Bloggling Brooks

My Big Fat Nothing Day

2015-10-02T10:57:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was everything I was hoping it would be! A big fat nothing! When I have free time I try to use it wisely. If I have had a lot going on or any kind of busyness coming up I play catch up on my rest. So this morning I dropped my kids off at school early, because apparently the school cafeteria's breakfast options are superior to my fine culinary act of setting a bag of cereal out on the kitchen table. They opted to have breakfast at school.

I stopped at my favorite donut shop. It always speeds things along when the drive thru attendant has your order memorized. That is of course the ONLY reason I stop there, really... I swear!

Got home, climbed into bed, buried my head under the covers and ate my donuts in shame.

I looked for something to watch on television, quickly realized I have way too many options for television viewing, settled on something mind numbing and watched for hours. I ate some lunch, this time proudly out from under the covers - not everything I put into my body is crap, watched some more trash on the tube until time to pick up the kids.

I then listened to children talk over each other for the next 30 minutes trying my best to sort out approximately 15 separate stories between them in order to respond appropriately to each one. "MmmHmm, Oh really?, I'm so sorry sweetie, Way to go buddy, She said what?, You did what?, You left your homework at school again?" You know, the usual responses.

We waited for one of the kid's friends to get here for a short play date. I quickly slipped into fun, super chill mom mode that I only reserve for company. I helped with homework, signed Lord knows how many notes, folders, and permission slips. I pretended I was a rock star while I did this, thanking my fans, smiling and winking as I scribbled my name - this always livens things up a bit. I started dinner, and loaded the dishwasher. By that time Jarrod was home. I sat down on the bed to visit with him and was sound asleep before 7 O'Clock. Seriously I am like a newborn baby, worn out after having Exerted energy for 4 hours. It's a rough life, but I feel like I live it well!

Honestly though, making it work best for your family, that's really what it's all about, right?! No matter what the circumstances you just do what you gotta do and try to make the most of it. My family rolls with things better than anybody I know. I am super grateful for that!

(just think, if I would skip the donuts I could change the title to My Nothing Day)

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The Graduate

2015-10-01T09:58:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I graduated from Physical Therapy. Which I did not see coming. I started going to PT at the beginning of the summer because I had horrific neck pain and major back pain. In just a few short weeks I went from taking 2 muscle relaxers a day - because that was the most I could take unless I woke up in the middle of the night to take one...and I like sleep more than I like feeling comfortable - to taking no muscle relaxers. My physical therapists were my new best friends. We began having sleepovers, braiding each other's hair, giggling and gossiping. Ok, that was just in my vivid imagination. In reality I continued to see them twice a week and they began working on other areas of my ever crumbling body while continuing to tweak my neck here and there. I really did giggle with my female therapists...a lot. But the male therapist, head therapist, boss man, took over with me because, wouldn't you know it I need that much help. Shocker!

Today Mr. Boss Man announced that he believed I was ready to manage things myself. I felt stunned, rattled, slightly betrayed. It was like the time a nurse walked into my hospital room and had the gall to tell us it was time to take our new baby home. We were idiots, I barely remembered to put deodorant on before leaving the house and I locked my keys in my car at least once a week. We had only managed to keep fish living for 2 weeks. How were we going to keep a baby alive?

So I am now therapist free. The advice he left me with was to continue working on my posture. Posture was something we worked on a lot. That is after we overcame the hurdle of maintaining good posture while sitting when your feet do not even reach the floor. This is apparently not something he had come across too many times before. Another thing he mentioned, which I thought was smart stuff, he said with the pain that accompanies my autoimmune issues it is easy to chalk all pain up to that. He said, dig deeper, make sure you know the reason for the problem. There are plenty of things I have no control over, hello chronic illness. SO I need to take care of as many things that I can that I do have control over and be careful not to just assume every "symptom" is being caused by my diseases. Good advise!

I might have a little pity party over being dumped by my therapist, you are all invited to join me...only it'll have to be virtual because, DANG, my house is dirty!!!! But then I will smile because being minus one therapist means I am getting that much better...healthier! Thanks Boss Man!

Sarah

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Your Best Is Good Enough

2015-04-15T14:32:00.001-05:00

Pressure cookers, do you remember those, does anybody even still use them? I feel like this is the world we live in. A big vat of stresses, bubbling and boiling, adding more and more pressure until there is nothing left of us but a big pot of mushed stew.

Sadly I don't believe this is just our world anymore but the place our children are finding themselves in as well. As the public school system becomes less about education and more about preparation for a standardized test there is very nearly a demand for high scores. Outside of the classroom, in all of their extra curricular activities, and sometimes even within our homes, it is quite literally all around them. Whether it is perceived on our children's part or not they think they have to perform perfectly for coaches and teachers. They feel the need to outshine the competition, best a friend, prove their worth to an enemy.

I hope my own children learn soon to be comfortable with one very important thing, something they will always have at their disposal and the one thing I do expect from them, their absolute best...that there is honor in this, that they can take pride in this, that nobody, no matter the end result, can take this from them!

Your best, is a rule in our home! It is also our mantra, one our kids may even tire of hearing, but I feel, cannot be repeated enough. When one of our children comes home disappointed after an athletic competition or with test results they are not pleased with (or a teacher is not pleased with) whether it is a 45 or a 95, we always ask, "did you try your best?" If their answer is yes we assure them that that is good enough and we are very proud. I have recently realized the importance of taking this same course when they are excited about their accomplishments. I want them to understand, our pride is not wrapped up in their success but in them committing all they can to whatever they do. That, is all any of us can do and it should always be good enough!

Your Children's best is good enough. Your best as a parent, is good enough. Your best as an employee, is good enough. Your best as a wife or husband, is good enough. Your best as a daughter or son, is good enough. Your best is all you have got, once you have given that there is no need for more. Have you done your best? Then that is good enough!

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When Strengths Hide It's Time To Go Seek

2015-04-01T09:42:00.002-05:00

My Elyse is absolutely precious. If you have met her you likely know this already. We got lucky with this one for sure.

She is always so very helpful, and when she goes above and beyond I have been known to throw a little cash her way.

This spring break was such a time. She went out of her way to help out around the house and so I gave her a little bit of spending money. This led to a slightly uncomfortable conversation with her, not so much younger brother.

Isaiah wanted to know why the money, and then why her and not him, and then how she was any more helpful than he was... Oy vey, and a slew of other interjections!

How to explain in careful words how very unhelpful your son is?! How when I ask you to do something (that isn't an order just a, "hey would you mind") you readily say, "no thanks!" How I don't count that as favorably obliging. How your standard of the absolute bare minimum is not what I look at and think, "wow...well done!"

But I tried, I had that difficult conversation. I think he caught on. He reminded me a very few instances where he did indeed lend a hand (all of which, on my mental calculator, added up to about a dimes worth). I could tell that, though he got what I was saying, and maybe even agreed somewhat, he was feeling kind of worthless and I was feeling kind of shamed. I couldn't for the life of me figure out how he was worth less because he did less yet still manage to be my same amazing kid! He wasn't bad! He wasn't doing anything wrong, wasn't breaking any rules, ignoring any orders. Elyse deserved her money, no doubt, it was well earned. But then again, it is her strength. She has a servants heart and she is compassionate to the bone. If she can sense I am not feeling well she will do anything she can to make life easier for me. If I am tied up with one chore, she will run to take care of another one for me. I love this about her. It is her gift, her calling even, and it is so in my face all the time, smoothing my way, taking a load off my shoulders. It can't be missed. Isaiah has amazing strengths as well. So does Elijah, and also Hannah. I could burn up my key board listing them all.

Because Isaiah's gifts don't always lend themselves to relieving my stress, they sometimes go unnoticed, under appreciated. I decided right then and there to take a few moments to encourage him in those very things, to praise him and tell him what a blessing he is. I am not sure if money is the way to go. Monetary compensation for hard work is an age old practice, that makes sense. Money just for being cool... I am not so sure about. But I can certainly find ways honor this little man's pursuit of the talents God has given him.

He is courageous, more so than any young man I know. Though he struggles with embarrassment over his Tourette's and compulsions, he strives to make others comfortable with it. He chooses to believe the very best about people. Where some would feel mocked and bullied he gives the benefit of the doubt, and calls it curious. He possesses a quiet and watchful spirit. He listens, observes, is slow to react.

Isaiah's strengths may not stand out and force me to take notice. Often times our children's (or husband's) gifts may need to be sought out, brought out, and had their time in the spot light. Sometimes they are hidden away, other times they may be messy and even a little less convenient, like with my Elijah, the relentless inventor. But they are all deserving of our recognition and praise, and maybe some creative form of compensation if you think it is fitting. In any case please learn from my mistakes, be careful not to let the strengths that bolster your own life over shadow those that don't. They will be somebody else's pillar one day and the less cracks the better.

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A Little Bit About Us

2015-03-30T00:28:00.000-05:00

Well hello bloggie world!

I've missed you! I have absolutely no excuse for having not written for 9 months other than I have had the most serious case of writers block. Seriously, I've had nothing! I've tried writing in my head, where I compose a large percentage of my posts long before I have a chance to make it to a computer. I have even sat down at the computer and...nada! I hate going this long without writing. It is my outlet, it is how I do my best thinking. It gets me off my children's backs as I lecture myself instead of them for a change. It's good to be back!

I'll catch you up on the family really quick and then we will get on to all the crazy thoughts in my head. I finally have a few again. I have a short list of posts I want to take a stab at writing...

I am pretty much in the same place health wise. I have had a really long icky flare... but you don't want to hear about that and I don't blame you. My attitude continues to improve and I think I am starting to figure out this "new life" and how it is going to work for us.

The kids are ALL in school now. Just half days for Hannah, until next year. Yikes! So far everybody has had a good school year. Everyone has a good group of friends, good teachers, and a slew of activities. Honestly what they say is true I feel I spend more time in my car than I do at home. My next invention is going to be a nice fold out drivers seat. I can stretch out and get comfortable as I wait for one child or another to emerge from this building or that. Maybe a mini fridge under the dash board? I seriously think it is a billion dollar idea. Come on moms, you know you want one!

We are sneaking up on my favorite time of year. From May 4-August 24 when somebody asks me my kid's ages I get to rattle off 3 consecutive numbers and watch as eyes widen and jaws hang a little bit slack. For instance following Elijah's birthday this year, the kids will be 10, 9, 8, and 5 years old.

It's only for the summer... but it's kind of cool...I think! People get to think we are just a little bit crazy, something I myself have known (and taken pride in) for years. ;)

Jarrod is working hard as always. His job description has changed somewhat and I think he is really liking what he is doing. That is such a blessing and not something everyone can say. His boss called me the other day to tell me what an asset Jarrod is to him. He told me how much easier Jarrod makes his life and to thank us (the kids and I) for our sacrifice, giving Jarrod up for so many hours each week. Wow! I mean I know pride comes before the fall but does it count when it is pride in your husband? It was such an encouraging call to receive. Nothing he said surprised me, but I was blessed to hear somebody else tell me what an amazing man I am married to.

That's what we have been up to. I am anxious to share some things stirring inside me. Stick around... I promise to be back a lot sooner this time.

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Tattle Tales, Water Trails, and Referee Fails

2014-06-28T16:36:00.000-05:00

Friday with Elijah was maddening and hysterical all at the same time.

Let me take a moment to describe this crazy, precious boy. He is 7 years old but in many ways this hardly seems believable to me. He is naive in all of the right ways, innocent in many ways. He is convinced that deep down all animals are kind and gentle and he could easily be friends with any one of them. He has a beautiful heart. If you cry he WILL join you. He feels everything deeply and is highly emotional. This can be a great thing, causing him to be sympathetic and kind. It can also be exhausting. His feelings are easily hurt, he is easily offended and deeply terrified that anyone and everyone will think he is foolish, always... all of the time. He is my 7 year old baby and I say that with a heart absolutely full of love for him and thankful that he is exactly who he is!

Here was my evening with him a few days ago. As we were leaving the house to drop the two big kids off at play practice I told the younger two to be sure to feed Bugsy when we get home.

Arriving back at the house a few minutes later. I reminded them once again. "One of you give Bugsy food, the other give him water."

Hannah and Elijah, in unison asked,

Hannah: "Can I do the food?"
Elijah: "Can I do both all by myself?"

I took on the role I play most often as a mother, referee. Thankfully those stripes are a slenderizing vertical. I am confident I have been mentally yelled at by all four of my players on a regular basis.

I made my call, knowing there was no way to please them both.

"Hannah you feed him, Elijah you do the water."

"I asked if I could do both." Elijah said. Nearly in tears, of course.

I told him I knew that but they had asked at the same time and so this time I want you to do it this way. Telling him if he wanted he could do both tomorrow.

Then he broke. Through tears he said the words that nearly brought my head to the steering wheel over and over just to make the madness stop!

"But, sniff, it's too hard, sniff sniff, to do the water by myseeeelfffff!!"

I didn't say it! I lacked the will power to even ask, in what way giving our doggy both food AND water made it easier than giving him water alone.

I re spoke my original instructions and stumbled off the playing field into the house.

Thirty minutes later, Bugsy had been fed (and given water, the floor from the bathroom sink to the deck had been watered, along with a good quarter of the deck) and the little kids were settled in the living room.

Hannah and Elijah, when it is just the two of them, get along famously. Until they don't. I heard the wail from the living room. I picked up my whistle and penalty flag and braced myself.

In came Elijah gripping some part of his body and crying.

"Hannah punched me!"

My kids are not big hitters but it has happened enough times for me to know there is always more to the story. I have learned to ask questions. 95% of the time he who tattles first threw the first punch, slap, or kick!

I began my line of questioning and then called in the accused for her side of the story. I admit I was surprised by the results, a twist in the usual plot...

"He told me to punch him!"
The 7 year old piped up, "not that hard though!"

I was downright impressed by the absolute self restraint Jarrod and I showed, not even a smirk until the kids left the room.

I am equally impressed by my 4 year old Hannah's critical thinking skills as, a few hours later she punched Elijah in the face insisting, "He told me to!"

He had not!

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The Business of Being a Grown Up

2014-06-10T11:09:00.000-05:00

I was THAT mom today. I try really hard not to be that mom but, I totally went there. My girl wanted something and so I did what I could to get it for her.

Fooey on the system, forget about proper channels and hierarchy... ok, just kidding it wasn't that bad.

But really, I am a rule follower. I am a "you get what you get and you don't throw a fit" kind of person. I am trying to teach my kids to be the same way.

When they are not quite old enough to be involved in something I do not ask somebody to bend the rules and make an exception. I tell my kid to wait another year or two. If they do not get the prize they wanted we don't go back and ask for something different. We try to find a way to enjoy what we have.

That is life in the real world. The real world is what I am preparing my children for.

My husband and I have purposed to do something since before the day our oldest was born more than 9 years ago - to raise our children NOW to be the kind of people they should be when they are grown. To start that process early on.

Yes, they get to be children - dirty, silly, loud, and crazy children. Just ask their grandparents, ask our neighbors, ask the poor gentleman that checks us out at Wal Mart after two hours of being confined to a plastic seat.

But we don't want kids so sheltered that they are not prepared to function in this big messy world that, let's face it isn't always fair!

This morning all of that was set aside. At church no less.

My kids have begun the first in a series of several Vacation Bible Schools this summer. Yesterday was day one. My oldest, sweet 9 year old Elyse, had a blast as always with one big hiccup. She was in a class full of strangers watching all of her friends galavant off together in a separate group. All because I fell in love with Jarrod Brooks instead of John Smith.

Somehow my daughter is attracted to friends who's last name begins with letters in the second half of the alphabet. This happened last year. All of the P's and S's and T's were in one group while Elyse was with the loser B's and D's. Ok, maybe not losers. But strangers. And like always, last year I told her what a great opportunity it was to make new friends. See, what a good mom I am? Using every opportunity as a teaching moment. (I can hear my former foster kids barfing somewhere as I type that).

Yesterday my heart squeezed a little, no a whole lot, as she ran down the list of friends she saw... in the distance at VBS.

It has been a very tough few months for my dear girl. She, like her mommy, does not make friends quickly. She is loyal and faithful like her daddy, almost to a fault. One close friend is all she needs and she had it for one glorious year. That friendship ended several months ago, leaving Elyse shocked, confused, hurt. She has tried making new friends, tried moving on. But she loves to give people the benefit of the doubt and has, over and over again the past few months, set herself up for hurt on top of hurt in this friendship.

Honestly you guys, I could not bare another moment of disappointment for my girl. I told her yesterday that I would see about switching her to the other group. It was out of my mouth and in her cute little ears before I had time to think about it.

I hate, loath, despise, abhor confrontation of any kind. I do not like the idea of hurting somebody's feelings even just a little bit. Or worse, them having even a fleeting bad thought about me!

This, I am embarrassed to say, took prayer and a bit of private inner coaching. I didn't even know who I was supposed to talk to about moving Elyse to another group. I was afraid they would say no. I had visions of being laughed out of the church - because I am neurotic that way. {if you people only knew the things that go through my head most moments of most days...}

But I did it!!!!! (Go me, go me, I'm a rock star, I'm a super mom!) The teacher seemed a little hurt. I am pretty sure she too thought, "Oh goody, you're THAT mom!" And for 1.5 seconds I wanted to hang my head and say, "yes, yes I am" to apologize and tell her she could keep my daughter in her class.
(Yes, all of that in 1.5 seconds. I'm a fast thinker.)

But you know what? This business of being a grown up is hard! There are some upsides. So far the biggest one my kids and I have come up with is, you get to eat candy whenever you want!!! Like WHENEVER you want!!!!

But most of the time it is hard. You do have to be the grown up. You do have to yield to others, do for others...

I want my kids to be amazing grownups. I have no doubt they will be. But grown up time is a very long time and it comes up pretty quick. There is no turning back. So from time to time I will let my kids have a kid moment. To enjoy one of the perks.

I am that grown up now, who can put aside fears. Who can, whenever the need arises, NOT care if somebody else thinks I am doing a poor job, not doing the right thing. Because I know my kids better than anybody else. If three days of fun with friends is going to ruin my daughter for the future... then I have MUCH bigger problems!

I am going to do my job, the very best I can, and sometimes that means, I'll be the grown up, you be the kid and we will take those jobs for ALL THEY ARE WORTH!

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Watch Them Watch You

2014-04-22T22:13:00.001-05:00

I am going to get straight to the point!

I have seen a very simple truth these past few months. My children love because we love, period. It is just that simple. Sure they are getting older and forming relationships of their own - teachers, friends. But from the beginning we have modeled love and respect, they watched, they mimicked and they loved, unconditionally because we did.

I greet my parents with a joyful hug when I see them. I love my parents, I respect them and I demonstrate that. So, since the beginning of their lives my children have had that same kind of love for them. Jarrod loves and serves me. They see that and they respond in a similar manner. Breakfasts in bed, notes around the house, a patient tone of voice, etc.

My relationship with the Lord lately has been, shall we say, lacking. And I have watched as, slowly but surely, my kid's own precious friendship with Him has unraveled. In the past we could not go but a few minutes without talking to or about Jesus - in the car, in the kitchen. He was our friend, a vital part of our family and it made more since to include him in conversations than not to. Sadly He has been suspiciously absent from all of our lives for the past few months. I keep thinking, I'll get back to where I was someday. There have even been a couple of half hearted attempts. But really I have been under the impression that it is only affecting me.

Parents, be not deceived. I know you know they are watching. I know you have heard they will do what you do, not what you say.

But FOR REAL!!!!! They are watching, EVERYTHING! They are listening, to EVERYTHING!! Where are you at? This will likely be where they are at. Are you in the word? Are you praying without ceasing? Is Jesus the main topic of conversation? Hopefully that is the case, keep up the good work and pray for me that I'll do a little better!

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I Am Already a Little Lady, Think I'll Just Embrace The Old

2014-04-21T22:15:00.000-05:00

My life this month reads something like an 80 year old woman's.

Last week, an appointment with my Rheumatologist.

This week an appointment with my Neurologist.

A consult with my rheumatologist to get orders for my upcoming appointment with my Cardiologist.

Endless trips to the pharmacy to pick up medication, sort out medication mix ups and then more trips, to pick up more medications.

Early bed times, early dinners...

Checking for fiber in my cereal.

It's like I took a ski lift up the hill and then just took a crashing roll down the other side.

I think I am going to just give it up, give in, turn on The Price Is Right and call it done.

I wonder if my kids would mind if I start picking them up from the bus stop in my housecoat and slippers?! ;)

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You Are My Friend, You May Not Even Know It

2014-04-20T18:07:00.002-05:00

Elyse, my oldest, my 4th grader, is really struggling. Girls her age are mean. I don't know if you remember being that age but I do. I was definitely mean. My friends were mean. It was a big mean old world.

This is the world Elyse is in right now. She is not innocent. But she is, sometimes, the victim and it breaks my heart.

I have very much wanted to call up a mom or two or four and give them a piece of my mind. No doubt a few moms have wanted to call me up as well. (Nana, if you are reading this, yes your precious granddaughter indeed can be mean, ask her brothers.)

I keep telling her that it is going to get easier. As she gets older girls get nicer. Women, in my general experience are not near as mean.

I have had the privilege over the past couple of years, of making some great friends.

When my husband and I were house parents to some amazing teenage kids we did not really have opportunities to invest in grown up relationships. (still wouldn't trade it)

We then spent the next four years in a tiny, itty bitty town were friends were hard to come by, and the majority of our time was spent with, teenagers. (we really are mature, I promise) (and still wouldn't trade it)

I am a closet introvert. Yep that's a real thing - on the outside, upbeat and friendly - on the inside - crippled with fear, exhausted by the time I leave a social environment because of the energy it took to pretend to feel comfortable, much preferring to be at home, quiet, reflective, perhaps writing my thoughts and feelings.

God has basically had to arrange situations that drop me in the path of other women that have sought me out and demanded a friendship!

It's a small circle of women, my relationships may not even look like what you would call a friendship. There is a really good chance a few of these ladies would be surprised I consider them a close friend. But over the past couple of years I have been overwhelmed and blessed by these girls and their companionship means to world to me.

They have quietly come in and set up shop in my heart. These are the few that remember that my life has recently taken an odd turn. Most conversations with these friends begin with, "how are you feeling?". They think to pray. They think to check in. They ask about Isaiah, knowing his situation is near and dear to my heart. They quietly ask if they can take over a task, knowing it hurts me. It's really that simple. Occasionally we meet up for some late night, mommy type fun. Mostly we have a sporadic texting conversation that may take an entire day between bible studies, nap times, second and third trips to the grocery store. But that's ok. I feel encouraged, I may get a good laugh, I am stirred to pray for somebody other than myself.

Thank you ladies, for taking an interest in a mess like me. Thank you for reaching out when you get in return insecure, socially stunted, self centered me.

We have met up on many different platforms - from MOPS, to message boards, through sharing our thoughts, hearts for healing and desire for answers for our little boys suffering with tourettes. From preschool pick up to the convenience of living across the street. YOU reached out, YOU kept reaching out. You smiled, laughed, prayed, encouraged your way into my life and I am eternally grateful.

I find it difficult to help Elyse, to teach her how to be a friend. I have long been out of touch with what that even looks like. You, my friend have been an example - not just to me but to a precious little girl, very hurt, confidence crushed by the actions of others, likely every bit as insecure as her.
You remind me what friendship looks like and I in turn am finding it easier and easier to teach my daughter. If you don't know who you are, I am sorry I have failed to tell you what you mean to me. You have hung in there all the same. In my book that makes you amazing.

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Thanks for lifting me up!

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Second Nature Shouldn't Be Second Best

2014-04-16T17:59:00.000-05:00

The other day my kids wanted to know what all the yard signs decorating the lawn of our local courthouse were for. Why did they each have a blue ribbon printed on the front?

I told them it was to raise awareness for autism. Many more questions ensued after this. What is autism? What does it mean to raise awareness?

I reminded them how, from May 15-June 15, I wear a turquoise ribbon on my shirt or my purse. It is to raise awareness for Tourette's.

I explained that we want to raise awareness about things so that people will better understand the disorder or disease. And so that medical professionals and scientists will be encouraged to do more research to find cures.

Isaiah piped up from the middle seat, "I don't want a cure, I like my tics."

This has been a fairly new development. In the past he has very much disliked them. Some are painful, some make it difficult for him to fall asleep, some are very noticeable and make him very self conscious in public.

Lately he has been rather attached to them. Despite the fact that he reports, nearly weekly, whether he has been successful at managing them in public. Despite the fact that his room has to be very dark at night to better help him fall asleep. Despite the fact that his neck popping tic does not seem to be going anywhere any time soon and it causes him pain on a regular basis.

He does not remember a time in his life that he did not feel the "need" to scrunch his nose, knock his knees, shrug his shoulders, throw his head back, stop walking to drag a foot, touch EVERYTHING to his chin, repeat things under his breath, or some variation of these and many more all of the time.

Tourette's is very much a part of my child's life. He dislikes it but cannot fathom a life without it. Life would just be strange without tics.

This got me wondering, what other things are a part of my children's lives that, whether they like it or not, they don't know any different?

The words they are exposed to that, though I do not allow them to say, I say a plenty? Crap, I hate that I do that. ;)

Perhaps the freedom I feel to lambast a fellow driver on the highway, and how casually I dismiss my negative outburst, because I felt I had a good reason.

Have they become so accustomed to running late for everything that commitment just doesn't seem all that important?

I know they don't like hearing me yell. I use to get a lecture from the back seat when I "told off" another driver from behind my steering wheel. But I explained why it was ok, they had it coming - and so it became ok for mommy to yell.

I know that they like me to keep my promises to them. But when we are running later than an agreed upon time to be somewhere, I have a very good reason. Sometimes it was even their fault and so this part of keeping our word is really not all that important.

I guess I feel like I do a pretty good job teaching my kids to be kind to others. They get in trouble for saying yucky things. I make them stick with something if they have given their word. I make these things a priority. So surely they will grow up and desire to live this way.

And I am probably correct, they probably will want to live this way. But the other way of living will be like second nature to them. Doing anything any different may prove very difficult for them.

As best I can I need to create an environment for my kids where second nature is a good thing. Where what they are accustomed to will be the ways we bless others, the ways we honor commitments, the ways we speak words of encouragement.

There are some things in their lives I cannot control, and no matter how much a want to remove the negative I just can't. Tics would be long gone if I could. But for all the rest, there's visa (oh wait, that's not right). There is me, being the grown up, taking responsibility and creating an atmosphere where not knowing any different is a really good thing!

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What Will Your Snapshot Look Like?

2014-04-15T16:53:00.001-05:00

I got paid a pretty big compliment yesterday. It was like the best kind of compliment. Really I feel like I received some sort of trophy and am standing up here on my podium looking down on all the little people!

Bahahahaha!!!! Like I know what it's like to look down on people (In case you don't know I am 4'10".) My kids barely qualify to me as little people.

Seriously, even when my kids were babies I felt like a little 7 year old apprehensively being handed a baby to hold for just a moment.

My babies never fell asleep on my shoulder. Rarely did any of my 4 kids even fall asleep in my arms. I am sure it was just not comfortable nor did it feel like a secure place to them. I couldn't even cradle a new born in one arm. Most newborns come out longer than one of my arms.

This is Hannah, my youngest, at 4 weeks old. Like, for real, you can' tell me that does not look like a little kid getting to hold a baby.

Ok, now I am going way off subject. Here is how this awesome compliment came to be. Through a texting conversation with my sister-in-law, Laurel.

Me: And an hour later we are leaving office max. Think I will just go home.

And then after I realized that message had not been sent to my husband, it's intended destination, I texted Laurel back and said.

Me: That was meant for Jarrod...but you're welcome for the unnecessary info. ;)

Laurel: LOL

Me: Apparently it takes an hour to print 4 pieces of paper when you take a 4 year old with you!

Laurel: Was it at least an interesting hour of printing?

Me: More like 45 minutes of going to the bathroom and then taking stuffed Mickey Mouse to the bathroom, wiping his rear and all. Then lathering, rinsing, and drying both sets of hands. Followed by 4 seconds of printing. Followed by 14 minutes of stopping to ask for EVERYTHING we passed on the way from the printer to the register. Followed by 56 seconds of paying. ALWAYS interesting when Hannah is around!

Laurel: Lol!!! Well, at least Mickey is learning good bathroom hygiene! Lol! You're such a great mom! You've got 4 very blessed kids!

See me up there on my podium, trophy in hand? Don't I look proud?

Me: I have to admit, I did a great job faking patience! It was suppose to be a quick run in run out trip to print stuff to register Hannah for Pre-K. After an hour there we didn't make it to the school.

Oh the joys of chronic illness, some days 1 errand is plenty!!!

Laurel: For what it's worth...I think you did the right thing today. Years from now, Hannah won't remember (or care) that she wasn't registered for Pre-K today. But she will look back and remember the times you invested in HER HEART. Which is what you did!

And that is why my SIL is so wise, and so right.

Those were kind of my thoughts when I gave Hannah permission to get some toilet paper to wipe a stuffed Mickey. And as I waited quietly for she and Mickey to wash up, dry off and slowly make their way out of the bathroom.

Not because I am a great mother, in fact I am making up for a lot of lost time.

I have been making a lot of attempts to slow down, relax, and let my kids enjoy being kids. Some days are not conducive to that. Like today as we flew through Wal Mart after picking Hannah up from Mother's Day Out and before time to pick the big kids up from school.

But yesterday we did not HAVE to be somewhere. Sure I had an agenda, but it was much less important than a lovely little 4 year old getting to nurture her favorite Mickey Mouse friend.

Maybe she will remember it one day, maybe she won't. But at some point, one of these memories she is making will stick. I want there to be a good chance that it's a fond one.

I have come a long way in my 9 years of being a mommy. Yes, I have a long way to go still.

I am done trying to keep everything in perfect order. I am done with rigid schedules for the sake of having a rigid schedule.

I want kids that mind, I want kids that do what I ask when I ask. But I am trying to listen to what they are asking for as well. They don't always make it as clear as I do. I have to pay a lot more attention. But when I hear, and I do comply, we both have a beautiful snapshot that might just last a life time.

I can't think of a single schedule I've ever written that I will look back at in years to come and smile!

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Gently Led, Lighter Tread

2014-04-14T16:32:00.000-05:00

A friend shared a verse with me the other day that I had not remembered hearing before.

He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young. Isaiah 40:11

My friend said, and I agree, those of us with young often times need a bit more gentle hand.

We tend to be too hard on ourselves, second guessing, expecting self perfection in a world where chaos often rules.

God knows this, He knows the life of a young mother. Rather than judge and condemn, He gently leads!

I don't believe God meant for this job to be so hard on us. I think fears, uncertainties, and insecurities are things we pick up all by ourselves.

Matthew 11:28-30 says:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

I love this passage, it has many times been a comfort to me. I want my burden lightened. I want rest! What mother doesn't?

Reading it again the other day I took note of a few key words that I often hurdle over in my attempt to get to the end.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened.

Not I will come to you, He already has, He's already shown up to the party.

He has already put in the time and work and, as a gentleman, has left the ball in our court.

We come and then Jesus takes the lead once again.

He gives us rest.

But he asks us to Take (his) yoke upon (ourselves).

Incase you missed it this, once again, requires action on our part.

Take, used in this verse, according to the Greek, means take up, lift up.

The "yoke" is offered, we receive it, we pick it up.

(I believe this can be done by simply praying, thanking Him for what He offers and maybe asking for a little help getting it on)

And then... learn from me. From Him.

As we take the time to learn from him, or as the King James version says learn of him, we can more easily portray those attributes of Him to our children and our husbands

For (He is) gentle and humble in heart.

We can more easily except those things for ourselves, gentleness and humility.

And (we will) find rest for (our) souls.

For (His) yoke is easy and (his) burden is light.

His yoke is easy because we no longer have to carry around condemnation, or expectations for perfect actions.

He already carried all of that Himself to the cross for us, and left it there and now offers to us a lighter burden, His yoke.

As we continue in our work, fitted with much less burden, learning of Jesus, becoming more like Jesus, He gently leads us, especially during this time of our lives when we are tending to our young!

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I Procreated, Lectures and Interrogations May Now Commence

2014-04-11T14:28:00.002-05:00

Kids are a joy. Being a parent is a privilege and an honor. A whole new world opens up to you when children come on the scene. Your priorities change, suddenly staying out late sounds like a waste of time. Your perspective changes, you begin to think things like grimaces, hiccups, and toothless grins are the cutest thing in the world! Your vocabulary enters a whole other dimension completely. No longer do you say things like, "good night" or "use the restroom." Suddenly you are saying things like "nighty nighty" and "make tinkle." It's not just you though, everyone around you begins to act differently when you are accompanied by your offspring. Without warning people are saying all kinds of things to you. It seems everywhere you go people, friends, strangers are offering unsolicited advice and voicing unwelcome opinions. For instance, I hear the following ALL THE TIME. If you have more than 3 kids, you have heard it too.

* "Are all of them yours?"

I always resist the urge to say, "You know it was the strangest thing, I got to the store today and all these random kids started piling into my cart. Then I realized, they all look suspiciously alike." One day I might just go ahead and say it!

Then there is this

* "You do know what causes that, right?"

Hey, if your mom didn't take the time to sit down and explain to you where babies come from, that's not on me. Your are going to have to find somebody else to tell you what caused this!

Or when somebody says

* "you sure have your hands full!"

I say "You sure have a lot of wrinkles! Oh sorry, were we not pointing out the obvious?" Ok, I don't say that... out loud.

Somehow, with a child or two in your midst, you are suddenly attracting some mighty strange people.

* I always felt sorry for the elderly woman that would walk up to my 4 month old baby and ask, "where are your socks? Don't you know you are going to get sick?" Obviously she was a little crazy thinking my baby was going to answer her. I always thought it was the saddest thing.

I did get one warning early on.

* My mother said to me, 1,999 times growing up, "just wait until you have kids of your own." I wish she had told me just one more time. I really think I could have better mentally prepared for the day that I had kids of my own. It's helpful though that she often erupts into uncontrollable laughter when she's around us.

* In the same way, if one more little old lady had patted my arm and said, "enjoy it while it lasts, it goes by so fast," despite the fact that every trip to the grocery store felt like 3 years of my life, I really think I could have stopped and enjoyed my 3 year old pulling every cereal box off the shelf and into our cart, while my 2 year old cried hysterically because I had not agreed to buy diego gummies, and my 9 month old threw veggie puffs, screamed for more and threw those too. If just one more little old lady had taken the time to warn me, I just know I would have enjoyed it while it lasted.

I had slightly older friends too, ones that already had kids in school. There were two different types of these people.

* The ones that consoled, on a regular basis, "just wait, it gets easier." I never felt comforted by their ability to look into my future and see that life would indeed become easier for me.

* The other group of slightly less well meaning older friends would exclaim with a sigh, "just wait, it gets much harder!" At least these friends had the guts to be honest with me, but I always felt like this just minimized the current mental break down I was in the midst of having. After all, their life was much harder!

* To the stranger who said to me, "I think somebody needs a nap!"

"I do, I really do. It's unclear though, are you offering to watch my kids while I take one or are you just pointing it out?"

This well intentioned nugget

"Don't be so hard on them, they are just kids after all," always gives me mixed feelings. It is almost always said by a sweet gentleman at church. For a few seconds I think I can relax, after all we are not being judged. Then I remembered, wait yes we are!

I consider striking a deal with him. "Ok, you get up in front of the congregation and make an announcement that, 'today we will allow the Brooks to take it easy, their kids will be, just for today, allowed to act like kids!' And I will happily stop being so hard on them."

I have only heard this one a couple of times,

* "when we had kids they were expected to be seen and not heard"

But honestly, if I am gripping the sides of my chair - knuckles bright white, speaking through gritted teeth, eyes large and bulging - very nearly out of my head, and my children have managed a four way fight over a pregnancy magazine at the doctors office, the only helpful words that you could possibly say to me are, "I will adopt every single one of them right now!"

There are many well meaning people out there, wanting to give a word of advice. There are also flat out mean people, wanting to make a stink. Sometimes I take it to heart, other times I blow it off. Often it is just said at an inopportune time. I am learning to make a mental note and sift through it later. There are a few treasures I'd do well to learn from. For all the rest I will just hit delete!

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Shame On Mommy

2014-04-09T01:05:00.000-05:00

I was chatting with a friend (whom I met through her fabulous blog that you should definitely visit) a few days ago about sponsoring children through programs like Compassion International and World Vision. Our conversation brought a lovely story to mind that I wanted to share with you.

About 4 years ago my husband came home from a conference mightily moved to help someone in need. Specifically a child. He had heard a testimony from Wess Stafford, CEO of Compassion International, and fully recognizing a need, was stirred up to act. We were not in a place to afford it financially but decided to pray and hoped that God would soon open the door for us to sponsor a child.

Within a few days Jarrod came home from work and told me he felt that we were suppose to go ahead and give out of our need. We sat down that night and through Compassion's website found a little girl named Sarai to sponsor. We have been supporting her since then. It has been a pleasure to hear from her, to see her grow, to receive word about how she has been blessed by our meager and humble giving. As the year went on we continued to feel urged to do more. But had not acted upon that feeling.

I was in the kitchen one afternoon, summer was fast approaching. A then, 6 year old Elyse and 5 year old Isaiah would soon be coming to the end of their first and second year of school and I would have a 6 year old, 5 year old, 4 year old, and 20 month old at home all day, EVERY DAY! I began to mentally make summer plans. The year before we had been able to purchase Sea World season passes for the whole family. After the initial cost it was a relatively affordable way to spend many Saturdays that summer and the kids loved it! I am the family bookkeeper (because I have way more free time than Jarrod.) I am also the family, shall we say, tightwad. I knew what our banking account looked like, it wasn't encouraging. Maybe the zoo would be a better way to go, cheaper, still fun. As I loaded the dishwasher and cleaned counter tops I thought through all the possibilities, my penny pinching fingers trying to loosen their hold so we could have some fun in the coming months.

It was lunch time, Jarrod came home for a quick bite. As we visited while I made him something to eat a familiar conversation took place. He wanted to sponsor another child, he did not want to keep putting it off. Suddenly my fists tightened ever tighter around those pennies. Every fun plan I had made for the summer floated out the back door my husband had just walked through, being whisked away by a spring breeze. I conjured up a smile and nodded in agreement but children hundreds of miles away, over seas that I would likely never cross were nowhere near and dear to my heart as my own children. A couple of weekends of fun were being jeopardized by my husband's compassionate heart. Maybe this was something we could continue to talk about. Perhaps we could put it off for a few more months.

That hope began fading a few hours later as Jarrod sat at his computer looking at the faces of near starving children trying to decide which one to help and how in the world to leave so many others behind. Our daughter, Elyse, walked in to the kitchen and joined him at the table. Ever curious she peaked over the laptop screen and asked every inquisitive child's second favorite question, "whatcha doin'?" He quickly explained it to her. Our oldest three were well aware of our sponsored child, Sarai. She had been faithfully prayed for by the three of them every night. As Jarrod showed Elyse pictures of thousands of children waiting for a sponsor, waiting on hope, her sweet little heart was also moved. An answer came to her so simply, and out of her mouth so easily and innocently, "Let's just 'adopt' them all!" Touched but realistic Jarrod informed her that we would not be able to afford to help them all. With even less reluctancy than her first response she rationalized, "let's just stay home this summer, we don't need to anything fun like Sea World!"

SCHOOLED by my 6 year old, that is what had happened, right then and there!

Unfortunately we were not able to sponsor over 3000 children. But we also did not get season passes that year. We did however "meet" a little 5 year old boy named Redwan, who shared our own 5 year old boy's birthday. He has been added to our prayers and, hopefully, been blessed by the little bit we have had the opportunity to send his way.

Continuously will I be grateful for the abundant blessings that God has given us. I do not understand why us, not them. Always will I admire the compassionate hearts of my husband and our oldest daughter, I know no one with more tender hearts than their own. Forever will I remember the precious way a 6 year old helped to open my own heart. Never will I regret a summer spent in our own yard, in our own town, coming up with creative ways to keep 4 very precious and abundantly blessed children entertained!

*If you are unaware of what is going on with World Vision please read this bit of news that a very kind hearted friend shared with me a few days ago.

"World Vision lost 10,000 sponsors this week because they considered hiring gay Christians in states where gay marriage is legal. The sponsors left as protest. I understand people have strong views rooted in (their) faith, but it breaks my heart that the sponsors couldn't have reached out and expressed their opinion in another way instead of just revoking aid to the kids who need it."

Today she shared more news with me

"They (World Vision) turned the decision around within one day, but I think they still lost 10,000 sponsors over it because people wanted to make a point. So sad."

I agree, very sad! I have no desire to share my opinion over the decision to hire or not hire based on sexual preference. I have even less of a desire to, nor will I, enter in to a debate about this. I tell you only to make you aware of a very unfortunate incident that has done little else than hurt and cost innocent children very much in need. Perhaps God will move in your heart to do something to help a few of them. Please, at the very least, join me in prayer for them.

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Strength For The Weary Mother

2014-04-04T10:09:00.000-05:00

Isaiah 40:31 (through my mommy lenses)

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A Word For You, A Word For Me

2014-04-02T15:30:00.001-05:00

I have not talked about my illness on here in awhile. I figure you don't want to hear about it all the time. I don't really blame you. It is not your burden after all. Today however, I had a thought that I wanted to share.

For those of you who don't know I have a couple of connective tissue diseases. I got sick, completely out of the blue, almost two years ago. They are also considered autoimmune diseases, so as I am sure you know, that means my immune system has begun to mistakenly attack and destroy my healthy body tissue. There are many people who have some form of autoimmune disease, it's not the worst diagnosis to have, but for some reason I have had a very hard time coming to terms with this. I am in pain a good deal of the time and very, very tired. I feel like this sickness has stolen so much from me. Where I was once happy, energetic, and social, I am now often angry, exhausted, and I hide away in my room in my bed wishing I could just feel good enough to get my house clean. One of the connective tissue diseases I have in particular can be fatal. I joined a message board for others who suffer from this disease and it has been a tremendous source of knowledge and encouragement. But in the past year we have lost several members to our condition. I am obviously nowhere close to being in that bad of shape but that knowledge still creeps in and whispers in my ear, "that could be you one day." I silence it, of course but when my defenses are down, and they are, more than I'd like to admit, there it is on tiptoes making it's way back to me to do it's damage. I don't mean to be negative. I try hard not to be dramatic about it all. However I have found that I am not at all the tough girl I once thought I was. I have so many weaknesses both physical and emotional, every one of them being so exposed it humbles and displeases me!

Today all of this was on my mind, it is always on my mind. Out of nowhere a verse came to mind, fresh and new, as if I had not heard it before.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

I would say the thief has done his job well. Stealing those things that had been my nature, what made me Sarah. Energy, joy, life! Destroying, rendering me useless or at least causing me to feel that way in some areas. Destroying dreams I once had.

No more! He came to give life! Life eternal, yes. But to the fullest here, right here, right now. The very most, the best of the best life I can have here on earth. Unless God chooses to heal me (which I certainly believe He can and He will, but He may chose to wait a little longer, wait until the day He gives me that perfect and whole body.) That "life" may have to look a little different than what I once imagined. Occasionally I feel that life. On a good day, like I had yesterday, spending time with my mom, shopping, talking, giggling like we have not done together in some time. Often though, that fullness, that joy may have to come from my perch in my bed, where I spend some days, giving out instructions to my children, helping with homework, right here in my bed, talking my oldest through a recipe so she can help out by making dinner. The thief may think he has won. In many ways I have allowed him to. But life can still happen in the midst of pain. Life can be breathed in even as your heart aches. Joy may be lost for me in things I have had to give up doing. But there is still joy in the Lord while I am buried under my covers. It has not been easy for me to find joy IN my "suffering" as I know I am suppose to do. (Romans 5:3-5) I confess I find this very difficult. For now I will have to stir myself up to find joy in spite of the pain and fatigue.

As much as this seems like a very personal post I know I am not unique in my suffering. Our stories are not the same, yet we all experience some form of pain - fresh wounds or those not yet healed, grief and sorrow, fear, discouragement and loneliness. We have an enemy who is a con artist. He is a master at talking us out of our joy, and peace, and into death. He will gladly bring death to your dreams, death to your hopes, death to your relationships, your confidence, to who you are. Rise up, even if you do not have the strength to physically, and proclaim life! Abundant life! Which means over and above, more than is necessary. So weep, mourn, cry out if you need to. But do not let the thief destroy what Jesus came to redeem. John 1:4 says, In him was life, (Greek translation Zoe the same life as is in John 10:10) and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

Let the light of your life shine, in the midst of your circumstances, so that the darkness cannot overcome! I say all of this to both of us as I am not there all the time. But there is hope in the knowledge that He came to bring life...even to me!

...he has sent me (Jesus) to bind up the brokenhearted,to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion—to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified. Isaiah 61:1-3

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Throw Back Thursday, The Touch

2014-03-27T12:51:00.000-05:00

Here is a throw back, from way, way back! This is the first thing I remember writing beyond a couple of classroom assignments from my public school days (2nd-5th) and an end of the school year poem. (maybe I'll share that silly treasure someday)

Long before nights of lying awake worrying about one of my kids, before sleepless nights worrying about finances, before the oh so disconcerting moments of being startled awake by a tiny little face mere inches from my own whispering, "mommy". I woke up in the middle of the night with these words that would not go away. I gave in and wrote them down and went back to sleep. (the first of many nights of words break dancing in my head until I shut it down with a pen and paper)

Thank you to the gracious judges from my junior year student convention for finding something redeeming in this poorly written, extremely juvenile piece and finding it worthy of first place.

Thank you to my dad for listening quietly as I read you my first of many many writings and being kind enough to look impressed and utter, "WOW!"

Thank you to my sister who listened and directed and redirected for hours on end to get this monologue competition ready.

If you dare read on I assure you, it is certainly lacking. But my first unsolicited writing will always be dear to my heart!

Here it is

The Touch:

I was sitting on a ledge one day, looking out at the ocean. It was so wonderful to be away from everything and everyone, and be able to sit there and feel sorry for myself.

In the time I had been sitting there, it had begun to grow dark. Then suddenly, I saw a small shadow from behind. Turning, I saw nothing. Then looking a little harder I saw what looked like the outline of a mouth, it seemed to be smiling. Feeling very strange for imagining such a thing, I turned back around to stare out at the ocean.

I began to think of all the loneliness I had felt for so many years, and how, even since I was a small child, everyone, friends, family, grandparents, everyone I had ever loved had left me. Voices echoed through my head, "I know you don't want me to go, but I just can't stay here with your father, not right now anyway. I'll be back for you someday."

"Yea, someday. Thanks for coming back mom. You know you didn't even show up for daddy's funeral"

Then there was grandma right before she died saying, "Do not forget, He will always be there, right behind you."

Obviously the woman was losing it; she was always talking about her precious Father in heaven. Well the only faher I had ever known left me when I was eleven years old, after he had promised me as I sat so faithfully at his bedside that there would always be someone right beside me. Well he was wrong! After Grandma died there was no one beside or behind me. I was alone!

I started crying then and through my tears I saw the shadow again. I turned, and saw the smile, and then I saw ears that seemed to be listening to my cry. I felt ashamed, had I been longing for some one to jus sit and listen to me for so long that I was imagining such strange things? Trying to reject anymore of my crazy thoughts, I turned once again to the ocean, and once again let my mind be filled with my sad memories.

At that moment a wind began to blow, I shivered, not only from the cool breeze, but this breeze almost felt like a hand reaching out to rest on my shoulder. Whatever this strange feeling was, it made me feel very different. I could not exactly distinguish the feeling; it was unlike any other I had ever felt.

Then the shadow crept up, only this time closer. However, rather than making me feel cooler in this night breeze the shadow filled me with warmth, and as I once again turned to see this figure standing behind me, I saw the same mouth and ears, and I realized, this must be the hand of a man on me!

Finally! Feeling all the love and comfort I had so longed for that I knew would never go away, I began to fall in love. How could I not? With that smile not like the usual mocking smile I had grown accustomed to, but a strong and reassuring smile. Those ears, that didn't just listen, waiting to hear me mess up, but listening to my hearts cry. There was more, eyes that burned with fire, looking into my eyes and searching my soul, rather than my outward appearance. No, how could I not love a man with such strong and wonderful features? And I hadn't even begun to see his face.

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Waiting on God...For FOREVER!

2014-03-26T11:58:00.001-05:00

We all find ourselves in the position of waiting from time to time. In my opinion waiting on the Lord is the hardest of these moments. When I am waiting on my kids to put on their shoes, unload their part of the dishwasher, get in bed, I can watch, I see them drawing closer and closer to the end result. We often times do not see God at work until He is done. In fact the process He goes through to get there is many times excruciating. You feel you are being pulled further away from what you have asked for. I was talking to a friend about this the other day. We had talked about some of the great men of faith in the bible who had to wait many years, experiencing things that looked nothing like what God had promised. Soon after this conversation my friend sent me this

If you know your bible even a little bit you know this is true.

I am not a patient person. I want what I want, preferably before I ask, but if absolutely necessary I'll take it within a minute or two of making my request.

Nearly a year ago, when asking God for deliverance from something He brought to mind Lamentations 3:26

"It is good to wait quietly for the Salvation of the Lord."

Not my favorite thing to do, this waiting. For once in my life I thought, "ok, I can do this." I'd rather some immediate results but at least it was something. God had given me a word to cling to regarding my situation. So I spent my year doing just that, waiting. JUST that, only that. I sat idly by and waited.

Today another dear friend shared this day's devotion from Sarah Young's Jesus Calling:

Waiting on Me means directing your attention to Me in hopeful anticipation of what I will do.... Waiting on Me is the way I designed you to live... I created you to stay conscious of Me as you go about your daily duties.

The scripture reference that went along with this devotion was none other than Lamentations 3:26...and 24 and 25. Why I had not taken the time to sit down and read the context of the verse I have been leaning on for a year probably speaks to my laziness. It is right there though, in verse 25:

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him.

Immediately after this is my verse, it is good to wait quietly for the Salvation of the Lord.

God does not ask us to wait because He is busy and will get to us when He has time. He has not asked us to take a number. He is asking us to not take the situation into our own hands. We are to leave it alone and while He does His thing we are freed up to seek him. To seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. And then all these things... the things we are waiting on will be taken care of by Him. (Matthew 6:33)

It's possible that I have wasted a year of my life. Fortunately for me His mercies are new every morning, this year, last year, next year. (Lamentations 3:22-23)

If you are waiting on God, take heart! He will deliver. You are free from the burden of fretting over it, incidentally freed up to seek Him and seek His kingdom!

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With Me Through Motherhood

2014-03-20T12:45:00.000-05:00

Psalm 23 - Through My Mommy Lenses

The Lord is my shepherd, I want for nothing.
He alloweth me to pass out cold in the middle of a repeat episode of Sophia the First while my 4 year old is inthralled.
He leadeth me around water puddles after bath time.
He restores my soul and created hemroid cream to restore my puffy eyes.
He guides me through heaps of laundry and brings Himself glory even in the midst of mismatched socks.
Yea though my refrigerator smells like the valley of death, I will fear no clumpy milk for you are with me.
Your rod and staff, and a bowl of chocolate icecream they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies, and the occasional snotty PTA mom.
You annoint my head with oil and my face with oil of olay and my sensitive skin it thanks you.
My sink of dirty dishes overfloweth.
Thankfully your goodness and mercy and grace shall follow me all the days of this life called motherhood.
And if I do my job right my family and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

by Sarah Brooks 3/18/24

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I am linked up at: Here it on Sunday, Use it on Monday!, Motivating Monday, Miscellany Monday, Heart + Home, Grace at Home, Faith Filled Friday, Friday Favorite Things, and Inspiration Friday

Love - Through My Mommy Lenses

2014-03-18T16:23:00.002-05:00

A look at I Corinthians 13:4-8 (through my mommy lenses)

Love is patient...during homework.

Love is kind...when you want to yell.

It does not envy...your children at bedtime while you are still mopping floors.

It does not boast...that "back when you were a kid..."

It is not proud...when you need to apologize to your child.

It does not dishonor others...while expecting respect for yourself.

It is not self-seeking...even at dessert time.

It is not easily angered...Say it again, it is NOT EASILY ANGERED.

It keeps no record of wrongs...even in the midst of discipline.

Love does not delight in evil...but gently shows another way.

(And) rejoices with the truth...Celebrating it's every occurrence, providing a safe place for it.

It always protects...both body and heart.

Always trusts...that you are THE ONE for the job.

Always hopes...you aren't screwing it up.

Always perseveres...because even if you do screw it up you are THE ONE for the job.

Love never fails...to keep right on loving!

by Sarah Brooks 3/18/14

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I am linked up at: Here it on Sunday, Use it on Monday!, Motivating Monday, Miscellany Monday, Heart + Home, Grace at Home, Faith Filled Friday, Friday Favorite Things, and Inspiration Friday

Which American Idol Judge Are You?

2014-03-17T14:27:00.003-05:00

I totally American Idol Judge my kids! I do, it's true. I realized this a couple of days ago. For those of you who watch American Idol I am sure you know this and for those of you who are not viewers I will tell you. The judges say a few words to the singers after they have performed. They have become notorious for telling the contestants something they should change, the very next week the contestant complies with suggested change and the judge turns right around and tells them they don't like what the contestant did.

This was really bad one year for one of my all time favorite girls that has competed on the show, Allison Iraheta. Every week it was the same thing, one of the four judges would say something like, "It was good but I'd really love to see you sing something a little softer maybe slow it down a bit." Next week, after singing her heart out in the form of a lovely ballad, the same judge would say, "Allison I don't understand, you are a rock star you should stick with what you know. I really wish you had done another rock song." And it went on and on every week. Poor Allison, she could not win!

In a very similar way I coach my kids. Our oldest is very responsible and is by nature, a nurturer. Because of this I rely heavily on her. I give her tasks to do, "Help your little sister buckle. Can you go make sure Hannah stays focussed on cleaning her room? Go help Hannah pick out some clothes." Then whenever Elyse pushes it a little too far I am right there saying, "Elyse you are not the boss. I am the mom! Elyse, you don't need to do that for her, I told her she needs to it herself." I have pulled an American Idol Judge move. Poor Elyse, she cannot win!

I do this to the boys too. As I am walking through a cluttered home in the morning trying to get us out he door on time for school I will begin barking out orders, "Boys, come take care of your breakfast dishes, Elijah your shoes are under the table, come put them on. Isaiah, your hair is a mess you need to go brush it." A few minutes later, when there are still dishes on the kitchen table I will say, in a slightly more frustrated tone, as I go in search of the offending kids, "Boys your cereal bowls are still on the table." A confused Isaiah will call out, "I'm brushing my hair like you told me to." And it is at about that moment I find a curly head leaning over scuffed shoes, trying to make a perfect bow. Maybe slightly more frustrated I will let out a sigh, wave Elijah's hands out of the way and tie the shoes myself. Likely saying something like, "we do not have time for you to make a perfect bow buddy. You just need to be quick. Now go put away your bowl." Rewind a few days earlier to a very similar morning. I am walking through a cluttered house, I pass a cute curly head and look down to smile. I notice shoelaces trailing along behind size 12 shoes and I say, "Elijah you have got to start tying your shoes better you can't just slop through it!" Poor boys, they cannot win!

We must be careful with our words. I am always in a rush, I often joke that my kids will grow up and say, "I remember always being in a hurry. I don't really remember us actually going places. I just remember we were always in a hurry to get there." But in our rush, in our aggravation we must not spew out rules that are forever changing. We must have very clear expectations of our children in our own minds, and then make those same expectations clear to our kids. If we are forever changing our minds, changing our plans, changing the rules, we will never be able to expect our kids to take us seriously. We will create an atmosphere of confusion and frustration. They will be forever trying to please but often coming up short - and this will be through no fault of their own. Slow down moms, think your words through. Remember the rules and expectations you have for your children and begin to create a place and a way for them to follow those rules to meet your expectations! I know I certainly need to do this.

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I am linked up at: Here it on Sunday, Use it on Monday!, Motivating Monday, Miscellany Monday, Heart + Home, Grace at Home, Faith Filled Friday, Friday Favorite Things, and Inspiration Friday

A Sight to See

2014-03-06T14:40:00.000-06:00

I did something incredibly stupid today. I am talking palm to forehead what was I thinking S.T.U.P.I.D. I went to the grocery store, right after school got out, by myself, with all four kids!!!!! Pulling into the parking lot, I thought it. Crossing the street, I thought it. Walking through those double glass doors, the thought was overwhelming me... What the HECK was I thinking!

Thank you HEB for the awesome two person car carts complete with movable steering wheels! Obviously the brilliant mind that thought that up has multiple young children! Thank you HEBuddy, you give my kids something to look forward to, with your buddy bucks and little yellow stickers!

I feel like I am always a spectacle when I go out alone with my children. Before we went to the store I had taken all four kids to the eye doctor. My oldest had an appointment. I took everyone out of school early and we crammed into a tiny little exam room. I got the following comments,

"Oh you brought the whole crew this time!"

"You've got your hands full!"

#1 I've got four kids, we are one of those strange middle class families where the dad goes off to work every week day, and my kid's teachers never offer to watch my children for an extra few hours after school if I need to run some errands... So yep, pretty much. I brought the whole crew!

#2 Actually my hands were empty, not one thing was in my hands. Hands... Empty!

But the real fun came when I pushed an over sized green car shaped grocery cart full of a 4 year old and 6 year old - whose combined weight very nearly matches my own. A beautiful young 4th grader was on my left, only a mere 10 inches shorter than me. A handsome 2nd grader, who came up with 49 different ways to wear a scarf during our hour long trek through the store, not one of them traditional scarf drapering, was on my right. And yes, only 6 inches of my 4 feet 10 inch self was visible over the adorable heads of our cart "drivers".

I adore my kids, they are well behaved(ish) most of the time. They are super sweet, love to serve, and are hilarious! What they are NOT is quiet! I am in love with each and every one of their personalities - and personalities they have in abundance! Those fantastic personalities were on display for all to see while we shopped. We got all the looks. The curious look, older sister, or tiny mother?? The good grief look, clearly she missed the sex ed talk that focused on birth control. The wide eyed kindred spirit look from other mothers with children hanging out of every end of their cart, we will come through this alive. If we truly believe it it will happen. We also got lots of smiles, plenty of people stopping to strike up a conversation with one of the kids, and then there was the saviour of the hour who was giving out free samples. After asking if they had just gotten out of school this angel handed out seconds and thirds, stating that her kids were always starving when they got home from school and so these four surely were famished. She ignored every single one of my protests and fed my kids well.

Heading back to the cold section... again, I was answering silly questions, listening to nonsense jokes, and hearing the latest in fourth grade gossip and I thought, "goodness I love this!" I loved having babies. I miss having babies! But this, this stage is awesome! We were a sight to see. Surely everyone got an earful! I got a heartful, and I don't know about the rest of the customers at main street HEB but we had a blast!

From left to right: Husband (who works), Beautiful 4th grader, Adorable 6 year old,
Handsome 2nd grader, Adorable 4 year old, Short mom with a full heart!

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What Will You Lose When You Win?

2014-02-10T21:31:00.004-06:00

Jarrod Brooks, winning arguments since 2003. Jarrod Brooks is my husband and he has won every. single. argument we have had since the day we got married. Now we are not a couple who fights, like real fights, we have had maybe seven fights in our ten years of marriage - MAYBE! What I am talking about are the Daniel not Stephen Baldwin starred in Paparazzi kind of arguments... you know the truly important stuff! I don't know how he does it but the man is always right! That is until last week! I was complaining to Jarrod that one of my medications is causing me to gain weight, since I don't actually feel like the medicine is doing any good I am going to ask my doctor at my next appointment if I can discontinue it. And in the mean time I will be sure to alert any and all people that it is the medication and not my obsession with Almond Joys that has led to this weight gain (really hoping this post goes viral, people need to know why there is so much more junk in my ever expanding trunk). This led to an on going argument that we have had for as long as I can remember. How five pounds does indeed make a huge difference when you are only 4'10". A normal ladies 15 pounds is the vertically challenged girl's 5 pounds, come on little people...you know what I'm talking about. Jarrod disagrees and thinks a few pounds is no big deal and I look great! So we argued for quite some time and then he said, "Ok fine, you're fat", and left the room. I called out after him, "Ha, I won, I'm fat!" Which is of course when I realized, did I win, really?! Is getting my husband to call me fat a win?

Before you blow up Jarrod's inbox with hate mail please know he does not think I am fat and is much nicer to me than I am. Good natured fun was had by all.

I do however have a problem that is much larger than my waist line. I like to win arguments and sometimes at far too great a cost. With my kids, sometimes. And at some point I realize I shouldn't be arguing at all. I am, after all, the adult. Whether I act like it or not. The mother. My need to prove my point just blinds me at times.

We do this with one another too. Don't we? We try to act like grown ups about it, we are a little more subtle. But we do it. Ok, I'll be honest, I do it! I think some of you do too. Then some of you are wise and mature and you don't fall into this trap.

The past 9 or so years have been HARD for us. The last 2 years, in particular have just about swallowed us up completely. We tread, sometimes the tide bowls us over, we fight, we resurface only to tread again until the next big wave crashes in... I look for the "good" that God is bringing in all of this. I search the clouds for an ever allusive silver lining. Since it never seems to appear I feel the need to win at SOMETHING, anything. The only thing I have managed to come up with... "My life is more difficult than your life." I don't mean to think it, I don't mean to push it, and try to prove it. But there I am, trying to win the world's most ridiculous argument. Why my pain is worse than yours, why my kid's disorder is more disheartening than anything your kid is going through. How we suffer more, our struggle is harder. And when/if I manage a win, I find I have once again lost. Lost an opportunity show you compassion. I've lost some of your respect, at some point I'll lose the last of it. I have lost the grace I could be walking through this whole thing with. Nothing, and I do mean nothing has been won! I am working to break this cycle. If you catch me in the midst of this game try to cut me a little slack, or maybe smack me across the face. I'll grow up some day. I am almost sure of it.

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I am linked up at: Here it on Sunday, Use it on Monday!, Motivating Monday, Miscellany Monday, Heart + Home, What He's Done Wednesday, Grace at Home, Faith Filled Friday, Friday Favorite Things, and Inspiration Friday

We Are Getting A Motorcycle

2013-09-03T13:09:00.002-05:00

The coolest thing happened a few weeks ago and I just had to share. In a personal place of wondering if God just forgot all about us, It blesses me so when I see Him show up and show off.

I feel the need to be somewhat discreet about this as those involved seemed to want to be discreet themselves, so for the sake of confidentiality... I'll just say I was really wanting a motorcycle (and by motorcycle I do mean something quite entirely different).

So I wanted this motorcycle but it was way out of our price range. So I prayed about it and did what I could to get financing for my motorcycle and then left it in God's hands. I heard back from the "financing department", they were able to help out a little with the cost but it was still way out of our budget. When I got the news I felt a little put out. It was like God was dangling a carrot. The carrot got a little closer... close enough to smell but just out of reach all the same.

I was to let the kind lady at the financing department know what our answer would be. I got it into my head that maybe God wasn't done yet, perhaps I should give him one more chance. I Iet God know what the plan was. This was Tuesday, I would give Him until Thursday to provide the rest of what we needed. And then I did what any mature, woman of faith would do, I started going over our finances. I looked, I tried to move things around. Maybe if we could pay this here instead of there. What if we got rid of that.

I wanted this motorcycle so much!

It would be a good thing for our family. We would all benefit. Thursday came, nobody had shown up at our door with a big fat check, I had not accidently stumbled across a winning lottery ticket...nothing! It occurred to me, I was putting God in a box. It wasn't fair for me to give Him such a short time frame to work in. He could have until Monday to work His miracle, and I told him so.

It was a pleasant weekend, uneventful in that I did not win the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes, but a fine weekend just the same. It kind of made Monday seem like a great big non event, which led me to courteously extend God's deadline a few more days. By this point even I was not slow enough to mistake what was really going on here. I wasn't giving God more time. I was simply holding off because once I told the motorcycle dealership we just couldn't afford the bike, they were going to let somebody else have it. I wasn't ready to let it go.

Then, suddenly it was Wednesday, the day of God's third deadline. It was this day that I clearly heard God say, "just send the email already and let ME be in control of what happens! If I am going to do something it's going to be on my terms, not yours!" He's usually a lot nicer when He talks to me, I think He may have been a little put out. I gritted my teeth, sent the email and was very, very sad.

A few hours later the phone rang, it was the dealership. The sweet lady on the other end said, "Sarah something happened and I think it was a God thing! Somebody came in to my office today and asked if anybody needed help getting a motorcycle. They wanted to give xx number of dollars to help somebody out. Since I got your email today I thought of you." The amount they wanted to give took care of a large percentage of the cost of the bike. Making it much more manageable for us! And just like that, we were getting our motorcycle!

I have not seen God do this kind of thing for us in awhile! It was his love for us at work, finding a way to bless our life and our family. Even as I had tried to go around Him, tell Him how to work, He was still planning to provide. Instead of punishing me for stubbornness he used it to show His awesomeness!

Again, I cannot stress this enough, because my mom is one of my most faithful readers and I love my mom and do so want her to continue speaking to us. We are not really getting a motorcycle. But God is awesome! And I am getting the desire of my heart!

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