Blue Sky Living

How I Survived 2009

2009-12-27T18:26:48-05:00

Year 2009 has been full of challenges for many, myself not excluded. A friend recently said that none of us have escaped this recession--but it has been possible to survive it. Those words caused me to pause and think about how I managed to survive and come out perhaps scathed, but not completely jaded. Here are some principles that helped:

I relied on friends and family for moral support. At times it was the only thing that kept me going. I let them in and learned not to shut them out, especially when I needed the power that relationships give. According to the Jewish philosopher Martin Buber, when two people relate to each other authentically and humanly, God is the electricity that surges between them. That electricity empowered me. The relationships kept me plugged into the power source.

Sometimes I just sat quietly and didn't speak to anyone. Guided meditations were particularly helpful. So was yoga. My grandfather used to say when we are alone we are in the best of company. I learned to be comfortable in solitude. That wasn't always easy. But the after-effects were always worth it.

I worked at trusting my spiritual journey to pull me through. I trusted the process when I didn't know what else to do. I trusted the journey to get me to the next destination. M. Scott Peck wrote in The Road Less Traveled: "For the journey of spiritual growth requires courage and initiative and independence of thought and action. While the words of the prophets and the assistance of grace are available, the journey must still be traveled alone. No teacher can carry you there. There are no present formulas. Rituals are only learning aids, they are not the learning...No words can be said, no teaching can be taught that will relieve spiritual travelers of picking their own ways, working out with effort and anxiety their own paths through the unique circumstances of their own lives toward the identification of their individual selves with God."

Whenever I lost faith, I turned to hope. I believed that "this too shall pass" and it certainly did. But it took much longer than what was expected. So when faith failed, I let others believe for me and that gave me hope.

Whenever I lost hope, I did whatever I could to recover it. Brennan Manning says, "There are three ways of committing suicide--taking my own life, letting myself die, and letting myself live without hope." By the way, sometimes hope and faith are indistinguishable. I think when it comes to end results, they are pretty much one and the same. They both get us to where we need to be, one day at a time.

I called on past faithfulness to spiritual principles to pull me through when my spirituality was pretty weak. My dad counsels people to inventory their spiritual investments rather than their spiritual needs. That's because what we invest will be redeemed back to us when we most need it. I really saw that occur over and over again, in multiple situations. When I needed a night out, somebody came forward and treated. I could only imagine that was because I treated many people to nights' out over the years. We reap what we sow--in good ways too.

I reminded myself that in all things God works. Some say, "God works all things together for my good." I think that is a misdirected focus and perhaps subtly narcissistic. I like this focus better: that even in the bad stuff, I can trust God to work (maybe not work it out for my direct benefit, but for a greater universal, planetary good). So I'm not the focus, the good of society at large becomes the focus.

I didn't let others get me down (for long). There were a few times that things that were supposed to happen didn't because people didn't do their part. (God uses people and in my opinion it would be sometimes so much easier if he didn't.) Some of these people made promises that they couldn't deliver and then I made plans based on their word. But even when people dropped the ball, I relied on God to help me clean up the mess. I suppose that's what redemption is all about: allowing God to clean up ours and others' messes.

I'm raising a glass to a smoother 2010. But if and when it doesn't go as planned, somehow I still believe it will all work out. That I'm fairly confident of. Happy New Year!

Trust Your Intuition

2009-12-09T11:50:50-05:00

I was in an engaging conversation this week with a colleague. My rabbi friend and I were discussing the process of spiritually maturing and learning to trust the voice of God within us, that more often than not speaks through our inner voice.

She was saying that undeveloped spirituality questions that voice and causes us to self-sabotage. We trust self-doubt instead of living in a positive confidence about our future. In the process, we end up losing our true sense of self.

Some people call the inner voice the conscience. Others call it trusting your gut or listening to your spirit. But no matter how you call it, it's good to learn to listen and respond to it. The art of listening to one's intuition is developed over time and through trial and error, gauging progress slowly by results that work for you and ones that don't.

Henri Nouwen in The Inner Voice of Love says it this way: “It is not going to be easy to listen to God’s call. Your insecurity, your self-doubt, and your great need for affirmation make you lose trust in your inner voice and run away from yourself. But you know that God speaks to you through your inner voice and that you will find joy and peace only if you follow it.”

The prophet Isaiah said it this way: "And at your back, when you are turning to the right hand or to the left, a voice will be sounding in your ears, saying, This is the way in which you are to go."

I think both of these men are right. Rabbi Jenny, too. For today, trust your intuition. Follow it. You might end up finding yourself in the end.

Reach Out and Touch Faith

2009-12-01T22:08:48-05:00

My inbox has had some interesting responses to The Grenade Down the Center Aisle posting of a couple of weeks ago. It seems my thoughts resonated with quite a few people but there wasn't space to put full and thoughtful comments. So with their permission, I'm sharing some of it because I found their experiences quite touching and meaningful. Reach out and touch faith...

From a Friend on the Florida coast:

Finally, someone who understands exactly what i have been going through in my own spiritual life!!!! It feels as if you crawled inside my brain, went through some of my personal files up there and then blogged about them for the world to see. What a brave soul you are--I hope the Christians don't stone you too badly!!! I have been serving God for 27 years of my life and have had plently of mini "crisis of faith" so to speak, but none like what I have been going through.

Everything I thought I knew about God flew out the window with the "winds of change" that blew in starting with the 2004 hurricanes, and I've had to rethink and relearn everything I have learned about God in my 27 years. Christians get on my nerves so much so that I have momentarly stopped going to church although I still love God with all of my heart. But its like what Linda Rios Brooks taught us awhile back---we have to move beyond the sunday school God---it will not work in this day and age. I feel like I have more questions now than answers.

Since when does anything God chooses to do look like what we imaged he would do? I know lots of Christians think I'm backslidden and pray for my soul. That's ok, God knows my heart and He knows yours. Seek and you will find. Good luck on your journey.

From a Minister's Wife in Massachusetts:

My husband gave me your recent blog/article about the grenade because he knew I would agree wholeheartedly. In fact, I walk around with several "grenades" in my purse, always looking for places to "blow up"!!! My poor husband does not know what to do with me anymore. Believe it or not, I do have the "love of Jesus in my heart"!!!

I am not sure what you know about our situation, but we have been through a little bit of hell over the past 3 years ourselves, and we had a choice to make...hang on to the religion that had been handed to us, or ditch it to find God. We were on the edge of a cliff and if the wind blew a certain way, my whole family would have fallen off. No need for details now, but trust me, I feel your pain, and I agree that God is more concerned with our inner life and he is certainly not the least bit concerned with religious tradition, doctrine or even the latest movements.

It has not been easy, but so necessary. My husband and I are not always on the same page, that is why he had a smile on his face when he gave me your blog. I call my husband the "Puritan"...because he still, at times, hangs onto the notion that maybe the church can be changed from within just like the original Puritans of old. I keep telling him that sooner or later he needs to realize that even they finally got on the boat and headed to America!!! I refer to myself as a "Separatist" like the Pilgrims of old. I do not want to try to salvage anything...I just want to know God as he is!!!

As I said...my husband at times thinks I am harsh and a little "too much", but I am not going to settle for anything less. The grenades are good...because if we cannot motivate people to think for themselves instead of expecting someone else to do it for them, they will never truly know God.

Anyway...thanks for your honesty. When you spoke at our church on that Sunday morning...I was in a terrible depression at the time you spoke those words, so it was difficult for me to even imagine it...but God has certainly brought it to pass. First, however, he had to "blow a lot of things up" in order to reveal that gift of discernment deep inside of me.

Keep pressing on! As long as we do not attempt to create any more boxes or forms that we expect God to squeeze into, I am confident we are going to find him in his purest form. Keep throwing those grenades.

A friend in New Brunswick sent me this Johnny Cash video of Personal Jesus. I love it!

I'm also fond of the Depeche Mode version. Enjoy.

Today I Am Grateful

2009-11-26T12:34:13-05:00

Today I spoke with someone who is so infirmed he can hardly speak.

I am grateful for clear communication.

Today I spoke with someone who just came out of surgery.

I am grateful for health.

Today I spoke with someone who has few physical possessions.

I am grateful for provision.

Today I spoke with someone in the throes of addiction.

I am grateful for sobriety.

Today I spoke with someone who has chronic illness and is at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

I am grateful for hope.

Today I spoke with someone who has lost mobility due to a stroke and is on her way to therapy.

I am grateful for the will to live.

Today I am grateful for friends and family, the ones here on earth and the ones now in heaven, but whose earthly presence still lives on.

Today I am grateful.

The Grenade Down the Center Aisle

2009-11-07T20:22:30-05:00

I don't always set out to provoke. Honestly, I really don't. Sometimes it just happens, and I promise, there's no malicious intent involved.

I recently stated in a public, church setting that I struggle with the idea of a 'Personal God.' I got an email the next day that I might as well have thrown a grenade down the center aisle. The e-mailer was probably right. You would have needed a host of angelic medevacs to cut through the theological tension in the room.

Now, I know that my existential struggle may sound ridiculous as I work with people on a daily basis on discovering the God of their understanding. I help people discover their spirituality. That's what I do for a living. How could Mr. Spiritual be so completely unspiritual? And in church no less!

But I just don't understand God.

Oh I have a good handle on some spiritual principles. I can help people breakthrough spiritual blockades. Ive done it before and I'm fairly confident it will happen again.

But I've been unlearning a lot. Things I thought I knew and understood about spirituality got scandalized through very real human experience.

For example, I went months--literally months--of barely surviving financially. I got really good professional, business, and spiritual counsel and made tough decisions based on collective wisdom. And things continued to go pear-shaped. Not for weeks, but for months (about twenty-four in all).

That's a hellacious amount of time to watch economic decline in one's life. Still, I knew the Divine Presence was there (well, out there somewhere) but he certainly wasn't answering my text messages.

Things were very, very silent. Things were very, very pessimistic, despite my best efforts. The Personal God I knew went rogue. How dare he.

Things were so dim for a while even close friends and family shook their heads with dismay, responding they just didn't understand what was going on. At least they were honest. Trite, religious cliches don't help pay the bills.

Now before you start praying for my personal salvation right here and now, hear me out. I've said "the prayer" many times. You know, the one where you ask Jesus into your heart and to forgive your sins so that you can go to heaven. But when that's said and done, what next?

I've built much of my life on prayer and meditation, on the premise that one can get good, orderly direction from a Spirit one has never seen. It has worked for most of my life with astounding results. I have seen things happen that I have no rational explanation for.

But what do you do when your Personal God stops speaking? Where do you turn when Elohim is silent? What do you do when collective wisdom fails? Worse yet, what do you do when your religion fails?

So I have been in a place of re-thinking God, of unknowing the God of my limited understanding. Life's experiences have challenged some of my deeply held beliefs. Some of those beliefs have remained, some are being amended, and some have had to go. They just weren't effective enough to pull me through.

Here's what was meant by my unintended grenade: I don't trust myself with a Personal God.

How I can take something so transcendent, so awesome, so all-encompassing, and reduce it to a limited, finite personality that responds to my every beck and call? While I'm getting manic over unpaid bills, is the All-powerful One somehow obligated to come down and work out this mess? And if I lose everything, does that mean he is uncaring, unfaithful or unhelpful? Or could it mean that God isn't obligated to help me out as much as I thought but is more interested in me working my internal world out?

I don't want to make God in my own image. I don't want to reduce the Majesty of the Universe to the god of my personal understanding that may work for today but fail me tomorrow. I don't want an idol built by hands of human imagination. I need a bigger God than that.

Now of course, I personalize God every time I pray. Every time I have a God-thought I am engaging in a spiritual discourse trying to understand something that far exceeds human understanding. It's not to say I can't understand a few things, yet it is to say that my understanding has come up short and barely scratches the surface of something that I suspect is much greater than my experience dictates to date. I don't want to rob myself--or the God of my experience--of beauty, majesty, and awe.

So I'm unlearning these days and in the process, learning a lot more about me. I'm having some profound insights about me and what makes me tick. I'm growing in personal, spiritual awareness.

Some could argue that's the fruit of Personal God at work in my life. Maybe it is. But for now, I'll try to be more careful with the grenades.

Checking In and Change

2009-10-17T12:04:10-04:00

I've been away from my blog for a few weeks, and that's because I've embarked on a new endeavor.

On October 1, I started as chaplain at The Hanley Center. I'm working in spiritual care, primarily in the Center for Men's Recovery.

I feel very blessed to be working in this fine organization. It's a great team of intelligent and caring people, some of whom I've known for years.

Essentially, I'm helping patients on their spiritual journey and recovery. The work involves the best of my professional background, combining my ministry, interfaith, counseling, and coaching experience.

So this is what has been consuming my time the past month. The good news is that I'm still fairly flexible and available for private coaching and consulting appointments, should you need.

After months of finding the place where I feel I'm supposed to be, I feel like I've landed on a patch of solid ground amidst the economic chaos of the past couple of years.

Thanks for your prayers and friendship and good thoughts and checking in. More details to follow, I'm sure.