Blgwrer

New word: Hoze.

2009-12-21T10:19:00.001-08:00

I was trying to make a funny drawing in which a nerdy guy (pocket protector, thick-rimmed glasses, suspenders, the whole Shebang) was asking "Where my (plural of 'Ho') at?" I realized that I really didn't know how to spell the plural of 'Ho'. It's pronounced like "Hose", on that point there is consensus. People use phrases that have problems. Watch:

Where my Hos at? = Would not be pronounced "Hose"
Where my Hoes at? = Where are my gardening implements?
Where my Ho's at? = Where is the at that belongs to my Ho?
Where my Hoe's at? = Where is the at that belongs to my gardening implement?

There's no right answer! I have a new solution that will make our lives easier:
Hoze. Sure, it makes no sense, but it's the best solution avilable.

Don't Judge a Book by it's Cover

2009-12-18T13:33:00.000-08:00

They say you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. By this they mean "It's what's inside that counts", so why don't they just say that? The analogy doesn't work, that's the whole point of the cover, to get you interested in the book. The cover tells you important thing, like the title. If the Cover says "Gruesome Shark Attacks", you can bet that it's going to be about gruesome shark attacks.

Speaking of that saying, does anyone in Hollywood believe that? There is no movie about a hideously ugly guy hooking up with a supermodel? No. there are movies who think they do, and the guys aren't runway models or anything, but they're no Quasimodo either.

About Quasimodo, the Hunchback of Notre Dame doesn't either. Anyone who watched the movie knows that Quasimodo just saved her life. She married some other dude. What did Quasimodo get out of it? Now he can be in sunlight without people screaming out in Terror. What was it like breaking it to Quasimodo that she was marrying someone else? "Hi, Quasimodo. Yeah, I know you saved my life, but this guy's got a GOAT. You're nice and all, but I can't pass up a goat.I hope you understand."

Why being a Time Traveler would suck

2009-12-17T16:50:00.000-08:00

What would you do if you were a Time Traveler? Don't answer that, we all have the same answer. Sure, we all have our own "undo this, make sure I did that" scenarios, but at the end we all come to the same thing: I'd Kill Hitler.

Who wouldn't? Don't answer that either, because we all know: Nazis. But there is a problem with this: you can't kill him after the holocaust began, or Jews have already been killed. You can't Do it before the holocaust because he hadn't done anything bad. You'd look like a cold-blooded killer, people would see Hitler as a wonderful man who was killed before his time, and they'd carry on his will. It's a No-win situation.

Now I know what you're thinking, "I'd just do something else. It's a time machine, not a kill-Hitler machine"* I've thought about that, and Ive realized that if you tell someone you've used a time machine, they're first question would be "Did you Kill Hitler?", and if you say no, they'll say you're a Nazi and never speak to you again. It doesn't matter that you can tell them what life will be like in the year 3000, you are officially friends with Hitler, and that doesn't fly in America.

*Note to self : "Kill-Hitler Machine", great band name

Revolutionary Idea

2009-12-11T19:57:00.000-08:00

In gym class we are doing a unit on drugs. We split up into groups to make A) a sketch about saying no to drugs, and B) a game of some sort .

The sketch went well. Me and my friend Jacob were trying to get my friend Tristin to smoke weed. I, trying to convince him, at one point said "Pot makes all your problems go away, and replaces them with flying elephants!".

The games was a card game, and all you really need to know is that one card said "Methamphetamine, -30 points", I did not know what to draw for it, so I just drew a box labeled "Box O' Meth". The game ends when someone gets to zero points (dying of overdose). Jacob got the Box O' Meth a great many times, and was very very happy about it. He is the happiest person I've ever seen die of a Meth overdose.

Tristin and I were discussing this and came to the following Revolutionary Idea:

The real problem facing Meth dealers is that Meth has downright Horrible PR people. People think "No, meth is bad, meth will hurt me, if I ever try meth I'll die in a meth lab fire", so they never try meth. This problem can be fixed with one simple invention: The Box O' Meth. People see the smiley face-adorned box and think, "Oh, clearly this is good, no way something that has a smiley face will hurt me, and it's way too fun for the word "of", it needs O', because it's so happy. I WANT SOME!" They try it, and they're hooked.

Tristin and I have thought about making little boxes marked "Box O' Meth" and selling them to drug dealers 50/package so that they keep coming to us to buy more, and we get 20% of the proceeds. Who would like to invest?

The Truth about the lincoln Assassination

2009-09-27T11:52:00.000-07:00

You've probably heard what the government says about the Lincoln Assassination, John Wilkes Boothe shot him in the head at Ford's Theater, and he jumped down and broke his leg. Well, get ready for the truth!

You see, Lincoln and Boothe were best friends, And used to preform together as magicians. The Crowd loved seeing them do the dangerous Bullet Catch so much that the public unanimously decided to make him president. One night Lincoln and Boothe were preforming in the ford theater, Lincoln had a bullet in his hand, and Boothe fired the unloaded gun towards his head. However this time someone had slipped a bullet into the gun. Boothe, shocked, backed away and fell of the stage, breaking his leg.

You've never heard this because the history books that Boothe shot him in the head, as they were all written by the Freemasons, in affiliation with the person who put the bullet into the gun, none other than Sasquatch.

This isn't gonna sound right but...

2009-05-26T19:04:00.000-07:00

If someone is convicted of cannibalism, and is put on death row, what does he say when you ask him what he wants for a last meal?

"You know that guy I killed? Do you have anymore of him? I'm in the Mood For a Sandwich".

"I would like some Meat Loaf. Not the Food, the Person. That guy on the Motorcycle in Rocky Horror."

The Tales of Amadeus Part III

2009-04-19T20:35:00.000-07:00

PART I
PART II

Every body has a Price, and I knew hers. I knocked on her door. I heard her say "Come in with you hands up, and don't try anything funny". The door opened, and I found a double-barreled shotgun pointing directly at my face.
"Is that any way to greet an old friend?" I asked. "By no stretch of the imagination are we friends," She replied, "And didn't I tell you I would kill you if I ever saw you again?". "I thought you were kidding about that".
"What do you want?" she said. I explained that all I needed was to take down almost everyone involved in the most powerful, influential country on the planet.
"Oh," she responded, "that's all".
"Will you do it?"
"Absolutely not, now get out before I blow your head off"
"Oh well," I said, "I guess now you'll never get this"
"Never get what?"
That's when I laid on the table the first-edition Japanese copies of every Death note volume.
"Ok," she said, "I'm in"

desert island

2009-04-18T07:45:00.000-07:00

I've been reading this book of essay called "ant farm", and there is this one called "desert island", this is how it goes:

I was chatting with a girl at a cocktail party last weekend, and she asked me "If you were stranded on a desert island and could only take three possessions with you, what would you pick?"
"that's pretty tough," I said. "I guess I would take my first-edition copy of Bob Dylan's Highway 61 revisited, James Meridith's Collected Poems, and my lucky sonic youth T-shirt."
Well, it turns out that the girl was a government research scientist. It's a long story, but basically when the drugs in my cocktail wore off, I woke up completely naked on a a sandy strip of land in the middle of the ocean. A few hours later a jet plane whizzed by and parachute-dropped the record, the book, and the shirt onto the shore.
I realize now that I definitely could hove chosen better items
The last three days have been hell. I have no food, shelter of medicine. The Sonic Youth T-shirt has an enormous tear through the front. It's pretty cool-looking, and it shows I've had the shirt for a long time, since before sonic youth got big. But the tear lets in a lot of cold air, and the larger insects keep getting trapped in it.
Every few hours i flip through the Merill anthology in the hopes that one of his poems is about fire building or water purification, of how to make medicine, but so far they're all useless.
I spent yesterday morning tying the Bob Dylan record to a stick with weeds and swinging it over my head to try to receive radio waves. I don't remember why I thought that would work.
If I had asked for a Bob Dylan CD, I could have at least used the reflective surface to maybe heat up some sand. I'm not sure what that would accomplish, but at least I'd feel like I was doing something. This morning I ate the poetry book and the shirt. Tonight, I'm going to try to eat the record.
Let me tell you some more about this island. During the daytime, the sand is so hot that I need to constantly hop on one foot to prevent my feet from getting burned. At night, it's below freezing. There are no trees. There's just sand, weeds and some kind of volcano. Every fish I've caught so far has been poisonous.
I just realized that, technically, my house counts as a possession. I could have asked for my entire house.
I don't even like Bob Dylan. I just wanted to sound cool.

Star Trek

2009-04-17T18:49:00.000-07:00

There is a new Star Trek Movie coming out, and I am so excited about it, but this I swear: if this movie is an outer-space Harry Potter, I'm gonna kill myself. Others may die as well, I'm gonna play it by ear.

LOL

2009-04-02T18:51:00.000-07:00

I bricked my psp trying to manipulate the OS

but i unbricked it cause' i pwn @ dis

Manga

2009-03-30T20:56:00.000-07:00

I've been reading a lot of manga lately, and I get Kind of confused. Not the reading Right-to-left thing, I got that down. It's the things after the words. It's confusing. This is what is used:

(First Name)-Chan
(Last Name)-Chan
(First Name)-Kun
(Last Name)-Kun
(Last Name)-San
(Last Name)-Sama
(Last Name)-Sensei
(Last Name)-Senpa
(First Name)-Senpa

Hard to remember, right? Try Keeping up when you get things like Seipa-Senpa.

I've really been reading a lot of manga. Here's the full list of manga titles I am reading:

One Piece
Kindaichi Case Files
.Hack
Rave Master
Fullmetal Alchemist
Death Note
MAR

Every Rose has it's thorn

2009-03-30T15:46:00.000-07:00

Did You know that Every time you listen to Poison's "Every Rose has it's Thorn", you are being Lied to!

This is the Lying Lyric:
"Every Rose has it's Thorn, Just like every Cowboy sings a sad, sad song"

First of all, my sources (Wikipedia) tell me that roses don't have thorns, thorns are Modified leaves, whereas Roses have "Modified epidermal tissues" or Prickles.

Second of all, not every Cowboy sings a sad, sad song; in fact I can't even think of one. Did Clint Eastwood ever sing a sad, sad song? Did Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen ever sing a sad, sad song? Did John Wayne ever sing a sad, sad song? I think not.

D'arvit

2009-03-29T08:45:00.001-07:00

Ok i fixed my sis's psp but now mine won't read disks i r so pissed

Earth Hour!

2009-03-28T14:41:00.000-07:00

At 9:30, I think you should all celebrate Earth Hour! You turn off all your electricity! It's gonna be a Blast!

Help me, a former Soviet soldier has a gun to my head, and the Communists are making me do thi-

*BANG*

Hallo, Ve haff keeled ze kapatalist peeg zat you call "Geek man". Eef you do not vant a seemilar fate, zen you weel turn off all of your electreecitee at 9:30 tonight. You weel alzo surrendur to Komrade Obama.

Earth Hour

2009-03-28T12:44:00.000-07:00

today @ 9:30 everyone celebrating "earth hour" is going to shut off their power

I am not doing this cause really i think its gay

Great stuff on hulu

2009-03-28T01:27:00.000-07:00

The first awesome episode of dollhouse. Fridays at 9 on FOX.
Would put up the latest but it isn't up yet.

KNIGHT RIDER!

THE TICK!

Planet of the apes, colon, the musical!

Red Eye

Firefly

Arrested Development

Buffy

Remington Steele

Angel

His Girl Friday

Johnny Sokko and his flying robot(has 10 eps, no idea if this is entire season.)

WKRP in Cincinatti

Watch these, and if I missed anything of note, leave it in the comments w/link. all tv shows have at least one season available. The Tick only ran for 9 eps., all funny.

twittering the twits

2009-03-27T15:37:00.000-07:00

a twitter follower that is to Lost what I am to 24.

The Tales of Amadeus Part II

2009-03-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

PART I

He was wearing a disguise, but I knew it was him. I waited for the signal. He was dressed kind of like Steve Irwin (moment of silence please) and talked with an Australian Accent. I was a little surprised at how well he pulled it off. Then he signaled.

He was wearing headphones, and he started singing Falco's "Rock me Amadeus", I sat in another booth with my back to him so not to cause suspicion.
"Moron Monkey, do you have the Files?"
"Yep, they're right here. The Government is in Cahoots with Jyarnikov" Sven Jyarnikov is a Swiss banker we've been investigating. We have reason to believe he was behind my Assassination attempt a year ago.
"Who in the Government?"
"All of them. Every last senator, Congressman, and governor"
"And Obama?"
"In charge of it all. I can't get you any more info, The Government thinks I'm dead"
"Why?"
"There was a bomb under my Car, Blew up my $20,000 Corvette"
"You know what this means?"
He sighed."Yes, I know"
"We have to get Jones"
"That's not going to be easy"
"I'm leaving. you leave in a half hour so It's not suspicious"
And I left. I Headed to an Abandoned shack by the Old steel Mill. I Was meeting with Jones.

Veggie Tales

2009-03-24T10:22:00.000-07:00

No bellybutton

The Pirates who don't do anything

The Hairbrush

I love my lips

What do Barrack Obama and Oprah Winfry have in common

2009-03-23T10:03:00.000-07:00

They're both named after bad people in the bible. I'm not talking Cain bad, but just listen.

Barrack Obama constantly says his name is NOT from the Koran, so maybe it's from the bible, Just look at judges 4:6-9

6 She [Deborah] sent for Barak son of Abinoam from Kedesh in Naphtali and said to him, The LORD, the God of Israel, commands you: 'Go, take with you ten thousand men of Naphtali and Zebulun and lead the way to Mount Tabor. 7 I will lure Sisera, the commander of Jabin's army, with his chariots and his troops to the Kishon River and give him into your hands.' 8 Barak said to her, If you go with me, I will go; but if you don't go with me, I won't go. 9 Very well, Deborah said, I will go with you. But because of the way you are going about this, the honour will not be yours, for the LORD will hand Sisera over to a woman. So Deborah went with Barak to Kedesh.

Although Obama's name is spelled Barrack, and the one who disobeyed the orders of the lord is named Barak, it's not that uncommon.

Oprah's name is a misspelling of Orpah, now let's look at Ruth 1:14-15

14 At this they (Orpah and Ruth) and wept again. Then Orpah kissed her mother-in-law good-bye, but Ruth clung to her. 15 Look, said Naomi, your sister-in-law is going back to her people and her gods. Go back with her. 16 But Ruth replied, Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.

So Orpah left the Lord and went to worship false gods in another place. Not a good thing.

There are bad pick up lines and there are Horrible pick up lines. Geuss witch ones these have

2009-03-21T16:51:00.000-07:00

Ok, this is just hilarious.

The Tales of Amadeus Part I

2009-03-20T20:18:00.000-07:00

This is a story in Serial form. This story is based upon a man known only as Amadeus, a close friend to Moron Monkey 26. Enjoy.
(Story start)
I darted through the night, I had no clue where I was going, all I knew was I had to get away from here. I was in Washington, D.C., being chased by Secret Service agents. I had no clue what I was going to do when I got away, but that didn't matter. I saw an escape, i took it.

There was a sewer grate. Not my favorite getaway, but it was the only option. I Took out my Semi-auto and blew the bolts off of it. I jumped onto it and fell 10 feet into a foot of raw Sewage. Again, if I had any other choice I would have taken it. I got up and trudged through the muck, feeling sicker with every step. I pulled a flashlight and map of the city from my Messenger bag and guided my way through, until I was completely sure that I was just above a grate in front of a gym. I got out and went in.

I got through the doors with a credit card (they try to make doors that don't work that way, but if you move the card just right...) and took a long shower. I got into a change of clothes from my messenger bag, and threw the others in the trash. I hid until sunrise. A 3:00 PM, I left the gym and got into a car. I broke open the Dash and hot wired it. Via email, I told F ( Codename Moron Monkey) Where to find me.

I sat at the bar and order a Virgin Cuba Libre (Rum and coke without the rum) and watched F Come in.

twittering the twits

2009-03-17T17:57:00.000-07:00

Another Twitter follower! I am getting close to my goal of having more followers than people I'm following.

2009-03-14T19:41:00.000-07:00

ABP

2009-03-14T18:58:00.000-07:00

Adblocker plus is the best adblocker 4 fire fox like i c no ads if anyone dosn't know how 2 uses it email me and i'll give a tutorial