Blog Outta Hell

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The White Pride

2012-09-29T00:10:00.000+06:00

When you play with fire in your hands, you are bound to lose your hand. Arrogance is just this kind of fire for mind, when you let it control your mind, it burns you. We all know arrogance is bad, it is the reason of downfall, and all the morals you can think of. But have you thought of the type of arrogance which is not associated with riches, pride, and everything shiny? There is a kind of arrogance, which is much more potent and dangerous than the kind you feel when you get better marks than other or you get better presents.

Human mind is infinitely capable of feeling all kinds of emotion – our mind is actually a sweatshop of emotion. Some people are rotten in heart, and some are golden. Those who do good deeds, act good, talk good, and pray good, have in theory good mind. They are in clear eyes, the pinnacle of humility and goodness. But there is a tiny scratch, a disturbance so narrow and so small that normal persons cannot see it. Yes, even good people have arrogance.

This kind of arrogance stems from the goodwill of a person. What kind of things we usually pride on? Our status, our properties, our looks, our awards. But this arrogance – let me name it White Pride – does not stems from these things. Instead, it boosts upon the virtuous deeds done by a person. Sounds crazy, right? But it is possible.

Some people get addicted to doing good things, and they believe that the collection of their good deeds are a thing of pride, that these actions make them unique and better. They think that as long as they keep doing virtuous deeds, they will be better than everybody else. These sort of people thrive on helping others, sacrificing for others, and following the righteous paths – all for making themselves feel good and better than anybody else. This feeling of being better than anybody else makes them feel arrogance. They become arrogant in their mind – they think that they have sacrificed a lot, done a lot of things to help others, and followed the rules of Almighty, so they are better than most, that others are not deserving of what they deserve. But they will not express it outside, oh no – you will always find them smiling, offering help to others, and sacrificing. However, their arrogance will increase every time they do good stuff.

You want example? If you have this sort of maniacal disorder, you will feel arrogant when you help study others, when you give advice to others, when you tutor others even when your study is faltering, when you give your friend all your food because he is hungry, even though you are hungry too, when you spend all your money helping a poor wretch in front of your friends, when you let go of your loved one because he/she has another one in life – not letting him/her knowing your heart’s desire, and when you churn all the things you have done for others in your mind, and the things others have done for you too, and you see that your good deeds far outshines the others.

This arrogance takes the form of insanity when the person is being laughed at, avoided, taken for granted, or devoid of love. At this stage, the arrogance controls the whole portion of mind, and makes the person distasteful, vengeful, depressed and at the same time, an object of pity.

So what is the cure for this madness? This thing happens usually when a person does not get enough accolade for his good deeds, or a person lives a lonely life, devoid of any appreciation. Find those people around you – they are in desperate need of your help. In this world, we no longer value people with good heart anymore. But they need you – do not forsake them. They want companionship, they want to help you, they want to be feel loved, appreciated, and missed. If they can get these, then the red eyed arrogance will slowly dissolve from their mind, and they will, at long last, be the person you always wished for.

Anarchy

2012-07-13T21:45:00.001+06:00

Anarchy stems from the idea that in order to bring peace and justice among society, one has to rule with iron hand, not atoning any other substance, be it human or religion, to be of supremacy, rather peace and justice shall be bought upon by a supreme being. This is not uncommon in human society, one declaring himself or herself literally as god and extending the long hand of justice on living beings. Almost all the time, this has ended in dissolution for both the ruler and the subject. But, does human mind have anarchy?

I think so. As a matter of fact, I think my mind has its own anarchy. Let me explain it in my mind’s term. Anarchy of mind is when a being quite unlike the host settles upon a mind and dictate terms without consolidating consciousness. This being, is not anything magical – I believe it to be chemical imbalance of human brain. When this anarchy sets on a mind, the mind finds it impossible to do anything without the consent and watchfulness of the said anarchy. Anarchy dictates what the host should feel, what the host should think, even what the host should do with its own body. Anarchy contaminate mind, leaving traces of lustful, intensive and degenerate thoughts which burns the host’s mind, because even though the host is ruled by anarchy, it still has consciousness and it still feels for itself. Anarchy makes the inside and outside of the host a mere shadow of what the host was previously. A person with anarchy in his mind will not leave a mark on you, because anarchy makes those people blend and incoherent. These people are the scum of earth, yet their mind constantly battle upon the supremacy of thought and action, hoping to win the never-possible crown of complete control.

Horrible, isn’t it? Those who haven’t had the anarchy in their mind will not understand, in any way, just how much painful and dredged the feeling is and how much they battle to regain their control of minds, and always failing. Those who are unaware of this crime calls it with different names – ADHD, OCD, brain hemorrhoid, and such. But remember, for those who has chaos and freedom in brain – those of us who have anarchy in brain are prisoner of thoughts, and unable to get out of prison within our lifetime. So show some respect before calling us mentally disordered and unfit for society – because who knows, one day anarchy might come knocking at the doorstep of your brain, and you will have no choice but letting it in.

A tale of two She

2012-04-06T22:54:00.000+06:00

When I sit upon my morning sit, I turn my head around and see - she. She sits there like a glorious morning ray, full of sunshine and smile. I see her walking in and walking her, talking, standing, making fun of someone. I see the light that plays upon her face when it shines oh ever so brightly from the crack of a window, glowing a succulent shape of emerald - or perhaps not. My heart has a distinct ache - where does it come from? Why it is that every time I look upon her, it seems as if the world has stopped, and my heart will leap right off the cage and dance on the podium? How do I make it stop? Or is it inevitable that, one day. my heart will expand and fill with such profound emotions that nothing will be needed to explain, she will understand everything. Her smile will tell me - you silly boy, I know.

Then I sit in a cold sit, and I see - another she. Her hair is like the deepest, darkest shade of black, yet it plays like a rainbow or a kid toying with his toy. I seldom see her face, but when I look upon her, it seems all the world goes dark and only her face remains, afloat, shining, like something taken from a holy place and cumbered upon. I wait for those seldom moments when her face turns around to me and I can see her, in all her glory, like a Venus. But why heart, why you ache so much? Is it not enough that I have to beguile the pain and sorrow in my morning sit and walk upon the crude path of my life with the echoing loneliness? Why are you so intended to hurt me? Have I done you anything wrong? Why is that when I look upon she and she - you stop and then suddenly beat louder? I can not tolerate the pain anymore. I can bear the loneliness, the depression, but not the pain, oh please not the pain. I have suffered enough in my life, please let my emotions remain as they were, so that I can crawl into the muddy interior of my grave with the same loneliness and depression that I feel now, minus the pain.

She will sometimes look upon me, and smile, and ask me something, but another she never talks, she just sits there, the sign of eternal beauty, with all her mystery. She and she - be gone from my life, for I have suffered enough, I have seen and felt enough pain without making new ones. Go away and stop torturing me.

Belief and Logic

2012-02-05T13:34:00.000+06:00

A while ago one of my friends said that belief does not come from logic, rather belief is based upon one's intricate expurgation of life. I disagreed. I believe that belief is based on logic. My friend vehemently protested on this statement. So I felt like I would like to explain why I believe that belief is based on logic.

Our human brain consists of many useful portion, most of which runs on subconscious. Billions of electron in our brain consists one small fact - like "I eat every day". You believe that god exists. You believe that your father and mother loves you. You believe that America is an aggressive country. Why do you believe these things? Do you believe them out of sheer will? Or is there some contributing factor toward those beliefs?

How do we know that god exist? God gave us literature, rules. God allows us to see his vast creation which cannot be created by any other. We hear about miracles which cannot be possible by mere human beings. Even miracles happen in our own life. All these are part of logic - logic that there is a being who is the orchestrator of all these happenings. These logic create home in our brain cells and our subconscious acts upon it - that is, it creates belief. You believe in god because you see proof of god everywhere - your brain accepts that these are logical explanation of God's existence and therefore your subconscious makes you believe that God exists. If your brain does not recognize these proofs as logic, your subconscious would not believe them and therefore you will not believe in god.

Similarly, you believe that your father and mother loves you - because you see proofs that they love you, and your brain creates logic behind these reasons, and your subconscious accepts them as beliefs. You can categorize everything you ever believed and you will see that every single belief you ever had is based upon logic you created yourself.

You may argue that people sometimes believe in impossible things, things that really not are true but still hold as belief by some unlucky fellow. Well, the reason is simple. People believe these things because their brain sees the supporting reasons as proof and really does not focus on the neglectory reasons. Therefore, the subconscious sees them as logic and makes people believe in them.

You know what I believe? I believe one day I will marry a beautiful girl, have a happy family and die in peace. I can explain to you in various ways how this belief is based upon in logic, but hey, let a man has his dreams.

Coffee and Wedding

2011-12-26T19:23:00.001+06:00

Recently I went to a wedding, which was on a cold night, so naturally I didn't want to go, but the allure of polao-corma was too much for me, so I went. There I saw a coffee stand with two espresso machines. People were gulping coffees by gallons. I myself drank four whole cup on the entire programme. Now a thought arose in me. What is the purpose of coffees in weddings? I mean, a tradition which is rich of dancing and singing and eating delicious assorts, why stain it with black muddy coffee?

A coffee is mainly used to prevent sleepiness. It is also drunk for its deliciousness. I for one never had any use of coffee apart from its deliciousness. I always felt drousy after drinking a steaming cup of coffee. That notwithstanding, I still would drink a cuo of milk coffee with extra sugar anytime. As I was saying, coffee seem to have elusitated as a medium of enjoyment in many functions. I also believe it is used by the arrengers of wedding to keep the hunger for polao-biriani at bay for a litte while. Ah, it's 7'o clock already! You want borhani, biriani? Fine, then drink this steaming plastic cup of coffee. Food will be served at 10'o clock.

What I say is, don't let yourself being fooled with this coffee business. Drink the coffee all you want, but remember to urge the function to deliver food as soon as possible. This conspiracy must not be let any further. Let us say in unison, WE WANT POLAO BIRIANI! WE WANT IT NOW!

Who's with me?

A Story Worthy Of Dustbin

2011-11-29T14:04:00.001+06:00

Once upon a time, there were three kids. One was always sick, one was always shy, and the last one was always angry. Their mother couldn't cope up with their nonsense anymore and one day she kicked them out of the house. Saddened by this cruelty, the three siblings wandered towards an uncertain path.

On their way they found a stray goat. The sick one wanted to take it with them, the shy one didn't want anything to do with the goat, and the angry one wanted to cook and eat it. Guess who won?

Further along the way, a river came in front of them. The river wasn't very wide but the current was very fast. The sick one wanted to wait for a boat to pass, the shy one wanted to go back where they came from, and the angry one wanted to fight the current while holding each other's hands and get on the other side. Guess who won?

Night came with bone chilling cold. The brothers entered a forest with long trees. They could hear the howls of wild animals in far distance. The sick one wanted to make a tent and hope for the best, the shy one wanted to get up on the tree and pass the night, and the angry one wanted to make a knife out of a bark and take watch while the others sleep. Any guesses?

After a dreary night, the kids continued on their lonesome journey. They walked, and walked, and couldn't find a trace of humanity. Their legs faltered, eyes drooled, stomach grumbled, but they kept walking. When they thought they couldn't take it anymore, they say a large, lovely house, with playground and garden on front, where children were playing. They asked the guard in front what this place was, The guard said it was an orphanage for orphans and abandoned kids. The siblings wanted to live in that place. The guard took them to the matriarch. The matriarch informed them that only two can live there. Given that one is sick, one is shy and one is angry, who do you think stays?

If you always prefer the angry one, remember the sick and the shy can beat him up. If you prefer the sick one, then they don't leave their mama's place at all, they beg and plead to her. If you prefer the shy one, all they do is hide and shiver in fear.

And if you think that the brothers discuss and take a harmonious and logical decision, and blend together, then screw you, you don't know anything about brothers.

A Study On Contrast

2011-11-23T21:39:00.001+06:00

What is lightness and what is dark?

Brightness and darkness are only different in contrast, in other terms, I do not see any big difference. Both encourages us to do specific things in our life. Light keeps us up to our toe, encourages us to look upon the shiny dismal wreck of a world and steal whatever we can from it and make ourselves comfortable. On the other hand, dark diminishes the dreary outlook of earth and creates an erroneous illusion of peace and lust. Some of it brings doze, some of it brings hyperactivity. What is light without dark, dark without light?

I try to think of a world without light, or without darkness. Without light, a soul spitting darkness will surround us, soothe us with dreary lies and droop our eyes with illusions of dexterous earth while it crumbles and agonizes. Black will outwit white, white will rebel, there will be blood, red blood, but all we will see is black liquid. Without light, our eyes will burn with the constant brightness and our hearts will expand with joy and sorrow until it collapses and rains a thousand rainbows of squirting blood. Sun will shine upon us and smile upon us like Hannibal Lecter, until it cuts our flesh and satisfies itself with a healthy amount, while we wash away like a ketchup on ice.

So I ask you, is it so bad just to be bright, or just to be dark? You cannot determine how good a person is by the color of their heart, nor by whether they follow light or dark. A black heart can love his mother, while a white soul can embezzle money. Do not discriminate people by what you think is light or dark. See them with your eyes and feel them with your heart.

I bid you all well wishes and prosperity from a dark, dark, cold, black heart.

Life Normal Unnormal

2011-11-17T14:30:00.001+06:00

I was lying under my bed today.

It was dark in there, but I could hear all the things happening around me. A metallic drilling, sounds of footstep, fan rotating, a woman talking shrilly, protest from a boy's voice. All this things were happening, just as they were supposed to be.

I couldn't bear it. It was so normal, so practical. Life goes on same without me - it doesn't feel the need of mourning my absence. I was just hiding from everyone today, but I couldn't bear the normalcy. What if I am dead? Will all thing be same then? Would the drilling continue, would people still walk, will mother raise voice to her children? Will no one mourn me? No one feel the absence of me?

Then again, what is the need for all these normalcy if I am dead? Death is itself unnatural, so will I be bothered by the nuance of normalcy? Or will I be pounded so bad that I will forget who I am, where I exist?

All these talks made me hungry. Now I gotta go eat something.

Get in my brain CSS

2011-11-16T22:05:00.001+06:00

Ah, when that day will come when I will learn to make a website singlehandedly!

When I browse through the new Gmail Inbox - I cannot help feeling a little jealous. That sleek, smooth, stylish interface makes me want to touch my laptop screen and just polish it. Now I wanna build a website so bad.

I had some interest in HTML and CSS for quite a while, but couldn't get to it. Today I had a little tutorial of CSS and I found out one thing - it's easy but hard. You might find it super confusing, but to me it's simple. The outline is easy, but the material isn't. You have to remember a god-awful lot of codes to set things right. I mean, border-style? padding-width? Am I freaking Einstein? What have you done, Wium Lie?

Well, no use wussing out. I need to stay focused and get those awful lot of programming and codes straight up my nose and right into my brain. I want to make a site so goddamn easy that people can browse in it while sleeping. Probably not gonna be Apple friendly, as I hate those things.

By the way, Wium Lie invented CSS.

No hell hath like Dexter

2011-11-16T15:45:00.001+06:00

So, what do I think about dexter?

I first encountered Dexter in 2010, I was surfing channels when I noticed a show with a handsome looking guy shoving a knife straight on the heart. I though, what the hell! why not just slit his throat, or maybe give him a wedgie? then I watched for a while and then I realized one thing - this show is mushy, repeating and over dramatic despite the occasional bloodbath. And I liked it.

What I especially liked was the theme song - I don't think I saw any other show with this big a theme and with so much innuendo. It was a memorable experience the first time I watched the theme. Then I saw that - surprise - this show actually originated from a book!

So now what I gotta do? I went straight to pirate bay and downloaded all the dexter books available. I read them one by one - there was probably 4 books then.

Wow, the books and the series are SO different that it smacks you right in the head. Where dexter the TV series is dark, with new enemy every season and 12 days a year, dexter the book is even darker, with the dark avenger whispering lovely nothing onto our protagonist's mind, dragging him on death's ride on a moonlit night.

So which one I like better? The novel or the series? Difficult to tell. They have both merits and demerits, although I must tell you, if the show didn't have nudity, the books would've got my vote!

Good job, show and book writers! You have inspired many a men to cut and slash, to read some humour in a humorless life, and to bring nudity in style! I hope the Dark Dashing Daddy Dexter continue on his mighty path to avenge upon the soul takers and being a psychopath.