Bob Hoff's "The Humor Zone"

Jimi and Damu the early years

2011-10-05T01:58:00.000-07:00

What is the Year, Do You Think?

Jimi doesn't seem to fear the

Damu dog, heh??

Brutal Spouse Fighting Club

2011-10-01T09:22:00.000-07:00

Caution--Violence Level High and Addictive

Is A-Rod Past Prime-Onioo News Asks

2011-10-01T03:19:00.000-07:00

http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/arod-past-prime-unable-to-match-asinine-public-emb,26228/

He had a prime??? Hadn't heard that.

Bob Hoff

How to Break into Stand-up: 10 Tips for Beginner Comedians

2011-09-27T23:25:00.000-07:00

Comedy Learning

See http://comedians.about.com/od/breakingin/tp/breakintostandup10tips.htm

I endorse what Mr. Bromley is encouraging at the above link. Check out his cool and informative links. And revisit his site for other tips. Be willing to learn and practice comedy whenever you get the chance. I practice all the time and I think that I am one of the funniest people who I know. People who appreciate my humor agree with me.

And I believe it. I'll be doing what I urge you to do. Keep an open mind. Learn. Practice. Figure out what works, what doesn't, and why.

Good luck, fellow comedians. Keep laughing and helping other people to laugh. Laughter is good foreach and every one of us us.

Bob Hoff
Retired U.S. National Park Service Ranger
New Mexico, 2011

Some Detales:
Three sons, one grandson, and one wife
One dog
Years of telling jokes, weeks of rollicking laughs in response

Robert Benchley--"Love Conquers All" Available on Kindle

2011-06-04T15:25:00.000-07:00

Available at Amazon.com Kindle page
Free

From: Love Conquers All
By: Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945)
Public Domain Book that can be read on Amazon's Kindle

We are occasionally confronted in the advertisements by the picture of an offensively bright-looking little boy, fairly popping with information, who, it is claimed in the text, knows all the inside dope on why fog forms in beads on a woolen coat, how long it would take to crawl to the moon on your hands and knees, and what makes oysters so quiet. The taunting catch-line of the advertisement is: "This Child Knows the Answer--Do You?" and the idea is to shame you into buying a set of books containing answers to all the questions in the world except the question "Where is the money coming from to buy the books?" Any little boy knowing all these facts would unquestionably be an asset in a business which specialized in fog-beads or lunar transportation novelties, but he would be awful to have about the house. "Spencer," you might say to him, "where are Daddy's slippers?" To which he would undoubtedly answer: "I don't know, Dad," (disagreeable little boys like that always call their fathers "Dad" and stand with their feet wide apart and their hands in their pockets like girls playing boys' rôles on the stage) "but I do know this, that all the Nordic peoples are predisposed to astigmatism because of the glare of the sun on the snow, and that, furthermore, if you were to place a common ordinary marble in a glass of luke-warm cider there would be a precipitation which, on pouring off the cider, would be found to be what we know as parsley, just plain parsley which Cook uses every night in preparing our dinner." With little ones like this around the house, a new version of "The Children's Hour" will have to be arranged, and it might as well be done now and got over with.

Benchley, Robert (2005). Love Conquers All (Kindle Locations 97-108). Public Domain Books. Kindle Edition.

Robert Benchley

Robert Benchley @ Brainyquote.com

Personal Note: I have been reading RB for years; he is one of my favorite comic essayists. Another of my favorite comic writers--Woody Allen--holds RB in very high regard. Benchley's grandson Peter Benchley wrote Jaws.

Me with my beard, and without it

2011-05-25T21:30:00.000-07:00

"No, I am not related
to John Muir"

This is a picture that I borrowed from a to-remain-unnamed-friend of mine because before I shaved off my beard recently I looked exactly like him.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Muir

"Honey, are we married yet?"

This is how I look now,

the same, but different

somehow around my edges

and middles.

Looking forward to another breakfast with Mr. Rocque Garcia

2011-05-25T08:59:00.001-07:00

Rocque (“Rocky”) Garcia, in his career as a New Mexico State Policeman, was one of the most popular employees of that law enforcement branch in these parts. After he retired as a law enforcement officer, he worked as a park ranger with some of us other park rangers at the fabled Carlsbad Caverns National Park, making hundreds and hundreds more personal friends from very recent strangers.
Why was Rocky so popular and still is as he nears the age of 80? Simply put, (1) he enjoys other people; and (2) he likes to put other people at ease and enjoy their company; and he is an interesting person with concern for his fellow human.
This morning I called Rocky to invite him to breakfast with another Park Service retiree and I (Jimmy S.) and as the conversation neared its end, Rock (and he is still strong as a Rock, believe me) said,
“Bobby, what did one plate say to the other?
What, Rocky?
Dinner is on me”
Then I said, “Rocky, do you know what happened after the two plates fought?
Yeah, they were all broke up.”
And I said, “You know what the first plate said to the second plate?
What?
“You can dish it out, but you cant take it.
Rocky has that kind of fun effect on people wherever he goes.
So, we’re looking forward to another chance to be with him soon at breakfast. He’s, simply put, a great man.

The Devil’s Dictionary—a few excerpts

2011-05-18T14:06:00.001-07:00

by Ambrose Bierce
The Devil's Dictionary at Wikipedia
Also known as The Cynic’s Dictionary
Ambrose Bierce at Wikipedia
ADMIRATION, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
ADMONITION, n. Gentle reproof, as with a meat-axe. Friendly warning.
APOLOGIZE, v.i. To lay the foundation for a future offence.
APPEAL, v.t. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
BARRACK, n. A house in which soldiers enjoy a portion of that of which it is their business to deprive others.
BIGAMY, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.
BRIDE, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
DIAGNOSIS, n. A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.
EGOTIST, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
FUTURE, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
Kimdle Copy

Me First, then some of Mark Twain’s explanation and exploration of humor (from his book, see the title at end of this post)

2011-05-13T00:38:00.000-07:00

If you know me in any depth (or width), then you know that I love my family, other personally-selected people, books, reading, humor, writing, ideas, and the Boston Red Sox and Celtic etc. I think this short summary points to me as a man of the heart and mind, don’t you agree?

One the other hand, yard work puts way too much dirt under my nails, and at my age, I cannot push a lawn mower in a reasonably straight line. When I rake the grass for five minutes, I require six hours of intensive bed rest. I always misalign our yard’s water sprinklers, drenching the neighbors’ clothes line.

I have made many public and private apologies for these deficiencies with no noticeable skill improvement all the while.

I think that this summary points to me as a man with almost zero earth or mechanical skills and a man better suited to heart or mind projects or assignments, don’t you agree?

Did you know that I informally, at my own pace, study humor (the wide spectrum: history, techniques, biography, variety, what’s funny, what’s not) at UOM—the University of Me.

I do this in a class of one. No teachers or professors, just the required texts that I alone select and assign myself readings from, (based on the recommendations of experts in the field similar to myself).

At random and by surprise, I give myself pop quizzes that I grade myself (I don’t believe in the curve system of grading; I use the more practical and flexible trapezoid method developed by the Trapp Family from Austria). I always look for quality and significance in my quiz answers and will not accept any mere drivel answers—never!

When do I schedule my self-administered humor tests? This is one of the beauties of my personally designed self-study- method—whenever I feel like it. It’s my degree program and I should know what I am doing shouldn’t I?

Just so you know, when I am tempted to cheat on a quiz or exam, I refrain. Imagine the horror and humiliation of catching myself and suspending me permanently from my own laboriously configured class. I shudder at the mere thought of it.

One of my humor study resources recently has been a Kindle book from Amazon.com entitled How to tell a Story and other Essays by Mark Twain. I want to share a couple excerpts from this book that I find both enjoyable and insightful.

Twain says,

I do not claim that I can tell a story as it ought to be told. I only claim to know how a story ought to be told, for I have been almost daily in the company of the most expert story-tellers for many years.

There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind--the humorous. I will talk mainly about that one. The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling; the comic story and the witty story upon the matter.

The humorous story may be spun out to great length, and may wander around as much as it pleases, and arrive nowhere in particular; but the comic and witty stories must be brief and end with a point. The humorous story bubbles gently along, the others burst.

The humorous story is strictly a work of art--high and delicate art --and only an artist can tell it; but no art is necessary in telling the comic and the witty story; anybody can do it. The art of telling a humorous story--understand, I mean by word of mouth, not print--was created in America, and has remained at home.

The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it; but the teller of the comic story tells you beforehand that it is one of the funniest things he has ever heard, then tells it with eager delight, and is the first person to laugh when he gets through. And sometimes, if he has had good success, he is so glad and happy that he will repeat the "nub" of it and glance around from face to face, collecting applause, and then repeat it again. It is a pathetic thing to see. (Underlining BH)

Very often, of course, the rambling and disjointed humorous story finishes with a nub, point, snapper, or whatever you like to call it.

Then the listener must be alert, for in many cases the teller will divert attention from that nub by dropping it in a carefully casual and indifferent way, with the pretence (sic) that he does not know it is a nub. Artemus (sic) Ward used that trick a good deal; then when the belated audience presently caught the joke he would look up with innocent surprise, as if wondering what they had found to laugh at.

But the teller of the comic story does not slur the nub; he shouts it at you--every time. And when he prints it, in England, France, Germany, and Italy, he italicizes it, puts some whooping exclamation-points after it, and sometimes explains it in a parenthesis. All of which is very depressing, and makes one want to renounce joking and lead a better life.

(End MT quotes)

Mark Twain was one of the first legends of American humor.

Twain, Mark (2004). How to Tell a Story and Other Essays (Kindle Location 21). Public Domain Books. Kindle Edition.

Excuse me while I retire to my study to compose pop quiz questions over this material for myself.

Just a friendly Internet tip

2011-04-27T21:48:00.001-07:00

Just noticed some Punctuation Errors in that last blog, Darn It!

2011-04-22T00:08:00.001-07:00

(Shail will fix them at her computer in India I hope. She is one heck of a writing whiz—both in form and substance. Thanks, HRP) The rest of you see if you can find them, you “nitpickers.”

Couldn’t find a nitpicker quote of any real substance, you all. Sorry.

Good Evening,

Bob Hoff

The Joke's on Me

2011-04-21T23:49:00.001-07:00

I was working on a test blog or two last night, made some mistakes, and now I can’t fix them. Please ignore them as best as you can. I don’t think that I will make them again, but who knows?
I like what Mr. Jim Nestor said about mistakes--

“We need to take one game at a time. This is only one game, and we've got a lot more on the schedule. We need to learn from our mistakes.”

There are way too many “Jim Nestor results on Google to say who he is or was. Sorry.

The Arrogance of Authority

2011-01-12T15:05:00.001-08:00

From a very dear person to me; thanks sweetheart:Arrogance of Authority

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....

" Your badge. Show him your BADGE !"

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

2011-01-11T07:47:00.001-08:00

At Google Books Will Rogers and his "writing subjects"

Will Rogers at Wikipedia

Will Rogers quotes at Brainy Quote

Will Rogers at Internet Movie Database

WR--another one of my favorite humorists. Why if I had a dollar for every favorite humorist I have, I would hate April 15 when it comes around even more than I do now.

Bob Hoff

Yahoo’s “What’s Trending Now”

2011-01-08T10:30:00.001-08:00

Do you ever notice this “What’s Trending” now feature on Yahoo home page.

I have no idea where the subjects come from, what they are based on, of if they change “on a schedule” or “randomly?

And at this point I am not sure where I can find out (should I should Google it? or what?)

I have figured out all by my lonesome that the subjects must be related by time, i.e. what’s trending now.

But I like to wonder if the topics do have a secret relationship that Someone Residing on the World Wide Web is trying to hint at.

Why was Tampa Bay pitcher Matt Garza put on YWTN? When I saw his name and “49ers” I guessed that he was quitting pitching to become a football player.

But I “wikied” Matt G and found that he was traded to the Chicago Cubs yesterday, 010711,

Pitcher Matt Garza

A couple days ago, I noticed “Lady Gaga”

Lady Gaga at Wikipedia

and “Tamales recall” on the same YWTN list and have imagined the worst. So far I can’t imagine a connection.

Can you?

Just noticed that Jim Carrey and The Beastie Boys just made the list. What do you think?

Beastie Boys at Wikipedia

Jim Carrey at Wikipedia

You Should Have Seen…

2010-09-27T09:41:00.001-07:00

Say What?

2010-09-27T09:28:00.001-07:00

Would you….?

2010-04-02T21:39:00.001-07:00

book tickets online at CheapOAir? I’m not even checking this real online ad; some items aren’t worth discount price searching in my book.

What do you think?

Pix is just my imagination wondering what COA flies.

Good gravy, Gertrude.

Suspicious in NM

See Steve Allen link at "Who Said What?"

2010-03-18T23:06:00.000-07:00

Steve Allen at "Who said what"

Steve Allen, a major American humorist, kept people in stitches for years and he wasn't even a doctor.

Or a male seamtress.

Though he is gone now, he left behind a treasury of comic knowledge that he wrote in books that we still can find copies of if we are lucky.

If you like humor, his literary legacy is a humor mine worth prospecting in.
I'll even sign my name to this post to personally endorse what I have written here.

Mr. Bob Hoff

First Lady marks International Women’s Day with Hillary ‘President’ joke

2010-03-12T07:26:00.001-08:00

In a fitting show of solidarity for International Women's Day, First Lady Michelle Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton made light of the brutal 2008 battle Clinton conducted to defeat Barack Obama for the Democratic presidential nomination. As Michelle Obama launched a State Department commemoration of International Women's Day, she briefly stumbled over Clinton's job title. "Let me thank my dear friend, Senator - Secretary Clinton. I almost said, 'President Clinton,' " said the first lady to laughter and applause. "But let me thank you for that kind introduction, and most of all thank you for your friendship, thank you for your support, and thank you for your indispensable advice in getting me through this first year and helping me figure out how to get my family settled in our new life in D.C."

The exchange stood as another rebuke to a favored theme of the Beltway pundit set: that tensions between the Obamas and the Secretary of State still run high. More than that, though, the series of events that the first lady presided over drew wider attention to the stubborn lags in gender equality beyond the developed Western world. Both women stressed this issue in their respective speeches. As Secretary Clinton put it, the world "can't solve problems of financial crisis, climate change, disease and poverty if half of the population is left behind."

Monday marked the 100th anniversary of International Women's Day. The day doesn't get a great deal of attention within the United States, but many other countries honor it with a national holiday. Nations that officially honor it are far flung, ranging from China and Russia to Macedonia and Vietnam. Some countries will encourage men to lavish gifts on the women in their lives, in the tradition of greeting-card holidays like Father's Day and Mother's Day. Other countries promote women-only commemorations of the day, with all-female parties and dinners.

The first lady also picked up on these ideas of stronger public recognition for women in her remarks on Monday, when the White House hosted its own event marking the importance of the March 8th holiday. "I get to speak while he stands and watches," the first lady announced, as the president looked on. She then told the president, "Look at me adoringly," to laughter from the crowd. He obliged with the reply, "I can do that"-whereupon she mock-chided him with the follow-up command, "With sincerity."

More, including video

The Mighty Boosh

2010-03-09T21:56:00.000-08:00

A British comedy group rising to great popularity in Britian and parts of USA.

"Electro" episode by The Mighty Boosh at adultswim.com

The Mighty Boosh is a British comedy troupe featuring comedians Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding. Developed from three stage shows and a six episode radio series, it has since spawned a total of twenty television episodes for BBC Three and two live tours of the UK, as well as two live shows in the United States. (Wikipedia)

History

Fielding first met Barratt after seeing him perform his solo stand-up routine at the Hellfire Comedy Club in the Wycombe Swan theatre.[1] The pair soon found that they shared comic interests, formed a double act, and "decided to be the new Goodies".[2] After their first performance together at a bar in London in April 1998, Barratt and Fielding developed their zookeeper characters - Howard Moon and Vince Noir, respectively - in a series of sketches for Paramount Comedy’s Unnatural Acts. It was here that they also met American Rich Fulcher, who became Bob Fossil. Fielding’s friend Dave Brown and Fielding's brother Michael also became regular collaborators. Richard Ayoade was another original cast member, playing the role of adventurer Dixon Bainbridge, though he was later replaced by Matt Berry in the first television series, since he was under contract with Channel 4.[3] Ayoade returned in the second and third series as a belligerent shaman named Saboo.

From the Wikia Entertainment webpage,[4] the title "The Mighty Boosh" comes from a comment Noel heard about his brother's hair by a Portuguese friend "When he was young, he had really curly hair and his little friend when he was five used to say 'You've got a mighty bush!', (but his accent made "bush" sound like "boosh"). I thought it was funny, I just overheard them say that once and thought 'Mighty boosh, that's quite cool.' We didn't want to be Barratt and Fielding, that sounds dreadful."
(Ibid)

The Mighty Boosh at Wikipedia

The Mighty Boosh at Internet Movie Database

Dogs dressed as Superheroes

2010-03-09T15:00:00.000-08:00

(Trumpets blasting madly in the background for)
Lobster Dog

AAAAAANNNNNNNNNDDDDDDD……..

Super Husky

See more?

Note: The Huffington Post, the website source for this “piece,” stands as a great source for all kinds of daily information. Check it out closely, y’all.
Bob H.

The Huffington Post

P.S.--Caution: since these are dog superheroes look up in the sky as they fly over at your own risk. We do not entertain requests for payments for facial dry cleaning. The Mgt.

Drew Carey

2010-03-09T08:02:00.001-08:00

Drew Allison Carey (born May 23, 1958) is an American comedian, actor, photographer, and game show host. After serving in the U.S. Marines and making a name for himself in stand-up comedy, Carey eventually gained popularity starring on his own sitcom, The Drew Carey Show, and serving as host on the U.S. version of Whose Line Is It Anyway?, both of which aired on ABC.

Carey has appeared in several films, television series, music videos, a made-for-television film, and a computer game. He is interested in and involved with a variety of sports and has worked as a photographer at U.S. National Team soccer games, and is currently a minority owner of the Major League Soccer team Seattle Sounders FC. Carey currently is engaged and has written an autobiography detailing his early life and television career. Carey currently hosts the game show The Price Is Right, which airs on CBS.

From WIkipedia.org

Three Women in Mexico

2010-03-08T12:22:00.000-08:00

Received this email from a relative--

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation.
       Apparently someone slipped something into their drinks, and they woke up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
       The first one, a brunette, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, 'I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the Almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.' They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.
       The second one, another brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words... 'I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.' They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.
       The last one (you knew it), a blonde, is strapped in and says, 'Well, I'm from the University of Tennessee and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, y'all ain't gonna electrocute nobody if someone don't plug this thing in.

Grumpy Grandpa Bob?

2010-03-06T10:32:00.000-08:00

On occasion, I am called "grumps" by certain family members. Look at the real "grump pix above (plus that women?) and see me and Jimi's pup "Hulk" in third row.

Any relationship between sweet-souled Grandpa Bob and the REAL DEAL Grumpy?

I don't think so, you all, thank you very much!

Snow White at Wiki