Photo Credit: Alexandre Bertin

I just submitted my own personal story to Jeremy Stanton’s “Secretly Incredible You Contest”.

Jeremy encourages his readers to submit themselves, or someone else they feel is living an incredible story. At first it felt silly to submit myself as someone I think is secretly incredible.

Believing that my own story is incredible is a very important ingredient for my success. If I do not believe that my story is incredible, or that I can at least make it incredible, how do I fight off the frustration and potential depression that comes with hard times and failures?

Everyone has obstacles and challenges in their lives. These are all very individualized. I cannot find someone who has had a life so simple and so easy they have lived free of challenges.

I do have a great story. I am incredible. There is nothing wrong with believing this about myself. I also happen to believe that others can benefit from knowing my story.

I have been married for over 20 years. I ran a small business for 7 years. We have 4 amazing daughters God gave us after 7 years of infertility. I lost plenty during the financial collapse but it was just money and money does not last anyway. I am a full time nursing student at the age of 40. I did 54 episodes of the Blue Collar Business Podcast.

Never let the winds of misfortune keep you from seeking the shores of possibility. You are living a great story too. Don’t be afraid to believe it.

This last semester has been the tale of two classes. I maintained a high “B” in my Human Lifespan Development (HLD) class and had plenty opportunity to raise it to an “A”. I was dragging the bottom in my Anatomy and Physiology (A&P) class nursing a low “D”.

After raising my A&P grade to an even 70% following the third test I made a tough decision. I decided I would rather get two “B”s than an “A” and “C”. I turned 75% of my study time over to my A&P class and started doing the bare minimum in HLD. This was a risky situation. If I continued to struggle in A&P I would very likely fail. Failing A&P and then dropping my HLD grade a whole point is a less than desirable outcome. Still, I felt confident I could be successful.

I scored an “A” on my 4th A&P test and ratcheted up my study time for the 5th exam. I aced this one as well and finished the semester with 30 points more than I needed resulting in a “B”. My HLD class turned out as expected. The final was A LOT more difficult than any of the other tests, and since I spent all my time studying for A&P I received my worst grade of the year on the final with a 69%. I still held on to my “B” as planned.

It was tough to see an “A” slip away in the HLD class but I know I made the right decision. These science grades are very important for nursing school admissions.

So there it is, my second semester in the books. I can now brag about my 24 college credits. It feels great to be making this progress. Things are not moving fast enough for me but they rarely do. I will be able to apply to three different nursing programs next spring. These are just one year programs so I am on schedule to graduate and have an RN license in spring of 2014.

Photo Credit: Oli4.D

Back in April I started doing a Josh McDowell devotional with my two teen daughters. The one for April 19th has been my favorite so far.

The title of this devotional was called: More Gladness Than Anyone Else

The verse Josh used was the following.

Psalm 45:7
You love righteousness and hate wickedness; Therefore God, Your God, has anointed You with the oil of gladness more than Your companions.

If we love what God loves and hate what God hates we can put ourselves into a place where God can bring us gladness. God wants to be a part of our gladness, but He is unable to bless bad choices. I cannot step outside of His plans, and expect good things to happen.

We had a great discussion on this subject. I asked my daughters if they give God the opportunity to give them gladness by following His precepts. We discussed life choices they can make and if those choices are a part of what God loves or a part of what God hates.

Our prayers for each other that night were good ones.

“God, help us to learn to love what You love, so we can experience the kind of gladness that only You can give.”

Julie had one request for Mother’s day. She wanted to spend it with her family at the Kansas City Zoo.

After church we ran by the house, changed into more comfortable clothing and met grandma and grandpa Dibben at Taco Bell for lunch; we did not want to spend a lot of time eating when we had adventure in the plans!

It has been many years since I visited our Zoo. It really was a perfect day for the zoo and we were not the only ones who wanted to be there. It was great! There were happy kids and families all over the park. Since it was an overcast day the photos really did turn out great.

Our first stop had to be the tropics building. This is where the monkeys live and Elaina has always loved monkeys.

We could use some of their signage at our home. This should go on our front door!

Our family is very entertaining and we managed to keep the wild life entertained.

I love living in a people zoo

Jessica has been excited to see the Capybara’s. These are the worlds largest rodent and very similar to Guinea Pigs.

Shaped exactly like a guinea pig

We managed to find a great tree for taking photos. Here are a few that we managed to get.

This was our first weekend adventure of the summer and a prelude to our trip to the Omaha Zoo later this month. It felt so good to leave the worries behind and spend some time with my family.

They really are a beautiful bunch, don’t you agree?

Photo Credit: Keith Moyer

Today marks my 32ND and final “Let’s Blog Off” entry. The powers that be over at http://letsblogoff.com have decided it is time to close down this bi-weekly writing event.

I am extremely thankful for the time Gerard and Paul have put into this project. In honor of their work I would like to share the three lessons I have learned through my 32 contributions and how I will never be the same because of Let’s Blog Off.

Here are the three things I learned during this last 12 months including 6 of my favorite posts during that time. You can check out all of them from My Archives.

I am a creative
I never considered myself a creative writer; I have just thought it would be cool to attempt to be one. At first it was a little intimidating; the idea that I could find a way to actually write about a random subject with just three to four days notice.

It was on the 8TH subject, after I started, that I skipped my first and only post. I drew up a blank on the idea of what my favorite color could be. It never crossed my mind to run any direction with a topic that I wanted. After that one post I vowed to never skip another topic again. A few weeks ago I actually tried to skip one but Gerard stepped in and filled my mind with an idea and I ran with it.

Let’s Blog Off has taught me that I am a creative writer.

Thumbtacks
Baby Smelling for the Beginner
Pumpkin Pie For David

Readers like personal stories
The more I took a real life story and added it to the weekly blog off topic the higher my comment count would rise. Readers are desperate to connect in an authentic way with blog authors. The more personal the story, the higher the interaction.

Stories rock!

Stealing Time
It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time
My Daughters, My Wife and Me

Keep it between 300 and 500 words
It was not uncommon to have fairly high participation in these blog posts. On the weeks that I got a little too wordy, the comments suffered. Short and to the point writing increased reader participation. Hey we are all busy and running into a blog post that is 1,000 words can be intimidating.

Gerard and Paul:

From the bottom of my heart I thank you both for the time and effort you put into this project. Let’s Blog Off has taught me that I am creative. That sharing my personal life encourages others and that simple writing is the most powerful.

A couple of weeks ago we had a memorial service for my wife’s grandmother, who passed a couple of months ago. The service was very simple. We met in Odessa, MO and followed the procession out to a cemetery outside of town.

We did something a little differently than anything I have been a part of before.

Julie’s grandparents were both cremated. Part of their wishes were to be buried together. Way back in the 50′s her grandfather built a special wood box that he requested they both be buried in.

It is the transportation of this box out to the cemetery that was of interest to me. One of the granddaughters requested the box, with both grandparents ashes in it, to be placed in the sidecar of this motorcycle.

One story that I have heard many times over from several different members of this family is how, at the age of 60+, Dale and Dorothy rode a motorcycle very much like this one from Missouri all the way up to Montana. At 60 years old they did this! I know a lot of sixty-year-old couples that have all but given up on life and yet these two were not about to quit enjoying life together.

Julie and I have talked about this A LOT. We have no desire to quit living life when we hit retirement age. We want to continue being adventurous. We want to continue being useful to our family, friends and community.

What a great example Dale and Dorothy have left for all the family members they left behind. You are never too old, to have an adventure.

Photo Credit: Keith Moyer

My all time favorite Old Testament character is Joseph. His story fascinates me. At the young age of 17 God promised Joseph that he would be a great leader. So great that even his own family would bow before him.

Plenty stood in the way of this promise. Joseph was beaten, thrown into an empty well, and sold into slavery by his own brothers. After being a slave for 11 years he was falsely accused of rape, and thrown into prison for at least 2 years. After being released he was charged with the task of storing up supplies in preparation for a 7 year famine; this took 7 years of his life. At 2 years into the famine he was finally reunited with his family. At the age of 41 his promise from God was finally realized. For those of us doing the math that is a total of 24 years Joseph had to wait for his promise from God.

In 2005 I was sitting in service at a church we had just started attending. We had just a hand full of friends there and no one really knew our personal lives at all. This was just about a year after I had started my small counter top company. I was extremely stressed at the time. My company was still struggling to make payroll each week and, the work was slow to come. Our finances were stressful. About 3/4 the way through the service the pastor stammered and said, “I need to do something real quick if everyone will just have some patience.” He then walked over to me, and whispered into my ear, “Just as Joseph named his son Manasseh because God had caused him to forget all his trouble, so will you forget your troubles.” He then went right back to his preaching and ended the service.

After the service I went up to him and asked what happened. He said that in his 25 years as lead pastor that has only happened to him 5 times. He just knew what he was supposed to say to me even though he really knew nothing about my current situation including the fact that I owned a company.

I assumed at the time I could expect all my financial problems to be resolved in the near future; I was wrong. In fact it got worse, and I cannot say that I have seen this promised realized in my life, yet.

I have chosen to do the same thing Joseph did during his waiting period. He continued to move forward, believing that God would be faithful to complete the promise made. Joseph maintained his faith and continued to uphold his belief system even in the face of massive temptation to deviate.

The obstacles I am facing seem small compared to what Joseph had standing in his way. Still, life’s challenges are relative. Every individual faces different challenges and their difficulty level is very individualized.

In the teaser for this week’s Let’s Blog Off subject, Gerard wrote the following.

Eighteen years ago, The Shawshank Redemption was released that had what I consider the best line ever. “I’ve convinced you to come this far. I’m hoping you’re willing to go just a littler bit further.”

Sunday morning I felt God asked me to do the same thing. I choose to go just a little bit further and continue chasing His promise, no matter how long it takes.

In 2008 I was introduced to Dave Ramsey. I listened to every show, via podcast, for two straight years. I pretty much bought into everything he teaches about finances. There is one thing he teaches that I have bought into with every ounce of my being.

Car debt is dumb!

A few months ago I rear ended someone on I-70 here in Kansas City. Since then our [paid for] minivan has been going down hill. With this year’s tax return I made it one of my goals to put away $1,000.00 for a replacement beater car. As the minivan started to get worse I realized it was time to do something. The first thing I did was send out a Facebook status update requesting everyone be on the lookout, and I quickly got a response from my friend Eric.

I called Eric on the phone and found out they had a 2001 Ford Focus they were not using very often. A few days later Eric and Carole brought it by for me to test drive for a few days.

It is obvious they have taken very good care of this car. It runs very well and gets great gas mileage. To top it off they sold it to us for a VERY reasonable price. They could have gotten more for it had they tried Craig’s List or something. They were more interested in helping us than monetary gain; a mark of true friends.

Dave was right, when you start doing smart things with money good things happen.

Thank you Eric and Carole for being such great friends!

Disclaimer: If you have car debt you are not a bad person!

I have four weeks [thyroid] to salvage my Anatomy and Physiology [aorta] grade for this semester.

To say this semester started rough [mitral valve] is an understatement. After only two tests [pulmonary artery] and just six weeks I had an overall grade of 62% [thalamus]. This is hardly compatible with admission to a credible nursing [capillaries] program. These science grades are taken very seriously [alveolar ducts]. As I have mentioned in previous entries, I seriously considered dropping this class after the second test [trachea].

I was given new hope after the third exam. I performed surprisingly well [vena cava] scoring an 83%. My reward was an eight point jump [atrial natriuretic peptide] in my overall percentage. I sat down with a co-worker, and we calculated how well I needed to perform for the rest of the semester [ventricle] to score an 80% overall grade for the class. It breaks down as follows.

Total Points Available: 800
Points Needed to Get a B: 640
Max Points Possible At This Time: 490
My Current Points: 350
Remaining Points Available: 310

As you can see [artery] I have quite the hill to climb if I am to achieve my goal of 640 points. I did leave one bit of important [pancreas] information out. The final includes a 50 point [thyroid stimulation hormone] bonus test. This is 25 True/False questions. This gives me a total of 360 actual points [hemoglobin] still available. If I can score 85% or better on these last [CO2] two test and get at least half of the True/False bonus questions correct I will have my “B” for the semester [renin-angiotensin].

My next test is tomorrow [blood pressure] evening. It covers 5 chapters. It is over the endocrine system, blood, heart, blood vessels and lungs. The heart, lungs and blood [lymphocytes] are areas that I have a lot of experience in so I expect to do well on those portions [basophil] of the test. I am not as strong with the endocrine system [diabetes] and the blood vessels [veins]. I studied these areas all weekend and will study them today and tomorrow [pharynx]. I feel that I have an excellent chance of getting an “A” on this test. If I can do that [larynx] then I will be able to take a lot of pressure off of myself for the final and bonus test.

Now, back to my studying!

Photo Credit: Jennerally

Invasion of Dandelion

April K. Curfman

Blatantly you disregard
Our efforts to exclude you
And pop-up – like stars
Across our yards
In irrespective profusion
Your final act
A child-like gift
Of whimsical illusion
Your courageous grace ignored
You’re labeled
An intrusion.

Yes, it is that time of year again. With a quick ride through any neighborhood here in the Midwest the evidence of spring is upon us. Dandelions are ‘on the rise’. Rather than mowing them down or even worse treating your yard with ‘weed and feed’ let’s take a different route, shall we?

With a taste close to honey this one is sure to be a winner with the kids!

Dandelion Jelly

Wash one quart of dandelion blossoms (no stems).
Put in pan and boil for 3 minutes in one quart of water (mom lets it simmer for a while).
Strain.
Strain again through a coffee filter.
To every three cups of liquid add 1 pkg. sure-jell and1 tsp. lemon or orange extract (mom uses lemon juice).
Add 4 1/2 cups sugar.
Boil 3 minutes (mom says it takes more like 10 minutes) Use jelly setting on candy thermometer or use a glass dish from freezer. If a few drops on the cold dish sets that is an indication that it is done.
Jars need to be hot. Mom puts them in a cake pan of water and heats on stove. She puts parafin in each jar. After it melts she adds the jelly.

You can add any flavor of dry jello to taste or color. (Mom adds about 1 T. of strawberry)

“If dandelions were hard to grow, they would be most welcome on any lawn.” Andrew V. Mason

Ported and edited from my wife’s blog, with permission.

It was an amazingly beautiful day in Kansas City yesterday! It seems like we always get the best weather for Easter.

All four of the girls were able to wear new dresses for church.

Thank goodness for the second amendment!

After church we headed out to my parents home. They live just outside of town on about eight acres. There is a pond and a small lake. We decided to enjoy the great weather and got out the badminton set. There was a very slight breeze so we were actually able to have a few decent volleys.

After a few hours at my parents it was time to go. Mom and dad invited the two smallest girls to stay the night so Julie, I and the two older girls headed home.

Before we could settle down for the night a trip to Wal-Mart was in order. Last week someone got Jessica a Rubik’s Cube for her birthday. I played with it a bunch yesterday and decided I needed one too.

Better late than never!

I found a couple of videos on Youtube explaining the system to solve the cube.

Part 1
Part 2

I know the Rubik’s Cube is about thirty years old but I did not have Youtube to teach me back then! Anyway, after a couple of hours I was able to solve the puzzle. Now I just need to memorize all the moves so I can show up when we attend Science Olympiad finals this coming weekend.

To bring the day to a nice ending I spent about fifteen minutes with Lydia, Jessica and a friend of theirs from church, going over the first devotional from Josh McDowell’s book that I mentioned last Friday.

Overall it was a fantastic and relaxing day yesterday. It was relatively uneventful, which is something we all need from time to time.

I will leave you with the verse we studied last night in our devotions. All four of us prayed this verse over each other.

1 Kings 3:9 So give Your servant an understanding heart to judge Your people to discern between good and evil. For who is able to judge this great people of Yours?”

Click to purchase (Affiliate link)

I have been tucking my girls into bed, and praying with them since they were little. Somehow, in the last few years I quit doing this with my older daughters. As I wrote a couple of weeks ago I have started back up again.

This has been tough to start back up. I ask the girls what we can pray for each of them and I am getting blank stares back from them. I would ask them, “Don’t you have something you need help with that we can pray for?” They would just look at me and shrug their shoulders. I realize that I could pick for them but I just do not want to do that. I do not want this to be, “Dad is lecturing us” time with my daughters. I am not interested in being a bad guy. Above all I want this time to be relationship building between the three of us.

I apologized to me daughters.

“It is my fault that this prayer time together is so hard for you. You should both be used to doing this. It should not seem strange or uncomfortable at all. This should have been something we have just always done.”

Finally Wednesday night I stopped by the Christian book store and picked up a devotional by Josh McDowell. I am more than glad to let Josh McDowell pick the subject matter each night. I looked through this book and I like the way it is organized. There is a scripture verse, story, reflection thoughts, action points and a prayer idea. It is exactly what I wanted to do but was unable to make happen myself. No body is super great at self examination. This book will be great for all three of us!

Welcome to my Hard Work Network update for the second quarter of 2012.

I am putting just one item on my Current Hard Work Page for the next three months.

1. Do a nightly devotional with Lydia and Jessica Sunday through Thursday nights.

I have no problem with a one item list being considered hard work. I expect plenty of opposition as I take on this challenge. The world, the flesh and the devil will all try to get in the way of this idea.

Positive change does not occur overnight. It is achieved by making slight, consistent changes over a long period of time. I cannot wait to see how God uses these five nights a week to draw the three of us closer together.

Be sure to take a few minutes and check out the Hard Work pages of the other members!

My two oldest daughters seem to be getting most of my attention on the blog lately. This last Sunday I got a chance to have some activities with the two younger ones and I wanted to share it with my readers.

Elaina has been bugging (I mean that in a nice way) me to help her make a covered wagon for one of her classes at school. I quickly got on Google (how did we ever get along without 232,000 search results at our fingertips) and found a great “how to” site with a video.

A few items from the garage and a hot glue gun and we were in action!

Where are we going today, Rover?

Wagon Ho!

Elaina and I had a lot of fun working on this together. She sat in my lap and watched every step of the process. It was not too hard to put together. I am not exactly the most craftsy person but the instructions were simple enough. Elaina’s concern was that we had enough space for the little girl and the dog.

To finish off the afternoon I had to perform a “Conservation Experiment” with them. This was for five extra credit points in my Human Lifespan Development class.

In this experiment I fill up two identical containers with water. I ask the subject (both girls participated), “Which has more or are they the same?” Since the water level is obviously the same the subject should reply quite quickly, “They are the same.” The next step is to take one of the containers and pour the contents into a third container. This third container should be designed in a way so that the water level is higher than the remaining container. You ask the original question again, “Which has more or are they the same.” The answer to this second question will vary based on the age and development of the child. A very young child will think there is more water in this new container because the water level appears higher. A further developed child will answer correctly based on the fact that no water was added or taken away during the move from one container to the other.

I performed this experiment first on Elaina our ten-year-old. It was obvious to her that the first two containers were supposed to have exactly the same amount of water. She answered the first question correctly saying, “The same.” After I poured one container into the differently shaped glass and the water level was obviously higher she answered the same question again. As expected she answered saying, “It is still the same because you did not add or take away any water. You just poured water from one container into another.”

Now it was Anjelia’s turn. I was not sure how well she would do on this experiment. She is technically under the age one would expect to get this experiment correctly. I set the two containers in front of her and asked the question, “Which has more or are they the same?” This is the question that one expects to get answered quickly. The first part of the experiment is supposed to be obvious. Of course, silly me chose two containers with lines on them!

Anjelia checks the playing field

Yes, in my infinite wisdom I chose Pyrex measuring containers. Anjelia got down nice and even with the two containers and eyeballed the water levels.

“This one has more.” She pointed to the one on the left.

At this point Julie is behind Anjelia bent over in a silent laugh. I grab one container and carefully pour a very small amount from the container on the right into the one on the left.

“Now this one has more.” She pointed to the one on the right.

At this point Julie is just laughing out loud at the fact that I cannot even get past the first stage of this experiment. Every step of this thing is very important to Anjelia and she is not going to mess up. This is an experiment, you know.

Finally I get the levels in the two containers close enough for her liking, and I ask the question again. She answers as expected saying they are the same. “Of course they are the same, she made sure of that!” I thought to myself.

With that part of the experiment finally over I pour one container into my differently shaped glass and re-ask the question, “Which has more or are they the same?”

Anjelia, cocks her head, crinkles her brow and with a look of confusion in her eyes she answered me: “They are the same because all you did was pour the water from one glass into another.”

Julie and I broke out laughing again. I patted her on the head and told her thanks.

It was a truly enjoyable afternoon with my two littlest girls. I am a blessed man.

Photo Credit: smlp.co.uk

“Dad, I don’t want to pray for myself. I want to pray for the kids in Haiti. Shouldn’t we be praying for them over ourselves?”

Last Thursday my two older girls really frustrated me. I was discussing with them the time we leave the house each morning. If we do not leave by 7:20 I am usually about five minutes late to work. They both looked at me and suggested I just tell my employer that I will be late to work every day because they did not want to be fifteen minutes early to school. When I chided them for suggesting such an idea, they looked at me like I was crazy. They really did not get it.

That day at work I came up with an idea to prove my point. I discussed the idea with my boss and she approved my plan. She agreed to let me be fifteen minutes late to work every day for a week. My plan was simple. I was going to leave the house with the girls at the exact same time (7:40) that the final bell rings. This would put them at school exactly five minutes late every day this week. There would be serious consequences for my girls. Detentions and missed after-school activities would result. I discussed my idea with Julie and she agreed to give it a shot, knowing full well this idea would make for an unbelievably hard week.

During the entire weekend I had this sinking feeling in my stomach that this was not a good idea. It was not until church Sunday morning that I realized the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me to change the plan. We had a special speaker Sunday and he was talking about giants in our lives. He wanted us to identify the giants we were facing and be willing to believe that those giants could be defeated through prayer. By simply getting God involved giants can be defeated.

A giant being fought in our home right now is the lack of mutual respect. I am sure it is not unusual to see teen sisters lack respect for each other and immediate authority figures. As their father and a spiritual leader in my home I refuse to just watch this happen.

This sermon woke me up the the fact that I have left God completely out of the struggles I am having with my two older daughters; a new plan was born.

Before I try something really crazy and completely fueled by my own efforts and wisdom, maybe I should get God involved in the process?

I sat down with both daughters Sunday night, and explained the new plan. From now on during the week the three of us are getting together and we are going to pray for each other’s needs. Each girl will express a need they have in their life, then three of us will take turns praying for the other person and their need.

Sunday night went great. The sound of my two oldest daughters speaking words of hope and encouragement over each other was music to this father’s ears.

Monday night did not go so well. Monday morning was horrible and we got out the door later than we have in a really long time. Neither girl wanted to be around each other or me. I was determined to keep this plan in place so I made them sit with me and asked Lydia to be first in sharing her need with us. That is when she looked at me sand said, “Dad, I don’t want to pray for myself. I want to pray for the kids in Haiti. Shouldn’t we be praying for them over ourselves?”

At first glance that sounds so spiritual. Of course Lydia should focus on the needs of others. She should be more concerned with the lost and hurting than she is with herself. What I explained to her is that she was not going to be praying for herself. She was sharing her needs with Jessica so Jessica and I could pray for her. It was allowing us to be focused on the needs of someone else. In this situation that person was right in front of us.

I am sure that being this vulnerable with her sister is a little scary. I know it is hard for me to admit my needs to other people. I do not want to inspect myself that deeply. I do not want to place my insecurities out there and hope the person I am tossing them in front of does not use them against me.

There is a bigger issue to be considered here. If my daughters cannot learn how to love someone right in front of them, there is no way they can have real and authentic love for someone on the other side of the word who they do not even know.

===========================================================

The best oatmeal cookies eveh!

I just can’t get over these cookies. . . This is my favorite cookie recipe, for the moment. It’s yummylicous, especially with coffee. They have a nice spicy flavor and aroma. They remind me of what little girls are made of…sugar and spice and everything nice!

Dad’s Oatmeal Cookies
1 cup butter
1 cup white sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
2 teaspoons ground allspice
2 teaspoons ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
3 cups quick cooking oats

——————————————————————————–

Cream first three ingredients until fluffy, add eggs and vanilla. Mix all dry ingredients into butter mixture. Stir in oats. Let dough stand at room temperature for 2 hours.
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).
Drop dough by tablespoonfuls onto lightly greased cookie sheets. Flatten cookies slightly and bake for 10 minutes. Do not overbake.
Take cookies from the oven when still puffy and edges are just beginning to brown. Let cookies cool a minute or two on cookie sheets before removing. Cool completely on racks. They are fragile and difficult to remove from the cookie sheets when they are still warm, so work gently.

I have experimented with the measurements on the cinnamon, all spice and cloves and have found that 1-1/2 tsp. makes it spicy to my liking. I don’t always let the dough sit either.

I’m quite ashamed – ’tis mighty rude
To eat so much – but all’s so good. ~ Leona Odle Dickey

Between last fall semester and this spring semester I made a tough decision. I chose to take a full time position with my current employer.

This change was going to allow me to have more weekends off, but it was also going to take away two full days during the week that I previously spent with the tutors in the Academic Resource Center at school. These two full days with tutors played no small part in the “A”s I received in both English 101 and Math 40.

I am allowed to crack my book from time to time at my job but that is no replacement for ten solid hours of tutoring every week.

I told myself it was okay to make this decision because I needed routine over anything else.

This semester has proven to be very challenging as a result of this decision. I felt very confident at the end of last semester and just assumed I would do as well this semester because of the sole reason I was taking half as many classes. I was terribly wrong.

I am taking Human Lifespan Development (HLD) and Human Anatomy and Physiology (A&P). They are four and six credits respectively.

I am doing decently in the HLD class. My teacher is extremely knowledgable and the content is interesting. Much of it is theory and I enjoy it. Being a parent with a couple of teens and a couple even younger, much of what we are studying I am experienced. Still I am only varying a “B” in this class. We have had two tests and two quizzes. I received “B”s on both of the tests but I keep getting “D”s on the quizzes. I think quizzes stand a chance to hurt your grade more than help it. We only get twenty questions. It does not take much to bomb a 20 question quiz. I do have a middle-of-the-road “B” so I should not complain.

I wish I were doing so well in A&P. Our professor made no apologies for how hard this class would be. He warned us that the class average for the first exam was 67%. I fell just below that average at 62%. We were warned that the second test did not generally go any better, and I landed a 62% again.

I was at a crossroads now. Should I drop this class and just look for an easier professor next fall? I strongly considered this. The idea of getting two evenings a week at home with my family was very tempting. After quite a bit of thought I decided to stick it out for two reasons.

First, what of I stick it out and manage to drag myself up to a “C”? That is not the best grade ever but I can live with one of those on my record. Going back and trying to bring it up is always an option anyway.

Secondly, if I do at least finish the class (and fail) then when I do come back, the entirety of the class will be my second time through. No completely new information.

Given these two scenarios I decided to stick out the class no matter what.

Last Thursday we had our third exam. The week before was spring break. I spent that time putting out all manor of fires. My mom ended up in the hospital and the motor on our suburban went out. Needless to say I did not hardly crack a text book. I showed up about ninety minutes before class and crammed; not something I generally do.

These are 75 question tests. Fifty questions over the lecture and 25 over the lab. I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly I answered the first fifty. I was confident but leery. I have a history of doing worse than I feel on tests. The lab portion had me a bit more nervous. The lab portion is “fill in the blank” and “word bank” questions. I spent a lot of time scratching my head and looking at the ceiling trying to recall terminology and functionality.

I made my final decisions and gave the test to my instructor. He was allowing students to stick around and watch him score their tests. I handed him mine, and began to pace the room waiting for him to finish the one he was already on. I am one of the last students to finish my test so I was not disturbing anyone.

He grabbed my test and I watched him from across the room. I just wanted to see if he was making any red marks. I did not care what the correct answers were.

My spirit picked up as he moved through the pages. He was only adding a couple of red marks per page; one page had none! I moved in closer and saw him mark down 11 missed on the lecture portion of the test. Hey, that is a score of 78%!

He then moved to the lab portion. This is where I really crashed last time missing 11 of 25 questions. He moved through this section even quicker and I was excited to see I only missed 2! I ran back to my seat pumping my fist in celebration. I had scored a 83% overall. A 20 point improvement over the last test resulting in a 7 point increase in my overall grade. Now I am carrying 70% average in this class!

We have a couple more tests, several quizzes and a 50 point bonus test yet to take. I feel like I have a legitimate chance at a very strong “C” and maybe even a “B”!

My hope is rekindled for this class!

I am going to put my digital audio recorder to work the rest of this semester and try to re-listen to as many lectures as possible.

There may be hope for this A&P class yet!

It took us a few years to get started on a family. Once we got started it all hit fairly quickly. We went from no children to four daughters in just five years.

Those early years were tough. I joke that Julie went three years without sleep but the truth is she really did.

I remember during those years a lot of older, and more experienced adults telling us it would get harder. I didn’t believe them. What could be harder than what we have been through so far?

It is starting to become clearer to me now. The two older girls are both in full puberty. They are just mean to each other. They barge into each other’s rooms unannounced looking for stuff. They have an endless vocabulary of snide comments for each other. I am not afraid to admit that it is very disheartening.

Last Saturday night I played in a volley ball tournament. One of my team mates is a friend from high school. Scott and Sari got started earlier with their family than we did. They have two amazing daughters. Both of theses girls played volley ball with us Saturday night. They are both college age and are such a joy to be around. They get along so well and are such great examples for my daughters.

The oldest of them, Jennifer, is a Sunday school teacher for my two oldest girls and she is also taking a group to St. Louis this summer for a missions trip. My two oldest girls are fund raising for this event. I have high hopes for them both this summer.

I want my girls to see how tough other families have it. I do not think they have enough perspective. My hope is we can expose them to plenty of other families that do not have things as good as we have them. Maybe they will appreciate their own lives more. Certainly a week being around some other adults that they look up to will help. I cannot imagine a better role model than Jennifer Williams. I have told Scott before that his daughter is reason enough to have my family at New Life.

I am sure my daughters are not struggling with anything out of the ordinary. Still, it is worth the effort to help them gain better perspective. That is something I have to stay on top of. I tend to get too comfortable sometimes and start acting like I should get my way all the time.

God have mercy on me. This is hard…

Photo Credit: ElvertBarnes

I have thought long and hard about this week’s Let’s Blogoff Topic. I will most likely paint myself into a corner with this post.

One concept that has really changed the way I write (and read for that matter) was covered when our instructor told us that good academic writing does not use the word ‘you’. She gave a variety of reasons for this. It is not the purpose of this post to argue the reasoning, it is the end result of this new concept, that I want to share.

After being given this new directive I started seeing things differently. When I would start to draft a post I would catch myself using ‘you’ way too often. Suddenly my writing started to seem more like an owners manual than something motivational, which is what I am actually after. Certainly in the beginning days of this blog it was more of an owners manual since I was more focused on business at the time. Technical writing comes across better when it says: “You should XYZ before you can PDQ if you want to be successful at QWE”

What I learned is this. I can take almost any blog post that is full of ‘you should’ and ‘you must’ styling and, turning it inward, I could change it over to read ‘I should’ and ‘I must’ resulting in a much more powerful influence on not just the random reader, but on myself.

This simple change in my writing has taken this blog, and turned it into a very introspective experience for me. I no longer look to use it to influence others. I use it to influence myself. I have always had a slight lean towards schizophrenia so now, through this blog, I can talk to myself and not feel quite as crazy. I engage in the ultimate self talk from this blog.

It may seem a little narcissistic at first, but this blog is not about ‘you’ it is about me. It is about the me that needs to do better. It is about the me that is struggling to understand the world, and myself, better. It is about the me that needs to learn how to be a better dad, husband, friend and son.

Hopefully a few passers by will happen upon a post they can identify with, and we will be able to partake of a particular learning experience together.

Certainly, if I build content around my own challenges, I will never run short of material.

It is 11:45pm the Sunday night before I release this journal entry. Julie and I just finished a two night, three day, get-away to recharge. We generally only do this once a year on our anniversary. This year we needed a get-away between anniversaries.

When I get away from the house for these weekends I tend to get a little introspective. Without the business of life pushing at us we almost always get into conversations about our life.

Twenty-two years ago Julie and I planned out our life together. Income, cars, houses and ‘stuff’ never entered the conversation. We came to one simple agreement; we wanted a big family. The path by which we started our family did not necessarily follow that plan but the end result is the same. We dreamed of four kids and we ended up with four kids.

We are not unlike a lot of other families out there. This economy crash has caused us to start over financially. I am thankful that our income had nothing to do with our life goals together. We never believed that true wealth was measured by bank statements or FICO scores. When we planned our lives those many years ago, our idea of wealth was found in family size and little else. Today we are a family of six, and in my heart I feel like the richest man on the earth.

I am convinced that this overall thought process played no small part in why our family has held together so well through these massive changes. Had our sense of worth come from the stuff we had accumulated then the removal of that stuff would have seriously damaged our family.

I realize that signaling victory at the age of 41 seems silly. We have a lot of years ahead of us. Still, we set out with the goal of growing a large family. In this area we are victorious, and a little celebration is in order.

Photo taken in October 2009

Because of our family size we got a large tax return this year. I was excited because we finally had a little breathing space in our finances. We were able to bring our baby emergency fund back to where it needed to be. We were also able to set aside a few dollars for a simple weekend get away to Omaha later this year.

One thing we desperately needed to do, was get some front end work completed on the Suburban. This vehicle has been paid off since 2008, and since I became a debt free fan in 2008 I have made the decision to do repairs over purchasing new.

Last year we rebuilt the transmission, replaced the fuel pump and put in a new radiator. In the years prior to that we rebuilt the rear end and the transfer case. The current engine has 216,000 miles and a couple of weeks ago I made the statement that I was so convinced that I never wanted to borrow money for a car again I would go so far as to replace the motor in my suburban. I made this statement assuming I would be able to make it to 300,00 miles on this current motor; I was wrong.

When my mechanic went to do a tune up this week he found antifreeze in the engine block. Further investigation revealed a faulty head gasket and….gasp….cracked heads. In the blink of an eye the remainder of this year’s tax return has been swallowed up to get a replacement motor.

On one hand I am thankful we had the money to do this without needing to borrow. On the other hand I am very frustrated because I had plans for the $3,300.00 I just sent out the door. None of it was frivolous. We are a family of six and our kids have needs! Braces and glasses and clothes and and and….

Someone is going to ask me: “Why spend $4,500.00 on your truck?” Why not take that $4,000.00 and borrow $4,000.00 and get something new?”

I am not going through all this craziness with working full time, and going to school [almost] full time to shrink up my personal financial margin! I do not work and study hard so I can have more stuff. I study and work hard so I can have more financial breathing room. I refuse to let a four hundred dollar a month payment suck the breathing room out of our personal finances.

Julie and I have sacrificed a lot this week for this way of living. We stand arm and arm on this concept, because we share the same dream for our future.

Our dream is to spend our money making memories not buying stuff.

I am a pretty emotional person. The list of movies in which I have shed tears are long, and in some cases just silly. Julie has learned to ignore me out of politeness. Lydia, my oldest daughter still rolls her eyes and asks me, “Why are you crying?”

I just chalk it up to my very active imagination. I have this ability to over empathize I guess. It is almost dumb. Maybe I have some kind of disorder and need to be checked. Anyway, I digress.

Yesterday morning at church I found myself exceptionally emotional; scary, I know. On the first Sunday of every month we have something called BGMC. All the first through fifth grade boys and girls run around the auditorium with yellow “Buddy Barrels” collecting loose change for missions.

As I watched my two youngest daughters running, smiling and collecting change, my thoughts were drawn to my two oldest daughters. Jessica was sitting behind us with her best friend, and Lydia was helping in the Energy Zone with the Pre-K kids.

It seems like yesterday when my oldest daughters were small and carefree. They will be thirteen and fourteen next month, and I realized that in just five short years they will both be adults and most likely moved out.

My head was being pulled in two different directions yesterday. My family needs provided for, yet I just have a few short years to pour as much parenting into them as possible. I want to finish my RN (associates degree) and want a Bachelor’s, and eventually a Master’s degree. My concern is that if I over focus on those goals I will easily wash away the next five years with my family.

I have been spoiled for the last seven or eight years. I did not miss anything while I was self employed. I was able to make it to every event you could imagine. Over the last seven months I have missed [a lot] of events. Last Thursday Lydia had her first introduction night to high school and I was not able to be there. I was miserable being in Anatomy and Physiology class when I wanted to be with my daughter. Last Tuesday evening was their last band performance of the year and I missed that as well.

These advanced degrees will probably take a while. I am not going to spend the next five years of my life in college class rooms and miss this vital time in the lives of my daughters. The price is too high.

Besides, I do not think there is a treatment for lacrimal gland failure!

Photo Credit: Wonderlane

The last five years have changed me.

Before 2007 I cannot say I spent much time worrying about the basics. Food, mortgage, car payments and utilities came [relatively] easy. I will spare the gory details. Let us just say that what took me three years to build took the following three years to lose.

In the fall of 2010 I blew the dust off my nursing license, and took a part time job in community mental health. When we moved into the holidays of 2010 I realized that I would have to close my business and full time nursing was my new reality; I would no longer be self employed, and our income was going to get hammered even lower. My nursing license is for Practical Nursing; I am not an RN. Since I had been away from nursing for quite a few years I came back in at the glorious rate of $16.00 an hour. Not enough to cover our budget even though we had no car payments or credit card payments.

We were faced with doing something we had not done in twenty years of marriage. We were going to have to get government assistance with food if we were going to eat. Both of us dreaded the idea of our friends and family catching us at Wal-Mart, pulling out the EBT card to pay for our food. Feeding our family was more important than our pride so we moved forward with the process.

This last December I was offered a full time position with my current employer; I accepted. Last month we were required to re-submit our application for our EBT card. My new position put us $200.00/month over the income limit and our monthly EBT went away, completely. The net result was a $300.00 a month drop in our overall income.

My Facebook “hide” button is getting a lot of action lately. I am tired of the constant stream of put downs that come from conservatives/christians/republicans. The endless ‘not-so-clever’ pictures with the ‘not-so-clever’ captions calling people who use Government help lazy, have pushed me beyond my breaking point. I am tired of feeling condemned when I did not do anything wrong. I am tired of hiding the fact that I was on food stamps for a year and had to keep it a secret from everyone.

We seem to have forgotten that we are Christians above our political affiliations. We are called to serve those in need, not make fun of them. Christ reminded us that whatever we do to the least, we are doing to Him. Tithing every Sunday and quippy pictures and statuses on Facebook are not an accurate representation of what Christians are called to do. Sure we will get plenty of ‘likes’ from our friends and can feel good when the plate passes, but pitching soft balls to our neighbors and friends is not what we are called to do.

This country is not suffering because the government is doing too much; it is suffering because Christians are doing too little.

I have had the pleasure to get to know some of the most helpless among us during my 18 months in community mental health. Mental health illness is just as debilitating as any other disease out there. Many of the clients that I help are sick beyond imagination. They may suffer from multiple voices telling them to do the most horrendous things to themselves. They are trapped deep inside a world that those of us blessed with a clear mind cannot begin to fathom.

Every time I see a prideful ‘go get a job’ status on Facebook, it turns my stomach. Not everyone can help it. Not everyone can just throw a switch and have a 60k a year job and some family that will help them. A single mom making $8.50 an hour cannot just run out and get a degree to improve her situation. Someone whom has suffered years of abuse, and would rather kill themselves than try to live another day needs more than a great quote from someone’s Facebook feed.

As a Christian I am called to step into this gap and help to fill it; not make fun of those that are in it. I am called to serve the widows and orphans of my community.

I am called to shine a light of hope not bang the drum of condemnation.

Matthew 5:16 KJV
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

Photo Credit: postbear

As much as I wanted to write a nice blog post today about what songs I have stuck in my head I cannot. I am studying for a big Anatomy and Physiology test today.

Still, Rufus Dogg got my brain working and this is the LBO dump that is necessary if I am to make it through the day!

[There is a video that cannot be displayed in this feed. Visit the blog entry to see the video.]

We attended the regional finals for Science Olympiad this last Saturday. We left the school about 7:00am for Penn Valley Community College in downtown Kansas City.

We carried all kinds of different creations into our staging room. Devices were strewn all over the floor and various tables in the classroom.

Every thirty minutes from 8:30am till 12:30pm various students from twelve schools piled into lab and class rooms all over the community college campus. Nervous parents and coaches paced the halls outside the competition rooms anxiously waiting the emergence of their students from their events.

From the very beginning of the day Mrs Durham, our fearless leader and a science teacher at Oak Grove Middle School, was anxious but optimistic. In the past Oak Grove has been in a different division of the Science Olympiad competition. This year we were moved to a much more competitive division. Only the top four teams would be able to advance on to state competition.

All along Mrs Durham had been calling us David and our competition Goliath. She truly believed in her heart that we had a great chance of making it into the top four. Friday evening she sent home a brown envelope with a CD and personal note included. The CD had a motivational song and the personal note was full of encouraging words and faith in her students’ abilities.

At 3:00 Saturday afternoon all twelve schools piled into the gym. The process was pretty simple. The top five teams for each event (22 events in all) were called to the middle of the gym floor. They were announced from fifth to first and each team was given their medals. Points are awarded for each place, and Mrs Durham was keeping track of the points on a note pad. As the teams and champions of each event were announced the tension in the Oak Grove crowd grew. Every time we were awarded a placing in an event we would cheer, and Mrs Durham would tally up the points.

After all the individual awards were given it was time to announce the top four. Mrs Durham was not one hundred percent sure if we had made it into the top four. There were several events where we did not place at all, including the Keep The Heat event Jessica and I had worked on together. This did not fare well for our team, and Mrs Durham was pretty sure that if we did not get announced then we were certainly not going to state championships.

The master of ceremonies decided to announce the top four teams one at a time.

“Fourth place goes to Plattsburg.”

Our hearts dropped. We all knew that if we did not get fourth place we were done. Third place was possible but unlikely. Certainly first and second were out considering the two teams who usually win first and second performed very well and were expected to repeat past performances.

“Third place goes to …… Oak Grove!”

Our entire section of the gym exploded in applause and cheering! You would have thought we were grand champions of the entire event! We made so much noise you could not even hear who won second or first. Our entire team rushed onto the floor and in less than five minutes was ready for this picture.

Oak Grove MO Science Olympiad 2012

In April we will head to Columbia Mo for state championships.

Mrs Durham is a treasure. She has been a teacher in Oak Grove for two decades. She is an encourager and loves these kids every bit as much as their parents. She is an example of everything that is great about our public school system.

Photo Credit: M-Haftek

I was going to name this post: “What is manhood” or “What is manly”

I looked up the definition of these two words and had to change the title. Both of those words, as defined, basically mean: “pertaining to or suitable for males”

This post is not about what men should do that women should not, or cannot, or should not be responsible to do.

I have had this conversation a couple of times with a real good friend of mine from high school. We never came to a mutual agreement on what is manly/manhood because I think we define it differently. I do not separate out the the issue into a male/female issue. I simply ask myself: “What does a responsible man do?” Not: “What does a man do that a woman should not or cannot do?”

So, here is my list (not exhaustive at all) of what a man should do.

1. A man should work
As I have said before. Work (hard or otherwise) is relative. It can have nothing to do with money. What I mean by work is simply, “Stay Busy”. It was not intended for a man to just sit around and let life happen to him. A man should be active and busy. For me, not matter what stage I am in, in my life; I will stay busy.

2. A man should be involved in the lives of his children
Any male can father a child. A real man will be as involved in the lives of the children he has fathered as much as possible. This is called parenting. A man’s role in his family is without question. He should be striving to be as involved as is humanly possible.

3. A man should be a spiritual leader
This is where I get the most push back from some segments of our society. When I mention spiritual leadership some out there assume this means I am giving a free pass to females and placing the sole responsibility of spirituality on the male. This list is about personal accountability and what a man should do. This is not a list of what women should do.

4. A man should treat his mate with respect
Much of this can be accomplished by following the first three things on my list. This means listening more than talking (something I struggle with because I talk WAY too much). A man should set aside one-on-one time with his mate (again something I am working on and have not done well in the past).

What would you add (or subtract) from my list? Is there anything you would add that IS the sole responsibility of a man?

For your entertainment…

I have been nursing a bad tire over the last couple of weeks. Every other morning I have had to stop by the local Quick Trip, and air up my rear driver side tire.

This last Saturday I was running a little bit behind on my way to work. As I made my way around the corner I noticed a brand new Toyota Land Cruiser was parked right next to the air machine. I could tell the vehicle did not have anyone in it. That was not such a big deal. This has happened before and the air hose reached around other vehicles just fine. I do not blame anyone for airing up their tires then running in for a drink or doughnut.

As I pulled into the parking lot I noticed that the vehicle was parked at an angle taking up two parking places. I have always found this kind of behavior annoying.

“Seriously,” I thought to myself “is anyone’s vehicle so important that they have to burn two parking places? Then, to do it right next to the air machine. What kind of selfish person must be wondering around inside Quick Trip while I am out here needing to air up my tire!”

I pulled up right next to the Land Cruiser at an angle that matched it perfectly. I got out of my van and walked up to the expensive vehicle. I looked across the hood and barked out: “What kind of selfish person takes up two parking places when I need to air up my tire!”

Just as those words escaped my loud mouth a sharply dressed man popped up from the other side of the vehicle. I was aghast and instantly my pulse shot up.

“Oh man, I didn’t see you there!” I told him, trying to figure out what he was going to say to me.

“Hey, I’m really sorry.” he told me “I can’t figure out how many pounds need to go into these tires. Will you help me figure it out?”

After being so rude I did not know what to do but get down on all fours and try and read his tires with him. We found the markings about the same time and called out, “55 pounds!” almost in unison. While he was airing up his tire I made some sheepish comment about how nice his ride was. He mentioned something about how he gets annoyed when people take up two parking spots too.

After he aired up just one tire he stood up, handing me the air hose and said: “Here, why don’t you air up your tire so I don’t hold you up any longer than I already have. I have three tires yet to go.”

He helped me feed the hose under his truck and I aired up my tire. I handed the hose back to him and apologized for being so rude with my comments. He waved it off and told me to have a great Saturday, and I left.

I do not know anything about this man and I will probably never see him again. He did teach me a little something about grace Saturday morning.

I deserved none and he gave it to me anyway.

Photo Credit: ktpupp

It has only been a week since Tommy Jordan released his youtube video: “Facebook Parenting: For the troubled teen.”

In case you have been under a rock week here is the video.

[There is a video that cannot be displayed in this feed. Visit the blog entry to see the video.]

I have no interest in analyzing this man’s parenting skills. I think all parents can admit to a time when we have made rash decisions and had second thoughts later. I do not care to debate first or second amendment rights and whether or not this man’s daughter had her rights violated.

The lesson to be learned here is simple. The consequences that can result from our actions are often surprising.

I can sit down to a piece of paper, and write down all the pros and cons surrounding a decision I am about to make. Ultimately I really have no idea what reality my actions may develop into.

Mr Jordan’s daughter never saw this one coming. Apparently she was pretty sure her opinion as expressed on Facebook was hidden from her father’s eyes. Mr Jordan never saw the public reaction coming either. Something he admits himself in a series of facebook statuses you can see HERE.

In a moment of pure frustration that so many of us parents can completely understand Mr Jordan has taught a lesson that everyone would be wise to understand.

Our actions do have consequences, and many times those consequences are far different than we can ever be prepared for.

Photo Credit: Janetmck

Babies really have a way of putting out the stink. It is not so bad for the first few weeks after birth, but as their digestive system works out the nourishment remaining from gestation, their normally bland smelling diapers take a turn for the worst.

The very best thing to do is focus on the head. Since the head is the most attractive part of all babies anyway this should be fairly obvious. Just remember that the head is the part without the white saggy plastic bag attached to it. A mistake in this assessment skill could be catastrophic. One never knows the terrors that reside in the loin coverings of babies.

The very best parents will keep the baby’s head powdered well. Sometimes you get real lucky and find a baby that has been rubbed down with baby oil. These babies smell particularly nice and should have their heads sniffed at every opportunity.

It can be real tempting, when in public, to go up and smell the heads of completely strange babies. I would encourage the baby smeller to avoid these types of smelling situations. Most normal parents frown on strangers smelling their babies heads. If you do find a stranger willing to let you sniff their baby there are a couple of things to be mindful of.

First, remember that babies are easily startled; you should sniff as quietly as possible. Secondly it is never a good idea to actually touch your nose to the baby. For the baby to maintain a nice odor it is important that the noses of complete strangers never touch it. Finally, should a baby be surprised to see you lean in for a sniff, you may want to consider finding a different baby to smell. Although babies smell great, pleasuring your olfactory nerves is not their only function.

While babies heads smell better than anything else on the planet, it is the responsibility of all sniffers to understand the dos and don’ts of baby smelling. Without responsible baby sniffing by all adults we run the risk of losing this privilege forever.

For the sake of all moms, dads and babies please exercise appropriate baby smelling. Responsible baby smelling is everyone’s responsibility and should never be taken for granted.

The effort it takes to maintain balance between work, school and family is more than I imagined. Last semester I took 14 hours of classes and still managed to work 38-45 hours per week. Everything else took a back seat. I only attended church a couple of times during the sixteen week semester, and I had almost no time with my family. The result was three “A”s and one “B” and way too much time away from my family, both spiritual and natural.

This semester I have chosen a different direction. The path I have chosen will probably not result in as high of grades.

During the time between last semester and this semester I made the decision to take a full time position with my current employer. This forced me to take only evening classes this spring. The greatest benefit is I will have most weekends at home. Last semester I worked the weekends. Working weekends allowed me to have entire days during the week to study and write papers. Last semester I spent over sixty hours with the math tutors. There is no doubt that those hours were the determining factor in my ability to get an “A” in that class. This semester I will not have ten-to-twelve hours during the week to study and work on projects. This will result in lower grades.

I have to cheat somewhere. As much as I want high grades I cannot neglect time with my immediate family or time with my church family. All nursing schools in Kansas City are very competitive right now. These programs are seeing application levels around three to four times larger than previous years. They are forced to focus heavily on GPA over any other factor. This is a real step of faith. Faith that I will still be able to get into nursing school with grades closer to 3.0 than 4.0.

Last semester I proved to myself that I could achieve great grades while working full time. Too many family sacrifices were made in that endeavor. I am not willing to sacrifice that much family time for a prolonged period. In just two years Lydia will be driving and she will only be a couple years from moving out of the house. She needs me more now than ever. I have a short span of influence left.

I continue to strive to find a balance between family and the demands of a career. This is not something I will ever have completely figured out. It just is not that simple.

I will error on the side of family. I know that decision is not something I will quickly regret.

One of my biggest fears right now is the lack of time with my daughters. Being a three-quarter to full time student and working 40 plus hours a week does not leave me much time with my girls. I really need to make sure I take every opportunity to spend time with all four.

A couple of months ago Jessica approached me with a request.

“Dad, I have been selected to take part in the Science Olympiad competition this year. Will you be a coach?”

When my [almost] thirteen-year-old daughter asks me to do an activity with her, I better jump at it. It is more common at this age for our kids to want less time around their annoying parents, not more.

I was happy to say yes. I assumed that I would be paired up with the science teacher or some other adult with experience in this thing. It turns out, this is not the case. I am quite alone in this thing.

To make it even more interesting I was given the “Keep The Heat” event. In this event our team will build a box designed to hold a 250ml beaker of warm water. This experiment consists of measuring the heat loss over a specific period of time. The goal is to build a container that will ‘keep the heat’ for as long as possible.

It was completely perfect that we were given this science project to perform. Since my dad owns a cabinet shop I got on the phone with him right away, and recruited his services for the construction of our device. He was more than excited to help us out.

It took two evenings to build the box. Both evenings my dad brought cookies and juice for snacks. We fired up the shop full of tools and built quite the capable box.

Here is a picture of the girls stuffing it with sawdust for insulation.

Here is grandpa and the girls.

Of course, being girls, they had to paint the box.

Next, we will be putting together a binder full of information on Thermodynamics, something I do not understand at all!

I have no idea how well we will do at the competition. Regardless of how we do, we are making some great memories together, and I am thankful that she even wants to have me around her school friends and teachers.

Jessica is a great kid and I am very grateful for the opportunity to be her dad.

Photo Credit: urbanwide

My parents worked pretty hard to raise my sister and me well. They did not have the best examples to follow. When they were older, and started raising a family of their own, they did the best they could.

With the exception of the ban on ‘rock music’, I do not have any problems with any of their decisions. Hey, I missed out on the greatest era in music, the eighties!

It is okay dad, I am not too bitter! (wink wink)

There is one thing my parents taught me that I have followed to this very day. Julie and I are trying our hardest to instill this one value into the lives of our children as well.

Just tell the truth!

If I really wanted to find out the depth at which my parents could discipline, all I had to do was tell a lie. There was absolutely no room for it in our home. My mom’s favorite scripture out of the bible on the subject, while I was growing up, was the following:

all liars, their part will be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone

No, I do not sit around in fear that if I tell a lie I will burn in hell forever. My mom was trying to make a point, though. Mom and dad both knew that pain and misery follow liars around and the consequences of such behavior spread to those around us. The greatest violations man has thrust upon other men were covered in lies and deception. Both slavery and the Holocaust were founded upon the lie that Jews and African Americans were not 100% people.

Trust is the currency of all relationships. – Andy Stanley

I want my girls to understand; without honesty successful relationships cannot exist. When they get older and start to date I want them to expect honesty. If they have lived their whole lives in an environment filled with the truth then they will be instantly turned off by any relationship with lying in it.

Because of our desire to see our daughters be in healthy relationships we hold them to very high standards. They have lost privileges for an entire year as the consequence for dishonesty.

Even if they tell the truth just to avoid the long horrible conversation that may result if we find out they lied I am happy.

Eventually truth will find its way into the light. I want my kids to understand that the end results are always better if we shine the light of truth on ourselves rather than hoping someone else does not.

“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche

I started my second semester last week. I am taking Human Lifespan Development (HLD) and Anatomy and Physiology (A&P). Both classes are three and a half hours long. A&P is Tuesday and Thursday and HLD is just on Mondays. I am so glad that I decided to take less hours this semester. I actually have two days each week with no classes and will not have to work every single weekend this semester like I did last semester. I cannot believe how much easier this feels already.

I am glad that I took so many hours last semester. I pushed a lot of stuff off my plate, and I should be able to enter the nursing program of my choice by spring of 2013. I am perfectly fine with that plan.

I could feel the anxiety in the room during our first A&P class. For many students this is the first class that really feels like healthcare. We will be studying the human body, and everyone is curious what kind of instructor we are getting.

About three quarters of the way into class he was explaining to us how the ‘anatomical position’ is described. Out of the blue he barked:

“I am creation, not evolution! After taking this class I do not see how in the world you can be an evolutionist. I have never purchased a car that got better over time. Things do not get better over time. Things do not go from disorder to order with the passage of time. Show me an example of that anywhere!”

A few days later we were in the middle of a class break during my HLD class, and I was walking by another A&P class. When I looked through a window into the room an evolution presentation caught my eye. At the bottom of the slide on the screen there was a bullet point that stated, “Species evolve, but organisms do not”. I found this statement to be in direct contrast to the idea of evolution. I asked myself, “How does evolution know the difference? How in the world can you have entire species evolve but individual organisms not evolve?” Even at the cellular level evolution is contradicted. The only way a cell can divide successfully is if it makes an exact replica of itself. If there is even the slightest difference the new cell will die. How can you possibly have evolutionary change if every cell has to be identical right down to the very DNA structure for successful replication?

Humans like to make simple things complex, and that is why evolution continues to be taught so widely. Creation is just too simple. It takes five minutes to explain creation and five hundred hours to explain evolution.

With creation comes purpose. Because I was intentionally formed then it stands to reason that I also have a specific purpose. I like the idea of that. I like knowing that my life has meaning.

I will proudly proclaim, as my instructor did: “I am creation, not evolution!”

Photo Credit: PhotoJonny

This site took a major traffic hit when I converted from 100% business to more motivation and spiritual content.

Before you get confused and think I had all kinds of traffic relax a little. I was only at about 2,000 visitors a month. When I dumped the business coaching idea, and changed to what I am now, my traffic was cut in half. Just this month I have started seeing the same numbers as before (plus a little more). It has taken me seven months to recover the traffic.

I have doubled my traffic in the last seven months and I believe reader friendly content has been key. I try to use titles that encourage readers to check out my content. I try to think of something creative that, at first glance, will give some insight into the content being shared. I use “Journal” and “Essay” in titles to let Twitter and Facebook followers know the type of content being shared. For the most part I believe my content is easy and quick to consume and I try to build everything here, at this web site, with the reader in mind.

Here are some tips for creating reader friendly content.

1. Subscribe to your own stuff
You should be subscribed to everything you have available for your readers to subscribe to. Frequently I get Feedburner emails that have strange symbols in the subject. Consider THIS article by John Saddington of Tent Blogger for some tips on article titles. I also get some Constant Contact and Aweber emails with serious formatting problems. All of this makes consuming content problematic and most readers will reach for the delete button pretty quickly.

2. Allow 100% of your blog content into your RSS feed.
If you think that treating your RSS feed like some kind of movie teaser is a good idea, you are still in the dark ages of content publication. Make it easy for people to read your content in their RSS readers. Forcing someone to visit your site to finish a story may increase your traffic but it is not likely to increase comments or shares. Great articles encourage these things, not manipulative syndication. To access this option in WordPress visit settings>reading and choose ‘full text’.

3. Make it easy to share via social media
Every blog post you write needs to have Facebook and Twitter share buttons on it. We all love comments on our blogs but getting an article shared via Facebook and Twitter are just as big of a compliment as comments. It also carries the opportunity to gain new readers. More comments help your blog look busier but getting more shares is a big key to traffic growth. Here is an article I wrote to help you get started adding share buttons to your posts.

4. Use an image with every post
I cannot stress this one enough. There is nothing more boring and uninviting than to visit a web site that looks like an open PDR. Carefully thought out images will help convey your message and warm up your web site.

For some, a 1,000 a month increase over a seven month period is not much. For me it seems like a lot considering it is all organic, and I have never been profiled on a high traffic site.

None of the above things are complicated. They just provide for a better user experience.

Photo Credit: JoePhoto

Tablets are the popular thing right now. Apple sells the iPad at a $499.00 starting point and Amazon is selling the Kindle Fire at a $199.00 starting point.

I read this nice article this week that points out the difference in business practices between Apple and Amazon.

According to the article:

Apple focuses on profitability for its hardware products with content providing a supporting role at much smaller margins, while Amazon is willing to sell hardware essentially at cost in order to support profitability in its massive shopping and content offerings.

There is a lesson to be learned in the battle between Amazon and Apple. While Amazon is apparently caving to the pressure to treat the Kindle products like a loss leader to grow customer base, Apple continues the time honored practice of making a reasonable profit on their hardware. Value is added by a community that creates extremely cost effective add-on’s.

Small business owners would be wise to follow Apple’s example and not Amazon’s.

Free and break even do not scale in the world of business. Amazon will probably get by with this because of their customer base, but as small business owners we cannot get caught in the tap of following Amazon’s example. All we will do is create downward momentum for our companies. As we drop our prices in an attempt to be more competitive (or carve out our own niche) we will only devalue our products and services, and our perceived value will go with it.

Amazon will suffer greatly if their customers purchase Kindle products but only use it for free content. With Apple’s approach they stay profitable regardless of the the way customers use the iPad.

Let’s keep the profitability of our businesses in our own hands, not the hands of our customers.

A couple of weeks ago I updated my Current Hard Work page and added the goal to have prayer and bible reading time each morning.

I have never been an early morning person. My plan all along was to get up around 6:15 or so for my quiet time. I have done that each morning since my journal from January 9th.

Previously I would get up around 7:00 and have just enough time to get dressed, and have a cup of coffee before leaving at 7:20am to drop the older girls off at school then head to work.

With this earlier schedule I have been given quite the surprise. My two youngest girls, who normally do not get up till around 7:30 each morning, are coming out of their room around 7:00 to sit with me in the living room while I wait for the time to leave. Julie even pointed out to me that they are actually setting their alarm for 7:00 so we can hang out for a few minutes.

These events have left me to consider a few things.

1. Not all the benefits of spiritual activities are spiritual in nature.
Certainly it is spiritually healthy to start the day with prayer and reading. It is not just about getting prayers answered or growing in my understanding of the bible. It is about making myself available for what God wants to do. What if God wants me to be up early so I can have more time in the mornings with my family?

2. My kids are watching me.
Like many parents out there I am constantly trying to teach my kids how to be responsible people. Sometimes I get weary trying to get a particular point to stick in their heads. I really did not expect the two youngest girls to notice my new plan. I certainly made no announcements to the rest of the family. Still, they noticed and have adjusted their own schedule to have time with me in the mornings.

3. I am not the only one who benefits.
My spiritual obedience is not just about me and my needs. There is a bigger picture that may not be revealed until after I obey.

This new practice I am following has reminded me of something. My obedience is not always just for my benefit. There are others in my sphere of influence that need me to be more on task with my obedience to God’s word. The challenge is being willing to try.

Photo Credit: JD Hancock

I have been fascinated with time travel for a long time. Since I am a sci-fi fan I get plenty of entertainment content surrounding the subject. For the most part every episode of my favorite shows use time travel to give me a happy ending. Our hero goes back and saves someone or rights some kind of wrong. He or she gets to return back to their correct time and everything is better.

Well hurrah for them!

The rest of us have to live our lives looking back on bad decisions or experiences and wish we could go back and change them. My list is just as long as anyone else’s. Maybe I do not have some of the ugly things in my past many people do such as untimely death of family members, but I would like to think that kind of thing is relative anyway. My worst experience may not be as bad as another person’s worst experience but it is still MY worst experience.

I am such an emotional person that I would run back in time just minutes after a decision and change it. I would ultimately find myself in an endless loop of decision making, and changing, trying to find that perfect combination for a life that will make me happy.

I would abandon the need for a mentor. I can just try every single possible scenario and choose which result I like the most. I would become the ultimate manipulator leveraging my powers for my own welfare. My wife, children, friends and neighbors would become slaves to my every whim. I would become lazy and fat(er) since I would be able to win the lottery any time I ran out of money.

With the ability to turn back time and fix my past mistakes I will guarantee myself one thing. I will leave this earth as dumb as I entered it, and no one would be better off for my existence. I would live an uneventful, perfect and completely boring life.

I understand my title for this entry is a little cliche. I cannot think of a title that is more fitting.

In April of last year (2011) I wrote a post titled: “Learn to foretell the future“. In that post I told the story of how our church leaders are showing us the direction our church is headed by their choice for youth leader and associate pastor.

Yesterday our church held a vote on whether or not we should appoint Todd Blansit to co-pastor which essentially set him up to be the future lead pastor of our church.

Let me share with you a couple of reasons why the future of New Life excites me.

1. Actively looking to fill needs in the community
An area I find most frustrating in ‘old school’ thinking is this idea that anyone with a problem needs to just pull up their boot straps and fix their own lives. Not everyone can do this on their own. It is the responsibility of the church (I am the church because I go to one) to help those in need. Todd and Tiffany are always looking for ways New Life can be a part of the solution.

2. Operating out of a plan
Todd and Tiffany are very organized thinkers and planners. A teen mom can show up at 5pm any Wednesday of the year and receive help. Consistency is key in any organization and everything these two people touch is orderly.

3. The truth is not watered down
In an age where many churches are changing the message based on popular opinion, Todd’s teaching holds strong to biblical truth.

4. A passion to reach the lost
Too many churches just focus on the people who walk in the doors. The world does not need any more churches designed and built for church people. A church body should be on the lookout for the hurting and lost and we should be taking the message and hope and healing out to where the people who need it the most live. I will gladly give my money towards ideas that will help reach people outside of our building.

I cannot wait to see what the next few years hold for New Life and I am excited to be a part of something amazing in my own community.

Photo Credit: Still searching...

My two favorite bible characters are Kind David and Joseph.

One thing about David that I can relate to is his massive mood swings. I do not show my mood swings on the outside. I tend to hold them in. I am very thankful that David did not do the same thing. He laid it all out in the Psalms for us.

I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. (Psalm 27:13 NASB)

David knew all about the highs and lows of life. You can probably say that out of all the bible characters he experienced the highest highs, and the lowest lows.

In his early years, before becoming king, David spent some time running for his life. This was after killing Goliath and basically saving the entire Israelite army from the Philistines. After becoming king David killed Uriah and stole his wife then lost his first born son in infancy.

In reading this verse I am reminded that David believed God for good things both in heaven and on earth. Sometimes I think Christians can get so caught up in how great heaven is going to be that we forget that God has promised us good things here on earth as well.

Andy Andrews comments on life: “We are either going into a crisis, in a crisis or coming out of a crisis!”

Both of these men know that in life we will experience many highs and unfortunately many lows. It is our faith that we will see God’s goodness while here on earth that can sustain our hope.

The challenge is recognizing God’s goodness when we see it.

Photo Credit: Khaz

This last Monday I restarted my daily practice of prayer and bible reading. My favorite verse from the morning has really been on my mind.

Proverbs 9:8
Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you; Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you.

At first glance this verse is telling me to be careful of whom I try to rebuke (or correct). If I chose a scoffer I will become hated by this person. If I choose a wise man I will have a friend and someone who loves me. Apparently, I should choose wisely.

I came to the realization that I needed to take this verse deeper and ask myself: “Which person am I?”

How do I respond to rebuke? Am I defensive? Do I respond in such a way that tells others to write me off as someone whom cannot be corrected? Imagine the trouble I could get myself into if I was not correctable.

On the other hand, what If I respond to correction in love? Can I step back from myself and evaluate my behaviors and actions openly? Am I willing to change based on the correction of other Godly men and women? This verse says that someone whom responds in love to correction is wise.

This verse is not asking me to find a wise person to correct.

This verse is asking me if I am found wise enough, by others, to be correctable.

As I have gotten older I have found routine to be more important in my life. Most areas of our lives require routine to be successful.

An area of my life that needs the most routine is my prayer and bible reading time. I have always been inconsistent in this area. I know it is important for my spiritual walk but I do not always stay on top of it. Back when I had my business it was much easier. After dropping off the girls at school I would come back home around 9am and go into the garage. I had a small table and a chair in there. I would spend around thirty minutes reading and praying. Okay, 25 minutes reading and 5 minutes praying. I am not exactly a fancy prayer. Since closing my company last year and slowly heading back towards traditional employment my daily (Monday through Friday) quiet time has been neglected.

While working on my Hard Work Network (HWN) page this weekend I was considering something I could do that would challenge me over the next ninety days. In some ways it is a little bit of a cop out to just put down my school schedule. Since I will be taking classes for the next several years this could make for a very boring page, for everyone.

So, for the next 90 days here is what my Hard Work goals will be.

• Human Anatomy and Physiology  - 6 credit hours
• Human Growth and Development – 4 credit hours
• Get up early enough (Monday – Friday)  to spend 30 minutes in prayer and bible study before starting the day.

The third item on that list will be much harder than the other two. I am not a morning person at all. I do remember how much that quit time helped me a couple of years ago but it was not early in the morning. I am not a good evening bible reading and prayer person I am usually just too tired and too easily distracted.

I had a great chat with my pastor last Tuesday morning and he was the one who encouraged me to get back into the habit of doing this each morning. I shared with him some struggles I have been experiencing during the last year, and how I was struggling with my prayer life. Hopefully this will help me get back into a healthy habit.

I will Facebook and Tweet (using the #HWN tag) my favorite verse of the day as an additional accountability tool.

Thank you to everyone who has joined the HWN with me. I really do love the accountability. I can tell it is going to be a great took to help all of us stay on track with our ideas and goals.

Be sure to check out the other members!

Photo Credit: Kaba

Probably the most stressful part of running my own company was keeping the pipeline full. I tried a little bit of everything.

It was easy in the early days. Demand was high for cabinet installation. Trim carpenters, at least here in Kansas City, wanted nothing to do with kitchen cabinets. All we really had to do was the basics. If we were on time, did our work well, and took care of the details we stayed busy.

As the market turned south the landscape changed. Trim carpenters all over the city decided installing cabinets was not such a bad idea. Since most of them knew very little about cabinet installation they looked to the builders and suppliers for pricing. The trim carpenters provided opportunity, and the building industry here in Kansas City cashed in, or out, or down, you get the point. The floor dropped out of market pricing and instillation quality went with it. I tried for 36 months to keep things above water. Ultimate we closed our doors due to lack of work. We were not willing to be the cheapest place in town; we were unable to perform that poorly. We were specialists in a market that did not want specialists; it wanted cheap.
 
What made that 36 months the hardest was the fog I had to run my business in. For the longest time our reputation was just about all we needed. The fact we were on Extreme Makeover twice was proof enough. My simple system was no longer functioning. I had to try something.

I doubled my personal visits to market leaders. I joined some online lead generation sites. I hunted government contracts. I even tried a few network marketing groups. In the end I bid my brains out and had little to show for it.

At the end of those 36 months I was a man without a plan. After three years of trying various ideas I found myself completely out of any kind of routine. Getting a part time job as a nurse may have made it worse, at first. On top of trying to run a sub-contracting company I was working as a nurse, and trying to be a business coach. I was trying to do too much and a lot of it was out of desperation.

Step one in simplifying things was closing my company, which I did in early 2011. Next I quit trying to be a business coach, and finally, just a couple of weeks ago, I took a full time position as a nurse.

This year I am looking forward to some routine. A nice job that I can go to Monday through Friday. Some pre-scheduled classes in the evenings and most weekends at home with my family. I actually get vacation and holiday pay now! Imagine that! We have already planned a couple trips out of town. At the top of the list is a trip to the Omaha Zoo and a wedding in TN next September.

Julie, pack your bags, we have a plan!

Julie and I do not get out much. Lately I have either been in class or working. I realize it is not good to go long stretches without going out together. Sometimes, there just is not much you can do.

We had both been looking forward to this last Friday. My sister and brother-in-law have been in town and told us long before their arrival that they wanted to hang with the girls one night so Julie and I could go out.

They did more than just watch the girls. They also gave us some date money. They gave us A LOT of date money.

We decided to go ‘all out’ and hit The Melting Pot. Neither one of us had ever been to a fondue restaurant. We arrived around 7:00 and discovered the wait time was over an hour! Not to be deterred we went to the bar and waited. It was a great time. We just sat there and visited for an hour and a half while waiting for our seats. We did a little people watching. The young couple at the end of the bar was the most interesting. He sported an intentional five o’clock shadow. His jet black hair was slicked back; something Al Pacino would have been proud of. He never took his eyes off the young lady he was with. She was wearing a flattering red blouse and had long, curly, black hair. Every few minutes she would run her fingers through it and smile back at the gentlemen. They were putting on a show, sitting in the most obvious spot in the room.

At about 8:30 we were shown our seats and began our first fondue experience. That took another hour and a half. It was such a great time together. Other restaurant experiences are just too short. The food comes out quickly, we cram it down our throats, the bill is tossed in our face, and we run out the front door making room for whomever is next.

We needed this so bad. A few hours just sitting together in a restaurant, surrounded by complete strangers and still completely alone with each other. We were able to talk about all kinds of things that have been on the back burner. Julie was presented with an interesting opportunity at Rachel House last week and this was our first opportunity to even talk about it. I will share more about that as the details are worked out.

My point is this. I think that most people would have left after finding out the wait time would be ninety minutes. This would have resulted in stress and frustration while another option was found. That would have been a huge mistake for us. The time we spent visiting before our meal went by so fast. Sometimes we just get too caught up in the speed of things in this country, and we forget the value of conversation with those around us.

The food? The food was fine. I was not there for the food.

Sometimes, it is more about the company than the meal.

Photo Credit: Nicole Pierce Photography

I am a dreamer by nature. I have never really lived in the now. I am constantly looking a little further down the road; imaging a glorious future.

When 2007 was drawing to a close I found myself unable to to dream of a glorious future. Earlier that year we purchased our dream home. Only two months after moving into this home the economy took its first dip. My business was hit hard, and I was without the means to keep us in our dream home. I did not have the heart to tell my wife of the impending loss. I knew things were going to end ugly. The value on our home dropped dramatically and a huge loss was in our future. It took half of 2008 for me to tell my wife what was coming. Never before had I faced life with that level of anxiety.

More than once during 2008 I considered driving my truck off the interstate and over a bridge embankment. I had a $750,000.00 life insurance policy, and that certainly would have solved all of our financial problems. My wife and daughters would be taken care of. They would get over my loss soon enough. These thoughts were accompanied with bouts of extreme panic. My respirations would shoot sky high and I would get dizzy. It was a miserable existence. I just wanted it to all go away. I finally got the nerve to tell Julie about the house and my anxiety attacks. I ended up at our primary care physician’s office. I told him what was going on and he prescribed something for the anxiety. I hated the way it made me feel. I just quit caring about anything at all. I lacked energy and drive. For the first time in my life I hated who I was and what I had become; a depressed man with no hope.

Since I was the only bread winner in the family I knew that taking this medication was a bad plan. How could I make things better if I did not care? One Wednesday night at church I went forward for prayer. Our pastor came up to me.

“How can I pray for you tonight, James?”

“I’m on medication for anxiety, but when I take it I just do not care about anything. I need healing in my mind.”

I do not remember what he prayed for me. What I do remember is literally falling over and experiencing the sensation of all stress and anxiety leaving my mind. As soon as I walked back in the door of our home I threw all the remaining pills in the trash and never needed them again. I had experienced a miracle.

Since that evening I have had one dream; to live a story worth telling. I take on each year believing that I am living a story that will inspire and encourage others to move past life’s challenges and on towards victory.

I do this with three strategies.

1. Leave the pain, study the experience
Hindsight and retrospect paint a very clear picture of actual events. The worst thing I can do is let the pain of the past keep me from learning from previous experiences. Sometimes the pain is of my own doing and sometimes I am victim of life’s circumstances. The Blue Collar Business Podcast was a very therapeutic experience for me. I used podcasting to help me flesh out the experiences of the previous 6 years of owning my business. I shared failures and victories during those 54 episodes.

2. Maintain forward momentum
New ideas bring hope. The Hard Work Network was born out of my desire to always have some kind of project or goal that is ‘in progress’. I stay busy trying new ideas and new things. If one idea fails I just move on to the next. Even something as simple is reading a new book comes with a sense of accomplishment and forward momentum.

3. Be tenacious
During 2007 and 2008 I allowed my surroundings to dictate my level of engagement. The more beat up I felt, the less active I was. I spent many days in my office just watching Netflix on my laptop rather than engaging life. After my experience that Wednesday evening at church I believe God injected me with a special level of tenacity. I am not the smartest guy in the room but I can always work really hard. Sometimes victory is as basic as trying harder than anyone else.

I do not know what 2011 has brought into your life. Maybe something has happened this year that has either tried, or even succeeded in stealing your ability to dream. Would you be willing to take on this next year with me and dare to dream again?

We will leave the pain, study the experience, maintain forward momentum and be tenacious.

Editors Note: For finals in my general psychology class last semester we were required to write a five page essay. We were expected to write about how we were changed because of taking the class. I wrote this essay and receives a grade of 98 out of 100. I decided to share it with my blog readers. I hope you enjoy it.

Last week I was contemplating our essay assignment. When I looked at the assignment my own self talk had begun. The assignment required us to consider how we have changed as a result of the class. At first I did not feel like my viewpoints had changed at all as a result of the class. Since I already work in the mental health industry I really felt like I had a leg up on the class. In many ways I did. I have been exposed to a variety of mental health disorders and personality disorders. I do not need convincing that mental disorders and personality disorders exist. I see it every single day.

Before starting, I decided to sit down and review my journal entries from the year. It was my hope to find a common theme between the nine entries that I could expand on for this essay. It was fun to explore my thoughts for the year and read the difference between my thoughts early in the semester all the way up till now.

A common theme I have found in many of my journal entries are around the idea of assumptions. My life is full of assumptions. I easily assume someone of an ethnic background may like certain foods or be drawn to specific types of music. I may assume blonds are not as smart as brunettes, or that red heads have a quick temper. I may assume that two older adults have been married for a lot of years, or that someone who receives welfare is inherently lazy. I may assume that men are normally doctors and women are normally nurses. This list could go on forever but that would make for a very boring paper so I will end it here. The point is that I have had to re-evaluate my own assumptions during the course of this semester. I was not aware of how much I just assume to be true without substantial proof.

My first journal set the tone for this semester, and served to foreshadow how I would change. I wrote it right after watching the memory video. During the video teachers were exposed to several exercises that helped them get an understanding of what it could be like in a classroom for a child with a learning disability. What struck me the strongest was how a room full of very educated people could be made to feel less intelligent by speeding up the learning process. I was amazed at how such a simple change can turn so many intelligent people upside down in their comprehension.

As a medical professional I will be placed into a wide variety of educational environments where I am the educator. Patient education will be a very big part of my job responsibilities, and I will need to be able to communicate with a wide variety of patients from very different backgrounds. The insight to read my patient’s ability to comprehend and then deliver the material in a way that can be retained is a tool I will certainly need to develop. I cannot assume that because the information is easy for me to understand it will also be easy for my patient to understand. Some patients will take more time than others, and I need to be prepared to spend the extra time where it is required.

Journal number six ties into the concept of teaching as well. I was very motivated to write my sixth entry right after finishing the review of our mid-term exam. The review process has left a profound impression on me. I do plan on being a teacher with my advanced nursing degree. I will handle all my tests in exactly the same fashion. A post test review is a fantastic way to drive the content even deeper into the student’s memory and at the same time help the teacher get an idea of how well they are teaching the material and writing questions. Again, this is an area where assumptions can get the best of us. Assuming I am ‘good enough’ at anything is dangerous for everyone.

My second area of assumptions can be found in journal number two. This journal was written after discussing how brain injuries during infant years can pre-dispose people to eating, drinking and sex disorders. My mistake during that week of class was assuming that by making a list of reasons why certain behaviors happen, we are excusing that behavior, and therefore giving the violator a free pass. It was only after receiving my paper back from the instructor that I realized my error. At the end of a paragraph where I was lamenting my frustrations, Alana politely wrote: “Not so much to excuse, but explain”. I had really missed that during lecture. At no point had anyone stated that all of these ‘reasons’ excused the criminal from his actions. Criminal punishment by nature is treating the symptom, not the cause. We are a country of laws, and should enforce them regardless of reasons. What is more important is that we understand the cause behind many crimes so we will be better equipped to avoid them in the future. An ounce of prevention is truly worth a pound of cure.

My third area of assumption is the idea that I have anything completely figured out, including myself. In journal number four I wrote about stereotypes. We were talking about people group experiments during that week, and during a group session my group contemplated whether blondes played the flute more often than brunettes. This entry gave me pause to do a little soul searching in the area of stereotyping. In the grand scheme of things it does not matter what color of hair flute players have. What this exercise did was give me an opportunity to evaluate my thought process when dealing with appearances. Do I assume hair color means anything? Do I assume blondes are dumb, and do I assume African American people eat fried chicken and watermelon? I tell myself all the time I do not think that way, but if I am completely honest with myself maybe I do assume some of these things. My upbringing and other factors have influenced my perceptions of other groups of people. I need to be constantly evaluating myself in an attempt to weed out incorrect belief systems.

Journal number seven drove this point home for me. We had been talking about Sigmund Freud and the “Phallic” stage. Freud’s view of women is not one that I share; still I need to evaluate any pre-conceived ideas I may have about women. In the course of writing that journal entry I came to the realization that, if I had been a male during his time, I may very well have shared his same social views. In its own way this frightened me.
I am the father of four wonderful girls. I want to make sure that I do not pigeonhole them into any specific life choices because of my own upbringing. I will certainly share my beliefs and faith with them. I just want them to be able to explore a variety of ideas without their father trying to determine all their choices beforehand. Ultimately they are individuals and deserve the right to make their own choices in life, and should not look to me for acceptance, but be confident in their own abilities as individuals. I should be consistently looking for ways to help my daughters discover who they are and what they were meant to be.

Ultimately I, and the world around me, am a mystery. As I stated at the end of journal number three, we, and I do mean the collective we, do not have that much figured out at all. We do not know for sure how the body does what it does. We do not fully understand how big the universe really is. We do not completely have the education system figured out. I do not completely understand all of my daughters, and I have a long way to go to become the person of influence I desire to be.

Becoming a better person is not accomplished in one semester in college any more than it is accomplished by attending a motivational presentation at the Sprint Center. It is a piece of a larger pie that requires time and attention. There is no ultimate twelve step program for success in any arena of life. Happiness is not found in a pill or a bottle, and a better James is not found in any single event. A better James is developed over time with constant introspection. As I experience life and continue to look back on those experiences, and be honest with myself, I will be able to make improvements. The worst thing I can do is stay in my little comfort zone, and figure everything will just be alright. It does not work that way in any other area of my life. It certainly does not work in the areas of assumption and stereotyping. As I interact with different groups of people, whom are living life in a different way than me, I will gain more insight into how the world really works. Every experience is an opportunity to learn more about myself and those around me. My level of observation and introspection will determine my ultimate value to society and my family. I should embrace all experiences as an opportunity to learn more about myself and those around me.

English 101 – “A”
This class remains my favorite for the semester. I enjoyed writing all four essays for this class. I really feel like I stretched my writing skills. The one major thing I learned from this class was the advice, “Show, don’t tell”. With this advice I have tried to incorporate more story telling style into my writing. I have put a lot more conversational dialog into my blog posts. This helps the reader feel more like they are reading a story.

General Psychology – “A”
This class is a very close second to my English class. For our final we were required to write a five page essay detailing how we have changed as a result of taking this class. During the semester we were required to write nine journal entries using class content as the subject matter. For the final I went over those journals and found a common theme within them all. My essay was titled, “Assume Nothing” and my instructor awarded me a 98 out of 100 on it. I will be posting this essay on Wednesday of this week.

Math 40 – “A”
This class had me really stressed during the last two weeks of the year. I did manage to finish all the units (this was a ‘go at your own pace’ class) during the semester. Once I finished the semester units I was required to take the comprehensive final. All semester long our instructor was telling us he had not decided if he was going to count the final or not. Since we were required to get at least a B on each unit to even advance he did not see the value in a comprehensive final. I had to take the test in the school’s testing center. When I approached the test administrator she told me what I was allowed to have in the room with me. What I did not ask was how long I had to take the test. This was a fifty question, multiple choice test. It took me two hours to complete forty questions. At one hour and fifty-nine minutes the administrator came in and told me my time was up. I completely freaked out. I sent an email to my instructor letting him know what happened. I was scared to death the final would pull me below an “A”. Late last Tuesday I looked at my transcripts, and I was delighted to have an “A” for the semester. It was a whole lot of drama for nothing. It would have been nice if my instructor had returned my email letting me know I was just fine.

Chemistry 105 – “B”
Going into finals I was carrying an 80.22% for the semester in this class. I was holding on to a “B” with all my might. I employed a new strategy for my final. I took my digital recorder from my podcasting equipment box. Our instructor had given us a 5 page study guide. I took the study guide and read it into the recorder. I took the mp3 from the recording and put it in my iPhone and listened to the ten minute recording around 35 tines. When I sat down for the test I went almost completely on gut feeling. It was a 75 question test and I ended up only missing nine questions. In an email my instructor told me I received the third highest grade. I ended the semester with a solid “B”. I will no doubt be using this strategy during the next semester.

I do not return back to school till January 19th. I am going to really enjoy the next four weeks with my family and evenings at home.

Next semester I will be taking “Human Anatomy and Physiology” and “Human Growth Development”. These two classes are six and four hours respectively. Hopefully I can continue these high grades. It should help me for admission into the various RN programs around the city.

Join the Hard Work Network

Many of you know of this little idea Josh Bulloc and I came up with called the “Hard Work Network” (HWN).

The concept is simple. Build a page on your web site centered around a few things you are currently trying to accomplish. This page is designed to be a companion to the standard “About” page, but should change three to four times a year. New visitors to your site should be able to use this page to get a snapshot of what you are currently doing. Ideally they should also be able to see what you have done.

A few weeks ago I was throwing out invitations to join the network. Someone on twitter stated that they would like to join, but were afraid their list would seem lazy compared to mine. I would like to address this concern with a simple statement.

Hard work is relative.

The HWN is not a competition. It is not about competing with each other and seeing who has the most challenging list. I cannot speak for you but in my life the biggest challenge I face is myself. The HWN is about each member pushing themselves outside of their comfort zone. This is measured on a case by case basis and each member has to decide for themselves what is hard work given their current circumstances and challenges.

Here are just a few guidelines if you are a current member or considering joining.

1. The HWN list should have short-term and obtainable goals
Vague goals serve no purpose. Ninety days after making the HWN list, a member should be able to cross each item off as completed. If a goal cannot be 100% completed in ninety days it should not be on the list. The member may need to consider breaking that goal into smaller, more obtainable goals.

2. The list should be hard
As stated above this is about hard for the member, not hard for everyone. Someone who struggles with depression may have several days during a ninety day period where they do not get out of bed. Setting a goal to get out of bed every day for ninety days is hard work for them.

3. Less is more
It is tempting to put eight to ten items on the list. I would discourage this. The list should not have more than four items and just one is even better. I would rather see one obtainable measurable goal on a list than five vague items that can never be completely done.

4. No repeats
At the end of ninety days your list should get a refresh. I would encourage a blog post pointing to, and explaining, an update to the HWN page. Putting back older goals, whether you accomplished them or not, is a quick path to a stagnant page that looses its value for the reader and the member. This list is about moving forward. Success or failure should not stall forward momentum.

If you want to join the Hard Work Network you can get more details by visiting my Hard Work page.

Here is a list of the current members and their pages. Special thanks to Rufus at The Dog Walk Blog for the code. Feel free to follow us on twitter by searching the hashtag #HWN.

Photo Credit: 401K (click image to visit http://www.401kcalculator.org/)

“Integrity Counter Tops, this is James.”

“Sure, we make laminate counter tops.”

“Yes, self edge is eighteen per foot plus five per foot to install.”

“Okay, well if you need me to come out and do a bid just let me know.”

That is how I answered my phone the first three years I was in business.

I made a common mistake. I assumed that I could run my company with the exact same pricing as any other counter top company here in Kansas City. The problem with that mentality (and it is all too common) is not all counter top companies are the same. By having a ‘per unit’ pricing model I was stifling my company in a couple of ways.

First, I was unaware of what my real cost was on every job. Secondly, by having a ‘per unit’ pricing structure I went on less actual house calls. I set myself up to be exactly like every other counter top company here in Kansas City. My personality and style did not stand out because I relinquished control of my prices and put them in the hands of the customer. The last thing I needed was customers sitting at home figuring my prices for their jobs. Unfortunately many other small business owners do this same thing every day.

It was not until 2007 that I learned a better way. A business consulting company convinced me to hire them to help me ‘fix’ my business. I’ll save you the long version because this company completely ravaged me for A LOT more money than they should have. You can catch the full details on Episode 5 of the Blue Collar Business Podcast.

What this company did leave me with was a simple tool (spreadsheet). With this tool I learned how to price my work in a way that guaranteed me a profit on every job. It actually turned out to be the simplest thing I have ever learned in business.

“Integrity Counter Tops, this is James.”

“Sure, we make laminate counter tops.”

“Well, we do not price our work like everyone else. We come up with a price tailored to your specific needs. This keeps us from hitting you with surprise charges later. We do bids, not estimates because we are experts.”

That way of handling pricing questions completely changed the landscape of my business. Home home visits went up and my success rate followed because my customers had confidence in my confidence. My pricing became based on real expenses and real profit margins.

After 2.5 years of using this pricing system I turned it into a product I sold from my previous web site and on my podcast. I did not end up selling a lot of the classes but the business owners that have used it left me fantastic feedback.

Since I am no longer trying to be a business coach I want to offer this product free of charge to anyone who wants it. It includes the spread sheet and 220 minutes of training and Q&A on using this system.

Please feel free to share this information liberally. It saved me from losing my mind during 2008, 2009 and 2010. I put a lot of work into this product and I do not want to see it gathering dust.

http://bluecollarliving.com/online-cpm

This little break between semesters promises to be a good one.

As of today I am full time with Comprehensive Mental Health Services and will be the day nurse at our crisis house. This is my first full time employment for someone other than myself in eight years.

I never did get my company large enough for me to be able to take an extended leave without work following me. Paid vacations and paid holidays were not something I was able to have. Julie and I took more than one trip out of town only for me to be on the phone with customers the entire trip.

There are plenty of people out there who are more than happy to make you think self employment is the greatest thing that can ever happen to a person. While self employment does have its upsides there are plenty of down sides. I cannot count how many weeks I paid my employees and had to wait till the next week to get paid. The advice, “Pay yourself first” sounds great coming off the pages of a book. It is not quite as simple in practice. You can get yourself upside down with places like the IRS real quick running wild with that advice.

Certainly those self employed years have served me well in the experience category, but they have also left me a little tired, and slightly skeptical of traditional self employment. Many times self employment is just a doorway into a position where you get stuck doing all kinds of stuff you do not enjoy. Contrary to the self employment talking heads you can find happiness in employment. Traditionally employed people have value and someone preaching to the contrary should be avoided; they are teaching discontentment.

For me there has been an ebb and flow in my employment. I am perfectly happy to spend a few years being an employee. I will explore other opportunities once I have an advanced degree, or two, and I can just broker my services.

For the next month I am just going to enjoy going to work each day, doing a great job, then enjoying time with my family in the evenings and on the weekends.

The next time you happen upon a guy or gal that runs their own service company. Stop and shake their hand. They work harder than you can possibly imagine.

Before I make this week’s entry I want to take a moment to welcome some new readers. A few weeks ago I participated in a reader challenge over at the Smart Passive Income blog.

I submitted my very first essay called: “He Gives and Takes Away”

If you enjoyed this essay I encourage you to read the extended version located HERE.

This essay is the story of the adoption of our second daughter. It is a must read if you are a fan of this blog.

For those of you who found me from Pat’s sight and you want to know more about what the focus of this site is please visit the ‘About Me‘ page and also my “Current Hard Work” page.

Well, as the title suggest this is finals week for me. I am both excited and scared. I have a real shot at three “A”s and one “B” if I can perform well this week.

I currently have an A in Psych 140 and English 101. Finals week for these two classes are the submission of semester ending essays. Both are completed; one I turned in last week and the other I will turn in this morning. I will maintain an “A” in both these classes without a problem.

I think I have an “A” in math but I have not received a copy of my grades since completing unit four; there are six units. My instructor is not quite keeping up with getting our grades to us. It is not his fault. This mastery style class is hard to keep up with. I explained the mastery thing in a previous journal entry. Feel free to read it HERE.

I have managed to get my grade up to 80.22% in Chemistry. I have the final this Wednesday evening. I did some preliminary calculations and if I can get a 78% or better on the final I will hold a “B”. My instructor gave us a five page study guide last Friday. I put my podcasting equipment to use and recorded myself reading through the study guide. I have listened to it at least fifteen times so far. With all other classes completed as of this morning I should be able to study pretty hard for the next two days in preparation. If all goes well I will be able to hold on to this “B”.

I have surprised myself this fall. I was confident I could work 40 hour weeks and take these classes. What I was not convinced of was that I would get grades this high. I was completely ready for two “A”s, a “B” and a “C”. Now I have a real chance on starting this college thing out right by being an (almost) 4.0 student! Please excuse me for a moment while I pat myself on the back!

Anyway, sorry for the lack of updates to my blog. I do actually have some cool ideas for some content, and we do plan on re-launching the Blue Collar Living Podcast later in January.

I love what I do here on the blog. Thank you all for reading and your continued support.

My wife loves to decorate for Christmas. The phrase, “the more the merrier” is not lost on us. These snowflakes have been taken down, neatly packed, and unpacked for the last decade. Every year our home is stuffed wall to wall, with decorations.

It is like an episode of Hoarders but with lights!

The tackier the decoration the more excited we get.

I think I picked this one up from Wal-Mart but I do not remember. It is about three feet tall.

This is quite possibly the most frightening thing on the planet. It looks harmless but do not be fooled!

Douglas Fir - Of Death!

Plug it in, turn it on and if someone walks by it opens its mouth and it starts..

“Do you know what time it is? It’s Christmas time!”

“Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree how lovely are your branches.”

Well, Julie got this great idea to plug it in after the kids went to bed so they would wake up in the morning and be surprised.

About seven AM we hear this blood curdling scream coming from the living room followed by screaming and running down the hall and a door slamming. We find our beloved Jessica hiding in the corner of her room crying, “The eyes!”

The eyes of death!

For the next three years Jessica refused to come out of her room while we dug the decorations out of the attic. If we even hinted that we were using Douglas she would run from the room screaming and slam the door; locking it behind her.

Friends

Eventually Douglas and Jessica did make up. She is even able to laugh at herself now.

The next time you head to the attic to dig out your decorations. Beware the dangers that lurk in the corners! Things are not always as they seem!

The Saturday after Thanksgiving is a big deal at our house.

Christmas Trees

“Pumpkins and Pines” is about 45 minutes away. It is the largest Christmas tree farm in the area. From the highway we pulled into a circle drive. I could hear the crackle sound of the gravel beneath our tires. It had been raining all morning and the sky was still overcast. There was a cold northern wind, but we were prepared; we had on our boots, coats, hats and gloves. The tractor that would take us to the trees was pulling a thirty foot trailer. The trailer had bails of hay around the perimeter for us to sit on. We piled in and headed to the back corner and huddle together trying to keep warm.

It was a short ride to the back of the property where the trees were growing. We got out of the trailer and began the hunt. Many of the trees were marked by either blue paint or a red tag signaling ownership. We stopped at our first tree and size it up. It is about six foot tall and a few feet in diameter. It was probably a perfect fit, but what fun is it to find the perfect tree in just five minutes? It was about the experience as much as the goal so we kept looking. We headed down the hill and towards the small creek. The path leading to the creek was muddy, but that did not stop Julie from walking through the mud, and over the concrete bridge leading to the other half of the farm. Jessica tried to follow her but slid down the hill and fell into the mud. I reach down and grabbed her as quickly as possible, lifted her to her feet, and helped her get the mud off her hands. Grandpa was with us and pulled out his small pocket knife and started scraping the mud off her pants for her; he achieved hero status. Finally we found the perfect tree. I cut it down, we got back onto the trailer, and headed back to the farm house.

While the tree was being cleaned and wrapped we went into the little country store. There was an old wood stove inside keeping the store warm. Hot chocolate was the beverage of choice and Santa was there greeting the kids. Anjelia said she had already seen Santa this year but grandma wanted a picture so she went over and sat on his lap.

We do this every year. It is probably one of the cheapest activities any family of six can embark on. I have no doubt that these Saturdays after Thanksgiving will be memories that will be with our kids forever. They are full of great memories.

2005

2006

2007

2009

2011

Photo Credit: Deiru

~for Celia~

“I’m going to get to see David today, mom!”

Judy came running down the stairs, and almost stepped on the dog before sliding into the kitchen.

“Honey, I wish your brother could be here today too. I miss him a lot.”

Susan was getting tired of trying to explain to her daughter that David was still in Europe fighting the war. The girl was only eight and was very adamant that her brother would be at dinner. She had been talking about David’s surprise visit for thanksgiving for three months. Susan knew better than to get her hopes up. Just last week she received a letter from David.

“Mom, it is so cold here in Luxembourg! There is already snow on the ground! Thankfully we are staying in a warm building in town. We have received quite the welcome since chasing off those damn Germans. I wish I could be there with you for Thanksgiving this year. I never dreamed of missing two years in a row. Tell Judy that I miss her and I am really sorry I won’t make it home this year.

Me and the guys are planning a big meal for Thanksgiving. I talked them into waiting till 9:00pm local time so we can at least be eating the same time you are! Tell Judy I will be there in spirit?

Your son always,
David

October 8th 1944″

“Mom, are you going to make David’s favorite dessert this year?”

“You know we always have pumpkin pie, dear.”

Last year Judy would not let anyone else touch her brother’s pumpkin pie. It sat on the dining room table all evening. The next morning Susan had to throw it out; it did not hold up very well after sitting on the table all night. This year there would be two pumpkin pies, she was ready for Judy’s imagination this time around.

About 1:00 pm Susan started setting up the dining room table. It was too big for just the two of them, but she knew Judy would get upset if she tried to use the small kitchen table again this year. Besides, Judy already had three places set. Susan put the small turkey in the center of the table. The rolls were in the oven and the house was filled with the aroma of yeast. Judy brought in both pumpkin pies and put the larger one right next to David’s spot at the table. Judy grabbed David’s favorite cup and set it next to his plate. The dining room was cooler than the rest of the house so Susan started a fire with some hot coals from the living room fireplace. Susan sat at her regular spot and Judy sat next to her. The empty chair at the far end of the table was more than Susan could handle, and she began to cry.

“Don’t cry mom, David will be here any minute.”

“He’s not coming home this year!” Susan yelled.

She quickly composed herself.

“I’m sorry honey, I don’t mean to get upset. I wish he was here too.”

Susan reached out, grabbed the serving spoon, and slapped some cornbread stuffing onto her plate and began to push it around; she was not feeling very hungry.

“Mom, it is not two o’clock yet. We always wait till two before we eat.”

Susan and Judy waited. At two o’clock the grandfather clock in the corner let out two chimes.

Judy looked at her mother, grabbed her hand and said, “Let’s give thanks.”

David stood up and dropped his can of semi-warm baked beans onto the concrete floor.

“Do you fellas smell that? It smells like pumpkin pie in here!”

I officially tried to do too much this week and now I feel like an idiot. (A tired idiot)

I have been freaking out a little bit on my Math 40 class. I only have three weeks left to complete the second half of the material. I got this genius idea that I could speed learn my way through unit four. I kicked it hard last Sunday, Monday and Tuesday so I could take the unit four test on Wednesday. It took me Wednesday and Friday to get the test finished, and before leaving Friday I asked my instructor to email me the results. I felt great about how I did. Boy was I wrong! He emailed me back letting me know I only scored an 80% or better on three of the six categories. Now I have to take the test again (different version of course).

What confuses me is I spent some time this weekend going over the three sections I tested poorly on and I did not have any trouble. I am doing the odd questions in the book and those answers are in the back. I am able to check my work and I am just fine.

The only thing I can figure is that I rushed through the test and made a bunch of silly calculation errors. I just cannot take tests. I am really starting to get frustrated with myself.

I am sure the fact that I also worked 53 hours last week at my nursing job did not help. I do get this Sunday (yesterday if you are reading this the day it is released), Thanksgiving and next Saturday off. Hopefully those few days of rest will help me get my head back into the game. I do not have much time left. Math and Chemistry continue to be the bane of my existence. I am hyper nervous about both of these subjects. They have proven to me that I need more time to get back into test taking shape.

I am glad to be dialing it down next semester. This is just crazy!

I am not superman and need to quit acting like I am. It is just so hard to say no to the hours.

Here is an update on how I am progressing with all my classes this semester. I will give the name of the class and my current grade. I will also include some thoughts and notes on each subject.

English 101: A
This has been my favorite class this semester. A whole new world has opened before my eyes. I joined a creative writing group and have been receiving some great advice and instruction from our monthly meetings. One thing I have been studying in depth is the use of dialog to help the reader feel more involved in the story. Hopefully my regular readers have noticed an increase in dialog use on the site and are enjoying it.

Psychology 140: A
We submit journals every week in my psychology class and I have published almost every one of those on this blog. I did not post last week’s psychology journal on here because I have not decided if the content is appropriate on my blog. I mention male genitalia a couple of times. It is not vulgar content. If a couple of my readers would like to review it and let me know if I should post it here just email me and I will send you a copy.

Math 40: B (I think)
I am not 100% sure what my grade is in this class. I am in a pilot program called, “Mastery”. Everyone goes at their own pace through six chapters. To graduate to the next chapter students have to score 80% or better on unit tests. If the student does not get 80% then they go back and work more problems and take the exam again. Students can get three grades: A, B or I (Incomplete). Incomplete will force you to have to take the class again. I assume I have an overall B grade for this class since I have only aced one test. I am a little anxious because I just finished unit three last Friday. I have three more units to go and only four weeks left. I am going to have to complete a unit a week from here on if I expect to pass this class. I am freaked out about this one.

Chemistry 105: C
This class has been my nemesis this semester. Hard as I try, I am unable to hold on to a B. I have been getting very high As on my lab experiments but the unit exams keep dropping me down to a C overall. If I do not score Bs on the next two exams I will end up with a C for the class. I just do not want any Cs on my transcripts. My instructor is aware of my concerns and he is going to start offering round table discussions for extra credit and Q&A. Hopefully these will help me do better on these last two tests.

Julie was teasing me this weekend. I was lamenting how hard it has been to take fourteen credit hours and still work forty hours a week.

“Everyone told you it was going to be hard. You just take everything on like it’s no big deal.”

I am only going to take ten hours next semester. This has been too hard to try and continue for two more years. I am also looking for a full time staff nurse position. It has been a little bit of a transition from full time self employment to being tied down to someone else’s schedule. I think it is time to go ahead and settle in somewhere permanently. The company I am currently working for does not have any positions available so I am not sure what I am going to do yet.

Photo Credit: kpcauchi

He stormed in the front door of the shop. After a quick glance around the room he barked loudly at the lady behind the counter.

“Hey, do you unlock cell phones here?”

“Yes we do.”

He left the building, and headed down the row of shops. About five minutes later he walked back in.

“How much do you charge?”

She spun around right where she is standing and walked into the back room. After returning she had his answer.

“It is fifteen dollars.”

Again he left the store and went back down a few doors. Five minutes later he bounced back in the door.

“I do not have much, can you help me out here?”

A voice emerged from the back room.

“Tell him we can do it for ten!”

“We can do it for ten.”

“Alright, thanks.”

He handed her the beat up cell phone and walked back out the door, and for the third time he walked down a few doors and disappeared into another store.

The shop door swung open wildly and the cell phone customer ran to the counter. Out of breath he asked the clerk.

“You haven’t done it yet, have you?”

The voice in the back answered.

“Yes, it’s done!”

“Oh man, I changed my mind. I don’t want it done.”

The host behind the counter dropped her head in frustration.

The voice from the back room called out.

“Ask him if he can pay us five dollars for our time.”

Acting frustrated the customer answered: “Yeah, okay whatever.”

He handed the clerk the five dollars and walked out the front door with his phone unlocked for one-third the normal price.

For the most part there are two kinds of customers; those with a little time and enough money and those with a lot of time and not enough money.

I do not believe this guy was trying to rip off this little store; he was just unsure of what he really wanted to do. He had more time than money and was willing to spend half an hour debating the pros and cons of a fifteen dollar transaction. The error was made by the business. Without set guide lines for the clerk to follow all these decisions had to be made in the back room by someone who probably had enough money and only a little time.

It is our job as business owners to find customers that have enough money and a little time. Those are the people who are most likely to value our time because they value their own. Someone with a lot of extra time who is not sure of what he or she wants is likely to drain us of our profit long before negotiations are over. In our example this company was losing money by the time the customer came back the second time. While I was waiting for my phone to get finished (I had enough money and a little time) many customers came through the door asking for specific services, and each time the clerk had to go to the back room and find out the charges.

If we spend a lot of our time negotiating with prospects whom have an over abundance of time, we should probably reconsider our business model.

Photo Credit: left-hand

From the youngest age I believed there was more to life than vocation. Because of this I have made some strange decisions during key career moments.

In 1996 I was working as a nurse for a hospital here in Kansas City. We were in the middle of converting our medical documentation system over to a computer based system. The company that was doing the work had a reputation of hiring medical professionals from various facilities to join their installation team. The job paid twice what I was making at the time. Before this company even arrived I decided to make myself stand out as someone they needed for future installs. The installation process was only a week long process, and at the end they approached me and asked if I would be interested in joining the team; I told them yes. The interview process took two days. If the department heads liked you then you were invited back for a second day to be interviewed by the COO and CEO. I made it through day one and a week later was invited back for my second day.

“The CEO likes to ask really strange questions”, everyone kept telling me. I was a nervous wreck. This was by far the biggest career opportunity I had ever faced. I really wanted to succeed! I met with the COO; we had a nice visit. After talking with him I went to lunch with some of the other staff. Everyone continued to warn me about the strange questions that the CEO would be asking after lunch.

I met with the CEO in a small meeting room. There were no decorations; just a small table, a few chairs and a door with a glass window. The first ninety minutes of the interview were weird just because it was so long. Other than that, it was uneventful. The end is where it got strange. The CEO looked at me and asked: “What is the best decision you have ever made in your life?” I leaned back in my chair and prayed: “God, is this one of ‘those’ moments? Is this guy going to think I am a nut if I answer this honestly?” My pulse shot up and time slowed to a crawl. I looked the CEO in the eye and said: “Asking Jesus to be my personal Lord and Savior and dedicating my life to Him.” He looked back at me; said, “Okay” and we continued the interview.

About a week later I received a call from the COO: “Thank you for your interest but we are changing some of our hiring practices and will not be pursuing nurses anymore.” I was heart broken. It was a real opportunity lost and I could not believe it had slipped through my fingers like that.

A couple of months later some of the installation team was back in town checking in on our progress. One of my friends from the team came up to me.

“Are you doing okay?” He asked me.

“Yeah, I’m fine, how are you?”

“I’m leaving the company.”

“Why are you doing that?” I asked.

“You don’t even know why you didn’t get the job, do you?”

“Yeah, you guys aren’t hiring any more nurses.”

“No, James, that isn’t it at all. You didn’t get hired because of your answer to the CEO’s question at the end. What did you tell him?”

“I told him Jesus was the best decision I ever made.”

“James, the CEO is an atheist and he asks everyone that question so he can weed Christians out of his company. Several of us are leaving the company because of what he did to you.”

All I have ever wanted to be is a person of integrity. Someone who speaks the truth regardless of the consequences. A person others can count on to be the same under any circumstnaces. If I say I am going to call at 8:00 AM you better be standing by the phone at 7:59 because if I am drawing air, your phone will ring in one minute. I want to be someone who does what he says he will do and does not let anything stand in his way.

I cannot always control what I get to do; I can control whom I become.

No, not that Elizabeth Taylor! I am talking about my English 101 instructor.

Everything was just fine when I started class this semester. I was enjoying writing here on my blog. I could easily sit down, and write something in a matter of minutes. Blogging was so much simpler back then.

Yeah, I had my share of smelling and grammatical errors butt it wasn’t no big deal, right?

Now when I sit down to write, it is so much more complicated! I never realized how often I mixed my past, present and passive tenses. Before class started I did not know what a comma splice was and I did not care. Now I am watching for fused sentences and sentence fragments. I am checking my pronoun references and making sure my pronouns agree. What are they supposed to agree with? I am not sure but they are supposed to agree! Cut me some slack, will ya? Keeping track of when to use ‘who’ versus ‘whom’ and making sure I do not use ‘that’ to reference a person.

Subject-verb agreement, oh how you vex me!

Now when I write all I see are arrows pointing back and forth across the tops of all my sentences. My brain is constantly trying to re-organize all the words to follow all these rules and I easily lose track of the message I am trying to convey.

Yes, Liz Taylor, I cannot escape you!

Now, excuse me while I try to finish this “Pronoun Case Worksheet” that is due tomorrow morning….

Photo Credit: s_eventh

Two weeks ago we took our first General Psychology test. This past Tuesday we were given our grades and spent the class time going over the test as a group.

I was a little nervous going into the class. I really had no clue on how well I had done. It has not taken me long to get real pessimistic when it comes to tests. So far this year I am not doing so well. Early in the semester my instructor explained to us that she is not a very big fan of tests: “I do not feel like tests accurately reflect your knowledge level.” I tend to agree with her but not because I hate taking tests. Let me explain.

Here is the problem with most tests I have experienced this year. They are written by humans. As the test writer it is easy to assume you are a good teacher. You naturally want to tell yourself: “Hey, I’m pretty good at conveying this information. I am an expert in this field. I’m sure my students understand this material quite well. After all, I taught it to them!” I do this all the time when it comes to computers and web stuff. When I am helping someone via email or telephone I sometimes get frustrated when the person on the other end is not grasping the material. “I am good at this stuff and I am a good teacher”, I tell myself. Just because I know the material does not mean I am a good teacher, and being a good teacher does not mean I am always delivering material well. Again, I am just human and cannot create the perfect learning environment.

Our instructor walked into the room and explained what we would do.

“We will go through the test one question at a time, and discuss what I was thinking and what you were thinking. Depending on how the conversation goes I will credit points back to you.”

The room got instantly quiet; she had our full attention. She handed out our tests and I found myself with a 78%.

“Many of you will see your grade increase dramatically after the review.”

“Wow, my instructor is actually inviting us to argue with her”, was the thought going through my head.

The next 45 minutes was some of the most engaging class time I have ever experienced. As we went through each question my instructor would pause on the ones that seventy to eighty percent of us missed; we would discuss them at length. She would explain what she was asking with the question, and what the correct answer should have been and why. On the questions where the majority of us got it wrong she would throw it out completely, making notes to herself on how to better write the question next time, or more thoroughly teach the content next time. When we were done fourteen points were awarded back to me and I ended up with a 92% for the exam.

As an educator (everyone is an educator) we all have to remember that we are still learning. But, learning about our specialty is only half of the equation. The other half is the journey to become a better educator. I good great educator will score themselves just as often as they score their students. A good great educator knows a classroom has two people groups being educated; the student and the teacher. A good great educator knows test questions can often be flawed. A good great educator is willing to examine their own strengths and weaknesses, and be willing to admit them to anyone trying to learn in the environment they have created.

The best educators know we are all in the process of learning, regardless of our official roles.

It is Friday October 28th as I write this week’s journal. It is 1:51 in the afternoon. There is a slight, intermittent breeze. When it kicks up you catch the scent of the open field south of the parking lot. There is not a cloud in the sky. The sun is so bright that you squint even when looking at the ground. Autumn weather is intoxicating. I love wearing layered clothing and being able to stand out here in the cool air and still feel the warm sun on my face.

Someone over at 48days.net proposed the simple question: “Why do you write?”

I wanted to answer that question here as well as there.

I write to remember. I have experienced good and hard times. Going back and writing about those times helps me to appreciate where I am currently and what I have learned from past experiences. Writing about those times; re-experiencing those emotions is a way of celebrating my life. Everything, good and bad, that has happened to me has combined to make me who I am today. I will deny nothing because to do so devalues me as a person. It is the same as saying parts of my life have no value and I refuse to believe this. All forty years of my life have value. I will celebrate it all.

I write to glorify God. Both good and hard times can glorify God. I am reminded of the verse that says: “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV)”

When I write about God’s grace through my hard times; it is a public confession of my need for supernatural help. I can bring God glory from the good times and the bad. By sharing those experiences I want to bring hope to others that may experience similar challenges.

I write to entertain. This is where the rubber hits the road. If my writing is not entertaining and engaging neither of the first two items on my list will be accomplished. My readers need to feel like they are right there in the middle of the story experiencing everything the events I am describing have to offer.

Most everyone who reads this blog writes. Even if you just put status updates on Facebook you are a writer.

Why do you write?

Lydia 2005

Threw the phone in the toilet,
and brought a mouse to her mom.
Had tantrums when our friends would leave;
the passionate one.

Jessica 2005

Memorized my number;
when she was only four.
Hiding in her room,
would ask me to come home.
The daddy’s girl.

Elaina 2005

The youngest one of all,
never was her own.
Does what the others say;
the playful one.

Anjelia 2009

My wife and I we’ve seen it all,
the good and the bad.
As long as we are all together
home is what we have.

It doesn’t matter where we live;
a house is a house.
Togetherness is what home is;
my daughters, my wife and me.

This is home

I have not taken a real test since 1993. During the last few weeks I have had the chance to become a test taker again. I am not fairing very well. I have taken eight or so and except for the English exam last Friday morning I have not scored very high on any of them.

This stupid little thing is called a ‘scantron’ and I hate it. In the old days we just read through the test and circled our answers. This thing messes with my head. I am constantly going back over it to make sure I did not get the numbers out of order. It bit me big time on last week’s Chemistry exam. I am pretty sure I missed at least 4 questions because I got mixed up. I have a hard time finding rhythm since I have to look back and forth between this thing and my test with every question. Hopefully, I will get used to this thing sooner rather than later.

I love my Psychology teacher. She does not believe in tests. We are only taking two exams this whole year. They are a mid term and a final which is basically another mid term. She has already told us she places higher value on attendance, class participation and our required journal submissions. I am thankful for this since I have never missed a journal submission or a class and I certainly participate. I do not know my score on last week’s Psychology test yet but according to my instructor we will be able to raise that score when we go over it as a group. It will be interesting to see how we will do that.

Besides a few exams my English class also has other ways to bring up my grades. We are submitting several journal entries as well as four essays. Getting the tutors in the Academic Resource Center to look over our essays gets us an extra ten points towards our score.

I am getting an A in both English and Psychology. In Chemistry I have a C. In the lab portion of my Chemistry I have a high B but in the lecture I have a low C and they are combined for my middle C grade. I hope to raise this to a B before the end of the year but there are no other ways to bring up my scores. We have two more tests so if I want a B I will have to ace both of these. That is a tall order.

I cannot help but believe that in the long run I will retain more of my Psychology and English knowledge because those classes are so much more engaging and require weekly engagement.

Editors Note: When I wrote this essay for my English 101 class I trimmed three pages off in the editing process. She requested that I submit the full version for distribution to future classes. I was glad to do so and wanted to share it with anyone who wanted more details. I hope you enjoy it. I also corrected some facts that Julie helped me recall correctly.

I knew why the white van was coming down my street. This had happened before. It had only been three years since Family Services came to our home and took our first daughter from us.

No one plans on fighting infertility. Three years into our marriage my wife and I decided to start a family. We did not sit down and discuss what we would do if we were unable to get pregnant. I am sure our conversation was not unlike many other similar conversations being held throughout America. There were hugs and kisses and the anticipation of an addition to the family.

Three years later we were a very frustrated couple. We had exhausted every avenue and drew the line at In Vitro Fertilization. Due to our religious views we did not like the prospect of discarding fertilized eggs. As a result we chose foster parenting with the goal of adoption. My wife left her job, we sold our house, and moved into a smaller place that we could afford on my income. We spent the next year in Foster Parenting and Adoption classes.

In January of 1998 we received our first long term placement. Latecia was with us for nine months but the court had decided to return her to her mother. Many on her services team did not agree with this decision, but we carried out our duty to the bitter end. This was a horrible experience. Loading a child that we truly loved into the back seat of a car, and then watching her ride down the street was gut wrenching. Especially when nobody felt it was a good plan. I held to my faith during the next few months expecting every phone call to result Latecia being returned to us. As time passed I realized this was not going to happen. This experience left its mark on my faith.

Our experience with Jessica was supposed to be completely different. After Latecia left our home we made it clear to Family Services that we would only accept children where adoption was the only goal. Jessica was only three days old when Family Services asked us to take her. They explained her situation to us, and we were told that adoption was the agreed upon goal. After only a few months everything changed. During one particular meeting Jessica’s team told us that reunification with her birth father was now the intended outcome. Jessica’s caseworker, Sonny, was in tears. I was in tears. My wife was in tears. We feared the worst.

I knew why the white van was coming down my street. This had happened before. It had only been three years since Family Services came to our home and took our first daughter from us.

The next eighteen months were hell. Visits with both birth parents increased. Jessica’s birth father was holding it together. He had a steady job, a place of his own and had been sober for the last several months. Most of the team remained apprehensive and were pushing my wife and me to petition the court for termination of the father’s rights, leaving us to adopt. We petitioned but were denied, and the visits with the father were instantly increased from once a week, supervised, to Monday through Friday and only home with us on the weekends.

This was pure torture. We spent Monday mornings waiting for Sonny’s car to pull in. It was a small compact foreign vehicle. The back seat was barely large enough for the car seat. I was obsessed with how well the seat was installed and would always do it myself. I would press my knee deep into the seat forcing it as tight against the soft fabric as possible. By god I was going to have control of something around here! A team of wild horses could not pull that thing an inch from the cloth! Several times Sonny would comment that she had to leave the car seat in place all week because she could not move it. I did not care. My girl was going to be safe if it killed me or the car seat or Sonny.

Once I got Jessica into her car seat she would go catatonic with her eyes gazing off into the distance. It was eerie to watch; like witnessing the administration of intravenous medications to a patient about to be taken into surgery. Her eyes would gloss over and it was almost impossible to get her to make eye contact. She did not kick or cry and was completely silent. It felt abusive; it was abusive.

The clocks in the house seemed to stop every week. You have heard the phrase, “A watched pot never boils?” Well, a watched clock never hits five pm on Friday either. We would pace the dining room floor waiting for the sound of the caseworker’s car pulling in. It was relatively new, so it did not make enough noise to hear it from very far away. Julie and I learned how to pace quietly, almost completely silent. Our sock covered feet made a slight whisper noise as we moved around the house, racing to the front door every time we heard a car go by, and the anxiety level peaked then bottomed out with each swing of the wooden front door. Jessica would enter the house exhausted, and we were left to wonder what had happened all week. She was only two years old, and this schedule was taking its toll on her. God only knows what happened all week long. Jessica was too young to tell us anything.

I still wonder what God was thinking of me during all of this. I felt like Job from the Bible must have felt when Satan trashed his life. I did not do anything wrong, and God was slapping me around. I did not even bother to pray. Why should I? It did not help last time. This time would not be any different, or so I kept telling myself. I wasn’t praying; I was wishing. I was wishing this birth father would mess up. I wanted him to screw up, and I wanted to be there to watch him crash. I wanted all of this to stop. It did not stop; instead, it got worse.

I knew why the white van was coming down my street. This had happened before. It had only been three years since Family Services came to our home and took our first daughter from us.

Court day was upon us. We were warned it would turn out this way. They told us what the commissioner was going to do. Family Court was informal compared to what we saw on television or at the movies. There was no audience being entertained. There were just caseworkers and family members; there were lawyers and Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA). There were the foster parents; my wife and I. The acoustics in the small court room amazed me. I could hear every nervous twitch. Even the shuffle of paper would draw my attention. The high back chairs used held up over the years. I could tell they were made of leather, yet the smell of leather was not in the air. I could not smell anything; my senses were so focused on the Commissioner that I did not notice anything other than his every movement and sound. Taste and smell did not exist in this room; they served no purpose. The Commissioner looked over the documents handed to him by his clerk. He shook his head, for even he knew this was the wrong decision, but he was helpless to do anything other than what he was required to do; what everyone already knew he would do; what everyone knew he must do. You could see the turmoil in the his eyes. He was almost delaying the decision; dreading the consequences he feared would result from the decision he was required to make. He settled back into his chair as if to say: “Listen up; I am about to speak”. My heart was racing. My ears, which were previously ringing from the deafening silence were focused on his every word. His decision was quick and simple; Jessica was to be sent home with her birth father. Even now I struggle to remember what he said. It did not matter then and it does not matter now. He said to send her home with her dad, and send her home with dad is what we did.

We got to the house knowing that Jessica’s case worker was only minutes behind us. We gathered a few of her items, and we waited for Sonny’s arrival. Like so many times before Sonny pulled into our driveway. I opened the back of her car and found Jessica’s car seat poorly installed. I unhooked the seat; repositioned it and placed my knee into its center. I pushed my full weight on the seat, and reattached it correctly. I strapped Jessica into place; fighting back the tears so I didn’t scare her. Julie and I both told her goodbye, and Sonny slowly pulled out of our driveway and drove down the street, and disappeared around the corner.

I knew why the white van was coming down my street. This had happened before. It had only been three years since Family Services came to our home and took our first daughter from us.

Julie and I had spent the previous day at Wal-Mart. A regular practice with foster kids is when they are moved; many parents put all their stuff in black plastic trash bags for transport. I cannot think of anything more horrific and demeaning than to have all of my belongings thrown into a container that looks like it should be tossed into a clothing donation bin or put at the end of the drive on Monday morning. Julie and I had decided we were not going to take part in this practice. We purchased several nice plastic containers for Jessica’s belongings. We carefully packed everything she owned into three or four containers. We kept a couple of keepsakes for ourselves. Our oldest daughter Lydia shared her thoughts with us; she was still unable to pronounce Jessica’s name.

“Kika isn’t going to stay away; she is coming back.”

“No honey,” I replied, “she isn’t coming back this time.”

“Yes, she is,” Lydia argued.

I kept trying to explain to her that this was not the case, but she refused to believe anything else. I shrugged my shoulders. It did not matter what Lydia thought anyway. She is only three; what does she know? Sonny showed up again, but this time in a white van she had rented. We had so much stuff that it wasn’t going to fit into her car. Sonny and I loaded all the plastic containers into the van and she left.

My wife was nine months pregnant when Jessica left. The pregnancy was overshadowed by court dates and week long, unsupervised visits. If there was ever proof that anxiety has nothing to do with infertility, Julie and I were a case study. We had managed to get pregnant during the most stressful time of our lives. Obviously, everyone and their uncle were incorrect when they told us we just needed to relax in order to get pregnant.

It had been three weeks since Jessica left. Sonny and Jessica’s guardian were on their way over to talk with us about Jessica. She had only been gone a month. “Why did they want to talk with us?” I asked myself. I fought back the optimism trying to creep into my head. “I’m not going to get hurt again!” My faith continued to falter. Sonny and the guardian showed up together; they sat down in our living room and explained what was going on. Family Services had to remove Jessica from her father’s house. Just one week after he was awarded custody! They waited to tell us because they wanted to make sure she would not be returned to him again. This was the final straw for dad. It was a foregone conclusion that Jessica would be returning to us permanently.

I was ecstatic! After my previous experience I had convinced myself that we would never see Jessica again. Thank God I was wrong! The guardian and Sonny set up a date the following week to return Jessica to us. We had settled on September sixth. So here we were; Julie was nine months pregnant and due in three weeks. We were so filled with excitement that Julie went into labor early the next week. Sonny gave us a call to make sure we were ready for Jessica’s return, and I answered from our hospital room.

“Oh you guys!” she said “What terrible timing! Do you want to wait a few days?”

“No!” we yelled into my cell phone in unison.

“We’ll be just fine.” I reminded her. “I want my girl back.”

Julie gave birth to our third daughter Elaina that night, and the next evening I was at our home to meet Sonny and Jessica. Jessica came in the door; she was exhausted. I took her back to her room, and Lydia greeted her in a very casual way. Jessica was back just as Lydia predicted. I put Jessica in her bed and she went to sleep, and she slept for the next sixteen hours waking up half way through the following day.

It has been said that God can do his best work when our faith intersects with His faithfulness. God’s faithfulness is not completely revealed in this quote. During a time when my faith was at its lowest God’s faithfulness was at its highest. His grace and love is not based entirely on my faith in Him, but rather it is based on His character; something that isn’t swayed by events and circumstances. God’s grace is not dependent on what I do or believe but on who He is.

The office was a mess. About a week earlier I decided to do some remodeling. It had been a tough twelve months, and I was trying to give myself a lift emotionally.

“A new office with a nice paint job will do you some good,” my wife told me.

We moved everything out of my little office and into the foyer. I set up a temporary work station next to the coffee pot and the dust covered microwave. Half of my files were in the foyer with me, and the other half were just outside the door leading to the factory floor. Fisher (we called him that since we shared the same first name) was experienced at Sheetrock, painting and electrical; since it was a slow week I put him to work making the magic happen.

During any other week I would have been alone for the day. My employees would have been off installing a kitchen. My dad would have been along with them and my wife would have been at home performing a variety of tedious chores.

Not this week. We were all on top of each other trying to get this little project done. Julie was looking things over rendering her decorative advice. Fisher and his brother were hanging rock, and my dad and Johnny were taking care of miscellaneous chores. I was trying to run my small company from a folding table surrounded by dirty appliances in an area normally reserved for foot traffic and warming up lunch.

We heard a knock at the metal front door. We all looked at each other as if to say, “Who knocks on a business door?” I walked over and opened it up and there they stood; two very professionally dressed women. The younger of the two raised what looked like a leather wallet into the air, and let the bottom half drop down revealing her credentials. “Hi, my name is (NAME NOT GIVEN IN CASE SATELLITES ARE WATCHING). I’m with the IRS. Is James here?”

My heart sunk. “Could they have picked a worse day?” I asked myself.

I had a feeling they would eventually show up. The year before, I had quit making my 941 tax deposits in an attempt to keep from making massive and painful changes in our finances. Before I knew it my company was massively in the hole to the worlds most ruthless lender; the Internal Revenue Service.

Not sending in your employee withholding taxes is similar to ‘borrowing’ money from ‘The Godfather’ without asking permission. They will get their money back, with interest. I would have rather taken a beating from Uncle Louie than what happened next.

We spent the next four hours pouring over all my financial files. I could not find a thing! My normally organized office resembled a scene right out of Die Hard. File cabinets and other miscellaneous furniture were strewn about like John McClain himself had been in a firefight with another German terrorist! The only thing missing were the fragments of a downed helicopter!

I nervously dug up every piece of financial documentation they asked for. My employees continued to work. It was the quietest construction site in the history of the world. Draw attention to yourself and you may get audited was probably going through everyone’s minds. Finding anything in a timely manner was impossible. All four of my file cabinets looked the same and now they were spread across two rooms and I could not remember which one I had put where. The two agents sat patiently waiting for me to find what they had asked me for.

“I don’t know how to do a budget”, you say? Spend an afternoon with two IRS agents and you will have your budget. The government has it figured out for you. One of the agents had a nice little form that she filled out for me. It has an allowance for everything. A house that is 50% of your take home pay is not on it. “Sorry, you don’t get to keep that”, she told me. They put a tax lien on it for good measure.

Once we were done I had signed on the dotted line. Again it was kind of like ‘the family’; I was not given a choice. The payments were going to be substantial and they really did not care about any other loans. Those were conveniently left out of the budget so ‘the family’ would get all that was theirs.

That was a little over three years ago. I have gotten a visit from the same agent three times. Every time the economy gave me a kick in the ribs and I couldn’t keep up with the payments, ‘Uncle Louie’ would show up and give me the new budget based on our current financial situation.

Our friendly IRS agent tried to pay me a visit last Thursday. She showed up completely unannounced as usual. I was at work and my dad had the pleasure of greeting her. He had her call me on the phone and she told me we needed to meet. I told her that my company was closed and she gave me a short list of items to bring to our meeting. Yesterday, after class I drove over to her office.

“Since you were able to pay all of the Trust Fund* portion of the taxes we will be able to write off the rest of this as non-collectible.”

I could not believe what I was hearing! I was convinced that I was going to be making payments to the IRS for the rest of my life. The remaining balance was all penalties and interest (a 50% rate) but the IRS has a reputation of getting every penny that they want. Apparently there were some nuances I was not completely aware of.

It was an overcast and rainy day here in Kansas City yesterday, but I could swear that the sun was shining when I walked out to my car after our meeting. I drove strait home, ate lunch and took a two hour nap. This last weekend was my first time off in over a month. Putting this three year financial crisis behind me was more exhausting than the last thirty days of non-stop school and work.

The IRS is out of my life and I hope to never see them again.

*The Trust Fund is the portion your employer holds out of your check and is supposed to send into the IRS for you. The IRS is extremely aggressive in collecting these taxes. They never miss a penny. You can get out of paying those back if you are incarcerated for a felony. Other than that you are going to pay up.

You can hear the full story of my personal debt crisis in episode 5 of my podcast.

http://bluecollarliving.com/podcast-episode-index

This is the second essay for my English 101 class. I hope you enjoy it!

“What are you up to tonight?” Johnny asked when I walked up to the back gate of the Oak Grove Panthers football stadium.

“I’m here to interview Chris Stout.” I answered.

“Oh, that guy is crazy!” Johnny replied with a smile.

My wife and I were standing in line to enter the stadium. The sights and sounds of fall were evident. The air was cool and crisp, and the trees were speckled with orange and brown. We had not had our first freeze, so ragweed was still in the air. A cacophony of coughs, sneezes and sniffles could be heard from all around.

We paid the teller. She took my twenty and welcomed us into the stadium. We made our way around the field towards the area where the band normally played. They were warming up so it sounded like everyone was playing something different; there was no discernible song. As we got closer, the volume drowned out our conversation; we tried to lip read as we walked by with little success. The band performed on the south end of the stadium, but we normally sat more in the middle. When we moved away from the band, our conversation continued, and we both ended up repeating ourselves. We found a spot around some familiar faces and took our seats. The aluminum benches were cool from the night air, and my wife shivered as her body heat was forced to warm the seat.

The field felt dark, as the sun slid down behind the stadium, for the field lights of a Friday night football game in Oak Grove had not come on yet. Each team sent representatives out to the fifty yard line and the referee performed the traditional coin toss. The Panthers won the toss and would receive the ball first! The crowd applauded for the chance to draw first blood. The lights sprang into action, and Oak Grove joined the thousands of other small towns all over America in the simplest of traditions: Friday night football. The Excelsior Springs Tigers kicked off and the game began.

“Let’s go Panthers!” the cheer leaders began their first routine. “Let’s go Panthers! Here we go! Let’s go Panthers! Here we go!” They clapped as they chanted but the pompoms they were holding made it sound more like a small child stomping through a winter snow.

“Go big D!” the cheer leaders rant again, “D-E-F-E-N-S-E, go big D! D-E-F-E-N-S-E, go big D!” After the first cheer was over the cheerleaders gathered in a disorganized huddle deciding which cheer to do next.

The announcer interjected, “In the center of the line, Derek Pugh and Levi Harmon making the stop. It’s second and nine. The ball at the 42 yard line.”

The cheerleaders began again, “A-T-T-A-C-K, Pan-thers attack! A-T-T-A-C-K, Pan-thers attack! A-T-T-A-C-K, Pan-thers attack!”

From what would normally be out of ear shot we heard him coming. He was calling to the crowd, “Fiddy, Fiddy!” He was wearing an orange shirt with the words, “Project Grad” on the front and “Senior Parent” on the back. A short black apron with three pockets and a 50/50 symbol over the middle pocket was tied around his waist. Chris had slightly red hair and kept a clean mustache. His voice was rough, like someone who has been yelling for a long time even though the game had just begun. Everyone on the home team side of the stadium knew him. You could tell he had been doing this for a while.

Chris continued to work the crowd. “Fiddy, fiddy, fiddy, fiddy, fiddy, fiddy, fiddy…” He rattled it off so fast someone who had never heard him before might have thought he was saying, “Biddy” or “iddy.” Chris carried a used plastic coffee container with the symbol “50/50″ written in sharpie. A purchased ticket would be put through a rough looking, hand cut slot in the top. The container was already filling up. “It is a raffle that will take place at half time,” I could hear someone in the crowd explaining, “and the winner will get half of the cash collected.”

“You don’t want that many tickets?” Chris asked a contestant.

“No,” she answered.

“Sure?” Chris persisted.

“I’m sure,” She responded a smile spread across her face.

“I’m gonna have to go get my whip!” he said to her, and then broke out into a loud raspy laugh; he was obviously enjoying himself. She smiled back at him and took her ticket and put it in her pocket while he made his way up the aisle, laughing and making jokes as he worked his way up the concrete steps.

“There’s a winner every week! I keep telling you that!” He was talking over his shoulder while he took a five dollar bill from a contestant in front of him. He turned around and refocused his attention and addressed the man from whom he took the five. “You could have eighteen tickets for ten dollars! My son is six foot five and his arm is eighteen tickets long. I just started that deal this year. If your arm is longer than eighteen tickets you can have that many. I haven’t found anyone with an arm longer than my boy’s.” The man shook his head, took the six tickets from Chris and completed the transaction.

The panthers scored a touchdown, and the crowd went crazy! We knew it is coming but we were never ready. From the southeast corner of the stadium a loud boom rang out causing my wife and me to jump. It was the celebration cannon and no matter how ready we were it always made us jump.

I went to find Chris, so I could ask him a few questions. The raffle took place during half time, so he was headed to the area where they usually counted the money. I found him and we made our way back to where the rest of his team was waiting. He was still trying to get donations and was calling out to anyone who would respond. “Last chance for fiddy fiddy! Last chance! We got some money!” He yelled. As we moved through the crowd we found the previous week’s winner.

“So, how much did you win last week?” I ask Gentry.

“Four-Seventy!” he answered.

“Four-Seventy?” I asked, not sure if we were talking hundreds or not.

“Yeah, we collected nine hundred and forty dollars last week, and Gentry was the winner and got half. That is how it works”, Chris explained.

There was not a fancy money counting process. The rest of the team was wearing money aprons similar to what Chris had on, and they were full of one dollar bills with a few tens and twenties. Everyone handed the money they collected from sold tickets to Chris, and he got down on his knees and laid out the cash on the asphalt. His team surrounded him, and he began to organize the one dollar bills into piles of twenty. He separated out the larger bills, so he could use those to give the winner for their winnings. “No one wants a pile of one dollar bills.” He explained.

One of his team members elaborated, “It is even better when the winner gives their money back to the PTO.” She had the coffee can with all the raffle tickets in it and shook it, so I could hear them. She continued to shake the can stirring up the tickets. She had to shake it pretty hard because it was so full. She removed the lid and lifted a hand full from the bottom to help give everyone a fair chance at the winnings.

“That happens sometimes?” I asked.

“Yeah, it happened at the first game. The winner let us keep his half.” Chris commented from where he was counting the money.

“Where do you do the drawing?” I ask him after he was finished organizing the money.

“From upstairs in the booth.” He raised his arm and motioned towards the concrete building where the announcer and scoreboard operator performed their jobs.

We entered the structure, and proceeded up the three flights of stairs that lead to our destination. Our voices echoed off the walls of the stairwell as we climbed up.

We entered the booth, and Chris found the announcer. “Three hundred and four dollars.” He told him.

“That’s a pretty good haul.” the announcer replied.

“No, that’s how much we are giving away!” Chris said with a smile.

Chris found a young girl to do the drawing. “I don’t want anyone to think I’m cheating, so I always find a student to do the drawing.”

The young girl reached into the coffee can and pulled out a number. “It’s not my ticket, dang-it!” She laughed and handed the ticket to Chris. The band was out on the field performing the half time show for the fans, so the official announcement would have to wait. Chris handed the ticket to the loud speaker announcer. He wrote down the number on a scratch pad and handed the ticket back to Chris. We made our way back down to the bottom of the stands. While the band continued to play we had a chance to chat for a couple of minutes.

“What made you decide to start doing 50/50?” I asked him.

“Well, the PTO was looking for fundraising ideas and 50/50 was something we did over at the races.”

“When you started doing this were any of your kids playing football?” I asked.

“My daughter graduated in oh-four. My boy that is six-five played football and graduated in oh-eight, and my youngest son played soccer and graduated in two thousand ten.” Chris explained.

“So all your kids are graduated, and you are still doing this?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’ve adopted a lot of these.” he pointed out to the field where the band was still playing forgetting the football game was in half time.

“What has been your biggest year so far?” I continued.

“In oh-eight we collected $2,500.00, and that was our biggest year. We are up to $1,500.00 so far this year” Chris answered.

The band finished their performance, and Chris made his way to the bottom of the stands. He stood patiently with cash in one hand and the winning ticket in the other. He was waiting for the announcer to give the winning number over the loud speaker.

The announcer called into his microphone, “Three hundred and four dollars goes to raffle ticket number 7-8-3-0-2-0. Please go see Mr. Stout at the bottom of the stands.”

Chris waited patiently. He scanned the crowd looking for an arm in the air signaling his winner. An older lady walked up and asked Chris to check her ticket. He let her down easy. “You’re a good sport, mom. You’re a good sport. Better luck next week.”

Finally Chris saw G.C. Matson carrying the, “eighteen for ten” special. Chris got his attention and G.C. handed him his collection of tickets. Chris looked through the tickets and found the winning number. He reached out with the cash to give G.C. his winnings. Like someone trying to swat a fly away from his or her face, G.C. waved off the money and told Chris, “Keep it for the kids.”

“He’s giving it back.” Chris tells me with a big smile on his face.

I walked over to G.C. and asked, “Do you have a son playing?”

“Nope,” he responded as he walked away. “I just like watching the games.”

Chris Stout

Photo Credit: phpoto2010

When Julie and I decided to get married we put very little thought into the date. We picked the thirteenth of October simply because it was not far away and we liked the number thirteen.

Every year Creation does her best to celebrate with us.

Around the beginning of the month she drops the temperature to help us get comfortable. Her breath is a north wind that will push the humidity of summer out of the way. She will pepper the month with warm days to help keep us comfortable, but she breathes the cool air back into the nights to stir romance.

She caresses Dogwood and Pear to bring in red; Maple and Elm to bring in yellow. Oak will go untouched, to remind us of life and our youth. When we walk in the cool of the evening Creation will bring the north wind back, the sound of applause will shower us in colorful leaves; they fall at our feet. As if answering her call we will reach down and pick up a leaf or two; hold them up to the sun and bask in the colorful glow. To usher in the black of night she will envelop the sun with her arms; leaving the Milky Way and Moon to illuminate our path in a soothing glow.

Oh the colors Creation will put on display for our celebration this year.

Blessed 21st, Julie my love.

This is a late entry for the Let’s Blog Off asking for our favorite color. Carl agreed to do this one with me. Click the banner below to see the official entries.

Photo Credit: Eva_elfje

Myopia is the medical condition in which someone can only clearly see things close. Myopia is also used as a slang term meaning, “Lack of discernment or narrow mindedness.”

Writers suffer from the slang version of myopia. The popular advice for a new blogger is,  ”Find something you are passionate about and write about it every day for a year!” The problem with this advice is you end up with a bored writer. Bored writers quit writing. The internet is littered with dead blogs from writers who got bored writing. They would probably claim writer’s block but I would argue it is more like writer’s myopia.

Every writer needs creative inspiration. I get mine every two weeks from the “Let’s BlogOff” masterminds (I use that term loosely) at http://letsblogoff.com.

I joined the “Let’s BlogOff” group back in February of this year. I have only missed one week during that time but it was the one week that has changed my writing forever.

The subject for the week was, “What’s your favorite color.” It was a simple question but I froze up. I did not see what my favorite color had to do with business. “Yup, this is a question for all those designers that participate in Let’s BlogOff.” I told myself. I decided to just read for the week. It was a myopic moment for James.

That week Rufus Dogg published his answer to the question and wrote, “Yellow boots and green Jell-O“. It was a fantastic post and opened my eyes to a whole new world.

I was upset with myself for avoiding the assignment for the week. After reading Rufus’ post I realized that I could have done so much if I had only been willing to look outside of my normal writing, and give myself permission to explore my creative side. I made the mistake of believing that it was up to the staff at Let’s Blog Off to give me a subject I wanted to write about. No, all they can do is plant an idea. It is my job to grow something creative with that idea. Hey, “Thumbtacks” proved that!

I have not missed a writing assignment since “What’s your favorite color” and I do not plan on missing one in the future. It has just become too much fun and too good for my soul.

Quit writing about the same stuff all the time. Take on a new challenge and commit yourself to writing with me every two weeks no matter the subject. I am always free to interpret the week’s idea in my own creative way. Let someone else tell you what to write about, twice a month. It will help stir your creative juices.

http://letsblogoff.com/how-to-participate

I would love to tell you how exciting my week was but my boss is boring and will not let me share the fun stuff! Something about confidentiality and patient rights and stuff. He mentioned risk and staying employable.

Instead I want to explain what I am currently trying to accomplish in school.

I graduated with my certificate in Practical Nursing in 1993. When I took my state licensing exam I became a Licensed Practical Nurse (LPN). I have a few choices if I want to become an RN. I can go to a university and start a Bachelors degree program; a four year process. I can go to a community college and start an associates degree program; a three year process, or I can enter a ‘bridge’ program.

A bridge program is reserved specifically for LPNs looking to become RNs. The bridge program allows you to gain credit for your year in LPN school. Right now I am on the exact same path as someone who has no college credits, and is working towards his or her Associates RN degree. In an Associates program a student will spend their first few semesters taking prerequisites. Once the prerequisites are complete the student can enter an official RN program and spend the next two years becoming a nurse.

Because I am already an LPN I can skip the first year of the nursing program and enter the second and final year; I will skip the middle year. The result is an Associates degree in Nursing in a year less time than a new student.

I have a fantastic advantage over new nurses once I finish my degree. My medical resume includes critical care, wound care, ICU, gerontology, ER and mental health. With my business and administration experience finding a good job should be an easy process.

Demand for experienced RNs is in high demand and the supply is low. The future is bright indeed!

A little medical humor in closing.

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I am schizophrenic,
and so am I.

Photo Credit: nadi0

I do not like the idea of the Government bothering business. I do not believe that tax breaks are some kind of favor. The Government letting a business keep more of its money does not equal charity.

These mega companies are backing politicians into a corner. They sit on billions of dollars in profit while their customer base struggles to scrape money together every week. I feel like I am being held at gun point by grocery stores, oil companies and insurance carriers. These are not optional items. Food has gone up $200 a month for us in just the last couple of years and gasoline has gone up $300 a month over that same period. There is nothing I can do about it. We cannot quit eating or driving.

At one of my part time jobs I am making pretty good money. Five years ago this was more than enough to provide for my family. Unfortunately this income does not hold up anymore and I am forced to achieve advanced degrees to get us back on our feet. I am fighting like heck to stay ahead of a tsunami.

Eventually these big companies will run out of friends in Washington. The hammer will come down on their heads and those of us who believe in capitalism and a free market will be forced to eat a lot of crow. I am with my conservative friends when they want to talk about how the founding fathers did not want to see the Government this involved in business. They certainly never imagined companies so large they dominate the market in multiple countries. I am sure they never expected locally owned shops getting chased out of town by companies so large they can have a location lose money for months or years just to gain 100% market share.

I am tired of trying to defend capitalism in the face of so much exploitation by companies dominating necessity markets. When the hammer does fall, do not come to me looking for support. You cannot force the hand of the Government and then cry when it moves.

I went a lot of years without being in orientation at a new job. I ran Builders Installation Group for over seven years. Prior to that all I had were jobs for small businesses where there really was not any kind of orientation.

During the last two weeks I have been orientating at the Jackson Counter Department of Corrections. There is a whirlwind of information to process as a nurse in this environment. If you are new to corrections like I am it is a little overwhelming. There is a lot of protocol to follow to maximize safety.

“Never turn your back on an inmate”

“Follow, do not lead”

“Stay in the yellow area when passing out medications”

The med pass alone takes two to four hours depending on the cart and your experience level. The nurses play doctor most of the time. We do all the assessments and decide which ‘program’ to put the inmate on for all kinds of problems. The facility only has one RN per shift and the three LPNs pass all the medications and do the majority of the medical upkeep.

I am an LPN but last Friday I was supposed to be following the RN so I could get an understanding of what they did for their twelve hour shift. I arrived at the nurses office and found we had an extra RN and were short an LPN. One of the RNs looked at me with puppy dog eyes and asked, “I’ve never passed meds before. Will you do it? I’ll go with you.” I answered her in the affirmative even though I had only passed medications once so far. Apparently orientation is over.

It is so tempting to stay in orientation. It is less stressful and I have someone right by my side at all times to answer my questions. A constant state of learning is easier than having the full weight of responsibility fall on my shoulders. I naturally want to pull back if I start to head towards something I am unfamiliar with. With someone orientating me my support is within earshot at all times.

The problem is that as long as someone is there to catch me I will not really learn the job. The pressure is not fully on me. I always have someone else to defer to. I do not have to make any hard decisions. I end up not knowing the entire job because I naturally rely too much on the person showing me the ropes.

I tend to do this in many areas of my life. I gather information. Someone shows me how to do something new. I read a new book or go to Sunday School at church. Week in and week out; month in and month out; year in and year out. I have become a professional orientee.

Orientation is over. It is time to start doing something with what I have learned.

she plays in the band,
and marched in the parade.
helped win the competition.
I’m missing so much.

cross country she runs,
and tries to go fast.
she carried the banner,
and supported the team.
I’m missing so much.

she’s scared in her bed;
wants dad to come home.
she cuddles with mom;
stuffed pets all around.
I’m missing so much.

she gets out at three,
and I can’t pick her up.
her hair all in curlers,
when she gets up.
I’m missing so much.

all by herself,
the home she must run.
doctors appointments,
school trips and such.
I’m missing so much.

And I miss you
Like the deserts miss the rain
And I miss you, oh
Like the deserts miss the rain
       ”Everything But The Girl: Missing”

Photo Credit: Jonathan L D Bennett

Sigmund Freud is the world famous psychoanalyst that has been parodied in a variety of ways. From “Start Trek: The Next Generation” to “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” there is something about the man that popular culture has been fascinated with for a long time.

One of the most common known facts about him was his pre-occupation with sex and its effects on a person’s decision making processes. He was of the belief that sex was the primary motivational force of human life. It is easy to laugh and then change the subject to avoid the idea that many of our decisions are based on sex. You do not have to look far to figure out that Freud had a better handle on the human thought process than he has been given credit for, in many circles.

Now that we live in the digital age we see how powerful it can be if you integrate sex into your marketing and sales strategy. My wife and I are very protective of the material that we allow into our home. I do not want my daughters getting the idea they are supposed to be using their bodies to get ahead in life. As I heard Andy Stanley say recently, “If you use your body to get men you will likely end up getting body snatchers.” There is a world of truth in that quote. Sex does sell but the question I want to ask is, “Do you want the type of customers that selling sex will bring to your front door?” When it comes to relationships the answer is no.

We have almost completely outlawed the television in our home. We use Netflix exclusively now. Let us be honest; you cannot even watch American Idol without a Victoria Secret “slut-mercial” flying across the screen complete with bulging, enhanced cleavage and thonged backsides. And no, “Grey’s Anatomy” in no way resembles a real healthcare environment, but that show has been popular for far too long, and the primary driving force behind its success is the sexual content.

Freud was right; sex does play a factor in many of our decisions. What has society really gained by exploiting this fact for the sake of sales and viewers?

Photo Credit: Giampaolo Macorig

As a writer every time you hit publish on your blog look at it as standing at the door of our audiences consciousness and asking the question: “Knock Knock?”

You are inviting yourself into their lives. You are saying: “Hey, I have something of value to share with you. I can make your life better. I can give you some wisdom. I can help you look at the world differently.”

Every blogger wants a certain level of influence. Few bloggers are just writing to get their words down and do not care whether or not their site gets visited. We all enjoy knowing that our writing is affecting our readers.

One issue that haunts most bloggers is centered around privacy. How much should we share about ourselves. Should we mention our family, where we live or who our friends are?

I do not claim to have all the answers to this complicated question. I can share a little bit of wisdom that I gained from my Podcasting days. I produced 54 episodes of my show. Every time I shared some very personal details about my life my inbox filled up with listener feedback, and the comments on the corresponding blog posts went up dramatically. What I learned is my audience wanted to know James Dibben the person; not just the business owner. They wanted to hear the good parts and the not-so-good parts. They wanted to know the person on the other side of the microphone was someone they could identify with. Someone who has faced many of the same problems and challenges they either have faced, or are currently facing. As I shared these details my audience grew. It did not grow because I was a great broadcaster or a business success mogul. It grew because they felt like they were learning from someone who had been there. It grew because they felt like they knew the person behind the microphone.

When considering how private to be on your blog I would encourage you to sit down and actually put together some guidelines on what you will or will not share about yourself.

Do not leave out the rough spots; only focusing on what you do well.

The question your readers are asking you is: “Who’s there?”

I guess it is better late than never on this week’s journal.

I usually write this thing early enough to have it scheduled on Monday morning at 6pm CST. I completely forgot about it this weekend.

I just started a new job last week. I’m very excited because it pays seven dollars an hour more than my current job. I will still work at my other job but now I just have more options when I am trying to get hours. I do not plan on taking a full time position anywhere right now so I have the freedom of schedule.

If you want a better idea of my schedule check out my new “Current Work” page located HERE.

Wow I can not believe this new job! It is at JCDC (Jackson County Department of Corrections). Our building houses between 800 and 1,000 inmates. The facility holds men and women whom are sentenced to a year or less time or are in trial. We are also used by the city of Kansas City police department as their jail system. It is a big place and we have everything from traffic violations all the way to individuals on trial for a variety of federal crimes.

Nursing jobs in general will have a wide variety of personality types in most facilities. During shift report you can look around the room and get a feel for the personality types. The loud and boisterous nurses fill the room with noise and tend to dominate conversations while the more reserved personalities will just watch what happens. It is considerably different at JCDC.

You don’t want to get too friendly with the inmates. Doing so will encourage all types of unwanted attention both inside and outside of the facility. What I have observed so far is nurses that are all business when walking the units and handing out medications and changing wound dressings. The inmates are required to call us by our last names and if anyone does try to create a nickname for one of us they are bound to get an ear full.

Once we get back into our nursing office it is quite different. There is plenty of cutting up and making jokes. Most of the personalities are quite strong and we tend to cut each other off a lot. It does not cause any animosity like it might in other facilities. Even though I was never in the military I would compare it to a platoon or something along those lines. There seems to be a lot of comradery between the nurses. We share plenty about our family and there are pictures of kids being shown back and forth. Once we walk out into the population it is all business and there is little conversation that takes place in the halls.

The jury is still out on whether I will want to do this long term but so far it has been enjoyable and certainly enlightening.

Photo Credit: Oude School

Who has not entertained the idea of running your own little experiment on a group of people? I think we all have our own pre-conveived ideas on people groups and behaviors. Most people find stories of controlled studies entertaining. The success of reality TV is probably as much proof as anyone needs. Most people enjoy reality TV because they have the perception that they are getting an authentic look into the lives of other humans. Most people also know that producers and writers do everything they can to drive the shows into curious and sometimes outrageous situations just for the sole purpose of causing a response from the participants. Simply, humans are entertained by the actions of other humans and the weirder the situation the more entertained we become.

This last week in my Psych class we were separated into teams and asked to come up with our own experiment. Much to my dismay my group chose something tried and old and boring. Do not get me wrong. I like my group. We always have engaging conversation when we are together. In this instance I think we took a dry idea. We decided that our experiment would attempt to determine if men or women were better drivers. That is an age old question that just sounds dull to me.

I have decided to share my idea with you because I think it would be a lot more entertaining and it is also a lot more doable in real life because it would not be very expensive or complicated.

Last week I told one of the English tutors that my oldest daughter played the flute. Her comment back to me was, “She is a blond, isn’t she?” I was surprised. “Yes, she is a blond”, I answered. She continued: “Didn’t you know that blonds play flutes and brunettes played the clarinet?” I was taken back as my daughter, whom is a clarinet player, is brunette.

I could not get my group to try an experiment based on this premise. I did not push too hard but I probably should have. I cannot imagine an experiment that would be easier to actually try. All you need is a room with a table, a couple of chairs and the two instruments. There are all kinds of things you could do to try and influence decisions. You could put up pictures of blonds with flutes and brunettes with clarinets. You could play flute music while the blond or brunette is looking at the two instruments. You could put the flute on a floor stand and the clarinet on the table. You could have a blond in there practicing with the flute while a brunette is looking over the two instruments. You could have poorly played clarinet music playing in the background while a brunette is looking at her options. The things you could try are just endless and I believe that middle and high school parents all over America would be mesmerised by the results.

What has your experience been? Do you know of girls playing flutes and clarinets and what color their hair is? Do you think you can manipulate someone to actually choose one instrument over the other?

So we are talking Psychology again in this week’s Journal entry.

We are covering memory and the brain. When studying organs all the medical industry can do is tell you what that organ does. They cannot explain how organs do what they do. You can explain what the heart does; pumping oxygenated blood to the body and bringing unoxygenated blood back through the lungs to get more oxygen, and then back to the body again. Yes, you can break it down to the electrical impulses that stimulate the heart but no one can explain how the body manages to continue to stimulate the heart for years and decades. You can’t explain how the lungs actually oxygenate that blood. We know that the Islets Of Langehans ore what actually do the work of moving the oxygen in the lungs into the blood stream, but again you still can’t explain how the body does this at around sixteen times per minute.

We are knee deep into talking about the brain and memory. It’s been a great experience and my training as an LPN is coming back to me as I’m being reminded about all the parts of the brain. During last week’s discussion our instructor mentioned a case where a girl was born with only half of her brain. She didn’t appear malformed. Her head was perfectly symmetrical but her left hemisphere never grew into place. In fact, there was no evidence it was ever there. Our instructor explained that this girl was thirty years old and was of average, or slightly below average intelligence. Apparently she was quite functional.

Someone in the room, obviously amazed at this, asked how that was even possible and suggested that maybe it was proof of evolution. I smiled to myself but stayed quiet (I know, shocking). There is so much we don’t know about the brain. Mankind only uses ten percent of his brain so how can we believe we know much of anything about the brain? The truth is we can’t and we don’t.

The brain is simply proof of God’s power and the wonder that goes along with his greatest creation; mankind. We can’t even begin to explain how the body does what it does. We don’t know how the brain manages to store so much information. How the brain distinguishes between short term and long term memory. We can describe the areas that store this information and point to examples on how the brain determines what to do with what information but in all our science and technology we can’t explain how it stores all this information into the correct areas.

A girl of thirty, who has half of her brain, and still manages to function even better than thousands of people; who have all their brain, isn’t a testament to evolution. It is creation reminding us that in all of our wisdom and understanding we really don’t know much at all.

I knew why the white van was coming down my street. This had happened before. It had only been three years since Family Services came to our home and took our first daughter from us.

Our experience with Jessica was supposed to be completely different than the last child. When we were asked to take her, Family Services explained the situation to us, and we were told that adoption was the agreed upon goal. But after only a few months had passed, everything changed. During one particular meeting Jessica’s team told us that reunification with her birth father was now the intended outcome. Jessica’s caseworker, Sonny was in tears. I was in tears. My wife was in tears. We feared the worst.

The next eighteen months were hell. Visits with both birth parents increased. Jessica’s birth father was holding it together. He had a steady job, a place of his own and had been sober for the last several months. Most of the team was still apprehensive and were pushing Julie and me to petition the court for termination of the father’s rights, leaving us to adopt. We petitioned but were denied, and literally overnight the visits with the father were increased from once a week supervised, to daily and unsupervised.

As the visits increased Jessica’s countenance started to change. Once I got Jessica into her car seat she would go catatonic with her eyes gazing off into the distance. She didn’t kick or cry and was completely silent.

The clocks in the house seemed to stop every day. You’ve heard the phrase, “A watched pot never boils”? Well, a watched clock never hits five in the evening either. We would pace the dining room floor waiting for the sound of the caseworker’s car pulling in. It was relatively new, so it didn’t make enough noise to hear it from very far away. Julie and I learned how to pace quietly, almost completely silent. Our sock covered feet made a slight whisper noise as we moved around the house, racing to the front door every time we heard a car drive by, and the anxiety level peaking then bottoming out with each swing of the wooden front door.

Every evening Jessica would enter the house exhausted, and we were left to wonder what had happened all day. She was only two years old, and this schedule was taking its toll on her. Two years old, and up by seven in the morning, and back at home by five or so in the evening. God only knows what happened all day long. Jessica sure could not tell anyone, and there wasn’t a caseworker with her and dad all day long.

I wonder what God was thinking of me during all of this. I felt like Job must have when Satan trashed his life. I did not do anything wrong, and God was slapping me around. I did not even bother to pray. Why should I? It did not help last time. This time would not be any different I kept telling myself. I wasn’t praying; I was wishing. I was wishing this birth father would mess up. I wanted him to screw up, and I wanted to be there to watch him crash. I wanted all of this to stop. It didn’t stop, instead it got worse.

Finally the dreaded court day was upon us; it was quick. The commissioner glanced over the documents, asked a few questions and ordered Jessica to be returned to her birth father.

The ride back to our home was a quiet one. We got to the house knowing that Jessica’s case worker was only minutes behind us. We gathered a few of her items; enough to make it through the weekend, and we waited for Sonny’s arrival. Like so many times before Sonny pulled into our driveway. I opened the back of her car and found Jessica’s car seat poorly installed. I unhooked the seat; repositioned it and placed my knee into its center. I pushed my full weight on the seat, and reattached it correctly. I strapped Jessica into place; fighting back the tears so I didn’t scare her. Julie and I both told her goodbye, and Sonny slowly pulled out of our driveway and drove down the street, and disappeared around the corner.

I knew why the white van was coming down my street. This had happened before. It had only been three years since Family Services came to our home and took our first daughter from us.

Julie and I had spent the previous day at Wal-Mart. A regular practice with foster kids is when they are being moved, many parents put all their stuff in black plastic trash bags for transport. I can’t think of anything more horrific and demeaning than to have all of my belongings thrown into a container that looks like it should be tossed into a clothing donation bin or put at the end of the drive on Monday morning. Julie and I had decided we were not going to take part in this practice. We purchased several nice plastic containers for Jessica’s belongings. We carefully packed everything she owned into three or four containers. We kept a couple of keepsakes for ourselves. Jessica had been gone over the weekend, the longest she had been away from the house so far. Our oldest daughter Lydia shared her thoughts with us.

“Kika isn’t going to stay away; she is coming back.” Said Lydia.

“No honey,” I replied, “She isn’t coming back this time”.

“Yes, she is,” Lydia argued.

We kept trying to explain to her that this was not the case, but she refused to believe anything else. I shrugged my shoulders. It didn’t matter what Lydia thought anyway. She is only three; what does she know? Sonny showed up again, but this time in a white van she had rented. We had so much stuff that it wasn’t going to fit into her car. She and I loaded all the plastic containers into the van and she left.

Sonny and Jessica’s guardian were on their way over to talk with us about Jessica. She had only been gone a month. “Why did they want to talk with us?” I was asking myself. I fought back the optimism trying to creep into my head. “I’m not going to get hurt again!” My faith continued to falter. Sonny and the guardian showed up together; they sat down in our living room and explained what was going on. Apparently three weeks previous to our meeting Family Services had to remove Jessica from her father’s house. Just one week after John got custody! They had waited to tell us because they wanted to make sure she wasn’t going to be returned to him. This was the final straw for dad. It was a foregone conclusion that Jessica would be returning to us permanently.

I was ecstatic! After my previous experience I had convinced myself that we would never see Jessica again. Thank God I was wrong! The guardian and Sonny set up a date the following week to return Jessica to us. We had settled on September sixth. So here we are; Julie is nine months pregnant and due in three weeks. We were so filled with excitement that Julie ended up going into labor early the next week. Sonny gave us a call to make sure we were ready for Jessica’s return and I answered from our hospital room.

“Oh you guys!” she exclaimed “What terrible timing! Do you want to wait a few days?”

“No!” we yelled into my cell phone in unison.

“We’ll be just fine.” I reminded her. “I want my girl back.”

We weren’t going to wait a minute longer than was absolutely necessary. Julie gave birth to Elaina that night, and the next evening I was at our home to meet Sonny and Jessica.

It has been said that God can do his best work when our faith intersects with His faithfulness. God’s faithfulness is not completely revealed in this quote. During a time when my faith was at its lowest God’s faithfulness was at its highest. His grace and love is not based entirely on my faith in Him, but rather it is based on His character; something that isn’t swayed by events and circumstances. God’s grace is not dependent on what I do or believe but on who He is.

Jessica on the left and Lydia on the right

Photo Credit: slayerphoto

The thumbtack was originally discovered by Gulliver during his stay in Lilliput during August of 1706. A Lilliputian blacksmith, who fancied himself as an inventor and entrepreneur; as blacksmiths tend to do; had decided to create an umbrella that could withstand the bombardment of the spring hail storms. You can image, being so small, that Lilliputians dreaded going outside if inclement weather was in the forecast. One hail stone could kill someone of such small size.

The blacksmith, who’s name was Edward Thumb, had built his umbrella from iron, a quite heavy metal. As you can imagine this “Hailbrella”, as Mr. Thumb called it, got quite heavy and there was no convenient place to put it since it couldn’t close like a normal umbrella. After only selling 2 hailbrellas, both to his grandmother, bless her heart, Edward gave up on the idea. He still had 18 left (he was optimistic in the beginning as most inventors/entrepreneurs tend to be) and had them laying around his shop.

One day, while walking through town looking for something he could use to hang pictures in his apartment, Gulliver happened upon the blacksmith’s shop. The blacksmith didn’t have any nails large enough to tack a picture into place but it was apparent to Gulliver that the hailbrellas laying in the corner would work quite well. As you can imagine it took several minutes to agree upon a price with the blacksmith. You know how entrepreneurs are, even after an idea has failed it’s hard for them to let go. Anyway, a price was agreed upon and Gulliver left town carrying 20 hailbrellas (he snuck by grandmas house and got her’s for free but she denies the whole thing).

Upon returning to Nottinghamshire Gulliver renamed the hailbrellas, “Thumbtacks” after their inventor and the rest, as they say, is history, really.

Some [mostly] unknown facts about the thumbtack.

The original Declaration of Independence actually has a hole in the top where a thumbtack was used to hold it in place on the wall while  the single hand written copy was made (by a slave of course).

The thumbtack was inducted into the Office Supply Hall Of fame in 2002. Bill Gates stated: “What a load of crap! The thumbtack was never even made into an animated word processing assistant!” Steve Jobs said: “Bill Gates is an idiot,” and Linus Torvalds didn’t say anything.

Before becoming famous Bojangles Robinson applied thumbtacks to his dress shoes to make tap dancing shoes. He made three movies before the producers figured it out.

The thumbtack wasn’t allowed in public schools till 1949. Too many of the teachers were worried someone would put an eye out.

In the 1950′s Rich Williams of the rock group Kansas lost his eye in a thumbtack ‘incident’.

The moral of this story?

Never research yourself out of a good (or bad) blog post.

This last week during my Psychology class the instructor sprung something on us I wasn’t quite prepared for.

We were reviewing the brain and talking about the Hypothalamus. This is the portion of the brain responsible for various physical drives. This would be hunger, thirst and sex. According to our instructor, if a child is abused at an age that is pre-speech, this abuse can cause damage to the Hypothalamus resulting in eating, drinking and sex disorders.

We were then split up into groups and asked to contemplate how we would judge a sex offender who had been abused during his pre-speech age and as a result is now a rapist or pedaphile. We were given three questions to discuss.

1. Is he responsible?
2. Is he accountable?
3. What can society do?

This was a twenty-minute exercise and our group got somewhat heated during the conversation. Question number 1 is the question that I’m sure caused all the groups the most conversation. Many believed that once the individual had been educated on the right and wrong of his behavior that subsuquent violations would result in his own responsibility. Many in our group felt that he was always responsible. All the groups seemed to agree that he was certainly accountable for his behavior even if he wasn’t responsible due to extreme abuse at such a young age. The assumption is that his brain is damaged and therefore he couldn’t help it.

My concern is this. Have we become so advanced in our science that we are able to excuse just about any behavior based on theory? There are plenty of people who are abused at a young age that don’t develop eating disorders, alcoholism and sex addictions. Yet, even by my own experience, since I currently work in community mental health, many of the clients I interact with were abused at a young age and now have a wide variety of disorders covering the areas mentioned above.

As this exercise was coming to an end I found myself thankful for question number 2. Regardless of how you want to interpret someone’s drive or motivation as a society we are, and should be, held accountable for our actions, be they good or bad.

There is no doubt that people with even the worst disorders need the help of society to overcome their problems.

The ultimate decision facing us all is found in question 3. This question cannot be ignored and as a person of the Christian faith I am compelled to engage this question because I am commanded to preach the Gospel to all people of the earth.

Especially the ones that aren’t very likable.

Photo Credit: The Barefoot Executive

There are 2 banks where I live. One of the banks I used for my business. They don’t come across as all that particularly friendly. It’s not so much the staff, really. They are just part of a very large group of banks in Kansas City and it just feels like this branch has had the life sucked out of them by corporate mandates. They can’t seem to make a decision without first consulting the manual. They do have all the amenities you would expect from a bank. That’s why I used them for my business.

The other bank is quite different. It has been in Oak Grove for over 100 years. My wife and I have had some kind of account there since we were both kids. They know us by name, ask about our parents and for the most part getting anything done inside the building is a complete joy.

We have two accounts currently. One for or normal banking and one for our emergency fund. Last week when I got my bank statements a flyer for getting a loan at the bank dropped out of the envelope. This is normal, right? I mean, that’s why this bank is there. They want their customers to have more than a checking account. They want us to walk in the front door to borrow money. The only reason they let us even have a checking account is in the hopes that we will come in the front door to borrow money. A checking account, for 95% of the account holders is nothing but a loss leader. Banks don’t make money on deposits into checking accounts. Most people keep such a low balance that there isn’t much they can do with the cash.

I’m just about ready to leave this bank permanently. I’m ready to do this for one reason. They don’t have online banking. They’ve been promising it for years. The president himself has told me that current customers are leaving and new people walk out the door once they learn that online banking isn’t available. They have the same problem as the bank down the street. The decisions are being taking out of their hands and managed by people two counties away.

I can hear the conversation now.

“You don’t get online banking until you can get the loan base up!”

“But we can’t get new customers and the old ones are leaving because we don’t have online banking!”

“You can have online banking when revenue is up!”

All the while I can’t even check my account balance without hitting the drive up window or calling during the hours of 9am – 3pm while I’m at work and can’t make personal calls.. I can’t look at the previous week’s transactions without going into the lobby and paying $1.00 per page for a print out.

Eventually relationship is going to get tossed out the door for the convenience of online banking available down the street.

Their mistake is trying to sell me something I don’t even want and at the same time not providing me something I actually do want.

Zig Ziglar said it best: “You can have what you want when you help enough people get what they want”.

Relationship and online banking, that’s what I want.

Photo Credit: juvethski

If there is anything about my personality that I like it’s my ability to change directions at a moments notice.

This has certainly not created the easiest environment for my wife, who hates change. I will tell you this, though, we have gotten good at change and I think we’ve learned how to tell when it is time to do so.

This year has been a great example of our ability to make massive changes together. The last 9 months has seen me shut down my seven-year-old subcontracting company, discontinue a twelve month business coaching venture and start full time college courses. All of these changes we made together after we had taken the time to discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

The purpose of this post is to announce the changes being made to this web site. These changes have been in effect for a couple of weeks now but I wanted to do some kind of formal announcement on the blog with a call to action at the end.

1. The change
I have changed the web site from BlueCollarCoaching.net over to BlueCollarLiving.com. Since making the decision to go back to college my writing on the site seems to be taking a different form. Much of the newer content has been more about taking life by the tail and experiencing change head on. Because of this, “Blue Collar Living” with the new tag line, “Faith, without hard work, is dead” seems to fit better.

2. The content
I will continue to write about all the same topics as before. I still love business, leadership, technology and social media. Now, with the new direction I feel a certain freedom to add more content as it relates to my faith. Don’t worry, I’m not a bible thumping religious nut. I believe I’m a balanced person and hopefully that will be reflected in what I write. Hey, if I’m preaching at anyone it’s myself. I tend to write about what I need to hear. I just assume I’m an average guy and hopefully what I write to myself may help you too. Since I am currently in English 101 classes I will be publishing all my assignments to the blog under the “My Journal” category and the newly created (but currently empty) “Essay” category.

In case you didn’t know I have changed my Twitter handle to “@bluecollarjames” and I have started a new facebook page to reflect the new direction.

Well, there you have it. That’s the new direction for the web site.

Thank you for being a part of the journey with me.

I would consider it an honor if you would take the time to ‘like’ my new Facebook page, assuming you want to follow me in that manner.

I will no longer be updating the old Facebook pages.

As I was lying in bed last night contemplating this week’s journal entry a verse kept popping into my head. I formulated the post assuming I was remembering the correct context. In short, I wasn’t.

1 Corinthians 13:12 – For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. King James Version

This is the next-to-the-last verse in the love chapter of the bible, King James Version. In my mind the word, “Glass” was talking about a drinking glass. As I changed to a couple of other translations I found out that the word “Glass” is actually talking about a mirror.

1 Corintians 13:12 – For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. New American Standard

It was my plan to use the analogy of a drinking glass and I’m still going to do so. I just wanted to clarify with you, the reader, that I would be taking this verse just a little out of context but I believe that the spirit of what I want to share this week is valid regardless of the type of “Glass” we are talking about.

As I’ve mentioned several times around my site, it was only in 2008 that I’ve become a serious reader. Prior to that I probably hadn’t read 2 books in the previous 10 years.

So often it takes extreme circumstances to get us to change habits. I’m certainly no different. My construction company was failing, we were losing our home. The anxiety level in my life was off the charts even though I was pretty good at hiding it. In an act of desperation is started reading, and I read a lot. I went on frequent trips to the book store and purchased a variety of books mainly focusing on business, leadership and finance. So over the last three years I’ve read over 25 books all based on the subjects I just listed.

I thought I was reading those books to save my company and personal finances. I was looking through a glass, darkly. I thought I could see the full path that I was on but I couldn’t. I was convinced that by reading these books I was going to fix everything that was currently wrong. I was looking through a glass, darkly.

The glass darkly.

We are used to nice clean and clear water, here in America. It has not always been that way. Back when we used wells, water wasn’t so clear when you first got it into your glass. You had to wait a few minutes for the sediment to drop to the bottom of the glass. Until you did so if you tried to look through the water glass you couldn’t see very clearly. You had to wait for the sediment to drop before you could see through the water.

Three years ago I was looking through the glass of my book reading, darkly. I was convinced that reading those books would fix my current circumstances. I was convinced that after reading enough books I would be able to take all that information and fix my life. That is not at all what happened, but now, as the sediment has settled to the bottom of the glass I can see what purpose reading all those books has served in my life.

I am having a complete blast in my English 101 class. We have 2 journal entries due every week and will have to write 4 essays. I can honestly say I can’t wait to write all of this material! I get to publish it all on this site and share it with you, the reader.

Without having read all of these books I guarantee this class would be pure drudgery for me. I would be struggling to come up with ideas, my vocabulary would be limited and creative thought would, no doubt, be limited.

I’m not looking through the glass darkly anymore. Now, I can see clearly. Sometimes it just takes a while for the glass to clear up enough to see what God’s purposes are for our current circumstances.

Photo Credit: Brandy Dopkins

I don’t think there is anything more difficult in any relationship than apologizing. Generally speaking I’m not sure it’s appreciated all that much in society. I think the way many people receive an apology is the reason it is becoming so much less prevalent.

When someone apologizes to you what is your first response? Many of us will make the mistake of wanting to indulge the apology. We want to take the opportunity to maybe drive the experience a little deeper for the person who has come to us and admitted their mistake.

Can I offer some advice on how to manage these types of situations better, not only in your business but also in your personal life?

1. Exercise your ears, not your mouth
Fight the desire to push deeper into how this person has injured you or the company. It took a lot of humility to admit to an error. The normal person is feeling pretty small during an apology. Don’t make them feel smaller by drawing attention to the details. This will only discourage future apologies.

2. Have a follow up meeting to talk further
During the next couple of days set up a chance to discuss the situation further. Start that meeting by thanking the individual for having the character it takes to admit his/her mistakes. Try to do this over lunch if you can. Food has a way of removing the tension during these types of meetings.

3. An apology can be freeing
When someone finally gets up the guts to apologize it will free their spirit and how well you receive that apology can either create a stronger bond or damage the relationship. Take these opportunities to see both parties grow in character but more importantly find ways for the person giving the apology to get the most out of the experience.

If you can become a leader that makes it easy for your teammates to apologize to you, you stand the chance of having a team that is fearless.

Photo Credit: Daniel Y. Go

Last week, I started back to college after a long break. During my first English class we were given a list of questions to ask each other with the purpose of introducing our partner during the next class as an ice breaker. I turned to my new friend, a nineteen-year-old high school graduate from last spring, and asked him the 9th question on the list, which happens to be this week’s Let’s Blog Off topic question.

“What’s your favorite book?”

“Um, I don’t read.”

As I looked at him the old man in me put together quite the lecture for this young boy.

“What, you don’t read? Who doesn’t read? Are you trying to tell me that in your nineteen years on this earth you haven’t read at least one book that has touched you in a special way? A book that, after reading it, left you changed forever!”

To answer this week’s Let’s Blog Off question I’m going to look at it from that point of view.

For many of us on the LBO project I think picking one favorite book is going to be kind of difficult. No doubt many of us have read many books that we love and we just can’t pick a favorite. Instead of picking a favorite I’ve decided to pick one that changed my life.

Few authors have had a story similar to Andy Andrews. Without giving you his full biography (and saving myself from too much research) let me sum it up quickly.

Andy lost both parents at the age of 19 and, as described in his own words, “I took a bad situation and made it much worse”. Due to some bad decisions Andy ended up living under a pier and various unlocked garages in the gulf coast. Andy found himself asking one question, “Is life just a lottery ticket, or are there choices one can make to direct his future?”

Andy hit the local library to find the answer to this question and commenced to reading over 200 biographies.

During his time in the library reading these biographies Andy found what he believes are the 7 decisions it takes to find success in life.

Andy has taken those 7 decisions and turned them into one of the most life changing books I’ve ever read.

Three years ago I found myself with this book in my truck as my wife and I headed out of town for our eighteenth wedding anniversary. This was a much needed get away. The economy had taken its second dip in as many years and we were being forced out of our dream home and looking towards the daunting task of selling it for a massive loss in the middle of the biggest financial melt down in decades. To say we left town stressed is an understatement.

We made it to our little get away in the middle of the country and I sat down to, “The Traveler’s Gift“.

David Ponder, feels like a failure. A one time executive is now working a minimum wage job. His daughter has fallen ill and he can’t afford to get her the care she needs. One evening, as he is driving home he loses control of his car and as he is heading into the ditch he wonders if life is even worth living anyway. Death is not what awaits Mr. Ponder. Instead it’s a journey through time meeting some of history’s most influential people during times of crisis in their lives. During these visits he meets 7 people and learns a secret of success from each of them.

“The responsible decision”
“The guided decision”
“The active decision”
“The certain decision”
“The joyful decision”
“The compassionate decision”
“The persistent decision”

As I read through each of these chapters, which laid out like 7 short stories that give us a glimpse into the mindset each major figure held true, I found myself in tears. When I say tears what I really mean is that I wept like a little baby, for two days. Emotions that I had been keeping pushed deep down inside of myself came welling up to the surface and I was unable to hold it all back. I identified with Mr. Ponder in ways I never imagined and now I felt like I was right along his side as he was being given the gift of knowledge that I myself had been desperate to learn.

I can honestly say that today, I live my life by all 7 of these decisions and I believe with all of my heart that by living by these 7 simple decisions I will find success in everything that I do.

You can download a great PDF document of all 7 decisions HERE.

I apologize in advance for the length of this entry!

Well, I made it through week one! It shouldn’t seem like a big deal but I’ll have you know I’m quite proud of myself.

I decided that for this week’s journal entry I would do a quick review of my 4 current classes and what my thoughts are on each one.

First, I would like to give you just a few overall thoughts.

Back in 1992, when I decided to go to LPN school, I was among the youngest in my class. This time around it is quite the opposite. I’m forty now and old enough to have fathered over 75% of the students I have in my classes. It hasn’t mattered the time of day I’m taking these classes. I’m old and stick out like a sore thumb with my receding hair line and a backpack complete with ibuprofen for those days when I’m feeling my age in a special way. I catch myself looking at the other students wondering what it will feel like when my girls are their age and attending college. They all look so much younger than myself and so much older than my girls. It’s almost confusing.

Most of my classmates seem so much more confident than me. Within just a couple of minutes of the end of class they are already getting their stuff together, ready to hit the door at the strike of (insert time here). For most of the week I’ve felt like a deer in the headlights at the end of class. I’m quickly writing down some final notes scared to death that I’ve missed some important piece of information or instruction. They all just come across as so much more care free. I know that is probably just my perception but it sure feels real.

Well, that’s enough of ‘James is old’ talk for now. Here are my thoughts on the classes.

1. General Psychology (Psych 140)
This was the first class I attended. We will be meeting twice a week on Tuesday and Thursday evenings, leaving me free to work the day shift to keep the income up. That’s a good thing! I don’t know a lot about this instructor other than she does have a nice sense of humor. She only plans on giving two exams for the whole year. I don’t expect to have many problems as I’ve been working in the mental health field for a year now. This class just has a relaxed feel that I’m sure I’ll be even more thankful for as the semester moves on.

2. English Composition (English 101)
I’m super excited about this class! I’ve known this instructor since high school. She and my wife have been best friends since kindergarten or something like that. Since I’ve spent the last 3 years doing a lot of reading and writing I’m expecting to do well in this class. Elizabeth has affirmed my opinion that readers make good writers. This class requires the students to submit quite a few journal entries during the sixteen week period. I will be able to submit my blog posts so I’m pretty excited that my blog content will be a part of my grades. I’ll try to find a creative way to integrate the two.

3. Elementary Algebra (Math 40)
Now, I’m assuming this class title doesn’t mean that I’m taking the same math class as my ten-year-old but with the way my first test went, it’s a distinct possibility. Yes, you heard me correctly, we have already had a test. This class is using a new format. The class is broken up into 6 modules. You will take a pretest before starting each module. If you get an eighty percent or better you can skip that module and get your grade accordingly. If you fall under that percentage mark you get to take that module and do a post test for your grade. Last Friday morning I took my first pretest. It wasn’t pretty. There will be no testing out for James!

4. Chemistry for health sciences (Chem 105)
I’m not sure where to even start here. This is the class I’ve been dreading. I’ve been getting all kinds of different stories when it comes to chemistry classes. I’ve only talked to two people who got an “A” or “B” and most everyone I’ve talked to either failed the first time or barely made it out with a “C”. I have no plans to get grades less than a B. It will affect my ability to get into an RN program. They are pretty competitive. A “C” won’t keep me out of nursing school but it could drop me down lower on the list. My instructor worked for forty years as a chemist and decided to become a teacher once he retired. The first night of lecture went by in a flash and I found myself dazed and confused. He breezed past the first chapter pretty quickly assuming we all know what he was talking about. Unlike many in that class it’s been A LOT of years since I’ve done anything in chemistry and even then it was very little. Chemistry was combined with my pharmacology class and even then all we did was memorize the periodic table. He decided to go over Celsius to Fahrenheit conversions. He just mumbled through the whole thing looking over his shoulder every couple of seconds saying something like, “You know all this, right?” and moved on. This was supposed to be a 2 hour lecture. He hit the last power point slide an hour early and dismissed us. I was completely freaked out! I don’t want to get out of class an hour early, not if you are going to actually cover material. Hey, if you are just doing introductions and an overview I get it but that’s not what he did at all. He was covering chapter 1. If he tries to let out an hour early next time I’m going to get him to give me some person tutoring. I’m noting leaving class early and confused, this is all too important for that.

Well, there you have it, the first week of college. It had it’s ups and downs but mostly ups. I’ll get to do a bunch of writing for both English and Psych and I look forward to that. I haven’t taken Algebra for a long time but I remember enjoying it quite a bit and I’m sure I’ll pick up on it quickly enough.

I’m only nervous about Chemistry but I am tenacious and there is always Khan Academy.

[There is a video that cannot be displayed in this feed. Visit the blog entry to see the video.]

[There is a video that cannot be displayed in this feed. Visit the blog entry to see the video.]

As mentioned in the beginning you can do some of the same steps using Gimp if you don’t have Photoshop.

Photo Credit: Blyzz

I’ve been sitting back watching this whole Google+ thing develop. I’ll start this post off by admitting that I’ve done very little with Google+. Probably the main reason is that I use Google Apps and for some ridiculous reason Google+ doesn’t work with Google Apps. I’m too lazy to log into my gmail account every time I want to do something in G+.

I’ll compare G+ to Ubuntu Linux.

A couple of years ago I got fed up with Microsoft and decided to convert all my household computers over to Ubuntu Linux. I’m a nerd through and through and really enjoyed getting to know my way around Linux.

I realized a few things after using Ubuntu for just under a year. The support forums were pretty intimidating to use. There was A LOT of geek talk. Many of the moderators and forum contributors were quite impatient with new users trying to figure things out. There is a really big push in the Linux world to develop something that more of the main stream users (aka moms and kids and unkle Joe) will adopt and start using.

What is ultimately standing in the way of Linux being more excepted by the general public?

It’s the fact that Linux is made by nerds and for nerds. There aren’t any ‘normal’ people involved. If you can’t talk nerd and perform nerd you aren’t going to get Linux working on your machine. Something as simple as installing the Operating System, also known as step #1, isn’t even very automated and if you don’t already know something about Linux you won’t have the correct hard drive partitions!

See? Nerd talk!

Google+ is faced with the same problem. Maybe it’s not by ‘tech nerds’ and for ‘tech nerds’ but it is by ‘social media nerds’ and for ‘social media nerds’. Because of this that’s why the only people who will actually use Google+ are all the social media nerds out there.

What caused Facebook to really take off? It was clean and appropriate for one. Myspace was full of all kinds of family unfriendly material. Parents felt comfortable letting their kids use Facebook because of all the privacy issues that had been neglected by other social platforms.

Most the people who use Facebook aren’t social media freaks. They are just Facebook users because that’s where everyone is and everyone is there because it was appealing to the average person.

Google+ will never be more than a place full of social media nerds interacting with other social media nerds.

Recently I was told by a friend that I was fearless.

I have to admit that it feels kind of good to be told that. I really look up to the person to told me this and it really lifted my spirits. That happened right before I made the decision to stop coaching and start college this fall.

Honestly, I really don’t see myself as fearless. Someone else described me as tenacious. I think that is a better description of my personality.

I loved playing high school basketball. I went to a small private school. If you even showed up for practice you were on the team. There were no ‘try outs’ like you see in public schools. We were the smallest team in our league during my junior and senior year. During my senior year we only had 7 players. Two of us were seniors and the rest were sophomore all the way down to seventh grade. It was a long two years and we won very few games. During my last year we had 9 wins and twenty-one losses. I was the biggest guy on the team at 5’10″ tall. I did all the jump balls for the year and was looked to as the offensive leader. As I look back on my life I see those two years as the place where I learned to be tenacious. I loved playing and just wanted to be on the floor, regardless of how heavy the cards were stacked against us. I played very well that year averaging 20 points and 20 rebounds per game. Not because I was good but because I was tenacious.

Believe me, I’m scared and I don’t feel particularly fearless right now. I do feel tenacious, though.

I have this overwhelming desire to provide well for my family. That’s really the driving force behind all that I do. Starting my contracting company scared me, but I did it and stuck with it for two years longer than it was viable. Starting the coaching business scared me but I stuck with it for a year trying to make it go. Starting the podcast REALLY scared me, but I put out 54 episodes and did have a good time, scared to death every time I hit the record button.

It is not the lack of fear that gives me momentum. It’s tenacity.

The hand of the diligent will rule,
But the lazy man will be put to forced labor. (Proverbs 12:24 NKJV)

This week’s Let’s Blog Off topic has consumed my thoughts since last Friday. The subject matter is centered around the concept of where the writers life will be in twenty years.

I turned forty last week and will be starting college next week to complete my associates degree in nursing.

One major staple of the American way of life is the ability to create wealth from just about any means regardless of your educational background.

With hard work and determination anything is possible. I do still believe this to be the case but in our current economic climate I am starting to believe that without a formal education the path to prosperity is not only hindered but maybe even impossible.

It wasn’t so long ago that you had a couple of choices coming out of high school. You could either enter college and obtain a degree or you could find a trade you enjoyed and get right to work. The construction industry was booming and if you were a hard worker with a few brain cells to rub together you could make a decent income, with little or no education or even a high school diploma.

We don’t live in those kinds of times anymore. With each passing year a formal education is becoming more of a requirement for a solid future.

I’m experiencing this myself as of this writing. It wasn’t but a little over a year ago where I was threatened by a customer that I would be faced with the unemployment line if I didn’t cave to their demands. I didn’t take the time to mention that I had a nursing license and because of that an unemployment line was not likely to ever be in my future.

Shortly after that threat I did close my company but the unemployment line I did not seek, because of my education.

One quick glance at the unemployment statistics will give you a glimpse into the future of wealth creation in America. The less educated you are the higher the unemployment rate reaches. If you have a college degree the rate is currently just over 4% where if you are a high school dropout the rate is over 14%!

So this month I start my associates degree. If the stars align I’ll be done in twenty-four months. My next goal will be my masters with the specialty of Family Nurse Practitioner. The total process will take 5-7 years to complete.

This won’t be easy but I’m blue collar and we know all about hard work.

Exactly nineteen years ago this month I stepped into my first college experience.

Julie and I had been married for just under 2 years. I had quit my dad’s company and was working at a Hy-Vee grocery store, in the bakery. To say I was facing a career dilemma would have been an understatement. A family friend suggested nursing as a vocational solution. It sounded like a good enough idea so I signed up at a local college and began what would become one of the hardest years of my life.

I chose Practical Nursing (LPN) because it was only a one year program. Little did I know how hard that one year would be. The schedule was simple to understand but quite difficult to execute. Getting your Practical Nursing training is a one full calendar year program. It was basically a full time job. The class schedule was Monday through Friday, 8:00 AM – 4:00 PM for 52 strait weeks. Since I was married and had my own place I would have to also bring home a full time income. The only way to pull this off was to work Friday evenings, Saturdays and Sundays for that year. Most weeks I was able to work 32 hours over those three days. My instructors warned me that it would be a hard year. They said that anything and everything possible will go wrong. They were right. We had family deaths and divorces. It was everything we could do to keep our sanity. If I wasn’t going to class I was working or sleeping. There was little time for anything else. I’m still not sure how I ever even passed all my classes and still managed to retain enough information to actually pass the state board examination at the state capital. I was able and I did pass the test, even though I have no clue what my score was since they don’t give out those details. It’s a pass/fail result.

So here I am, nineteen years later getting ready to repeat that experience. I’m thankful that it won’t be quite as intense. It’s not a forty hour a week program but I will be taking fourteen credit hours this fall which will entail classes every weekday. I’ll still need to work close to forty hours a week to maintain our budget so weekend working is back on the table.

For both of these college experiences there has been a calm before the storm. Nineteen years ago I didn’t know I was experiencing the calm. I wasn’t aware of the storm on the horizon. This time I’m all too aware of it. I’ve been here before and I have to admit I’m a little apprehensive. I do believe I can pull it off but I’m a bit older now. I turned forty last week and I wonder what it will be like trying to tackle college all over again.

This time around it will take 2 years as I’m working towards my Associates Degree in Nursing, resulting in another state exam to become an RN. I’m a lot more motivated now. My family is much larger with 4 daughters here to witness the events.

Hopefully, this will be a good experience for them. Hopefully they can see that it’s never too late to take a new path.

Times change and I’ve found myself with a couple of weeks here to read anything of my choosing.

Upon a recommendation of my friend, Carl, I decided to read Just A Geek by Wil Wheaton.

I’ve tried a couple of times to do book reviews in the past. I’ve always ended up just finding a couple of quotes from a few chapters and publishing those. This way of doing a book review isn’t very engaging. Hopefully, they way I review this book will be better.

If you aren’t a Star Trek fan you may not recognize the name Wil Wheaton. If you are a fan then you will recognize him as Wesley Crusher from Star Trek: The Next Generation TV series. You may also recognize him as a character from Stand By Me.

An important back story here is the fact that the character, Wesley Crusher, was hated by a verbal section of Star Trek fans. The writers of the TV show didn’t do such a fantastic job of creating a teen character that was enjoyable. Many Star Trek fans don’t have the ability to separate actors from the roll they played during the shows and as a result Wil Wheaton found himself the brunt of many attacks. Someone in their mid to late twenties my have just brushed this off but a young adult of 17, with aspirations of greatness in the feature film industry, found these attacks to be too great to ignore.

In an attempt to prove to everyone that he was indeed a great actor Wil left Star Trek to pursue a feature film acting career. This put him on a path that would forever change his life and create an internal battle that would consume the next decade of his life.

Wil started blogging in July 2001 and with the self imposed pressures of trying to appear successful as an actor (and prove to everyone it wasn’t a mistake to leave Star Trek) he would leave out specific details in his writing to appear upward moving.

In Just A Geek Wil tells the other side of the story. He gives insight into his personal life and the financial challenges that went along with pursuing his dream at all costs. He chronicles his journey from hiding the details of what was really happening in his life to becoming more of an open and authentic blogger.

Ultimately Wil discovers his true talent in being a writer and is able to move past the pressures to pursue an acting career.

Just A Geek isn’t about Star Trek, blogging or being a geek for that matter. It’s about the battle we all face when our dreams and desires meet reality. It’s about what happens when we are able to actually step back and look at our lives through the eyes of those around us and identify in ourselves what others already see.

Just A Geek spoke to me in ways I never would have imagined. It reminded me that ultimately I’m here for a purpose greater than myself and my own personal desires. That no matter how much I want something, it doesn’t mean that, that thing is meant for me. That sometimes, what I am really supposed to be doing can possibly be right under my nose.

What I need, what we all need, is the courage to make a course correction and pursue something different, even if it’s scary.

================================

Note: Wil Wheaton seems to like the “F” word so if it offends you this book may not be a good fit. He doesn’t use it in a way I would consider vulgar.

Photo Credit: Do u remember

Last night Carl and I went to see Cowboys & Aliens. Being the sci-fi nut that I am it was very enjoyable.

There was one major distraction I had to hurdle during the first few minutes of the film. The screen that we were viewing had more than one defect in it. During the daytime scenes it was was extremely noticeable and I found myself looking at the actual screen and missing some of the dialog.

While getting used to this problem (which I did) I thought to myself, “I can’t imagine the general manager of this theatre watches movies on his own screens or this would be fixed”.

One of the many famous stories that Zig Ziglar tells is how, when mentoring another sales professional who was struggling, he (Zig) explained that part of this salesman’s problem was that he needed to purchase some of his own product. To experience what it was the he was selling.

As a business owner, or creator of anything, how often do you make sure you are experiencing your own product or service?

If you run a flooring company how often do you go and experience the floors your team has installed? As a designer how often are you able to visit the homes, offices or buildings that you’ve designed at your desk? If your a podcaster when was the last time you listened to one of your own shows?

It’s so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day operations of a business that we forget to make sure the experience being delivered is actually enjoyable for our customers.

We can’t forget to watch our own movies.

I’m kind of loud and obnoxious. Delivering my own opinion isn’t a hard task for me. Most of the time it isn’t even a challenge. I’m just opinionated and I’m not afraid to share what I feel or think. I’m not rude and do TRY to consider the feelings of others before speaking my mind. I’ll organize my thoughts in a way that, hopefully, gets my point across without others being hurt or offended. I won’t shy away from the truth but if I can deliver that truth in a way that doesn’t offend, I will do so.

There are others who are not so loud in their strength. They show their strength more through actions than words.

I just finished watching Soul Surfer with a couple of my daughters. My twelve-year-old daughter, Jessica, reminds me so much of Bethany Hamilton.

Jessica has an amazing quiet strength. She is on the swim team here in Oak Grove and her singular focus during swim meets is something to behold. She is so focused when she is on the blocks, ready to dive into the water. Here eyes are focused on the goal and her determination is so strong. She is not easily distracted.

As we started this last swim team season she was beginning with one major obstacle. She had never swam the breast stroke successfully. Her desire this year was to swim in an Individual Medley where she would be required to do the Butterfly, Backstroke, Breaststroke and Freestyle all in one race. This girl, having decided on a Monday that this would be her desire by the coming Saturday, let nothing stand in her way. She solicited the help of an older swimmer and over the next 5 practices not only learned the breast stroke but mastered it and competed in her first Individual Medley and performed among the best in the water. I don’t remember how she placed that first race but I do remember that she wasn’t disqualified which had never happened before in over 2 years.

Jessica is facing her own challenges even at the young age of twelve. I have no doubt that she will rise above these challenges. It is my job to be her greatest supporter. I will do so, no matter how hard the task. Our small corner of the world will be better for it.

Photo Credit: 28misguidedsouls

This isn’t a post on how to fire people. Frankly, I don’t feel I was any good at it. I didn’t believe in re-hashing old issues or bringing up new ones. I usually just handed them their last check and told them we were moving in a new direction. I certainly didn’t spring it on them over one issue so most weren’t surprised.

I will share one story with you where I feel I did it correctly and then explain why I’ve decided I was right.

This was during the early stages of owning my business. Probably the fall of 2005. I had put out the word through the local state employment office that I was looking to hire. Someone had applied with what I considered an adequate resume. He had been in charge of several family owned facilities. He was the head facilities manager and claimed to have done a little of everything including cabinet installation (our specialty). It was apparent after a couple of days on the job that he wasn’t as knowledgeable as he claimed and by Friday I printing up his check and sent him on his way. It didn’t go over so well with him as he felt I didn’t give him enough time to figure things out. We never give anyone new something too complicated. This gentleman couldn’t even trim out a window seat by himself. During the interview process I was given the impression his experience level was well beyond this task.

So, why do I consider this firing a success? Because I made the decision early.

Most generally you will get the best performance someone has to offer during their first thirty days of employment. If you have anything happen during those first 4 weeks that puts doubt in your head you can be pretty sure that this relationship isn’t going to work out. You can assume this to be the very best behavior that this new person has to offer.

Here are some simple warning signs, within the first thirty days, that your new employee isn’t going to work out.

1. Late more than once.
If your new employee has bad traffic 3 times a week on the way to work, there is a problem.

2. Calls in sick more than once
Unless you are aware of some health issue a new employee shouldn’t call in more than once in the first month. If they do call in it should be more than just a cold and there better be a doctor’s note.

3. Mistakes that absolutely shock you (this is based on new hire experience level)
Everyone messes up. Your company is unique so some mistakes in the early days of employment are expected. If your new employee makes a mistake that completely shocks you, then there is a problem.

The longer you hold on to a bad hire the harder (and more expensive) it will be to release them down the road. If you have any doubt during the first thirty days, move on.

Photo Credit: Photo Extremist

I grew up during the greatest era in sci-fi entertainment history.

Star Wars (the good ones, not the new garbage), Star Trek (Movies), Superman (Christopher Reeve), The Last Starfighter, Explorers and Close Encounters of the Third Kind just to name a few of the best.

From the earliest days that I can remember I’ve been fascinated with flying. I can remember A LOT of dreams where I was flying around my town. I can still remember the feeling in my stomach during these dreams as I was floating above everything. Many times I would go to bed believing I would dream of flying and many times it would happen. I can remember many hours where I wold lie in the grass looking up at the stars dreaming of having the ability to travel into deep space.

I had a very strong faith in God even from a young age. I remember praying that God would give me some kind of device that would allow me to travel the stars and experience the universe. Many times I would wake up in the mornings sad that my prayer hadn’t been answered.

I’m sure you can interpret these dreams in all kinds of different ways. For many years I’ve struggled to figure out why I’ve always had this desire deep down inside of myself.

I haven’t tried to achieve this through the normal avenues. I’ve never been skydiving. I’ve only been in an airplane a few times in my life so I sure didn’t pursue a pilot’s license to help fulfill this desire.

Yet I want so bad to fly strait into space and past our galaxy, even to this very day.

Being a Christian my entire life you can imagine what I’ve heard eternity will be like. We will have a mansion, spend hours worshiping God and we will help rule over a new heaven and earth and all that.

What I want, more than anything, is a personal tour of the universe by the Creator Himself.

I want to fly, with my Maker.

I’ll warn you right now that my journal entries will very likely have some faith based content from time to time. This entry is one of those.

It’s interesting how constantly dependent I am on God’s provision.

The community college that I’m attending is only about 20 minutes away. It serves a very large portion of the Missouri side of the Kansas City area. I’m receiving a Pell Grant for this upcoming year and I was excited that the Grant would cover twice of what the tuition was going to be. This would allow the college to cut us a check for the difference right before Christmas. Knowing that I was going to get a check right before Christmas was of great comfort. I would possibly be able to take a few days off from work and school at the same time.

Well, it’s not going to work out that way. The local college has broken up the surrounding area by School District and apparently our district is just barely outside the coverage area. Because of this my tuition is now doubled. The Pell Grant is still going to cover everything but just barely. Currently I have $545.00 coming back to me except I still have to purchase books. I doubt we will see very much of that cash. Still, I need to be thankful because I should be able to complete this semester without any money out of pocket.

There is a verse in the Bible that states, “It’s easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to make it into heaven”. The Bible isn’t saying that rich people can’t go to heaven. It is also not saying that you have to get rid of all your money to be saved. The point is that as we become more wealthy it’s easy to put our faith and hope in our financial strength. Let’s face it. You can pretty much buy anything you want in America. Money CAN buy happiness and the temptation to see God as less useful will grow as we become less dependent on Him for our needs.

I don’t believe God goes out of His way to keep people broke. I still believe in the idea that our current circumstances can be a result of the choices we’ve made.

I do want a better financial future for my family, what I don’t want is so much wealth that I lose my sense of dependence upon God’s provision.

Please note that the procedure to set up your iPhone with Google Apps is identical.

To start simply enter the “Settings” area of your iPhone and navigate to the “Mail, Contacts, Calendar” menu. Choose “Add Account” and you should find the options listed below.

Choose “Exchange” and the following options should be present.

Enter the appropriate information leaving the “Domain” option empty. See my example below. Tap the ‘done’ button when finished.

Once the iPhone has finished verifying the account there will be a new input field available.

Enter ‘m.google.com’ into the new available field called ‘Server’. After hitting ‘done’ you will see the following screen.

This is the final step. Turn off the ‘Mail’ option. You now are setup for your contacts and calendars to be updated in real time via your Gmail account.

Your final steps are to navigate to your contacts either through the contacts app or the phone app.

Tap the “Groups” option and choose “Contacts” under the “Exchange” heading as displayed below.

Your iPhone will now begin to populate the contacts and associated with your Gmail/Google Apps account. Once you open your calendar app and access the available calendars and choose the one associated with your email address your Gmail calendar will update as well.

Setting up the email is quite a bit simpler. Navigate back the the “Add Account” area of your email settings and choose “Gmail”. Fill in the information as show below.

Once this is complete you will get the following screen.

Turn off the Calendar and Notes (unless you actually use the iPhone note function) and you are finished.

You now have email updating via IMAP and contacts and calendar updating via Exchange and in real time. With this setup you can add contacts through either Gmail or your iPhone and those changes will automatically be copied to the appropriate application.

If you have any questions please ask them below.

Photo Credit: h.koppdelaney

“This is where I am”

“This is what I’m going through”

Can you hear the subtle difference between those two phrases? One seems to have a certain finality assigned to it. It’s an air of defeat.

Many are truly experiencing hard times right now. How well we fare will determine largely on our mindset.

Do we see our current circumstances as temporary or permanent?

“This is where I am”

These are the words of the defeated. It’s an admission that your surroundings will ultimately determine your success. You have resigned yourself to the idea that what happens in the future is up to others to determine, or even worse, up to chance. This person may find themselves in their current circumstances for way longer than necessary.

“This is what I’m going through”

Those are the words of someone who sees current circumstances as temporary; a path leading somewhere. They are not bound, nor controlled, by their surroundings. These people look around for opportunity in the trials of life. No stone is left unturned and every challenge is a chance to either find a solution or eliminate an obstacle.

The wording that we use to describe our current circumstances will give insight into our personal belief system. Do you believe that you are on a path that will rescue you from your current hardships or do you find yourself as a permanent victim to your surroundings?

The idea of a personal journal has always intrigued me. I’ve tried more than one time to start. It usually involved going to a book store or stationary store and picking up some form of note taking paraphernalia. I really do enjoy office supply stores so purchasing writing materials is always fun.

I get my new supplies home and look them over quite well over the next day or two. I take everything with me everywhere I go. Constantly pulling them out of whatever I’m currently using to haul all my stuff around. I may write a few words on a page or two but that’s as far as it goes. Before long, I just have another nice pen and notepad lying around.

I think the main reason I’ve struggled with journaling in the past is my lack of direction with it. I’ve never known what to focus my writing on. I haven’t had a plan or a thought-out schedule.

In my year of writing this blog what I’ve realized is that the greatest tool you can implement in your writing habits is a deadline, either imposed by yourself or others through outside engagement. An excellent example of this is the ‘Let’s Blog Off‘ group of writers I’m involved with. I know that every other Tuesday I will be expected to write something based on a subject someone else chooses for me (which I love, by the way). This deadline forces me to write on a regular basis, even if it is only every other week.

I had been thinking about starting to journal here, on this site, for about a week when jb over at Building Moxie wrote this journal entry. In the comments I expressed my opinion that blogging is an exercise in self discovery while at the same time providing value for your readers. The driving force behind the desire to journal? I want to document my journey from my blue collar business ownership to completing my degree in nursing. I haven’t taken a college course in 18 years and I thought it would be interesting to write about this journey here.

Okay, so here is how this will work. I plan on using this one image that I created for all my journal entries. I will also be sure to use the word ‘Journal:’ in all the entries as well, to help those of you who follow me on Twitter know the difference between a regular post and a journal entry. This is my way of helping you, the reader, find what you are truly interested in. Consider it a way of providing ‘opt-in’ support to my blog. Initially I plan on posting all journal entries on Monday mornings (again forcing a schedule) as I’ll have the weekend to contemplate the previous week’s events. This is subject to change, as you can imagine.

The challenge in all of this is creating entries that will share my thoughts and still add value to the lives of others. Let’s face it. Me rambling on about my life in a way that doesn’t engage my audience is a little too one sided. I hope I can pull this off. If not, I hope my strategy will make it easy for you to avoid it, all together.

Here’s to a very interesting 2 years! I hope you will join me in the journey!

If another person asks me if my wife works, I may become violent.

For some strange reason our society feels this need to put women who work outside of the home and women who choose to work at home, managing a family, into separate categories.

The most obvious reason to do this, I would guess, is because the ‘stay-at-home-mom’ doesn’t take a check for her labor and a college degree is optional. This puts her into a category all her own. One that is quickly becoming harder for the world at large to completely understand.

I can’t speak for other moms, but today, I want to speak for my wife, Julie. The hardest working and least appreciated person I know.

Trying to manage a family of 6 is anything but an easy task. Julie never stops. All school year long she is up at 6am getting herself ready first then helping the girls (we have 4) get ready as well. As a male I’m pretty much useless in the mornings. I don’t know how to flat iron long hair and none of the girls are willing to have me learn on their scalp. I can hardly dress myself so Julie is also stuck helping the girls match their outfits. The older girls are getting harder in this department as the skirts are getting higher and the blouses are getting lower. Modesty is important in our house but as you can imagine the older girls don’t like our rules being different than their friends rules. As a result Julie gets stuck in the middle trying to help outfits to be appropriate.

Her days fly by as she really only has about 5hrs before the kids stream back into the house claiming hunger and throwing homework at Julie’s feet. The labor she did spend during the day trying to get laundry done and some light house keeping completed can be quickly undone as the rest of us pour through the house with all our paraphernalia dropping to the floor.

Oh yes, we do bark at them to clean up after themselves but like any home, our success rate is hit-and-miss.

The summers are hardly any different. They are supposed to be less busy and a time of rest. Not with 4 daughters, they aren’t. Within 3 days of the end of school, swim team starts. With 3 of our girls in this activity practice starts at 8am and ends at 10am every day of the week with swim meets every Saturday at 7am for two months.

Every Sunday morning is a repeat of the school days during the school year. Hair, outfits and the like.

Julie handles all the birthdays at our home as well. There are 2 in April and 2 in September and the days are less than a week apart in both instances.

With the stay-at-home-mom there is never a day off. There are no vacations with pay, no holidays, and midnight shifts with sick kids are a plenty.

With all of this she still finds time to volunteer every Wednesday at a pregnancy resource center nearby. Once again serving others. She helps in the church nursery and never misses a band performance.

From the outside looking in I don’t think you would believe that Julie is this busy. She’s always polite and enjoyable to be around. Yeah, she gets tired and frustrated but you’d never know it. She keeps those things to herself. She doesn’t want to bother or impose on others.

Just about 100% of what Julie does goes completely unnoticed by the world outside the home (and inside far too often). The stay-at-home-mom never makes employee of the month. She’s never featured in the local business journal and you won’t find any statues erected in her honor.

What you will find is this: a family that loves her, knows her well and wouldn’t trade away her constant involvement in our lives for anything, including a higher standard of living.

Julie, you’re awesome and we are all lucky to have you in our lives.

Photo Credit: Marvin L

People get frustrated. Even if we have signed up for the trip, sometimes the trip can frustrate us and stress us out. It doesn’t mean that we don’t like the job or want to do it. Often it’s something outside of the norm that we either don’t have a lot of experience doing or just don’t enjoy.

As the leader in your organization is your job to help your staff work through these tough situations. Often your staff just needs someone to hear them out. Someone who will help them work through the frustration.

Here’s a hint. Pad answers such as, “It’s your job, just do it!” or “Hey, you should have my job!” will only frustrate your team members even more.

Let’s pull a scene from a popular movie (as I’m oft to do).

Do you remember the scene in Saving Private Ryan where the members of Tom Hank’s team are expressing their frustration with the task of hunting down one man? Tom reminds them that complaining goes up the chain of command and not down. Still, he let them express their frustration to him. He even gave them cause to laugh about it all in the process.

He is making a valid point here. If you don’t allow your team members to express their frustration to you they will find someone to express it to and often that is another team member. These types of gripe sessions are dangerous for any organization. Often they turn into gossip sessions about you, their leader, who is unable to understand where they are coming from.

Here are some tips that may help you manage the frustrated employee.

1. Let your staff member express themselves fully. Avoid cutting them off and raising their anxiety level.

2. Ask what you can do to help make this easier on your team member. This question validates their frustration but allows you to get their attention focused on solutions.

3. Follow up the next day and find out what your team member did to get through the challenge. Try to see how their solutions can be used in the future to solve similar problems.

These steps will make for stronger communication in your organization and, if used correctly, will allow your staff to get frustrated without breaking down productivity.