Even so, I’d have been fishing were it not for a dental appointment at noon. I really want to make the most of this final fortnight of the river season. Unfortunately the rivers are high, coloured and very cold. Hardly the stuff of inspiration.

Yesterday I was on the Trent for the first time in what seems like months. The river was a good five feet up, possibly more, it’s really hard to tell on the Tidal. It was the colour of chocolate and cold. My chances weren’t great but unless you’re out there you ain’t going to catch, are you? Anyway, the light was looking good for photography so it wouldn’t be a wasted day.

The fishing was less than inspiring but at least I caught my first barbel of 2010. Not a monster by any means but it was a barbel and that’s all that matters. I did lose a couple of 6oz feeders though and wasn’t too happy about that. In the end I switched from fishing two rods to one. That way I could concentrate better on it. I also changed to a semi-mobile approach and fished three different swims. The swim I caught from had a nice crease created by a bush that would normally be on dry land.

On reflection there was a better looking swim 70 yards upstream and should have given it at least an hour.

The bite, when it came was a gentle pull. Nothing dramatic and could just as easily been a bit of debris. As for the fight, well, apart from when I showed it the landing net it might as well have been a bream.

The setting sun afforded me a few nice photographic opportunities - where’s Matt when you really need him(!) - and had I stayed on a couple of hours or so I’m sure I’d have had another fish or two but my fireside was calling and I’d not taken any food with me so the promise of tea on the table in an hour was too much to resist.

I pulled up outside my house more or less an hour after the sun had set yet the strident song of a thrush could be heard piercing the night air, a sure sign spring is upon us. Normally they’d be paired up and building nests at this time of year but they’ll soon make up for lost time.

The previous Friday evening I’d put on a show, with Stu Walker, at Sawley Marina after being approached by a guy called John Paley. He rang me after walking out on a fishing meeting at half time where the speakers had left him feeling rather underwhelmed, “I’d never been to an undertakers convention before, can you put on something more entertaining, Bob?”

Is the Pope Catholic?

So, he made plans for a ‘Trent Anglers’ Evening’ in the Old Chandlery Restaurant. He even allowed carp anglers to attend - provided they were accompanied by a responsible adult. Several came, too, including Shaun Harrison who owns Quest Baits. It was good to see him again as it gave me many opportunities to poke fun at the ‘paintballers’.

I was a little concerned that John didn’t appear to be pushing the date through the usual channels and very little advance publicity was evident. Imagine my surprise when I gave him a call ten days before hand to hear him say, “Don’t worry, Bob, there’s only a couple of tickets left!” Well, the evening was a complete sell out in advance. It was standing room only and when we factored in the guests, raffle sponsors and squeezed in a few late comers things were a little tight but it all added to the atmosphere.

A number of the regular posters on Barbel Adventures turned up and they’d promised to wear pink in order to recognise each other. My fears that the audience might look like a Village People re-union party didn’t materialise, fortunately.

The night raised over well over £400 towards Help For Heroes and the buffet was a cracker, too.

Nice people, nice place, nice night. We may have to do it again. In a bigger venue.

The film footage showing barbel interacting with tackle, with bait, how bait behaves, PVA bags and so on had numerous folk commenting that they were going to have to change their tactics in future, which is nice. There’s nothing to beat a bit of concrete evidence to prove your points. Evidence contradicts regurgitated theories and speculation by providing hard facts, something that some folk seem unable to accept because it goes against everything they’ve been preaching for years. Sadly they’re incapable of changing their views and presumably they think the earth’s flat, too.

However, as always, it is the foreign footage that really brings out the gasps. There’s a point in the show where a large sturgeon lunges beneath our boat and the rod hoops over violently. It is millimetres away from the metal safety rail and if it were to touch the blank would literally explode. The sharp intake of breath by the entire audience  is audible and it works every time!

It’s a cracking show now, two halves each lasting around an hour. Each is a specially created film to which we deliver a live commentary and observations. There’s footage from four Continents and lots of barbel dogma is exposed for the poppycock that it really is. Frankly, this kind of evening makes the old slideshow format somewhat redundant. Not only is the, “Here’s me with (insert name) at 16lb 10oz, I caught her on a pellet/ boilie/ piece of meat using incredible skill; Here’s me with her again three weeks later at 16lb 11oz…”, so old fashioned, so out of date and frankly boring that fishing meeting speakers really do need to reflect on what they’re providing for their paying customers.

Meetings up and down the country are struggling for attendances. It’s no longer good enough to stand there like an accountant at an AGM delivering statistics from a balance sheet. No one is impressed any more by pictures of big fish and self congratulation. The world has changed, speakers need to be entertaining, humorous, educational, insightful and pushing back the bariers. We’re in a digital age when even ten-year-olds can create amazing graphics and text images yet folk still expect punters to be satisfied with a few grainy old slides.

The flip side of the coin is that meeting organisers and Societies expect star acts to turn up and entertain a room full of paying punters for the price of a couple of gallons of diesel and a pint of beer if you’re lucky. No one actually sees where the profits go, do they, and unless things change the future for these kind of shows looks decidedly grim.

As well as Shaun it was good to see Catton Park owner Graham Davis and his wife, it’s been a while, and Archie Braddock, too. But overall it was good to see such a happy, enthusiastic crowd.

Goodbye Winter Paradise

There’s a little river not a million miles away that I rather enjoy fishing on occasion. Perhaps I should call it a stream. It’s insignificant in the bigger picture of angling, maybe only 20 feet or so wide, rarely is it more than a couple of feet deep and I go there to catch a few run-of-the-mill chub and some rather splendid roach.

When I say splendid I mean fish to perhaps a pound and a half. Okay, you don’t catch fish of that size every time you go but a pound fish is generally on the cards and there are plenty of fish in the six to 12oz range. I stay mobile, nicking a fish here and there and generally have a good time.

But let’s not get carried away thinking it’s stuffed with fish because it isn’t. I’m happy if I can catch a dozen fish in a day, even when conditions are right, so imagine my joy when I switch on the TV to hear the local news presenter announcing that the local council has funded an otter holt on the river to ‘encourage’ otters. Apparently they’ve already been spotted in the river.

Aaaaagggghhhh!!!

Bet they don’t observe the closed season, either.

And Another Thing…

The closed season is about to start. That’s right, the CLOSED season. It’s not a close season, the river’s are closed - shut, as in not open. They are not close, as in near, or even Clouseau, as in Jacques the Chief Inspector. They are closed. Get over it.

We don’t require another debate on whether it should be retained or not on every God damn fishing forum, either. It’s the law. Prattle on the forums ain’t gonna change anything - ask Damian Kimmins who launched the most futile poll in history on the Number 10 web site last year. Totally pointless.

All this poll achieved was to reinforce the Government view that no-one actually gives a damn based on the fact that hardly anyone voted, except of course for the likes of Ivor Biggun and Mike Hunt, Dutch duo Avis and Hertz Van Rental and Ken Yahearme.

Stick to ‘Which pellet?’, ‘What hook?’ and ‘Have they spawned yet?’ To which the answer is no, they’re waiting for late June!!!!

Predators excepted - they’ve always have been a law unto themselves - special privileges, don’t fish for them until October, etc; I ask you, what fish are likely to spawn in the next month, ignoring the fact that the Spring is already a month behind?

The fish have just had a 3-month lay-off, the tackle trade is in deep sh*t and we’re going to stop fishing for 3 months. Absolute madness. Meanwhile, with no anglers on the bank the otters and cormorants make hay.

Those who support the arbitrary 93-day break are purely selfish. We know that. They simply fancy a break and they don’t want you to enjoy yourself in their absence, harassing their rapidly dwindling target fish.

In the past 24 hours, across the UK, another hundred(*?) mature fish will have had their throats ripped out by otters, it could be more (*? = insert the number you think). Tomorrow it’ll be the same again, and the day after, until there are none left worth speaking of. Those fish will not spawn this year, nor will the progeny they would have given to us.

This is not just the breeding season for fish. In a few weeks time the otter population in the UK will have all but doubled. Doesn’t bear thinking about, does it?

Bear thinking…? There’s an idea. Let’s reintroduce bears. And while we’re at it, wolves.

Little Fat Gits

According to the TV this morning Donny is one of the fattest places in the country with one-in-five 6-year-olds being overweight. That’s because they don’t go fishing. They’re all lazy little bleeders who stay at home, afraid to venture out into the big bad dangerous world, scoffing chocolate and playing on the their computers.

Well, they want to think themselves lucky they don’t come under Social Services in Doncaster becausethings would be a whole lot worse. Our local SS don’t hang around waiting for kids to die of obesity related problems, oh no…

Apparently the Government is going to spend £62m addressing the problem. Perhaps the answer is to buy ‘em all a fishing rod and send them out in the fresh air, thust boosting the ailing fishing economy at the same time.

Unfortunately the cash will be wasted on ‘creative’ ways to exercise, like they’ll teach ‘em karate. That’s all we need as we grow older, a disperate, useless, Jeremy Kyle generation that can seriously hurt us when they turn to mugging!

Methinks we mollycoddle kids too much these days, don’t you?

Terry’s A Tosser

Poor old John Terry. Shags a colleagues wife, damages his colleagues career, pisses off his own wife and we’re all supposed to feel sorry for him just because he’s a decent footballer. Well, I suppose Wayne Bridge sees it differently.

Look, Mr Terry, you don’t go there. It’s not some little slapper you’re roasting or the wife of a Fulham fan, it’s your colleague, your team mate. You’ve been made captain of that team because you are looked up to, able to lead, to inspire; a man who can be trusted when things are going wrong, a man who can think ahead, to urge, to encourage, to empathise. You’re there to get the absolute best from your colleagues and it’s not like a rich, fit, widely adored footballer is exactly hard up for a shag these days, is it?

To do what he’s done to a team mate shows he’s morally bankrupt. Removing the captains arm band from him simply isn’t enough. Stop for a minute and consider if things were the other way round and and Bridge had dallied with Terry’s wife. Be in no doubt he’d have been kicked out of the squad because Terry is deemed to be more important to the team in a World Cup year.

Terry has kept his place because of the selfish ambitions of the FA, the players, the fans and the press. This booing of him at Wembley is a charade. Those same fans will cheer his next goal, more so if it happens in South Africa.

Either way, Max Clifford gets richer.

But what kind of man is John Terry? Does he deserve adulation, special privileges, riches beyond the imagination of you and I. Is he a great father, an upright family man, someone we can all look up to for inspiration? Is he an icon? You tell me…

Of course, it’s fashionable to blame the actions of children on their parents these days, isn’t it? Well here’s John Terry’s mother…

On the other hand, old JT’s not exactly a stranger to being arrested, is he?

But rather than just picking headlines at random, perhaps I should offer you a summary of John Terry’s Top Ten Misdemeanours:

So there you have it. Click on any of the above images if you want to read the original articles. But please, don’t ask me to feel sorry for him. Will he be awarded a World Cup winners medal this year? Not a chance. Let’s stop deluding ourselves, we’re quarter finals fodder, perhaps a semi if we get a few breaks, but winners? Against the likes of Spain, Brazil, Germany, Argentina or say, Italy…

No chance. Which makes pandering to his on-field skills all the more pointless. As captain of England he should have been kicked out of the England team for at least a year after shagging a team-mate’s wife.

Chester City face a winding up order for the sum of £26,000. They have been expelled from the Conference. John Terry earns more than that in a day. Maybe if John Terry wants to prove to the game’s real fans out there that he actually cares about football rather than just about John Terry, maybe, just maybe, he might find enough loose change in his back pocket to save an entire club.

Forget Portsmouth. Forget Crystal Palace, Southampton, Cardiff, Leeds and all those other financially mismanaged clubs. They’ll survive administration and the attendant points deductions. It’s the townsfolk of Chester that I feel for. They could lose their identity, their place on the world map.

When Doncaster dropped into the Conference it was as if the town had died. It no longer existed. Today I can switch on the World Service and hear the name read out in the football results. I can even pick up a newspaper in China and somewhere among the small print it will say ‘Doncaster-nil’ or maybe ‘one’ if I’m lucky.

That’s real football drama - not whether we drop Terry for his lack of civility, manners or indeed humanity. Important team player? Don’t make me laugh. Booing’s the least he deserves.

Time’s Running Out Fast

Okay, that’s it from me for now. The season’s fast running out and I’m hoping to squeeze in at least five more trips. It’s a hard life…

Jeezus it’s hot in Africa! But I’m rushing ahead with myself. Two days before I was due to leave for Uganda, Lee Jackson and the Conningbrook Crew were appearing at a local hotel.

You either hate these nights or you love them. For some it’s an opportunity to socialise, for others it’s an opportunity to be seen. I must say, the audience contained a who’s who of carping and not just northern carpers, either. Folks had travelled from far and wide for this one.

It’s the second show I’ve attended at the Moat House, organised by Pippa Dean, and it’s good to see the star names of this branch of the sport coming north in the grim mid-winter.

I suppose the purpose of the evening was to promote the new books recently published by Lee Jackson and Rod Hutchinson and that’s not meant to be uncharitable in any way. When you’ve put your heart and soul into a project like writing/ publishing a book you’d be doing yourself an injustice not to promote it.

Tim Paisley was rushing around like the old pro he is, making sure he captured all the right pictures for Carp World. Dave Gawthorne had driven four hours to get here and he was determined to drive all the way down to the Stour for a chub session afterwards. That’s determination for you.

It was nice to have a chat with Rod Hutchinson. The last time we met, he won’t remember as he was taken with the drink at the time!

Rod’s a lovely guy and if you’ve never met him he’s nothing like what you might expect. A few years ago when I was editing Advanced Carp Fishing I went over to his house where he’d promised to show one of the mag’s young readers how to make boilies. Honest, he was so nervous, shaking like a leaf. And that’s Rod by the way, not the young kid.

His health hasn’t been up to much of late but he’s finally got his eyes sorted out thanks to a series of operations on cataracts. He can even drive without glasses now but it sounds like it was a long and painful job. I shall be reviewing part two of his memoirs shortly when I’ve had a chance to finish reading it.

Oh, and fingers crossed your missus makes a full recovery old feller.

Lee Jackson and Paul Forward delivered a slide show that contained more big carp than you could shake a stick at and lots of pictures of their mates having a good time. It struck me how different carpers are compared with those who pursue most other branches of the sport.

Fishing places like Conningbrook, where a couple of bites a season might be considered good going, you tend to find plenty of time to socialise. If you don’t then you’ll lead a very lonely and boring existence. I’m also guessing if you don’t join in things could easily turn into a Big Brother House scenario as we’ve seen so many times when someone doesn’t fit in.

The last time I spent any time with Lee was at Tyram Hall. Lee was always happy to come along and support the fund raising work we did there for the ACA. Each year we’d spend a weekend on the lake fishing a pro-am affair. Celebrity anglers sharing a swim with guys who’d bid an amount of money to fish with us. The fishing was irrelevant. It was a big social, plus Phil and Irene always fed us well.

Jan Porter brought his guitars along to the final do and Saturday evening was spent with practically everyone in Lee’s swim sharing a massive Chinese takeaway while Lee and Jan jammed away on the guitars till the early hours. Of course, a few lagers were consumed.

Looking back they were great weekends and the host of star name anglers who’ve been up to support the ACA proves without a shadow of a doubt that southern anglers can come north of Watford without getting a nosebleed. I’ll save the tales of Rob Tough and the cuckold wife, Terry Hearn being chased by a groupie and Mitch Smith with his 7 rods for another time!

But enough of the grim north, that show was only 4 miles from home, what were things like down by the equator?

A Gander Around Uganda

As you probably know I went to Uganda at the end of January in search of a big Nile perch. What a trip that turned out to be and what a pleasant surprise the whole experience was. But, before I get onto that, let me say right at the outset, you may find some of the things I share here are bordering on the unbelievable; that perhaps I’m embellishing the stories, adding a few knobs, bells and whistles perhaps, but I swear this is all true.

Stu Walker, James Gould and I landed at Entebbe airport late on Sunday evening following a nine-hour flight from Heathrow. We were met by our driver, Omari, who took us to the Boma guest house where we spent the night.

The next morning we had a meeting to attend and this is where things began to take on a surreal twist. In Paul Torday’s Salmon Fishing In The Yemen, Dr Alfred Jones is invited to create a salmon river in the Yemeni desert, clearly a preposterous idea but once the politicians get involved he’s drawn in deeper and deeper.

On Monday morning I found myself being interviewed for the Ugandan television news alongside the Hon. Serapio Rukundo, Minister of State for Tourism, Wildlife and Antiquities. Our meeting was attended by representatives of the Uganda Wildlife Authorityand Martin Luther Oketch, Business Writer at Monitor Publications, too. Indeed the room was full as we outlined our plans and expectations.

Clearly we must have said the right things because we were supported in our every aspiration. We went on to spend several days with Patrick Tushabe, Product Development Executive for the Ugandan Wildlife Authority, Justus Tusuubira, the Conservation Area Manager for the Murchison Falls Conservation Area. George Otube was put at our disposal as a guide. And just to top things off, the Minister decided he’d make the ten-hour round trip to come and join us on the river to learn a little more about fishing.

Of course he’d be bringing his secretary and personal bodyguard.

Have you ever tried stepping over a couple of AK47s in the bottom of a boat when you’re trying to cast? No, nor me before this trip.

And then there was Malik, a man who’s no stranger to conflict zones, who’s been bombed, shot at and had his face plastered on wanted posters. Mind you, if you want a few tank parts or 50 Land Cruisers, Malik’s the man who’ll fix it…

Like I say, it was all a little surreal but very quickly we realised these people meant us no harm, were not a threat in any way and would do whatever they could to make our trip successful. All they wanted from us were ideas, perceptions, help in understanding what British tourists and anglers in particular might want or need. It was a great opportunity for us and we did our best to help them in return. 

But first of all, a great big annoying negative. If you’re planning to fly anywhere on a fishing trip using British Airways be aware that they’ve changed their previously advertised policies on sporting goods and they’ll now shaft you at every opportunity. Now we all know that it’s pretty difficult to go fishing without rods and the multi-piece outfits that fold down into a suitcase are fine for catching the odd mackerel or mullet but if you’re doing any serious fishing your rods will be housed in a separate tube.

On every single flight with every single carrier I’ve ever used in the past, I’ve been allowed to treat my rod tube as part of my luggage. Alas British Airways no longer do so. In fact their attitude to excess baggage and additional bags, namely the rod tube, is non-negotiable.

By the time we’d checked-in the old bank balance was £200 lighter. When we suggested to the attendant that this information did not appear on the airline’s web site and that we had not been advised of any change in the policy since booking she said, and I quote, “Other airlines were doing it so we jumped on the bandwagon.” When it was pointed out to her that I would be writing articles about the trip she suddenly became very flustered and begged me not to mention what she had said. Yeah, right…!

On the positive side the on-board entertainment is very good with BA unlike some charter flights which like to charge you extra for the premium films. We had lots of choices including an unusual option, The Last King Of Scotland,a film set in Uganda in the early 1970s. Nicholas Garrigan, a young semi-idealistic Scottish doctor, goes to Uganda to assist in a rural hospital. Once there, he soon meets up with the new President, Idi Amin, who promises a golden age for the African nation.

Garrigan hits it off immediately with the rabid Scotland fan, who soon offers him a senior position in the National Health Department and becomes one of Amin’s closest advisers. However as the years pass, Garrigan cannot help but notice Amin’s increasingly erratic behavior that grows beyond a legitimate fear of assassination into a murderous insanity that is driving Uganda into bloody ruin.

Realizing his dire situation with the lunatic leader unwilling to let him go home, Garrigan must make some crucial decisions that could mean his death if the despot finds out.

So here I am, meeting the Rt Hon Minister for Wildlife, Tourism and Antiquities in front of a battery of TV cameras, I have his mobile number and he’s planning to come fishing with me…!

We ended up by the river flanked on two sides by men cradling AK47s and the presence of AK47’s was a recurring theme throughout our stay, but do you know what? We never once felt threatened or in danger. The people of Uganda were charming, friendly and never stopped smiling. I was fortunate to meet villagers, support workers and numerous high ranking people from the Uganda Wildlife Authority and every single person we met wanted to do nothing more than make our stay a pleasant and successful one.

I look back to the trepidation we felt during the planning stages and can only think that I’d have been much more at risk of violence on a typical night out in Doncaster and I wouldn’t think twice about going back to Uganda. It is an amazing country. The tourist industry has already surpassed coffee as the number one foreign exchange earner and the sector is growing rapidly. Long may that continue.

We stayed at the Sambiya River Lodge where Debbie and the staff really looked after us. The accommodation was of a perfectly good standard and the food excellent. Although Debbie, and Olga at Afri Tours, must have been sick to death of the dozens of emails we sent asking for more and more information. At all times they were truthful, honest and completely reliable with their answers - no wild exaggerations or claims and that’s all you need. They organised the transfers to and from the airport and the daily transfers to the river, too. They even booked the boats, bait boys and entry permits for the park as well. It was a complete and efficient service that I’d definitely use again.

Murchison Falls was no disappointment, either. Even though the water level was at a 50-year low the power was breathtaking. Our research proved to be excellent although we really needed more leads, both for float fishing and legering. The fishing wasn’t easy but when you see the results you’ll wonder what our actual expectations must have been.

I’m not even going to mention what I caught in this blog except to say I’m still grinning like a Cheshire cat - you can wait to hear about that later but suffice to say Stu landed a 53-pound Nile perch on an awaka livebait while James became our catman. Saying that, James did lose a pretty hefty perch.

These fish and more can be seen on the film that’ll be on here shortly but we’re saving that until we’ve premiered it during our Trent Anglers’ Night out Show at Sawley on Friday evening. Unfortunately if you haven’t already secured a ticket you’ll be disappointed to learn the show’s a complete sell-out.

Oh, go on then. Here are the clips I’m sure you all want to see:

And…

Click on the full screen icon at the bottom right hand corner of the clips to enjoy these films in their full glory.

Friend A Gorilla

Since returning from Ugand Stu, James and I have each decided to be involved in the Friend A Gorilla project.

Mountain gorillas are a critically endangered species with just over 700 individuals still surviving in the wild. You’ll probably remember them from that David Attenborough clip where he sits in the rain forest, surrounded by them.

Well, you can sponsor your own gorilla for as little as a dollar and you’ll even be able to keep up with your favourite party animal on Twitter and Facebook if you like. For such a small sum we’ve ‘friended’ a whole bloomin family! It’ll makes a great little kids present or maybe you’d prefer a bit of merchandising - a cap or maybe a T-shirt. 

Go on, it won’t exactly break the bank…

Another Trip To Paradise

Anyway, enough of Africa (for now), what else have I been up to? Well, three days after getting back from damn near the equator Sue and I were in Devon at Anglers Paradise, sharing a villa with Des Taylor and his wife Margaret. I love the Valentines weekend party as there are always plenty of laughs to be had and this one was certainly no exception.

The Mr & Mrs competition/ show was a scream. When asked, If Des had broken wind, would he:

a) Own up and take responsibility

b) Deny any responsibility and blame someone else

c) Blame the dog

Marg was adamant he’d blame the bog to which Des reacted with total amazement. “Marg,” He interjected, “We haven’t got a bloody dog!”

The fishing was strange to say the least. We’d both gone there hoping to nick a specimen sized golden orfe. As Des was only down for two days and we planned to stay on I suggested he had the lake to himself and I’d do other things. No point in competing for each other’s fish.

With the lake half covered in ice things didn’t look too good, especially as Des’s plan was to fish shallow and spray a gallon of maggots. Amazingly he had one almost straight away weighing 5lb, plus a few smaller fish, but as the wind picked up presentation was ruined and bites stopped so he switched to a feeder and it took him fully 20 minutes to tie a hook in the bitter cold. First cast he had one at 4lb 7oz.

Time for a warm back at the villa. My only concern was that he might have them all or overfeed the fish making my task pretty difficult. As it happens Des never had another bite. After he’d gone home I took over and in the first of four short sessions I never had so much as a single bite. It was uncanny. I did eventually nick a fine brace on what were practically my last two casts of the trip but it was tough going.

The wind blew in four different directions during the visit and although the snowdrops were out the fishing was a month behind. Normally these fish are having a munch in February but the ones I caught were covered in those tiny leeches you see on pike when they’ve been laid up dormant.

For One Night Only

The daughter of a neighbour is doing rather well for herself having trod the west end stage for several years now, appearing in Hairspray, We Will Rock You, Saturday Night Fever and Fame plus she’s toured in the lead roles of Evita and Footloose.

Her dad’s been fortunate to see her perform in both New York and Hamburg so it’s fair to say she’s done pretty well for herself and it was refreshing to hear she was coming ‘home’ to perform a one-off show pretty much for friends and family at what is the next best thing to our village hall, the Dearne Playhouse which has a seating capacity of just 362.

She was accompanied by colleagues from the West End stage including Ricardo Afonso who has played the lead in We Will Rock You at the Dominion Theatre. All I can say is what a night. Quite unexpected in a tiny backwoods theatre that admittedly was opened by Brian Blessed after its recent renovations. Mind you, the Blessed one was brought up in a small town that I can see across the valley from this study window.

Small world.

Taming The Tricky Trees

A couple of months back I mentioned a weakened Donny team failing to turn up at Forest and taking a sound beating despite enjoying a good deal of the play. It resulted in one Forest follower leaving a comment to the effect that they were a massive team and minnows like Donny belong in the Conference. Crikey, we appreciate that more than anyone but there’s no need to rub it in, is there?

Now whenever I’m out of the country the old Rovers seem to think they deserve a holiday, too, and usually end up taking a few hidings. Obviously I didn’t like the idea that my little jaunts would coincide with an away game at those newly promoted upstarts Leicester (who nicked our favourite player in the summer by offering ‘Loads-a-money’), then twice European Cup Winners (not that they ever mention it…!) Forest and a daunting trip to the (once) mighty Sheffield Wednesday.

That’s how to upset half the country!!!!

Now it has to be said that outside of Leeds United those three teams have rather more than their fair share of supporters who like to come the Billy Big Bo**ocks about how massive they are and they deserve to be in the Premiership by right. Three teams who dwell a little too much on past glories if you ask me, unlike, say, Derby County fans who haven’t had much to crow about in donkeys ages. But who are we to compare…

Imagine my surprise then that despite being in the middle of an injury crisis little old Donny, a pub team of no consequence whatsoever with a tiny, tiny squad, pull off a draw in the Walkers Crisps Bowl, outplay Forest in a comfortable win at the Keepmoat before heading off to Hillsborough and putting in perhaps their best performance since returning to the Championship (I say ‘returning’ like we’ve only been away a couple of seasons but actually it’s 50 years since we last graced the second division!) to win with aplomb.

Unbelieveable. Seven points in the bag and not a single goal conceded. Suddenly we’re in the top half of the table, a game in hand and folk are asking can we make the play-offs? Three weeks ago we were looking nervously at the teams below us. This league is crazy, make no mistake.

And then we forget to turn up at QPR and the doom mongers are out in force again on the football forums. Apparently we’re in danger of going down now!

What a league the Championship is.

It can’t last though. Can it…?

Playlist

This month’s playlist is a bit of an indulgence on my part. I do enjoy a bit of Santana although it has to be said, playing the Supernatural album while driving home late at night from the River Dove is a good way to rack up a few points on your driving license. It’s an album which should carry a police warning, Playing This Album Loud Could Cost You Your Driving License’.

The short selection below features Carlos Santana collaborating with a number of guests including Shakira, Buddy Guy, Alex Band from The Calling, P.O.D. (Payable On Death), Rob Thomas and others. I hope you like it as much as I do…

If you read the comments folk leave beneath the site’s articles you’ll no doubt have noticed the rather patronising ones left by Graham Elliott of late. On 28th January this year he wrote:

“Going now. You may delete these in case you feel humbled. AND that will be all from me - forever. Tired of teaching old dogs new tricks, and you have no doubt seen the light.”

It followed a tirade of abusive posts and quite frankly, downright lies on a web forum. Of course, no one believed him. Not me, not you, not those he was aiming to impress. It was just puff and nonsense. The sort of stuff I’ve rather come to expect from Steve Pope’s new best mate.

No offense meant towards Steve, but really sir, you should consider carefully what kind of character you are setting up a guiding business with.

On the 19th February, 2010, just 22 days after posting,‘that’s all from me forever’  he’s spouting nonsense again on BFW, claiming:

“I personally am in a big “discussion” with a famous angler that thinks all barbel anglers should “pile it in”…”

Clearly he’s deluded on several counts. Unless I’m seriously mistaken, I am the ‘famous’ angler he’s referring to, and no, I’m not in any kind of discussion with him whatsoever. Nor have I ever actually said, or written, ‘all barbel anglers should pile it in’ and I would challenge him to prove otherwise.

What I have said, and I completely stand by this, is: 

‘MOST barbel anglers do not feed enough’

Those are my exact words. Now stop and consider those two statements. There’s a world of difference between them, wouldn’t you agree?

One involves indiscriminate baiting on a mass scale, the other requires intelligence and a need to examine when, why, how much and how often one feeds based on what is happening beneath the water. It’s an absolute fact that far too many anglers sit there blanking when a more positive approach would yield better results.

But I should perhaps know better than to react to the somewhat ridiculous antics of an obvious fantasist.

Poor old Steve Pope’s now entered the crossfire and has seen fit to publish an article on his web site suggesting we’re BOTH right! Talk about trying to play the diplomat. Doesn’t it get a tad uncomfortable sitting on the fence, Steve?

However, Steve Pope has fallen into the trap of believing Elliott’s blatant exaggerations without first confirming his facts. I repeat, I have never actually said that, ‘all barbel anglers should pile it in’. Perhaps Mr Elliott can clarify exactly where he believes I’ve ever said or written those words.

Unfortunately by stating that I’m right, Steve Pope simply compounds the lie. Those are Mr Elliott’s words, not mine, but what we’re left with is a view from the Chairman of the Barbel Society that ‘piling it in’ must be the correct thing to do in some circumstances.

That kind of contradicts his coaching partner’s ideology, doesn’t it? And who’s having a veiled pop again beneath this very article (on the 18th February)…?

Yes, you’ve guessed, Graham Elliott.

Two taunts aimed in my direction (both based in mistruth) in two days is pretty good going for a man who’s own statement, ‘that’s all from me forever’ is so fresh in the memory. Perhaps forever just means a fortnight in the World Of Elliott.

Unfortunately the man’s obsessed; on a mission of some kind. Perhaps I’m supposed to be flattered by his attentions, or maybe angry, but I’m not. I simply feel a degree of pity towards his delusional behaviour, that’s all.

Footnote:

How come everyone on the Jeremy Kyle Show comes from either Nottingham, Bristol or Barnsley? Okay, there’s an odd Brummie on the programme but why do you never see anyone from Lancashire, for instance…?

I’ve said it before but it’s worth repeating, The Kyle show is a throwback to when the middle classes would visit a lunatic asylum to be ‘entertained’ by the inmates. What kind of fool thinks they will find the solution to their clearly dysfunctional existence by exposing themselves to ridicule on National TV? And why does anyone appear on there twice?

Beats me.

Why does anyone deliberately expose themselves to ridicule…

…Graham?

PS: Nearly forgot to mention this. I’ll be appearing on Sky TV’s Tight Lines programme with Keith Arthur on Friday 19th March so some of you might want to make a note in your diaries.

The date is set - Monday 3rd May. The venue is Lindholme Lakes. Over 300 pegs are booked - but only the best ones! Our biggest Green Un Club Match Angler Championship match ever is set to hit the ground running. To be in it you will have to have qualified. To go through to the final all you have to do is win your section. How difficult is that?

This is the definitive list of qualifiers as at 26th February, 2010.

If you think your name has been missed off the list then get in touch sharpish. An entry form will be published in the Green Un newspaper on Saturday 27th March and for the next three Saturdays. Make sure you buy a copy.

Pools must be paid in advance, in cash, at Climax Tackle, Dronfield.

Here’s the list:

Who knows, this year it could be you! The winner of the final receives £2,000 and the total pools payout is likely to be in excess of £7,500…!

Now a confession. I’m absolutely gutted. I have somehow managed to lose part of the next instalment. I have the first page and that’s it. Somewhere out there someone will have a copy of the September 1992 edition of David Hall’s Coarse Fishing - probably Dave Gawthorne or some other collector of angling antiquities. If you have one, or know of someone who has and you can put me in touch, please, please do so. I don’t need the mag, just a copy of the article or a pdf so I can upload it here where it will be stored in perpetuity.

Here’s Page One…

For now, just click on the image below and it’ll open up as a pdf file.

Enjoy…

As ever with shared files the odd track may not play but if you let me know about it I’ll either replace it or fix the problem. Just leave a message in the comments box at the foot of the page and I’ll do whatever I can.

Here goes. Enjoy…!

Playlist One - the first experiment

Playlist Two

Deano’s Choice

A selection of hard rockers requested by Olympic Athlete Dean Macey

Tracks Of My Years

Mick Wood’s Choice

This selection was requested by top Yorkshire specialist angler Mick Wood

January 2010

January Blues

Santana - a sneak preview from the next blog…

Carlos is joined by Shakira, Buddy Guy, Alex Band (The Calling) and P.O.D. (Payment On Death) to name but a few.

But the plain truth is, no, I’m not holding anything back. There is no Holy Grail out there; there is no top secret rig that only the most successful anglers use. What I described is exactly what I used for the vast majority of last summer and very effective it was, too, although it is not the only rig I use. You should remember that.

Just put away your distrust for a moment and try to believe me when I say simplicity is best. If your rig is tied up with multiple fancy gizmos and trinkets then the chances are it is unnecessarily complicated and will probably let you down when you least expect it to.

But let’s move on. A rig in isolation is NOT the key to success. A good rig will convert more pick-ups into hook-ups but location and correct feeding is far more important and if you think otherwise then you are wrong, plain and simple.

Around a year ago I appeared on Sky TV’s Tight Lines show and caused quite a stir because I stated, live on air, that I didn’t think barbel anglers introduced enough feed. Boy, did that light a fuse up the backsides of certain individuals on the web forums, so I’ll say it again:

MOST BARBEL ANGLERS DO NOT INTRODUCE ENOUGH FEED!

Did you get that?

When I made that statement on air it riled Graham Elliott in particular so much so (although judging by his comments it’s clear he didn’t watch the programme) he actually wrote a complaining email to the show’shost, Keith Arthur, who it must be said gave him very short shrift. Apparently, he claimed, the anglers who fish his piddle had begun piling in kilos of pellets and his pet poodles were now proving impossible to catch, or words to that effect.

Of course, any statement I make about baiting is subjective. It is completely dependent upon prevailing circumstances but within the constraints of a live TV show you are there to provide concise statements, one-line replies rather than eulogies, because it’s not your show and frankly no-one really cares about one man’s piddle. You are there to speak about your own experiences rather than make generalisations on the subject being discussed. On average you get about 30 seconds for an answer and you must use it wisely.

You certainly do not start making exceptions or apologies for rivers that you have never even seen, never mind fished, or ever have any intention of doing so. To even contemplate that would be ludicrous. No, you tell it like it is, as I am doing now, based on personal experience of the waters you  have fished.

Perhaps you now see what those two humorous cartoons in the December Blogs were all about - yes, I was taking the Mickey out of his reaction!

Of course it’s different if you are fishing a piddly little stream that only contains one or two recognisable fish that get caught repeatedly but we try our best to give the viewer credit for having the nous to understand that your scenario may be different to the one I describe. Even so, the notion that a kilo of pellets here and there makes a whole lot of difference is actually quite ludicrous.

What proof is that statement based upon? What evidence is there to support the case that introducing a kilo of pellets is damaging other than hearsay and speculation? Can anyone back up this claim with a single shred of factual evidence?

You failed to catch a fish, therefore it is someone else’s fault.

I rest my case.

I’m sorry but that is a theory based on paranoia rather than proof.

Extensive filming underwater has given me all the evidence I need to be able to state categorically that pellets break down in water, the resulting mess is swept far and wide on the current and it is eaten by all manner of living creatures from crustaceans to bugs, minnows and even tiny fry. Very little of the food we introduce is left after an hour unless the swim borders on being stagnant and that’s without the arrival of a single barbel.

I’m sorry if that upsets some folk but I like to deal in facts rather than fanciful theories.

Anyone who has attended one of my live shows recently will be under no illusions whatsoever as to what happens to the bait we introduce to flowing rivers. Few anglers in history could ever lay a claim to have been as successful as Phil Smith in recent seasons. What did he catch? Double figure barbel from something like 17 different rivers in one season? That’s the kind of mixture of success and wide ranging experience that no-one can seriously contradict.

Phil attended a recent show given by Stu Walker and myself to the Barbel Specialists AGM. In the show we revealedunderwater footage of how pellets behavein a river, how quickly they dissolve into mush, how every living thing in the swim including tiny minnows eat them, how they absorb water and then roll away, never to be seen again, how the wafting of fishes fins lifts pellets off the bottom causing them to be swept away on the current, too. This isn’t theory, it’s fact. We provide evidence. What you see is not fanciful notions, it’s not something I’ve dreamed up, it’s categorical physical evidence that you can see with your own eyes.

After the show Phil came up and thanked us for having ‘changed the way he will be fishing in future’.

That’s what you call impact. If Phil Smith can be convinced I rest my case.

So how have I applied this to my own fishing this summer? Take the Tidal Trent, a river that is wide, swift flowing at certain stages of the tide, and full of barbel. Apparently they only feed in the dark and if you want to make a good catch you should turn up as dusk approaches and erect a bivvy.

What utter bunkum!

Again, we have folklore traded as fact when it isn’t even the basis of a good theory. Last summer I only fished daytime match hours. Not once did I require a starlight or head torch. Each session spanned the so-called worst part of the day and I paid no attention to the tide tables, yet I have caught fish after fish. The average catch fell as Autumn kicked in but overall it was pretty close to ten fish per trip. I call that good fishing and suggest to you that I must be doing something right.

So, what exactly am I doing?

Well, having filmed the fish’s feeding reactions to all manner of baits Stu (Walker) and I have developed a barbel mix based on a variety of different sized pellets bulked out with equal proportions of cooked hemp. If you only feed large pellets they are mopped up quite quickly by feeding fish. These fish return to the swim seeking more food but when they determine it’s not there the return visits become infrequent and then non-existent. In other words, they may be stupid but they see no point in turning up to a restaurant that is closed.

When we’ve fed small pellets they are effective for as long as it takes for the pellets to break down which is often a lot quicker than you imagine. They are also more attractive to nuisance fish and get washed straight out of the swim in anything like a decent current.

Hemp in isolation can stimulate positive feeding but the risk is pre-occupation. Hemp also washes away.

For your feed to be effective it helps tremendously if the riverbed is made up of pebble and stones. Fine gravel and sand will not hold bait.

Through trial and error we have arrived at a mix of mostly small to medium pellets of different types which have varying breakdown rates. This combined with the hemp will lodge in the gravel, behind stones and other obstructions. We’re not only happy to accept that some of the pellets will float off downstream, we positively want this to happen. Adding an oil based glug to the mix encourages this, as does pre-softening with a little water.

My opening attack when I arrive at a swim is to put out 15 to 20 droppers of bait, sometimes more, in an area about the size of a dining table. I have the line clipped up for this so as to ensure I am baiting accurately.

Trent anglers are the world’s worst, I reckon, when it comes to accurate baiting and casting. They THINK they are keeping the feed in a tight area but beyond ten yards out they haven’t a clue. As for placing their rigs on the money, it gets worse. I know this from regularly watching anglers on the opposite bank and around me with their scatter gun approach.

When the initial feed has gone in I always lay out the dropper line on the bank and mark out the distance from dropper to rod tip. That then enables me to place both rigs exactly where I want them to be, allowing a little extra distance for the downstream casting angle.

This is not rocket science! It is simply the belt and braces of fundamental accuracy which can be recreated with ease should you lose a rig or maybe realise your bites have dried up because you’re actually casting onto the wrong line.

Place your rig on the right line every time and your catches will increase significantly. Place it three yards away and you are reducing your chances to luck and wasting money on bait.

Of course, crashing a dropper into your swim 20 times causes a lot of disturbance and this will frighten any fish within 50 yards, won’t it? No it bloody doesn’t! In fact it will frequently attract them.

We’ve filmed fish that have sat in shot while a dropper opens and they then approach the feed before the dropper has been removed. Clearly we must have terrified them into feeding.

On several occasions this summer I have hammered in a load of feed, cast out a rod just downstream of the dining table and it’s hooped over before I’ve even got the second rod out. On one occasion I had three fish before managing to get two rods in the swim at the same time.

Now one or two of you will be wondering where this swim is that I’m fishing but it isn’t one red hot swim, far from it. I have been fishing different swims on each visit as I search for the mythical sweet spot, because somewhere out there I reckon there must be a really hot swim that contains a few bigger specimens, so let’s rule out the idea I’m targeting one particularly good swim. I am not.

It has been the norm for me to get some quick action but there have been occasions when I haven’t caught a fish in the first hour. This tells me that they are not in residence and will have to be drawn towards me. If I don’t catch within 90 minutes I re-bait with half the opening amount but I don’t really know what the next option is because it’s never happened yet.

What does tend to happen is that I’ll get into a nice rhythm of catching fish at steady intervals. It’s not uncommon to catch two or three fish in thirty minutes, then you get a rest for an hour before the next group arrives but if I go much longer than an hour without a bite I will reach for the dropper and give them ten droppers in quick succession.

Two weeks ago I had 7 fish in a short session, four came immediately after the initial baiting, then the swim died. Only when I put in another 15 droppers did I catch again.

Don’t forget the feeders are constantly topping up the swim, too.  Each rod is recast after ten to 15 minutes without a bite. I time this on my phone because it’s easy to lull yourself into a feeling that you’re doing okay. You’re not. There are more fish to be caught but to catch them you need to work harder.

Now I realise this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. It’s hard work and you cannot keep it up indefinitely. Much easier to turn up at dusk, chuck out two bolt rigs and let the fish find you, or just sit back and read a book. Well, it’s each to their own. Before I retired I was in danger of becoming a lazy angler but times change and without the grind of the day job I’ve become more focused. To be a successful angler you can develop a match angler’s mentality or you become a time bandit. Either way you’ll do okay.

So let’s have a quick look at the hook bait presentation I’ve been using.

It’s hardly revolutionary but after sharing it on the TV programme I was accused on BFW, by Graham Elliott, of copying his ideas. Why he frequently tries to discredit me I don’t know. I’ve never even met the guy, never even read an article written by him, but he reckons he knows someone that I know so clearly I’m incapable of an original thought and that’s how I arrived at what we will now close with.

When competitive feeding is achieved in a swim, particularly on small baits, barbel frequently suck up whole mouthfuls of gravel and other food items. This can clearly be seen in our DVDs and it is evident that the fish are not selecting individual items of food. Somehow the food is separated from the gravel in the barbel’s mouth and the gravel is ejected.

Consequently I decided to replicate the small clusters of pellets that collect on the riverbed by gluing four, sometimes six small pellets to the standard hair. It has paid off handsomely when applied over our multi-pellet approach.

I first experimented with multiple particle baits on hairs over 15 years ago when fishing for carp on the St Lawrence River in Canada. Indeed I wrote an article revealing how I created two hairs, one from the standard knotless knot, the other a reverse hair emerging from the hook’s eye. The reverse hair was loaded with sinking particles of maize while the normal hair contained maize topped off with buoyant yellow rig foam which caused the hook to sit vertically, claw-like from the river bed. Hook-ups were one hundred per cent efficient in the lower lip.

But maybe that’s something for us to think about in the future…

Right now I see no reason to fix what is working remarkably well.

In a future article I will blow away a few myths about PVA. Again these aren’t theories, they are evidential truths, all of which will be revealed in the next two Barbel Days and Ways DVDs.

Footnote:

Let’s wrap this article with some further reading. There’s a thread on BFW begun by Mr Elliott called ‘Piling In The Bait’that you should read. It was launched in January 2010, straight after the coldest snap we’ve experienced since 1963, and Mr Elliott claims he witnessed an angler on a tiny river feed around 5kg pellets and a kilo of boiles prior to fishing. The angler was fishing a short session and following the advice of a couple of anglers who are known to ‘pile it in’.

Now I have little experience of using boilies for barbel. I’ve rarely used them because other baits have been remarkably successful. When I fished night sessions on the Trent regularly I used them on the hook because I quickly realised that pellet hook baits would melt and disintegrate after an hour or so, thus leaving me fishing with a bare hook most of the time.

I know one thing though, introducing 6kg of bait in one go using a bait dropper would take an eternity - try it sometime, you’ll soon see…

I can easily understand the dismay caused by witnessing someone doing it when you’re blanking, but has anyone really thought this through? Is it any worse than not switching on a car’s headlights in broad daylight?

You see, the fish aren’t even feeding. No one is catching, are they? The anglers out there fishing for barbel right now (January 2010), let’s face it, are going through the motions. In terms of rod hours, how many barbel have been caught this past month? One fish for each 200 rod hours, or 500, maybe a thousand? It could even be greater.

If this guy had stayed at home the chances are everyone would still have blanked. He had no impact on any one’s fishing, least of all his own. The idea that this bait lies around until it gets eaten is a complete fallacy, a myth. Within two hours there would be no sign of those pellets, they would have dissolved and washed away. It certainly isn’t a case that every barbel in the river would suddenly have switched on, eaten every last pellet and then not fed for another month.

Think it through. It doesn’t make sense. It is not logical.

It’s just a convenient way for some people to explain their own failings and if you want to disagree, at least come up with some factual evidence to support your statements. Facts - like pellets don’t dissolve. Facts - like pellets do stay exactly in the place they’re introduced. Facts - like you’re not simply feeding your own paranoia.

I’ve backed my theories up with irrefutable facts, with physical evidence, with film footage in real rivers - can you do the same?

And for the record, I am not, nor ever have been, paid a single penny by any bait company to promote their products.

Sorry folks, not a lot of fishing in this offering. Quite frankly I’ve been too busy and even if I wasn’t, it would be difficult to find the inspiration while the stillwaters are so cold and the rivers high and coloured. But it won’t last and I’ll be out there strutting my rods as soon as I’m back from Africa.

All Packed And Ready To Go…?

Stu and James are like little kids. Their rucksacks have been packed and unpacked more times than they can count. Me? Well, I ain’t even spooled the reels yet. As for packing I can’t see that getting done till the last minute.

I’ve had three columns to write this week without thinking about my blog. But we’ll get there.

I’ll let you know how we get on, provided we get back in one piece, that is.

Macca’s Latest Masterpiece

Old Macca’s obviously been unable to go piking and he’s lacking inspiration to draw so he’s turned his hand to making a snowman. Now I don’t know about you but I reckon this is the spitting image of Allan Parbery, owner of Mistral Baits.

Unless you can think of anyone else it looks like.

Hang on, there’s definitely a passing resemblance to Greg Whitehead, don’t you think?

Trent Angler’s Night Out

Don’t forget that night out in Sawley next month you Trent lads. All details can be found in my last blog. It’ll be an entertaining night for sure and it’s nice to see we’re getting a lot of support from the crew over at Barbel Adventures

Reels On Wheels 

I first met Nick Rowe several years ago at an Anglers Paradise netting session. Nick’s a wheelchair angler who has a lot more drive and energy than I have. He getson with things and one of his main projects is Reels On Wheels.

The primary aim of ‘Reels’ is to help and encourage disabled and less able anglers to get back into fishing, aiming to get as many people as possible to take up fishing as a recreational, outdoor activity. It also advises fisheries on how to make access possible for all because often it doesn’t take much to make this possible.

A few years ago I fished a match to raise awareness of the problems anglers with disabilities face. Part of the deal was we all had to fish from a wheelchair, not just when we were in our swims, but for the whole day. That meant carrying your own tackle to the lake and setting up without leaving the chair. I can tell you, it wasn’t easy.

Suddenly you realise that everything we take for granted is a whole lot more difficult. I know Mel Wilde at Octoplus does quite a bit on the quiet to help disabled anglers and he’s an under sung hero on that score, making it much easier for a lot of anglers who fish from a chair.

I think I finished second in the match but the outcome was irrelevant.

If I get a chance I’ll dig out some pictures of Dave Harrell and Tom Pickering dressed up as maggots! This was at Evesham and in aid of the same charity.

Here you go.

And look who’s behind Harry… 

It’s Keefy Arfur! 

Anyway, cutting to the chase, I regard it as a great honour to be a patron of Reels On Wheels. If you want to learn more about this organisation go to the web site or check out the little video below.

Gone But Not Forgotten

January’s tax return time. Yes, some of us have to pay tax on what little we scrape out of angling and woe betide us if we don’t declare it. I hate paperwork so I get an accountant to help, but at least it keeps folk off my back.

Anyway, I pulled up at the lights outside the Gaumont. Well, youngsters probably know it as the Odeon but it’ll always be the Gaumont to me. Bugger me if they ain’t knocked it down. It’s gone! I shall remember the back row fondly and I’ll also recall seeing live bands there. I was too young to see the Beatles and Stones, but I did promote a Stranglers gig there once. It could have been a disaster, mind, when Jean Jaques Burnelgot a bit upset with the way a bouncer was shoving punters around. He only jumps off the stage to give him a kicking!

Visions of newspaper headlines ran through my mind, Riot at Concert - Promoter Arrested, Faces Bill For Thousands…

Fortunately things settled down quickly.

Sorry if I’m bouncing around but it also reminded me of a day spent coaching a bunch of anglers from Frome on the Stainforth and Keadby Canal above Vason’s Bridge. They were due to fish a National on there and they sat around me as I demonstrated each tactic they had to master.

Without any warning the Power Station on the far bank suddenly blew up amid a deafening roar! When the dust settled it had gone - completely demolished. I wasn’t alone in wondering whether I’d left a skid mark, I can tell you!

Now This Is A Classy Angling Site

Check out this web site when you get a chance. Okay, it’s mostly fly fishing but the imagery will take your breath away. The photographic content puts any of the magazines I read to shame.

Is Angling A Sport?

It’s a debate that has raged forever: Is angling a pastime or a sport? How do you define a sport? Well, perhaps the ultimate decider was revealed on Celebrity Big Brother this week when Irvana Trump declared, “I don’t like to do any sport that I can’t do in high heels (darling).”

Kind of settles most arguments, don’t you think?

Well Done You Rams!

I suppose I must congratulate Derby County on their narrow win over the Rovers last weekend in the FA Cup. Sounds like we didn’t play too well and then ran out of steam late on, bearing in mind, of course, we had played a tough cup game in midweek on a very heavy pitch at Brentford.

I’m tempted to say we’re not playing well but the last minute goal that Derby scored was the first we’ve conceded in open play for eight games. The two other goals we’ve conceded during the run were both penalties, one in the 87th minute, the other in time added on. Sounds like Sean O’Driscoll needs to focus on the players stamina and concentration.

On the other hand, if Billy Sharp was still knocking the goals in it wouldn’t matter. Mind you, six wins in seven games prior to the Derby game suggests this is no time to panic. So, prior to tonight’s tough game with ‘Boro we’re comfortably mid-table and games in hand on most of those around us.

Half a season to go yet, mind. I said it weeks ago, we could still go down, and we could just as easily reach the play-offs. It’s a crazy league.

What On Earth Was That?

Obviously I wrote the last paragraph prior to Tuesday’s fixtures. What a crazy night. Cardiff scoring six away from home, QPR shipping five and then there’s a little problem we call the Rovers defence.

We are still the only team in the Championship to not have conceded a goal in the opening 15 minutes of a game all season. Indeed for half an hour we looked the team most likely to score and then it all went wrong as we collapsed 1-4 to a Middlesborough team that has been completely out of form belied the performance, but we shipped a goal in the last minute of each half, would you believe?

Yes, I suppose you would.

For whatever reason five key players, Stock, Sheils, Oster, Hayter and Shackel were left out of the team and rumours are circulating about a fight in town last Saturday night… That’s all we need. In fact with Woods out, too, we were without our entire midfield but no excuses. We move on.

A Cure For Cabin Fever

The Internet’s interactive fishing sites have been in meltdown of late. So much nastiness flying around one simply has to hope for a break in the weather for it all to pass but I fear some wounds are so deep there’s little to do but amputate the limb.

The plain fact is, we should all go fishing more and obsess less. Trouble is, it ain’t so easy to turn the other cheek when you’re constantly being sniped at, is it?

How To End Barbel Rows?

Please don’t ask how or why I found this site but I spotted an unusual thread on the forum of a body building site. It asks:

“How can I bend over for barbel rows?”

Forget knocking folks heads together, I’m sure if you were bent over for starting a barbel row rather than having threads deleted of locked - well make up the rest yourself…

No Oscar This Time Round Then…

Whilst touching on Barbel Wars it would appear Barbel Fishing Worldhad to steer through a bit of choppy water recently and despite the sanitised ‘we’re no longer going to take any nonsense’ stance, I appear to have been at the centre of getting the first thread deleted and another one locked under the new regime, despite not being a member nor having any intention of posting on there.

It all started when Dave Burr emailed to ask if I minded him posting a short film that effectively took the Mickey out of me. I said, ‘Go ahead, feel free, I really don’t mind.’ Oddly the link was posted/ thread started by Chris Pearson, but there you go.

The film is a bit slow to load but, in short, it suggests one man can save the world and (in this case) that’s me. Basically, if you want to try it out you just go here and stick in the photograph of anyone you like, the person’s head then appears throughout the film on billboards and so on. Obviously it was my head on this version.

If you’re struggling to find the connection, it’s because I bollocked those who turned the Angling Trust poll into yet another dreary barbel war…

Anyway the thread started off in a genial, more or less good humoured fashion until poor old Steve Roffeyfell into the trap of thinking he was chatting with sensible adults and posted a picture taken by Peter Smith at his 60thbirthday party. It showed me with my (now) wife in suitable 60’s fancy dress. Andy Davies immediately pulled the whole thread and I thought he’d gone completely over the top, but I was wrong. Turns out he was dead right to pull it. Unfortunately he was too slow. Rocca had already stolen it.

When Dave Burr asked, ‘Where’s the thread gone?’ in a second thread, the usual suspects, Rocca, Elliott, Joyce, Kimmins, etc, piled in. End result? Mike Hodgkiss asking, “What’s all this about Bob that fires people up?” Followed by a ‘confused’ smiley and the thread gets locked.

Sadly, the photograph was then tampered with in Photoshop, my wife was insulted, a charity became upset, the owner of the image was upset, I received so many supportive calls, emails and messages, while Rocca petulantly refused to remove the doctored image from his blog.

As I write, the image has been removed, but he still has to have the last word:

“I cant work out which bit of “I dont care” he doesnt understand.

Bob, if you have a problem I suggest you take it up with me, not go running around behind the scenes like a big girls blouse, I wouldnt be worried in the slightest I assure you.

The Nets a very big place, who knows when said picture might pop up again.”

So there you are, he’s threatening to use the image again. Nice man. But I’ve said my piece, for now, although Sue’s two lads may want a word in his ear…

Just goes to show though, doesn’t it? I wish BFW all the luck in the world with the re-launch but there’s no point in giving the tower block a lick of paint if the residents don’t change.

Where’s The Playlist Gone?

If you’re wondering (then you must be sad!) I really haven’t got time this week to dig out the tracks. I’ve recently been making a poor fist of learning to play the guitar - as and when I can find time - and after a lot of pain and frustration I’ve reached a stage where I can actually strum the intros to, or choruses from, quite a few songs so it seemed a nice idea to create a playlist using them. The list includes Radiohead, Floyd, Counting Crows, Green Day, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Zep, Oasis, Beatles and Eagles, oh and Deep Purple, which ain’t bad really for a novice.

Maybe next time.

Meantime have a play on this. You can create your own noise:

The Widget below is dead easy to understand, you just press any combination of buttons you fancy. The red button stops things when it begins to drive you nuts…

And finally, just to lighten the mood, anyone fancy a little quiz…?

Let’s test your Beatles knowledge.

Postscript:

The very word Barbel Society appears to inflame passions that are totally disproportional to the size and, let’s face it, importance of the organisation. Here’s a club comprising a few hundred members who target one species of fish. They conduct their own meetings and communicate with their own paid up members (which anyone can become should they wish to), yet it would appear half the world wants to complain about it.

Why is that?

There are alternative societies for those who are unhappy with the Barbel Society, each offering a different constitution, yet we get constant bickering between those who are either ex-members, or never-will-be members, and those who steer the ship.

We hear all sorts of allegations about what is and what is not said at meetings, in emails and by telephone. There’s talk of moles and spies. But you know what, no-one comes up with a constructive alternative way forward. Everything is negative. It’s all aimed at destruction. There is no campaign for change. There is no mandate to follow. There is, well, nothing. Just hot air.

I’d love to see those who have an axe to grind actually take some positive steps. Show us what they would like to do - no, make that intend to do. Or are they simply going to spout rubbish and cry ‘foul’ every five minutes forever?

And on the flip side of the coin I’d like to see the Barbel Society be more open, to have a mission statement telling me where it’s going, what it’s goals and ambitions are in the next ten years. I want to chart that progress and celebrate its success. I’d like to see it representing the species, not the committee. I’d like to see it become more embracing of other fish and those who fish for them, to recognise that other disciplines also catch barbel. That one man’s obsession is another man’s livebait, or a few points in a team competition. That other species are equally important.

And then I might rejoin.

But we can all dream.

With regard to the ‘doctored’ photograph of my wife in your latest blog post:

You know, Tony, there are some rather inadequate people in the world. To all intents and purposes they appear outwardly to be normal, but they’re not. They’re disfunctional obsessives and you are one. A petty misfit. A man who is aroused by trying to demean and belittle those who’s status you secretly covet. Driven by jealousy you always need to find new ways to appear important, to show off, to be a player, when all the world can see you’re just a sad buffoon.

Your insecurities are writ across your every action. A ‘man’ (in this case such an inapropriate word) in denial. You’d love to be someone, but you’re a nobody. An insufferable little toady who’s never happier than when he gathers a bunch of sycophants near, promising treats to win their friendship.

Yet you will lurk in the dark shadows when I give talks but never approach me or make youself known. Odd behaviour for someone who likes to ‘give it large’ on the Internet. Sadly you aren’t happy, are you? Your bitterness and jealousy consumes you. It eats away at you day and night till you can stand it no more.

Besmirching my character no longer gives you the thrill it used to, so you need to go further each time, desperate for recognition, eager for some kind of response.

However, even the dregs of society recognise that there are lines you do not cross, but with you it was only a matter of time, a simple case of opportunity, and eventually you found it. You stole a picture of my wife…

It was too much to resist, wasn’t it? Oh what fun it must have given you to distort her features in some digital imaging software and then publish the results on the Internet, compounding the insult further suggesting I met her through a ‘Mishapes Dating Agency’.

Oh, how I laughed…

Did you actually ejaculate?

Underneath you goaded me further, ‘Que Bob going beserk’.

Surely you meant cue, or was it queue? Doesn’t really matter when you’re dyslexic does it? Or thick.

Well, I haven’t gone beserk. Far from it. This is measured and deliberate.

You see, I feel pity for you. Honestly, you are beneath my contempt; beneath anyone’s for that matter. That is why I do not respond to the emails you send me.

If posting distorted pictures on the Internet and insulting my wife is the best you can do, well…

I know pre-pubescents who can do better.

But you know this is a step too far. Calculated disrespect of a loved one in the hope of provoking an extreme reaction says so much about you. And you’ll leave the manipulated photo up there, won’t you? Because you think that’s clever, too. Look at me folks, I’m going to publicly humiliate a total strangers’ wife.

But who looks the biggest fool, Tony?

Perhaps you’d like to attend the Trent Anglers’ Night Out next month where you and I can discuss your artwork like real men?

Footnote 1: The owner of the photograph has contacted me (with an apology) telling me that the image was stolen and used without permission. He has subsequently contacted Tony Rocca and requested he remove it immediately.

Rocca has refused to do so.

Footnote 2: I contacted Conrad Farlow and politely asked for details of his web host, requesting that he kept the matter between us. Let’s just say he hasn’t. And despite the fact that he’s hosting Rocca’s blog he says he doesn’t want to be involved and that the content is nothing to do with him.

Sorry Conrad, when you host stuff like this it has everything to do with you…