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A Beginner's guide to the MLS, pt. 1

2011-03-04T13:07:00.008-05:00

If you’re anything like myself, the MLS is an exciting, mysterious enigma. The Beautiful Game played in America, the Beautiful. Additionally, if you’re anything like I was you really don’t know the first thing about it. Assuming you know the basics of soccer, I’ve prepared a beginners guide to the MLS! Welcome to 2011!

A Bit of History

The league was founded in 1996 with 10 teams. Piggybacking off the rise in prominence of soccer in the US after the 1994 USA World Cup, the league boasted fairly high attendance and some big name players.A few coming years brought lower attendances and lower financial success, ebbing and flowing with the success of the US National Team. It took a few tumultuous years until 2004 when the National Team had the surprise success of making it to the quarterfinals of the World Cup to re-solidify the MLS as a league.

It’s now 2011 and the league has 18 teams with 1 rumoured team in the works. Gradual economic success is coming to the league as it matures and things are looking up! Why don’t we meet the teams now?

The Teams

There are 16 existing MLS teams plus 2 new additions this year spreadthroughout the US and Canada. To make scheduling a bit easier, the teams are divided into the East and West conference. They are as follows (in alphabetical order, I don’t play favourites! Editor’s note: Come on the U!)

Eastern Conference

Chicago Fire

Expansion team from 1998, the Chicago Fire has 1 precious league title to their name. Defying most expectations, they stole the title in their first year in the MLS. Despite some competitive sparks (heh… spark, fire, get it?) like the signing of Chicago-native Brian McBride in 2008, the Fire has got 3 other championship appearances in their history.

Big moves are hoped for this year from the chi-town faithful, despite some big name departures (namely the USMNT hero Brian McBride and Designated Player Freddie Ljungberg). With new signings Diego Chavez and Nery Castillo, the fire are hoping to reignite the embers of their past success in 2011

Columbus Crew

The Crew is one of the old guard of the MLS. An inaugural team from 1996, it took 12 years for the crew to win their title despite minor domestic and international success in the U.S. Open Cup and the CONCACAF Champions League. Departure of MLS Best XI and MLS MVP striker Guillermo Barros Schelotto will put a big hurt on the Crew’s offensive output along with whole-sale changes in midfield and defense.

Columbus Crew stadium will have a lot of new faces in 2011, and are sure to surprise as head coach Robert Warzycha hopes to maintain the Crew’s reputation as an MLS heavyweight.

D.C. United

If Columbus is a heavyweight of the old guard, D.C. United is the King. League leading 4 title holders United haven’t won since 2004 and have had a couple dismal years. Falling from grace is never easy, but the black and reds (as they are known for their uniforms) haven’t given up. The return of the All-American Charlie Davies hopes to raise the morale, and perhaps more importantly the goal scoring output of the D.C. outfit.

The residents of RFK Stadium will hope this year can begin a revitalization to past success under new head coach Ben Olsen. Sharing rivalries with some of the other east coast, tri-state teams New York, Philadelphia, and even the more remote New England Revolution, its never dull to watch a local derby when D.C. is involved.

Houston Dynamo

2006 entrants to the MLS, the Houston Dynamo enjoyed immediate success in the league. Under the big guns of U.S. national forward Brian Ching, and MLS stalwart midfielder Dwayne De Rosario, the Dynamo ended the season not only with the impressive record of 11-8-13, but with an MLS cup. 2007 would bring another MLS cup to the wunderkinds in Houston.

Political and financial moves in 2008 resulted in the Dynamo being sold to a different owner group. Ching was still a major force with the Dynamo, but even he could only bring the Dynamo to a 2nd place league finish and a loss in the play-offs for the cup. Like D.C. United in the east, the Dynamo will hope to resurge as a power in the MLS after not qualifying for the play-offs in 2010.

New England Revolution

Another one of the original 1996 teams, the New England Revolution have always been the poor-fortune team of the MLS. Boasting a league challenging 4 appearances in an MLS cup final, the Revs have never won a cup. History shows the New Englanders roster feature a number of US National players, but those days have passed and stars Shalrie Joseph and Sainey Nyassi will hope to change the fortunes of the Revs who will be desperate to grab hold of any play-off spot they can steal.

New York Red Bulls

The New York Red Bulls follow the pedigree of local MLB team the Yankees for the somewhat derogatory reason of having a lot of money. They’ve used their money to buy a beautiful new stadium in Harrison, New Jersey and a few players you may have heard of. Recently departed Colombian star Juan-Pablo Angél‘s 13 goals led the big money Red Bulls to a 3rd place overall league finish along with the support of 2 international acquisitions Thierry Henry and Rafael Marquez, both from FC Barcelona in Spain.

Despite Angél’s departure, the Red Bulls will hope to rely a little more on Henry and youngsters like Tim Ream and Juan Agudelo this season as they venture to finally seize any silverware at all and to fill their stadium a bit more consistently in a big year for the New Yorkers.

Philadelphia Union

Struggling through a lackluster inaugural season last year, the Philadelphia Union will hope for some stability. At home in the shiny new PPL Park, the Union will enjoy a more regular schedule as well as a few new names on the roster.

Ex-FC Köln keeper Faryrd Móndragon and Colombian center back Carlos Valdés will hope to bring some brick and mortar to an otherwise-flimsy defense, while MLS legend forward Carlos Ruiz’s return to the league will hopefully add a few tallies to score-sheets. New faces will bolster the ranks of hidden gem Sébastian Le Toux and promising youngster Danny Mwanga as the Union look for an improvement over last year.

Sporting Kansas City (previously Kansas City Wizards)

The new and improved Sporting Kansas City return in 2011 with a rather drastic face-lift with a complete rebranding. New shirts, a new name, and some new faces will bring some new energy to the inaugural Kansas natives.

American young gun Teal Bunbury will enjoy a partnership with Mexican national striker Omar Bravo to hopefully end a relative drought of goals form the 3rd from the bottom last year finish. Additionally, a new stadium, Sporting Park, will hope to give the new SKC a new home for their new identity in mid-June when it is planned to open.

Toronto FC

2007 saw the expansion of the MLS into Canada. The forgettable record of 6-17-7 was overshadowed by the large attendance and excitement of the new team’s fans. Despite the enthusiasm, TFC currently only has 14 members listed to their team. This, by no means is final, but still casts a pall on the Reds.

Hopes that Dwayne De Rosario can continue his hot streak of goals seem to be one of the brightest hopes TFC has got, unless they can impress with some signings before the season begins. 2011 could be a long year for the Canadians, particularly with the introduction of another Canadian team that looks menacing.

For the Western Conference teams and some more MLS familiarization, check back in a few days and most importantly: Enjoy the MLS!

~JM

Personal Life

2010-09-05T12:45:00.005-04:00

The American punk sometimes-trio-sometimes-duo, The Thermals have a new album coming out on Tuesday and I was gloriously endowed by the gods of rock with an advanced copy! Being a huge fan of The Thermals, I was excited, but somewhat concerned. I had no idea what to expect.

When I first heard their 2004 sophomore release 'Fuckin A' I was floored. The unbridled punk energy was exactly what I was looking for and it had the lyrical and thematic complexity to match. The strong authorial intellect conveyed the in ‘Fuckin A’ made it easy to believe their next 2 albums would be a little bit more focused and a bit more pointed. 2006’s ‘The Body, The Blood, and the Machine’ proved me right while delivering a more controlled album, interested just as much in kicking ass as telling a story. ‘Now We Can See’ followed suit in 2009. The group’s second concept album shifted from a politico-religious story to more of a personal philosophical aesthetic.
Running the gamut from a violent, angst-punk band to a sophisticated mainstay of modern music I didn’t know where ‘Personal Life’, their newest album, would land on the spectrum.
After diving in to the album and digesting as much as I could, I’m still not sure. A forlorn, unavoidable aloneness seems to permeate the beginning of the album, which might not be a surprising follow-up to albums about fleeing a failed society followed by an album about a person’s death decay and fading from existence, but the album ends with a kind of understanding or lesson learned about life and its trappings.
Thematically much more interested in a singular, personal relationship; a shift from the grand ideas of their last 2 albums and a shift towards ‘Fuckin A’, the album strikes me as a retrospect of the first youthful foray into a relationship. The thematic motif mirrors the sound of the album dwelling on the lilting adolescent delivery of “You Changed My Life” and naivety of “I’m Gonna Change Your Life”.
The teenage mentality begins to dissolve with the disappointed “Power Lies” and the hopelessly down-tone “Alone, a Fool”, but the brightness resumes with “Your Love Is So Strong” and finishes out the album. While initially seeming juvenile sapience seeps in to the latter tracks concluding with a feeling of lessons learned along the way.
From beginning to end the album follows the arc of a wide-eyed youth infatuation. To me the ability to sound mature and comfortable telling the story of juvenile awkward relationship proves exciting aptitude. It seems The Thermals are indeed easing into a sound that is undeniably The Thermals and I love it

~JM

This is Happening

2010-05-27T19:07:00.005-04:00

I find myself becoming a bigger and bigger fan of electronic music. With Crystal Castles newest (great) album and now LCD Soundsystem, I think it safe to declare myself a fan of the genre.

"The Is Happening" The new jaun from LCD Soundsystem blends absurdity with unrivaled timing and skill to create one of the most confusing mixes of aural assault I've experienced in months. Track one, "Dance Yourself Clean" is a perfect example of the phenomena. The song starts with humorous, almost silly, lyrics told in a lazy drawl only to give way to obnoxiously awesome synth face melting later in the song.

The bipolarity of the album creates, rather than anger, a sense of frenetic, carefree, happiness. "Drunk Girls", for example, the second track and first single is a jaunty romp that gives the feeling that LCD Soundsystem is playing at party that you are attending (perhaps at my house... my house). Gang vocals and unflappably upbeat, the song hides deep and somber lyrics beneath.

My personal favourite track on the album, "I Can Change", exhibits the lyrical (and mostly thematic) depth that I didn't expect from the album in a really easy to swallow and comprehend candy-coated package. The mournful and longing lyrics are delivered beautifully. The song, to me, is a beautiful summary of modern romance and its split personality.

I also feel I would be remiss if I didn't mention another opus off the album "Pow Pow". I think Mr. Murphy has either been listening to too much Talking Heads or just hanging out with David Byrn too much. It is a 8 minute spoken word gem riddled with things than remind me unmistakably of the state of the world 10 years before my birth.

The album, not only ensured my love of the electronic genre, but reinvigorated my appreciation for wordplay. I would most definitely recommend a DL asap.

~JM

Brothers

2010-05-12T11:59:00.004-04:00

I just got the new Black Keys album a bit early (retails on May 18th in the US) and I gotta say: After listening to their other most recent album "Attack & Release" I was expecting more of the same... the glorious blues rocky same, but I was surprised (both pleasantly and not so) at the differences.

The first song (and what I assume will be a single) "Everlasting Light" starts with a kind of poppy base and drum line that would feel at home in a funky Passion Pit song gives way to distorted falsetto Dan Auerbach vocals that... also feel a little Passion-Pitty. You can see, now, why I was so thrown when first listening, but hell... I like Passion Pit so it was fun. I was worried, however, that the rest of the album would also be a departure from what I tend to expect from the traditional blues jamming duo.

The kind of experimental, less raw instrumentals feel equally at home in the next song "Next Girl" as well, but it feels more like the Black Keys. I guess I shouldn't be surprised at this more synthy transition in their style. It does seem to be in vogue these days (see: Contra - Vampire Weekend, LP - Discovery, et all) and they HAVE kind of been easing their listener-base into the feel with Attack & Release being produced by Danger Mouse and Blakroc featuring Black Keys hip-hop loops.

Interestingly enough, the change to the more relevant, post-production-heavy, style that The Black Keys seem to have latched onto for this album doesn't always produce tracks that feel at home next to the likes of Broken Bells. The penultimate track "Never Gonna Give You Up" (you aren't getting Rick Roll'd I promise) feels like it was released by a soulful 4 piece from the 60's. It's a kind of eclectic feel, but I do like it.

While this change in style doesn't pervade the album as much as it does on the first track, it is still there on the rest of the album. I will always love "Magic Potion" for the unadulterated ROCK there, but I guess this is how the Black Keys are evolving sonically. While its different, it is by no means bad. In fact its more delicious Black Keys stylings, and that is something I will always be happy to see.

~JM

P.s. If the leaked album art I saw is truly the album art (pictured above) I love the shit out of the Black Keys even more

Why Can't We Be 'Born Free'

2010-04-27T17:48:00.003-04:00

M.I.A. has a new music video. Haven't you heard? Its big news apparently, as CNN writer Lisa France has a nice article about it. It is also, apparently, big news because there is graphic violence and sex in it. After reading hte article I was intrigued so I ventured to find the video.

As the article explained, the video was at one point removed from Youtube much to M.I.A. herself's chagrin. She was quoted as saying (through Twitter)"FUCK UMG [her label] WHO WONT SHOW IT ON YOUTUBE! FOR THE U.S". She then linked the video to her own site where it currently plays on loop. So now ignoring the fire of internet hype-machine (exacerbated by Youtube and stoked by M.I.A.) and focusing on the video itself.

Yes there is graphic nudity and violence. Yes it is almost 9 minutes long. What I don't understand is why this video is such a big deal. I guess I have a unique point of view, not being a college professor on the media or a journalist, but I don't get the hullabaloo. Sure M.I.A. is loving the press, but why are all of these outlets so willing to throw it at her?

Flanel-adorned MTV.com writer James Montgomery hails M.I.A. as being bold and citing this video as "A reason I love M.I.A." Maybe I am just so desensitized to the things this video shows, but it is simple sensationalism. This isn't to say I didn't like the video or that I felt it had no impact. I just don't think the danger surrounding this video is deserved.

M.I.A., for those who don't know is the daughter of a Sri Lankan revolutionary and has always been a little volatile with political messages. The message in this video, while volatile is clear(not warranting response tweets like user Ziggy0Stardust's "@ M.I.A. can u tell us what u were tryin [sic] to say wiv [sic] the born free vid please". The events in the video are an allegory for the current times. The redheaded children that are rounded up and killed are a placeholder for any ethnicity, religion, or group that is oppressed.

Redheaded people are the perfect group to be oppressed in the video with the satire already surrounding the minority (see southpark), but more-so for the knee-jerk reaction that most have when seeing it. I heard "Why redheads?" more than once while on-lookers watched the video for the first time. This is one of the most roaring successes of the video. A viewer is forced to ask this question and then consider "Why Arabs?" or "Why Mexican immigrants?". While obviously the prejudice held against some of these groups is not as extreme as that held in the video, the point stands.

The video, and the brutality therein, also forces viewers to think about those carrying out the violence. While they do bear resemblance to American riot police or SWAT members, they are never explicitly stated as such (a point that Montgomery doesn't seem to realize). They bear no insignias and are completely dehumanized. They carry certain symbols of totalitarian police oppression like the riot shield, gas mask, and M16 to further reinforce the anonymity and universal-ness of the oppressors. The viewer gets the sick feeling in their stomach that this could happen tomorrow or even that this has already happened.

The vaguely European looking redheaded children in the video also reinforce the gritty realism of the video. They don't look like movie stars or poster children. They look like that kid from down the street or a grammar school friend. Their moroseness and helplessness and then absolute fear seem genuine and I must applaud both the actors and casting director for another success in the video.

It isn't all blood soaked rainbows and unicorns however, for the video. Some shots in the video just seem unnecessary and there so people will talk about them. I'm sure M.I.A. realizes this, but they don't contribute to the video as a whole. Call me a critic or whatever, but the sex scene exists in the video simply so people like Linda France can say the video not only has graphic violence, it also has sex. It covers all the controversy bases so now chumps like me are writing about it.

I suggest you watch the video, regardless of my feelings, and generate your own opinion. It can be found at MIAUK.com and I'm sure it will remain there for a while. It /is/ graphic so... whatever.

~Mike

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I'm Back or Wolf Parade!

2009-05-29T13:47:00.008-04:00

lets pretend there WASN'T a 1 year break between my last post and now

Last.fm tells me that Wolf Parade is like Ra Ra Riot, Born Ruffians, and Arcade Fire so I decided to give them a listen. I got their premier cd, Apologies to the Queen Mary, and enjoyed the slow cacophonous opening of the intro track of the album (You are a Runner and I am my Father's Son).

The album kind of picks up with the second track, Modern World. I feel the Born Ruffians style a bit more with this song with an almost Modest-Mouse-meets-Delta-Spirit-style vocal delivery. I feel like Last.fm was right on the money, as the instrumentals remind me of Ra Ra Riot's baroque-popish instrumentation mixed with the eerie echoes of Arcade Fire. The song is definitely catchy and almost Shin-like.

Grounds for Divorce continues the album with a style unmistakably similar to my other favourite indie bands, but with a twinge of unique and interesting added in. It's like straight up indie rock with a spacey and almost psychedelic twinge. I guess I shouldn't be surprised of these similarities as they share a label with The Shins and were signed to it by Modest Mouse's Issac Brock.

The album is consistently catchy and musically solid, ranging tonally from eerie and down-toned This is a Long Drive... to frenetic and exasperated.

The style becomes familiar after a short stint on the album, but doesn't grow stale until the 10th or 11th track. This is, however, of no detriment to the band as I have an extremely low attention span.

Check out the album or take a listen at their Myspace

~Mike

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Hank Hates Us All

2008-06-17T15:09:00.004-04:00

I recently started watching Californication on Showtime and find it ironically engrossing. The irony of the situation arises from the title character's own vehement hatred to blogging and the idea of the internet.

Hank, played by David Duchovny, is a writer trying desperately to write another book despite his many vices and lack of inspiration. Hank fights his fate as a "One hit wonder" author after his novel "God Hates Us All" becomes popular and is adapted into a crowd-pleasing, but literarily disappointing film.

His obstacles to writing are alcohol, casual sex, the fact that people are stupid (If Orwell was a bit more pissed when he wrote "Politics and the English Language"), and being away from his home city of New York (Think if Bukowski ever left L.A.). Despite his pitiful situation, Hank is a likable guy with some flaws. He is hateful, condescending, and irreverent, but seems like a fun guy to hang out with.

Duchovny plays the role well. You can believe he is an artist who is only identified with one thing and has come to resent the world in which he resides... The show is entertaining, albeit sexually gratuitous. It’s like the creator of the show really wanted to milk the fact that it is on Showtime rather than a basic network.

Definitely not for the chiddlins, but entertaining television.

Drop Box

2008-05-30T16:32:00.009-04:00

What a cool program. I was just shown Dropbox by a friend (Chris of Wtair) and I must say that it is one of the coolest pieces of software I have ever seen. Essentially it is a glorified HTTP server, but it works much more smoothly than any other I have seen.

After downloading the program a folder appears on your desktop, but it isn't just any folder. This folder is a window to another world (or just the internet...)! Any file you put in the folder can be accessed from your personal page online, but apart from just uploading the file you can share the file.

Though it may not sound that impressive, using this program makes collaborating with someone much easier through the internet. Whenever I finish a small part of a collaborative project, I just toss it into the Dropbox folder and within seconds Chris (the other part of the project) can access it in the public folder on his desktop just as I can. Also pretty cool about Dropbox is that it works on both Windows and Macs (breaking all kinds of barriers!).

Currently this program is in beta stages with a folder size limit of just over 2 gigs. I assume once the project goes live it will cost money, but even at this early stage it seems worth lots.

~Mike

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Stay Classy, World!

2008-05-12T18:45:00.004-04:00

Here is a post I found on the internet and think is both accurate and funny. The advice is mostly solid as I try to live most of the points mentioned. Give it a read if you feel so inclined.

How to Be Classy

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

Being classy is not about being stuck up; it is about having style and taking care to be polite to others and to reflect a genuine interest in them. It is also about being confident in yourself. This article will teach you how to move through life with class and ease.

Steps

Choose your battles; choose your friends. Few battles are truly worth fighting. Stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves (mentally disabled, animals, children, etc). Be wary of those who appear to enjoy bickering. If someone is rude to you, either ignore them completely (recommended) or, once you have completely calmed down and are thinking clearly, explain how you perceived their actions and work towards a resolution. Never stoop to their level, and do not be hasty. Surround yourself with positive, polite people who encourage and live your classy, intelligent lifestyle.
Choose your words. The classy individual listens more than they speak. Having a strong vocabulary is important, but do not use a word unless you are certain of its meaning. Use words to express yourself lucidly. Importantly, do not correct others when they use improper grammar. Differences in background, family life, and education cause people to speak differently, and often people use slang for effect. More than this, it is irritating and degrading to be corrected by a know-it-all. Do not insult, gossip, or slander. When necessary, voice your opinions appropriately and constructively. This encourages your audience to listen carefully when you speak.
Do not be a doormat. You must be courteous, but do not bend over backwards to please others. If you do, you may find yourself being taken advantage of in the future. Limit your time and availability and draw boundaries with others so that they are aware of your limits.
Break the stereotype shackles. More often than not, using labels in any way, whether to identify yourself or others, shows a lack of creativity, lethargic social skills, and a lack of careful observation. Give everyone respect and the benefit of the doubt.
Be assertive. Avoid passive-aggressive thinking; this is likely to trip you up eventually. Assertiveness demonstrates maturity, thoughtfulness, and confidence. Class requires balance, and assertiveness is a prime example of this concept.
Make sure your clothes fit well and that you are well groomed. Excellent presentation is half of the battle. Wear clothing and accessories which flatter your body and never wear anything you feel uncomfortable in. It is important to remember that modesty is key in earning the respect of others. A bit of cleavage may be fashionable, but true gentlemen will appreciate modesty more than exposure.
Avoid getting caught up in trends. There is nothing wrong with enjoying fashion or buying clothing you find attractive, but it is important to stay in control. Do not become a slave to fashion, or you may be regarded as foolish, "high maintenance", and/or shallow. The clothing you wear should enhance your personality, not create or alter it. This advice can be applied to many aspects of life in which you may feel pressured to "fit in."
Avoid desperate behavior like the plague. This is the kiss of death for the classy person. Only desperate times call for desperate measures. Take a deep breath, be strong, and move through the situation with elegance and grace. You will be the victor for it, no matter the outcome.
Seek wisdom. As difficult as it can be to heed the advice of those more experienced than yourself, it is a necessary step at times. No matter your age or ability, allow yourself to learn from the mistakes and victories of those older or more experienced than you. You will win their favor and be available to pass on your own wisdom or advice.
Be open to personal development. Do not berate yourself, but be receptive to constructive change. In our world, change is inevitable. Be a positive and flexible part of it and show others the way as well. Face life rather than burying your head in the sand and others will know instinctively that you are someone whose opinion counts.
Carefully consider tattoos and piercings. Let's face it: it is easy to judge by appearance. Therefore, take careful consideration when deciding if it is a good idea for you to get visible tattoos or body piercings. Even though a person’s outward appearance does not automatically show his or her inner qualities, appearances can reflect how a person is willing to be perceived by the world. Job opportunities may be limited by such an expression. Also keep in mind that although tattoos and piercings are expressions of individuality, they can be permanent or difficult (even costly) to remove. If you are in doubt about how a tattoo or piercing will impact you in the future, find another way to express yourself.
Be knowledgeable and aware. It is wise to become politically, culturally, and religiously aware. Even the most basic knowledge can save a person from embarrassment and awkwardness. If you know in advance that you will be spending time with someone of an unfamiliar background, it is a good idea to do more in-depth research to avoid embarrassing faux pas.

Warnings

Changing your behavior may feel unnatural. If it does, remind yourself that you are a work in progress. A classy person is simply one who consistently exhibits classy behavior. Focus on your behavior and attitude rather than your feelings.
If you slip up, forgive yourself, apologize to anyone who may have been hurt by your not-so-classy behavior, and continue on your way. That's classy!

Article provided by wikiHow, a collaborative writing project to build the world's largest, highest quality how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Be Classy. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

The Slip

2008-05-05T18:46:00.004-04:00

In another ridiculously cool, pirate-friendly, move, Trent Reznor and Nine Inch Nails have just released their new CD online... FOR FREE.

Nine Inch Nails has always talked the piracy talk, but now it appears they are finally walking the walk. Some would argue that their previous albums Ghosts were free, but as an entirely instrumental release, some felt a bit gypped. With this full release, we can assume that the band really means it this time.

As my friend pointed out you can't even pay for this release if you want to. Trent will not take your money. He evens encourages people to hand out the CD to strangers (like I will surely do). DL it now because there is no reason not to. A full review will come in time.

~Mike

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Narrow Stairs

2008-05-04T23:19:00.005-04:00

I have never listened to Death Cab For Cutie before, and honestly the seemingly silly name was a deterring factor. I was recently handed a copy of their new album "Narrow Stairs" and I must say that I am impressed.

The album is very catchy and contains the kinds of songs that get stuck in your head all day. The album, as described by lead singer Ben Gibbard, is "creepy", "weird", and "more dissonant [than previous albums]". After listening extensively to the album I can confirm these statements, but also qualify them. It is the good weird and abrasive.

On first listening tracks like the introductory Bixby Canyon Bridge, the single I Will Possess Your Heart, and Grapevine Fires caught my attention. The slow and deliberate euphony of the premier track is mesmerizing. The calm melody gives way to intriguing lyrics and a powerful guitar riff.

The miasmatic bass and piano of the second track's extensive opening is equally enthralling. It remains calm and hypnotizing while exuding strong emotion and power. As long as the intro is (about 4 minutes) I never get bored listening to the entire 8 minute track. The somewhat creepy lyrics of the song are delivered flawlessly by Gibbard's unique voice and are framed by the precise drumwork of Jason McGerr.

The CD is full of memorable moments and endearing quirks. Gibbard was definitely accurate in his description of a slightly "creepy" and dissonant" album, but the idiosyncrasies work wholly in its favor. Narrow Stairs is an indisputable addition to my list of favourite albums. And as an added plus, the album art is absolutely fantastic. I recomend the album with confidence.

~Mike

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Welcome Back to Liberty City

2008-04-30T11:12:00.003-04:00

Our first outing in the land of the free and the home of the impulsively violent can be remembered at best as clunky. GTA 3's controls were less than solid and more than annoying. I explicitly remember trying to shoot a man who was shooting me and killing EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON on the street before the auto-targeting locked on to him. Yes, it was groundbreaking and revolutionary, but I think people have a tendency to glorify the game a bit.

Rockstar has spared no expenditure of time or money for our second date with one Liberty City. Sure, Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories could be counted as a second date, but I like to think of it as one of those group dates where our relationship never really advanced much. Grand Theft Auto 4 is, to put it simply, AWESOME!

Everything good about the past GTA games is there minus some fluff (who really needs a jetpack anyway?). There are cars, guns, missions, pedestrians, cops, helicopters, bikes, clothes, and even hookers!

One thing that GTA 4 has that has been sadly absent from other entries in the series is a deep and compelling protagonist. All the way back to the infancy of the series in the original Grand Theft Auto the protagonist has been little more than a faceless murder-machine. Rockstar seemed to try to remedy this a bit in San Andreas, but fell a bit short. As I am sure you have heard from innumerable sources, Niko Bellic is a the kind of guy you wouldn't mind hanging out with.

Niko has emotions! From the first murder you commit in Liberty City Niko expresses resentment of his actions. "I told myself I wouldn't kill anyone here." He says, as he watches a stabbed a bloodied drug dealer fall off a pier. These morals, as useless as they may seem to the majority of people who bought this game, do not impede the play process though. You can still massacre people to your heart's content.

It is hard to say anything about the game that hasn't already been said by IGN, Gamespot, or 1up. The game is great. If you have a 360 or a PS3 the odds are you already have it or plan on getting it soon. I recommend this course of action. You will likely be ostracized if you hold any sort of association with gamers and do not have this game. Take this as a warning!

Play the game. NOW

~Mike

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I am Happy to Have a Vampire Weekend

2008-04-09T20:10:00.007-04:00

We interrupt this string of Nerdcore posts for an important Indie update...

I have lately been listening to some freakishly good music from a band with a freakishly cool name: Vampire Weekend. It would seem I missed the 'popular train', but apparently they achieved some minor internets fame. Regardless of my continuous string of tardiness, I will tell you about them.

When I heard this band I pictured a couple of guys from an urban area in Africa who liked the western sound and added their local flavour to make a symphony of awesome. When I looked up a picture of the band (and their history) I felt like an idiot.I found out that they are, not only shape-shifters pretending to look like some white kids from suburbia, but a couple of friends from Columbia university who are fantastic musicians.

Their debut CD, Vampire Weekend, starts with the almost Reggae sounding Mansard Roof. The exotic instruments found in the song further enhance the African vibe. With the almost-tribal sound of the instrumentals, it is funny to hear lyrics about colonial architecture and city life. The song itself is upbeat and fun, warranting a spot on my "favourite song" list.

Track two happens to be another of my favourites, which lends me to believe these Vampires know a thing or two about starting a CD right. Oxford Comma, as the second track is called, features more conventional instrumentals (with a few exotic sounds that I couldn't recognize) and some fun; using-songy, but intelligent lyrics. A fun song indeed.

A quick and punk-y bassline can be heard prominently in Track 3, A-Punk. The seemingly conventional sounds of the intro made me think that the African vibe was only meant to be in track 1, but once the vocals picked up, I caught the Souke vibe again.

I followed the Souke vibe to track 4 entitled Ape Cod Kwassa Kwassa. It features some great vocals (subdued at some points but quick transitions to more reggae shouting). I really like the laid-back nature of the song. It shows the range of the band that they can play such upbeat and fast songs like A-Punk and switch to slower, more heart-felt vocals. A credit to the band, though not one of my favourites.

Next is M79. The lyrics of the 5th track are great. The use of metaphor to describe New York are fantastically entertaining. This is another of my multitudinous favourite tracks off the album. The classical instruments make the song either sophisticated or satiric... I assume the latter, as the band seems anything but serious in their songs. It's hard to explain the mixture of classical background with African sounding Indie vocals, so instead I say... LISTEN!

The next song, Campus, makes me think that the band enjoys what they do. A quick bassline, reminiscent of A-Punk mixed with the everyday narrative of the song make for a fun but identifiable love story between a teacher and a student at university. Its either hilarious or sad, I can't tell which.

The next song, Bryn, and the one two tracks away (I Stand Corrected) where my two least favourite. Its hard to pick least favourites because they both have redeeming factors. The meaningful and deep lyrics and cello in the two songs (respectively) are nice, but against the other songs don't jump out at me. Similar is the sandwiched track, One, it's fun, but gets annoying as the track drags on.

Walcott, track 20, lends some story to the album and the name of the band/album. The band members say the name shares the same name as a film they made about a boy who has to go to slay vampires by order of an elder. The lyrics seem meaningless until hearing the story at which time they become funny and dragged me into the story. It is a good way to end the album.

Its a great album with a very fun sound. I recommend it highly and listen to it thoroughly. Pick it up anywhere that records are sold! or... something.

~Mike

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Nerdcore Could Rise Up

2008-03-16T21:16:00.004-04:00

My last post was a short look at the Nerdcore scene. We looked at MC Hawking and Frontalot. I have been listening to a lot of the latter, but have begun to diversify to 2 other big nerdcore names. mc chris and MC Lars. Both have ups and downs and if you care.... keep reading

mc chris, arguably one of the biggest names in nerdcore, sounds like a 10 year old. The fact has to be acknowledged and now that we have, we can move on. His lyrics are rock solid and his flow is good too. The themes of his songs are based on the not-nerd topics of sex and drugs (that aint nerdcore!) but he attacks them with a very geeky diction. Though some of his songs might scare nerds who have never conversed with a female, they are still solid music. Additionally, the CD's of this MC are not just laden with hot tracks. If you are to buy (LOL) or download one of the chris' albums than you get a few skits as well. These skits range from the humorous to the really dumb, but they "break up the monotony" as mc chris says himself. Check him out most definitely.

MC Lars is next week, because I need more time to digest his stylings.

In other news I have started writing another story, but it may take away. It will end up being about a private eye and will hopefully be interesting. Even if you don't care, you could pretend to to make me feel good about myself.

~Mike

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MC Hates My Blog

2008-03-12T17:15:00.005-04:00

While many have most likely never heard of Nerdcore, it is hard to deny that its a fast growing genre. I recently downloaded a compilation of Nerdcore music (which is a combination of hip hop and nerd themes, for those who don't know) and am enjoying it thoroughly. In the compilation downloaded are such artists as MC Frontalot, mc chris, MC Hawking, MC Lars, Beefy, Optimus Rhyme, and a few tracks by Baddd Spellah.

I usually hate rap and hip hop with few exceptions, but I am glad to say that the witty lyrics and fantastic nerd-based beats of the Nerdcore rappers listed above have redeemed my faith in the rap genre. If you think you could enjoy such a random genre and haven't seen it yet, I recommend you watch what is available of "Nerdcore For Life". It is a movie about the genre of nerdcore. TRAILER!

Possibly the most popular nerdcore rapper, MC Frontalot has been featured on Penny Arcade a few times and recently returned the favour with a track entitled "Penny Arcade Theme". He has a pretty extensive library with some great tracks, however some of his songs really suck. I would recomend select tracks off of both Nerdcore Rising and Nerdcore Hip Hop namely This Old Man, Nerdcore Rising, Penny Arcade Theme, Nerdcore Hip Hop, and Special Delivery for some political rapping.

MC Hawking is another great Nerdcore rapper (the famous physicist Stephen Hawking after he took up a rap career with DJ Doomsday). He raps about topics such as entropy, his extensive collection of degrees, and his hatred for "MIT Bitches". While rapping, Hawking uses Microsoft Sam text to voice program to overcome being mute (which gets kind of annoying after a while). While the computerized voice can get somewhat tiresome, hearing MC Hawking talk about being "crazy as fuck" or bitch-slapping punk motherfuckers. He spits on a few tracks with MC Frontalot like "Bitchslap" and Frontalot's "Nerdcore Rising". Check him out in measured doses to avoid being annoyed by the MS Sam voice.

Later this week I will review some other Nerdcore rappers for the masses. Nerdcore For Life.

~Mike

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Jump Off a Cliff

2008-02-20T18:25:00.004-05:00

The scene is a normal one, not uncommon in the life of an everyday teenager. A group of teens sit in a room, looking for something to do. "Lets go to the movies!" Says one young soul. "The movies! What a great idea!" Echoes another "What should we see?". The first teen says to the other "What about Jumper. That looks exciting!"

Freeze frame.

At times like this it is imperative for one to think. "Should I really forsake IMDB's rating of 6 Stars out of 10? Maybe the movie isn't that great." You may then cast aside those preliminary thoughts with a cursory ponderanceand ponder "What do they know at IMDB? They are just a bunch of random people from the internet and that means they are automatically wrong."

Fine. I accept that you may think like that. If you didn't then that would mean you might actually take stock in what I have say, and a world were people listen to what I have to say scares the shit out of me.

With all this appraisal, I implore you to consider the point of view of some professionals like those at Rotten Tomatoes. "Their reviews of FOURTEEN percent probably come from their high-faloot'n point of view as artsy hippies." You say surrounded by your peers who nod in approval. "Those chumps at Rotten Tomatoes give everything a bad rating."

Whatever. Totally ignore these critics. Fine, but consider my opinion (lolz, yeah right. am-I-right?):

The movie was terrible. The ghost of a plot was swallowed up by the terrible acting and annoying characters that made themselves incessantly apparent throughout the film. Whenever I began to forget the ghastly shell of a film in favor of thoughts of how cool it would be to teleport like the people in the movie, the painfully caustic cast members grated against my last nerve.

It seems like they made a rough draft of a film and then meant to bring the reel to the test audience rather than the real audiences. The main character, played by Hayden Christiansen, has little to no character development throughout the film apart from an "everyman" characterization; and it seems the director decided to add an awkward love interest halfway through the film.

After watching the movie I am forced to think that Rachel Bilson auditioned for the role of "Nagging, whiny girlfriend who is moderately attractive, but NEVER shuts the hell up", and if that is the role for which she auditioned then she deserves the goddamn best actress Oscar nomination.

If you have 10 dollars and think it would be great to go see a movie... go see Juno or... rent a better movie. I think 3:10 to Yuma is out on DVD. See that fantastic film.

~Mike

_\\//

The Battlestar Cometh

2008-02-10T13:02:00.007-05:00

While muddling through a multitude of topics to write about, I happened upon a life-changing commercial, a simple commercial, a commercial I wish I could fucking find on the internet. The commercial had a simple message. "Battlestar Galactica is coming." and its season 4 is coming soon. It comes in March.

As could be inferred by the name of this blog, I am a fan of Battlestar Galactica. I think it is a fantastic show that should have appeal to even those who dislike science fiction. The show is a dramatic and suspenseful masterpiece. I am proud to say that I converted a friend to the BSG faith.

If you, the reader, have any access to Battlestar Galactica DVDs or Mpegs or ANYTHING! I implore you to watch it or at least read my previous review of BSG. Since the posting of the last review some things have changed. You may notice that despite the hopes and prayers of sci-fi fans across the country, the newest season that was scheduled for release in December was pushed back 3 months due to the recently ended writers strike. Also, I have gone from a rather tentative fan of the series to a die-hard fan who values BSG on the same level as the much-revered Star Trek.

In this really... insubstantive update, I hope that I can divert your attention from my lack of writing with this shiny commercial!

Hey look over here!

Tune in to Battlestar Galactica on the Sci Fi channel this March for some of the best television entertainment I have seen in years.

~Mike

_\\//

I Promise!

2008-02-07T16:34:00.000-05:00

The Cinematic Masterpiece That is Cloverfield

2008-01-18T12:13:00.001-05:00

Upon first hearing of Cloverfield, I was skeptical. The idea, though vague, seemed like something that could be kinda cool... or really shitty. As the release date for the movie steeped in mystery came closer, I unconsciously became more and more excited waiting for it. The movie had grabbed me ferociously without my knowledge and tossed me into the frenzy that is the hype-machine.

I found myself rooting through theories and prospects concerning the movie from what the monster looks like to why the film was titled "Cloverfield". But yesterday... yesterday the movie was released (I love midnight showings in crisp, clean DLP). It was one of the few films that I have ever anxiously awaited that lived up to my outlandishly high expectations.

The film was a masterpiece. As I am sure most of you know, the events of the film were seen through the eyes of a simple citizen of New York recording the happenings through a video camcorder. A party is interrupted by explosions that rock the city, and without giving away too much plot, hell breaks loose.

I would really hate to accidentally ruin the movie for you, so I will be brief on details. In short, the movie is a credit to the Kaiju genre (if it can be called that). I hope to see the monster celebrated on a scale of Godzilla. In fact... I would thoroughly enjoy to see the Cloverfield monster attempt to take over Japan with the two monster's locked in epic mortal combat for the fate of Japan.

Critics have been talking about how the movie is disrespectful to the memory of 9/11 Scott "Rudy Giuliani" Foundas of LA Weekly described the events in Cloverfield "cheap and opportunistic". Calling Cloverfield cheap and opportunistic in regards to the tragedy of 9/11 is like saying Godzilla is cheap and opportunistic, benefiting off of the sad memory of Hiroshima. The movie is simply unrelated to 9/11 and to draw the parallel, one must think any destruction of New York City cheap and opportunistic. People who over-analyze things piss me off.

The movie is quickly paced, uniquely and magnificently directed (the first person view was the perfect, neigh the ONLY way to show the movie), and acted... adequately. If I had any problems with the movie the mediocre acting would be one. Another would be the lack of character development. I believed that some of the characters could have become likable and endearing with time, but the 90 minute time limit on the movie constricted it shortly. Speaking of the time limit, though it furthered the idea of in-character watching, I just wanted more! Call me selfish, but I would have been ecstatic if the movie went on for another 90 minutes.

That being said... I don't know how well a direct sequel will do. The veil of shadow and uncertainty about the movie and the monster are gone. The freshness of the first person view is fading, and ... I mean... New York is already mangled... Will the monster move to another city or something? I find this conundrum similar to that of Portal. Do we REALLY want a sequel? .

In short... See Cloverfield... now...

I'll wait...

Seen it yet?

~Mike

_\\//

The Downward Spiral pt.3

2007-12-24T14:40:00.000-05:00

Here is part 3 to my short story The Downward Spiral. If you didn't catch the other parts they are as follows:

Part 1
Part 2

[Henri’s Quarters]

Henri sat in his quarters against a wall on the floor. He left the bridge and had immediately gone to his room. Why bother going anywhere else? He leaned against the wall, a few feet from the door with his head in his hands. He wasn't going to cry. He wasn't going to thrash about the room and tear it apart. There was no point. What could he do that wouldn't be fixed in a few seconds by the plunders of modern technology? What could he do to break the cycle

He rose from the floor with a groan and hovered to the replicator. "Whiskey" was all he said in a gruff voice.

{Synthohol is all that is available aboard Starfleet vessels. Would you like Synthohol whiskey?}, the computer replied, in a response warmer than Henri had received in days. Disgusted by the jovial reply, Russo swung a punch at the machine and heard a crack. He wasn't sure if it was the polymer on the replicator or the bones of his hand. He was numb to sensation of any kind. Without the relief of vacation from consciousness, Henri tripped back to his spot on the wall, in between his bed and the door. Sitting, Henri reached under his bed for a small, metal box.

With his legs outstretched, he slid the box in between them. The box could end this void of feeling in his pitiable life. The box could erase his apathy. Russo left the box where it was and resumed his stance, head in hands, against the wall. The pathetic lieutenant could make nothing different in life. His childhood made no mark on the world. His career in Starfleet made no one's planet a better place to be. He was in charge of power distribution of a star ship, a task that he could have automated months ago. He was a worthless cog that could be taken out of the machine with no consequence to the rest of the rushing locomotive of the crew. So why shouldn't he. Why shouldn't he take himself out of the gears of the locomotive?

Henri slapped the lid off of the box and reached for the glinting savior inside. The box could perpetuate the status quo, but without the worthless cog. Efficiency at work. Evolution in a sense. Natural Selection at its finest. The self-removal of the weak. What else could Darwin have asked for?

Henri held the Carbon-fiber Conservator to his chin and sighed. Why shouldn't he? There would be a short investigation, an open-and-shut case. No harm to anyone, just the automation of banal duties and a story to tell the new recruits; The Ops officer that went off the deep end. Even if he was remembered as a crazy and a basket-case, is being remembered as a perverted crack-pot any worse than not being remembered at all? The cold metal of the messiah at his chin was warming. His decision was made and it was time for decisive action.

Henri tensed his hand to pull the trigger, but nothing happened. Brain waves sent the message to the nerves. Nerves told the muscles to move. Tendons tightened and ligaments constricted. The broken bones of Henri's fingers slackened the muscles and nothing happened. Nothing. Just as every other moment in Henri's pathetic life, nothing happened.

Henri dropped the ancient hand gun from his limp hand to the floor beside him and replaced his head in his hands. As he sat in the dark corner, Henri Russo wept.

And that's all folks. I plan on writing some other fiction sometime soon. And for those who celebrate it, Happy Christmas.

~Mike

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The Return of the Coen Brothers

2007-12-22T00:18:00.001-05:00

The latest piece of cinematic art from the Coen Brothers (Fargo, The Big Lebowski) is an absolute gem. No Country For Old Men stars big names such as Tommy Lee Jones and Woody Harelson, but the stunning performances came from lesser known actors Josh Brolin (as the quick-thinking Llewelyn Moss) and Javier Bardrm (A quirky and esoteric South American assassin).

In the beginning of the film the plot is believable and rather straight-forward. As the film progresses, so many ridiculous happenings convolute the plot into something strange yet still endearing. Brolin's character finds some money that is presumably part of some illicit deal. The enforcer for the less-than-legal organization takes up the cause of chasing Brolin in an attempt to get the case back.

Another perplexing, but captivating facet of the movie is the minimalistic and peculiar nature with which the movie is directed. There is little dialog and when it is there it is... unique. No one ever really mentions anything about the motivation of the assassin, only that he means to kill Llewelyn. No one mentions where the money came from, only that it is there.

These omissions from the plot are more than just plot-holes because they allow the viewer to decide what they want to happen or what they hope will happen (and I can almost guarantee the viewer rooting for SOME character). The characters are so alluring due to the fantastic writing of the Coen Brothers and all of the aberrations that make them so unique.

The assassin, for example, carries around what appears to be an air tank with some attachment. Without spoiling anything, he uses the device for multiple purposes from punching in locks to killing people. I mean.... WHAT? An AIRTANK?

No Country For Old Men is cinematic gold. This film will gladly be added to the ranks of favourite films along with the Coen Brother's other masterpieces such as Fargo and The Big Lebowski.

~Mike

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A Cop-Out!

2007-12-17T22:22:00.000-05:00

I have a couple writing assignments due soon so without further adieu...... a guest review! Emily Senerth writes about Jimmy Eat World's newest album Chase This Light!

I heard the Jimmy Eat World album ‘Chase This Light’ for the first time about a week ago. In the interest of full disclosure, I’ll admit that my previous experience with this band is limited to the radio play of their single ‘The Middle’ in 2001, despite ‘Chase This Light’ being their sixth album. I think someone tried to introduce me to their mid-90s stuff when they hit the mainstream, but I’d be lying if I said I was paying attention.

My first impressions of these songs after an initial run-though are as follows: This album is fairly consistent with my preconceptions of what the band would sound like. Every track is guitar-driven, with a pulsing guitar chord beating just beneath the vocals and establishing the energy of the instrumentals. Despite being perhaps the most distinctive musical element, the guitar sounds [though probably isn’t] fairly simple, but somehow is not boring. Another thing I noticed almost immediately is that, despite the band’s possible intentions, no track distinguishes itself as a single. I was pleased to observe the absence of any contrived melodic ‘hooks.’ On the other hand, the musical landscape of ‘Chase This Light’ is cohesive almost to the point of being monotonous. This is not a CD that I would seek out in a playlist of 100+ songs, however, there isn’t a song I would skip over either.

After going though the album again, I began to hear the lyrics a bit more. They are generally optimistic little snippets of life as a young, middle class, introspective suburbanite. I will refrain from using the word ‘emo’ because that label is totally played out at this point, though I’m sure some would characterize ‘Chase This Light’ that way. Overall, I wasn’t a fan of their word choice as it tended to be trite and occasionally nonsensical. Fortunately, it’s not hard to let the vocals fade into the larger sound of each track.

I found it difficult to review individual tracks because- as I mentioned before- they are by and large very similar, all being consistent with the Jimmy Eat World aesthetic. The songs best distinguish themselves when listened to side-by-side. In a close comparison, nuances in the composition are recognizable, but do not interfere with the overall continuity of the album. This is not, in my opinion, a CD of disjointed Top-40 singles produced by Pharell Williams for some token alt rock band like Fall Out Boy. Rather, it’s a purposefully unpolished, occasionally soulful collection of riffs on the band’s established talents and distinctive sound. If you like Jimmy Eat World, you will enjoy this album. In fact, the more I listened to ‘Chase This Light,’ the more I enjoyed it.

That being said, here are my highlights and lowlights:

Highlights - Big Casino [First track starts the album off on a high note, sets the tone for the rest of the listening 'journey'], Feeling Lucky [a relief after the dragging Gotta Be Somebody's Blues], Here It Goes [I enjoyed the harmonizing of the vocals here], Firefight [my personal favorite, good balance between the dissonant vocals and guitar, steps outside the 'I'm a teenager with big dreams' trope and exhibits a little more imagination, demands attention]

Lowlights - Carry You [Slows the overall tempo, somewhat maudlin, not my favorite song], Gotta Be Somebody's Blues [they're trying for eerie and searching, but miss the mark by overshooting], Chase This Light [as the title track, I had some expectations for this song that were not realized by the actual piece, it was one of the cornier tracks on the album]

Finally, not a matter of opinion is that ‘Chase This Light’- like any music worth listening to- should be listened to at top volume; preferably while driving fast, walking through a crowd, or doing some soul-sucking chore like emptying the dishwasher. It might get you a noise complaint from the neighbors, but it will be worth it.

If you enjoy this album, I would recommend Angels and Airwaves, Shiny Toy Guns, and Mates of State.

The Downward Spiral pt.2

2007-12-16T21:39:00.000-05:00

I recently posted the first part of a 3 part story entitled The Downward Spiral. If you didn't catch part one, you can get it here.

[Bridge]

Henri walked onto the pristine bridge 5 minutes late for his shift in a drunken haze. Not a word of reprimand or welcome met his ears. He sauntered to the empty ops station and sat in the cold, industrial seat with a grimace. ~So too is life~ he thought to himself ~Cold and unwelcoming. ~ Henri let out a pitiable laugh and began his belated duties. ~Why the hell am I an Ops officer? I always knew I was good at that philosophy crap. ~ Russo looked around the bridge at all of the blank faces. The entire bridge crew was absorbed by their work except for Russo.

The muted gray tones of the bridge cast an ashen hue on Henri’s face as he surveyed the sterile room. The high ceiling of the room made it even more impersonal. If the bridge was a person, it would be without a pulse. Officers stood at the wall-mounted computer consoles and did their duty unflinchingly and unwaveringly. They were the kind of people who could be counted on in a crisis situation. They would keep the shit from hitting the fan. Henri wasn’t one of those officers.

He tapped at the console in a detached nature. He didn't care about his work, he didn't care what might happen if he neglected his duties, he didn't care about the crew, he didn't care about himself. To Henri, Life just didn't seem to be worth all that much.

It had been 10 minutes since he had arrived, late, but Henri turned to face the man sitting in the captain's chair and asked robotically, "I am not feeling well sir. May I please visit sickbay."

The nameless Lieutenant Commander nodded unemphatically and returned his gaze back to the view screen, on which stars whizzed by in the empty blackness of space.

Henri rose from his chair surveyed the dead silence of the bridge. Not a word of sympathy or goodbye met his ears. He sauntered to the empty turbolift and entered the bland, confined cylinder with a grimace. ~So too is life...~

part 3 next monday. It is a bit longer than this one. I hope you like how it all comes out.

~Mike

_\\//

The End of the Television As We Know It

2007-12-10T20:57:00.000-05:00

NBC, Newscorp, FOX, Bravo, Scifi, FX, and more have recently created a website with which they stream their hit (and otherwise) shows for free to viewers across the world. The site is called Hulu, and it might just be the first step in the destruction of television.

Hulu streams hundreds of episodes from many of the most popular series on television with limited commercial interruptions (less than on TV) and no service charge. The medium quality videos are played on a smooth, ergonomic interface with decent sound quality.

The system is not without flaws however. Though the comment system seems like a nice addition to the experience of watching Heroes and The Office, I can see it becoming extremely out of hand. There is a reason that there are no user comments on television....

I foresee many hateful people and trolls posting asinine comments and spoilers simply for the sake of angering others. Without constant moderation on all of the thousands of videos posted on the site, the system for leaving comments will be littered with inane hate-speech and show-ruining garbage.

With some hard work and commitment, all of the networks that have posted videos on the site could see a markable increase in web 2.0 profit (if this whole writer strike things EVER gets fixed...). When the site comes out of closed beta I will write another check up on the so-far-quality service.

~Mike

_\\//

The Downward Spiral pt.1

2007-12-10T16:48:00.000-05:00

The Downward Spiral

By Mike DeMarco

[Henri's Quarters]

Lieutenant Henri Russo sat on the edge of his bed apprehensively. Being transferred to the new ship had been wreaking havoc on his ability to sleep. After another night of exhausted tossing and turning, Henri had awoken, sweat-soaked and with an aching head. He grasped his forehead as he experienced another pulsing shot of pain. The lieutenant surveyed his derelict quarters with disdain. The gloomy room was trashed despite being issued only days before. Clothes lay strewn across the floor, broken replicator dishes lay in piles, the chair that normally stood at the table was toppled, and next to his nightstand, a mundane picture frame lay shattered.

The picture inside was of a decorated soldier in his mid 30's with a child on his shoulder. The unfamiliar room had become a wasteland in Henri's state of neglect. He contemplated visiting sickbay for a headache treatment, but then thought of another remedy. He rose from his bed slowly and groaned as the nagging sting in his head got worse. The young military officer slipped on his uniform and stalked into the hall in search of his self-prescribed medicine.

[Mowgli's Pub]

Henri staggered into the gloomy bar and stopped as he crossed the threshold. A few unfamiliar, gaunt faces stared back at him shortly, before returning to their previous business. The smoke filled bar reeked of industrial cleaner, vomit, and burned out cigars. From the walls hung posters of defunct sports stars and celebrities; all long dead. "At least they were great once." Russo thought to himself as he observed their familiar faces. While Russo approached the bar, the stout alien barkeep made himself visible. Henri sat at the stool closest to the exotic bartender and raised his hand to speak.

"Hello again. You seem to like drinking alone." The bartender said as he dug into his pockets, "If you are going come back here every night, then it would seem to me that introductions are in order. The name's Mowgli." He added with a voice like fish oil. After rummaging through his pockets for a few seconds more he withdrew what looked like an old-time key. "I got something you might like better than this other crap." He said, waving the key in front of Henri and leering, as if the lieutenant should know what was to come.

Turning to a locked cabinet, Mowgli unlocked its redwood door and drew a small glass bottle from within. Henri noticed the greenish color of the liquid inside as the bartender placed it in front of him. "No, actually I wanted-" He was cut off by the bartender in a harsh whisper
"No, this is what you want. I just colored it to allay suspicions."

Henri gave the alien dealer behind the bar a quizzical look to which he replied smugly, "Don't believe me?" He smiled and drew a glass from above the bar. Pouring some of the murky green concoction into the glass, the bartender slyly pushed it to Russo. The hesitant Lieutenant took the glass tentatively and put it to his lips. Throwing his head back, he drained the small portion in the glass and seized forward, accidentally dropping the glass onto the bar. The glass bounced precariously and was snatched up by Mowgli's surprisingly deft hands. "You like it?" he said, with a toothy grin, sure of himself and his product.

Henri opened his mouth but no words came out. He coughed once and nodded, regaining his vocal faculties. "I think I'll take some more" he said, unsure of himself or his choice. His head throbbed in pain again. After the wave of discomfort subsided he looked into the smiling alien's eyes and nodded, silently asking for more of the liquid. Mowgli filled the same glass, this time with more of the volatile liquid before turning to replace to bottle in the locker. Henri stopped him and uttered the disjointed sentence "Naw... you... leave it..." pointing at the bar. The Bartender's smile got larger as he thought of the profit he would reap.

**later***

Henri sprung awake to a loud knocking on the bar. He looked around in a daze to see the sly figure of the barkeep staring over him, cleaning a glass with a rag. The lieutenant rubbed his eyes and pulled his head off of the countertop. His attempt to speak was fruitless "Wha... I... how long?" The foreigner laughed and said "Only a few minutes, though I'm not sure how much of the drinking you remember." He laid the glass down and drew a small bottle that once held colored Romulan ale. "You drank the whole bottle."

"You gotta be kidding me!" Henri said, gaining a little lucidity as he sat upright in his seat with a concerned stare. "I couldn't have... I'm on duty in-" The bartender cut him off again.

"-In 2 hours. Don't worry about it. You were only conked out for 3 and a half hours." He laughed, "I wouldn't let you miss your shift. You're one of my best customers! Without your bar bill, surely I would go out of business!" Mowgli laughed again, this time drawing the stares of the few blank faces left in the bar. "Speaking of payments...." He said, hissing as he uttered the last word almost as if it pained him to mention it. "You're going to have to pay for that stuff... no matter if you remember drinking it or not." another smile crept to his face.

Henri looked at the bartender in a sort of dazed glance. "Ok... I'll pay... Just send the bill to my room...." He rose from his seat and stumbled, grabbing onto the barstool for support. The sudden movement sent a jolt of pain through Henri's head. Tentatively, he put his weight on his feet and released the barstool. As he recovered his footing his head began to twinge slowly again.

Looking at his new 'friend', he said "Do you have some for the road?" After uttering the last word, Henri coughed violently, aggravating the headache. Immediately, the arrogant alien drew another small bottle from under the bar. He placed it on the bar top and looked at Henri gravely. "You'll have to pay for this too, you know?" Henri nodded slightly and made an unintelligible noise of acceptance towards the smooth talking alien. Mowgli slid the bottle towards Henri, who grasped at it ungracefully and walked backwards away from the bar slowly. "Just send the bill-" the lieutenant said, before being cut off for the third time that night. Mowgli smiled and said mockingly,"-to your room. Already done lieutenant. Drive safe."

[Henri's Quarters]

Dropping his uniform onto his littered floor, Henri sat heavily on his bed. He opened the drawer on his bedside table and attempted to stash the incognito Romulan ale. The bottle slid from Henri's hand and crashed to the floor, spilling the contents. Staring at the mess he had made at the foot of his bedside table, he noticed something glint on the ground. He focused his full, yet hazy, conciseness on it and frowned. Grasping the damaged, ale-soaked, photograph from beneath the shattered glass and wood, he realized what it was. Henri held the picture to his chest as he shifted his weight to lie down. Prostrate in the quiet, dark room alone, he began to sob quietly over the picture of the decorated soldier, his deceased father.

To be continued next Monday. I hope you ladies and gents enjoyed part 1. If you have any questions or comments.... leave a comment!

~Mike

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