It has taken twelve years of recovery for me to connect with the truth of this paragraph. This is why the program of AA emphasizes the importance of self-honesty.  Until we can face, admit and change the way we approach life (self-centeredness), the peace of brotherly love will evade us. I was first introduced to the joy of true brotherhood in AA when I learned to help another addict without expecting anything in return.

I remained self-seeking in my home and work and wondered why I remained unfulfilled in those areas.  Today, I am ready to face my fears and surrender my need to control people and outcomes.  I have hit the proverbial bottom in the arena of manipulation of people.  Getting people to act or do as I please may feel good for the moment, but it is far from fulfilling. Truth is fulfilling, be it good or bad.

When I witness self-pitying behavior in others, I recognize how my behavior can turn people, places and thing sour. If I am truly grateful for the life I have been given in AA, I will recognize that all people have hardship and the best way for any of us to get through our tough times is by reaching out a genuine hand of love to our neighbor.  Ask how you can help.  Even when I have no idea how I will make a situation better, when I sincerely pray and ask for guideance, Love always leads the way.

Best,

P.S. A fourth step inventory is a great way to become aware of the part you play in your own suffering.  If you have any questions about the 12-step process, ask a question and I will be happy to address it.

They include:

1. Get to a 12-step support meeting

2. Call another person in recovery and ask for help or ask how the other person is doing

3. Carry literature around with you (from the program or other spiritual literature) that you can read at any time

4. Say the serenity prayer over and over again until the craving passes.

5. Get some exercise

There are many other wonderful suggestions on the best way to connect with spiritual power (the solution). I hope you use them to your advantage.  Remember, they will only work when you put the actions into practice!

Best, 

P.S. Please use the comment box below or write your own blog to offer your own tips for staying clean and sober through difficult situations.

Within months, I experienced a drug and alcohol overdose and was guided to my first twelve step meeting.  Because my desire to get help was true (and not based on someone else pushing me to seek help), the 12 step program was able to work for me.  I was open to suggestions, willing to go to any lengths to put down the drug for 24 hours a at time, and honest about my powerlessness over drugs.

I found a sponsor, attended recovery meetings for a donation of $1 per meeting, read the literature, and shared my thoughts/feelings with people who understood me.  In the morning, I set an intention to stay sober and followed it up with positive actions like reaching out to others by phone when I felt scared, making sober friends and avoiding people, places or things that triggered my addiction.

Twelve years later, I look back and ask myself what has changed. I still get up in the morning with the intention to stay sober for the day.  I still speak to recovery minded friends and acquaintances when I am disturbed.  I still attend 12-step meetings, speak honestly about what is on my mind and limit my time around people, places or things that make me feel unsafe.

Most importantly, I show my gratitude for my freedom from multiple, painful addictions by paying it forward and doing my best to help another human being, especially addicts.

Best,

P.S. Add a bookmark for www.Addictionland.com or subscribe to my blog.  I love to hear from you!

I was very agitated and edgy this morning because I was feeling the pressure of Monday morning, parenting a 5 year old child that moves at his own pace, not having time to experience romance with my husband, a new boss at work, less time to manage my work due to a new fleet policy about driving and talking on the phone and the regular high expectations I hold for myself in almost all areas of my life.

I was ready to leave the house as Queen Baby, griping about all that I have on my plate and spoiling my own day, when my husband called out to me and said, "Honey, come get a hug."  Reluctantly, I walked over to him and his embrace magically reduced my tension.  Next, I got into the car and Lady Gaga was in the CD player.  My son loves dance music and began to smile and dance in his seat.  It was hard for me to hold on to my anger watching his whole face light up and witnessing a rash of freckles breaking out across his nose.

I thought to myself, "Thank God for the recovery process.  I still have defects and I still entertain playing the victim, but practicing the 12-step principles in all of my affairs, minute after minute, day by day, makes it virtually impossible to stay in my defects for too long.  I am completely aware of my choice to stay in the problem and suffer or pray for relief and move into a solution.

I have countless blessings to focus on if I just let go and experience them all.  I dont need to live in the past or worry about tomorrow.  When I get overwhelmed with emotion, I can ask my HP to free me and I can put my attention on something Good in the world.  Often, because of my 12 step training, I am the Good I need to see.  I can rely on my own positive behavior to shift my thoughts and my perspective. I can act my way into right thinking.

No one puts me in the pressure cooker like I put myself.  Life gets hectic, hard and overwhelming for everyone on Earth.  My recovery message for today is about how I will handle the cards I am dealt in life.  I can choose to say, "Why me?  Why is my life so hard?" or I can choose to say,"Wow, God must think a great deal of me to present me with such challanges. What tools can I reach for to help me digest what is currently on my plate.  I never have to digest it alone and, more often than not, I have a lot more time than I imagine to consume my issues. A bite at at time, anything can be handled and without a drink.

Best,

P.S. Page 63 of the AA Big Book includes the Third Step prayer as a remedy to my character defects.  Ask a question and let us know what you wonder about.

Did I relate? I told her a story about my fourth year in recovery. My boyfriend, or shall I say my obsession in recovery, had recently broke up with me.  I thought I had recovered from my bulimia during my second year and was suprised when the obsession to eat and the compulsion to throw up returned with a vengeance. 

Bulimia, while you are drinking, taking drugs and doing multiple others things to distract yourself from the shame and pain of being a puker, is one thing.  Bulimia, when you are stark raving sober and clearly see how your behavior is out of control, gross and insane, is another thing. I needed to throw up and my awareness of what bulimia did to my psyche and body was life altering.

I threw up for a good six months more before I was in so much pain I was desparate for relief. I showed up at one of my regular AA meetings and decided to pick up a white chip  as a sign of my surrender on this addiction.  When I stood up and walked to the front of the room, friends gasped.  I was so gung ho about my recovery they could not believe I would pick up a drink. They ran over to me and said, "What happened??? I can't believe you of all people picked up."

"I didn't drink alcohol," I replied through my tears.  "I just cant stop binging and purging and I need help."  A few of the staunch AAers got annoyed with me and said it was totally inappropriate for me to pick up the white chip over food.  This is an AA meeting," one said.  I already felt bad enough over my powerlessness.  Now, someone thought it a good idea to kick me when I was down.

Just in time, another woman came up to me and said,"It's gonna be alright.  I am glad you didnt drink. This is about progress, not perfection.  When the inner spiritual malady is addressed, the eating disorder will be lifted."

She reminded me that the literature promised that the steps could work on any addiction and it would take patience, tolerance, self-love and time. 

That has been my experience in AA.  I came in with bulimia, cocaine addiction, alcohol dependency, cigarette addiction, co-dependency and unhealthy love relationships.  In the first year I went to several different fellowships to focus on each of my addictions individually.  It was very confusing.  Eventually, I prayed and I was led to a sponsor and meetings which focused on the spiritual problem (my defects of character and pride), instead of my symptoms (the various addictions).

Wishing you all a slow and incredible ride in recovery,

P.S. Everyone who recovers in AA speaks about teachers.  Let us know if you have someone you would recommend for our Experts page who is willing to share with our members.

Already insecure due overdependence on my parents and the prospect of leaving home and going to college, my father's reaction to my blooming first love expereience shattered me. Instead of welcoming in the terrific object of my obsession, my father objected to our constant togetherness and punished me with a wall of silence. He withheld his love from me when I did not behave the way he preferred and this convinced me I was totally worthless. 

I used this story to fuel my addictive behavior until the age of 31.  Truth is, my insecurity, sensitivity and obsessive-compulsive behavior began long before my father made this choice.  I was a wild fire ready to burn.  As far back as I could remember, I felt less beautiful/worthy than my peers.  As far back as I could remember, I was obsessed with the cute boy at school, achievement or my looks.  This situation with my father simply gave me a good reason to feel less worthy.

If it wasn't for the situation with my dad, I would be married with kids by now (I would say to myself in my head at age 25 when I preferred to stay out drinking and doing ecstasy instead of maturing like other women.)  Finally, when I was close to my rock bottom, I dated a handsome doctor whom I respected who said to me, "Get over it"  when I told him why it was so hard for me to trust men. I was mortified.

"Get over it?  What does he mean get over it?" I asked myself. "How do I get over it? If I knew, I would have done that by now."

Two months later, after I prayed to understand what he meant by his comment, I hit my bottom and entered a 12 step program whole heartedly.  Needless to say, I no longer cling to my story and I have learned how to put the most troubling of circumstances into perspective.  Recovery will do that for you.  It will take any story, no matter how horrific, and give you a new way of seeing it so you not only can find inner peace-you can also be of help to someone else.

Best!

P.S.  What was your story and how do you see things now? Blog about it.

As a person with an alcoholic mind-a person who wants what she wants when she wants it, without much care for God's will in her moments of obsession-it is great to be reminded that something greater than myself saved me from a wretched, alcoholic life and it wasn't self will.

It's been over 12 years since I have relied on alcohol to get me through a crisis, but I still contend with an alcholic mind.  I am still in the habit of trying to manipulate life and the people in it to fit a configuration certain to satisfy me and I rarely succeed.  The literature of AA reminds me that every problem is spiritual in nature and every solution is spiritual in nature. If I want to see a change in the outer world, I have to experience an internal shift in my perspective.

I have so many things I want to do and pursue as a result of living the AA principles.  I want to expose my young son to all that life has to offer. I want to take care of my spiritual health.  I want explore new career opportunities.  I want to experience greater passion and fun in my marriage.

AA teaches me that my deepest desires come from God and, AA teaches me that it is up to God to fulfill my needs in His way and at His pace.  When I find myself stressed, worried, overwhelmed, tired and/or depressed, it is usually a time when I have veered off the path off AA head first into the side of self-will.  Fear takes my hands off the driver's wheel and prevents me from staying in the lines of Love.  I fail to express patience, tolerance, or compassion when I need to express it the most.  Instead of letting go and letting God, I run my car down the side of a hill and destroy everything in my path.

I need to constantly remind myself of Perfectionism's destructive effects. The Solution to all my problems is surrender. Surrender soothes, while Perfectionism scathes. I need to relax, take it easy, open my mind and heart, connect with Peace and sense my way into new opportunity and freedom.

Best,

P.S. Share your experience in a blog about a section of the Big Book that helps you in your recovery.

Before I entered recovery, I did believe will-power combined with intelligence was the solution to all of my problems.  If I wanted to get something accomplished, I set my mind to it and exerted all of my energy until it was accomplished.  The confusing part of this is that sometimes this equation actually works. Or so we think so.  We get what it is we think we want until we eventually realize it is does not fill the hole inside.   Such is the paradox of recovery.

Once I discovered that no amount of personal will or intelligence could stop me from drinking, snorting, puking, or smoking (and believe me, I did everything in my power to stop on my own), I surrendered to a Higher Power (via 12-step recovery) and started working the 12 step program of action.  It was through the program of action that I connected with real Power and found release from each of my addictions. It is through that same Power that I continue to experience release, one day at a time.

While it is a gift to have personal will and intelligence, these things are not meant to be used selfishly.  To turn our will and our lives over to the care of the God of our understanding means we align ourself with good or positive action.  Instead of acting selfishly, we help our fellow man.  Instead of being angry, we forgive.  Instead of being self-will run riot, we wait patiently for the answers to come.  Instead of being arrogant, we are humble.

It took about five years for my Higher Power to release me from my multiple forms of addiction and it remains a daily process of seeking my Higher Power's will in my life to be relieved from worry, fear or emptiness.  Each day I ask myself how I can be of maximum service to my Higher Power and my fellows, I experience the promises of recovery. I have a choice.  I can set my dial on self centered action and be cut off from the sunlight of the spirit or I can set my dial on worthwhile activities and experience the deep joy of 12 step living. 

Best,

P.S. To read more about my experience of Powerlessness, read some excerpts from my forthcoming memoir on recovery from multiple addiction.

I had a sponsor who always reminded me that whenever I am disturbed I am the problem. I am in fear of either losing something I want or never getting something I think I need. My real problem is my perception of what I need and my perception of how God is or is not working in my life. In order to connect with the solution, which is always spiritual and will never be my own thinking, I follow certain daily steps and so far they have worked.

To bring the slogans to life-no matter which slogan you choose-I pretty much follow the same disciplines. In no particular order:

1. Read 12 step literature or a spiritual meditation book when I arise to set my mind on spiritual, rather than material, goals.

2. Attend a 12-step meeting for the same purpose, as well as to be available to other women in need or to ask for help

3. Pray always, all ways pray. Have constant communication with the Higher Power of my understanding. Acknowledge God's presence and all-encompassing Power and affirm I am on purpose.

4. Do a personal inventory when I am disturbed and identify character defects. Awareness combined with a willingness to surrender the defect, activates the Solution.

5. Run my thinking by my sponsor or my 12 step therapist.

6. Look for ways to serve others at work, at home and around family/friends. The less I am thinking about what I need (self-centeredness), the more likely I am to express God's Power and heal myself and others.

Best,

To clarify, when I state that I write out intentions for the New Year, I simply mean that I construct in my mind and on paper how I want to grow spiritually in the following year. This inventory is more of a grand scale 10th step since I reflect on my good and bad behavior over the prior year and imagine how I can act my way into greater freedom, connection and fulfillment in the following year. 

Every person who is successful in an endeavor will tell you that it is important to have a clear idea of what you want and how you plan to achieve it if you are to succeed. An important part of goal setting is to be realistic. Realistic goals can be hard for addicts in recovery.  Due to our overwhelming guilt or sloth or perfectionism, we can set goals that are either way too lofty or impossible.  This is why I like to review my intentions with my sponsor or someone else in my support group. In this way, I gain a sense of how healthy my intentions are from someone who is not emotionally attached. 

I set out to achieve those goals ONE DAY AT A TIME.  I do the best I can do for the day and I slowly act my way into progress toward my goals.  The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of AA say a few things about  creating a plan for successful sobriety and growth.  First, "we prepare ourselves for the adventure of a new life." Second, "Many AA's go in for annual or semiannual housecleanings." Third, we look to sponsors or spiritual advisors to acquire the habit of "accurate self-appraisal." And, lastly, "there's nothing the matter with constructive imagination; all sound achievement rests upon it. No man can build a house until he first envisions a plan for it."

Whether its to begin the New Year, the path of sobriety or just another sober day in AA, experience tells me "it helps to envision our spiritual objective before we try to move toward it."

Wishing you all the best in 2012,

P.S. Some of my intentions for this year include meditating 15 minutes a day, no texting and driving and looking for the good in people I resent.  Why not share some of your intentions and how the program of recovery helps  you achieve your goals?