Portland.BloggersPub

Ha! Lookit that…

bobhyatt — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 17:23:01 +0000

Never been a "Special Guest" before! :)

I'll be debating Larry Osborne on Video Venues.

Should be fun (said the Christian to the Lions) :)

For you Portlanders, this Friday: The Banyan Tree Family Tour

bobhyatt — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 23:26:01 +0000

Evergreen is opening its/Burlingame's doors for a special Friday night show, hosting the Banyan Tree Family Tour, featuring FIVE singer/songwriters from Santa Cruz, California in one night!

Josh Fox, Dave Matsumura, Jonathan Stowers, Jesse West, and Travis Oberg will share their own material, then collaborate! It's going to be a great time, and the best part is, they are donating the proceeds to support Andrew and Julia Rodriguez who are raising support to devote their time and energy to Evergreen.

Date: Friday, July 17, 2009

Time: 7:00pm - 10:00pm

Location: Burlingame Church

Street: 125 SW Miles St

City/Town: Portland, OR

Cost: $5

http://www.myspace.com/joshfoxmusicbaby
http://www.myspace.com/jwestmusic
http://www.myspace.com/kokuaonline
http://www.myspace.com/jonathanstowers
http://www.myspace.com/saltwatermerchants

HOW I need my family…

bobhyatt — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 18:16:50 +0000

That I need my family is beyond question.

But I'm continually learning new ways of how I need them...

This week the whole family is gone. And while it initially overwhelmed me with feeling lonely without and "apart" from them, I've settled down into very much enjoying the time.

The house is clean- the moment the kids drive out the driveway with Amy I feel an overwhelming urge to pick crap up- mostly because I know- I KNOW- that if I pick x, y or z up, x, y or z will stay picked up- at least until the kids get home again.

Maybe you're the kind of guy who goes all feral when forced bachelorhood arrives. I'm not- In fact, I'm never as neat, as fastidious as when the family is gone. The bed has been made every morning (because when I get up now, I'm not leaving a still-sleeping wife and/or 1 or 2 kids behind, so it's easy just to pull the covers up and straighten everything). There are no dishes in the sink. The living room is straight and my office has never been tidier.

In fact, I've had time to do a lot of things I haven't seemed to be able to get to since we moved in- closet organized, clothes gone through and culled (for Goodwill), the kids rooms are picked up... the place is looking good.

And I'm feeling good- getting good rest, all alone in that big bed with no one to kick me awake in the middle of the night, and no one coming into our room crying about this or that at all hours. So nice- my body doesn't seem to want to wake up at 2:30 am anymore... or even 5am. The more human hour of 6:30 has been the new norm. I wake, enjoy a leisurely stroll downstairs, walk out on the back deck for a deep breath, coffee cup in hand- not worried about getting anything done before anyone wakes up, because... well, it's just me.

Feels like the stress has melted away, the blood pressure raised by tantrums and whining and battles of will has gone down- it's like I'm a different person when the family is gone.

I was thinking about all of that this morning as I sat in my chair, Bible open in front of me, coffee mug at the ready- I am a different person. One who feels much more in control of his surroundings (expressed by the obsessive need to clean) and, in some ways, himself. Less stressed, less anxious... less in need of God.

Uh oh.

As I sat, I reflected that while I have Gotten Things Done, I haven't exactly been a "prayer warrior" the past few days. WIth the stress of kids and the responsibilities of Husband and father have also gone the desperation and desire to connect to my Source that has been my life-line these past few years.

Through this family, the Gospel gets preached to me in ways I need to hear it.

In my wife and family I find not only great fulfillment and joy, but also a constant reminder of how much I need a Savior- of my selfishness and self-centeredness. I have in them a continual (and good) challenge to my idolatrous desire to have things my own way. The stress I feel at the tantrums and such isn't because of them- it's because of me- my reaction to them and their affront to my love for my own plans, convenience, comfort- whatever- that their understandably childish behavior is getting in the way of.

I'm grateful that God has given me a relationship with my wife in which I am constantly called on the carpet for selfish behaviors and attitudes- without her, the idea of "laying down my life" would most likely have remained academic to me. God has used this relationship to enrich my character, my understanding of Jesus and life in His way, and through it- challenge though it is, helped me to understand just how much I need Him.

Same thing with my kids- I generally approach parenting with a pretty simple prayer: "Help!"

That's a prayer I haven't prayed for a couple of days now... and that's a problem.

Thank You God, for my family. I need them in so many ways.

Come home soon guys! I love and miss you...

David Allen on… think smarter by capturing your ideas.

bobhyatt — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 09:44:00 +0000

All right- if you've been hanging around here for awhile, you know we're technically a part of the cult of David Allen, he of Getting Things Done fame.

He says...

Last week I wrote about how you can achieve more successful outcomes with a sense of relaxed focus and control. The first step I outlined was capturing anything and everything that has your attention. Why is that so important?
Because your mind is a lousy office. When you have a thought about something you want or should do, it is usually so simple and so obvious when you're thinking of it, you're sure you'll never forget it or that you'll remember it in the right moment. Then two minutes later, with the next thing on your mind you're sure you'll never forget, you've forgotten that you've forgotten the first thing!

If your mind had a mind, it would only remind you of something when you could do something about it. Here's a simple example--do you have any flashlights with dead batteries? When does your mind remind you that you need batteries? At the dead ones! If your mind had a mind, it wouldn't bother you at the dead ones, but would clearly let you know only when you were in a store that had live ones!
Just because we think of something, that doesn't mean that we are being productive or constructive about or with it, or that it will be fulfilled. We have to realize that the thought itself is just a beginning, and if we care at all that it brings value or improvement, we probably need to capture it, clarify what it means to us, and organize the actions and information embedded or associated with it.
Most people I meet are still letting their mind run the show.

Read the rest here

From the Archives: the Co-Dependent Pastor

bobhyatt — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 09:27:00 +0000

Two basic types of pastoral disfunction- the narcissist and the co-dependent. We all lean one way or the other on that continuum- some so little it's not really an issue, others, well...

The need to succeed or the need to please and avoid conflict.

The narcissist, with his or her need to succeed really doesn't care what others think. When these people leave ministry, it's because they are driven out. Their self-centeredness and inability to empathize/think of others often looks for all the world like a person with vision and leadership charisma- someone who knows what needs to be done and does it. Unfortunately, when the truth becomes known, it's usually after people begin to see the long, long trail of metaphorical bodies that get left in the wake of these people- years of stepping on and over people may get you up the ladder, but sooner or later the toll becomes obvious and either the narcissist leaves or everyone else begins to.

On the other side is the co-dependent. Helping professions are ripe soil for people who need others to help them establish a sense of identity... and the pastorate is no exception. It's a job where I can be fully and completely co-dependent and get rewarded for it. In fact, the more sold out the pastor is to you and your needs, the more he or she is (often) praised. The narcissist doesn't mind conflict- in fact, they kind of enjoy it. Another chance to focus attention on them and their leadership skills, but the co-dependent is motivated by the need for others' approval and will avoid even necessary conflict whenever possible.

The narcissist needs empathy and what they do must begin to be motivated more and more by the needs of others, not just their own. In other words, they need to care more about what other people think.

So, is the corollary true? Does that mean the co-dependent needs to care less about what other people think?

No. The co-dependent... heck, I need not to care less what other people think but know morewhat I think and who I am, apart from what others think about me and who I think they think I am.

In other words, the answer for those who tend to be driven by what others may or may not think of us, for those who tend to be hurt when others express disapproval or dislike is to beself-differentiated.

"Differentiation is the ability to remain connected in relationship to significant people while choosing not to allow our behavior and our reactions to be determined by them... The differentiated person lives an 'undivided life' by remaining true to his or her principles even though it may involve rejection or conflict."

-The Leader's Journey

I've been thinking through these things the last couple of days... every once in awhile you run into one of those speed bumps in ministry that make you question where you are at and what you are doing (well, not if you are the narcissist type...) and occasionally, for some of us, even who we are.

And that right there is the clue... when your identity is based on what others think of you (which, let's be honest, is a huge part of the pastoral gig), you are already in deep trouble.

Here's the truth, and it applies to everyone, no matter what you do. A healthy person doesn't disregard the thoughts and feelings of others, but rather, uses that input appropriately, to help make decisions... not identity.

I told you that narcissists get driven out of ministry by others. The other type drive themselves out. Co-dependent types hit a point mid-forties or fifties and drop out or burn out. The burden of being all things to all people, of maintaining an identity built on the approval of others and an agenda that gets ruled not by an inner compass but by a finger in the wind often leaves a burned-out husk... one who would have no idea who he or she was apart from their role as a helper of others. The narcissist leaves a trail of bodies in his wake- the co-dependent does the same thing, but it's usually a spouse and children who suffer. This type often sacrifices family for "ministry" and in the end hates and regrets ever listening to the call of Jesus.

The only way forward is to base our identity on the one constant- the person of Jesus and what HE thinks of us. Learning to hear His voice, have His heart... trading co-dependency with others for dependency on Him. I know that sounds easier said than done... It is. I think it's the work of decades, not days or weeks.

To care what people think, but not be consumed by it. It's the key to sleeping well at night, to empathic and yet values (not opinion)-driven leadership... and I know for me, and maybe for you, it's the difference between making it and being completely shipwrecked by a vocation, a calling, that, not lived out in a healthy manner, has killed better men or women than you or I.

Hell!

bobhyatt — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 19:10:10 +0000

I am just blown away by Keller's sermon on hell. Never heard better. Normally, I would just preach it myself, but this is so good, so well stated and so... right, that I wanted to share it in its original form.

Those who "discard" hell are discarding a misunderstanding.

And, if Keller (and Miroslav Volf) is right, are more responsible for the cycle of violence and vengeance in this world than they would care to admit.

Wonder how that could be?

Listen.

Sometimes, I despair…

bobhyatt — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 17:21:13 +0000

Especially when looking at the searches that lead to my blog.

"naughty pastors wives"... Really? Really???

Sheesh. Get a life, man.

It’s Him we need- not you.

bobhyatt — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 17:13:03 +0000

Ahh, sunny summer mornings.

This particular sunny summer morning found me on our front porch before the family woke, reading, praying, thinking...

My mind went back to my early days in ministry and my frustration over not being handed the keys earlier. I had so many good ideas! I knew what was wrong with this community, with these people. Especially those older ones who seemed to stand in the way so much.

Didn't they realize that if everyone just did what I thought we should do, the whole thing would be better?

Yes- the arrogance of youth.

We live in a world where grey hair, rather than being coveted as a sign of wisdom and experience is actually dreaded and dyed away in an attempt to emulate youth. Crazy.

The problem is, no one has bought into this more wholeheartedly than the young. Believe me, as someone who felt he had to plant a church, largely in response to not being handed the keys, I get the impatience. I also get the importance of handing off leadership to gifted, qualified YOUNG people as early as possible.

But here's the thing- as someone who regularly invites people in their 20s into the role of elder in our community, I can say truthfully that while age is often a consideration, the real issue is maturity, and maturity shown in particular ways.

So- "When can I LEAD?"

The answer is simple.

When your love for us outweighs your impatience with us and your anger that we aren't already like Jesus.

And when you know it's Him we need, not you.

Oregon coast

bobhyatt — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 13:43:43 +0000

Uploaded by www.cellspin.net

Loving the LGBT Community

bobhyatt — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 15:46:01 +0000

It's pretty rare I link to something on Challies.com, but... :)

This is good stuff.

How can we both love and preach the Gospel to the LGBT community? Is it possible to say "I am your friend" AND "You need Jesus"? And what happens when the topic of sexuality comes up?

This is a great first-hand account of someone who's preaching the Gospel AND finding acceptance among the LGBT community- not in spite of preaching the Gospel, but probably because of it- and probably because of HOW he does it. I don't know that I'd copy this style to the letter, but as a broad stroke outline and a call to befriend cultures we might feel uncomfortable around (and who might have reason to be uncomfortable around us) I find it both inspiring and convicting. (In that vein, I've recently felt like I need to be reaching out to the MANY Muslims who live in our neighborhood- this area of SW PDX is a hub...)

Here's the article:

I have talked to quite a number of gay men now—almost all of them white and middle aged. Many of them came out of the closet after having been married with kids. For whatever reason, 85% have come from Catholic backgrounds. That means that much of my evangelistic groundwork has already been covered. There is no need to explain that the bible has two testaments, or who Moses or Abraham were, or convince them of the historic factuality of the resurrection; for the most part, they believe it. I’m finding it’s the authority of scripture that I need to deal with the most.

When I first meet someone at the coffee shop and they ask me what I do (which is a natural “in” to introducing the gospel) they assume that I must be a liberal gay Baptist minister, because otherwise what would I be doing in their coffee shop? (The first man I talked to had only just broken up with his boyfriend, a Methodist pastor.) I begin by asking them questions. I get them to do all the talking for the next 45 minutes. I ask them about their job, their background, their family life, their personal life and what they believe and why so I can get a picture of their epistemology and worldview. Needless to say, I frame my questions in an inquisitive, slightly naive, polite fashion, not in an interrogative, formal way. Gay men love to talk (at least the ones in this coffee shop seem to) and people in general today enjoy discussing “spirituality”. Then, out of politeness, they will inevitably ask me what I believe. So I tell them the gospel, starting with Genesis 1, laying out for them the biblical storyline and worldview.

...

I do all this because I love the LGBT community. They are a community comprised of individual eternal souls. Sadly, they are culture that has almost no contact with biblical Christianity in any form. How many drag queens can count a born again Christian amongst their friends? Very few, to our shame.