Blooming Marvelous

Puncture Day!

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 01:02:00 +0000

On a quick trip to the grocery store today, I picked up a nice fresh sub sandwich as a treat for my husband since we'd had nothing appetizing for him to make for lunch the night before. We got chatting with the deli employee and our conversation went exactly like this:

Deli Lady referencing the kids: 'I just LOVE their red hair'

Smiling, as I often do in response to the same statement from many people I say: 'Thanks'

Deli Lady: 'your kids really are adorable, so beautiful - they have such gorgeous eyes'

Me, smiling again 'Thank you'

Deli Lady: 'wow, they must look like their Dad, huh?'

O.U.C.H!!!!! My punctured ego!

After leaving the grocery store we headed straight for my husband's work to deliver his sandwich. A few miles down the road I hear the tell tale 'f-dump, f-dump, f-dump' accompanied by a loud BANG!

Oh, my punctured tire!

(It's really a tyre you know, but we'll not quibble about it now.)

A call to my husband brought out the Knight in Shining Armour in him and in minutes he came galloping on his trusty steed (okay, he trundled along in his ten year old Ford Ranger. Whatever.) and he rescued this Damsel in Distress.

(How is it that men know exactly where the jack is, how to get the spare out and can heft a Ford Expedition off the ground to change a ~~tyre~~ tire in a jiffy?) (I didn't even know where the spare was! Oh yeah, I'm such a self sufficient modern woman, huh?)

Pleased with his stellar job and proud of his Super Dad status, hubs said goodbye to the kids and I and we started up our respective vehicles.

Ahem.

I attempted to start up mine ~~but the heap of junk~~, car wouldn't co-operate. Thankfully hubs witnessed the car in all it's petulance and trundled off in search of jump leads (because you know I'm not smart enough to carry my own, right? - nor him apparently).

He got us started a few minutes later and we were on our way home, on a wing and not a few prayers. My car is 5 years old and has very low miles - it's not a clunker by any means, but it sure felt like it today.

Diagnosis on inspection this evening is I needed a new battery and the tire can't be fixed.

NO!!! My punctured wallet!

Please let this be it for now - my husband is going to Ireland next week for a week. I don't know any more Knights to call in his absence!

Wrestling with our Social Consciences.

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 16:13:00 +0000

At this point I'd say it's safe to assume that everyone is feeling the effects of the ongoing financial crisis. If not in tangible terms through a reduced income, lost job, or home foreclosure, then in the intangible terms of fear and anxiety over what may lie ahead.

I don't spend every day in angst over the state of the world's finances, and about unknown factors that could directly, or indirectly affect our family. I can't worry about things that I am powerless to control, (took me a while to get here, huh?). I do however have a heightened awareness as most of you do, that things are rocky and it seems prudent to take stock, pull our horns in and make wise choices that will improve our personal financial foundation.

As the holder of the purse strings, it falls to me to manage our household finances and I have recently taken steps to reduce our spending. My biggest success so far has been in reducing our grocery expenditure and our phone bill. I am couponing and learning from these wonderful sites and from local friends whom I've adopted as coupon mentors (they don't seem to mind!). I am enjoying pretty impressive savings, and get a real buzz in the process. We have also switched our phone service from a traditional phone company, to a Voice Over Internet Protocol (VOIP) provider and are saving around 75% on our phone bill, which is great considering the transatlantic phone calls we make.

My main reason for doing this was so that we can finish paying off my car and crank up our savings. In January our plans took a set back with the announcement from my husband's employer that all employees were subject to a pay cut. This was not entirely unforeseen since it's been clear that business is way down these days, but hard to take all the same.

After a day or so of figuring out what this pay cut would mean, and an overall assessment that we are lucky that my husband's job is secure (for now), we are grateful for what we have and for the fact that our frugal measures would stand to us with a reduced income.

While counting our blessings, we are acutely aware that so many people are not so lucky. As each day brings more stories of homeless families, desperate people taking drastic and desperate measures, some with devastating results my conscience is pricked ever more, what should I be doing, what can I do?

I have written about this kind of thing before, and have received great encouragement from others, especially from Jen at One Plus Two - but of course, excuses come up, busy life with my two kids, and focusing on what we need first... After an initial flurry of determination - beyond small financial contributions, my efforts to help are not what they could be.

I hear news stories about food banks running low on donations, about thrift stores seeing increased numbers of customers, and simultaneously receiving less in terms of donated merchandise.

And, I struggle. I feel like we're doing what we can to protect our family - and yet, knowing that we have so much more than other families, I feel selfish for taking measures that effectively leave me less to give. I feel guilty that this is what is happening in many homes across the country and is what is causing the shortages in the food banks etc.

My coupon clipping of late has opened up an opportunity for me to continue to save money, and still donate to the food banks - and this is great, but is not without some conscience wrestling on my part. The thing is - many of the products that go on sale at the grocery store, and for which there are multiple coupons each week, are for prepackaged soups, mac n cheese, canned meals etc. If I combine these coupons with what's on sale, I can get these items for pennies on the dollar oftentimes, and can donate them. I wouldn't feed these items to my family - and so I ask myself if I consider them not as good as the from scratch meals I cook myself, why do I palm them off as 'good enough' for a struggling family? I don't have the answer to this - I feel like a food snob, but I have to assume that some food is better than none for a hungry family. I can't shake the feeling though - maybe I'm over thinking it?

Meanwhile, I have a four year old whom is becoming increasingly inquisitive about life, and how she fits in the grand scheme of things. At Mass she sees the Poor Box, and the little Lenten rice bowls like the one we have in our kitchen, and she understands that these are there to collect money for those less fortunate. As much as a four year old can, she gets it that she's in a better position than some. Aware that she's of an age where I can start shaping in her a solid social conscience I try to encourage her to think of others, and I involve her in sorting through her outgrown clothes and toys and with a little persuasion, she will willingly give them away so another little girl can enjoy them as much as she did.

On Sunday, Miss E put the grocery bags in the wagon outside our church and expressed concern that we were giving away our food. What followed was a conversation that started off simple enough, 'these are extra things that Mommy bought so I could give them away for families that don't have enough to eat'... and ended up with me worrying that I was loading her up with too much information that might feed her rather active imagination and cause her fear.

So, I work on balancing that fine line of giving my child an appreciation of all the good things she enjoys that some don't without scaring her or rocking her securities. We have little chats now and then as the opportunity arises where I can reinforce the concept that we need to take care of ourselves, and those in our community.

Then I wonder, when I seem to think and talk about these issues way more than I act, I have to ask, 'how solid is my own social conscience?' 'What more could I be doing?'

I understand that children learn best from what they see - I know that my husband and I need to be the example for Miss E and her brother. Once again I find myself taking small steps to contribute in a more tangible and meaningful way. Recently, I participated in a small way in a local event that involved painting the exterior of a house for an elderly woman in town. While I didn't have Miss E with me, I did tell her all about it and her response was 'I wish I could come and paint and help someone' - she knows that I felt good having done it - and I'll certainly consider taking her to the next event. I'm encouraged that she's starting to form her social conscience, which is great considering that most four year olds are still pretty ego centric.

Our collective social conscience remains a work in progress - and I am all ears to any suggestions on how to more actively contribute with my time, particularly any suggestions that involve the kids.

The Mark of my Faith

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 14:37:00 +0000

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday when Catholics attend Mass and receive ashes on their forehead.

These ashes are applied in the sign of the cross with the words 'Remember you are dust, and unto dust you shall return.'

Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of Lent, a period that is meant to echo Christ's forty days in the desert. A time when we are called to make sacrifices designed to sharpen our focus on Christ's sacrifice for us, and on how we should live our lives in His light.

At least, this is my basic or simplified understanding of Lent - and it is one that I've followed with varying degrees of success or failure (mostly the latter I'm ashamed to say) over the years.

Jay and I received our ashes at Mass yesterday morning while Miss E was at school. We turned up to collect her a little while later and a few steps in the gate of the school I felt the stares, and one mother came right up to me and said 'I have to tell you, you have grease all over your forehead, did you know?'

I instantly felt bad - I felt bad for her that she was trying to be nice and was telling me in case I didn't know, that my face was 'dirty' - but I also felt incredibly awkward in having to explain that it was not grease.

The penny dropped quickly for this mom and she said 'oh yeah, it's Ash Wednesday' then her next question 'Aren't you supposed to wash that off?' And I briefly answered, 'no - part of the point of having the ashes is to wear them all day as a mark of faith'

This happened me last year also, albeit that it was with someone a little more rude.

These experiences bring a multitude of questions for me. Clearly, many people are not aware that ashes are part of the Ash Wednesday ritual for some and this strikes me as odd initially - since I come from an area where the population is pretty much 50% Catholic and 50% non-Catholic - but the non-Catholic population by and large is aware that Catholics receive ashes on Ash Wednesday and so it's not that big of a deal and rarely elicits comments, at least in my experience.

Deeper than this though are the questions these experiences raise about my Catholic faith and how uncomfortable it makes me to have to defend it or explain it - and then I wonder if my discomfort comes from the fact that I don't feel 100% confident in explaining it correctly - and at 36 and a lifelong Catholic, shouldn't I be confident?

Part of my reticence to discuss my faith comes I'm sure from a bad experience after Miss E was born from an Evangelical Christian who pretty much told me Catholicism was wrong, that it was not a true Christian faith and that I was wrong to have Miss E baptised a Catholic. This is a person who loves God, and does on the whole embody what it means to be a Christian - but she refuses to see that we agree on so, so many areas - we are both followers of Christ, the only difference is that I choose to be so within the 'family' of the Catholic Church.

Maybe it's because 'Religion' is one of those taboo topics, like politics, many people don't like to discuss their faith - or hear of someone else's, and so the general trend is to keep mum, and brush it all under the carpet as something personal and private.

But isn't this absolutely contra to the message that Christ give us - to spread the Good News?

I know the answer to this question - yet I am somewhat uncomfortable in discussing my Christian faith in general, or my Catholic faith in particular with people. So does this mean I don't have the strength of faith I thought I had? Maybe - and I'm pretty sure this needs a little work on my part.

Part of what comes as being a life long Catholic is that you fall into a pattern of attending Mass each week, on holidays and holy days - because, that's what you do. But, how much of that time is spent truly absorbing the word of God, and applying that to our lives, families, passing it on to our kids? Like I said, I have work to do.

My parish has a number of Lenten programs running where parishioners have the opportunity to discuss and inquire about our Catholic faith. The fact that these exist reassures me that I may not be alone in feeling this way.

I expect this post will go the same way as my only post on politics - I'll hear cricket's chirping for days! However, please do share what helps you share your faith, if you're happy to do so.

Adventures in Sleep Training

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 12:21:00 +0000

We have reached a major milestone! Miss E, my first born, my daughter of four years and four months, is sleeping through the night!

Quite an accomplishment. It only took her just about four years longer than her peers to do. But hey - that’s my Miss E all over - does things her own way, and in her own time.

I shouldn’t really claim that she’s sleeping all the way through the night. She isn’t quite, but the advances we’ve seen at night are close enough and the quality of my sleep has improved so much she might as well be sleeping all the way through.

Miss E has always been a lousy sleeper. She woke frequently at night as an infant and I, like every mother, instinctively got up, fed her, and settled her back to sleep. As she got older - she still woke frequently, and I did find myself asking ‘shouldn’t this baby be sleeping through the night by now?’ Being a breastfed baby was always the reason offered as to why she wasn’t. None of my friends had nursed their babies and their formula fed babies were in blissful slumber while my lassie was up for milk and shenanigans several times a night. I accepted this as the consequence of my choice to exclusively breastfeed and I was happy enough with that assuming that eventually she’d get it and sleep all night.

A first time mother - I knew no better. Having what we knew very early on was a ‘demanding’ child - I should have known better.

We let a habit develop into her toddler years, and into the preschool stage where Miss E was up several times a night. Looking for a drink, not wanting to be on her own, claiming fear of the dark.

Miss E started scaling her crib and managed to get out at 18 months - after a few successful but fraught with danger escape attempts, we transferred her to a 'big girl's bed' shortly afterwards.

A beautiful big girl's bed - but not enticing enough it seemed to keep our girl in there all night.

Nightlights, background noise, leaving the door open - we tried it all - nothing worked and every.single.night Miss E landed in our bed.

Too tired to face a battle of wills in the dead of night - we allowed her in thinking she needed the reassurance and sure, what harm was it doing?

The bigger Miss E got, the less room we all had. Regularly she would bring some of her friends in with her!

The more she kicked and lashed out in discomfort - the harder it was for either of her parents to get anything resembling a decent night’s sleep.

Meanwhile, her brother two years her junior - also exclusively breastfed was sleeping all the way through the night - 12 hours straight since he was about 6 or 7 months old - so that blew our original excuses out of the water!

Knowing that Miss E was in this bad habit didn’t make it any easier to break it.

We started off with a two part plan. I should explain that connected to this lousy sleep habit was the fact that actually going to bed was a huge battle as well. Our plan was that we’d deal with the going to bed part first - and tackle the night wakings (and wanderings) later. About nine months ago we got all Supernanny on Miss E and enforced a strict bedtime, a strict bedtime routine and after about 5 nights of prolonged screaming - we were dealing with a child who was settling herself off to sleep with minimal fuss by 7:30 each night! With a few blips following our trip to Ireland, and around Christmas time where we seemed to regress - she has been doing great - and is off to bed with nothing more than the normal stalling tactics that every kid pulls - nothing we can’t manage and settle within a few minutes.

The second part of the plan? The victim of procrastination. And laziness. Who wants to have a fight with their kid in the middle of the night? When it literally stings your eyes to open them and handle a disgruntled child, apt to burst into a flailing tempest of indignation at any attempt we might make to settle her back in her own bed.

My kid is 42 inches long, and 42lbs. We have a queen sized bed. Arms and legs flung in the dark of night landing square in your guts will motivate like nothing else I’ve known. Enough was enough - and into her own bed she was going whether she liked it or not.

Thinking back to my experience of potty training her - I was pretty sure if I could find the right motivator - reward, heck call it what it is - BRIBE - I’d probably get her to stay in her own bed. The carrot and stick approach has worked for us before - I just had to figure out what to use this time.

Our city has just opened a fabulous new park. A real testament to the power of mothers - this park is the realization of a dream of two local mothers with special needs kids who felt there weren’t enough areas where able bodied and physically challenged kids could play alongside each other. This park is like nothing I’ve ever seen. The equipment and layout so perfectly designed - it’s every kid’s dream come true.

Miss E, Jay and I had a short visit to this park and Miss E was absolutely DYING to get back. I had my carrot - and struck a deal with Miss E that if she could show me that she could stay all night in her own bed - we’d take her back to the park.

Miss E, shockingly, immediately accepted this deal and knew that when we had seven ticks (check marks) on the calendar - that we’d be going to the park the next day.
Worked like a charm!

She did continue to wake up during the night - and she did protest being put back in her bed - but much less than we had expected. She knew her access to that cool park was completely dependent on her staying put.

We started this in the middle of January - and touch wood - it’s going REALLY well! Miss E still wakes up at least once a night - and comes to our room - but one of us escorts her right back to her bed, tucks her in and she (and we) get to go straight back to sleep.

To any of you reading this post that might be thinking ‘duh, you should have done this when she was a baby’, I agree - we should have. Who knows why we avoid what is patently obvious - sometimes it takes us a bit longer to ‘get’ what other parents have been doing all along. Maybe we’re just masochists - we have to learn things the hard way!

To those of you reading that might have a toddler or a preschooler with the bad habits Miss E had - I say grab the bull by the horns and do what you have to do to sleep train them. Your child will sleep better, and so will you!

I have no doubt that better sleep is what’s helping me lift my mood lately.

If you’ve successfully sleep trained a child - share your tips here - who knows, sharing a success story here or there could help another exhausted parent!

Just because...

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 13:58:00 +0000

I'm not sure if this is the norm in every household, or if I'm particularly slack in the photo department, but I do have to confess that I have fewer photos of Jay, than I do of his sister at the same age.

I don't really have a good excuse other than when we're heading off somewhere, sadly the camera is the last thing I think to pack.

Thankfully, I know other, more organized moms, one of whom we met at the park on Friday for a play date.

She took these pictures of Jay enjoying his cupcake while his sister and her pals played on the slides.

I'm sharing them here along with the resolution, (it's that time of year after all), that I will be taking many more photos of my little man. So be prepared to be inundated with all his handsomeness!

Happy Christmas!

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 19:23:00 +0000

I know most people here say 'Merry Christmas' - but I'm sticking with 'Happy' - as it's what we've always said.

So, Happy Christmas from all of us, to all of you!

"Busy but Benign"

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 16:09:00 +0000

That's what the surgeon said to me yesterday!

I have no breast cancer, and nothing to worry about!

He told me that I have Fibrocystic Breast Disease and the pathology findings were consistent with that condition.

The calcification they removed is benign.

You have NO idea the huge relief this is for me - aside from the obvious.

On Wednesday, I got a phone call from the Radiologist who did the biopsy procedure. Her information was slightly different.

She told me the calc was benign, but they found another area of 'disorganized cells' which in 30%-40% of times becomes 'something bad'. She also said it wouldn't show up on a mammogram until it was 'really bad'. Her recommendation was that I go ahead and have a surgeon do an excisional biopsy.

You can imagine what that did for the old stress-o-meter!

I went to my surgeon's appointment then waiting for him to tell me all of this too. He simply read the report through with me and told me I was in the clear!

I told him what the Radiologist had discussed with me - and he again went through the report telling me it said nothing about disorganized cells, no evidence of atypia at all - just healthy, albeit lumpy, tissue! And, under no circumstances did I need an excisional biopsy. He was quite irritated that I'd been told otherwise.

This surgeon is a very nice, very no-nonsense kind of guy. I trust him 100% - and happily take his diagnosis!

So a weight off my mind to be sure.

Now if I could just get my little man a clean bill of health we'd be good.

We were back with Jay at the doc's today - fifth time in 3 weeks. I think I'm due my own parking space there at this point!

Poor little mite after three weeks in which he's had croup, pneumonia, croup again, congestion and a bad cough (which I was paranoid was a pneumonia relapse) - now has an ear infection!

Please, please let this be the end of it!

Mean is Mean is Mean!

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 19:02:00 +0000

Driving towards school the other morning I got rather irate at an elderly driver in front of me.

Ever mindful that I have two little ~~parrots~~ kids in the back I try to keep my verbal abuse of other road users to an absolute minimum.

Understand though that we are in mid December - the season of Snowbirds. So my patience is tried on a much more regular basis than it would be say from April through October.

If you are a Snowbird reading this, or your parents or grandparents come fly south to Florida for the winter - let me give a friendly suggestion. Advanced driving courses, a map of the local area, or at the very least, the absolute minimum - a quick scan over your vehicle's owner's manual to reacquaint yourself with the turn signal - just sayin'.

Anyway - this other morning I was particularly frustrated at the slow egress through a left hand turn (with lights LONG in his favour) of an elderly driver in front of me.

Trying to keep Miss E from understanding what I am saying at these times - I generally revert to a rather exaggerated version of my local accent - Norn Iron Spake as it is known. I uttered the words

'G'on ye bye yeh'

in order to will the driver in front to discover the gas pedal and apply it accordingly.

Immediately Miss E pipes up from the back 'Mommy, why are you being so mean to that man?'

Apparently mean is just mean, whatever the dialect.

Suitably admonished I now try to keep my dislike for others' driving habits in check. My tongue and inner cheek are suffering terribly though!

No Answers Yet

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 15:04:00 +0000

Once again - very kind readers have been asking for updates on this ongoing biopsy saga. Thank you so much for thinking of me, and taking the time to email me.

I had the biopsy done last Wednesday. Not one of the most fun experiences of my life that's for sure!

The calcification they were after was very far in, right at my chest wall. And, it was very tiny. For these reasons - it wasn't so easy for them to get, and it took three attempts before they were successful.

Add to this that the local anesthetic didn't work and I wasn't numb when they started everything - ugh!

Anyway - a few more shots of lidocaine I was comfortable enough for them to continue. They got what they needed and I expect the results sometime during the week. I have a follow up appointment with the surgeon on Thursday - all I can do in the meantime is pray that the results are benign.

I do look like someone who had a boob job though - but could only afford half a boob job. The swelling is taking a little longer than I expected to go down.

I haven't had much time to blog, or read blogs for that matter in the last couple of weeks and this is part of the reason I haven't been posting updates.

My two year old, has been keeping me on my toes again. Two weeks ago he woke at 6:30am with that tell tale barking cough. Croup. Again.

He was given steroids at the doctor's office that morning -and the barking went away in a couple of days - but he did have a persistent cough for the rest of that week.

By the following Saturday (last weekend) we were back at the doc's office with a very high fever, coughing and a very unwell baby. We had to go to the ER for a chest xray, and lo and behold, pneumonia had settled in. IV fluids and antibiotic at the ER kick started his recovery and he was thankfully a different child by the next day. He's still taking antibiotic for the pneumonia - but his follow up appointment on Monday was good, and the doctor was very pleased with his progress.

Fast forward to this weekend, after a week of almost running at 100% - my boy gets another fever on Friday evening, and wakes up yesterday with the croupy cough again. He is also very heavily congested - so it looks like we're dealing with another viral respiratory infection.

I haven't decided yet if I'll be taking him in tomorrow to the doctor. He's eating and drinking fine, and his breathing is good - he just sounds like a seal when he coughs! So he'll be getting adhoc steamy bathroom visits for the rest of the day - and his humidifier is doing overtime in his room, too. After that we'll play it by ear.

Just that time of year I guess when these kids get slammed with abrupt changes in the weather, and germs. Lots of germs!

We're doing our best to get ready for Christmas. We have a rather anorexic looking Christmas tree - a pre-lit job I bought at Target in the sales after Christmas last year. I hate it. Plus, a whole section of lights at the bottom keeps flicking on and off. How come these things look great in the store, and look crap in your house? I haven't altogether abandoned the idea of dumping it and going back to a real tree - but we'll see.

We were supposed to have my Parents in Law for Christmas, but sadly they can't come now since my Father In Law suffered a heart attack last weekend, and is still in hospital. His Consultant (Cardiologist) has said 'NO WAY' to the prospect of him flying to Florida anytime soon. In light of his troubles, a Charlie Brown-esque Christmas Tree doesn't seem that much of an issue really.

So medical drama simmers on - I don't mind telling you though - I'm ready for it to be over!

I'll post when I get the result of the biopsy - and would love you all to say a prayer like me that it's the result I want.

Quest for Peace of Mind

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 17:09:00 +0000

Some kind readers have been asking for an update to this post.

My original appointment was rescheduled to today - so I had no news to give until now.

I met with the surgeon this morning who was very nice and gave me concrete advice - which to be honest, hasn't been all that forthcoming in the medical arenas that we've been dealing with in the last while. It's like they (as in the collective, medical 'they') are afraid to give advice, in case it proves to be erroneous and you sue them!

This medical/legal fear is not a helpful environment in which anxious patients (that would be me) are able to make sound decisions on their own medical treatment.

I went in to that office with a 'just tell me what to do' mentality - and I'm happy to have left with a clear plan.

The surgeon considers me low risk for anything sinister (I can't bring myself to type it, but you know what I'm talking about). This in itself is reassuring, and is something that nobody else was prepared to say.

However, he was very mindful of my level of anxiety over this whole thing. That's not to say I spend every waking moment in fear of it - I do not - but it does take over my thoughts several times a day, and sometimes at night.

Evidently I don't do not knowing very well.

I will go ahead and have what is called a stereotactic biopsy. Even though it's unlikely to be malignant - I need to know one way or the other. If it's not - then I've got my peace of mind - and I continue with regular mammography checks. If it is, then I haven't let it fester for four additional months. I feel better either way - that I'm being positive and proactive about it.

So, more waiting and a weird procedure on the horizon - but if it helps preserve my sometimes fragile mental health (and I'm only half joking!), then it's a good thing.

Thank you to those of you who asked about this, I appreciate it.

Will keep you posted.

In the meantime - if there is any woman reading this, who is over 35 and has not yet had their first mammogram done - go get the phone and make that appointment now. If you are overdue for an annual mammogram - again, get calling your docs office. NOW!

So, I gots ta see a surgeon!

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 22:18:00 +0000

November 10th I get the pleasure of sitting down with a surgeon to discuss my options regarding the micro calcification that is evident on my mammogram as mentioned here.

Can we say 'UGH' ?

I had that mammogram over a month ago. I've already done the 'freak-the-hell-out-feel-scared-what-if-it's-something-horrible?' routine.

I've emailed with The Laundress, had emails from other great women who know about these things either from first hand experience, or from working in the medical field - and I had calmed down nicely thankyouverymuch!

My head was firmly planted back in the sand, pretending that everything was just fine and we'd not talk of it again until April when the radiologist wanted to have another look and see.

Hmm.

It turns out that I have a very proactive, concerned about me (and maybe a bit concerned about herself) OBGYN whose nurse called me today and discussed my 'options' - ending up with their solid recommendation that I go ahead and see a surgeon to discuss a biopsy, or complete removal of the 'micro calcification'.

I had actually had thoughts along these lines back in September - my gut reaction was 'what do you mean calcifications? Get them the hell out of there!' - but passed this off as my overly active (read negative) imagination and complete over reaction on my part.

Once again we're back to the rational part of my mind telling me to 'calm down', and the emotional part saying 'how the heck do you expect me to calm down?'

I'll endeavour to remember my pact with JJ - and stay positive.

I'll probably see if they'll take whatever it is that's concerning them out - and get rid of it completely, hopefully never to be heard of again.

Ladies, if you've had experience of this - or had any biopsy type stuff done - spill it - please and thank you!

Neurotic Mothers Can't Blog

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 14:29:00 +0000

At least that's the best ~~excuse~~ reason I have for being absent from my own blog - and from pulling my weight, er I mean, dropping my weight, over at this blog.

I've talked before about the guilt that seems to come hand in hand with motherhood. I've also written about what can happen in the blink of an eye, when I should have been a more careful mother. What I haven't written about until now is the neurosis that this guilt feeds which has a tendency to take over my mind and life at times.

Slackermommy* has a great phrase 'Freebies from God' in relation to the little reminders we get as mothers to be more vigilant. I used up yet another 'Freebie' in August with Jay - I'm not going to get into details because I can't - I can't deal with the tears, the images that haven't left my mind and the GUILT! Suffice to say that a blind cord was involved and we had a very, very close shave.

I read today that I'm not the only mom this has happened to recently - and I have had chats online recently with another blogger who had her own version of the blind cord story - but I will leave that story for her to tell.

These little incidences, because they literally can mean life or death - sharpen those nervous anxieties that every mother has. They have us chastising ourselves for not having every eventuality covered. For not acknowledging that our smart kids will out manoeuvre us on our childproofing efforts, (or that those efforts were not as thorough as they should have been).

My days now consist of running around the house keeping the little man out of trouble. If 30 seconds goes by where I cannot see him, or hear him - I nervously go looking for him, and retrieve him from whatever mischief he's getting into - and as any toddler mother knows - there's mischief aplenty going on!

Add to this that Jay has fluid in his right ear that meant his latest routine hearing check couldn't be completed. I shrugged this off as either the potential start of an ear infection, or the residue of his first ear infection that he dealt with while we were in Ireland in June which was treated with anti-biotics. My preferred approach to this would have been 'wait and see' - if it develops into something - we'll have it checked, and since he was due for his two year check up soon anyway - I saw no need to take him to the Pediatrician's before this. The Audiologist disagreed, and proceeded to make me completely paranoid that this was the sign of something that could bring further deterioration in his heretofore very minor hearing issue. So off to the Pediatrician we went - and were told - 'both ears look great - very slight amount of fluid in the right ear - but nothing near an infection, and certainly nothing that requires meds'.

A couple of days later we get a phone call from the ENT doc Jay saw last year. He received the report from the Audiologist on his latest test that there was a little fluid, and suddenly the ENT doc wants to see Jay? Even the Audiologist wanted to wait and see if the fluid issue resolved itself over six weeks - but this mother's nerves are already jangling about the ears, and a phone call from a specialist is almost enough to send her over the edge. More phone calls with the Pediatrician who as always is the voice of reason, and reassures me that we have the luxury of six more weeks - and if the fluid hasn't resolved itself, then yes maybe and ENT consult is prudent.

Throw into this mix that I had my first mammogram a couple of weeks ago. My baseline mammogram. Expecting to have it done, and sent on my way not to return until I turn 40, I was shocked to have to have extra pictures done of one side, and later be told that I have to come back in six months to have another mammo because they want to keep an eye on calcification spots.

The rational part of my mind is fully capable of recognizing that this is proactive health care and it's a positive thing. That being careful is the right way to approach this. That what I have is 'probably benign'.

But...

The emotional part of my mind goes NUTS at news like this. The 'what if it's not benign?' thoughts run rampant and squash out all the rational thoughts, and the result is a blubbering mess.

My great blogging friend The Laundress, has been through all this, and has been wonderful in helping me gain some perspective.

It was, and remains though, another thread of anxiety that's going on with me right now.

In a welcome distraction from medical thoughts, appointments or worries, we prepared and enjoyed a great joint birthday party for Miss E and Jay, last Saturday. (My Miss E turned FOUR yesterday!). We had a fantastic day complete with a bounce house, lots of delicious food and a great semi-homemade cake (ahem!).

I had two cousins here with me, with their families. One lives in South Florida and came up for the weekend, the other lives in Ireland - but is currently on vacation with her family in Orlando and since they were relatively close by, they came over for a while on Saturday evening. It really was like having a mini family reunion, Stateside. The kids all had a blast getting to know each other, and we enjoyed meeting (and cuddling) my cousin's newborn.

All in all, a busy but fun and relaxing weekend.

As you can imagine, many photographs were taken. And once I loaded them up on my computer and viewed them, the neurosis settled back in full force. In one photograph, one of Miss E's eyes is showing a very strange white reflection.

(I can't post it because several of my cousins' kids are in the picture and I know not everyone is comfortable with their kids'photos being put on the internet so I'm not risking their wrath).

Every morning I sit and eat my breakfast, and catch a little of the Today Show. When I saw that picture of Miss E, a segment I'd seen on a kid with a white reflection in their eye showing up in photographs being diagnosed with retinoblastoma came to the forefront of my mind and, I panicked.

See what I mean? NEUROTIC!

I wanted to brush the reflection off as a weird trick of the light, something to do with the camera. The odds of it being nothing were high since retinoblastoma is very rare. I can tell you that meant nothing to me - it goes back to that emotional part of my brain that completely overwhelms the rational part and so I was a blubbering mess once more.

Another trip to the Pediatrician's office, this time we were seen by a Nurse Practitioner who thought Miss E's eyes looked just fine but referred us to an ophthalmologist just to be sure.

We had that appointment yesterday and Miss E has 20/20 vision, and 100% healthy eyes. In this regard, I have peace of mind once more, even if it did mean enduring a bit of a condescending lecture from the eye doctor on what reflections are normal from a camera with a flash - whatever.

This is what's been going on with us lately - which combined with my borderline obsession with all things political, means I haven't had time to either process thoughts into coherent blog posts, and to my shame, means I'm not reading or commenting as much on the many blogs in my reader.

Once my nerves stop jangling a little, and (maybe) after Nov 4th, I'll be back in the swing of things, and embracing the blog world once more.

In the meantime - all you calm mothers, who take things in your stride - all and any recommendations for me on maintaining a more even keel, are most definitely welcome.

(*Sadly I can't link to Slackermommy's post on this because she's had some difficulties with her blog and has taken it down.)

Handy Man For Hire

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 01:45:00 +0000

Incredibly handsome handyman, with very reasonable rates. No job too big or too small. Chatting and singing on the job a specialty, no extra charge!

My little man is Two today!

Happy Birthday Jay! Love you all the way around the world, through the stars, to the moon, and back again!

Blubher here I come!

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 21:14:00 +0000

I have just signed up with the great ladies at OurBlubherOverhaul in an effort to help me get my backside in gear. To exercise more diligently, eat right, lose some weight and above all get myself FIT!

If you're struggling with weight loss, and like me need some way to keep yourself accountable (to yourself!), why not check it out and join in!

My Daughter's Preschool Teacher is Psychic

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 18:20:00 +0000

A photocopied sheet Miss E took home from Preschool today was one of the most reassuring, and yet scary pieces of parenting targeted information I've read in a long time!

That Miss E's teacher sent this home this week in particular is such a coincidence, and one for which I'm very grateful.

For fear of contravening any copyright laws, I can't reproduce the text here, however much I wish I could because I know there are readers who would benefit from it. The only reference to a publisher I can find is 'Totline Fun Just for Threes' - you may turn something up via Google if you're interested in exploring more.

Basically, the information outlines typical three-and-a-half-year-old behaviour and highlighted that this is often a repeat of what parents see in the 'Terrible Two' stage.

Hello!

That's exactly what we've experienced here, and has been the major source of my frustration because I kept saying to myself - 'we've been through this -we've made progress - why is it happening again?!'

[Such a misnomer anyway. 'Terrible Twos'. In this house it started WAY before two, and we're still waiting for it to end!]

So this information is reassuring because it tells me that the challenges we have felt with Miss E of late are not particular to her, or to us, they're typical. It's not that I never expected to deal with challenging behaviour once we'd got a grip on the tantrums and moved away from them, I just never expected that it was normal for the full blown, scream your head off, throw yourself down wherever you may be, hissy fit, to come back.

This information sheet has highlighted a couple of other behaviours that Miss E has that we've noticed, such as nail biting, and stuttering, or really just taking a long time to say what she has to say because she's starting the same sentence multiple times. While these didn't concern us too much, it's reassuring all the same to understand that these are not unusual for this age.

The sheet also gives advice on how to help your child in this phase, and it focuses on the parents' attitude rather than on techniques specifically - but parental attitude could probably be the answer to a whole heap of child rearing challenges I suspect.

Reading this piece also gave me affirmation again that we haven't caused or contributed to these challenges through ineffective parenting. Aside from comments and emails from readers, and one local friend - I have to tell you not one other parent I know has admitted to me that they went through the same thing. Anytime I'd talk about how frustrating things can be here, I'd get sympathetic looks, and 'gosh, I don't know what to tell you, we never had to deal with that', or I'd only hear reports of how fantastic their kids were, never any of the negative stuff. Now I wonder, are their kids really as angelic as they lead me to believe? Or is it they chose not to talk about the more challenging aspects in parenting their preschooler for fear that I would then learn that they aren't the perfect parents they project themselves to be? Maybe they just chose to highlight their kids' good aspects because that's the more positive thing to do? The latter is something I vow to do myself, and it is much easier to commit to this in the context of understanding that we're doing okay on the parenting front and that we have a perfectly normal three year old. (No doubt you'd all be glad not to read about me bitching about having a hard time managing my kids, right?)

I'm scared though, because nowhere on the sheet does it say when it will end! You know, you hear a lot of 'this too shall pass' in relation to this kind of stuff, but that doesn't cut it when you want to know when? Will it end when she's four? (by which time her brother will be hitting two, Lord help me!), will it end when she's four and half, or will I have a whole new set of issues then? - (don't answer that!!)

I know, I know, I'm hard to please and always looking for the impossible answers. What can I say? I'm goal oriented - I can work better when I know there's a definite end in sight and I develop my coping strategies accordingly. Funny how kids don't make it easy to have things so clean cut, huh?

Back to the Psychic Preschool Teacher - She's great!

I have blogged before about my concerns with Miss E's previous Preschool experience and was anxious that she'd have a better year this year. With no disrespect to her previous teacher, I can say that I am very impressed with Miss E's new teacher, who is also new to the school this year. She is very organized and focused and her classroom is so well set up and geared towards three year olds having fun. I think this bodes well for the year ahead and I couldn't be happier.

Between the responses I got to my recent posts, and the information sheet that came home today, I have to tell you I'm breathing a big old sigh of relief here, and am a WHOLE lot less anxious about how Miss E will behave. If she misbehaves? I won't sweat it - I will learn all I can about handling it, and about helping her handle things - but I won't be embarrassed or harassed about it anymore. I am much more relaxed about the whole thing, and without the aid of alcohol or pills (okay, I might have lied about the alcohol.)

This first week back at Preschool has also brought much calmer days in our household. Back to a structured routine and a bit of a break for all of us means a much better mood all around. Again, I trust that this is a sign that all will go well for the year ahead.

I can be a Good Mother Without Reality TV

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 13:53:00 +0000

Blooming Marvelous Reality TV Star?

No thanks!

Nothing brings into sharper focus your perspective on your life as a sometimes frazzled Stay at Home Mother, than an invitation to apply to appear on a Reality TV show.

'Supernanny' to be precise.

Yep - that's what I got for my whiney post on Monday - an email from the casting producer of the ABC Show Supernanny that basically said 'You don't like Supernanny's book? Well, then come on our show'.

Yeah right!

In asking if Supernanny offered refunds, I was kidding. I have had success with Supernanny techniques. They're simple, and they work. We're just having a bumpy patch right now and I was facetiously looking for someone to blame, you know, because that's a better option than having to admit that it might be my fault!

Despite my apparent frustrations in parenting a spirited child, I know we do a lot of things right. Lately my mommy ego took a bit of a bashing, and I was reaching out for tips, advice, and solidarity and I got all three. Thanks to all of you who responded in comments, and via email. It is so reassuring to know I'm not the only ~~basket case~~ challenged parent out there!

Vanity had me bashing on my keyboard demanding to know how I could get this right, and pride drove me to seek the magic answer that would suddenly turn me into a perfect mom.

Reflecting about this whole issue, and reading your responses two things are crystal clear:

There is no magic wand that I can wave, and make things better in an instant (damn!)
I don't have to be a perfect mom.

I'm willing to bet that the Supernanny producer didn't read beyond the first paragraph of my last post, nor did he read any of the other posts in my blog. But, I have to admit, after initially laughing about receiving the email, I did feel a little defensive.

We are not a train wreck family - our kids are by no means out of control. They are completely normal. Miss E in particular is testing boundaries lately, in other words, she's doing her job and she does it well.

What she also does well however, are things I have blogged about before, and feel the need to do so again in the interests of balance, is show us love unfaltering. She makes us laugh, makes us proud, and makes us unbelievably happy that she's in our lives.

Miss E is most definitely a feisty child. She has been this way since the instant she was born, announcing her arrival with lusty cries, letting us know she was not happy to be so unceremoniously evicted from her cosy cocoon. Who could blame her? (I on the other hand was mighty relieved ha ha!)

In her infancy and toddlerhood, Miss E commanded attention from all around her. She is a thoroughly engaging child who regularly amazes all who meet her with her articulate conversation and the depth of her feelings. She has always been extremely affectionate, and repeatedly tells me 'You are the best Mommy in the whole wide world' and 'Mommy, I love you all the way to the moon'.

As a big preschooler, Miss E is now exercising her independence, which is thrilling and sad all at the same time, but it's wonderful to see. She is teaching her baby brother so much, is so playful with him and is undoubtedly his protector. She has come a long way since for the first months of his life, she was the one he needed protection from!

Miss E is creative and a very fast learner - she can pick up concepts in a heartbeat and has a memory for facts and conversations that blows me away. This of course means that we can't pull the wool over her eyes on any matter. She keeps us on our toes.

This is Miss E's first day back at preschool. I am excited for her that she has a wonderful new teacher. That she will make new friends, and catch up with some old ones. I am happy that she's in a loving and supportive environment where her little sponge like mind is going to learn even more. Despite all of this, and even though we've had our challenges lately and will be glad of the break some days, today, I miss her.

Being a stay at home mom in general, and a former career woman specifically, I think I have made the mistake of setting the expectation that I need to get everything right. I excelled in my job and my achievements there were a direct reflection of my skill. It's hard then for me not to take the challenges that we're not doing well with here, as a reflection on my skill as a mother.

I know now that this is wrong. Trying to get everything right is going to cause more problems than it solves, and so my motto from this day forward is in the words of Jill Churchill:

There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one.

Does Supernanny do Refunds?

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 18:24:00 +0000

Does Supernanny, or the authors of my other go to parenting book "Parenting the Strong Willed Child" offer any kind of satisfaction or your money back guarantee?

I think I'm due one.

We're struggling here, big time. I should rephrase that, since I am at home with the kids all day, it's me, ME.

I'm struggling, big time.

I need help - otherwise in years to come Miss E is going to stumble across this blog, and if between now and then I haven't broken her spirit with ineffective parenting, reading about the trials I felt in her young years just might.

Almost four years into this parenting gig - and I feel like I have no more of a clue now than I did when Miss E was an infant. Is this the norm? Is this what parenting feels like always, as each new phase arrives, and each new challenge faced? Or, do we ever get to say 'yeah, I think I know what I'm doing?' Even for a short time?

Maybe I have too high expectations of myself, or of Miss E? A good friend called me the other day after reading an email I'd sent her whining about not being able to manage my child and said 'don't be so stinking hard on yourself'. She knows Miss E well, and has seen many a full blown strop from her. She assures me that other kids do it, including hers.

The thing is - I rarely, if ever, see a child Miss E's age act out in public as much as she has done lately.

My feelings of inadequacy as a mother, and in truth, frustration of the tear your hair out variety, comes from the fact that we had conquered the tantrums and were successfully dealing with behaviour through lovingly, and consistently applied discipline. I told everyone who would listen, 'All Hail Supernanny', seriously!

So why then, now, when we apply the same techniques, consistently, the only consistent result is utter rebellion?

In "Parenting the Strong Willed Child" the authors recommend a series of steps to bring about better behaviour (in five weeks they say, ha ha ha ha ha ha!) and they focus on giving your child undivided attention for specific periods. To engage in play with them and let them direct the play - allowing them to instruct you in their imaginary sessions.

I get the premise behind this, but I hold my hands up and admit - that I am not good at it. I tend to give half hearted attention - while I'm doing something else - it's bad, I know it is, and I've been doing better in this regard. That's not to say I think I'm a complete failure as a mom, I don't. And it's not that I never give my kids undivided attention - of course I do - but I do have my fair share of times when I'm playing Candyland and trying to take in an episode of Divine Design at the same time.

In an attempt to have time with just her and I, lately Miss E and I have baked, we've coloured, painted, played outside together in the kiddie pool, in our neighbour's pool, and on the swingset. And, today we made homemade playdough. However, rather than giving Miss E a boost and then buying myself time where she will play independently, all these activities seem to do is create the expectation that I will be there, at her side, in her face, every waking minute. With another child, a house to keep up with and ,~~a blogging addiction,~~this isn't realistic.

Miss E was spoiled with lots of attention for five weeks at home in Ireland, and I accepted that there would be an unsettled period when we got back. It's been seven weeks since we returned to Florida - and all the challenges we faced and overcame before, are right back with us. The not listening, the tantrums when she doesn't get her own way, the demands for things NOW, from snacks, ice cream (over and over and over again!), to 'prizes' from every shop we go into. We have enforced all the tried and trusted Supernanny rules, and we've tried reasoning with her - to no avail. We're not making progress here, at all.

To use that all American phrase, 'Miss E! Get with the program already!'

I am now at the point where I am on edge any time we have to be in a situation where other kids and their parents are. Now that school is back this week - you can imagine how that goes for my stress levels. And there I go feeding into the whole situation - I know this, yet I feel powerless to change it because I feel like I don't have the tools to help me. I seriously need someone to tell me what to do (or what not to do). I feel like managing this effectively should be instinctive, and so I feel like my instincts are failing me.

I talked to my family and a friend last week about feeling guilty that I sometimes talk down about Miss E. In my efforts to forewarn people about my child's feisty personality I fear I am giving a completely negative impression of her. I did this at parent's orientation for preschool last week. I told the teacher that Miss E is 'stubborn and has a tendency to be bossy'. I told the other moms that she was a 'firey redhead'. What I didn't tell anyone was that she is beautiful, articulate, smart, funny, happy, compassionate, and very, very loving. And so, that mommy guilt that I'm so familiar with, plagues me once more.

This is why Jennifer's post at Playgroups are no Place for Children struck such a chord with me this morning. That, and the fact that the meltdown her son had, is one we managed to avoid at Miss E's preschool orientation this morning but only because by this stage, I can sense it coming, and we said our 'goodbyes' before the fuse was lit, so to speak.

I didn't entirely escape the terror of my almost four year old's tyranny however, she unleashed it in Target on the way home, throwing herself down on the floor for good measure, twice. I don't know how I did it, but I did not raise my voice and I remained completely calm as I steered her (firmly) out of the store. Sweat may have been involved however, along with a voice a few octaves and decibels higher as I reigned her in after she dashed out from behind our car into the parking lot. Thankfully there was no traffic coming, but neither Miss E nor I knew that. Another source of frustration, because no matter how many times we've had the conversation about roads, driveways, parking lots and DANGEROUS cars, it's not even close to sinking in.

I realise this is the second post that I've made a short period of time about my frustrations in parenting Miss E. I know that part of this stems from my innate dislike for doing anything that I'm not good at. I don't feel like I'm good at being a good parent, and I hate that! My standard routine when I don't know how to do something is read up about it, educate myself, find out what's worked for others and go from there.

So, once again I'm asking - what works for you? I know I have more experienced readers with older kids who've survived the preschool stage. Tell me where to go to find help! Tell me I don't just have to resign myself to 'that's just the way it is' - there has to be a way to make this better.

We are now getting the outer rain bands of Tropical Storm Fay - she may strenghten to a hurricane and is forecast to go right over our area. Schools are closed tomorrow and Wednesday. For those of you inexperienced in storms like this - this means we ain't goin' nowhere for the next few days. We'll be stuck inside - so hopefully this makes you appreciate that I need your help and answers, STAT!

Dear Fay

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 23:38:00 +0000

I don't know what kind of funny business you have planned for Florida for next week, but I'm writing to tell you to just put it out of your mind, right now!

This is a big week coming up for many mothers in this lovely state. It is the week that we send our little darlings off to school ~~so we can get some peace~~ so they can receive wonderful educational enrichment.

We have spent the last weeks reading newsletters, buying school supplies, and generally psyching our kids up for this overwhelmingly exciting event in the hopes that the transition back to school will be a smooth one - don't you dare cause a mandatory closing of all schools in the area!

Furthermore, only today at Casa Blooming, we've been congratulating ourselves on our ability to stay way within budget this month - no small task given the current economic climate (and the fact that this is a five week month). We've enjoyed the slightly lower gas prices recently, but don't you MAKE me bust this budget by having the unplanned expense of having to fill up our two vehicles as part of the routine run on gas that comes with storm preps. Don't you dare have me running around hedging my bets while you fickle meteorological systems figure out if you're going to take aim at us or not!

You need to understand that part of our budgetary success in this latter part of the month has been achieved through using up small stockpiles in the pantry. I don't plan on replenishing these items until the end of this month. You shimmying up the West Coast of Florida, with all your fancy lightning fireworks, and breezy buddies, would be inconvenient to say the least.

Truth be told - I dread the thought of the grocery store at the best of times, I'm not sure I can handle it out there - me and all the rest of the last minute merchants scurrying to get supplies in and loading my cart up with a billion cartons of water. So please, bear my brittle mental state in mind when weighing up your route options, pretty please? Surely it wouldn't make much difference to you to take a sharp right turn now that you're finished with Hispaniola? Why don't you just head off out into the Atlantic and fizzle out into the blue beyond?

If you absolutely insist on paying us a visit, please obey our rules. Play nice, don't make too much of a mess, and don't bring any uninvited guests, oh say, like power cuts or flooding, okay?

Yours ever hopefully,

Blooming Marvelous.

Heartache and Healing

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 13:07:00 +0000

This week marks a sombre anniversary for Northern Ireland, my home.

Many readers will know and understand that Northern Ireland has a deeply troubled past. Troubles borne of sectarian hatred, distrust, unease, and intolerance. The province has endured over three decades of bombing and shooting campaigns. Physical destruction, economic decline and human loss.

Some of you will not understand, because more than thirty years of mindless violence, countless deaths of, for the most part, innocent people, is absolutely incomprehensible.

I have lived there for most of my life, and have yet to understand any of it completely.

At the risk of producing a history lesson, let me briefly explain that Northern Ireland is geographically part of the island of Ireland, but is politically part of the United Kingdom. In its simplest form, the root of the conflict played out in Northern Ireland stems from the fact that certain, extreme, factions staunchly protect their British identity (Loyalists), and other equally extreme groups work by whatever means they consider necessary to bring about a United Ireland (Republicans), free from British involvement. Each side claims their version of history as the reason their position should prevail.

I use the present tense because, although peace has been achieved to a large extent in Northern Ireland right now, it is uneasy and delicate at times.

A mistake often made by outsiders is to equate Republicanism with Catholics, and Loyalism with Protestants. To do so is naive and ignores the position of the majority of people in Northern Ireland, more moderate in their views and whose priority above all others is peace and an end to violence and suffering.

The political environment in Northern Ireland is extremely polarized, and the vocal minorities on both sides historically impeded progressive compromise attempted at many junctures by more moderate politicians.

In 1994 a ceasefire was called by the Provisional IRA (Irish Republican Army) – followed not long thereafter by a ceasefire proclaimed by Loyalist paramilitary groups. Hope abounded and a collective sigh of relief was released by those of us in the North as we watched political talks actually produce results, accompanied by the promise of a departure from the bomb and the bullet, a brighter future ahead. This political process attempted to put into action the will of the moderate majority in Northern Ireland, those of us who wanted to co-exist with our neighbours – whatever their creed, or political affiliation, in peace. To live normal lives, without fear.

The peace process gained impetus through hard work and negotiations between local politicians, assisted in no small part by the Irish and British governments, and by George Mitchell, sent to mediate the negotiations by President Bill Clinton. There was a palpable excitement among the ordinary people of Northern Ireland that we would emerge from the dark days of violence, and we would do it soon. President and Mrs. Clinton’s visit to Northern Ireland in November 1995 was further proof that we were leaving the sorry past behind, and that Northern Ireland was somewhere worthy of international focus.

In the background however, dissidents, unhappy with what they saw as the ‘sellout’ by Republican politicians plotted and attempted further attacks. Calling themselves ‘The Real IRA’ and ‘The Continuity IRA’, they pushed to carry on the paramilitary bombing campaigns in their pursuit of a United Ireland. They bombed town centres, injuring many and damaging property and local economies. Security forces were successful in thwarting some attacks.

I, like many others, did not consider the Real IRA to be a credible threat. I believed that the Provisional IRA, who by this time were supporting the political process, would keep them in check and that the security forces would have the intelligence and resources to prevent them gaining enough traction to become a credible threat.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

On Saturday August 15th 1998, the Real IRA succeeded in perpetrating the single most horrific atrocity in the history of the troubles. In the process, 29 vibrant, happy, oblivious and some of them tiny, lives – as hopeful as the rest of us for a better future, were obliterated.

Evil, cowardly people without the vision nor the respect for humanity to engage with the people they claimed to represent and work for the greater good, rose once more and attempted to force ‘British withdrawal’ from Northern Ireland. They wreaked havoc in a busy town centre, Omagh, Co.Tyrone. They achieved nothing, except mass destruction and widespread human devastation.

During the troubles, the ‘normal’ protocol for a terrorist attack was a warning to the police, a radio or TV station. You should also know that over the course of the troubles, many hoax bomb threats were also made. People have been evacuated from public buildings and streets - only to learn later that it was a hoax. I've been through it several times myself.

Warnings were called in for the Omagh bomb but the message was either deliberately misleading, or it was misunderstood – I’m not sure it’s ever been determined which. The target mentioned was the courthouse at the top of a hill in the main shopping street in Omagh – [so chosen because it was a building representative of the British Establishment]. In a frantic attempt to usher the public away from the courthouse and evacuate the area – police directed people down the hill, away from the courthouse as fast as they could.

A car packed with 500lbs of home-made explosives awaited them at the bottom of the hill. Unknowingly, in attempting to shield the public, police instead shepherded people toward certain death.

Fourteen women, six men and nine children, two of them babies of 20 and 18 months old, were killed. Not included in the numbers reported, but two little lives I always remember when I think of the Omagh bombing were the twins that Avril Monaghan, one of the women killed, and mother of the 18 month old, was carrying. She was seven months pregnant. All told, 31 lives lost. Catholics, Protestants, a Mormon schoolboy, and visitors from Donegal in the Republic of Ireland, and Spanish exchange students perished.

Hundreds of people were left with horrific injuries, their lives changed forever, along with the lives of those who lost their loved ones. Broken families – their existence left in the same tatters as the buildings of that busy Omagh street.

I was on the first of many return visits to Florida just after this bomb happened, and I brought with me the newspapers to share the story with those whom I was visiting. I shed many tears looking at the 29 faces in those news reports, and I shed them now as I look at them once more. Each one someone’s mother, son, father, brother, sister, daughter, baby… How many more tears have been shed in homes in Omagh, Donegal, and Spain over the last ten years? And for what?

Although the Real IRA claimed responsibility for the attack, no group or individual has been successfully prosecuted for this crime. Families of the victims have fought tirelessly to have the perpetrators brought to justice, but thus far the campaign has been fruitless.

Civil actions have also been brought but no satisfying result has given these families the sense of closure that one would imagine necessary to help process what has happened to them. I think this adds to the enormity of the tragedy.

The wider implication of the Omagh bombing coming four years after the paramilitary ceasefires was fear once more. The province as a whole was worried that this tragedy would bring more pain and destruction in the form of retaliatory attacks, which was the normal modus operandi of paramilitaries on both sides following such attacks in the past. Mercifully, this did not happen. The Omagh Bomb did not derail the peace process – something which had it happened would have made all the more pointless the lives lost that day.

While there is no doubt that the outrage felt by so many at the scale of the Omagh tragedy accelerated the journey towards lasting peace, ironically, the families of those who died, and those injured are somewhat victimized once more by the peace process. By virtue of the fact that politicians are focused on the future, and leaving the legacy of violence behind, the support from the police, elected officials and government agencies that these families need to secure justice, isn't there. They are pretty much left to push for justice on their own.

This week, ten years on, my thoughts are with the families of the 31 people lost in Omagh on August 15th 1998. I pray for them, and for those so severely injured, physically, and emotionally. I draw inspiration from those who have triumphed over their injuries and loss, and trust that those who still struggle will find the help and healing they need.

I continue to pray for healing in Northern Ireland, where just today three firebombs have been made safe by Army Bomb experts , like I said, peace is uneasy, and delicate.

I pray for the rest of us – that in this age where bombings in foreign lands are reported with alarming frequency, and sadly often as a side story to the ‘main event’ of a sordid Politician’s affair, I pray that we never become blasé about such stories and that we never fail to be outraged by them. To maintain our sense of justice and protest to those whom will listen and take action…

Ten Lessons from a Day at the Beach

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 12:45:00 +0000

1. Assuming the camera is where you *thought* you last saw it in the car is a big mistake. Always double check before you leave that you actually have the camera and can take photos of your sticky, sandy kids and don't have to rely on a measly blog post to preserve the memories!

2. Shaving your legs an hour before you spray on sun protection and get into salt water is a BAD idea - of gargantuan proportions.

3. While taking meticulous care to spray on sun protection all over your arms and legs, and asking your spouse to ensure that your back is adequately covered - it is always good to remember that your neck and the top of your chest area could also benefit from said spray. Otherwise you may spend the rest of the day cursing and dousing yourself in aloe.

4. Maybe you need to go to the beach more often so that your three year old kid can correctly identify the dusty, granular substance on her hands and doesn't have to tell you 'Mommy, my hands are covered in sea dirt'.

5. Don't assume that your normally quiet younger child is the shy timid type. Revel in his willingness to be knocked over by waves, laugh and pick himself up and brace himself for the next round. Enjoy his socializing with neighbouring beach goers, and his loud enthusiastic 'BYE's to them as they leave.

6. A navy one piece bathing costume is totally unflattering - time to buy a new one Annie (preferably one that you didn't last wear when you were six months pregnant!).

7. If you're squeamish about swimming in seaweed littered ocean - don't stand like an eejit trying to throw eleventy billion little pieces of it back towards the shore (only for the retracting waves to pull it right back at you), or certain Irish ladies standing at the water's edge with her kids might just split her sides laughing at you.

8. Don't expect that there are working toilets in the beach bathrooms, or that there will be a clean square inch of floor on which to stand and change out of your wet, sandy bathing costume. Although contorting yourself in all manner of positions to do so, while holding on to your clothes and towel - without bare feet or garments touching this floor could earn you a spot on the US Olympic Gymnastics team.

9. One plastic trash bag is never enough when you have two adults, two kids, diapers, wipes, and lunch leftovers.

10. Count down the minutes until next week when you plan to do this all over again. (Packing the camera, now!)

Too good not to share!

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 16:35:00 +0000

I made this luscious lemon and lime confection yesterday and had to share the recipe.

I have [at last] joined Twitter (late to every fad, I figured why break the habit of a lifetime and that's why I'm only getting around to it now.) and, having chatted a little on Twitter with Deborah, of Tast.ie and Spicendipity fame I got a baking bug and poked around in my recipe books and found this simple recipe and gave it a try.

This is the lightest, tangiest, most delicious cake I have ever made. It's super easy to do, too - so go get the stuff and make it, today, k? I PROMISE you'll be glad you did.

LEMON & LIME LOVE CAKE

This tangy loaf is known by lots of different names, but Love Cake is particularly appropriate since everyone who tries it finds it impossible to resist.

Makes 1 Loaf

6 tbsp butter, at room temperature, plus extra for greasing
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, plus extra for dusting
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/4 cups sugar
2 eggs, lightly beaten
1/2 cup milk
Grated peel of 1 lemon and juice of 1/2 lemon
Grated peel and juice of one lime

Preheat oven to 325oF. Grease and flour a 9x5in loaf pan. Mix together the flour, baking powder and salt in a large bowl.

Put the butter in another bowl and add 3/4 cup of the sugar. Beat until pale and creamy, then gradually beat in the eggs, adding a little flour if the mixture shows any sign of curdling. Gradually add the remaining four, alternating with the milk, beating well after each addition. Stir in the lemon and lime peel.

Spoon the mixture into the prepared loaf pan and level the surface. Bake 40-50 minutes, until a skewer inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean. Invert the loaf onto a wire rack, then turn it right way up.

Mix the citrus juices with the remaining sugar*. Put a tray underneath the rack and spoon the sugar mixture over the top of the loaf, letting it run down the sides slightly. Allow to cool before slicing.

Taken from 'Pig Out: 60 fab recipes for sweet indulgence'.

*(next time I'll use powdered sugar instead of regular sugar for this as my glaze was slightly gritty and I would prefer it more smooth in texture.)

This one's definitely going into my regular baking repertoire.

What am I doing wrong?

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 11:00:00 +0000

Miss E is testing every last ounce of patience I have these days.

She will be four years old in October, and yet we are seeing hissy fits and temper tantrums that would make any two year old proud.

We had turned a major corner in this regard months and months ago and I credited Supernanny with saving our sanity. Alas, my trusty Supernanny techniques are failing me now and I've got no idea what to do now!

Is it her age? Is it that it's summer and she's antsy and bored with just me to entertain her?

She's set to go back to Preschool on August 18th and while one might say 'great - she's going to school, a nice break for me, and some stimulation for her', I have to admit I'm scared! I'm afraid she'll give her teacher a hard time.

Miss E shows no discrimination in terms of where she throws a tantrum and it MORTIFIES me!

Last week I had great chats with her about how to make her feelings known without stomping, whining, crying, screaming or shouting - I had thought we were making progress. We discussed consequences if she behaved poorly or didn't listen to mommy - and last week I followed through with the consequences and she had no tv for a whole day, and no swim class the following day.

This bought us a week's worth of good behaviour and once again I was sure we'd turned a corner and that this regression to tantrumhood was a temporary glitch.

Ach - SO not the case. Yesterday she was the last kid in the pool at swim class for a good 5 minutes - she was huffing because she wasn't 'first' to do whatever task they were working on. In the end the teacher had to physically drag her out of the pool, and once she set her down on the deck she took off, having me run after her like a lunatic to catch her. Of course all the other kids and their moms are watching this spectacle.

It's all I can do to stop myself screaming back at this kid these days.

I feel completely helpless and inadequate.

I rarely see kids acting up as much as Miss E does in public, rarely. And if I do, it's generally a child much younger than she. This leads me to the conclusion that it's me - I'm doing something wrong.

So, mighty internets - tell me PLEASE how to fix this!

They're only markers!

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 10:41:00 +0000

Dear Kate Gosselin,

I realize that you have eight beautiful children and can imagine the amount of work a family of this size generates, I really can.

I understand that a family of ten will generate mountains of laundry to rival the Rockies, I get that.

However, markers? You wouldn't let your kids use markers in the Crayola Factory (where I'd be willing to bet they use the washable markers especially for little visitors)?

Come ON!

My heart was breaking watching an episode of Jon and Kate plus 8 last night. Kids in the Crayola Factory - what could be more dream worthy than that? Excited to use the many different art supplies available and actually have FUN, these kids were jumping out of themselves and pumped to get to use markers when Jon let them do it. You didn't like this though and immediately put an end to it, citing interminable laundry and not wanting kids to be seen with marker on their clothes. The kids, especially Cara and Maddy were devastated.

Washable markers are magic, they come right out in the wash - even without pre-treating the stains. If this doesn't work, Crayola.com have wonderful and plentiful tips on removing stains from their products, should you encounter these. And if all this fails, and your kids went home after having a great day at the Crayola Factory with a few marker marks on their clothes, in the scheme of things, is this the worst thing that could happen?

If you're going to take your kids on a fun day out - let them do that! Have fun.

Oh, and never underestimate the calming, relaxing effect of colouring with crayons or markers yourself. Sit down at the table with your kids - get those colouring books out - heck be reckless, breakout the dreaded MARKERS, and try it yourself. Enjoy the therapeutic benefits of doing nothing but shading in your images. Look at the delight on your children's faces when they have you all to themselves, colouring with them. I promise, you won't regret it.

Yours sincerely,

Blooming Marvelous.

What a difference a year makes!

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 11:01:00 +0000

Roughly this time last year, we were gearing up to see a bunch of specialists about Jay's teeny, tiny, little hearing issue. An issue that didn't feel so minor at times, but that only very sensitive technology can detect. Despite my gut instinct telling me he could hear just fine, that the technology was picking something up was enough to have me worrying myself sick over this.

I'm happy to say that my frame of mind, and attitude has improved a hundred fold since I wrote this in August last year. It took me a while - but eventually I let go of the worry and left it all in God's hands.

At our last Audiology appointment, the Audiologist was very pleased that everything was still stable, that Jay was obviously communicating, and she said she didn't want to see him for six months, instead of the regular three month appointments we'd been scheduling up until then. His last appointment was when he was 18 months, and he'll go again in October when he's 2. I am thrilled with this, since she had previously told me that she wouldn't stretch the appointments out until after he turned 2. The Audiologist is obviously content that he's developing fine, and for that I'm grateful.

The Audiologist did tell me that she and perhaps a speech pathologist would see him in October - and, they'd want to know how many words he uses. I've been keeping closer track of his vocabulary and am proud to say that he has over 70 words at 22 months, and is adding new ones on a daily basis. He is quite the little chatterbox. He also loves to sing and can pitch perfect, recite Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and the ABC song.

We're on the countdown now to this little fella's second birthday - something I can't quite believe. A feel sad looking back that I spent so much of his early months worrying every time I looked at him - wondering what he wasn't hearing. I know now he hears plenty - everything he needs to hear - and I trust and pray that it stays that way.

(Blogger is being a pain - and it's not letting me post my picture of Jay in his supreme cuteness - hmph!)

Back, and busy.

noreply@blogger.com (Annie) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 11:42:00 +0000

Well, we're baaacccckkk! And, have been back in Florida for almost three weeks now which is very hard to believe.

Ireland was great - wet, and cold, but great!

Just like last year, it was so nice to be in my other 'home'. The kids had a blast - why wouldn't they, spoiled with attention and surprises every day? I also enjoyed the constant company, a lot of it with adults, too.

Coming down from this 'high' of familial attention and companionship hasn't been easy on the kids, or myself to be honest. I've pretty much had to detox Miss E from getting her way (anything for a quiet life, you know how that goes), and have employed many more of Supernanny's techniques than I've needed to in quite a while - but it's working, and slowly we're getting back into our groove.

I recently found myself slipping back into that 'funk' I described a while back. I could feel it happening, but didn't have the energy to fight it. This wasn't helped by the fact that I got sick last week with a horrible stomach flu - great for losing a few pounds though, which is never a bad thing. I'm focusing on my treadmill again and although the muscles are objecting, I'm feeling better.

The kids were sick a lot when we were in Ireland - Jay practically wasted away before my eyes. Miss E and Jay were bombarded with heavy colds, vomiting and diarrhea, Jay had the added discomfort of a simultaneous ear and throat infection - good times eh? My little guy is just that, little. He can't afford to lose any weight - at 20 months, he's not much over 20lbs - so when he gets sick and starts dropping the weight, I get very anxious. All my family reassured me that he'd bounce back, especially hubs Grandmother who's raised sixteen (yes, 16!)children of her own - 'he'll bounce back, they all do' and she was right.

We are fighting fit now though, physically and mentally, and ready to enjoy the rest of the summer, before preschool starts and we get back to that routine. We've all had to acclimatize once more to the Florida summer though. At 9am each day Miss E has a swim class - and Jay and I sweat our butts off watching her - at 9am! How awful is it that I'm willing on the weeks so we can cool down a bit? There's nothing like wishing your life away.

My sister's wedding was amazing. She looked absolutely fabulous. Her ceremony was wonderful and the reception was a blast.

Miss E was flower girl, and she did a great job, even if she couldn't quite be coaxed into all the photographs!

The weather was horrendous, but it didn't dampen anyone's enjoyment, at all. My sister and her husband, lucky things, just got back from honeymoon in Rome and Sorrento.

I'm still catching up with all things stateside. I've been keeping a close eye on the presidential candidate coverage, and am frustrated to say the least at the less than objective reviews each candidate gets depending on which source I watch. This is where I miss Tim Russert - I'm so sad that he died. I credit this man with helping me understand the whole electoral process here, the primaries, caucuses, delegates etc. I feel bad that he isn't here to see this election pan out. He had such enthusiasm for his job, and for the whole political scene in general. My heart goes out to his wife and son.

People are still complaining about the price of gas I see - and I can understand to a point, but after seeing that Northern Irish drivers pay the equivalent of $11 a gallon, I don't feel like I have a right to complain about $4 here. I also drive a very thirsty car, and while I wish it cost less to run, it was our choice to buy this vehicle, and now we live with it. Besides, nobody, not even dealers, want to buy SUVs around here, so we're stuck with it, what's the point in complaining?

With that, I've got to run, load my kids up into my gas guzzler and head right down for this swim class - I have the oddest feeling that we're going to be late, again!

Looking forward to catching up some more, soon.