Blogversary

Is this thing on?

2010-06-18T13:54:00.001-05:00

Checking in. Anyone still read this blog?

Because, I can.

2009-07-28T21:32:00.004-05:00

Yep, still here.

STILL unemployed because the world hates me.

No, because I refuse to work at a place that does not require at least one of my degrees. I am doing the stubborn thing for my parents. They spent waaaay too much money on my college life for me to at least TRY and get a job that will pay me more then my minivan cost me.

My lawyer thinks I will be officially divorced by the end of the year.

Taxes next year will suckity-suck.

Back to the job thing. I have sooo many leads that I want to bang my head against the my new white couch pillow (my biggest splurge in the past few months). Ten dollars. It is pretty.

I am trying to find a job in the education realm which is huge. I can go the public school route. I can go the Lutheran school route. I can go the higher ed route. I would be perfectly pleased and happy to travel any route.

This morning I got a little stick in the arm to test me for TB. I need a TB test to be a substitute teacher in the public schools. Last week I paid $50 for my subbing license. So, if all else fails (read: the HR people deposit my resume in the trash) then I will be a substitute teacher.

And, hopefully within a year's time I will have something more permanent.

My kids are great. My mind is in a great place. My emotions are balanced. I have forgiven. And will continue to forgive, but forgiveness is not a one stop shop.

A few months ago my heart was ripped out and thrown out in the front lawn for everyone to see. Each morning I got up and grabbed my heart and allowed it to do whatever it felt like. Cry, scream, listen to Coldplay on repeat. (Saw them in concert last week!) Eventually, my heart decided the front lawn was getting old. It was tired of passersby giving it that look that said wow, your life sucks, sorry can't help. My heart came back inside and declared that from now on liars will be NOT be tolerated. Gawkers and those who judge will be dismissed easily.

And. AND, I will wear my faith on my sleeve, because I can.
My kids will be okay, because I am one tough woman and will not let a little thing called divorce make them feel less important than the girl or boy with an intact family.

If something or someone does not bring peace in my life...sorry but I have very little space for those that don't bring peace in my life.

Finally, my days will be filled with laughter from here on out with a few tears to balance things out.

broken heart

2009-06-01T10:25:00.002-05:00

Time to get moving soon and get the kids ready for swimming.

I am worn out. A tad. Just finished last night my 6-week online course to fulfill a continuing ed credit for my teaching degree. It had been 4 years or so since I took a college grad course. Hard to believe at one point I was super grad school woman. I took courses and graduated with degrees like my life depended on it. Perhaps it does.

I know it does.

I am floundering now though. I need a job. I am searching and trying, but feel a deep floundering sense to this task of finding a job.

I need a job, but I want "the job". The job that will fulfill my calling. Blah blah.

But, truth. Not quite sure what my calling is right now.

My calling was mom for 4 years, until my soon-to-be-ex husband used my calling as a license for freedom.

I suppose my calling right now is to heal my broken heart. Isn't that horrible to say? I have an actual, metaphorically, broken heart. As I walked alone yesterday soaking in sun and miles, I could feel the split. It is a feeling I don't like, but I can't magically make it go away.

Ready for the good life.

2009-05-24T20:15:00.003-05:00

Two super duper friends came over today for food, talk, and overall supportive fun. Kella has a foodie blog that makes my mouth water every time I read it. Jenna is a fantastic photojournalist.

I am the soon-to-be divorced one with a good attitude and two great kids.

I had a job interview on Friday and was asked to interview a second time next week. My fingers are crossed, because I think I would be perfect for the job.

I have my moments, but for the most part life is better. I don't regret my decision to pursue divorce at all. Not even for a teeny tiny second.

I wish I could just barf all the nonsense of my husband on this blog, but that is not cool. Or a good idea.

But, let us just say I am ready for the good life.

Update: Check.

2009-05-06T22:05:00.002-05:00

Job hunting. Check.
Taking online course. Check.
Starting a new diet to lose that last bit of pregnancy belly fat. Check.

And, wow it actually makes me not want to drink wine or soda. That is a crazy voodoo diet I tell ya.

Making sure my self-esteem stays high. Check.

Because nothing knocks it down faster than job hunting, taking an online course, and thinking you need to lose belly fat.

Home again jiggity jog

2009-04-18T20:17:00.002-05:00

Finally, the Respondent moved out my home. Well, our home technically, but I am one that kept the inside and outside looking livable and clean. If all the sticks I pick up are equal to a dollar, I would be a millionaire.

So, the kids and I are back home safe and sound.

What is that strange smell? Cat piss? In the linen closet?

Filed

2009-04-14T11:45:00.003-05:00

The divorce papers have been filed by me. Waiting for the "Respondent" to be served.

Oh, yes. I will fill in the gaps. But, it is good to be back at my "home" blog. Blogversary is a dumb name, mind you. I get that. But, it is my home blog.

petitions

2008-12-31T13:30:00.002-06:00

January 19th is the first day I can turn in my petition to get my name on the local ballot of a park board commissioner spot. As of today I have 75 of the 80 signatures needed.

This morning I had a bit of a worried moment. I though I might have messed up by not filing a certain economic interest form. But, with a little research, turns out I have plenty of time and can't actually file it until the same calendar year of the petition turn-in date; even then it only has be filed by 5pm on the last day of that time period. Phew.

And, then I wondered. How in the world does one run for President. Reading through the Election Guide is not a light read and often a particular paragraph has to be read a few times to make sure no detail was missed.

It is said that going through the election process is a good way for a candidate to show how serious they are about holding office.

my quite quiet return

2008-12-27T13:51:00.003-06:00

I approach this with my thoughts a little guarded and my delete button in close proximity.

But, whatever it was that caused me to abandoned blogging has subsided.

When I first started this blogging thing(I started on LiveJournal)I really wanted a place where I could type my thoughts in order to help me process. Then, I got bit by the blogging-popularity-I-can-make!?-money-please-will-a-popular-blogger-link-to-me bug.

No longer was I solely interested in processing through the keyboard. I wanted to be noticed.

But, really I did not.

I had BlogHer Ads up and running. I was dreaming of ways to attend blogger conferences. I was trying oh so hard to get noticed so that I could "make it big".

But, making it big in the blogging world requires way more work than I was able to give.

I tried writing just for my family and friends. I told more family and friends about my blog. I was averaging a whopping 15-20 readers a day.

Then, something happened. My personal life became more personal and I did not want to share that personal stuff. I would open up a blank post to write and realize that what was REALLY on my mind was something I did not want to share at all. I wanted to share, but my family and friends were now reading my blog. Strangers reading my dirty laundry no problem. It became to hard to know what to filter and what not to filter.

For the past month or so I have been wondering if I should return to my old stomping ground or simply start a new blog and not tell anyone. I still might do the latter or I might write on here and not tell anyone I am back. Google Analytics reports one or two visitors a day. Mainly, they are from google searches and random visitors and some from folks who are "just checking".

As I sit here sipping my freshly brewed homemade chai tea latte with my Odwalla Berries GoMega Bar watching the rain pelt the window, I am hopeful.

Fall's Effect

2008-10-22T13:59:00.004-05:00

I am suffering, or should I say, reveling in the effect of Fall. For me, when Fall comes around, I get inspired to do more and in some instances, do less. Like less blogging and more other creative endeavors.

A few months back, I started a new blog with my dad. We call it The Lutheran Review. For now, it is basically my dad's devotions or thoughts (mostly daily) and some other stuff I find that might be related to Lutheraness. The topics are broad. I have written a few "eco-Lutheran" and artistry posts; along with other stuff. Whatever floats my boat.

But, what I have found, is that I don't really like keeping up w/ the two personal blogs. I call them both personal, not because I admit lots of personal secrets on them.

I am going to close this blog-shop up for now. I am not taking down Blogversary, but diverting my attention away for the forseeable future.

The Lutheran Review, is not my attempt to convert everyone to Lutheranism. It is more about how my family and extended family (on my dad's side) are ALL Lutherans and it is one thing we have common.

BLOGS are changing. One area of change is a move, from very personally-kept blogs with a focus on just one person's life, to blogs that have more than one author. Some might call them "blog roomies". So, that is what The Lutheran Review will slowly become. I have already contacted my lovable Aunt Bev to share recipe stories.

I will still be the same old boring, dry/sarcastic, and optimistic writer. So, don't worry not much is changing - I'm just over "blogversary".

Check me out at http://www.thelutheranreview.com/

wavering

2008-10-17T15:00:00.002-05:00

Do you ever waver? I do.

I waver between conservative and liberal. Republican and Democrat. McCain and Obama. Oprah and Rush. Women pastors and no women pastors. Caffeine-free and caffeine. Short hair and long hair. Classic rock and hip-hop. Enya and Britney. Feminist or not. Walking and running. Wal-mart and anti-Walmart. Green and not-green. Man-made global warming and who the hell cares about global warming. Apples and pears. Chocolate and caramel. Organic and pesticide-loaded. Bottles, can, and glass. Red wine and white wine. Recycle and what is the point. Living in the now and just trying to make a living. Married or single. Dora and Diego. Hate TV and love TV. Carpet and wood. Big house and little house. Paper, plastic or cloth. Making new friends or being happy in my current little circle. Church or no church. Work or stay at home. Rain or sun. Fall or Spring. Big city or small town. Church work or getting as far away as possible from church work. Nice or rude. Blog or not blog.

I waver. I am not set in my ways.

Fall Scenes

2008-10-14T22:25:00.002-05:00

Oh my. It is Fall again and I love it. Love me some Fall. It is not quite peak season here in my neck of the woods, but the warmth from the bright colored leaves and calming skies are here. Below is a shot I took while walking this morning w/ the kiddos on nearby trail.

Below, the kids are getting restless as we near the end. I speedwalked four miles. I loved the crunching of the leaves as I walked.
This is a shot from my kitchen window. I don't mind washing dishes at all when this is my view.

apple eating

2008-10-10T14:59:00.000-05:00

artist and my running pains

2008-10-08T20:19:00.006-05:00

She was drawing a cow. I love these deep in the moment times.

Today was a busy. Naps, park, lunch out, naps, pictures, and bath. Some point between the end of the pictures and the walk to the car my right leg started hurting. I have had issues for years now with my iliotibial band (ITB) and some days are worse than others. My friend Rachel, who writes at Fit Family, wrote a post about starting to run.

Ah, one of my favorite activities in the world and I can't do it really anymore. Which is sad, because Rachel and I used to walk together and I tried to get her to run with me. After about 3 miles my ITB starts hurting and if I don't stop immediately, I pay for it for days. Somedays, if I warm up really slowly and do a run/walk routine, I can eek out 4-5 miles. My dream of running a marathon will most likely not happen. I have ran two half-marathons and so that will have to suffice.

I hope to do some 5Ks in the Spring, but my goal will be to have fun and finish pain free. No more trying to set personal records.

Why the need to run 5K's?

I need some new t-shirts.

haircut and uncanny

2008-10-05T19:16:00.002-05:00

I was promising an after shot of my son's haircut and here it is. Um, yea, he has some colicks going on poor guy. But, I still think he is uber-cute. Plus, he looks even more like his father. It was bound to happen, especially after his father told the stylist to cut the boy's hair like his. Father does not have funky side colicks though.

Then, today, we went to an art fair. It was husband, girly, and I. What a treat for her to spend some time with just mom and dad. While walking back to the car, she gave me this look in the pic below. As I was looking at the digital camera screen I did a double take, because, wow, for a second she looked exactly like me. Girly, is ten times cuter than I ever was, but the look in her eyes was uncanny for a moment.

no sleep, hold judgment

2008-10-02T11:34:00.004-05:00

A blogger, Her Bad Mother, is one that I check out periodically and she is going thru some tough sleepless days and night due to motherhood.

One comment rang true in my life:
I'm 51, so I'm old and un-with it. But I had three kids 4 years apart (they are now 23, 25, & 27)one would not sleep during the night and rarely napped (she's 25 now & still loves to stay up all night) and one was a premie who had to be fed every two hours and it would take an hour to feed her because feeding would exhaust her. By the time I would finish nursing her and get her back to bed I would be lucky to 60 minutes before we had to start all over again. Guess what? You can only maintain that schedule for so long before sheer exhaustion takes hold. The wisdom here is You CANNOT do it alone. Get help. Pump. Have a friend, hubby, relative come and spend the night for a few nights and take that middle of the night feeding so you can get some uninterrupted sleep. After you get some sleep in you, take a nap when the kiddies nap. Get a sitter so you can nap. The answer here is call in the reinforcements. And yeah, those flashes of anger, all part of the territory. It will happen and then happen again, whether they are babies, children, or teen-agers/young adults. Get caught up on your sleep & your perspective will be much better. I promise.

After my son was born and had day/night confusion and I was on the verge of that crazy tiredness. My mom was my lifesaver, when my husband was out of town. She took the middle of the night feeding with a bottle of pumped milk and sometimes she would just use formula. Once you have a child, perspective can appear after just five hours of solid sleep. With eight hours sleep, one can rule the world. Or, at least run for VP.

Funny, I have always considered myself a fairly selfish person by putting my needs first. This has caused frustration and hurt in some relationships, but it has also protected and saved me, especially during those first months to a year of having a new baby.

So, that fine line between selfishness and self-preservation is not an occasion to judge one's attempt at motherhood or livelihood. Let us save the judgment for a later time. You know, when everyone is perfect and has gotten weeks of good sleep.

first hair cut

2008-10-01T20:37:00.004-05:00

The husband called around 4 pm saying something about being hungry. Oh, yea, cooking meals is part of my SAHM duties, or I mean blessings. Haven't been rockin' that blessing boat this week. So, I suggested we go out w/ the kids. We rarely go out to eat w/ the kids and so we thought a new place on Main St might be fun. The restaurant is this old rehabbed bank made into a bistro. And, must still be a bank because the only thing I can say about the place is that they take a lot of your money. And, keep it. And, don't give you anything resembling a decent meal in return. Seriously, 9 bucks for a hoagie bun with chopped greens on top of cooked sliced grilled chicken, that was not fresh and straight from the freezer. The shredded greens and chicken were falling out of the bun.

So, after our meal. We walked a block down the road to my hair salon and asked for a little boy haircut.
Stay tuned for the after picture. So cute.

first check thank you speech

2008-09-30T11:37:00.003-05:00

So, you know that not so small Blogher advertisement box on the right? I FINALLY received my first check. It took a year to make, wait, here it comes, $26 and some change.

I would like to thank first my devoted 15 readers. Without you, I may have never received a check until I was living in a retirement home.

Second, I thank Blogger for free hosting.

Third, I thank Noggin, for distracting my child so that I can write something every once in awhile.

Finally, I am thankful for selling out and being one of many who receive a check no matter how small. Because I now know how much my writing is worth. Not much, but more than zero.

honesty quotes

2008-09-30T11:27:00.003-05:00

During this political season, how about some nice quotes on honesty.

We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger. ~Tad Williams

A half truth is a whole lie. ~Yiddish Proverb

The least initial deviation from the truth is multiplied later a thousandfold. ~Aristotle

I am different from Washington; I have a higher, grander standard of principle. Washington could not lie. I can lie, but I won't. ~Mark Twain

dragging....

2008-09-27T16:34:00.003-05:00

This political season is killing my sleep schedule. I am dragging. Have been dragging since the Olympics when I regularly went to bed after 11 PM. Must. Watch. More. Swimming. My husband was gone mucho days in September, leaving me further dragging. He was gone a lot in July, but I distinctly remember my mom helping me almost every day. She was off for the summer from teaching. MOMMY!

So, I need a new plan. After my daughter goes to bed at 8:30, I usually watch TV and catch up computer stuff, as if I have important computer stuff to do. Instead, I am going to stop getting on my computer at night. Save it for the morning, or not at all. I plan to keep up w/ my Green Mom Find duties, since, it's really the only paying gig I have now. I am going to save my favorite TV shows for when the moment feels right. I don't have many, but I really love The Office and a few others that simply make me laugh out loud. NOT giving my fun shows. Fringe, fo sho. Watched it late one night, in attempt to stay up w/ my husband and I took me two hours to fall asleep that night. I can't do paranormal crap. Give me Reba, Ugly Betty, Seinfeld, and a good ol' prezzy debate anyday.

she is now 33 months old

2008-09-24T07:57:00.004-05:00

My little girl is 33-months-old. That is 2 threes. She is 2 years 9 months. 33 months. 3 months away from 3-years-old.

That is a lot of 2's and 3's. Welcome to my world.

There are days, wait, let us break this down to moments. There are moments when my little girl is all 2 and I can't understand how I gave birth to such a tantrum-loving thing.

Then there are moments when she acts a little more 3 and big girl and I can't help but wonder how I got so lucky to have the best child ever.

Let us break this down.

Playing with her brother by showing him how a toy works. 3-year-old.

Yelling in her brother's face because he came within one foot of her blanket. 2-year-old.

Trying to spell Curious George's name. 3-year-old.

Making loud monkey and dog sounds while I try to order her a bagel, and the cashier asking if that is a dog. 2-year-old. Or, just plain crazy.

Saying no thank you. 3-year-old.

NOOOOOOO. 2-year-old.

Brushing her teeth happily. 3-year-old.

Screaming bloody murder because a small strand of hair is in her eyesight. 2-year-old.

Wearing red-hat. 3-year-old.

Insisting on wearing red-hat. 2-year-old.

can't leave the political fire behind

2008-09-23T21:48:00.002-05:00

Take a looky at who is #2 on the list of congressmen who collected the most money from Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.

Yep, Barack Obama. No controversy over those two entities being helped.

http://www.opensecrets.org/news/2008/09/update-fannie-mae-and-freddie.html

sepia son

2008-09-16T14:17:00.002-05:00

I was playing around with the old digital camera and million different fancy features. I liked my son's expression in this pic.

Our basement flooded a little from the hurricane that came thru on Sunday morning. Nothing really got damaged, but my Sunday morning plans of going to church. There are still big limbs to be picked up in the backyard. Forever picking up sticks and limbs. Forever. I do recall growing up in Wisconsin, my parents asking my brothers and I every weekend to go out and pick up sticks before mowing the lawn. One time my middle brother, of the three oldest, picked up a stick and threw (intentionally??) at the younger brother and it pegged him in the right eyebrow. Gash. Blood. Screaming. Hospital. Stitches. Good times. Or, good aim?

2008-09-13T08:48:00.001-05:00

Texans, you are in my thoughts. Looks like the hurricane remnants will be upon our area soon.

politics aside; hurricane worries

2008-09-12T22:04:00.003-05:00

Please say a little prayer for one of my blog friends, Julie Pippert. Her account of hurricane Ike is here.