Blog with Benefits

The perfect baseball game date

2013-06-19T22:00:00.001-07:00

It's June and what better thing is there to do with someone ya dig than go to a baseball game? If heaven had a bookstore about dates to try in the month of June, baseball games would be number one. Believe me.

You see, a baseball game is the perfect place to get to know someone - you have nine WHOLE innings to really get to know each other. That's a long time. In fact, that's enough time to learn everything about your date including family health history and their favorite movies in alphabetical order.

Need another reason to get excited for a baseball game date? Um, hello! Ice cream sundaes in helmets! Personally, any date I get a souvenir (mini plastic baseball helmet) from is one to rave about...

Okay, so I think I've preached enough...go on a date already.

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How to snag your neighbor

2013-06-14T07:22:00.001-07:00

A few weeks ago I raved/posted about "Roshambo," Free People's whimsical campaign that sells their clothing in the form of digital shorts about love. And well, they blew me away again!

Their newest short is a sweet little story featuring a girl, played by Daisy Lowe, who try's out different looks to catch the attention of her cute neighbor across the way.

Some looks are more risque like the expected pageantry of sexy lingerie and heavy makeup, while the winning look that snags his attention, is totally casual.

"Neighbor" pushes the idea to be ourselves and not worry about dressing up to impress anyone. (Where was this when I was 15?)

Check it out!

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Photo by Thomas Northcut

Who picks up the check on a date?

2013-06-04T08:11:00.000-07:00

My first date, which I've written about here, may have been the worst thing to happen since Amanda Bynes' undercut according to my so called life circa 2004.

And it was on that date, after the waitress came by and glared at me with disgust as she picked up my plate of refried beans and enchiladas I hardly touched (because I was too nervous to eat), that she dropped off the bill. Right in between us. Awk.Ward.

I didn't really know what to do other than reach for my wallet. And I sure as hell wasn't about to assume he was paying for the meal I didn't eat...because I'm not that tYpE of girl.

So as I reached for my wallet in my hideous Roxy purse that should have never left my house, he said "put that away, it's on me." Which is English for: "Really, bitch? Just this one time."

Since then, I've always practiced proper reach-for-the-cash-iquette, but I'll be honest, there were times I felt bold (a little drunk) and didn't reach for my cash. But that didn't exactly land me dinner at Morton's on the second date either.

So to go halfsies or to not? I don't think there is a divide between men and women or women and women or men and men that says one of you should always pay the bill. It's not like it's the 1950s anymore, psh, right? Like, we are women, hear us roar? We have jobs. We vote. We is kind, we is smart, we is important! We SHOULD be paying the bill, right?! Haha, okay maybe on the second date...

Here is some etiquette to follow. No pressure (caveat: if the person you're dating never offers to pay for your meal or even offer to pay his/her half, refuse to pay the bill)(I'm serious):

Do you pay? Split? Or do you walk on the wild side and except the royal treatment? What do you think the golden rule of paying on a date is?

Do's and Don'ts of Dating

2013-05-23T07:31:00.000-07:00

A couple thoughts...my Do's and Don'ts of the week...

Don't forget your manners, especially when asking Drake to murder your vagina on a Twitter (sorry to bring this up since it happened almost two months ago, but I was afraid this slipped your minds. You should ALWAYS be cautious of this).

Don't wear sheer clothing when on a date at Disneyland. What I mean by that is: Don't wear sheer clothing at Disneyland. Period.

Do try Tinder because it's da place 2 be right now.

Do feel okay about wanting to ditch someone mid-date if they say things like "don't hate the game, hate the player" seriously.

Do watch this video. And sing it. And replay it.

The perfect picnic date

2013-05-16T07:58:00.002-07:00

Dates. I believe most dates go well unless they're not planned and you end up at an Applebee's. And I'm not THAT opposed to Applebee's if you don't act all: "Well that's weird they lost my reservation for this four star restaurant, but I know there's an Applebee's up the street." (Ok, guy.)

But I mean, if you're into other things, like cutesier things, May is the perfect time for picnics.

Picture it...you and someone you fancy (yeah, I said "someone you fancy." Come at me.) listening to tunes, eating cheese that costs more than a good cut of beef, throwing a football around, laughing, rolling on a blanket in the grass, imagining your wedding. Okay, I'll stop. Only because it's perfect and you KNOW it.

From portable speakers for your iPhone to the jam for your baguette, these are just a few...okay everything you'll need to make the perfect picnic date.

Look fun? Want to test it out on someone you FANCY? Do it and tell me about it...or tell me what your perfect spring time date is below!

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1 Girl, 12 Guys: A speed dating tell all

2013-05-13T07:32:00.000-07:00

Ever been curious about speed dating? Me too. So when my friend, Jessica, mentioned she was going, I told her she had to spill every single detail following the event. And here's what happened...

Name: Jessica
Age: 25
Location: Los Angeles
Status: Too single for words

In three words, describe the evening:
A-fucking-disaster

Have you ever speed dated before?
No. And for good reason…

What were you expecting when you arrived?
To be honest, I wasn’t expecting much. I knew there would be a handful of guys, so I assumed ONE would be worthy of…something?

What was the reality?
I arrived at the Sofitel Hotel in Los Angeles with a girlfriend of mine (come on, no one does this alone). We met our “host” of the evening, who quickly handed us a name tag, booklet and pencil. The booklet was to jot down any “interesting” details about our dates. I didn’t use the booklet. Well, I used it to spit out my gum.

The worst part? When you arrive, you can instantly scan the room filled with all of your dates. Seriously, they are all just sitting there. And after a quick room check, I turned to my friend and said: “I’m so sorry I dragged you to this.”

What was the ratio of guys to girls?
12 guys, 12 girls

Tell me about the guys you met with...
My first date was a man with a very long pony tail. He was VERY religious and said he wanted to marry a conservative/orthodox woman. Our relationship was doomed.

Another interesting fellow was the Home Appliances Salesman who worked at Sears. We briefly chatted about KitchenAid Stand Mixers and customers with outrageous requests. At the end of our date I asked if I could come in one day for a deal on some cutlery. He was not amused.

What were some of the standout moments of the night?
When the magician asked if he could create a poem in honor of my long brown hair and shiny purse. He did, and it wasn’t half bad.

One guy turned out to be SEMI-okay looking close up. He proceeded to tell me he was a chef at a big restaurant downtown. That culinary school was the hardest thing he’s ever put himself through. That he went to a ritzy private school in Los Angeles.

When our five minutes were up, he said “I’m just playing” and walked away. I still remain confused.

Did you get any numbers/Twitter handles/hugs?
So many. Fine, zero.

Would you do it again?
In a different country, perhaps.

Do you think stereotypes about speed dating are true?
If you are a man, you should absolutely speed date. The majority of the girls I saw during my speed dating round were cute and “normal.”

If you are a woman, stay home.

Advice for people who want to give it a go?
If you’re looking for hideous men, expensive cocktails and a waste of three of hours…DO IT!

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What has your mom taught you about love?

2013-05-08T07:34:00.000-07:00

Yes, the chubby cat in the photo with only one eye visible is me. It was Halloween and I was...a cat. Thanks, mom. But really, how convincingly good did I look?

Mother's Day is just around the corner, which is why I'm here to not only thank my mom, and all the other moms for making such dashing costumes like this, but to talk about what moms have taught us about love, life and the things we'd rather learn about from overly mature friends who were allowed to watch The Real World before me us.

My mom has certainly shared some wisdom with me over the years that has stuck and that's that love isn't easy and it takes work if you want to MAKE it work!

Yes, there are blogs you can read (not like I'm talking about this one or anything), and tv shows you can watch about over privileged white girls "roughing it" in New York (take a guess), but doesn't the best advice that molds us come from moms?

So I'd love to know, what has your mom taught you about love? How to be a good listener? How to spot a cheater (do tell)? I'd love to hear their words of wisdom.

Happy Mother's Day!

Never Trust a Guy Who...

2013-05-06T19:49:00.000-07:00

Doesn't have a job and isn't actively pursuing one. Do you really want to pay for everything? Because you're going to. Also, what are your goals and dreams? Is it sitting on the couch playing Zelda (i don't even know) all day too? No? Thought so. Get rid of the dead weight.

If you got dumped via text or social network, NEVER TRUST HIM AGAIN! Hello! I don't care if he calls you wanting you back six months later, just NO.

Never trust a guy who says he and his girlfriend have an OPEN relationship...unless she told you herself, zip your pants up, sister, and pray to God she hasn't already stalked your activity on his Facebook. Women have eyes and ears everywhere.

You've been dating a while and he calls you his Boo Thang, but he didn't follow you back on Instagram AND his profile is private? Hmm...

Never trust a guy who doesn't keep up on oil changes, credit card bills or dental check ups. There are some things in life you can't skimp on like name brand toilet paper and seeing your dentist every six months. If he doesn't care to keep up on the necessity's, what else won't he care about? Think about it. Envision it.

If he's in his twenties and still attending proms, football games and high school parties, and you're NOT in high school, I think you ought to reconsider.

Never trust a guy named Chris Brown. He's a bomb waiting to explode (P.S. Don't you think him and Lindsay Lohan would be great together?).

Picture this: you just got picked up for a date, you're driving to dinner and instead of an Edward Sharpe song playing and everything being fine and dandy, he suddenly gets massive road rage and starts tail gating/cursing/spitting out of his car window/ flipping the bird. That's not cute. Nor is it a good sign he doesn't flip his lid over other things like who ate the last dark chocolate Dove bar?

Want more? Read Never Trust a Guy Who... here

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Photo by Chris Heads

May must-haves

2013-05-01T07:34:00.000-07:00

Happy May!

Since it's the start of a new month, and I really like you guys, I thought I'd share something new. I present to you...Ms. May! All mah single ladies and ladies in looove, anticipate a go-to guide for must-haves of the month, at the beginning of every month!

1. Buy yourself some peonies because shit, you deserve them. They're in full bloom right now and you don't need no man to give you flowers.

2. La Perla Donna Lucia lingerie set...because you're worth it.

3. Victoria's Secret Glossy Lip Tint Sheen in Knockout Red is the best lip product ever. Tried it, loved it, buy it.

4. This Pink Collins is everything you need to feel juicy, fruity and loosey goosey this month.

5. Is it worth it? Let me work it...with Missy Elliot's Under Construction album. You're welcome.

6. It's a "Hey Girl" phone case, need I say more?

7. Why would you ever walk or wear sandals again this month if you could roll around in these bad boys? See ya Heelys (but please tell me you don't wear those).

Do you have any must-haves this month?

Have you ever said "I love you first" ?

2013-04-29T08:06:00.000-07:00

Have you ever said "I love you" first?

Even when I knew I was in love long before "I love you's" were exchanged, and the words drifted to the tip of my tongue on several occasions, I held back.

Mostly because I'm a chicken and afraid of getting a crazy answer in return like "thank you." Gross. And don't forget the big "I love you" elephant in the room you're stuck with after that. No thank you.

There was one point when I thought about saying "I love you" first, and in my head, it went off without a hitch. I was that melodramatic girl in the movies who runs to his house in the pouring rain (because why would it be sunny?), bangs on his door (which he answers shirtless, of course) and professes my undying love for him...in which he returns the sentiments and then credits roll. Obviously.

But we all know life isn't a Ryan Gosling movie...

Saying "I love you" first can be good or bad. You're either lucky and get positive feedback or you're left feeling hurt if you don't hear what you want to. Yikes.

So tell me about your "I love you" stories. Have you ever been the first to say it and what happened?

Photo source

Romance 2.0

2013-04-17T22:59:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm going to be real with you right now: romance has changed. And girl, don't even act like you didn't know.

Gone are the days when dating was a mystery...when you knew nothing about a person before your first date--hellooo Facebook!

And present are the days of SnapChats and pokes. And no, I'm not complaining, I love me a good Facebook poke and a dirty SnapChat--give me what you got.

But here's what I really love: when you Gen Y gents get creative with your available technology and impress us. Like, blow our MINDS impress us.

So I share with you a clip I've been waiting to appear on YouTube for weeks; a clip that explains all of what I said plus some extra romance sauce all up on it.

These are the last four minutes of the last season of GIRLS. And yes, I know some of you don't watch it, which is fine. And yes, I know some of you hate it, which is also fine. Preach! However, one thing is certain: the following clip is the God damn best thing to ever hit television or your illegal downloads since Jack let Rose have the door while he shivered to death in the cold Atlantic Ocean.

This is so good, and so original, and so corny, you're going to be like: "WHO DOES THAT?!" And then you're going to be like: "I WANT SOMEONE TO DO THAT FOR ME!"

So ladies, and gents who are curious about romance 2.0, press play:

Oh, and if you don't know anything about Adam and Hannah's relationship, it's basically cats + water. But sometimes it's cats + scratching posts...so it makes this clip all the more special.

So what do you think? Does this turn you on? Does this freak you out? Was it unbelievable? Are you mad? Let's hear it.

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Thom Yorke Gives Love Advice

2013-04-11T07:48:00.000-07:00

If you haven't heard of Rookie Mag's Ask a Grown Man Series, well, then you're welcome! In their latest installment, Thom Yorke (of Radiohead) and Nigel Godrich of Atoms of Peace answer burning questions about guys--ones you're crushing on, tired of, hate but secretly love, and more.

Have a watch!

Ask a Grown Man: Thom Yorke and Nigel Godrich from Rookie on Vimeo.

How to tell you're a booty call...

2013-03-20T07:37:00.000-07:00

Follow the dots, and remember, BE HONEST!

Wasn't this fun? And remember, just because he's happy to run into you at the grocery store doesn't make up for the fact you don't know much about him. Be careful.

Don't forget to share this with a friend you think needs an awakening...or maybe the guy you're "seeing?" Couldn't hurt. Spread the good word, friends.

@BlogwithBenefits

Do you have memories that haunt you?

2013-03-16T11:23:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel haunted by relationships in your past? Even if they weren't relationships, even if you just dated for a few weeks, or had a bad blind date, do you ever have painfully haunting memory's that are brought on by the mere mention of that person's name?

I do.

Let's bond--I am haunted by someone I dated. And the sad part? It was years ago. I know...stop judging. I feel bad enough, guys.

CosmoGirl never taught me the right stuff. It was always: "Beauty Products That Drive Him Wild" or "Seven Different Ways to Get His Attention Between Classes...smiley face.”

But there was never a 40-something writer posing as a young, wise college student who gave the right advice like: "Reasons You Should Listen to Your Instincts About Someone Even If He's Cute and Charming Because He's Not Right For You (And Stop Checking Your Horoscope For Signs He is Right For You)."

So for years, no thanks to CosmoGirl, I've been rudely reminded of my inability to stop pursuing this person far past our expiration date. Like when I'm listening to my iPod and some dumb song comes on that he told me to listen to because I’d "loooove it," I'm reminded. Or when I'm passed out on the couch in a pile of rice cake crumbs and awoken by a TV show he tried to get me to watch, I'm reminded again. It's fucking annoying.

And why am I so bothered, you ask?

Because of what our "situation" became. Because even though I knew deep down he was so not right for me and that this thing, whatever it was, wasn’t going anywhere thanks to blatant signs, I wanted it to work.

So, like one of those girls Greg Behrendt wrote about in one of his dumb books, I continued to stick around.

But why would I want to stick around, you ask?

Because a lot of things. Because I liked the chase and fell victim several times: a guy was interested in me, I wanted nothing to do with him. But then the second I could finally "see it," he was crushin' on another girl and I was snappin' fingers and actin' all jealous and upset.

I also tended to latch onto the memory of those first few weeks you date someone: you know, when everything is all care-free and fun and you're exchanging Letterman's jackets like you're fucking Sandy and Danny in Grease? Meanwhile, you're ignoring pulsing questions in your mind like "Did he just check out another girl in front of me?" and "Is it me, or is he kind of irresponsible?"

So it should be no shock that in the midst of all this, the not-so-unthinkable happened: he called it off.

HOW DARE YOU.

How dare you break things off before I do. How dare you break things off even though I didn't like you that much anyway...the nerve.

I was hurt and I agreed someone had to pull the plug, but I just wanted to be the person to do it, damn it! And because I didn't, I am haunted by my own doing, or lack of doing I guess, and am now left with haunting memories of how I disregarded all the signs and let some guy take me along for the ride. Shaking. My. Head.

Moral of the story? We all make mistakes and some of us stay in situations that AREN'T working for too long. Just end it if you're not feeling it.

Do you have memories of relationships' past that haunt you?

Photo source: ASOS Mag

An unexpected reunion...

2013-03-08T08:36:00.001-08:00

A must-watch!

Although this is an advertisement for clothing (Free People, no, I'm not getting paid for this), it's a beautiful and mesmerizing short about a budding love story featuring GIRLS star Christopher Abbott.

"A touring band member and his bohemian beaut are unexpectedly reunited on a Brooklyn street, and they spend a short time together in the city's boroughs."

Enjoy the video below!

@BlogwithBenefit

Photo Source: Free People

Love Story No. 10: When the person you love is living another life

2013-02-25T20:49:00.000-08:00

I’ve always been a writer. Even when I was little I would make picture books, and as soon as I learned how to write, I started filling the white spaces around the pictures with words. I’d draw pictures of dogs, cars, and women. Sometimes I’d draw pictures of men.

Men like Adam.

When I drew pictures of people I would write the types of things that most 4-year-olds would write—“this lady is wearing a blue shirt”, or “this doggy wags his tail”—but I remember that I also used to ask a lot of question about the subjects of my art. If I drew a boy, I might write: “What is this boy like?”

When I first met Adam, I looked at his big green eyes and thought, “this guy is attractive—I wonder what he’s like?” It was my first year at Boston College, Adam and I were walking out of a math class we had together, and I struck up small talk, mentioning that I might need help with my math homework (like I said, I’ve always been a writer). He agreed, and after the first study session, Adam and I were inseparable.

As a girl, the more questions I wrote down about my artwork, the more I wanted answers to those questions. If I had written “what is this boy like?” in the white space, I might create my own answer in another area of the page. “This boy is a good boy.”

Adam was a good man. He held the door for me, he paid on our dates, he was catholic (my parents loved that), and he was conservative. He seemed so sound, so stable, and it wasn’t just me being logically intuitive—it was the way that held he me, tight, but not so tight that it was stifling, and the way that he could run his fingers through my hair, as rough as they were. Adam was my angel, and I loved everything about who he was.

The problems began almost a year after we started dating. He’d hidden his smoking from me initially, but a couple of months and enough of my questioning later, Adam couldn’t hide it anymore. He hid other things from me. I began wondering who I’d really been dating this whole time.

Adam was my angel, until I found out that he was cheating on me with another woman. He’d been living another life, a secret life, right under my nose, and at that moment I realized that I had no idea who this man that I had fallen in love with was. “What is this boy like?” I had come back to that question.

I still have most of the pictures that I drew when I was a little girl. I still have a picture of a boy with the question “what is this boy like?”, and the answer right underneath: “this boy is a good boy.” I hang on to those pictures, like I hang on to my memories, because I can learn from them.

I don’t regret having dated Adam because I learned from the encounter. I’ve learned not to write in the white spaces around pictures I draw of men. Instead, I’ve learned to step back and let those white spaces fill themselves in.

-Miranda Santiago; Los Angeles, CA

See more of Miranda's work on Corazon.

Want to submit YOUR story? Email me at: Jessica AT blogwithbenefits DOT com

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Photo Source

Best Movies About Love of All Time

2013-02-20T21:06:00.002-08:00

I don't think you're ready for this ~~jelly~~ list of the best movies about love of ALL time, in my opinion of course. So pick up some cake pops, make a Trader Joe's pizza, and watch these this weekend—or tomorrow if you call out of work.

1. Star Wars Episode IV: If you want a story about a sarcastic mercenary who DOESN’T give up on an up-tight space princess, Han Solo’s story is one to covet. He’s cute, persistent, honest and he flies space ships. Get the popcorn!

2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: This movie sucks; every time I watch it I choke on my own tears and horrific memories of past relationships and I hate how it makes me feel during and afterward. But you should watch it because it's pretty good...in a I-hate-myself-for-watching-this-but-I-want-to-know-what-everyone's-talking-about sort of way.

3. Waiting to Exhale: Even though Whitney Houston didn't learn much from this movie (Bob-bayy), you could. Waiting for the guy/girl you're seeing to dump their SPOUSE? Not so sure if the guy you're seeing is straight? Suspicious of cheating? This is your movie.

4. Waitress: Who doesn't love a story about a married, pregnant girl who works a minimum wage job and hates her husband? Plus she has a fantastic, cynical sense of humor and bakes a lot of pie.

5. Me Without You: This is a story about best friends, British people, punk, love, affairs with college professors—now we’re talking—and waiting long enough for your dreamboat of a soul mate. It’s weird but oddly enchanting and who doesn’t love Michelle Williams pre-Dawson’s Creek?

6. When Harry Met Sally: Everything you ever need to know about relationships is learned here first. If you haven't seen this, unlearn everything you know about love, watch this, and then see where you're at.

7. The Artist: I threw this in here for funsies. It's not a movie that teaches you a lesson or anything but it's good and it'll help you forget about the issues you think you have for 100 minutes.

8. Silver Linings Playbook: If you haven’t seen this, SEE this. I know it’s not out on DVD yet so just stream it illegally or watch it in parts on YouTube. The best part about this movie is you can convince men to see it because it’s not all full of emotion in a disgusting, in-your-face, Notebook sort of way—it’s real, it's raw and who knew Bradley Cooper could act?

9. Casablanca: Have you seen this movie? No? What are you doing with your life? SEE this movie.

10. Lars and the Real Girl: Ryan Gosling in love with a sex doll? I mean, HELLO! Why are you just NOW seeing this? There's really nothing more to this movie: sex doll + Ryan Gosling. Do you need anything more?

Should I even mention Titanic? No? Okay…

Weigh in: what's your favorite movie about love?

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Lingerie Giveaway (CLOSED)

2013-02-12T11:22:00.001-08:00

Madame Liberty teamed up with BWB for Valentine's Day and are giving one lucky BWB reader this gorgeous lingerie set!

For a chance to win this lingerie set, all YOU have to do is leave a comment below!

This is open to U.S. and international residents! Giveaway ends Saturday 2/16/13 and I'll announce the winner Sunday night.

UPDATE: I'd like to give a HUGE thank you to everyone who commented, re-tweeted and shared this! You're all wonderful followers.

On that note, congrats to Jessica Gretz! Contact me to claim this prize at: Jessica AT blogwithbenefits DOT com--subject "Madame Liberty Giveaway."

To everyone who commented, say tuned for future giveaways!

Follow me @BlogwithBenefit

Happy Valentine's Day

2013-02-10T20:56:00.001-08:00

Happy Black History Month! And I guess Valentine's Day...

It's a real pity I'm JUST seeing these amazing cards. There's even one for the haters (see below), yay!

Anyway, as a person who genuinely appreciates a Hallmark holiday that gives me an excuse to eat absurd amounts of artificially colored sweets and send people chocolate roses, I'm wishing you a Happy Valentine's Day/Week, because in case you didn't hear, you don't have to give/receive something to/from the opposite sex:

It's totally okay to send yourself flowers at work (what a show off) and bake a batch of heart-shaped brownies for your own enjoyment. Just consider it a "me" day.

If you want these cool Valentine's Day cards to send to your crush/bf/gf/bff/ex, go HERE.

Who is actually sending/giving out Valentine's Day cards this year? Do you ever get too old?

Follow me at @BlogwithBenefit

Is love at first sight possible?

2013-02-09T10:23:00.002-08:00

There they were: five gorgeous babes all in white tee's devouring burgers -- I was in aw. I was flustered. I was gawking at a free poster featuring the Backstreet Boys eating Burger King Whoppers that came with my subscription of Teen People. I was 14. I was in love.

Who here has actually experienced love at first sight? Be honest. I want to know. And none of that Catfish shit.

Having grown up and OUT of my BSB stage, it's hard to say whether or not this is a real thing or some made up Nicholas Sparks stuff.

What do you guys think? Is love at first sight possible?

Love at first sight can happen at any given moment and around every corner. A flirty glance and a playful smile could be the beginning of a love that lasts forever. Renowned director and screenwriter, Steven Antin, best known for his film Burlesque, directed this heartfelt and lighthearted story about a chance meeting between two strangers, which blossoms into a passionate fairy tale romance that eventually becomes everlasting love.

(Sponsored)

Definitely trust a guy who...

2013-01-29T21:11:00.000-08:00

I know ya'll love the "Never Trust A Guy Who..." series, but in an effort to not sound so negative Nancy Drew in my effort to help you date the right people, I want you to stop focusing on the bad stuff and start focusing on the good stuff--at least for this post and then you can go back to focusing on the bad stuff.

So ladies, and gents, definitely trust a guy who...

Isn't perfect: just because he didn't go to Harvard, isn't a doctor or doesn't have a Nobel Peace Prize, doesn't mean he lacks depth, intelligence and can't speak a second language. Have you heard of Rosetta Stone? Pft, who needs grad school? I mean, how do you really relate to someone who's serious about wearing Armani Exchange anyway? Besides, the guy who graduated from ITT Tech and has a lucrative career that makes HIM happy might make you MORE happy than Mr. La Di Da Designer Pants.

Has a weird habit, laugh or nervous tendency: take a look in the mirror!

Has mom, dad, family issues, etc.: you're ~~not always~~ probably never going to find someone who's family tree looks like the Brady Bunch's so don't shame someone for not having a family history only TV Land could offer. He's probably a perfectly good guy anyway.

Didn't get you off the first time: maybe he was nervous or maybe he can't read your mind...duh...speak up!

Doesn't like the same weird shit you do: yes, it's a plus to meet someone who's into some of the things you like, but just because he's not a Yoko Ono fan (do you blame him?) or into juice cleanses doesn't mean he should be overlooked. Maybe he could teach you a thing or two about ... oh I don't know, non-Yoko music?

Isn't Mr. Rogers 24/7: remember that one day you got a ticket and/or that time you got a bad haircut--in the SAME week? Remember how you felt like you wanted to start tweeting your deepest emotions for the whole world to see (like those people you hate) and/or crawl into a pizza box before blanketing yourself with ranch dressing? Like you, he's human, so don't get turned off the minute his normally gummy smile and rainbow attitude is replaced with a frown and thunder storm outlook.

Isn't ignoring you: I know we like guys who disregard us, text us dick pics in the middle of the night and forget to write on our Facebook wall when it's our birthday, but maybe it's time to forget about bedroom eyes and go for the guy who actually pays attention to you. Unless of course he's absolutely not your type--something you found out AFTER giving him a chance.

Okay, so hopefully you take some of this seriously and start trusting guys you weren't going to.

I want to hear from GUYS and GIRLS: What are some normal, good traits you think get overlooked?

Follow me @BlogwithBenefit

Photo Source 1, 2

How to meet the parents for the first time

2013-01-18T07:37:00.000-08:00

So it’s time to meet your S/O’s parents. Clearly, you don’t want to fuck it up by being an impolite, poorly dressed, bore. I don’t want you to fail, and I KNOW you don’t want you to fail. There are no second chances people: parents decide your fate.

MEETING THEM

First things first: look in the mirror. Is your hemline above your fingertips? Can I see your clear, sparkly bra straps? Does your normal attire look like a Halloween costume? If you said “yes” to any of that, grab an L.L. Bean catalog right now and order some new clothes. You know that person who said you can never be underdressed for an interview? Meeting parents for the first time is just like an interview, and if you don’t believe me, ask Jeeves.

Try something that covers you up, hides tattoos (don’t scare mom) and don’t wear shirts that are screen printed with weird messages like “I F$%^ Bitches Up.” Also, don’t forget to groom. Why do I even have to tell you that?

Now that you’re dressed appropriately and in the presence of mom and dad, shake hands. You’re not going to land the role of “daughter/son-in-law” by waving from ten feet away, you putz. Extend your arm and give a firm one…but not too firm, you could be dealing with brittle bones.

Next, you’re going to want to channel your inner Pixar and exercise your warm, bubbly personality that’s hidden deep inside a crevice in your soul: think Snow White or that Kia salesman you hate but can’t help liking because he gives you doughnuts and holds doors open.

Also, don’t forget to sit cross legged at all times if wearing a skirt, ladies, and if you're wearing a kilt, Kanye, the rule applies to you too. Mom and dad don't need to view your collection of Hanes, and if you don't wear underwear, now's the time to.

MAKE THEM LOVE YOU

Before you RSVP, ask your S/O about his parents (if you haven’t already, which you should have): what do they do for a living, where are they from, what are their hobbies, are they vegan? Now that you’re beaming with a newly acquainted library of knowledge about the parents, you’re ready to engage and I don’t know, impress them with everything you know about faux chicken nuggets. Mind blowing.

Gratuitous gestures are always pleasing like arriving with a “nice” bottle of $9 Shiraz or a veggie tray if you’ve been invited to their home for dinner. Or, you could be a real saint and stop standing around like you’re fucking Amelia Bloomer and help in the damn kitchen; offer to prep meals, set the table or do some laundry, and insist!

Next you’re going to want to corner the family members, not literally though. Make nice with siblings, grandma’s and neighbors, play catch or sit in on an episode of Storage Wars; this is about bonding and showing you’re interested in what’s most important to your S/O.

Now that you’re besties with everyone, and practically a hit (don’t get ahead of yourself, I said practically), thank the hosts. Shake hands or hug, whatever you’re in the mood for – that Shiraz creeps up on ya!

RULES

Don’t talk about politics, religion, homosexuality or rivaling sports teams. If they ask you, stay neutral.

Put your phone, tablet, laptop, pager, and Snap Chat away. You’re on their time, not “me” time.

No groping.

What's love to you?

2013-01-14T21:59:00.000-08:00

I watched this video and it got me thinking about what love means and a pair of aviators I misplaced that I should find and possibly start wearing indoors. Possibly.

Is life ultimately about being on a quest for love resulting in us falling in love, then out, then back in? Or are we supposed to "go with the flow, and keep it rolling"?

Put your aviators on, watch the video and share your thoughts.

@BlogwithBenefit

Love Story No. 9: Being bold and making a move

2013-01-09T22:09:00.000-08:00

A story about a guy who made a move on his dream girl...

I found her: my dream girl. It was love at first sight, if such a thing exists. She sat at a crowded bar in Los Angeles with two of her girlfriends. She was gorgeous― an angel in her own right. Now, I'd like to point out I'm not the kind of guy who hits on random girls at a bar. Merely the thought of talking to a pretty girl is enough to make my stomach hurt. But I had to say something.

"I would be angry with myself if I left without talking to her," I told my friends. They taunted and prodded me until I agreed to approach to her. But what should I say? How do you stand out from the other 500,000 single males in the city? Being a guy is tough sometimes.

You’re supposed to display confidence, but not be a douche bag. You're supposed to flirt, but not be a creep. And you're supposed to make the first move.

I finally gathered enough courage (read: drank enough beer) to make my approach.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your conversation, but I just wanted to say that I think you're an
effortless beauty."

"Thank you."

"I'm Chad," I said while extending my hand. She shook it. Electricity flowed from her fingertips into mine, up my arm, and into my chest. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins. Before she could tell me her name, I asked if I could play her a song. She looked confused but nodded yes.

So I pulled out the black bamboo flute I had hidden up my sleeve.

Backtrack― I bought the flute an hour earlier from an 80-year-old man named "Rasta P" in the parking lot of Home Depot for $11. Also worth noting: I don't know how to play the flute.

Looking into her eyes, I pressed the flute to my lips and blew away. And I blew hard. A mix of hollow tones and screeching notes filled the bar. Drunk dudes watched in awe as I serenaded my darling with an ear-splitting cacophony. After what seemed like a lifetime, she started laughing. I had done it. Mission accomplished.

"You're a good sport," I told her. I offered a hug, which she accepted. "I'll be sitting in that corner if you want to come talk to me."

A huge smile crossed my face as I walked back to my friends at our table. They laughed hysterically while I explained the genius of my plan. See, I knew if she had a good sense of humor she'd come up to my table, I'd buy her a drink, and we would inevitably live happily ever after. If she didn't, then fuck her. I wouldn't want to date a girl like that anyway (or so I had convinced myself).

I waited.

Five minutes passed and I saw her look at me from across the room. Her friends glanced over. The three of them giggled. My lady stood up and walked directly towards my table.

She was 20 feet away.

I smiled.

10 feet away.

I stood up.

5 feet.

I prepared for a warm embrace and imagined a lifetime of companionship. She walked past my table and out of the bar.

I sat down in silence.

Despite my best efforts, I had failed miserably. But you know what? It was okay. The rejection surprisingly gave me more confidence than I had before. I've come to accept that I'll surely be rejected a hundred more times before finding "the one." Maybe it will be another random girl at a bar, and maybe she'll like my silly jokes more than this girl did. I still go back to the same bar and hope to see her there― not to ask her out again, but to thank her for making me take a different look at dating.

I never did catch her name.

-Chad Bailey; 24, Los Angeles

Follow Chad on Twitter @Chadmander64

Have a story you want to submit? Email me at: Jessica AT Blogwithbenefits DOT com

You might also like:

Love Story No. 7: Trying to move on

Love Story No. 3: love doesn't have to be difficult

Love Story No. 2: dating games

Follow me on Twitter @BlogwithBenefit

Photo Source: NYTimes

The definition of love

2013-01-06T23:20:00.000-08:00

I love/am emotionally attached to a lot of things: Chapstick, socks with non-slip pads on their underside, wooden hangers because they make me feel special, new pillows and celebrity meltdowns, but is that love? Is that the kind of deep euphoric love that Tom Cruise freaked the fuck out about on Oprah Winfrey's couch? Eh.

Love isn’t circumstantial or one-sided; it isn’t telling guys you’re taken at da club or buying a $750,000 Lambo for your boyfriend of a nano-second (Kimye: I MEAN, WTF WAS THAT?!), love is more than that.

Love is being the biggest cheerleader for someone there ever was. It’s like being Kirsten Dunst in Bring it On, but you’re rooting for your bf/gf all the time, and for everything from getting their dream job to getting a car loan approved. It’s truly wanting him/her to succeed in anything they apply themselves to and believing – not thinking – they’re the damn best at what they do.

It’s wanting someone to be happy and wanting to protect this person from any evils in the world like jerky bosses, bully’s and terrorists. It’s also being concerned about someone’s well-being, more than your own sometimes, because if he/she gets swine flu or in a street fight, you would feel that person's pain and…just, no. Don't go there.

Love is wanting to kiss open mouth even when you know he/she is sick. It doesn’t matter because that one kiss could be your last, even if you just got Mono. It’s love, baby.

It’s thinking someone is a perfect 10. This person can sit on the couch in a dirty moo moo, eat Bugles off his/her's fingers and still be a vision inside and out – it’s indescribable.

Love is being kind for no other reason than wanting to; it’s not about ulterior motives or selfish needs. You’re selfless when you’re in love and you’re always there when you’re needed – no distractions like N64 or Twitter – and you’re also doing things you never would have before like buying tampons and, y'know, other weird things we don't talk about but do.

It’s knowing another person better than yourself. You could sense anger/sadness/depression in a two-worded text if you had to. You just know.

Love is arguing. It’s arguing about dirty dishes and lack of communication. But it’s really arguing about the lack of communication, it’s never about the dishes. But you get over it. It’s also about loving a person even when they’re acting like an ass; you know they’ve had a long day or have raging PMS, it will pass (but don’t put up with someone who’s an ass all the time).

Love is wanting to do good, to be a better you, so you can be the best you for this person. It’s working on things someone pointed out are poor attributes, that you’ve known all along and are now willing to change… so they don’t leave you. Yeah, you’re pissed off and ready to throw elbows, but you’re only mad for a little while because you’re in love. And you’ll change.

There are, of course, a lot more notables when it comes to love, but two more things: love is forgetting everyone else that ever hurt you and actually being able to look back and be grateful for so many trivial relationships that brought you to the one you're in.

And you're happy. You're truly happy.

Photo via NastyGal