Blind Lemon Ford

Japan: Day 1 or 2, I don't know... Tuesday

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 14:57:00 +0000

Good news everyone! I've decided to blog again about today's events in Tokyo, Japan!

Tuesday

Today was all about getting my bearings. Honestly, my goals today were modest. I needed to find snacks, bottled water, starbucks, and food options. In addition to finding these things, I wanted to get a better feel for where I actually was in Tokyo, speak the language a bit, and just go exploring.

I woke up early with Leah and saw her off to work with her coworkers. When she left, the first thing I did was walk through the garden next to our hotel. It is a really beautiful garden with gorgeous trees, rock paths, waterfalls, ponds with giant fish, and Japanese-style houses. There is a reservation-only tea house that I definitely want to check out later. After meandering through the garden, I hit the streets of Tokyo.

The path down from the hotel is fairly steep and windy. From there, I took a left, heading away from Shinagawa station (the station near the hotel that we arrived from Narita). I immediately found a coffee place called Tully's (a chain here) and ordered a small coffee. Starbucks, check. I honestly didn't find much going this way after that though, mostly a couple of convenience stores. After walking out a couple of miles, I headed back, but on the other side of the street. As I got closer to the train station, I found an intoxicating smell leading to and Indian restaurant. Go figure, right? (Leah is going to freak out, man!). I stopped in a 7/11, yes, a 7/11 and got some bottled water. Two things down, onto Shingawa station....

At this point I haven't eaten anything, so I'm getting pretty hungry, so I stopped by a food joint in the station. I had an awesome panini with meat, onions, and peppers. It definitely hit the spot. I made sure to tell the cook that it was delicious (in Japanese, of course!). From there I explored the station some more and found a food mart, mall, and a multitude of restaurants from American to Japanese (of course) to Italian to Tapas! I bought some snacks at the food mart's sweets section, got some gellato, then headed back to the hotel from a nap. I guess the jet lag caught up with me pretty early.

After an extensive nap, I hung out in the hotel room, practiced a little, and met up with Leah. We caught a cab with her coworkers to a Japanese restaurant. On the way there, we went the exact same way that I walked earlier today. There were some pretty cool looking shops down that street. Guess I should have stayed the course and gone on a little longer.

When we got there, we went down a spiral staircase and entered a small doorway to this authentic Japanese restaurant. When we got to the sliding door, we slid off our shoes, went in, and sat down at the table (which was just a little higher than floor level). We weren't sitting Indian-style because there was a hole for us to hang our feet under the table. The food was amazing. It was something like 5 or 6 courses. It was a slow feast of delicious fish, soup, vegetables, and copious amounts of biru and sake!

All in all, not an ambitious day by any means, but definitely fun and relaxing.

Good night!

Nick

Greetings From Tokyo

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 21:20:00 +0000

Good news everyone!

I've decided not to clog up facebook and twitter with my adventure through Toyko with Leah! I figured this would be a good medium to write about my experiences in Japan without being too obnoxious.

Let's see, it's still early into the trip, but two things to talk about...

First, the plane ride. Yes, it was long, but there was lots to do. I didn't sleep one wink, but it wasn't for lack of trying. I just couldn't get comfortable. The first few hours, Leah and I entertained ourselves by reading and talking with each other. Then, the movies started...

Four movies (er three and half. The last one we only got half-way through)really helped pass the time on our near 13 hour journey to Japan. Here they are with impromptu reviews!

1.) Grownups - With Adam Sandler and all of his friends, basically. Ugh, this one was painful. It had some heart, but all in all it was brutal. The best part was switching languages between English, German, and Japanese. Adam Sandler in Japanese? Ok, that was kind of funny!

2.) The A-Team - This is about what I expected from an A-Team movie. Over the top action, Mr. T (or whoever) saying "fool" A LOT, and a fun action movie. All in all, not terrible. Definitely a good Cleaning-Up-The-House-Saturday-Flick.

3.) Prince of Persia - Speaking of Saturday action flicks... This is another one that was actually ok. With Video Game based movies, you really can't hope for more, considering that some of the best adaptations included Mortal Kombat and Tomb Raider... Yeah, some of the BEST... Anyway, cool stunts, a decent story, nice FX, not too bad (although I do admit that I watched half of this without my headphones off!

4.) Casino Royale - I think I covered this one. Watch the drama of James Bond playing cards, then playing cards, then playing more cards!! Ok, that joke was from rifftrax, but I like this movie. I was wondering how they were going to handle the torture scene with a plane full of people watching, but we never got that far into the movie. That's pretty smart on Delta's part....

From there, we landed, went through customs, took a train to Tokyo, found our hotel, and hit the sack. First pics coming soon.

Signing out, more to come...

Nick

Year in Movie Reviews #7: 2004

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 15:23:00 +0000

Ask, and ye shall receive! I got a lot of requests to finish my series of Year in Movie Reviews, so here is the latest installment. Enjoy all the creamy goodness of 2004!

2004

My Favorite Flicks

Shrek 2 – Great follow up. Advances the story line of the first movie and introduces more great characters. The Shrek series is one of the best modern fairy tales of the last decade (addendum – if it stopped here!).

Spider-Man 2 – Another sequel that not only lives up to the original but actually surpasses it. This was honestly one of the best movie-going experiences I’ve ever had, especially when it comes to action flicks. I’m a little sick of it now because it seems to be on the FX channel 24/7, but it’s a great film.

The Incredibles – Wonderful super hero kids film that anyone can enjoy. Great idea for a story, and it is extremely funny.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban – I was really bummed out when I heard that Richard Harris, the actor who played Albus Dumbledore, died shortly after the second movie. Michael Gambon fills the role in this one, and is adequate, but somewhat lacking. That aside, this movie is well executed, and I really enjoyed it.

The Bourne Supremacy – This is a great action flick. Lots of energy, lots of tension and suspense, and a good story.

Ocean’s Twelve – It’s a bit campy, but Ocean’s Twelve continues the tradition of the first film. I’m a sucker for fun, humorous crime capers, what can I say?

Collateral – This is a fresh idea for a movie in that 90% of it takes place in a cab. I really dug this one despite Tom Cruise’s clearly unnatural grey hair.

Kill Bill Vol. 2 – Quentin Terantino at the top of his game. Great storytelling with an ending that satisfies. I only wish I could have been this satiated after the final Matrix movie. Damn Wachowskis.

The Chronicles of Riddick – This is a definite upgrade from the first film (Pitch Black) and it was a really kick ass film in the theater because of its over the top action and epic scale. Even the polygony, clearly CGI tigers didn’t detract from this movie. The movie has an open ending and I really hope they make a direct sequel (with Vin Diesel).

Finding Neverland – Good dramatic movie about the author of Peter Pan. It is sort of a chick-flick so fellas, beware!

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – I loved this movie. Awesome cast, great story. This is definitely a standout movie from 2004.

Team America: World Police – Excuse me while I piss my pants laughing. Aside from being a very funny movie, it is the most epic movie involving puppets of all time.

Shaun of the Dead – Now that I’m done pissing my pants laughing, it’s time to shit my pants laughing! It’s a romantic comedy… with zombies. PURE GENIUS!!!!

Guilty Pleasures

Troy – This one falls short in a lot of ways, but it is an enjoyable watch, and I dug it.

Biggest Surprises

Meet the Fockers – This was a big surprise for me because I didn’t like the first movie, but I loved this one! Dustin Hoffman and Barbara Streisand were welcome additions to the cast. They brought with them a more light hearted humor that was more evenly spread around. Meet the Parents was like watching The Passion of the Christ, whereas this movie is what the first one should have been… a charming and funny comedy.

Dodgeball – This movie is one of the two movies from this year that has no business being as good as it is. It is shockingly good and hysterical. I loved every minute of it. It’s probably one of the best slapstick comedies of the decade.

Eurotrip – This is the other movie from this year that really soared way past expectations. “Scotty doesn’t know” is a fantastically funny song that gets a laugh every time it pops up in the movie in various incarnations. Entertaining and very funny.

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy – I wasn’t a Will Ferrell fan until I saw this movie. Before I saw Anchorman, I found him overbearing mostly, but he was really on his game for this movie. Outstanding cast with awesome cameos in the anchorman street rumble. You could quote just about any line from the movie and get a laugh. “Ah San Diego. Drink it in…. Discovered by the Germans… it means ‘A Whale’s Vagina.’”

Sideways – A huge surprise is a gross understatement for this movie. This is a phenomenal movie about two friends and their adventure. I didn’t know what to think about seeing a movie about wine tasting, but that is only small part of the picture (though it is huge thematically and metaphorically). One of the best dramatic comedies I’ve ever seen. I laugh really hard every time I watch it. Great soundtrack too.

Saw – I don’t like horror movies, but I loved Saw. By now, everyone knows the story and twist, but I love when a new idea for a movie comes along. Two guys stuck in a room chained up with only a hack saw… that isn’t strong enough to cut the chains. This is a sadistic but still compelling story.

Secret Window – Campy as hell, and I hated it on the first watch. This one really grew on me however. It’s a movie about the protagonist’s slow descent into madness that is actually pretty well executed. The last shot of the movie couldn’t be more “corny”, figuratively and literally.

Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle – This was a damn funny comedy. Neil Patrick Harris had a fantastic cameo. He only had a minute or two of screen time and just a few lines, but it was pure comic gold.

9 Songs – They go to a concert, they screw, they talk about glaciers. They go to a concert, they screw, they talk about glaciers. Rinse, lather, repeat… 9 times. Nothing really happens in this movie, but there are a few things going for it. I like how this movie seems like a documentary of two people in love. Very simple idea, but different. Not weird conflicts, no ninjas, no hammy jokes, or unrealistic situations, just a simple realistic love story. The other thing going for this is that it’s a porno. That’s right, I said it. This “art” film is a porno, simple as that. What else would you call two people having graphic sex over and over during a film?

Biggest Disappointments

Van Helsing – This movie is plagued by cheesy special effects and campy characters that I don’t care about. Enough with the damsel in distress! I just want to see Kate Beckinsale kick some ass already.

The Village – Didn’t like this one. Saw the twist coming a mile away and didn’t really connect with the main characters.

The Grudge – This movie has some of the most disturbing images I’ve ever seen. It’s one of the first movies that I can remember that really exploited digital technology to create horror. It’s too bad that the worst horror in this movie comes from the nonsensical plot and terrifyingly awful acting.

Alien vs. Predator – Two awesome franchises come together in one crappy movie. The violence and seriousness were toned way down to PG-13 to try to get more people to come, which definitely hurt this movie. To it’s credit, I did like a lot of the characters in this, but they were all killed off right away, and the story takes an idiotic turn that is just plain awful.

The Forgotten – Talk about a weak ass plot. Aliens perform tests on humans like lab rats. I’m not kidding. That’s the plot. This movie is best left forgotten!

Hellboy – I’ve tried many times to like this, but this movie seems to drag on and on, the action is not exciting, and I don’t really feel any sympathy for any of the main characters or villains.

Hero – Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon 2: Reloaded.

Napolean Dynomite – This movie sucks. Decent character, but not compelling enough to keep me engaged for 90 grueling minutes of non-hilarious acts. The dance scene was the only highlight, but it takes 85 minutes of the aforementioned 90 to get to.

Napolean Dynomite – Just to drive it home. I hated this movie. It’s not good sober, and it's not even good drunk.

House of Flying Daggers – Wow! Look at all of amazing colors! And check out the confusing story line with no explanation of why the characters have special abilities, are unstoppable and insist on having pointless over-the-top fight scenes. I keep trying to like this genre, and it keeps falling short.

Kung Fu Hustle – This movie makes fun of all the “Crouching Tiger” movies, therefore, I should have loved it. It was just like watching one of those movies, though, and one or two funny moments aside, it was just as tedious.

Garfield – I’ve seen 5 minutes of this. That’s all I could take, really. It was silly, of course, but the main problem is the glaring contrast between a digital Garfield and real animals. It’s just awkward to go back and forth like that. Either go with digital animals or real ones, but don’t mix them. Even Bill Murray (who voices the character of Garfield) admits that this movie was horse shit.

Didn’t See

The Passion of the Christ
The Day After Tomorrow
National Treasure
The Polar Express
The Aviator
Million Dollar Baby
Ray
King Arthur
Open Water
Hotel Rwanda

Year in Movie Reviews #6: 2003

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 05:53:00 +0000

Well, I'm back. I recently rediscovered my blog, and found it to be a modern day memoir. It's also a place to cut loose and rip on bad movies, ha ha! So, without further ado, here is the conclusion to my 10 year movie reviews. I'll be posting them every Thursday until they're done (1998 through 2008 as scheduled).

2003

My Favorite Flicks

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King – With this last installment, The Lord of the Rings solidified itself as the greatest movie trilogy of all time. Sorry, Randle.

Finding Nemo – An instant classic. Funny and charming.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl – Amazing adventure, daredevil characters, top notch CGI, and a solid story.

The Matrix Reloaded – I loved this installment of the Matrix Trilogy. Whereas the first Matrix movie resided primarily in the matrix, this movie showed us more of the real world. It felt like a necessary addition to the story. Incredible action throughout with one of the most amazing freeway chases of all time. The fight with the 100 Mr. Smiths got a little “CGI rubbery,” but this movie rocked my sack!

Bruce Almighty – What kind of hijinks ensues when you make Jim Carrey God? Bruce Almighty answers that question.

X2: X-men United – Definitely the best in the series. Excellent mutant action and a great story. This was director Brian Singer’s last installment in the series, which was unfortunate, because it ends with the biggest cocktease in movie history. A giant phoenix in the water that we will never see on the big screen.

Elf – Cute and funny holiday film. Will Ferrell doing his thing… as an elf in New York city. This movie has definitely become a modern Christmas classic.

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines – I like this movie a lot. It’s a great addition to the series. Yes, it’s way too campy (“She’ll be back” and “Talk to the hand” come to mind) and let’s face it, the Terminatrix was pretty stupid, but the core characters and story were pretty good. I especially liked Nick Stahl as John Connor. He was the perfect bridge between the whiny teenage wimp John Connor (Edward Furlong in T2) and the hero of all mankind (Christian Bale in the upcoming T4). Not as good as T2, which is a masterpiece, but at least on level or better than the original Terminator.

The Italian Job – This movie is in a word… fun. The director, F. Gary Gray improved and updated the quirky 60s movie into a slick, stylish flick with loads of humor, action, and drama. Solid cast. Good shit.

Cold Mountain – Sort of a chick flick. It’s pretty good. I hated seeing the bad guys kill the musicians. What a bunch of assholes!

School of Rock – Jack Black is perfect for this role. This one is close to my heart as I teach kids how to rock daily. Very funny comedy. Jack Black: What bands do you like? Kid in Class: Christina Aguilara Jack Black: Wrong.

Old School – This one has grown on me over the years. The twist on this college party/rebellion flick is that the pledge members don’t have to be enrolled in the college. You’re my boy, Blue!

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 – Part 1 of Quentin Terrantino’s revenge story about the Bride is entertaining as hell. Some of the dialogue is a little unnatural, particularly Uma Thurman in the first scene of the film, but this is forgivable because she rocks for the rest of it.

Once Upon A Time in Mexico – This is another movie that sort of grew on me. It’s not as good as Desperado, but it probably has the most ambitious plot and characters of any of the Mariachi movies. Johnny Depp stole the show, of course.

Runaway Jury – This movie is eccentric, but I dig it.

28 Days Later – Cool, intense Zombie movie. It’s a terrifying notion that our human flaws may in fact be worse than flesh eating zombies.

Monster – Charlize Theron is the most beautiful woman in movies today, and she absolutely nailed this role. If you ever thought about seeking the services of a prostitute and need to be convinced that’s a bad idea… just watch “Monster.”

A Mighty Wind – A Folk version of Spinal Tap. The music, the dialogue, the characters, everything in this movie is hysterical!!

Guilty Pleasures

Love Actually – I recently saw this film and was pleasantly surprised. It filled that holiday movie void for me this year perfectly. Bill Nighy as the underdog washed up Mick Jagger character was genius. This is like the “Crash” of chick flicks.

Phone Booth – This film went out on a limb and had its main character in a phone booth for 90 minutes. That’s pretty bold and impressive considering the managed to make this one entertaining.

Bend it Like Beckham – Chick Flick. This one wasn’t bad.

Biggest Surprises

Anger Management – It’s typical Adam Sandler fair, but Jack Nicholson is brilliant as always. What’s not to love about those two singing West Side Story while stopping rush hour traffic on a busy bridge? “I feel pretty, oh so pretty, oh so pretty, and witty, and…. (pause) GAY!!!”

Something’s Gotta Give – This movie is endearing and funny. Again, it’s another chick flick on my list. I’ve seen it a handful of times, but this movie consistently delivers. It starts to get good when Nicholson and Keaton are paired together. The soundtrack is excellent super chill music.

The Last Samurai – Tom Cruise… as the “Last Samurai???” Right. It sounds ridiculous on paper, but this is an epic redemption movie. Very cool.

Big Fish – A friend of mine told me this movie would suck, so I didn’t see it. He also told me that Kill Bill sucked. Yeah, we’re not friends anymore. This movie has a fascinating story with a distinct style all its own. I dug it.

Paycheck – A movie with Ben Affleck that doesn’t suck?? This IS a surprise. I liked the idea for this one and it is well executed. His memory is erased by the company he worked for, but before it was erased, he left himself clues to follow. Cool idea, cool movie.

Underworld – Cool concept of Vampires versus Werewolves with a style that is unique. Kate Beckinsale is the hottest Hollwood chick in black leather since Trinity from the Matrix! It’s not too often an original action flick appears, but this one delivers.

Biggest Disappointments

The Matrix: Revolutions – I have an idea to end the Iraq war. Let’s just all agree to live together in harmony. That would work. FUCK THIS MOVIE!!!

Hulk – This one jumps over the border of ridiculousness about half way through and doesn’t look back. It makes me angry, and well, you know the rest…

Seabiscuit – Yawn. Nothing about this movie grabbed me in any way. It was a highly acclaimed movie that frankly bored the crap out of me.

American Wedding – Half of the actors from the first two movies decided not to come back for this one. Now, granted, they were all of the weaker characters in the story, but their absence was missed because despite being minor characters, they brought balance to the more interesting characters. Steve Stiffler is a better character in small chunks as opposed to being 90 minutes of comic relief. There are some funny moments, but all in all, it’s definitely the worst of the American Pie movies (not counting the atrocious spin-off movies!).

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World – This will probably surprise anybody reading this list, but I really couldn’t get into this one. I’ve tried to enjoy it three times now and every time I find the movie boring. The story moves at a snail’s pace, and I’m just not engaged enough by the characters to care.

Mystic River – This is another one of those supposedly “amazing” films that was mediocre. Great cast, but I didn’t really like the story and found the movie a little contrived.

Lost in Translation – I’m just going to say it. Sofia Coppola is not a great director. She’s not a good director. This movie didn’t make any sense to me. It wasn’t funny, charming, or interesting. It was dull and lifeless at best. Virgin Suicides and now Lost In Translation. Stay tuned for her next movie in 2010 called “Watching Paint Dry” starring Jim Carrey.

Stuck on You – This one has some funny parts and a decent idea, but it doesn’t hold up. I actually bought this movie because it was cheaper to buy than to rent. I guess the joke’s on me.

The Core – Are you kidding me? I can’t believe they made this piece of crap. It was so atrociously bad and inaccurate that my wife used it in her geology class to point out how many things they got wrong. You might like “The Core” if you like smelling glue and eating paint chips.

Didn’t See

Freaky Friday
Daredevil
Mona Lisa Smile
Identity

Year in Movie Reviews #5: 2002

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 13:14:00 +0000

My Favorite Flicks

Spider Man – Spiderman is a great flick that manages to stay true to the character and story but not take itself too seriously. Sam Raimi made a well crafted superhero movie here.

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers – Wow! A fantasy movie sequel the following year? I thought these movies took three years in between each one! Amazing storytelling, character driven plot, continuity between films… George, are you taking notes yet?

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones – Smooth CGI, perfect pacing, amazing acting… oh wait, I’m not talking about “The Two Towers” anymore! This one is plagued with problems just like “The Phantom Menace,” but I still love lightsabers and I’m still a Star Wars fanboy, so… suck it! I liked this one. The action is superb, and Obi-Wan’s storyline is really quite good. He’s like a Jedi detective. I’ve definitely watched this movie a few times skipping the Anikan/Padme scenes, though. Bad casting for both characters. And let’s not forget that Yoda gets to kick some ass at the end! Now only if George Lucas would release Special Editions of The Phantom Menace with no Jar Jar Binks and Attack of the Clones with no Anikan/Padme interactions and Christian Bale as Anikan, then I’d be happy!

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets – Another solid entry in the Harry Potter film series. Sadly, Richard Harris, the character who played Dumbledore, died before this movie, and was replaced with the barely passable Michael Gambdon for this film. This was also the last Harry Potter film to be scored by John Williams, who did a masterful job as always.

Signs – A fresh idea for an alien invader movie, but this movie’s real strength is its characters. Great performances throughout from the scary parts to the charmingly funny.

Minority Report – Precognition Crime action/drama. This movie manages to raise interesting questions while simultaneously being a righteous action flick. Solid cast too.

Insomnia – This one was alright. It was cool to see Robin Williams in a different role for once.

The Count of Monte Cristo – The best Action/Adventure film of this decade. This is the rare movie that is better than the book. They managed to stay faithful and enhance the story. Brilliant!

Collateral Damage – An Arnold revenge flick. Not his best, but still enjoyable.

Super Troopers – This was my introduction to Broken Lizard. This is laugh out loud funny from beginning to end.

The Pianist – This movie is intense. It was based on a true account of one’s experience living through the Holocaust, and it is truly dire from start to finish. Shocking, heart-breaking, and sad, but very good.

Guilty Pleasures

Blade 2 – Not a great movie. Ok, not a good movie, but its still fun watching Blade kick ass. The rubbery CGI scenes are particularly bad in this one.

Jackass: The Movie – This was the extreme stuff that didn’t make it on tv. The “Rental Car Demolition Derby” was my favorite. Could have done without the “Yellow Snowcone” bit though…

National Lampoon’s Van Wilder – Most people’s introduction to Ryan Reynolds was when he talked that college jumper off of the roof of a dorm… with no pants on. Shallow, but an acceptable college party/rebellion movie.

Jason X – This movie is horrible. Jason in space? Yes, they actually made this movie! This movie has one of the most vicious murders I’ve ever seen. He dunks a scientist’s (the hottest scientist I’ve ever seen, btw) head into a sink of liquid nitrogen, freezing her head. Then he smashes her face on the counter, exploding it into a million pieces. Disgusting, shocking, but I have to admit… totally bad ass.

Biggest Surprises

My Big Fat Greek Wedding – It’s a chick flick, but this one’s ok. It’s got some good humor for the guys too. Windex cures everything.

The Ring – I don’t like horror films, but I love this movie. It’s a supernatural horror film that has a story that sucks you in, cool special effects, and the best sound editing for a horror film I’ve ever heard. That high-pitched squeal that goes off when someone sees the ring gives me chills every time I see it. EVERY TIME! I’ve seen the movie at least a dozen times. My brother once told me that he wasn’t scared because it was just a little girl. Yeah, a possessed demon child that stalks you for an entire week, finally killing you by coming through your TV and drowning you where you stand. Just a little girl… please.

The Bourne Identity – Great. Here comes another James Bond film… That’s what I thought when I heard about The Bourne Identity. I was so wrong. This movie rocks. A specially trained American Assassin with amnesia is a great concept, and this movie was well executed. This one sort of started the action with gritty realism that’s current today. Think “Casino Royale” or “Taken” and you’ll know what I mean.

John Q. – I thought this movie was going to suck. I guess I’m just a sucker for movies with a protagonist who takes hostages for noble reasons and gets away with it. Did I mention that my life stops when “The Negotiator” is on TV?

About Schmidt – Good flick about a guy who is searching for meaning after retiring and losing his wife. This one is heart wrenching, but very well done.

Biggest Disappointments

Ice Age – I hate Scrant. He’s not charming, he’s not endearing. Just get the nut or die already!!

Die Another Day – They took the CGI stuff too far on this one. All in all, it’s not terrible, but I didn’t like it as much as the previous James Bond installments with Pierce Brosnan.

XXX – This movie is retarded. I like the idea. A “James Bond” type secret agent won’t be able to penetrate today’s criminals, so they have to go with somebody who walks the line of justice and crime. The dialogue is hokey, and the action is completely unbelievable. There’s suspending disbelief, and then there’s riding the short bus.

The Sum of All Fears – Ben Affleck is not Jack Ryan. I guess Harrison Ford was too busy making K19 The Widowmaker.

Men in Black 2 – Bad CGI, a weak story, and making the small little smoking aliens and the dog main characters “alienated” me from this one. Geez, no pun intended!

Gangs of New York – I know. It’s Scorcese. But every time I try to watch it, one of two things always happen... a.) It makes me depressed or b.) It bores me to death.

Spider – Speaking of boring me to death… This movie is a look into the mind of a mad man. Is this reality? I don’t know, but with the slow pacing, I was just anxious for the movie to get to the point. I found this movie in no way entertaining.

Mr. Deeds – The movie starts with a helicopter hovering above Mount Everest. I’m no physicist, but that’s not possible. That immediately disconnected me from the film. It’s like the film actually says to the audience “Turn off your brain because this movie is going to be REALLY STUPID.”

(Mr. Deeds Addendum) Ok, a helicopter recently landed on top of Mount Everest in 2005. Three years after this shit stain of a movie came out. Here’s a link for more information on flying helicopters near Mount Everest… http://tinyurl.com/c843wv

Didn’t See

Chicago
8 Mile
Y Tu Mama Tambien
Adaptation

Year in Movie Reviews #4: 2001

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 16:37:00 +0000

My Favorite Flicks

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone – A faithful adaption of the book. This movie introduced me to the story and characters, and I really enjoyed it. Of course the book is better, but the movies are satisfying enough.

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring – This is the extremely rare case where the movie outshines the book. This movie is a masterpiece. It’s a timeless tale that is told flawlessly, and George, here’s an example of how to execute modern CGI and make it believable.

Shrek – This movie was an instant classic when it came out. This is what every kid’s movie should be. It’s wonderful fun and funny throughout.

Monster’s Inc. – Another kid’s movie that was very charming. Great voice acting, cute story. The old lady behind the desk was definitely my favorite, and the bloopers at the end were a stroke of genius!

Ocean’s Eleven – This movie is almost stylish to a fault, but I have enjoyed it every time I’ve watched it. This is a perfect example of how a crime caper can be fun and humorous.

Training Day – This is a mentor-student movie with a twist. The mentor is a very dirty cop. This movie is at times very tense and other times very funny. Denzel Washington is larger than life. “I’m the police! King Kong ain’t got shit on me!”

Along Came a Spider – Morgan Freeman at his best. I find this one more enjoyable than Kiss the Girls. Decent twist at the end too.

The Score – This is a one-time watch for most people. Everybody digs it the first time and not so much the second. I like that this movie builds toward one big job (or score) detail by detail and isn’t overblown. It’s like a more subtle version of Ocean’s Eleven.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back – Silly, but still very funny. Redeeming qualities include young Hollywood stars taking the piss out of themselves (Jason Biggs and Matt Damon as well as others) and the film realization of the “Trucker’s Code.”

Memento – I also really liked the cast. Great concept. Short-term amnesia. This is one of the most innovative movies I’ve ever seen. Now where was I?

Rock Star – Marky Mark as a rock star? Yup, and it’s a damn funny movie. Look for Zakk Wylde ripping it up and making fun of Ted Nugent’s love for hunting. Road Signs beware! Oh, and the Batmobile was a kick ass touch!

The Royal Tenenbaums – You have to be in the right mood for this one. Well, you have to be in the right mood for any dark comedy I suppose. With an all-star cast led by Gene Hackman, this one has decent humor and enough heart to make it memorable.

Guilty Pleasures

Rush Hour 2 – Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan remake Rush Hour 1 in Hong Kong. Hey, making the same film in a new location worked for Ace Ventura and Home Alone. It loses a little charm from the original, but it’s still just a funny action flick.

American Pie 2 – More of the same, but still pretty funny. “Don’t forget your penis cream.”

Legally Blonde – Guilty as charged. This movie is very dumb, but it’s oddly amusing. Guys, here’s another chick flick that won’t make you run to the hills.

Exit Wounds – Steven Seagal and DMX? Really? Yeah! This movie was actually a cool action flick!

Zoolander – This is a movie that defines the category of guilty pleasures. It is really stupid, but I just can’t stop laughing at this character. Ben Stiller always seems to get the best cameos in his movies too! David Bowie as the walk off referee was a nice touch.

The One – The one and only Jet Li movie I actually enjoyed (if you don’t count Lethal Weapon 4). It has something to do with the many interdimensional versions of Jet Li, but in true Highlander style, there can only be one. Not great, but a decent enough kung fu action flick.

Biggest Surprises

Spy Game – I honestly don’t remember this one too well, but I do remember thinking it was going to suck. I was pleasantly surprised with how much fun this one was.

Blow – Johnny Depp creates a sympathetic drug dealer in a movie about cocaine hitting the U.S. in the 80s. Fun and dynamic at the same time.

Monster’s Ball – This one had a lot of hype, and this flick was ok. This is a fascinating story of a collision of two very unlikely characters. This meeting was natural and wasn’t forced, which was something that a lot of movies really fall short with.

Hedwig and the Angry Inch – Great rock music. Unique story. Engaging characters. Nuff’ Said.

Snatch – It takes a couple of watches to understand the dialogue, but it’s worth the effort. Almost as good as Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels.

Wet Hot Summer – I wouldn’t say this is a good movie, but it’s definitely a surprise. Combining 80s campiness (no pun intended!) with quirky humor, this movie is unique. It is a lot like watching a good version of a home-made comedy. You know, the home movie your friend makes that he thinks is totally hilarious but isn’t very good, or um… funny.

Moulin Rouge! – I’m not a huge fan of this movie, but the music deserves special attention. They managed to take a lot of pop and rock music from the last three decades and rearrange them into a sort of musical theater style that was very fresh. The Tango version of “Roxanne” by the Police was a highlight. Guys this is another chick flick that is pretty decent.

Biggest Disappointments

Jurassic Park 3 – It’s one long chase movie with no purpose for existing.

Pearl Harbor – Great special FX, but this movie is plagued with awkward acting. Just listen to the song in Team America about how much this film and Ben Affleck suck and how Cuba Gooding Jr. needed a bigger part.

Planet of the Apes – This movie is just flat. Nothing exciting or provocative happens. They really phoned this one in.

The Fast and the Furious – Waste of time.

The Musketeer – How do you make Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon worse? Replace all of the characters with musketeers. I’d rather watch Biodome than this piece of shit… and I hate that movie too!

Life as a House – Darth Vader suffers from premature ejaculation!!?? C’mon dude!

Didn’t See

Vanilla Sky
Black Hawk Down
A.I. Artificial Intelligence
Enemy at the Gates
Amelie
Mulholland Drive

Year in Movie Reviews #3: 2000

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 13:30:00 +0000

My Favorite Flicks

Cast Away – This movie has grown on me. Here’s a tip. Watch the movie on TV. They spare you the part where Tom Hanks gets his feet shredded by a coral reef.

Gladiator – This one oozes testosterone (in a totally non-Brokeback way). Epic action flick. “Are you not entertained!? Are you not entertained!!!??”

X-Men – Director Bryan Singer does a wonderful job of bringing the X-Men to the big screen. He makes some creative changes (such as the character of Rogue being an insecure teenager as opposed to a sassy southern belle), but they serve the movie well. James Marsden doesn’t make a very good Cyclops, but overall, they did a superb job casting this one. Entertaining, energetic, and funny.

The Patriot – Braveheart in the American Revolution. I was skeptical when I saw the preview, but this one was epic.

Me Myself and Irene – This one is pretty silly, but what could be a better role for Jim Carrey than a schizophrenic cop? The guy is a one-man odd couple! My wife and I laughed for a good couple of minutes after the “soft serve” transition.

U-571 – Who-a! Living on a Pra --- SHACK! Just kidding. That an inside joke for those of you who have seen Jon Bon Jovi get his had hacked off in this one. Great submarine action flick. The extraordinary circumstances create a tense environment that is a great obstacle to overcome.

Men of Honor – Cuba Gooding Jr. and Robert De Niro play well off of each other in this one. Decent film. I’m just glad they changed the name from Seamen of Honor.

O, Brother Where Art Thou? – The hero’s journey through the masterful story telling style of the Coen Brothers. Great story, fantastic cast with amazing chemistry, funny as hell, and cool special effects.

Frequency – I liked this one. Father and son in different eras connect to change the future all through ham radios! Ridiculous, yes. Cool flick? Yes.

The Replacements – This is another Saturday afternoon TV winner. A decent enough story, good humor, and colorful characters. There’s even a little T & A, which doesn’t hurt.

Pitch Black – This movie introduces the character of Riddick. He was instantly added to the bad-ass characters list right next to Rambo and the Terminator. It’s a rip-off of Aliens, but who cares? It’s still a cool movie.

The 6th Day – Arnold picks another current event and makes a movie out of it. In 1999 it was the end of the world/millennium and now it’s human cloning. This is actually a good movie, though. The story, action, and characters are solid. “When I told you to go screw yourself, I didn’t mean literally.”

Almost Famous – Charming flick about a 14-year old aspiring rock journalist who goes on tour with the fictional 70’s band “Stillwater.” The superb cast leads the way from one great rock story to the next, showing the debauchery and humor of life on the road for rock bands, groupies, and anyone else hanging on for dear life.

Guilty Pleasures

What Women Want – This one is kind of hokey, but I enjoy it. I love the idea of giving a chauvinistic male the ability to hear the thoughts of women.

Space Cowboys – FOGIES! IN! SPACE! This movie really is a comedy. Great characters, awesome humor. It has a Mission to Mars-esque ending, but the main difference is that with this film, the story makes sense, and I give a shit about the characters!

Road Trip – I’m surprised it took Hollywood this long to take Animal House on the road. Pretty shallow, but some funny stuff in this one. Remember Tom Green? Fuck, was he annoying! His childish antics aside, this one’s an adequate comedy.

Bring it On – Once again guys, if you absolutely have to watch a chick flick, this one’s not terrible. It’s got some pretty stupid humor, and it’s predictable, but overall it's pretty funny, which is a lot more than I can say for most chick flicks.

Finding Forester – This one has a wonderful student/mentor relationship in it, even though it’s shadowed by Sean Connery’s now infamous line… “You’re the man, now dog!” It is such a ridiculous line that it spawned its own viral website!! http://ytmnd.com/

Biggest Surprises

The Ninth Gate – Johnny Depp in a movie about finding relics to open a gateway to hell, or something like that. This one sort of sits between “The End of Days” (Craptastic) and “Constantine” (Kick Ass!). It’s a great movie to have on TV when you’re just chilling.

American Psycho – I don’t normally like these type of movies, but I remember this one being trippy and disturbing, and also watchable.

Requiem for a Dream – Not much to say here. Decent flick.

Gone in 60 Seconds – I had a friend of mine who told me not to see this movie because I wasn’t a car guy. Ok, let’s get something straight. Just because I can’t identify the make an model of a car from listening to a tape of it on a boombox, and just because I don’t have a religious experience every time I hear “Lowrider” by War, doesn’t mean I don’t like cars, and it definitely doesn’t mean I won’t like this film. The Jerry Bruckheimer all-star team of actors is in this one with people from everything from Indepence Day to Armageddon to well, every Nicholas Cage movie of the mid-90s. I honestly expected this one to be mediocre and it was surprisingly decent. It gets slow at times (I’m not going for a pun here, the pacing gets slow, really!), but overall it’s an entertaining ride (ok, guilty as charged on that pun!).

Biggest Disappointments

Mission to Mars – This movie is an abortion. My wife and were so psyched when we saw previews for this movie, but the great cast was wasted, the story was weak, and the ending was just idiotic. This is still the only movie I’ve seen in the theater where it was literally just my wife and I. We had the whole place to ourselves. If I had a top ten list of biggest disappointments, you can bet your ass this one would be in the top 3.

Mission: Impossible II – After the first Mission Impossible, I was really excited they decided to make a sequel. It’s just too bad that this one suffers from JohnWooRambo-itis. It has that distinctive John Woo action style to it. You know, the action that is so implausible that not even a retard could suspend disbelief? And don’t get me wrong, I love Rambo movies, but Mission Impossible is supposed to be team oriented, and this one just felt like a commando mission 95% of the time.

Meet The Parents – This movie has its funny moments, but ultimately, it’s just a painful experience. I suppose it says something that I feel so bad for the main character as I’m writing this, but it’s still just excruciating. “It’s just a game, Focker!” is still a funny line though.

Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon – I remember saying 20 minutes into what I thought was the final battle scene between two chicks fighting with every sword imaginable… “If this girl just magically flies out of here, I’m turning off the movie.” Yeah, that’s what happened. It’s the quintessential bull shit Hong Kong kung fu flick. It’s confusing and tedious at best.

Unbreakable – Mr Invincible vs. Mr Glass. Yeah. Great matchup. It’s all downhill from here for director
M. NIGHT SHAYMALAN

Vertical Limit – Cheesy, over-the-top, and infantile, Vertial Limit makes Conan the Barbarian look like Hamlet. It’s one of those movies that you laugh at the sad parts and cry at the funny parts.

The Virgin Suicides – The tagline was… “Love Sex Passion Fear Obsession.” It should have been “Flacid Chickflick Boredom CommitSuicideAlreadyYouDamnVirgins!”

Didn’t See

Erin Brokovich
Traffic
High Fidelity

Addendum Review #1

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 16:12:00 +0000

This is an addendum to my 1998 and 1999 year in movie reviews. I will do these make up reviews when I see a movie from the "Did Not See" list after I post a review.

Life is Beautiful (1998) - This movie absolutely floored me. I have a friend who has been trying to get me to see this since it came out over ten years ago, and now I see why. This is a fresh, original story about a family in the midst of the Holocaust, but this movie decides to take another route. Life is Beautiful is really a tragic comedy that focus on hope, love, and the human spirit. Guys don't worry, it's definitely not a chick flick! The beginning is a lot of fun and has a sort of 1950's film style to it. This movie is funny, tense, heart-wrenching, and wonderful, and is not to be missed.

Magnolia (1999) - Thanks go to my wife for reminding me that I did see this one. Wow, not a good start for Magnolia considering I didn't even remember seeing it. I do remember thinking it was ok, and that Tom Cruise was very funny as the author of a book named "Seduce and Destroy." His motivational speeches to men who want to do better with the other sex (I took that down a peg or two!) are definitely a highlight. "Respect the cock!"

Year in Movies Reviews #2: 1999

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 15:11:00 +0000

My Favorite Flicks

Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace – This movie sits in most people’s disappointed bin, but I still enjoy it. There I said it. It was such a thrill to see a new Star Wars movie in the theater that I couldn’t sit still. Yes, I know it’s plagued with heavy political themes, an annoying kid playing Darth Vader, and um… you know who, but there are some good nuggets in this one. Is it a masterpiece? No. Honestly, it’s probably the weakest Star Wars film based on the fact that it doesn’t really need to exist. I mean really, what happens? Do we need to see this? Why do I care about Anakin as a boy? All of these gripes aside, half of the characters are actually pretty good, and the action is awesome. This one has a great light saber battle at the end, and the way they cut between three battles is reminiscent of Return of the Jedi. Look, I’m a Star Wars fanboy. I accepted this a long time ago (in a galaxy far far away), so I’m able to look past the faults and enjoy the movie anyway.

The Sixth Sense – Great twist. Good flick. This was before everyone knew the M. Night Shaymalan formula. This twist is probably as well known by now as Darth Vader being Luke’s father.

The Matrix – The first time I saw a preview for this movie was during the Superbowl. It was so jaw dropping that after the preview was done, it cut right into the game mid-John Elway’s pass for a touchdown. Ok. I still maintain that the Atlanta Falcons were so mesmerized by the preview that they dropped their guard during that play. The preview was so good, it made a team that was currently playing in the Superbowl not care about the game! Fresh idea, killer action, cutting edge CGI, and innovative.

American Beauty – This movie’s visual style and no-holds-barred look into the ugly side of American culture are still fresh in my mind. Outstanding cast led by Kevin Spacey and Annette Benning. “Who’s car is that outside? Mine. 1970 Pontiac Firebird. The car I've always wanted and now I have it. I rule!”

The World is not Enough – Awesome Bond flick. It has a good balance of action, story, and of course, sexual innuendo. Ok, the sexual innuendo is off the chart, but I still like this one a lot.

American Pie – I was the same age as the characters in this movie, so this one hit home pretty well. It updates the John Hughes formula for the 90’s and was genuinely entertaining. It’s a solid comedy… “I’ve never done it with baked goods…”

Sleepy Hollow – Darth Maul as the headless horsemen decapitating people for an hour and a half. If only he had as big a role in Star Wars! I’d pay one million dollars for a ticket to a theater to see the headless horsemen from this movie decapitate Jar Jar Binks.

Galaxy Quest – Spinal Tap is to rock music like Galaxy Quest is to Star Trek. If you enjoy Star Trek on any level, this one will really make you laugh.

The Cider House Rules – Good flick. Engaging characters, great cast. Charlize Theron might be the most beautiful woman in Hollywood, and she can act too!

Fight Club – Quintessential guy flick. I figured out the twist before it was revealed though. It was partially because my buddy gave me a clue that gave it away, but it didn’t spoil the movie. Pschological Thriller? Action Flick? Comedy? All of the above.

October Sky – I love this movie. It has heart, is funny, and is a great classic story about kids with big dreams in a small town. “Cool it Quentin! You and your hot gases!”

Mystery Men – Wannabe super heroes save the city. Great concept. Funny movie. “When you can balance a tack hammer on your head, you will head off your foes with a balanced attack!”

Detroit Rock City – I honestly don’t remember much of this one other than it was an entertaining adventure for some teenage Kiss fans trying to get into the concert.

Guilty Pleasures

Deep Blue Sea – Deep Blue Sea is as gratuitous as it is ridiculous. It’s not a good movie, but it’s awesomely bad. It’s a survival movie featuring genetically modified super smart sharks. If you’ve ever wanted to see Samuel L. Jackson ripped apart by sharks, look no further. You can also see L.L. Cool J blow up a shark with a gas stove and a lighter. “You ate my bird!” HA HA HA!! Great stuff.

Varsity Blues – Small town football team hijinx at its finest.

Bowfinger – The idea of this movie is pretty damn funny. Follow a major movie star around and make him the star of your movie without him knowing it. It’s all about an almost washed up director’s journey to make his finest movie. It’s silly at times, but I dig it.

10 Things I Hate About You – Yeah, it’s a chick flick. Fellas take note. If you have to watch a chick flick with your respective other, this one’s passable. However, Julia Stiles might be the worst actress working today. I’ve seen more acting chops from Pauly Shore.

Biggest Surprises

Payback – This movie is funny. It’s so easy to root for this guy who’s just trying to get back this relatively low amount of money from the criminals who stole it from him.

South Park – Bigger, Longer and Uncut – This one earned my respect based on the musical numbers alone. Blame Canada!

Being John Malkovich – What a trippy, unique idea for a film. It’s too bad that ten years later nobody wants to make anything but sequels, prequels, and remakes.

Girl Interrupted – It’s sort of a “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest” with chicks. Angelina Jolie stole the show, of course.

The 13th Warrior – I wouldn’t go as far as to say this movie was good, but I was surprised that it was decent and somewhat enjoyable to watch.

End of Days – Arnold Schwarzenegger vs. Satan. This is as bad and awesome as it sounds. This movie is alright. Not great, but it’s passable. Gabrielle Byrne steals the show as satan though. He is a total bad ass. He’s a cold-blooded killer except with Arnold, of course. And oh yeah, this movie totally takes advantage of the 2000 new year. All of the computers are going to shut down and the world is going to end, right? At least they had the courtesy to make fun of this a la Gremlins 2. “He has until midnight. Is that Eastern time or Pacific?” If you want to see how a movie like this can be done right, watch “Constantine.”

Biggest Disappointments

The Mummy – Great CGI, but I’m not into this one. Brendan Frasier screams directly into the camera so much that I actually want him to get cut to pieces by mummies.

The Blair Witch Project – For the record, I saw this before it came out that it was a hoax. It sucked before I knew that, and it sucked after I knew that. I kept wondering why they didn’t just follow the river to civilization when they got lost. Isn’t that common knowledge? Especially to anybody who camps?

Wild Wild West – Giant robot spider attacks the old west. What were they smoking?

Inspector Gadget – I loved Inspector Gadget as a kid, but this film has nothing to offer adults, or kids for that matter. Go Go Gadget balls.

The Haunting – Not scary, not entertaining, and not a good movie.

Any Given Sunday – This movie is dumb as a tack. Gratuitous and lacking of any redeeming factors whatsoever.

Eyes Wide Shut – Stanley Kubrick’s swan song was unfortunately awkward and boring at best. At least it was appropriately titled because it put me right to sleep.

Didn’t See

The Talented Mr. Ripley
Magnolia
Arlington Road
The Insider
Man on the Moon
Stuart Little
Dogma

Year in Movies Reviews #1: 1998

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 13:26:00 +0000

I’m not a movie buff. I’d call myself more of a movie junky. By no means do I subscribe to movie snobbery either, I just really enjoy them. My tastes gravitate towards action flicks and comedy, but if a movie is made well, any style can satisfy. This is my take on the movies of the past 10 years…

My Favorite Flicks

Saving Private Ryan – Truly amazing film. Tough to watch because of it’s depiction of war, but an essential flick.

Lethal Weapon 4 – It’s another Lethal Weapon film. Yeah, it’s more of the same, but the phrase “Don’t fix it if it ain’t broke” comes to mind. If you like any of the other three Lethal Weapons (comedy + over the top action) you’ll like this one. Chris Rock takes the comedy to a new level, and the action is enhanced by Jet Li. I also love the musical cues in these films from maestro Michael Kamen. Jazz sax for Murtaugh played by David Sanborn, rockin’ electric guitar for Riggs played by Eric Clapton, and the harmonica for Biscuits, I mean, Butters was a nice touch.

The Mask of Zorro – This movie has some camp in it, but the story is good, the action is top notch, and the student/mentor between Alejandro (Antonio Banderas) and Zorro (Anthony Hopkins) is classic.

A Bug’s Life – Not much to say here. Decent CGI movie.

Antz – Better than “A Bug’s Life.” Memorable characters, fun, and adventure that kids and adults can enjoy. What more can you ask from a CGI kids movie?The X-Files – Stoywise, this movie adds absolutely nothing, but it’s a fun ride.

Blade – Bad Ass Vampire Killer Movie. I probably watched this weekly in college.

U.S. Marshals – The U.S. Marshal ensemble from “The Fugitive” returns for their own feature film. They have a great chemistry led by Tommy Lee Jones. It was really great to have the story be told from primarily the Marshall’s point of view. Add Wesley Snipes and Robert Downey Jr. to the mix and that’s a surefire win.

The Negotiator – My life stops when this movie comes on. It is pure action gold.Ronin – I love this flick. Awesome characters, great story, and the best car chases ever. No bull shit CGI here, just pure adrenaline.

Rounders – Entertaining and tense. Both Matt Damon and Edward Norton are excellent in this film.

The Big Lebowski – I have never laughed so hard at any other movie on the first watch. The funeral scene near the end had me laughing through the credits. Hilarious story, outstanding Characters, A++.

American History X – This one is intense. Once again, Ed Norton puts in a superb performance throughout this edgy film about racism and modern Nazis.

Guilty Pleasures

Armageddon – Yeah, yeah, it’s another disaster movie, but it was damn entertaining. Totally improbable, but who cares? The characters were likeable and many times funny. Stop humping the nuclear warhead? Brilliant!!

Rush Hour – This is a comedy action buddy film that really delivers. Chris Tucker for the funny, Jackie Chan for the action… weird combo, but it works.

The Truman Show – This one didn’t get a positive reaction, and I didn’t see it at the time. All I know is that when it’s on, I always watch it. It’s more of a subtle funny, so Ace Ventura fans beware. It’s really a great idea for a film, and I liked it.

The Wedding Singer – This documentary of 80s culture makes me laugh every time.

Bride of Chucky – I don’t like Chucky movies. I watch this for Jennifer Tilly.

Half Baked – This one’s pretty dumb. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen it, but I remember enjoying it, so here it sits in my guilty pleasures bin.

Mulan – I recently saw this, and I dig it. Nothing new here, just a decent Disney flick.

Biggest Surprises

The Man in the Iron Mask – This was the movie that I first saw Leo as a serious actor as opposed to a teen idol. Great supporting cast too.

Enemy of the State – “I blew up the building” “Why?” “Because you made a phone call!” I saw the preview for this so many times on tv, it almost detracted me from seeing the movie. That line is so dumb out of context in a preview, but this movie was genuinely entertaining and funny. Will Smith and Gene Hackman were a great combo.

Biggest Disappointments

Godzilla – What. Were. They. Thinking?

Star Trek: Insurrection – Not bad. It’s more like an episode than a movie, and it doesn’t compare to the first two Next Generation films. Rejected tagline… "In the event of a water landing, I have been designed to serve as a flotation device." - Data

Didn’t See

Life is Beautiful
Baseketball

New Series coming this Thursday

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 06:15:00 +0000

I have a new series debuting this week on this blog. It's going to be a blast, but it'll be even better if you all get involved by weighing in with your own opinions. I don't want to ruin the surprise of what the series will be about, but it will be weekly, and (hopefully) entertaining.

Look for the series debut this Thursday!

Blind Lemon Ford

Best Voicemail EVAR!

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 17:49:00 +0000

Ok, I made this about a year ago, and now have it as my voicemail for select callers. Careful with this one, it'll cleave your head clean off your torso, cauterizing the spot on your neck where your innocent head used to be. HA HA!!!!

Christmas Music... Up Your ASS!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 06:12:00 +0000

I haven't blogged in 100 years in lieu of twitter, so I've decided to post some Christmas music from 4 to 5 years ago. I did a semi-serious album called Christmas Virtuoso for shits and giggles, and I'm going to post some of the better cuts from that album over the next week or so.

The first song I'm posting is Jingle Bell Rock. I love the energy of this track, even if it is a slopfest.

http://tinyurl.com/59q8xf

ENJOY!!

Cabin Olympics 2008

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 04:02:00 +0000

In honor of the Olympics, I recorded my own rendition of "Bugler's Dream." If you've been watching the Olympics at all, you'll recognize it as it is probably burned into your eardrums by now.

The music accompanies a brief slideshow of great olympic moments from my vacation with the Windhorsts. Be sure to check out Perspicacious Girl's most recent blog entry for even more epic cabin moments (http://perspicaciousgirl.blogspot.com).

The events of the Cabin Olympics are as follows...

1.) Mario Jump
2.) Epic Pose
3.) Ninja Roll
4.) Bongo Bounce
5.) All Night Indoor Bag Toss (x2)
6.) T.P. Rachel's Car
7.) 25 Meter Float and Drink
8.) Extreme Tubing (x2)
9.) Rachel's Retrobution

Goodbye Old Friend

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 21:59:00 +0000

It is truly a sad day at the Ford Household. The time has finally come... to say goodbye to my first tv.

I remember bringing it upstairs to my room as an eager 12 year old. Oh the hours I spent in front of this thing were truly wonderful! From my first tv movie on it (Predator) to playing Nintendo and Super Nintendo on it (Final Fantasy 2, or 4... WHATEVER!), to being stored in my parents garage to its final days reposing in my studio, it's been a righteous technicolor ride.

Look at how old school this thing is! The dials have a UHF station on it... a U H F STATION!!! This is an outrage!! This is a disgrace!! (I'm still quoting random movies due to my recently being up at the cabin... more on that soon). Anyway, the tv channel crank went up to 83, and although the functionality of the connector in the back was a constant source of frustration, it was a joy to get my Nintendo to work through the phallic looking device. C'mon, you know that looks like an Amish Penis! (sorry another inside joke from the cabin... don't ask if you don't know... Believe me, you don't want to!!)

So it is with regret that I go through the necessary act of throwing away this memory box, but you can see my fond memories, sadness, happiness, love, and reget because I kissed a dusty 30 year old tv.

Here's to you RCA! You have lived long and prospered, but it is time for me to say goodbye old friend. Cheers!

Life Resolutions, The Mars Volta T-Shirt, and a "Select" Support Group

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 01:17:00 +0000

I'm tired. Let's get this out of the way. I recently got a new job at MakeMusic where I work in customer support for popular music software such as Finale and SmartMusic. It kicks ass. However, working at Bruegger's Bagels early in the morning (5 - 8 am), followed by MakeMusic all day (8:30am - 5 pm), then followed by guitar lessons (5:30 - 8ish)... I think you get the idea.

Anyway....

Awhile back I talked about Life Resolutions versus New Year's Resolutions. Well, I think an update is way past due.

So far, I've been running a fair amount. I am going to run Grandma's half marathon in a little under two weeks. I've lost 20 pounds to date because of my running, my active job at Brueggers (which to be clear, I had my last day today - to retain my sanity... see above paragraph), and healthier eating ( http://perspicaciousgirl.blogspot.com/). I went to a Mars Volta concert a few years back, and the only t-shirts they had left were mediums. Needless to say the medium Mars Volta shirt has never fit --- until now.

Mo money? Why yes! My teaching has been steady as usual, and I've augmented it with Brueggers on the side for the past four months. I just started my new job at MakeMusic this week which will last at least until mid fall.

Where I've come up short, hmmm... well, the other less savory skills (ditch digging, etc. - clearly frustrated words) didn't come into play; although that's probably a good thing! Our house hunt has been slow, and realistically won't happen this year for various reasons. All I can say is that we're moving towards that goal slowly, but surely. The final thing is that I should have made the potential third life resolution an actual one. Let's just say it's spiraled out of control! Do the words "Mooners Anonymous" mean anything to you?

It is not my intent to brag, or complain with this. I just thought it was fair to give an update to my January words.

Finally, I've been fairly active with gigs, but not nearly enough so. I have lots in the works, and I'm going to spill some beans on my plans very soon. Stay tuned.

I'm back! (Again!)

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Fri, 23 May 2008 11:38:00 +0000

Hello all! (that would be Leah, David, Andy, Sarah, and of course anybody else looking at this blog)

I know I've been absent from this blog for some time, but here's the deal. Obviously, the quote of the week did not inspire me to blog every week, so screw that! I'll put up a quote when I feel like it! Alright, I'll put one up when it comes to me, ok?

Here is a quote from my buddy Daniel Miller. He just started a new healthy workout regime that is kicking his ass. He's a really energetic person. Think Jack Black on steroids (and REALLY good at guitar -- more on that later)....

"I'm not on steroids, I'm just an angry person."
- Daniel Miller

I have a lot of things planned, so for all of you Blind Lemon lovers out there, there is more to come in the way of video games, movies, and of course, music. You'll also get any other stuff that rolling around the old noodle.

Quote of the Week (for last week!)

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 00:39:00 +0000

Sorry I missed the quote of the week last week. I had a last minute gig that required my full attention (more on that very soon!). This quote comes from the late, very funny comedian Mitch Hedberg...

"Dogs are forever in the push-up position. That joke is dumb; I'm aware of that." - Mitch Hedberg

Check out this clip of Mitch doing the Tonight Show. The quote is halfway through...

Over Matter Tonight!

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 23:09:00 +0000

I'll be melting faces tonight at the Uptown Bar & Cafe with the band Over Matter. The address is above and you can click the logo for more information. We go on around 9:00pm. If you come and mention this blog post, I'll buy you a beer. See you tonight!

QUOTE OF THE WEEK!

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 19:56:00 +0000

In an effort to get off my ass and blog regularly, I am introducing the QUOTE OF THE WEEK! The quote can be from popular media such as movies, tv, music, books, etc., but can also be from the people in my life.

We're going to start this off with one of my favorite quotes of all time. This one comes from my brother, Mark. When asked what music "turns him off" on myspace, his reply was such....

"Billy Ray Cyrus. Achy Breaky Heart. When I hear this song, it makes me want to leave the PLANET." - Mark Ford

For your Kuffs Viewing Pleasure...

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 16:21:00 +0000

Cry Baby vs. Kuffs: Two nostalgic movies, but how did they age?

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 15:53:00 +0000

This is a response to Perspicacious Girl's review of "Cry Baby," and her attack on "Kuffs."

Y'know, Cry Baby wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be. Let's get that out of the way. It's hammy, but it's meant to be that way, and for the most part, it was entertaining, and even funny at times. ("Your honor, can we take our daughter the fuck home?") I don't go super ga ga over Johnny Depp like Perspicacious Girl, because, well, I'm a heterosexual dude, so no points there...

Perspicacious Girl was just the right age when this movie came out, and I was the exact right age for Kuffs (about 11).

Kuffs is rife with stupid adolescent gags and fart jokes, not to mention car chases, gun battles, and gratuitious T & A (Milla Jovovich, anyone?). I loved this movie when it came out. It was PG-13, so I could watch it all I wanted to (They didn't really card kids back then to my recollection), and it had a nice blend of humor and action.

Does it stand up today? In a word... No. I think anyone would be hard pressed to say that this is a great movie, let alone a "good" one, but I must admit that it is still a guilty pleasure for me. Some of it is unbearable. For instance, when Kuffs is tied to a chair next to a ticking time bomb, his dog comes to the rescue. Through his taped mouth he tries to say "Bark! Bark!,". The dog then proceeds to fart to which Kuffs replies "No. Not Fart! Bark!" Yeah, that's pretty bad. Let's not forget the "Beverly Hills-esque" theme that follows our hero around. It's the exact same synthesizer sound, and is only different by two notes or so. Who did they have write that theme, Vanilla Ice?

There are some redeeming qualities, however. Not many, but there are some. Christian Slater actually does a pretty good job throughout the movie, cheesy as it is, and this movie at times is genuinely funny. A young Milla Jovovich dancing around in her underwear isn't too bad to look at either.

All in all, I admit to Kuffs being a pretty bad movie, but I'll have to add it to my guilty pleasures list because of the nostalgia this movie holds for me. To steal an idea from Pulp Fiction, you could say that Cry Baby aged like wine, and Kuffs, well, aged like vinegar.

Blind Lemon Ford

p.s. My sincerest appologies to Perspicacious Girl for making her watch this movie with me

p.p.s. My most sincere appology to anybody who actually watches this movie as a result of this blog...

New Star Wars: Episode III Scroll (Minnesota Style!!)

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 17:13:00 +0000

Episode III

Revenge of the Winter

Snow! The roads are crumbling under the attacks by the ruthless bitch, Mother Nature. There are bad drivers on both sides of the road. Accidents are everywhere.

In a stunning move, the fiendish idiot leader, Crazy Pooperman, has swept multiple cars off the road and continues to swerve like a madman.

As the fleet of crappy drivers attempt to flee the besieged roads with their valuables, one musician/baker leads a desperate mission to try to drive home safely...

Life Resolutions

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 04:56:00 +0000

Ok, so everyone has New Year's Resolutions. This year I'm going to lose weight. This year I'm going to make more money. This year I'm going to stop mooning cars from my porch. You've heard all of these before. You've probably made one or two of these resolutions before (but probably not all three, um, ahem, like me!).

I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions anymore because they always translated into The-First-Three-Weeks-of-The-Year-Resolutions for me. There was even one year when I freely and openly admitted that my "resolutions" would only last three weeks. 2002, I think...

This year will be different!!! I know. I know. You're probably saying right now... "Oh, here we go. What a load of crap!" Well, I don't blame you, because I probably sound like a million other people bound to fail at their new year's resolutions.

Here's the thing. There isn't a magical barrier that we cross over the new year. We change the name of the year, and that's it. I think it's important to think of decisions to better oneself as life resolutions. This probably sounds cheesy as hell, but It is a vital distinction.

So what are my life resolutions (inconveniently placed around new year's... ugh!!)? Well, I'm going to start running again. I am going to run full and half marathons this year. I'm already signed up and have already begun training.

Second, I am going to make more money this year. Leah and I are going to buy a house, so I'll probably take on an extra job or two (or three!) to get it done. Let's see, I have teaching and playing wedding gigs. Hmmm, my other skills include ditch digging, guinea pig, and shit shoveling. Oh well, I'm sure something will come up.

Well, that's it. And, no. There is no third life resolution. Enjoy the view!!!!

Return of Blind Lemon!

noreply@blogger.com (Blind Lemon Ford) — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 13:43:00 +0000

Well, I'm back. My old computer crashed, and I finally have a brand spankin' new computer.

Today I'm going to post some pictures from my trip to Carroll College (finally!).

Pic #1 This is my brother-in-law David at his finest. After a long night of shennanigans, David posed with his new friend... the penthouse suite candle. Curiously, this picture was taken in the RV. Hmmmm......

Pic #2 This is a shot of the sidelines at the game (which Carroll won by the way). See if you can "Find Bert." (Hint - #62).

Pic #3 This is the Windhorst clan + myself and Bert Parker. We enjoyed dinner at "The Melting Pot," which was a fondue place. (from left to right: Marie Windhorst, Sarah Windhorst, Leah Ford, Nicholae Forgmir the astronaut sorcerer jedi with shifty eyes, Bill Windhorst, Rachel Windhorst, David Windhorst, Jacob Windhorst, Bert Parker, and Becca Windhorst)

That's it for now. Just remember, don't cross the streams, and if somebody asks you if you are a god, say... YES!!!!

N