Bloomed Memories

The First year as a Debutant Mother

2017-12-12T01:15:00.000+05:30

On the occasion of my daughter’s first birthday it is obvious to have happiness and excitement around, infact the excitement within me keeps popping every now and then for my little doll is a big girl now. 1 year and abundance of cute stages - of how she would open her eyes, to how she will span the room, to how she will respond to colors, to how her head will bobble, to her sitting positions and drifting and today attempts to walk with support. Oh my God, she has learnt a lot. From the silent little cries to loud screams and shouts of excitement and the simple words she speaks today, how wonderful is all this. Recalling each moment of her birth itself is a clear memory. I remember each and every moment - the pain that was accepted with smile, the labour room - the painful anticipating hours...woah! I wish I had a time machine where I would go back to see myself in that condition once again and see me baby being brought out in the world. Ha!! That’s again another miracle never expected and still difficult to realize.

Getting married was accepted and how swiftly the days passed by wasn’t a big thing, but the news of pregnancy was difficult to absorb. I remember the day when I held Bilal’s hand tightly walking through the crowd to the Poly-clinic in Riyadh, visiting the Gynae and expecting an answer that would say, “It’s all in your mind, you need to rest for your health to improve.” Pregnancy wasn’t actually expected or anticipated. But with the ultra-sound session and the doctor announcing, “yes, there is a baby!” was a Big news to my ears. Somewhere I doubted I was pregnant, but somewhere I was unsure if it is the right time for me to join the motherhood. But it’s all God’s Plan! You never know what you are meant for and you will be gifted with it. And that’s exactly how Ayesha was brought in this world.

Truly the world changes when you hold the little soul. The nine months of restlessness, pains, nausea all seems worth the creation that takes place inside your womb. We live in a beautiful world, and we are surrounded by such lovely miracles of nature, but as a human, miracle is felt closely only when a baby is born. The most amazing, wonderful, beautiful creation is a child!

With this love that comes from within, that little feeling of 30 years ago when my parents would have felt the same, comes into picture. With that follows the regret, the guilt of all these years when I knowingly or unknowingly misbehaved. All this time, realization didn’t touch my soul until Ayesha was born. How selfish a human gets with age! But instead of deepening further and crying of my fouls, I want to quickly take this opportunity and apologize for all my mistakes.

Motherhood is a blessing! It’s more than just me. This one year has taught me a thousand lessons each day. Words of wisdom from elders and practical knowledge to nurture a good child are my day to day lessons for life. My life is Ayesha, or Ayesha is my life... both are true. With this I take a chance to celebrate first year of new me....Cheers to Motherhood!

An Open Letter - From Every Daughter To Every Mother

2016-07-19T14:01:00.000+05:30

Dear Maa,

Remember the school days when I used to jump from the bus and hug you everyday after school.. you knew how my day was if my smile did not fade away. Remember, when I returned with a swollen face, you knew I had been scolded for something… Remember, my long face? You knew my best friend had a fight with me. You have seen all my faces isn’t it? Dad would never understand that as much as you could.

I grew up, I had secrets to keep from you. I did get scolded in college, punished for tantrums, had fights with besties but I never repeated those expressions. Still you knew from my silence that something went wrong in the last few hours.

My practice of keeping secrets made me a fine liar and I refused to show it to you in any case when I grew up to be a working woman. I made sure my irritations donot disturb your night’s sleep any more. But there is this instinct in you that developed as well and you knew it from some actions that I was not my normal self. ‘I tried to laugh even if my salary got delayed for months, I partied with you even if I had a firing from boss. But your scanning thoughts knew the heavy lump in my throat and you were always there for me.

I am married now; troubles, worries and disturbances have changed. Life today is very different . New responsibilities and challenge to meet up to every new persons expectations has over burdened me… you knew this was coming and this is something you could never make me practice earlier. This is something I have to face myself. I live in another home, with husband and in laws. They are fine people.. They have accepted me and love me a lot. But there is this one person missing in my life - YOU! There is no one who can quickly judge the chaos in my mind or the heavy heart feelings. In my last phase I thought I have matured and can live alone, but little did I know that this isn’t an easy task. I am with 50 more people around me, they like me, I like them, but comfort still lies in your lap.

It’s cozy when you are around, I still feel warm in your arms.

Every day I used to share my daily happenings with you in the evening sipping over a cup of tea or may be while dining together. I still want to share a hundred things everyday, but I won’t. The day I left my home to be the bride of a new place, I vowed to myself to never trouble you, no matter how little is the discomfort and how odd are the new habits. But at the same time I know, the moment I stepped out with the new family, your new worries began.

As a child, I have been your main concern and subject of worry ever since I was conceived in your belly. All those uneasy and painful 9 months, followed by sleepless nights … and till date! Even today, you look forward to my phone calls in anticipation of a happy healthy voice. If I happen to sneeze while on call you have those lines taking positions on your forehead, marking the beginning of another reason to worry.

If realizing your worth is enough to Thank you than please accept my gratitude, but I don’t think this is enough for all the years you have nourished my soul and not enough for the years to come for they are certainly not going to be very different from what I mentioned above. I wonder what is the superlative degree of “thank you” Maa… if there is any, I thank you in that manner and still being very selfish, I still want to be that school girl who jumps out of the school bus happily looking at your face, because the charm in your eyes has always made me feel better. You are the charm that I cannot afford to lose at any cost.

Love You Maa…. Today, everyday and forever…

Yours and only yours,

Darling Daughter

Be a Foodie – it’s healthy!

2016-07-17T12:28:00.002+05:30

The other afternoon my mama (maternal uncle) called me to share a secret. He took me to my grandpa’s study and showed me the hidden fruit juice bottle amidst the thick books. All we could do is giggle silently. In the same week I remember Grandpa asking me if he can have some orange but everyone refused to give him. Later, in the evening I could find him slowly chewing on some desi citric toffees, despite of heavy cough and cold. This secret was again spread all over the family and we all giggled.

89 years old and he is just a child. It’s easy to say he has grown all these years with maturity, understanding, intelligence but do whatever you may, this little kid inside us starts bubbling at the later age.

Let me quote one more incident.. oh yes and this one is funnier (may be). Mama’s father-in-law happened to stay at his place for few days and so taking care of his right diet was a concern for mama mami. They, however, strictly made the routine and cooked food accordingly. He is suffering from Diabetes plus he has a denture on, so whenever he is offered food we make sure it is soft and easy to eat. That day just after the low sugar tea that he has every evening, he gave us all a lecture on how to make sure our diet should be controlled at earlier age so that diabetes and other diseases do not strike our health and we have easy old age. Meanwhile he was offered a piece of cake and he strictly refused saying, “uff ye mere liye zeher hai. Itna meetha nahi khaa sakte!”.. All was said and done until the next morning, where we had Poha Jalebi for breakfast (Indori Special) and yes, he was not offered this time. But my little cousin did ask him slowly and he readily said, “ Haan bilkul, 2 dedo.” All of us were giggling with laughter and he was happily enjoying the “Now” not-so-zehrili Jalebis – deep fried and dipped in thick sugar syrup.

Watching such incidents around us makes me happy. I know it is hard to make these old men understand how important it is for them to avoid oily food, excess salt, sweet treats etc. but like I said the old age returns with the childhood cravings. A plus point to this is that we live in India and it is a country of occasions. We cannot afford to miss special occasions. The ravishing food, mouth watering desserts, variety of food stalls is the reason why we readily agree to attend functions and weddings. And when there is no function/festival, we tend to make one of our own. “Is baar, Pinky ki Salary 2 din pehle hi aa gai… party to banti hai.” “Aaj to bohot sari shopping kar li, do teen samose ho jae?” “Weekend hai, kal subah ka nashta Ravi Alpahaar se!” etc. and the reasons keep coming and the diet keeps changing.

When often at our young age, knowing and reading loads of articles everyday about the right diet for health and weight loss, we tend to forget the rules for a while and chew on the best desi junks around, why shouldn’t the elders be given this freedom. Certainly, health is a big issue, one cannot just keep oneself away from the tempting stuff, a reminder is always necessary. But like my grandpa says, “Eat what you like because your body actually demands for it.” – a truth well said by the inner child *wink*

So to hell with the strict low calorie, less fat, skinny diets, let’s party and celebrate the freedom of Eating!

To Samosa and Kachori… here we come!

Happy Women's day?

2016-03-08T21:42:00.000+05:30

Really? The truth behind this 8^th of March every year is a reason of celebration. Afterall, what people ( or may be very precise ‘the Youth’) wants, Celebration for any damn reason! I am a youth, even I have celebrated Women’s day with pride, wearing pink, dinning out, reading the motivational quotes on facebook, sharing the loud and bold speeches for the women, feeling proud to be a women myself… only on 8^th March. What next? The life comes back to normal and the speeches and the motivational posts on Facebook, Twitter, magazines are left behind as chunks of content to be used once again next year in a new avatar.

Let me ask a question, why do we need to buy the motivation from Kalpana Chawala, Lata Mangeshkar, Marie Curie, Sania Nehwal, Sania Mirza, Angelina Jolie, Hilary Clinton etc. Don’t we have our motivations around us? Mother, aunty, grandmother, sister, teacher, maid – they all have a strong life story to tell you. It’s just that it was never published nationally and she never became the HERO! Are you yourself not a motivation? You grew up in a variety of circumstances and have worked hard to be what you are today, certainly not useless!

Also, on this day many people keep debating about the importance of just one day dedicated for Women and no day for Men. While some also agree that Women's day is just a reminder but is it actually meant for each day of the year. Some men even fake the wishes and practically have no regards for the women in there life.

Why do our sexualities need to be celebrated so fondly? Since childhood it is always the girls versus boys and the brothers versus sister fights, and debating 'days' shows that we will not grow up ever and our silly fights are now evolved as the major ego problems in the society.

Referring to the motivational quotes, speeches talking about the female power, the lbs of pain she goes through while delivering a baby, the illustrations talking about the pain she suffers every month are these topics supposed to be discussed every now and then? Infact, even this article is not meant to be read. But still it was meant to be written because encountering the same amount or may be a little more amount of content on all the media talking about the how magical a ‘woman is’ is just a content that is used to fill the blank space on 8^th March.

Tell me if you have ever read about, new cottage industry set up in the remote area employing all women staff - or – 8^th March recorded an no rapes as compared to the average rapes per day – or – ‘n’ number of balika vadhu’s were rescued and a new life was given to them – or – ‘all female’ school setup in the village to educate the young girls who forgot to live their childhood? Have we ever heard any kind of a similar headline particularly on 8^th March - that defines how women’s day must be actually honored? No! ( Let me know if I have missed any please)

My idea of writing this article is not to rubbish the idea of what the world is doing on this day, but the idea is to change the way it is doing. If a day is made to be dedicated to something, it must be meant to be celebrated to honor the title, rather than just posting the regular stuff on the social media and sending the goody goody wishes. Get up people (both men and women), wake up, look around, some things need to change. Let’s do our bit for our satisfaction and not to aim the subject of next news. Let’s modify our surrounding mentality, culture, ambiance to make our space a better and safe place to live. These small efforts can be your stepping stones to a better future!

The Courtship Period!

2016-01-28T20:18:00.001+05:30

The magical moments... the once in a lifetime experience... the happiness around… the celebration and greetings! A period of may be 6/8 months in arranged marriages from Engagement to Wedding the girl (bride to be) and the boy (the groom to be) is the most talked about phase of life – the courtship period.

“Shaadi Pakki ho gai”... “Ladki ne haan kar di”… “Ladke ko ladki pasand hai”… and here begins all the pomp and show! The shagun rituals performed by family members the never ending ear-to-ear smile on all the faces and the eyes glued to the new couple is the most common thing seen at all engagements. What is the new couple actually going through? Did anyone ask? I will tell you.

Girl: So finally he is the one… Though I dreamed of a tough guy like Hugh Jackman may be… I

cannot stop smiling to myself because I think he is the perfect one. The family is very caring and supportive ... thank God I am glad you chose him for me. Am I really able to handle all the new responsibilities? Though I am happy but is he my true love? (the heartbeat has not subsided yet.. admiring her new ring she has those glittering butterflies in her stomach)

Boy: Done... no more scanning girl profiles. So I am tying knot with this girl, she seems pretty good, decent. I hope she is like what I want – a friend. Bachelorhood ends here but now I am mature and I can handle this new responsibility, isn’t it? Or is it now? Am I really mature? Can I have some more years or atleast months or atleast few weeks before we commit to this new ‘engagement’ status…. NO! I guess this is the moment. (a mild smile while the heartbeat slowly subsides but the jitters wont subside soon).

Followed by the announcement of the new ‘jodi’ the festivities and the green signal to yes you may begin to live the last few weeks of singlehood comes the committed and engaged period. The whirlwind courtship period begins where the strangers are allowed to woo each other and develop that romance which will help them begin the new life together in a healthy way. Period of confessions, possessiveness, immaturity, trifle fights, mollifying attempts, proposal and much more that cannot be expressed in words. All these conversations and emotions are very private and if they fight or cry there is no one who can understand them. Strange! They are the only ones to console each other and get the romantic feelings back again. But ask them what they go through, in the back of their mind somewhere they fear the end of the relation. (Ek to badi mushkil se koi rishta bana ab meri bewakoofi ke wajah se toot jaega.. par main aisa nahi chahti/chahta … coz I think she/ he is THE ONE) - Count this as the stepping stone towards a stronger relationship say the experts! Well, well may be… who knows the future after all but who knows the present as well. The fear of losing the one you have just fallen in LOVE persists for long until the D-Day. The romance that follows is full of apologies and confessions of how much you love your partner. The intensity and gravity of this feeling is inexpressible. If the new couple is in the same city, you have ample chances to get things straight by expression of love through surprise visits and gifts. But in long distance budding relationship it is hard to be with each other at the same time, thus, may be leading to misunderstandings and confusions. Now would you call this another step to a stronger future? Keep guessing until you meet this couple 10 years after marriage.

The Wedding month!

If one could check the level of nervousness and excitement using a thermometer, I am sure the mercury would blast through. The family rituals, the last minute preparations, the most importantly the last few days for a girl; to be in her home and last few days until the boy is alone in his den!

Indian weddings are a mixture of emotions and drama. How I wonder the drama can be just muted for few minutes and the true feelings flow off! The wedding is not a single day affair; it has to be accompanied by the pre and post rituals and festive functions, some tease and some anxiety. Wonder how all this encompasses all together in the hearts of the bride and the groom while they say I Do and still have the courage to accept the new life.

I have gone through all of this recently. I didn’t know if I would really be able to go through all of this! Whatever it is, just like every other girl, I wanted my wedding to be special in its own kind, simple yet magical… a day for everyone to remember as their fondest memory… and it was!

Alhumdolillah!

Women's Day Gift For Self!

2015-03-04T11:05:00.001+05:30

This year I am being selfish and gifting my younger self some thoughts... some Gyaan that should have accepted years ago... The feelings that I should not have ignored... some wisdom that my younger self should have acted to!
So, Dear Me....
I am sure many of my friends have more to contribute in this list... But let me be very honest. Though I may not have done a plenty of things in my past but that doesnot mean I never had a beautiful life. And thank you all those who came in my life. You all are/were a blessing to me. Thank you!

Journey Of Two Strangers

2014-10-09T20:48:00.000+05:30

This is a travel experience that I had when I was 15.

Meeting new strangers is obvious during journeys but making friends isn’t always true. On my journey back to my hometown it was a long route. The train was scheduled for a 23hours, consuming half of the morning, the stingy afternoon, the dusky evening, followed by the breezy night and finally the cold mornings of my destination.

Travel can be boring if you are in the era of no mobile phones, where the walkmans were possessed by wealthy lots of the society and when a child like me had least interest in reading books. But what interested me more is the sight-seeing.

The early few minutes of the trip passed by adjusting places, getting the sitting arrangements right, setting up chips, chocolates, and juice etc at reach. It all began just the same as always. Nothing seemed interesting around. Every family in the compartment was busy about themselves. Nobody seemed to be very friendly till then. But who knew, something very interesting was cooking up for the rest of my day!

While on such a long trip, one may seek companions or friends and just as I said earlier only the lucky ones may find a good companion throughout the voyage. And I guess I had found my luck during this course! There was somebody who happened to take my attention. Just like other passengers, he was also a travel-mate. At first our eyes didn’t meet. I was half sleepy and wanted to rest my head on my mother’s shoulders. I remember him yellow in my fade memories. Later after the early lunch I choose to shift my place near the window, just when I noticed him very clearly. He was sharp in features, bold in looks and charming that made me turn to him every now and then. Being shy, I never watched him on the face but saw every bit of him through the corner of my eyes. I choose to keep my gaze outside, watching the green trees and the naked woods pass by. I spent a lot of time watching through the green meadows, the grazing animals and the farmers pulling weeds.

Meanwhile, there was a still silence between us. The passengers around were half sleepy. Some people were very busy snoring while some aunties were busy gossiping. Again, I turned to the green meadows outside. But this time, his presence attracted me more. I couldn’t help but staring at him. There was no sound, but a smile that passed between us and that acted as a pact of the blooming friendship.

This new friend of mine didn’t leave his stare, whereas, I often chose to look away. His deep stare made me melt at times. His gestures tickled me. Nobody else in the compartment could see our friendship growing so deep, as the treaty of silent games remained intact. We didn’t move around but he made me feel exhausted. I could feel the sweat developing on my back. I knew this relation was getting stronger but it would soon end as his destination was nearing.

It was around 4pm by then and Ravi seemed exhausted already. His energy could not be sensed, but his glare and smile were pinned up on his face. He did shift few inches to the left but was still in the right diagonal of my stare. The evening was soon to arrive. We all could hear the birds chirp louder as they merrily flocked back to their nests. The chai walas were back on board clanging their glasses and shouting ‘Chai bolo chai...’. Just the next stop and this short lived friendship will come to an end. Probably, the eye games would never be played again. We both had a smile that represented the best times spent together that made the journey so easy in the daylight, but at the same time we had that sadness gripped in our hearts.

Prabhakar, gave me the last smile before it set for the moon to rise high… It was not easy to let go a companion with whom I could share my loneliness in silence. We spoke nothing to each other yet we expressed a lot. I bid farewell to Suraj for the last time before the sky turned dark and the stars popped in.

The journey seemed so small with the silence that fetched me a new friend.

The sun set high in the morning and glaring bright during the noon and finally the golden ball that set behind the mountains slowly bidding me farewell and best wishes for the remaining journey. That was the day when I did not fear the thought of a lone journey.

Travelling has since then become the most loved part of my life. Because may be, now I know how to make friends with nature. And there is one lesson that I learn from my past, observation, visualization and thoughts once put together can make your life happy and contended.

Love – Weakness or Strength

2014-07-13T16:19:00.000+05:30

Have never felt it closely yet but have experienced it through real-life stories and Bollywood ofcourse. Having said this at times I don’t actually believe that this emotion actually exists. It might be an emotion hyped so much by the cinemas that people have begun adapting it to their real lives. If you think this is a crazy thought then I must wait for the right man to enter in my life and make me fall in love.

But as I said I have had experiences and have understood that the feeling called LOVE is never alone. LOVE is accompanied by sense of possessiveness, passion, trust, blind-faith, transparency, loyalty, need, satisfaction, companionship, friendship, care, sacrifice and compromise. Did I miss any sentiment here? May be! So you can add it as per your personal experience. But with all this come the positive and the negative part of that emotion. Love can make you feel weak and at the same time it can make you feel strong. This is probably the only relationship in the world that makes you feel the both at the same time and the weakness still remains at the positive side. Trust me I have got few points to justify this!

One feels strong as the souls multiply their feelings.. The bond has bought everything close and hence each soul has the strength to face all odds. Whereas weakness grips in every time there is sense of possessiveness (again a sentiment that is accompanied by LOVE). Weakness creeps in hearts that doubt the factor of trust but still have blind-faith. If the better half knows your weakness and helps to keep up the moral support then you earn a brownie point but what if the other half takes advantage of this weakness? Well then this weakness strengthens the inner soul to fight for self. And hence I call this weakness as the internal strength. When Love takes advantage of situations the self-respect takes over the frail heart and shields it. Do you agree?

Deep! Isn’t it? If I think about this further I may fall in love with the idea of LOVE because I never want to be weak. I believe in being strong in all sorts of situation... I may appear fragile but inside I am strong and will prefer to remain strong.

Finally when I conclude, I won’t wish for LOVE to appear in my life anymore… but I wish for more strength to hug me and make my heart beat with pride!

Signs of Ageing

2014-06-26T23:57:00.000+05:30

This is another piece from my thoughts that have been collecting in my mind since few days. I got an urge to share my thoughts and express them through words.

Ageing! A topic that is never talked about among women unless they are depressed. Women never speak of their age and I am not here to point out the ways to look younger or ways to hide your true age. I am suffering from this disease already. Though I am under 30’s but still the signs of ageing have gripped me already.

Recently I have experienced a lot of change in myself. When I was young I was famous for being the most talkative, but today I prefer to listen and observe more than just talk and talk. And with this practice of observation I have noticed the signs of ageing! Observing the way my father walks, the way that my mother keeps forgetting things, the way that my grandmother weeps while remembering all the old memories, the way my grandfather tries to make his voice heard in the crowd of youngsters… All this and much more make me realize that I am growing. The world around me makes me realize my true age. It hardly matters if I am alone or that I am working since 4 years after completing my MBA. What matters is the world around me! With the sense that my younger sisters mature day-by-day makes me realize our age difference and hence realize that I have grown with them. It makes me realize that if they have to act their age, I am supposed to mature more. If I cannot expect them to laugh around stupid jokes, how can I expect myself to remain that age, because crazy jokes may not be fun anymore.

No, I am not going to celebrate yet another birthday just because I have lived the 'n' number of years, but I am going to grow yet another year leaving behind a bunch of memories and habits and innocence that is not meant for my age any more. Feelings and thoughts like this makes me feel that I am growing very fast. I may not be single anymore and responsibilities as a daughter may take up 90% of my time. Thus I am ageing. It is not the L size dress that I need to buy now, what matters are the dresses that seem to have shrunk over the years because I have grown in age, in height!

Signs of Ageing seem to take over my thoughts since few days and I am not sure if you feel the same. Somehow I never liked this concept of life where people grow and this change is irreversible. With my age, I fear the loss of many things. I am sad today because there are obvious things, like death, that are coming up and will occur in and around my life sooner or later.

But sadly this truth cannot be ignored and one has to brace with the Signs of Ageing – today or tomorrow!

Defining Relationships

2013-08-15T23:59:00.001+05:30

Relationships are often confused by people around us. But have you ever come across a situation where you, yourself are confused about the relationship that you are reaping?

There is a very thin line between the defined relationships. Friendship to Love is parted by a minute distance, which when crossed, can changes lives. Today, the value and levels of friendships also differ.

You must have witnessed a boy and a girl as friends, some as true friends, some as friends which cannot be defined, some is a fishy friendly relations and some who are secretly dating each other. Now if you ask them what kind of relation they share, I am sure you are bound to get a new answer every time you persist on knowing the truth behind the relationship. But such answers should not be mistaken and that one should not judge on what appears.. there is lot to express and share between the two souls.

Similarly,other than opposite sexes, men have a very weird relation according to me. They may act as friends at times though they may have a strong competition burning inside their hearts. They aspire to rule the world around and they may compete with their close friends for this. Girls again share a fishy relation even with their besties. The Ego problem always persists. They want to know nothing and everything about their Best friend, friends, Best friend’s boyfriend, colleagues etc.

Today in this 21^st Centaury, it is nearly impossible to understand what kind of relationships people are sharing with each other.

And at this moment I can give a final verdict on this topic, which is to ‘Keep apne Kaam se Kaam’ and should not interfere or spy on relations which are no ways related or connected to your very own personal life.

Life is About Mistakes!

2013-06-12T00:14:00.001+05:30

Repeating it again for most of you, my father always said that Life is considered DEAD if the ECG shows a straight line. Similarly unless and until we have ups and downs in our life our Life cannot be considered healthy and hearty. Life comes with challenges, worries, mistakes, emotions, happiness and much more.

Just move about 24 hours back in your life. Count the things you have done last 24hours. Check if everything was flawless! Certainly something somewhere was a mistake. It hardly matters that the mistake is small, but then it is a mistake and that certainly made a heartbeat skip. Though mistakes are part of life but then it is hard to accept that mistakes can be blunders and it is all unfortunate to happen. I have committed mistakes, so have you! But then the life never stops… It continues with every good and bad that comes across. While I write this blog, even I am not sure if this work would be successfully published on my blog. Every second is uncertain!

People who plan mistakes do make some minor mistakes that they didn’t plan but it just happened because they never knew it was about to happen. Hope this makes some sense and not confuses you.

But as the day passes it is important to understand what mistakes were meant to be forgotten and which of them has a lesson to teach. I believe past has a lot to teach which gets automatically implemented in the future to expect the desired present!

Today when we look back in our lives, many things seem so petty and foolish which was once a big issue, while there are some that still shake your minds and get you goosebumps! While reading this can you think of some mistake that bloomed your life? Share it with me.. I would love read all of them J

The Disrupted Wedding bells! (Part V)

2013-05-19T17:55:00.001+05:30

(read the earlier part of this story here: http://revivedmemories.blogspot.in/2012/06/part-iv-week-later.html)

------------Few Weeks Later------

“Mahi has been distressed since last few days.. She isn’t acting normal!” Naina was worried.

Sunaina was suffering with cold and cough these days and to add upon the frustration and irritating behavior of Mahi certainly made Naina mad. It had been 2 days and Mahi kept crying and cribbing about things all day. I had already taken a day’s leave just to help Naina in her household chores… well as a husband I can contribute to this much!

It was 6 in the evening and I was resting on the couch watching some idiotic Bollywood movie. It was just then my phone rang and I accepted it without actually noticing Caller-id.

“Thank God Sam, it is you!”

“woohoo! Me.. well by the way… Whos this?”

“Ahmed you idiot! And anyways it hardly matters that you give your immediate reaction because there just a small thing that I want to share and mind that you have my instructions to keep your lips zipped.”

“hmm…!” I heard my voice.

“Rocky is in town still! But the fact is that he is now with another Girl! I kept a close call at him wandering about what is his next move and is he serious about Mahi as you asked me to do at the last call! But till now you didn’t actually tell me what the exact connection between Mahi and him is?”

“That is a shocking news!”, I exclaimed with a sound of worry yet in a very low volume else that might startle the others inside. “Ahmed thanks a ton.. This has been a really breaking news. Now I need to know what to do about Rocky!”

After a momentary pause which was obvious that I was cursing Rocky in my mind, I asked Ahmed to gear up for a bachelor meetup at the nearest coffee shop next morning for a breakfast. And yes not to forget, Rocky was invited!

At the La’ Café 9.00 in the morning, Rocky was already set to welcome both of us. As soon as I entered the shop, he jumped towards us and asked about how Mahi was. Without moving with the conversation we sat down.

“Hello! Sameer! I am asking you a question? How is Mahi…”

“Why do you care about her anymore?”

“Ofcourse I will, she will be my fiancee’ soon! Isn’t it?”

“Then what about Aditi?” said Ahmed

Rocky was a still for a moment and tried to hide his knowledge about the new girl in his life.

“Sam I want to meet Mahi once, I will explain her everything!”

“Dear Rockstar, it is over! I cannot allow you to hurt her anymore! At this stage of life when we all are planning to settle and build a family, you are still flirting with innocent girls, assuring them of marriage and them throwing them away? Flirting was legal till we were teens! And if you think getting physical with a girl before marriage and then betraying her the very next day is so cool, I would regret the days of our friendship!”

Ahmed took over, “Rocky, we all knew you are a flirt, you are a playboy.. But please stop it right away! Playing with anyone’s emotions to this extent is absolutely not acceptable. And it is not just Mahi who is hurt, the whole family is disturbed and you are on the verge of losing friendship!”

We left Rocky behind and walked off the Café.

To my knowledge, the story ended the same day… It had been just a week… But to my sudden shock I saw Mahi wandering in the Mall parking with Rocky again after everything that went wrong. I pulled up my car, furious I approached the so very happy couple to enquire if I still exist in their lives!

Mahi was normal and so was Rocky. Only I could sense my redness due to anger. I almost reached Rocky’s collar, but Mahi resisted the action. Rocky could sense my anger in my eyes.

“Jijaji, everything is fine, why are you behaving so?”

“Mahi, he is not a nice guy! A shady one infact.”

“What? Why are you saying so, what has happened, will anyone of you actually tell me the truth behind this frustration?”

I chose to be the first one to explain.

“He already has a Girlfriend and he is cheating upon you!”

A minutes silence when suddenly the parking area was filled with laughter. Mahi and rocky both laughed. I remained anxious to this weird response.

“Oh that incident! My God.. Well Rocky told me everything that happened. You thought I was upset about something that went wrong between us…? Of course not!”

“Yes! As I thought he could be the only reason behind your changed behavior. You did not share things with me and Naina so it was obvious you didn’t want to tell the truth to us! He was keeping distance he didn’t call you for 5 days…..”

“chill jiju! He was not in town at that time and was in the eastern states, so contacting him was nearly impossible. I was not cranky about his absence, but infact I was getting mad at Mom’s reaction to our marriage. I thought I would sort it my way and will not trouble you and Didi! But the good news is my weird behavior helped. Didi explained my state to Mom and the indefinite silence that I took over those few days. Mom agreed to my Love and she is ready to get us married.”

Rocky then told me the complete story about who Aditi was (Mahi’s childhood friend), how they involved Naina in this complete drama later and avoided me in every step as my presence could have chopped off their plans. Within this week Rocky even visited Mahi’s hometown and the family’s are set to meet the next week! Blah – Blah – Blah!!!

“Dear Diary,

I am writing this again after a long gap. Don’t know how to express, but all I know is that things are in place right now. Sunaina is growing and Mahi is getting married! Rocky is no more the guys I thought about. At the last meet at the mall, I suspected his cruel nature and that he is playing with my sister-in-law, but no this time he is finally in LOVE.. oops LUV as Mahi writes it J

Touch-wood!

May we all live this happy ever after!”

Before I could complete my last sentences, I could hear Naina calling me for the Dinner. It is time to prepare for the upcoming wedding at our home! Wuppiieee!

My Fears

2013-01-13T16:30:00.000+05:30

For every day that enhances and every moment that passes by ever since my birthday two months ago.. things around me has changed… they have changed to an extent.. be it friendship, family, be it myself.. relations have taken strength… or may have parted with deep feelings of hurt.

With those who I have known all these years and days, I can relate LOVE and RESPECT without any mistake… but when it comes to my very know part of LOVE or a relationship with a stranger who may be my partner in future, I fear. I fear the unwanted truth of being not so stable on my decisions. I fear the future, I fear the past which is absolutely clear and nothing to hide about, I fear about what I am.

Does this fear grip in most of the girls of my age.. or is me the timid one! I have always feared Allah and no one else in my whole life, but today all such minute things take over my thoughts and scramble my thought process. Just like another human being, m mind constantly thinks of ‘n’ number of things, but to all those ‘n’ number of things there is dead end. The dead end is the culture that I belong to, the parampara (heritage), the society, the ethics etc. So where lies the substance of my existence – “I”

Am I being very selfish? Don’t you need the same “I” space in your life? Every individual’s life has ‘n’ terabytes of space, ‘n’ amount of memories stored, but when it comes to present, why does the world stand to govern over an individual’s rights, duties, freedom, passion and self-respect? Isn’t this is the story of every girl and a boy. Some are lucky to get through the rules and regulations but somehow they manage to commit mistake and get held up for the unknowing idiotic mistake of their life.

My thoughts above are not meant to be discussed upon. These are my free thoughts which are lucky to be sustained in the universe without any bondage! If all this is true then when a girl needs freedom why she looked upon with bad intension? If a boy asks for this freedom he is granted but why does he skips those imbibed cultural feelings and commits a grave mistake? If you think this is in concern with the Delhi Rape

Case, it is somewhere.. but more than this it is a natural obsession of each and every family.

Do you belong to such a narrow minded society? Do you feel the same? Then why do we when grow up force upon the same teachings to the next generation? Well, this question is not be asked I guess, it hardly matters! We are not going to change… Agree?

The Twenties!

2012-09-09T00:44:00.000+05:30

Certainly the word “twenties” excites anybody…

It is the age when one is declared to be an adult sprouting off the teenage cocoon. It is the age when you are no more attending a disciplined school with teachers keep an eye on your every movement. It is the age when you get feathers to fly and shape your own career. More of this is the feeling of responsibility that slowly grips in. “Falling in LOVE” comes into picture – be it a flirt or a true love, romance is one thing that twenties attract the most.

Twenties is not bounded under the college das only. It starts with the day when you turn 20 till day you turn 29 - from school to college and a Graduate and finally to be a professional. Yes I would not mention the last day of being 29 because at the age 29 you almost feel like an Uncle or an Aunty may be (Irony instated).

As mentioned earlier (sounds like a typical mail format), Falling in LOVE becomes an essential part of life in this decade. Some are lucky to find it earlier, while some are still counting stars. It is the age when you hear your friends getting married and more of that some of them conceiving to be a parent. Woohhh! That’s sort of a big responsibility for any girl or boy of my age I guess..

Leaving all those obvious things behind there is still one more thing that comes to my mind at the age of “twenties”… The most important phase of our life when we grow and so do others and they grow to be a soul more than just physical beings. May be I am writing this because I have a lot of death news coming across through mails, phone calls etc. but I guess this is a fact that when we grow to be in the “wonderful twenties” some of dear ones grow to be “the week oldies”. This stage of life seems very frightening to me.

People who made a mark on my existence, who are the creators of my parents, people who shared my childhood being a ‘ghoda’ who I rode when I was 5 and they were in their 50s, cannot just make a decision to move out of our lives. Luckily I still have 3 of my grandparents still with me and I find myself lucky enough to live with them. Just like they cannot imagine a day without me, even I cannot imagine a life without them. I am not cursing the rule of nature for the obvious existence of death which may arrive any moment. But only if I could get a hint prior to the soul departure I would apologize for all the mistakes that I have done, and all the crimes that I have ever committed before them.

Weird isn’t it! After reading this you might have realized your days of sorrows and recalled the age when your some loved one left you lingering in this world. But just to switch your mind to the lighter side, remember it is the same decade where you actually found a special someone who entered your life and brightened it up.

The ironical stage of “the twenties” leaves you with nothing at times but at the same time fills your heart with Love and Happiness. At the end I pray to the Almighty, to please keep up the good work of filling up everyone’s life with Love and Happiness and only if you can avoid raising souls it would add to our cheerful existence ( just a suggestion ;))

Part IV (a week later)

2012-06-13T22:55:00.003+05:30

----After a week---

The week went well, Naina and I regained the earlier relationship and now there were less disputes and troubles. It is Sunday today and I am off for a business meet. Yes a business meet on a holiday! No I am not kidding nor am I betraying my partner. Naina is all set to be at home and enjoy her day with her cousin who is scheduled to visit Delhi for a week long study trip. Her cousin Mahi is an architecture student and they often have study tours.

It was just 10am and I was about to reach the place, when my mobile buzzed.

“Mahi is home dear and we are planning to go shopping in the afternoon. When will you come back?”

This was a stupid question and she had already buzzed me the whole morning asking me every 15min about the meeting, the reason for a meeting on Sunday and then how long will it continue. Well, in any case I was left with no more option other than just simple SMS reply.

My presentation and meeting went well and I was done with my work. On my way back home I called up Naina and ask her if she was at home or at the mall so that I could catch up with the ladies.

I rushed to the mall and reached the food court but could not find the ladies anywhere. I turned around in desperation to find Naina, Sunaina and Mahi together but to my surprise what I saw was astonishing. A tall man was holding Sunaina in his arms and playing with my daughter. This was of course very annoying. I stepped forward and shrugged his shoulder. To my great surprise it was Rocky!!

“Hey buddy I am shocked. Have you resolved to surprise me all the time this year?”

Rocky laughed whole-heartedly just like he did some years ago. It was so good to see my lost friend so happy. I was sure this time his happiness has a really good reason and I started teasing him every time he giggled.

“Hey Sam, I have a surprise for you, hope Naina didn’t tell you!”

“No no.. She didn’t! What is it?”

“Cool down… will tell you in few minutes.”

I remained there with him until I saw Naina ad Mahi exiting a footwear shop. They did not notice me standing beside Rocky.

“Honey, I bought Aldos!!!” Jumped Mahi

Honey!!! Was that the word I heard… Are Mahi and Rocky friends?? Or rather more than just a friend?

“Hey Sam! When did you come? You know what we met Rocky here and for a surprise, Rocky just told me that he and Mahi are in a relationship…! God I was surprised and happy at the same time.” Gosh… Naina narrated the whole love story in one go and Mahi and Rocky kept up with the silly naughty tease.

“OMG!”

And Mahi and Naina reacted and said “what now?” in a non-verbal sense of communication.

“Well I could never ever think that Rocky would go to an Architecture college to teach graphics and then romancing a last semester student seems so weird for a while… But guys I am shocked more than being happy!” And I winked.

We all continued to shop together for more shoes, clothes, cosmetics, household needs etc. and my credit card kept suffering the burden.

“So Rocky!” and I gulped a bite of Club sandwich and mumbled the next few words.

“Sam what?? Well see whatever you wish to ask and know, you can do that all later at home with Mahi, but right now I have to say something very important…!”

He looked into Mahi’s eyes, scanned her through his eyes and said, “honey, I won’t be here for next 5 months, will surely keep in touch through mails and calls… I am going home to Benaras and from there I have to leave a short assignment in Morocco. Will stay there for about 4 months and as soon as I return I want you to welcome me as a wife.”

“Wife…? But we are still not married and I will still remain your girlfriend!”

“That’s the catch” and he grinned.

“As I said I am leaving within 15 days to Benaras, I wish to marry you within a week.”

Another Surprise???

“Hey guys, if you are in a hurry, let’s plan it right away! There is no time left and we need to do the complete shopping and much more.” Naina said in haste.

And I still remained the onlooker in the complete conversation. No one actually needed my advice or ever asked for it nor did anyone mention my name within the conversations. Was I invisible?

Naina, Mahi and Rocky picked up the shopping bags to make a swift move towards the elevator, when suddenly I sensed a vibration in my pocket.

“Hello, hey Ahmed! How are you doing…? Dude, there is good news………”

Rocky stopped me and pulled the cellphone off my ears.

“Hey Ahmed, Rocky here! How are bro… Oh yes, Sam did mention about a good news, well but it is not the right time to tell you, we all are in a mall, will surely call you later and tell you. Till then take care, bye!”

I was sure Ahmed remained mum all through the conversation, as Rocky didn’t even breathe to make a fake cause to avoid the News.

I tried questioning him back again twice or thrice but he refused to state the actual cause. We got back to our cars and drove back home. Rocky drove back to his hotel and promised to meet Mahi the next day at the McDonald’s.

Only If!!

2012-02-16T00:11:00.001+05:30

With the growing age I often doubt my conscious, my past and my future. Each day brings new questions and new challenges for life…. I have been experiencing all these from a long time, but as I just happened to witness one more such situation, I thought it better to pen it down.

I really don’t know if you all will agree or rather all this happened to you or not. But, well starting with childhood, being a child, I had my fantasies, I had my dreams, I had my parents dreams, I had my grandparents dreams that kept growing just like the number of candles on my birthday each year. But when I matured and analyzed all those dreams and expectations, I found my worth for all those. I worked harder each day, just in case I can at least satisfy one single dream, not necessarily mine. Some wished that I be a Doctor, some arranged books for engineering, but did any one ask what I had in my mind…. or rather I had lost my dreams somewhere in my childhood under the books.

But however, my career began in an entirely new field, which was never ever thought by anyone in the house. I began to explore myself in the subject and I started loving it. It interested my skills and abilities. Somewhere in my sub-conscious I knew I was a little above average girl. Not a super genius nor a dork!

Today after leaving those study materials far behind, after actually pursuing a good and satisfactory career, moments do not fail to make me feel guilty of the old dreams that once I thought I can fulfill. When a my old friend or a younger brother or sister chooses to be an engineer or doctor and he or she is happily travelling through successful milestones, then why is he or she being compared to me?

Why do I hear my mother crib about me, saying that “only if…. You chose that field you would have been as successful!! “

This phrase: “ONLY IF!!!!” hurts me every time all these 24 years…

It always makes me wide aware that I failed to make my parents happy…..

Matter not my current success!! Matter not my present state of learning!! The past still haunts me….

And every time such situations stand before me.. my heart cries to say :

“Sorry Amma and Abba for not being the child you ever dreamt of…… I am sorry for being a normal and average child and not a very genius that you often thought of. I could have made it to your dreams with few more hours of hard work, engulfing words and terms that I don’t even remember today…. I could have been won a MBBS degree, but just like it’s difficult for me to handle utensils in the kitchen at times, maybe I would have been the worst doctor ever. Engineering would have been really difficult for me as I possess a kind off short term memory. But what I am doing now, I know I am not frustrated, I know I am satisfied, I know I can be the best here…. And I have to make it as I still have the unwanted guilt within me to prove myself the best child ever…! Just remember I am what I had to be as per my fate and that I thank God for keeping me safe in his hands…. I still strive to make the utmost of my hard-work and change my fate…. Only if it could !!!”

I hope my guilt reduces after this note and you (the reader) understand what I go through every time the kids who clear the PMTs, the CAT, the PETs are admired and I receive a “Only If.. “ sort of look.

Part III (Two years later)

2012-01-23T21:52:00.000+05:30

-- Two years later—

Ahh!! Have I been so expressive over my early wedding years? Have I lost the meaning of love? Have I not spend enough time with my family? Have the days changed so far in this span of time?

With such negative thoughts I slammed the door behind me, making a brisk walk in the garden. It was a cold night. We had moved to Delhi last Feb. My work load had increased over the time, I could not find time to spend with my family and help Naina in home arrangements for Diwali. This has kept her upset through this week and my office environment had been troubling me since few days. All this had messed up my personal life and this was why I was roaming alone in the garden.

With a long stroll in the garden, I switched back to my apartment and made a knock, suddenly realizing that I had the door keys. I pushed the door open to see the lights off. Naina was fast asleep on the couch. I felt sorry for troubling her. I quietly stepped in the bedroom and bought our blankets out to have a sleep with her in the living room.

Morning she woke up at 6, and with a subtle shock.

“Honey! What’s this? Why are you here?”

With a deep yawn and just a change in my sleeping position I said, “just because you slept here… I decided to be with you.”

“Ah!! You act like a kid, you could have waken me up!”

“No…. you were in deep sleep and I hate the thought of troubling you. And in fact, I am sorry for upsetting you last night…”

“I perfectly understand your situation dear, I am there beside you for every worry and trouble if you have, but I just need a promise, that you share your thoughts and worries with me. I can’t see you getting pissed off in the office each day and come back home with a crooked smile to assure me that you are alright. I have been disturbed by your behavior by I suppose you understand that I care!!!”

The living room went silent for few seconds; we were distinctly, staring each other’s eyes. The silence broke with Sunaina’s cry.

It was Friday morning, the last day of the week; that made me smile. But I was tensed with the idea of presentation before the whole group of delegates arriving from Italy and Spain. The finalization of the project depended on my presentation solely and I had my nerves trembling. I had never been so nervous in my life, except my wedding day of course!

I took to my feet, went in for a bath, and kept repeating my introductory words for the presentation under the shower. Came out of the bathroom, thinking what to wear to make a presentable look, but of course, Naina was again there to help me choose the finest of shirts and a blazer for the occasion. She had already picked a ivory gray shirt with a maroon tie and Black trousers and the black blazer. I pushed up the knot of my tie, combed my frisky hair and smiled for the last time looking at myself in the mirror. Just like the old tradition goes, Naina was there at the doorstep with a bowl of curd and sugar, an omen of Good Luck. I took a bite she offered and rushed to the door flinging my car keys. All through my way to office, my mind kept switching topics of analysis and to avoid such a clutter in my mind, I switched on the Radio listening to the songs of 90’s. Music has always been my soul savior!

The day ended with a mixture of anxiety, excitement, worry and delight. Delight! Yes of course! The delegates were happy with my presentation and the project was easily handed over to my firm for execution. The colleagues were happy and foremost my boss was happy.

Ha!! See how the life changes! When I was young I differed at things and my activities making my parents happy. Then I grew up, had wonderful friends and chose my opportunities to make them feel comfortable with me. Naina was another turn in my life where I switched my priorities at satisfying her at every walk of life. Job adds to boss satisfaction. Now what’s next? Sunaina of course!
Yes my darling princess is growing, one day she will ask for my extra time, for some extra care and for bites of love from my life. I have to mature once again. The biggest question in my life is: Is it only once that a man or a woman matures? No! Every new situation, every new beginning has things to teach us. Things that bring about challenges before us, and we are destined to overcome them because we have a long life ahead. And thus, with every attempt to make life healthier and safer, we mature every day.

I had already made a call to Naina to get ready for a dinner at Radissons. It was already 10.30pm and I was at the door, when I could feel my mobile vibrate in my pockets. Before ringing the door bell, I preferred to attend the call. It was my old friend Ahmed.
“Ahmed! How are you buddy? It’s been really months haven’t heard from you?”

But in return I heard a very weak voice, “Sam! Can you please make me a visit as soon as possible… I can’t explain you further on the call; you have to be here as soon as possible. I have messaged you the address… Please I need you my friend!!!”

Beep!! Beep!! Beep!!

The phone went off!

I was in a state of shock after this call. I peeped in the last calls once again. Was it Ahmed or somebody who played a prank with me? Anyways, with a confused mind, I rang the door bell.

“Hi! How was your meeting today? You look worried!!! Is everything ok?”

With a weak smile, I trembled to say, “Naina the day at office was good but, there is something else that is troubling me!”
And I narrated the complete story of the phone call. Without any other question, Naina picked up her shawl, purse and her bag of Sunaina’s needs.

“Get up Sam! Take Sunaina with you and we are leaving for Ahmed’s place right now.”
She sounded firm and worried. But I took no other minute to take Sunaina and lock the house doors. At about 11.45pm we were at the given address, a farm house. The house looked gloomy, with one tinkering night bulb in the porch. I rang the bell twice but got no response.

Naina asked me to slam the door open. As I tried to push the door, I found them open and to my sudden surprise, the lights went up and I could see about 14 more figures standing before me.
Jingles of Happy birthday sounded higher and higher! And yes, that was the moment when I checked the calendar near the window; it was 5th November – Sunaina’s Birthday!

“Ha ha!! You guys are really bad. Ahmed you are a wonderful actor, you actually made me feel the heart in my mouth.” Looking back I could see Naina in her scintillating red Saree that I presented her last month, smiling back at me. Before I could further make myself more accustomed to the place and identify the old figures, stood a huge chocolate cake before me.
Every person in this big room had been a sort of Fan of my little princess. My, friends some single some, married were as usual excited about my wedding some years ago and so were they when they heard of Sunaina’s birth. Sunaina was the only child born among all my friends and so she held a distinctly higher position and feeling of love amongst all. Ahmed’s wife is expecting and her baby would be the next biggest surprise among all of us.

I took some time to recognize every person in the hall. But there was one person, I could sense, is missing - but just could not get the right name.

With a sudden diminishing sound of the stereo that played in the background, we could hear the back doors knock. And a handsome tall figure, moved in the party grabbing each eyes attention. The room went silent and the tall dark figure made its first step inside. With a pause of at least 30 secs, that seemed to be more than 1 min I suppose ...

“Hey Rocky!! you still have to be so dramatic after so many years of College!” shouted Jai.

Rocky the president of cultural and arts department of the college had the most idiotic sense of making moments dramatic. Waking up from the old thoughts, I moved forward with a broad smile and hugged Rocky. Rocky had been missing for years, after my marriage. No one knew where he resided or worked. This remained a surprise for all of us till today.

Part II (one month later)

2012-01-23T21:47:00.000+05:30

-- one month later—

It was the right sunlight peeping through the windows, which was actually disturbing my Naina’s sleep. I wished the time to stop just the way I could see the two needles trembling between 7 and 8. I wished the clock would never strike 8 am and Naina be asleep just like the innocent little doll under the maroon blanket. But well, my thoughts didn’t continue long. The clock struck 8. I sat down besides Naina with the hot cup of tea and the Marie biscuits that she adored to have in the morning.

She woke up with a start.

“Ah! It’s you honey!!”

Well!! Did you expect someone else?” I teased.

“Oh come on…. I just had a wild dream, and thought that wildness came alive… Ah! My cup of tea. I bet I am the luckiest woman in this world….” She pecked my cheeks and I blushed just the way I have been doing since we got married. In our case, it wasn’t Naina who often blushed at kisses, but it was me who had a current flow through the body and blush and yes, she loved this.

While she was endearing each sip of tea, I made my way to the dressing room and returned with my arms folded at my back. She was obviously busy reading the morning SMS in her mobile.

“Ahem! Ahem!!”

She looked at me with the wide brown eyes that questioned my stupid presence with the arms behind.

“This day, my dear, I wish to get down on my knees again just like I did 1 year earlier. I am here again, presenting you another ring to express that I have been loving you since I met you first 2 years ago, and promise to love you years ahead till I die. Happy marriage anniversary Darling!”

All I could here was “Awwwwwww….!”

With the wet eyes, she crawled across the bed and jumped to hug me.

It was my first wedding anniversary and I wanted it to be the special one. 30th Dec 2009, Thursday, as I distinctly remember was when I got married with a really stupid incident that was foolish enough to have missed my wedding. It happened the earlier night that my friends and I pledge not to drink that night as we were destined to drive 400kms north. After the office hours, me and my friends packed up with the ample amount of bags that would fit in a SUV. With a strict checklist of the additional luggage that was supposed to be delivered at the reception hall before the wedding starts. They obviously made a check on the list and the cloths that everyone had decided to wear with the pair of shoes that would make them smarter and help them shine as the grooms best friends in the crowd. I was the last person to be seated in the car. My buddies had been really helpful, they had packed my luggage.

Although I had always trusted them, I felt apart this time. My instinct reminded me of not mentioning some important stuff in the checklist. My mind kept troubling, for long. Was it my groom suit? Was it my new watch? Was it my pair of shoes? Was it the sherwani? Was it my mother’s gift?

“Oh no! I forgot the bridal ring!!”

“What??” shouted Navin, Jai and Ahmed in unison. And Rocky made a sharp hit at the brakes, almost landing up the SUV some 1 meter away from a huge tree.

With a trembling voice and my fingers clenching my hair tight enough to snatch them apart from my head, I said,” Yes! I forgot Naina’s gift – the ring that I had promised during the engagement.”

Before my friends could actually attack me, they saw me frustrated and with numb eyes. Rocky shouted, “Now do not panic, I will drive back 150kms again and Sameer, just make a note, ask the jeweler to stay awake, call him up right now. We will be there in less than 90 mins.” Rocky was in a hast, all he mumbled was so sharp and more of a command rather than a suggestion.

“Are you sure? You are going to make that up else we will be late till morning.” Questioned Navin.

“It’s ok Rocky, we can reach the hall first and then I will try finding another ring for her in the morning” I said in a shy tone.

“Are you out of your mind Sam? Which jeweler is going to serve you so early and where will you find the same design that Naina choose? Do not be stupid and just let me make the U-turn”, I could see the anger in Rocky’s eyes. I knew he had a soft corner for Naina since we were serving as the interns at Tata’s. Rocky liked her not as a girlfriend, but he presumed her as his twin sister who died 3 years before our internship started. His sister had some awful contagious disease that she could not resist long and died of lack of ample resistance. Naina has been equally caring, that often made me jealous but yes, I respected her decision always.

I was supposed to reach 9am in the morning for the rituals that were aligned as per the mahurat. And to the most appreciable work done by Rocky, we had almost made it to the city by 8am. In the past few hours I had almost landed up making a huge mistake at the start of my new life, I had landed up my friends in a huge confusion, and I had disturbed the sleep of an old citizen, my jeweler, at late hours. To my conscience, I had been a big criminal since last night, troubling people and playing with emotions.

Today it’s been exactly one year, when I pledge to be more precise on thoughts and did not want to make any similar… foolish… mistake in my life ahead. Today, I am contented with a husky smile on my face. I have a perfect young lady as my wife, and a lovely gift of my life, my daughter, with me this morning.

With the rush of all these thoughts, I could hear my little darling cry in the next room. Naina was already there on her duty, babbling vivid sounds to make Sunaina calm down and I was at the doorstep, enjoying the sight of the mother and daughter relationship.

Part I

2012-01-23T21:42:00.000+05:30

It was late at night, but everyone in the hospital seemed so gloomy. With the every flick of a second it was difficult to hold upon the news. Every time the doctor moved out of the operation theatre my dad and mum rose up with a smile and expectations. It was almost 1 am and all that I remember last, is the night before when I came home happy enough to share the news of my grand promotion and the increment in my salary. My wife Naina hugged me and kissed me cheeks. The warmth of her amiable hug didn’t last much as she screamed of labor pain. She had rushed to the kitchen to get me food but her pain grew intensely. It was not a very good sight to see my wife in pain, but the other excitement of a new promotion did make my heart jump with joy.

Since last night I, along with my family members, was at the hospital all praying for a healthy mother and child. I had planned for a bright future for my little daughter since the day she conceived. The day the doctor announced I shall be the father and she be the mother, was the day I started planning for the studies and how my daughter will grow up and how I will fill her life with happiness and pleasure.

The stream of my thoughts broke when I heard the door for the operation theatre break open and heard a baby’s cry. Every single member of the family rose up and waited with a bated breath and the doctor announced the birth of a baby girl. My happiness knew no bounds. I hugged my sister and my parents and cried with joy. All I knew is this is the best moment of my life and I have been awarded with the little princess. I rushed in the chamber and saw Naina hugged to the most beautiful baby girl in the world. The scene there just stole my heartbeat and I slowly took the baby in my arms. Ah! The baby was so innocent with her eyes closed and all she did was kick me with her little feet and punch me chest with the little arms. I could see the tears of joy in Naina’s eyes. All she said in a span of 15 min was that, “Sameer, congratulations for another promotion…. “, all did was I hugged her and kissed her forehead.

The room was filled with flowers and gifts and cards the next morning. I was there next to Naina’s bed admiring my princess and she was having her breakfast with my mother-in-law sitting next to her. I had already made a call to the office that I shall not be coming that day. It was the day to be with my family. I had to make the arrangements at my home for the Queen of my life and the princess who had opened her eyes twice since last night and sneezed at least thrice.

It was 4 in the afternoon and the nurse asked me to fill in the forms for the bills and pay them before they discharge Naina. We took the baby and the mother safely back home. There Naina wanted some rest. By the time, I sat in my study and recalled the whole night that went by yesterday. And I just remembered.. Naina was supposed to get me food last night before she had the pain…. And it’s more than 12 hours I did not eat for so long…!! I could feel my stomach cribbing with hunger. I stood up to get some food for my stomach but before I could reach the door of the room, I saw my Mother-in-law at the entrance with food.

“Thank you Mumma, I was about to get that….! Well did you all have food?"

"Yes we did. We did have fruits and juices earlier but I remember you eating nothing but a cup of coffee this morning.”

I smiled. And that was all that I could do. I was so excited to have a baby that I didn’t even have food. Oh My God this is for real, I have achieved something. I am more than a son, a brother, a husband. I am a Father now.

Days passed by with celebrations and greetings. We were showered with gifts and flowers all through these days. We saw the baby grow up step by step. My daily routine was changed from just 9-7 job. After the office promotion I had to spend one hour extra for the training sessions every day and the tiring day would turn to relief when I saw my princess’s smile, when I got back home.

The lovely brown eyes that drained all my frustration and the soft cheeks that rubbed my face soothed my worries. I never felt so happy being back at home.

When I was young and single, the idea of marriage and having children did not please me. But an arranged marriage with Naina and a special gift of having a princess changed my life. I was no more a young boy of 28. I had grown to be a young man of 28. The responsibilities however did increase but I was all ready to tackle my problems and all sorts of situation.

The other night on Sunday, when my princess was fast asleep and snoring softly Naina and I sat for dinner. I had prepared the dinner for her. Some plain chapattis with dal and dum aloo, her favorite dish. This is all I had learnt in my kitchen lessons just to woo my dear Naina. We completed most of our dinner in silence until Naina said,”Sameer we are a complete family now. Are we planning for future and security? I have been thinking the whole day of our daughters’ future, she will grow up go to school, have friends and then get the best marks and admission in the best college. She will turn out to be the best daughter, I know. But don’t you think we should plan for her life and our life after her.” I gave her a pleasing smile and said “don’t worry the responsibility is mine and I am already working upon it. Yesterday I had a meeting with CA and he asked me to take up a Family insurance plan. He will show it to me tomorrow and I will buy it only if it suits my family.”

She stared at me in astonishment.

“I never knew you would actually mature so much!”

“Thanks to you Naina, your companionship and the way you made me know my responsibilities and duties. But did you think of some name for the baby? I suppose Sunaina would do- see a mixture of both of our names?”

A small giggle and Naina nodded in approval. We completed dinner in silence and went off to sleep early, as there were many rituals coming up next morning.

I Thought It To Be An Ideal Holiday!!

2011-10-29T23:30:00.000+05:30

9.15am:

Amma: Beta why dont you go and take a bath.. you are already late for office....

Me: I not in a mood to go today.. feeling dull and drowsy :( .. need a break!! :)

Amma: Fine then tell me this.. as I will not make your tiffin then, fine then.. go on.. pick up the duster and complete the dusting, get the dry clothes from the terrace and then help me with some ... get going household chores, get going dear... I have not time to waste!!!

Me: wait let me check my mails will do that soon!!!

10am: I am busy attending calls from office!!

"Hey dear, why can't i find you in the office?"

"coz I am at home!! (chuckle) :)"

"Oh God!! Hope everything is fine, you seemed tensed last evening!! everything ok... ??"

"yup!! have mailed you the tasks, will try to crawl in the office tomorrow morning ;), take care"

"bye"

Amma: hope you are done mailing and checking FB???? and ofcourse informing everyone of your leave?? can you plz get up and help me with some work, although I have finished folding the clothes... don't forget to get the laundry done!!

and dear.. take a bath!!!

Me: (thumbs up!) Everything will be done mom...!! Dont worry :)

Finally I get up to do the rest of the assigned tasks... and all I have on my mind is...

Is my day worth a holiday???

I thought holiday means, no chores, no tasks, just a remote in hand: watching the best suitable channel for the

moment, news paper scattered near me, my right hand busy texting my friends and the left one to chat with the

buddies I find online!!!

Has the definition for a holiday changed lately??

12.00pm:

Hell I was to do the laundry!!

Rushing out of the room to find nothing but the empty laudry basket...

"Amma where are the dirty clothes... ??"

"in the washing machine"

"Oh!! ok fine I am here will hang them up on the terrace!!"

"hmm... fine I am leaving for some work, will be back till lunch"

"sure :)"

Ah!! here I can feel homely and as on a one-day vacation...!!

here I complete hanging up the clothes and setting up the utensils in the kitchen..

(just a reminder!! it is afternoon - 1.30pm - and i am still in my night dress :))

I find some peanuts to eat, a lemonade to drink, my favorite movie in the DVD player, my mobile and my laptop next to me!!

2.00pm:

Amma: "I am home!!! hey you are still in your night dress?? and the room is sooo messed up!! (huge frown on her face)"

"Sorry!! was actually waiting for you to return before I take a bath.. fine I am off to the bathroom!!!"

2.30pm: lunch :) Matar pulao and mirch ka achar, dahi and papad :)

3.00pm - 5.00pm: my afternoon nap.. I guess I am enjoying this moment after two long years!!

5.30pm: Evening tea! with just the toast and biscuits :)

7.00pm: with Amma in the kitchen: I am just there to mutter up with her... and she is busy hearing me over and cooking dinner...

"can you please get the salad done for me dear??"

"sure amma!"

"but for that , you will have to go up to the market and get some tomato and cucumber!! also, get some fruits if you find good ones!! Take my purse !!"

"Oh... Ok!! :( >:(I don't want to step out for work!!)"

8.00pm: The salad is done.. we both are busy watching the Prime time soap operas!!

9.00pm: Dinner time :)

10.00pm: I happen to switch over HBO but Amma wants to watch her favorite serial :(

10.30pm: now finally now serial to continue.. :) wanna watch a good movie right now!!

11.00pm: Shut down the TV beta... otherwise you won;t get up in the morning..!! you should understand how

important it is to get up early and go for a walk!! you are skipping exercises for3 days... now come on, close the lights and sleep!!

11.15pm: I text my friends Good night message !!

11.30pm: I am on my bed!!

" Oh God.. Thank you for the wonderful day!! I t was good being home.. but it could have been better if I would have enjoyed the day as a lazyyy holiday!!! hope the coming Sunday proves to be the ideal Sunday of my life.... :) Just like what I have been expecting all these 23 years!

......

Good night!!"

The Year I Graduated !!!

2011-10-29T23:27:00.000+05:30

I am not sure my poem below is going to 'Rock' to take a deep fall down the rock.. but these are certain moments shared with my friends during my college times.. if all this reminds you of something lovely from your past, do share it... :)

I remember the new sunshine of 6^th August

The day when I joined e-commerce

Was under anxiety, will the college be

In harmony and support me?

I was sure to make new friendly contacts

That turned to relationships intact

The semesters passed along

With sincerity and earnest that belong

With us, to study with fun

In the dark night or under the sun!

The terms continued to pass by

We sought solutions to manage and try

To preserve our friendship at all hard times

With deep expressions or gestures and mimes.

Two years passed in a flick

Fighting for marks and playing some tricks

We matured everyday

From monsoon rains to summers hay.

Today, all this is just a memory

With smiles of achievement and tears of worry

All I pray, is to have this relation

That adds to my accreditations;

The sense of love and pride

That our heart secretly confides

To continue our friendship

Until the end of the world and courtship!!

Me and My Fantasies!!

2011-09-21T01:20:00.000+05:30

Fantasies!! Dreams!! Illusions!! All of these are a part of my life. My friend’s who have been really close to me, know of this. I am very fond of building fantasies and dreamlands around me. My dreams and fantasy characters emerged from what I saw in my cartoon serials earlier or may be what I read in fairytale books. I often imagined myself as Cinderella or a snow white, just like many girls do. Often while reading such fairytales, what fascinated me was how do these girls end up with such wonderful happy endings? Despite of being so badly treated in their early ages, they end up staying in beautiful palaces and finding lovable princes’. Every time I re-read these stories, I end up closing the last page a sweet smile on my face.

I am recalling all this as a childhood memory, but wait! I am still the same. The difference is just that I have my very own thoughts to fantasize about… Yes, I still think of the lovely countryside areas where I can plan to settle in my near future with a small cozy home, some lovely pets and a lovely family. Well this goes as a long term plan for my life. My each day starts with imagination on what is the day going to be today? While preparing myself for office each morning, my mind starts boggling around my officemates and the work that I need to complete, some ideas that I wish to implement. On my way if I buy a chocolate, my mind imagines the smile on everyone’s face when I will offer a share of it. The kind of naughty smiles my juniors would have in order to grab every bite of the chocolate or may be some may refuse to eat it, etc, etc. So here you get me, I am a person who loves to imagine every bit of life with a belief and thought that 90% of the things in my mind are just fictional, and only a few of them are going to be true, only if I am chosen to be lucky.

Even if somebody is telling me a story or may be an incident, I am all ears and ready to put myself to imagination and experience the flow of emotions at that incident. Yes, every time I see Google, Facebook, I wish to be part of the team. But still I know my limitations and still I do not back up by not imaging myself as an employee at such organizations. Yes, I have a different future of myself, that I guess should be personal to me, and hence I won’t be sharing my idea of my personal life later on. Yet I am a simple girl with no higher expectations from my life, because I know, God is already busy planning something really good for me and my family.

I cannot count on the thoughts that rushed through my mind, while writing the above extract of my life, but there are many more tit-bits of my life that I will keep sharing in every time..!! By the way, if you think you have a better sense of imagining things, share your incidents and let me flow through your memories!!

Being a Girl!

2011-08-04T23:36:00.000+05:30

What is so difficult about being a Girl…?

Being a girl I believe it is her mind that is so difficult to understand. She has so much to think about, so much to care about, and so much do about in this world.

The prejudice a girl faces all her life, may it be of any stupid reason has a huge impact on her mind and soul. A simple sentence of non-acceptance of her good deeds or services she paid off to her mate or spouse may break her down to zero.

It’s neither that I am here to fight for girls nor that I am here to throw any words of advocacy in this matter. But it is very true that the mind of a girl has loads of secrets hidden. There are lots of little comments and praises that she flaunts about, but at the same time there may be hundreds of negligence that she may have come across in her life and that actually depresses her on various occasions.

It is said that boys have an extra factor of Ego in them. It is difficult for them to accept any word or action that may hurt their Ego. Similar is the case with the girl, just that the word Ego should be replaced with “self-respect”.

A girl has always been ambitious of getting known for what she does and what she means to her loved ones. It is not the beauty of her eyes, or may be the smile, or the way she dresses up cheers her up often. But single word or gesture to show gratitude of how important is she in your life can change the complete expression on her face.

A girl leads a life of being single daughter to her parents until she is bond in to the matrimony. She is no more a girl now; she is a young lady who has been accidently and religiously over-loaded with a number of responsibilities. Her new life begins with the welcome of the child that develops in her womb for nine months. Her life enters a complete new stage when her kids grow up and get married. The old-age is the last time her life changes skin. Every human being on this earth is well aware of the most challenging tasks each woman undergoes in her life, despite of being untrained and illiterate of how to handle obstacles in her life. A girl is never trained to be faithful young women, nor is she trained under books as how to mature when she is expecting a baby. She still obeys each laws of nature quite religiously and without a word of sorrow.

It’s all in the mind of a girl where she matures and gets strength in every step of life. I salute the role of every female in my life. In fact, I stand tall, chin up to proudly say that I am a proud daughter, and a future responsible woman of the world.

Written by Zaira

Smile has no color – yet it is so colorful!

2011-07-20T00:40:00.000+05:30

Life has a number of ups and downs stored for your journey through it. We all travel through the same ages but undergo various yet similar situations. When we were young our mother did scold us many times on ‘n’ number of things – she still does – however, the situation always differed. Father had his brows held high always when it was the open house (result) day. The anxiety of younger siblings remains still the same, every time we get together on vacations!

Ah!! All this is just not enough to describe. Describing the expression and emotion of every person is just so difficult at every situation. But despite of every little worry or tension or nervousness, there is one little thing in this world that solves all – SMILE. It is said that smile is the only curve in the world that sets things straight.

Smile I believe is the most powerful tool a human being has.

A Smile gives you strength to face the challenge before you. A smile helps you regain your existence in case of depression. A warm hug garnished with a sweet smile makes your day. It is the only language that is understood by every single person in this world and it has a direct effect to their heart!

When you smile all that actually matters is the value of that smile and not the clothes that you wear or the very expensive shoes that you are flattering around. The smile has your hidden innocence.

It was just this evening when I was returning home from office. A hectic day with 100’s of responsibilities pouring in my diary. Things made me feel exhausted. My boss & his very fresh ideas that he, as often, wants to implement, then and then, and the clients that are lined up to be done within this week. My tasks that kept pending the whole day until I finally sat up spending my last 2 hours of the day finishing my days work. All this made me feel extremely troubled and exhausted. Getting annoyed with such a chaos was an obvious part of me. But on my way back home while driving I turned on the radio to get my thoughts off the office chores, the song struck me. A little drizzle outside and my favorite track on the radio “Take the world &paint it red – ZNMD” made me smile. This smile took away all my ill feelings and negative thoughts off me. When I reached home, I hugged my mother and kissed her, which I rarely do as she doesn’t like my hugging and kissing. And yes the rest of my night was really pleasant.

So here you see the magic of a single SMILE?? I am sure, reading this may make you smile and you may hide it behind your closed lips. But let the happiness within you be free. Your smile is a very positive thought within you that helps make the universe a beautiful place.

Although, smile is a just an expression of emotion, expressed through your lips and spoken through your eyes, smile has no color yet it makes the world so colorful!!!

If this makes you smile even a bit, you are compelled to express just one such incident where somebody in your life made you smile and you never want to let go that single moment of your life. Recall it and share it
with me.

I am all ears to your stories!!

The conflicting thoughts!

2011-06-27T12:24:00.000+05:30

This is a story of every girl who is now 22- 23. This is what she undergoes one day in her life.

She has known the meaning of being a daughter to her parents and lovable sister to her brothers and sisters. The life is soon going to a take a round turn where she not only grows one year older to others in age but also in relations. She will no more be considered a bubbly girl but a women, a damsel and not dame! Her age takes a leap and the new bonds amuse her with heavy responsibilities. Check out the chaos of thoughts that a common girl suffers from, in her life. The excerpt mentioned below is surely a part of me, but in general it is a part of every single girl present on earth.

Girl: These days I have been fighting my mind and my heart.

Mind: I am a grown up girl, behave and try being girlish

Heart: the childish feeling within me is the best asset that I can carry all through my life.\

I had never experienced it earlier, my own soul is fighting with my mind to get me a proper decision and help me mature with time. My mind has always been in hurry to save me in everything I do, but generally my heart wins over my mind. But this time I have my mind and my heart thinking about me simultaneously, and the bad part is, I am unable to make a firm decision out of it.

Mind: I am no more a teenage to get amused at sexy new shoes or may be a bright flowery dress in the next

alley. I am no more a kid to watch cartoons every other day, or scream and shout with completely high pitched car speakers on long drives with friends.

Heart: But I am a girl who wants to live her life. Life has a short span; no one knows when it ends. My idea of the life starts with being me and ends with my wishes fulfilled. Why the hell should I care being a typical girl in the city?

Mind: Because I am no more a teenager but an adult who will be bonded with a responsible relationship within few days. Because I have to be the part of somebody else’s life. Adjust and compromise and love the new life. J

Heart: does this entire thing means a complete change in my life? My god I am going to get dumped soon. Does being mature and grown up means all the fun ends here? L

Mind: Of course not, the life ahead is going to be wonderful. The life ahead has more colors. The word Love was defined under the relations with your family and friends till date, but the story is going to take a sharp turn. Love shall have a new definition from now on.

Is there someone listening to me? Help me sort this boiling chaos to stop and let my thoughts calm down.