and I really cared about you, but I have to. I promised the guys. Dont worry, this will be the last time I ever--" I didnt even finish reading it, I crumpled the note with a groan and ripped it up and threw it on the floor. I knew exactly what he was doing and I knew WHERE he was.

Johnny parked the car next to a drugstore and turned to the others, "Whats my role again?"

Shads rolls his eyes. "You watch. You know, for the police and shits."

"Man, why the fuck do I always gota watch??" Johnny complains, "You guys always get to do the fun shit and I always gota stare at the empty fuckin streets. Why?!"

Syn laughs, "Its bcoz youre the Johnny fuckin Christ."

The other laugh along, except for Zacky. "Can we we just do this already?" he grumbled, "I wana get this shit overwith..."

They all pile out of the car (except poor Johnny who grumbled to himself and peer around for unwanted visitors)

(REMEMBER this is a Dream...again...So of course it won't make sense in some parts. For example, its about midnite and the man is still working in the drugstore. Anyway...back to the dream..))

The boys burst through the door. Rev immediately look around the store and grab things and stuff them in his bag. Shads and Syn push the worker and begin kicking him. Zacky rushed to the cash register and busted it open with his baseball bat. Then he shove the money into a bag.
(Back to me.) I grab my car keys and get in the car. Then I started the engine and head towards the drugstore.

Shads and Syn finaly stop kicking the worker and rush to help Rev steal stuff THINKING that the cashier was dead from the many blows on the head. BUT he wasnt...without warning, the man pulls out a gun from his jeans and point it at Zacky (who was still putting the money into his bag) "FREEZE!!" the man screamed.

Without warning, i burst through the glass doors. I catched the man off guard and without hesitation, he aimed the gun at me and pull the trigger. I scream and fly back. Holding my chest and fall to the floor.

Zacky without thinking, tackles the man and start beating him repeatedly. The man, startled, drop the gun and put his hands over his face to avoid Zacky's blows.
Zacky took the gun and point it at the man's face, give an angry cry and blow the man's brains out. Then he turn to me and rush over to me. He held me in his arms and kissed my forehead. He looks up to the others who just stood and stared in shock. "Tell Johnny to start the car!" Zacky yelled, "We need to get Crystal to the hospital!"

The three just stood there.

"NOW!!" Zacky screamed pushing his palms on my wound trying to stop the blood flow.

"No way, dude." Rev said shaking his head, "If we take her to the hospital, then we'll have to tell em what happened..."

"SO??!!" Zacky wasnt thinking clearly. All he wanted was me to be okay.

"Yeah, that'll go perfect..." Syn said. Then he said in a sarcastic voice, "Yeah doctor, you see...we were robbing a drugstore and the cashier shot Crystal here. But please dont call the police on us!"

Zacky's face begin to turn red and he glared at Syn. "Get Johnny to start the car now!" He pointed the gun at Syn.

"Alright, dude, chill." Shads finaly pipes in.

They all piled into the car. Johnny sped off into the night.

Zacky kissed me. I could barely breathe and i couldnt keep my eyes open. "I love you, Zacky..."

(Gay, I know...but for the millionth time...ITS A DREAM!!!)

"You're gona be fine," Zacky said. He smiled to reassure me and tears streamed down his cheeks.

We reached the hospital. Zacky carried me in. The others followed.

(Unfortunately, I didnt make it. This next scene, is at my funeral...))

Everyone stood around my coffin. It was raining lightly and the sky was grey. Zacky stood in front of everybody, watching me being lowered into the ground. He removed his sunglasses and wiped his tears from his gorgeous green eyes.

Slowly people were leaving. Shads and Zacky were the last two to leave. Shads put his hands on Zacky's shoulder, "I'm sorry man, I realy am..." Then he walked away.

Zacky then drops some white roses on top of my coffin. And walked away...

Yep...That was my dream. Fuckin crazy as hell!!! But it was awesome...in a sad, sick kind of way...Leave a comment and tell me what ya think!!

Confession Booth

2008-08-25T14:05:00.000-07:00

I believe in regret

I believe in self-sacrifice

I believe in free will

I believe in wrong and right

I believe in good and evil

I believe in God

But...

I don't believe in insane or sane anymore...

I believe that we are who we are, and we don't need more illusions over our heads, controlling our already short lives. I believe that the meaning of each individual life is to make his/her own meanings. To find the best way to live, to grow out of this world.

What I say next might confuse or anger some people. Whoever who read this post, please, listen first and try understand why I said it...

"You will never love someone/something more than you love yourself."

The reason why I said this is because I feel that Love is understanding. That when you love someone, you're actually attracted to him/her because it reminds you of yourself, or the things that you enjoyed. It is always You, this is how our minds are made.

The reason why this idea is not as bad as it sounds is becoz, even if you will only love yourself the most, only then you are able to love others the way they wanted to be loved.

Love is the easiest thing to get, but the hardest to lose.

He is back in my life, as generous as light and for the moment, the blocked moment of Solitude within me might be filled with fire and water again.

The Life they wanted You to have

2008-08-19T23:05:00.000-07:00

You will be born fair and beautiful, into a happy religious home (questioning nothg), with 2 happy parents that never fight. You will eat healthy, and get plenty of exercise. Then go to school with happy teachers that enjoy teaching you. At a school with no violence, no cursing, no free sexual acts, and with other religious students. It should go on this way all the way up to highschool and in all these times, you won't have a serious girl/boyfriend and you must be happy and sin-free. After school, you will go to college. Then you'd choose a high-payin job (becoz money is the only way you're goin to be happy) You will finish college in about 25 or so. At this time, you start work. In your free time, you find love, have kids, and live in your big house with flawless religious happiness forevermore. Nothg bad happens, nobody learns, evythg is "perfect"...and nobdy knows difrent.

I feel like drowning when I wrote this. Like my weak withered arms can barely keep me floating. Salt water pours down my throat evy seconds. Weaker and weaker to fight anymore. Even if I know smbody who will jump down to save me, I'd still want to feel like I worth it. Worth their energy, am I worth saving. Maybe the world is showing me that they still cared...my luck I'd prolly pull them down with me.

But who knows? Maybe I'll see someone with a Life Jacket. All I know is, I have to learn to swim. So that I wouldn't always have to wonder if I'm going to be rescued or not.

*closes eyes and laughs quietly to myself**

What I truly feel abt Goth

2008-08-10T03:21:00.000-07:00

Being Goth? Turning Goth? What is Goth anyway? Is Goth all about wearing black and everything? Or is it some kind of a cult or smthg influencing the young minds?? The question is, what am I turning into? I don’t know, it’s like a go with the flow situation…am I really a Goth? What's in a name anyway, quote Shakespeare "A rose with any other names smells just as sweet"...In the end is, all I know is that I’m not just a mere wannabe Goth, I don’t blunder blindly into any foolish acts that cuts over the edges. I know I wouldn’t. I’m just following my heart!

Many people would have gotten the wrong idea about goth, I duno when exactly I started to have certain interests on this and hence on my confidence somehow had boosted. Nobody understands what being me is all about, I am suffering inside for putting up a mask for the world to see. I know I am not a logical person, not tend to think within the black box. I tend to move towards the artistic point of view. I never met anybody who can really change my perspective on what my life is all about or gonna improve, not even until now. Nobody cared to release me from this invisible cage. They would just say that this “cage” is build by MY OWN hands…

Only if it’s that simple, my dear friend. The world will be with no war, no famine, no crime, no abortion, and God will smile down on the world with his godly smirk forevermore and bless us all with raining pizzas from the skies.

I don’t wear black all the time or talk about death everytime I open my mouth. I guess I’m just…DIFFERENT from everybody else in certain ways. Yes, eventhough I don’t wear BLACK to my class or to school, BUT I still get name callings and posed as a joke among people. Just becoz I’m “different”. But I don’t believe in changing myself just not to get being laughed at. It’s about me wanting to overcome myself and being who I wanted to be. I have something they do not have!! And I knew what it is; it’s smthg inside me that they lack. I know I would sound arrogant or whatever if I mentioned it here. But I think of it as a GOD’s blessing for me, it’s a gift from Him that I discovered myself^^

It’s ironic, I love many people around me, Mommy, my sis and my naughty kickass little cousins chien and jernie, my aunt Faridah and Bahri koko and my lovely grannies on both sides (God BLESS you all, I love you), and my close friends (those who do not make fun of me and call me nasty names)…but why am I feeling discontent? I’m such an ungrateful bard. But my problem is I can’t help meeting people who doesn’t understands what you are really into, no matter how strongly you wana make the point. It’s NOT a mere “style”, and it’s not about me hating my life. Not the “Haha I don’t care” tude. I wanna live my LIFE and wanna be different at the same time. I believe happiness is going to fit into the hole which is “YOU” and perhaps being a little Gothic trait in me can make me finally happy in my own sad little way ^__^

Censored evythg!!

2008-08-09T05:09:00.000-07:00

Its not that I hate censorship, its just I have this negative feeling everytime I hear this word whenever I browse around for my favourite artsy stuff everywhere I go. And I’m def not a perv!! So does being Malaysian contributes to being conservative and all, does it EVEN apply now?

Why I brought this topic out suddenly? Its just coz I can’t stand it anymore I just had to write this down. Whenever there is a censored material, it means somebody else already chose and decide what I will receive, see/hear. Why couldn’t I get the advantage of making that choice myself? I feel that I should. The only thing that set my limit is “self-censorship”, which refers to my own judgements based on my inner conscience. But in this page, I’m referring to the public material censorship.

I think that everybody should have the right to communicate the way they wanted, and observe what they want. Censorship only exist coz some people has decided that they don’t want to observe certain material. That’s why they consequentially inhibit this observation from the public. Do they have the rights to begin with, your rights ends where mine begins?? Then why should they challenged people with prohibitions after all?

Why do I sounded pissed in my first post? It’s just an art illustration book from my favourite artist that I wanted, for God’s sake =_=! Is it THAT explicit?

Let me state an example. Do you believe our local TV shows never depicts sexually explicit materials? Your answer may vary due to difrent clarifications. Some would argue that these seemingly explicit broadcasts are accidental and those who wanted to view the show do so, and those who don’t want do not. Is it that simple?? I have a better idea for those who don’t want to or want to “avoid” viewing the material. Get rid of your TV. If you choose to watch TV, you will see these “accidental” materials.

TV stations cannot broadcast materials that is entirely acceptable, after all. Don’t you find it strange that some political commentary are not even censored in Malaysia’s media? “Dirty Politics” indeed. So why is some materials censored and others does not? This leads me to my next point.

I am a neutral person. I don’t believe in either appropriate or inappropriate materials. Not unless you caught your bf/gf, sis/bro, mom/dad, wife/husband (cats/dogs or your canaries…etc) reading some PORNO though, that is B.I.G turn-off!!! But what I meant here is the way everything is so judged upon by the seemingly angelic society.

How can we we let people determine what we observe based on their assumptions on what’s appropriate/inappropriate? People only judge based on what has historically been accepted. But this basis doesn’t satisfy my questioning mind.

When I say “historically”, I meant that people (past) classify reasonable basis on standards about various materials. Don't we all experience it now? It's also called social liberalization anyways. Its example is easy to find! The amount of clothes have dwindled down considerably. The public is somewhat become more and more accept to discuss about drugs, sex, etc. If this continues rapid, what is the point of having censorships anymore? The amount of material to warrant as inappropriate is now so damn limited. But still some people still wanted to lie and mislead the public, regulates them and censor -EVERYTHING-, especialy that royo artbook that I'm into grr.

Is censorship a law in Malaysia?? Can somebody tell me please?

I think our society doesn't need the goverment to regulate that massive censorship. Not too big it'll look so hypocrite anyways. If people are aware of the material's explicitness, they can either choose to support it or likewise. TV, wanted to supply for market demands, can choose not to show sexual material without bounded by the so-called regulations. Either way, the market still get what they want and the people happy too. But this current system of censorship in Malaysia, not everybody will get their demands met. There is ALWAYS some people who will decide for you.

Sounds like Democracy to me. So nice. I just hope that this page wil not get censored! =P

Workshop of Hope

2008-08-05T01:31:00.000-07:00

I have always had this knack for Vincent Van Gogh ever since I was a kid, until now I still does. I never knew what exactly about Vincent that appeals so much to me, and I had always think that his paintings were the ugliest mutt I have ever seen. It's like I love and despise him at the same time. And I somehow found that the story of his life is so pathetic, yet romantic at the same time. A hopeless romantic, he was one of the most emotional artist I believe I have read about. I had a major crush over him as well his artwork ever since I was in primary school.

I felt that I shared certain similiarities with this artist, we are emotional people who prefers to and ended up working individually and very attached to what we wanted to achieve. Largely self-taught. It's the I do what I like and I like what I do kinda attitude, but the sad state is that somehow the world is out there to pin you down. Tryin hard to pursue smthg to not only make a livin for, but to prove it to the world that this is being YOU is all about. Nobody to appreciate you and look down on what you do. Though I may not be influenced to cut my (ears) or shoot myself in the chest out of angst, I do feel the pain as such Vincent went through. He was my childhood hero, long dead he may be, yet he still is and still am now. He made me feel less alone and I know that there is another one such person who suffers from the lack of self diligence. Just like me.

I had always admired the way Van Gogh applied paint on the canvas. He squeezed them directly from the tube onto the canvas and remodel it by using his brush to have this semi 3D effects. Recently, there were this new foundings by scientist that there were underlaying images in one of Vincent's painting "Patch of Grass" (1885) where the seemingly insignificant wild strokes of brushes conceals a hidden face of a woman, whose features are much similiar to his previous paintings of peasants e.g "The Potato Eaters". The image was concealed in a 7-inch square out of a larger piece of painting.

Vincent Van Gogh's life was virtually and largely unknown during his lifetime and he struggled financially to continue being the artist he wanted to be until he commited suicide in 1890. He reuses canvas to save money, either painting on top of or behind existing paintings. Scientists have found out that probably 1/3 of his works are still hiding behind a layer of another painting.

I wanted to visit The Hague someday, and the Yellow House. I wana see his paintings! Especially the ones he made at Auvers. For me, Vincent is my model of the most astonishing artistic richness and I love the expressions which he conveyed through his paintings, which are more than mere paintings, they are my fundamental root in which I still am fighting for as well. I wana be an artist, when the time comes I am released from this "invisible prison" it is on the top of my wishlist!

"I prefer to paint human eyes, rather than to paint cathedrals."

“They think I’m a madman, because I wanted to be a true Christian.”

“I want to look at nature under a brighter sky.”

“I have a terrible need of — shall I say the word — religion. Then I go out and paint the stars.”

-VVG-

Lost in Translation

2008-07-29T22:40:00.000-07:00

You know? Everyone embarks on life's journey. And each journey is difrent in many ways and tells very much within itself. We make separate turns and take separate roads. But it is a marvel that how these separate roads will bring us back together again. Some are lucky enough to experience that, but after some wrong turns I have made, I may never make it back. I'm still waiting for mine to lead back to where I know my true road is where I know I belong.

You know life do sucks. It is worth living, but is it worth LOVING? There are always sacrifices we have to make for one thing or another. We are given these choices since we're kids. "Do you want the big expensive toy or a bunch of toys with the same price or the cheap one or what?"
It sucks to know that you never know what to choose. Well, all I gotta say now is that when you sacrifice love, it is a bigger chance than ever that you take but sometimes it has to be done. I just hope that person truly understands and doesn't hate me for it.

I love it when people betray you coz you can find out who is real and who's not. When people make up shit about you and then people believe it, then people assume too much and blames you for it. It reminds me of how naive and stupid I am, how immature and dumb human beings can be.

I've thought over it many times, all the memories in my mind. And I came up with an answer...In Life, we are giving one chance. One chance at Life. We all live for the moment whether we see it or not. There are moments in our life where we are like "DAMMIT!!" But we do things for the experiences and the feelings we get when we do them. Every BIG decision in life is like an andrenalin rush. Like Bungee jumping. You jump off, the only you can trust is the string that tied you and the wondering feeling of what's beneath you. This is just like deciding whether or not you are going to tell someone you love them. It's a rush. I meet alot of people who have decisions to live with, which of what they aren't proud of. But they live nonetheless.

I guess what I'm saying in all this is to live life. We have only ONE CHANCE! And me to myself, get a life.

Life worth Livin

2008-07-28T05:02:00.000-07:00

I find it is amazing how life can be. The things that we do sometimes, and the lessons we learned, we thought we already knew it but actually we didn't!

In the society that I am, I discover that I have really no idea what I was doing. I would say a thing or two, make jokes and "flirt" in a playful manner, usually for one reason, to get attention from the people around me. Not that negative flirtish kind of attention but more to the friendly one. I absolutely love meeting new people, but sometimes what I seem to forget is that at times I am also a whole different person. So who am I really?

Well, I love to stay up late into the night after everybody is asleep. The world slumbers and I feel like peace and quiet. At my hometown in KL, sometimes I would go out and sit at the swing in front of my home with the dog who used to own me -ehemm- its a stray dog actually, but I made friends with it. Sit under the sprawling skies, nobody around to watch and reprimand me. Now, I'm staying in a boarding school away from home, there are no swings or homely places that I can hang around after dark. And yes, I still am the friggin imsonaic who loves to stay up. I met friends online, I missed Alex when he is not around. I draw, play music, I spend more time with my guitar, I am working on my second novel (my first novel Solstis prolly will get published by next year) and I listen to difrent genres of music that had never been any of my fancy, and found myself loving them in the end.

In general, I am pretty shy until I get to know you. But I would make a point to say a simple gesture of a hi to some people I passed by in the school halls or in the stores. I get nervous about coming up with the right thing to say. I love turning on the music that relates best to my mood. I love Gothic rock best, doesn't mean I'm the Goth chick who has to wear black all the time or talk about death everytime I open my mouth. I love texting, I love YMing when I feel like it and I love the fact that I don't have to if I don't feel like it. I love being the girly-girl with my silly looking polka dots teddy bears sheets, wearing clothes that I like and taking like, forever to pick what I wanted to wear for the rest of the day. I love standing under the showers for a long long time until my fingers gone all skinnish. I love face painting! I love standing in front of the mirror to do the painting, or try on whatever makeup I had, eventhough I am no pro in makeup or am not even goin anywhere. My face is the canvas! Whatever. I know I'm silly, I skip down the stairs and ran up the stairs eventhough there is an elevator. I don't care what other people say about me. I don't care what people tease me about, about my so called "style" (I wrote about that in my blog in friendster) and being different from the rest is what I consider being ME. People may say I'm plain crazy...but who cares.

I read alot, I like to learn about other people. I wana find out what makes a person ticks! I wana know more than just where you work, I wana know what people do, responsibilities, what you like or don't like. Anything. You learn about how a person feels about practically on any subjects.
Living in a society, people always tend to think that we have to get physical first and then see if we like someone. But for me, it's not like that at all. Connection is crucial, you can't be friends with people if you don't know what makes that person ticks!

I am not a talkative person, but I'm a writative person (I made that word up) and I'm very emotional, deep down I have a personality that wouldn't show until that person get to know me for quite some time. As time goes by, those individuals will see me for who I am and not just remember the first encounter. That's what I hope, anyway! But I have heard that from people's mouth about me anumber of times though.

Anything else, will come with Time...