Bombay Dosti

Lewis Gordon : Living Thought, Living Freedom: A Lecture in Black Existential Philosophy

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Tue, 18 Mar 2014 02:28:00 +0000

"Within the framework of this story, love is a revolutionary force."

I first heard Lewis Gordon at the Philosophy Born of Struggle Conference at Purdue University, Oct 2013. His lecture made me cry. I found another version of the lecture online. I like it enough to save it in my blog :) I have to say, I loved the version I heard live ;-)

Power concedes nothing without demand. It never did. It never will. - Frederick Douglass.

r concedes nothing without a demand. It never did and it never will.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/f/frederick_douglass.html#wK7ZP6SKHz2CVz63.99

Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never did and it never will.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/f/frederick_douglass.html#wK7ZP6SKHz2CVz63.99

Misogyny and Sexism in Australia - Julia Gillard

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Tue, 16 Oct 2012 19:24:00 +0000

When I was growing up, participation in English Elocution competition meant practicing impassioned speeches that men made. I wish I had practiced this one. Show this to your daughters :-)
-----------------------

Thank you very much Deputy Speaker and I rise to oppose the motion moved by the Leader of the Opposition. And in so doing I say to the Leader of the Opposition I will not be lectured about sexism and misogyny by this man. I will not. And the Government will not be lectured about sexism and misogyny by this man. Not now, not ever.
The Leader of the Opposition says that people who hold sexist views and who are misogynists are not appropriate for high office. Well I hope the Leader of the Opposition has got a piece of paper and he is writing out his resignation. Because if he wants to know what misogyny looks like in modern Australia, he doesn't need a motion in the House of Representatives, he needs a mirror. That's what he needs.
Let's go through the Opposition Leader's repulsive double standards, repulsive double standards when it comes to misogyny and sexism. We are now supposed to take seriously that the Leader of the Opposition is offended by Mr Slipper's text messages, when this is the Leader of the Opposition who has said, and this was when he was a minister under the last government – not when he was a student, not when he was in high school – when he was a minister under the last government.
He has said, and I quote, in a discussion about women being under-represented in institutions of power in Australia, the interviewer was a man called Stavros. The Leader of the Opposition says “If it's true, Stavros, that men have more power generally speaking than women, is that a bad thing?”
And then a discussion ensues, and another person says “I want my daughter to have as much opportunity as my son.” To which the Leader of the Opposition says “Yeah, I completely agree, but what if men are by physiology or temperament, more adapted to exercise authority or to issue command?”
Then ensues another discussion about women's role in modern society, and the other person participating in the discussion says “I think it's very hard to deny that there is an underrepresentation of women,” to which the Leader of the Opposition says, “But now, there's an assumption that this is a bad thing.”
This is the man from whom we're supposed to take lectures about sexism. And then of course it goes on. I was very offended personally when the Leader of the Opposition, as Minister of Health, said, and I quote, “Abortion is the easy way out.” I was very personally offended by those comments. You said that in March 2004, I suggest you check the records.
I was also very offended on behalf of the women of Australia when in the course of this carbon pricing campaign, the Leader of the Opposition said “What the housewives of Australia need to understand as they do the ironing…” Thank you for that painting of women's roles in modern Australia.
And then of course, I was offended too by the sexism, by the misogyny of the Leader of the Opposition catcalling across this table at me as I sit here as Prime Minister, “If the Prime Minister wants to, politically speaking, make an honest woman of herself…”, something that would never have been said to any man sitting in this chair. I was offended when the Leader of the Opposition went outside in the front of Parliament and stood next to a sign that said “Ditch the witch.”
I was offended when the Leader of the Opposition stood next to a sign that described me as a man's bitch. I was offended by those things. Misogyny, sexism, every day from this Leader of the Opposition. Every day in every way, across the time the Leader of the Opposition has sat in that chair and I've sat in this chair, that is all we have heard from him.
And now, the Leader of the Opposition wants to be taken seriously, apparently he's woken up after this track record and all of these statements, and he's woken up and he's gone “Oh dear, there's this thing called sexism, oh my lords, there's this thing called misogyny. Now who's one of them? Oh, the Speaker must be because that suits my political purpose.”
Doesn't turn a hair about any of his past statements, doesn't walk into this Parliament and apologise to the women of Australia. Doesn't walk into this Parliament and apologise to me for the things that have come out of his mouth. But now seeks to use this as a battering ram against someone else.
Well this kind of hypocrisy must not be tolerated, which is why this motion from the Leader of the Opposition should not be taken seriously.
And then second, the Leader of the Opposition is always wonderful about walking into this Parliament and giving me and others a lecture about what they should take responsibility for.
Always wonderful about that – everything that I should take responsibility for, now apparently including the text messages of the Member for Fisher. Always keen to say how others should assume responsibility, particularly me.
Well can anybody remind me if the Leader of the Opposition has taken any responsibility for the conduct of the Sydney Young Liberals and the attendance at this event of members of his frontbench?
Has he taken any responsibility for the conduct of members of his political party and members of his frontbench who apparently when the most vile things were being said about my family, raised no voice of objection? Nobody walked out of the room; no-one walked up to Mr Jones and said that this was not acceptable.
Instead of course, it was all viewed as good fun until it was run in a Sunday newspaper and then the Leader of the Opposition and others started ducking for cover.
Big on lectures of responsibility, very light on accepting responsibility himself for the vile conduct of members of his political party.
Third, Deputy Speaker, why the Leader of the Opposition should not be taken seriously on this motion.
The Leader of the Opposition and the Deputy Leader of the Opposition have come into this place and have talked about the Member for Fisher. Well, let me remind the Opposition and the Leader of the opposition party about their track record and association with the Member for Fisher.
I remind them that the National Party preselected the Member for Fisher for the 1984 election, that the National Party preselected the Member for Fisher for the 1987 election, that the Liberals preselected Mr Slipper for the 1993 election, then the 1996 election, then the 1998 election, then for the 2001 election, then for the 2004 election, then for the 2007 election and then for the 2010 election.
And across these elections, Mr Slipper enjoyed the personal support of the Leader of the Opposition. I remind the Leader of the Opposition that on 28 September 2010, following the last election campaign, when Mr Slipper was elected as Deputy Speaker, the Leader of the Opposition at that stage said this, and I quote.
He referred to the Member for Maranoa, who was also elected to a position at the same time, and then went on as follows: “And the Member for Fisher will serve as a fine complement to the Member for Scullin in the chair. I believe that the Parliament will be well-served by the team which will occupy the chair in this chamber. I congratulate the Member for Fisher, who has been a friend of mine for a very long time, who has served this Parliament in many capacities with distinction.”
The words of the Leader of the Opposition on record, about his personal friendship with Mr [Slipper], and on record about his view about Mr Slipper's qualities and attributes to be the Speaker.
No walking away from those words, they were the statement of the Leader of the Opposition then. I remind the Leader of the Opposition, who now comes in here and speaks about apparently his inability to work with or talk to Mr Slipper. I remind the Leader of the Opposition he attended Mr Slipper's wedding.
Did he walk up to Mr Slipper in the middle of the service and say he was disgusted to be there? Was that the attitude he took? No, he attended that wedding as a friend.
The Leader of the Opposition keen to lecture others about what they ought to know or did know about Mr Slipper. Well with respect, I'd say to the Leader of the Opposition after a long personal association including attending Mr Slipper's wedding, it would be interesting to know whether the Leader of the Opposition was surprised by these text messages.
He's certainly in a position to speak more intimately about Mr Slipper than I am, and many other people in this Parliament, given this long personal association.
Then of course the Leader of the Opposition comes into this place and says, and I quote, “Every day the Prime Minister stands in this Parliament to defend this Speaker will be another day of shame for this Parliament, another day of shame for a government which should already have died of shame.”
Well can I indicate to the Leader of the Opposition the Government is not dying of shame, my father did not die of shame, what the Leader of the Opposition should be ashamed of is his performance in this Parliament and the sexism he brings with it. Now about the text messages that are on the public record or reported in the – that's a direct quote from the Leader of the Opposition so I suggest those groaning have a word with him.
On the conduct of Mr Slipper, and on the text messages that are in the public domain, I have seen the press reports of those text messages. I am offended by their content. I am offended by their content because I am always offended by sexism. I am offended by their content because I am always offended by statements that are anti-women.
I am offended by those things in the same way that I have been offended by things that the Leader of the Opposition has said, and no doubt will continue to say in the future. Because if this today was an exhibition of his new feminine side, well I don't think we've got much to look forward to in terms of changed conduct.
I am offended by those text messages. But I also believe, in terms of this Parliament making a decision about the speakership, that this Parliament should recognise that there is a court case in progress. That the judge has reserved his decision, that having waited for a number of months for the legal matters surrounding Mr Slipper to come to a conclusion, that this Parliament should see that conclusion.
I believe that is the appropriate path forward, and that people will then have an opportunity to make up their minds with the fullest information available to them.
But whenever people make up their minds about those questions, what I won't stand for, what I will never stand for is the Leader of the Opposition coming into this place and peddling a double standard. Peddling a standard for Mr Slipper he would not set for himself. Peddling a standard for Mr Slipper he has not set for other members of his frontbench.
Peddling a standard for Mr Slipper that has not been acquitted by the people who have been sent out to say the vilest and most revolting things like his former Shadow Parliamentary Secretary Senator Bernardi.
I will not ever see the Leader of the Opposition seek to impose his double standard on this Parliament. Sexism should always be unacceptable. We should conduct ourselves as it should always be unacceptable. The Leader of the Opposition says do something; well he could do something himself if he wants to deal with sexism in this Parliament.
He could change his behaviour, he could apologise for all his past statements, he could apologise for standing next to signs describing me as a witch and a bitch, terminology that is now objected to by the frontbench of the Opposition.
He could change a standard himself if he sought to do so. But we will see none of that from the Leader of the Opposition because on these questions he is incapable of change. Capable of double standards, but incapable of change. His double standards should not rule this Parliament.
Good sense, common sense, proper process is what should rule this Parliament. That's what I believe is the path forward for this Parliament, not the kind of double standards and political game-playing imposed by the Leader of the Opposition now looking at his watch because apparently a woman's spoken too long.
I've had him yell at me to shut up in the past, but I will take the remaining seconds of my speaking time to say to the Leader of the Opposition I think the best course for him is to reflect on the standards he's exhibited in public life, on the responsibility he should take for his public statements; on his close personal connection with Peter Slipper, on the hypocrisy he has displayed in this House today.
And on that basis, because of the Leader of the Opposition's motivations, this Parliament today should reject this motion and the Leader of the Opposition should think seriously about the role of women in public life and in Australian society because we are entitled to a better standard than this.

Forest

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 02:21:00 +0000

Years ago, I visited Jungle Lodges in Karnataka for an office trip. The forest was an experience by itself. I found this note hidden in my laptop. Considering my rather long breaks in writing, I thought this post could find a place here.

**************

There was green all over. I wondered why green was the color of jealousy or money. Neither of them was about peace and yet this green land was just that. Peaceful. The trees and the wild green grass stretched on both sides, leaving the little pugdandi in between, so that one could travel through the forest. The true inhabitants would give you a glimpse of their lives if you had the courtesy to be considerate for their land. The blue jay flew over. A flashing blue over the stable green. It’s beautiful. Then it was the parakeet’s turn. I never realized that I would be able to notice green over green. Everything in the forest has a name and each inhabitant was unique. This creation would sustain on its own cycle. There are deers all over.

Courtesy: Brian Scott

I wonder why there are no flowers. Does the forest want to defy the conventional sense of beauty? Is this why, they call it the wild? I’ve liked the ‘tame’ almost always. It’s predictable. I feel safe. I feel I know what’s in there, and what’s going to happen. Almost everything else is wild, isn’t it? Maybe, that’s why I stop noticing the tame. I lose my alertness to what is around. There is no excitement in it. In the wild, I am on the lookout, or rather, I was. I was listening to every drop of silence that the forest offered. I was listening to the Rangoon monkey. They say, every sound is a communication, of either danger or food or whatever. They told me that the tiger was the most wanted animal in the ride. One must be lucky to spot one. I did not. Or maybe I did. They pointed to an orange dot far away, and we were all happy that we had seen one. But the fact was, even if we had not seen the tiger, I would have still loved the forest, the wild forest.

Courtesy:Moyan Brenn

I am a city bred person. ‘One with nature’ is a phrase that I have only heard of. I am not too sure, if these little “trips” can really make me feel that. I really don’t know. It was a tourist ride. Something that I would have grown tired of, after three days. During one of those days, I found myself sitting on the river bank. But frankly, I did not know what to do there. I was lost. I had to find a friend to talk to. I cursed when it beeped “switched off”. Then I switched on to Amartya Sen. Boy! I needed company! Even the book would do.

There is a state of mind that I aspire for. I know it’s the forest.

And yet, I was so uncomfortable when I was there, alone.

I am not able to articulate what that state of mind is. Therefore, I leave it at that. The forest is the destination and the journey.

Gracias 2011

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 03:57:00 +0000

One more hour and 2012 will be here. I could not let 2011 go, without a farewell, that it truly deserves. It was a phenomenal year for the world. Of course, what is phenomenal would depend on which part of the globe you are, and what your media has been telling you. But for tonight, I am not even trying to be politically correct.

2011, was just extra ordinary, for me.

I wished. It happened. There has never been a year like this before. Life, was kind to me, till the last day of the year. With a finale that competes with my fantasies. If the advice, "beware of what you want, because it might just come true" has any relevance, 2011 was the year, it made the most sense. It all happened, as I wanted. What comes out of it, is going to be the story of my life.

For one, I began my PhD dream. I moved to the US to study sociology . As I read Karl Marx’s communist manifesto for the class, I saw the Occupy struggle happening outside my window. I am now weaving new dreams, and long time ago, this was just a "maybe sometime in life" kind of a thing. When the year began, I hoped, but did not expect to get an admission which did not even require a thought. It all happened, like a flash of a lightning.

Most importantly, it was also a year, I rediscovered love. Rediscovered family. If my twenties, were about illusory love at one end, it was also a period of rebellion. Rebellion meant that an iron wall had developed between me and my family. Now, that wall has disintegrated. Having said that, I think, the evolution was necessary. Although, I dont really tom tom about space - "space", "individuality" and "independence" is certainly a part of my life. If something has amazed me this year, it is the journey that my parents have travelled for me - not physically but mentally. This was the year I realized, "no matter what, I could return home." That is the biggest gift that 2011 gave me. Turning 30, seems to have had some role, in helping me recognize that too.

2012, you are welcome :)

Wish you all a wonderful year, with peace and love.

Why women tell stories?

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 06:20:00 +0000

One of the sore points between a friend and me, is the issue of gender.

That women seem to be rather narrow in their outlook. That, all that they can talk about is gender and their own personal issues. That their knowledge was not broad enough. While he does not discount the fact that there are glaring issues for women, the criticism is that, women are blind to all other issues of the society. This, he says, is a grave mistake. Initially, I thought, that his arguments have some validity.

Have you seen this post? This post talked about how a large percentage of women have either personal blogs or blogs about motherhood while men have a wider range of topics that they wrote about. I also thought, that his observations may be right and the answer to his criticism was just more knowledge.

Just today, I realized that my answer should have been different. How did I forget why, we women started talking about personal issues in the first place and why we continue to do so? As a broad answer, the gender issues that we talk about are still relevant to us, and affect us daily. That is why we still talk about it. But that does not answer him very well. Of course, our issues are important but then so are other burning issues, too. Another broad answer is this - well, this is not a cause for me, but a life issue. I have not yet stopped struggling against patriarchy to simply live my life. It's not my neighbour's life. It's not my relative's life. It is my bloody daily life.

But then, those were broad answers - answers which would be considered as a rhetoric in themselves. Yet another emotional outburst.While, my eventual argument looks at the tremendous role of emotions, let me try and explain it, in a rather 'theoretical' way.

There are two ways of analyzing social change. While I was terribly irritated with the discussion, it just struck me, that our debate was actually not about men and women or gender and other issues. Our debate, was an old theoretical debate - that of 'structure' and 'agency'. While he was insistent that social change occurs because of structural changes, I was insisting on 'agency'. No marks for guessing that the answer definitely lies in between.

The biggest example of this, is Kerala itself. This state has one of the most progressive legislation and structures which are favourable to women - access to education, access to health, 50% reservation in the local government and a brilliantly thought out decentralization program. Decentralization brings power closer to women. If a progressive structure alone could have empowered women, Kerala would not be a space, that still excludes women from the mainstream. I dont intend to give statistics regarding dowry, domestic violence or work force participation. You have google to know, that all is not well.

So, what are women missing in Kerala?

Something I had. Agency.

This is a personal account. I had to refer to my life, to explain why women refer to their personal lives.I had to look back at my life, to see how talking about my life, to other women, had given me agency. I always consider my life as one which is before TISS and after TISS. I have said this, many times, before. My perspective on life underwent a huge change in those two years. Change in perspective is not this abstract notion. I broke my marriage engagement that I did not like - one that was arranged by my parents. It did not happen automatically. It happened within 4 months of TISS and because of 4 months of TISS.

What is TISS, by the way?

TISS, is this friend of mine, RP who said, "Dont think about the marriage. Just get the admission. Noone will ask you to drop an admission to TISS". He said this to me, whenever I wondered whether I should just get married and avoid all the hassle. TISS was this friend of mine AD who hit me on my head and said, "Dont do this to yourself. Dont get married to someone you dont want to. Its your life. Dont give in." Dont be surprised. It was after one of her talks, that I finally had the courage to call my then fiance to tell him, I could not go through it till the end. TISS, was this friend of mine, who (on the day I left to meet my parents regarding the fiasco) wished me this - "F#$k them up and come back".I returned to TISS, after the drama, and told her. "yes. I did f&*k them." TISS is this friend of mine, PP (who had herself gone to a similar university) who told my father- "Uncle, she's been suffering for four months. Dont do this to her." Even today, my dad says, he truely 'understood' how I felt, after PP talked to him.

Four friends. An alternative space. That was the source of my agency. That is why, I did not get married at 23. That is why, I got to do the job, that I wanted.

(Some of you might get disturbed at the strong language used to describe my family. I am not proud of it. I shall explain it in a little while. But anger, was a strong emotion at that particular point of my life. My agency in some ways, had its root in this anger. I realized that my anger should have been against patriarchy and not against my family members. Simply put, it should have been f&%k you, patriarchy)

This is also not to portray my family as villains. Far from it. They were as much victims of patriarchy as I was. As I continue to be. Of course, those days, I did think of them as villains and I lost my family for some years in my life. Today, I have the wisdom to recognize the 'structure' of patriarchy and the ways it seeps into our lives.

So, was there no structural influence in enabling this "social change" in my little life? Was there no play of an alternate structure that helped me fight the structure of patriarchy? Of course, there was. It was education that got me to Bombay. It was savings from an IT job, that got me the admission and the initial fees. It was the fact that fees in TISS was not too high, that I was not worried about taking the admission. And Of course, my parents were based out of a rather structurally "progressive" state any ways, and most importantly, they were not villains.

Yes. All that helped. But, if I had all that, without the alternate space that these four friends of mine gave me, would my life have changed? After all, it was in a conventional space of an IT job, that I agreed to the engagement in the first place. For the structuralists, RP,AD, SL and PP represent the alternative space, which helped in enabling my agency.

This is the space that women in Kerala do not have. No matter whatever structural changes the progressive state brings in, if you don't facilitate agency, social change will not happen. Agency needs an alternative space. A space, where 'emotion' is not looked down upon.

When you next make the argument against liberated women talking so much about their lives - recognize that, whatever liberation we, the so called 'liberated' have, is because we talked about it. Changing my life did not happen through a rational, structural policy change. It happened through emotional discourse between friends. I do acknowledge, that a progressive structure did support me. The emotions that women exhibit in their blogs, conversations and relationships is the alternate space women have created for themselves. Those are not 'mere' emotions. That, my friend, IS agency.

One argument that I expect to this 'personal account' is that, it is "my" story and that, it cannot be generalized. I would have accepted it before the advent of personal blogs. The fact, that my personal account is not atypical is demonstrated by the very personal blogs that we began criticizing in the beginning of this post. Why do so many women have so much personal accounts, in the first place? Why do all those women who talk about their personal lives, seem to be liberated? The reason is this - They do not talk about their lives, because they are liberated. They are liberated, because they talk about their lives. (The use of liberated is used in a popular sense.) The reason why women read other women's personal blogs is not for 'emotional porn' but because they want to experience that alternate space. By the way,the 'structural' alternate space.

Thus, the request to structuralists, is this. Thanks for the systemic changes. But do this for your women.
Encourage them to talk. Emotionally. It will change their lives.

The Santosh Pandit Phenomenon - The Psyche of the Male Malayalee Audience

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 00:05:00 +0000

I never thought, I would write a post on Santosh Pandit. I thought, I should not give him any more airtime than what is already being done. I could not resist posting this one, though.In an egroup, when a discussion on Santosh came up, one of the members posted this mail to the group. Whenever I see these youtube videos and the comments on 'walls' that shared them, I knew I was uncomfortable. Both with his cinema and with the negativity that the sharers showed, but I never could articulate it. When I read this email, it felt like such a brilliant analysis of what was actually going on.
So, what you see here, was not intended to be a note, nor a post. It was an email. Therefore there are some references to some earlier mails but this 'mail' is a brilliant post by itself. Vinod, Thanks for letting me share this.

The following post was written by Vinod Narayanan.

As A and B mentioned, the film looks like the pits.
But perhaps that is the point.

Perhaps what this film or its maker is really saying that a section of the Malayali audience will make even something like Krishnanum Radheyum successful. That he understands the young and exclusively male audience perhaps even better than they do.Remember Pandit's line about him making a film that his audience deserves.

Now comes the dicey part of artistic merit.
As I have not seen the film, I cannot comment on that aspect.
However, based on the audience reactions so far, perhaps some observations can be drawn sight unseen.
I was hoping that at some point there would also be some kind of a discussion about the "other" factor in the Santhosh Pandit phenomenon - the audience which made Krishnanum Radheyum a success.

This is an exclusively male audience, a young male audience at that. And really, this has been the films main audience. I haven't seen a single lady in all of those clips of boisterous youngsters celebrating the film. Perhaps such a predominantly male atmosphere and the aggressive language that accompanies it, is not an environment that female audiences feel comfortable in.

At around this time 14 years ago, I was part of this kind of an primarily young male audience which rushed into and packed theatres in Kerala to see a film that another artist wrote. Now this artist was also intelligent enough to figure out what exactly his primarily young male audience craved.
This artist wrote out a screenplay which formed the template of many later films that he and others repeatedly cranked out to varying degrees of success.

The artist was Ranjith and that film was Aaraam Thamburam.

As he recently revealed in his eulogy for Mohan Raghavan, he was short of money, and he was approached by his friend Shaji Kailas not so much as to write a film, but to make a "package" around Mohanlal which had echoes of the character that he had written for Devasuram.
Now comes the interesting part.

The film that Ranjith envisioned, one which he believed would run even more successfully in Kerala in 1997 than Devasuram did four years before it, was one about a Nambudiri re-establishing his feudal rights
over a land. Ranjith excised the strong female character that Revathi played in Devasuram, that films nagging doubts about Neelakandan's true lineage - whether his madambi rights were truly his birthright or not, his
relationships with strong women including his mother.

In the place of the strong women he put in a paavam Warasyar, and a "modern" woman who comes to him from the North pining for his love. Note also the difference between how the story views the almost same character Chitra plays in the two films to see how women are viewed in Devasuram (sympathetically) and Aaaraam Thamburan (object of contempt). In place of doubts regarding Nair feudalism (already very weak doubts in Devasuram, but doubts nonetheless), Aaaraam Thamburan opts for full throated support of the Chaturvarna system with the Namboodiri as it's natural head.

Ranjith understood that these excisions and enhancements would ensure the films success. He was, in that sense, removing and adding in factors to guarantee commercial success.
How much insight must Ranjith have had into the young male Malayali psyche to have figured out that a primarily young male audience would accept such a storyline and all it's implications about caste, gender, religion and not only would they accept it, they would make it successful?

How deep must his insight have been about his audience to have understood that gender relationships and strong women were not only unnecessary, but could also threaten the success of a film?
How much insight must he have had into the sheer self-loathing that the youth of my generation carried within themselves that even after learning about the horrible effects that caste had on Kerala's history, they would make such a film a grand success?

In that sense, Santhosh Pandit is yet another exploiter of this self loathing that the new generation of young males in Kerala seem to carry within themselves.
Someone who understands that if he makes films which look cheap and amateurish and makes the dialogues as ridiculous as those found in the average Malayalam "superstar blockbuster" that these young male audiences adore, said audience would jeer him to success.
Someone who understands that this audience would pay good money to curse at a screen for three hours.
Someone who understands that the audience knows going in that the film is crap, but goes in anyway for the "privilege" of cursing away to their hearts content in exchange for a sum of money.
If Aaraam Thampuran exploited one part of the young male Malayali psyche to become successful, one which hankered for an imagined glorious feudal past, for unrestrained machismo and bravado in art, Krishnanum Radheyum seems to exploit another part of this psyche.
There have been other films that good-naturedly poke fun at the Malayalam cinema and it's stars (anyone remember Aparanmaar Nagaratthill?) or were absurdist from the get go (anyone remember My Dear Karadi?). I have seen both these films in a theatre on the first day (what can I say, I was young), but saw none of the sound and fury that seemed to accompany Krishnanum Radheyum.
Which leads me to believe that it is Pandit's single minded cynicism regarding his audience which seems to permeate the film's marketing, that makes his film a success and that it was the good-naturedness of the humor of the other two movies that made them fail.
It is here that matters of artistic merit become difficult to determine.
Could it be that for all it's technical flaws, Krishnanum Radheyum holds up yet one more mirror at the young male audience that it exploits?
If that is so, is it not art of a sort?
The commercial success of Krishnanum Radheyum should at least tell you as much about it's audience as it does about Santhosh Pandit.

I would not have said this and would have accepted that the audiences thronging to this film are in effect delivering a populist slap to the Malayalam film industry as many have said, but for the fact that I see this same audience thronging at the gates on the first day of Pokkiri Raja or Christian Bros. or Karyasthan.

Maybe there is some of that critiquing going on in the audience support of this film, and maybe these audiences truly are tired of such pap. But I'll believe it when I see films like Pokkiri Raja and Christian Bros. stop becoming grand successes.

At the moment the only thing I see about Santhosh Pandit which may alarm successful Malayalam film makers of recent "blockbusters", is that someone more cynical than them has entered the arena.

Fetish

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 03:47:00 +0000

Aval: You should send me chocolates for the days you don't talk to me
Avan: I never knew you had a fetish for chocolates.
Aval: I don't. I actually hate them.

Courtesy

Not my fault. Blame it on September.

Us and Them

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 06:25:00 +0000

Is your facebook and twitter feed exploding with Anna Hazare updates. Mine is. The extreme polarization in these updates truly motivates me to write this post. I never thought I would. Also, because, somewhere along the way, I stopped for a moment and realized that my initial responses to this campaign was not completely rational.

During the first phase of the Hazare campaign, I was terribly cynical. Facebook activism, I thought. "The middle class just needs a high." My judgemental mind made its set of condescending statements. (Baba Ramdev, still inspires that in me) But otherwise, during the second phase, I think, I was getting tired of the other extreme that I saw in my twitter feeds. The complete disregard and disrespect for people who thought it was indeed their movement. That too, was facebook activism. Sitting in our comfort zone, and throwing stones at people who believed and acted on something that they thought was right.

Having said that, I am not here to say that I support the campaign.

My stand is, I support the possibility of any campaign and totally despise the threat that a people's movement can have. There are people on the streets. I may or may not agree with what they are asking for, but I will certainly support their right to voice their concerns and hold their representatives accountable for their commitments.

As I said before, the polarity tires me out. Hence this post.

The kNOTs in the Hazare Campaign

1. The Jan Lokpal bill itself

That the bill is too draconian by itself. That, while it tries to fight against the vested authority of the state, it assumes too much power by itself. I quote Tehelka, "It is too gargantuan; it centralises too much power in one institution; and it seeks to do too much. Several human rights and civil libertarian co-travellers have urged the Hazare team to achieve the same objectives through different means: most importantly, separate the oversight mechanism for the judiciary and grievance redressal from the Lokpal. The other contentious clause has been the inclusion of the prime minister under the Lokpal." One of criticism seems to be the grievance redressal powers of the Jan Lokpal. The suggestion has been to keep the bill restricted to anti-corruption alone. Moreover, the check on the Lok pal is said to be only the Supreme Court and not other structural mechanisms. I quote Shoma Chaudury, "The real trouble at the heart of the Jan Lokpal Bill as it was drafted by Anna Hazare’s team is that the structural changes it proposed relied heavily on a belief in the immaculate virtuousness of its champions. It deemed itself worthy of accruing immense, even unconstitutional, power because it believed itself to be incorruptible as individuals. Dangerously, personality had come to stand in for structure."

2. Do it my way, and Do it NOW

I guess, this is has been irritating, to say the least. Hazare started the August 16th fast with the "blackmail" that he would fast until death unless Parliament passed the Jan Lokpal Bill in this session and in its current form. That is where, powers of the parliament is being questioned and it is not democratic to usurp the policy/law making role of the parliament that too by a self elected civil society body. Also, one cannot ask for a bill to be passed without a debate and it is not fair to say, "debate for 4 days and pass it" , as Prashant Bhushan seems to be saying.

3. The politicians are bad people

The tone of the campaign is a little too distressing. For an apathetic middle class, pointing fingers at the politician comes easy. There have been ridiculous campaign emails going around, sometimes which even insults my intelligence. There is clearly a conscious strategy to vilify politicians. As a strategy, I think the Hazare team has used this to catch the imagination of the middle class and it was dot on target! However, in the larger scheme of things, it is short sighted to do that, considering that this legislation is only one small tool against corruption.

4. Tall tall tall tall claims

Pass the bill and corruption will reduce by 65%. Really?? This is just one piece of legislation. We should never forget that. This is one more weapon. It is not the end all of corruption. Such tall claims are just too misleading for a genuine campaign. Again, you insult my intelligence. There is no doubt, that there is the need for a strong anti corruption law, but that will not turn black into white in one day. The claim is complemented by the silence, my next point.

5. The Silence

For me, this has been the rather uncomfortable part of the campaign. If the middle class has been terribly disturbed by the 2G scam, I wonder why there is complete silence regarding the other side of the corruption game - the corporates. The Hazare campaign and the people supporting the movement have maintained a convenient silence about that. I quote Prakash Karat , " If you look at the growth of corruption in the last two decades, you can see it basically stemming from the nature of the economic regime in our country — this big business-politicians-bureaucrat nexus. The nexus comes from the fact that you have a State, a government that facilitates the takeover of resources and assets by big business and formulates policies accordingly. In every major corruption scandal there are corporates behind it.If you look at it purely as a matter of the corruption of an individual minister or a bureaucrat, you are missing the woods for the trees. To tackle corruption in the legislative, executive and judicial arms of the State, you have to make changes in the political system and this economic regime. You can’t have policies that facilitate this loot."

I wonder, how the middle class would respond to this. We would not dare to restrict corporates, would we? We need them. We adore them. Our future, depends on them.

6. Moral high ground of the middle class

We bribe. Somehow, in this campaign, there seems to be this complete washing off of our responsibility in this entire issue. The politicians want us to pay. Yes, they do. But dont we pay when we want an out of turn process. Dont we despise the wait? We want to speed up our papers, right? We want to run past that signal.We want to drink and drive. We dont want to wear that seat belt. For some time in life, lets take a good hard look at ourselves.

Then, there is this criticism about people making this, a facebook activism. There are jokes on those who go for the rally, and put up photos on facebook. Well, in this case, I think, the cynic is the joker here. If they have taken the pains to be on the street, for something that they believe in, it does become their movement. It is equally undemocratic to say, "your protest is not deep."

7. Media that chooses its campaigns

The media has been widely criticized for choosing its battles as per what sells to the middle class. This is not the only protest in the country. Irom's protest is now talked about, only because of the obvious lack of space it has in the mainstream media. I dont expect that everyone should voice their concern for Irom, but the media certainly needs to do that, right?

8. Who is associated with the campaign?

This is my biggest put off regarding the campaign. The day I saw religious leaders, RSS leaders on the stage with Hazare, alarm bells rang in my head. No way! I said. The last straw, was Hazare praising Modi. Then I saw, Ram Jethmalani placing his commitment for the cause. Yes, the same Ram Jethmalani who was the attorney for Kani Mozhi, Manu Sharma, Ketan Parekh, Harshad Mehta. I feared the day, he would be the legal advisor for the Lokpal.

Having said that, this article by Niveditha Menon, did make me think. "Any mass movement brings together disparate and sometimes starkly contradictory tendencies.", she says. I cannot say it better, when she says, "Our problem is that our search for purity is all too often an expression of deep insecurity. A friend said to me recently, “But don’t you see, the RSS can piggyback on Anna Hazare’s movement?” So why aren’t we piggybacking on it? What’s stopping us? The Hindu Right enters the movement against the Tehri dam, and promptly the Left forces move away, fearing pollution, leaving them a clear field. Another friend calls this the saffronizing of the green – could it not, if ‘we’ continued to be present there, become the greening of saffron?"

I guess, this is not an easy one to answer. The religious forces in this country have sometimes gone beyond our imagination in terms of their influence on the Indian mind. All religion based violence, India has seen seems to be very straightforwardly ridiculous and yet, we have seen it. The fear, I think, is therefore genuine.

Phew! This was not supposed to be an anti-Hazare post. I have something more to say!!!

The State is NOT a Saint

1. The Lokpal bill of the government

There have been sane voices in the media, which also point out the mal-intention of the government in the way, they have drafted the bill. I quote Tehelka

The Selection and removal process of the Lokpal is faulty, compromising its independence from the government
It creates provisions to penalise complainants for frivolous and vexatious complaints. This could lead to harassment of whistleblowers
It has no oversight mechanism for middle and lower bureaucracy
It has justifiably removed the higher judiciary from the ambit of the Lokpal. But the government makes no commitment for an effective Judicial Accountability and Standards Bill
It has a faulty and inadequate grievance redressal mechanism
The bill does not even mention the need to protect whistleblowers
Its definition of corruption is limited in scope and coverage
It makes no provisions for the creation of state Lokayuktas. This is a huge lacunae, as it will require individual agitations in every state to push this through

2. The State can be non-responsive

Lets not forget that. In the online media, the other side has now become this big protector and advocate for the state, completely forgetting that the state can be non-responsive too. If the media is criticized for not taking Irom's cause, so can the government be called to task. Why has Irom been fasting for ten years? Because the state refuses to engage. Why has the Maoist issue become this worse? Because the state refused to engage in dialogues and resorted to force. The state is no angel. If you think it was justifiable for the state to arrest Hazare for his campaign, however much you hate his methods, you are giving the state the power to curb any such campaign - and that includes people like Irom. The State went to fall at Baba Ramdev's feet, and responded to Hazare's demands ONLY because the camera was on them. If not, they would not. Therefore, while blaming the Hazare team for "blackmailing" the government with fast to death, you must realize that sometimes, the state will talk ONLY when such measures are resorted to. What is the right time for that measure, is a formula that every activist would love to learn!

2. Parliament should frame the bill, but sometimes, it just does not DO it

The biggest retort against the Hazare team has been that, they are taking the reigns of the parliament. Suddenly, there is this new found respect for the power of the Parliament, that they are supposed to make the law. Great! But this bill has been pending for 42 years. The Lokpal Bill has been introduced in the Parliament eight times in the past four decades. Remember the Women's Reservation Bill? It is lying the Parliament for more than 13 years. It is quite clear why these two bills dont pass in the Parliament. One is about holding themselves accountable and the other is about sharing power. There is certainly conflict of interest in both cases. It does sound ironical to see that those alleged with the crime are given the responsibility to design accountability mechanisms to curb it. Obviously 42 years! Lets not be naive. There are crooks in the Parliament. By the way, while I was researching on Ram Jethmalani, I realized that he was a Minister for three times! So, whether I wanted it or not, instead of being legal advisor, he could very well be the decision maker!

3. Civil Society has a role to play

We do follow a decentralized governance mechanism. It is true that it does not work the way it was meant to be, but hey, our democracy is designed for civil society interventions. The Gram Sabha in the village, is the highest form of civil society intervention. We are supposed to have a say in policies of this country. To say, that the parliament will make the laws, does not mean that we have no role. Ideally, we should be playing the role of the Hazare team for every single activity in our municipality and panchayat.

Then, the second question is about whether this team of civil society has been elected and whether it represents us or not. Maybe, it was not elected. But most certainly, the people on the streets who came to the Ram Lila Maidan, do think, Hazare represents them. Karan Thapar did say, that only "45%" of the people have heard about the bill, but last I remember, the voter turn out in Mumbai was around 40% for the municipal elections. Dont latch on to that one - i am just trying my hand on punch lines! The common man in Tamil Nadu did press the button and to vote out the corrupt DMK this time. So, yes. Democracy works!

But the point is, it is the ostrich phenomenon to say, that the Hazare campaign does not represent anyone or that it is a middle class "cheap thrill" mechanism.

I quote again from Niveditha, "He collapses all support to Hazare as emanating from the elite middle classes of the gated colonies with an exaggerated sense of their own entitlements. But what I see both on TV and around me in Delhi, is the outnumbering of those middle-classes by a sort of aspirational lower-middle-class-to-working class population, some of whom may sometimes go to KFC as a treat, but certainly not those with whom we would have a drink or engage with socially.............But there are also workers (auto drivers, dabbawalas, railway workers of MP).... Chandrabhan Prasad derisively said on a TV panel – where are the Dalits in that movement? And one girl in the studio audience stood up and said, ‘I’m Dalit, and there are many of us out there."

Finally, the ONLY reason the government is paying attention to this movement, is because it represents people and is afraid of losing power!

4. Complacency of UPA II

I borrow this point from a friend of mine. We have heard our prime minister moan about the banes of coalition politics many a time. Seriously, thats our problem??? You are our Prime Minister. Thats your job! Although, we would like to say that all politicians are corrupt, its not the complete truth. Many of our politicians in our mainstream parties are not corrupt (no allegations) - Manmohan Singh, A K Anthony, Kapil Sibal, Narendra Modi, Pranab Mukherjee, A K Advani and most of the politicians in the Left parties. (Religious fanaticism is not corruption.) However, the same cannot be said of the current coalition partners of the Congress today. Lalu Prasad Yadav, Amar Singh and the DMK have been known for their corrupt practices. We cannot expect them to hold the government accountable in their governance. Neither can we expect the congress to take immediate action, when these coalition partners are corrupt. The corrupt will have to be given space in the cabinet and be made ministers even when they are known to be corrupt. It is highly possible that the UPA turns complacent in this comfort zone of corrupt partners. Thus, there is a clear role for public uprising to make them uncomfortable. Ideally the opposition should be playing that role. But BJP has been silenced by its own dear Yeddy boy! Well, then who can play that role? Our parliamentarians only represent us. It does not mean, we dont have a voice. We could also hold the government accountable.

While the Lokpal Bill is not the be all and end all of corruption, this movement is most certainly an opportunity to question the norm. While the Hazare campaign has been often termed as a middle class entertainment, corruption is an issue that affects all classes of society as Niveditha says, "

"This movement is centrally about corruption, and corruption touches every single life in India. It touches the labourers whose muster rolls are faked, it touches the agricultural worker whose NREGA payment is swallowed up, it touches every poor undertrial and prisoner in jail on trumped up charges (was it surprising then, that the undertrials in Tihar fasted in solidarity with Anna?), it touches the farmer whose land is seized to be passed on to corporates, an issue mentioned by Anna Hazare in his speech at Ramlila Maidan (kisanon ki zameen zabardasti chheeni ja rahi hai)....And you tell me there is “no mention of poverty” in this movement?"

The polarity in this debate has been distressing. The hate campaigns at both sides are working strategically in terms of gaining momentum but most certainly lack vision. This is high time, to step back and take some constructive steps

"Instead of demonizing the bill Anna Hazare group and campaign, it [govt] should have understood that the JLB has critiques from extremely well meanning and thinking individuals from witihin the civil society itself. So in good faith, it should have broadened this debate. It can still do so. It can invite a much larger discussion on both drafts of the bill... The government's draft of the bill is an extremely bad intentioned and badly drafted bill and the Anna Hazare team is right to be angry. But because there own bill is faulty , he govt should be inviting a much larger debate on both drafts of the bill so that at the end, what this campaign will achieve is an exytremly well argued, rationalized piece of legislation which accomplishes the aims. And what are the aims? It is to be able to curb corruption by creating oversight mechanisms that are transparent, have no conflict of interest and have teeth. But that which is not centralized by itself. It is fairly easy to come up with such law like that if this debate happens in a less polarized and less angry environment. Today the initiative for that lies squarely in the govt.'s court and not necessarily in the Anna Hazare team, because it is for the govt to take the initiative and I hope in the days to come, that is what the govt will do."

If you reached till here, I'll let you enjoy this brilliant song from Pink Floyd - Us and Them

Always feels great to let it cool with Floyd :)

Me, and you
God only knows it's not what we would choose to do

....

Black and Blue
And who knows which is which and who is who

Up and Down
And in the end it's only round and round and round
Haven't you heard it's a battle of words

Buddha says, Smile :)

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 02:26:00 +0000

Warning: Long post ahead!

It is interesting that this post follows the previous one on neursoscience. Of course, I had read the book, particularly because I was expecting to write this post. The last few days of my life were spent on completing the 10day course on Vipassana, something I had wanted to do for many many years. It finally took a deadline, finally to get me to do the course. I was not sure, how the course would end up.

Would I even complete the course, given the tough requirements? Or would I quit mid way?

Based on other people’s response to the course, there was an expectation of a “feeling” by the end of the course? Would I get that feeling? How would I face the world, in case I don’t experience that? Ha! That was the funniest fear of them all. Imagine! One is about to attend a course on spirituality, and what an atrociously horrific expectation from a supposedly spiritual activity. However, I realized that reading this post, or other people’s experience about the course, would not really affect any one’s actual experience during those ten days. Therefore, this post, is just my experience in this spiritual journey.

Vipassana is supposedly the meditation technique that was discovered by the Buddha. This was the technique which helped him attain ‘enlightenment”. Buddha had gone to several teachers to attain the path to enlightenment. Not satisfied with any of the teachings, he had continued to do several experiments with himself, trying to seek answers to his quest. Details about the history of the technique and the course started by d S N Goenka can be seen in many videos here.

Liberation as I understood from these ten days

Live in the present:

In my very dilettante interest in spirituality, one of the things that I had always read about was that, one of the causes for unhappiness was that one’s thoughts always rested either in the past or the future. If we knew the art of living the moment, not many of our worries, would have much of a space in our lives. And yet, how easily said, than done! Many a technique, uses either a word (like Om) to rest our wandering mind. Vipassana however means, seeing things as they really are. This meant, that we were trained to still our mind by concentrating on our very natural breath. If one were regulating breath, there would have been some act happening, and concentration would have been a simpler task. But here, we were expected to still our minds by concentrating on an activity which we barely notice, everyday – breathing! It was funny, to say the least. I would start observing my breath….. suddenly I notice, I am thinking about the facebook update I would put up, once I reach back home. Thoughts wandered like crazy. Beautiful day dreams of the future and I would indulge in them. They felt so nice! Sometimes, tears would accompany some memory of a sad moment in the past. It was not traumatic for me, as much as it was, for some others, but the extent to which my thoughts could wander was a revelation.

Law of impermanence:

Most people, who have read even the basics of Buddha’s teachings, would have heard of how he preached that “desire was the cause of all misery.” This teaching was well explained through the law of impermanence in nature. When the person who desires and the object of desire, is in a constant notion of change, how can there not be disappointment, and consequent misery. If one develops feelings of aversion or craving for a changing object, it would indeed result in unhappiness. On the other hand, we ourselves are in the process of evolution, that we get bored of the things once we craved for. Craving, by itself, is what we crave for - the Buddha says.

Secondly, these feelings of craving and aversion become a reality in the form of several “impurities” such as anger, passion, greed, hatred and so on, the Buddha says. As long as one is alive, one would come in touch with objects of desire. Therefore, the path to enlightenment was to train ourselves, not to react to these objects of desire.

This too was not new. People have been saying this for years. Control anger. Control greed. Spread love and compassion. Let not sexual passion overcome one’s senses. And yet, this preaching remained as abstract words. How was one to control anger? How was one to control greed? Often it is said, one must divert one’s attention to something else. Or else, call it “suppression”. But it was going to be there within us, anyways. So, the Buddha says, “Don’t suppress. Don’t express. Just observe.”

For an enlightened one, observing anger at the moment of anger must have been possible. Observing one’s sexual passion as it arises during the moment would seem a reality. But for the ordinary person, this was an uphill task. Buddha’s contribution to spirituality was a technique which taught ordinary people a very experiential, practical method to “observe” these impurities as they occurred. Of course, the Buddha also says, this technique was not going to be a short cut but rather a path with the foundation of “good conduct”. Surely, one does not expect to lead an evil and negativity filled life and expect to be happy. Vipassana teaches one to practice the method of observing “body sensations” as manifestations of these “impurities”.

Our body, like any object of matter is made of atomic particles which are in constant motion. So, why look outside to understand the law of impermanence? If one were to gain enough concentration of the mind, we would be able to feel this constant mode of change happening within our bodies itself. So the Buddha says. Even within these ten days, one does start observing these body sensations. For some people, they start experiencing sensations throughout the body - quite a “nirvanic” feeling. And yet, a dangerous place to be in, because, this technique was not about making us feel good. It was about, us experiencing this constant state of impermanence happening within our own body. There are times, we might experience unpleasant sensations. One has to sit for an hour continuously to meditate – there could be numbness, there could be pain, there could be just the inconvenience of sitting still. How do we react to this unpleasant feeling? How do we react to the pleasant feeling of nirvana? Can we remain equanimous during these sensations as we experience them? Will we crave for “nirvana” and will we crib about the numb leg? Or will we tell ourselves, both these feelings are indeed impermanent. The “free flow through the body”, although pleasant, will die away. The numbness will dissolve. Why react to either, when they are going to change, anyways? Which is why, the idea of the nirvanic feeling was not important. It did not matter, whether one felt it or not. Ever heard of the phrase, “You cannot want nirvana. That would take you miles away from it.” Although, I have always understood it intellectually, here was a method that could help me experience, not wanting nirvana!

The idea is that as we practice Vipassana, daily, we train our mind not to react to these body sensations. Also, during our daily interactions, one would slowly train themselves to observe body sensations at moments of anger, passion or grief. Apparently, a practicing vipassana meditator will automatically start observing sensations and his mind would also have been trained, not to react to differing sensations.

I think, only a man/woman of great intelligence can convert abstract topics into simple, practical realities, which was best understood by the common man. Breath was converted to the most pristine form of present. Nirvana has been explained as an experience through body sensations

To me, that was Buddha at his best.

It sounded very practical to me. This was not a healing mechanism, but something which could become a way of life. Of course, there were many things which were appealing about the course. It was non sectarian. It was not an organized religion, neither did it portray itself as one. There were no rituals or rites. It was a course – that taught a technique.

It was not commercialized. This course is taught for free. A student of the course, should not donate. One is supposed to get the course, from the charity of others. The logic for this, was also interesting. One of the by products, or means of achieving enlightenment was the destruction of the immense attachment that one has to the “self”. During these ten days, one is supposed to live like a monk, with a begging bowl – how small should be one’s ego to beg, right? However the course is run on the donations of older students. If one feels that one has benefited from the course, one could donate. The non commercial aspect of the course was highly appealing to me. The course was also conducted in a rather, simplistic and low cost method. There is really no secret about the course, unlike some other forms. Which is why, you would find a lot of material on Vipassana in the net. We could talk about the technique. After all, the idea was to spread it anyways!

Love and Vipassana

As I said before, my mind wandered quite a lot. Somewhere in the middle of the course, I was thinking, “I like most of the things about the course. But not to react to anything? Not even to love? Was not the feeling of utmost passion of the feeling of love, a celestial feeling by itself? Was that not nirvanic? Even when one loses out on love, and is unhappy to the core, would one ever trade the experience, for a state of calm?” Somehow, I felt that I was not aligned to Buddha’s notion of love. When it came to love, maybe I should turn to Krishna. I have never understood the character, completely, but he seemed to be spreading so much love in the world.

I got an answer, somewhere along the way during the course.

That, I was being deeply dishonest, when I said, that I loved someone else. The truth hit me, when during one of the discourses, Mr. Goenka said, “We only love ourselves.” Even the love that one professes for one’s child is born from self-love with an expectation of a favour in return. Why was I anxious when my “object of love” does not call? Why was I dejected, when the person I love does not return my passion? What was it about me, that I express anger over his flirting with someone else? Was it love, care or compassion for him? Of course, not. It was indeed, all about me. When my professed love was centred around me, what was the logic of my getting tremendously depressed about an act of self interest from the other end. I was doing the same, in the pretence of “love”!

Possibly, this was my biggest take away from the course. As I have said before, the delusion of love, has often left me indulge in a vortex of self pity and sorrow. If only I realize that it was only caused by my own self love!

Then, does this mean that there is no space for love and compassion?

The Buddha says, once we realize this truth of attachment to self, we would have started the true journey of love. If we can be aware of this self love, that was determining our professed love and thus change, that would lead the path to true love. Nirvanic! Maybe, Krishna and Buddha may not have been too different in their notions of love, after all.

To me, this “object of love” also represents my yardstick in the journey of spirituality. There is no other person/object/situation that brings the range of emotion that this one person can. Love, hate, compassion, jealousy, passion, regret, guilt, care, pity and self pity – you name it and I would have felt it. There is not going to be better space to measure one’s growth in this journey ;-)

Spirituality and Science

Here, I tread into dangerous paths. As long as, I would have played along in the field of spirituality, the scientists would not have bothered. They would feel that, this was one more person in the irrational world, among the many other stupid ones. Maybe, they are right.

However, VS’s book and this course seemed to run in parallel in my head. What were the sensations that the Buddha was talking about? Even VS had talked about how “pain” was often felt in the phantom arm due to earlier conditioned signals. Was there a mental aspect to pain? Can these sensations be explained through neurons and brain imaging techniques?

To me, this would open up the possibility of a health regime for the mind. Like physical exercises that one does for the body why isn’t there a mental exercise for the mind or the brain, as one would like to call it? Instead of “curing” mental diseases using strong external medicines, why shouldn’t one build a preventive method into one’s lives? Meditattion is suggested by many doctors today also, but that is supposedly, the unscientific part of the doctor who suggests this, isn't it? It is not an accepted medical possibility.

Personally for me, I would need to try out Vipassana and see if there are indeed positive effects in my life. Even if it worked, I think, there are two categories of people, this would not reach. One is the fanatically religious sections, who cannot imagine the idea of “not asking for favours from a god” and thus following rituals. This technique does not offer the comforts of a false hope. It says, things may happen outside which is sometimes beyond our expectation. But unhappiness is created by ourselves, within our minds and bodies and we could unlearn that habit. Second, is the scientific community, which would not accept anything that is not explained rationally or proved. If only, one could explain the results if any, it could reach to both these larger population sections.

Although Goenka says, it is a scientific method there were some unanswered links. He also talks about accumulated karmas of past life and speaks of liberation in the context of cycles of lives. Also, he talks about how our earlier reactions of anger, passion and greed can be removed from our body through this technique. I am not sure how such things happen. Thankfully, he is aware of a rational mind’s discomfort to such declarations. So he says one can choose not to believe.

One need not look at it as a path towards enlightenment or liberation.

But surely, we all yearn to be happy, don’t we? It does seem worth a try.

The Tell Tale Brain

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 13:43:00 +0000

The Tell Tale Brain : Unlocking the Mystery of Human Nature is neuroscience simplified.
By the way, this is not a review:)

After I read the first chapter, I thought this book would be a life changing experience. Having read the book, I realize it is not.

But the interesting part of the book was this realization itself. That one need not expect life changing experiences to grow, in life. After all, the story of our existence is attributed to evolution, isn't it?

I quote the author when he says,

By comparison, the sciences of the mind-psychiatry, neurology, psychology-languished for centuries. Indeed, until the last quarter of the twentieth century, rigorous theories of perception, emotion,cognition and intelligence were nowhere to be found. For most of the twentieth century, all we had to offer in the way of explaining human behaviour was two theoretical edifices - Freudianism and behaviorism -both of which would be dramatically eclipsed in the 1980s and 1990s, when finally neuroscience finally managed to advance beyond Bronze Age...... In the last decade we have even seen neuroscience becoming self-confident enough to start offering ideas to disciplines that have traditionally been claimed by humanities"

I started reading this book specially for the last chapter - An Ape with a Soul:How Introspection Evolved.

I was trained in human resources management for two years. During those two years, we spend a lot of time learning about self awareness. We also learned Freud. Freud actually gave me some answers to my own shortcomings.
Oh, by the way, shortcomings ? How do I know that?
Those two years started my journey of self reflection and introspection. So, some of us really did 'learn' self awareness through training. Consequently, my faith in psychology was strengthened and I started believing in it. Many people have questioned the value that HR can add to companies, especially from the point of view of behavioural changes. The debate that led me to the book was actually about a base to those organization behaviour theories - psychology.

But this book does not negate psychology as I thought it would, but rather makes it far more precise; or so I felt. For many, psychology appears to be some sort of a mumbo jumbo, something that does not seem "exact" and therefore very difficult to prove.
After all, if I were to discuss the motivation behind money with someone, they might find the two factor theory too simplified. And yet, if we were to look around, and study why people took the decisions that they did, regarding the choice of employer, there would seem to be many more different parameters. As someone who genuinely believes in such theories, I often find myself frustrated, when the other person, just does not "get" it. It was too vague and had a very high probability of being wrong. There were too many gaping holes, so it was felt.
As I said, I started reading this book, to understand the opposite argument. It turned out to be a kind of an explanatory argument. I am excited, mostly because it helps me communicate abstract topics to the so called left brained ones, who need science to explain all the phenomena in the world.

I promise. I am not making fun. Not after reading this book. Science has suddenly become so much fun. (Although I admit, I ceremoniously went past any word that sounded liked reticular formation, corpus callosum, cerebral cortex etc) At the same time, this book also acknowledges several unanswered questions even within neuroscience. There are a million mysteries about the human mind, and the human species continues to be interesting. Don't worry ;-)

Although, a curiosity to know the argument lead to the book, I stumbled upon something truly remarkable, that simplified a rather abstract, but important topic for me: Spirituality

I am not sure if the author meant to communicate that or even considers the subject as something worth spending time on. It is important to me and looks like I strive to find answers, even in science.

One of the constant quests in spirituality has always been the attempt to take the "I" out of the equation. Theoretically, the idea is clear to me. Real freedom is when I am free of the "I" - a very difficult proposition indeed. Especially because, it seems so abstract. How does one do it? After all, even the existence of this world, depends on 'my' perception of it.
What this book did for me, was to make it simple.

"Imagine: The only thing separating your consciousness from another's might be your skin."

The best part about the book, for me, was how it "ridicules" (for lack of a better word) our tendency to consider ourselves 'important' enough to protect our privacy and independence. (Goodness. This is brilliant. I am mocking "independence" in this blog) The author says that people feel let down when they are informed that their "conscious self emerges "simply" from the mindless agitation of atoms and molecules in their brains." I don't. I feel liberated; for it is thus proved in understandable terms that the "idea of I" is indeed an illusion.

Let me leave you with yet another quote from the book:

"Despite its vehement tendency to assert its privacy and independence, the self actually emerges from a reciprocity of interactions with others and with the body it is embedded in. When it withdraws from society and retreats from its own body it barely exists; at least not in the sense of mature self that defines our existence as human beings"

Hope I made it clear. Don't miss the experience. Find a copy, today. Whether you like science, art, humour or even emotions,this book has it all.

Four Minutes

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 17:35:00 +0000

Beautiful

Radical

Why the declaration, "I am not a feminist"?
C.S. Chandrika in Mathrubhoomi Weekly 17th April 2011

Ya..... Life.

CSAAM April 2011 - I was a good girl

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 14:56:00 +0000

After 12 days of tussling with the idea, I have finally decided to write. I have been re-tweeting a number of tweets on Child Sexual Abuse(CSA) by @CSAAwareness and the survivor stories shared in the CSA blog. Last time I wrote about CSA, I received a comment asking me whether I was being paranoid. At that point, I really did not have the courage to say exactly what I felt like saying. But this time, having read all the stories in the CSA blog, I think its time to tell my friends why I am not being paranoid about CSA, when I talk about it.

To begin with, let me share a poem, I wrote a few years back. It was to be published in book named "Sheher" but the project was stalled. (blowing my own trumpet ;-)). "Sheher" would have been a collection of urban poetry by Indian women. My submission seems to be quite apt to be shared here. Mind you, I dont write poetry, but I wrote this.

I thought I was a good girl

I thought I was a good girl
Mummy counted till ten
I finished my milk on eight
So given to authority
I was my teacher's pet

Dad's friend dropped by
Stayed home, a few days
Dark corners, beneath the stairs
Even the sacred pooja room
Were the gods watching?

He was nice and soft
But most of all
I remember he taught me
A few new things
Funny, it felt
Dont know what it meant
It wasn't bad
It was just numb and queer
Numb and queer!
Didn't know these words then
Language betrayed.
I could not tell mom
I just drank the milk
That was long ago
He still hangs around
In different forms
I am thinking, I can’t decide
Can I blame him? Or him? Or him?Can I?
Because, you know,
I thought I was a good girl
I finished my milk on eight

I shall refrain from saying anything about the abuse per se, only because its not important. Consider me saying, "been there, done that" and I would not wish it even on an abuser's child. Only to answer those who still doubt whether its all a big noise, I would like to tell you that I had the misfortune of having encountered two abusers over a sustained period of time before I was 10 and I know it started sometime when I was 4. Also consider many of the items on the checklist ticked - the abusers were known members of the family, i did not talk about it and kept it secret, the abuse continued with other children in the family and when shared with some elder cousins, was scoffed off as our imagination. Nightmares and a few other long term impacts do keep me company. I hope you do not brush past the blogs and tweets like its another "cause". It happens, close to us, and it leaves a scar that one takes a lifetime to deal with.

In a few weeks time, I am 'turning 30'. Yuck! I hate it. Well, that is for another post ;-). But if there is something I am glad about the grey hair on my head, its this - that many of my issues are no longer just mine and therefore the need to share. You, the reader, needs to know that, a person you knew, has been abused. Its much closer home. Get that, if you can. And therefore this post is also more about the healing process rather than about the abuse itself.

The first thing I have to tell you is that, I no longer feel like a victim. Seriously. Which is why I loved this movie too - Hard Candy. It is a 2005 psychological thriller film focusing on the confrontation between an assumed sexual predator and a not so innocent 14-year-old girl. See this movie to realise that the abuser is not necessarily a social outcast or a slimy old man. It could be someone as handsome as Patrick Wilson

Ellen Page, like always, is brilliant and you will wish every girl was as intelligent. Ya, although, not as violent! "Just because a girl knows how to imitate a woman, does not mean that she is ready to do what a woman does" She says. The movie is wonderful because it understands the nuances and the complexities that often shrouds child sexual abuse and the many excuses that abusers have. There is no excuse and when a fourteen year old tells you that - the message is clear.

Here's a scene from the movie.

I have felt as angry but not anymore. My first step in the healing process was when I attended the World Social Forum in Bombay in the year 2004. I guess, I naturally wandered into a stall on child sexual abuse and saw a movie. I think I realised for the first time, that I was not alone and felt how empowered one could feel by talking about it openly. It was an education for me. That, what happened was not something I needed to be ashamed about. The healing process had begun. In TISS, it became further easy as there were several social work students, who were dealing with victims of abuse and talking about it, became further normal. There are a few more battles to be won. But the biggest hurdle of 'guilt' is crossed, I think. I would also not hesitate to take professional help like counseling or therapy.

Why am I writing this post?

I have to admit. Its difficult.

And yet, I think its time for families to read. I am not too sure how my family will respond. I have seen them and many like them, so disturbed at the mention of sexual abuse, that I am scared, they may not respond well, given a situation. You would read in the CSA Awareness blog that your reaction to a victim's first disclosure is CRITICAL. Your own comfort in discussing these issues is what will even enable him/her to talk about the issue if the child happens to go through such an experience. Stop being an ostrich. Open up to the issue.

If you are someone who has gone through abuse, I hope you realise you can survive it too. I hope you will take professional help, if that is what is needed for leading a normal life. I hope, you know, you dont have to live with depression, eating disorders, low self esteem and intimacy issues in your relationship. I hope you know, you dont have to wait till 30 to start talking about it. Most importantly, I hope you will stop feeling and behaving like a victim. Get on with life. If possible, heal. If you can, take responsibility to spread the message and save our children. That too, can help you heal. It helped me. It is not about us anymore. It is about the safety of our children.

If you know me personally, that's fine too. I hope you realize it happens in our world. If possible, refrain from judging.

I repeat. Its not about me, anymore.

--------------------------------------------------------

This post comes as part of the Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month – April 2011 blog. The CSAAM April 2011 is an effort by a group of bloggers, both parents and non parents, to bring this topic to the fore, to generate discussion and awareness and remove the shroud of silence that covers it. To participate, you could link your facebook note to their facebook page, you could mail them your contribution at csa.awareness.april@gmail.com or you could write in your blog with their badge and link it to the main blog, like I've done here. You could also follow them at @CSAAwareness in twitter. Anonymous contributions are accepted and requests for anonymity will be honoured. Please do write to csa.awaresness.april@gmail.com with the necessary links so that your posts do not get lost.

Take a look at their home page: http://csaawarenessmonth.wordpress.com/ You will also find information about several organisations working in the area of CSA. Please do reach out.

If you are parent, Parents Handbook on Pre venting CSA could be handy. This too is available in the resources section in the CSA Awareness blog.

As an appendix, find below a list of some of the tweets from CSA Awareness, It gives you a one glance information about what is an abuse, how you can detect abuse, long term impacts of CSA, some tips of dealing with CSA once you detect it and how to prevent CSA. The numbers given here, are based on the study conducted by RAHI. The study, titled Voices from the Silent Zone, is a research report based on the statistics of 600 women who share their experiences of CSA.

If you have something to share and dont have a blog, I will be happy to let you do a guest post here.

Take care :)

India are World Champions: World Cup 2011

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 21:26:00 +0000

I am sheepish here. For the last few weeks, I spend many tweets cursing all the noise around cricket. And yet, the excitement took over. So, years from now, to remind myself, I was so bloody happy for a master blaster of a team, this post is here.

April 2nd 2011, India took the world cup back, in style and....I witnessed it!
(this is to make my children, grand children, future nieces and nephews, friends' children and grandchildren jealous)

To remind myself, that I loved Gautam Gambhir for his cool 97, that this man went slow and steady knowing well, the need for the singles and the doubles...

To remind myself, that this was a finals of equals and that, Mahela Jayawardene from Sri Lanka, too was awesome...

And that Dhoni said this at the presentation when Ravi Shastri asked him about how he was responding to critics about his not so great performance for the previous games. In the finals, Dhoni came out with a brilliant 91.
The conversation was something like this:

Ravi: Is this a good way to ask people to shut up?
Dhoni: Well..... in India, that would be considered rude!

Of course, to remind me, that sometimes, sports can do what nothing else can :)

When Radha loves

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 18:06:00 +0000

Falling in love is like taking a chance. You have to do it, because you have to do it.If one were to be logical about loving another, it just cannot be “love” isn’t it?

"Yethai Kaetta pothum thara koodume
Uyir kooda unakkaay vida koodume
Tharikindra porulaay kaathal illai
Thanthaale kaathal, kaathal illai”

Four beautiful lines from an otherwise average movie named Kaathal Desam about two friends falling in love with one girl. In these lines, one friend addresses the other and when translated, the lines read like this:

“I would give anything you ask for
I could even give my life
Love is not a ‘thing’ for me to sacrifice.
If I could sacrifice, it must not have been‘love’ at all”

The theme was old, but the response was new.

Over time, I too realised that, love cannot be sacrificed – even for the lover. What is love, at the end of the day? Is it the overwhelming need to posses the other? Is it the passionate need to belong completely? Is it the headiness of being important to someone else? Or is it simply ‘love’, an unexplainable feeling?

We have heard it a million times that passion and love for another, can sometimes make us do, irrational things, the height of which is seen when love is unreciprocated. Man becomes exceedingly optimistic, deludes himself to the extent of destruction and will wreak his head to find solutions to the unsolvable ‘indifference’ of the other.

"If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days." - Sylvia Plath

Heavens be with you, if you are a thinking individual because, equally neurotic is love that fails for you. You would have read great people say, that to love someone else, is to see them happy. If losing out on your ‘love’ is what makes your beloved happy, what would you do? Do you love them enough to let them go?

You would forever run between Edgar Linton and Healthcliff (Wuthering Heights). After all, Heathcliff is cruel in love. How can someone love another and bring such hurt to that person, one wonders.(of course one will wonder so, when not in love). And yet, having recognised Linton’s presence during saner times, we go through a traumatic experience of dealing with these equally wonderful characters live in our own head. Who should I be? The torn intelligent lover thinks. After all, it was Healthcliff who continued to bring so much life and passion into Catherine’s life while she was taken good care by Linton. Aah!

I wish I did not have such logic running in my head. I wish I had not read Siddhartha and convince myself that the truth lies in the NOW and therein lies my karma. I wish I did not think, it was a possibility for me to submit to life, with Que Sera Sera. I wish Egyptians and Libyans were not fighting for their freedom, that I feel unworthy for mourning over love. Its criminal – my mind tells me.

I also wish I did not remember, how beautiful I felt when loved or relate completely with Kamala Suraiyya when she says, that a woman would be the most beautiful when she is in love or is being loved.

Someone as foolish (by my rational mind) as Radha seems like the heroine that I was forever in search of. I tell myself that female centric movies and stories need not be the aggressive, independent and strong women alone. What about this love struck, emotional girl who pursues her illicit relationship with Krishna, who at the end of the day, leaves for Mathura. He is also said to be passionately in love with Radha and yet, not many stories talk about their love being formalised. Kamala Suraiyya’s short story compilation The Sandal Trees had a story named Letter from Radha.

Radha tells Krishna,

“You whom I love more than anything else, in your embrace I have always been pure. And chaste. It was not for a physical touch that I came to you. I had felt that deep within my skin and flesh and bones, there was something lonely and vulnerable, something that awaited a magic touch.

…..

Say at least now, don’t you love me?

Your lips drew a red word on my thigh. Was it ‘Yes’? Who knows? I never knew peace of mind. And I never knew rest since falling into this world of terrifying love- a world bright as the sun, though.

-----

O my beautiful Krishna, you were my joy and pain. … Even as you make love to your lovely queens in prosperous Mathura a hundred miles away, you are mine in a mysterious way. It is my love that drives those beautiful women to you. And my unquenchable desire.”

Wish, someone makes a movie on Radha.

A few years back, my About Me read “Comfortably numb”. I had decided to be a cynic in the affairs of the heart. Maybe it was a mask. Who cares? It protected and that felt secure. I was told, “ Comfortably numb? You are painstakingly sensitive, sweet friend” Along the way, I shed the garb leaving myself naked, vulnerable and real like a new wound. Love is a peculiar feeling too. You will feel foolish and beautiful at the same time. That's an awkward combination. It is amazing how a lover can turn into a stranger in a single night. It is incredible to watch feelings change. But the biggest astonishment, is your response: The free mind which fell in love, now treads cautiously over every word? Will this turn the table? Will this change their mind? And yet, when the mind is made, the slightest trigger will end the game anyway. Even when you expected it all along and made wise statements of knowing how to take it when it comes, the alien at the other side of the world, overwhelms you.

Blue valentine

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 19:33:00 +0000

Three more days and February comes to an end.
And not a poem from Neruda ;-)

But I did watch Blue Valentine, this February.

"How do you trust your feelings when they can just disappear like that?"
"I think the only way you can find out is................... to have the feeling"

Not all of us will be ready for the movie though. A little too real and raw. Scenes that travel from the past and the present, like it happens in our mind, in life - like how when lovers break up, they cannot resist thinking about the day they first met, kissed and made love. The feeling that you leave after the movie is the feeling that you perceive of their relationship, however you see it. I left the movie with no emotion - surprising for a story of love, and I think, that's what makes it special.

When love happens or breaks, you don't really have to shout out loud, do you? And however sad the relationship is/was, there are moments and for some, a song.

Maybe you should catch the movie.
PS: Michelle Williams has been nominated for Best Actress for the Oscars. Of course, no surprise.

Lest I forget

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 14:25:00 +0000

2010, is a year I should not forget. In fact, I have been trying to jot down this post for the past one month and it has been a colossal failure. Therefore, on the first day of this year 2011, let me just write. Hopefully, in the process, I may as well articulate what I have been trying for so long.

I wrote the decade post in the beginning of 2010. As I think further, I am glad that I am done with that post. For, at this point, I am done with my regrets, indecision and confusions, for now. Well, at least, I dont seem to have much time for that. Frankly, from where I was, it is a good place to be. I am still an introspective person, but I think I have grown a little further from 2009, when I was filled in a blanket of self pity and some such crap.One great lesson learnt - Self Pity is the worst place to be in, EVER.

Sometimes in life, we don't even recognise our life lessons. I realised mine through a peculiar source - the book, Eat, Pray and Love, when I started to find the book, boring. A year back, I would have loved the book, and identified with the author - something, many women seem to have felt. Her tendency to act like a "victim"and be engrossed in a continuous state of helplessness started becoming claustrophobic for me. I don't think, I want her company any more. I found myself telling her, "Ok. Fine. Move On!"

2010 has been that for me. Moving On! While I say this, I also believe everyone needs some time to be upset.

Considering my recent affiliation to amnesia, in a few years, I might portray this year as one
1. where I was "following my heart" as if, the heart had this super savvy GPS directing me (if I land up decently happy with myself in some years)
2. where I was courageous enough to try (if i fall flat on my face like I did in some other situations )

Which it clearly was not!
What I do not want to forget about this year, was that, it was/is not easy. The question remains, if tackling a personal problem with a professional channel is a good strategy, but what the heck! Anything that helps you come out of a vicious circle of self victimization is good.

This year, I left my "secure"!$!@! corporate job. Has been a terrifying experience. Having got used to a regular flow of decent salary and the assurance of the best medical care, the highway has been scary. For a long time, I spend months worrying how my savings could be washed off by one medical emergency till my brother said "Stop cribbing and buy health insurance". Its amazing to what extent of pessimism, one can exhibit in life.

I wanted to write this post for eternity, because I don't want to forget that I was afraid- for two reasons. Either to realise that fear was unnecessary and that it will work out in the end OR have that excuse to fail.(what is success, by the way?)

Most importantly, to refrain from any sense of arrogance regarding my "choice", because at this point, my choice is not supported by any grand vision, even if I may claim that later ;-) Therefore it could as well be what my family sometimes thinks it is - random, hasty and impulsive. However, the last six months, has exposed me to some great ideas, innovations , talent and certainly commitment. Friends and family often voice this assumption that it is those set of people with deep pockets who can afford to contribute to society. Having met some "unknown" greatness, both in terms of capacity and commitment , there are enough people to prove those assumptions wrong.

There is much to be inspired by.

Hopefully, the vision will emerge.
2011 seems like a nice number ;-)
Have fun and hope you have a wonderful year ahead.

The Sunset of the Century

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Sat, 30 Oct 2010 04:25:00 +0000

(Written in Bengali on the last day of the century)

The last sun of the century sets amidst the blood-
red clouds of the West and the whirlwind of hatred.

The naked passion of self-love of Nations, in its
drunken delirium of greed, is dancing to the
clash of steel and the howling verses of vengeance.

The hungry self of the Nation shall burst in a
violence of fury from its own shameless feeding.
For it has made the world its food,
And licking it, crunching it, and swallowing it in big morsels,
It swells and swells

Till in the midst of its unholy feast descends the
sudden shaft of heaven piercing its heart of grossness.

The crimson glow of light on the horizon is not the
light of thy dawn of peace, my Motherland.
It is the glimmer of the funeral pyre burning to
ashes the vast flesh, -- the self-love of the
Nation,-- dead under its own excess.
Thy morning waits behind the patient dark of the East,
Meek and silent

Keep watch, India.
Bring your offerings of worship for that sacred sunrise.
Let the first hymn of its welcome sound in your
voice, and sing,
"Come, Peace, thou daughter of God's own great suffering.
Come with thy treasure of contentment, the sword of fortitude,
And meekness crowning thy forehead."

Be not ashamed, my brothers, to stand before the
proud and the powerful
With your white robe of simpleness
Let your crown be of humility, your freedom the
freedom of the soul.
Build God's throne daily upon the ample bareness
of your poverty
And know that what is huge, is not great and pride
is not everlasting.

- Rabindranath Tagore in Nationalism

Just went back to this when I was reminded of the virtue of anti-nationalism and of a feeling, that goes beyond patriotism.

Did not want to do a search again. Tagore in my blogger for eternity :)

True Love

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 13:30:00 +0000

True Love. Is it normal
Is it serious, is it practical?
What does the world get from two people
Who exist in a world of their own?

Placed on the same pedestal for no good reason,
drawn randomly from millions but convinced
it had to happen this way - in reward for what?
For nothing.
The light descends from nowhere
Why on these two and not on others?
Doesn't this outrage justice? Yes it does.
Doesn't it disrupt our painstakingly erected principles,
and cast the moral from the peak? Yes on both accounts.

Look at the happy couple
Couldn't they at least try to hide it,
fake a little depression for their friend's sake?
Listen to them laughing - its an insult.
The language they use - deceptively clear.
And their little celebrations, rituals,
the elaborate mutual routines -
It's obviously a plot behind the human race's back!

Its hard even to guess how far things might go
If people start to follow their example.
What could religion and poetry count on?
What would be remembered? What renounced?
Who'd want to stay within bounds?

True love. Is it really necessary?
Tact and common sense tell us to pass over it in silence,
like a scandal in life's highest circles
Perfectly good children are born without its help.
It couldn't populate the planet in a million years,
it comes along so rarely.

Let the people who never find true love
Keep saying that there's no such thing.

Their faith will make it easier for them to live and die.

~ Wislawa Szymborska

Nope. I am not theorising anymore. Poetry on a sunday evening.

Writing a Love Story

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 07:20:00 +0000

I want to write a love story. Seriously. A deep intense love story, with a happy ending. Philosophical crap can call anything happy, but this story would not be like that. It will have a conventional happy ending. They live happily ever after. I want them to live happily, with a tinge of naughtiness, with an energy that looks forward to life and complete with a passion for life which is different from the normal high pitched, noisy, emotional one. Of course, humour is all over the place.

The story needs a plot. Well, that means, there should be something that does not go well. Things go well, at the end, because this story has a happy ending. Hmm, so where does it go wrong? I want to have a nice beginning too. Because, the happy ending is not a figment of their imagination but which springs out of their history. So, happy, romantic beginning too.

So, what goes wrong in the middle of the story? Violence is not my cup of tea. So, no accident, no villain dads who hire gundas and no war too. I also cannot go against my basic belief that people are essentially good and therefore, there are no evil aunts, brothers or friends who spoil it for them intentionally. Well, my characters are intelligent and are open to ideas (read complicated). So, that would be it.

That's the plot. They have got to spoil it for themselves. After all, the biggest bane of my generation is this complexity. Almost everyone I know, thinks that they are complicated. Therefore, for one, if I write a love story about complicated people, chances are, everyone would identify with it.

Well, the feel of it - I come to Vinnai Thandi Varuvaaya. I don't know, why some people did not like the movie, but the feeling throughout the movie is the feeling of my love story. I just loved Silambarasan in that movie - pretty much the hero of my love story. Calm, passionate, creative and can make the most sarcastic dialogues ever. Maybe my character would be even more sarcastic. Trisha's characters is also quite interesting. Maybe, I would add a little more humour in their relationship. Too serious for me. Maybe they need to have some more fun. Maybe tease each other a little more.

But as in the movie, indecisiveness is my theme as well. Maybe make it a little more complicated than just another orthodox christian dad. Maybe have the Ramayan theme as the complication? Rama has always been criticised for suspecting Sita and there are several versions of Rama's justification. However, in none of the versions, has Rama himself suspected Sita. In my story too, I am wondering, how it would be, if Rama does not suspect but remains indecisive (unlike the Ramayan). And as is relevant for our generation, the Sita need not be "Sita".

So, they separate and then they get together. Seriously, they have to get back together. I loved VTV's ending(Spoiler Alert) where the director just broke my heart when we get to know, that they are not together. But in my story, they do get back together. So, will it be like Love Aaj Kal.? Will it be like Love in the Time of Cholera? or KANK? or Hum Tum? Love in the time of Cholera makes them wait for ages, and KANK is evil and negative. Hum Tum and Love Aaj Kal was cute. I like cute.

Seriously, I cant imagine, that in our times, with innumerable social networking sites, it is possible not to know whats happening to each other. Actually its possible, but not for my characters who are very very savvy with the internet. So, they know how the other person is doing. They need not be in touch, but they certainly are not out of mind or sight of each other ;-)

So, they have to meet and find love again. That is the whole point of this love story. Not sure. how to make that happen, though! But wherever they meet, its going to be a beautiful place. Somewhere along the story, we shall find them a Paris for memory and a Chile to find love again ;-)

Photo : Courtesy

So, while I think of that, why don't you watch this scene from Vinnai Thandi Varuvaaya.

Train, conversations and kisses, the moment in life, begins for the characters.
This scene defenitly has a space in my love story, with all due credits to Gautham Menon for this poetry

PS: Sorry about this post. Overdose of VTV yesterday night :) but in case you want to add something, please feel free.

On giving, collective and community

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 17:31:00 +0000

A long time ago, I wrote about the experience of staying alone. Well, nothing has changed. I pretty much feel the same ;-) except that, I am getting a little closer to what a person like me, is missing out. Change in plans have now got me studying about community organisations and collectives. Collectives, in some weird explanation can be said to be the opposite of "staying alone" . More like saying, "none of us are alone". In another post in this blog, some readers have made me think or rethink about my incessant stress on individualism. The last few months just gave me more startling evidence, of how, I could have been wrong.

When 38 US billionaires pledged 50% of their wealth to charity, a number of questions were raised. What about our Indian billionaires?

And yet from another direction, I also heard people say, that the poor were far more charitable than the rich, in any case. In the channel Star Vijay, there was a show on Agaram Foundation, a charitable organisation founded by the tamil actor Suriya for the cause of education. It was an interesting programme and the high point of the show was when one of the participants introduced a boy named Aravind, a beneficiary of the foundation and who had secured the highest marks in his school. It seems the school felicitated him with Rs 1 lakh for his achievement. But that's not the point -Aravind called up Agaram foundation and decided to donate that 1 lakh to the foundation!!! Not even in my dreams, would I ever do that!

What is it about the poor, that makes them more 'charitable' than the rich?

You often say, "I would give, but only to the deserving."

The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture.

They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish.

- Kahlil Gibran

This is no MGR movie type post, where the rich need to be called evil and poor as the angels. I can't do that either. But, it is true that the poor are far more open to giving than the rich are. Maybe, Kahlil Gibran did not mean it that way, but my own hypothesis is that in his words, lies the answer - it is their most feasible strategy of survival. Coming back to Aravind, he did not say, high sentimental stuff about, being indebted to Agaram. He rather made a wise decision. He said, " I want to give to Agaram. I want to continue to benefit from associating with Agaram". Similarly, for the poor, being charitable to people in need, is the only way, of ensuring that there is someone, who would lend a hand, when they need help.

Individualism has been and is a way of life for me. I still cannot bear to be in a room filled with people for more than a hour and I cannot imagine living by the rules of a group - whoever they are. And yet, it would be my fallacy if I am not able to appreciate the goodness of being in a collective and what one loses out from being an "individual".

Apart from the act being together in a family, there is an act of being together in a community. Frankly, I have NEVER done that, in my life. Last few months, I got the opportunity of meeting some women, who were taking ownership of their community. These women in the villages, strongly believe that their well being comes from the well being of people around. Women, sacrificing their money, for the community - and you will wonder why????? Thankfully, there is someone in my office to tell me, not to take the judgemental stand of "knowing" what is right for them. They know it best. Maybe I have never experienced the power of the community and therefore it is my "ignorance" rather than knowledge.

In a society which is bound by political rules beyond the individual, it is through the collective that one can find expression. By being an individual, one of the many things I lose out, is in that expression in the overall political framework. It is specially relevant in a country like India, where the individual mechanisms of expression have not matured enough. I have to admit, that the RTI is a step forward in that direction but that would not be enough. Today, individuals cannot raise their teeny voice against a BIG brother of a system. I am not sure, if the black and white letters on the blogs are also enough - but I guess they add to it.

And of course, this kind of individualism, leaves no sense of security in our mind and therefore, we hoard wealth, thinking, that wealth is only way of securing our future. No wonder, insurance policies have bloomed in our generation. We dont think, we can trust anyone else for our future. We can only trust our younger self, to help us. As the HDFC ad says, "Sar uttakke jeeyo" , as if, expecting help is an embarrassment. You know what, maybe it is!

I have to admit, all the above is a theoretical thing in my head. I have my insecurities looming over my head, for most part of the day. And yet, I have to admit - the smartest decision I took in 2009, was to take my house, within 5 mins from my bro's place. Sometimes, having him close by, is the best part of my life. That's for another post - as to why I like Bangalore now? He definitly figures in one of the reasons ;-)

Ending with Gibran again :)

For in truth, it is life that gives unto life- while you, who deem yourself a giver, are but a witness

Chance

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 16:26:00 +0000

Leaving it to chance is not possible, when you want it so much! Thats pretty much what I am trying to do right now. Planning the possibility of chance - fundamentally flawed, logically.

Maybe that is the thing about hope. You spend the whole damn time planning it out, hoping that all the pawns are at the right place - the taxi is on time, the light turns green on the dot, and the bloody traffic does not alter your calculation. Like a carefully thought out strategy, you hope all the other stakeholders do the things that you planned they would do.

Only, life does not operate that way. The first time, the good things happened, it happened as a matter of pure chance. The random theory got all the things on the right spots, all the stakeholders said all the things that they did and even without a plan, you just happened to have the best time of your life. The same chance, sometimes screwed it up as well. Maybe its your magnanimity which puts the good things on chance and the screw ups on your own action. For some peace in life, let me now put the screw ups on chance too. Well, even peace does not operate that way.

So, thats the way its going to be. The little game with chance. You make your move, hoping that chance helps you out. You hope against hope that paulo coelho was right and that there is something about this universe trying to make it up for your work. Even krishna would do, you think- please take care , you say.

And yet, its always a chance.

On Looking Up by Chance at the Constellations

You'll wait a long, long time for anything much

To happen in heaven beyond the floats of cloud

And the Northern Lights that run like tingling nerves.

The sun and moon get crossed, but they never touch,

Nor strike out fire from each other nor crash out loud.

The planets seem to interfere in their curves -

But nothing ever happens, no harm is done.

We may as well go patiently on with our life,

And look elsewhere than to stars and moon and sun

For the shocks and changes we need to keep us sane.

It is true the longest drout will end in rain,

The longest peace in China will end in strife.

Still it wouldn't reward the watcher to stay awake

In hopes of seeing the calm of heaven break

On his particular time and personal sight.

That calm seems certainly safe to last to-night.

- Robert Frost

I think, I changed my mind - what if i say, its perseverance. The perseverance to wait till chance happens? To say, that I have taken all my actions, is a bit of an arrogance. I may not have taken the final step.

The final step is to wait for that chance. It will happen.

Lost - hoping to be found at 35 ;-)

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 03:46:00 +0000

I have been wanting to write a post for sometime now.Made a few drafts, felt embarrassed to publish it and then once again stared at my screen.Then I thought, maybe, I should do a tag to get me out of my slumber. Someone has already thought of the structure and you just have to fill in the content. So once again, I searched for a tag. Actually, the tag started from Indiequill, and she calls it therapeutic. I am not too sure! For me, its going to be cathartic (I just like this word).

The tag says,

I've got write ten things that I want to do before I am 35 and ten things I miss about my life, right now.

The funny part is, 35 seemed a little far away, two years back. When I touched 29 this year, it kept coming back to me, that this is the last year of my "twenties". When good looking "men" ask for career advice, you know some things have changed! Even when I wish, to say that it don't matter, it so bloody does! So I read motivational essays which said that one has got to be continuously learning, making mistakes,taking risks, and thus renewing at every age. Ya, the stupid girl and her affirmation needs! So, don't know, if its an issue, but at 29, I still have plans, which does not have a house or a firm in it, and I am still not done with my own education!

So, the ten things to do before(by the time ;-) I'm 35

1. Have a long term goal, or be at peace with not having one. Either of it will do. Everyone has a long term goal - of starting their own firm, or settling down in a particular place, or even having a family/children. I have no freaking clue where I see myself. In some ways, I have liked the way, things have worked out so far, like the Indian philosophy of action - act without the result in mind and the outcome will be good enough. Whenever I've done that, its worked out well, for me. So, either get that bigger purpose or be at peace without it.

2.Get that Phd ... hmm, been talking about it for long, but the actions have not been good enough, and i know it. I have only got what I have prepared for, nothing more, nothing less. So, I hope, I prepare well.

3. Be a little more generous, a little more patient. By the time, I'm 35, I hope, I would have the maturity to make plans including other people. I hope, my selfishness would have tired out a little. I hope, I get to be patient, and give love a complete chance.

4. Continue to be my optimistic self. Its contradicting the above, but if it were a choice between having a plan, which makes me give up and having hope, i choose hope! I hope I don't give up, by 35 :)

5. Closure. I hope life becomes simpler.

6. Healthy body healthy mind - I started to think vegetarian, and did it for 2 weeks. Hmm, Once you taste blood, keeping away from it, is damn tough! By 35, I hope, I exercise, meditate, and eat vegetarian. I wish I start playing some game. Two months back, played badminton and felt so good to play, but thats all it took to give me cramps!

7. Learn a new art - kathak, salsa, painting - all of these which began as fleeting thoughts and continue to be so.

8. Stop watching emotional atyachaar and roadies. Recently was introduced to Chomsky's theory that media tries to divert people from the real issues. Not thinking, is the easiest thing to do these days - with TV, social networking sites and even news. You can live through your lifetime, without a moment of genuine thinking. I hope I get allergic to crap, by 35, I seriously hope!

9. Get closer to spirituality.There is a lot of mystery there. I know, I will not get any closer to spirituality practically but I would like to read on it. Will I even complete Eknath's Gita? Get closer to my favourite - Krishna ( and am not talking ISKON, or any institutional spiritual framework. Think more like Herman Hesse's Sidhartha)

If possible, experience something truly humbling, that makes me get the futility of it all. I don't know, what I am wishing for, with this one. Maybe Guru Dutt will know...

courtesy

10. At 35, I hope life is much better than I imagined it at 29! Come on.. one trick answer is allowed, like that three wishes game , where you ask for three more wishes ;-)

Ten Things I miss about my life, right now!

1. Home and being a family - I miss home, and everything about it. I miss, the certainty of love. Your family loves you and you are to love them. There is no uncertainty or doubt. Well, these days, I know its a luxury even for children to have a good solid family. I'm so glad, I was brought up that way. My parents did not have the time for existential questions or were not selfish to question their commitment to each other. They took their lives for granted and surprisingly, I am thankful for that.

2. I miss school and studying. Not all the classes. I miss my English classes in school, the little fun I had in graduation with my friends and the teachers and friends who made me think, in my post graduation.

3. I miss feeling fifteen in love.

4. I miss people telling me about possibilities. When you are younger, every one is talking to you about choices and possibilities, in all respects. Thank god for my hopeless optimism, because constraints is all that I hear around me, now. All that people have to ask me is, where I am planning to buy a house or when I am planning to have a kid? Even if I talk about other things, I hear the "other side" of how I am not getting younger, what my husband thinks of my choices, how all the normal plans will go for a toss if I even think of these things and how, as one grows older, one cannot live alone and that, compromise is the bitter truth about life. You know what, maybe you are right, but please please, spare me your advice. I am a stupid, stubborn, crazy nut, and am determined to make my mistakes. If you advise me, you lose energy, will feel bad that I did not listen to you, and you make me feel sad, that I did not listen to you when things go awry ;-)

No offence, I know you mean well.

5. Surprise Surprise... i also miss decisions being taken for me ;-) See, i told you, inconsistency is my second name.

6. I miss

7. I miss my unquestioning faith in God and the discipline it gave me. Maybe I just miss faith.

8. I miss being a morning person. I used to wake up early and at home, used to go to the temple every morning.At my hostel, I was among the first to have breakfast at the canteen, and over my relaxing breakfast, I would mull over my thoughts, by myself. For many years, mornings were the best time of the day, for me. These days, my mornings are a big time chasing exercise. I don't like it though.

9. I miss the silence that welcomes me at home. To make my tea and do things at my pace, and as I wish.

10. I think, I miss happiness. Not sure, if I can say it. But there have been phases of happiness in my life, thanks to some people around or as some of my well wishers say, thanks to my openness to those experiences. Na, I think,its the former. Either way, I miss being genuinely happy. I am not desperately unhappy - I've been worse, so glad that its better.But its like I am living someone else's life, like watching a movie - one I need to complete watching, so that I can get back to life. Its weird, but I guess, thats exactly how I am feeling right now.

Heck, that was difficult but I needed this tag to get me out of this lethargy.

Yay! The good news is I focussed for 45 minutes. Good start!

Its a tag, so in case you are interested, you could take it up.. :)

And now, she is dead

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 14:31:00 +0000

She died yesterday. She would have wanted me to write the truth. She would have wanted me to speak up. Of course, she would have liked it better had I written to her.

I never expected her to die now.Not a good excuse, I know.

I was busy, trying to live my life. Hmm, not good enough, again.

In fact, I thought, we would forget. I was sure, she would forget.

But now, she is dead. Can I write?

That woman! She is so full of herself. After all, she screwed up the whole thing.

My wife, still does not understand why I love her so much. Ya, forgot to tell you. I am married.

Should I even be writing this?

My wife is a goddess, and I love that bitch.

It was beautiful.

We loved, laughed, kissed, read, and wondered about the world.

And then she left. One day.

Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!

Then she called back too. What's wrong with her? Coming from her, it was expected.

Hope my daughter never grows up to be like her. Naah! She wont.

My wife is a goddess, and I am not that insane.Genetics still works, right?

She said, she was married. She had to be. She wanted everything in life -the normal and the abnormal stuff. Isn't that the recipe for a life of unhappiness?

She said, she was still in love with me. Reminded me of Maugham's "Of Human Bondage". Like my life was bonded to her unannounced arrivals, every now and then.

It was her, after all.

Neruda, had a new meaning, when she was reading it with me. Ever seen the magic of a 30 year old woman, like she has never grown beyond 15 and the immense happiness, you feel, when she says, its all because of you. Ever felt the pleasant desire, when she is just a feet away from you, and there is silence around.She looks gorgeous, believe me. She pokes fun at you, and laughs. It never hurt, why? Oh! That genuine happiness on her face, was worth it all. She smells nice too. I wish we looked at nature a little more. But she just wanted me. When was passion, so subtle and soft?

I thought she wanted to fly. Apparently not. How would I know? She was the one who left. Of course, I did not stop her. Maybe I would have kept her happy...hmm...happier.

Could have...would have ... all meaningless phrases.

I was afraid.

And now, she is dead. They say, she lived very unhappy. Atleast I did not have to see it. My love gave her whatever little happiness, she felt. She said that, the last time we spoke.

I can take that to my grave.

My wife, will read this, and will not say a word. As I told you, my wife is a goddess.

Caste & Census

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Wed, 19 May 2010 05:43:00 +0000

I'm always intrigued by questions which dont have straight answers.

I have to admit, that I am truly an urban bred person, with identities similar to a large section of people using the internet. Caste as a concept, was not something that I had thought about for some time. Thanks to some bloggers I started seeing caste, in and around me.

Therefore, with my superficial understanding of caste, when the debate started about including caste in the census, I just had one point of view - that it needs to be included. My point was very simple. That, since it exists, we need to know what it is, and census is a data point - not a policy. It is true, that policies would be impacted by the data that throws up, but is that not the way, it should be?

There are essentially two kinds of criticism about caste based census:

1. Logistics of Caste Enumeration

2. Principle behind Caste Enumeration

Logistics of Caste Enumeration

The practical difficulties of the caste enumeration cannot be ignored. One, in this census, the idea is to enumerate only the OBCs. Currently there is a central list of OBCs and a state list of OBCs and this could vary from state to state. Conversions and children of Intercaste marriages are also treated differently in different states.Since census is based on self declaration, there could be issues on who declares themselves as OBC. As mentioned in this post,there are possibilities of "de sanskritisation", different from the sanskritisation which happened in the 1931 census .

In case, every caste is to be enumerated the complexity of the task is going to be even bigger. This article in Frontline written in 2000 puts down the challenges that such an exercise would have, like the huge number of castes (in 1881 census, there were 275 castes with less than 10 members), similar sounding castes across the country and the skill gap of the enumerators to understand these differences. Therefore, the task is not going to be easy. If the caste census should happen, the chances of error% in the first census would be substantially high. The Hindu Editorial, however opines that this social science fieldwork should not be confused with census and that caste information should not be based on perceptions or self categoristions. "If backward class commissions or socio-political movements need up-to-date measurement of caste and better data on the caste-inequality link, there are other ways of gaining this information."

Having taken cognisance of the logistical challenges for this exercise, let us look into the other criticism and the one thats taking all the air time.

Principle behind Caste Enumeration

This is an interesting question, and some of the concerns raised are quite valid. Beginning with whether counting caste would endorse caste. Since this census is not about SC/ST enumeration(thats already included) there is a concern that this caste data would be used for further reservation based politics for OBCs, when, there is also a view, that today, caste based oppression is led not by the so called upper caste but rather by OBCs themselves. There are equal number of voices, stating that the OBCs are still in a disadvantageous position. Currently, the OBC reservation debate revolves around the mythical figure of 52% assumed as OBC population based on the 1931 census.

These are very very large questions - about reservations, about oppression and about numbers. The caste census is not going to provide answers at all. But would the ostrich approach work?

Quoting EPW, "In any event, despite the liberal distaste for identity politics, there is simply no way of moving from a caste-ridden present to a caste-less future without a head-on confrontation with the beast"

I also find merit in the next paragraph in the same article, "A “caste census” must mean what it implies – a comprehensiveenumeration of all castes. Anything less – such as addingan OBC count to the existing enumeration of SCs and STs, whileleaving the upper castes uncounted – will not do. Counting thelower castes alone will send out a strong message that the governmentshares the upper caste mindset that treats caste as a purelypopulist, quota-driven fantasy invented by politicians." Of course, this increases the complexity of the task.

Then I come to my favourite part - Poking fun at Mr. Bachan ;-) and his "I am an Indian, I dont have a caste" campaign. As I said in the beginning, my own caste identities are pretty blurred. I am constantly reminded of my caste at home and most of the arranged marriages in my family happens within my "caste" but my identities are not so linked to my caste, as it would be for my parents. But what I dont understand is the linkage of our patriotism to our identity towards caste. Mr. Bachan feels, he does not want to state his caste, and would say that he is Indian, but I am sure, he would have no qualms in mentioning his religion. His actions have often spoken much louder than his blog as to what his religion is. Just like him, many of us would do the same. Quite a number of us have our religion, language, mentioned in our orkut/facebook profiles right? So, is that the hierarchy of our inclination?

Religion/Language > Country > Caste

Sounds ridiculous right? Conflicts based on religion have also shocked us, time and again. Does counting religion endorse those conflicts? In our beginning years as a democracy, our country faced a number of controversies around language. Does it mean, we stop counting people's lanugages?

I once again, come back to the process of this debate. I dont mind a healthy debate on issues at hand. But what the Barkhas, Vikram Chandras[dont mind Vikram, I really really like you ;-)] and the Bachans do, is to take this debate to a level, where reason gets lost behind the emotional patriotic feeling. Nothing sells better among the internet loving middle class, than the "I am an Indian, I love my country" idea.

The question is not simple, and the answer therefore, is going to be even further more complex. Atleast, the debate should be a deep reflection of the current state of casteist existence in our country, rather than a high pitched display of online patriotism!

A journalist named Vrinda

noreply@blogger.com (bombay dosti) — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 09:23:00 +0000

When I first read this article, a friend posted on his profile, I read it, like I read gossip. I must have got used to reality shows that I see, that it seemed like one - tintillating, voyoeuristic, sensational. I am talking about this article by Vrinda Gopinath in Outlook - It was on Sunanda Pushkar. Her words were venomous and meant to imply more than what was written on the pages. The article was atrociously sexist, depicting Sunanda as this vampire! She concludes saying that though aided by heavy make-up, false eyelashes and seductive couture, Ms Pushkar ought to be reconciled to the fact that pedigree-obsessed Delhi would not accept a wannabe. What deep rooted hatred and bias lies underneath this sentence? Even the pictures, which were doing the rounds were meant to mean something!
A commentor articulated it such:

"what is it trying to say? that she slept her way thru to be what she is now?? well, i dont know her and i dont care what she does ..but, this was the worst form of sexist article..”Dubai flash trash of peroxide hair streaks, heavy make-up, razzle-dazzle, seductive couture, false eyelashes, chrome nail paint, and Louis Vuitton victimhood” who the hell cares if she wears false eye lashes or chrome nail paint.. how is it imp for the reader wrt her getting the “sweat equity” in ipl..so, if she was a plain jane- she has the rgt for the “sweat equity”? And it is even more depressing that it s been written by a female..yucks!

Shobha De????? Should I even talk about her? She pastes the entire article in her blog! Next time, she says, "enough is enough" or makes some supposedly "intelligent statements" against politicians, we know, it comes from a mind, which considers this as a "delicious report".

Thankfully, there have been other voices.

Tehelka's Shoma Chaudhary came up with another article, probably the lone ones which took Sunanda's view.

Some pictures showing a very different Sunanda in Tehelka

In another article in The Hindu, Vidya Subrahmaniam says,

"Now imagine a man with qualities attributed to Ms Pushkar. Surely he would have been seen to be on the fast-track — a workaholic focused on his job and able to connect with a wide cross-section of people. And so what if he broke a law here and there? That would only add to his dash. A woman similarly placed becomes a social-climber, especially if she was a wannabe without the social sanction afforded by pedigree."

Of course, I have to say, that I was relieved to see the comments in the article in outlook's site. As said in the article,

Fortunately, good taste does seem to prevail outside the rarefied circles of Metro high society. The reader response to the Pushkar profile (posted on the weekly's website) was one of revulsion. Said one reader: Every sentence in it reeks of a deep-seated upper class prejudice which ridicules and sneers at the ambitions and processes of social mobility of many people of India, especially those from mofussil regions. Commented another: This writing looks to be a case of libel. Vindictive and sexist to the core.

Who is Vrinda Gopinath? That, should be the question!

As I was telling you in the beginning, I was not even aware or conscious of the sexism in the article, till I saw ambili's comment! The more I read from the other side, I realised, what I was not seeing! I cannot imagine, how many more such influences are around us - these are the most villanous of them all, when we dont know what, we are not seeing. To anyone who says that the glass ceiling is a thing of the past, this article would be a reality check.

Shoma says it beautifully -

Her real crime is that she is an attractive 46-year old widow, who is bright, vivacious and hot — in the way only those women can be, who have a comfortable relationship with themselves; who understand that beauty does not preclude one from being kind; or protect one from sorrow. If the media had wanted to try the two for financial impropriety, it should have stuck to doing that. Instead, all of it has become an ugly spectacle about a society trying to decide what women are allowed and not allowed to be. Ambition, sass, and self-assured sexiness are clearly high on the list of India’s penal code for women. This is why Pushkar has been asked by “well-wishers” to stay out of view. This is why she’s in the process of being tamed for Indian public life. The story of how Sunanda Pushkar has been treated then is not the story of just one woman: it is a parable about the society we are."