Blood and Mud

Gameplans Explained! Scott Gibbs

2009-11-10T21:18:40+00:00

Legend in two codes, destroyer of great nations, man in search of his own neck.

What is the common thread in the England rugby team's crapness?

2009-11-10T10:45:03+00:00

The years since 2003 have not exactly been a picnic for England fans; or if it has been a picnic it is one at which it consistently drizzles, the sandwiches are all chicken paste and the occasional wild animal turns up to savage you and your kids. There have been some sunny intervals of course - World Cup final in 2007, and some recognisable improvement in this year's Six Nations - but all in all, this period has been a pride-swallowing siege for all who follow the red rose.

The years immediately after 2003 saw of a number of pivotal persons retiring or suffering long-term injuries, plus the loss of Clive Woodward. Since 2006 there has been no such ready-made excuse.

Leaving aside RWC 07, when every other team played into England’s hands by allowing a slow, forwards and kick dominated strategy to dominate the tournament, in the last three years England have consistently failed in the part of the game that matters most: securing decent possession, particularly at ruck.

The reasons for this are many: lack of penetrating runs, poor rucking technique, lack of ideas around the fringe, the endless pick-and-gos; I could go on. Securing ball, even in this modern era is still primarily the job of the forwards, something they have signally failed to do in three years. Who is to blame for this is very simple in my eyes; it’s the bloke responsible for England’s forwards since 2006 – John Wells.

If you accept that this is the case - and I’d be interested to hear any arguments in support of him as I can’t think of any - then it begs the additional question of why he is still in the job.

Up until this year you could put his survival down to the turmoil raging around him, with the turnover of head coaches happening at such a rate that the powers that be felt stability in the second coaching layer was probably sensible. However, since Johnson was appointed as the long-term coach last year then this argument looks increasingly shaky. Given that, with the possible exception of Scotland, England’s forwards look the worst in Europe most of the time and last Saturday against the Wallabies was yet another game to add to the litany of soul-splintering failures of recent times, you have to ask what it would take for him to lose his job?

I have no desire to see people sacked when there is a long-term strategy that they are part of. But, if a man who has presided over not a single iota of consistent improvement in three years is part of your long-term plan then surely your plan is a SHIT one? Only Martin Johnson knows the answer to that and we can only hope that he is considering his forwards coaching options very carefully, otherwise it's more chicken paste and drizzle in the run up to the next World Cup.

Pumas make an early appearance at Twickenham

2009-11-09T10:03:55+00:00

The Argentine Rugby Union team are making the most of their time in and around Twickenham Stadium next week. As they prepare for their game against England at the stadium on November 14, the Pumas will be making a personal appearance at the Rugby Store at Twickenham Stadium on November 12 from 2pm-4.30pm.

Fans are invited to come along, meet the team and get their autographs in the store on the main concourse. Well known players such as Gonzalo Tiesi, Juan Martin Fenandez Lobbe and Rodrigo Roncero will all be present thanks to their sponsor Adidas who have organised the session.

Also, to use your time efficiently, you could also ask Dr Felipe Contepomi (pictured) about any medical niggles you may have. Just don't tell him we told you that...

Rugby Video: Leicester 22 - 17 South Africa, highlights

2009-11-09T09:46:46+00:00

It may seem like all doom and gloom at the minute, but let's not forget that one NH team did manage to beat a SH one in the last few days. Here's how the Tigers dismantled the World and Tri-Nations champs. [via Rugby Dump]

SHIT/GOOD™ Ratings: Autumn Internationals, week 1

2009-11-08T22:47:11+00:00

It finally started and now we can see how it turned out. No, not the matches, the SHIT/GOOD™ computer. Don't forget that you can see highlights of the England game in the video player in the sidebar.

SHIT

Ugo Monye - He is not a full-back, and any moron who thinks he's a better option than living room singing superstar Ben Foden is, well, a moron. The crowning turd of his fetid performance had to be the "tackle" on Ashley-Cooper.

Matt Banahan - I don't care how big and quick he is, when it takes a person 4.2 kilometres to get up to top speed they are not an international winger. He looked a lot like Andy Farrell out there, pace-wise. Also has no step or kicking game, tools that are pretty much necessary at this level. Horrendously exposed.

Wales under high balls - Looked like a game of pinball every time any one of their back three tried to catch one.

Wales at breakdown - We all know that NZ are a decent counter-rucking side, but they are not as good as the Welsh pack made them look.

England creativity - Back play was more lateral than a drunk teenager at the end of the pub crawl and the forward play had about as much dynamism as my grandad attempting to work an iPhone.

International Rugby - Let's face it, not exactly wonderful adverts for the sport were they?

Sky commentators - Yes, we get it, you are pleased Jonny Wilkinson is back.

England's Tracksuits - Looking like a gang of background dancers from Beat Street is not the way to go fellas

GOOD

Gethin Jenkins - Gets better and better all the time. Like a rampaging pig all over the park and as good as anyone in the tight. Wales missed Adam Jones, but it is hard to fathom the impact that this bloke missing a game would have on them.

Lewis Moody - I take it all back.

Jonny Wilkinson - Pretty decent all round performance on his return, but hardly the second coming of Christ as Sky would like to have us all to believe.

Jamie Roberts - picked up where he left off pre-injury, which is nice.

Will Genia - Since Gregan retired there has been a void where an Australian scrum-half to hate and admire in equal measure should be, this lad looks like he could be the answer.

David Wilson - Quietly did a decent job and all of a sudden the post-Vickery world does not seem quite so worrying for England fans.

What/who are your nominations? Let me have the full force of your SHIT/GOOD™ reckonings in the comments.

THE COMPARISON: Wales vs New Zealand, Sat 17:15

2009-11-06T14:05:44+00:00

Once again we use the modern wonder that is "a table" to analyse the strengths of two teams and pick a winner.

	All Blacks		Wales
Back three	It's a new back three for NZ, with Cory Jane leaving Sweet Valley High to play international rugby. They at least have a full-back playing at full-back though.	8	7	James Hook changes position again and the wings are populated by Shane and Halfpenny - combined height 4'10". They will be peppered and it will be a struggle
Midfield	Conrad Smith is class. Ma'a Nonu would be class if he had ever passed a ball is his life.	9	8	Shanklin and Roberts have the potential to be the best pairing in Europe. FACT. That still doesn't make them good enough for today. ANOTHER FACT.
Half-back	Is Carter injured or not? Will it matter? Probably not. New scrum-half could be a weak link.	9	8	Gareth Cooper is decent enough but has never truly fulfilled his early potential. Stephen Jones in class but a little one-paced and that pace is "ambling" these days
Front row	Wild West sherriff Wyatt Crockett has travelled through time to fill the loose-head berth. Won't be allowed to use his gun, however.	8	6	It's official that Wales has only one tight-head prop and when he is injured everything turns to rat-shit. Like now.
Locks	Brad Thorn once played rugby league and Jason Eaton is inexperienced. Not sure which is worse.	8	9	Alun-Wyn is probably the best one out there on Saturday. Luke Charteris is definitely the thinnest, despite that Wales still have the edge.
Back row	It contains Richie McCaw - end of conversation.	10	8	Ryan Jones is pretty good, Martyn Williams is very good. Neither of them are Richie McCaw. Andy Powell is what he is.
Number of Welsh speakers in the team	0. Lack of ability to speak the ancient Celtic lingo means a low score in this category	0	10	At least 2. Being the second best rugby team i the world can only get you so far, being able to pronounce Rhosllanerchrugog correctly is the real clincher.
TOTALS	It was all going so well until the end...	52	56	What a late recovery that was. Wales to win!

Autumn International Preview: England vs Australia, Twickenham, Sat 14:30

2009-11-06T11:38:42+00:00

This game is more about what has been going on off the field leading up to it than what is going to happen on it, as both squads are so crippled by injuries that you would think they had spent the summer at a human cannonball school. Robbie Deans has stated that that his young squad is more to do with the fact that there is only one fit player available but left in Oz (Al Baxter), than some grand long-term youth-based strategy. Likewise, Johnson is making noises about having a competitive team but deep down he knows that this squad is nothing like the one he would want to play.

Given all that, it is pretty hard to call. The Wallabies have a fragile midfield, but a storming back-row and a scrum that looks pretty strong; England have inexperience all over the park and the most uninspiring bench since MFI went bust, but they are at home. Also, never underestimate the dull but effective and confidence-inspiring Wilkinson factor.

Prediction: Australia by five.

Spotter's Badge: First time he gets the ball Rocky Elsom runs straight at Shane Geraghty, with bone-splintering results.

Cliche-watch: "I don't know about Matilda, but Cooper was certainly a-waltzing on that run"

The return of Steve Thompson

2009-11-05T09:57:43+00:00

It's been three years, a neck injury, a misdiagnosis, a retirement, a proper diagnosis and a return to rugby since Steve Thompson last played for England and on Saturday he is back in the starting line-up. That it has come to this is largely due to injury to Lee Mears and a doubt over Dylan Hartley's ability to last a full game following his recent crocking.

However, few would begrudge Thompson this chance to play at the highest level again after what he has been through; and the fact is that England have spent the last three years trying and failing to find a permanent replacement for the former Saint.

The dearth of hooking talent in England at the minute means this is a massive opportunity for him to claim the shirt permanently and I don't think it will take much as Thompson is everything you need in a hooker. He's big (unlike Mears), mobile, a good scrummager, a solid thrower and can usually get through a game without trying to maim someone (unlike Hartley). I must admit I have not seen him much at Brive so cannot say what his form is like at the minute, but if it's anything like what it used to be then he should be a shoo-in or the forseeable future.

As you can imagine, he's very happy to be back. If his return keeps Mears and Hartley in their rightful place as second-string internationals then every England fan should be equally joyful. Full England team after the jump..

England: U Monye (Harlequins); M Cueto (Sale Sharks), D Hipkiss (Leicester), S Geraghty (Northampton), M Banahan (Bath); J Wilkinson (Toulon), D Care (Harlequins); T Payne (Wasps), S Thompson (Brive), D Wilson (Bath), L Deacon (Leicester), S Borthwick (Saracens, capt), T Croft (Leicester), L Moody (Leicester), J Crane (Leicester).
Replacements: D Hartley (Northampton), D Bell (Bath), C Lawes (Northampton), J Haskell (Stade Francais), P Hodgson (London Irish), A Goode (Brive), A Erinle (Biarritz).

Guinnes Premiership round 7, video highlights

2009-11-04T10:34:42+00:00

The highlights of this week's Guinness Premiership matches are up on the player over there in the sidebar so don't forget to have a look.

My recommendations are to have a look at the Leicester's victory over Northampton that features two of the most stupid interception passes ever, from Stephen Myler and Barry Everitt; but more importantly to take a look at Chris Ashton's footwork in the run-up to Reihana's try and when he leaves Todd Hamilton for dead to score one of his own. It's truly special stuff that confirms why Saints paid so much money for him.

Also, take a look at Sarries' first try against Bath, which sticks two-fingers up at those who accuse them of negative rugby. But, also be prepared for just how woeful the Bath tackling is.

Let us know what you think in the comments, and also tell us about your favourite moments from the weekend.

Autumn Internationals Kitwatch: Wales

2009-11-04T09:48:30+00:00

Unlike the managers of the other UK teams this Autumn, Warren Gatland will not have the pleasure of watching his boys running round in a new kit. This may be a contributing factor to the Kiwi's current extreme level of hate for everything and everyone, a type of malevolence not seen since me when I last turned on Big Brother, or Coldplay in concert.

Apparently, this Under Armour manufactured effort is "the best Welsh shirt ever", at least according to Under Armour it is. I disagree, as I think the white bits are a bit shite and call to mind that the top from the early nineties with the white hoops round the sleeves when Wales were arguably at their lowest ebb

Anyway, if you want it you can get it in "I only eat one leek for every meal" slim-fit, or "I love faggots" baggy sizes from here.