Marriage & Divorce Counselling

2013-06-18T23:35:00.000+10:00

Hi had a break to write my first book... back later this week. Blessings Lea

DIVORCE COUNSELLING : WILL MY CHILD EVER COPE!

2010-11-08T12:39:00.002+11:00

Divorce teachers children resilience. Children also have the capacity to completely heal from divorce. It's through your love, support and ability to move on yourself that will rebuild your child's life. Children are courageous they have a storehouse of forgiveness. Even with great loss they cope. Trust in them, and they will trust in you.

PHOTO : My daughter's place of peace.

DIVORCE COUNSELLING : BELIEVE AGAIN

2010-11-08T12:24:00.003+11:00

Dear friends
thank you for all your support your subscriptions to my site are overwhelming. I think in the end all we need to know is that someone hears our story. That we are valued, that we matter and that we are connected. Divorce is an ongoing story and you will continue to evolve into the depths of yourself. I'm currently at a new pause in my life. As now there is more distance from my past that I feel seated in my future. How can one be seated in ones future? Because there is enough healing to believe again.

Dare to dream again, what does your new life look like? Today after five years of divorce a close friend took the step of going out on her first date, have the courage to take the first step.
Blessings Lea.

DIVORCED COUNSELLING : THE WONDER BRA!!

2010-07-22T10:29:00.002+10:00

It’s the little things that brighten up one’s day. Equipped with one of those double padded, push up, squish it in, double cleavage wonder bras. I wore my new neck plunging winter dress, for the third day straight. Honestly forgetting what day it was and what I was wearing, my ex turned up to pick up the girls. At first I was wondering what his strange look was all about, when I realised, I puffed out my chest and continued to talk about the girls. His eyes started to protrude out of his head.
After wards in fits of laughter back in the privacy of my home I realised he had no idea if I had had a boob job! It truly is the little things that brighten up our day!! Thanks D for the bra.

DIVORCE COUNSELLING : THE BLENDED FAMILY

2010-07-19T22:01:00.002+10:00

When my daughter got home from school today, in pure happiness she states soon I will have two new sisters and a brother, with my own sister if you have another baby and it’s a boy, that’s three sisters and two brothers. “Mum soon the whole world will be related”. Next …….“can you cook me pancakes like daddy’s girlfriend, she makes the best ones”! I smile sure.
Once she’s tucked in for the night and fast asleep, I let the rage out. ####!!!!!! First of all my ex only had to deal with a single new step parent, for me my daughters are about to get a step mum, two step sisters and one step brother along with a much older half sister, when I ex marries later this year. To set the record straight I’m the cook and now she copies me. I bake, she bakes, I sew, she sews, I make crafty things, she makes crafty things. It drives me nuts, tonight I don’t feel loving, I feel shitty. How any of us get through this stuff is a pure miracle……You want pancakes, you’ll have pancakes!

DIVORCED NOTHING MORE TO LOSE

2010-07-17T17:08:00.002+10:00

Have you ever noticed how different divorced women are to married women. All my divorced women friends are amazingly strong and independent. Living their dreams and achieving their goals. As a remarried women, I’ve noticed that I have retained this independent and as a result my marriage is alive and vibrant. Both my husband and I don’t need each other we can happily survive alone, therefore our chosen time together comes only from a place of deep appreciation for one and other. Our love is free and real and most importantly our individual dreams are alive with the support from each other.
Where as in my first marriage, I became a slave to support my husbands happiness, not my own. I did all the ironing, cooking, cleaning, washing, gardening, on top of working, raising two daughters and providing, physical and emotional support. No wonder it has taken five years to get my strength back. Yet this is the life that most married women and I must say some men lead. One partner rides on the back of the other and has the ride of their life, while the other struggles with the weight and then has to be a sexual goddess/god at the end of the day. And we wonder why the divorce rate is so high. Well no more for me and my divorced friends. Equality is our best friend. We would never settle for less, as once you have lost everything you realise there is nothing more to lose, only much to gain.

DIVORCE COUNSELLING : THE ART OF SELF WORSHIP

2010-07-17T16:31:00.002+10:00

Equipped with sledge hammer my friend attacked her newly acquired home. Mother of two, divorced four years freedom is owning her own house. Her own peaceful haven in the bush and now total freedom to create her paradise. As she destroys her kitchen tiles and then moves on to destroy her bathroom she shares with me the release of years of anger and sadness.
Therapy in the form of rebuilding your inner and outer temple is truly freeing. Your home rented or owned is a place to house you, divine you. Build your temple, build your church and worship the most important saint YOU!!!

MARRIAGE : THE BLENDED FAMILY

2010-06-11T23:59:00.005+10:00

Have the courage to begin again! Love again! Trust again! Have the faith that you can create family. Yes your children may come and go, but you can create a warm and loving home. A place of beauty, peace and love. Have the courage to remarry and create a blended family!!

A beautiful blended family.

DIVORCE COUNSELLING : RESILIENCE!!

2010-06-02T13:42:00.002+10:00

Some divorces are simple and some are not. If you fall into the latter category like me, we have to find a store house of resilience. As I face the daily impact of family court, I drag myself out of bed, look out of my window at the magnificent mountain ranges and say “ give me strength” I’m lucky to have such a vision, but this is it! the key to resilience, building ones internal strength from the external world. For some it’s god, in all it’s forms, for others it’s the love from another and for me it’s my mountains. Find your source connect to it’s strength!! Stay mindful not to fall into the trap of toxicity. It’s tough I know but you can do it, I believe in you!

DIVORCE COUNSELLING : YOUR SECRET WEAPON

2010-05-27T15:06:00.000+10:00

Divorce …..Divorce…..Divorce. Today a divorced friend rang and said “I’m so bloody sick of this thing.” In reference to change over's. She has been divorced 5 yrs and together we both realised we had eight more years of change over's, well I’ve got ten. We swore, together and breathed a sigh of relief at least we had each other to off load on. The phone call ended in hysterical laughter as we realised our ex’s had to cope with seeing us as well, and we had the secret weapon, to always look fantastic at hand over's! Even a 8am in the morning, because we could always flop back into bed after the kids left. There is nothing more empowering than looking fab in face of your ex! Go on, get to it, employ the secret weapon, the fab you!!!!

DIVORCE COUNSELLING : MARRIAGE AND REMARRIAGE ARE YOU REALLY READY?

2010-05-26T23:02:00.004+10:00

Do you know your self? Do you believe in your self? Can you speak your truth? Can you speak this truth, with love and compassion? Do you see yourself equal to your partner? Do you love yourself? Can you see and I mean truly see the person you love as they are with no projections from you, just as they are! Can you see yourself as you are? Can you own your faults and celebrate your gifts.? Are you embracing your life for you?Are you at peace with being alone? If not pause, work on yourself, take the time to grow into the whole you. Then you will find divine love, real and lasting. You will find a whole other, that is ready to meet you!

PHOTO : Women finding themselves

DIVORCE COUNSELLING : ROBBED MEMORIES

2010-05-25T12:39:00.001+10:00

Last night I lay down next to my youngest daughter while she was sleeping. Hugging in close I let my self remember her birth and her first few years of life, she was two when I left her father. I felt the pain for her loss of family, her confusion about where her father was, and I felt my own pain for all of this loss. Then I remembered the profound love I felt at her birth and our walks together. I reconnected to this deep place of love, and felt the tears of joy in remembering.

In the morning I told her about our time together when she was a baby. She laughed and smiled as I had barely talked of the past as the pain had blocked the depth of love. It’s truly healing to be able to look back and not see the divorce but my truth, which is my love and care for my children. This has never changed!

Divorce can rob us of our good memories. My new challenge is to get out the baby photos and hang them on the walls, to honour my role as mother, and the love that was and is still present today.

Technatori Claim

2010-05-23T16:23:00.000+10:00

Hi Readers, This post is for claiming my account with Technatori: KP6X3DUKHQZR
Thanks, Lea

DIVORCE COUNSELLING : ELIZABETH GILBERT'S COMMITTED

2010-05-17T23:08:00.002+10:00

After a very slow and I mean slow start, chapter four 'Marriage and Infatuation' kicked me in. Friends read it, there is much wisdom here. Well done Elizabeth, although "committed" as a title..mmmmm... I will let you know when I finish the book.

DIVORCE COUNSELLING : FAMILY COURT FAITH

2010-05-17T22:58:00.001+10:00

Dear subscribers, sorry I’ve been out of touch! You will find me in the depths of family court. It seems I’ve gained a new skill, to become an overnight lawyer in representing myself. I wish I could speak and tell you my pain, anger and heartache, but legal proceedings have away of bringing silence.

What I can say to all of you that may end up on this path is, stand strong, speak only the truth as you know it, remain focused, don’t take the hooks, the lies or react to the shock….focus….breath…focus ….and trust that you will be supported. It may not be in the way you imagined, but you will be supported. Life has so many turns, don’t try to predict the outcome…..just breath and be truthful to your self, hold your dignity and self respect. You don’t need luck you need faith, and so do I. Today I offer you my hand in faith. In faith I know you will love again, you will feel again and you with breath happiness like never before.

Take care Lea.

DIVORCE COUNSELLING : THE ART OF BEING ALONE!

2010-04-20T10:41:00.001+10:00

On a whole most of us never learn the art of being alone. We go from living with parents, to living with friends or partner to marriage. Most of us expect to find ourselves alone in the later years of our life or never, depending on who dies first. Yet now, at least one third of the population will find themselves alone somewhere between, 30 and 50 years of age. Too old to move back home and too old to move into shared accommodation. Although there are exceptions. The shock of loneliness can be so overwhelming that you will find away to fill the gap, any way you can. This mostly leads to destructive behaviour.

So have the courage to practice the art of being alone! Post your comments on your experiences, thoughts and ideas. How are you learning the art of being alone?

DIVORCE COUNSELLING : WHEN AM I READY TO DATE AGAIN?

2010-04-20T10:23:00.001+10:00

In truth damaged people don’t make for strong whole relationships. Grieve, heal, and take time out to have a hard honest look at yourself, the life you’ve left and the life you now want for yourself. Practice the art of being alone, you may just find a new love, you! Go to the movies alone, sit in the middle, be exposed to the feeling of alone. Take your self out for dinner alone, enjoy that glass of wine alone. Take your self dancing and to a groovy bar, order the most amazing cocktail and drink it alone. Once you can feel whole with being alone and I mean really feeling complete you are ready to date. As you won’t NEED that person you will choose wisely and carefully. And in the meantime you will find healing and happiness with the most important person YOU!!

DIVORCE COUNSELLING : YOUR FIRST NIGHT ALONE

2010-04-19T23:19:00.004+10:00

This week two beautiful women told me their marriages are over. Both have children, both have different stories. What is tangible is the fear. What to tell the children, where to live and how to live. There are so many layers to recovering from divorce, for some, they feel alive with their new found freedom, while others can barely cope with the loneliness and grief. Personally I experienced both, many times over. I remember the first weekend I had to my self, new clothes, perfume, makeup, hair cut and the list goes on. I looked amazing! I felt amazing! I was free! My life was mine! I was back in the drivers seat, I felt powerful and self complete.

Yet within weeks loneliness and loss would hit with full force. It would knock me flat and I would struggle through the days. Over time I learnt to set aside time in the day for grief. 1 hour no more, but in this hour I would surrender completely to it’s force. Grief needs to be respected, it’s powerful. Avoiding it, just strengthens it. To be with it, helps it to heal. In that hour I would cry for everything lost. Lost dreams, lost love, and lost me. When the hour was up I would drag myself off the bed, and do something to shake it off….this is damn hard…but you can do it. Don’t let the grief destroy your life!!

When you're having your worst days pick up the phone ask for help you are not alone. We are here, women and men that are, and have walked the same path, let us be there for you. In my life divorced women just started to appear. In my darkest hour a new divorced friend asked me over. She cooked a gourmet dinner, ran me a deep bubble bath, that smelled like heaven. Warmed the towels and one of those 5 star dressing gowns a soft bed with crisp new sheets with gentle music playing. I will never forget that night, the night that a friend was there for me.

For myself I took to buying flowers for me every week. I was dedicated to loving me and healing me. Healing takes time be kind to you! After all you have been through enough.

Drawing by Lea Rose : Alone

DIVORCE COUNSELLING : FAMILY COURT

2010-04-18T21:30:00.002+10:00

Here I am in the family court, it’s time to stand strong and create a stable life for my daughters. Here in the lawyers office I stay calm, hours of questions, hours of talking, still I stay calm.
I’m not interested in a war, just stability for all. What will be will be, and I will nurture my girls through change and they will know they are loved and protected. I look around at all the other families here, mostly sad and angry. The staff distant themselves, they are tired out by the heaviness of it all.
I smile as I go in and out through the security check. I smile at the clerk, I smile and thank the young lawyers, and shake hands and thank the legal aid lady. Each and eveyone of the staff pause, look at me and smile. Light relief for all of us. Later I share my chocolate bar with a family that has been there all day. None of us know what to expect, yet life, has brought us here, what’s the point of adding anger. So I sit knowing, what will be will be. This becomes my focus, this is what calms me. There is a point were you have to let go! And surrender to the journey of life….the path that is before you….no matter what it looks like…step forward. What will be will be….

ONLINE SEX ADDICTION

2010-03-25T10:52:00.002+11:00

Online sex addiction, this is the new drug addiction! It destroys people, it destroys families and it destroys marriages. In my next posts we will look at this world wide epidemic, ‘online sex addiction’.

DIVORCE COUNSELLING : FIVE YEARS ON

2010-03-17T22:57:00.002+11:00

One might think after five years of being divorced things should cool down.mmmmm. It seems not. As the girls approach their teens, it seems my divorce is just heating up.
Why is it that one parent has to play the teenage fool, no boundaries, no rules. Teens running wild, while the adult kicks back. Time and time again this is the story my clients share with me, well now it’s my turn! Two sleepless nights and now I’m ready, to go into battle, this time armed with a lawyer!
I have a life too and so do you. My children and yours, have a right to a beautiful, safe, loving and full childhood. And then to be guided and supported through the teens to adulthood. My children are my world they matter! Put your kids first, give them the best life you can. Stand strong in this knowing! And know I’m walking this journey with you.

TITLE : The fool by Lea Rose

DIVORCE COUNSELLING : MARRIED TO DIVORCE!

2010-03-14T21:26:00.002+11:00

Home after celebrating my eldest daughters tenth birthday party. 30 kids, my husband, my mother and my ex! Every trigger that could have been thrown my way, was. A day of dodging the bullets. Five years after divorce and nothing really changes. I always feel I’m married to my ex again and suffering the same pain. At least it is confirmed, I made the right decision to leave. I can pat myself on the back knowing I took none of his bated hooks today, but the price is high, as I’m shaken to the core and sad that this is my life sentenced, to be married to divorce. Today my blog therapy is for me.

THE DIVORCED REMARRIED COUGAR!

2010-03-13T10:14:00.000+11:00

My brother in law, with a cunning smile said, “did you know your a cougar?’”, I stopped, paused and smiled. I now had a famous title ‘cougar!’, while he had none. He was nine years senior to my sister, I am eight years senior to my husband. My sister and my husband prepared lunch while we looked on.

In the past my ex husband was 10 years my senior so now my husband is eighteen years younger to him. My brother in law and I looked on. I was a cougar he was …… It’s weird how the fashion can change. In truth I was very uncomfortable about being the older woman, that was until ‘cougar’ came into power.

Now my ex now has to face, the young blood every time he does drop off! Guiltless revenge so sweet, just the natural order of Karma!

DIVORCE COUNSELLING DOES IT WORK?

2010-03-12T16:47:00.002+11:00

YES! Only if it’s the right counsellor. The first counsellor I was referred to was 23years old, unmarried, with no children. She processed to tell me my daughters were entitled to two lives. I processed to tell her no! My girls would have one live with two houses! And with that I stormed out.
The best counsellor of all, was herself divorced with three kids. She sat down, and quietly spoke, “how are you coping”, “how are your children coping”. With that I broke down for the next hour. Empathy is the greatest healer, next to time and space.
Carefully choose your counsellor, if their not right, don’t give up on counselling, simply change counsellors. The therapist’s that have supported me, truly helped me to live again. Go on!
Find your support team today!

DIVORCE COUNSELLING WITH CHILDREN: FIVE BIRTHDAY CAKES

2010-03-12T16:26:00.003+11:00

How many birthday cakes can a 10 year eat! This year we have got it down, to the small number of five. One with me, one with dad, one for school, one with the grandparents and one for the party! Along with two dinners and one breakfast. The presents are yet come next. How is a child ment to learn the art of not being spoiled?
Each year brings it’s challenges, this year it’s her fathers day on! So we put on our finery and went for breakfast! Dropped the girls to school at 10.00am, smiled to the teachers and said, would you like some cake the morning tea! We have plenty!
Instead of the sadness of “it’s not my weekend”, “bastard! Blah…Blah….Blah….” Do something to empower you, take control of the time you do have and celebrate, celebrate, celebrate! Be creative! Find a way!