Recently, I was having a discussion with a new acquaintance. I was sharing with her a presentation I had just completed. In the presentation, I was talking about how I remembered going out for the baseball team when I was a kid, I was not very talented. But I had an ace in the hole. The coach guaranteed me a spot on the team. Back in the day, that was unheard of….. Today, it’s not farfetched. I really didn’t deserve to make that team.

A few years later, I tried out for the freshman basketball team. I worked hard, but in the end I got cut. It was a huge disappointment. So, I figured that if I worked harder, maybe just maybe I could make the sophomore team. And at the end of the day, I did make the team. It was a great day for me… and a huge lesson emerged as a result.

I was guaranteed a spot on the team…… but I didn’t pay attention to the fact that I wasn’t good enough, and I missed the lesson. Work hard, achieve and your success will be yours. Had someone cared enough to be honest and not submit to such a breach of trust? I may have learned the lesson sooner. However I wasn’t paying attention. I only cared that I made the team.

Life is often like a dot to dot picture. We find something to focus on. We have a starting point and we focus on the dots. (Each one a end result to an experience in our life) But that’s only part of the experience. In most dot to dot pictures, there were lines, eyes, texture that brought the picture to life. Just like in life, we move from experience to experience…. but did you pay attention to the lesson? Did you recognize it? Did we fully experience the texture and intricacies of the lesson? Were you able to pull apart the various strands of the experience so that you could fully appreciate the lesson? Did you read between the lines?
When you pay attention to the lessons and the event, its then that you can fully embrace the complete picture of your life!
икони

Something that I have wanted to be better at …. To speak my mind effectively, in such a way that I could cause others to understand my wants, needs and boundaries in a persuasive way. And yet in a non threatening way. It’s been a struggle for some time for me to be able to effectively do that. There have been times when I was better at it.

As I turn the last corner toward my destination, I passed a bus stop bench. I noticed a guy sitting there on the bench. And quite honestly, he was not just sitting there. I could see that he was angry, and speaking …. Loudly, most likely toward the street. Literally speaking to no one other than himself.
As I contemplated what I saw, there was a time prior to my starting my journey in personal growth that I would think such a thing to be quite strange. However, these days I find myself talking to myself often….. And yes, answering myself too! I think I do that so I don’t have to think as much
.
I let it go after that, focusing on my Toastmaster meeting. When I walked into the meeting I had the Toastmaster come to me and tell me that they had decided to change my duty for the meeting. I was a bit dismayed because I prepared for my role and wasn’t called prior to the meeting. I felt I should have been. And within a minute or so of open discussion, two other members joined in. And I felt as though this had escalated a bit more than it should have. But then again, I didn’t communicate my circumstance in an effective, persuasive way.
What came next, ties this all together. The meeting was completed. All is well….. Except, I was starting to feel like the guy I saw on bus bench prior to the meeting. I was frustrated, and felt like I wasn’t heard. Nor did I feel as though we had reached a resolution that I could feel comfortable with. It didn’t feel like win /win at all.
I go to pay for my breakfast. Hand my bill to the hostess. And suddenly as I am standing there waiting for my Credit Card. My hearing picked up on the song on the stereo system. It all came together at that point what the message and the lesson was for me. I heard at that moment the words “Say what you need to say, Say what you need to say”

OK , so now I am clearly in the middle of lesson and a gift at the same time. I stayed with it all day. Had a conversation with friend. I came to a conclusion. What I needed from this lesson was that when I need to say something, then I certainly need to say it. But the real lesson appeared to be considering how to say what I need to say so that I create a win/win situation. Which is in alignment with who I want to always be.

Saying what I need to say and staying in integrity with myself.
Had I not been paying attention to my surroundings I may have missed it. And knowing that I can’t pay attention to my surrounding if I am paying attention to my ego instead. I grateful for the gifts that were given to me! ~peace~
Подаръцивик услугиСувенириИдея за подаръкИкони

A few days ago, I’m pulling into the parking lot. My appointed destination…. Einstein’s Bagels. I am there to meet a friend for coffee. It was a business appointment of sorts. As I was pulling in, I noticed a woman approaching a man. I could see from a distance him handing her something. I had concluded that she was asking for money or some other sort of assistance.

As I parked my car, I was noticing how I was feeling uncomfortable about the possibility that this woman would approach me. However, in this instance … the discomfort was more about the fact that I did not want to be approached. This is different for me … completely different from how I usually react or feel about someone asking me for money or help.
So there I was, sitting in my car….. And attempting to understand why I didn’t want to be approached today. It’s almost Christmas…. And I wasn’t in a real giving mood at the moment. That’s not a good thing for me. So the discomfort continued for those reasons.

I stepped out of the car, and before I could appear from between the cars. There she was. I listened as she explained to me that she needed some money to take her sick son to the doctor, and she needed enough for two bus passes. I pulled my wallet out and handed her the amount that she said she needed. I noticed again, that I was handing her the money reluctantly. Again…. What’s up with that?
I went inside and waited for my appointment. A few minutes had passed. I looked out the window and noticed that the woman was still approaching other people in the parking lot. I was annoyed again. I was feeling like I was lied to, and taken advantage of. So, as I am waiting for my appointment …. I am vacillating back and forth. Being upset, not being upset.
But then I remembered something that is usually always in my mind when I am approached by those that would ask for money from me. It was explained to me this way from a friend.
When someone comes to you to ask for money or help it is a gift from God. Unconditional giving is meant to give without condition….. ANY condition. The fact that they may has not been truthful with you, or may go off and buy drugs or alcohol…… that is between them and God. I had to embrace that at that moment as a reminder to give unconditionally or don’t give at all.
It’s Christmas….. Give unconditionally… chances are it’s you that receives the gift!

Merry Christmas!
Идея за подарък

That is great to hear!! I am good….. What’s shaking in your world?

Love being married to such a wonderful Southern gentleman! My daughter is in the Army now!!!

Wow !!! Congratulations …

Coming home to her dad’s in AZ this Sunday. Then here to New Orleans from the 29th thru 1/3/11!
Thanks Tim!

I am glad that things are working out for you!!

I want you to know how much you influenced my life, being my microleader!
YOU ROCK!!!
Thank you Tim!

Wow, you have no idea how much I needed to hear that today! Thank you

Any time Tim!!!! You and PSI has supported me tremendously in improving my life and I AM very grateful to all involved!!!

Gotta go! Love ya!

I sat their staring at the screen, my eyes beginning to well up with tears. Mostly because I was able to make a difference for someone else…. Yes, my passion.
But was completely in awe of the power of God and miracles. I asked for a sign and he presented me with one. At that moment, I knew for certain that I was living my purpose.
I let go of what I thought I should do, I surrendered to something bigger than me, to find my answers. It has now been demonstrated to me first hand, that I don’t have to have all the answers, and that’s OK. I don’t have to stop moving forward if I need help. I can surrender to my circumstances and ask for help. In this case it was God. But certainly it can be someone else that may be able to help me along the way to help keep me going, so I can fulfill my vision. I can now look to something bigger than me for support.
That could look as simple as someone having information or knowledge that I may not have. And not being afraid to ask.
Don’t lose sight of your vision, your purpose because you might not know how to get there….. Be humble and ask for support!!

Be well!

I recently decided to take a long journey home. Back to my home town. Back to my youth. What made it so long was I had an opportunity to reflect on some fond memories as a drove up Hwy 99 focused squarely on my earlier life. They were my formative years.
A friend that was my classmate in high school was having a ceremony to honor her son. The ultimate sacrifice was made by this young man and his family for all of us. A son of Brian and Glenda Hyde. A son of Modesto, Ca. But also a son of Thomas Downey High School. I was honored to be there to honor him.

I was attending the first home football game of the season. I would see many old friends. Strangely enough though … to my surprise I also had an opportunity to spend some time with a mentor from my high school days. And one of my coaches too!

As I parked my car in the parking lot, I felt like I had come home. I felt loved, cared about, nurtured, empowered, Strong, purposeful and most of all fiercely proud. Along with me that night was my friend Albert. Albert and I are best friends and have been since 8th grade. So, to add to all of these feelings, I also felt many blessings for my friend Albert as well as this moment in time that would allow me to reconnect with so many great experiences while I was a student at Downey.
As we walked up to parking lot to the ticket booth, I reminded Albert about the time that he along with some other hooligans and I were in the alley next to the football field, and started flinging garbage cans around and making all kinds of noise. Sorry Claire!!!

It just so happened that same night, a bunch of tires in the faculty parking lot got slashed. Yes, we were questioned about that from the Dean of Boys, as well. I know I got punished for it, but I honestly don’t recall what it was. I always remembered focusing on what I did wrong, and not the punishment.

Or the time, that I was hanging out with some guys in the hall. A guy walked by that I had been occasionally giving a hard time. He would usually take it …. But this time he didn’t. Since I was with some buddies, and I was mouthing off thinking I was a big shot, I now was going to have to go outside and fight this guy. I am thinking to myself the whole time I am walking … “this is stupid, but I can’t not fight the guy now, what will my friends say about me?” Pretty dumb, huh? It lasted about 2 minutes, he popped me in the eye. And that was it…. Done. At least I didn’t look bad to my friends, right?
We paid our money, walked in the stadium… Appropriately named Chuck Hughes Stadium for a great coach at Downey that I had the honor to experience while I was there. I looked around the stadium, it brought back fond memories… funny memories…. Dumb stuff too! Sneaking in the game without paying. Sliding down the “D” in the front of bleachers… but only as a freshman! Swear.

There were some highs for me in school. Running for sophomore president. Running for Downey Knight. Those were both an act of bravery on my part. I wanted to step up in my life, and I did. It wasn’t really about winning. I was really feeling like I was enough, I had reached a new level of confidence it my young life. The biggest high, was not making the freshman basketball team. I got cut. I was asked if I wanted to be a manager for the freshman team. I wasn’t sure I wanted too, my ego was hurt. It could have been humiliating for me. What about my pride. I decided to do it. I wanted to be a part of the team in some capacity. Anytime I had a chance to play basketball, shoot baskets or any other related basketball activity…. I did it. Being a manager kept me around the game. The following year….. After working really hard… I made the sophomore basketball team! A huge victory for me personally. And with all honesty I look upon that one episode often as a means of helping me get unstuck in my life.. even today. What was it about that event that I can learn from ….. what circumstances were present . I overcame a defeat and turned it into a win for me. I can use that information even today. How did I do it then? If I did it then… I can do it now!

I thought about the loss of a class mate, who died unexpectedly for what amounted to minor surgery. It was one of my earliest memories of having someone that I knew personally die. As a school, we grieved together, we pulled ourselves up and moved forward. Never losing the memory of our dear friend.

I’ve had someone spit in my face. Call me names. Coaches cut me from teams, that I thought I should have made. I had crushes on girls in school that I never acted on. Got the brush off, Felt alone, had great grades that I deserved, and got bad grades that I did and didn’t deserve.
Rejected by girls often. Threatened to get my ass kicked. Tried to be cool and failed, and tried to fail when it was cool … or at least I thought so at the time.

And in the end ….. what I learned from high school……. I learned about life. I learned that sometimes life punches you in the gut, but you gotta get up. I learned that if you want something important, you have to give an effort… your best effort. I learned that being popular is only going to get you so far. Your character will get you farther. With life comes death. We are all going to die someday. Cherish the memories, tomorrow will be here before you know it.

But most of all ……. Love your school ….. Why? Because, it’s your mentor, your coach and your friend.

It will guide you to be the best you can be if you are listening. It will give you the lessons you need when you need them. And though it may seem like it let you down …. It always finds a way of reminding you why you love it so dearly. And it never asks for anything in return…… Just love it !

God Bless you Thomas Downey High…. My mentor, my coach ……my friend.
икони

My brother is placing dollars into his safe in our bedroom. Yes, a safe. Why, you ask …. So his little brother…. Me…. Wouldn’t steal it. Seemed to me that maybe stealing it was easier than figuring out how to make it……

Have you read the book Rich Dad, Poor Dad? A book by Robert Kiyosoki . The basis of this book is how a young Robert learned about money and wealth from the examples of his own father. A hard working man. And his friends dad. And the differences that led him to understand how to respect money and understand the thought processes associated with wealth.

I suspect that many of us have similar stories. I have a story in that regard. What I learned about money, and how it shaped me and my beliefs.

My earliest memories of wealth and wealth consciousness was receiving a birthday card from my two aunts. It was one of those birthday cards that had slots in them, so you could place the pennies, nickels and dimes into the slots. The idea was to place the equivalent of a roll of coins into the card. I always got excited for my birthday. It was how I received money. I didn’t do chores, and there was no allowance in my house. Not sure if that would have made any difference. However, I always made a pitch for such a plan! I wasn’t able to make the sale. Remember those words.

I used to watch my brother, as he spent time with his grandfather. Yes we are actually step brothers, which as the yarn of this story unrolls, you will understand ever more clearly how our relationship with money and wealth evolves. Yours and mine.

My brother’s Grandfather was a very successful man in business. Saved money, made money. Respected money. Saw the value of money. Again we will get back to that.

I watched as we grew up , my brother….. making money… working hard, being of service, saving money. He had ambition to succeed. I watched this with envy as he would come home and place the money that he had made that day in his safe. I would only see this end result. He on the other hand experienced finding the jobs, working on the jobs, finishing the jobs, collecting his pay for his service to the customer. Those steps I never experienced. My impression was that money doesn’t require anything more than asking for it.

My experience on the other hand…. was to watch my dad leave the house to work. When things got difficult financially, he would get stressed. My mom would get stressed. This caused many fights between my mom and dad. So, money was causing this ….. that was my perception. My dad couldn’t make my baseball games. He was working. He couldn’t spend time with me. He was working. My mom and dad’s relationship was suffering. He was working. My sister didn’t get time with Dad. He was working. My brother… he was out making money. He had a relationship … with wealth consciousness. He didn’t know it, but I am certain that at some point he understood it.
So, I decided at some point that making money was hard. My family will suffer, I will suffer. It’s just a necessary struggle.
My brother dated when he was older. I did not. My brother had a steady girlfriend. I did not. My brother had a car in high school. I did not. My brother had and kept jobs. I did not. Are you starting to get the idea? His relationship with money was a healthy one. Mine was not.
I also tied my self worth directly to the amount of income that I created in my life.

Earlier, I mentioned that we step brothers. That fact makes this story so critical to that understanding of the correlation with money and how we think about it. It’s really pretty simple. I didn’t have the same information that my brother did when it came to money and wealth. Not anyone’s fault ….. just the facts.
But what is also true it what I decided about the information that I had to work with. I took it for granted that was the way it was. Struggle, causes family strife, children get ignored, no love, just a pursuit of money. A staggering belief for any child, wouldn’t you agree? I could have asked my brother more about making money. As I got older, I did ask.

My brother is a wealthy man, retired with a nice severance package. Married for many years. Never divorced. Lives in a nice home. I understand that was not an accident that he created this wealth and abundance for himself and his family.

I spent much of my adult years searching for something that I couldn’t find. Why? For many years I didn’t really know what I was looking for. Drugs, Sex, Rock and roll. Just living.. really just existing.
Personal growth seminars and removing me from negative influences was where I was able to begin to understand the science of wealth consciousness. The spiritualism of the Law of Attraction. It was then that I started to get my answers. I finally was searching for something real in my life.

I now own a home. I work for myself. A huge leap mentally and emotionally. I still have that little issue with my self worth being tied to money, and the ability to create it. The good news is that I still have the opportunity to grow in my life. I would love to move past the self worth issue, and God willing I will do that. Another growth opportunity on the horizon when that one is completed.

I would ask you to take a look at your earliest recollections of events regarding your beliefs about money, and how it relates to your belief about you. You will be glad you did. These events have shaped you. And you have made decisions about you and those events. And they influence you today!

Oh, yes…. I was saving the best for last. Earlier I mentioned that I would get back to an earlier point. That point I made about me and my brother being step brothers. Yes, that is absolutely true. I watched my brother and his grandfather visit often, is also true. My brother learning from his grandfather about success and money may or may not be true. I have no idea. My brother has never shared that with me. Not that he didn’t want to…. I just never asked. The perceptions are strong, but the mentors are many.

Ask questions, learn about your relationship with money. No one will do it for you!
May abundance be yours always !!

икони

It wasn’t supposed to look that way ….. or at least that is what I told myself. Life was losing its color for me. The pressures at work, the pressure of being a father, by myself. Feeling like a failure to my broken marriage… STILL … 4 years after the marriage ended. I was dead inside. I wasn’t able to look inward for any strength. All emotional strength was gone. I felt like I was completely broken. With no means to fix my soul.
I stared out across the western sky ….. it was Fall, I do recall noticing a formation of geese in the distant sky. It was a bright spot in my otherwise dismal life. The sun setting ….. gracefully. Leaving a bit of color to rest my heart with. But only as a back drop for this wonderful portrait of life. The formation represented everything that was missing from my life … or so I thought. Togetherness, family, strength, support for each other, compassion, tenacity…. A purpose for the journey. Have you ever felt that way.

I didn’t know about the migratory habits of geese back then. It was years later now. I was living a much different life. Full of friends, family, love, togetherness, stronger emotionally, supportive and being supported, compassion … more than I could have ever imagined. Much different than that vision from my front door, so many years earlier.
My life was enriched and strengthened by my family and friends. I suppose I could have been left behind. Not cared about. Maybe everyone else didn’t like me. Let’s face it, when you’re doing drugs, and not taking good care of your daughter. People can make judgments about you. People can write you off. And some did….. but amazingly, not as many as I would have expected. How come? The lesson comes from our friends, the geese.

Honk, Honk, Honk … the geese fly across the sky with the pure intention of reaching their destination. South in the winter, and north in the summer…. Depending on where your reside. But the geese do it by instinct. There is no feeling, no reasoning; the geese do it because they are supposed to.
As they fly in “V” formation, the leading geese create lift for the geese behind them. To support another member of the team to reach its destination. And should a member of the team fall out of formation due to weakness of strength, injury, or sickness. Two other members of the team will fall out of formation to stay with the disabled member until it either gets well, or dies. And then they will rejoin the team when that time comes.

Anything jump out at you, like it did me? How many times have you been sick. Felt broken, Couldn’t go on. And someone lifted you up ….. became the wind beneath your wings. And you kept up, eventually finding yourself at the point of the “V”. And started living life again.
I am here today, because someone cared enough about me to not hold judgements, or exact revenge toward me because of what I did in the past. I would love to list all of them, but the list would be way too long.

Have you ever fell out of formation? Felt lost? Didn’t deserve to go on? Beaten down by circumstances? Suffered a great human loss in your life? And then your team … your friends, family, and work colleagues dropped out of formation to stay with you until you could get back into formation?

Here is what I find amazing and wonderful, geese just do it out of instinct….We as humans do it too. I think out of instinct as well. But we do it knowing that, even though we got burned at some point or trusted too much. Didn’t feel worthy to help out, or didn’t know how to help and support someone else. Or even had judgments against someone else for what they did that brought them to the circumstance that they are experiencing now. And they are asking for a second chance. Should we leave them behind?

I don’t have your answer for that, I only have mine. I only know this…. That I would not be here…. Breathing that is, had someone not cared enough for me. Made a phone call, stopped by my house to see how I was doing, stood up for me, defended me, stood beside me, not let me beat myself up, hugged me, saw me bigger than I saw myself ….. Or love me, just because we are all humans. They didn’t tell me they cared …. They took the time to SHOW me they cared. And so it goes…….This is a world that I want to live in

As I watched that clip…. Again!  I’ve seen this wonderful movie at least a dozen times. And every time I see witness this film, I seem to pull something new out of it. I would highly recommend anyone to check this movie out if you haven’t already. And if you have … then pull it out, and watch it again.  You will be glad you did!    I was reminded of a journey that I took years ago ….

This journey was very similar in its simplicity. Climbing a hill, but in this instance … I would be blindfolded with a large group of other likeminded people, who would also be a part of my journey, and I … a part of theirs.  Let me set the stage ……   We walked up to the staging area…. It was early, on a phenomenally beautiful October morning. The weather was cool, there was due on the grass.  You could smell the crisp, clean air as you inhaled deeply; the unknown caused a subtle anticipation in me as I stood in line with my group.

I was noticing how I was watching the other people lining up.  Some were excited, some seemed anxious as did I.  I began to wonder why I was feeling that way. I saw the blindfolds on the ground.     I knew I didn’t like the idea of not seeing where I was walking.  And here I was about to take some kind of journey … trip…. or some other kind of excursion.

We were to grab onto the belt loop of the person in front of us and walk forward.  As we moved forward, I remember reaching the base of the hill which I had seen in front of me before I place my blind fold on.

This was going to get interesting, I thought.  I hope these people know what they are doing … I kept thinking.  I could feel the woman behind me breathing on the back of my neck… for some reason it felt very comfortable to me. Knowing that someone else was sharing this journey with me.

I was guided to a rope and I grasped it and moved forward.    So, here I am walking up a hill… guided by a rope….. While I slowly ascended up this hill. I had no idea where I was going or where I might end up. But I surely was getting very uncomfortable.

My focus now… was clearly on the one element that would guide me to my predetermined destination.  The rope.    I climbed up, higher …and then higher still.    Uh oh….  A tree … what? A TREE!   Why in the world would someone put a tree in front of me?   OK, so now I’m getting confused.  I am feeling around and can’t feel the rope on the other side of the tree.    I am completely stopped now… and can sense that I am holding up the people behind me.  Now I am confused, not knowing what to do. Eventually, I did find the rope again and moved forward.

At one point I took a branch right in the crotch.   Another obstacle…. I moved on ….   At one point, I ran into a fork ….. In the rope (road) . I stopped again.   I was really confused …. I followed where I thought I should go.  Eventually, I got back on track…..But then a huge occurrence took place.   I found another tree…. This time I was unable to find the rope…. Now, I am thinking … is this a trick?  Did everyone else find the where the rope started again?  I am now feeling really stupid.   Let me remind you… I am now on a hill with a pretty steep incline at this point in my journey…. And I am freaked out …. I can’t find it at all.  So, I start moving to my right. With my hand feeling in front of me …. To find whatever I can to grab onto …slowly I was walking to a feeling of complete aloneness.  When someone came up to me, and whispered to stop.   I did. The voice was a wonderful sound at the moment.   I have someone else a few seconds later come up to me and whisper in my ear that walking around with a blindfold on the side of a hill ….. Without a rope. Was pretty stupid, wasn’t it ?   When I heard that … I realized that I had wandered off the path, and wasn’t sure where I was going.

Eventually I did make it to the destination….. That destination was a blessing…  I was feeling pretty beat up emotionally and mentally. The destination … just like in the movie was the top of a mountain.    We sat down….. Stayed with our experience….. I thought about all my pratfalls, and set in silence…. Lucky for me everyone was blind folded. Or at least almost everyone.

The sun was coming up over the hills in the east as we removed our blindfolds … it was a beautiful site. It seemed very serene, and comforting to embrace that moment looking out at the valley below.  Deep breaths came easily to me at this point.  I was at peace…. Or was I?

That was almost 11 years ago that I scaled that hill.     The lessons for me are many.  Watching everyone else and wondering what they were thinking. I don’t spend as much time paying attention to what others do these days…..

The fork in the rope….. just like in my life…. I stop when there comes a fork in my road.   Even still to this day…. I still stop; think about what the ramifications of that decision will be.  Sometimes, just like that morning, I still take too long to decide and then move forward … trusting my decision as I do.

Leaving the path, letting go of the rope…. Feeling like I was holding others up. I had to think of them and not regard my safety in doing so…. Others were more important than me.  A martyr maybe.

But reaching the top…. I thought the whole reason was to reach the top and find out what awaited me when I arrived.  Funny thing though. I was never told that there was anything up there at the top. I just assumed it …. I made it up.    The prize was waiting for me at the end of the journey.

Just like Dan Millman , I  have come to realize that the destination IS the journey.   All of the experiences I had on the way up the hill were metaphors for how I was living my life.   Good and bad.   The gifts to numerous to count.    I noticed much about my journey….. Now, more than ever!      Next time you go on a journey, notice whats happening…. There are many lessons to help you to grow as a person.

Of course that journey, is a mini journey, and will compliment your lifelong journey.

Enjoy your travels …..Сувенири

Chris could have given up many times, and from my perspective… I could have completely understood that decision. You just get beat down so badly, you can’t see the light of day. This brings me to what came from the movie for me this time…… Chris’s young son…. Christopher became his anchor his reason to continue on … even when it seemed like there was nothing left in this man’s soul. You wondered when this man would give up. I know I did. And yet, he moved on .. His spirit continued and rose up …… His son Christopher lending lift to his father’s dreams. When Chris looked at his young son and told him to “Never let anybody or anyone tell you can’t have something, not even me “.

That statement led me back to a place in my life when life seemed bleak for me as well. You see, I was a single father raising a 4 year old daughter. And there were some similarities with Chris Gardner. Mostly believing that as a father you do the best you can and persevere. Teaching your children life’s lessons with Love and integrity. Believing that it will truly make a difference in your children’s life. This is where the similarities ended. Although I can remember a time when I told my daughter “to never lie for me, if she did I would break her arm”. In other words …. Be a better human being … it matters.

Anyway , I digress. I was doing drugs and quite honestly I was at the end of my rope. I had lost touch with reality, and to my discredit as a man and father. I let my daughter witness most of it. I was not being the best that I could be. And I knew she knew it. But she always told me she loved me. And I believed her. Often times even when it was obvious that I didn’t love myself. She was the one part of my life that made sense. Even as I continued to destruct in front of her. The pressures of work, an impending custody battle and me believing that someone was trying to kill me because I was paranoid from doing methamphetamine was too much for me handle. I made a decision to let my daughter go live with her Mother. I let her go to save her. I believed I had given her a sound foundation. But she had entered a different phase of her life. School, new friends, new challenges. Her mom was in a relationship. A stabile environment. It was the hardest decision I could ever make. The day that I told her is indelibly seared in my mind. She cried….. I know she thought she had done something wrong. Blaming herself. It killed me, absolutely killed me. I thought I had destroyed my relationship with my daughter. Irreversible damage.

And then a year or so later she moved to Minnesota. Between the age of eleven and Eighteen, I saw her 3 times. Needless to say, not seeing her all those years did not bolster my position as a loving father. I did talk to her on the phone, but I didn’t see her. Years later, we had an opportunity to do some personal growth work together. The same seminar that I had attended. Would now become a place to start over, to renew, forgive and build something new and wonderful. I have never held back how I was feeling with my daughter. Maybe it was weakness on my part. I just always felt that I should be able to share how I was feeling … to a point. It was something I didn’t get from my dad and maybe that’s why I did it that way.

A few years ago, I have found myself being stuck in moving forward in my life. I thought that there were some unresolved issues with my older brother that was keeping me from moving forward. But, the realization was actually that I had a Legacy to leave for my daughter. That what I created in my life could be a negative or positive for my daughter. My daughter is 29 years old now, and we have a wonderful relationship today. I talk to her knowing that I can still influence her. And even more importantly, as I pursue my happiness, I am still a role model for her, and yes, my 5 year old granddaughter. These are the two things that drive me now. I want to be a better father to my daughter. It matters. I want my daughter to know thru my actions that she can have anything she wants, and that she shouldn’t let anyone stop her. There is a picture that makes me cry every time I look at it. Why, because this photo represents all that what I thought was lost, but more thankfully all that I have gained thru my life thru a woman who has supported me thru all the trials, adversity, down times, and yes, the joyful ones too. Today, on Father’s day … I am a grateful father , blessed man. Because my daughter lets me love her, guide her, lead her, and influence her. I am grateful !