tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502Tue, 10 Jan 2012 16:30:08 +0000quickieshugsPatrick Swayzerainy days and mondaysmovieswatermelonscougarbitingkissesturdDrewovarieshot tubsantshairtoilet seatcrotchety menMatt DamonBlairparents from hellbirthdaysbad momdoorknobsminivananger managementthigh-meldingvomitmore childrentootspastainsanityidiotsangry momevilturtlesmy motherThadYelling it like it ishttp://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com (Vicki)Blogger29125BluntForceMamahttp://feedburner.google.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-6508470497193770634Mon, 14 Feb 2011 14:33:00 +00002011-02-14T09:33:45.557-05:00The first time our three-year-old Drew said it, my brain shot into immediate rationalization mode. In line, I convinced myself. She means, “I’m gonna cut you IN LINE.” Because, really, what could be a worse offense to a three-year-old? There she is, at daycare, waiting by the door to march to her classroom, beaming because she’s the “line leader” (which is akin to being God), and then...somehttp://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2011/02/im-gonna-cut-you.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-1378568524454112714Tue, 14 Sep 2010 16:00:00 +00002010-09-14T11:44:16.484-04:00evilturtlesvomitYou’re going to throw up. You’re going to throw up. I chanted these words to myself, praying that the mere Statement of Fact might somehow alter the inevitable course of events about to transpire as the girls and I walked up the ramp to our very first ride at Storybook Land near Cape May, New Jersey. We’d driven an hour and a half to get here, filled with the promise of storybook princesses andhttp://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2010/09/slow-and-steady-my-ass.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-1391903854793207379Thu, 01 Jul 2010 20:57:00 +00002010-07-01T20:59:45.883-04:00It wasn’t clear to me, really, how to prepare a two-year-old for sitting outside, on a blanket, in the dark of night, in a place you’ve never been before, with lots and lots of other people you don’t know sitting all around you, on blankets, waiting for someone or something—you weren’t sure which, exactly—to shoot explosives into the sky. Poor Drew. She didn’t understand. She didn’t think she http://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2010/07/scorn-on-fourth-of-july.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-150074228334134049Wed, 10 Mar 2010 20:32:00 +00002010-03-11T12:36:28.945-05:00BlairbirthdaysturdWe had our first-ever birthday party for Blair last weekend. Her first real birthday party. At a place. That we paid for. With lots and lots and lots of money. For the past five years, I’ve been feeling like a turd in a punchbowl, while Blair opened invitation after invitation, year after year, for the capital-B-Birthday Parties my friends were throwing for their kids. The first birthday at http://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2010/03/birthdays-are-my-weakness.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-5540087389446116092Wed, 03 Feb 2010 17:19:00 +00002010-02-03T14:23:47.582-05:00parents from hellhot tubsanger managementMy parents bought us a gift—a night at a ski resort--which was a very thoughtful thing for them to do. The plan was this: they would keep the girls, and Thad and I would drive a whole hour away and drink hot chocolate spiked with Baileys and sleep in a hotel room without a single princess sippy cup in it and then spend the next day skiing. Strangely, I was far more excited about the hot tub. The http://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2010/02/please-remove-your-child-from-my-pubic.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-1268467816452147958Wed, 06 Jan 2010 15:00:00 +00002010-01-06T10:00:07.229-05:00idiotsdoorknobsrainy days and mondays5:05 a.m.--Thad’s alarm goes off. Mommy wakes up. Mommy falls back to sleep. 5:57:--Thad leaves for the airport. Thad is flying to Las Vegas for work. Thad will not be home until Friday night...after bedtime. 7:08--Drew wakes up, yelling, “Mommy, I need you.” 7:15--Blair wakes up, yelling, “Mommymommymommymommymommymommy,” as if she was in her bed, and mommy was on the top of the Empire http://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2010/01/first-monday-morning-of-2010.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-8779149709630628187Tue, 22 Dec 2009 15:20:00 +00002010-01-05T14:53:34.131-05:00In retrospect, I would have done three things differently: 1. Strung the lights the night before when the children were sleeping. 2. Had a very clear plan as to what the “Tree Decorating Teaching Moment” would be. 3. Said, “No way in hell,” when Thad asked if, in lieu of decorating, he could go to the gym. And still, even without the benefit of hindsight, it seemed like such a good idea athttp://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2009/12/tao-of-christmas-tree-decorating.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-4205763593624053799Fri, 06 Nov 2009 14:07:00 +00002009-11-12T13:51:06.620-05:00I thought I’d convinced myself--thanks to the recent swirl of requests from Facebook friends to vote for their various children in various cutest-child-on-earth contests (The cutest baby smile! The most-cutest-ever GAP kid!)--that I’d not stumbled into the Gosselin circle of hell for pimping my kids’ cuteness on a TV show. I mean, it wasn’t like they got paid. Or that I forced them to pretend http://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2009/11/guess-whos-coming-to-dinner.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-977879889420807335Mon, 12 Oct 2009 18:37:00 +00002009-10-12T15:32:40.035-04:00When I pulled the note out of Blair’s folder at school, I decided that the future of human civilization was crumbling right before my very eyes. Here is what it said: “This is a reminder that all children must get there Flu Shot by the end of December.” I tried to convince myself that it was merely an innocent typo. But then, I read on: “Please bring in there immunization records with proof http://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2009/10/she-talk-pretty-one-day.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-2026115301249373897Wed, 16 Sep 2009 18:56:00 +00002009-09-16T14:59:21.024-04:00Drewbitingthigh-meldingWhen I arrived at school to pick up the girls on Drew’s first day, the teacher immediately gave me the dreaded Teacher Look--a cross between “You’re lucky I didn’t kill your children today” and “You’re a bad mother.” “Drew bit,” she said, her voice filled with such reproach, I fully expected her to complete the sentence with “...somebody’s nose off” or “...into a live electrical wire” or “...http://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2009/09/if-you-must-bite-your-sister.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-8205634682645886858Wed, 26 Aug 2009 16:35:00 +00002009-08-26T13:26:33.921-04:00anger managementcrotchety menpastaIt seemed like such a good idea, going to a real Italian restaurant in South Philly where the waiters and waitresses sing opera. Our 17-year-old niece was in town, and we wanted to take her some place Philly-y. We'd already done the Pats/Genos cheesesteak stand-off for lunch, plus pasta was the one foodstuff that both Blair and Drew actually ate (provided it had no sauce, no spices, and nothing "http://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2009/08/mommy-goes-to-dark-place.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-4659770683296875581Mon, 17 Aug 2009 17:08:00 +00002009-08-19T15:48:48.807-04:00You know what's extrasuperfabulously cool about Laurie Puhn's website for parents-to-be, expectingwords.com? That it's for BOTH dads-to-be AND moms-to-be. (Because, contrary to popular belief--translated: the millions of new MOM sites out there--we are in this together. Right? Right????)Laurie asked me to post a guest blog today, which you can check out on her site, or right here:The Top Five http://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2009/08/when-it-comes-to-having-babies-people.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-3149977662852557207Sat, 08 Aug 2009 17:06:00 +00002009-08-19T13:07:09.068-04:00toilet seatIt woke me up at 2:30 in the morning two Saturdays ago. I shot up in bed, tears instantly spilling out of my eyes, and stared down at my right shoulder where a sudden, burning, debilitating pain emanated out of some deep dark place. In the core of it. Or the heart. Or something. I half-expected to see a spear pierced thought it. Or a hot curling iron. Or Eric from True Blood biting me, which http://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2009/08/other-uses-for-everyday-household-items.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-936005423964301385Fri, 03 Jul 2009 17:05:00 +00002009-08-23T09:19:00.289-04:00Thad and four-year-old Blair traipsed around in the twilight two nights ago, catching fireflies in a mason jar.It was very cute.It was so cute, in fact, that I decided not to be a firefly-party-pooper and point out that the breathing holes Thad had hammered through the metal cap on the jar seemed rather large.It was a huge accomplishment for me to restrain from being a firefly-party-pooper since,http://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2009/07/wouldnt-you-like-to-be-pooper-too.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-2125139913417992508Thu, 25 Jun 2009 17:04:00 +00002009-08-19T13:04:58.872-04:00This is what my mother’s been telling be lately, as she and my dad juggle a slightly-demented uncle in a nursing home, his spunky wife in assisted living who insists on going home and, now, my grandmother—my dad’s mom--92, suffering from congestive heart failure and recovering from intestinal surgery at a nursing home, sharing her room with a women who has been on a feeding tube for 17 years and http://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2009/06/just-throw-me-in-front-of-train.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-1910116340515580324Wed, 10 Jun 2009 17:03:00 +00002009-08-19T13:03:54.852-04:00BlairantsThere are ants in my kitchen--twenty or so of them. No matter how many times I murder them, they will not go away. They seem to send reinforcements, daily, on some late-night express-train from the yard, apparently wearing teeny-tiny haz-mat suits in order to penetrate the Fresh Linen-scented Raid I’ve sprayed along the edges of the doors and windows, like a toxic moat. And, still, they risk http://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2009/06/we-are-unclean.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-5195396480569189306Wed, 20 May 2009 17:02:00 +00002009-08-23T19:37:48.210-04:00I don’t think I will ever fully understand the lure of the toilet as a plaything.I get the water part. And the associated splashing. And the way the toilet paper, upon stirring it around with your Elmo toothbrush, disintegrates into a kind of flaking cloud of slop and paste and pee residue. Especially when you put lots of toilet paper in there. Like, say, 13 or so feet of it. And then pull it outhttp://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2009/05/poop-there-it-is.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-8394372652762967474Tue, 05 May 2009 17:00:00 +00002009-08-19T13:01:26.724-04:00I cornered myself into buying a Barbie for Blair yesterday.I needed to go to Kohls. Thad wanted to go. In order to get buy-in from a four-year old, we needed to make promises. If we couldn’t promise ice-cream with rainbow sprinkles, a moonbounce, or Santa, we had to promise a surprise. The surprise was this: “We will buy you one thing.”As I waited in line at customer service, Blair ran over with http://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2009/05/maybe-barbie-should-keep-her-mouth-shut.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-8827372232013959856Tue, 28 Apr 2009 16:59:00 +00002009-08-19T13:00:05.458-04:00It would seem that six and a half hours away from husband and kids on a Sunday in April to spend time with friends—friends who did not have children--was a gift handed to me directly from the bosom of God.Here is what we did: We waited one hour to have brunch at a restaurant where it’s worth it to wait an hour to have brunch. (I had Mahi Mahi fish tacos and the kind of fountain Diet Coke that http://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2009/04/there-is-no-i-in-motherhood.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-612162771783224421Thu, 23 Apr 2009 16:58:00 +00002009-08-19T12:59:01.105-04:00DrewhairThadHere is why my husband is a good man: he takes the girls to get their hair cut.Here is why my husband is a terrible man: he takes the girls to get their hair cut and they come home looking like Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber.It’s particularly bad for the two year old.“It went really well this time,” Thad explains last Saturday when he and Drew walk through the door. I wait for the punch line. I’m http://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2009/04/cute-child-abuse.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-6705170824722487633Wed, 22 Apr 2009 16:57:00 +00002009-08-19T12:58:03.481-04:00Blair had a lemonade stand last weekend. Actually, we had a yard sale, and set up a lemonade stand for Blair to run so she would tolerate being at the yard sale instead of watching Wow Wow Wubzy. She thought the lemonade stand was the coolest thing she’d ever done in her life, all four years of it, which was saying something.I decided that this was an opportune “teaching moment” and explained to http://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2009/04/little-lemonade-girls.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-8311331914635315154Tue, 21 Apr 2009 16:56:00 +00002009-08-19T12:57:04.070-04:00my motherI know what the woman behind me has just said to my mother.We’re walking though an arts festival in Florida last month. Thad and my dad are a few yards ahead, pushing the stroller with Drew in it. I’m hanging back, watching Blair as she gallops back and forth between her father and me, like a dog does—back and forth, back and forth—covering twice as much ground (meaning one very important thing: http://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2009/04/when-mothers-attack.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-3544369449198174450Mon, 20 Apr 2009 16:54:00 +00002009-08-19T12:56:05.605-04:00kissestootshugsMy four-year-old Blair came home from school a few months ago with a new word: “Huggies.” From that day forward, when she fell, or tripped, or stubbed some appendage, she'd turn to me and shout, desperately, “Mommy! Huggies!” The goal, of course, was for me to hug her.Obviously, the hugging part of “huggies” was delicious.But the word itself--"huggies"—made my skin bunch up around my neck. I http://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2009/04/huggies.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-7973288265520510468Sat, 18 Apr 2009 01:35:00 +00002009-08-17T21:36:55.366-04:00bad momangry momI'm afraid I might kill someone. This is not good.Especially since I started off the day feeling rather good-mom-ish since, before 10 a.m., I packed my girls (and lunches that I made for them) into the minivan to go to the Please Touch Museum in Philly--one of those interactive kids museums where they can play in water and climb in race cars and pretend they work at McDonalds by hammering on a http://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2009/04/rabid-mother-loose.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1272940866503441502.post-3095835869554226611Thu, 16 Apr 2009 16:51:00 +00002009-08-19T12:51:44.859-04:00minivanquickiesI got to leave town today, to sneak off on assignment for an article I'm writing, leaving the kids for 24 hours, and Thad for 24 hours, and life as I know it...for 24 hours. Which means I get to do the one thing I love to do more than anything in the world.Listen to a murder mystery book-on-tape as I drive alone in my minivan.In my previous life, there were far more devious things I loved to do http://vickiglembocki.blogspot.com/2009/04/quickie.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Vicki)0