tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-52199012068523426422013-06-10T12:11:18.551-05:00BONGO IS METoday is the day I continue my journey.
today is the day I begin to find my voice.
today is the day I invite you to come along...Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.comBlogger530125BongoIsMehttp://feedburner.google.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-41865641033193523452013-06-03T12:18:00.002-05:002013-06-03T12:18:41.634-05:002013-06-03T12:18:41.634-05:00TRIGGER WARNING: WHERE GOD PUT US<b>As the tears were rolling pretty heavily down my face, I had to sit up and write what was in my head... I was in a dead sleep ..This was originally sent to<span style="color: red;"> P</span> as an email and I decided to post it here on my blog.. To me it represents how we became who we are... I must admit it scared and saddened me when I woke...I believe I wrote it as me: Bonnie .. and for the<span style="color: red;"> first time I believe I owned it...</span></b><br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LAKR2uayj78/UazNd2RN1YI/AAAAAAAADLk/ElJbMyqs7dw/s1600/images-2.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LAKR2uayj78/UazNd2RN1YI/AAAAAAAADLk/ElJbMyqs7dw/s1600/images-2.jpeg" /></a><br />
Here we are where God put us...<br />
<br />
He does it to all of us..<br />
Dumps us where he likes...<br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1B7exQbOmZw/UazNhsYoEqI/AAAAAAAADLs/KL22HSsufAE/s1600/images-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1B7exQbOmZw/UazNhsYoEqI/AAAAAAAADLs/KL22HSsufAE/s1600/images-1.jpeg" /></a>There we are cute little girls or boys...<br />
Things grow bigger on us..<br />
And we are ohh so cute...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
There they are as they cut..<br />
and twist... and pull..<br />
As the blood dribbles down our legs..<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xC9X26OWHak/ThicldVk0rI/AAAAAAAABSQ/4WgAB4Awp_U/s1600/images-94.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xC9X26OWHak/ThicldVk0rI/AAAAAAAABSQ/4WgAB4Awp_U/s1600/images-94.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Heyyyyyy I realized something...<br />
Yeh I really did...<br />
I'm looking down..seeeee down there....<br />
<br />
I don't feel it...<br />
There's no reason to scream, kick or cry.....<br />
<br />
Ohhhh cool...you're here with me too...<br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-76QCe7E4eCI/TtKNeDq3FJI/AAAAAAAACIc/2NLeZGAhZQc/s1600/IMAG0307.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="191" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-76QCe7E4eCI/TtKNeDq3FJI/AAAAAAAACIc/2NLeZGAhZQc/s320/IMAG0307.jpg" width="320" /></a>shhhhhhh don't tell them...<br />
it's our little secret...<br />
<br />
And we are friends ... forever and ever ....<br />
<br />
<br />
TOGETHER.. I LOVE YOU<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: red; font-size: xx-small;">SOME IMAGES BORROWED FROM GOOGLE</span></b><br />
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<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/IFOQsV6gzlQ" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com6http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2013/06/trigger-warning-where-god-put-us.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-10221959528756042582013-05-19T14:22:00.001-05:002013-05-19T14:22:39.281-05:002013-05-19T14:22:39.281-05:00IT'S ME BONGO<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-t_6YdiVHOZ8/TdcSRCo43mI/AAAAAAAABKc/feqwEHVDOAE/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-t_6YdiVHOZ8/TdcSRCo43mI/AAAAAAAABKc/feqwEHVDOAE/s1600/images.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
The past few days we have been living in a tornado...<br />
a bottomless pit...<br />
<br />
She's gone again...<br />
it's me Bongo ..<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
She was with P and Bonnie's mother in session together...<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ELERSwuvgvo/Tujs7r4u_SI/AAAAAAAACJ0/wt-QPbtsNhs/s1600/P.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ELERSwuvgvo/Tujs7r4u_SI/AAAAAAAACJ0/wt-QPbtsNhs/s400/P.jpg" width="225" /></a>Bonnie requested this to try and talk through things<br />
with P holding her hand ...<br />
<br />
something went very wrong..<br />
wrong enough that Bonnie retreated inside..<br />
and no one knows where she is..<br />
<br />
we can here her screams for P ... but we can not see her...<br />
we have all had to be out at times to keep doing what some call life...<br />
<br />
it's been a struggle..<br />
Sam has been under the stairs in the dark..<br />
sobbing..<br />
she is lost with out Bonnie...<br />
<br />
Mckenzie has also been out more..<br />
as she walks with 2 feet in the water walking to her death...<br />
Lori has appeared..<br />
we don't know much about her..<br />
<br />
none of us have knowledge about what went on with<br />
Bonnie and her mother...<br />
and we don't have the knowledge about how to bring<br />
her back<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CSTBcunZLTc/UZklnv_xfTI/AAAAAAAADLU/ZMN8TwDfEho/s1600/images-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CSTBcunZLTc/UZklnv_xfTI/AAAAAAAADLU/ZMN8TwDfEho/s1600/images-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CSTBcunZLTc/UZklnv_xfTI/AAAAAAAADLU/ZMN8TwDfEho/s1600/images-1.jpeg" /></a></div>
<br />
all Sam wants is to be with P..<br />
she told Sam that in 2 sleeps it would be monday and she can be with her again..<br />
she has one more sleep left...<br />
<br />
<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KMV2Y1R1y4k/TejleGjOm0I/AAAAAAAABL4/1JOtXzQu2q0/s1600/doll.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KMV2Y1R1y4k/TejleGjOm0I/AAAAAAAABL4/1JOtXzQu2q0/s320/doll.jpg" width="191" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
the noise and darkness inside is so deep..<br />
most of us are feeling trapped with no way out..<br />
<br />
one foot in the ocean is dangerous ...<br />
but 2 feet means there's no way out..<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: red; font-size: xx-small;"><b>SOME IMAGES BORROWED FROM GOOGLE</b></span><br />
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<br /><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/rWGhDri9fSM" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com6http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2013/05/its-me-bongo.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-64078420736120997162013-05-14T14:26:00.000-05:002013-05-14T14:26:44.475-05:002013-05-14T14:26:44.475-05:00GIRL WITH NO NAME<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jQFaNxvgvkE/UZJ8rFu9x5I/AAAAAAAADKc/Yf0Via250Rc/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jQFaNxvgvkE/UZJ8rFu9x5I/AAAAAAAADKc/Yf0Via250Rc/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></div>
<br />
She's there...<br />
short black hair...<br />
<br />
bright red lipstick..<br />
a pretty dress with the colors:<br />
<br />
red, black and white...<br />
sits flowing just below her knees...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
and she stands barefoot...<br />
two feet in the ocean...<br />
she stares straight ahead ....<br />
imagining the peace she is about to find..<br />
a peace she has not found on this earth....<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-a8MBdOnafQw/UZKOLZLXb-I/AAAAAAAADKs/d2OIFm726d0/s1600/images-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-a8MBdOnafQw/UZKOLZLXb-I/AAAAAAAADKs/d2OIFm726d0/s1600/images-1.jpeg" /></a></div>
<br />
she's going to another place...<br />
where there is no pain no shame no hurt...<br />
<br />
she's almost there..<br />
<br />
she stands and stares for hours as she..<br />
walks a little deeper into the water..<br />
<br />
the waves come closer and closer.....<br />
<br />
she's alone..<br />
just her and the sea...<br />
sea gulls flying above...<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pLbeff8fo3w/TiDh1KD-ZyI/AAAAAAAABTE/ICvqB1RP_Jo/s1600/P+sweater.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pLbeff8fo3w/TiDh1KD-ZyI/AAAAAAAABTE/ICvqB1RP_Jo/s320/P+sweater.jpg" width="191" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-j0MdzgEa1_E/UZKOjieCPLI/AAAAAAAADK0/6lWNVHjLbaQ/s1600/images-2.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-j0MdzgEa1_E/UZKOjieCPLI/AAAAAAAADK0/6lWNVHjLbaQ/s1600/images-2.jpeg" /></a>the only disturbance is<br />
the noise in her head ..<br />
the voices that are crying out....<br />
<br />
she remains nameless...<br />
and she endures all this<br />
at the young age of 12...<br />
<br />
she doesn't want to do it anymore...<br />
she wants it all to be done.<br />
<br />
she doesn't know the angel named P<br />
we hope she meets her soon ....<br />
<br />
<br />
Together... I love you<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: red; font-size: xx-small;">SOME IMAGES BORROWED FROM GOOGLE</span></b><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/9nmLDL4WSkk" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com5http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2013/05/girl-with-no-name.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-81220797695741753832013-04-28T13:53:00.000-05:002013-04-28T13:53:41.049-05:002013-04-28T13:53:41.049-05:00CRAZY OR WOUNDED.....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vuVHPsOvos4/UX1qjeSf0JI/AAAAAAAADH0/tWYAEk6w_Ks/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vuVHPsOvos4/UX1qjeSf0JI/AAAAAAAADH0/tWYAEk6w_Ks/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Dissociative Identity Disorder ... (DID)<br />
a curse or a blessing...<br />
crazy or wounded...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I have spent my life researching and researching....<br />
the book knowledge is there..<br />
I know this disorder inside out...<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-U79GRid6qCU/UX1rEbLGz5I/AAAAAAAADH8/WA0wQ9oqSBg/s1600/images-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-U79GRid6qCU/UX1rEbLGz5I/AAAAAAAADH8/WA0wQ9oqSBg/s1600/images-1.jpeg" /></a>I can help and or explain to others....<br />
the struggle...<br />
I can not explain it to myself..<br />
I do not have answers to my own questions..<br />
Where do I find them...<br />
<br />
I know what I see in the mirror.. what do others see?<br />
I know what I hear in my head..<br />
<br />
The headaches ...without pain..<br />
the pressure cooker... the explosion...<br />
<br />
the things that disappear or appear...<br />
the time .. I can not find....<br />
<br />
The ideation that is always there...<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-m6bTPip4rmQ/UX1vmqK866I/AAAAAAAADIM/KRQLXMb_AcI/s1600/images-2.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-m6bTPip4rmQ/UX1vmqK866I/AAAAAAAADIM/KRQLXMb_AcI/s1600/images-2.jpeg" /></a></div>
the lack of energy.. the will to survive.. disappears...<br />
<br />
You question whether this exists....<br />
I question whether it exists..<br />
I question ....<br />
<br />
The alters created to help me survive....<br />
why do they hurt me now...<br />
<br />
P who remains my rock.. my anchor ..<br />
the one who has faith..<br />
who believes in me...<br />
who accepts me for who I am..<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7yDGFHIyhz0/TdREK_9KkpI/AAAAAAAABJI/RJ5LiU-DLFo/s1600/p.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="287" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7yDGFHIyhz0/TdREK_9KkpI/AAAAAAAABJI/RJ5LiU-DLFo/s320/p.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
no matter what that is.....<br />
<br />
People around the world..<br />
whom I have never met except through words...<br />
hold my hand through whatever this is..<br />
<br />
DID...<br />
a curse.. we are going down...<br />
we feel it....<br />
answers to questions...<br />
where are they....<br />
<br />
<br />
Together.. I love you<br />
<br />
<span style="color: red; font-size: xx-small;"><b>SOME IMAGES BORROWED FROM GOOGLE</b></span><br />
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<br /><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/e_HhjW_SoyI" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com8http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2013/04/crazy-or-wounded.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-53476231280508006442013-04-20T14:19:00.001-05:002013-04-20T14:19:59.733-05:002013-04-20T14:19:59.733-05:00Emotional Abuse<center>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/o5AAEcc-Z9Q" width="560"></iframe></center>
<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/jScj8cp6MuE" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com0http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2013/04/emotional-abuse.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-71147030612463657222013-04-15T11:52:00.000-05:002013-04-15T11:52:33.490-05:002013-04-15T11:52:33.490-05:00STUCK<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-F_uairDOUis/UWwuKT4AebI/AAAAAAAADHk/Svxvsr5hyKo/s1600/Photo+on+4-15-13+at+11.41+AM+%232.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-F_uairDOUis/UWwuKT4AebI/AAAAAAAADHk/Svxvsr5hyKo/s400/Photo+on+4-15-13+at+11.41+AM+%232.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
How can I be here again...<br />
that place of silence , panic and fear?<br />
<br />
I had a vacation..<br />
I had a special time with a friend...<br />
<br />
but I shut down and have not been able to bounce back...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I've been here before..<br />
this thing called avoidance and Denial..<br />
I bounce back every time...somehow some way...<br />
<br />
not this time... I struggle with the chaos inside ..<br />
yet unable to speak about it and find any relief..<br />
<br />
you'd think after years of practice I would know how to change it.. I don't<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DrFUMkvjN3k/Tl6lI3LDmVI/AAAAAAAAB38/HzK3uGqa2jE/s1600/P+OUT+of+the+box.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="191" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DrFUMkvjN3k/Tl6lI3LDmVI/AAAAAAAAB38/HzK3uGqa2jE/s320/P+OUT+of+the+box.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
I still have daily contact with P.. she's still in all my crevices.. yet even with her here.. I remain shut down..<br />
<br />
I have not visited my beloved beach.. tucked deep inside ..<br />
I'm afraid.. I'm scared...<br />
yet I yearn to be there...<br />
<br />
I shut down my computer at night (rare) . that somehow makes me think I can control any communication from inside to anyone outside including P..<br />
<br />
Why is this happening? I don't have an answer for myself except fear...<br />
but fear of what?<br />
<br />
I still love my corner on P's couch.. yet there is anxiety...<br />
seeing P next to me is a great comfort and often relief...<br />
<br />
I came here to write ..without words..<br />
my words make no sense to me...<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rFZULj00lBs/Tllqcy79GCI/AAAAAAAABhg/QWxkSofsCho/s1600/Depression_4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rFZULj00lBs/Tllqcy79GCI/AAAAAAAABhg/QWxkSofsCho/s1600/Depression_4.jpg" /></a></div>
my anxiety level is very high throughout the day..<br />
flashbacks have been evil.. body memories intense..<br />
thoughts racing and ideation always present...<br />
<br />
I find myself worrying more and more about people..<br />
asking questions inside but fear of saying them out loud...<br />
<br />
I have found myself praying..<br />
looking for answers and or relief...<br />
waiting.........<br />
<br />
Together.. I love you ....<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: red; font-size: xx-small;">SOME IMAGES BORROWED FROM GOOGLE</span></b><br />
<br /><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/2n3alPbgS90" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com9http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2013/04/stuck.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-20729051731040176022013-03-17T11:58:00.000-05:002013-03-17T11:58:33.161-05:002013-03-17T11:58:33.161-05:00I AM HERE<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-j_ifDDyhT98/TdS3yqkv6TI/AAAAAAAABJw/wf6KNOrrGDo/s1600/images-44.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="257" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-j_ifDDyhT98/TdS3yqkv6TI/AAAAAAAABJw/wf6KNOrrGDo/s320/images-44.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
I am here...<br />
I don't know where here is.<br />
this space has been dark and quiet ...<br />
<br />
I understand so much...<br />
I understand nothing..<br />
<br />
I thought I understood...<br />
this thing called DID..<br />
<br />
I was wrong..<br />
I understand nothing..<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Process...<br />
that has become the hated word..<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HF5lKwfXn-M/TgK12zmjWWI/AAAAAAAABQI/Xi2ZG0ATqbo/s1600/sexualAbuse_en-lottesxl_abuse-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HF5lKwfXn-M/TgK12zmjWWI/AAAAAAAABQI/Xi2ZG0ATqbo/s320/sexualAbuse_en-lottesxl_abuse-1.jpg" width="293" /></a><br />
Therapy...<br />
no clue what that really meant..<br />
<br />
The ones that were there for us....<br />
they are still here..<br />
<br />
I don't understand why...<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7yDGFHIyhz0/TdREK_9KkpI/AAAAAAAABJI/RJ5LiU-DLFo/s1600/p.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="287" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7yDGFHIyhz0/TdREK_9KkpI/AAAAAAAABJI/RJ5LiU-DLFo/s320/p.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
P ...<br />
still my rope to hang on to..<br />
<br />
I am here...<br />
Please tell me where I am .....<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Together... I love you<br />
<br />
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<b><span style="color: red; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></b>
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<b><span style="color: red; font-size: xx-small;">SOME IMAGES BORROWED FROM GOOGLE </span></b><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/gA77A362yyc" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com7http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2013/03/i-am-here.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-69209605773829038962013-02-24T19:01:00.001-06:002013-02-24T19:01:26.458-06:002013-02-24T19:01:26.458-06:00HOW TO SAVE A LIFE<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-k7shy1mkwAE/USq3L5mYsPI/AAAAAAAADEs/76BdevFNPR8/s1600/imgres.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-k7shy1mkwAE/USq3L5mYsPI/AAAAAAAADEs/76BdevFNPR8/s1600/imgres.jpeg" /></a></div>
The last 2 weeks have been something out of a horror film...<br />
if I didn't live it I'd think someone was telling me some sci fi movie plot...<br />
<br />
i'm switching like lighting bolts...<br />
I can't remember what I have done from minutes to minute...<br />
I hate alcohol and I'm drinking like a fish..<br />
<br />
I'm talking to P constantly which seems too much to me..<br />
like let me live my life already ..<br />
don't therapists work monday through friday?<br />
leave me alone..<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DrFUMkvjN3k/Tl6lI3LDmVI/AAAAAAAAB38/HzK3uGqa2jE/s1600/P+OUT+of+the+box.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="191" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DrFUMkvjN3k/Tl6lI3LDmVI/AAAAAAAAB38/HzK3uGqa2jE/s320/P+OUT+of+the+box.jpg" width="320" /></a>no I'm not trying to push her away..<br />
I love her too much for that..<br />
but I am tired..<br />
tired down deep in my bones..<br />
I hurt and ache..<br />
I'm lonely and miserable...<br />
<br />
I yell and cuss at my kids ..<br />
keep cussing at them like they are worthless..<br />
I think they might hurt by my death<br />
but they are also hurting by how they are seeing me now..<br />
<br />
I feel like this is the end of the road..<br />
there is no more hope left...<br />
there is no reason to hang on..<br />
I'm so tired ..<br />
so very tired...<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3-uMs5aFh9w/TmPBXt7-glI/AAAAAAAAB4s/UZD1j0jOIDQ/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3-uMs5aFh9w/TmPBXt7-glI/AAAAAAAAB4s/UZD1j0jOIDQ/s1600/images-1.jpg" /></a></div>
it hurts inside and out and no one ..<br />
no one understands the terror inside me..<br />
what do i do? what would you do..<br />
come on people I know there are others out there with DID ..<br />
this would Be the time to use your voice..<br />
help a fellow friend..<br />
I need help I really need help...,<br />
talk to me please..<br />
please<br />
please <br />
You might just save a life...<br />
<br />
TOGETHER ... I LOVE YOU<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: red; font-size: xx-small;">SOME IMAGES BORROWED BY GOOGLE</span></b><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/SU0PpikQYSM" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com7http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2013/02/how-to-save-life.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-44162894126243432022013-02-21T12:19:00.001-06:002013-02-21T12:57:36.965-06:002013-02-21T12:57:36.965-06:00SHE DOESN"T BELIEVE ME<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-j_ifDDyhT98/TdS3yqkv6TI/AAAAAAAABJw/wf6KNOrrGDo/s1600/images-44.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-j_ifDDyhT98/TdS3yqkv6TI/AAAAAAAABJw/wf6KNOrrGDo/s1600/images-44.jpg" /></a>Yesterday I had a really bad day..<br />
A so called friend that I hadn't seen in 3 years I visited...<br />
she pretty much said she didn't believe me<br />
and hurt me down inside... '<br />
she said this was her story.. ''<br />
<br />
I said it was hundreds of thousands of people stories .'<br />
but she was referring to my stories of abuse the ones that I talk about ..<br />
she said one of my alters name is Sam and thet I stole that from her...<br />
I did not name Sam she told me herself...<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
she said when i wrote about the cord that it was her abuse,.. '<br />
but she doesn't know about the hospital bed my grandfather died in....<br />
it was the same one that my uncle used cord....<br />
to tie my legs to the high bar on that bed,,,<br />
Just writing this is make me illl...<br />
but the worst part of this is that she doesn't believe ne ..<br />
yet when the time came I never had a reason to not believe her.....<br />
<br />
I'm hurt because that means through out 11 years friendship..<br />
we were never friends ...<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JwyszP7oUao/TiUww0eoEmI/AAAAAAAABTk/N1tqWZZBqDg/s1600/Bongo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="303" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JwyszP7oUao/TiUww0eoEmI/AAAAAAAABTk/N1tqWZZBqDg/s320/Bongo.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
I came to love her..<br />
she used to call me fake and borderline..<br />
well she was right there, <br />
the only one that she ever saw was Bongo ..<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-blZlTP61NxM/Thid516apAI/AAAAAAAABSY/12ILZYmQ8Ro/s1600/images-95.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-blZlTP61NxM/Thid516apAI/AAAAAAAABSY/12ILZYmQ8Ro/s1600/images-95.jpg" /></a></div>
and Bongo is fake and shallow ,,..<br />
she is all about me ..<br />
she has borderline personality disorder...<br />
but It's sad she never got to meet the parts of me...<br />
that have compassion and understanding..<br />
it's sad we couldn't become allies in any way..<br />
and I am damn glad that though she was once a practicing clinical counselor ....<br />
that her license was taken away due to boundary issues with clients ..<br />
I didn't undertand that ...<br />
but I do now and I am grateful...<br />
<br />
all this said I need to move past this..<br />
since I am hurting over the disbelief,,,,<br />
I need to find a way not to hurt about this person again...<br />
and to find a way to pray for her and to pray I can forgive her...<br />
not an easy task,,,,<br />
So for you dear T ...<br />
I say goodbye,,.. I wish you nothing but good things in your life...<br />
Goodbye !!!!!<br />
<br />
TOGETHER I LOVE YOU<br />
<br />
<span style="color: red; font-size: xx-small;"><b>SOME IMAGES BORROWED FROM GOOGLE</b></span><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/ttQ8Aktoh38" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com7http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2013/02/she-doesnt-believe-me.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-63883125132941396772013-02-16T17:33:00.003-06:002013-02-16T17:33:08.509-06:002013-02-16T17:33:08.509-06:00Love Me - JJ Heller<center>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/fUM86eL6tVw" width="459"></iframe></center>
<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/jiusQ88JHtw" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com1http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2013/02/love-me-jj-heller_16.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-71963443682470279382013-02-16T11:58:00.001-06:002013-02-17T22:02:57.953-06:002013-02-17T22:02:57.953-06:00OWNING THIS<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1rYxXvzRtkk/UR_HDlZApHI/AAAAAAAADDY/5lux2g3iYgw/s1600/17514_10151316341607476_695066953_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="146" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1rYxXvzRtkk/UR_HDlZApHI/AAAAAAAADDY/5lux2g3iYgw/s400/17514_10151316341607476_695066953_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
so all these alters are in my head ..<br />
and they hold all this pain..<br />
wich is supposedly my pain...<br />
<br />
how do I ever see or feel it as me ..<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-sFesgJZvG4c/UR_HsauAfPI/AAAAAAAADDg/llbd1Xrdxrw/s1600/imgres.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-sFesgJZvG4c/UR_HsauAfPI/AAAAAAAADDg/llbd1Xrdxrw/s1600/imgres.jpeg" /></a>who out there has an answer cause I don't<br />
<br />
I have a hard time seeing any of this as happening to me ..<br />
but I sure do feel it during a flashback..<br />
<br />
a flashback is when you are thrown bits of pieces of trauma at you<br />
and you are inside feeling the actual pain....<br />
this is at the point I cant get out and I hope Sam can call P<br />
<br />
Today P showed Sam and MiMi How she picked up the grandmother and uncle and through them out of her room..<br />
she told them both that they were safe..<br />
and she let them touch her hand..<br />
they like to touch her...<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bazY7f9oNsk/UR_IFBF139I/AAAAAAAADDo/6lFFutj42pw/s1600/imgres-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bazY7f9oNsk/UR_IFBF139I/AAAAAAAADDo/6lFFutj42pw/s1600/imgres-1.jpeg" /></a></div>
she feels warm and safe and strong and she promises she will protect us...<br />
<br />
but I'm still scared because things are still thrown at me during the night and<br />
we won't call anyone during the night,,<br />
we respect others boundaries and thier lives..<br />
so we have a dilemma at night..<br />
I suppose I Can write an email to calm my self down..<br />
and still hope it happens during the day...<br />
<br />
Together..I love you<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: red; font-size: xx-small;"><b>SOME IMAGES BORROED FROM GOOGLE</b></span><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/v6SUm1Epa6Y" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com1http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2013/02/owning-this.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-31272375019803246142013-02-15T12:47:00.004-06:002013-02-15T12:47:44.371-06:002013-02-15T12:47:44.371-06:00SAM CALL PAT<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MamFkJtHvyo/TdcRA7CU22I/AAAAAAAABKQ/J77guLBVoeQ/s1600/images-23.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MamFkJtHvyo/TdcRA7CU22I/AAAAAAAABKQ/J77guLBVoeQ/s1600/images-23.jpg" /></a>sometimes it's horrible in my own head ..<br />
like monsters attacking me..<br />
and im' a gentle and loving person..<br />
and the monster inside is scaring the little ones ..<br />
<br />
for the first time in a long time,,,<br />
I am afraid of not seeing p for a weekend..<br />
andIi told her so..<br />
and rationally it makes sense this is a job and she has family..<br />
I get that<br />
<br />
..<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aoTYY8x65X4/TV4iTna_ODI/AAAAAAAAAqw/mGuHprXuyOU/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aoTYY8x65X4/TV4iTna_ODI/AAAAAAAAAqw/mGuHprXuyOU/s320/images.jpg" width="174" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
but this week there has been no rationality..<br />
I want her here all to myself to hold me and keep me safe..<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NAUOFXFG5Jk/TZVbTDThApI/AAAAAAAAA4c/2e-rQ4Du7JA/s1600/images-82.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;">Sam is the one that holds the phone </a><br />
and she repeats sam call pat sam call pat...<br />
it scares me the day she actually follows through..<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I have , we all have been struggling with Ju JU..<br />
who has been torturing us by telling us we can't speak nor see p<br />
,,, and that our demise will take place..<br />
but before she gets that angry she has set me on fire with flash backs<br />
of her pain.. they burn as of my flesh as it is sizzling in the fire,,<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NAUOFXFG5Jk/TZVbTDThApI/AAAAAAAAA4c/2e-rQ4Du7JA/s1600/images-82.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NAUOFXFG5Jk/TZVbTDThApI/AAAAAAAAA4c/2e-rQ4Du7JA/s1600/images-82.jpg" /></a></div>
i dod not know what to do with the flashbacks ,,<br />
<br />
but I sure hope sam calls P...<br />
<br />
Together I love YOu<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: red; font-size: xx-small;">SOME IMAGES BORROWED FROM GOOGLE </span></b><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/wltmFkQHEIY" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com4http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2013/02/sam-call-pat.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-68729089041180629532013-02-11T20:38:00.000-06:002013-02-11T20:38:57.562-06:002013-02-11T20:38:57.562-06:00DO YOU SEE HER?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-j_ifDDyhT98/TdS3yqkv6TI/AAAAAAAABJw/wf6KNOrrGDo/s1600/images-44.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-j_ifDDyhT98/TdS3yqkv6TI/AAAAAAAABJw/wf6KNOrrGDo/s1600/images-44.jpg" /></a></div>
She cries...<br />
but her tears are not caught<br />
<br />
She screams ..<br />
but her screams are not heard<br />
<br />
She prays...<br />
but her prayers are not answered<br />
<br />
She appears alive...<br />
but she is dead<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cE3881wsNws/TdoJboXnwBI/AAAAAAAABK8/uZLnHhcQCww/s1600/images-54.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cE3881wsNws/TdoJboXnwBI/AAAAAAAABK8/uZLnHhcQCww/s1600/images-54.jpg" /></a>She bathes..<br />
but the dirt remains<br />
<br />
She hurts...<br />
yet she doesn't feel<br />
<br />
They have eyes....<br />
yet they do not see<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-suFeyuffPlM/Tf_57XfRX3I/AAAAAAAABPI/HiZslvGT6j8/s1600/imgres-7.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-suFeyuffPlM/Tf_57XfRX3I/AAAAAAAABPI/HiZslvGT6j8/s1600/imgres-7.jpeg" /></a></div>
Does anyone hear her...<br />
A song we once heard..<br />
<br />
never understanding...<br />
We do now<br />
<br />
It say's she's ...<br />
goin down tonight<br />
<br />
<br />
She goes...standing<br />
clearly in front of them<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-oOIfNW8bf8c/TgQX_25j5YI/AAAAAAAABQ0/nchzTycMvOU/s1600/DSCN0069.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-oOIfNW8bf8c/TgQX_25j5YI/AAAAAAAABQ0/nchzTycMvOU/s320/DSCN0069.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
We don't see...<br />
what we don't understand<br />
<br />
We don't want to instead...<br />
We let her disappear<br />
<br />
<br />
TOGETHER....I LOVE YOU<br />
<br />
<span style="color: red; font-size: xx-small;"><b>SOME IMAGES BORROWED FROM GOOGLE</b></span><br />
<br /><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/lMWdhNaOosc" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com3http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2013/02/do-you-see-her.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-35322767478768168772013-02-08T15:45:00.000-06:002013-02-08T15:45:02.744-06:002013-02-08T15:45:02.744-06:00WHAT'S YOUR SONG<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: black; font-family: 'Gentium Basic', serif; font-size: medium; line-height: 26px; text-align: center;"><span style="color: red;">Suzy, over at</span><b> <a href="http://suzysomedaysomewhere.blogspot.co.nz/2013/02/whats-your-song.html"><span style="color: lime;">Someday Somewhere</span></a><span style="color: cyan;"> </span></b><span style="color: red;">, is the host of this week's prompt for a group called </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewriterspost/"><span style="color: lime;"><b>The Writer's Post</b></span></a><span style="color: red;">. I don't belong to this particular group, but when invited to share on this topic, I felt compelled. Thank you Mary at </span><a href="http://livingthescripture.com/whats-your-song/"><span style="color: lime;"><b>Living The Scripture</b></span></a><span style="color: red;"> for introducing me to this post and asking me to join in.</span></span><br />
<span style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Gentium Basic, serif; font-size: medium;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: black; color: red; line-height: 26px;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Gentium Basic, serif; font-size: medium;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: black; color: red; line-height: 26px;">Because of some horrific abuse in my past, I have always struggled with my faith. Though I call myself a Christian...few things have helped me hold onto my faith...it was usually music that helped me worship and connect back to God and go forward. This is one of the songs that helped me believe God was right here with me whispering in my ear. I hope you enjoy it.</span></span></span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/JTY-UKgLlXs" width="459"></iframe></center>
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<!-- start LinkyTools script --><script src="http://www.linkytools.com/thumbnail_linky_include.aspx?id=183631" type="text/javascript"></script><!-- end LinkyTools script --><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/sGvP_soeBgw" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com7http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2013/02/whats-your-song.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-77333986479271596082013-02-02T13:31:00.001-06:002013-02-02T16:55:47.603-06:002013-02-02T16:55:47.603-06:00THE HORROR OF DID<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JTRe0MhAz6k/UQ1m0Hj4hUI/AAAAAAAADBI/xEf5K-rmj8g/s1600/imgres.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JTRe0MhAz6k/UQ1m0Hj4hUI/AAAAAAAADBI/xEf5K-rmj8g/s1600/imgres.jpeg" /></a></div>
I'm in turmoil...<br />
Im in chaos..<br />
I'm in some kind of abyss..<br />
I'm lost..<br />
<br />
Is there anyone out there that..<br />
understands the complete horror of being DID?<br />
sure it is why I survived...<br />
but is the price of survival ...<br />
fear and pain for the rest of your life?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3-uMs5aFh9w/TmPBXt7-glI/AAAAAAAAB4s/UZD1j0jOIDQ/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3-uMs5aFh9w/TmPBXt7-glI/AAAAAAAAB4s/UZD1j0jOIDQ/s1600/images-1.jpg" /></a>Is therapy a good thing?<br />
is it worth seeing more and more..<br />
is it worth waking up to horrific pictures..<br />
that someone inside has drawn..<br />
is it worth the constant thoughts of death...<br />
<br />
The ones that you trusted hurt you over and over again..<br />
and you sit here questioning: what did I do wrong?<br />
<br />
I see things that were done..<br />
I see a little bit more each day..<br />
I can't understand causing that much..<br />
pain to another human being..<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KilmOD5kL3g/UQ1oeJq1y9I/AAAAAAAADBQ/YBOMiWj7TQ0/s1600/imgres-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KilmOD5kL3g/UQ1oeJq1y9I/AAAAAAAADBQ/YBOMiWj7TQ0/s1600/imgres-1.jpeg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
There is a war going on inside me now....<br />
I hear In Jesus name AMEN..<br />
I want to throw up<br />
<br />
it can't be real...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-r1umFOYEc1Q/Tn9STwSbMFI/AAAAAAAAB6w/InEKdpiOVEA/s1600/COUCH.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="191" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-r1umFOYEc1Q/Tn9STwSbMFI/AAAAAAAAB6w/InEKdpiOVEA/s320/COUCH.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
<br />
I cling to P as if she is my last hope...<br />
a thin rope to hang on to<br />
an anchor to keep me from drowning...<br />
<br />
Sam who cries in the night..<br />
doubled over in pain...<br />
help us help us please<br />
<br />
I ask for all inside..<br />
let this end let the pain subside..<br />
let us live<br />
let us dance in the sunshine..<br />
<br />
I ask does anyone..<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-t_6YdiVHOZ8/TdcSRCo43mI/AAAAAAAABKc/feqwEHVDOAE/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-t_6YdiVHOZ8/TdcSRCo43mI/AAAAAAAABKc/feqwEHVDOAE/s1600/images.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
know the horror of DID ??<br />
anyone?????<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Together.. I love you<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: red; font-size: xx-small;"><b>SOME IMAGES BORROWED FROM GOOGLE </b></span><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/pmICnFXikYI" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com8http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-horror-of-did.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-58007447275309462102013-01-28T11:42:00.002-06:002013-01-28T23:36:38.692-06:002013-01-28T23:36:38.692-06:00I LOVE YOU FOREVER<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fyREvYjr0VQ/UQazixjtO_I/AAAAAAAADAE/iJ1sFDZS3KY/s1600/books.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fyREvYjr0VQ/UQazixjtO_I/AAAAAAAADAE/iJ1sFDZS3KY/s320/books.jpeg" width="315" /></a>Write Bon Write...<br />
it's really hard right now..<br />
my thoughts are in chaos...<br />
my words bouncing around...<br />
my mind is mush...<br />
<br />
I'm in the I HATE therapy phase..<br />
been here before but not in such a big way...<br />
too much is happening ..too much is changing....<br />
I'm not strong enough to do it.....<br />
truth I DON'T WANT TO DO IT<br />
<br />
I'm scared of it.. I'm seeing too much...<br />
the crying is back.. it doesn't stop...<br />
flash backs intense....<br />
things I don't want to see<br />
<br />
I hold PBB tight.. but it's not enough<br />
my body shakes from the inside out...<br />
<br />
my dreams at night are violent and vivid...<br />
<br />
I don't know where things belong..<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-u2O2DBS43o8/TdcQsl518hI/AAAAAAAABKM/vJMWKskv7Po/s1600/imgres-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-u2O2DBS43o8/TdcQsl518hI/AAAAAAAABKM/vJMWKskv7Po/s1600/imgres-1.jpeg" /></a>it's all mixed up...<br />
<br />
therapy mixes everything up more...<br />
I don't wanna know more...<br />
<br />
I wanna go back<br />
to a place when I appeared fine..<br />
where no one knew...<br />
it was a secret...<br />
just like all the other secrets in my life.. <br />
<br />
People are bad... people hurt you...<br />
Sam I am is here...<br />
Ju Ju is here..<br />
they both are telling...<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DrFUMkvjN3k/Tl6lI3LDmVI/AAAAAAAAB38/HzK3uGqa2jE/s1600/P+OUT+of+the+box.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="191" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DrFUMkvjN3k/Tl6lI3LDmVI/AAAAAAAAB38/HzK3uGqa2jE/s320/P+OUT+of+the+box.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
They like this P<br />
I need to stop them...<br />
I need to fix this....<br />
<br />
I need to be done..<br />
I hear in my head:<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I love you forever<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kyAu5wo6Dl4/ThY3Pvq9apI/AAAAAAAABSI/vnOzzwrdsQw/s1600/help-me-sized.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kyAu5wo6Dl4/ThY3Pvq9apI/AAAAAAAABSI/vnOzzwrdsQw/s320/help-me-sized.jpg" width="320" /></a>I like you for always<br />
as long as I'm living<br />
my baby you'll be ..<br />
<br />
Help me they say..<br />
help me they...<br />
<br />
<br />
Together...I love you<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: red; font-size: xx-small;">SOME IMAGES BORROWED FROM </span></b><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/8RGNfw3Ia3w" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com6http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2013/01/i-love-you-forever.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-54083446222497994142013-01-24T16:13:00.000-06:002013-01-24T16:13:34.809-06:002013-01-24T16:13:34.809-06:00SHE HELD US<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cCXH5OX8eyY/Ti34tx7QxxI/AAAAAAAABWU/vY9tce4qy7E/s1600/Bunny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cCXH5OX8eyY/Ti34tx7QxxI/AAAAAAAABWU/vY9tce4qy7E/s1600/Bunny.jpg" /></a></div>
I've been in such a calm phase the last couple of weeks....<br />
worrying about my children allowed me to stay in control..<br />
and be present with my kids...<br />
but whenever it quiets down it always has to get chaotic and noisy again...<br />
So it appears my calm quiet present time has come to an ened...<br />
here's hoping I can learn how to keep present and keep the noise out....<br />
<br />
Yesterday for the firs time in awhile I was triggered....<br />
by hearing a little girl crying...she was absolutely hysterical..<br />
and all I wanted to do was to save her.. I knew I couldn't it was my place...<br />
her therapist was present and it was his place to take care of her....<br />
but as the girl kept crying and I was told the police were there..<br />
I started to panic inside..<br />
I started to feel things I didn't understand...<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9ioG0GI7FsM/TzbdQhLxnaI/AAAAAAAACQs/f5KDpNM1kPA/s1600/imgres.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9ioG0GI7FsM/TzbdQhLxnaI/AAAAAAAACQs/f5KDpNM1kPA/s1600/imgres.jpeg" /></a>I was apparently triggered...<br />
to a place when I was taken to therapist office at the age of 9 or 10.....<br />
I was told by the therapist that I was bad and lazy...<br />
I was brought to the therapist because I was exhibiting difficult behaviors...<br />
in essence I /Sam was trying to tell about the abuse..<br />
<br />
Today I was able to close my eyes and relax...<br />
and P was able to call Sam out.. Sam was able to say why she was sad..<br />
some of which I could see....<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GIofB6WGW5Q/UDVNsD7G_5I/AAAAAAAACy4/pkqeBrlxNaU/s1600/P7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GIofB6WGW5Q/UDVNsD7G_5I/AAAAAAAACy4/pkqeBrlxNaU/s320/P7.jpg" width="263" /></a></div>
P held Sam and showed her she was special , loved and safe...<br />
she felt completely safe...<br />
when I came back .. I found my self in p's arms and I too felt special, loved and safe.....<br />
for the first time Sam was allowed to show tears..<br />
and I was allowed to feel them with her...<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IfcZjDPjMJc/Ti5UYFSzlAI/AAAAAAAABWg/0Z4y4U0UNbw/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IfcZjDPjMJc/Ti5UYFSzlAI/AAAAAAAABWg/0Z4y4U0UNbw/s200/images.jpg" width="163" /></a>Ju Ju is still very prominent and I can feel my mood changing..<br />
I can feel depression grabbing us.. and the thoughts are there and strong...<br />
I hope the more that P can talk to Ju ju that maybe she can be freed from her pain ....<br />
which would allow depression to lift.. I'm aware that this could take a long time..<br />
<br />
but today was a step..<br />
Sam and I were safe....<br />
Pbb helps us to hold on to that...<br />
Thank you P ...<br />
<br />
Together... I love you<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: red; font-size: xx-small;">SOME IMAGES BORROWED FROM GOOGLE</span></b><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/63LA3Tyydls" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com5http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2013/01/she-held-us.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-2072260092686145682013-01-18T03:04:00.000-06:002013-01-22T12:50:50.121-06:002013-01-22T12:50:50.121-06:00TRIGGER WARNING / INSIDE ME<span style="color: red;"><b>I am RE sharing this originally posted July 11,2011</b></span><br />
<span style="color: red;"><b>it was my first attempt to show you INSIDE ME....</b></span><br />
<br />
<br />
YOU WILL NEED TO USE GOOGLE CHROME IN MOST CASES TO VIEW MY MOVIE...SORRY....<br />
<br />
<br />
AS ALWAYS..........<br />
Together... I love you<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/ttkJWEPfHbQ" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com7http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2011/07/trigger-warninginside-me_11.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-22282760166282226732013-01-17T11:37:00.000-06:002013-01-17T11:37:10.301-06:002013-01-17T11:37:10.301-06:00I am JU JU<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IfcZjDPjMJc/Ti5UYFSzlAI/AAAAAAAABWg/0Z4y4U0UNbw/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IfcZjDPjMJc/Ti5UYFSzlAI/AAAAAAAABWg/0Z4y4U0UNbw/s400/images.jpg" width="326" /></a></div>
Her mind has been set free..<br />
now it's mine to see<br />
<br />
she trusts that lady named P<br />
and she thinks she can see<br />
<br />
we were hidden and quiet<br />
that's the way it had to be<br />
<br />
but now were free only to be<br />
<br />
<br />
the young ones <br />
giggle laugh and play..<br />
<br />
until they are up front<br />
and can see what was done<br />
<br />
she won't be happy<br />
to see my words<br />
<br />
the word of done<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XXjx55KPmh4/Tk_-tNtThLI/AAAAAAAABfA/OgfIfUVzS-4/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XXjx55KPmh4/Tk_-tNtThLI/AAAAAAAABfA/OgfIfUVzS-4/s1600/images.jpg" /></a></div>
is mine alone<br />
<br />
and it is time to be done<br />
I will make sure the time is right<br />
<br />
I will release this body from pain<br />
no more will we suffer again and again<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Ju Ju</span></b><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/pPt64ucBPPY" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com19http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2013/01/i-am-ju-ju.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-45060063700849908382013-01-03T15:39:00.000-06:002013-01-03T15:39:38.477-06:002013-01-03T15:39:38.477-06:00AVOIDANCE LOSES<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9pYZ506S39o/UOX4UYO260I/AAAAAAAAC90/wol2BEsXMn8/s1600/imgres.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9pYZ506S39o/UOX4UYO260I/AAAAAAAAC90/wol2BEsXMn8/s1600/imgres.jpeg" /></a></div>
<br />
I have been out of the writing arena for some time....<br />
I just stopped..quit....<br />
I believe I was protecting myself...<br />
I became numb.. I had to be..<br />
I had to get through the holidays and other stuff...<br />
even with P ..I had become quiet.. avoided easily...<br />
just getting through day by day...<br />
but trying to avoid is exhausting ..<br />
and sooner or later it catches up and bites you in the ass....<br />
it got me...<br />
<br />
<br />
I felt the sting of the bite...<br />
until today it was quiet..<br />
until today "I" was in control...<br />
until today ...<br />
<br />
I weaned myself off a drug, that I had become dependent on...<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-t_6YdiVHOZ8/TdcSRCo43mI/AAAAAAAABKc/feqwEHVDOAE/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-t_6YdiVHOZ8/TdcSRCo43mI/AAAAAAAABKc/feqwEHVDOAE/s1600/images.jpg" /></a>I successfully quit cold turkey..<br />
I was pleased and proud that I was able to do that..<br />
Until yesterday....I had taken 2 ..<br />
the only reason I knew it was 2 is because I have a good count on them.<br />
2 is not a big deal for most... but it is for me..<br />
because I knew it wasn't "ME" who took them...<br />
I slept 8 hours during the day because of it...<br />
I put them away... and went to bed normal time....<br />
intending on getting up to see P in the AM<br />
apparently.... "someone" had something different planned..<br />
I missed that appointment..<br />
<br />
She (P) called this am checking to see where I was...<br />
there were text messages.. that definitely were not from ME..<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OjlvxGKchV0/UHBfWXLqMrI/AAAAAAAAC4s/X0ONgBt85gA/s1600/P7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OjlvxGKchV0/UHBfWXLqMrI/AAAAAAAAC4s/X0ONgBt85gA/s320/P7.jpg" width="263" /></a></div>
Once I was aware I did message her ..and I eventually sat down and wrote an email about stuff that needs to be addressed.. I am not looking forward to discussing it...<br />
actually i'm not looking forward to trauma work..<br />
I have been in chaos not knowing what to do about this blog....<br />
I really wanted to shut it down and be done...<br />
but P is right... writing helps me .. and somehow people are touched..<br />
So I guess this is the beginning of new posts..<br />
a New Year...<br />
<br />
Hold on folks... it's gonna be a bumpy ride....<br />
<br />
Together... I love you<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: red; font-size: xx-small;">IMAGES BORROWED FROM GOOGLE</span></b><br />
<br /><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/jUM3WtfeBdk" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com8http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2013/01/avoidance-loses.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-13691795949158441752012-12-29T15:15:00.001-06:002012-12-29T15:17:24.135-06:002012-12-29T15:17:24.135-06:00 A Story of Survival<center>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/uU-ed-sZ5Gs" width="459"></iframe></center>
<center>
<br /></center>
<center>
Bridget's Blog ...<span style="color: red;"><b> <a href="http://mybiggirlpants.blogspot.com/">my big girl pants</a> </b></span>she wrote her own goodbye post...</center>
<center>
THANK YOU Bridget for being such an inspiration..</center>
<center>
You will NEVER be forgotten!!!!</center>
<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/SqAxEmM5lTk" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com3http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2012/12/a-story-of-survival.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-32089466965590450672012-12-11T19:38:00.000-06:002013-01-03T18:34:38.948-06:002013-01-03T18:34:38.948-06:00MERRY CHRISTMAKKAH YUCK<span class="zemanta-img separator zemanta-action-dragged"><a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Juletr%C3%A6et.jpg" style="clear: right; display: block; float: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="A Danish Christmas tree illuminated with burni..." height="413" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/ff/Juletr%C3%A6et.jpg/300px-Juletr%C3%A6et.jpg" style="border: medium none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="300" /></a><span class="zemanta-img-attribution" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; width: 300px;"><a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Juletr%C3%A6et.jpg"></a></span></span><span style="color: red;"><b>THIS POST IS ORIGINALLY FROM 2010</b></span><br />
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Church...It's usually enjoyable for me... I usually look forward to it.....sometimes it's the message....sometimes it's the Music....rarely it's the people....<br />
In any event I usually walk out feeling a little calmer...a little peace...and sometimes even pumped up...even a little closer to God....<br />
Today is not one of those days....first thing I noticed when I walked in to my small church were the little hints of Christmas.....<br />
Yeh yeh I'm a Christian and I should be excited about the birth of Christ......but that wouldn't be me.....not in the way it sounds or how it's displayed....<br />
I have had a some very rare good memories about Christmas....A lot of the abuse happened around the holidays....the bad memories outweigh the good....<br />
But more then my memories is the commotion around me ....<br />
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The stores all crowded.....people <br />
rushing.....pushing....shoving.....cussing...just being rude...I hate that....<br />
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Shopping for that perfect gift.. just the right one to look good in their eyes.....buying love....<br />
Even when I have had money to spend I have hated the rush of the holidays.....If I'm going to buy a gift it's never about the money.... it's about the message,.... it's thought out...it's special just for that particular person...it's my heart to theirs...it's not about rushing..and spending the most money to impress....<br />
It's the joy I feel when I watch the joy in someone else's eyes.....<br />
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OK so then I go to my big church..... and there it was Christmas decorations....Uggggghhhhh...<br />
turn the radio on... Christmas music.... UGGGHHHH....<br />
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What do trees and balls and tinsel have to do with Jesus???? Nada....nothing!!!!<br />
If ever I miss church it's now... between Thanksgiving and Christmas....just to avoid the music ....I don't understand the love of Christmas music....and I LOVE music....but not Christmas stuff...it's boring and repetitive....and brings images of Santa in the mall... Yuckkk....<br />
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I guess I'm a scrooge when it comes to Christmas... or any holiday for that matter...<br />
I have a good friend who is a Jehovah's witness...and there is a lot I don't agree with in that following.. but I do think they got something right.. and that is they don't celebrate any holiday.. it's just another day.... I Love that.....<br />
<br />
I really wonder if there is anywhere in the bible that describes how Jesus celebrated his birthday...did he decorate a Christmas tree...ahhhh maybe his family did it for him...did he go to the mall to sit in Santa's lap...or maybe push through the crowds to buy the newest hot item.....Oh maybe his family did that too... they rushed to buy him the best gift?<br />
<br />
Gimme a break...<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_JlHuQ6geDXw/TPL8mrzRBJI/AAAAAAAAAPw/RHpcLC5V1v8/s1600/chrismukkah.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_JlHuQ6geDXw/TPL8mrzRBJI/AAAAAAAAAPw/RHpcLC5V1v8/s1600/chrismukkah.jpg" /></a>I actually grew up with <b>Chrismakkuh.</b>...<br />
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a combination of <b>Hanukkah</b> and <b>Christmas</b>..neither of which I had any idea what they meant.....like why were we celebrating these?<br />
There was never any talk about GOD..as a matter of fact I don't ever remember his name being mentioned ever unless someone was cussing...<br />
I can remember having the Menorah lit on the windowsill and the stockings hung on the upright piano...<br />
Confused? Yeh I was ...confused? yeh I am....<br />
My family did holidays the way their family did them, so on and so forth....there was no real understanding to why they did it the way they did....it just was...<br />
My immediate family today? hmmmmm ...It's still mixed up.....it's been all about gifts presents with a little church thrown in......<br />
I question it so..I question myself so.......yet I have found myself out there in the crowds..rushing...buying.....and also wishing the day away....<br />
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I think this year will be different...I want it to be different.....I still deep inside want it to go away.. I'll still struggle with getting through to the New Year....but I hope to bring God into this Christmas...I hope to really know what the day is about...<br />
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I hope that maybe just maybe with God on my side on His day that it can and will be different...<br />
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As always, as always.........hang in<br />
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<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/Z7nOvXBSxMw" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com10http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2010/11/merry-christmakkah-yuck.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-64662278588483422502012-11-11T13:03:00.000-06:002012-11-11T13:03:56.376-06:002012-11-11T13:03:56.376-06:00A QUIET TIME<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I've been quiet as of late....<br />
I haven't known what to say...<br />
even with P it's been quiet ..not a lot of work and nothing exciting....<br />
I have been very depressed which tells me....<br />
Ju Ju has been up front..<br />
but I don't know why....<br />
<br />
There has been some news..<br />
P put me in hypnosis back to the time Jen arrived..<br />
and she actually spoke to her..<br />
that's pretty amazing to me cause all I can see in my head...<br />
is a little girl sucking her thumb and rocking..<br />
I've never heard her speak....<br />
<br />
and just recently I have noticed that I can see Sam and lil bits..<br />
I mean their activity,,<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Og1TB3jKUoo/UJ_2PbXiLMI/AAAAAAAAC8c/U6v1fqkytPA/s1600/560852_4980747802204_1885929081_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Og1TB3jKUoo/UJ_2PbXiLMI/AAAAAAAAC8c/U6v1fqkytPA/s320/560852_4980747802204_1885929081_n.jpg" width="213" /></a>their words..<br />
that part is kinda cool....<br />
<br />
lil bits is always asking P if she is inside puter..<br />
cause she typed to her in skype but she can't see her..<br />
I think that is kinds cute...<br />
<br />
The weather is changing ...<br />
I find myself goin out less and less<br />
I've been sleepin 14-16 hours a day..<br />
<br />
I don't even feel like writing this post....<br />
<br />
Together<br />
<br />
<br /><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/42MEWlfMVLw" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com8http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2012/11/a-quiet-time.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-45074293542464294092012-10-28T22:44:00.001-05:002012-10-29T16:25:51.773-05:002012-10-29T16:25:51.773-05:00A GENTLE ADVOCATE<center>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>AN ANGEL ON EARTH....</b></span></center>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>PLEASE HELP THIS ANGEL BY BUYING HER BOOK... SHE IS A GENTLE ADVOCATE AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE...who is waiting for God to take her home to her beloved mother... Thank you Susan for all you have done.. for giving your life and expecting nothing in return.... I love you ....</b></span></center>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?lt1=_blank&bc1=000000&IS2=1&bg1=FFFFFF&fc1=000000&lc1=0000FF&t=bim032-20&o=1&p=8&l=as4&m=amazon&f=ifr&ref=ss_til&asins=1888160675" style="height: 240px; width: 120px;"></iframe></b></span></center>
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This angel went to be with her beloved mother and her God 10 minutes after I finished reading her book......</div>
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I love you Susan Murphy Milano...</div>
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<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/O0wGaRicU4I" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com6http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2012/10/a-gentle-advocate.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5219901206852342642.post-30981777221511571162012-10-26T12:36:00.000-05:002012-10-26T12:36:42.105-05:002012-10-26T12:36:42.105-05:00SOMETHING TO GRAB ON TO<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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After being surrounded by a few deaths lately...<br />
it seems to have taken it's toll..<br />
and sent me swirling into my own suicide ideation again...<br />
I don't think it would be fair to mention the name od the deceased and or dying..<br />
but they are people I knew directly or indirectly...<br />
I guess the death that threw me the worst was a 5 year old girl...<br />
a girl i remember being born..a girl I held and watched grow...<br />
I can't shake the hurt from this...<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OjlvxGKchV0/UHBfWXLqMrI/AAAAAAAAC4s/X0ONgBt85gA/s1600/P7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OjlvxGKchV0/UHBfWXLqMrI/AAAAAAAAC4s/X0ONgBt85gA/s320/P7.jpg" width="263" /></a>I saw P today and asked her if I could go to the beach..<br />
she was hesitant.. but I wanted to see my friends...<br />
I wanted to know how they were doin....<br />
all that i saw..<br />
each one said it was dark and as I looked at them....<br />
I saw their skin was gray..<br />
the gray of death....<br />
<br />
it was very dark at the beach as it is dark in my own heart..<br />
P told them that they won't drown by the waves cause ...<br />
she holds the other end of the life saver....<br />
they can all grab on to and know they are safe..<br />
<br />
but what will i grab onto..<br />
I feel lost and incredibly depressed..<br />
The ideation for me is at a peak once again...<br />
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I had so wished today that I could stay on her couch forever ..<br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sml-5_sPMZo/UIrJTyQdNgI/AAAAAAAAC6A/Df2QBgErstk/s1600/imgres-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sml-5_sPMZo/UIrJTyQdNgI/AAAAAAAAC6A/Df2QBgErstk/s1600/imgres-1.jpeg" /></a>where it is safe..<br />
but that's not todays reality..<br />
<br />
So what do I grab on to....<br />
how do I stay afloat....<br />
I see the waves ..<br />
they are coming...<br />
I take a deep breath.......<br />
<br />
Together.. I love you<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: red; font-size: xx-small;">SOME IMAGES BORROWED FROM GOOGLE</span></b><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/BongoIsMe/~4/nv7jd84lquo" height="1" width="1"/>Bongohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09476508632697640785noreply@blogger.com7http://bongoisme.blogspot.com/2012/10/something-to-grab-on-to.html