Pek Pek pointed me to a site called NakedBoyNews.  Now despite the name, there is very little nudity, which makes Blanca want to bring a class action lawsuit against J. Son for false advertising.  Look if I am to be incensed by gratuitous nudity, I want the full Monty.  I want to see the bait and tackle.  I want to see pole.

But J. Son is entertaining, even if he doesn’t show Blanca that he is really a boy.  It is worth a short visit, about the amount of time it takes to run through a set of D batteries, I guess.  But J. Son needs to deliver.

We want to see real nudity, like on the Naked News!

Until we see cock, this is strictly a PG-13 site.

A trip over to J. Son’s site is not a waste of time, but surely is not a complete evening’s entertainment.  Blanca gives this site two low battery dildos slightly up.

It is a post of the evils of gun control.

You see, once again we have a perfect example of how gun control endangers people and ends up costing lives.  If people were just allowed to own all the guns they wanted, this nut job would never have been able to shoot anyone.  You would never see something like this happening in a state where guns were freely available.

I’m sorry.  Can you wait for a second.  My little gay Filipino assistant, Pek Pek Supot, needs to tell me something.

Really?  Texas?  Shit, that doesn’t sound good for my argument.

Well, at least we know if this had happened in a place where everyone had a gun, this mad man would never have been able to kill anyone.

I’m sorry, Pek Pek is trying to get my attention again.

An actual fort and not some make believe fort like Fort Wayne?  Don’t they like have lots of guns at army forts?  Shit, that really isn’t helping me, is it?

In any case, if we had just enforced the rules on the books, this loon would never have been able to acquire a gun, and everyone would have been safe.

What the fuck is it, Pek Pek?  You are getting on my last good nerve!

Well of course.  Why should I expect anything different.  This guy was a member of the military, had no criminal or mental record, and got the semi-automatic weapon legally.  Can you give me one piece of good news, for God’s sake?

Oh, that’s right.  He was a Muslim.  So we can blame all this on Muslims, now can’t we?

Thank God!

So once again, gun control bad, Muslims bad, Jesus and semi-automatic weapons good.  I feel much better now.

Joseph Cao, of New Orleans, Louisiana–I guess there is a shittier town than Atlanta–voted against big insurance companies, tea baggers, and centerfold stud Levi Johnston’s baby mama’s mama, and crossed the aisle and voted for the Democrat healthcare bill.

There have been rumors circling the Internets that Cao might just not be a Republican after all.  There are even tales that he might pull a Specter and become a Democrat.

The Vietnamese immigrant really can’t be all that Republican.  First off, he is Asian, and they are suspect at best when it comes to GOP loyalties.  Those people bend over for whoever is in control, be it Republican or Democrat.  The worst are those Filipinos, who reenact the conquering of the Philippines every election day by letting themselves get mounted by whoever is either in charge or pays the most.  I mean just look at my puki pal, Michelle Malkin.  She prostitutes herself more today for Rupert Murdoch than she did when she pulled 25 cent hand jobs working at the Itchy Kitty Whorehouse in Cebu.

Cao won his seat from William “Cold Hard Cash” Jefferson after the long-serving Democrat was disgraced after an FBI raid on his home uncovered $90,000 in cash in his freezer.  Cao became the first Republican to win the seat since Reconstruction, which makes him almost an army of one–or more precisely, an army of two, being one of only two Republican Asians in Congress, the other being Steve Austria of Ohio.

But Cao may realize that he may be a one-term wonder if he doesn’t act just a little blue in a district with a Cook PVI of +25 in favor of Democrats.  So his vote on Saturday may be the first in many, as he moves across the aisle, eventually to become a Democrat.

Thanks again, Mr. Cao, for thinking about your constituents and country before your party and a bunch of nut jobs with poster board, magic markers, and a complete lack of spell check.  For your vote for people over corporations, you are Republican Traitor of the Week.

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¹¹They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination.

¹²Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.

On his way browsing through the Internets looking for information about Obama’s Kenyan brother, he came across this smutty site dedicated to male incest.  I was immediately shocked, and spent the next six hours making sure I was appalled before blogging about it.

I must warn you, you shouldn’t head on over to Twins, Triplets, Brothers, Cousins, Etc., unless you like seeing naked men frolicking with each other, which I certainly do not.  At least I don’t think I do.  Just to be sure, I will spend another couple of hours browsing the site to make sure I don’t like it.

And if I were you, I would do the same.

Because I lack the typesetting skills of Arnold Schwarzenegger, let me start off by saying this:

Fuck you.

Perhaps I should elaborate on that.

Fuck you, and the horse you rode in on.

I’m sorry, I don’t think I am being very constructive. Let me rephrase.

Fuck you, and the horse you rode in on, and the stable boy who groomed him.

Yes, I think that was a little clearer.

Then again from all those rumors I hear, you might like to fuck a stable boy.

What the hell is wrong with you, Larry? With all the resources at your disposal, including the nearly infinite wealth of the Mormon Church–which not only has vast terrestrial holdings, but also sizeable accounts on the planet Kolob—you couldn’t manage to pull off a simple victory defeating Everything but Marriage in Washington.

I mean even Maggie Gallagher was able to pull off a squeaker in Maine against gay marriage, and let’s face it, she isn’t exactly the face of heterosexuality. If that bull dyke could deliver a win, someone as butch as you should have had no problem.

Then again, if the rumors are true, your whole “butch” persona is just for show—butch in the streets, fem in the sheets.

Couldn’t you have done a better job lying to the people of King County to get those coffee drinking addicts to vote against the gay? Get a little creative, for God’s sake. You could’ve said if the gays can get everything but married, they will ban caffeine or something. That would’ve gotten all those Starbucks liberals stirred up.

Did you even watch any of the commercials your friends were putting on in Maine? Those guys were a class act. I mean the shit they were making up was just precious. Your children will be forced to learn about gay sex. Churches will have to recognize homosexual marriage. Old people will put on assless leather chaps and walk around town with giant dildos, whips, and chains.

OK, I made that last one up, but it sounded pretty good, right? It was just an example to show you what you could have done. It didn’t matter if any of it was true. It just had to scare the shit out of the old and the stupid. And let’s face it, nothing we said will ever happen anyway, we all know that. Nothing changed in Massachusetts when the ‘mos got hitched. In fact, I was there last week, and it is downright lovely. People are friendly, hard-working, and all-around good. Gay marriage didn’t change one thing for anyone except gay people who wanted to get married.

But we all know fear is the only thing that sells, and that what we need to say to win need have nothing to do with reality. And you just weren’t up to the task of scaring people to death of the gay, now were you, Larry? All you managed to do was get a lot of people upset, drag some old folks out into the rain to cast a useless vote, and in the end the gays are going to live their lives with dignity and rights.

You stupid cock sucker!

Yes, literally a sucker of cocks, if all those rumors are true.

You could’ve made up anything.  I mean if that carpet munching lez Gallagher was able to come up with lies like kindergarteners will be forced to learn about gay sex if gay marriage is legal, you could have at least matched this whopper with one of your own, like if you allow everything but marriage for gays, then pantless midget homos dressed as the Nazi SS in crotchless panties will goose step into your children’s daycare and wave their genitals in their faces and cum all over a stack of Bibles like a satanic bukake movie.

Well, all I can say is I hope you are happy with what you have done, or more importantly what you have not done.  You thought you were harassed before?  Well, even though a bunch of homos can be deadly at a Macy’s One Day Only Sale, Hell knows no wrath like a teabagger scorned.  If I were you I would change your name and move across the border to Vancouver where it might be safe.  There is no room left for you in the post 23rd New York Congressional District Republican Party, where even birthers are seen as too liberal.  You are persona non grata.  You are nothing.  You are a smegma stain on the sheets of a $20 hooker.

Get out of my party.  Get out of my country.

In conclusion, fuck you, asshole.  Have a nice life.

Yours,

Blanca DeBree

The film is essentially an hour of men talking about their Levi Johnstons.  While the talkie talkie is pretty boring, I found the full frontal shots of everyday men very stimulating.

As a documentary the film in only fair.  As a exposé of penises, it is truly entertaining.

Don’t forget to hit pause for the hot Asian guy and for the guy with the twelve inch penis.  Fast forward over the 71-year-old.  If you really need to see a penis that old, just volunteer to change your father’s diaper.

On the whole, I give Private Dicks one penis up.

While political pundits and analysts believe the Republicans lost an historically Republican district because of internal fissures within the party–pitting conservatives against moderates–Republican insiders believe they lost the seat to a Democrat because their candidate wasn’t seen as conservative enough.

In an interview with ABC News, Republican Party Chairman Michael Steele said the GOP had lost the New York district because the third party candidate Doug Hoffman was not a true conservative. He offered as evidence of his liberal values that Hoffman did not believe in rounding up homosexuals and putting them in detention camps, which ultimately cost him the race. Steele also said Hoffman still believed enough in science to not question gravity or a sun-centric solar system, which made conservatives distrust him as they read tea leaves and chicken innards to divine the future. Finally Steele said Hoffman also did not believe in nuking every other country on earth, which made him seem like a liberal pansy and soft on defense.

Steele suggested the party might look at alternatives for the 2010 mid-term elections to ensure that every candidate had as pure a conservative pedigree as possible. When asked to elaborate, Steele attempted to hold his cards to his vest, but then coyly smiled and gave a glimpse at the 2010 strategy.

“Clones,” Steele said with his trademark toothy grin. “We will create an army of clones, which will run in every race from Maine to California, winning every possible seat.”

When asked after whom these clones would be created Mr. Steele just laughed and said “Limbaugh and Palin, baby!” At which point he broke into an impromptu rap about sending his clone army to fight the Sith and their Dark Master, Emperor Obama.

The interviewer asked the Chairman if creating clones wasn’t somewhat unethical, considering the GOP’s previous stance against stem cell research. Steele replied “you gotta’ break some eggs to make an omlet, baby, even if those eggs are human!” Steele then started to break dance on the set, at which point the interview as concluded.

Time will tell whether an army of Palin and Limbaugh clones will be able to save the Republican Party. But one thing is certain, unless the party platform is reinforced, most of the Limbaughs will fall through from their enormous collective weight. In addition, all future Republican strategy memos will have to be written in crayon and illustrated with many pretty pictures if the party hopes of communicating with an army of Palins.

“The Everything but Marriage referendum in Washington basically accomplished the same thing Proposition 1 successfully overturned,” Wagner said.  “It is obvious that the nation is not ready for gay marriage at the polls, but it is ready for Everything but Marriage, which explains our new strategy.

“In the coming months we will shift our focus away from ‘marriage’ and concentrate instead on electing Republican candidates in the mid-term elections next year.

“Gay marriage has lost in 31 of 31 ballot initiatives across the country, garnering the greatest support from rural, elderly, and minority voters.  By electing Republicans to majorities in both houses of Congress, we will begin to directly address this fundamental problem in our gay marriage strategy.

“After Republicans dismantle Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, welfare, food stamps, unemployment benefits, WIC, and SCHIPS, those people who have been the most ardent opponents of gay marriage will quickly die and will come off the voters roles in most states, except Illinois where the dead have been legally able to vote since the 19th century.”

When someone pointed out that Republicans will only dismantle whatever civil rights gays have fought for and will become difficult to unseat once entrenched in Congress, Mr. Wagner replied “but that’s the beauty of the plan.  Once old people and hicks are dead, the Republican base will vanish, and we will be able to elect Democrats into majorities again.”

When someone else pointed out that minorities were big Democratic supporters Wagner simply shouted “!Viva Bush!”

It remains to be seen if this new strategy will pay off.  When asked to comment on the new strategy, Minority Leader John Boner welcomed gays into the fold, stating it will make it easier for Republican Senators and Representatives to have gay sex without having to frequent airport washrooms and harass underage congressional pages.

Senator Vitter then asked if diapers were a gay fetish.

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²⁹Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.