With the massive amount of flight cancellations and delays already this summer, I’ve been thinking about how to handle it. Luckily, there are things you can do to make the whole mess easier if it happens to you. 

Long story short, prepare as best you can ahead of time and be proactive if you do get stuck.  Here's how:

Before you leave on your trip:

1. Be selective with your cities: If you'll have to have a layover, do so in cities where you have friends or family. At least you'll have a place to stay if you need it. Check with friends/family before you arrive and give them your flight info. Also, avoid NYC area airports if at all possible (JFK, LGA, EWR). Issues here multiply quickly due to the sheer volume of flights in a small geographic area.

2. Download some apps: You'll need your airline app, booking.com or Airbnb or VRBO, Uber or Lyft, and Rome2Rio and Google Maps for public transportation options**. Make sure you are signed in to each of them and you understand how to use them. BONUS: The airline app itself may announce the cancellation before the gate agent does so you've got a head start. Make sure you have your airline app active even if you get a paper ticket.

3. Decide where you’ll sleep.  If you have a cancellation that delays your journey overnight, you'll need somewhere to lay your head. If you’ll need paid lodging options, scope out some candidates so you can book quickly if needed. You can sleep in the airport if absolutely necessary but you’ll probably want to pack to accommodate that option or at least mentally prepare for it.

4. Pack well. Either fly carry-on only or have some essential toiletries and a change of clothes in your carry-on bag. Be sure to add some snacks too. Whether you get stuck on a tarmac waiting to take off or in the airport itself, being hangry won’t help. However you define it, bring the supplies you’ll need to manage yourself for a couple of unexpected days.

5. Bring patience and kindness. The airline personnel you'll be interacting with have the power to help you if there is a cancellation but not the power to cancel your flight. It's not their fault you're stuck. Basically, don’t be a jerk or you may not be flying for a week.

6. Make peace with the fact that you probably can't rent a car. When there are massive cancellations due to weather, airport car rental agencies will not allow you to take a car on a one-way journey. The cars are managed in fleets in specific locations and if they let you (and everyone else) take one they have to go and get it later. As with most things, it's more complicated than that but that's the gist. 

Time for action!

Be proactive as soon as you are aware of your canceled flight:

1. In your airline app, book the first available flight out as you pick up your bag and head to the counter where you’re directed to speak with an agent. Please note that the first available flight may be a day or 2 in the future. CHOOSE IT ANYWAY.

2. Get on the phone with the airline (you can usually do this via the airline app) while you’re in line to speak with the agent and see if they can get you an earlier flight than the one you just chose AND ask them to put you on standby for a flight sooner than that.

3. Put your earbuds in and multitask while you’re on the phone with the airline. If you have decided you are not going to sleep in the airport, you'll need a place to stay. So does everyone else. Book quickly! Especially if your flight is canceled due to weather. This is why I say you need to be signed in and know how to use apps like booking.com, Airbnb, VRBO, etc.

4. When you get to the gate agent, ask them for the same thing you asked for on the phone. Also, if you're flying standby in the next day or 2, have them print you a boarding pass that says so. This is ESSENTIAL if you’ll leave the airport between now and the standby flight otherwise you won’t be able to get back through security.

5. If you're leaving the airport, head out to the designated rideshare pick-up area (if allowed in that city) and then request your ride. There will be chaos and may God have mercy on your soul! Fine, I’m being dramatic. However, frustrated and/or scared people who were supposed to be somewhere else by the end of the day have short fuses. Tread lightly and bring patience. No one will be their best self right now.

In my decades of regular air travel, I have encountered the above situation exactly once...in NYC. It couldn't be helped as it was my destination. Even before this happened, I warned people for years to avoid the area when possible because there are just so many moving parts. The good news though that the NYC area is remarkably well connected to public transportation so you'll have options there you wouldn't in other places.

There is a companion podcast for this post.
Click the button to listen now.

** If you have questions about public transportation options via Rome2Rio or Google Maps, contact me before you go and I'd be happy to explain. 

I've met a lot of new people recently. As in, I've met nearly as many as I did when I started college. For an introvert like me, this volume of people-ing can be overwhelming at times but this time it hasn't been. These new people have been MY PEOPLE and I have resonated with them deeply. Small talk is just not my thing and these beautiful souls have the same desire for real talk as I do. So we've had some deep conversations despite not knowing each other for all that long. It has been surprising, enlightening, and a real breath of fresh air.

One topic that has come up over and over again is the concept of intuition, and the ability to access and trust it. I'm trusting my own in sharing this with you.

Intuition is central to why I do what I do - mine, yes, but more importantly my clients'. We all have intuition, but women specifically have been trained not to listen to it. We've been trained to value others' comfort over ours, put others first, and not tend to our own needs enough or at all. We've been praised for being selfless. When we've voiced doubts, we have been told countless times that "it's fine" or "this is how we do it" or "this is for the best." After thousands of interactions like this, our default setting is to listen to other people's priorities and opinions more than our own.

And then, one day, we realize it's all bullshit and we have to get to work figuring ourselves out.

So how do we even start?

The first thing is to create a mindset that allows you to tune into and trust your intuition. This means you actually decide that you’re going to test your connection to your intuition and see what you feel.

The second thing is to practice. This is where the travel piece comes in because a really easy way to do this is to practice in a new or foreign situation. Since most of my clients travel overseas, the bucket list trips we put together allow them many opportunities to listen to themselves. They're already in a place where they don't know all of the rules and "shoulds". There certainly aren't reminders on every corner of what their parents, bosses, roommates, or exes told them. It's a fresh new place just perfect for trying lots of new things.

This is when I hope my voice rings in their head. “Walk down that interesting-looking side street. See what's there. How do you feel? If it feels like something's off, it is. Change course and try something else. You don't have to explain it, just trust that you know what’s best for you.”

We can't logic our way to trusting our intuition again but we can feel and practice our way there. You don't have to fly over an ocean to do so; you can do it in your hometown or on your weekend getaway. Find somewhere new to wander. Then listen to your gut and see where it leads you. You might just find your new favorite person or place

If you've been doing some research into a trip to Europe you have likely seen the term ETIAS pop up. So, what’s ETIAS and will it affect your trip to Europe?

If you are traveling before 2026, no, it won't. However, come the last quarter of 2026, it may! Well probably…we’ll see.  Check here for the current timeline as it has been pushed back many times since its original planned launch in January 2021.

So, what’s ETIAS? The European Travel Information and Authorisation System (ETIAS) was created to improve the security of Schengen Region member states. The Schengen Region covers most of Europe but is not exactly the same as the EU. For example, Switzerland is part of the Schengen Region but not a part of the EU. Neither the UK nor Ireland is a member of the Schengen Region, though Ireland is still in the EU.

ETIAS is basically an online application to be filled out for all travelers, regardless of age, before you leave the US to travel to any country within the Schengen Region. It gives the ETIAS system the information it needs to run a few checks on you to be sure you are allowed to enter these countries. If all your documentation matches and you aren’t on any watchlists, you will likely have approval within hours, if not instantly. I’d still put it on your to-do list at least 3 or 4 weeks before you leave, though.

In addition to securing the member states, the goal is to help those who wish to travel from current visa-free countries do so more easily. Wait times at borders will be reduced. Anyone who has stood for hours at a European point of entry will be happy to hear that many of those lines will soon move more quickly.

The planned cost is €7 for those aged 18-70. Those who are younger or older still have to complete the application, but do not have to pay the fee. The fee is €7 regardless of how many Schengen Region countries you will visit. Once approved, your ETIAS will be linked to your passport and will be valid for 3 years or until your passport expires, whichever comes first.

The ETIAS launch has been rescheduled several times and has currently been pushed again to “fourth quarter 2026”. Though they aren’t giving exact dates yet, it’s best to keep it on your radar for any trips in late 2026 or afterwards. You can check travel-europe.europa.eu/etias_en for complete information.

 I wish you happy travel dreams and smooth border crossings. 

There’s something about the grey days of mid-winter that causes us to dream of far-off places, warm beaches, and all kinds of new adventures.

With the warm cozy glow of Solstice, Christmas, New Year’s, and myriad other December holidays gone and no longer able to stave off the grey cold world, we dream. Even in those muted days, we’re somehow full of hope at the beginning of each new year, anxiously anticipating what it will hold and hoping for better, especially the last few years. 

It turns out that dreaming is good for us. When we let go of the grind of our to-do lists for a few minutes and allow ourselves to dream, we activate the brain’s default mode network. This neural network helps you to be more creative by allowing your brain to make connections between things you might not have otherwise. This is a phenomenon many of us know well. The “good ideas come to you in the shower” phenomenon. Let your mind wander a bit and see what happens.

As if a creativity boost isn’t enough, dreaming about traveling is a wonderful way to increase your happiness in the moment. You can extend that by planning an actual trip, even if you won’t take it for a while or at all. In exploring the possibilities of what you COULD do, you get to tap into the joy of the trip right now.

Dreaming allows you to consider possibilities you didn’t even know were an option. You can consider “what would it look like it if I could…?”  These are a great counterpoint to the traditional “what ifs” that rattle around in our heads which tend to be projected fears of what could go wrong rather than projected hopes of how wonderful something could be.

I’ve enjoyed several episodes of the There She Goes podcast recently and wanted to pass this gem on to you. Give it a listen to fuel your travel dreams or simply spark your creativity. Let your mind wander!

What are you dreaming of these days? Send me an email and let me know. I’d love to hear from you!

As for me, I’m dreaming of helping you dream. I have a new class starting soon and it’s better than ever. I can’t wait to share it with you.

We’ve all been there. You get back from a trip, lose your vacation high amid the chaos of re-entry to daily life, and soon enough you’re in a bit of a funk feeling like you were never gone at all.

What if I told you there were ways to alleviate this?

An easy re-entry process begins before you leave home.

Step 1: Before you leave, minimize worries about home.

Set yourself up for success when you return. What can you do before your trip so that post-vacation you doesn’t have to figure it out?

• When planning, give yourself at least 1-2 decompression days to tend to your own needs when you return

• Schedule something to look forward to shortly after your return (an overnight trip, reservations at a favorite restaurant, attending a new festival, etc.)

• Set up a grocery delivery so you can avoid running to the store as soon as you arrive or the next morning

• Organize clothes and supplies needed to return to work/school so those last-minute decisions are already made

• Set your out-of-office email responder

• Create your post-vacation work to-do list (hint: start by tackling email, not major initiatives)

Step 2: On the trip, forget about home and live in the present moment.

Home doesn’t exist. You have no job. Your life consists of moving from city to city, learning new things, meeting new people, and enjoying all of it. You’re in control of your time. Immerse yourself in it. You came all this way, you may as well get everything you can out of the experience.

• Unplug – stay out of email, social media time sucks, turn off notifications, etc.

• Tune in – What do you notice? What do your kids notice? What does your partner notice? What did someone mention at the restaurant last night that you want to check out today?

• Keep a simple journal

  • Just some bullet points at the end of each day will suffice. You’ll note the important stuff in a way that’s easy to maintain for the whole trip. Besides, you look interesting and thoughtful sitting in a café writing in a notebook.

Step 3: When you return, ease back into being home.

Take the help you have put in place and thank your pre-vacation self for setting you up so nicely for easy re-entry.

• Feed yourself

  • Pick up food on the way home (you probably have an app for your favorite spot)

  • Have groceries delivered or have a friend/house sitter drop off basics before you arrive

• Enforce the decompression days you scheduled. Allow yourself to recombobulate. If you are flying from more than 3 time zones away, you probably need more than one day. By day I mean full a 24-hour period.

• Rest: sleep, binge-watch, walk through your favorite park, or whatever helps you reset and reground yourself.

• Put your daily trip notes to a different use

  • Over the next several days or weeks (you’ve got plenty of time), handwrite or type out the full stories of each day. Doing so helps you relive the days and the good memories and helps you process what you’ve learned. You’ll have the benefit of looking back on the entire trip and may see things you didn’t while you were in the midst of it.

  • This technique alone will help you immensely in reintegrating into daily life. To get the most out of it, you might ask these questions while journaling. See how they change the way you recall and record your trip:

    • How am I different?

    • How does the world look to me now?

    • What did I experience there that I never have here?

  • If you like, add your journaling to a photo book you can design and print online.

Over time little parts of your trips will become part of your life. They’ll create a unique, varied, and interesting story that’s yours alone. When you really immerse yourself in new places, you come to love and understand the ideas representative of the region in addition to the food and beverages. You learn to put concepts together in unique ways. You’ll have an eye for different groups to join at home, different books to read, and even different ways to furnish your living space. You’ll change how you move your body and how you structure your day. In short, you’ll create a version of yourself you never even knew was possible.

This is how you get the most out of your trips. You let them change you for the better.

What if the blues are actually depression?

If the blues last more than a few days (especially if they last more than 2 weeks) and are interfering with work, school, relationships, appetite, etc., they may be more than blues. This may indicate depression and you should contact a mental health professional today to set an appointment. Call 988 (the national Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) if you are having a mental health emergency. Please note, I am not a mental health professional and you deserve help from someone who is.

So, why should you even bother paring down your outfits and gadgets when you’re headed out on an adventure if it won’t cost you any more money to check a bag? You have points and can check a bag for free, or you’re flying on an airline that doesn’t charge for bags, or you’re flying overseas on a big carrier. There will be no extra dollars leaving your pocket, so why bother?

I’m glad you asked.

Just because you aren’t spending money to do so doesn’t mean checking bags isn’t costing you anything. I’d argue that it costs you quite a lot even if doing so is “free”.

1. At some point on your trip, you will need to lift this bag. If you pack with reckless abandon, it will be that much harder. Hello, back problems!

2. Customs can be easier. When flying internationally, you’ll have to gather your checked bags and go through customs with them before rechecking them and getting on a domestic flight. When you fly with just carry-on luggage, you get to skip this entire process and simply walk through the customs line.

3. You’ll walk with your bags more than you think. The less you need to haul, the less energy you need to spend moving your luggage. You’ll have far more energy for enjoying your trip and the people you’re with.

4. You can take public transportation with ease because, A. You and your bags will fit, and B. Smaller bags are simply much easier to maneuver in tight spaces, on elevators, escalators, and stairs. This will also save money on taxis.

5. Less expensive rental cars. If you choose to rent a car, you don’t have to get one big enough for large bags. Small bags mean a smaller rental, less gas usage, and easier parking.

6. More room in your accommodations. Wherever you choose to stay, there is a finite amount of room. If you pack lightly, your bags can generally be stowed easily. Larger bags may not fit well and will now take up precious square footage in your living space. This is especially true when staying in historic cities that are notoriously short on space but big on charm and points of interest.

7. It’s easier psychologically. Just as spending time in an organized room is more relaxing than being in a messy room, the same is true for managing and keeping watch over fewer and smaller bags.

8. You have less to keep track of. Having fewer possessions to maintain, allows you more time to enjoy your surroundings. If you don’t have to spend half the morning finding, cleaning, and organizing everything you brought with you before heading to your next stop, you can spend that time connecting with your traveling companions, exploring, or simply watching the world go by from a café table.

9. You can get packed up more quickly. If you plan to bring less, you have to find, launder, and consolidate before you head out on your adventure. If you have a system and some items that remain permanently packed, all the better. This could lead to more trips because you know you won’t have to spend a ton of time and energy packing yourself (and others) for the trip.

10. It weighs less. The maximum weight for a checked bag on an international flight is 50 pounds! That’s the weight of an average 7-year-old. Seven, as in a four-foot-tall first-grader! Do you want to drag that much baggage around an airport, through a city, on a train, etc.? Take the first-grader, leave the huge roller bag.

11. Packing light is easy to teach to children. This means that 7-year-old, can pack and carry their own bags teaching them responsibility and giving you one less thing to worry about.

The next time you plan a trip, of any length, think about how you can pare down and pack lightly. It will save you money on transportation, time both before and during your trip, and give you less to worry about overall. This means more time, money, and energy for you to enjoy the place you’ve traveled so far to experience. You’ll also raise more responsible and confident children and have more time to see the world through their eyes.

Pack lightly, adventure awaits!

Want more tips on to make your travels easier, especially overseas? Grab your copy of the Smart Traveler Checklist below!

I'm not creative. I don't paint, draw, sculpt, dance, or play music. Therefore, I'm not creative. 

Have you ever said that? How'd you feel? 

I'm going to guess, not great. 

Here’s the thing. That's a VERY narrow view of creativity. There are so many ways to be creative that don't involve traditional arts. Defining yourself as "not creative" based on this view can severely limit what you think you're capable of. So…let's change that, shall we?

Creativity is simply the ability to create something that doesn't yet exist. It could be how you create solutions to things that come up at work, how you parent your kids (each one a little differently), how you plan your vacations, how you set up your desk, etc. 

How is it that you affect change in this world?

Creativity is how you access and share your wisdom. It's how you tap into what makes you unique. People who write code for a living are creative. Those who fix cars are creative. Those who teach math are creative. Those who organize people, processes, or spaces are creative. 

When I was younger I didn't feel like I was creative because I wasn't artsy. By this I mean I was comically not artsy. However, I loved math, science, and people. So I went into psychology and slowly I found that I actually was creative and NEEDED to be in order to do this well. I needed to look at things in different ways in order to create hypotheses to test with my social psychology experiments. I had to be creative in order to interpret the data that came from those experiments. I also had to be exceptionally organized to keep paperwork and data records secure and I had innovative ways of doing so. 

Over time I found that I was actually very creative. While I may not be artsy, I am crafty. I can see things from many perspectives. I can pull things together from all the different facets of my career and make something completely new from it. I can come up with solutions others would never see. I can start my own business and create my own coaching model. I can be a successful travel coach when people don't have any idea that such a job exists. In short, I can blaze my own trail and so can you.

So, how are you creative? Everyone’s creative in some way. What's your gift?

What I know for sure is that everyone has world-changing work to do and we need everyone to do theirs. Your creativity is part of how you tap into that work.  Please understand, this world-changing work doesn’t have to be your job. (Have a look at this post to learn the difference between your work and your job.)

The ability to understand your unique creativity and tap into it is a key to living a joyful life. How do you tap into your creativity?

You can start by asking yourself these questions:

1. What do you really love to do?

2. What are you really good at? (You may not think it's a big deal because it's so easy for you but I’m here to tell you it's a big deal.)

3. What do you really want to change in the world? (Your world-changing work could center around your family, your community, your country, or the world.)

4. What can you do for hours without feeling exhausted?

5. When do you feel "in the zone"?

I promise that you are creative. Don’t let that traditional narrow definition of creativity define you or stifle how you express yourself, how you help others, or how you change this world.

How do you define creativity for yourself? Send me an email and let me know!

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Well, I'm a week late in getting this to you. This is because my finely tuned system of creation relies heavily on the fact that I am mostly in charge of my schedule. To steal from The Princess Bride and make it my own, MOSTLY in charge also means SLIGHTLY not in charge. (I do love that movie.)

Sometimes stuff happens. For me it all happened at once last week and that culmination of #&@* threw a giant wrench in the works. For a time I was feeling upset, exhausted, fearful, annoyed, exasperated, angry…you know all the stuff you hope you feel in a day. Then I remembered that I have a choice in how I respond. I can let all of this overwhelm me, I can bury myself in work or chores to ignore how I'm feeling, or I can work through how I'm feeling and learn from it.

Folks, I'm a life coach so of course, I chose that last one. It was a practice what I preach moment for me or as a friend of mine said recently, "Oh sure. Be wise. Have self-control. Where's the fun in that?"

He's right, in the midst of doing the work it doesn't feel fun. However, it is a relief. You can take a situation that feels overwhelming and make it work for you. It's not going to be fun but it will be informative. You can use your feelings, thoughts, and actions to learn more about your boundaries. You can learn more about the self-care you need. You can learn about how you do and don't want to respond when similar things happen in the future. You can write about it and maybe help someone else not feel so alone the next time they have all the things happen at once and don't know where to start.

This is what I did in the 48 hours that followed:

• Gave myself 5 minutes to be really good and mad but refrained from spewing that anger out into the world (and held to my rule of never writing to someone in anger because I will regret it and can't take it back).

• Took deep breaths, lots of them, to calm my nervous system.

• Made some changes to my plans for the evening to allow less work and more space for self-care.

• Fed myself and my family good nutritious food instead of exacerbating the problem by ordering junk which always triggers bigger moods due to sugar spikes or indigestion.

• Held my people close both literally and figuratively so we all remembered that we were not alone.

• Gave everyone else the space they needed to process their own emotions. They can learn from theirs too and that makes us a healthier group overall. We really do belong to each other.

• Journaled a bit because for me writing is both how I process and how I get things out of my body.

• Allowed my to-do list to remain unfinished. No guilt, just care for me and my people.

• Did things just for fun because sometimes appreciating my own life is the best way to honor the lives of others.

• Went to bed early because even though I was working through the emotions, all of it had taken a physical toll. It also allowed my brain to organize all the details while I slept and I woke up with a new perspective.

This is the process that began the work for me this last week, I'm still processing it. I offer it as an example of one way to approach rough news and hard times. What processes work for you? I'd love to hear from you. Click the contact button below to share with me.

Until then, do what works for you. It's the best way to care for yourself and others.

Just accept it!

Has anyone ever said that to you? Did it help?

I'm just going to go out on a limb here and assume it didn't help any more than being told to calm down helps when you're upset.

This kind of "acceptance" is actually resignation. You resign yourself to being at the mercy of some circumstance. It's kind of like being faced with a big brick wall - you can get beyond it by going over it. You get through the experience and feel worn out when it's over. It's all willpower but no healing or learning. This kind of acceptance may or may not be temporary but it's definitely not peaceful.

What if there was a different way to look at this?

I'm going to pose that there is another kind of acceptance that is easier to manage long term. This type of acceptance views new circumstances as the beginning of a new set of options rather than a brick wall.

It goes like this. You accept that a thing has happened without judgment. It just is. You then treat the situation as new information you can use to make a decision. You get creative. You look not only at doors that have closed but doors that have opened or were previously obscured by other options. With this type of acceptance, you look for opportunities to circumvent issues. You find ways around and through the wall that don't entail climbing the whole thing. You’ll usually gather others around you for ideas or work towards solutions together.

Acceptance type #1 is focused on solving a problem and sounds like this:

• This sucks, I'll figure it out.

• I'm fine, it's fine.

• Whatever.

Acceptance type #2 is solution-focused and sounds like this:

• Huh, that's fascinating let's find another solution.

• What's possible now that wasn't before?

• I'm curious, what would happen if we…?

It's your choice. When things don't go as planned, you can either see them as problems or as new challenges that you get to move toward a solution. The former is a default setting for most people but the latter is a skill and it can be learned just like anything else. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that at least occasionally you already practice this skill.

Acceptance type #1 is either a solitary endeavor or perhaps lives in the realm of misery loves company. Either way, it drains your energy. Type #2 is generally approached with the help of others and can be invigorating.

While you CAN work through things by yourself, my question is do you want to? Will you get there faster if you do? Is it more fulfilling if you do? Your answer to any or all of these might be yes and that's fine. If not, give this 2nd version of acceptance a try. Think of a current obstacle and try these steps:

1. Define success (i.e., the essentials and purpose of the end goal not the specifics of the path to get there)

2. Gather a team for ideas, support, or to actually work through it with you

3. Do the things

4. Celebrate learning and accomplishments with your people.

Doing this just takes practice, that's it. Just begin. Over time it will become a habit to look for options. Eventually, even when things happen that you truly can't change or solve, you'll still be able to see them in a different light. This practice is a step toward rewiring how you see the world and toward rational optimism - the belief that things will work out, there is a way forward, and your effort matters. Irrational optimism is the belief that everything is great all the time and you should always look on the bright side. As Shawn Achor writes irrational optimists have "a warped vision of reality, which is based on desire, not how things actually are."

If acceptance without judgment is not your default right now, give it a try the next time you are faced with something unexpected. Go easy on yourself if it is tricky for you at first. This is not a light switch kind of habit, it will take time. You're building a new kind of muscle and like those in your arms and legs it takes time to develop. If you stick with it, it will change more of your world than you can imagine.

I'd love to hear how it goes.

Last week my family and I went off the grid, on purpose. We rented a house in northern Wisconsin miles away from everyone. In fact, there were whole days when we saw no one besides each other.

It may seem odd to distance ourselves so much from other people after 18 months of doing much the same at home but this was different. We weren't trying to manage our regular lives from a distance, we were putting our regular lives at a distance. We intentionally unplugged, literally for the most part. We spend hours kayaking, reading, cooking, sleeping, hiking, watching the birds (including bald eagles), hammocking, and letting our little pup live his best life.

It was a wholly different experience than working and living virtually as we have been. We enjoyed long, leisurely mornings drinking coffee and watching the river flow slowly past, and in that quiet, something amazing happened. We let our minds go and new ideas came our way. I wrote more in my journal last week than in the previous month. The peace allowed room to breathe, to think, to listen. I listened for my next steps. I listened to my intuition. I listened to what my body needed. Sometimes it needed to paddle hard upstream and other times it needed to lie in a hammock and watch the sky.

We liked the solitude of the area so much that we looked at buying property up there for a retreat center. No purchases have been made but if in 10 years you're attending a retreat at a facility I own, you heard it here first.

So why, with so many places opening up for travel, would we head to a place where we could go days without seeing other people? There were two reasons. The first is that I booked this trip in April when we didn't really know what the summer would look like COVID-wise or whether our child would be able to be vaccinated beforehand (no longer an issue). The second is that we take the vacations that we need at the time. My family was in need of rest and space this summer. The last real vacation we took before the pandemic was heavily city-based in the Pacific Northwest and we tend to alternate city and country/wilderness vacations. It was time for more birds and trees than people.

By listening to ourselves and what we needed, we allowed ourselves to truly hear. We could really hear one another and each of us was able to reset ourselves for the year ahead. Our daughter starts school again soon, my husband is at the beginning of a huge venture that has never been tried before, and I am in charge of the direction of my whole company. Now more than ever we need to listen and trust ourselves and one another in big ways and small. The quiet and the space gave us what we needed.

What do you need? How do you take the time to listen to yourself?

Rest has been a huge topic over the last few weeks. Everywhere I turn it seems that people are talking about rest and time away. What’s most interesting to me is that folks seem to understand the benefits of both just a bit better than they did before the pandemic, if not consciously, then at least on an intuitive level.

Now that it is safer to travel again, I see people off on adventures everywhere and many are headed into nature. In the last 2 years, I‘ve seen more families on road trips and in National Parks than ever. The National Parks have experienced record-breaking visitation rates. Whether this was due to closed borders in most of the rest of the world or the desire to be somewhere more wild and free than your typical suburban neighborhood is hard to say.

It might seem funny that after a year and a half of mostly not leaving the house or neighborhood that heavy physical activity in the form of hiking, biking, kayaking, etc. would be considered restful but it truly is. It can be meditative to spend time out in the wild and it is definitely good for your physical and mental health. A recent trip to an outdoor sports store left no doubt that people are getting the message and taking advantage of all of the options available beyond their own backyards.

Whatever the reason, Americans are finally, unabashedly, taking real amounts of vacation time which we, as a nation, are famous for doing far too little of. We collectively think that skipping vacations and working more makes us more productive and helps us get ahead.  The science has long said that we’re mistaken and we’re actually listening now.  “Statistically, taking more vacation results in greater success at work as well as lower stress and more happiness at work and home," say Shawn Achor and Michelle Gielan. Even so, we are astounded by those who choose to rest and take time off for more than a week or 2 at a stretch.

There’s a reason that Stefan Sagmeister’s TED talk has more than 3.5 million views. How can someone CLOSE THEIR COMPANY for a year every 7 years and still have a company to come back to? He can, he does, and he thinks you should too. When Shelley Paxton took her Soulbbatical and wrote a book by the same name, it became a bestseller. People were fascinated by the concept but also likely realized it was something they craved themselves. 

For me, much of the next 2 weeks will be spent outside on the water, in the woods, and on the deck. I’m an outdoor girl living a fairly indoor life lately and I’m thrilled to get out into nature. Like so many others, I’ll come back happier, more rested, and physically stronger. Every time I go away and really immerse myself in the experience, I come back full of inspiration to create new things. I thrive on new experiences. I bet you do too.

To that end, I don’t plan to work while I’m away. As much as I love my job, I also value time off. It makes me a better person. I’m more grounded and more in touch with who I am and what I have to offer. Besides, how am I to illustrate concepts via experiences I never allow myself to have? I’m off to practice what I preach. See you on the other side!

Have you ever felt tiny, I mean really aware of your place in the universe? The kind of tiny you feel when standing on the top of a mountain looking across the mountain range and realizing that all of those tiny specks in the distance are trees that tower over you? Or perhaps you feel it while staring out the vast ocean unable to see any scrap of land besides the one you are standing on? How about laying in the grass on a clear night looking at the pinpricks of light in the sky and realizing that those tiny specks are bigger than our own sun?

How do you make a difference in the world when you're this tiny?

You connect to something larger than yourself. Your efforts alone may not change the world but the efforts of hundreds, thousands, or millions who are working for the same things you are will. This is how political, social, humanitarian, and ecological changes have always been made for better or worse.

I'd guess that you want to change the status quo in some way. You're likely successful among many measurements but you feel something is missing. The missing something may be your work, your world-changing work, your connection to something bigger.

I [found] myself trying to find my value in my job. What I didn't understand was I needed to find my value in my work. And there is a difference. Because a job was my occupation. My work was when my greatest passions began to start overlapping with the world's greatest needs, and I chose to do something about it. I chose to start going through the process of finding my work.

- Wes Moore

Everyone has something they can do to contribute to the betterment of the world and humanity. Everyone.

What do you want to change for the better? What's your work to do? How do you pick from all of the worthy causes in the world?

Start with this question:

What's the one thing that keeps you up at night and just breaks your heart to think about? Where do you really want to see change? I mean real, honest to goodness change that protects people and the planet.

Once you figure out the change you seek, do some research to understand the causes of the issue. They are likely deeper and more widely spread than you initially realize. Research organizations that are already doing the work well. Find existing organizations that address pitfalls that you may not have known existed. A lot of well-meaning people do more harm than good in the name of "helping". Don't assume you have all the answers. Observe, learn, form relationships, and then you can help in ways that are actually helpful. The process may take a while but this is your work and it's worth it. It may not be your work to start something new but to join people already in action.

While considering what larger cause or issue you wish to align yourself with, I ask that you ponder these words that Wes Moore* shared, "When it's time for you to leave here… whether it's time for you to leave this school, whether it's time for you to leave your job, whether it's time for you to leave your neighborhood, or when it's time for you to leave this planet...make sure that it mattered that you were ever even here. Make sure that it mattered that you were ever even here because none of us are promised anything."

Whatever it is that you connect to will have lasting effects on the world, but doing so will change you too. Connecting to something larger than yourself is a fundamental part of building a happy life and it will keep you healthier longer. The more connected you feel to the people and the world around you, the more you understand yourself, your power, and your ability to love. Connecting to something bigger than yourself is how you make it matter that you were here.

*Please gift yourself 20 minutes to watch Wes Moore in this video. He says it beautifully and through a lens that I'll never have. He is brilliant, but more importantly, he's right.

Traveling has a way of pulling you out of yourself as few other things can. What's more, travel experiences are regularly more than the sum of their parts. Take a cranky family, add distance from home, sunshine, some unique experiences, and a few things that don't go quite as planned and you create a kind of magic.  These times are memorable partially because they are outside of your routine and partially because you are doing something together and depend on one another a bit.

These memories really stick too. I'm in my mid-40s and still remember a 3 1/2 week-long trip that my family took when I was 16. It was a big deal. First, because we never took vacations that long, and second, because it was the last trip my family of origin took that was just the 5 of us. My parents planned for a couple of years to take this trip because they knew that once I, the oldest child, got my license and a job, the family dynamic would change as would my ability to travel with them. My family still talks about the adventures on that trip. I even cite them in my writing sometimes.

The trip was epic for us, our adventures could fill a book. My folks said yes to our harebrained schemes way more often than they would at home. My brothers and I enjoyed each other's company far more than usual, even while driving through the desert without A/C (which was thankfully fixed the next day). We, a camping family from way back, could set up or take down the camper in under 5 minutes by the end of the first week. Five mostly adult-sized people who had worked out who excelled at what, got it done with little need for discussion after day 2. We parked, leveled, and were completely set up faster than most others could identify the best place on the site to place the camper. One morning we were awakened by a crack of thunder. Anyone who has even been camping in a pop-up camper knows that you REALLY don't want to pack it up while it's wet because mold can set in quickly. From the first crack of thunder to completely closed down and ready to roll was less than 5 minutes. At minute 6, the sky opened as we ran for the car. Our reward? Breakfast out and a day of adventure ahead.

Things like this are what I mean when I talk about how traveling can create synergy. These synergistic experiences also help you (and your kids) learn what you're capable of. Whether it is packing with speed and purpose, navigating your way through the mountains of California in the dark (0 out of 5 stars, do not recommend), or finding your way through a poorly signed subway system in a city in a foreign language (I'm looking at you Paris), if you come through it, you can probably laugh about it and learn from it.  With a little time and distance at least.

The other facet of travel synergy is how it s t r e t c h e s time. How often on a trip have you felt like the day lasted forever, in the best way? Have you have fallen into bed at the end of the day and thought back to the morning completely astounded to find it was actually the same day? Do you ever feel like you can't write out your experiences in your travel journal because there’s just too much to cover? On days like this, I forget I have a life outside my current circumstances. To me, that’s the sign that I'm fully engaged in the trip and open to what comes, synergy abounds. I will admit that it was harder to get to this place when my child was tiny but traveling with a teenager makes this a regular occurrence (5 out of 5 stars, highly recommend).

How to set yourself up for travel synergy:

1. Know yourself and your traveling companions. When considering where to go and what to do, it's imperative that you consider the people who will be involved. Consider age, physical ability, stamina, and downtime needs. What kind of accommodations do you need to ensure everyone’s as well-rested as possible? Once you’ve determined what’s feasible, consider the kind of trip you want. What is the goal of the trip? Do you want to see as much as possible or stare at the ocean for a week? Do you want to camp, hike, see the view from the highest point in the city, or have a spa day? Are you looking for life-changing experiences? If so, what kind - base jumping, paragliding, exploring ancient ruins, meeting local families, tracing your family roots?

2. Plan. Plan a little or a lot based on the answers to number 1 above. When I travel with my husband and daughter we are people who like a lot of freedom. We want to go where the wind takes us for the most part while fitting 1 or 2 specific things per city. So we plan for some structure in our days, but not tons. However, we ALWAYS want to know where we are going to lay our heads and we have reservations made before we leave home for where exactly we will sleep every night. If we want to make changes on the fly, we can always cancel and rebook somewhere else but we don't want to spend half of every day of our trip figuring out where we'll land that evening. Besides, we like to know when and where we'll have laundry facilities because we…

3. Pack light. It's true that the more experienced the traveler, the less they bring. If you really want to see things and meet people, you'll need to be able to get off the beaten path a bit and that sometimes means you're traveling on foot. Carrying less also means that moving between planes, trains, automobiles, and ferries is much easier. Our family flies carry-on only everywhere we go and we pack in convertible backpacks. We have for years. We aren't tiny people. You can do it too. To quote Spaceballs, "Bring only what you need to survive!"

4. Embrace your sense of adventure. Things will not be the same there as they are at home, no matter where "there" is. Embrace it. Do things differently. See how other people live. This is why you travel, yes? Synergy is created when you put yourself into situations that allow you and others to see things in new ways.

5. Buy little, but buy with purpose. When it comes to traveling light and traveling well, what you buy is as important as what you bring with you from the start. Buy experiences, meals, and locally made goods instead of mass-produced tchotchkes. If you can buy it at home or get it from Amazon, don’t carry it halfway across the world. The stuff in your bag should earn its keep. My favorite things to buy when we are away are scarves and notebooks. I’m a fan of each at home so I get to remember my travels while I navigate my daily life. They're interesting conversation pieces too. Besides, buying local helps the people you’re there to see and get to know. It also gives you an opportunity to interact with folks and deepens your experience. If you have to have it but it just won't fit in your bag, you can always ship it or purchase a suitcase to check it through to your home airport.

While I can't promise you'll experience synergy in your travels, I can promise that the above tips will put you in a position that makes it possible, even probable.

How have you experienced synergy while traveling? What did you take from those experiences into your daily life? What did you learn about yourself? Email me and let me know. I read every message and I love to hear your stories.

If you want help getting into a travel mindset or tips on how to plan your own adventures because you want to venture further afield than package tours can take you, contact me about Transformational Travel coaching sessions. Let's make the most of your vacation time!

Have you ever gotten so into doing something that you lost track of time? Was it a book, a project, or a part of your job? Have you ever felt in the zone when playing a sport that you didn’t have to think about what to do next, you just moved and it all worked?

These are examples of being in flow. You are in touch with who you are, what you want to accomplish, and you're working at peak capacity. As obstacles pop up, you are able to manage them. You keep focused on your goal and flow with things as they change. You are able to see the big picture and the details all at once.

What if you could enter that flow state with other people and create something new? Whereas being in flow is intense focus while you are by yourself, synergy is intense focus within a group that is working together to create or solve something.

In building a joyful life, connection is important. Connection to yourself, connection to others, and connection to something larger than yourself. The ability to intertwine those connections can create synergy. It's a way of working and being in which the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Whereas you may work synergistically all day, every day, you can learn to access this for long periods of time. You can learn how to create the optimal conditions both within yourself and outside of yourself.

I like the way Emilie Wapnick describes this concept. She says that "Innovations come at the intersections."

So, how do you do your part to create synergy?

Step 1 - Know yourself really well. Specifically, you need to know what works for you and what doesn't. You need to be curious and willing to learn and adapt as needed. Things usually work out because you've dedicated yourself to finding the best fit solution not because you are sure you're right.

Step 2 - Trust in those around you. In order to truly create synergy, you need to work or live with people you really trust and who trust you. Worrying about being judged for saying or doing the wrong thing is a distraction from the work that could be done. Even if you do say or do something that doesn't work, apologize if needed and then move on. In terms of synergy and flow, the pull towards something can produce situations in which people don't take things personally and can focus on the solutions they are creating. There's also magic in putting together teams that are diverse rather than homogeneous. It may take more time to do so but the outcome is so much richer and more creative. The more voices, knowledge, and experience in the room, the more innovative the outcome can be. In a world economy, diverse and creative wins out over "this is how we've always done it".

Step 3 - Work toward something important. The something you choose may never be solved completely in your lifetime but that doesn't mean that you can't do your part. It is always more interesting and engaging to work toward something than it is to avoid something. (For example, think of how hard you are willing to work in order to not be fired vs. how hard you might work to solve world hunger.) This isn't to say you must devote every second of your life to one single worthy cause and never waiver but when creating synergy, it's imperative that you have a purpose. Whether you dedicate yourself to it for a day, a week, a year, or a decade will vary based on what you're doing but creating synergy is possible for all kinds of tasks, passions, and purposes.

What are you willing to commit to this week or this month that will set you up to create synergy in the future? Will you work on yourself, build your team, determine what you want to work towards, or something else? What makes sense to you?  

I'd love to hear what you're working on! Send me a message and let me know.

Ask any seasoned traveler what the best part of their last trip was and they'll likely say it was the people they met. You might think it odd, especially if they enjoyed a place renowned for food, art, or entertainment, but they just can't stop talking about the waiter at this one little hole-in-the-wall restaurant and their host at a B&B. Why are they so fascinated?

Travel is life condensed and, as in everyday life, it's the connections to people that make the difference. Any guidebook can tell you the opening hours of a museum but only the locals can tell you to be sure not to miss the exhibit that's almost hidden in the back room on the right and was discovered down the road by their great grandparents.

That's the secret really. Any place can feel magical and intriguing if people take the time to connect and make it so.

Through my years of travel, I have countless stories of the difference the people have made. Whether it was the folks at the auto shop who made sure we didn't get stuck on the wrong side of the flooding Mississippi River on our way home (we barely made it) or the couple who live all the way out on the end of the Isle of Skye who shared their home, their incredible view, and their dreams during an amazing evening, they all made a lasting impression. They gave of themselves to make us feel welcome and very well cared for.

So how do these regular folks, living in their regular places create magic for travelers?  Quite literally, they let them in. They let travelers into their homes, businesses, families, and hearts. They anticipate needs and provide a window into places and ways of living we could not otherwise access. I don't understand what it's like to live 3 hours from the closest town running shoe shop, but my hosts do. I don't know what it's like to live in a giant world-class city with everything on my doorstep, but my hosts do.  I don't know about the best locally-owned restaurant in town, but the person running the tiny bookshop does. It's the people that make any place worth visiting, otherwise, trips might be mostly made of looking at buildings and standing in line.

Social connection can occur anywhere and it changes everything, including you.

It's not just deep social connections that make a difference. Connections made in passing or in the short term build happiness too. Connections while on vacation frequently allow you a way to celebrate differences rather than fear them.

Even as a serious introvert, I never miss a chance to talk to a friendly local when I visit somewhere new, no matter how terribly I speak their native tongue. I am always impressed and humbled when they invariably then choose to speak to me in my language while in their country. That is a kindness I never forget. The people are why I travel and why I preach the virtues of travel to anyone who will listen. Travel stretches you in new and unexpected ways. The further afield you roam, the more you are stretched and changed. All of that change becomes a part of you and you return home a different person.

Even though it is harder and more uncomfortable, this is why I avoid packaged trips and encourage others to travel independently. Spending 6 hours in a city before getting back on the river cruise is nowhere near as meaningful as spending 3 or 4 days wandering in foreign places. In 6 hours you get a chance to eat, take a bunch of photos that look like everyone else's, and tour a hotspot or two. There’s nothing wrong with that actually. But you'll never find that local Scotch shop with an amazing selection, knowledgeable staff, and no sign. You either have to know someone or have the time to happen upon it.

When you invest in people at home, they take care of you as much as you take care of them. The same thing is true on your travels.

Take an interest in people. Be curious. Get uncomfortable. Ask why they do things this way and see what you can learn. After all, everyone has something to teach us.

It’s the people who make all the difference.

Over the last several months you've likely seen some version of this fact attributed to Margaret Mead. The first sign of civilization in ancient culture is a healed femur fracture. One cannot walk with a fractured femur so a healed bone indicates that the person who broke the bone must have been cared for and provided for by others in order to survive. While there may be debate over whether or not Mead said this or that such an event marks the beginning of civilization, this statement is repeated because it FEELS true.

Civilization and society feel like they must have arisen based on the inherent need for connection between people and the desire to do things for the good of others. What we know instinctively is that people are not meant to live in isolation. Humans, like so much of the animal kingdom, are social creatures.

We need one another not only to survive but to thrive.

This, of course, is why the pandemic has been so hard for so many. Overnight we lost a huge amount of social connection. Casual conversations with coworkers don't happen from home as they did in the office. Whereas we may be more productive at home, the social connections suffer because chatting now needs to be scheduled. We spent all of last year without festivals, concerts, and large-scale events where we could gather with groups of like-minded people to form new bonds. For those who like to travel like I do, a year without a trip to somewhere new and different to learn new ways of doing things and meet new people felt more than a little empty.

It turns out that connection to others is scientifically proven to help increase happiness levels and keep you healthier overall. Whether it's from spending time with others or simply knowing that there are people who care about your wellbeing, the stronger your social connections are, the better.  It's not just knowing that people are looking out for you that helps, helping others is a huge benefit to you in terms of both health and happiness.

So as the world opens up again, how will you strengthen and celebrate your own social connections?

• Will you start meeting people for coffee or lunch again instead of online?

• Will you start taking walks with people you've missed spending time with?

• Will you travel to see friends and family who live far away?

• Will you travel to meet new people?

• Will you perform simple acts of kindness for those you know or those you don't?

These connections are important for both introverts and extroverts. A caution to the introverts who are inexplicably itchy to get out and see people again, take it slow. You're likely out of practice and recovery will take longer than it used to. Please take this advice from someone who attended 2 graduation parties and 3 casual get-togethers her first weekend out…and then slept for an entire day to recover. Pace yourself.

However you choose to renew your social connections, do it intentionally. Your efforts will benefit you and the world.

We're all in this together.

We know that connection is important. Generally, we think of it in relation to something outside of ourselves but what about connecting to yourself and to your intuition?

I consider intuition to be at the very center of who you are. It’s what allows you to connect with others and connect with something bigger than yourself in the first place. In fact, I’d argue that you’re already connected regardless of whether you recognize it yet.

Have you ever just been drawn to something? If so, it probably felt as if that experience was meant to be in your life.

For example, I once took a job based on intuition. I knew it was the right place for me to be. For a while it was great, I learned new things, I made a measurable difference, and things went well. A few years in, I got a similar feeling that it was time for me to move on, and I ignored it. Though the job wasn’t a great fit anymore, it was something I knew, I liked the people, and I still believed in the organization. Besides, change is hard and scary, and it was easier to stay put.

Over the next year, I kept having things pop up that were signs I should move along, and I continued to ignore them. I rationalized them away and I let my fear keep me fixed in place. 

Do you know what happens when you ignore your intuition and stick with things that are “fine”? Your body rebels. You might develop ulcers, constant nausea, weight gain, depression, difficulty sleeping, and so much stress that your shoulders are permanently up around your ears among other things.

My friend, your body KNOWS.

A body that knows, yells as loudly as it can until you snap, burn out, or change. Trust me when I tell you that changing is the best option. When you decide to make a change rather than have it decided for you, things happen quickly.

So, did I have a horrible job, terrible co-workers, and an insufferable boss? Nope. They're lovely people, at a good organization, and it’s a cause I believe in. It simply wasn’t for me anymore. There was something else I was being called toward. That season had ended and it was time to move on. I needed to experience the pain of ignoring my intuition in order to really understand it. My great hope is that you don’t have to go through the same thing and it is one of the reasons that I’m now a coach.

Nothing in life is meant to last forever. Knowing when to move on is a vital skill. Harnessing that skill is an asset to you and an example for others.

The thing about intuition is that there are nuances to it and this is what trips some people up. Sometimes it screams at you that it's time to make a change and other times it's a whisper so faint you might miss it. You're not always going to be dealing with earth-shattering decisions. Sometimes you just need to adjust course by taking a slight turn.

Intuition is also what helps you see far down the road. Say you know that you have certain gifts and talents that are super easy for you to draw on and you can employ them with very little effort. You should get a job doing that, right?

Maybe but maybe not.

Perhaps you're also someone who loves to learn and enjoys a challenge. You love the process of putting all of the pieces together. The charm of the easy job might wear off quickly. The volume of puzzles in the challenging job may get to be draining after a while. So which job do you pursue, one you can nearly do in your sleep or one that brings challenges and intricacies? There's no right answer here. This is where your intuition can help out. It's higher-level thinking and feeling combined that allows you to see the whole picture so you can make the decisions that are right for you.

Intuition is not independent of any reasoning process. In fact, psychologists believe that intuition is a rapid-fire, unconscious associating process - like a mental puzzle. The brain makes an observation, scans its files, and matches the observation with existing memories, knowledge, and experiences. Once it puts together a series of matches, we get a "gut" on what we've observed.*

- Brené Brown from The Gifts of Imperfection

Regardless of how the process works, how do you give yourself a minute to just listen to what’s going on? Do you meditate, walk, journal, pour a cup of tea, or something else?

How do you connect to your own intuition?

*Dr. Brown cites the following in her assertion:
Intuition: Its Powers and Perils by David G. Meyers
Gut Feelings: The Intelligence of the Unconscious by Gerd Gigerenzer

"I can see clearly now the rain is gone, I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It's gonna be a bright, bright, bright, bright sunshiny day."*

What would life be like if you walked through your days with clear eyes?  What if you saw the things that happen as challenges and opportunities rather than as insurmountable problems?

Would you get more done? Would you have more energy? Would you be happier?

I'd venture to guess that the answer to all of these is yes.

So that begs the question of how? How do you get here?

The answer is practice. That's really all it is. It's a skill that you can learn like anything else and over time it will start to happen without you having to think about it.

The next time something unexpected happens that you would usually label as "bad," ask yourself these questions.

• How would I view this if I was in a different mood?

• If it happened to someone else, how could I help them see their options? (Perhaps you know someone who has been through the same thing. Use their experience as your guidebook.)

• How would I guide my child or friend if this were to happen in their life?

The point of these questions is to give yourself some distance from the situation. I'm not suggesting that you run from things, I'm suggesting you take a few steps back so you can see more of the picture. Have a look at the examples below. Sometimes things can look very different when you are narrowly focused.

Stepping back gives you a moment to process what's going on so that you can respond rather than react. The more often you practice distancing yourself for a moment to gain some perspective, the more naturally it will come. You'll notice that you are increasingly confident. You'll notice that things are easier to solve. You'll notice that you take fewer and fewer things personally.

Over time you might even get a little thrill of excitement when things go differently than you thought they would because now you have the chance to use your creativity to come up with new ideas and solutions. My favorite trick when something goes unexpectedly is to either call it a "plot twist" and laugh a little bit or to tilt my head to one side and say "interesting". Then it's time to get to work, one step at a time. It can be fun to work out the puzzles and there's a feeling of accomplishment when you triumph over something that seemed hard to figure out at first.

From one of my favorite films,

“At some point, everything is going to go south on you, everything is going to go south and you're going to say this is it, this is how I end. Now you can either accept that or you can get to work. That's all it is, you just… begin. You do the math, you solve one problem, and you solve the next, and then the next.”

- Matt Damon as Mark Watney in The Martian

Take the first step. Solve the first problem. Build your momentum and trust yourself. The problems you solve today will fuel you tomorrow. The more you practice, the more of the picture you can see early in the process.

Today, just begin.

You don't have to climb the whole mountain this very minute, just take one step forward. Recruit help when possible. Studies show that actual mountains seem 20% less steep and easier to climb when participants were simply standing next to someone at the base rather than standing alone. The same is true for metaphorical mountains. You don't have to go it alone. Friends, family, and colleagues are great options for support when climbing those mountains. So are coaches. Find a partner that you can work with and get started. 

As always, please feel free to contact me with questions or to learn more about how coaching can help you climb your own mountains at Cheryl@resettingjoy.com.

Wishing you clear eyes and short mountains.

*Song lyrics from I Can See Clearly Now by Jimmy Cliff. Head on over to your favorite streaming service to finish the song so it can be properly stuck in your head all day while you solve one thing at a time.

Quick, what’s the purpose of life? What's the secret of the universe?

Just kidding. The purpose I'm talking about is what you choose to spend this season of your life working toward.  You'll likely have more than one purpose you wish to serve over the course of your life. Let's concern ourselves with this next one though shall we?

Some say that the purpose of life is to live it. Plato stated "the purpose of life is to discover your gift. The meaning of life is to give your gift away." Well, he actually said it in Greek but still.

The point is, your purpose can be defined any way you like. Some prompts to help you gain clarity on yours are:

• What's important to you?

• What do you want to end?

• What do you want to start?

• What's the next step in building your business, family, or life?

However you define it, it's important to determine what you want to do in this world. Will you dedicate your next 18 years to raising children? Will you spend the next 5 years growing your business? Will you spend the next 2 years writing your book? How about volunteering for your preferred organization? Perhaps you'd like spend the next year reading, writing, and understanding yourself better.

No matter what you choose to work toward, you'll change the world. It may be for 3 people or for 3 million. Time will tell. It's the effort and the focus that matter.

"I want you to remember that that call that you feel inside of you to serve with your stories, your expertise, with your voice, that is your sign. That is your divine sign, that you are meant to do this. That's the only sign you need. You need no one's permission. You don't need anyone to tell you [t]hat your experience or your clarity or your credentials are…ready for this or not, it's irrelevant. The only sign you need is that call, that feeling within you. So, I want you to first just remember that you already know that this is for you to move into.

- Michelle Barry Franco

You don’t need to know exactly how the rest of your life will play out. You don’t have to decide once and for all what you want to be when you grow up. Clarity of purpose simply means you see the next section of your path, even if you don't know exactly where it leads. It's the real-life version of a vintage Choose Your Own Adventure book but with fewer ancient curses and less quicksand. 

So, what does the next section of your path look like? Do you have a gut feeling about it or will you need to take some time to think it through?

I'd love to hear about your plans or questions! Feel free to reach out to me at Cheryl@resettingjoy.com and let me know what you're up to.

You might find it ridiculous that I’m talking about understanding your belief system. Surely you know what you believe! That’s fair, but stick with me here.

There are lots of things you know for sure. For example, you love your kids, fall is your favorite season, honesty is the best policy, you don’t make promises when you are happy or decisions when you are angry or sad, and you never, ever write a text or email when you're angry.

Cool.

Where did those beliefs come from? (I'm not suggesting that they’re wrong by the way.) You know they’re true, you believe them with every ounce of your being, but why? How did they get into your head? Were they put there by a parent, a teacher, a partner, or a life experience? Maybe you don’t know exactly how they got there. You just KNOW they’re true. You could come up with reasons if you had to but you’ve never needed to so they are accepted facts.

The above are examples of what I like to call “how to live a good life” beliefs but they aren't the only kind you hold. There are some beliefs that make you feel less than. Less than perfect, less than smart enough, less than valued, or less than loved. Those are the ones I want to talk about.

Less Than

Understanding your own beliefs, where they came from, and how they help you or hold you back is an important part of gaining clarity.

Everyone has energy-sapping, internalized messages that they believe are true like these:

• I’m not smart enough

• I’m not good enough

• I’m not valuable

• I’m not worthy

• AND, you’ve got the receipts, you can prove why you are smart enough, good enough, worthy enough, etc. You likely have experiences with a parent, teacher, boss, or partner that you can point to for helping you form these beliefs. In adopting these message, you were trying to protect yourself from heartache, disappointment, embarrassment, etc.

If these beliefs are in your head, how likely is that you are going to quit your job and strike out on your own, move to a new city, or start a new long-term relationship? How likely are you to take a chance? While part of you may want to make changes and begin a new adventure… another part just KNOWS it won't work because you are not capable or worthy of it.

As to that assertion, that you’re unworthy and/or that there’s something wrong with you, I call bullshit.

You’re Not Alone

I can promise you, you aren’t alone with these beliefs. In fact, they are so universal, they land in song lyrics like these from Pink’s F**kin’ Perfect, “You're so mean when you talk about yourself. You were wrong. Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead.”

Dr. Brené Brown’s work on vulnerability and shame talks about the same things but from a research point of view. Shame is believing that you ARE bad or unlovable as opposed to guilt which is believing that you DID something bad. It’s this shame-linked inner critic that I want you to consider.

Here's my question, do you want to keep living that way? Do you want to keep doubting yourself EVERY. SINGLE. DAY? Is this helpful? Are you stress-free? Do you sleep well? Are your interactions with others what you want them to be? Are you living the life you want to live?

No?

If you’re not, THIS is why I want you to understand your current belief system. If you understand where things come from, you can start to change them. My whole goal is to help you live a happier, healthier, more joyful life. I'm willing to poke at the hard subjects in order to get you there because you are 100% worth it. As Dr. Brené Brown says, “shame cannot survive being spoken, it cannot survive empathy” so let’s bring it out into the light where it can’t survive.

We convince ourselves that if anyone actually knew what it is we’re hiding, we’d be banished for good. Shame is sneaky like that. When things actually come to light though, we often find that we have more love and support than we dared to dream.

I’m not suggesting that you air your inner thoughts all over social media right now, be mindful about what you share, when, and with whom. Take some time this week to look at your own belief system, then you can choose how you want to proceed. I've created a guide to help you identify some of these messages.