the blisslist

i called to say i'm on the way {November 10, 2009}

2009-11-10T12:00:00-08:00

Listening to this beauty today.

smile though your heart is breaking {November 2, 2009}

2009-11-01T00:00:00-07:00

I knew my father was going to die before he did. I was 24 years old and employed as a cancer information specialist for the American Cancer Society. I remember sitting in my chair at work, skimming an article on metastatic breast cancer (indeed, men get breast cancer too) and realizing with grim certainty that my father wasn't going to make it. Our final conversation took place on February 14, 2007. I phoned him and cheerfully announced that he was my valentine. He was quiet—he wasn't himself. Five days later, I booked a flight to Virginia. My father wasn't speaking anymore. He stopped eating. The cancer was in his spine, lungs, and brain. Once home, I found him unconscious on an aluminum hospital bed in our den. My father's long, 6'6 frame was soft and frail—his dough-colored skin was dull in the light.

He was going to die three hours later.

The final moments of my father's life were awful. I held his hand as my sister sobbed in the stairwell. As my father gasped and labored for air, his eyes were open—blank and watery. His body rattled in exhaustion. As the space between his breaths grew expansive and long, I asked my mother, "Is he dead?" It's so strange to watch someone die and not do anything. We were told to let him go. We let it happen. I kissed him on the cheek and gripped his hand in bewilderment. How am I supposed to do this?

After several minutes, he stopped shaking and became silent. My mother picked up the phone and called our hospice worker. I looked at my phone and thought of Ben. My father was dead. Gone. Solemn workers from the funeral home knocked and took his body away. I went to bed. I stared at the ceiling, and I didn't cry.

I thought of Ben.

As mentioned last week, I saw The Antlers perform Hospice on Friday. I've written about this album a few times, and it's my favorite release of the year. Peter Silberman's music is soft and unassuming in spots, yet as a conceptual work, Hospice is bold & impassioned—Peter seethes in long drones and spaces. Hospice is a cathartic blow-up and by-god it's gorgeous. I'll admit it, I was angry too. I was angry for losing the most influential, beloved men of my life within a six month period. I'm less angry now, but I can remember what it felt like to be so emotive, so raw .... In 2007, I thought my heart might stop beating at any moment. Hospice is a dirt-cold nightmare put to song. As for The Antlers' performance on Friday, I remain transfixed. Their set was beautifully executed and entirely moving. I held it together through most of the show, but the final song, "Epilogue," reduced me to a river of wet, dollopy tears. Thank you for being there, Roger. I don't think you realized it, but you held me up against the sonic crush. I love you, my friend.

When I try to move my arms sometimes
they weigh too much to lift.
I think you buried me awake,
my one and only parting gift.
But you return to me at night,
just when I think I may have fallen asleep,
your face is up against mine,
and I'm too terrified to speak.
You're screaming,
and cursing,
and angry,
and hurting me,
and then smiling,
and crying,
apologizing.

Epilogue - The Antlers | website

ps. I didn't say hello to Peter this time. Next time, friends. Next time I will be ready!

(image via the square america snapshot archive)

the afternoon after .... {November 1, 2009}

2009-11-01T00:00:00-07:00

Thoughts of penmanship tire me (yup, too many drinks last night), thus I will seize this warm, bright afternoon, defy my lazy inclinations, and break out for a short hike. My soundtrack: Land of Talk's 2008 album, Some Are Lakes, plus their new EP, Fun and Laughter.

Yep, it's all in happy preparation for Land of Talk's performance tomorrow night in San Francisco. I discovered the band after witnessing the band's vocalist/guitarist, Elizabeth Powell, perform with Broken Social Scene in 2008. Land of Talk is back on the road after canceling their tour last year, and based on the new tracks, I think it is going to be a fantastic performance. Lizzie has such a distinctive, gorgeous voice—& mixed with those guitar riffs, o my!

Lizzie was kind enough to answer a couple questions on their EP and the newly-launched tour—plus give me a few details on whether or not Broken Social Scene is recording a new album. Have at it:

Hi Lizzie! I hope you are having a lovely day, and thanks so much for taking a few moments to answer my questions. Frankly, you sound fantastic on Fun and Laughter. I read that you underwent vocal chord surgery last year, and I was pleasantly surprised to hear how strong your vocals sound on these new tracks. I'm curious to know if the surgery changed anything for you. Was the recovery process difficult?

Actually, I did not end up having the surgery. We cleared my schedule indefinitely, and I healed on my own terms. I had pre-existing nodes on my vocal cords which would have healed had I taken a year off—which was not an option for me at the time ... or so it seemed that way. My voice was constantly competing with my guitar and the cymbals so I was pushing way harder to get the sound out, which put my body in a constant state of tension. I eventually developed a polyp on my left vocal cord, was warned by my ENT Doc that it would hemorrhage and potentially burst, and despite her advice went on tour with Broken Social Scene as opening band and as singer/guitarist. Sure enough, my polyp bled out, engorging the surrounding tissue and thus basically paralyzing my vocal chords. They couldn't vibrate, so we canceled all tours for 6 months. I wrote in a note pad for 2 weeks instead of speaking. With a ton of effort, I quit most of my bad habits. I started singing lessons with super rehabilitative vocal coach, Marcin Brzezinzki. In-ear monitors, acupuncture, good night's sleep, eating well, learning how to calm my brain and relax, following the great advice of hardworking, great singers—Basia Bhulat, Leslie Feist, Lisa "Cowbella" Iwanycky. I am very grateful for their care, concern and help. I'm sure I will slip into old singing habits and go through vocal problems in the future, but will be able to identify and deal with the issue instead of pretending it's not happening and then subsequently freaking out and feeling helpless.

So after all of that, did you purposely set out to do something different with the new tracks on Fun and Laughter?

Nope, it's just the way it came about. The vocal injury had a lot to do with it. I guess I was just working the best way I knew how under the circumstances.

The new EP boasts 4 new songs and 3 videos. What inspired the mix?

While I convalesced I began recording ideas on garageband. I would record vocal sketches super softly in my closet—I don't know why there. My voice sounded so weak and terrified so I would drench them in guitar effects plug-ins like "British Invasion", "Dreamy Shimmer", "New Nashville", etc—in an attempt to boost the guts of my voice. All of these songs ended up on Fun and Laughter and the new album we just finished recording, but Jace stripped the layers of muck and pushed my voice into the light, as I see it.

Your tour kicked off a few days ago. How is it going so far?

We're having a blast. Because we weren't sure how far I could push my voice we booked very little press and we added more days off. So this is actually the most relaxed I've ever been on the road.

So are your performances faithful to the original recordings? Or do you prefer to change things or introduce new elements in a live setting?

Arrangement wise, mostly faithful. But I'll make subtle tweaks here and there depending on how I'm feeling on any given day.

After the tour, what's next for the band? You mentioned a new album, yes?

We just recorded the full length at Breakglass Studios in Montreal with Jace Lasek from Besnard Lakes. We have recorded everything but Some Are Lakes in that studio. It's a great place to make music and Jace is one of the few people I can actually work with in a creative capacity as well. We keep touring until the holidays and then we put finishing touches on the album and head back out on the road next March.

You have a new band member. I read that the new videos for "Troubled" and "The Man Who Breaks Things" were directed by your new bassist, Joseph Yarmush, while the animation piece "It's Okay" comes from WeWereMonkeys. Each video has a very different aesthetic. Could you talk about this a little? How did Joseph come to be involved in the video-making process for these songs?

Joe figured out a way to do both videos for a price we could actually afford we jumped at the chance. He's the band's visualist. It started with him taking photos of the band before he was even a member. When Chris left the band, Joe was the first person I thought of. He also plays in a Montreal band called ZEROES whom I love so it seemed like a great fit, and it turned out to be just that. He just knows how to marry audio with visual. I like the way he sees things—shapes, light, color. We share a lot of the same reference points and inclinations. You should see the projection show he has put together for the set. Rad and magical is all I'll say. He works with an editor named Petros Kolyvas mostly and they also just did the new Young Galaxy video.

Looking forward to seeing it! Okay, one final question: Do you know if Broken Social Scene is working on anything? Any plans to contribute to the next album? I hope so!

I know they recorded a ton of tracks in Chicago and are continuing to record in Toronto, and that there is a song waiting for me if I can carve out a window in my tour schedule this fall—I hope so too.

Lizzie, I saw you perform with BSS at the Outside Lands Festival over a year ago. It was a wonderful performance and San Francisco is elated to have you back! I'm sure you'll love Cafe du Nord. It's cozy and exquisite—one of the best spots in the city. See you soon.

Thanks so much and see you at the show hopefully!

May You Never - Land Of Talk | website

Tour Dates
Monday, 11/2, San Francisco, CA, Cafe Du Nord: Tickets!
Wednesday, 11/4, Portland, OR, Doug Fir Lounge
Thursday, 11/5, Seattle, WA, High Dive
Friday, 11/6, Bellingham, WA, Nightlight
Saturday, 11/7, Vancouver, BC, Biltmore Cabaret
Thursday, 11/12, Montreal, QC, Segal Centre
Wednesday, 11/18, Cambridge, MA, Middle East
Friday, 11/19, Burlington, VT, Club Metronome
Saturday, 11/20, Northampton, MA, Iron Horse
Sunday, 11/21, New York, NY, Mercury Lounge
Thursday, 12/3, Washington, DC, Rock And Roll Hotel
Friday, 12/4, Philadelphia, PA, Kung Fu Necktie
Saturday, 12/5, Chapel Hill, NC, Local 506
Tuesday, 12/8, Atlanta, GA, The Earl
Wednesday, 12/9, Nashville, TN, Exit/In
Friday, 12/11, Indianapolis, IN, Radio Radio
Saturday, 12/12, Chicago, IL, Empty Bottle

(graphic by matt sundstrom)

definitely not going to get hit on tonight {October 31, 2009}

2009-10-31T15:00:00-07:00

My love letter to The Antlers show is coming next week. Indeed, I have a few things to say about the band's performance, but right now I am distracted by an impending Halloween party ...

Many women will be using this evening as an opportunity to wear tight-fitting pirate garb or sexy Hermione costumes (o this made me laugh). Me? I think most folks at the party tonight will be wondering, "Dude—why is the cute seven-year-old in the Snow White costume drinking a martini over there?"

Young Adult Friction - Pains of Being Pure at Heart | website

sappy happy post {October 30, 2009}

2009-10-30T12:30:00-07:00

I am in a great mood—happy as a clam! I found the 2010 calendar of my dreams this morning, I'm making a hearty meal for a friend this evening, and more fantastic live music awaits. I think I need some fuel to get me through this knock-out. A full, warm stomach & a bit of bordeaux just might quell my irregular heartbeat once The Antlers take the stage!!! F*% yeah & high fives.

I hope everyone is having a grand Friday. Right now, I am listening to this over and over:

Learnalilgivanlovin - Gotye

(photograph by leo fuchs)

last time I hid in the bathroom for 10 minutes ... {October 29, 2009}

2009-10-29T12:00:00-07:00

Maybe this time will be different.

Will miss frith reprise her grand role as the tall, lolling, awkward, red-faced girl who stammers HELLO, I ♥ YOUR ALBUM (3x!) to Peter Silberman at The Antlers show tomorrow?

To be continued.

Kettering - The Antlers | website

(graphics by my fav illustrator, marc johns)

the prize {October 27, 2009}

2009-10-27T23:45:00-07:00

I feel like I am always on the train—though this isn't necessarily a bad thing. See, I'm not a morning person, so the 90 minute transition from bleary-eyed to bright-faced is rather welcome. Still though, I spend nearly 3 hours a day in transit. Sometimes I think about all of the things I could be doing in these 3 hours.

Learning how to sew.
More breakfast.
Making curtains!
Thinking about this. Whoa.
Finding a boyfriend. (Terrible at this.)
Folding my laundry. (Even more terrible.)
Speaking French. Ambition's custard ...
Drinking more water. (Delicious honey & tea, coffee & cream—damn you!)
Becoming a better swimmer. (Horribly terrible. Well, I wouldn't die right away. I could stay afloat for 10 minutes. Maybe.)
Writing a novel. (I'm an editor, not a writer. Eff.)
Sleeping. Melting.
Writing him back. (See # 5)
Being brazen. (See # 5)
Concerts!

The autumn concerting season is in full swing. I plan on blocking your view at Amy Millan's performance on Wednesday, the Dodos on Thursday, The Antlers on Friday, The Dirty Projectors on Sunday, and Land of Talk on Monday! Holy overscheduled. It's going to be a fine smattering of live performances though—I'm ready. Clean calendars are for later.

As a special giveaway to my readers, the beautiful folks over at SonicLiving (the best online concerting calendar out there) have set aside TWO FREE TICKETS to the Dodos show at Bimbos on Thursday, October 29. The Dodos' sophomore album, Time to Die, is one of my favorite releases of 2009, and these guys are great live. I witnessed an abbreviated set a couple years ago and it's time for a full-on, fantastic immersion.

Email theblisslist@gmail.com with the subject "Dodos o my" to be entered. The winner will be chosen & notified at 8am on the day of the show. Your tickets will be held at will call. Good luck, dear readers, the grand prize awaits!

Jodi - Dodos | website
Time to Die - Dodos | website

(graphic by dkim)