Blog -Blond

Oh, Mix It Up For Heaven's Sake!

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Sat, 21 Jul 2012 02:21:00 +0000

Yoo hoo class...errr, is there a class left after my long absence????

*Note to self: Stop pretending. The class has graduated. Or they're on summer vacation. Or they've waved the white flag on blogging.*

Well, just in case there is still one lone straggler out there ready to read & learn hot blogging tips & trends, I'm checking in again! Delinquent and tardy as I may be, I've got a 'Rocky' eye-of-the-tiger persistence & toughness. I'll always return!

Here's the brief back story: Do the math. Burnout from doing too much + insatiable curiosity + family drama + lots of travel + serious ongoing health issues = chugging along on one cylinder.

Hey, I'm not saying I'm out of the woods yet. But r & r, doctors of all kinds, prayers, lots and lots of drugs & prayers have certainly helped. My aura is shining & beautiful once again.

Whilst I've been away & piddling around, I've noticed a trend: curation.

What is curation or curating you ask? Basically, it's culling & selecting.

Here is an excellent New York Times article on this subject.

Curating is what's happening now in Facebook, Tumblr, and Pinterest. Bloggers have morphed into curators.

And in the process, links to the original creators sadly often get lost. And very few seem to care. The web has imploded. We're becoming one big humongous, gooey, no-degree-of-separation, joyfully jacuzzing blob.

May the blob be with you! Curation is King.

Hey, just for the record: I'm a curator too. Check out my humor Tumblr (Booyah) and my spiritual Tumblr (Circuitry).

And then there's my Stumbleupon.

And maybe, just maybe I'll jump into the joyful jacuzzi called Pinterest.

That is, if my docs don't handcuff me.

Wishing you a naughty but nice summer!

Strange Girls--Strange Days

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 05:44:00 +0000

Class: As you know by now, I'm proud to be your STRANGE teacher.

And I promise you I'll continue to be your STRANGEST most blondalicious teacher offering you the most brilliant & stupid blog tips ever! Demented, bizarre, eccentric and unpredictable---these are accolades to me!

Today I'm going to answer some of your email questions--I hope they offer you edification as well as satisfy your curiosity about me.

Q: Why didn't you post my comment linking to my blog?
A: Spammers aren't tolerated in my class, unless they afford me mirth & most don't.

Q: Why don't you put advertising on your blog?
A: Way too messy for chump change. (But that may change...)

Q: Who is your favorite humor blogger?
A: Without a doubt the Bloggess is the goddess in this genre. But dontcha tell her I said so--she's already got a Mother Teresa complex. Enough already with her delusions of grandeur.

Q: Do you really drink that much?
A: Only on Fridays, Saturdays and Wednesdays. Who in their right mind could write
a post like this without help from the devil water? *oh, waiter---bring another round for us!*

Q: When is your memoir going to be released?
A: Once it's published, and that's not easy these days with the publishing biz in disarray. The good ol boyz hog the lucrative contracts. The good news is this breed is dying. May they rest in peace sooner than later.

Q: What do you watch on tv?
A: Stephen Colbert & John Stewart are my favorite comic hunks.

Q: Who inspires you?
A: My Mother who gave birth to me all alone as a teenage runaway mom by an isolated lake late at night. This story will be in my memoirs--very touching stuff.

That's all for now! Don't forget to check the weird & wonderful stuff I post every day on my Tumblr blog Booyah.

The Seven Laws We Can't Outrun

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 03:17:00 +0000

Class, I was pondering the whys and wherefores recently. This was a little more complicated than Uncle Remus stories for I went DEEP into the mysteries of why things are the way they are.

In this process, I finalized my notes which I'd like to share with you as they pertain to blogging tips and humor since these two are the focus of this blog: Blogging For Dummies.

Here are the Immutable Blogging Laws as I see them as a seasoned pro (they'll probably change in a nanosecond since I dared to write the word 'immutable', but oh well. What can I say but the faeries often love to mess with us!)

1. The Law of Attraction: The more you post photos or write about t. & a., sexual innuendos, snark, humor and/or controversial topics, the more hits your posts will get as evidenced by stats. (Hence the gratuitous image posted here. Hey, I may be blond/blonde, but stupid...not always!)

2. The Law of Beauty: People wanna ogle beautiful things, people, animals, etc. People crave beauty...lust for beauty...will die for beauty.

3. The Law of Ego: The more you flaunt your ego in posts, print or media, the more the opposite force will take you down. You can bank on it. The more obvious you are with your braggadocio, the funnier it is when you tank. This law is as old as cavemen. Who would you rather see slip on the classic banana peel: a banker, Wall Street broker or little old lady?!

4. The Law of Lost and Found: I've begun many a blog in my day and when the passion was strong, I posted like a maniac. Then one day I would awake and discover the passion was gone and stop posting. There are many of my lost blogs in the blogosphere growing quite dusty I imagine. And then SURPRISE, someone will leave a comment on one of my posts. The law is that anything you put up on the net is NEVER EVER lost--these may be forgotten by you, but somebody will find them. If there is anything you wish you'd never written, you can 100 % count on it!

5. The Law of Offense: This law especially applies to humor bloggers. Trust me. If you write anything, there will be someone who doesn't like what you have to say. But it also applies to blogging in general. Put on your Bossy Pants and Rhino Gear when you post.

6. The Law of Karma: Whatever you post always comes back to you! The boomerang effect is in action every moment, every moment. This is why I always have funny, weird stuff happen to me. I'm the cause of my effect. Don't forget to subscribe to my Booyah Tumblr in this regard.

7. The Law of Scratch My Back I'll Scratch Yours: When you help someone out with a plug, inevitably there will be some scratching. Good, yummy scratching.
In this regard, I received an email from a blogger I've always admired, and it read:

"I have enjoyed your site for the longest time. I was hoping you will give me a little plug for my site called Paperback Charlie Brown. It's a cool little parody site and already got some great reviews online. I would love to be on your site. Take a quick glance at my site at Paperback Charlie Brown

. There is something for everybody. It's Peanuts with a twist."

Who knows when my scratch-back will happen, but it's a LAW. It has to happen!

Over and out from Your Blondalicious Teacher!

Blessed Are The Cracked

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 01:45:00 +0000

CLASS: Does it seem to you that the world is becoming crazier and crazier every day?

Have you marveled at the growing number of people/groups/nations acting-out and demanding change and/or demonstrating intense hostility?

Have you wanted to mix it up with some of these change movements and participate as an activist for change in the Occupy Movement?

Or are you more like your blondalicious teacher retreating from the intensity and watching anything funny you can find online or on tv after self-medicating?

There's never been a time when laughter is more needed to lighten the load.

And if you have a finely developed sense of humor such as myself, there are so many things which make you laugh. If you've subbed to my Tumblr Blog, Booyah, then you know what I mean. What? You've not subscribed yet?! Gitouttahere!

I find myself running to Tumblr and Booyah four-five times a day now to restore my sanity through retarded humor.

As the Light of Humor filters through the layers of distress, I breathe again and can resume shopping, bitching, and dare I say--even blogging.

Blessed Fruitcakes....Blessed Cracked Ones...Blessed Funny Men & Women...Blessed Humor Bloggers...Blessed Comedians--you are my salvation!

Ya see, I have to have the LIGHT! The dark is far too scary!

Obligations Are So Yesterday

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 22:40:00 +0000

Class: Your Blondalicious Teacher has something to get off her massive chest today, and I'm sure this is something you can resonate with: OBLIGATION.

Now since you know I'm a very free-spirited & slightly spoiled blogger/artist/jetsetter, I've never liked obligations and have done my best to avoid them most of my life. They're so tiresome. However, due to events outside my control (and yours), I'm often required to be pc and play along. (when the cows come home with fingers & toes crossed)

One of the obligations I most detest is returning phone calls.

As a child of the internet & text generation, I'd most prefer to reply via email or text-- either of these reply methods is much easier because they give you time to think of an 'out' to an invite or whatever--plus you don't get ambushed as easily as you do when on the phone and someone surprises you before you've had a chance to think up a lie.

Another obligation I quite dislike is returning the favor of commenting on another's blog. Now I know this isn't kosher to admit, but I'm admitting it anyway. I like to comment when I feel like it, but not because I'm supposed to do so. Actually, I played the comment game for many years as a diligent blogger & made many wonderful friendships this way, but after awhile, it became an OBLIGATION.

So I checked myself into Obligation Rehab and shed that time consuming habit. Now I've got many more hours in my day to screw around and be lazy--my preferred modality.

Recently I had another obligation test when I ran into an old friend & she suggested we do lunch. She told me to call her. Have I called her back? One guess.

This person obviously doesn't know I've proudly stepped into and embraced my Bitch Hood!

But I digress...what I want you my faithful readers and deliciously naughty students to know is that I give a rat's a$$ if you comment or don't comment or read my posts. I write them for whomever happens to be so bored as to land here and takes the time to learn & laugh.

I release you from all obligations. You are free to tiptoe on by even though I can see your tracks.

We are free. Now doesn't that feel better?!

High Five Fiverrs

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 00:41:00 +0000

Class: I've returned to laud the praises of my newest passion: Fiverr.

As you know from following my Tumblr Blog "Booyah", I adore the weird, the bizarre, and the outrageous.

However, as you also know your blondalicious teacher is easily bored!

Thus, I've plowed my way through many a humor blogger, conspiracy website & forums, games, Flickr, Twitter, StumbleUpon, Plurk, tumblr, etc. etc. etc.

I suppose it all began with eBay. There was a lot of JUNK and STUFF there which kept me amused & titillated for a period of time, but alas, I grew weary of buying & bidding--especially when I usually win!

So it is with great delight to discover the bargain basement of yummy weirdness called Fiverr--and these treats and gifts are offered for ONLY five dollars!

I adore the weirdness of the offerings, but thus far, I've refrained from purchasing anything. After all, I really don't need anything as I'm already rich, beautiful, healthy, and famous. (alert: total B.S. Actually I'm retarded, lonely and write this from my prison cell. Errr....ok, neither of these are true. But so what?!) But I digress...

If you want to have some laughs or waste more internetz time, then I suggest Fiverr.

Who knows...maybe I'll join and have my pet lion (see earlier post!) have your logo sign carried by him as he hunts down his quarry.

It'll be messy but memorable marketing!

Are Bloggers More Likely To Have Sex On A First Date??

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 02:49:00 +0000

Class: I stumbled a news story today on my StumbleUpon page which made me pause and go 'hmmmmm'.

The article stated that as a result of a survey done by a UK dating service they have determined that overweight women & athletic men are more likely to have sex on a first date.

And what about bloggers I asked myself?

Maybe we should break this down a bit as there are many kinds of bloggers.

Would an overweight athletic lesbian blogger be more likely to have sex on the first date? Would a whacko humor blogger be more game to get it on? And what about an educated bicycling male blogger who wears a furry animal headdress and dances around the house dressed in a cape made from lettuce leaves?

I have so many questions now that I've read this research.

And what are your thoughts about bloggers?

Are we easy or queasy about sex on a first date?

Blog Naked

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 22:20:00 +0000

Class: Michael J. Fox recently spoke The Truth on Letterman when he said this about show business:

Fox said, "Show business: We're all here because we're not all there!"

The same can equally be said about blogging because we're a form of show biz.

Some of us bloggers are Already Gone if you know what I mean. :-)

Ya see, my naughty students, the more outrageous, the more transparent, the more NAKED you are in your posts, the more you take risks and speak in your own authentic voice, the more you thumb your nose at MEDIOCRITY, then you are much more intriguing to me and others.

Boring blogs are proliferating at an exponential rate. It's almost more fun to read the news these days. Almost.

My lesson today is to dare...to cross-dress...to undress... and to re-dress this increasing trend to boring posts. BLOG NAKED puhlease!!!!

Give some sass. But don't be an a$$.

And don't forget to subscribe to my daily updated funny Tumbler Booyah.

What I Wore Today--Blog-Blond Style

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 04:45:00 +0000

Class: Have you seen or contributed to the oh-so-popular "What I Wore Today" meme?

If not, check this meme out. It's quite fun in a silly, girly way. Flickr even has a group for it.

Because your very own blondalicious teacher is something of a 'silly girl', I decided to do a collage of my very own "What I Wore Today" because so many of you email me and ask me what I wear--especially what I wear when I post drunk.

Because your teach was once again 'hammered' when I scanned my collage, it came out tipped to one side. That's what happens when you're tipsy. Don't make my mistake, ya hear!

This collage is an ode to conspicuous consumption, and there is a very profound meaning to the watch placed over my head. (Hiccup!)

I had to add my pet lion, Ginger, in a separate scan because I screwed up when I was scanning. Ginger is my fav fashion accessory of the moment...much better than a yappy chihuahua. Eh?

Betcha didn't know your blondaliciou teacher is much more than a humorist--did ya? I don't spend all my time on Tumblr. I also shop from time to time. Check out my Squidoo here and here.

What do you think about What I Wore Today?????

You're Not All That Or One Good Reason To Blog Drunk

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 02:46:00 +0000

How has your year been going class? Have you been having pain AND gain like your teacher?

My mantra this past year has been: You win some...you loose some!

Yep, every time your blondalicious teacher turned around---there it was again: winning following losing--- followed by celebrations followed by grieving... and on and on. This was my "lesson" from the universe...and yes, this lesson is ongoing.

And while I'm at it: why not throw another oh- so- fab truth/cliche into this post: Every Rose Has Its Thorn!

I'm ready to have the saying You Win Some You Lose Some on my forehead so that every time I look in the mirror I won't hesitate to remind myself to NOT get too cocky OR too sad--for these will inevitably change in a NY city second.

So now that you've read about my dicey year, here's your new lesson, my naughty students:

You may recall I've always cautioned you not to blog and drink at the same time. And certainly, never drink AND drive!

However, after observing the success of Jersey Shore, the Housewives franchise and other reality shows, I've reluctantly changed my mind about blogging and drinking.

For it seems the crazier you act....the crazier you dress...and the crazier you reveal your AUTHENTIC self, the more success you will have!

Of course, this formula doesn't take into account the 99 percent of those who end up in the mental ward, jail or rehab....or sitting on a rainbow on the Other Side. And yet, the odds are vastly improving for achieving success with a LITTLE crazy thrown in to the mix.

(Preface for obvious reasons: This IS a humor blog--even though its theme is blogging.)

With that said, BOTTOMS UP! Throw caution to the wind! Get hammered and then hammer those computer keys with your drunken talent!

Why not let your Pain be your Gain???

Why not let your frenemies feel your sting? They're REALLY NOT ALL THAT! And you righteously owe them a good feet to the coals in your posts, eh?

Why not risk it & be your authentic self?

It's much safer to 'write it' then to 'act out' IRL is my sage counsel.

Plus you won't be so d***** boring to read. :-)

Errr...what's that I hear you asking?

Have I been drinking & blogging?

Answer: Move over Housewives.

There's a new drunk in town.

P.S. Even when you're wasted, change names to protect yo sweet a$$.

P.P.S. Don't forget to check out my Tumblr. Click here for more weird humor.

Tumblr Done Me In

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 02:38:00 +0000

Class: I know I've been absent for a long, long time.

BUT this time I have a valid excuse! Ya see, I've re-invented myself on Tumblr.

Oh sure, I've had OTHER Tumblrs, but not one which is expressly suited for my weird sense of blondalicious humor like my new one: Booyah.

Now you no longer have to pine for me! You can find me every day with silly, stupid, weird, outrageous, awesome posts! Some of it is my own, but most of it is discovered and reblogged.

Now you can discover how truly WEIRD & FABULOUS your blondalicious blog teacher is!

So if you've ever had a sleepless night thinking about your blondalicious blogging teacher, go to Booyah and laugh a little or a lot with me. You can even ask me a question (if you also have a tumblr and follow me), and possibly--but not probably--I might reply.

And not to worry--I'm keeping this blog for that rare occasion when I actually want to use those archaic things called words.

Three Thanksgiving Dreams

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Sat, 20 Nov 2010 21:23:00 +0000

Class: I decided it's TIME to check-in. I have Three Thanksgiving Dreams to share with you.

I'm still rocking it, and every now and then I peek-in on you. Yes, I EVEN read your posts. Not everyday--but every now and then when I need a good laugh. You're good, so good. You make me proud!

Feeling less abandoned? There...there! I'll always return to you, my naughty students.

Since the holiday of gratitude is nearly here, it feels appropriate to show up and post.

However, my desire is to whine and complain.

Seriously--don't you want to bitch a little too? Must we follow protocol and eat turkey & dressing with cranberry sauce and be such Good Little Bloggers?

Nah! Not us! Not my followers and readers! We're a bit different, eh?!

If you're like me, you've either got family or extended family/friends going through some hard times right now. Or maybe you're experiencing your own challenges?

If you're like me, you might feel like kicking a little a**.

If you're like me, you want the crazy to go away--for good! Or at least for 1,000 years.

If you're like me, you wanna order "snickers with hot fudge gravy". Just for the hell of it.

Amongst many subjects which are troubling/irritating/surreal/disgusting/bizarre/infuriating:

TSA...banks...money...cholera...bullies...foreclosures...poverty...famine...wars
...and last but not least, Dancing With The Stars! I mean...seriously!!!! WTF!

Thanksgiving is *supposed* to be a time for counting our blessings and feeling gratitude, right?

Yes, I feel grateful as I'm healthy, fabulous, gorgeous, sexy, rich, generous, kind, loving, blah blah blah. No, I don't feel grateful for the misfortunes of others and the state of the world. Since we're all ultimately connected as the Internets have so clearly confirmed, how can I be happy when there's so many desperate, disowned and discouraged people?!

What can bloggers do besides sign online petitions, vent, disclose, donate and whistleblow?

If we bloggers are indeed the agents of change we imagine ourselves to be, isn't there something more we can do? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.

Oh yeh, I forget. Most of my readers don't comment. Instead, my devoted students email me because they don't want their names to show up on my blog. *Fear* Heh heh. I get it.

Nevermind.

Back to the topic at hand...

My Thanksgiving Dream is for everyone to have their own Oprah Santa.

My Thanksgiving Dream is for all to be free, be fed, be loved, & be fully, outrageously ALIVE!

My Thanksgiving Dream is for celebrations to spread across the lands as we Break On Through To The Other Side and Remember Who We Truly Are.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Oh, and don't forget:

Free Report: The BIG Solution to All Your Problems

Just kidding...

Things I Just KNOW

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 00:37:00 +0000

Class, I've been thinking lately. Sometimes that's what I do: think. Amazing, eh?

And since I've been thinking, here some of my rambling thoughts. I'm calling this subject: Things I Just Know.

Pertinent to this 'knowing', here are a couple of things I just KNOW about how this blog, Blog-Blond, is perceived:

1. Disappointment

People surf here most likely thinking they've discovered a s/m blog or a sex blog--they're mystified to discover a humor/satire blog which gives useful blog tips! They read on, and they scratch their heads, and they leave thinking WTF. (I love this part...really I do--lure them in with a sexy header, tease them, and then teach them something! Snap!)

2. Curiosity

Who's this blond babe with the weird sense of humor and celebrity friends? Is she really a blog teacher? What are her credentials? Does her Uncle Vinnie make house calls? Why does she post so infrequently? Is she truly back from the dead?

3. Bewilderment

What kind of blog is this?!

Answer: a humor blog! Most often there is included one or more HOT BLOG TIPS.

And I can't blame people for being confused about this blog, my postings and/or me, the blondalicious one, because this blog and me are a mass of contradictions:

Surly....yet friendly

Ambitious.... yet lazy

Naughty... yet conservative

Eager to teach...yet cranky

Creative...yet redundant

Brilliant... yet lame

Controlling ....yet allowing

Easily bored....yet patient

Wise....yet surprisingly dumb sometimes

Freaky. Snarky but sweet. Earthy... Petulant.... One of these is true. Your call.

Gentle with critters but savage with egos.

Blogs whenever she feels like it...usually around a New or Full Moon.

I might not be such a slacker blogger were a sponsor/publisher appear on my doorstep come to woo me with a movie/book deal, but alas, none of these has happened. Yet.

Speaking of offers, I was approached by a producer recently who had read my posts and thought I'd be a great candidate for his upcoming reality show, but I JUST KNOW this wouldn't work. I like total control/domination, and unless it was MY production, fuhgeddaboudit!

With that said, are ya ready for your HOT JUICY BLOG TIP?

Because here it comes for those looking for links...

These folks emailed me: Perhaps you may wish to check them out: Linknami

My second blog tip:

Luck is 90 % perspiration and 10 % grace. And yes, I stole that from someone. So if ya wanna be successful online, work it baby!

My third tip: Remember to floss. I like strong teeth.

Three ReasonsTo Return From The Blog Graveyard

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 22:48:00 +0000

Class: After many pleading emails from you, I've decided to make a brief appearance and give you one hot blog tip. Yes, I'm posting again, but with much sadness!

Ya see, many of my favorite blogs have disappeared off the map! Like your blondalicious teacher (who nearly vanished herself!), many of my favorite blogs have returned to the great Blog Graveyard in cyberspace.

When I was updating my funny blogs Squidoo lens recently, I was shocked and dismayed to discover many missing blogs. Melancholia swept over me. Where did the bloggers go who used to make me laugh or sneer or cringe or....?

Some of these bloggers may now be flipping burgers...or even worse, they may be writing screenplays in Hollywood. Putain! (I feel safe using this last expletive since most of you don't read French and most people don't read my blog anymore either!)

Then I remembered I hadn't updated Blog-Blond since August, and I was one of the M.I.A.! Where had the time gone??? I haven't been flipping or slaving for the man. What was my alibi? Gasp! I too was in the Blog Graveyard!

And did I desire to return From The Blog Graveyard????? Did I have anything more to teach you--my deliciously naughty students?

It was this last question which brings me to post here today. I can't fit everything into my *much different* Twitter, Facebook, Plurk and Squidoo pages. This is why blogs are still valuable: I can ramble on for as long as I wish and BE the blondalicious Blog-Blond!

If I wish to rant, teach, seduce, beguile, or tease you, I need a blog! This is my reason NUMERO UNO to return and post.

My Reason Number Two: I've many slavish fans who depend upon my preposterous, retarded humor to make them laugh. No other blond will do OR so they say. (A Tiger story if there ever was one!) In these harsh times, any laugh is worth it's weight in gold.

My Reason Number Three is to instruct you. I've learned a thing or two in the years I've been online, and why not share my knowledge?

With Number Three in mind, here's my Hot Blog Tip of the Year: sign up for Nutshell Mail if you're on Twitter, Facebook, or MySpace.

Nutshell Mail will save you loads of time dealing with some of the nut cases you'll meet, especially the ones who follow you with the intention of dumping/unfollowing you to build up their numbers.

Nutshell Mail gives you the lowdown several times a day direct to your email about who your new followers and unfollowers are. It gives me great satisfaction to return the favor asap to the unfollowers. Here's what N.M. says about the 'WHY' on their homepage: "The busy social networker who doesn't have time to hang out online all day."

Does that sound like you? The busy social networker? Yep, thought so! Me too! That's why N.M. has been such a Goddess-Send!

To summarize: you'll see me again....read my posts again...not to worry. I love sharing hot blog tips! I love Retro! I love you!

Ciao!

What I Did This Summer

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 23:41:00 +0000

Class, I'm interviewing myself about what I did this summer since I'll ask much juicier questions. Finally, you'll know!

Listen Up and read up on what your scandalous, blondalicious teacher REALLY did this summer!

FYI: Blog-Blond is a HUMOR blog disguised as a blog school for those who just surfed here. If my answers are too much for you to handle, remember this important detail. That's all. Grow up.

You just got back from vacation? Where were you?

Paris of course! I always run to Paris when I have a hot, new lover as this is THE best city for folly and fooling around. Then we moved on to Ibiza for even more folly.

What else have you been up to this summer?

I just completed my second Squidoo lens about fashion and style. I call it "Best Fashion and Style Photo Blogs."

When I was super young, I modeled...so I know the fashion world well. I still like to keep up with fashion. Many of my dearest friends swim in this exciting, shark- infested world.

Many people don't get fashion--they judge fashion as superficial. But this is a deception.

Fashion and style mafias rule the world, dontcha know? Most people are ill informed on this subject, and they think oil and big pharma rule. They're sadly mistaken...the biggest wars are Image Wars.

My walk-in closet is very well-organized, and I've got a great collection of hand bags from around the world. They're my main collectible. Most of these have been gifted to me, and some are one of a kind.

I also spent time on roller coasters. Roller coasters are a lot like my blogging habit: up and down and around and guaranteed to get my heart racing when I finally sit down to write/embellish/lie/bs/fib.

What do you like to do to unwind?

I cook up a storm. My stove has had it though, and I'm eagerly awaiting the arrival of a new one I ordered which has an easy-clean bottom so that when something flops when it shouldn't flop, I won't have to clean up the mess around the coils. This easy cleaning feature was the deal breaker. My dishes have been known to flop like my jokes. Just kidding. Ok...no, I'm not.

Do you enjoy twittering?

Absolutely NOT-- Twitter has been taken-over by spammers and celebrities and quotation freak-a-zoids. I include myself in this last category because quotes are easy and friendly. (I'm quite sure I'm offending my twits as I write this, but REMEMBER this is a humor blog!) In truth, I've met some awesome twits through Twitter, and I'm extremely grateful for Twitter. Does this last sentence read *nicer*? Ha!

I see you've hooked up your Stumbleupon and Friendfeed account to Twitter.

This is a huge time-saver for me. Now I can keep my Twitter frequently updated. I advise all lazy or busy twits to do the same. See, I just gave you a hot twitter tip!

Do you have anything else useful to share?

Life is short. Live in the Now! Laugh often. Be kind. Dance and sing and play and don't take everything so seriously.

For my fellow ministers/fans/stalkers, I found an image just for you:

This post will go on "Humor-blogs.com".

How To Do Blogs Right

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 18:54:00 +0000

Yes, Class, it's ME, the notorious Blog-Blond, your very own blondalicious blog teacher returned from her travels! I'm sure you're weary of hearing alibis for my absence here, so I'll spare you by not giving any. I'll let the caption above speak for me!

My topic today is How To Do Blogs Right.

Rather than blather on about how wrong & boring & stupid & insipid & copycat & sloppy many blogs are, I've decided to focus on blogs that are doing it right!

In forthcoming posts I'll give examples of blogs which are doing it RIGHT and grade them, and thus, *perhaps* you'll learn! (Yes, I know, Blog-Blond could use a make-over too, so don't even go there with me! All in due time. Patience, my little ones. Patience!)

The first blog I've selected for you to examine is Garance Dore.

Now this may sound like a strange name to some of ya, but that's because it's French. I don't know these folks, so there's zero kick back! Sheesh! What kind of teacher do you think I am? I'm certainly not one of those money-grubbing ones who'll try and sell ya an e-book full of garbage for $19.95! I'm more like your secret addiction. Yeh, that's it! I know!

Here's 10 reasons why your blondalicious teacher gives Garance Dore an A+

You can read the blog in BOTH French and English.
The layout is clean & crisp with lots of white space.
The date is easy to see at the top.
The photos are BIG.
It's simple and easy to read. The categories are listed at the top and easy to find.
The author's writing style reeks of personality, exuberance, and authenticity.
Need I add: this blog is stylish!
There are zero typos and/or obvious mistakes.
The advertising by Vogue is subtle and non-intrusive.
The latest tweet is on the sidebar.

I'm adding this to the one and only "Humor Blogs".

Twit Wit

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 01:02:00 +0000

Class: I'm sure you're aware many celebrities and personalities use Twitter. I have several twitter accounts--one which is highly classified and secret--the one I use with my celeb buds.

Here's a sampling of your sassy blondalicious teacher's DM's:

THE_REAL_SHAQ It's proper etiquette to leave flip flops outside, esp. size 24's!

Wossy Couldn't make lunch. It feels undignified to explain.

richardbranson Not upset because your swan chased me. Birds like me.

TheEllenShow Enjoyed the rabbit pupus. You're kidding, right?

aplusk Loose the hats. Tell Brad 2

stephenfry Luv my Louboutins--u can borrow

jamie_oliver Tempura pickle? Oh hell no!

jimmyfallon Appreciate ur invite. Letting you simmer first

lady gaga Designed something for ya--don't know if squirrels will like

perezhilton Save frills for TMZ

iamdiddy Dined at Nobu w snoop--don't ask.

MCHammer Want the extension cords back asap. Change it up.

This post goes on "Humor-Blogs.com".

Confused About Social Networking?

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 20:38:00 +0000

Class, this is another one of my famous quickie posts. I wanted to add my two cents to the current debate about social networking, the pros and cons. There have been many blog posts written on this subject matter in recent months since the mad growth of Facebook and Twitter.

If you're questioning whether to jump into social networking, here are my hot social networking tips:

1. You don't need to spend hours and hours on end at these locations. Stick your big toe in the social networking waters and explore little by little. Pick one and begin from there. If you don't like it, pick another. There are plenty to choose from, and each has their own advantages and lures. My inner teenager likes Plurk because of the funny icons and the abundance of Second Lifers using this site.

Your blondalicious teacher doesn't let her precious time get sucked by these sites and doesn't respond to EVERY game, suggestion, invitation, response, or seductive trick. Be selective, discerning, and monitor your time.

Of course, your blondalicious teacher floats everywhere, but that's just me: curious and insatiable.

2. Email isn't where the action is these days. Read Write Web posted the latest research about this subject titled, "Social Networking Now More Popular Than Email, Report Finds." So if you really wanna find out what's going on and get off the bench, social networking is the place to hang.

3. You're zero obliged to give your legitimate name. Use a handle as do many wise ones. When you're running around the Big Wide World of Social Networks, handles are far bettah because you'll encounter everything under the sun and then some on these social networks. Once again, be discerning, cautious, and street smart.

Five Silly Twitter Games

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 21:05:00 +0000

Class, I'm here today to speak about Twitter once again. Twitter has become a huge playground as it's become more known to the mainstream. And like all playgrounds, it has attracted it's gamers, bullies, charlatans, and trouble-makers.

I'm going to share some of the *games* currently popular on Twitter. Perhaps you've experienced them as well if you're on Twitter?

I call these games by the catchall name: Cat and Mouse.

Here's five common games I've encountered:

1. Twits follow and unfollow you many times so they will rise to the top of your follow list and be more visible. The strategy is so others will see them and hopefully follow them. So far I've not blocked any of these tricksters because I wanted to experience how many times a day they perform this move. Eventually, I will block them. BUT I'm curious to see which one has the most follow/unfollow score prior to my doing so.

I won't name the winner, but since I've been observing this strange bot or person or weirdo's game, the winner over the course of a week has followed/unfollowed me 12 times!

Their names and details have been turned over to Uncle Vinnie and his fellahs.

2. Another game is to follow and then immediately block you. This type of gamer has a weird avatar and don't attract many followers for the above reason. Their days are numbered for eventually the Twitter Gods will kick them out, or Uncle Vinnie will pay them a call.

3. A hugely popular Twitter game is to mass follow other people, and then as soon as a twit reaches their 2,000 follower limit, they pause. Once they have enough followers to follow them back, they unfollow all or most of the original followers, and once again repeat the process. This is how they build their twitter follower numbers. They're hoping that their unfollow hasn't been noticed, and frequently the unfollow has been overlooked since people are so very busy these days. These twits names have been dutifully noted as well and turned over to Uncle Vinnie who has his ways.

4. The DM marketing game is huge. If you don't respond to their DM marketing, gifts, invitations to visit their blog and appeals to make money with them, these pests unfollow/drop ya within the week. These folks are strictly working the numbers and are a scourge. Their pushy marketing and desperation won't serve them. Maybe in the year 2012, they'll catch on.

5. By far the most annoying game of all is the one where a twit really wants to catch your attention and flirt, and thus, such twits ask the stupidest, lamest questions in a DM or reply. Since I'm a tough, take-no-prisoners blondalicious diva, I do what I do best: sip more Cristal, roll-over in bed, ignore them and LAUGH!

This post will go up on "Humor-blogs.com".

Five Things You SHOULD Know

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 01:29:00 +0000

Class, there are *things* you SHOULD know about the online world. Since some of my naughty students are suckered by tricks, cons and scams, I felt it prudent to remind you:

1. If something is too good to be true, then it generally IS! Trust this rule. For example, if someone tries to convince you that you'll make a pile of monies from blogging, don't buy it. This is one of the biggest come-on's newbies fall for. Maybe if you live til your 100's and work your a** off, you might make some chump change.

2. If someone sends you a link, consider the source. Do you know the blogger or person sending you the link, and are they computer savvy? Are they passing something on to you which you'd rather not have? I make it a practice to open very few forwards or links.

4. There's no such thing as a free lunch. If you're aiming for online success, there are two choices of words: Work! OR Delegate. I prefer to delegate. Study the work of Timothy Ferris and read his book "The 4-Hour Workweek". Semi-retire. Life is short. Simplify.

5. And last but not least, don't put all your eggs in one basket! This cliche is apt in regards to your online presence. Spread out. Use the same avatar. Brand yourself. Don't make enemies because the online global community is much smaller than you can even imagine and growing smaller all the time. Think 'three degrees' of separation!

This is going up on "Humor-blogs.com" even though it's not funny. This post was too much work to be funny.

My Top Five Twitter Turn-Ons

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 23:04:00 +0000

Class, one of my brightest students, Sueblimely, asked about my Top Five Twitter Turn-On's, and thus, I feel obliged to post these turn-on's. Of course, I'd rather be goofing off like always, but it only seems fair to write something positive to balance the negative tone of my last post, my Top Five Twitter Turn-Offs.

So Listen Up my naughty students and learn My Top Five Twitter Turn-On's:

1. My Number One Twitter Turn-On is: Twitter bios. I enjoy an enormous belly laugh every morning when I open my email to see who has followed me. The bios of many Twitter folk are so ridiculous I can't help but laugh. For example (and mind you I'm just making-up *some* of this, but not ALL of it): "I'm a former meth addict, transexual, priest, and bulimic blogger." Many such Twitter colorful characters make my day!

2. My Number Two Twitter Turn-On is: Fabulous New Acquaintances. I would never have met so many wonderful people in such a short period of time were it not for the Twitter introduction. The kindness, sweetness, and courtesies extended to me in replies have been heart-warming. Yeh, yeh...call me a sucka. Whatever. Kindness goes a long way with me. I appreciate everyone on Twitter who takes the time to either Retweet or respond.

3. My Number Three Twitter Turn-On is: Breaking News. News breaks faster on Twitter than on any other online media! If something BIG happens, post a twit--it will go viral. If I should need to post an important photo or break a story or resolve a problem, Twitter is a tool which is invaluable. This makes me feel somewhat *secure* in a strange kind of way. If the world is finally falling apart, those of us on Twitter will rapidly let each other know this valuable information, right?

4. My Number Four Twitter Turn-On is: Assessing The Zeitgeist. For those of you unfamiliar with the meaning of the word 'Zeigeist', here's the definition offered by Wikipedia, "The word zeitgeist describes the intellectual, cultural, ethical and political climate, ambiance and morals of an era or also a trend. In German, the word has more layers of meaning than the English translation, including the fact that Zeitgeist can only be observed for past events."

With millions of people using or reading Twitter, I'm able to tune into the Zeitgeist and see which way the wind is blowing--a handy-dandy tool.

5. My Number Five Twitter Turn-On is: Ease. Twitter is fast and easy, and blogging takes time and energy! With Twitter I'm zero worried if I make sense. I can quickly copy a quote from my files, post it, and then I'm on to my daily carousing. Or I can post one word if I choose to be cryptic. What's not to love about this???

This post is going on "Humor-blogs.com".

My Top Five Twitter Turn-Offs

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 02:58:00 +0000

Class: I know you must be wondering where I've been, and I could lie to you and tell you all sorts of b.s., but in truth, I've been studying the ins-and-outs of Twitter.

Since receiving funding last year, Twitter has rapidly grown in popularity, and now more and more followers are crowding my Inbox every day! I'm terrified to open my email now because it's clogged with Twitter followers. The munchkins of the world are now twittering away.

What's going on is a massive mainstream awareness of Twitter, and so non-techies, marketers, hustlers, and freaks of every shape are jumping onboard. Some of these new Twitter folk don't even make a post before they begin adding hundreds of people--a complete no-no in my book!

Listen Up to read My Top Five Twitter Turn-Offs, and puhhlease don't make these mistakes!

1. Do NOT DM me with a link to a freebie 'anything', gift, or course. Don't DM me to plug yourself or your company. GROAN! Unless I know you, I'll delete your DM in a NY City second. Just because I accepted you as a friend and followed you back doesn't give you the right to annoy me and tell me how effing great you are.

2. Do NOT follow me, and then after I've followed you back, you then unfollow me for I'll track your rotten a** down and immediately unfollow you. You'll have accomplished nothing with your stupid little gaming. I have a LONG memory, and I'll block ya. Ya better believe it.

3. Do NOT DM me a message to follow you on Facebook and then NOT follow me on Twitter. What kind of fool are you? Your ego needs a shrink wash, and I'm the gal to crack the whip!

4. Do NOT reply to me with stupid pick-up lines such as, for example, this one: "Tell me all about yourself. I can't wait to get to know you." Barf me out. Like I'm gonna spill the beans to a total stranger in 160 characters.

5. Do NOT leave your face off your profile. I wanna see you. If you've not even taken the time to fill out your profile with a fake face, I'm totally uninterested. Besides, you're probably a scammer.

Actually I have MORE than five turn-offs, but I'll get around to them later. Now I'm sliding into the jacuzzi with my glass of Cristal to completely forget about Twitter turn-offs. I'd rather be turned on!

And after having said all this, if you behave, you can follow me on Twitter! Hah!

This will be going up on "Humor-blogs.com".

Merry Christmas from Blog-Blond

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 19:12:00 +0000

Class: Thank you for continuing to stalk me & show-up for class, even though I've been taking a long, long sabbatical. You're the best *naughty* students a teacher could ever wish for!

As you've probably figured out by now, I'm enjoying my freedom from the obligation of blogging, even though those dratted microblogs do catch my attention and energy! Twitter, Plurk, and Identi.ca are the places to hang out these days. Facebook has also lured me in to it's diabolical clutches, and every day I find a new friend wanting to befriend me.

I cherish my friends and followers. They're a whole lot more reliable than commenters, especially the lack-luster commenters on this blog. When I reply to someone on Twitter, Plurk, or Facebook, they get right back to me! 'Responsive' rates high in my book!

Here's my tip for today since I'm already here: sign up for Google's alert which notifies you when people are talking about you or what lists you may be on or anything whatsoever referencing you. Google is the sharpest spy in the world. This notification notice comes to your email once a day, and signing-up is one of the best moves I made this year.

I've made a few good moves and many mistakes this year, but what else is new?! I'm still alive and kickin'.

Next year I'll go to the age-old formula of t & a for this blog because that is what sells, right? Hah! I can just see some of your expressions through the computer. Just kidding! *maybe*

How about you? What have you learned about blogging this year? If you don't comment here, I'm sure you'll get back to me on Twitter or Facebook, right?

This post will go up on "Humor-blogs.com".

Blondie Bails On Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 00:16:00 +0000

Class, I'm flabbergasted. It seems my substitute teacher Blondie has become a SUPERSTAR, and when I left a message on her answering machine inquiring why she had neglected last week's post, she texted me she was 2 bzy.

BUT she promised me she would return next week to give ya some hot blog tips. I know she's good for it because I have 'something' on her which I might possibly leak to Buzzfeed.

In the meantime, someone sent me a photo of Blondie on a t-shirt. Apparently Blondie is HOT HOT HOT , and all the Hollywood babes are wearing her likeness on a t-shirt!So once again, your blondalicious teacher has to step up to the plate and deliver the goods when she'd rather be lazing around. I have ONLY one blog tip this week, so Listen Up!

Line up more than ONE substitute blogger to post for you. Have a couple of back-ups because once a blogger becomes famous, they'd rather twitter or plurk or text or hawk t-shirts to the rich and famous or show up at clubs or host Extra.

Maybe this Blog-Blond blog is a fast-track to superstardom? And so I'm putting it out to those who would like to guest-post, email me.

Who knows--maybe your mug will be the next hot one?!

This is going up on "Humor-Blogs.com".

Meet Your Substitute Blog Teacher

noreply@blogger.com (kuanyin333) — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 04:10:00 +0000

Class, I'm sure you must have noticed I've not shown up to post for some time now, and truth be told, I've grown weary of posting and need a break. I've come up with a solution for my boredom and laziness. I've hired a substitute blog teacher to come in once a week and post sizzling hot blogging tips for your edification.

No, she's not as HOT as your blondalicious teacher, but believe me, she's spicy and spunky, and I think you'll like her style. Her name is Blondie, the Badass Blogger. And she'll kick your b*** if you get outta line with her. She's been a teacher for many years, and she knows how to deal with naughty students! I filmed her brief introduction, and she made me film it over and over and over. Man, is she a demanding teacher!

So without further ado, I give you BLONDIE!