bless our little nest

whisper to me that everything will be okay

2014-06-24T11:42:00.000-05:00

like it or not, we are moving. i might just be in total denial. yet, it is really happening. the truck really will come. we will be moving.

sigh.

and like it or not, i will have new waters to navigate. depending on the day (hour? minute?) i feel excited. or bummed out. or nervous. i don't exactly do change well. when we moved out here, in the months leading up to the move, and then after the move i had a constant eye twitch. like, for six whole months. the day the truck came, i literally had moments where i forgot to breathe.

but this is really happening. and i need to embrace it with grace.

and the house hunt. finding the perfect rental. that needs to happen with grace.

and if i am being really honest, i haven't been so graceful. the *perfect* house came on to the rental market and then had a contract pending before i ever saw it. i have been completely bummed out. how could i have missed it? why did we miss it? does God even care? i mean, there are big things out there that God surely is worrying about? my house hunt... i am being picky. hasn't He lost patience with this one?

sigh.

and then, my favorite yoga instructor, posted a beautiful paragraph or two about change and contentedness. i wanted to write back, tell her i needed her to go everywhere with me and whisper that to me everyday for the next two months.

and then it hit me. i already have someone who can whisper these things to me. that is present through all of my days. He can move mountains. He is master of the universe.

so i will inhale. and exhale. and keep alert. i will trust that we will be exactly where we need to be. have i not seen such faithfulness before? i have. have i not been well taken care of? indeed, i have.

and so i work to shift. shift from scarcity to abundance. from fear to faith.

by the way... i still have 14,398 unrelated photos to share. okay? thanks.

xoxo, s

and p.s. can you please take 1 quick minute to pray over where we will live? i simply feel quite out of control with it.

authenticity and my recommendation on how to clean your face

2014-05-30T17:28:00.000-05:00

sometimes this space on the internet has been a reminder that i don't want to make myself vulnerable. i desperately don't want to piss people off. i want to make people feel loved, feel comfortable, feel kindness.

family beach hike...

but that doesn't happen when truth isn't spoken.

and i feel like the only truth i feel comfortable in speaking are my own personal truths... the ones that say, i am lonely. or i am sad. or i am so excited i might burst.

but what about other things? what about me saying i want you to watch a documentary on a controversial issue because it impacted me? what if i inadvertently imply that i don't agree with you?

you know what? i have decided that is okay. really, really, okay.

i think its okay that i am not everyone's flavor of ice cream. i hate controversy, but simply can't help it anymore. i have opinions. i want to share my heart.

i know my opinions aren't blanket statements. i know there are circumstances beyond control. i know there are exceptions. please be graceful with me.

making spring bunnies at our neighbor's house with her nieces

if i say you've just got to use a clarisonic to wash your face because it really will change your life, please, realize, i know that someone teetering on the edge of poverty isn't going to and shouldn't clarisonic their face. and someone shouldn't go into debt to clarisonic her face. but if you have have the means to, by golly. why are you using a rag? its my personal opinion. i am allowed to have one.

i can't help it.

i really get it. you don't HAVE to use one. we can still be friends.

but really. i need an outlet. this is it.

so... just warning you. i won't censor myself. this might spill over into breastfeeding. or homeschooling. or submitting to your husband and taking care of your family.

i can't promise that i can keep my posts clear of my thoughts. and ultimately, i think that's why i have dwindled down.

ethan's coveted lego gift from santa

a handmade christmas tree while our ornaments were in storage

i also have a lot of pictures of our socal life to post. i mean, i didn't even post christmas or birthdays. random photos galore. ;)

bringing the blog back

2014-05-26T17:37:00.002-05:00

inhale. exhale.

i'm adding the blog back into my world. it's been too long. except i don't know where to start. so i am just going to the pool instead.

p r o c r a s t i n a t e

maybe i will post again soon. with substance.

but you know i still exist because you follow me on instagram, right?

xoxo, s

confessing a little lesson

2013-10-23T16:59:00.000-05:00

i have always felt that any place begins to feel like home when you are out and about and you recognize people. not sales associates. not the barrista that typically works her shift when you go in. no, its a different kind of recognizing.

its community. it starts of so weak... but you can see a glimmer of community. i recognize you. you recognize me. outside of where we normally see each other.

well, yesterday, i had my first glimmer of community here in sunny socal. it happened twice. i should feel happy, but really, the whole damn thing humbled me. and that's okay.

espisode 1:

i am in trader joes... stocking up on all the essentials that i can never seem to keep more than a few days at home, and then i noticed to my right a pregnant lady. she is the hugely pregnant kind... the kind where surely she must be very close. {and don't worry, i did not say anything remotely offensive like that}

she had opened a four pack of iced cupcakes and was inhaling it. she also had 3 other kids with her... middle school and junior high looking kids. we made grocery store/pregnancy story/homeschool small talk. i had thought that i recognized her, and was correct. but she mentioned it to me first! she recognized me too.

and this is where my mind should have left it.

but, oh no. not my ego. i had to mentally trash this lady's poorly behaving children. she must have not demanded respect! and unschooling! sheesh! and her son was kicked out of our learning center for a bad attitude! he admitted that in a bragging tone! control your kids. give them structure. c'mon.

my sad, sinful heart. i didn't express this aloud. i was kind to the lady, i didn't give one disapproving look or glance. i was upbeat.

i was proud of myself. in several different ways. proud to not unschool. proud to be a hard ass when my kids sass me. proud i wasn't eating an iced cupcake in the store while my kids whined they wanted one.

i was proud that i thought all of this and managed to act otherwise.

we are kidding ourselves if we think we only do this occasionally. unless we are deliberate, our lives are swathed with this judgmental outlook. we do ourselves no favors. we certainly don't embody love when we judge others.

now... fast forward. preschool pick up. my precious little angel savannah. who i will admit has her own moments of crazy disobedience. pushing the limits. adding gray hair to my head.

but she looks so darling. i want to drink her in. i simply cannot get enough. we go to the library. the post office. the park. she is charming everyone we encounter. our cup overflows with compliments.

episode 2:

at the park. a new {to us} park. near her school. and the beach. its overcast now, but still lovely. i snap photos of our sweet lamb...

i sit down... i think i will just instagram a few... then i hear someone say, "hey, i think that they are in the same preschool class"

indeed. they are. and this is the nanny. i get a weird vibe right off the bat. my ego wants to list off how i am awesome.

oh, stephanie.

savannah decides then that she needs to pee. nevermind that 30 feet away are nice bathrooms. nevermind that she has been potty trained for a long time now.

nevermind.

she raises her dress. pulls down her bloomers and hanna andersson panties. and pops a squat.

time moves like glaciers.

swoosh in - pick her up while pulling up panties - football hold as i run like a QB for the facilities - she begins to dribble like a watering can, sprinkling the perimeter of the playground and the spongy ground covering.

we end right in front of the super put together mom and dad, sitting on a bench. think -- j.crew family. one child. perfectly mussed hair. mom and dad in just-for-looks active wear. what was an adoring look at savannah when we first arrived at the park was now a look of horror.

it was a look of: we don't do real life.

and then we had the wet underpants and bloomers. she wanted them off NOW. LOUDLY. i chose to comply rather than keep hauling her to the bathroom. i made idle chit chat with the perfect couple... stunned by the events i said she's been potty trained for ages. totally crazy. engrossed in playing and forgot.

i got the look that said it all... "sure lady. i call bullshit."

but i thought to myself... shake it off. nbd

and then i sat down... sister now playing happily in fresh underpants and same darling dress {thank god for extra clothes in my backpack}

then i sit down again. start to chit chat with nanny. apparently still a bit overly chatty from the tt issue. i talk about potty training. where we go to school. god knows what else. but all she does is wrinkle her nose and do that sneering frown smile thing and say things like, "yeah, well. i don't know..." the tone and the sneer where clearly disdainful but i can't type anything to explain the energy she was throwing out.

and then it hit me.

and i was grateful.

i was happy savannah peed on my feet and the playground. i needed to be peed on. i needed to be reminded that episode 1 was linked to episode 2. that i get what i give. i sent out disapproval into the universe and received it.

i didn't give out honest lovingkindness earlier.

it was like i looked in the mirror. at my ugly. and i feel like i need to share my lesson. it was so crystal clear that i had to share.

people are doing their best. they really are. and you get what you dwell upon. view the world with a lens of love.

xoxo, s

hello folks

2013-09-27T16:04:00.000-05:00

i am alive.

i wrote out a blog post at the beginning-ish of the month... it was all about where we've been... what we've done... but it felt soulless.

so i couldn't publish it.

and then, while sitting at the beach (alone! whoohooo!!) on a sunny tuesday morning, i wrote out another post. more soulful.

i just haven't sat down to go from handwritten to typed up. and then add pictures.

and really, i shouldn't even be doing this. i have a messy house. we still need to do math. and i must, and i mean MUST get to the store. food makes this house happy.

but i have this aching in my heart to write on my blog. i miss it. and it feels so good to spill my thoughts into my own little space. but rest assured that in the last month we have lived it up in SoCal. and i am, i really am, finding a groove with this teaching stuff.

and i am trying to live struggle free. and complaint free. and seek out patience and joy. and soak up the gorgeous scenery that surrounds me.

and today, fight some sort of pathetic head cold. in my mind... i thought i wouldn't have a lick of allergies in this part of the world. what was i thinking? something is ALWAYS blooming here.

xoxo and achoo.
s

and i will do a photo dump soon. i mean, we have had first days of school, and photo ops galore.

a touch of homesickness

2013-08-26T12:33:00.001-05:00

i woke up this morning, and looked at instagram and facebook... looking for pictures of all our friends starting their big kindergarten year. and since i am two hours behind them, they were posted by 7:00am.

i would lie if i said i wasn't a little on the homesick side this morning.

your kids are so cute. they have grown so much. especially ethan's little friends from preschool...

and i would be completely dishonest if i didn't tell you that i wasn't sad that my baby was getting the same kindergarten experience. one similar to my own. one that i understand...

squint and you can see our neighborhood. kinda :)

but you see, things get to be different and more of an adventure for us. we get to spend a year "on vacation" and we get to do school in our own way. a way that will work for this year. and if i wasn't doing homeschool, and we were starting kindergarten at the elementary school next week, i still think i would feel this way. i just spent a good 15 minutes looking at the website for our elementary school we are zoned in. it would not be the right fit. i know it. for a variety of reasons. this is better for our family.

its really weird to be in a temporary spot for an extended period of time.

its hard to be different. you can't look at benchmark comparisons. there is a deep life lesson embedded in this. its so obvious it is comical. this is better for us.

anyway.

do y'all have dealing with sand tips? seriously...

on to my really good news. still about school... we got in to our school. the seemingly impossible situation. WE GOT IN. honestly, i view it as nothing short of a miracle. an absolute miracle. there are 8 or so kids in the class. he wasn't close to the top for the wait list. he was on the bottom. spot number 8. unless you have held your breath on a wait list, you can't truly appreciate how grim those numbers are.

i prayed for us to end up in the situation we needed to be in -- even if that meant i had my kids in school on different days. even if that meant that throughout this year i never had a morning to myself. maybe we were supposed to be in the charter school that i didn't want to be in. maybe it was safer. or happier. or good in some way i had no idea about. maybe the less impressive curriculum was actually fine. maybe my faith was being tested.

i had moments of doubt. i had moments of panic. but i tried to stay upbeat. we will be where we are supposed to be. if it is my charter school of choice, there will be a way made.

after i found out it was official, i felt a weight lifted.

zoo photo op. did you know the sd zoo is fantastic? ;)

if i sound dramatic, i encourage you to think about not having a mental break from the care and education of your children. my husband works long hours... i am fortunate to be at home with them. but the mental warfare of not popping into a grocery store without the carseats, hand holding, please don't scream, please don't touch, no we cannot have xyz... or have you ever been to the obgyn with your kids? how about a haircut.

okay.

enough of my mellow drama. we have a busy week ahead - last week of summer and a visit from my mother in law.

the above pictures are from legoland. this was our second trip... yes, we are season pass holders. sigh. legoland is enchanting if you are under 8. there are rides. there are larger than life lego models. it is crowded. there are lines... i mean, i do it for the kids. its not terrible... but lets just say i would so much rather be at the zoo. or the museum. i am hoping that when school starts we can come on a friday and it won't be as crowded. and i am praying that people are right when they say that once the races are over in del mar, traffic is improved. because, man. all i wanted to do after legoland was be teleported home. not drive an hour in traffic. mercy.

school stuff | park pics

2013-08-16T08:30:00.000-05:00

this isn't going to turn into a homeschool blog. so i am going to just insert photos from a day at balboa park. which, ethan kept meshing with boba fett. at first on accident, and then to be funny. the child has been obsessed with star wars lately. bal-boba fett park

if we talked at all last year, you probably noticed my twitching eye as i listed off my certain dilemmas surrounding school choices. in the end, i felt like we would be best served to have ethan do a year of homeschool that was affiliated with a charter school that had a twice weekly learning center class. the bonus: charter schools are free. the dilemma: charter schools won't enroll you until you are actually a resident. annnnd we just moved here. and now we are on the waiting list.

this is where i ask you to pray for a miracle. i'm being serious. :) like, there are 8 in a class. in july, he was number 8 on the wait list. ugh.

anyway, sister has a precious pre-school that begins after labor day. and brother and i have already begun to work. and because i can't do anything the easy way, i cherry picked my curriculum from several different publishers.

so, for the curious, this is what we are attempting to do. i don't dare post my daily schedule. it will be short lived this way. once pre-school begins and the learning center starts up (i am being hopeful here) things will change.

first language lessons, level 1
writing with ease, level 1
ordinary parents guide to teaching reading
all about spelling, level 1
right start mathematics, level a
five in a row, volume 1
wordly wise, level k
story of the world, volume 1: ancient times
telling god's story, year 1
little pim spanish dvds
handwriting without tears
singapore math worksheets
explode the code worksheets

for science, we are talking about dinosaurs and then also utilizing the zoo, safari park, tide pools, the museum here, and the aquarium. no formal program. occasionally, there are science application in five in a row as well.

i am only posting this because some people have asked about it... i am fully aware that some people will disagree. and some people will think i am downright insane.

it won't be the first time.

but i spent hours upon hours reading, researching, and thinking about what would serve ethan the best for his learning strengths, weaknesses and enjoyment.

do you remember the feeling you had as a new mom, or a mom to be, when you realized just how vast the baby product world is? that there is an entire long aisle devoted to bottles and nipples. that they are all different and special and "the best" at whatever? well. that is like the homeschool world. vast. horrifyingly complex. chock full of opinions and passion. different styles. some pitted against each other like the middle east religions. i am serious.

whoa.

anyway, if you want, i can occasionally update this space with the homeschool stuff.

because we are homeschoolers now. i would have sworn with all my soul that those words would never be uttered by me. and now look at us.

and don't these pictures make you want to go to balboa park? i mean. enchanting. we watched the free outdoor organ concert, watched caterpillars eat and hang and emerge from their cocoons as butterflies, and hiked amongst giant palm trees. and climbed trees with dad. and enjoyed the koi. i could go on and on...

long time no post

2013-08-15T13:10:00.000-05:00

i swore i would never abandon this blog... and then... this last year happened. the past year of living in fort worth was rich, and full, and savory... my precious friends made sure to love on me enough to make it last through this coming year.

and now we are here.

and its not a bad place to be. and it is good for my soul to know change. its good for me to practice dealing with change with a graceful and grateful heart. it is good to pray for strength and courage rather than ease.

it is good to be in a beautiful place. stay tuned. i'm back :) like, i am already writing the next post...

and i am trying. trying so hard to tote the big camera along. and then hopefully, when the new iphone comes out, i will get it! so then my iphone pics will be a bit better as well... and then i will feel like i can post more photos... you should follow me on instagram too... i have been a bit more present there...

spring break and a chocolate bunny

2013-03-14T17:01:00.002-05:00

spring break has been so speedy this year. we have enjoyed it. i have even enjoyed it.

let me say that again: i have enjoyed spring break.

the mornings have been slow, and quiet. the children have played together. i have played with them. we have played with friends. i have procrastinated on grocery shopping. i took the kids to yoga. i have leisurely cleaned out part of my closet... in anticipation of that pesky move.

ahhhh.... that pesky move. i had a friend that told me i should print out a moving checklist. does this mean i have to pull my head out of the sand??

i can't even honestly tell you that the move is what fills the space in my head... i seem full of so many random things. i feel like such a dabbler these days. a dabbler that wants to share and feels so fractured when i sit down at the computer.

i am working on it. i swear.

i have recipe to share... that i plan on cooking tomorrow. it will be time number 2. i have to make sure time number 1 wasn't a fluke. it was good. and grain free. mmmm....

and the photo above? taken {sheesh, by my iphone not the dslr} in our neglected garden - of our new, real life, chocolate bunny. our bunny lives in our backyard now... it was hopping from front yard to front yard at dawn and dusk... and i noticed him out the back window two evenings ago and shut the gate! he seems like a pet bunny that someone let go... i hope i don't become too attached :(

xoxo, s

a fraction of what we've been doing

2013-02-28T16:50:00.001-06:00

i am basking in the glow of long over-due snuggling a friends new baby after a chickfila playdate. and i am listening to one of my children fight a desperate need for a nap. the other is sound asleep.

and i am putting the finishing touches on a very large and complex event i am coordinating on saturday. and i am thankful for god's provision to give me this event. and the financial compensation for it to coincide with the change of our volvo's timing belt. sometimes stars align like that.

and i am grateful.

i feel like i write less and less about my children for fear that it would be taken wrongly. like i am bragging or something. which it definitely isn't intended to be. and you know what? doing things out of fear is the wrong way to live. absolutely an energy suck. "what would people think?" "would they think i am boasting?" "do i sound like i am bragging?"

you know what? so what. i am proud of my children as any mother should be.

so i am super proud that ethan memorized the lord's prayer in less than a week. and savannah has almost memorized it. i need to find more things for them to memorize. clearly its a better use of brain space than all the theme songs to tv shows.

and savannah is a smart little stinker. today i told her she was acting like a monkey and she looked at me and told me that she is not a monkey; she is a human.

well then.

and ethan is building a very detailed, difficult lego house ALL BY HIMSELF. as in, i don't help at all.

which also means that we have all of our legos out. but i don't really mind. as long as i don't step on any barefoot.

more later. so much to share, so little time.

xoxo, s

basically, if i give it my all, it's tough :)

2013-02-06T22:28:00.002-06:00

hmmm.... first off, this is not a post about ethan's birthday party. at our tae kwon do studio... ninja turtle themed.... i just wanted to post these. i did absolutely nothing to make this party a complete success (reserve the space? i mean, a padded room, a bunch of kids, two party leaders and cake. e a s y) well... i did make 40 ninja turtle masks. and i did at the last minute find a replacement cake. so not completely effortless. but close :) totally the way to do it.

anyway, the real post.

today at yoga, the instructor droned on about setting our intentions. and living with intentions. she talked about how hard it was... how it makes all the difference.

well, no joke.

i've been struggling to do it everyday now... probably going on 3 years. since before i had savannah. it's tiresome. rewarding, but so tiresome. being intentional with my children, my husband, my job as our home-maker, myself and how i treat my body, my food choices.

why does she look so old??

it will wear a girl out. and i still fall flat on my face and fail all the time. all. the. time.

and occasionally, i get skewed one way in the intention category. skewed far away from myself. and occasionally, i look in the mirror, and i think, "hello, stranger."

its not just me, other moms do this too. and i'm only sane because i know i am not alone.

check out the mask... i have leftovers... want them?

hate to throw perfectly good ninja turtle masks out... :)

but i desperately need margins. i know that everyone needs different sized margins, but for some reason i think i desire extra large margins. and it should come as no surprise (it is my fifth season of spring at our preschool) that the fine folks at our preschool have a way of shrinking the weeks down into nothing. holidays. conference days. spring break days. staff development days. god forbid you have a sick day or a snow day in the mix. don't get me even a teensy bit started on what a rip off that is. sheesh!

so, my children have school from 9 to noon. we drop off and pick up outside the classroom door. it means i have roughly 2.5 hours, twice a week where they are both taken care of and loved on by sweet teachers.

5 hours, people.

and i am being intentional.

and i have a need for wide margins.

so that's why i sometimes ditch hours of sleep for hours of late night solitude. i can read. i can sit. i can just "be." and here is the best part, it's in the quiet.

please tell me you sacrifice your sleep for this worthy cause, too? and then, please tell me how you cope with being intentional while you are so tired the next day.

ethan was intense with the cake.
possibly because they aren't getting refined sugar too often these days. #yikesiamoneofthosemoms

savannah was too. she had more than one piece... that child...

i am sure you are wondering at this point if i am of sound mind to homeschool next year. this is were i have to tell my self to not be afraid. and to believe that it will be like this year, just with really REALLY intentional lessons.

and probably less house cleaning, if that is even possible.

oh boy. i need to go bury my head in the sand because we are leaving in less than six months.

xoxo, s

pathetic

2013-02-04T12:19:00.001-06:00

life is swirling by me... and i am writing none of it down. and that is pathetic.

insert extreme mom guilt.

but you know what? it is okay. because i am trying again. and that's what you do when you want to keep moving forward. you get up, you try again.

so... did i even do a proper christmas recap post? no? hahahha. not surprising. to fully recap at this point is downright silly. so here is the short of it: santa gave savannah a dollhouse. she loves it. ethan got a pellet gun. he's "killed" a rabbit. that we ate. and it was good (really!). and i let go of my desire for beauty and perfection with christmas and it was very nice.

there is something to be said about honestly embracing the season of life in which we are living. which means giving up yearning for beautiful matching stockings and gorgeous live garlands. it ain't gonna happen for a couple more years. period. and that is a-okay.

so for january... i did a lot of january things: survive the flu. clean up my diet. work out a lot. wear heavy jackets and shorts in the same week. have a birthday party for ethan. have our internet repaired -- again. make a pilgrimage to ikea for organization containers. make multiple trips to goodwill.

and then there are things we haven't done because this is our last year here -- like plan a garden. and for this i am sad.

and then there are things that i wanted to do in january that i will pathetically try to implement in february: my cleaning schedule. more intentional "lesson time" with my kids. waking up early. going to be early. reading quality literature to myself. the kids.

living an intentional life is brutally hard. and completely rewarding. and my goal is to document it here. our food. our life. our move. creativity. friendship. hardship.

cheers to february.

xoxo, s

merry belated christmas

2013-01-03T10:53:00.004-06:00

do you know that i tried to write a post recapping christmas. but it was short. and choppy. and felt like i was going through the motions.

i can't be like that here. it just doesn't work for me.

so... i will post our christmas card until i can get it together to write what i want to. which honestly requires quiet time. alone. what is that?? :)

i hope your christmas was merry and i hope your new year is bright.

and i am hopeful i can make my little place on the internet a priority in 2013.

xoxo,
s

i am an emotional mess...

2012-12-14T17:14:00.001-06:00

can i take a break from addressing christmas cards? why don't they address themselves, dang it!?!

anyway... i have been emotional lately. my sweet little guy turns 5 on monday. 5.

5 is old. 5 is a big birthday. time is going so quickly.

to say i have been emotional about it all is the understatement of the season. add that to the fact that it could be our last christmas season in fort worth.

and then the tragic events of the day in connecticut. so senseless and scary. horrifying. sickening.

anyway, i am a complete basket case about ethan growing up {which, of course, is what i want. i want my son to grow up! i am happy he is here with me. its just happening so fast.}

so, we went to church last weekend, just me and the kids, and since that was the case savannah had the pleasure of going to her sunday school class because i didn't feel up to the whole outnumbered-in-church scenario, where little people want to talk during quiet moments. and it was full orchestra sunday, with special music from the choir and the youth and children's choir. it was a full house.

and can i take a minute to tell you i really love our church?? i love it. my babies were baptized there. the building is beautiful. the music, always fantastic. it is traditional methodist, with all the hymns and the prayers and the liturgy that i learned from years of going to church. there are no big screens. or jazzy bands. it isn't trendy. and the sermons are fantastic. applicable. poignant.

and i love christmas time at our church. it is moving.

anyway, ethan and i walked in, and squeezed into a pew close to the front. the lady next to us (that i did not know) didn't scoot over quite enough, so i felt like we were now a trio sitting there. and then they started in with the first noel.

and i started crying. i. could. not. stop. it was just so beautiful. and the children were singing. and the orchestra. but lets just hope the cameras didn't capture me crying.

and the snot coming out of my nose.

and the lady sitting too close to us for me to grab a bib or a diaper to wipe my face since of course i had no tissue. thank god that lady next to me saw my despair and gave me a tissue.

can i tell you it took me 40 minutes to regain composure from that first verse of the first hymn?

i am a mess, folks.

in other news, ethan is now a yellow stripe belt in tae kwon do.

here he is with his teacher and his buddy pierson after his belt test last week. tae kwon do is awesome. pierson's mom is awesome. and that's another whole post for a different day :)

have a happy weekend. i will be avoiding sad movies and the like. i am emotional enough as it is... :)

and now... back to the cards. and i should probably cook dinner, too. eeek.

xoxo, s

thursday stuff

2012-11-29T10:40:00.002-06:00

hi friends! thank you SO much for your overwhelming supportive response to my home schooling adventure. wow. i felt so blessed by your vote of confidence!

we are headed out on a thursday adventure, {pictures to come next week!} and i have been busy sewing...

but in the meantime, go check out my guest post today on north hills hospital's blog. it's about finding balance... hahahaha. balance? what's that??? :)

xoxo, s

home. school. holy crap.

2012-11-27T14:54:00.002-06:00

happy tuesday, friends. we woke up to a cool overcast morning... and i do believe it is giving way to savannah taking a nap.

thank the lord.

she's quite the rascal these days. so much so, that i don't even want to get into it. naughty in such a selfish and intentional way... like, pulling up a stool to the counter and grabbing a fist full of pumpkin pie. taking cups of bath water and pouring them on the floor. throwing the most dramatic fits.

deep breaths.

anyway. the crazy, but adorable child, is nestled into her crib. and boy wonder is behind me watching star wars... laying on the couch, twisting his hair like he's done most of his life when he is sleepy. he needs a nap still, but just can't seem to sit still enough to fall asleep. so sometimes, i cheat and let him watch a movie.

and i am on cup 3 of coffee. and have eaten 2 chicken salad sandwiches. they were small, and i didn't eat breakfast... does that make a double helping lunch sound better?

anyway, this isn't a catch-up post. although, i certainly could use another few. it is an announcement post. i might as well make it blog official.

next year, for kindergarten, i will be homeschooling ethan.

let me start off by saying, that if you had told me i would type that sentence even six months ago, i would have said, "no freaking way"

and if you had asked me six years ago? i can tell you, with absolute honesty, this was not my plan. i can also tell you, though rather bold to assume that i understood correctly, i felt god whisper it in my ear.

i am serious. audibly. a whisper.

i felt like jonah being asked to go to ninevah. seriously. i cried about it. i said i wouldn't do it.

in case you are new around here, we are moving to the san diego/la jolla area this summer. for just a year. and then, as of now at least, we don't know where we will be headed after that. that really stresses me out sometimes. and let's also mention the fact that around these parts, "what are y'all doing for kindergarten?" is a perfectly normal conversation starter. there are a lot of good options here, and a lot of strong opinions. but it is also a bit like religion and politics... slightly taboo... if you know what i am talking about... then you understand. and if you don't, well, there is nothing i can do to paint it clearly. i am certain that i had no clue as a young mom of an infant who went to a mid-sized public school in east texas, where {almost} everyone went to a public school. i heard people talk about kindergarten... but i didn't quite get it until last year.

so this whole what-are-you-doing-for-kindergarten phenomenon? yah... i had no clue. and you know, i am sure there are some people who don't think it matters. i have heard a lot of "it's just kindergarten" as well.

remember, i said slightly taboo?

anyway... i care. a lot. and i was not happy about the options in la jolla. private school is simply not going to happen. our money tree is not in bloom. and if it were, it would be going toward housing in california. {which is its own kind of horrid mess. i knew it was expensive. but what you get for so much money is so very, very ugly. really. and i don't care, i really don't. i can live in ugly. it is only a season. however... you would think that for a small fortune, you could have a slight step-up in design? no. not at all.}

so i fought god's whisper for months. i had a mouth full of stress induced ulcers. i had calls to all the public schools. i scoured the message boards. i tried to come up with a plan.

my plan was to send him to one of the public schools in la jolla. then spend time after school with him to keep our options open to going to private school for first grade. i figured he would need enrichment reading etc. i didn't want him to be behind or have any options limited. though, i knew in my heart, that it would be tricky. how do you get a kiddo that has been in school all day to focus on hard lessons at home?? how do we enjoy everything the area has to offer on the weekends only? how much time will i waste everyday dropping off and picking up... the daily grind that doesn't produce anything productive. all this for a school that i probably won't love like someone who is committed to the area.

god continued to work on my heart. i got a text message from a dear friend who was vacationing with her family in san diego

and then, shaking my head, saying no way, no homeschool. i googled on my ipad: home school san diego.

and then i found it... an option i hadn't thought of. an option that sounded do-able. a hybrid charter school. a hybrid charter school where he could go twice a week, and then have school work with me. the other days. we could do things together. educational things. enjoyable things. it would be harder on me. but at the same time easier on me. it would be overwhelming but wonderful.

and then i found a preschool for savannah that is exactly what i needed.

it is such a peaceful feeling; i know what we are doing for kindergarten.

there were nudges all along the way... i would realize one of my favorite bloggers homeschools her kids. the first person i called to verbally vomit all my kindergarten confusion to: i had no clue, but she had been homeschooled. i could go on, and on.

so, this isn't a declaration that i am homeschooling forever. just next year.

so... more to come on my adventure. although, i am not sure if you are even all that interested in the nitty gritty of it all. but i am excited. and humbled. and a bit overwhelmed.

but i know it is the best possible choice for us.

so please spare me any comments about people you know who have been screwed up for life because they were homeschooled. but other than that, i am welcome to your comments.

and you can go ahead and use this to further label me as crunchy. extended breastfeeding. homeopathic remedies. cloth diapers. and now homeschool. and i wear chacos. and my toenails are not painted right now. {gasp!!!}

sigh.

and because i haven't posted any halloween photos of my children, and it is christmas time... this is as good a place as any to include some belated costume pictures. :) ethan was captain america and savannah was cinderella. and i have zero influence to what they will be for halloween now. they are so grown up these days.

xoxo, s

the state fair. a month late.

2012-11-19T13:11:00.001-06:00

i have some sweet and encouraging friends... thanks for letting me know that you've missed me on here.

we are here.

living.

intentionally living.

thursdays are my "free" day... with no school and no activities... i try to make those fun.

one of those thursdays we drove over to dallas to the state fair. {the day before big tex burned}

do you like the old ladies that are in our photo? because i don't. i asked them if they would move so we could take a quick photo and they said no!! they said it was "senior day" at the fair and i needed to be respectful!

old geezers.

anyway... in attempt to catch things up on our family blog... i need to do some photo dumps... this will be the first installment... enjoy. highlights from the fair for the kids included big tex, the ride on the farris wheel, greasy junk food, and the car show souvenir table.

afterwards, i truly could not move. exhausting fun.

he was doing this fake barfing thing in all our big tex photos. boys.

my little piggy :)

you should have seen him go to the cow and get it ready to be milked. he knew what to do and didn't mess around. hilarious! past life farmer??

i have about 17 pictures of them laughing like this. i should have taken video. they were precious.

isn't he cute? i have a thing for all camelids... alpacas... llamas... and camels... be still my heart.

and more catch up to come...

thanks for hanging in there with me. xoxo, s

hard stuff

2012-10-10T09:48:00.001-05:00

i wasted a lot of energy yesterday on things that were not worthy of my focus. things that have no eternal value. things i can't change. like the petty, shallow nature of other ladies.

you know, the same topic that has stolen joy from me for years now... through middle school and far, far beyond. this stuff does not go away. the bodies of the people get older, but the same immature and ugly behavior is there.

and at some point, i bet i have unintentionally been on the ugly side of things, too. i am sure that i can't be blameless in what seems to be a universal issue: bitchy women.

but i got to thinking about the bigger picture. how i want my daughter to be unaffected by it. and, well, that's where the convicting thoughts came: how on earth will my daughter be unfazed by the rude and shallow behavior of other girls, if i am not?

it is like demanding my children to eat healthy foods, yet only eating junk myself. children are smart. they won't fall for hypocrisy.

it's a practice-what-you-preach sort of issue. and i need to work on mine. which includes removing the bitterness from my heart when i am around those women. choosing christ's love for them, since i have none of my own to give.

xoxo, s

full heart

2012-10-07T12:55:00.001-05:00

this past thursday we went to the arboretum for the second week in a row. i'll include pictures from both times... it is an easy drive... i would like to go back a few more times with the kids while it is still fall and all the pumpkins are there. i feel like i am so late to the party, but wow. we should have been doing this all along.

between visit 1 and 2 we talked a lot about chihuly and his sculpture {it is on display until early november.} we watched youtube videos. and this next week we will paint inspired designs. so enjoy a few of the photos, all jumbled and out of order. and the post that has nothing to do with them. :)

friday i was at an estate sale, where i happened to score $16 worth of treasure: a vintage children's cookbook, a bag of polished rocks, a lovely embroidered tea towel, and the entire bbc planet earth series, still in shrinkwrap. it was a total score. especially since it isn't the season for me to score big things. like furniture. :(

but while i was there, a woman working the sale commented on the kind of customers attend their sale, and to illustrate her point that the customer based was varied, she said that there were people that could come on friday morning who didn't work.

now, i don't want to ignite a battle of working mom's verses stay at home mom's... but i did look at the lady and very pointedly told her that my children were in preschool, and that they are indeed a full time job.

to which she basically said that was bologna.

and i bit my tongue, as not to cuss.

you see, the two mornings a week where both my nuggets are in school for three hours work out to a total of 5 hours of time for me. a week. {i subtract out the 15 minute drop off and pick up circus} two and one half precious hours twice a week. where i am sure my children are safe, cared for, attended to, and their minds stimulated.

parenting is a full time job, working or staying at home. but the working mother must hire someone, or ensure that there is a caretaker. my role is one that can not go unfilled.

it is my pleasure. it is my sacrifice. it is my god's loving way of teaching me my sinful, selfish ways.

there are very fun days. there are very hard days.

but i wanted to tell that unfortunate woman who works for the estate sale company, it is quite a busy, full time job. especially if you are engaged in the needs of your children. quite simply put, my children need me. they need me now more than ever, it seems.

they want me fully. play with me. PLAY with me. dance, mommy. why don't we see the sun at night? what does that sign say? i see an 'S'! why does the man next door have so many cats? why do the cats use the bathroom in our yard? can i have another fire truck for my birthday? i took my shoes off!! put my jacket on please. i want more MILK, please!

you get the point.

but do you know how full it makes me feel? how wonderful it is to fully engage with them? how madly and deeply i love them and how remarkable it is to play their annoying music in the car and listen to them enjoy singing those songs?

and when savannah naps and i pull myself away from trying to clean the very messy home we live in, and i spend that time with ethan... reading to him. having him read to me.

they are full, FULL moments.

however, i need to find a way to come here more. to my little place on the internet that clears my head. but i feel pulled. needed.

and if it isn't the kids, it is the house. or a dozen other things on my list.

or i am brain dead and can't make heads or tails of my thoughts.

and sometimes when i get here, i do get a little bit of stage fright. do i share? will i be judged? do i sound spoiled complaining about xyz? there are people who would love to have the privilege to complain about xyz.

and then i think, screw it. i will write what i want, and people can chose to read. but by then... i am tired, and my groove is gone.

so... friends. i leave you with this one thing. something that i have heard, but i am watching unfold before my eyes. the older they get, the more your kids need you. total truth. i thought, how on earth?? but i am finding, if i want to grow them well, they need me now more than ever.

xoxo, s

september begins

2012-09-10T23:46:00.000-05:00

yesterday i took both the kids to church. by myself. with the intention to have both of them sit through the whole service with me, because i don't believe in shipping them off to the nursery or sunday school, or what have you after the children's moment.

they need to learn how to manage their boredom. to sit still. to not talk. lord, please have mercy, teach them not to talk in church.

ethan knows. savannah... well...

let's just say that we made it. i did have to get up during the sermon. she screamed, "DON'T TAKE ME OUT" all the way up the aisle.

ethan sat with the nice college girls behind us until i could discipline savannah and get back.

it can only get better. i hope. it was savannah's first time since she was an infant to sit with me. she has to learn at some point, right?? and i would rather my kids be 2 when they learn than when they are 7. because how annoying is it when a big kid doesn't know how to manage boredom? although, i am halfway convinced it is only me and old people who are annoyed by this.

it is okay for kids to be bored. i will step off my parenting soapbox now.

i will add that god did give me the small miracle of preventing her from asking to nurse. that would have gone over quite poorly with our extremely traditional congregation.

thank's again, god. seriously. i would have died. she did make a loud comment, "is it over, now?" niiice. and since our church films the service i made sure to let my mom know she could fire up the internet and hear her little voice.

all in all, the service was beautiful. and refreshing.

and we had an awesome weekend. and really, last week was pretty great too. {minus one day where the kids were angry zombies} and i have high hopes for this week as well. it is our first full week of school and activities. i have really, really, been craving fall. and a real routine.

and cooler weather.

all of which we are getting right now.

now i have the daunting task of catching up the ol' blog.

unless you follow me on instagram. and then you know all the little stuff.

but let's get a few things out of the way, why don't we?

first day of school: {do you know how much i wish that i had a professional photographer following me around all day? all these "back to school" photos are not pretty. sigh}

and then ethan went to school on friday, thanks to the "split days" so the class can meet at first in a smaller setting. ethan and i had wednesday morning to ourselves... it was our "date." melt my heart. we went to the botanical gardens and chick-fil-a. :)

please, take note of the killer backpack. it's just so... grown up. and plasticy. why can't he do the monogrammed thing forever??

more soon --

xoxo, s

pictures of august

2012-08-21T16:45:00.000-05:00

it's been awhile. maybe the longest span ever of non-blogging. and i really hate that, because the little things are lost. things like savannah's commentary on traffic lights {mommy, the light was red but now its black!!!!} or documenting ethan's newest obsessions {currently his new transformer, starscream and his lego house he built with my dad}

but seriously. it is august. my husband is on a very intense rotation, so when he comes home he is tired. not chatty. my dear friend that keeps me sane and we talk everyday, she just moved. so we haven't talked everyday because she is very busy with the hell that moving is.

and i can literally go a day or so, with no "real" adult conversation. which really, doesn't seem so bad at the time. ethan is very conversational. savannah, too. i feel like there is a lot of talking going on...

but little by little... i start to lose my mind. and i am not kidding.

little things become big. i lose perspective. i have been out of the house without a child in the car three times now since the kids' summer fun school program ended in july. 3 short errands.

bananas, i tell you.

i wanted to do an entire post on how i miraculously saved a smocked dress from savannah's non-washable expo marker graffiti. it took internet research, an hour and a half, and elbow grease. i was a stain fighting ninja.

that is not worth a blog post. i even took pictures. do you see how i might be losing it??

i also have thought about blogging about the stress it is to drive to different grocery stores to get the things that i like {TJ's has the best salad dressing. i like sprouts' almond butter. blueberries from costco. organic strawberries from tom thumb. a different salad dressing and tortillas from CM. milk from braum's.} again. this is me being neurotic. not a blog post.

and august paleo? big fat fail. as in, i didn't even try. ahhh.... there is always september...

i can't wait for the school year to start in september. i really crave the schedule, whether i want to or not. i need it. i need it to be cooler. a little house and triple digit temps... not good. and i need the precious little break i get with them in the care of someone else. i need them to be disciplined by someone else, so that they see i am not the only one demanding good manners. i need them to miss me.

we have had a great summer. we have played, and swam, and seen friends. we have enjoyed nature, visited my family, and made new friends.

ethan went from knowing the alphabet, to knowing how to read quite well. nothing beats witnessing your child unlocking the knowledge of reading. nothing.

savannah plays pretend and plays well with ethan and ethan's friends... she is transitioning out of parallel play.

she also managed to get all of her molars in... so we are free and clear of the dreaded teething.

it has been a rich and full summer where i have loved on my children. where they can play with each other in their pajamas in the mornings and love on each other. and fight with each other, too... :)

but i am craving fall, because i need the schedule. somehow, the summer can leave me lonely, and i really don't think that it is very accurate, because i have had lots of fun play dates for the kids... but it's like i can't shake those middle school year summers. those were lonely summers for me and i don't like it when that 11 year old girl resurfaces in me. the truth is, i have these two, so i am never lonely. and i have sweet friends. and what more do i really need?

i have two more weeks of summer... here's to making it count. we went to the zoo yesterday. a play date today... the weather has been cooler, so i am making full use of outdoor activities.

xoxo, s

p.s. these photos... about half were pulled off instagram... sorry they are so grainy on the blog. one day i will have more megapixels in my cell phone :)

monday

2012-07-30T15:32:00.000-05:00

this is not a good title. a better one might be - what i ate this weekend {everything}. or i got to model clothes for sheridan french's spring collection {yipee!}. or my allergies are killing me and i can't believe i am even blogging. if i take too long to figure this out, i will never publish this and it will be doomed to sit in my drafts folder forever. where blog posts go to die.

this is ethan's lincoln log masterpiece from a few weeks ago. it is half on the rug, half off the rug - but the track is the same height all the way around thanks to special railroad "ties" that he used.

clearly i am very impressed. i think it might be one of those photos where my mother and myself are the only ones that will enjoy it. but oh well. this is my blog and i can post these types of things.

i will certainly enjoy reading about his lincoln log masterpieces when he is a mouthy teenager. these days just might be my happy place then.

in other news, my body is having some sort of histamine reaction to god knows what. you can see it in my eyes. they are very pink. not the oozy pink-eye pink, but more along the lines of the itchy, squinty, i-just-want-to-rub-them, lines. not mascara friendly.

basically, not so pretty.

and it started the morning of this. which, i have to say, was very fun. and i also have to say that if you have been on the fence about adding some sheridan french to your wardrobe, you should dive in. she's even been putting stuff on sale lately.

it really looks good on everyone. and its very classic. and versatile. and the fabrics are heavenly.

i can't help but think how perfect everything would be for la jolla. sigh.

(btw, the high temps for this week there are well below our low temps. yikes.)

anyway, my eyes were a scary shade of neon pink on saturday morning. the visine toned them down a bit. thank god. and hopefully along with the editing out the sweat beads from the intense morning heat they can whiten up my eyes! sheesh! but it was fun. my dress was my favorite one there. and the other girls were very nice. no pics -- they were forbidden :) and it was peculiar to leave the house all dressed alone. an honest sign i need to get out more.

in case you were curious, sheridan is every bit of laid back and kind and sincere as you could imagine. i couldn't help but instantly like her. her kids were there, running around, being cute. it was such a very friendly atmosphere. i wish enormous amounts of success for her clothing line.

and afterwards, i treated myself to a chocolate chip muffin. the sugar! the chocolate chips! no little hands begging for a bite!!! very much a treat.

savannah was pretending she was cinderella. ethan was pretending to be prince charmer. sigh. so incredibly cute.

anyway, the rest of the weekend i felt like i was in some sort of allergy laden fog. there was some sewing. a hamburger. a diet coke! some brunch at glorias. olympics. yes. that is about it.

see the photo above? savannah was a sticky pizza and cinnamon roll mess. ethan was pretty sticky too. and i had just enjoyed 4 pieces of pizza. today i took the kids to mama's for pizza. because 1.) i needed to get out of the house, and 2.) i needed pizza before i begin strict paleo on wednesday.

yes. you read that correctly. another month of paleo. and this time i am excited? strange.

except i will keep in dairy-- milk in my coffee. cheese on my salad. plain yogurt. dairy doesn't seem so scandalous when you take away the sugar...

but this time i will keep a record of my meals. journal my recipes. anyone want to join me?? when i started this in june, i really missed certain foods. craved them. and then in july, when i would eat the "treats," do you know? they were not as delightful as i had hoped. so here we go again.

it will be good.

more soon. i'm off to "housekeep"

xoxo, s

no good

2012-07-25T14:25:00.000-05:00

hi there. do you know what? i am no good at summer blogging. absolutely no good.

let's hope i get into a groove in august. sigh.

until then, i'm going to go do "art" with ethan. and then we will read a few chapters in mr. popper's penguins. and then cook dinner. :)

xoxo, s

all over the place

2012-07-18T15:19:00.000-05:00

there is a blond-headed little one in my house who's naps have been hit or miss. and there is a hazel-eyed little boy who's lesson time has been hit or miss.

so my afternoons have been the same, hit or miss. but mostly they are a miss. because if one child is on, the other is off.

always. and you know what? that is okay.

i am just trying to soak up this season with a good attitude. because there are so many little moments that are really awesome. savannah starting sentences with "well..." and ethan building lincoln log masterpieces. savannah giving swimming lessons to her babies. ethan proudly catching a gecko.

many sweet moments in my summer.

and i would be amiss to tell you i wasn't enjoying a few solitary trips to the grocery store because of their little summer school in july. i am heartbroken it won't continue on through august!! do you know how quickly i can get in and get out? wow. and do you know how enjoyable it is to browse? wow. and do you know what pure joy it is to "miss" your children? sigh.

but the summer will press on. and i will try my damnedest to enjoy it. to meaningfully plan it. to wake up with renewed patience.

because whether i like it or not, i get to serve these little people. these little people who i love and who love me.

and check out the photo below. faustino found this guy and took a picture of it. isn't it amazing, really? new and fresh coming out of its shell... i had never witnessed a cicada hatching out of its shell before. cool but sort of creepy. its from earlier in the summer, but i just realized i hadn't yet shared it.

and since this post is all over the place, i might as well share something a little heavier.

its a thought i have been wrestling with lately. when i have a big "aha moment", i have to mull it over. think hard about it. test it out... pray about it. it might be something that i have heard before. it might be such an obvious truth to other people. but for me, i have to flesh it out.

"normal" isn't always the best path. or god's chosen path. and this is good.

i mean, duh. how obvious is that one?

but that is the underlying current of some of my prayers for others, for my family, my children. that things are easy. that things go as planned. that everything is nice and neat and normal. how foolish i am. god doesn't promise any of those things.

but god is good. and living and trusting that is hard. i've seen things served up in packages lately that are not pretty. but, i must trust that they are good.

annnnnd, that's enough heavy thinking today. :)

have a great wednesday afternoon. i'm going to tackle some sewing projects.

xoxo, s

more snippets

2012-07-12T16:31:00.000-05:00

my children are fighting sleep. savannah has slept all of 10 minutes in the car on the way home... i hear her... loudly singing sing a song of sixpence with baa baa black sheep mixed in.

exhausted.

we played with our sweet friends today... which is always a treat. a little swim. a little sand. and two sandy kids in bed asleep{ish}. i'll take what i can get with the naps these days.

and here they are getting sandy.

they had so much fun. thanks, amy. it really is a child's paradise.

and let it be noted. last night, ethan ate every bite of this:

yes, that is spinach. and feta. and my favorite avocado cilantro dressing. and that is chicken breaded in almond flour.

success for the picky eater.

i attribute that to lots and lots of strong will on my part. and my trick here. and the fact that there is next to zero junk food around this place. no chips. no cookies. no treats.

so parents, stay strong. i NEVER ever in a million years thought we would be at this point. he even said, "i really like this."

HE REALLY LIKED IT!

big time, folks. i went from selling salads for fancy events to selling salads to my kids. mighty big difference.

mmkay. computer time is up. back to work.

xoxo, s