Blog -Blond

What I Did This Summer

2009-08-14T16:41:00.001-07:00

Class, I'm interviewing myself about what I did this summer since I'll ask much juicier questions. Finally, you'll know!

Listen Up and read up on what your scandalous, blondalicious teacher REALLY did this summer!

FYI: Blog-Blond is a HUMOR blog disguised as a blog school for those who just surfed here. If my answers are too much for you to handle, remember this important detail. That's all. Grow up.

You just got back from vacation? Where were you?

Paris of course! I always run to Paris when I have a hot, new lover as this is THE best city for folly and fooling around. Then we moved on to Ibiza for even more folly.

What else have you been up to this summer?

I just completed my second Squidoo lens about fashion and style. I call it "Best Fashion and Style Photo Blogs."

When I was super young, I modeled...so I know the fashion world well. I still like to keep up with fashion. Many of my dearest friends swim in this exciting, shark- infested world.

Many people don't get fashion--they judge fashion as superficial. But this is a deception.

Fashion and style mafias rule the world, dontcha know? Most people are ill informed on this subject, and they think oil and big pharma rule. They're sadly mistaken...the biggest wars are Image Wars.

My walk-in closet is very well-organized, and I've got a great collection of hand bags from around the world. They're my main collectible. Most of these have been gifted to me, and some are one of a kind.

I also spent time on roller coasters. Roller coasters are a lot like my blogging habit: up and down and around and guaranteed to get my heart racing when I finally sit down to write/embellish/lie/bs/fib.

What do you like to do to unwind?

I cook up a storm. My stove has had it though, and I'm eagerly awaiting the arrival of a new one I ordered which has an easy-clean bottom so that when something flops when it shouldn't flop, I won't have to clean up the mess around the coils. This easy cleaning feature was the deal breaker. My dishes have been known to flop like my jokes. Just kidding. Ok...no, I'm not.

Do you enjoy twittering?

Absolutely NOT-- Twitter has been taken-over by spammers and celebrities and quotation freak-a-zoids. I include myself in this last category because quotes are easy and friendly. (I'm quite sure I'm offending my twits as I write this, but REMEMBER this is a humor blog!) In truth, I've met some awesome twits through Twitter, and I'm extremely grateful for Twitter. Does this last sentence read *nicer*? Ha!

I see you've hooked up your Stumbleupon and Friendfeed account to Twitter.

This is a huge time-saver for me. Now I can keep my Twitter frequently updated. I advise all lazy or busy twits to do the same. See, I just gave you a hot twitter tip!

Do you have anything else useful to share?

Life is short. Live in the Now! Laugh often. Be kind. Dance and sing and play and don't take everything so seriously.

For my fellow ministers/fans/stalkers, I found an image just for you:

This post will go on "Humor-blogs.com".

How To Do Blogs Right

2009-07-27T11:54:00.000-07:00

Yes, Class, it's ME, the notorious Blog-Blond, your very own blondalicious blog teacher returned from her travels! I'm sure you're weary of hearing alibis for my absence here, so I'll spare you by not giving any. I'll let the caption above speak for me!

My topic today is How To Do Blogs Right.

Rather than blather on about how wrong & boring & stupid & insipid & copycat & sloppy many blogs are, I've decided to focus on blogs that are doing it right!

In forthcoming posts I'll give examples of blogs which are doing it RIGHT and grade them, and thus, *perhaps* you'll learn! (Yes, I know, Blog-Blond could use a make-over too, so don't even go there with me! All in due time. Patience, my little ones. Patience!)

The first blog I've selected for you to examine is Garance Dore.

Now this may sound like a strange name to some of ya, but that's because it's French. I don't know these folks, so there's zero kick back! Sheesh! What kind of teacher do you think I am? I'm certainly not one of those money-grubbing ones who'll try and sell ya an e-book full of garbage for $19.95! I'm more like your secret addiction. Yeh, that's it! I know!

Here's 10 reasons why your blondalicious teacher gives Garance Dore an A+

You can read the blog in BOTH French and English.
The layout is clean & crisp with lots of white space.
The date is easy to see at the top.
The photos are BIG.
It's simple and easy to read. The categories are listed at the top and easy to find.
The author's writing style reeks of personality, exuberance, and authenticity.
Need I add: this blog is stylish!
There are zero typos and/or obvious mistakes.
The advertising by Vogue is subtle and non-intrusive.
The latest tweet is on the sidebar.

I'm adding this to the one and only "Humor Blogs".

Twit Wit

2009-03-16T18:02:00.000-07:00

Class: I'm sure you're aware many celebrities and personalities use Twitter. I have several twitter accounts--one which is highly classified and secret--the one I use with my celeb buds.

Here's a sampling of your sassy blondalicious teacher's DM's:

THE_REAL_SHAQ It's proper etiquette to leave flip flops outside, esp. size 24's!

Wossy Couldn't make lunch. It feels undignified to explain.

richardbranson Not upset because your swan chased me. Birds like me.

TheEllenShow Enjoyed the rabbit pupus. You're kidding, right?

aplusk Loose the hats. Tell Brad 2

stephenfry Luv my Louboutins--u can borrow

jamie_oliver Tempura pickle? Oh hell no!

jimmyfallon Appreciate ur invite. Letting you simmer first

lady gaga Designed something for ya--don't know if squirrels will like

perezhilton Save frills for TMZ

iamdiddy Dined at Nobu w snoop--don't ask.

MCHammer Want the extension cords back asap. Change it up.

This post goes on "Humor-Blogs.com".

Confused About Social Networking?

2009-03-10T13:38:00.000-07:00

Class, this is another one of my famous quickie posts. I wanted to add my two cents to the current debate about social networking, the pros and cons. There have been many blog posts written on this subject matter in recent months since the mad growth of Facebook and Twitter.

If you're questioning whether to jump into social networking, here are my hot social networking tips:

1. You don't need to spend hours and hours on end at these locations. Stick your big toe in the social networking waters and explore little by little. Pick one and begin from there. If you don't like it, pick another. There are plenty to choose from, and each has their own advantages and lures. My inner teenager likes Plurk because of the funny icons and the abundance of Second Lifers using this site.

Your blondalicious teacher doesn't let her precious time get sucked by these sites and doesn't respond to EVERY game, suggestion, invitation, response, or seductive trick. Be selective, discerning, and monitor your time.

Of course, your blondalicious teacher floats everywhere, but that's just me: curious and insatiable.

2. Email isn't where the action is these days. Read Write Web posted the latest research about this subject titled, "Social Networking Now More Popular Than Email, Report Finds." So if you really wanna find out what's going on and get off the bench, social networking is the place to hang.

3. You're zero obliged to give your legitimate name. Use a handle as do many wise ones. When you're running around the Big Wide World of Social Networks, handles are far bettah because you'll encounter everything under the sun and then some on these social networks. Once again, be discerning, cautious, and street smart.

Five Silly Twitter Games

2009-03-03T13:05:00.000-08:00

Class, I'm here today to speak about Twitter once again. Twitter has become a huge playground as it's become more known to the mainstream. And like all playgrounds, it has attracted it's gamers, bullies, charlatans, and trouble-makers.

I'm going to share some of the *games* currently popular on Twitter. Perhaps you've experienced them as well if you're on Twitter?

I call these games by the catchall name: Cat and Mouse.

Here's five common games I've encountered:

1. Twits follow and unfollow you many times so they will rise to the top of your follow list and be more visible. The strategy is so others will see them and hopefully follow them. So far I've not blocked any of these tricksters because I wanted to experience how many times a day they perform this move. Eventually, I will block them. BUT I'm curious to see which one has the most follow/unfollow score prior to my doing so.

I won't name the winner, but since I've been observing this strange bot or person or weirdo's game, the winner over the course of a week has followed/unfollowed me 12 times!

Their names and details have been turned over to Uncle Vinnie and his fellahs.

2. Another game is to follow and then immediately block you. This type of gamer has a weird avatar and don't attract many followers for the above reason. Their days are numbered for eventually the Twitter Gods will kick them out, or Uncle Vinnie will pay them a call.

3. A hugely popular Twitter game is to mass follow other people, and then as soon as a twit reaches their 2,000 follower limit, they pause. Once they have enough followers to follow them back, they unfollow all or most of the original followers, and once again repeat the process. This is how they build their twitter follower numbers. They're hoping that their unfollow hasn't been noticed, and frequently the unfollow has been overlooked since people are so very busy these days. These twits names have been dutifully noted as well and turned over to Uncle Vinnie who has his ways.

4. The DM marketing game is huge. If you don't respond to their DM marketing, gifts, invitations to visit their blog and appeals to make money with them, these pests unfollow/drop ya within the week. These folks are strictly working the numbers and are a scourge. Their pushy marketing and desperation won't serve them. Maybe in the year 2012, they'll catch on.

5. By far the most annoying game of all is the one where a twit really wants to catch your attention and flirt, and thus, such twits ask the stupidest, lamest questions in a DM or reply. Since I'm a tough, take-no-prisoners blondalicious diva, I do what I do best: sip more Cristal, roll-over in bed, ignore them and LAUGH!

This post will go up on "Humor-blogs.com".

Five Things You SHOULD Know

2009-02-09T17:29:00.000-08:00

Class, there are *things* you SHOULD know about the online world. Since some of my naughty students are suckered by tricks, cons and scams, I felt it prudent to remind you:

1. If something is too good to be true, then it generally IS! Trust this rule. For example, if someone tries to convince you that you'll make a pile of monies from blogging, don't buy it. This is one of the biggest come-on's newbies fall for. Maybe if you live til your 100's and work your a** off, you might make some chump change.

2. If someone sends you a link, consider the source. Do you know the blogger or person sending you the link, and are they computer savvy? Are they passing something on to you which you'd rather not have? I make it a practice to open very few forwards or links.

4. There's no such thing as a free lunch. If you're aiming for online success, there are two choices of words: Work! OR Delegate. I prefer to delegate. Study the work of Timothy Ferris and read his book "The 4-Hour Workweek". Semi-retire. Life is short. Simplify.

5. And last but not least, don't put all your eggs in one basket! This cliche is apt in regards to your online presence. Spread out. Use the same avatar. Brand yourself. Don't make enemies because the online global community is much smaller than you can even imagine and growing smaller all the time. Think 'three degrees' of separation!

This is going up on "Humor-blogs.com" even though it's not funny. This post was too much work to be funny.

My Top Five Twitter Turn-Ons

2009-01-31T15:04:00.000-08:00

Class, one of my brightest students, Sueblimely, asked about my Top Five Twitter Turn-On's, and thus, I feel obliged to post these turn-on's. Of course, I'd rather be goofing off like always, but it only seems fair to write something positive to balance the negative tone of my last post, my Top Five Twitter Turn-Offs.

So Listen Up my naughty students and learn My Top Five Twitter Turn-On's:

1. My Number One Twitter Turn-On is: Twitter bios. I enjoy an enormous belly laugh every morning when I open my email to see who has followed me. The bios of many Twitter folk are so ridiculous I can't help but laugh. For example (and mind you I'm just making-up *some* of this, but not ALL of it): "I'm a former meth addict, transexual, priest, and bulimic blogger." Many such Twitter colorful characters make my day!

2. My Number Two Twitter Turn-On is: Fabulous New Acquaintances. I would never have met so many wonderful people in such a short period of time were it not for the Twitter introduction. The kindness, sweetness, and courtesies extended to me in replies have been heart-warming. Yeh, yeh...call me a sucka. Whatever. Kindness goes a long way with me. I appreciate everyone on Twitter who takes the time to either Retweet or respond.

3. My Number Three Twitter Turn-On is: Breaking News. News breaks faster on Twitter than on any other online media! If something BIG happens, post a twit--it will go viral. If I should need to post an important photo or break a story or resolve a problem, Twitter is a tool which is invaluable. This makes me feel somewhat *secure* in a strange kind of way. If the world is finally falling apart, those of us on Twitter will rapidly let each other know this valuable information, right?

4. My Number Four Twitter Turn-On is: Assessing The Zeitgeist. For those of you unfamiliar with the meaning of the word 'Zeigeist', here's the definition offered by Wikipedia, "The word zeitgeist describes the intellectual, cultural, ethical and political climate, ambiance and morals of an era or also a trend. In German, the word has more layers of meaning than the English translation, including the fact that Zeitgeist can only be observed for past events."

With millions of people using or reading Twitter, I'm able to tune into the Zeitgeist and see which way the wind is blowing--a handy-dandy tool.

5. My Number Five Twitter Turn-On is: Ease. Twitter is fast and easy, and blogging takes time and energy! With Twitter I'm zero worried if I make sense. I can quickly copy a quote from my files, post it, and then I'm on to my daily carousing. Or I can post one word if I choose to be cryptic. What's not to love about this???

This post is going on "Humor-blogs.com".

My Top Five Twitter Turn-Offs

2009-01-27T18:58:00.000-08:00

Class: I know you must be wondering where I've been, and I could lie to you and tell you all sorts of b.s., but in truth, I've been studying the ins-and-outs of Twitter.

Since receiving funding last year, Twitter has rapidly grown in popularity, and now more and more followers are crowding my Inbox every day! I'm terrified to open my email now because it's clogged with Twitter followers. The munchkins of the world are now twittering away.

What's going on is a massive mainstream awareness of Twitter, and so non-techies, marketers, hustlers, and freaks of every shape are jumping onboard. Some of these new Twitter folk don't even make a post before they begin adding hundreds of people--a complete no-no in my book!

Listen Up to read My Top Five Twitter Turn-Offs, and puhhlease don't make these mistakes!

1. Do NOT DM me with a link to a freebie 'anything', gift, or course. Don't DM me to plug yourself or your company. GROAN! Unless I know you, I'll delete your DM in a NY City second. Just because I accepted you as a friend and followed you back doesn't give you the right to annoy me and tell me how effing great you are.

2. Do NOT follow me, and then after I've followed you back, you then unfollow me for I'll track your rotten a** down and immediately unfollow you. You'll have accomplished nothing with your stupid little gaming. I have a LONG memory, and I'll block ya. Ya better believe it.

3. Do NOT DM me a message to follow you on Facebook and then NOT follow me on Twitter. What kind of fool are you? Your ego needs a shrink wash, and I'm the gal to crack the whip!

4. Do NOT reply to me with stupid pick-up lines such as, for example, this one: "Tell me all about yourself. I can't wait to get to know you." Barf me out. Like I'm gonna spill the beans to a total stranger in 160 characters.

5. Do NOT leave your face off your profile. I wanna see you. If you've not even taken the time to fill out your profile with a fake face, I'm totally uninterested. Besides, you're probably a scammer.

Actually I have MORE than five turn-offs, but I'll get around to them later. Now I'm sliding into the jacuzzi with my glass of Cristal to completely forget about Twitter turn-offs. I'd rather be turned on!

And after having said all this, if you behave, you can follow me on Twitter! Hah!

This will be going up on "Humor-blogs.com".

Merry Christmas from Blog-Blond

2008-12-24T11:12:00.000-08:00

Class: Thank you for continuing to stalk me & show-up for class, even though I've been taking a long, long sabbatical. You're the best *naughty* students a teacher could ever wish for!

As you've probably figured out by now, I'm enjoying my freedom from the obligation of blogging, even though those dratted microblogs do catch my attention and energy! Twitter, Plurk, and Identi.ca are the places to hang out these days. Facebook has also lured me in to it's diabolical clutches, and every day I find a new friend wanting to befriend me.

I cherish my friends and followers. They're a whole lot more reliable than commenters, especially the lack-luster commenters on this blog. When I reply to someone on Twitter, Plurk, or Facebook, they get right back to me! 'Responsive' rates high in my book!

Here's my tip for today since I'm already here: sign up for Google's alert which notifies you when people are talking about you or what lists you may be on or anything whatsoever referencing you. Google is the sharpest spy in the world. This notification notice comes to your email once a day, and signing-up is one of the best moves I made this year.

I've made a few good moves and many mistakes this year, but what else is new?! I'm still alive and kickin'.

Next year I'll go to the age-old formula of t & a for this blog because that is what sells, right? Hah! I can just see some of your expressions through the computer. Just kidding! *maybe*

How about you? What have you learned about blogging this year? If you don't comment here, I'm sure you'll get back to me on Twitter or Facebook, right?

This post will go up on "Humor-blogs.com".

Blondie Bails On Blogging

2008-12-01T16:16:00.001-08:00

Class, I'm flabbergasted. It seems my substitute teacher Blondie has become a SUPERSTAR, and when I left a message on her answering machine inquiring why she had neglected last week's post, she texted me she was 2 bzy.

BUT she promised me she would return next week to give ya some hot blog tips. I know she's good for it because I have 'something' on her which I might possibly leak to Buzzfeed.

In the meantime, someone sent me a photo of Blondie on a t-shirt. Apparently Blondie is HOT HOT HOT , and all the Hollywood babes are wearing her likeness on a t-shirt!So once again, your blondalicious teacher has to step up to the plate and deliver the goods when she'd rather be lazing around. I have ONLY one blog tip this week, so Listen Up!

Line up more than ONE substitute blogger to post for you. Have a couple of back-ups because once a blogger becomes famous, they'd rather twitter or plurk or text or hawk t-shirts to the rich and famous or show up at clubs or host Extra.

Maybe this Blog-Blond blog is a fast-track to superstardom? And so I'm putting it out to those who would like to guest-post, email me.

Who knows--maybe your mug will be the next hot one?!

This is going up on "Humor-Blogs.com".

Meet Your Substitute Blog Teacher

2008-11-23T20:10:00.000-08:00

Class, I'm sure you must have noticed I've not shown up to post for some time now, and truth be told, I've grown weary of posting and need a break. I've come up with a solution for my boredom and laziness. I've hired a substitute blog teacher to come in once a week and post sizzling hot blogging tips for your edification.

No, she's not as HOT as your blondalicious teacher, but believe me, she's spicy and spunky, and I think you'll like her style. Her name is Blondie, the Badass Blogger. And she'll kick your b*** if you get outta line with her. She's been a teacher for many years, and she knows how to deal with naughty students! I filmed her brief introduction, and she made me film it over and over and over. Man, is she a demanding teacher!

So without further ado, I give you BLONDIE!

Trimming The Blog and Twit Fat

2008-11-07T20:35:00.000-08:00

I was shocked to discover all the cr** on my computer recently, even with all the housekeeping I do on a daily basis. Something diabolical had attached itself to my 'puter, and it took a long time to get rid of this yukky thing. In the process, I discovered so much MORE to delete. My history. My cache.

Twitter people who don't follow me back. Deleted.

Twitter people who only write, "Updated my Squidoo page." Deleted

Twitter people who promote, promote, promote. Deleted.

Twitter people who only write good night or good morning. Deleted.

Cracking the whip never felt so good. Quite satisfying and juicy.

The same thing happened to blogs which were not updated. Deleted. The bloggers hadn't even bothered to inform me their blog had died, or they had offed or abandoned it. I said a silent prayer for all the blogs who had passed my way and who were now zombified in cyber-land.

There should be an online cemetery for dead blogs, dontcha think? This would be a place where we could go and light a candle or place some flowers on their cyber grave and honor them.

Back to the present--what captures my attention are amusing, creative, and generous bloggers twitter-ers, and plurkers.

I've listed some of my favs on my Funny Blogs Squidoo site.

This will find a home on "Humor-Blogs.com".

Three Ways To Profit From Blogs

2008-11-04T09:59:00.000-08:00

Class, I've been doing a lot of thinking about JOBS as of late. And I'd like to share three ways you MIGHT be able to make some money through the blog world.

Since so many people have lost their jobs in the economic downturn in America and are now out of work, they're seeking new employment and/or ways to create income.

If you're strapped for cash, you may have considered making an adult movie such as the characters in the new movie, "Zack and Miri Make a Porno".

Some of these recently unemployed are EVEN investigating blogging to see if there's a way they can make a living through blogging.

Well, I'm here to tell them, fat chance! An adult movie would probably be a better bet.

Not to say money can't EVENTUALLY be earned by blogging if you work your sweet little tushie off! But this will take TIME!

If time isn't on your side and you need monies now, here's three ideas to earn money through the blog world which won't embarrass you someday should your adult movie go viral:

1. Blog flipping--buying and selling deserted blogs
2. Create a blog group in your town/city/area where bloggers get together to critique blogs & help newbie bloggers and one another with their skills and knowledge. Charge for membership or at the door.
3. Create a Blog Bash event where for 24 hours enrolled bloggers would engage in a smackdown. Betting, dirty tricks, psychological gambits, voting, monetary prizes, and power would be involved. It would closely resemble the U.S. political process. This is a sure winner.

This post will be going up on "Humor-blogs.com".

Does Your Blog Have Legs?

2008-10-19T14:55:00.000-07:00

Class: I'm here to share a hot blog tip: kick back and rest when you're feeling the beginnning of blog burn-out.

Kicking back is what your blondalicious teacher does quite often, and even though I may loose some readers because I'm not always posting, I don't loose myself. Not loosing myself is a much higher priority for me! I really like not having to go around looking for myself--it's much more convenient to find myself where I left myself.

Are ya feeling overwhelmed by too much email, social media contacts, and obligations? Then welcome to the crowd!

Overwhelm and blog-burnout is very common these days with the frenzied social swirl of Facebook, Twitter, Plurk, Stumbleupon, Pownce, and MyBlogLog to name a few.

Here's some suggestions:

Focus on what makes your smile

Chill

Establish boundaries

Try something new

Make really silly videos. (I've been doing this and LMAO!)

Find some other kind-hearted soul to post on your blog or have guest bloggers

Post ONLY after you've rejuvenated and healed. Never ever post when drunk or high or feeling guilty or obligated or angry or desperate or...

If you follow my suggestions and perservere, your blog will acquire legs. Maybe not as beautiful as legs as these, but legs of some sort.

This post is going on "Humor-blogs.com".

Three Awesome Reasons To Abolish Poverty

2008-10-15T11:29:00.000-07:00

This post is my contribution to Blog Action Day where I join with other bloggers to write about a topic for a single day. This year's topic is POVERTY.

There are gadzillions of good reasons to ABOLISH poverty starting like yesterday, but I'll post my own list of THREE awesome reasons why I'd like to see poverty put away under a giant rock forever.

1. Poverty isn't fun or funny. When you're in poverty, you can't even imagine a world with fun! All your time is spent trying to figure out how to survive. Bummer! Poor people don't have time to read or post on blogs. Just imagine the audience humor bloggers would have if poor people had time to read and write. And I'm sure many poor people would make great humor writers too! Oh yeh!

2. Poverty slows everything down--it's a drag on our world system. All of us could probably be jetting around the universe right now in a sleek starship if we finally get this stupid poverty thing abolished. Poverty has been slowing down creativity, evolvement, and speedy forward movement of everything and everyone for far too long, and I, for one, am weary of the pace.

3. Poverty is unbalanced--and unbalanced things aren't pretty. Since I like beauty, harmony, and balance, why would I like poverty? Poverty is ugly. Even uglier are those greedy s.o.b's who take more than their fair share and put others into poverty. Who said it was khool to have all that moolah sitting in your bank account when someone else could be using it? How did the filty rich think we wouldn't wake up one day and yell out how ugly the super rich are?!

The solution to poverty is to abolish it!

You can begin this process today by IMAGINING zero poverty. Visualize how much more fun, speedy, and beautiful the world is without poverty.

Then take action by signing a check or opening your wallet with this in mind!

This post will go up on "Humor-blogs.com".

Do You Have a Nemesis?

2008-10-07T16:31:00.000-07:00

Class: I'm back to speak to you of a serious matter: your nemesis!

Since most of my naughty students have probably acquired several merely by hanging around the Blogosphere, you might as well learn the meaning of 'nemesis': "An opponent that cannot be beaten or overcome."

These opponents or adversaries may become the bane of your life as they seek to best you in your blogging niche. They may steal your ideas, scrape your copy, suck up to your best blogging buddies, make up stories about you, cheat, and in general, thoroughly piss you off. Oftentimes, the nemeis will fall under the category of Frenemy which means you can't go on the overt attack.

And truth be told, once you get rid of one nemesis, like weeds, another couple will spring up!

What do you do about your (current) nightmare nemesis? Here's my helpful tips for coping:

1. Take a philosophical stance. Rather than react with anger and write a nasty email or two, ask for help from those who know how to deal with your nemesis in a calm manner. For example, I usually call Uncle Vinnie who'll make a polite house call and 'splain things. That usually does the trick. Uncle Vinnie's house calls really make an impression, ya know?!

2. Rally your forces and friends to your side. I've heard many a story how the mob approach worked to bring repentance and apologies for the nemesis's misdeeds.

3. Calmly wait your turn. Study the Achilles Heel of your nemesis and aim you arrow at a critical moment for him/her. Study their blogs, and you'll know the perfect time when to release your post about an award or your Oprah show interview.

Yes, my dear students, I've heard many a story about the horrors of a nemesis.

Having a nemesis comes with every territory! You can't outrun them, for like in the Matrix movies, these creatures are self-replicating, and they'll return in another form. You may get your sweet revenge and kick butt after butt, but know the pleasure of victory won't last for long.

So do what your Blondalicious Teacher does: kick back with with your friends and family, have some good belly laughs, diss your nemesis as you chill, and laugh it off.

This post is going up on "Humor-Blogs.com".

Straight From The Horse's Mouth

2008-10-02T18:11:00.000-07:00

Class: your blondalicious teacher has been away rejuvenating and enjoying her time NOT being the Best Lil Blog Teacher In The West.

And I've been trying to get back in the blog saddle again and ride on in here with some hot, juicy blog tips, BUT other stuff has been keeping me busy. Simple as that!

You can always find me on Flickr, Twitter, Plurk, Facebook, Digg, Tumblr, and other blogs if you really need your Blog-Blond fix.

Blog-Blond must look like an absentee teacher as the spammers have been the only ones making comments! Give it up guys! I might let one spam comment sneak by me for the fun of it, but more than that, and I'll crack the whip!

I'd like to share this "Don't Vote" video with ya'll though because it's funny and truthful and powerful.

And I'll continue doing what I've always done: showing up here whenever I feel like it.

This post will be going-up on "Humor-blogs.com" even though it's not very funny.

Then again...funny is kinda weird these days, isn't it?

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Perfect Prizes For The Winning Twitties

2008-09-05T01:02:00.000-07:00

This is going up on "Humor Blogs.com"

I'm Just Sayin'

2008-09-02T14:32:00.000-07:00

Class: I voted for the Twitties yesterday. In case you don't know, there's yet ANOTHER contest--this time, it's for different categories of twits from Twitter.

The Twitties run until Sept. 12 so you have time to vote and amuse yourself with those nominated. I have to agree with one nomination however--nick's twit: "Haha, really? THOSE are the nominees for the Twitties? It's as if Space Chimps and Love Guru were fighting for Best Picture."

Frankly, I was shocked shocked shocked to discover I wasn't nominated in some of these categories, and I feel the head or the board or the whatever of the Titties....err, Twitties should include a write-in nomination so I can be nominated.

Don't you feel this way too, my beloved students?

In the meantime I'll post snarky and/or put-down twits now that I know there's a contest. What do the winners receive? A Gold Tit? What?! This prize information should be stated on the Twitties site so we can at least be somewhat envious.

I'm submitting this to "Humor-blogs.com".

Blog-Blond Runs For President

2008-08-28T03:35:00.000-07:00

East of Microblogs--West of Second Life

2008-08-26T11:13:00.000-07:00

Dear Class,

Once again you've shown up for your teacher, but she didn't show up for you. I've noticed your visits with the aid of Stat Counter, and I've been feeling more and more guilty about not updating and posting to inform of my whereabouts.

So guilty that today I'm writing you a belated apology letter!

I've been an irregular blogging teacher posting from the very beginning with Blog-Blond. You've witnessed this irregularity, and you've tolerated my lackadaisical approach to sharing hot blog tips laced with saucy, sassy humor. You've been GOOD to me, even if you often failed to leave comments.(Ye olde guilte trype! Gotta throw it in!)

Many of my naughty students prefer emailing me instead which is khewl. I don't reply to ALL emails, but I truly enjoy and appreciate receiving them. Some I even print out to let my dog chew. He says they're very tasty.

The reasons why I've been m.i.a. are listed below in random order:

I've fallen in love with microblogs (Twitter, Plurk, Pownce, etc.) because they're fast and easy like an afternoon delight. If I'm super busy, I use Ping.fm to post to all my microblogs in one message. Admitted, there is nothing profound conveyed in these messages, but just the same, posting on them gets my ya-ya's out. And my ya-ya's really need to get out!!!
I've also fallen MORE in love with Second Life and have been spending time there perfecting my Second Life skills, bonding with a group of SL friends, shopping, exploring, and one of these fine days will finally build a virtual home. The photo above is my avatar in one of her many skins and costumes. And yes, I'm glad you noticed--I'm a brunette in SL which is amazingly less complicated than being a blond! I purchased an expensive blond 'skin' (a SL term) but have yet to wear it because I'm experiencing too much joy as a brunette. Who sez blond's have more fun? I've been rocking the grrlpower in SL, and blogs are so boring by comparison.
Exercise and attention to my health and well-being are required. After two years posting on 11 blogs and feeling the self-imposed obligation to post at least three or more times a week on all of them, I've become more than a little burned out! Even when traveling, I've usually posted on some of them--such was my dedication---err, addiction!
The book I began writing prior to becoming a blog addict isn't completed , and I've now resumed the task of writing the remaining chapters. When it's published either as an e-book or RL book, I'll let ya know! I'm sure you'll want to read this one---HOT, HOT, HOT!

And FINALLY, my BEST excuse/alibi/reason is: there are much better blog teacher/tipsters than myself, your Blondalicious Teacher. These bloggers write amazing posts and are REALLY into their craft and at the top of their game!

Since they're so REALLY into it (and I'm not at this point), their posts should be shared with ya'll just in case you missed them.

Here's the links from recent posts which are very worthy and educational:

"12 Tips For Identifying Web 2.0 Scams"

"Are You Trustworthy?" by Sonia Simone

"What Makes For A Good Blog"

"The Naturals"

And I'm submitting this to "Humor-Blogs.com" because that's the way I roll.

Forever yours in the Blogosphere,

What We Say To Other Bloggers

2008-08-13T15:31:00.000-07:00

Class, I'll make this post short and sweet because my time is limited these Dog Daze of August as I prepare for YET another vacation!

Here's this week's KISS blog tips:

Let your readers know they're important. Point your finger at them--but only use your index finger, never your middle finger.

Pictures are more important than words in blogs.

Are you talking your target blogger language?

Keep lots of space between sentences.

You can read more on this topic in the post "Does Your Content Work for an Aging Population?" by James Chartrand. Click here for his tips.

I'm submitting this post to "Humor-Blogs.com"

Interview With Aussie Blogger Sue

2008-08-06T23:55:00.000-07:00

Class: I'm back to share another great interview with the well-known and popular Aussie blogger Sueblimely.

Sue and I met online when she answered my ad for a guest blogger, and she wrote the most masterful and thorough post about No Follow I've ever read. You can read her guest post of June 26, 2007 titled "No Follow--No Good for Bloggers" here.

So Listen Up and Learn today!

Sue's always on top of the latest news about blogging and what's going on in the Blogosphere, and she's zero a slacker teacher who cavorts around like..ahem, yours truly, the blondalicious Blog-Blond.

No, Sueblimely is on top of things even if she lives Down Under. (Corny joke I know--forgive me as I'm doing a layover!)

Sue's a blogger who knows how to GIVE and assist other bloggers, and this is one of the many reasons she's so successful methinks.

Thorough posts which are easy to understand with consistent posting have made her a super successful pro blogger! Plus check out her adorable face. Who wouldn't want a blogging teacher like this?!

*********************************

Blog-Blond: As a blogger who primarily blogs about the subject of blogging, what drew you to this subject matter in the first place?

Sueblimely: I had been blogging for a while before I got onto the subject itself, firstly privately with a photo blog to keep overseas family and friends up to date with the the progress of my three kids, who gave me a lot to bleat about. This was followed by a public blog about web design. It was then that I realized the social aspects involved in blogging and my interest grew; from a personal aspect and interest likely fueled by a background in Sociology/Social Psychology. I knew there were already a lot of blogs about making money or making the big time but there seemed to be much less for the masses of bloggers who write for pleasure and leisure, friendship and support.

Blog-Blond: You've received an award for being one of the top Australian bloggers. Are there more awards you've received that I don't know of, and if so, what are they? How long did it take you to see recognition in the blogging field?

Sueblimely: Yes I am currently in the top 20 in a top Australian bloggers list and top 10 in the Australian Women's bloggers list. I was delighted to be included in the top 100 of two different international lists recently. My blog has been going since Jan 2006 firstly using blogspot and now self hosted Wordpress.

Blog-Blond: Are you more connected to Australian bloggers, or do you consider yourself a global blogger?

Sueblimely: Since being involved with the Aussie Bloggers Forum (http://www.aussiebloggers.com.au/) forum and blog from its start at the end of last year, I have connected much more with Australian bloggers for social reasons but my writing rarely relates purely to the Australian blogging scene. Being in contact with people from around the world helps alleviate the symptoms of a travel bug that infected me when I first ventured overseas alone, at the age of 15. This was before my travels led me from England to live permanently in Australia.

Blog-Blond: Share with the readers some tips to stand-out from the sea of bloggers and carve a name for themselves.

Sueblimely: Much of the advice I would give is pretty standard stuff - write well and regularly and connect with other bloggers through comments and social networks. What I do not see often is advice relating to enjoyment in blogging. Work out what is most important to you: is your main aim to become widely popular, to earn money or are you happier with a smaller readership made up of people you are closer to? The first two take a lot of time, effort and "social Networking". Tasks may become tedious and you may be discouraged by lack of results. The latter places emphasis on " Social networking"; connecting with others for more personal reasons. Whatever the reasons you blog, if it starts to become a chore, sit back and think why it has happened and what you need to do to bring the fun back into it. Read any blogging advice with your own needs in mind. I blog about new blog tools and social networks but do not say they are a must to join. I try them out myself but only to see what they are about and to report on them; concentrating my own efforts on only a few. I am personally not keen on Digg but enjoy Stumbleupon because it is more social and I come across more content that interests me. (I like the photos too).

Blog-Blond: Do you participate very much in micro-blogging? And if so, which ones? Which one is your favorite?

Sueblimely: Not as much as I would like as I find it too time consuming. If I am busy I now keep any microblogging tools closed so as not to get distracted. I am an expert at going off track - I should write a blog about how to not stay focussed. I use Twitter and get email updates via Friendfeed, which I rarely find time to read. When I have more time I want to explore Plurk further - Twitter bugs me with its glitches, very basic interface and letter count restrictions.

Blog-Blond: How much time do you invest in a post? Do you spend much time editing your posts?

Sueblimely: The time varies considerably depending on the topic. My recent post on free stock image sites took me many hours, spread over a couple of weeks, because of the research and detail needed. I am just not satisfied unless I know I have been thorough in my own research and do not want to churn out things that have been done by others. On occasion I come across topics that I feel an urge to write about there and then and will knock those out quickly. I take lots of notes on the more involved topics and, when it comes to writing, I already have a good idea about what I am going to say so the editing does not take long. (I hope it does not show).

Blog-Blond: Have you attended blog parties, blog get-togethers or conferences? If so, what did you learn? What were the benefits?

Sueblimely: I have attended none of these although if I was in closer proximity to BlogHer I would be there. It would be good to meet you and others I have come to know only online.

Let's Play 'Using The Search Words'

2008-07-21T11:39:00.001-07:00

Class, I've meant to write this post for a long time, and I don't know why I haven't done it before. I have interviews lined up to post here, but this post is demanding to be posted today. Yeh, that's right--it told me in no uncertain terms, "Post this Blondie! Or Else."

Something about that "Or Else" got my attention, ya know? It sounded kinda ominous. But maybe it's time I bring SEXY BACK to this blog!

So alright already...I'm posting it! Sheesh!

What is wanting to be posted you ask? It's most of (not all by any means!) the search words which have led others to my blog.

I hope my naughty students monitor the search words for their blogs because these can be helpful. You will then know why others stumble to your blog. Unfortunately, most of these searching souls came for the following subjects, not the blazing wit and hilarious (but dry) humor of your sexy, blondalicious teacher! Harrumph!

So here's what people googled or searched for and which led them to me:

blond sex, blonde blog, uni page, blond, blogwear, is blond right for me, 100 things to do when you can't sleep, blog de bust, i became my wife's love slave, sixpack blog, i promise no more alcohol, blonde sex photo, not blonde blog.

Which one is your favorite? I like the one "i became my wife's love sex slave".

Now I'm going to put them together in a story. Let's see how I can piece these together to make people wanna come back for more of my crazy blog humor.

Blond sex wasn't what I had in mind when I walked into the bedroom. But who was there waiting for me but Blonde Blog! She had an uni page blond haircut, and she was wearing a sheer, sexy blogwear outfit which was from her designer collection.

I asked myself, "Is blond right for me?" Well, maybe I told myself. She might come under the category of 100 things to do before I sleep. And her blog de bust was quite tantalizing!

Her recently published book was lying on the bedside table. The title, "i became my wife's love slave" gave me shivers up and down my spine. What did she have in mind for me? I know I have a sixpack blog, but dare I mix it up with someone who had confessed on the Jay Leno show, "I promise no more alcohol."

What if she would photograph me and post my photo online in a blonde sex photo? That wouldn't go over too good with my constinuency. I'd better play it cool.

"Not blonde blog!" I yelled as I ran from the room with a you know what!

There you have it, dear searchers. Did this story do it for you? If so, let me know by searching, and I'll gladly give you what you're looking for.

And I'm submitting this to "Humor-Blogs.com".

Dear Blogger Know-It-Alls

2008-07-16T13:40:00.000-07:00

Class: it's often when I'm showering that ideas for blog posts come to me. Like today. I was happily washing my hair and not even thinking about posting when thoughts washed through me. I'm sharing some of the thoughts that didn't go down the drain with the soap and wondering if you've ever pondered some of these ideas. Maybe the Blogger Know-It-Alls can answer some of these questions?

Such as:

Recently the world's oldest blogger died at age 108. Her death made me think of all sorts of other blogging bests and records such as, "Has the blogger with the least comments died too? Or has the blogger blogging the longest time died? Has a blogger ever left a suicide post?" Is there a blogging fact book to discover the answers to my questions?

Then my mind wandered to these topics:

A friend told me she heard on the national news that prisoners were very big into blogging these days. Naturally, I wondered if any of my naughty students were said convicts, and how much were they learning from me while incarcerated? Is blogging helping them to become better adjusted? Do they twitter or plurk, or do they write long detailed blogs? Do they blog on Blackberries or iPhones? Or do they have to share computers?

And then these thoughts came to me:

There should be blog awards for the stupidest blogs, the creepiest blogs, the most boring blogs, the angriest blogs, the most egotistic blogger, the most...well, you get the picture! Now those awards would be something!

And my thoughts swerved into bizarro territory:

What clothes do successful bloggers wear? Are successful bloggers superstitious? Do very competitive bloggers wear talismans or hire voodoo queens to boost their rankings? Exactly HOW WEIRD are some bloggers and to what extent will they go to be the top blog dog?

And then my shower ended, and that's all I remember. Honest.

I'm submitting this to "Humor-blogs.com".

Peace Out----