There seems to be a current debate - a divisive stance - on telling others what should or shouldn’t be done during this time of the COVID-19 Pandemic. While this may have been present prior to this world event, it seems to me that it has brought it to the surface in new forms.

Throughout the passing months, I have noticed a global arising of ego and separation and ALSO a rising of heart centered being and seeing with the eyes of love. And also, some oscillation between the two states of being. For example, a current hot debate is wearing face masks. There seems to be a disparity of information provided. Some seem to see it as useless because it doesn’t protect the self - a more egoic form of existence. Others see it as a way to honor the other living beings around them and with love put on a mask to mitigate the spread of their own upper respiratory droplets in case it helps others in any way.

Do we have research to prove any of this for sure right now? No. So how you decide what is true and real? My suggestion is to FEEL through what is true and real for you. And I believe the most powerful way to get a clear answer on this is by asking within your heart. If you ask from a place fo fear or lack the answers change. In order to see with the eyes of the heart and the eyes of love we must be in a more open and expansive state.

There is gold within that. There is gold within noticing if you feel expansive or contracted. And I don’t mean tuning into the energy of how others are presenting information to you. I mean inside if you consider any thought or action or deed, how does your body respond? How does your heart respond? Does it bring with it a feeling of closing and contracting or a feeling of expanding and opening? And state of being do you want to chose? Is there a choice that brings you closer to how you want to feel?

If you are someone that feels constricted reading or watching the news, who is to tell you that you are wrong for instead doing practices that lead you to expansion? How can this be different than ignorance is bliss? I would say ignorance would be a lack of awareness. Is there a chance that you might be cultivating your own inner awareness by choosing to abstain from things that are contracting for you?

The ego often becomes activated and loud when shoulds and powers outside are telling us what to do. It doesn’t want to be told what to do and how to do it. It wants to feel free and like the power within. It was created to keep us safe in certain ways yet it can become rampant and disconnect us from our truest self which is inherently good and doens’t need to prove it.

The ego is in a constant state of fear and through the mechanism of fight, flight, or freeze it tells us a story of separation - one that is filled with a “right” and a “wrong.” That stance clings to anything that can keep it safely resting within the ego mind. It is fed by judgement, criticism, shame, fear, separation, and lack. I have witnessed this within me and around me time and time again and seen how it can lead to disordered eating, excessive alcohol consumption, panic and anxiety, difficulties with sleep, depression, and the list goes on.

This can be a very difficult way to live. And, when we are living that way we can feel isolated, lost, afraid, alone. These feelings can activate more separation and greater ego activation and keep us stuck. Only through acceptance, compassion, and love can we experience transformation and release some of the patterns that bind us.

The eyes of love see wholeness, unity, health and goodness. They see all things through compassion and seek to unite and include. These eyes are warm and welcoming filled with acceptance and belonging. These eyes are within all of us - within this central place of our heart.

If we have been wounded (hello, we are human after all) a common response is to build a wall around the heart. This stops us from being able to fully give or receive love in an effort to protect what is most sacred and important to us: love aka, our heart. It can then be difficult to enter your heart or see through your heart. The news I find empowering is that we have the ability to shift and transmute these wounds, to deconstruct the walls and begin anew with love.

For me, spending more moments quiet and still within or as quiet and still within as possible, lends me towards moments of love and going within my heart. I have found that a profound way to do this is to first move my body. I need to shift my current physiological state - which is often tied to past traumas - in order to have my mind settle and have space to go within.

Time and time again I have come back to movement and embodiment practices as a way to connect to my wholeness or at least the amount of wholeness I have been able to connect with. If it’s helpful for you, you are welcome to join me in some of these practices. Starting the week of May 20th I will begin two different series that last six weeks and offer movement from a place of love.

To find out more, explore the Trauma Sensitive Yoga May/June 2020 Series and/or the Evening Movement & Mindfulness Series.

Sending love to you wherever you are on your path in the moment of reading this and all the moments that follow.

Last night I, along with many others from my community, went to the local DMV office to vote. While there, a very interesting dynamic was playing out. There was a daughter that had just turned 18 four days earlier and her mother. The mother had already done the mail in ballot and was there in support of her child. Once the child was called up to the electronic booth the mom went with her. The people working at the polls told the mom she was not allowed at the booth with her daughter to which the mom replied that she just saw two other people at the booth and that she would be standing their assisting her daughter in getting setup because it was her first time. When the people working told the mom that that was what they were there for - to assist her in daughter getting set up and feeling comfortable with the process the mother brushed them aside and said she would be standing there. The mom claimed that during mail in ballots everyone sits around a table drinking and talking and voting together.

The interesting part of this to me was how the entire environment shifted in the office, and how many other younger voters in their 20’s-30’s responded. One person from the booth exclaimed, “this is my first time voting too and I’m figuring it out.” Another person commented, “isn’t the whole point of voting to be able to do it on your own and have your own voice heard?” While others were looking around making faces at each other incredulously. Was this really happening? Was there really a legal adult there, seemingly perfectly competent, being watched over and assisted from a parent? And, while the daughter was voting the mom stood nearby and the daughter would verbally ask about different things and the mom would reply, wow! Not only was this disruptive to the others in the room, but it was also fascinating to see how influenced by our parents and raised environment we really can be. Isn’t the whole point of voting to expression yourself? How is self and does self get defined?

What would it take to develop our own thought process? How often do children vote differently from their parents? And what is happening within our society that there are so many parents afraid to allow their kids to try something that might be uncomfortable for them? Are we in such a culture still where self-esteem is highly valued over a sense of self? Where it seems more important for a parent to see their child succeed rather than try something and thru the challenge of squeaking along awkwardly perhaps, yet on their own, and developing their own sense of self? Is this a thing of the past? What happens to our society as a result?

Things brings me to the point of this post - how many of you still believe that thru challenges we rise?

"Together we rise together we fall" is a common saying that most of us have heard.  I challenge you to explore if this is actually true?  Is it that together we are rising or together we are falling?  In my experience this is not true.  There are a few people that are falling, that are bringing more terror, and fear, and a sense of lack and not enough-ness and they are driving that energy into our culture. What about the rest of us?  

Some of us go along with whatever energy happens to be in the environment at the moment while others are resisting it.  Instead they are choosing to go within and find their own strength, beauty, and raw sense of enough-ness.  Because truly that is what we all are - enough.  And when those brave souls are doing their work and connecting with their inner power and strength it starts to shift the energy all around us.

The people that are choosing to do their work, to own their lives, and to belong to themselves send out a current of light like a beacon and call in others that resonate. From this new groups and communities are formed, friendships are bonded, and people are uplifted. In order for this to happen more - and for this to happen for you, it starts with the journey of you.

It is not in the togetherness that we are rising and falling, it is within each individual.  Yes systems and units and communities come into play with how a person may view the word and their place in it but I FIRMLY believe we all have the power to free ourselves from past patterns, limiting beliefs, and the generational traumas that seem to be growing.  The way we do this is by going within.

How does one go within?  It most certainly can and will look and feel different for each of us.  Some will benefit from guidance and working with someone while others might draw in all on their own through personal practices of yoga, meditation, journaling, dancing, painting, etc.

What kind of habits and patterns are in your life that are not serving you?  That are eliciting more fear, more distrust, more shame and greed?  We must come to recognize these things WITHIN OURSELVES before we can reach into our communities and inspire change. We must truly embody being the change we wish to see.

Think of a few simple things to get you started.  Schedule an appointment with someone (or with me), remove one habit that doesn't serve you, introduce a habit or mantra that is uplifting and expansive for you.  Go into nature and connect with mother earth and through that connection notice how you become more and more connected with yourself, your own rhythm and cycles as well.

In these times of instant updates of mass shootings, events of terrorism, and a sense of division it is even more important that we connect with the place within us that is pure and safe and free.  We must embody all that we are so we can carry that strength and light into the world and make massive shifts.  We must first shift ourselves before we can shift systems and cultures and limiting beliefs.

I'm sending SO MUCH LOVE and ENCOURAGEMENT to you on your journey.  Truly, when we change ourself, we change the world.

One of the things I was taught to do when growing up was to compare myself to others. Whether it was the typical thing at the dinner table to eat and appreciate food because not everyone had enough or whether it was within the family dynamic in which I was the only girl and so the comparison was between males and females (and appropriate behavior). 

I think that most of us were taught to compare.  It can even be a way that a parent or teacher tries to cheer up a child - "ah, yes Sally, that is sad but look at what you have in your life compared to others." or it might be, "okay Ben you might not have gotten this skill yet but you were ahead of the curve learning to ride your bike/walk/another skill."  It's like in an attempt to get 'cheered up' and build a false sense of self esteem we are taught to put ourselves in comparison with others.  Which, by the way, is a very destructive foundation to build upon.  What happens when we aren't the best?  Or what happens when we enter into intimate relationships?  Or what happens when we are forerunners, creatives, and forward thinkers and we compare ourselves to what has been in the past instead of what we want to create moving forward? Wouldn't it be more helpful if we were taught to value our internal experience far more than external approval or results?

Yesterday during work I had a 10 minute break so I went for a walk.  I noticed so many people around me rushing everywhere.  Hurrying, and worrying.  Isn't that our motto?  And in the hurrying and worrying state most people didn't look joyful or happy or like they really felt satisfied with their life.  In fact they looked stressed out, dissatisfied, and pissed off.   It appeared that so much focus was on the external to do's that internally they were starving.  We can actually and literally starve internally when we don't feed who we are, what we want, what we are passionate about.  It's like we begin to shrivel up and harden.  Ever felt this?  Ever witnessed this?

So, back to comparisons.  When we take those comparison tendencies and direct them towards our relationships, especially our intimate relationships, forget about it.  The results will be disastrous.  We will be loosing and so will our partner.  Every. Single. Time.

You see, if I am comparing the way I might respond to something versus the way my partner is responding to something it creates a division between us.  It's a me vs you or an us vs them mentality. With that division someone has to be right which means someone also has to be wrong.  Here's a clue, no one likes to be wrong.

Then, during this comparison exercise I will most likely take sides with myself.  I will see how I am a better partner, a better person, have greater skills, take on more responsibility, etc, etc, etc (fill it in with your own patterns).  This not only burdens and stresses me out, but also makes it impossible for me to connect with my partner or my partner to connect with me.  It's like me against them which then puts them in the mode of precaution and tiptoeing around so they don't get attacked and hurt.  Or maybe they go into immediate defense of themselves and offense towards us and they begin to attack us.  It gets real ugly real fast either way.

So if I find that what I am doing is better than my partner, I start to feel afraid that my partner is not enough.  And oh my gosh how could I stand to be stuck with them forever.  Maybe they will just drag me down.  Or maybe I'll be unhappy forever.  Or perhaps I'll eternally ask if there is someone else better for me out there and feel despair and regret?  In the reverse if I start to notice that my partner is better than me at something through the lens of comparison then I will most likely go into a shame response and begin to feel that I am not enough.  And oh my gosh if I am not enough no one can love me because I am unlovable. I then give myself two choices, one I can run away and hide because I feel ashamed or two I can hold on so tight to my partner and be so afraid that they will leave me that I end up suffocating them and they feel like leaving.

This is all uncomfortable.  Programmed in.  To stop us from noticing and holding our power within.  It's like we continue to give it away in order to get ahead.  This fear state is of course beneficially to a few people at the top of the chain because it makes us a great resource of worried and frantic worker bees.  This continues to hold us back.  In our careers, our family, our friends, our intimate relationships.  Our experience and expression of this life.  From living in and from our soul purpose.

Imagine the world and how things could shift and change if the most important thing was peoples internal experience. Imagine if you were the most important thing in your world and your internal experience and feelings were a point of focus and growth?  What would you change?  Would you have less to do's on your plate and more to be's?  Think maybe we could choose our lives more consciously to fit us rather than fit some mold that was not created for us?  We could actually make the mold ourselves.  Out of our own image, our own desires, our own longings.

Want guidance on your journey to getting to know & love yourself? I'd love to help.  Shoot me a message, or go ahead and take the next step and schedule an appointment.  The world is waiting for your gifts and talents and your soul/heart/self are longing to be known and loved.

We are told stories about who we are. We are told stories about the ways of the world. We are told stories of who we can be when we grow up. We are told the stories through the media of the state of the world and our country. Stories. Constantly told stories.

How do we know if they are true?  If they were true at one point do they need to remain true for the rest of our lives?

Do you remember some of the themes that you were told as a child?  They might now be so familiar that you think the statements are coming from you.  It might sounds like this, "no matter what you do you'll never be good enough," or "money doesn't grow on trees," or "you're the athlete/musician/smart one in the family," or "why can't you be more like so-in-so."  Maybe you were told you're hard to get along with, that you're weird, or that life is eternally more stressful with you in it. 

These themes, these statements, these STORIES we are told begin to become internalized from a very young age.  I'm not getting all Fruedian on you here, merely speaking about what I have learned over the years after working with so many people.  And hey, I have personal experience on my side on this one too. We here these statements and stories at an age when we are learning about who we are. When we hear about who we are from the people that keep us alive and safe and provide for us in every way, we tend to believe them.

Then we grow up and without realizing it we are continuing with these often debilitating and belittling stories. They have become who we are, we have become them. We suddenly have a glass celiing on who we are and what we can do with our lives. Feeling really happy lately?  Ah yes but wait for the other shoe to fall, right? Because we are not worthy of happiness. Etc, etc. 

So how do we know if they are stories or if they are truths? Here is one idea, if you asked 100 people a question and they answered the question the same way you are for yourself then it's a truth. If they would answer it differently it's a story. And a story that is most likely trapping you. Keeping you stuck over and over again. Sick of living like this?

I know I sure was and so are many of my clients. As with anything, awareness is the first step.  You might start to become aware of the things you repeat to yourself most often. What are some of your favorite insults for yourself? Are there phrases you use over and over again about life or your job? Once we begin to have awareness we can enter the next stages.

Here's to you on your journey of awareness! <3

We do everything because of how we feel.  When I say everything, I literally mean      E V E R Y T H I N G.  Although most of us are actually super disconnected to how we feel.  In fact, we have been taught since a very early age that feeling is not a safe thing to do.  This comes in the the form of phrases such as, "you must eat all the food on your plate" or "push through the pain" or when you fell down and got hurt and your caretaker said "it's okay, you're okay, stop crying" or maybe it was "I don't care if you're not tired, it's bed time so go to sleep."  You get the point.  It's been a constant bombardment of messages teaching you to not feel, or that what you were feeling was wrong.  So naturally most of us tend to shy away from feelings and ignore them as much as possible.  Some of those may have been physical sensation feelings and some might be emotional feelings.  Either way, it's created a disconnect within yourself and therefore less ability to connect with others.

It is RARE to find a person that did not receive messages like this. These messages are constantly reinforced in our society as well.  It is seen and expressed in sports with the mentality of no pain no gain.  It's in front of us with advertisements with the underlying message that we should feel guilty for eating certain foods. Another big message is the importance of our looks, with the value being on what we appear to be and not who we actually are perpetuating our desires to develop our outer self more than our inner self.  This incessant overload happens on a range from subliminal to very overtly and has become the norm.

So what am I getting to here?  The bottom line is the disconnect we have within our selves, YET as humans we are driven to take actions based on our FEELINGS.  And that my friends can be a confusing space to navigate.  We might not know why but we find that at the end of our day we spend a lot of time shopping online, or we are in the habit of having a casual drink each evening, or we cannot image starting our day without Starbucks, or we look forward to binge watching Netflix.  Perhaps it's about noticing these things, and why we are really choosing to do them. 

Do you notice that all of those things are E X T E R N A L to change how we feel I N T E R N A L L Y?  As a culture we try so hard to change how we feel and experience life by external forces. This could come in the form of getting value and worth from the friends you have, boyfriend or husband, from using a substance like coffee or alcohol to change how you feel, or even by eating a food you crave, maybe it's online shopping when you're stressed out, or Netflix for hours on the weekends or evenings.  It's not being connected to what is inside and certainly not knowing how to change it from the inside out rather than outside in.

Here's the thing - the mass majority of us do this.  It propels our economy forward through capitalism and imprisons us to think there is something more that we need (outside of us) when really we have most of what we need ... inside of us.  We have this amazing mechanism called a body that constantly scans our environment, works to keep us in a homeostatic place, and a heart that is filled with more intelligence and wisdom than we may realize. And best of all, we have a sense of joy within us.  All of us have that.  We might not be connected to it though because we might have given our power away to searching for joy outside of us rather than within us.  Trust me though, you have joy, inside of YOU.

When we begin to learn to connect within, to our little voice, to our feelings, to our sensations, we can begin to radiate that joy.  We feel it deeply within ourselves, filling us up and then we express our overflow into the world.  And like the quote by Howard Thurman goes “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

How much of your life have you spent comparing yourself to others?  Your family, your looks, your intelligence, etc.  However much time that has been, it is too much.  We do not need to compete with others so much, we need to start to collaborate. Why?  So we all can have a place in this world, live out our purpose in this world, and be filled by the collective energy of community.

When we believe there is not enough we are living from a place of fear & scarcity.  Guess what we get when we live like this?  We get more fear, and we get less in our lives than we are intended for. How do I know this?  Because I have been there, I have done that.

I used to compare myself ALL THE TIME.  Now, I find myself doing it occasionally and I check myself back into the reality. I remember that we all have a purpose or we wouldn't be here. While we might have similar gifts or services to offer, we all have an individual way of expressing it, our own personal purpose. AND sometimes our purpose can get propelled into action by the collaboration with others.  

Collaborating is living from love rather than fear.  Knowing that there is enough.  Of Everything. (yes even time & money)

So how do we re-position ourselves for this collaboration and oneness when we have had a lifetime of competition and constant encouragement from the 3000 ads we see per day to compete?

1.  We notice it.  We notice when we are in scarcity mode and competition.

2.  Stop & breath.  It's seriously amazing what the effects of consciously breathing can do.  In this case it can calm us down so we can feel positive love and attachment feelings rather than the basal feelings of fear and shame.

3. Try listening to your heart.  Is there a sensation in your chest when you think about collaborating?  What about when you feel afraid?

4. If you still have that soft voice inside of you then listen to the clarity and wisdom as it guides you towards working with others and strengthening each other.

5.  Maybe feel some real and genuine love for yourself.  From loving ourselves we are able to love, see, and accept others.

May this inspire & encourage you today.  This is for you. Maybe you say this to yourself.... from yourself. Perhaps a way to let there be the light ignited within you. Maybe this is a way for you to meditate. Repeat after me.

I am a believer of dreams.  I am a seeker of souls.  When I walk into a room I can feel the luminous glow of others energy.  The radiation is palpable.  If I let it, it will seep into me.  It will take over me.  I stay strong.  I give of energy and I hold mine sacredly inside.

Turquoise blue waters wash beneath my slender eyes.  The glow of yellow rays dance behind the cage of my heart.  Deep within my being is my soul.  They talk, they laugh, there is freedom and lightness there.  It is airy and playful with iridescent wings.

When I am alive I light the world on fire.  When I am numb I feel caged and trapped and told what to do and who to be.  I've been told many times in many ways what to do.  Who to be.  No more.  I am me.  I have a purpose.  I have a soul.  I have a reason.  Only I know it.  Others with skills can guide me.  Ultimately it is just me, me and my soul, on this journey together, just my soul and me.

Who I am is beautiful. I can stop apologizing for not fitting into the box others might want me to be in.  I can be "unrealistic" because what's realistic for them might not be what is real for me.  We are different.  Allow space between me and others.  Allow space inside of me.  Speak the language of my soul.  Be the bearer of good news.  Share with the world.  Speak the truth. Hear the soft voice and follow it.  Go towards it.  Get the glittery eyes.  You are on the right path.  You are on your path.  To magnificence.  To being amazed and being amazing.  It will be the light inside you.  Keep the ego in check.  Use your gorgeous energy for atomic creation.

Be the person you were created to be.  Step into the light.  Step into the love.  Remove conditioning.  Be free.  Follow your soul, your spirit, your purpose.  That's the brilliance.  That's the purpose.  Awaken that something inside - awaken your soul.

Sending you joy out into the world today and joy over to you as you are on your path~

Have you ever had a moment when suddenly everything felt effortless? Full contentment, enjoyment, child like awe and wonderment? That's what I'm talking about when I say your world stands still - times slows, and all is magical - if only for a moment.  Maybe it happened when you held your newborn child, or when you hiked to the top of a mountain and looked out on the vista view, perhaps it occurs while watching someone you love do what they love, or maybe even when you are totally and completely immersed in something you yourself are passionate about?  Do you remember the last time your world stood still, everything felt vivid and perfect and peaceful?

Lately I have been working to cultivate more and more moments of this in my life & I'm hoping you might feel empowered to to do the same. When I am in moments like this my eyes become glittery (teary) and I feel overwhelmed with purity, joy, happiness, bliss.  I stand in awe. I must pause and marvel at the wonder the world is in all it's perfectly timed grace and glory.  This feeling comes over my body that is feels airy, satisfyingly still and empty with tiny bubbles of joy floating around.  Have you felt this before?  How would you describe yours? Would you like more moments like that in your life?

What I've noticed is that we actually have the ability to create more and more moments of this in our lives. This used to happen for me sporadically and sparingly. Recently I have been experiencing pure bliss multiple times a week, sometimes multiple times a day. It's been changing my life and in sharing this with you my hope is that you can feel more moments of profound peace and contented connection in your life too!

How am I doing this?  First and foremost I am TRYING to feel more of this in my life because I enjoy this wondrous feeling and believe it means I am on the path of my soul purpose.  The biggest thing I notice is that I am doing this by being more present in my life.  I am working on noticing where I am, what I am doing, and all the little details of beauty around me.  I am focusing on the view as I am driving, the trees as I am hiking, the lighting in my office as I am writing.  When I am making dinner I am making dinner.  When I am in the shower I am noticing how the water feels as it touches my skin.  I have created more sacred space in my home (thank you mother nature for giving us 3+ feet of snow so I was able to spend time alone in my cozy cabin re-connecting and re-building).  I have cards up from people in my life that love and support me, I have photos up that inspire me, and I have words around me that encourage me.  I am building more physical space that brings me to my happy place and I am setting aside more space in my day by being present. I've also cleared out the things that no longer serve me- where there are memories attached that bring up feelings I no longer want to feel (like unlovable, inadequate, unsafe, or a failure).

I am choosing to have things in my life that inspired me.  This can be the objects of decoration around me or the sayings I write on my chalkboards.  It can also be the clothes I choose to wear or the way I wear my hair.  I am bringing more light and more space into every area of my life.  Cleaning out my surroundings and clearing out old patterns and thoughts that no longer serve me.  We can create more of what we want in our lives when we are inspired. Are you inspired daily?

Now you might be saying you don't have time for that.  I get it.  I totally get it.  How I created space in my day was by getting organized.  I repeat to myself, "If I do not plan, I plan to fail."  That gets me every time.  Naturally I am not someone that likes restraints on me or my time so this can be a challenge sometimes.  I remind myself the more I plan the more I actually get done and the more I get done the more time I have to do other things in my life! When I get organized I do a brain dump.  My brain dump is writing down EVERYTHING I have to get done/want to get done/hope to get done.  Things that are immediate and long term.  When I write it all down I don't need to hold space for it in my mind - more space and ability to be in the present moment instead of holding on to my to-do's!  

After everything is written down I can organize it chronologically - again planning equals being free to be in the moment and getting more done.  It also helps me to be realistic on how much I can accomplish in what amount of time.  The running joke in my family goes like this..... Family member, "Gretchen, what would you like to do today?" My response, "Well I thought I'd wake up and make a farm to table breakfast complete with fresh squeezed juice, go for a run with my dog, practice yoga, take a pottery class, go to the dentist, go visit grandma, take a dance class, go kayaking, and read a book before I plan to meet my friend for lunch!"  Yes this is insane, yes I used to actually believe I could get insane amounts of things done in small amounts of time.  Now, I write out what I'd like to do, how long I think it will actually take me to do it, and from here I sort through and choose what I will actually spend time on.  It's a work in progress :)  And I've found that over the long term I get a ton more done and it's things that are done with intention.  How can you live with more intention?

The more we are in the present, the more we are in our bodies, the slower time seems to go. It’s as though time gets stretchy and a day can feel like a week and a week can feel like a year. Time slows in the best possible way, when we are in sync with ourselves & in our bodies, we are able to live moment to moment. Want to practice more of this? Join the newly released Embodiment course and be supported in your process.

Take home messages, when we think more about what we have rather than what we are missing we feel more filled than empty. When we are able to plan our days out we can be free in each moment to be totally in the moment because we know we are doing exactly what we want to be doing in that moment.  By being in the present moment (aka being in our bodies in a way that feels safe so we can process information) we are able to feel a sense of freedom - there is no fear of the past repeating itself or worry that the future wont be what we want it to be - because we are not in the past or the future, we are in the present moment.  By surrounding our-self with things that motivate and inspire us we feel more motivated and inspired.... and energy begets energy so we keep feeling more of the good stuff!

Sending you warmth and love on your journey to living your life with intention, purpose and passion and feeling so many moments of presence & joy!

Ready or not, here goes, this is the biggest thing that you can know about how to heal yourself ....The Body can only Heal when it is Relaxed.  Big bold statement - because most of us don't actually know how, or have the skills, to get our nervous systems to REST.  Our form of relaxing might be zoning out in front of the TV, having some drinks, taking a bath - while those might feel 'relaxing' to you at this point - what really needs to rest is your internal self.  Your PNI system which includes the emotional-nervous-immune-hormonal super-system.  Our ever interconnected mindbody. So do external things, or putting external things into your body wont be able to truly nurture, satisfy, and activate your inner world to rest, because the pattern of arousal is locked in our cells.

Have you seen all the adds out there for health, healing, weight loss, transformation, etc?  Do you know that NONE of those can work if your nervous system is overloaded?  We can only truly heal when our body is in a resting state.  If we are activated, hyper-alert, and in flight-or-flight mode the only thing we can think about is survival.  We get tunnel vision when our sympathetic nervous system is activated and our vision is on surviving.... not thriving.  It's a perfect mechanism, and the reason we are alive today, HOWEVER in most of us it is in a constant state of arousal, and our systems never actually rest.  

The wild thing is that often times we think we are at rest, but our insides are actually on alert.  Some clues to know if this is happening in your system would be thinks like digestive issues, sleep disturbance, difficulty concentrating, being defensive, or feeling anxious.  Have you noticed that our bodies and our minds are not actually separate?  Perhaps you were concerned about something at work and it effected your sleep?  Or maybe when you've struggled with a relationship you also have struggled staying on task and focused throughout your day?  

Our mindbody system is beautiful and amazing and completely interconnected.  When our thoughts are stressed than our bodies are also stressed.  A stressor “is a threat, real or perceived, that tends to disturb homeostasis. The factors that universally lead to stress: uncertainty, the lack of information, and the loss of control.”  When using that definition you may be able to see more clearly that you in fact do have a lot of 'stressors' in your life.

Western medicine historically has disconnected this unit and doctors have become more and more specialized with a certain part or organ in the body. The result has been that we have been able to keep people less and less healthy and it seems they go from one illness/disease to another.  It's important to look at the whole being and the root cause of an illness or disease.  When we get to the space where it originates that is when we can truly heal someone and truly find the answer we are seeking. There might be an emotion at the root cause, perhaps a repressed emotion such as fear or anger. Overall there is more of a trend at holistic health, though there is still much left to travel on this road to diagnosing people as a functioning mindbody unit.

We can make true changes, lasting growth, or transformation when we develop the skill of activating our parasympathetic nervous system, what we would call increasing our parasympathetic tone. Think sympathetic being alert and para is the opposite so parasympathetic is resting.  Resting then involves the entire system of the emotional-nervous-immune-hormonal super-system.  Relieving us from the real or perceived perception of threat.  

For some people their bodies have been wired this way from childhood when the environment they were in included things like parental fighting, an addicted parent, physical/emotional/verbal abuse, neglect whether physical or emotional, or a chaotic environment.  This can produce dramatic changes in that PNI super system that last a lifetime and lead to serious illness and disease.  It's easy to be unaware of what happened in our past, or even sometimes what's happening currently in our internal world, however the body always tells us. Whether we remember in our minds or not, the body knows.  The body holds our traumas and fears.  These can show up by someone not feeling their body at all or by feeling it all of the time and further down the road it leads to serious illnesses/diseases.

Healing begins when we start to notice our sensations once again, and when we can re-connect to them.  An example is the sensation of hunger or of being full or maybe the sensation of an emotional response that occurs in our gut. It takes time to re-build and re-map those pathways we call interoceptive pathways.  The wonderful news is that it is POSSIBLE.  And with that possibility comes the ability to re-wire your brain and change the chemical makeup of your body.  These can be lasting changes rooted in your body creating freedom, healing, and release. This is what Body Based Therapy is all about, this is what my passion and purpose in life is - guiding people on their journey. And let me tell you it is an amazing ride!

As Valentine's Day is approaching it seems appropriate to ask - what does LOVE mean to you? How do you show love, receive love, give love - [and why] -  and to who? Does Valentine's Day mean anything to you?  Besides the "Hallmark holiday" comment - what does it bring up for you?  Is it a deepness or is it more superficial niceties. Do you secretly hope that you have an admirer that let's their feelings known, will you plan a special day for a person you're interested in, or will you feel a longing or aching in your heart for something you don't currently have? Does seeing and hearing the advertisements, the chocolates, the flowers, the jewelry, the restaurant advertisements -  phase you in some way?  

Perhaps we could take a moment and contemplate ::  What does love mean to me and what does it look like?  Have you ever felt truly loved in your life? Did you return the love?  Is it possible to love without expecting something in return or getting love in return?  Do you feel loved in your life at this very moment?  When you are thinking about the people that love you and the people that you love - are they the same people or different people?  Could you love deeper, more fully, more presently?

A big question I have is this - Why are we so stingy with love?  There are so many sayings everywhere that talk about great gifts like hope, and laughter, and that the greatest is love - is love the greatest because it is the most difficult for us or because it can truly save and heal us on the deepest most intimate level?  

So often I meet people that not only don't love themselves, but in many ways they judge and despise who they are somewhere in their core - and because of this they are constantly afraid they are UNLOVABLE (makes sense because if they cannot love themselves they are afraid others wont be able to) and because of this they are unable to fully love others.  How can one come from a place of love when they do not have love inside for the beauty they are and all they have to give to the world.  

Let's think about time; do you spend time thinking about the people in your life rather than the things in your life.  Do you spend more energy on work or play than you do on love and relationships?  Where do you invest your energy.  The old adage about relationships being work is absolutely correct and it seems to me that when the work part comes along we are afraid that oh- this might not actually be "right" (the illusive "right") person/time/relationship so I am going to withdraw, concede, do anything I can to protect myself and my heart because this is SCARY.  I don't like feeling vulnerable, I don't like someone having so much effect on me, I better flee [physically/emotionally/mentally/spiritually].

Is FEAR the bottom line - the piece that holds us back from fully surrendering to the beauty and glory of love? 

Perhaps the growing multi-billion $ pet industry is so successful because we would prefer to give our love away without the fear of rejection, so we give our love to our pets.  Let's face it, giving love to our pets feels safe, it feels good, and honestly we like sharing our hearts and giving love to a living creature.

Are we in a constant state of fear and therefore our love has fear surrounding it --- maybe it's fear showing up as thoughts of being afraid it's the wrong relationship ... or maybe the right relationship. Perhaps we are afraid they won't like us ... or that they will.  We might be afraid of being truly seen and heard and 'found out' or we are afraid to truly see and love another person and give up our 'power'.  In a relationship we must be able to mutually effect each other [super scary because we might get HURT.... we also might be deeply fulfilled] - is that what happens in your relationships or do you try to either a) hold all the power or b) give all your power away?  

Is love all about what my partner can do for me or is it more about what I can do for them?  How I can love them .... how I can serve them .... how I can better their life.  When I am loving towards my partner do I in turn feel a warmth in my heart?  Can we love people and allow them the space needed for them to be who they are and continue to grow and transform daily?  Are we afraid to love others in this way because we are in a "competitive" society living a capitalistic mentality?  What if we give our love away and we don't get anything back? Does this make us weak or does it make us strong?

We can easily say things like I love that restaurant/store/movie but when it comes to the people in our life how often do we tell them {and show them} that we love them?  Are we afraid to tell someone that we have love in your heart for them?  Are we able to feel love in our heart for others?  Can we feel the sense of wanting the best for others?  Do we ultimately want Love, Connection, Empathy OR the safety of being unharmed, not putting ourselves out there, and superficially connected to others?

Maybe this year we could choose to give more love rather than trying to attain love or focusing so much on being someone that is lovable rather than being who we are.  In giving we might find more depth, more compassion, more empathy, and ultimately a deeper and stronger connection.

Here's to you on your journey of surrendering to love - on giving giving giving from your strong and bold heart.  Giving love doesn't need to mean we stay in a partnership relationship with a person for the rest of our lives but it can make the difference in changing someone's life - and who knows, the person's life that it might change could be YOURS.

Sending you love - from my heart to yours - xoxo

Here I am someone that speaks often about self compassion, listening to your inner voice, taking care of yourself, and on and on and I am reading a book about what is holding me and I had a long list.  On that list the thing that was the root of all of them was myself.  My thoughts.  My perspective.  The lens I was choosing to view the world through.

I can be immensely hard on myself.  Over the top where I hold onto things for a long long time.  I am constantly working towards letting go and this time I realized I had many things I was currently holding onto and therefore things that were holding me.  In many ways I  was stuck.

I was being held by past mistakes that I was replaying over and over in my head.  I was stuck on things I had done that I would like to do differently.  I was stuck on how I was imperfect.  I was stuck with the way I was viewing myself - which was as a failure and a mess up rather than a person that is learning and growing and can move forward from there.  I was forgetting to look around and be.  To notice the blue sky in an authentic way rather than trying to force myself into mindful living.  I was holding onto so much that "bad" things kept happening in my life to show me it's time to let go.  Move on.  Fly.

So, how do I do that?  How do I go from a holding pattern to letting go and learning?  I have written about this a time or two I'm sure and I will still choose to write about it now and share it with the world.  Reminders can be lovely.  The timing of when things show up in our lives are meaningful in my belief.

Here are some of the tools I use -  some great things to build into my days. Time for a calendar overhaul.  

1.  Read ::  When I read empowering, motivating, or encouraging works I begin to feel those thing and bring them into my life.  As Dr. Suess said, "The more we read the more we know, the more we know the more places we go." 

2.  Sweat ::  Exercising and doing repetitive motion like biking, hiking, or running is a great way for me to work through some things in my mind and with the movement and grounding of my body I am able to physically release which helps me emotionally release.  When we move we keep our energy moving so we are better able to let things go!

3.  Friends ::  My friends are my friends for a reason.  I get something from all of them and I hope I give something to each of them.  There are certain friends I can call that can snap me back and hand me a new pair of lenses to view the world.  I feel eternally grateful to have those people in my life. Thank you.

4.  Write ::  Journaling is my friend, my friend is my journal, when I journal I treat myself more like a friend.  I can write something down and see how critical I am and then counter it in a loving and encouraging voice - my true self, and it brings me to place of self-acceptance.

5.  Create space ::  In my house, in my car, in my closet, in my days, in my body, in my mind <3

What are some of the things you are holding?  Past relationships? Relationships that are past their expiration date?  The things your boss told you?  The insecurity you felt during a networking event?  The doubt you feel as you compare yourself to others?  The need for control?  

My hope is that this finds the right person at the right time.  

Life is like surfing.  Riding the waves, sometimes crashing down.  Sometimes the bigger the waves the bigger the fall.  Will you focus on the fact that you got up and rode a wave for a stint or that you crashed hard on one of them? Will you hold yourself and remind yourself how bad you are and how stupid for choosing that wave to ride or will you look ahead to the other waves rolling in and choose a new one to try to ride with love and determination?

May you notice the waves all around you and continue to learn the rhythm and pattern, knowing your strengths and limitations, and choosing to continue to try to get up on the waves and ride them. May you notice those around you doing their best and perhaps be attracted to those that are enjoying their lives...and feel the joy inside of YOU.

As we begin this week with our clocks set back an hour we might have a shift happening internally.  Perhaps we are going to choose to get out of bed when the sun rises and begin a morning workout routine, maybe we will go to sleep earlier each evening because it's been dark longer outside and it's beginning to get cold.  Perhaps we want to eat warm soothing foods and stay inside more often?  As we are in fall we are in transition.  There is always some sort of transitioning happening, today we can talk about our "ode to fall."

Fall has a lot to teach us about transition and impermanence.  If asked a lot of people state that fall is their favorite time of year. The reason usually is not because it proceeds winter, in fact a lot of people dread what happens after fall - winter is more something they put up with rather than look forward to.  So why is that fall can be enjoyed and revered so highly when it's followed by their least favorite season?  What is fall teaching us?

Fall teaches us about slowing down.  About transitioning from high energy external focus to a slowing, centering, moving inward focus.  It's less about evening BBQs and more about the latest pumpkin bread we baked or latte we enjoyed.  Our social lives tend to slow as we enter fall and we begin to be near those that we are closest to more often.  As fall rolls around we have snuggle outside around a fire and roast marshmallows, we hang out with friends at pumpkin patches, and we take road trips to see the fall colors.  It's less about large social gathers and more about quality time with those we love during this season.

Let's talk about Leaves.  The beauty of the changing leaves.  We can see the leaves changing, sometimes in progression and sometimes (as with aspen leaves) it seems to happen over night.  Leaves teach us how to let go.  The leaves turn their most vibrant color and bring joy to those around us and then they fall to the ground and the trees are bare.  The leaves are not sad that this transition must happen, they do not wish to hold on longer than natures wants them to, they are fulfilling their role and doing as they were made to do.  And as for us?  Are we able to let go in that fashion?  As the seasons change in our lives or we blossom internally are we will to fall from the tree and transition?  Or do we cling and hold on?  Do we know when it's time to let go of a relationship?  A pattern or habit that doesn't serve us?

Fall brings in new winds from all directions.  We can literally feel the winds changing around us as we notice the leaves colors and the impermanence in life.  Summer doesn't last, seasons change, leaves fall, temperatures drop, and what do we do in the middle of it all?  Are we will to let go and move on?  Do we try to control things that are not within our control?  Do we realize that we are part of a bigger cycle??  Do we feel hope and a knowingness that new leaves will grow or do we feel we will be barren trees forever?  Do we trust in the beauty of life?

Recently I was on a trip to Boston to begin my Trauma Center Trauma Sensitive Yoga Certification when I really got to think about guns and the random shootings that have been seemingly happening on a quite frequent basis.  In fact, to a degree where there are now drills for students on what to do if a shooter is in their school.   So, my question began as what's with all the guns and shootings... and I ended up diving in on a deeper level.

Honestly, this is something I have been deeply concerned about since the Columbine school shooting when I was in middle school. I remember the first time there was a bomb threat and how I felt. Since then so many things have changed, and what I would argue has changed the most is our underlying fear that at any time we could be killed for "no reason."  Kids now have drills for what happens if their is a shooter, not just for the natural disasters of tornadoes and fires.  Or, do you think that is a chance that random mass shootings ...actually are a natural disaster?

The conclusion that I have come to is this - many people are living in a state of disconnect with themselves, a state of dissociation.  This is very dangerous because with dissociation there is a loss of connection to the body - and our actions become compulsive, no longer ruled by consciousness or rooted in feelings.  There is a large gap, a disconnect, between mind and body.  When this disconnect happens it is immensely difficult to feel empathy for ourselves and definitely for others. Through this disconnect people cannot fully grasp that another person walking around is a being connected to a body.  When a human is not connected within themselves, mind-body, they do not have the ability to connect with others and see others body as lifeless and meaningless.  It's as though they are walking around living in a video game without feeling, emotions, or connection to people - the people become objects.  The result is the ability to shoot others without feeling much.  Does this seem like a natural disaster to you?  We are disconnected from our very being, from the inside out.  This is UNNATURAL.

Suddenly the mind has become the most important thing in our society and we have forgotten how to listen to the body, we have forgotten how to be a connected  mind-body unit.  As a society our bodies have become objects to manipulate in order to get attention/sex/etc.  It also seems we listen from the outside what others tell us we need to do to for basic things such as what types of foods to eat and when, how much sleep we need, how and when to exercise, etc.  We use our intellect, the research, our minds, to make our decisions for our body needs.  When did we stop listening from within?  

The scary part of all of this is that it seems to be an epidemic.  It seems MOST of us, or at least a large number of us, are disconnected from our bodies.  We are disconnected from our very nature.  As a society we are very underdeveloped at listening from within - to our bodies, to our emotions, to our thoughts.  In fact, we are encouraged to become disconnected.  We are told we must eat all of the food off our plates even if we are not hungry.  We are told as we are exercising that if there is no pain there is no gain and to keep pushing through the pain.  We are told time and time again when we fall down and we are hurt as children that we are okay and to stop crying.  This begins a cycle of confusing messages.  Can I listen to my body?  Is it safe?  Can I trust the signals that my body is sending or should I trust my parent/care-givers that are telling me otherwise?  

Further on down the road, if we have had these confusing signals as we were young, we might be in a state of disconnect from our bodies.  From our disconnect we may not listen to our body signals and care for our home (our bodies).  As time passes our bodies will give us louder and louder signals to listen until finally they force us to stop - in the form of major illness, injury, disease or system dysfunctions.  Looking further into our society one might notice that our universities educate our minds at the cost of our bodies where we sit still for days, months, and years in preparations for our sit-down jobs that continue to ignore the needs of our bodies.  

So then comes the question arises - what do we do now?  Where do we go from here?   I believe the first step is awareness.  Perhaps becoming aware of the importance of your body and the intelligence within your body.  Maybe becoming aware of how we were taught to listen to or neglect our body, awareness of our own level of connection to our body sensations, and awareness of the signals our bodies send us throughout our days.  Only by recovering our bodies can we begin to truly heal ourselves, and the world at large.  When we re-connect the mind-body it heals our home, our foundation, and the root of our being.  We begin to stabilize one person at a time, we begin the healing of our planet at large.

Perhaps as adults we also take a step further back and notice our impact on the young lives around us.  Beginning to be aware of the control we assert over children and how often we tell them their physical signals are wrong in order to satisfy our own needs.   Maybe think about what your first reaction is when you see a child fall down and cry.  Do you want to  tell them they are okay and to stop crying and is this to make them feel better or you feel better? Or do you mirror them and their pain and talk about how that must have hurt and hold them as a way for them to feel connection to their body sensations as well as you?  

My hope for you today is that you take a moment to notice your body.  To thank your body.  To apologize for the times you looked at it or touched it with disgust.  Perhaps to begin on the journey of connection to your body. Maybe it begins will listening to signals of when you are hungry - and then eating.  Or listening to the signal of when you are full - and then stopping eating?  Maybe noticing the sensation of thirst and satisfying it?  Perhaps it's noticing when you're tired and going to sleep.  Maybe you begin to notice pain in your feet from wearing certain shoes and you change pairs?  You could begin as slowly as you'd like to, beginning to awaken to your body.  For some people this is one of the scariest journeys of their life because of the unbelievable pain they have been through and the times when they truly had no control over their own body due to abuse of some sort. If this is you, I would be honored to guide you on your journey.  In fact, if you click HERE, and schedule a session just  mention that you read this article and I will give you 25% off to get you started.

Through connection to our bodies, we begin to be connected to ourselves. Our bodies are immensely intelligent.  In fact, our bodies have an intelligence that the mind does not yet understand.  I encourage you to start to connect with the immense intelligence of your body today.

Stay in touch with me by subscribing to my blog!

This is a bit of a continuation of my last post, The Struggle is Real.  What I have for you today is a little poem that I put together about the beauty of the breakdown, of being ripped open and raw, and slowly putting yourself back together ... so you can be a stronger and more inspiring you. 

A poem

I sit and ponder.
I sit and think.
For so long all I've done is shrink
     and shrink
          and shrink.

My spirit felt weak my soul sad and lost
Around my heart there stood a cold and distant frost
It was unwelcome and unwanted
but in unawareness it formed
I knew there was a long important journey I must embark on
in order to be transformed.

I struggled in my own chains I struggled in terrifying pain
My nervous system shut down
and constantly I felt shame.
Time for change, time for growth, 
time to create a new personal path and begin to feel my hope.

A journey of grace, compassion, new perspectives, and purpose.
One of insight wisdom and openness
Most importantly one of self connection.

I took time
I soaked in sun
I read
I wrote
I sang
I slowly felt a sense of personal affection

Nights and day, weeks and months
Slowly uncovering pains of past and changing their meaning and power over me
With effort and concentration and loads of self-reflection
This journey felt long and unending
and I learned it involves a lot of surrendering

My path had been full, my heart had been brave
now noticing the signs that it was time for change
Why yes, it was true
Their was much more that I craved

I jumped off the cliff, I abandoned old beliefs
I began to slowly unwind all that somehow used to be defined

So afraid of the unknown, so afraid to be unknown.
Time for a rebirth, time for past attachments to be blown.
I wobbled, I struggled, I slowly built strength.
The beautiful universe gave me lessons
       on lessons
            on lessons at length

People came and people went
There was love and loss and heartache and tearing apart
Insides ripping open, tearing, expanding, shredding wide and vulnerable Growing, strengthening and ever deepening
This was my new start.

We know our growth, our battles, our wounds are never easy and aren't always beautiful and we also know that we go through them and come out stronger.  Our struggles help shape us.  Our struggles give us the ability to have empathy.  Our struggles are the road that guide us..... to a better self and to a better world <3

Love to you on your own journey.  I'll be here cheering you on and sending you all the strength and encouragement in the world!

Yes, my friends, you heard me correctly... The Struggle Is Real.  The struggle to find ourselves, to be ourselves, to keep our hearts open to the world and our souls filled with passion.  Do you sometimes forget that we all have internal struggles and battles? Sometimes our social media feed looks a lot everyone else's life is perfect and blissful along with their bodies and their partners.  Social media is used as self promotion ads in many ways.  When you look thru you can start to feel insignificant and sad about your own life not measuring up - similar to looking at magazines.  This is not the truth and does not need to be your truth.  Of course we all have real life struggles, today let's talk about how the struggle is real.  

We all struggle.  Yup, I said it.  ALL of us.  Our struggles might look different and we all have different thresholds, but.... we all have struggles.  This is fact.  This is real.  The question is - how do you handle it?

Have you ever looked at others and compared yourself or your life and felt like a complete loser?  Were their moments/days/weeks where you didn't see much hope?  I am here to tell you that there IS IN FACT, HOPE. There is hope for us all and there is hope for the world.  There are so many amazing and positive changes happening each day, inside different people and communities.  This is where we find our strength and encouragement, this is what helps lead us in the direction of our own purpose.

Remember this, the struggles we go thru help us.  That's right, they are in fact a type of "blessing."  For example, the universe is amazing at telling us when we have accidentally gone down the wrong path.  This shows up in different ways and on different levels depending on the detour we need to take.  It can be a physical illness, maybe just a cold or maybe something more.  It can be falling on a run or bike ride or getting in a car accident when we were unaware of our surroundings.  It can even show up as the ending of a relationship that doesn't serve us but one in which we desperately wanted it to work.  The universe lets us know it's time for a rest, it's time for contemplation, and it's time for a new path.  It says to us, "hey honey, it doesn't seem like what you are doing is working, do you want to try something else?" 

The blessing portion of this comes from the lessons we learn, the strength we develop, and the perseverance we call on.  We can choose to pity ourselves and get stuck in this dark place (and when that happens "bad" things keep happening to try to jerk our attention in another direction) or we can go through the pain and come out stronger on the other side.  Take for example a broken bone - when it is healed the bone that had broken is actually STRONGER than it was before the break.  Our bones heal stronger to protect us for next time, and we grow stronger as well.   This is the analogy of us.  We can come out of our battles being stronger, able to give more, and on a path of purpose.

My encouragement for you today is to continue where you are in your journey and know the strength and light you have inside of you.  YOU have a purpose for being here on this earth and your path will lead you to it..  You will become a pillar of strength.  I believe in the importance of friendships and truly supporting other beings.  When we are on our healing path we can surround ourselves with those that love us and feel their encouragement as we are on our path of getting stronger.  Our path to getting stronger is not comfortable or fun, but remember to keep hope.  Remember that you can choose to evolve and define yourself by your ability to adapt and thrive not on the things that have happened in your life.

Keep going,

keep growing,

keep the light in your being.

Shine bright my friends.

I would love to work with you and help guide you on your journey.  Click here to schedule a session with me or here to send me a message.  Let's continue to make this world a better place!

Have you ever been told to keep a record of you thoughts or feelings? That it would help you to journal?  Did you nod because that's something you've heard before but you do not actually plan to ever freely journal?  Are you unsure of how to write to yourself?  Does it feel uncomfortable?

What I recently learned was the profound power of journaling.  In fact, I just got a new paper insert because for the first time in my life I filled an entire journal!  I had written things off and on in the past, whether in the notes section of my phone, in a word document, or in a notebook, but all very sporadically.  The practice of freely writing was never a consistent thing and while it always felt good to get thoughts out I did not want an actual "journal."  It felt like too much commitment and like there was a stereotype associated with people that journaled and I didn't fit the mold. Until I decided I was going to take a trip to India.  As a gift for my birthday that year,two weeks before leaving, I received a truly beautiful journal.  The perfectly golden brown cover and the handmade paper were so divine that I actually felt inspired by it.  I thought I'd give this whole journaling thing a chance and decided to pack my journal for India.  Am I ever glad I did.

While I was in India I decided I would write when I felt like writing and not feel guilty about the amount of writing I did or did not do.  The result was amazing and I hope it might inspire you.  I found I would pour my heart out, getting things out of my system, and processing thoughts, feelings, and experiences.  There were times in India while studying and practicing yoga that there were big thinks awakening inside of me.  As I wrote freely I processed those things and they took root in my being. I was completely opened and raw as a human and now I have some pieces left of those shifts, not just in my heart, but also on paper. 

Journaling freely opens us up in a very real and raw way.  We explore ourselves in our beautiful and natural state without judgement. When we journal we are able to figure things out on our own.  The most powerful tool I had before journaling was either taking a hot shower and thinking or talking with an intimate friend. Now I am an intimate friend in myself and I can work through and discover a lot of things on paper.  I have revelations on my own, feel a sense of self esteem after doing so, and begin to really open myself to giving and receiving more love.  Especially for a  person who has a lot of vata characteristics (someone really in their head) this a is a really healing practice.  In fact, it is profoundly powerful.

Being able to own a notebook or journal that calls to you and you want to carry around with you and write in is the first step.  The next is to be open and willing to explore writing freely without judgement, sometimes writing so feverishly that you may not care about punctuation or spelling. Not to force a stringent routine, but to write in it if you feel inspired to - if there is something you want to work through perhaps.  The more you explore writing in an open and exploratory way,  the more you may want to write.  Or maybe you will go through stages of writing as you are in different areas of transformation in your life.  Be opening and willing and maybe give it a try.  See what the power of journaling can do you for you. That is my encouragement for you.  Be able to keep it safe where you know it is truly just a space for your most intimate thoughts and feelings. Allow yourself to open up and discover some deeper aspects within your bold exploratory self.  Allow the beauty of you to unfold.  Love to you on your journey.

Sometimes we lose our way.  We trip and fall down and need a second to breath and gather ourselves before we dust off and get back up and continue.  Maybe we get stuck in a little rut every now and again.  How do we make our way out of it?  What leads us to getting back up and continuing on our journey?  How do some people do this quicker than others?  There is a tool to use when this happens, and at all other times in your life.  This tool will change your life.  What is it?

Self-Compassion.  What images does this word conjure up for you?  Do you see a cheer leader or someone automatically telling you how great you are no matter what you've actually done?  Do you think it means being "easy" on yourself and therefore getting less done with your days? If so, I have an entirely different description for you.  I am talking about self-compassion not self-esteem.  Self-compassion is different because it is more about the way you care about yourself, and your internal dialogue. It's about having compassion for yourself, for recognizing you're an imperfect human being that's doing your best, and having empathy and love for yourself in the process of caring for your being.   As stated by Kristin Neff, author of the book Self- Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, "With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we'd give a good friend." And this, my friends, is a beautiful way to approach it.  Have you ever noticed that you might treat yourself differently than you would a friend or family member?

Then we get into the question: what's the difference between self-esteem and self-compassion?  The difference is important so tune in.  In fact, by working on present day "self-esteem" and having someone constantly bolster you up and praise you, it leads people to having more narcissistic qualities.  This means that the person believes they are better than others and more important than others. This type of self-esteem is often times developed by focusing on external achievements and being above average - being recognized - striving for fame and popularity.  I believe this is something important to be aware of in this "everyone is a winner" society. Yes we are all great, but what we need is a population of people with self-compassion, not narcissism.  A population of people that recognize we are all equal, and we are all trying our best.  A population of people filled with empathy and compassion.  When people are narcissistic they do not treat others kindly, because they believe they are actually better than them.  One of the key components they miss is empathy.  Without empathy it's basically impossible to have an emotional connection with someone and emotional connections are an integral part of life.  Is this making sense?  Am I resonating with you?

Personally, this has made a huge difference in my life.  My background was all about being hard on myself, never being able to quite attain perfection, but always always always striving for it (at all costs).  In the process of this, I not only began to doubt myself and my abilities, but I was really cruel to myself with my internal dialogue.  Without being aware of it, I would often say things like, "You'll never amount to anything" or "You're not good enough" or even "You are a waste of potential."  Pretty mean, right?  I would NEVER say those things to a friend or family member, but I started to notice that I was saying it to myself.  And do you think this had an effect on me?  You better believe it!  I started to doubt myself and therefore lose the connection to my gut instinct and in turn my mind body connection {which leads to a whole host of other issues I won't get into today}!

When we start to NOTICE our internal dialogue we are able to start to change it.  We are able to treat ourselves as someone that deserves love.  The new dialogue might be something like, "Wow, I can really see the effort that you put in there. Great job, you are getting more experience and learning more about what you want to do next time" or "Keep on honing in on your skills and all your potential will continue to grow and blossom."  When we notice that we are a human like all others and in being human we are imperfect (but also fantastic) we can start to slowly shift and change.  With self-compassion we can show ourselves the same kindness we would to others.  In turn, we start to feel safer and more secure and in this state we are able to thrive rather than just focusing on surviving.

The take away message....you are a beautiful human being.  Truly. Take a deep breath, be kind and gentle with yourself, and start to notice your inner dialogue so you can begin to develop self-compassion.  Speak to yourself with the same loving kindness you would a friend, family member, or even stranger. You will be happier, more productive, and better able to live out your life purpose in a meaningful, satisfactory, and impactful way. 

If you want more can click this LINK to Kristin Neff's Tedx talk.  If you're looking for help along this journey I'd love to work with you!  I help people develop self-compassion, empathy, and love for self and others. You can schedule an appointment HERE.   If this is a part of your daily practice already, GREAT JOB!  Keep up the good work and perhaps spread the message to some of your friends and family :)

Love to you all, xoxo

We just celebrated the independence of the USA from the British Empire and this got me thinking about freedom, independence, and what that all means.  We celebrate the independence of our country, but how often do we celebrate over even liberate our own independence?  Do we notice or grow our own person?  How much time per day or even per week to you set aside to be alone with yourself? 

Let's just start by saying there are tons of different types of personalities and we have all had life experiences that have shaped us.  So, some of us love to be alone and others truly fear being alone.  In general I would say the amount of people that fear being alone outnumbers the people who only want to be alone or that enjoy some time alone on a regular basis.  Maybe that's just because the people that fear being alone are more extroverted and therefore their voice is heard louder?  Regardless, I find there are some extremely important and rewarding reasons to build some alone time into your life.  I don't mean after you've had kids and all you want is some time for yourself (even though that may currently be the case which is totally normal and okay...however if you do not have kids yet it's the perfect time to build this into your life).

So, why is it important to be alone?  What are some of the benefits?

1.  Clarity + perspective

When we are constantly around others we start to feed off of their thoughts, their emotions, and there perception - which is why we have been told since we were little to be careful who we hang around with. It's true!  With that being said, it's also true that by taking some time to be alone we can more objectively look at things, taking into account the way others are reacting, and then deciding for ourselves the way we want to handle things.  We start to clarify who we are, not who we are around others.  We begin to observe things and make conscious decisions which helps us to change our perspective.  All good things here.

2.  Re-energize

Let's face it, even the most extroverted person, someone who feels more energetic when around other people, sometimes needs a break.  It can be exhausting to be around others all the time because we are getting all their energy vibes off of them - the good and the bad - and filtering (hopefully) what we allow in and what we allow out.   So it can be exhausting to have our guard up to only receive the good and block the bad.  Does that make sense?  Example:  you've had an amazing day, you're feeling confident and radiant and when you go to meet up with your friend for dinner and they tell you all about how they just lost their job, they are fighting with their partner, and their child is sick not to mention that they are physically exhausted from not getting enough sleep.  At first during the conversation you may be able to be a strong support for them and give them good vibes but after some time (maybe not this dinner per say, but if this keeps up in their life and you keep being their supportive friend) it gets exhausting and their bad vibes start to affect you and suddenly you're noticing all the challenges in your own life.  Sooooo, it's a good thing to have time alone to re-energize who we are and to keep building up our aura and strengthening our good energy.

3.  Emotion regulation

How this works is that we can easily become like a shaken bottle of pop, ready to blow at any moment.  Taking the time for ourselves, to settle into our beings, to connect with who we are, helps us to better regulate our emotions when we are around others.  Part of this is because we start to know what our emotions are.  Because we have spent time alone, contemplated things in life, and figured ourselves out a little bit more we are able to regulate our emotions in general.  Pretty amazing and significant stuff.  

4.  Learn your life purpose

As we spend time building a relationship with ourselves, we start to learn who we are and what we want in our life - which also includes what we do NOT want in our lives.  Rather than going along with the group think, we start to think for ourselves, and follow what we want to do.  This is a beautiful thing because when we follow our true desires and passions we start to fulfill our purpose in the world.  This bring us a sense of fulfillment and general life satisfaction and it also helps to improve our world - we are living out our life's purpose! (p.s. If you think this sounds absurd I would love to chat with you more about it)

5.  Build a relationship with yourself 

Self love, self compassion, self esteem baby.  Sound selfish?  Read this post HERE about the importance of you being happy and having a relationship with you. Once you start to feel that self love and compassion for your being you start to treat yourself kinder - as you would treat a friend or family member that you love.  When this happens it's amazing how it changes the way you look at things like your personal hygiene, the types of foods you put into your body, what you are drinking, how much you are sleeping, your general routine for things.  It's healing to love yourself.  When you have self love and better care for yourself you are also better at caring and loving others.  Amazing.

6.  Space and Grace

I love space.  How about you?  I think I used to hate it and feel afraid when people gave me space, like maybe they didn't love me or care about me "enough."  Sound familiar at all?  Now I realize that when there is space there is a place for growth to occur.  I look at this like giving yourself space and grace to grow, change, develop, transform.  It's important to give others this space too.  To not control them or expect them to be exactly the same each moment.  Allowing that space for growth and in turn be able to appreciate and love the person for who they are in that moment (grace).  With this space come authenticity and with the grace comes a place of deep understanding and true connection.

7.  Appreciate the people in your life

Let's be honest here.  Sometimes we need a break, or more space, from people in our lives to appreciate them more deeply.  Isn't that a common occurrence with siblings once they get older or one moves away to college?   Seems time tested and proven over and over again.  Create some space in your life today for yourself, and from there you will be able to allow others the space and grace they need to grow as well.  

There are so many amazing outcomes from spending quality time alone. Has anyone ever told you how important it is to build a relationship with yourself?  Maybe you give yourself 5 extra minutes each day when you get out of the shower?  Maybe this alone time takes place when you are doing some morning exercise?  Perhaps you give yourself 5 minutes to sit and just "be" before you go to sleep each night?  As with anything, building it into your routine will make it easier for this to become a habit.  Enjoy YOUR life!  Enjoy YOURSELF!  Enjoy the RELATIONSHIP with YOU!  So much joy to you on this journey of self discovery and growth <3

Subscribe to the blog today!