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Rabbi discusses misconception of intimacy

2013-04-23T11:38:00.001-07:00

Send Page To a Friend Rabbi discusses misconception of intimacy By Cecelia Dunford Collegian Staff Writer Rabbi Manis Friedman said people are looking for intimacy in all the wrong places during a lecture Thursday. Friedman, an author, philosopher and world-renowned speaker, discussed the misconception people have about intimacy and sex as a guest speaker of Chabad of Penn State. Friedman said sex and intimacy are not related at all, contrary to popular belief. He defined intimacy as a person’s “desire to become one” with another person and said sex interferes with that intimacy by separating people because sex is an act that is “selfish” of an individual. True intimacy, Friedman said, is not dependent on a material thing or outside force, but is dependent on each person in a relationship’s ability to completely dissolve themselves into their relationship. He added they should not expect to “get anything out of the relationship,” which, he said, is how most people view an intimate relationship. Friedman wrote a book on the topic of intimacy and modesty, “Doesn’t Anyone Blush Anymore?” He further explains the need for a better understanding of intimacy in a modern and changing world. Co-director of Chabad of Penn State Sarah Meretsky said Friedman brought insight into how intimacy is a religious experience. She said she thought the topic of intimacy would be beneficial for students because it brings awareness of the importance of meaningful relationships in contrast to meaningless ones or “hook-ups.” She said students lose sight of self-respect for themselves and for relationships. Although Friedman stressed the difference between sex and intimacy, he said he wasn’t claiming sex was a bad thing, but said without intimacy, sex is just that, a “thing.” “When you reduce intimacy to sex, you’re reducing it to soup; there’s nothing special about it,” Friedman said. In order to have a lasting relationship, love cannot be dependent on material things, Friedman added. Senior Elaine Arsenault (senior-psychology) said she thought Friedman presented a valid point for people to “get beyond material things” in order to have meaningful relationships. Friedman said intimacy is not a simple matter a person can grasp instantly. “You need wisdom, nobility and an ability to get beyond all your ‘things’, sexual pleasures included, to reach intimacy,” Friedman added. Quoting comedian George Carlin, he said people need to “get past all our stuff” to achieve “true” intimacy. Friedman is married to Chana Friedman, and they have 14 children. Born in Czechoslovakia in 1946, his family immigrated to the United States in 1950. In 1971 he founded Bais Chana Institute of Jewish Studies. It is the world’s first yeshiva exclusively for women, where he currently serves as dean of the university. A biblical scholar with an expertise of Jewish mysticism, Rabbi Friedman has been featured in the New York Times, Rolling Stone and Seventeen magazine along with making appearances on CNN and BBC. hip,” which, he said, is how most people view an intimate relationship.

2013-02-15T09:36:00.000-08:00

Send Page To a Friend Rabbi Manis Friedman lectures around the globe on the topic of love and relationships. Where does Love fit into a true relationship? Does something become important if you love it? These questions and more are addressed in the talk. For more about Rabbi Manis Friedman please visit RabbiFriedman.com

A New Twist to the Adam and Eve Story by Rabbi Manis Friedman

2012-10-29T13:05:00.000-07:00

Send Page To a Friend Rabbi Manis Friedman Do you know the story of Adam and Eve? If we truly understand what took place on that day in the Garden of Eden, it would help us understand a lot about what we are supposed to being doing here in this world. In the beginning, G-d created Adam and Eve and placed them in the Garden of Eden with very specific instructions: "You may eat the fruit of all of the trees besides for that one." What will happen if you do eat from that forbidden tree? "The day you eat from it you will die." Within an hour of those explicit instructions Adam and Eve both ate the forbidden fruit. Now G-d approaches Adam and asks him, "Did you eat from the tree that I told you not to eat from?" What does Adam answer? "Eve made me do it." Because they ate from the forbidden tree, G-d banished Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden and placed them in a world where people would be forced to make a living "by the sweat of their brow," have difficulties growing wheat, and where pain would inevitably accompany birth. The snake would be humanity's great enemy; it would kill man, man would kill it. And that's the story as we've always known it. Hasn't it ever struck you as a bit odd? Why would G-d choose to start the Torah with such a horrible story? The Torah is about to introduce 613 commandments that we are to observe despite being shackled with an evil inclination. Yet how does G-d begin the Torah? By telling us a story about these two people, Adam and Eve, who are living in paradise, a place where the evil inclination cannot even exist, and after being given just one simple commandment they break it within the hour. That is not very encouraging. And if there is no evil inclination in the Garden of Eden, how could they have transgressed this one commandment, and so soon?! If G-d Himself told us to eat from any tree that we wanted, except for one, wouldn't we listen? If the A-mighty G-d spoke directly to you, wouldn't it make an impression? When G-d addressed the assembled at Mount Sinai, they all died and needed to be revived. But when He asks Adam to refrain from eating from a tree, Adam's response is, "I'll try"? That can't be; it's not possible. It is also bad psychology. When you tell a child, "Don't touch that crystal vase," you do not add, "if you do..." What do you mean "if you do"? You don't! You never introduce the possibility that they will break your rules. When you say, "If you do..." you're in effect saying that it's possible that they will touch that vase. However G-d goes even further than that. He didn't say "If you eat from it," He said, "The day you eat from it." What day is that? Who knows, maybe today. There is a mixed message here. And where did Adam learn to blame someone else? His automatic response to G-d's query was that Eve had forced him to eat the fruit. This man was only a few hours old, having been created just that morning, and he's already blaming others? Then, finally, G-d warns Adam and Eve that eating from the tree will bring death. G-d then adds more punishment. Not only will humans die but their lives will also be filled with suffering?! The whole story as we know it appears quite problematic. But the main problem is, if you would want to start teaching your child the Torah, would you start with this story? Even if it did happen, why talk about it? And right in the beginning of the book? Maybe the story isn't all that simple. Adam and Eve were the most righteous people in all of history, and only the Messiah's soul will be greater than theirs. Adam and Eve consciously remembered being in heaven when they were informed that their souls would have a special spiritual mission to fulfill in a physical world. They were told that they would be placed in physical bodies and sent into the lowest world of all in order to reveal G-dliness in even that spiritually dark place. That they would have to work to create a dwelling place for His glory in a world that did not naturally recognize Him. But when they got to this low world, G-d pointed at everything and told them that they should feel free to "eat from all of those trees, but don't eat from the Tree of Knowledge, and if you do you will die." But these instructions confused Adam and Eve. "What shall we do about that tree?" they wondered. "If we are here to fix this world, it seems that the one thing that needs fixing is that tree! The one we were commanded not to eat from." So Adam and Eve decided to have a little talk. "G-d is giving us a choice," explained Eve to Adam, "either don't eat from the tree and live, or eat from the tree and die. It's not a mixed message, it's a choice." "Then let's not eat from the tree," answered Adam. So Eve said, "We have to eat from that tree. That's what G-d wants; it is our destiny." "How do you know that?" Adam asked. "Because nobody dies here in the Garden of Eden; that means that we are not in the lowest world." "We're low enough. If G-d wanted us to be in a world where humans die He could have put us there Himself." "That's not how G-d works!" exclaimed Eve. "G-d takes you until the door, but it's your decision whether to enter or not." G-d always takes you to the threshold, and then He leaves you there. He wants you to decide. So Adam told Eve, "I think you're right. It is good that G-d created a wife for me, if it were not for you I wouldn't have understood the choice." So they took fruit from the forbidden tree and ate it. G-d then calls out to Adam, "You ate from the tree that I forbade you to eat from? How did you know that's what I wanted you to do?" "How did I know? I didn't know. She knew." "Well that is good," G-d answers. "Let me tell you about the lowest world. When you go into the world outside of this Garden of Eden you know pain, hard work and enemies. That's the lowest world. That's the world I need you to fix." Simply put, Adam and Eve weren't bothered by whether they lived or died. What they were really discussing was the future of their children, what kind of people they would be. Adam wanted to ensure that his children would all remain righteous. How do you do that? Don't eat from the tree. If you don't eat from the tree then you'll stay in the Garden of Eden, you'll never die, there will be no sins, and all of your children will be pious. Eve didn't want that. She wanted her children to be forced to struggle, to have to repent for their inevitable shortcomings. She eventually convinced Adam that one who must struggle to find G-d is worthier than a naturally righteous man. So Adam ate from the tree. In the first story of Torah, the Torah's telling us, we are in this world because it's better to struggle than to have G-dliness handed to us on a silver platter. Who chose this path for us? Our mother Eve. She knew that it would be very painful and that it would take a long time. But she knew that in the end her children would return to G-d and that then the world will really be fixed. Look at the difference in the two ways to tell this story: In one version G-d comes to Adam and asks (angrily), "You ate from the tree that I told you not to eat from?" That's not what happened. Actually G-d came to Adam and marveled (smiling), "You ate from the tree that I told you not to eat from?" It's the same words. It just depends on whether you assume that G-d is angry. He's not; why assume such a thing? Eating from the tree was not an act of rebellion against G-d, nor was it succumbing to their appetite, for they had no desires other than to serve G-d. The choice they had was between one holiness and another. Their motivation came from their G-dly souls. It is known as the "sin" of the tree for sin means stepping down from an innocent place to a lower place, and they certainly did -- not out of weakness but out of devotion to their mission. The mystical reality is this: All sin is distasteful to G-d and against His will. All sin also has its purpose in G-d's plan. Hence sin violates His will, He despises it, and sin furthers His purpose -- by moving us to teshuvah (repentance). Adam and Eve chose between fulfilling His will and fulfilling His purpose. Our evil inclination tempts us to defy G-d's will, not to fulfill His purpose.

Rabbi Manis Friedman Pesach with KMR

2012-04-06T14:49:00.003-07:00

Rabbi Manis Friedman will be spending Pesach 2012 with KMR.
With other quests like Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis from Hineni.org/, Rabbi Yossi Jacobson from Theyeshiva.net, and many more.

2012-02-18T19:40:00.001-08:00

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Notes from Bais Chana Class

2011-07-21T12:06:00.001-07:00

"An evil inclination is when you simply say, 'my need comes first.' "
"One rule in all relationships: When you make the other person feel like who they are, they will adore you and forever feel indebted. "
"G-d = The original existence who was all alone and had a desire.
If a person shoudl ahve known, hes not excused for ignorance. If it could not have been known to him, hes excused.
A healthy person is someone whoès body doesnèt interfere with his intelligent mind as it pursues the purpose for which he exists.
There is no sin you can commit that will ever prevent you from becoming holy again. Because innocense in natural and came first. If you can go the other way, you can surely come back to what you started with.
When someone is in pain, you dont try to take it away; You share it with them.
If someone doesnèt have any responsibility or purpose, they become severely depressed because they arent necessary.
The further away you are, the greater the joy in coming closer.
No indivudual can ever be too unholy for a mitzvah because no one is truly holy enough to do something for G-d..and yet He still wants it from us.
Consequences dont determine whether something is wrong. The definition of right and wrong are determined according to the rules that existed before you got there.
A healthy person doesnèt have to do unnatural things in order to feel good.
People are afraid to think of inequality because they are faraid of their immorality.
Immorality means: If you are superior, you are not allowed to take advantage of someone elses inferiority.
Idolatry: G-d created the world, and now I decide what happens.

2011-07-21T06:55:00.000-07:00

Transcript:

The Rabbi and the Secret - Part I
Rabbi Manis Friedman

There is a book called "The Secret". I don't know if you've heard about it. It's a tiny little book. It's not a Jewish book. And it talks about the power of positive thinking. Maybe it could be a bit of an exaggeration, you know, it's hype, but basically it's on target. It's correct. One of the people, one of the contributors in the book, his name is John Assaraf, and he wrote a follow-up book on The Secret.

So a couple of months ago, near San Diego, there was a program the shluchim (emissaries) made that was called The Torah and The Secret. And he spoke and basically said like this – he said when you think positive, your thoughts have a very positive and powerful affect. So he creates like a visual board. You hang it up on the wall and you put all your positive thoughts on the board. He has a book about it, how you do this. Now he says that he moved from Chicago to this very expensive house outside of San Diego, and he was unpacking. And one of the things he unpacked was his visual board. And he realized that while living in Chicago many years earlier he had created a board of what he sees his future to be. One of the things that he hung up on the board is a picture of a house that he cut out of a magazine. This is the kind of house he envisions for his own future. As he was unpacking it and he saw the house that he had clipped out of a magazine, he realized that he had just moved into that house. Not a house like it, that house.

So he explained, how does it work. How does it work that your thoughts can affect gashmius, can affect physical reality? So he went into a whole thing that according to science the whole world, even a physical object, is not a fixed and permanent thing. It's all fluid. Even the laws of nature, they're all fluid. So since everything is always moving, everything is always in movement, your thoughts can move it in one direction or another. So your thinking has an affect even on physical reality. He explained the whole theory of the principle of uncertainty in science – that since the atoms are made up of moveable parts and the electrons are always running around and jumping away – so you never know where the buildings blocks of a physical thing, where they're going and what they're gonna do a minute from now. And that's why it's possible for your thoughts to actually change reality. It's all pretty sophisticated stuff and people were very impressed. He is a high powered speaker. He's one of these great motivational, you know, he speaks, gets $25,000 for a speech, this is the big time.

Where is this in Torah? Where do we see it is in the Torah? So I wanted to deliver it, explain it in the most simple – for people who never, don't know what Torah is. Why are your words or your thoughts so powerful? So when he finished speaking I mentioned that right at the beginning of the Torah we are given the same secret. So it hasn't been a secret for at least 3000 years.

The secret is – G-d created the world, how? By saying. He said.

What happened on Shabbos (the Sabbath)? V'yonach bayom hashvii (And on the seventh day He rested). So what happened on Shabbos? He still has to create the world or it wouldn't exist but it's Shabbos. So what happens on Shabbos is that He creates the world not with dibbur (speech), but with machshava (thought). So during the week the world is created with words. On Shabbos the world is created with thought. That's why Shabbos is holier than the rest of the week, because thought is higher than dibbur. Behind it all, what brings the world into existence? Kall asher chofetz Hashem asa (Everything G-d desired, He did). By the fact that the Aibishter (G-d) wants it, that makes it happen.

So now we have 3 things – the word, the thought, and the ratzon (will). The Aibishter wants, it happens. That's why when you think, or speak, or even want, you're affecting the whole world. Cause the whole world, the olam hagashmi is a response to words, thoughts and ratzon.

Now in the book The Secret, which basically tells you stuff that you already know, only it exaggerates it a little, there's one interesting statement, which was surprising to find it in a secular book. They discovered that thinking is very powerful. But positive thoughts are more powerful than negative thoughts. Which is really interesting. They don't explain it. They don't have an explanation. But they notice that this is true. Machshava (thought) is very powerful, but positive machshava is more powerful than negative machshava. Why is that? The explanation in Torah is very simple. The whole world is vibrating in response to the Aibishter's word. If you say a positive word, your energy, your word now joins the Aibishter's word and adds an impact. If you say something negative it has an affect but it's just your word, it's not joining the Aibishter's word so it can't have as much of an affect.

When you have a positive machshava, then you're thinking in the same path, in the same line as the Aibishter is thinking, so obviously your machshava is gonna have a bigger impact. If your ratzon (will) is the same that the Aibishter wants then of course your ratzon is gonna be more powerful.

So that explains everything. It explains why your thought can have an affect, how, and it explains why a positive affect is stronger than a negative affect. So when we say, “Tracht gut vet zayn gut”, (think good it will be good) what is “tracht gut” (think good)? What's good? If you think, for example, whatever the Aibishter wants is fine with me, is that called “tracht gut”? It's not. Why is that not good? It sounds good. Whatever kall asher asa HaKodesh Baruch Hu (all that G-d does) is fine with me. That's not good? That's good emuna. That's not good getracht (thinking). “Tracht gut” means think what He's thinking. Don't just say whatever He's thinking is fine. So “tracht gut” means think what He's thinking. Want what He wants. How do you know what He wants? Since the Aibishter is etzem hatov (the essence of good), and ainei mevakesh ella lefikocham (he only asks according to ones ability), since the Aibishter wants to do good, and He does good according to your understanding, so if you're thinking, “I am sure that I'm going to be well”, or that “my child is going to be cured”, that's what the Aibishter is thinking. So when your machshava (thought) matches His machshava (thought), it brings that machshava down to earth and it actually happens begashmius (in physicality).

2011-06-22T07:59:00.001-07:00

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2011-06-16T16:27:00.001-07:00

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Women Dive Into Jewish Studies, Literally
by Malina Saval - Chabad.org

Jewish college students study a text as part of Bais Chana International’s Snorkel and Study program in Key Largo, Fla.

Vashti Aguilar dove headfirst into Jewish studies – literally. The 19 year-old sophomore at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, Ohio, had never been particularly observant, but she was always curious about her Judaism. So when an opportunity in January arose to travel to Key Largo, Fla., the diving capital of the world, and partake in a week-long “Snorkel and Study” retreat for college students sponsored by Bais Chana International, Aguilar jumped at the chance – wet suit, mask, fins and all.

“It was a really spiritual experience,” gushes Aguilar, who was born in Venezuela but grew up in the Chicago area. “I’d never been scuba diving and it was just so amazing to be underwater in the ocean and seeing all these wonders of G-d. It really connected to what we were learning. It was really beautiful.”

Snorkel and Study is one of several dozen programs conducted year-round by Bais Chana, a Chabad-Lubavitch organization that was founded in 1971 by Rabbi Moshe and Mindy Feller and Rabbi Manis Friedman in Minnesota to provide a non-judgmental and supportive environment for Jewish girls and women to explore Jewish teachings and traditions in a compelling and enlightening way.

Today, it runs satellite programs in cities across North America and abroad, catering to everyone from teenage girls to single moms and offering scholarships for those in need. Listed as one of the top women’s empowerment groups on Greatnonprofits.org, Bais Chana serves Jewish communities all over the world.

“We are always looking to diversify,” says Hinda Leah Sharfstein, who first came to the program as a participant in 1980 and today serves as its executive director. “We do long-weekend programs for teens, women’s programs, programs for single moms. The programs range from five days to three weeks. We also have an advanced learning program for people who have outgrown the entry level classes in their local communities.”

This year’s summer programs include a Women’s Study Retreat in Massachusetts’ Berkshire Mountains, a Jewish Un-Camp for teens in Haliburton, Ontario, and a Women’s Advanced Studies Retreat in Minneapolis.

“The experience was intense,” says Diane Hahn, a 67-year-old Jewish educator who divides her time between Wisconsin and Florida and has attended several Bais Chana study retreats over the past six years. “After my first retreat I remember thinking [that] I never knew so much information existed about Judaism! I could not get over the amount of knowledge the people who taught the program had. I could not get enough. It made me more and more aware of the vast amount of ‘Jewishness’ that is out there. For me, it was the beginning of a long journey. I still feel that I have miles to go.”

For Sheerli Rush, a 39-year-old clinical psychologist from Cleveland, Bais Chana offered up the respect and dignity that in her experience as a single mom, was often lacking in the outside secular world.

“From both an emotional and spiritual perspective the experience was life transforming,” declares Rush, who took part in a four-day retreat for single moms. “It completely shifted my perception of my self-worth as a woman and helped me move toward a process of healing.”

From the nutritious and delicious food to the high level of intellectual and academic instruction, the program gave Rush a bolstered sense of self-esteem. This, says Sharfstein, is one of the things Bais Chana does best: make Jewish women feel inspired and whole and that they have much to contribute to society.

“I was nurtured in every way – physically, emotionally and spiritually,” says Rush. “The instructors were brilliant. One specialized in parenting, another one talked to us about intimacy. They addressed topics that were very relevant to where we were in our lives.

“There was an overall sense of respect for where we were in the journey,” she adds. “I left there feeling more grounded. As a single mom you often feel a sense of disconnect, asking yourself, ‘Where do I belong?’ Bais Chana made me stop and think: Yes I do count. Yes I do matter. Yes there is hope for me.”

Why Is Torah Law So Restrictive of Contact Between the Genders?

2011-06-01T09:26:00.000-07:00

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Why Is Torah Law So Restrictive of Contact Between the Genders?

By Manis Friedman

Question:

I understand that Torah law forbids all physical contact between a man and a woman -- or even for them to be alone in a room together -- unless they are first-degree relatives or married to each other. This applies to any man and any woman, regardless of their ages or whether or not they are sexually attracted to each other. And then there are all those rules about "modest" dress. Isn't that carrying it a bit far? Are we really such animals?

Answer:

When a man and woman are together in a room, and the door closes, that is a sexual event. Not because of what is going to happen, but what has already happened. It may not be something to make novels of, but it is a sexual occurrence, because male and female is what sexuality used to be all about.

It is true that in our world today, in the "free world" certainly, people have, on the whole, stopped thinking in these terms. What happened was that we started putting up all these defenses, getting steeled, inured, against the constant exposure and stimulation of men and women sharing all sorts of activities -- co-educational school, camps, gyms -- is that we started blocking out groups of people. We can't be as naturally sexual as G-d created us to be. When a man says, "I have a woman friend, but we're just friends, nothing more, I'm not attracted to her in any sexual way, she's not my type," you've got to ask yourself what is really going on here. Is this a disciplined person? Or is this a person who has died a little bit?

What does he mean "she's not my type?" When did all this typing come into existence? It's all artificial. It's not true to human sexuality. And it really isn't even true in this particular context because given a slight change of circumstance, you could very easily be attracted. After all, you are a male, she's a female. How many times does a relationship begin that is casual, neighborly, and then suddenly becomes intimate? The great awakening of this boy and girl who are running around, doing all sorts of things, sharing all sorts of activities, and lo and behold, they realize -- what drama, what drama -- that they are attracted to each other. These are grown-ups, intelligent human beings, and it caught them by surprise. It's kind of silly.

So closing a door should be recognized as a sexual event. And you need to ask yourself: Are you prepared for this? Is it permissible? Is it proper? If not, leave the door open. Should men and women shake hands? Should it be seen as an intimate gesture? Should any physical contact that is friendly be considered intimate? Hopefully, it should.

These laws are not guarantees against sin. They have never completely prevented it. There are people who dress very modestly. They cover everything. They sin. It's a little more cumbersome but they manage. All these laws are not just there to lessen the possibility of someone doing something wrong. They also preserve sexuality -- because human sexuality is what G-d wants. He gave us these laws to preserve it, to enhance it -- and makes sure it's focused to the right places and circumstances -- not to stifle it.

We have become callous about our sexuality. Even in marriage, a kiss on the run cheapens it, makes it callous -- then we run to the therapist for advice. And do you know what the therapist who charges $200 an hour for his advice says? He tells the couple not to touch each other for two weeks. Judaism tells you that free of charge. Yes, there are two weeks each month during which a husband and wife don't touch. This therapy has been around for 3000 years. And it still works. It's a wonderful idea.

When you don't close the door on yourself and that other person, you are recognizing your own sexuality. You are acknowledging the sexuality of the other person. Being modest, recognizing our borders, knowing where intimacy begins and not waiting until it is so intimate that we're too far gone, is a very healthy way of living. It doesn't change your lifestyle dramatically, but enhances it dramatically, and you come away more capable of relaxing, better able to be spontaneous, because you know that you can trust yourself. You've defined your borders. Now you can be free. It takes a load off your mind and it makes you a much more lovable person.

Rabbi Manis Friedman & Simcha Werner Pesach with KMR

2011-05-31T10:49:00.000-07:00

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2011-02-03T12:12:00.000-08:00

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2011-01-17T08:14:00.000-08:00

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2010-05-09T06:15:00.000-07:00

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Definitions are very helpful. For example: what does sadness mean? What is the experience of sadness? People say I feel sad. The truth is the correct definition of sadness is that you feel nothing. A person who is sad has blocked all feelings and will not feel joy or grief. So it is a non feeling, it is a lifelessness of the heart. And that is why sadness is unholy and is to be avoided to the extreme.

2010-01-27T14:08:00.001-08:00

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Definitions for things are very very helpful to understanding things clearly. For example, what is the definition of marriage. Some people would say marriage is a union of a man and a woman. Spiritual people would say that it is a union of a soul of a man and a woman. But the true definition of marriage is that it is not a union at all, it is a reunion. Two halves of a soul, divided at birth into male and female, who are reunited in a marriage. Then it is really a marriage.

2010-01-24T14:32:00.000-08:00

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A young man once went to the home of an older Chassid. He knocked on the door but nobody answered. He knocked again; he came back- tried repeatedly- until finally the older Chassid answered the door. And the young man said: "I came to get instruction to be taught how to be a mentsch. Teach me how to be a mentsch". The older Chassid replied "the lesson has already begun. I didn’t let you in when I didn’t want you to come in, and I do let you in when I want you to come in. A mentsch can bring in what he wants and leave out what he doesn’t want. A mentsch is not a victim of his environment".

2010-01-21T08:36:00.000-08:00

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Random thoughts on Morality and War

A. morality is meant to save lives and bring peace. One does not die for ones morality-
Self sacrifice should be reserved for religious issues

B. Morality should make you stronger not weaker, it should work for you not against you

C. The only excuse for war is self defense, the only purpose of war is peace

D. Morality that is nice on the surface but ends in death is not morality at all

E. We cannot control our enemies misbehavior, but we may not contribute to it

F. Self defense is a moral obligation not a right

G. Peace comes not for the love of peace but from the dread of war

H. Self defense means:to do whatever it takes to insure the safety of your people

I.The west fights every war with one hand tied behind their back, nice sentiment but not morally correct.
The moral form of war is :

A war fought to conclusion not to a stand still

A war fought to a quick victory so the country can go back to normal life

A war that brings at least forty years of peace

2010-01-18T21:23:00.000-08:00

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A Retrospective Pesach

2006-04-18T11:55:00.000-07:00

Last week, while preparing my Seder Plate, many fmilliar thoughts and memories came to me – much as they do each Pesach. I recall sitting at my father’s Seder table. I can see the memories flooding his thoughts as he reads aloud from the Haggada.

I wonder. Are they memories of Pesach past? A Seder night in Siberia during the war? How? Where did they get the Matzah? Who prepared the meal? Maybe there was no Matzah or any food at all to prepare. I want to ask these questions but I dare not.

He was a teenager then, a refugee from Poland enjoying the hospitality of the Soviet Union in the frozen wasteland of Siberia. His mother had died before the war leaving his father with three children to raise, and with Nazis threatening to invade Poland, they had crossed the border into Russia. His father was frail, a scholar by nature, but uncompromising; Pesach was a holy day and nothing would prevent him from observing its laws. Thus, while the world was at war with itself they sat at a table, the four of them, in that barren strange land and made a Seder.

This may in fact be the question of the wise son: "What are the laws, commandments, and statutes that G-d our G-d commanded you?" Unlike the wicked son this son is not excluding himself when he says "commanded you". He is marveling at his father's generation and wants to know what made them so strong. He is asking, "What did you see in the Mitzvot that made them non-negotiable?" “How did we lose that conviction? Why are Mitzvot which we observe a matter of choice for us but not for you? You didn't need the mitzvah to appeal to you, inspire you. You didn't need to see some spiritual benefits derive from observing Torah. You needed no reason to do what must be done; what is right, good and holy.”

The answer given the wise son is, "We don't eat or drink after the Afikomen." The Matzah eaten at the end of the meal - the pieces that were hidden for the children to 'steal' - need not be enjoyed. After a full meal we have no appetite for that Matzah. We don't enjoy its taste. It's a Mitzva, so we eat it. Yet we don't eat or drink after the 'afikomen' allowing the taste of it to linger.

This represents a great form of divine service; A Mitzva is best observed for its own sake - G-d asked us to do it so we do.

How do we do the mitzvah? With pleasure! We let the 'taste' linger.
We celebrate our Jewish-ness and the feel of it.

Thus we have the best of both worlds. We choose to do the mitzvah knowing that no choice is necessary. We have the PLEASURE of SERVING.

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A Mitzvah of Intoxication?

2006-03-14T07:42:00.000-08:00

"One is obligated to drink on Purim until one doesn't know the difference between "Cursed is Haman" and "Blessed is Mordechai"

Q. What does it mean when the sages 'pass a law' saying "One is obligated'? Who is obligating us? The authority of the Rabbis? The authority of Torah that tells us to obey the rabbis? Or possibly reality itself?

In the example of Purim it is Purim itself that 'obligates'. It is the quality of the day. If you felt the energy that Purim produces you would feel 'obligated', compelled, moved to get yourself beyond 'cursed' and 'blessed'; you would come to a place where Haman is despised and Mordechai is adored for their essences, ABSOLUTELY, even if they were both cursed or both blessed.

True is true. Nothing matters beyond the truth. For example: there are no other gods besides G-d. So I don't worship idols. Is G-d more powerful than the idol? Irrelevant. Idols are not true. Is idol worship cursed and damning? Irrelevant! If idols were beautiful, meaningful and inspiring, if they brought rain or made you fertile, if it could heal sickness and bring bliss, I still do not worship them because they are not true. Like the false prophet who impresses with unusual talents and psychic ability, he is still a false prophet if he contradicts the truth of Torah.

Are we too confused to know simple truths? Are we too sophisticated to appreciate that right is right and wrong is wrong?

Sin is sin. Must it also be too expensive before I reject it?

Sin is sin. Must it also be unnatural? Perverted? Unhealthy? Distasteful? Pig is forbidden but what if it is the healthiest meat? What if it is cheaper, cleaner, more tasty than kosher food?

Would that change the truth?

A Jew can not marry a non-Jew; It is not a marriage. But if he is a doctor? Nicer than any Jew you've met and more spiritual? What if he is “blessed” and Jews are "cursed"? Then what?!

And this is the message of Purim and the Mitzvah to not know the difference between "Cursed is Haman" and "Blessed is Mordechai": Regardless of all other considerations, Haman remains Haman and Mordechai is still the Yehudi.

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The Audio Is Here

2006-03-09T10:25:00.000-08:00

Here's the recording of the class we broadcast the other night.

Enjoy!

~The BlogMaster

Click to play:

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On Happiness

2006-03-09T09:49:00.000-08:00

Here's a thought that came up in a conversation the other night after our broadcast Bais Chana class:

The simple truths in life are what brings happiness. This means focusing on simple realities: life is good, being a Jew is good, having my family is good, etc. This enables you to be happy. However we need to distingush happiness from contentment. To be content is different from being happy in the following ways. Contentment must be earned - happiness is free. Happiness is related to gratitude - contentment is related to satisfaction. Happiness is the absence of doubt - contentment is the successful resolution of doubts.

Therefore, simple truths will produce happiness, but only achievement will bring contentment.

So I am happy to be what I am, to be included in G-d's vast eternal plan. A part of the chosen people, able to serve Him at any time. But if I don't actually serve Him and accomplish some good in my life I will not be content. Contentment is measured by effort. The harder I try the more content I will be.

What do you think?

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Yesterday's Broadcast

2006-03-08T20:31:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to say how wonderful the turn out was for yesterday's broadcast! We were very complimented by your participation. And, we'll do it again soon!

Did you miss it? Not to worry. We've got it recorded for you and we hope to have it up here very shortly.

~The BlogMaster

click here

What Do We Know About Creation? - - Part VI

2006-03-08T20:27:00.000-08:00

Purpose?

To make a dwelling place for G-d in the lowest world (that's our world) is the reason for which He created the universe.

A dwelling place means a place where you can be yourself, let your hair down.

The first requirement for a divine home is to accept G-d as He is: infinite or finite, kind or stern, forgiving or punishing, caring or distant, demanding or indifferent. He can be whatever He chooses to be and I'm comfortable with that. Worshipping other gods would mean making conditions for G-d: I can see G-d as a saviour when I need saving; I see G-d as punishing when my enemy needs 'killin'; He is the G-d of fertility when I need to be fertile. So I'm believing in one G-d, but only in bite size pieces as I feel the need. But to allow G-s to be whatever He wishes?! That's too scary, too humbling. That's not a 'home'. We are treating G-d like a guest or visitor or worse.

So the first thing is - let G-d tell you what He is, what He wants, what He needs from you. He does this in Torah.

The second requirement is 'light'. A home must be illuminated. Brightly. 'Light' here refers to relationship. Example: a marriage essentially involves a husband and wife living together. In the olden days it was, "I have a son, you have a daughter. Fine. They will be married." What else do you need? And that would be a marriage. In point of fact it would constitute a sacred institution, inviolable. But the two people must also relate to each other, 'know' each other. Otherwise it will not be a complete home.

That is the light of the home that G-d desires: where He is Himself and we know Him, take pleasure in Him, love and fear Him, serve Him.

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Rabbi Friedman Live - - Tonight

2006-03-07T17:50:00.000-08:00

9:30 pm EST (7:30 Mountain, 6:30 Pacific)

To listen, either:
- Enter TorahChat here (may require plugin,) or
- Download Java Player here

See full article for more information.

If you choose to click to enter TorahChat, this will take you to one of the “study rooms” at VirtualYeshiva.com. You may be prompted to install a PlugIn. This is safe for your computer. You will then be asked to login with your name and taken into the “room” where you will be able to hear the class.

If you choose to click to download the Java Player, the player will automatically begin to install. You will be asked whether you trust the software from “jlGui Team”. Click “Yes”. The download will complete and the player will open automatically.

Enjoy!

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