Blog of the Ded

Bought to be school time

2010-08-20T19:19:00.000-07:00

So here it is, a day and a half until move-in (again) to the old college dorm. I should say "old" because I'm actually getting an upgrade in terms of space and cleanliness. My previous room had a permanent-sticky-green-fuzzy substance right where I would put my hand up to pull something off the shelf in my closet. I don't think I'll run into that problem again. I'm living with the same guy as last year. We get along pretty well. If not for him, I would not have discovered "Dubstep." If you don't know what that is, you will have your mind rocked when you first listen to it. Trust me.

I have a notebook sitting on my desk that came from China. It's leather-bound and imprinting with characters that translate to "Learning has no end." I find it to be truly symbolic. A part of me wants to fill it with every little detail and observation. The other part feels it's too significant to write down any old jargon. It seems like filling it in would continue my quest for knowledge. If I fill it completely, then what next? You tell me.

If you're reading this, I want you to check out mine and Trae's new podcast (www.newsasweseeit.com).

Summer doesn't require much mental exertion

2010-07-12T21:11:00.000-07:00

Which is exactly why I'm writing today. The extent of my learning this summer has included listening to a book on tape and reading Men's Health Magazine. There's the occasional music instrument, but that's not the side of the brain I need to focus on. I realize that once school starts into swing, I'm going to be swamped. It'll take a few good weeks for me to get back in the habit of... what, thinking?

Summer's getting full, and I'm about to be done. I've got a few music teaching gigs, and hopefully a road trip of two with friends and/or family. I love the open road. The nomad in me likes to get ramblin' on. I often go back to thinking of my desire to be a lumberjack. It'd keep me active, to say the least.

I want to live outdoors.

My head is a little erratic today. (I say it every time but) I'm going to try and stay dedicated to writing. Maybe I'll be able to organize my thoughts a little better after a week r two. Wish me luck.

A little knowledge

2010-05-02T13:10:00.001-07:00

I just finished David Sedaris' book When You Are Engulfed in Flames. It has been one of my favorite reads in a pretty long time. His writing style is that of something I could only hope to achieve. His bluntness, his observations, his inner thoughts are all so colorfully worded and really speak to the human mind. I found myself totally engrossed in the chapters, unable to break my focus. I don't know what brilliant message I have now that I have read all the way through it. It inspires me to try and word every experience into something extravagant. His entire life (or at least most of it) is detailed in this book, and there are so many stories that are obscure or what some would originally call simple that he is able to explore and really embellish on every details and minor things from his memory.

I found myself comparing myself to him a lot in his book. In one passage, he talks about having the ability to request even the most frivolous of items delivered to one of the many hotel rooms he might be staying. Instead, he might feel to guilty to place a burden on anyone else. I think of myself in a similar manner. I could have all the power in the world, but would still take out my own garbage.

I wonder how difficult it would be for me to write what I have experienced. I don't feel like I have the best stories, or even the funniest. My memory is good, but I don't remember the label or slogan of the last pack of toilet paper I bought was. I'm encouraged to sit down and attempt it. I say I want to attempt a lot of things - comics, art, music. I usually get to a competent area of completion and then I stop. Most often, it's because of time restraints. Everyone knows how college likes to absorb every minute, and sleep conquers the rest. I know I'm capable of setting aside 15 minutes to an hour every day to just write or practice a musical instrument or something that can help me better myself and step towards something else. I just get distracted easily.

The things I have done every day that have grown habit are taxing since college. I remember having skilled hands with a pair of drumsticks. I remember having an inner voice that spoke wisdom. I am out of practice. I'm constantly looking for ways to do it all. By all, I mean everything in the world. I want to learn the arts, languages, writing, automobiles, martial arts, science, sports, training, everything. I've spent my whole life trying new things, I need to slow down, and dedicate myself to only a few important ones. I can't keep my love and passions in one area long to let them grow into something more significant. I often feel I'm neglecting myself for the things I need. I don't blame myself, but I do feel regret when I don't pursue something to the best of my abilities. Other times, I don't feel it's my fault and somebody else should be pushing me. It sounds selfish and arrogant to blame anyone but me for my shortcomings, but it's there in my mind. It may be in all of our minds.

Being that guy

2010-04-26T12:52:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in Bongo Java, the local coffee shop, right now. I can't help but think of the Family Guy quote: "Hey, I'm going to sit in this coffee shop and write in public!" This seems to be the only time I can find for the day. I've been running back and forth and finally got a chance to sit down and drain a large cup of dark-roast coffee. It's funny, today has been one of my busiest days in a while, I'm only half done, and I only had one class this morning at 8:00. It's slightly ridiculous, but I've only got a week and a half left of class here at Belmont.

Not much to report on. I've been playing with the guys of Trigger back home. We've played a few shows recently. Our main goal is to get a few shows lined up in the summer for the Nashville/Murfreesboro area. We want to make something of ourselves. Even though I've had my sights set on "neurosurgeon" for the past two years as a future profession, I have to admit it. If I got the chance to tour with a band or make it big (you know how the dreams go), I would take it in a heartbeat. There would always be time later to pick up where I left off with school.

For now, I'll practice my bass and study until my brain cries for a break. The later has been happening lately. I'll find myself going hard and then 9:00 pm rolls around, and I'm pretty much asleep where I stand. I've been falling out so early in the day, it has me waking up at 5:00 or 6:00 every morning. Sadly, the college community likes to assume that an early night would be midnight. It makes it hard for a guy like me with a very strict sleeping schedule to a.) make it to an event or b.) stay awake.

Blockade

2010-04-15T05:17:00.000-07:00

Some of the more recent friendships I've tried to develop never went through the way I was hoping. So far, the cause seems to revolve around a general theme. I block people out of my life. I've had three people tell me they enjoy hanging out, but I put up these walls that make it difficult to really reach a level of comfort. That's essentially word-for-word what I typically hear. For most people, this would be an easy fix. Tear down the walls, be open, and have fun. The problem is, I already feel like I"m as open as I can be. I laugh, talk, try and spark new conversation, answer any question, and more. I feel if I'm an more open, I'm going to bleed out. I'm not the most outgoing, at least in social situations.

If I could see my walls, I would find a way past them. I'm not sure what else I can do other than keep trying. I have no idea if everybody feels like I block others out. I don't know if the people I grew up with feel like I do it, or even if I've only started to do it recently. Every time I try to be more outgoing and inviting, I feel like I'm doing well, but it's so taxing on my person that I can't keep it up. Does that make my enthusiasm a charade? I sure hope not.

This issue is the biggest thing I've dealt with since I've been in college. I still may be falling into my persona here. I don't want to be the quietest guy. I want to talk. I want to share everything I do with others. It's one thing to go and do something amazing. It's another to do something amazing with another person.

Anyone reading this?

2010-02-10T17:02:00.000-08:00

I realize I have the link on my Facebook page, but it seems hardly anyone actually uses the links provided. So here I am, just writing about whatever I think about. It's like the morning pages I have to do for my colloquium class. The morning pages are three pages you write every morning (no matter what) as soon as you wake up. I usually brew my coffee first so I can sip at the same time. The purpose of these, as pointed out by The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, is to help uncover the true feelings that you harvest inside. Their supposed to be personal, but I've yet to go back and read through any of them. In the book the idea comes from, it made an interesting observation, and I really enjoyed reading it.

"The process of identifying a self inevitably involves loss as well as gain. We discover our boundaries, and those boundaries by definition separate us from our fellows. As we clarify our perceptions, we lose our misconceptions. As we eliminate ambiguity, we lose illusion as well. We arrive at clarity, and clarity creates change.
"I have outgrown this job," may appear in the morning pages. At first, it is a troubling perception. Over time, it becomes a call for action and then an action plan.
"This marriage is not working for me," the morning pages say. And then, "I wonder about couples therapy?" And then, "I wonder if I'm not just bored with me?"

The morning pages translate your immediate thoughts into your true thoughts. I feel so hokey actually trusting this kind of creative healing, but so far I've been able to see some improvement in the way I focus and how I approach my own emotions. I'm quick to act on immediate feelings. I have to pause, access, and then act. I let myself fall head over heels into everything I do, and it causes me to get torn up and function awkwardly in social situations. [I just took a moment to look at a couple entries in my morning page notebook] I've been doing them for about three weeks I suppose. Time seems to be crawling. At least, it has been the past week and a half or so. I've noticed that I often create an entry from stream of consciousness, and if someone's on my mind, that person usually ends up being my main topic for about two of the three pages.

Anyway, I could explain better in person.

Snowed in

2010-01-29T18:51:00.000-08:00

So here's something I've barely had time for. Blog post! I'm currently snowed in on campus tonight. The snow storm caused a crazy mess of things in Nashville. Hardly any businesses are still open. There really hasn't been much to talk about here at school. I've been crazy stressed with a few assignments that were handed out on day one. Most of those are out of the way now, so I have a little breathing room.

Oh yeah, I cracked my knee on the shower in my dorm today. I was going to get a shower after a run, and after undressing, I went to turn and step in the 1960's designer tub and slammed my knee against the side. I was naked, so I was laughing and cursing, but I really didn't think anything of it. This was two hours ago. I can't barely walk on it, it's so sore right now.

That's all I really have for now.

Muay Thai

2009-12-09T11:40:00.000-08:00

For those who know me, this may or may not come as a surprise. I don't think many individuals view me as someone who could actually harm another human being, but I'm sure others know I'm always off on some crazy new adventure. So here's my new adventure. My friend, Anderson, and I have been working out pretty religiously the past couple weeks (he was actually training me as a part of a Belmont program, and we've been working out since). We started talking one day about new things to try for our training, and martial arts came up. We've never had any real experience in the matter, but it's never to late to start, right?

So we researched around and found a gym today that can teach us Muay Thai and Jiu Jitsu. There's also a full weight area and obscure training gear (tires, ropes, sledgehammers, the manly stuff), and it all seems right up our alley. We have a private lesson, then a trial month coming up next week, so wish us luck! I've had other friends who had black belts in karate and various disciplines, and I want to be one, too. I figure with unlimited classes per week (anywhere between 4 and 8 I could actually make) and three and half years to go at Belmont, I may have a shot at it.

Finals Approaching

2009-12-03T11:04:00.000-08:00

Here we are, the end of my first semester at college. To be honest, I'm not worried about finals - no cramming required. Two of my four exams will be like regular tests, just with the word final at the top, one other is cumulative, and another is a presentation. I feel that the past week or so I have had very little to do work-wise, yet there has been more going on than any other time of year. I'll be glad when things settle down. Once I'm home, I can focus on more music-oriented goals. Plus, it'll be Christmas! I've been trying to feel the time of year with some music, but I don't have anything more than a James Taylor and a Sarah McLachlan singing a couple of holiday melodies, which is always a winning scenario.

I don't have a lot to say today. I find myself very disappointed with a test grade I got back today. Granted, it was an 84, but I know I can do better, and I thought I did do better. I should probably study a little more. I knew the material, though I guess I could have used a little more prep beforehand. It's good that I realize this now before, and not after finals. Part of me feels like I should be smarter. An 84 on a test seems exceptionally low for me. I don't know if that's because of the high school I came from or what. Even my other classes here are at least an A. I just want to excel.

This wasn't a very exciting post. That said, I need more followers! If you happen to be reading this and aren't a member of blogspot, you should join. Hey, you never know, you may start blogging as well. Some days you'll have true insight, others you won't (as was my case today).

I'm also still trying to come up with a general theme for this blog. It seems to be nothing above the ordinary so far, but maybe I can detail enough to keep it interesting.

Catfish

2009-11-29T12:12:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure how many of you actually read this blog, but I'm sure that if you do, you must have read or heard something about me being food poisoned this weekend. The actual debate of whether it was food poisoning is still in the air, but I'm sticking with it. Yesterday, I went to a local restaurant (you can ask me the specifics later) that is frequented by people of all ages, though it can be said that they may benefit from having an "early bird" special. For some reason, when I was ordering, I chose to go with the baked Cajun catfish. I don't typically get the fish, especially if it's not fried, but something inclined me to order it. It may have been the desire to get a serving of fish oils, but I should have known that catfish is about the equivalent of a dog in nutritional value. The funny thing is I really just want a hamburger, so this whole ordeal could have been avoided.

So I ate the fish, thinking the whole time, this doesn't feel right. By "feel," I mean I wasn't sure if it had been completely cooked. I wasn't even that hungry to begin with, but for some reason I kept eating. After the meal I didn't think any more of it, cause I felt pretty okay, even after ingestion.

About three hours later, I started getting an odd bloated sensation in my gut. It wasn't like a gassy feeling, it was like it was full of something that was growing. I took an herbal digestive aid, and hoped for the best. Another hour passes, and I want to head to the gym so I can keep my schedule on track. Because I'm in to the sort of thing, I took a serving of a pre-workout supplement (again ask later for specifics. I don't want to get in trouble for trademark or anything due to criticism). Another mistake. The bloated feeling amplified and turned into massive stomach cramp. So here I am, trying to workout, doubled over in abdominal pain that comes and goes, so I have to wait about 2-3 minutes between sets.

I manage to finish, and then my friend Justin arrives at the gym because I suggested we could run together. We start our jog, and I'm thinking "If I can puke, maybe I'll feel better" knowing that I would be able to eat Thanksgiving leftovers later. We run maybe 1.3 miles, and my stomach contents are still intact. We make it back to my house, and we start pulling out the leftovers to be heated up. About now is when I feel that I could puke. I briskly walk to the bathroom and proceed to vomit. Vomit, however, would be an understatement (Justin overheard my expulsion and thought I was peeing, if that helps paint a picture). I wanted to be clear of whatever was setting camp in my stomach, but in the process of evacuation, I couldn't open my mouth side enough. Nor could I find a break in the action to take a breath of air.

So anyway, that happened, and then I ate leftovers, because, naturally, I felt better. Justin and I then left for a performance event held by the high school we graduated from. We were there maybe 20 minutes when I said I can't stay here any longer. He drove me, so we went back the house, and I laid on the couch in pain. My bodily functions had begun to fail, and found myself headed to the bathroom several times, until 9 o'clock when my stomach contents were, again, emptied. It wasn't my proudest moment, because when I get sick, I often black out or come close to fainting. So mid-process, I fell in the floor and have been working on cleaning the stains out of my clothes from last night.

So here I am, about 24 hours since eating the food, and I feel fine, other than a little taxes when walking around.

The reason that this may not be food poisoning is because my niece was sick a few evenings ago, and the incubation period would make since for me not to get sick until 3 days later. Also, I discovered that my brother had been violently ill all last night, after waking up before dawn. He's still out for the count at the moment, and he seems to have been hit harder than I did.

Regardless, I hate being sick.

Red Flannel

2009-11-23T12:37:00.001-08:00

The past few days people have been calling me a lumberjack due to my love of all things flannel, or at least that pattern. I wore my traditional red/black/gray pattern the other day and got a few comments, and again today with what some call the "trendy" lumberjack with black and white. Now, I find this hilarious and, oddly enough, accurate. For me to be in college majoring in biology/neuroscience, the label of lumberjack should not be appealing. However, the thought of swinging an ax and being burly sounds like my kind of career. I guess I would have to move to Alaska or Canada to put that into action though. Eh, I like the cold so no big loss.

I've told people my list of potential professions, but haven't included this one. So I guess my list goes something like this:

Neurosurgeon
Neurologist
Chiropractor
Personal/Athletic Trainer
Lumberjack

Some big steps there in that ladder, but I still like looking at it.

My Tea Cup/Food Stockpile

2009-11-18T08:36:00.001-08:00

This is kind of a funny observation that I was discussing with my roommate Chris yesterday. My tea cup (it actually says "tea" on its side) lies. This is no profound abstraction of what we drink and put into our bodies. It lies because I always have espresso in my tea cup. When you think about it, this goes against the whole "I'm a tea drinker" versus "I'm a coffee drinker" - two entirely different animals. I guess I'm bridging the gap between the two cultures.

So, food stockpile you ask? I went to the grocery store yesterday and probably spent more money than I should have (I now have $11.61 on my debit card). You know what I've realized? You can't stockpile food in a dorm! I tried to buy enough to get me through the week, and I'm sure I accomplished that. However, I noticed that immediately after buying my groceries, I was hungry. But I didn't want to eat what I just bought. I mean, I JUST purchased these and they have to last me longer than four days (for the record, I eat too much). It was like I interpreted my food as an investment, and by not giving it time to appreciate, I was losing money. I'm not worried about not having enough food (I've done well so far this year), I just felt weird about the whole thing.

Another little side note, most of us here at Belmont have experienced the Inverse-Freshman 15. I've lost five pounds so far, since being at school. I'm sure some would kill for this, but I find it disheartening. I worked hard to gain that weight! Others I have talked to have lost more and have been here for at least two years. Once people move off campus though, that weight seems to find them again.

I can probably relate my lack of weight gain to the fact that I don't eat "snack" food. Yesterday, I had my second slice of pizza so far this semester.

By the way, I forgot to mention that my birthday was last Monday. It was incredible. My pledge brothers (I'm pledging ATO) helped me organize a huge group dinner at a local restaurant. Not only that, but some of the active brothers I was able to contact showed. The whole evening meant a lot to me. Prior to the actual date of my birthday, I had been home for family gatherings. So I had about four days of birthday meals and wishes. This will probably be one birthday I will remember.

Already behind

2009-11-17T15:13:00.000-08:00

I know I said I was going to shoot for once a week on the blog posting. That hasn't worked out too well, now has it? I feel like I'm super busy lately, though I catch myself goofing off or playing video games when I should be practicing some sort of musical instrument. I think that's been the hardest thing about being in a dorm. It is impossible to make myself play guitar, drums, or piano (my roommate has an electric piano, and I have my little Roland kit), and I can tell that I'm probably already starting the lose some of my talents and skills. I've been surrounded with science all semester. Don't get me wrong, it has been phenomenal, but I need an outlet now and then.

I hope that this blog can help rekindle my creative desires.

But back to the actual "blog" part of this.

I find it odd and increasingly arduous driving around here. Now, I love driving, and I love driving in the city. But when compared to small town driving (as is where I'm from), distances and times don't match up when driving here in Nashville. Back home, a twenty minute drive means about 18 miles distance to cover. Here, a twenty minute drive is more like 4 miles. It's fun to ponder, but it seems like an impossibility that only a wormhole can explain. Now is the time that I need my bicycle on campus with me.

Let's try and keep this up to date.

2009-10-27T08:20:00.000-07:00

Hardly.

I created this blog back in 2007 maybe? I can't remember, but I've had this profile (once containing three posts) and it doesn't have anything on it. I'm sure this looks good on my behalf. Truth of the matter is, I don't normally have time to type at a computer. At least I didn't until now.

My research and rhetoric class (I'm a student at Belmont University if you didn't already know) requires that its students write a blog entry every week about something they find at Arts and Letters Daily (www.aldaily.com). I've enjoyed doing this, and I want to try and keep it going. It may not be from that website every week, but it'll be about something. Perhaps I'll write about the history of the flu virus and how it affects us, or maybe something about the Dark Matter seminar I recently attended. I may go as far to talk about The Mars Volta concert I went to last week. I might just feel exceptionally good, or be in a particularly crabby mood and go from there.

Regardless, I am going to try and make this work! (Hopefully better than last time)

“I'm lucky enough that there is never a blank canvas in front of me, ... I have hundreds of projects that I want to do but I am running out of time.”
- George Lucas