Director: Michael Bay

Release Date: June 24, 2009

Cast: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, John Turturro

David’s Rating

See what happens when you give Michael Bay a whole lot of money… then let him make a sequel with even more!  In case your confused, he will blow up anything that is around, including his actors. 9.3

Review

Boom.  Boom.  Boom.  Welcome to Michael Bay’s wet dream.  Robots destroying shit, people dying, emotions flying, more explosions than a lesser man knows what to do with.  A level of vision that is staggering to make a shot work when 50-90% of it is going to be added later in the form of a giant freakin robots talking.  Gavin Hood needs to attend a seminar by this man, and then make Wolverine all over again…cause it won’t hurt so much to watch.  If anything he’ll learn how to blow stuff up in a way that doesn’t make you cry.  Crying during an explosion is never good….afterwards is ok in particular scenarios, never during.  Shia LaBeouf won’t make it through Transformers 3.  Michael Bay will kill him.  I have no doubt.Ok, so we take the story farther this time, into our own history.  Back to the Egyptians and the pyramids…Its cool and stuff, little weird, but I was at least able to stay interested the whole time.  A few new characters are introduced.  A ton more are just shown, given a few frames, and then absolutely annihilated.  I mean he kills everything.  Anyone and everyone.  There is no stopping Michael Bay when he has so much money he can simply explode things, film it, edit it, and put it in a movie with a giant robot and make a billion dollars.  All the old characters are back with maybe one new one that plays any kind of elongated role.  Not to mention the base commander from the first movie who died is back as a different dude in this one…oddly, I didn’t care.

Now for the real fun.  I was sitting through 80% of this movie with my jaw open.  That may sound stupid.  But I have the drool stains on my shirt to prove it.  The explosions, the boobs, the endless hot chicks.  Some dislike this.  Some hate on this.  Some pretend to be above this in quality and social existence.  These people are fools, liars, and should be banned from movies.  If you are going to go for something, commit.  Bay does all the way.  There are no ugly chicks, or average chicks in the background, no nerds walking around minus one who is hilarious, no appropriately covered woman running in slo-mo, and absolutely no political correctness when dealing with other religions and societies.  You want to live in a world of absolute political correctness, go watch the freakin news.  That is entertaining in its own right…real robots right there.  This is the action blockbuster of the summer.  You can’t beat this.  G.I. Joe is going to try, and fail.  I’m sure I’ll enjoy that movie, the trailers look like it could be pretty cool.  Good luck!

I have a soft spot for Michael Bay films.  I love “The Rock” and can always watch “Armageddon” and that is ignoring “Bad Boys” and its sequel.  Which makes a little cameo in this movie.  At least he makes cameos and advertisements interesting or acceptably annoying and necessary.  You don’t put 40+ robots in a movie and not have to get money from somewhere!  I’m pretty sure most of you will see this.  Don’t be pretentious.  You saw the first one, its funny, lots of action, a little bit of emotion to keep you connected and a ton of hilarity coming from one liners and weird occurrences.  This isn’t an Oscar nominee for screenplay or acting or directing.  This is entertainment and you’ll get your money’s worth of entertainment I promise you.

Bottom Line

Michael Bay manages to create a new high for himself.  It is missing his classic slo-mo under the chin of the main character while something awesome happens in the sky above, but I’ll let it go.  Give him your money, he’ll give you 2.5 hours of boom…better than any deal I’ve heard of lately.

Pros

• A new level of explosions
• Never knew money could be burned so violently and so long
• Megan Fox…both her and Bay know why she is in this movie
• The new robots are hilarious
• SUCK MY POPSICLE!

Cons

• Runs a little long, but doesn’t feel to bad
• One scene…just one scene that doesn’t fit
• I had to pee, thankfully went during a down scene…timing…timing

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - Movie Trailer

Included in this little collage of reviews is:

“Angels and Demons” –6.0
“Terminator Salvation” –7.5
“Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian” –5.8
“Up” –7.2
“The Hangover” –7.9

Angels and Demons

Well this sucked.  Nope, haven’t read the book.  Can’t now, this movie ruined it, cause I’m assuming the ending is similar anyway.  Hard to spend hours reading a book you know the conclusion too… especially when its this disappointing.  They removed any and all character progression, explained very little, and the whole premise was boring as shit.  Someone placed an anti-matter bomb somewhere in Vatican City, after the Pope has ‘mysteriously’ died suddenly.  Let the chase to the epic ending when someone gets to save the world begin….like every other action movie where the bad guy fails.  Ron Howard obviously doesn’t understand what the thriller category has to entail to be….well fucking thrilling!  Tom Hanks phone this one in.  Which isn’t bad considering he’s so talented, him phoning it in makes it acceptable, but you can’t save a ship from sinking when it was made at the bottom of the ocean.  People where inexplicably mean or nice to Dr. Langdon…depending on the time of day apparently.  I just sat back watched the film flicker in front of me, got up, and went home listening to my friend who was utterly shocked they removed all the mystery and intrigue from a book apparently shrouded in it.  Did you know Ewan McGregor was in this?  I didn’t…apparently he’s an important character as well!  Final note, Stellan Skarsgard has been quoted bitching about the quality of the book…
Who knows what he read when he signed up for this movie.
Director: Ron Howard
Release Date: May 15, 2009
Cast: Tom Hanks, Ewan McGregor, Stellan Skarsgard

Terminator Salvation

The end has been beginning for 25 damn years!  Ok Ok, the first two was just a secondary battle to the battle taking place in the future.  The last two movies have been the start of the end both times, and not only do we not end, but apparently we don’t even get past the start!  I still haven’t watched this movie again without the prayers that there would be some kind of conclusion.  *Spoilers*.  I was absolutely thrilled when digi Arnold (digital) stabbed Christian Bale through the chest with a solid steel bar thing…I was elated.  They’ve killed John Connor…the machines finally achieved their goal and we can get on with the abolition of man kind.  Or just get a new hero with a different story, provided neatly by Sam Worthington.  Nope, no luck.  Sam “the emo terminator” Worthington drags Connor out of the building.  Then he’s apparently going to die any time now cause his heart can’t take the stress or something.  But we all knew what that meant.  Not only do we no longer have our hands free of John “4 actors” Connor, but they just killed any hope for a cool new story line with a Terminator that still has his human brain, sorta.  The action is cool.  The effects are intense, and so is the cinematography.  Giant robots really are the new in thing, hopefully it’ll stop cause they do tend to look the same even if they can do different stuff.  McG should have gone for the R.  Put some more blood or something in this, put that sex scene back in.  Would have rounded out the typical summer actioner.  At least then it would have admitted to itself what it was.
Director: McG
Release Date: May 21, 2009
Cast: Christian Bale, Sam Worthington, Moon Bloodgood, Common!

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian

Boring.  Just absolutely boring.  Only funny thing was the bouncing balloon dog and a few of the side jokes, mostly delivered by side characters or just completely random people.  Hank Azaria is just awkward, Robin Williams basically isn’t in this movie, Owen Wilson gets stuck in a jar and Steve Coogan goes on his own adventure.  This is such a toned down kids movie, I’m pretty sure they will even find it boring.  Al Capone doesn’t even fire his gun…none of his goons do.  Why do they have them? To aim at people apparently then get beat by sticks and fists.  Amy Adams is wearing some SUPER hot pants.  I mean damn she is HOT.  Thats about it, she says funny things, looks hot and everyone else is just annoying.  Jonah Hill is in the start, but the fact his badge was used to basically destroy the Smithsonian seems to have no repercussions.  Not to mention that Washington D.C. is abandoned at night.  When your INSIDE the museum in the first one, no biggy running amok.  When you are all over the streets and the memorials…someone would notice ok, someone.  I liked the first one, it was a good movie.  This one followed the typical sequel fate we have all forgotten as of late with so many sequels managing to be as good or better than the original.
Director: Shawn Levy
Release Date: May 22, 2009
Cast: Ben Stiller, Amy Adams, Hank Azaria

Up

I was really really excited for this.  Hoping this was going to fill my early summer hunger for something good and light hearted.  Oddly, neither was provided from this most recent Pixar offering.  The tone throughout feels more of something from a small budget indie film, with a deep, dark old man angered by life and its short comings.  But that’s not all!  The intro sequence has it all…love, despair, death, death again, depression.  Its not really a happy movie, and I think Pixar managed to spend to much money on their balloons.  Whether it was the tone or not, the movie felt much less colorful than you might expect.  This is the first movie with a real person operating entirely in the real world for Pixar.  Yet at random times they expect you to accept certain things that just feel stupid in this world they present.  The fact they can render unmatchable graphics and textures actually hurts them when they are trying to convince you unreal things can occur in this real looking world.  Its in 3D…and really and truly didn’t need to be.  Sure it added some depth perception which was cool, but they do not use the technology at all.  You don’t need missiles or pick axes being hurled at you.  But a scary moment with something flying towards you, and disturbing look over the edge of a cliff…something.  They provide you with nothing for that extra money and the uncomfortable glasses.  Think I’m being harsh?  The best things in life are free, and I got to see this movie a few days early for free.  And this is what I came out with, and I LOVE, all other Pixar’s.
Director: Pete Docter, Bob Peterson
Release Date: May 29, 2009
Cast: Ed Asner, Christopher Plummer, Jordan Nagai

The Hangover

Lets end on a high note.  This movie is really funny.  Constant laughs, not a whole lot of insanely funny moments, but you’ll be giggling throughout.  All of the guys are really funny, and the writing is silly, but actually manages to be funny basically the whole way through.  You get the feeling this isn’t the first time they’ve done really stupid things drunk though.  They handle themselves pretty funny.  Zach Galifianakis doesn’t steal the show, but definitely makes it hilarious.  Not to mention his slowly increasing obsession with Bradly Cooper’s character.  They do have the best credits in a while though haha.  One of the mainstream critics mentioned that going into this movie with morals and dignity would make it unbearable.  I took this to heart and really enjoyed three guys back tracking one of the most ridiculous nights that anyone could have and not be killed.  Oddly, only one of the characters actually learnt anything from the experience, but how much can you really ask from the guy who brought us “Old School?”  That movie is just a gem of comedy and plot really not moving anywhere for any real reason.  Which is why we all love it so much.  Love it…do not argue.  Oh, fun fact, Ed Helms actually took one of his teeth out for this movie.  It is a fake and can be removed, but does require a dentist to do so.  So props for going all the way for the ‘intellectual hilly billy’ or something like that.
Director: Todd Phillips
Release Date: June 5, 2009
Cast: Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis, Justin Bartha

Well there you have it.  The first 5.  Maybe the next few will warrant their own reviews.  Or maybe this style works better for you guys.  Let me know, and I’d love for you to go see these and stuff, but frankly, other than “The Hangover” not sure I’d bother with any of them.

Director: J.J. Abrams

Release Date: May 8, 2009

Cast: Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Eric Bana

David’s Rating

This movie pushed me to bring back a word I hadn’t used in a while… Epicocity.  Abrams has really brought the blockbuster reboot summer movie genre to its knees. 8.9

Review

You want a good description of this movie?  I’ll go with it brought a “Speed Racer” level of intense sweating during the screening.  Or it starts out extremely epic, music, action, sacrifice…could it keep this up?  Screw that, how about lets just surpass that and the most recent awesome scene in epicocity.  I’ve claimed the coinage of that word mine.  I mean wow.  FORGET “Wolverine” this movie is the true summer opener.  You give someone like J.J. Abrams the same amount of money as “Wolverine” and he’ll blow your mind out of your nose.  Constrain him to pre-made characters and he’ll just impress you to no ends.  Never…NEVER has the literary device of time travel been used so effectively, unintrusively, and acceptably in film.

I may have given a plot point away there, but I’m sure you’ll forgive me once you’ve watched the movie.

Chris Pine as the new James T. Kirk is amazing.  He’s funny, charming, witty, smart, and a surprisingly good guy.  Since the only thing I’ve seen him in was “Smoking Aces” as one of the crazy brothers…this was a bit of a shock.  Now I’ve seen my fair show of the TV series, original and newer ones, and I do not remember ever laughing so hard or often.  Never has planetary destruction been so hilarious and entertaining.  He plays the skilled yet inexperienced space traveler perfectly.  Falling into so many unpredictable situations and coming out alive, but rarely without help.

As any good leader, he has superb support.  Both James T. Kirk and Chris Pine benefit from this.  Spock by the fear inspiring and emotionless faced Zachary Quinto.  Dr. McCoy by Karl Urban is hilarious.  He delivers knew and smart remarks perfectly while somehow removing the cheesiness when using the classic old lines.  Simon Pegg as our favorite engineer Scotty.  The lovely Uhura played by the lovelyer Zoe Saldana.  All talented, entertaining, and believable.  Something space movies often suffer from a lack of.

Eric Bana plays the baddy Nero.  A dude hell bent on destroying everyones planets and forcing you to watch.  He’s got his hands on some kick ass technology too.  Nothing like a fire drill deployed from space to tunnel into your planet.  J.J. Abrams has created a new, amazing looking world for around the same amount of money Gavin Hood used to cause you to not believe Wolverine does any of his own stunts.  Yes, the CGI is amazing, and does its job.

I’m guessing everyone knew this movie was going to be as good as it was before they shot a scene.  Winona Ryder is in this, Jennifer Morrison of the “House” TV series makes an appearance.  My theory, and its usually right, is the higher the caliber of your supporting cast, the better the script and director where from the get go.  There really where no weak roles.  Nothing stood out as a problem, the background wasn’t distracting and the plot was interesting enough to keep you engaged, but doesn’t force you to focus so hard your to busy thinking while stuff is blowing up.  Maximum thought during maximum destruction, a tough balance to maintain.  J.J. Abrams has moved up in my book.

Bottom Line

See it.  Its awesome.  I saw it in IMAX which was really cool.  Its a good pop corn flick, but maybe a little more intense than others, so you definitely won’t be getting bored.  Keep your eyes and ears open for the sequel!

Pros

• Star Trek improved in its reboot/early years…unlike another star movie we all saw out of hope for improvement
• The CGI doesn’t make you wish you’d just played with fire crackers in the back yard instead of paying money to see them
• Again, time travel doesn’t hurt you…and the universe isn’t going to explode because of it
• Space is finally FUCKING AMAZING again

Cons

• Might piss off some of the crazies…but they live in basements so who cares
• May have set the bar a little high for the summer…good luck MichaelBayExplosions!

Star Trek - Movie Trailer

Director: Gavin Hood

Release Date: May 1, 2009

Cast: Hugh Jackman, Liev Schreiber, Ryan Renolds

David’s Rating

Discombobulated story line, no character development, and the origins of Wolverine occur during the opening credits. 6.3

Review

Michael Bay should have directed this movie.

I’m going to break down this movie with all its issues from start to finish.  Focusing on the major issues, and a few of the smaller ones that made the pain last longer.  There will be a few spoilers, even though its tough to spoil a story that doesn’t really do much.  Turn away now if you liked this movie, want to like this movie, or simply don’t have the stomach to read my convincing statements for why Fox should have donated this $150+ million to stem cell research and to pay Warner Bros. back for the money Fox stole before “Watchmen” came out.

We’ll start broad.  The general story line seems to differ rather drastically from the original two X-Men movies Fox made a few years ago (no I don’t count the 3rd).  Making the ending of this movie even more retarded when Dr. Xavier shows up to start his woverly wittle school in an attempt to tie the movies together some how.  So that pretty much debunks the story, and any relation it was supposed to have to anything.

The characters.  I don’t know much about most of the characters, but I do know the blob was never “skinny” and then ate his way to blobdum.  Deadpool wasn’t turned into some super mutant combination thingy and really likes his guns.  I’d go on, but I can’t cause I don’t know the names of the others because they aren’t really given.  I don’t know what they could do, when they did it, where they came from or why in the hell they are running through tunnels following a blind guy.  Wolverine was kinda cool.  I didn’t know his back story included a stop at superman’s parents house for an over night visit.

The story.  The entire lead up to modern times was covered by a 2 minute montage of Wolverine and Sabertooth fighting in wars.  I’m pretty sure that would be considered his origins.  I’ll let them get away with Wolverine’s origins being different from Logan’s because I might snap.  This isn’t geekdom.  Random thought.  Why is the kid that shoots a concussive force (not a fucking laser beam) out of his eyes and was chased down by a dude with fangs and claws shocked that a guy could read his thoughts…

The CGI.  Wow.  This was late 1990’s quality computer graphics and was actually embarrassing to watch.  B-level movies employ a better use of green screen and interactive CGI than this thing.  I don’t know if they spent to much money on the claws going in and out, or the montage for the opening credits.  If “The Dark Knight” can use viturally no CGI and be awesome.  “Transformers” can use shit tons of CGI and be awesome.  Iron mans suit appear to be completely real and actually flying through the air with jets in tow.  WHY CAN’T WOLVERINE LOOK LIKE HE’S ACTUALLY RIDING A MOTOR BIKE BEING CHASED BY A HELICOPTER?  Almost all the action scenes hurt to look at.  Gavin Hood either can not for the life of him implement CGI into real world situations.  Or Fox went out and got three homeless guys to do the CGI work and only gave them one computer and fifteen minutes.  You don’t have to always raise the bar.  But if your going to spend over $100 million and use a movie as a mega summer tent pole for your profit margin…you better at least try and get near the bar.

The Ken doll that was supposed to be a CGI Patrick Stewart in the end was shocking.  “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” can spend less money making Brad Pitt appear to age backwards in an absolutely convincing way for 75% of the movie but this movie can’t make the face of a dude at least look like its not plastic.  Not even fake or bad CGI.  It looked like they used a plastic stand in doll.

Final straw here.  It wasn’t entertaining.  I was bored.  It wasn’t cool.  I wasn’t impressed by the explosions or the fighting.  The coolest thing was the Deadpool fight at the end and that even left my wanting.  I went in with low expectations hoping to simply enjoy the movie as a pop corn flick that Fox made to try and ruin my childhood.  They, apparently, have been working hard on improving their childhood destroying skills ’cause they still got me.  I could go into how its not like the comics I’ve read, it didn’t stick to this, it messed this up.  I won’t.  Thats geek talk and not for mass consumption.  Surprisingly neither is this movie.  It was almost mad bad so people won’t see it and the geeks will go home and die from brain clots and extremely high blood pressures.

Bottom Line

Its a bad movie.  Its bad for the casual viewer.  Its bad for the well versed geek.  Its just not good and a poor attempt at a summer entertainer.

Pros

• Fox continues to prove its run by the Devil
• Star Trek comes out this weekend and will hopefully bury this away

Cons

• This entire review listed the cons….
• It took my money and won’t give it back
• Proof this summer probably won’t even be comparable to last summer

X-Men Origins: Wolverine - Movie Trailer

Director: Matthiew Klinck

Release Date: September 26, 2008

Cast: Thomas Michael, Paolo Mancini, Chris Klein

David’s Rating

A very pessimistic look at the life of an unhappy holiday servant.  The Easter Bunny.  Take that Santa Claus. 6.8

Review

There have been countless movies about Santa Claus and his elves.  By far the most famous of the holiday characters, and the most marketable.  Have you seen a world in which the Easter Bunny is not only real, but is an under paid, over stressed, under appreciated corporate pawn?  I didn’t think so.  Matthiew Klinck provides you with a look into what a real life bunny would have to live with day to day between Easter and on the egg hunting holiday.  Strap on your big boy pants and a dark sense of humor and lets check it out!

While some comedies have a guy slip on a banana, or get caught masturbating by his mother (range in ratings there), this little gem has a middle aged man in his tighty whiteys trying to sell the bunnys a waffle iron.  Yes its very strange.  No it doesn’t always make sense.  Its still very funny and the comedy somehow never feels…unnecessary.  Even when you couldn’t imagine how it is meaningful, acceptance is the best way to enjoy this movie, ’cause when you do that, its got a good number of laughable and alarmingly disturbing scenes.  Not to get to high and mighty, they add in a few classics, including the ‘I’m an astronaut and I’m going to space tomorrow lets hook up’ line.

The plot is nothing new, typical these days.  The bunnys are fired due to downsizing of their corporation.  The new rules and regulations are pushed by a man famous for his great idea…sponsored suicide.  He’ll allow you to commit suicide on the news, maximizing the attention for you, and generating ad revenue for his companies.  Anyway, the bunnys quickly spiral out of control and run out of money, forcing them to take on temp jobs.  Not the usual jobs I must say, and these bunnys do know how to have a good time, even without computer skills.  Characters mature a little bit, finally find a purpose, fight for their old jobs, using nontraditional tactics, and there you have it.

I hesitate to call this movie hilarious.  That word is reserved for movies like Tropic Thunder, Ground Hog Day, and things of that nature.  Hank and Mike is very funny, very offensive, and a very unique point of view that I am pretty sure no one has used before.  I put off seeing this movie for a while.  I’m not sure why.  I was afraid it may be funny but ruin itself by over thinking, or falling into the pit of false self importance.  Hank and Mike are fully aware of how ridiculous they and their situations are.  But hey, they are the fucking Easter Bunny.

Chris Klein is in this movie, as the afore mentioned guy with the great suicide idea.  Nothing special, just the over achieving douche bag with absolutely no life.  The reason he took this role is obvious.  To be part of and sing the funniest love song that I have…and I must say…ever will hear.  Let the funny proceed!  I will fight you.

Bottom Line

Its very funny and very offensive.  If you can find it, watch it.  Go in with an open mind and you will never think of Easter or men in bunny suits the same way again.

Pros

• Its an Easter Bunny movie
• I love dark comedies, and this sticks to its guns
• Best love song ever sung
• Keeps it short and sweet

Cons

• Those might have been the most disgusting bunny suits in the world when this was over
• Just missing something to make it worth owning and re-watching

Hank and Mike - Movie Trailer

Director: Joe Wright

Release Date: April 24, 2009

Cast: Jamie Foxx, Robert Downey Jr.

David’s Rating

Very poignant telling of a man, his gifts, and his demons. 8.7

Review

The true story of a man driven to the streets by his mind and the inability to control it.  Jamie Foxx takes on yet another great talent who is tortured and ruined by his demons, this one by the name of Nathaniel Ayers.  Sufficiently less famous than his previous character.  A man you may know by the name of Ray Charles.  Robert Downey Jr. plays real life reporter, Steve Lopez, who happened upon Nathaniel one day in a park in Los Angeles.  Mr. Lopez makes his living writing for the LA Times with a great focus on characters living in that city.  Shining a light on some of the unique and interesting people who wonder the streets and populate the city.  Mr. Lopez proceeds to write a number of articles about Mr. Ayers gaining them both more and more popularity.  This becomes a major challenge to a man with an undiagnosed mental illness, but is assumed to be schizophrenia.

While getting to know Nathaniel, Steve develops a strong bond with him, one that is constantly tested by Nathaniel and his many fears and quirks.  That’s the story.  There is no Hollywood ending where they are all happy and Nathaniel has no more voices in his head.  Steve doesn’t go on to become the Mayor and solve the problem of homelessness in LA.  You could describe it as the first movie in perhaps a trilogy.  They two characters meet, become friends, struggle through things, but the meat of the story and the ending are still to come in the sequels.  But there will be no sequels, as these two men are in fact still living their lives and living their story.  This is my guess to why some people have been turned off by it, and few seem to be showing up to watch it.

Joe Wright really turns LA on its back and shows you the underbelly where these people live and attempt to survive.  There is no offered solution, and there is no real sign of hope for them.  Only an acknowledgment of their existence.  Something I’m sure many people avoid thinking about and many more avoid seeing regularly if ever.  Fortunately for Nathaniel Ayers, he has a great aptitude for musical instruments combined with an unmeasurable love for classical music.  While these voices, these people, and these situations haunt him, he seems to be at peace and able to focus the most while playing Beethoven, his favorite of the old composers.  This gift made him a friend and got him out.  Few others will get this opportunity…thats just the way of the world and this film does not apologize for it.

The point of this movie is friendship.  One of the oldest movie ideas there is.  What Joe Wright does in the telling of this story is what makes this movie unique.  We don’t have to fix our friends.  They are who they are, and they make the choices they make, and as the friend you can only support and offer assistance when you think it is needed.  Sure this is rather straight forward, but could you really be friends with a man who simply refuses to sleep in an apartment you’ve provided for him instead of the streets with rats and drugs?

Brings a bit of refreshment to the friendship genre.  All friendship movies are about accepting your friends as they are.  But usually the main character is just a judgmental douche that has to learn a lesson or two over the period of 92 minutes so that he will stop feeling superior to his surroundings.  Can a nice guy be turned into a douchebag?  That makes a much more interesting story especially when all he wants to do is to help the person.  This perspective is what keeps this movie from being another crap shoot staring Mr. HotBod of the day.

You should watch this movie.  You may learn a few things, and I feel that it will hit people in different spots, causing some different reactions.  You aren’t likely to cry, or be scared, and really feel terribly sorry for any of the characters.  I was just drawn into the film, and captured by the performances and the story telling.  Its a great real life story.  Could make you wonder…have you judged people to quickly?  Written them off because of what you see, instead of considering maybe what they see?

Bottom Line

Its a good story.  Its well acted.  It is not the typical Hollywood bullshit and there don’t seem to be very many obvious areas where the story could have been embellished.

Pros

• Good story
• Very interesting characters, and a probably truthful portrayal of them
• Doesn’t have some of the emotional heaviness in other movies that will distract you from reality

Cons

• Could have used a few more scenes of Nathaniel’s past…enlighten us on a bit more of his journey
• Robert Downey Jr. seems to age and un-age at random times…not sure what thats about

The Soloist - Movie Trailer

The man they have chosen for this job is David Slade who has directed very few movies and most recently “30 Days of Night” which I have not seen but did not hear promising things from.  I wonder if this is a small studio being driven into the ground by inexperienced money hungry monsters, or they simply want the feel of all the movies to be completely different, the characters to respond differently to new directors and so on.  I cannot make sense of their goals here, especially when other major studios are spending millions to re-sign directors.  Christopher Nolan and Michael Bay have the power to move their movies to a later date so they can do passion projects funded by the same studio, knowing full well they probably won’t make them much if any money.  They do this anyway to keep their big money making franchises in the hands of the men or women who created them.

Well, the only way to find out if they have discovered some new money saving scheme or they are just crazy is to see the movies.  Guess that means they’ve sealed in a guaranteed $20 from me for the next two movies.  Feel free to give your opinion in the comments.  I am eager to hear what other people think of this particularly unique situation.

Director: James Wong

Release Date: April 10, 2009

Cast: Justin Chatwin, Chow Yun-Fat, Jamie Chung

David’s Rating

This is not a good movie.  In no way does it redeem itself, please or entertain you. 5.1

Review

Wow.  Just no.  Not at all.  Good God this was so bad it didn’t even hurt.  I mean I not only never started to care, but cared so little at the end I wasn’t even mad.  I was already thinking about what I wanted to do tonight.  Why the higher rating than Babylon A.D. you may wonder then?  Simple, the storyline was clear and easy to follow.  The characters may not have made sense, their decisions rather irrational at times, their history wasn’t even mentioned.  Forget trying to explain who was where when and did what…fuck it, lets just get moving.  Never a good slogan when writing or editing a movie.

I’m not a fan, and haven’t seen any of the show or original manga or anything.  Having nothing to compare it too, my review is purely based on it as a free standing film.  And it crumples under the weight of its unexplained actions and feces.  Nothing really makes a lot of sense.  I have nothing to say about this pile of crap.  The acting was bad, the writing was bad, the sound was bad (aka the dubbing in the movie…horrendous).  Its just bad.

My friend who is a big fan of the anime was laughing in anger, yelling at the screen, crying into his hands and all around disconcerted with the movie.  So that rounds out the whole demographic, and everyone decides it sucks.

OK, quickly, they have to get all the dragonballs, seven, and take them to some place to make a wish from a flying dragon thing to save the world from crazy green Piccolo man before he gets there and makes himself either ruler of the world, or destroys it…both are mentioned, guess he is a last second decider.  Goku is apparently a monkey dude, but all he has to do is have faith in himself and he can control said monkey dude.

Forget it…

I can’t do this

No more, please, just no more….arurrrrrrrrrururrrrrrrrr (brain dies)

Bottom Line

I said I was done.  And I purposefully ignored the fact that Chow Yun-Fat is in this movie.  Hire a new agent dude.

Pros

• I had nothing tied up in this movie for it to destroy

Cons

• “Chi Chi” is played by an ‘actress’ who starred in “The Real World”
• I have no idea how the bad dude got out of his super powered jar in the middle of the earth
• Apparently Goku is an alien…my friend told me this
• You do see him crash to earth Superman style

Dragonball Evolution - Movie Trailer

Director: Kevin Macdonald

Release Date: April 17, 2009

Cast: Russell Crowe, Rachel McAdams, Helen Mirren, Ben Affleck

David’s Rating

Political intrigue, relevant topics, and crazy reporters make for some interesting movie watching. 8.5

Review

Yay! Political thriller set in Washington D.C. that only mentions terrorism once!  Based off a BBC mini-series which I will soon be watching for comparison.  By the description though, it will be the exact same thing word for word only the background is changed and the actors will look different while speaking.  Hollywood needs to come up with something original some day, cause stealing things, even when credit is given, isn’t really that creative.  As for the movie on its own, really good.  Ben Affleck is in it, but thats made OK because he is supposed to look like an over made doll with movable features…he’s playing a Congressman after all!  Russell Crowe doesn’t get to shoot back or stab back in this one, so thats a change.  But his hate for the blogesphere is a good source of comic relief for a plot that was threatening to get twisted in itself for a few minutes early on.

This was obviously modeled in many ways off of “All the Presidents Men” from the 70’s with Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman.  The reporters have a similar relationship to each other, one more experienced but both having that instinct for a story and the questions to ask.  A few updates obviously, cause everyone demands action these days, so Gonzo journalism is almost a necessity, whether its addressed or not.  Can’t sell tickets unless someone gets shot at a few times and scares at least one poor Asian family.

I’ll give them this, the plot was a little more original, less typical and while not a surprise at the end, not what I was expecting after about half way.  Makes it much more believable, blaming things on poor decisions and the such as opposed to the entire world has been corrupted by corporations; only most of it has this time.  This movie does ask some good questions about private armies and their practices and payments.  Questions that need real answers movies can’t really deliver.  The director/writers knew this and avoided giving you to much to think about on the topic, or forcing their opinion to work in the alternate realty the movie takes place in, called Hollywood.  Found me and my friend having a good discussion of that topic rather than the movie at the end, so maybe that was their plan.  Either way guess it worked?

Jason Bateman.  Douchebag?  I say these hurtful things about a guy I love because he seems to be all about the creepers and the crazies.  “Smokin’ Aces” had him as a drugged up half dressed lawyer.  Juno he played the sleazebag husband looking for some young ass (while more romanticized).  Now he is the proud owner of a PR agency working for the bad guys of the world, and holding his own little questionable parties after hours.  Shocker he’s on all kinds of pills and such.  Either he’s bored with real life, or can only relate to things he’s done.  The answer is likely on the horizon.  Keep watch on the entertainment sites for news!

Lets break it down for ya.  Two seemingly random incidents occur, reporter sees link, but has personal connection to one.  Starts going one way, only to come back to deeper side, conspiracy?  Yes, maybe not, you’ll have to watch to find out!  The acting is good, the topics brought up are pretty interesting including the slow death of printed news (your welcome), and other topics.

Bottom Line

Russell Crowe does a good job with a good supporting cast in this very good little political thriller/mystery designed for mass appeal without giving up all its balls.

Pros

• Good plot with up to date themes and issues
• A few nice twists, while not entirely original, well placed and thought out
• Definitely worth the last few dollars on my gift card
• Nothing really unbelievable happens, keeping this kinda scary

Cons

• Falls directly on the fence between going all out issue crazy, and just faking concern to be relevant…could be pro
• Is the model for the next few years for movies attempting to make money off of political topics…usually ends poorly

State of Play - Movie Trailer

Director: Lee Tamahori

Release Date: April 27, 2009

Cast: Nicolas Cage, Jessica Biel, Julianne Moore

David’s Rating

Relatively intriguing.  Cool idea.  Moderately executed. 6.0

Review

I apologize for the seemingly unending flow of crap movies I’ve been reviewing.  What can I say, I’m currently in theater hibernation for another week, then the summer begins!  April 2007…no idea it had been that long since this movie was released in theaters.  I must also qualify my apparent agreement with parts of the movie with the following statement.  I was in my bed with chocolate milk watching this in Netflix’s watch instantly feature.  These are referred to as near ideal circumstances.

Nicolas Cage can see 2 minutes into the future.  He uses this ability to play cards and slots without being caught for cheating.  Along with being a magician in Las Vegas because he can simply assume he asks you a question and you respond.  He then snaps back into real time and can tell you something about yourself that he never asked you.  Its a pretty neat idea, and the ability itself is well used and executed in the movie.  The main drawback from this movie being the “Next” big thing was the storyline.  It was too big, and too hard to wield effectively.  He has to help the government prevent a massive terrorist attack on LA by looking farther into the future and telling them when and where it will happen.

This would be good enough if only he could look beyond 2 minutes.  Which apparently he only can when Jessica Biel is involved directly in his life, or something happens to her that would directly effect him.  I don’t blame him, she is amazingly hot.  I mean she made my happy I was watching a Nicolas Cage movie for the first time since…”The Rock” maybe.  Only to be outbalanced by the uncomfortable character Julianne Moore plays.  Miss stereotypical overbearing female cop.  No she is not good at it, and often makes the scene feel uncomfortable and therefor you, the viewer, are confused why they kept this in the movie.

Lets summarize quickly.  In order to find out what happens to LA he has to save Jessica so that she doesn’t become his main focus and after 4o years of life, he can finally focus his ability and try and extend it past the 2 minute mark.  The director has done some ok movies including “Along Came a Spider” and does a satisfactory job here.  Biggest draw back is the apparent arrival of affordable CGI (computer generated images).  CGI used to cost to much for small movies to do so they had to do it live action or just cut scenes.  Now they can throw it all over the place, plop a fake ship here, a nice explosion over here, some odd background here.  This is the new template for cheap movies.  Have a star, a shit ton load of CGI, a nice pretty climax, and you have your movie that will make you no money but they made it anyway!

O ya, I checked, the main writer is responsible for the following movies: “Total Recall” and “Navy Seals” and has been on a 18 year vacation apparently.  This explains the utter stupidity of the plot at times, and the lack of explantion of simple themes and concepts.  Had this been fixed before hand by someone with talent, this movie may not have made more money, but it would have been more complete and more interesting.

Bottom Line

If you can find your ideal movie watching place and snack.  Get comfy and do anything you can not to directly pay for this movie, you will undoubtedly enjoy the entertainment it has to offer.

Pros

• Jessica Biel is OOOOOOOh so very hot
• Cool idea, limited seeing into the future is always fun
• There is a twist, but its not going to be hard to spot
• JESSICA BIEL

Cons

• Cheap CGI, which is sometimes overused and under polished
• Incomplete story idea
• Nothing ground breaking or new in the look of the movie, very simple and common

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