Bonita Dias

Seasons and Sequencing

2010-09-30T10:22:00.000-07:00

So I finally talked Rob into it. I am not going back to work. I just couldn't leave my little guy with a hug an a bottle for 8 hours while I went away and was not able to tell him where I was or when I would be back. I know this sounds mushy, or like a waste of an education, but I think it's actually best for all of us. For me, it lets me raise my child. I model the behavior I want, I make sure he is safe. For him. it means he feels complete. At his age, he doesn't actually know that I am a separate person. When I leave, he is confused and angry. And for Rob, it means I quit waking him up at 3 AM worrying about working, and there is a better than average chance that the laundry will get done without him.

Yes, there will be some challenges. We have cut back anything that could be construed as an optional expense (including cell-phones with real plans), and are trying to rent out a room in our house. Rob teaches afterschool and has signed on to do some gigs as a violinist. We probably won't be eating out much. However, we both feel that it is worth it, and are willing for that reason to make it work.

Despite the frequent accolades from my friends who have kids, there are still people (like my boss) who don't see a reason for staying home (she said my kids will need me more later), or who (like my other boss) ask "what do you do all day?" Apparently if I watch your kid it's a job, whereas if I watch my kid it's an opt out of reality.

So, I wanted to give a momentary explanation for my paid-work hiatus. There is some sort of ...guilt?...tension?.. that comes with deciding to stay home for a bit to raise the child you brought into this world. It's a sense that you are burdening your spouse with the stress of being the breadwinner combined with the thought that you are wasting your education and somehow disappointing the women's lib. movement. I had to look into this, and I was given a book about taking time off to raise children. According to Arlene Cardozo, I am sequencing. It's her word. I think I would call it recognizing the seasons of life. The subtitle is "Having it all, just not all at once." She interviewed hundreds of women who took time off from work when their kids were young. They didn't start out that way (nor did I - I did get my education (I have a master's degree), I worked in my field (at last count I had 6 years of experience, a specialists position, and a staff of 6). They started out working, had kids, and later returned to the workforce in some capacity. It was nice to know that other people have made the decision, even though it is financially difficult. However, because the first 3 years of life are critical to developing trust, cognitive abilities, and an ability to bond, I figured it was now or never. Besides, I have never heard anyone ever say "boy, I wish I spent less time with my kids when they were little." And, for those of you who are wondering if anyone ever gets back prestige and career they left, Sandra Day O'Conner sequenced when her kids were little, and she still made history :)

Baby explosion

2010-05-02T07:43:00.000-07:00

Well, it finally happened - my husband revolted and demanded his garage back. This is understandable since we haven't been able to park in it since spring break. However, it also means that all the baby stuff...the clothes, the bouncer, the high chair, the bassinet, the walker, the playmat, etc. will have to be brought indoors. I'm only about 3 loads of laundry into the process, and already the house has exploded in miniature toys and primary colors! Our bedroom has been the worst hit, with the glider and bassinet taking over the corner, and tiny clothes and cloth diapers taking up half of our dresser. Rob helped me affix the mobile above the changing pad, only to discover that he HATES the music it plays. I told him we could have gotten classical, but he only cringed more. Oh well. The baby take-over was inevitable, and on the bright side, at least now he gets to use the garage :)

Bodily takeover

2010-02-15T06:58:00.000-08:00

I never exactly envisioned myself pregnant. I mean, I wanted kids, so I guess I knew that they would have to come from somewhere, but I never had loving visual images of myself all round and awkward happily gestating on the couch somewhere. Now that it's here, I am realizing how little though I put into this process. MY BODY IS BEING TAKEN OVER BY AN ALIEN!! I'm only about 5 1/2 months along, but already, there are things that I have learned about having this little guy swimming in my tummy:

1. The only people who tell you how much they loved being pregnant have not been so in over 10 year. This includes those who insist that they were never sick or tired, and always felt fantastic. They give me hope though that I too can forget any unpleasant life details if enough time passes.

2. The kicking thing is severely overrated. I waited for weeks to feel kicks - I thought they would be so special and wonderful - that somehow little boy and I would be communicating our love in Morris Code or something. No, now they just keep me up at night and cause my husband to exclaim things like "Hey! I saw that one through your sweater!" I suspect we will have to pay for soccer lessons for our little kicker later on.

3. No matter what you thought would fit, you were wrong. I have now outgrown everything from maternity jeans to large sweaters. I almost cried the first day my sweatpants wouldn't fit. And those cute underthings I used to love - let's just say they are now a joke as I attempt to decide what size of maternity undergarment best fits my expanding form.

I won't even mention the Buddha-belly rubs from strangers or the fact that is severely demoralizing to stand in front of a mirror while getting dressed in the morning.

Thankfully, my husband is very supportive and I am still able to feel somewhat good about myself, but I'm not sure that will help as my stomach expands to take over my entire seated lap.

Grace, gifts, and unexpected love

2010-02-07T11:59:00.000-08:00

I know it's been awhile...

Okay, so 2 years is a bit longer than most people usually go between writing blogs, but as I have never actively pursued being normal, I guess that lapse will just have to do.

And why, you may ask, did I decide to write to the faceless internet...

well... because I needed a better way than a "thank you" card to express to everyone in my life how grateful I am for all the love and support I have received over the last few months.

Let me explain - not so long ago, my husband and I were thrilled to discover that we were going to be starting our family - read "pregnant". ( I hate the word preggo...it sounds too much like spaghetti sauce) Since then, we have been surrounded by help, love, and well-wishes. It's absolutely amazing. Anyone who thinks that we don't value life in our culture has never been an expectant mother in a big church! We have been overwhelmed with people's help. Here are some of the best examples:

1. Our friends who just had their baby last fall have been allowing us to borrow copious amounts of baby paraphernalia. Car seats, strollers, a bouncer (which I had to have explained to me), and even a pack-n-play now line my garage waiting expectantly for my delivery.

2. My parents both cried and began planning their vacation time around the delivery date. At last count, they have 3 weeks set up to come and help us learn to be parents (definitely necessary!).

3. My in-laws both cried and immediately bought plane tickets to come out and see us, which is something they hadn't done in 5 years! Since then they have both harnessed the power of SKYPE to talk regularly with us and check in with the ever-growing baby belly.

4. My ladies at school have started a "Name Suggestion Wall" in order to help celebrate the event. As other teachers pass through, they are actively solicited to add their suggestions and laugh at other peoples. While I can't say this is completely helpful (suggestions currently include Espn, Superman (because every boy thinks he is at 15), and Thor), it is so nice to feel valued and a part of the group!

This lists could go on. Let's just suffice to say that I am very, very thankful for all the love everyone has shown us, and I am learning everyday about what giving and generosity are from the wealth of it that I see and experience. THANK YOU ALL!!!

IAMSPED

2007-09-25T19:57:00.000-07:00

IAMSPED was the custom license plate, attached to a cherry red corvette, that I followed all the way to work today. It completely made my day. I'm sure the person who owned that plate was trying to say "I am speed." but ran out of letters. Instead, they used an education abbreviation for SPecial EDucation...SPED. So, to me, it read "I am special ed.", which was completely hysterical! I suppose the moral of the story is, when designing a custom plate, make sure to run it by someone first.

Professional slacker

2007-09-23T18:07:00.000-07:00

I have spent the last few weekends studying endlessly, and the words of my friend Ed keep coming to mind. I remember him being appalled when my mother was getting her masters and was still reading all of the material assigned for the class. He looked like it was completely absurd for her to do so. Similarly, my friend from church just finished her doctorate, and she wanted to know if I had figured out not to read yet. Apparently, a master's program is meant to teach you how to sound like you know what your talking about. I am definitely being trained to be a professional slacker.

The wrong side of the tracks

2007-09-19T21:16:00.000-07:00

Class has come up in conversation and life for me a few times this week. In my graduate class, the professor was trying to remember the name of the world renowned private high school back east. "...Westinghouse?" she wondered aloud. I chimed in, with my big mouth, that I knew that Westinghouse was a power company back east. A fairly obvious class discussion ensued. Today I was waiting to pick my husband up from work, and I stopped at a coffee shop to do a bit of my required reading to fill the time. As I sat on the patio, I was distracted by a beeping noise from behind me. It was then that I turned around to realize that the offending beep was coming from a Ferrari, and that most of the people there had purses that cost more than my car.
I think I'll stick to my side of the tracks more often...

I now know why there are no bears in Phoenix...

2007-09-17T20:19:00.000-07:00

Women were meant to wear clothes - maybe not naturalistically speaking, but definately from a pragmatic point of view. The longer I live here, the more I realize that I am like a PA bear - I have some extra cushion that looks best under fur. However, no one wears any substantial clothing for most of the year here. I put on jeans for the first time in 5 months yesterday, and I was AMAZED at what a difference a little covering makes. Truly I belong in a more clothed environment.

(although I do love that my shoes never get ruined!)

Privacy

2007-02-07T13:26:00.000-08:00

In plain English...

Please do not SPAM me, it's just as annoying as when people do it to you.

I am not collecting your name, age, or birthday, and I am not selling your email. Having said that, I don't control what people do with anything you voluntarily write on my page.