blogger of la mancha

New Blog Feed Subscription

2009-02-06T17:49:00.004-05:00

I have not been posting on this blog because as I mentioned previously I have started a new blog. I may post on this site again eventually, but for the time being I am trying to get my new blog going before revisiting this one. If you are signed up for the feed for this blog, but have not yet signed up for the feed to the new blog, make sure to click the following link. It will bring you to the page where you can select to subscribe via email or whatever rss feed reader you use whether it be google reader, my yahoo, my aol or any other one. I appreciate your support in this difficult transition. It is greatly appreciated. http://feeds2.feedburner.com/Dickness

The Goings Getting Awful Weird

2009-01-25T09:15:00.001-05:00

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." Hunter S. Thompson

It may seem strange to go pro when you have not really mastered the craft in which you currently retain amateur status. At this point in the arc of my life as a blogger turning pro would be akin to an amateur boxer turning pro after a few unsuccessful fights. Maybe he believes that he has the potential and that by quitting his job and finally making boxing his profession, instead of a hobby, he will finally meet this potential. I am not by any means saying that I would quit my job if I had one to blog for a living, but I would like to blog for a living someday and there is no better time than the present.

Some have said that Google should have kept Chrome in beta for the foreseeable future while it worked out some of the bugs. Those same people probably think getting married to someone you barely know in Las Vegas is a mistake. What if Joe Namath said he hoped he would win, but that realistically he probably wouldn't since he was in the AFL and not the vastly superior NFL? We'd all be speaking Canadian if we had a negative defeatist attitude like that. So without further ado and with little urging from anyone and really no reason other than my own possibly misguided self confidence I am extremely excited to remove the beta tag on my blogging career and officially turn pro.

It is my great pleasure to introduce to you the all new http://www.dickness.com/

My plan is to continue to do this blog, but the new blog will be my primary focus. As you can tell by the title it will be bigger, bolder and more obnoxious than the current one. I don't plan to have it contain graphic nudity and strong sexual content as the name may suggest, but at the very least I am practically contractually obligated by the name of the blog to make jokes referencing my last name. (I will have to read the fine print to see if I am indeed obligated by contract. I will let you know.)

Be the first one on your block to visit http://www.dickness.com/ and spread the dickness to everyone you know. I will apologize once and once only once to any relatives or friends who may read my blog and be shocked or offended by it. It is meant in good fun and it is only going to work the way I plan if I am opinionated and unapologetic so I am sorry if you are offended.

Post-Inaugural Hangover

2009-01-21T16:04:00.002-05:00

Image by scriptingnews via Flickr

Yesterday was an incredible day as Millions of people gathered in Washington D.C. to watch the historic inauguration of Barack Obama as the 44th President of the United States. Millions more watched the inauguration and the inaugural balls that followed on television and the Internet. As I sit here the day after the inauguration I am reminded of the recent South Park episode about the post-election fallout. Of course both sides widely overreacted to the election of Obama and chaos and hilarity ensued in classic South Park fashion. The Obama supporters partied in the streets and spoke of how everything was going to change. The McCain supporters hid in a cave expecting the election of Obama to bring about the Apocalypse. The truth of the matter is that even if Obama truly is the once in a generation leader that many of his supporters believe he will be, his being elected will not magically change the course of the country. Although for a split second during the inauguration I wondered if he was indeed magical. I was watching ABC and one of the commentators suddenly seemed surprised and mentioned how some of the people were walking on the water. They did not quite understand how it was possible. Of course it was pointed out that the water was frozen, but for a brief moment one of the ABC analysts seemed to believe that the Obama magic had helped his supporters to be able to walk on water.

It will likely be a long arduous struggle to attempt to change the track we are currently on and the outcome is not certain even if Obama lives up to all the expectations we have for him. Sometimes circumstances ruin even the noblest of plans or people. Lyndon Johnson planned to introduce the Great Society which he hoped would do for his legacy what the New Deal did for FDR. Of course Vietnam ended up nixing Johnson’s plans and he instead went down as one of the least popular Presidents in modern times. FDR of course was also President during World War II so war played a huge part in histories view of him as well. Sure if you are not a big fan of the New Deal or the idea that government can work for people instead of merely just being a hindrance to their success you may not have had a strong opinion of Johnson anyway, but he would have been thought of in an entirely different light if Vietnam had not played such a central role in his Presidency. Yes that is mainly his fault, but Vietnam was already on the fast track well before Johnson came into office, although he was responsible for escalating it to a whole new awful level and thus his legacy will forever be tarnished by Vietnam.

Putting aside for the moment that President Obama will almost certainly face great challenges, including but not limited to the current financial crisis, yesterday was a proud day to be a citizen of the United States of America. People from countries all over the world were once again envious of America. You can scoff at that if you like, but whether you like it or not much of the world’s opinion on our nation has changed dramatically with the election of Obama. If you were unable to fully appreciate the inauguration and all that it meant I feel sorry for you. Sure some of you who did not enjoy it are staunch Republicans and I can understand that to some extent. You probably view Obama’s election as a huge pothole on the road paved by Ronald Reagan, William Buckley and the conservative movement. It makes sense that you would look at his election and be alarmed that the country is headed in a new direction. Hope for you likely means a disastrous first four years of the Obama administration, but if our country has another four years similar to or worse than the last eight we will all be worse off because of it. If Obama has a successful eight years this does not mean the Conservative movement is dead for the foreseeable future. After Reagan’s eight years it looked bleak for the Democrats, but George H. W. Bush was not able to capitalize on that enough to win a second term. Therefore eight years of Obama may lead to a lesser Democrat winning one term, but if he or she cannot continue that momentum the American voter will have no problem voting for the opposition party. Of course even eight successful years of Obama does not mean a Democrat will be elected if there is no one who is seen as a close enough ally of Obama running for office. Biden may be too old at that point so it remains to be seen. Sure that is way off in the future and no one knows what will happen before then, but my point was that it is in everyone’s best interest to hope Obama and to a greater extent America succeed over the next few years. Sure if you are a Republican it may mean a few more tough years ahead, but ultimately if Obama succeeds so does America.

So while attempting to extend an olive branch to our fellow Americans who are upset by Obama’s election mostly because they are Republicans and he is a Democrat, I would like to take a few moments to speak about a more disturbing group of Obama bashers. I want to make it clear that I do not think everyone who voted against or who still does not support Obama feels this way, but unfortunately there are a fairly sizeable minority who took this opportunity to make jokes about our new President’s race or to make fun of him for being a Muslim even though he is not. I am a staunch supporter of free speech so I respect their right to say these hateful things. Also I am a huge fan of comedy whether it is offensive or not. My problem is that many of these people are not merely just making harmless jokes at Obama’s expense, but that many of them truly despise Obama solely because he has brown skin. Some even believe, despite no evidence to support their belief, that he is a secret Muslim. I understand that uneducated or ignorant people use limited negative experiences they have had with minorities and extrapolate that to an entire race of people, but if you actually watched President Obama yesterday or at any other time and found a reason to include him in your narrow-minded stereotypes about minorities or people with black or brown skin than you are beyond hope. Sure you can say he is the exception that proves the rule which of course makes no sense because it would not be a rule if there was an obvious exception to it nor would an exception prove something to be a rule. That is like saying that one white basketball player being able to jump proves the rule that white people can’t jump. It doesn’t of course it instead proves that although stereotypes are sometimes useful, relying on them too much and failing to look at each person on a case by case basis is lazy and ignorant.

Bill Clinton is another example of someone who is an exception to a stereotype. He was the product of a single parent family from Arkansas. Sure you could try to write him off as a redneck, but because of his superior intellect he was able to attend prestigious schools such as Yale. He also became the governor of Arkansas and leader of the most powerful nation on Earth. Sure he has many faults, but that is not really the point. It is easy to mock him for having a taste for McDonalds cheeseburgers or chubby women, but although this makes him easy to mock you cannot dismiss him as a dumb redneck. I know everyone will say, but wait why is it alright to make fun of Clinton for chasing women and eating McDonalds, but not alright to make fun of Obama. Well I did not say you could not do it, but what made Darrel Hammond’s impression of Clinton so great is that it is an exaggeration of the man, but there is some truth to the exaggeration. If you want to insert Obama’s name into some offensive racist almost madlib-like jokes they won’t work as well as there is little to no truth behind them. Sure people who share your limited worldview may get a kick out of it, but since the only thing Obama has in common with your stereotype of black people is his skin color your jokes will ultimately be lacking for anyone with even the slightest ability to use reason.

Enough with the ranting about race and prejudice I understand that like the General said in the movie Cool Hand Luke “some men you just can’t reach”. One of the great things about our new President is that he does not seem to believe that. He thinks he can reach everyone and maybe to a fault at times he tries hard to reach a consensus even when he does not need to do so. He could probably get much of what he wants to get accomplished by relying on the Democratic majority in Congress and getting a few Republicans to cross over here and there depending on the issue, but he instead has made a point of reaching out to Republicans. Sure it is just the beginning of his Presidency and there is much to be learned about Obama and of course the office of the Presidency may change him in the coming years, but it is reasonable to be hopeful based on what we have seen and heard so far.

I had previously discussed the anticipation of the inauguration and the what the television coverage of the inauguration would most likely look like by the major networks and the twenty four hour news networks. If you are interested click the link Obama Inauguration Nearing

Update I have a new blog and I have a new Obama post at the new blog http://www.dickness.com/2009/01/27/inauguration-a-day-in-pictures/

Terry Gilliam to Return to Tilting at Windmills in Hopes of Bringing Quixote to Big Screen

2009-01-19T18:36:00.001-05:00

Image via Wikipedia

According to Cinematical.com, Terry Gilliam is set to make another attempt at making a movie based on the classic novel Don Quixote by Miquel Cervantes. The initial attempts at making the film were disastrous and have for years been the subject of much discussion and rumor by film and literary fans alike. It almost seemed as though the film was cursed by some sort of enchantment the likes of which Quixote was familiar with during his many adventures. Cervantes made numerous references in the second Quixote book (now usually sold as one book instead of two) to his disdain for imposters who tried to pass off their works as though they were official adventures of Don Quixote. One would hope that Cervantes would have appreciated Gilliam bringing his work to a whole new audience if he ends up making a film worthy of the original source material. Having heard some of the tales from the initial attempts at making the film if I was of a mind like Don Quixote’s, instead of a skeptical mind like my own, I would seriously wonder if the project was indeed doomed.

Gilliam did a great job in successfully adapting “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas” by Hunter S. Thompson for the big screen. Unlike Cervantes, Hunter was still very much alive when Gilliam made the movie so he would have likely received the full wrath of Thompson and his many fans if he had messed up the film adaptation of Fear and Loathing. It will be interesting to see if he can meet or succeed his success in bringing Raoul Duke and Dr. Gonzo to the screen with Quixote and his sidekick Sancho Panza.

People often ask me why this blog is titled Blogger of La Mancha, they asked more before I put up an explanation about it on the main page, but hopefully if this movie is made a new generation will come to enjoy the story of the legendary Knights-Errant Don Quixote Man of La Mancha and his trusty squire Sancho Panza. I became of a fan of Hunter S. Thompson’s after seeing the movie by Gilliam so hopefully the new movie will do the same. Yes it does seem strange to me too that I somehow lived twenty years without ever hearing of the great doctor of journalism.

Full Disclosure: I know most people when referencing Gilliam would mention Monty Python, but somehow I have never really gotten into Monty Python. I know everyone tells me I should love it, but I did not like it as a young kid and have never really revisited it. Maybe someday I will. After reading Gilliam’s filmography on Imdb.com it is pretty remarkable how many interesting projects he has been involved in.

Obama Inauguration Nearing

2009-01-14T17:28:00.002-05:00

This is an historic time for our country. Change is coming to Washington courtesy of our next President Barack Obama. It seems as though the election ended years ago and everyone including our current President seems to want to get on with the inauguration already. Unfortunately I will not be going. I do not have the resources (cash) or the connections to be able to pull of the trip to DC. I will instead watch it on television. I was going through my television’s guide last night and was amused by the coverage or lack thereof in some cases on the major networks and the 24 hour news networks.

(Update click here for Post-Inaugural Hangover)

CBS covers the inauguration from 10:00-1:00 AM with a short break for local news and then continues coverage from 1:30-5:00 PM. CBS does not devote any of its primetime lineup to the inaugural ball instead choosing to show NCIS, Challenge and the Mentalist

ABC has perhaps the most extensive coverage. It begins with coverage from 10:00 AM-5:00 PM and then continues with a two hour primetime special called The Neighborhood Ball: In Inauguration Celebration.

Fox is noticeably absent from the other major networks in covering the Inauguration. They show American Idol and Fringe. Fringe is a good show for those who are not aware of it. For those who are not aware of American Idol, alright unfortunately everyone is aware of that show. To be fair to Fox (and balanced) they do have coverage on Fox News beginning at 8:30 AM-3:00PM. They then have the inaugural ball from 9:00 PM-1:00 AM. The regular programming is scheduled for most of the day, but will likely include coverage and discussion of the day’s events. If you are not a big Obama fan and are looking for coverage that will reinforce this opinion this is probably your best best. I am somewhat surprised that they are not airing the Sean Hannity Special Obama and Friends which basically asserts that our next President is a Muslim extremist. Kudos to Fox maybe they are going to in fact try to be fair and balanced for one day.

NBC starts with coverage from 10:30 AM-4:00, but cuts coverage in order to air Oprah at 4:00. My guess is Oprah has some sort of special coverage planned regarding the inauguration as she is an unabashed supporter. I do not watch Oprah nor do I have any information on what she has planned so if that is the sort of thing that interests you feel free to tune in to find out. Oprah may be a syndicated show so in your area it may be ABC or some other network which cuts off some of its inaugural coverage to show Oprah instead. Like Fox NBC eschews primetime coverage of the inaugural ball instead choosing to show the Biggest Loser. I was outraged at first thinking this was a show hosted by Keith Olbermann where he made fun of John McCain and Sarah Palin for two hours, but it is actually just an episode of that silly reality weight loss show. Like Fox, NBC also has a 24 hour news network in MSNBC and they have a full days worth of coverage as well. NBC usually separates NBC from MSNBC for the most part. MSNBC is the polar opposite of Fox News for those who are not familiar.

CNN will also have around the clock coverage. Of the 24 hour news networks CNN is really the only one who tries to be somewhat balanced in spite of some of the other networks who openly brag about their balanced coverage.

CBS, ABC and NBC which all have morning shows and evening newscasts will cover the inauguration extensively as well. The local newscasts will also likely cover the inauguration so if you are like me and unable to go to DC for this historic inauguration there will be plenty of coverage around the clock from all the major networks and the 24 hour news networks.

Conchords Prepared to Take Flight For Season Two on HBO

2009-01-13T17:06:00.001-05:00

The hilarious New Zealand folk comedy duo Flight of the Conchords returns to HBO this Sunday January 18th at 10 pm. If you are among the many who missed out on Season one I suggest you rent the DVD, but not because you would be unable to understand season two without seeing the first as it is not really that complicated. Jemaine and Bret (yes that is how they spell their names) are a real band from New Zealand and they play a fictionalized version of themselves on the show. On the show they have an agent, also from New Zealand, who works at the New Zealand tourism board in New York City. They are the only band he manages. Some of the funnier non-musical portions of the show are the band meetings they have with their manager Murray which take place in his work office. They have only one fan who is completely obsessed with them and basically a stalker. She openly throws herself at them right in front of her husband.

The strength of the show is the music. The topics they sing about are usually completely silly, but they manage to do a good job of making them funny and well constructed. They often break into falsetto or sometimes they rap. I do not want to waste too much time describing the show instead I will show a few clips. Also apparently the first episode is already available on demand on some cable systems. Time Warner has it on the free on demand channel as well as HBO on demand. They also put the first episode online already at Funnyordie.com. Just click the following link Conchords Season 2 Premiere

I have not watched it yet, but I notice from the comments that people are already saying it is not as funny as season one. I will reserve judgment until after I see it, but it was inevitable that a cult hit like this would be praised by everyone who watched it the first season and then panned by the same people the next season. It happens with just about every show. I hear people tell me all the time that South Park used to be good, but they have not watched it in years. This is mostly due to it not being hip to watch the show anymore as I thought this past season was one of the best ever. It is all about expectations. When a good show comes along and catches you by surprise and exceeds your expectations you fall completely for it. The next season your expectations are raised to extreme heights that the previous season probably never actually reached and thus when it does not meet these lofty standards you have set for it, you are disappointed. Sort of like if you have someone new you are seeing and you wildly overrate them as though they are perfect. No one is perfect just as no show is perfect. Here are a few clips from season one. Hope you enjoy them.

Those are just two examples. It is pretty impressive that they are able to come up with thirteen episodes a year with each including a few new songs. So cut them some slack if every song does not live up to some of their previous gems. So how about you watching season two? Is that something you want to do? Just click on the link to view. If that is what you’re into.

Ghost Town Reviewed and Introducing the Romantic Comedy Watch-Abilty Scale

2009-01-10T16:10:00.014-05:00

Ghost Town stars Ricky Gervais (creator and star of the British version of the Office), Tea Leoni and Greg Kinnear. It is Gervais' first leading role in a movie and although it is nothing spectacular he does a decent job at it. It is a fairly conventional romantic comedy which usually is not my cup of tea. Get it Gervais is British... cup of tea...seriously though. Gervais plays a lonely depressed dentist who cannot stand people. He goes in for a routine colonoscopy, but requests anesthesia. I can understand the thought process, but it generally is not covered for such a procedure. Certainly this is the sort of thing one would be willing to splurge on though. After leaving the hospital he makes a comment to a nurse who is dressed up in a world war II era nurse's outfit. She is excited that he can see her and tells him so. He thinks she is crazy as she starts following him. Soon she tells others that he can see them and they begin following him. He believes that he is hallucinating so he later returns to the hospital to see if there was anything unusual about his surgery (yes a colonoscopy is considered a surgery). When he goes back to the hospital it is eventually revealed to him by his surgeon, Kristen Wiig of Saturday Night Live, that he died for seven minutes on the night of his surgery.

Having died and come back to life he is now able to see and communicate with the dead a not so well known fringe benefit of briefly dying. You think people purposely flat lined when they thought they could visit loved ones or people who passed on in some sort of netherworld as in the movie Flatliners, well imagine how common it would be if people thought they could speak to ghosts. Maybe not so common, but I imagine it would have sort of a cult following among certain people. Greg Kinnear is one of the ghosts who he communicates with and Kinnear convinces him to attempt to break up his ex-wife played by Tea Leoni from her new fiance played by Billy Campbell. Her new fiance appears to be perfect in every way, but Kinnear insists he is not. Not surprisingly Gervais soon falls for Leoni and she seems to like him as well. He makes her laugh. If you have never seen the British version of the Office or Extras and are not familiar with Gervais' somewhat unique brand of British humor it is somewhat dry. He mumbles often and with a British accent so if you are not paying attention it is easy to miss what he is saying. He is funny on occasion in this movie, but it is nothing like his character Michael Scott from the Office. Of course that is one of the best comedy series in television history so maybe that is too high a threshold to compare it to.

It reminds me of a cross between the movies Ghost and Groundhog Day. I suspect it may have originally been a bit of a satire on films such as Ghost, but it does not really go the satire route much, surprisingly. It mostly plays it straight forward.

Are you having a laugh? Well a few, but not as many as I expected. A reference from Extras for those who did not get that. On the romantic comedy watch-ability scale which I just came up with which goes from 1-10 with 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest. Ghost gets a 1.5 and Groundhog Day gets a 10. A popular theory about romantic comedies is that the attractiveness of the female in the lead is the most important thing to get you through the movie if you are a male who was dragged kicking and screaming to the theater. As a last resort that will help a little, but if the movie is just downright crazy like Bride Wars starring Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway appears to be, then it does not matter how attractive the female lead is you will be miserable.

Strangely enough I will submit that the male lead is likely a better indicator of how enjoyable a romantic comedy will be for a male. Just hear me out. Groundhog Day had Bill Murray and he has the ability to lift even mediocre or bad material and make it worth watching. I'm not saying it would have been bad if he was not in it as the material was good and Harold Ramis usually does a good job. If you had replaced him with a fairly talented and likable leading man it might have been decent, but if you replaced him with Richard Gere it would have been unwatchable from a man's prospective. That said although Gervais is an extremely funny and talented man his performance does not compare to Murray in Groundhog Day nor are the movies comparable in quality. It does however compare favorably to Ghost from a man's prospective. The only redeeming scene in Ghost is when Whoopi Goldberg kisses Demi Moore. The sexual chemistry between Leoni and Gervais is only slightly better than that between Goldberg and Moore.

So all things considered it gets a six on the romantic comedy watch-ability scale. I'm sure other people have made similar scales, but I am not aware of them and I apologize in advance to anyone who came up with this idea before me. Until I can come up with a better name for this scale I will continue to call it the rc was. I am open to suggestions on a new name for this scale. No I will not rename it the bromantic comedy scale as that is dumb and if you find the word bromance or any variation of that word funny you should be embarrassed. Also if you like using the word bromance you probably do not agree with my rating of Ghost. Of course if that is the case than you do not need this scale and it was not meant for you. You should still read it and all of my other posts for educational purposes though. It is nothing personal. I am sure you a great guy and I bet some women are probably more than happy to date a eunuch who is excited to go see Bride Wars with them.

Full disclosure: I talk tough, but if a woman I liked wanted me to go see Bride Wars with her I would. After the movie I would be willing to go to Bed Bath and Beyond while she picked out bed clothes. Although tempted I would probably not make any jokes about how my clothes on the floor would really help decorate her room. Sad, but true.

2009 In Cinema: Even More 80's Cartoons Come to the Screen Along with Remakes and Sequels

2009-01-09T03:16:00.004-05:00

Not long ago I made a joke in one of my posts. Wait I wasn't finished yet, but yeah maybe there haven't been enough jokes lately. Anyway the joke was a fake quote from Kevin Bacon questioning Samuel L. Jackson for being in the movie the Spirit. In this joke Bacon was on the set of Footloose 2. The next day I found out that there is actually a re-imagining of Footloose being filmed which will star the kid from those highly popular Disney High School Musicals. I wish it was a joke, but unfortunately it is not. It will also probably be wildly successful. Now if it was actually Footloose 2 starring Kevin Bacon it would me somewhat interesting. Kevin Bacon has now become one of those people he rebelled against when he was younger, but he is tired of living by their rules and he suddenly begins dancing in old factories and warehouses again. I haven't seen the old Footloose in years, but if memory serves me correctly there is much unintentional comedic gold to be found. It saddens me to think that they will essentially just remake it into High School Musical 10 or whatever as Footloose 2 had so much more potential.

I read many sites on the Internet which contain movie reviews and also rumors of upcoming movies. The Footloose remake is just part of a scary trend where all of the big movies are bad rehashes of old movies, sequels or are adapted from 80's cartoons. First there was Transformers, Garfield, and Alvin and the Chipmunks. Look I understand when they make movies like Alvin and the Chipmunks for kids that doesn't really bother me, but look at this excerpt from Variety discussing the movies that will be advertised during the Super Bowl. Confirmed for this year's roster are high-profile titles like Paramount's "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen," "Star Trek" and "G.I. Joe"; Sony’s "Angels & Demons"; DreamWorks Animation's "Monsters vs. Aliens"; and Universal's "Land of the Lost" and its fourth installment in "The Fast and the Furious" franchise. Disney is also planning to use the game to raise the profile for Pixar's next toon, "Up," while a "Wolverine" spot is likely from Fox.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen -both a sequel and an 80's cartoon. Should be successful at the box office. More of the same from the first one including lots of eye candy in the form of explosions and Megan Fox. Not really anything inspired, but I will probably watch it on Blu-Ray or when it comes on cable.

Star Trek - yet another in a long line of Star Trek movies that I have no interest in. I realize there is a huge loyal following for this franchise and it will probably be the biggest movie of the summer unless that Footloose movie comes out this summer and then all bets will be off. Again I realize it has a rabid fan base, but to me it is sort of like getting excited about Happy Days the movie. Except I believe Happy Days didn't get canceled early in its existence due to low ratings. Also it would be foolish to try to cast someone as Fonzi no one could possibly be that cool. Although it would be funny if Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp were fighting over the part, although the more likely scenario would probably be that Nic Cage would be the one who ended up playing him and the promo would say Happy Days starring Oscar Winner Nicholas Cage as Fonzi. It would be worth it for them to make the movie just to hear that in the trailer.

G.I. Joe - look I know he is a real American hero and all and there was no bigger fan of his in the 80's than me, but... seriously I don't know why I bother. I haven't heard enough rumors about this one to know what to expect. I think it is a live action version. It is somewhat amusing when they take silly cartoons and make major blockbuster movies out them. Transformers is an obvious example. I half expect them to make a major blockbuster movie about Captain Crunch I guess it is probably more amusing that men my age get excited to see all of the trailers and here all of the rumors about who will star in and direct the movies. As always imdb.com is a goldmine. It lists the entire cast and it has some interesting choices. Marlon Wayans as Ripcord. Sadly I don't remember who Ripcord is, but I know if Marlon Wayans is the third actor listed on your cast list on imdb.com it is probably a bad sign. Sienna Miller as the Baroness. I can't argue with that one. Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander. He is a pretty good actor. He was really good in Brick and the Lookout, both of which I highly recommend if you haven't seen them. I don't know if I can picture him screaming COBRA with the same voice as the cartoon, but it will probably be funny if he does. Once my cousin and his roommate decided it would be a good idea if we rented the GI Joe Movie (the old animated one). Their plan was to drink every time they said Yo Joe or Cobra. We could not make it through the opening song as they kept repeating them over and over. It was a mess.

Angels and Demons - Sequel or prequel to the DaVinci Code I'm not sure which. Anyway there is a loyal and vast following for this movie also. I never read either book, but I saw the first movie. Based on that I don't have much interest in this movie, but I might watch it on cable eventually.

Land Of the Lost - I was going to skip this one as I didn't really know anything about it, but apparently it is a live action version of the popular animated movie series Land of the Lost. It stars Will Ferrell and even Danny McBride is in it. I am speechless. I don't know what to say. Anyway East Bound and Down should be coming on HBO soon. It is produced by Ferrell and McBride is in it. McBride has become one of my favorite comic actors recently in movies such as Pineapple Express, the Footfist Way and Tropic Thunder. I am looking forward to East Bound and Down, but not so much Land of the Lost unless I am way off base in what I think this movie is going to be like.

Update: Apparently there was a live-action show called Land of the Lost from the Seventies which this movie is based on. After reading some reviews I am slightly more optimistic as long as they stray pretty far from the original show. I've never seen the original show. How old do you think I am? It never ceases to amaze me when researching just about any topic on the internet there is always someone who is maniacally devoted to that topic. I read a post from someone who was extremely worried that Ferrell would deviate from the original show's format. This man seemed way too excited that this obscure show from decades ago was being adapted into a new movie. Again I have never seen the original show so I could be off base maybe the show was amazing and I am not judging there are probably things that I am passionate about that others would find strange. I hope someday there will be at least one person who is that passionate about my blogging.

Fast and the Furious the Fourth Edition - How has this franchise not been relegated to direct to dvd yet. I thought the third one was already. Anyway this is maybe the best example yet of a lack of creativity in Hollywood or maybe it is an example of the sort of movies that get green-lighted and receive a wide release.

Wolverine - Tells the origin of the X-Man Wolverine before he became one of the uncanny super heroes. Another movie that has a rabid, no pun intended, following built-in based on the popularity of the X-Men comic books and Wolverine in particular. It seems he is the favorite X-Man of most fans as most who start reading these comics are young boys who admire the most macho of the X-Men characters. In most cases he is everything they are not. I watched the three X-Men movies. The first was decent, but by the third film it wasn't really that strong anymore. I am not looking forward to this as much as many comic book fans appear to be, but then again a few years ago I probably wouldn't have believed you if you would have told me two of my favorite movies of last year would be Iron Man and the second installment of the new Batman franchise. I was never really into comic books as a kid. I did enjoy the Tim Burton Batman movies although they don't compare well to the new Christopher Nolan Batman films, particularly the Dark Knight. I watched all the super hero cartoons and the Superman movies when I was younger. Not to get off track, but how did they mess up Superman? That new movie was horrible and Superman was always the most popular superhero. Strange.

Pixar's Up - I don't know much about this film, but given Pixar's track record and the underwhelming list of movies above. It is likely the best movie of those being advertised during the Super Bowl will be the only one that was not a sequel or a remake. It isn't even based on an 80's cartoon.

It is not a list of all the movies coming out next year, but the Super Bowl is the most watched television event of the year so studios line up to advertise for what they think will be their biggest hits. There don't appear to be any really good movies on this list. Another movie that has not been signed up for an advertisement yet according to the article, but seems like a good fit is the post-Arnold Terminator: Salvation. Also I will be looking forward to next summer's big movie Captain Crunch starring Oscar Winner Sir Anthony Hopkins.

Wristcutters: A Love Story

2009-01-06T00:56:00.010-05:00

I was feeling a little down last night. I had a falling out with a friend of mine and it was almost entirely my fault. Alright it was entirely my fault. So I went to the grocery store and picked up some food and more importantly some beer. I already apologized to her via email and I haven't heard back from her as to whether she accepted my apology or not. There was nothing on television and I really didn't feel like sitting around all night feeling sorry for myself and waiting to see if I got any emails or comments on my blog from her or anyone else. I remembered that there was a movie on the HD on Demand movie channel that another friend had recommended. The title of the movie is Wristcutters: A Love Story. Initially I was not really that excited to watch a film that based on its title was about people committing suicide. Not exactly uplifting under any circumstances, but when I was already in a somewhat depressive state it seemed like a bad idea. Not that it would be dangerous for me to watch the movie or anything as I wasn't that depressed and despite being down at times in my life cutting my wrists or any other attempts at suicide were never an option for me.

Since I had nothing else to do I relented and decided to watch the movie. I knew it was an independent movie and I am often a fan of indie movies so I was prepared for an offbeat experience. I had previously read the plot for the movie so I was somewhat aware of what to expect. It starts out with a young probably college age man named Zia played by Patrick Fugit (Almost Famous, Bickford Schmeckler...,) who commits suicide by cutting his wrists. Yeah not exactly an uplifting way to start the movie. Anyway when he dies he goes to a pergutory of sorts where everyone who has committed suicide goes. It is sort of a wasteland which appears to be the desert lands somewhere in Nevada, Arizona or Eastern California. No one smiles. Everyone committed suicide so that is not really a surprise. Zia has a pretty mundane job at Kamikaze Pizza (this is also the name of the graphic novel which like this movie was based on the short story short story "Kneller's Happy Campers" by Isreali author Etgar Keret) and soon befriends a Russian man, played by Shea Wigham (never heard of this actor nor had I seen him in anything else but he is likely the best part of the whole movie), who killed himself while onstage performing, He was a lead singer in a band. They play a lot of the music from this band in the movie which was apparently supplied by a band called Gogol Bordello. The music eventually grew on me as did the movie.

The duo soon goes on the road in search of Zia's girlfriend, played by Leslie Bibb (Talladega Nights, Iron Man) after he learns that she committed suicide a month after he did. She left him which was the impetus for his suicide. On their journey they meet up with some interesting characters including a young woman, played by Shannyn Sossamon (One Missed Call), who insists that there was a mix up and that she did not commit suicide but actually accidentally overdosed. She is determined to meet whoever runs this place and clear up what she feels is a misunderstanding.

Other appearaces are made by some interesting actors you may be familiar with including the always colorful Tom Waits and Will Arnett in a brief role. The movie does indeed live up to its name and if you like indie movies you will probably like this movie. If you do not think a slow paced road movie featuring some colorful characters and an admittedly unconventional subject matter is for you than maybe it isn't. It starts out with someone cutting his wrists and going to a purgatory for those who committed suicide so they obviously take some liberties with reality along the way. I was not really looking forward to this movie and by the end of it I was not only a fan of the movie, I also felt better than I did before watching the movie. Who would think that a movie that starts with someone slitting their wrists actually cheered me up.

Miscellanea II: The Seach for Scarlet Jo's Boobs

2009-01-04T15:08:00.010-05:00

Why is there another picture of Scarlet Johannson and her rather ample chest in the new Miscellanea post? You say why I say why not. Although I thought it would be nice to have a common element to all my Miscellanea posts. So for the time being every time I post one of these I will include a picture of Scarlet and friends. I am not that aware of how it works regarding copyright in regards to images found on Google Image and posted on this blog. I usually take them from some other blog that appears to have taken it from somewhere else. If there is someone who has a copyright and requests me to take down the image I will certainly do so. If Scarlet herself reads this, which of course is extremely unlikely please know that I do appreciate your acting ability as well, but unfortunately it doesn't attract an audience's attention as much as your other attributes do. Sorry.

A Brewing Controversy

First let me start with the brewing controversy (pun intended). There were some unfortunate comments on one of my posts regarding a long lost friend and his struggles with alcohol and gambling among other things. All involved regret what happened and would like to apologize for their actions. If the offended party would like me to I would be willing to remove the disparaging comments despite my obvious reluctance to censor comments on this site. That said some good has come of the whole mess. I have gotten back in touch with a long lost friend who in addition to finding this blog has apparently found himself as well. Also there have been more comments on this blog in the past 24 hours than in the entirety of its history. That has been my goal all along to get people commenting and participating in the blog. Some comments are hurtful or mean spirited, such as some of those by my brother towards me, but like an exotic dancer whose boyfriend treats her like crap I am willing to put up with any attention at all even if it is hurtful.

The first rule of a**sen*e is you do not talk about it.

I would never discuss the a*v*rti*e*e*ts located in my blog as it is expressly forbidden, but I am allowed to discuss the ones on Myspace. It was alright when they continually put the promos for online dating including videos of attractive women closer to my age or at least of college age, but they have gone a little too far now. They rotate a series of a*s now featuring young actresses from Disney in various states of undress. In the grand scheme of things it really isn't too big of a deal, but I don't think it is too much to ask to not have to look at such things when you log onto your Myspace account. The latest one was asking something along the lines of which one will you date and showed a picture of a few of the Disney actresses one of which is obviously underage (see Cyrus, Miley). Well I don't know that she is obviously underage, but I happen to know that she is underage. First I'm sure she is not signed up for this dating service and second if she was she is under 18 so it is inappropriate to show photos of her with her bra and cleavage exposed promoting this dating service particularly to someone who is well over 18. At the very least they should have pictures of Scarlet Johannson's breasts as a respectable site would do.

Yankees Still Suck

To quote Forrest Gump "And that's all I have to say about that."

The Patriot's Do Not

I should probably be more bitter about the Patriot's not making the playoffs in spite of their amazing 11-5 finish despite injuries to their franchise quarterback and half of their defense. Yes San Diego made the playoffs with an 8-8 record and the Patriots like San Diego were playing their best football at the end of the season and were poised to possibly make an extended playoff run if they had made it in, but they accomplished far more than anyone expected of them and in the process it gave me great pleasure in rooting for them this year. So I am not really as bitter as I would expect to be, besides it would be crazy to put all of the top seeds in the playoffs regardless of divisions or conferences. It is not always going to be perfectly fair, but at least there are not undefeated teams who do not make the playoffs as is the case in College Football. I don't really watch College Football though so I won't get that worked up about the BCS and its lack of a playoff system. I'll leave that to others who have less important things to worry about such as President-Elect Obama.

That wraps up the second installment in the Miscellanea series of posts. Anytime I have a few different topics I would like to comment on, but they don't really warrant a post of their own I will put them in one of these miscellaneous posts. As always feel free to comment and thank you for your continued support.

The Devil and Ryan Seacrest

2009-01-01T14:42:00.007-05:00

Ryan Seacrest's career arch has been eerily similar to that of Dick Clark. He started off on some cheesy show with young singers that for some reason captivated America. Seacrest started with American Idol and Clark for those not familiar started with American Bandstand. Both later became a producer of a large amount of television shows and appeared on television roughly 20 hours a day. Seacrest is now poised to take over for Dick Clark, which means there are three possibilities for why this is happening. The first possibility is that Dick Clark recognized his potential and decided to mentor him knowing he would be a worthy successor to him. In this scenario Dick Clark is an aging television veteran who sees himself in the scrappy younger hard working Seacrest. This is of course not likely, but it is probably what most people believe. The next possibility is that it is similar to an old movie or tv show I once saw, possibly Tales From the Crypt, where the old magician switches bodies with the younger one. Now Seacrest is stuck in Dick Clark's old stroke-riddled body. This is highly likely. The third possibility is that even though Dick Clark is the Devil he needed an apprentice to take over eventually as people would start getting suspicious if Dick Clark was still hosting the Rocking New Year's Eve Specials in 3010. I don't know enough about his shape-shifting abilities to know whether he could just switch appearances rather than give his job to an apprentice. The third possibility overlaps somewhat with the other two as they all take into account that Dick Clark is either actually aging or that he needs to feign aging in order to convince everyone he is not the Devil. Maybe it is a combination of these scenarios or something entirely different than anything I thought up. Again all we can be sure of is that Dick Clark is the devil and Ryan Seacrest is his apprentice.

Full Disclosure: I originally included this post as an update to the bottom of my I Resolve to Be Less Lame post, but that post was really lame and it was likely this post would never be read by anyone so instead I have detached it from that retched steaming pile of a post and made it it's own post. It is a tribute to the Devil and Daniel Webster. If any of you aren't familiar with it they made a mediocre update recently called Shortcut to Happiness with Alec Baldwin as a fledgling writer who wished for success, Anthony Hopkins as Daniel Webster the attorney who would go up against the Devil in a courtroom to battle for the writer's soul and Jennifer Love Hewitt as the Devil. It could be that this is the exact scenario playing out with Ryan Seacrest and Dick Clark. I do not have all of the details. Of course I do not have any hard evidence that indicates that Dick Clark is the Devil and Ryan Seacrest is his apprentice so let's just say I was joking about all of the above and conclude that the initial scenario of the aging television veteran and the younger scrappy upstart is actually what is occuring. Of course I do not have the services of Daniel Webster as I did not sell my soul in order to attain more success with this blog as is apparent by my limited readership.

I Resolve to Be Less Lame

2008-12-31T23:54:00.006-05:00

I am sitting in front of my keyboard blogging on New Year's Eve. Extremely tentative plans for New Year's had fallen through so having no plans I watched Tropic Thunder as blogged about earlier and then watched the Dark Knight which I will not blog about. It was great, but I don't really have much to say about it except Director Christopher Nolan and the late Heath Ledger were incredible. The movies were over at 11:15 so so I avoided watching the New Year's Eve Specials until I finally relented at about 11:51.

I was not too excited about watching either of the New Year's Eve Specials as the choice was either Miley Cyrus on MTV or Dick Clark's special hosted by Ryan Seacrest on MTV. I reluctantly went with Dick Clark and was frightened upon turning it on to see Miley Cyrus, but I realized it was a commercial for Disneyland or something like that. So at least I did have a decision after all rather than choosing two different specials with Miley on them. It quickly got worse though as the screen soon showed Ryan Seacrest, the Jonas Brothers, Lionel Ritchie and various other untalented pop stars with whom I wasn't too familiar. Also along with Ryan Seacrest they had this ditzy blond American Idol reject named Kelly Pickler interviewing the crowd and she provided the only slight laugh of the night for me when she said I love you Dick. Yeah I know I am easily amused. I only watched it for 10 minutes just to see the ball drop and no that was not some sort of puberty joke about the Jonas Brothers. Not that it matters if their balls drop because supposedly they are saving themselves for marriage. If that is true they are going to be kicking themselves someday when they are washed up 40 year olds on some sort celebrity rehab show. As much as I don't like them I hope for their sake that this is a publicity stunt and they are really hooking up with all sorts of groupies.

So obviously based on the contents of this post so far on this particular New Year's and also for far too much of the past year I did not lead too exciting a life. My 2009 resolution is to be less lame in the coming year. Next New Year I need to go to Vegas, Prague, Montreal or at the very least Boston. I was a little depressed thinking that 79 year old Dick Clark in the studio was more drunk than I was sitting in my house as I had only had one beer so far. Of course I knew he was not drunk, but had recovered from a stroke a few years earlier which makes me a jerk I guess, but I think there is a possibility that Dick Clark is in fact the Devil. I thought he was close to 100 a few years ago and before he had the stroke he seemed to have eternal youth. Obviously I seemed to have been off by a few years and the stroke seems to disprove my theory. Of course the greatest trick the Devil ever played was making the world believe he didn't exist or something to that effect.

The sad thing is I still had that show on in the background and I actually kind of enjoyed this guy named Neyo's performance I think it was because I was expecting it to be one of the wonderful performers I talked about earlier and it was a relief when it turned out to be someone other than the Jonas Brothers. I just got another beer and now the Pussycat Dolls are on. Ryan Seacrest said something about them being able to sing and looking good. If it wasn't for the fact that they were females I would think he was hitting on them. Maybe if he had said it about the Jonas Brothers that would have been his reason. The lead pussycat (pictured below) dates Lewis Hamilton the champion race car driver from Formula 1 and she is attractive and exotic looking, but to say she is a good singer is not entirely honest. In fact I think it is possible the Pusscat Dolls are less talented than the Spice Girls. I had to quickly turn the channel when some terrible act named Jesse McCartney came on after the first note I changed channels and realized there was a third show on NBC hosted by Carson Daly. He is not my favorite but I would have chosen him over the other two if I knew I could have. His show ended as soon as I turned it on. Good times.

So next year my plan is to kick some ass beginning with the blog. This post is not included because I started it before midnight. So it is allowed to be lame thankfully. Unfortunately I am usually horrible at following my resolutions. Last year I resolved to be a millionaire this year, but obviously that didn't happen. I am closer to being a hundredaire than a millionaire. Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind. Celebrate good times and other such songs of joy do nothing to lift my spirits. Even the joker who has a perpetual smile was unable to cheer me up. I received 2 text messages wishing me a happy New Year and one of them was from a # I did not recognize so either it was someone I know using a different number than I have them listed at or it was a wrong number. I cheerfully wished them a happy New Year anyway and I will do the same to all 3 of you who make it to this end of this woeful post. Hopefully the picture of the singer from the Pussycat Dolls kept you interested otherwise I am sorry and I hope your New Year's Eve was significantly better than mine. At the very least I resolve to get drunk next year if I end up sitting at home by myself at least then maybe my blog will be more interesting.

Tropic Thunder is the Funniest Movie of the Year

2008-12-31T15:05:00.005-05:00

Quick thoughts after watching Tropic Thunder. Yeah I know everyone else has probably seen it already. If you haven't make sure you do right away. I laughed out loud constantly during the movie. Most of the time I was laughing it was at Robert Downey Jr's character. He is certainly one of the most talented actors in Hollywood. I was really impressed by Ben Stiller for directing and co-writing the screenplay. Much like Will Ferrell, Stiller has been coasting the last few years making mostly mediocre and sometimes completely unfunny comedies. He usually played the same character and it seemed like he took whatever part was offered to him. Obviously he has a keen comedic sense so it seems odd that he would take so many bad roles. Hopefully he continues to make more ballsy movies like this instead of moronic comedies like the Heartbreak Kid or Along Came Polly.

The most surprising performance in the movie belongs to Tom Cruise. I had heard through the grapevine that he had a cameo and that it was amazingly funny and unlike anything Tom Cruise had done before. I don't want to give anything away that will ruin it for those who haven't seen it so let me just say that he was even better than I had heard he was going to be. Everyone knows he is crazy in real life, but he shows here that given the right material he can do comedy really well and also that he is willing to make an ass out of himself which I would not have expected. Well he generally does that anytime he does an interview, but the video on Youtube about his views on Scientology and his erratic behavior on Oprah were unintentional comedy. Pretty much everyone else in the movie was good including Danny McBride (Pineapple Express, the Foot Fist Way ) who is not well known yet, but has been good in all three of the movies I have seen him in. The one minor exception was Jack Black. He was not terrible, but other than the fake trailer of his movie at the beginning which was good, his character was a bit of a miss or at least when compared to everyone else. There are tons of cameos in the movie none of which are comparable to Tom Cruise's hilarious cameo. It was a great surprise that this movie beat out Pineapple Express as my favorite comedy of the year. I was a huge fan of Pineapple Express and it was a really funny movie, but it did not have nearly as many moments where I found myself unable to control my laughter. If you are easily offended or are overly politically correct maybe this is not the movie for you, but for everyone else I highly recommend it.

Google Reader Will Change Your Life It Changed Mine

2008-12-30T00:43:00.005-05:00

I used to be a sad lonely shell of a man until i discovered Google Reader. Now my Google Reader inbox is constantly filled with interesting articles, blogs, videos, recipes and all sorts of other things. I don't have to spend hours refreshing the page on my favorite sites I just click the feed button on the site and it sends me to a page asking which web-based feed reader I want to use. I use Google Reader as it has a similar feel and ease of use to gmail which I also use. There are many other feed aggregators as well, but I am not familiar with them so I cannot recommend one. Some other readers include MyYahoo, MyAOL, Bloglines, etc. If you click Google it will ask you if you want to use Google Homepage or Reader. I select Reader and just like that the content of the site or blog is automatically in your Reader inbox. Even my blog has a feed so if you click the box on the left that says subscribe in a reader and you can add my feed to your Google Reader or whatever other program you use. https://www.google.com/reader/ Try it changed my life and it can happen to you too. I suggest everyone give it a try if they are not using another reader. Also if you sign up to view my feed you will get an update every time I post something. Maybe you think that is not a good thing, but eventually you will learn to love it.

There are many ways to accomplish this other than using Google Reader. There are live bookmark feeds in Firefox. I know when you click on the subscribe in a reader button on my blog you can even sign up to receive posts in your regular email. Wow that sounds too good to be true how much does this cost a hundred dollars? No you get all of this for free. I look at it the same way I do a d.v.r. Some people tell me they don't need a d.v.r. because they don't watch a lot of t.v. well in that case you need it more because then when you actually do want to watch it you have shows or in this case articles or blog posts that you know you will enjoy ready for you and of course you'll have my blog too. Yeah I know you are not that crazy about it yet, but you will learn to love it soon.

Treeman: I Wanna Be Oneless

2008-12-29T14:41:00.005-05:00

Last night I watched a fascinating two part documentary on TLC. It was about a man whose body was covered in strange warts that alone would not have been so interesting, but the warts on his hands and feet had somehow mutated to give the appearance of his arms and legs being tree limbs. The man whose name is Dede lives in Indonesia. A dermatologist from John Hopkins in Maryland learns of the plight of Dede and begins to try to discover what is wrong with him in hopes of curing him. The Indonesian government upon discovering the American doctors efforts decides to take matters into their own hands.

In an obvious attempt to grab headlines the Indonesian Government with the blessing of their President plans a much more aggressive and far more invasive strategy of surgery to remove the warts and the horns as they call the tree limb-like growths that surround his hands and feet. The American doctor had planned to use chemotherapy to treat the warts instead of the surgery as the warts would grow back after they were removed. This is a medical mystery that even the great Dr. Gregory House would have difficulty solving in one hour. Of course in real life this story takes place over the course of many months. The first part of the documentary is called Treeman: Half man Half Tree and the second is titled Treeman: Search for the Cure. I would recommend watching both, but the second one is clearly the stronger of the two as it involves the drama between the doctor and the Indonesian government and their differing approaches to trying to treat this man's incredibly strange disease.

The American doctor believes that Dede has a strange variant of the human papiloma virus or h.p.v. This virus has gained much attention in the United States due to some efforts to force young girls to have an h.p.v. vaccine in order to prevent them from getting the virus when they are older. You probably remember the commercials with children singing I want to be one less. Many parents were outraged by the the idea that they would be forced to give this vaccine to their child as a common way to get a form of h.p.v. is through unprotected sex. These parents argued that consenting to giving their child this vaccine pretty much gave the child carte blanche to have unprotected sex with numerous partners. Putting aside whether that argument actually makes sense in the real world it would seem to be the prudent thing to do to have the child take the vaccine. H.P.V. is a common precursor to ovarian cancer. If you could give your child a vaccine that would prevent them from getting lung cancer you would probably do it. Sure you would hope they don't start smoking, but if they did eventually start smoking or contracted lung cancer from some other environmental contaminant you would feel terrible knowing you could have prevented it. Is it that important to send a message that you don't condone their hypothetical promiscuity that you would risk turning them into laughingstock or worse that you would risk them eventually getting cancer. I mean how many times do you think they will hear the make like a tree and leave joke or some reference to the talking trees in the Wizard of Oz. Ask John Kerry about that joke he didn't even have tree limbs for arms and legs and he used to get that one all the time.

Full disclosure: I originally wrote this post to recommend the documentary and planned to include a joke about the one less commercial. Somehow I ended up with a long post that sounded like it was written by someone working for planned parenthood. Strange stuff indeed. I never actually got around to the joke either. I did not mean to get off on a rant and get preachy, but it just seems to be that protecting and educating your child would take precedence over any of your own moral views, but of course we know from the abstinence only education debate that this sort of stance is fairly common. I only know all of this stuff because of a previous job in the health care industry. Neither of these issues affect me personally as I am not yet a parent, but I tend to generally be in favor of education when compared to ignorance even if ignorance is in fact bliss.

Of course I would not make a serious argument that people should give their child this vaccine so they don't become a tree person as it is extremely unlikely they will contract that rare strain of h.p.v. as they would also have to have an almost non-existent immune system like Dede does. That said we know of the strange side-effects to the abstinence only education programs where let's just say some of those who followed it had a non-conventional way of keeping their virginity including some practices that were considered an affront to god. (See Sodom and Gomorrah) By not educating them fully they caused them to behave in ways which I'm sure they would not find acceptable although these methods do prevent pregnancy. Anyway enough ranting for today I seriously need to get a life I can't believe I actually lectured people about getting an h.p.v. vaccine for their children and making sure they give comprehensive sex education to their children. Seriously what is tomorrow's post going to be about making sure you put sunscreen on when you are going to be in the sun for a long period of time? I mean you should do that, but hopefully I don't end up writing that as I have enough trouble getting people to read my blog without turning it into a series of boring lectures about preventative medical care. On top of that I have that annoying one less song stuck in my head now. I can just imagine upset parents complaining that their child is going around the house singing that song. My how times have changed. I remember a simpler time when parents were upset that their child was listening to heavy metal or rap or music with profanity in it.

Lillian, Being Born on Christmas Day Is Usually Overrated

2008-12-26T18:25:00.012-05:00

Normally I would not enthusiastically announce the birth of a baby on my blog. But it is with great pleasure that I announce the birth of my cousin's daughter Lillian. She was born today December 26th. The first reason I wouldn't announce that sort of thing is I don't think many people outside of those who know the mother or father would care and unlike the local newspaper I am not paid to make those sort of announcements. Also in most instances I would be more excited if someone told me they were getting a new puppy or even a kitten. This is nothing against babies personally, but more against their parents. Most parents do not appreciate it when you try to wrestle their newborn or try to play tug of war with them using their teeth or lack thereof on a dirty piece of rope. In addition to the previous comments which favor a puppy or a kitten to that of a newborn due mostly to the parent of the newborn, the puppy or kitten is a much more willing participant in games of tug of war and wrestling than newborns.

So having read the preceding paragraph you will know that there must be a reason I posted about the birth of my cousin's daughter. First let me say I am extremely happy for her and I was starting to become convinced the child was never coming out. I put a message on her Myspace page in jest saying that from my limited knowledge of childbirth I have learned that the child peeks out and if he or she sees her shadow it is 6 more months of childbirth if not he or she is born right around the corner. I admitted that I may have it reversed as I have difficulty remembering whether seeing the shadow means 6 more months or the birth being right around the corner. It is a relief that it only took a few days after I posted that message for her to have the baby as I was beginning to worry I would be blamed if it took an additional 6 months. Anyway I would also like to point out to anyone who told me that it is 6 weeks and not 6 month's you are clearly misinformed as that is Groundhog's Day and is not related in anyway to childbirth. Seriously it is insulting to anyone who has ever given birth to compare it to a Groundhog peeking out of a hole in the ground.

Another reason I am posting about this birth is that some have complained that they wished she had the baby on Christmas. I know it has been discussed many times before, but I think for the child's sake it is better she was not born on Christmas Day. Everyone knows being born on Christmas causes you to be gypped on the amount of presents you get. I don't think being born one day later is going to help much in that regard, but I think it helps diminish expectations. Think of television shows or newspapers that announce the birthdays of celebrities. If they only announce one on Christmas Day it is always going to be Jesus, unless Britney Spears is also born on Christmas in which case Entertainment Tonight or some other such show would list her instead. Being born on the 26th still means you have the same astrological sign as Jesus which is odd. Apparently Jesus is a Capricorn. Unless you believe new scientific findings that say Jesus was likely born in June, which would explain a lot he totally seems more like a Cancer or even a Gemini.

One other note I would like to make about the birth of my cousin's daughter is that her Myspace traffic has increased exponentially in the days leading up to the birth of her child. I don't normally click on people's Myspace page incessantly for updates, but I found myself checking her page with increasing frequency leading up to the birth to see if she had her baby or not. This gave me a thought. I should probably knock someone up in order to increase the traffic of my blog. Yeah I know there may be better ways to increase the traffic and I am working on it, but at least as far as getting friends and relatives to actually read my blog I can't think of a better way. What do you think? Should I do it or not? Also if anyone thinks it is a good idea and would like to volunteer to let me knock her up just post a comment or if you want to be discreet about it just email me.

Full disclosure: I do not know much about horoscopes so that comment about Jesus being more like one sign than another was purely in jest much like my mock outrage about finding out I was born in the year of the snake instead of the year of the horse. Also for anyone who thinks I am being too casual about knocking someone up or getting someone pregnant if you prefer, let me just say that I have given it some thought and to show the proper respect I will only do it if it is the old fashioned way. No needles, syringes or ivf just one man one woman and lots of alcohol. Also no money will be exchanged. Seriously everyone gets something you get a baby and I get increased blog traffic it is a win-win situation.

The Yankees Sign Cheeseburger to $15 Million Dollar Contract

2008-12-23T18:14:00.006-05:00

Earlier today the Red Sox whom everyone assumed were going to sign free agent 1B Mark Teixeira were outbid at the last moment by the New York Yankees who seemingly didn't have any interest in him prior to learning the Red Sox were going to sign him. The Yankees have now spent over $400 million this off season while at the same time receiving hundreds of million dollars in tax relief from New York taxpayers for their new stadium that looks exactly like their old stadium.

A distraught Theo Epstein was going to a local takeout restaurant for a cheesburger. Upon learning this Yankees owner Hank Steinbrenner insisted that GM Brian Cashman get on a plane to Boston and outbid Theo Epstein for the cheeseburger. Cashman managed to get to the restaurant just as Epstein was picking it up. He immediately offered $15 million for the burger which was approximately $14,999,990 more than Epstein had bid. Cashman said that as part of the agreement the restaraunt must guarantee that they would not serve Epstein or any other member of the Red Sox. The owner of the restaurant a lifelong Red Sox fan reluctantly took the offer and a dejected Theo Epstein was left holding his money with nothing to eat.

"I hate the Yankees and it was a difficult decision, but $15 million for one cheeseburger. My wife would have killed me if I had turned that down. Theo is a good guy and he comes in here all the time, but there are plenty of other places he can go. I'm closing this restaurant now anyway. I have $15 million dollars why do I want to run a takeout hamburger stand." -The Restaurant owner said.

"I made an offer that I believed was fair market value. I'm disappointed because I really wanted that burger, but I can always go somewhere else. I mean I can get a burger at Red Robin for $9 or so or even at Burger King for a few dollars. Although this was my favorite burger place in town I feel like I can get close to equal value somewhere else. I could even get Chinese or Pizza. I'm sure everyone is going to say the Yankees beat us again, but last time I checked the Yankees were not in the playoffs last year and were third in the AL East last year despite outspending everyone by a large margin." -Theo Epstein

In unrelated news the Yankees asked and were immediately granted $15 million more in taxpayer dollars for their new baseball stadium. Also the photo is not of the actual burger, but of a burger from Wendy's. A source inside the Yankees front office confirmed rumors that Hank Steinbrenner took a bite out of the burger and then threw it in the trash while laughing maniacally.

Miscellanea

2008-12-22T20:31:00.008-05:00

A few thoughts that maybe don't really require their own post, may not be funny per se and are not necessarily informative. Also it is not a cohesive post, but more a random collection of thoughts. Now that I have lowered the expectations enough let me introduce you to miscellanea.

He went to Jared! Oh my god he went to Jared! At the moment that is my least favorite commercial. It has been on as often as those five dollar foot long Subway commercials. It reminds me that Jared is normally the spokesperson for Subway. It would seem that a woman would not want her husband to spend a huge amount of money on a wedding or engagement ring thus putting them in debt for the first few years of their marriage and causing them to be unable to afford to eat five dollar footlongs for dinner. Honey what's for dinner tonight? Ramen noodles again! I can't believe I went to Jared.

Do you not what really grinds my gears? When people you don't know say to you I can't believe it is so cold outside or I can't believe where getting all this snow. I inevitably ask them why they are sofa king we taded or say yeah imagine cold and snowing in mid-december in the northeast who would have thought that. I thought the weatherman was on drugs when he said it was going to snow this morning. Or I tell them how I thought I was the only one who complained about the snow and the cold and I think I may have found my soul mate. What a crazy world we live imagine more than 1 person in the northeast who isn't happy that it is freezing cold and snowy all winter. Will you marry me? Surprisingly three out of a hundred start crying and say yes. Twenty five out of a hundred say I would if you had went to Jared. Thirty two percent say let's take it slow how about we go for a cup of coffee first. The remaining fifty percent roll their eyes and walk away. I know it is strange I would have expected a few people to have a violent reaction. Also it is surprising that 33 percent suggest going out for coffee. Maybe it is because it is cold out. I don't know. Yeah I know it does sound like something I made up. Trust me though they get upset with the sarcastic remark about being sofa king and the crack about the weatherman although they usually agree that the weatherman doesn't know what he is doing. That is why I usually stick with the marriage one unless it is a guy then I say yeah it is sofa king cold and snowy. I've had bad experiences with that one otherwise and I don't really want to go into it.

I know I said there was no cohesiveness in this piece, but I wanted to comment on another commercial or rather a movie trailer I just saw on tv for the Spirit. It mentions how critics are raving about it. Showing notes from critics I have never heard of saying things like it is one of the best movies of the year. I think the internet makes it easier to find positive reviews and if they put the name of the critic in a small enough font and flash it across the screen fast enough people might believe it. I haven't really seen any positive reviews of that movie. I did find a few quotes for the next ad for the spirit. Alright maybe I made them up either way.

Scarlet Johansson's boobs look realllllllly nice in the trailer.
-Anonymous post on a message board.

Was the movie Yes Man based on Samuel L. Jackson because I don't think he has ever said no to any movie offer.
-Kevin Bacon in an interview on the set of Footloose 2

From the creator of 300 and Sin City. He created the graphic novels those movies were based on. He directed this one. Please make sure no one thinks I directed this movie.
-Robert Rodriguez on the set of Sin City 3 no seriously he is working on the 2nd and 3rd movies already. What's next From Dusk Til Dawn 4? Oh he's only producing that. Ok.

All kidding aside I will probably see the movie. Honestly did you see that trailer the "graphics" look reallllllly nice in the trailer.

Ok that wraps up the first edition of miscellanea. The grind my gears concept was lifted from Family Guy. Robert Rodriguez is really making Sin City 2 & 3. There are so many direct to dvd releases of sequels to From Dusk Til Dawn that trying to pull them up on imdb causes their servers to crash. I actually like ramen noodles, but I don't want to eat them for dinner every night. As far as I know Kevin Bacon is not making Footloose 2 yet. Also when I said "graphics" I actually meant boobs.

I Love Lamp, But Not Step Brothers?

2008-12-21T12:21:00.008-05:00

The Title of this post is both an homage to one of the two movies starring Will Ferrel and directed by Adam McKay which I enjoyed and an indictment of the latest collaboration of the two. The I love lamp reference is pretty obvious if you've seen Anchorman and the question mark after the title is a reference to Ron Burgundy saying I'm Ron Burgundy as a question when reading his name off the teleprompter. The other Will Ferrel/Adam McKay movie which I did not reference was Talladega Nights. I understand why some people despise those two movies as I am in agreement on some of the criticisms, but there were some really funny parts that more than made up for their shortcomings. That said Step Brothers, the third film from Will Ferrel and Adam McKay, had too many shortcomings and not enough laughs for me to recommend it.

It was maybe four or five months ago when an old friend of mine got in touch with me after I had not talked to her in a few years. We planned to get together to catch up. I was extremely excited when I learned that there was a double feature playing at the local drive-in. I understand that the drive-in usually has a double feature so that was not what excited me nor was it the surprising revelation that there were still drive-in movie theaters. What excited me was that the first movie was Pineapple Express and the second movie was Step Brothers. Note added after the fact in case you are reading this it is not an indication of my lack of excitement over catching up with my old friend that I mentioned being extremely excited over the lineup at the drive-in and not over catching up with my old friend. I was equally excited over both. Well maybe slightly more enthusiastic about the movie lineup. (Just kidding)

I had seen all the trailers for both of these films. I was a fan of the stars and the writers of each of the films so I was really excited. Thankfully I figured my friend would be up for this as I remembered that she had a pretty good sense of humor. She agreed and we were on our way. She was...Oh wait I lost track of my thought process and began typing an old Will Smith song. That is the sort of thing that happens when you are trying to blog and watch tv at the same time. Anyway back to the point of this post if there is one. Yes I remember we went to the drive-in. I won't go into detail but Pineapple Express was everything I expected and more. Often when watching a comedy I find myself having to overlook the plot, the acting, the directing and many other aspects of the movie as long as it is funny. This is usually the case in a Will Ferrel movie for example. There really is not much I would complain about regarding Pineapple Express. There is the usual complaint about films from the Judd Apatow Universe of films in that they usually have an average looking at best guy who really has nothing going for him in his life, but he somehow manages to have an extremely attractive girlfriend. See also Forgetting Sarah Marshall (which I have not seen yet, but apparently the average guy in that movie gets two beautiful women). See also Knocked Up. Being a man of average looks who really doesn't have a lot going for him I don't have a problem with this sort of thing, but I can understand the complaint. Ok that was actually more detail than I planned on and I managed to mix in some self-depractation that wasn't really even that funny so I will leave the description of Pineapple Express at that.

So after watching Pineapple Express I was ready for more of the same with Step Brothers. I realized it would probably not be as complete a movie as Pineapple Express, but I expected a simliar amount of laughs if not more. By the end of the movie I was looking at my watch, yawning and trying to stretch my legs. By the end of the movie there were not many cars left in the drive-in. This could be because of the nature of the drive-in in general. Not everyone goes to the drive-in to watch the movie and three plus hours sitting in your car is not exactly comfortable. Also I believe they showed all of the funniest parts in the trailers and advertisements for the movie which is why I try to avoid trailers for comedies I plan on seeing.

My friend agreed with me that Pineapple Express was really good and Step Brothers was terrible. I didn't really think much more about the movie after that, but I have since heard many people say they really liked Step Brothers. It caused me to revisit my original opinion and consider that it may not have been the movie itself that caused me to have a negative reaction to it. The setting in which I watched the film, the quality of the previous film and the fact that by the time the second movie was on my mind was in a completely different place and I was thinking of other things may have contributed to my impression of the film. Maybe it was like going to a concert where the opening act puts on a great show so you don't really appreciate the headliner. I think if the order of the two films were reversed maybe my opinion of Step Brothers would have been different although I am confident I would have still enjoyed Pineapple Express. Also I imagine that if under similar circumstances I was seeing either Talladega Nights or Anchorman for the first time in place of Step Brothers I may not have enjoyed those as much.I have decided to give the movie a second chance in the near future and try to completely forget my first impression of the movie thus attempting to disprove the old deodorant axiom stating you never get a second chance to make a first impression. So the question to ask is Do I really hate Step Brothers or am I just saying that because I saw it after Pineapple Express?

The All Time 5 Greatest Christmas Movies or Specials that I Can Think Of at the Moment

2008-12-19T14:11:00.009-05:00

I decided to post a list of my favorite Christmas movies today as there is currently a rather large snowstorm going on outside and I am not sure if there will be power or internet service in the near future. Thankfully it is not an ice storm this time. I was one of the lucky few in my area who did not lose power or internet service during the recent ice storm we had. I know everyone does these lists, but I think mine is the best list far and away. Since it only includes 5 movies and 1 movie that could potentially move onto the list in the future I am not forced to add movies that I don't really enjoy. I usually make it a point to watch all 5 of the movies listed every year. So far I have not watched any of them this year, but I believe all of these movies are on television or cable in the next few days. If not you can rent them on DVD.

These movies are listed in the order I thought of them and in no way is it an indication of which one is my favorite as they all have a special place in my heart. I would also like to mention that I have for the most part stopped watching the old Christmas cartoon specials and I will never under any circumstances watch the Hallmark movie Christmas specials. With that said I will now unveil to you the Christmas movies that are a must watch for me every year.

The Grinch Who Stole Christmas
Before anyone asks me which Grinch movie I am referring to let me be clear to me there is only one Grinch movie and it does not star Jim Carrey nor is it directed by Opie or Richie Cunningham. I think of all the movies on my list this is the most likely to eventually drop off my list of must see Christmas movies, but it doesn't really feel like Christmas unless I have seen the Grinch sledding down the mountain with his cute-goofy-looking dog/reindeer.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

It is probably not as good as the original National Lampoon's Vacation, but it is clearly superior to the European or Vegas Vacations that the Griswold clan probably should have kept as a home movie and not released to the public. Also I have been watching it for years with my brother so for nostalgic reasons I look forward to watching it every Christmas season. That is of course a general theme in this column.

Scrooged

Scrooged is one of many movies I can think of off the top of my head that would likely have been easily forgettable if someone else starred in the lead role instead of Bill Murray. Just imagine if Robin Williams, Dan Akroyd or some other 80's comedian starred in this movie. Actually maybe Steve Martin would have been good in this role, but you get the point.

A Christmas Story

The movie is still humorous after all these years and is pretty subversive for a holiday classic. I don't think there is a movie that better captures what it is like to be a young kid during the holiday season. Ralphie desperately wants the Red Rider bb gun, but being a kid he has no control of whether he will receive it or not. He has to listen to adults tell him how dangerous the gun is and of course the Little Orphan Annie secret decoder ring is a huge disappointment. He is forced to wear bunny pajamas because he got them as a gift from his aunt. All of these misfortunes will be worth it if he gets the bb gun for Christmas. If by some miracle you have not seen this movie yet it is played around the clock on Christmas every year on TBS.

It's A Wonderful Life

Surprisingly this is only a recent addition to my holiday must see list. If you have never see it before because it appears to be a boring old sappy Christmas special. Well it is old and sappy and of course things turn out well in the end, but it is not boring. Every year I am surprised to remember how funny it is and also how unlikely it is that a movie with such a controversial subject matter ever became the most beloved and popular holiday classic. It truly is a Wonderful Life, but it is not all hot cocoa, chestnuts and sugar plums along the way. This is of course a message that is applicable not only on the holidays but year round.

Future Additions to the List?

I don't believe there are any obvious omissions in my list of my favorite Christmas movies. There is only one recent movie that I can see possibly making it on to the list in the years to come. That movie is Bad Santa. It is raunchy and politically incorrect, but ultimately like most holiday movies it has a sweet message wrapped inside it of that gruff exterior. It will take years of repeated viewing in order to make the list as that is the point of a beloved holiday classic. It helps to get you in the Christmas spirit because it reminds you of past Christmases when you sat around and watched it with family and friends. As always I encourage anyone who reads this to comment about my list or maybe give a list of your own. Unfortunately I had to omit Born on the Fourth of July starring Tom Cruise which is a great holiday movie which gets everyone in the Fourth of July holiday spirit, but this is a list of my favorite Christmas Holiday movies or specials not a list of holiday movies as a whole.

Who Framed Roger Clemens?

2008-12-18T21:02:00.003-05:00

I made a reference to the movie Who Framed Roger Rabbit yesterday even though I had not seen the movie in about a decade. Then today I turn on the television and it is on. The movie was released in 1988 and Roger Clemens was still on the Red Sox and in the prime of his baseball career. He was destined for the Hall of Fame and to go down as one of the greatest pitchers of all time. He was my favorite baseball player and I was twelve years old at the time. The age of twelve is a confusing time in a young boy's life. I am still a big baseball fan, but I'll never love baseball as much as I did at or before the age of twelve. Also when I was twelve I started noticing girls. I don't really remember Roger Clemen's wife, but I certainly remember Roger Rabbit's wife. Roger and Jessica Rabbit formed what was probably the most mismatched couple in Hollywood until recently when Turtle from Entourage started dating Meadow Soprano on Entourage and in real life.

I remember in 1988 when the Red Sox lost to the A's and everyone talked about how Jose Canseco of the A's was on steroids. Now fast forward 20 years later and Canseco was the whistleblower that eventually led to the ruin of the reputations of Clemens and of Canseco's teammate Mark McGuire. There are more stories in the news today discussing Clemen's former trainer Brian McNamee's cooperation with the federal government regarding Clemen's use of performance enhancing drugs. Clemens of course denied using p.e.d.s under oath in front of Congress so he has set himself up for a possible perjury conviction. Unfortunately unlike Roger Rabbit I don't think Brian McNamee or anyone else framed Roger Clemens. I believe he used performance enhancing drugs. Also I believe Jessica Rabbit had some artificial enhancements as well although I was never under the illusion that she was all natural. I mean seriously have you ever seen a woman built like that without having had a little work done. I long ago lost any positive feelings I once had about Roger Clemens, but watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit I still get a funny feeling when Jessica Rabbit comes on the screen. She is a cartoon it just wouldn't be natural besides she is married to Roger Rabbit and he may be a little weird but he seems like a good guy. I am ashamed to admit that despite her being married to Roger Rabbit and being a cartoon I still would like to play pattycake with her after all these years. Roger Rabbit you are one lucky guy.

Who Throws I Shoe? I mean Honestly

2008-12-15T11:43:00.003-05:00

We finally have an answer to the question Austin Powers asked in response to the assassin who threw a shoe at him. Apparently Iraqi journalists throw shoes and it is considered an especially egregious insult in Iraq to show someone the sole of your shoe or in this case throw it at them, not to mention it is painful if it hits you in the face. Luckily the shoe-throwing journo was no match for our heroic President and his catlike reflexes.

It is scary to think how easy it is for someone to attack the President. Thankfully it was a only a pair of shoes and not something more dangerous. Also although it is probably more skill than luck it is impressive that the Decider was able to react in such a timely manner. It almost looked like he was expecting such a thing and I guess maybe that explains why he sometimes has difficulty with his speeches. I think it must be difficult to focus on your speech when you are constantly scanning the audience for would be shoe tossers.

Update: I put this clip on the site in case by some miracle someone had not seen this video yet. When I posted it I had just seen it for the first time. Of course everyone has seen it by now. Also I was watching one of the national news networks and they showed a video someone had made with an animated George W. mouthing the words of Austin Powers which apparently were slightly different than the one's I used from memory. He says "Who Throws I Shoe. Honestly. You fight like a woman." A quick search shows many other people had the same thought. It was pretty obvious although I could have made a cheap pun instead of an obvious movie reference.

Preferred Shipping Method: Overnight, Ground or Pony Express?

2008-12-15T10:41:00.004-05:00

I don't often purchase big ticket items. This is even true when I am in really good shape financially. The biggest exception to this rule was my car that I bought almost 8 years ago and to a lesser extent the 42 inch lcd hdtv I bought two years ago this Thanksgiving. It was (price omitted by editor) at the time which for the quality of television I was buying was a great deal. It is easy to forget now but hdtvs were extremely expensive in the not so distant past. When I bought the television all of my finances were in order and I have to say although it may be difficult for some to believe I really feel like it has been well worth the money.

Recently my television fell ill so I brought it to the local electronics hospital. They are the only place that repairs electronics anywhere near where I live so I didn't really have a choice. Everyone I know who has ever brought anything to them to fix has told me horrific tales of their service. Again I didn't have a choice to go somewhere else so I begrudgingly brought my beautiful wounded television to them in hopes they could resurrect it. I had to leave them a deposit of (dollar amount omitted by editor) to get them to look at and they said if it was going to cost over (dollar amount omitted by editor) to fix it they would call and ask if I wanted to fix it. If it was under (dollar amount omitted by editor) they would fix it without calling. As much as I didn't want to pay more than (dollar amount omitted by editor) dollars to fix it I knew that even with the recent price drops for the holidays I would not be able to get a comparable television for anywhere near that price so I would be willing to fix it for more than that price.

I waited for them to call, but they never did. I dropped it off on October 30th. When I called a few weeks later they said they had not looked at it yet. I called back a week later and was told it was going to cost approximately (dollar amount omitted by editor) to fix it. They did not call me as they said they would if it was going to cost more than (dollar amount omitted by editor) and it was just expensive enough that I really couldn't justify spending that much to fix it, but I reluctantly told them to do it. They told me it was going to take two weeks to get the part and another week to fix it. If what they told me is actually accurate, which is highly unlikely because it would be the first thing they told me that they followed through on, that means I dropped the television off on the day before Halloween and got it back a week before Christmas. I can't imagine a company being less efficient.

Imagine if you went to the hospital and they told you they you they were going to have to give you a kidney transplant. You would surely be upset and assume that you would be on a waiting list. Imagine then after two weeks they said no there is no waiting list they actually have the part we are going to order it tomorrow and it will be here in two weeks. It will take us a week to fix it. Now I know it can take a long time to get organs due to having to find a match and it is just a metaphor I realize my television being repaired is not as important as someone receiving a kidney, but in the time it took them to diagnose and fix my television I could have taken a course on fixing televisions traveled to wherever it is they are ordering their parts from and fixed the damn thing myself. Of course they haven't actually fixed it yet so I am probably being too optimistic in my assessment of their service.

I referenced the Pony Express in the title of this post, but I think I was not harsh enough in my criticism. If someone was living in Massachusetts in the year 1770 they would have expected to receive goods from the Dutch East India Company quicker than my television will likely be fixed. They would have been shipped from Europe by boat and the parts from my television were likely shipped from New Jersey or possibly from the far off land of California. If it was California I humbly apologize to the noble television smith who fixed my television as it is a great journey by pony from the land of California. I should be grateful that by some wonderful Providence the part ever made it. Oh wait I haven't actually confirmed that they received the part yet. So in the meantime I pray for the health of the pony and the courageous carrier who has traversed the difficult terrain all the way from California to attempt to deliver the part to the local television smith in hopes that he can use his skills learned in his years of apprenticeship in the Television Smith Guild of America to fix whatever ails that magic box I have given him.

It Does What It's Told

2008-12-11T00:02:00.004-05:00

Tonight I watched the movie American Gangster. The movie was filled with a-list Hollywood actors such as Denzel Washington, Russell Crowe and Josh Brolin. I'm not here to write a review of the film or to discuss the aforementioned stars. I instead want to talk about the actor who played Detective Lou Tobac. His name is Ted Levine. He played a limited role in the movie and I didn't have a problem with his acting, but as soon as I heard his voice I was distracted for the rest of the movie. The problem is that in a previous role he played one of the most infamous and twisted characters in movie history. The character was so memorable that I had a hard time picturing him now being a law-abiding dectective. I am referring to his role in the Oscar winning film Silence of the Lambs. Everyone knows who Anthony Hopkins and Jodie Foster are and they have been in so many movies over the years, that even though they may be best known for their roles in Lambs, it is easier to suspend belief and pretend they are whatever characters they are playing at that particular time. Ted Levine however is not as famous and although his imdb profile suggests he has been in a number of movies I don't really remember many of them. He of course played Buffalo Bill the gender-bending serial killer who has since ironically become somewhat of an unintentional comedy legend.

I don't really have anyway of knowing how successful he has become because of that role or conversely how his success may have been hindered by the success of that role. Maybe he wasn't actually typecast as only being able to play gender-bending serial killers or maybe he wasn't blackballed, but my guess is that his success in playing one of the more memorable serial killers in the history of cinema has actually negatively affected his career. The character he played is still entrenched in popular culture many years after the film was released. South Park did a show where Butters and Cartman play a game called Lambs in the basement in which they re-enact the scene where he tells his victim to put the lotion in the basket. In the movie Clerks 2 Jay (played by Jason Mewes) does an eerily accurate impression of Buffalo Bill outside of the fast food restaraunt.

You often hear horror stories of former child stars who are typecast because of their earlier success. People assume because they played a bit part in some cheesy sitcom that they are incapable of acting in more demanding roles, Leo Dicaprio being a notable exception. I have seen movies and television shows where the premise of the show or movie is a former star having difficulty trying to find new work after being successful in a role playing a character who was widely admired. It seems to me it would be more interesting seeing how the public reacts to someone who was infamous for a character he played who made their skin crawl. Certainly there are probably some sociopaths who admire the Buffalo Bill character just as there are people who want to be Tony Montana or Tony Soprano. (I thought of just referencing Tony Montana but I thought there may be some readers who thought he was that redneck who is Hannah Montana's dad.) Aside from these people there are most likely many others who can appreciate the work of this gifted actor and I can picture some of the requests his agent receives on a regular basis.

Yeah Ted I'm sorry I don't have any new scripts for you. Yeah I know it is unfair, a producer just told me yesterday he thought you would make a great Santa Claus in that new Holiday movie, but he was afraid that parents would walk out of the theater upon learning Buffalo Bill was playing Santa Claus. Yes he realized that you didn't actually murder people and were only playing a character, but unfortunately a large portion of the viewing public has trouble differentiating fiction from reality. Yeah I know, but I did receive another request for you to dress up as Buffalo Bill for this party. Also I know you are hesitant to do that advertisement for the lotion company. They don't even want you to dress up as Buffalo Bill. I know how you feel about it, but they are offering good money and I think it may be time to start embracing these offers to reprise the Buffalo Bill character. Stallone still makes Rocky and Rambo movies. Bruce Willis continues to make Die Hard movies. Arnold made a Terminator movie a few years ago and still uses old lines from his movies in his Gubenatorial speeches. I think maybe you should lighten up about this a little. Maybe the cartoon where you star as the voice of Buffalo Bill doesn't interest you, but I don't understand why you can't do the lotion commercial or the occasional party where you do the Buffalo Bill dance or at least tell someone to put the lotion in the basket. Even OJ just decided to play the part of a defendant on trial again. I thought he would have been typecast as a football player too. Who would have guessed it would turn out this way. I know Hollywood is crazy. Alright at least do me one favor record this message for that celebrity voicemail service. It leaves the message after the beep or else it won't get a call back. It does what it's told.

Link(s)

2008-12-09T19:54:00.003-05:00

I don't normally post a link section on this blog, but in light of this breaking story by the satirical website the Onion I felt it necessary to make an exception. Many have worried about the lengthy period of time for the transition to Obama's presidency and feared that Bush as a lame duck for two months gave him ample time for another one of his many tragic mishaps. Fear not as this Onion story shows we are in good hands now.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/supreme_court_overturns_bush_v