Bonnie D. Stroir's Derby Blog

Be A Real Alpha

2013-09-22T20:38:00.000-07:00

Last night was my last bout as a San Diego Derby Doll. Not sure if/when I'll ever play the game again, last time I "retired" it turned out to be temporary.

Anyways, whether I'm gonna pull a Jay Z and come back every time I retire or not, feels like a good time to impart some wisdom, so here's some of my favorite observations over the years:

1) Most seem to find roller derby in transitional periods. It's weird and wild and seems like everyone who ever needed to step out of their comfort zone (or never knew how to live in one to begin with) found this controlled chaos at just the right time. We ruin our bodies to save our souls, and for some reason that makes perfect sense.

2) There's much more heartbreak here than anyone ever expects. Many start out excited about the prospect of a good time, and flee the scene the first time they get their heart broken. Or the second time. Or, if you're especially masochistic like me, after 10 full years. But, if you have end goals to strive for and can keep your smile throughout, there's good reasons to power through all that. Especially if your goals are intangible things like self-confidence, leadership skills, and physical prowess. Stay until you get what you came for.

3) There's a huge misunderstanding of power in our culture. I'm the type of alpha that enjoys the company of other alphas. As many as I can get around. I love powerful people. But a lot of totally insecure alphas think the only way to be HBIC is to "shank the biggest kid on the playground." (One skater actually told me her mom taught her that... Guh...)

A real alpha knows that their personal power is not diminished by the presence of other alphas. It's increased. But you can't benefit from that which you shank... So... There's that.

4) There's two stories playing out simultaneously at all times in derby: a total shit show, and the most inspiring story ever told. It's a lot of people who don't honestly know what we're doing, all trying to figure this out as we go along. So it's just as much shit show as it is inspirational-tale-that-we'll-all-brag-about-when-we're-old. (That's the inherent beauty/chaos of creation.) Which side you choose to focus on will determine the quality of your experience.

5) This is a very temporary experience. Even if you manage to stretch it out for 10 years... It goes by in a blink. Get everything you can out of it and treat everyone exactly as you want to be remembered. Because for many... This will be the most exciting thing we ever experience in our lives.

And lastly... I'd like to share some quotes that I've always tried to live by, from a woman well worth admiring (if you don't already). And you can decide if this a post about just derby or applies to everything else in life as well... xoxo

Frequencies and Wavelengths in Roller Derby

2012-06-27T06:52:00.001-07:00

Last night when I was coaching, I talked about some things that you might be interested in.

If you've been following along, then you know I'm super into metaphysics and things of an other-worldly nature. Though I'm finding more practical, every day applications of these interests all the time.

In fact, there's pretty much no aspect of my life, strategy I coach, or talk I give that doesn't involve the word "energy." And I'm very delighted to say that people get it. Coming out of the metaphysical closet was the one of the best things I've done in roller derby, I believe.

So this subject of frequencies and wavelengths is another one I'd like to share.

Before giving the Puppy Talk, I give an over-the-top compliment like, "That was totally amazing and I am very proud of you." And the crazy thing is, most of the time, no one even hears it.

It's not because I say it quieter than most things, it's not because I'm not looking people in the eye when I say it... It's just that people who aren't on the wavelength of self-appreciation just don't recognize over-the-top-appreciation from others. Does not compute.

And this explains so many of my derby experiences, really. I remember getting sat down at a bar once by volunteers who said, "You don't appreciate your volunteers."

And I was like, "Hang on a sec, I THANK YOU ALL THE TIME! I even place my hand on your shoulder when I do it." I can be very touchy-feely, and you think you'd notice someone touching you and saying thank you....

Unless you're just not even on that frequency. Then it's like someone blowing a dog whistle in your ear. You notice that something's happening, but not really taking in what it is.

I've found positive use of frequencies in extreme focus. I played a game once where my team swore up and down that the team we were playing were screaming profane words at us the whole bout.

I believe them, but I didn't hear any of it. Not one mean word. Because I was so in the moment, I heard nothing but my own heartbeat and breathing. If that. It was one of my better games, and I was in such a focused frame of mind, that nothing outside of that wavelength even existed to me.

Interesting stuff, right?

I give the Puppy Talk, and the other Seminars I do, to give people the option to choose a different frequency. Just to make it available. Because it seems like a shame not to even hear when people say nice things. That's the type of thing that's worth tuning in for.

The Injury Fear Monster

2012-01-11T10:54:00.000-08:00

Last year I wrote a blog about Derby Mental Injuries. Another aspect to this is Physical Fear.

It's something I know all about. My first bout I did something dumb that caused a sprained neck. Did you know you could sprain a neck?? It's a lot like a sprained ankle, but you can't turn your head for 6 weeks.

When I came back to the game, there was a physical fear that was in my body. Not just my mind, but my body itself was now afraid of roller derby.

The good news is that I went on to play for many years after that, getting better every year!
The unfortunate truth is that shaking off that fear takes patience w/yourself.

Here's my advice on making your big comeback, and shaking the fear from an old injury out of your body:

1) Take healing seriously.
If immobility is what you need: be immobile.
If tedious-terrible-annoying physio exercises are what you need: do them.
If yoga /stretching/strength training, acupuncture, or massage are what you need: do it.

Whatever it is you need to heal, do exactly that. Mentally, and physically, the conscious choice to heal correctly is an important part of the process, because it gives you time to do just that: process. Injuries can be kind of shocking.

So while you're healing you get time to get over that shock. And while you're rehabbing, you're shaking the shock out out of the body. One grueling exercise at a time.

2) Skate alone, and start anew.
Alone time on your skates is one of the most valuable tools in skating. Even in a team sport, you and your skates need to have a special relationship. That means you'll need alone time.

Going over basic skills, skating outside, or just wearing them in the house on your day off. The skates need to feel like an extension of your foot, and not the scary monsters in the closet that made you get hurt.

Have some fun on your skates, alone, and take your league's most beginner classes, before you're throwing yourself back into pack play situations. Just to get reacquainted.

3) Fall down. Get back up. A lot.
Falling down and getting back up can be either a scary, or empowering situation. Depending on where you're at mentally. I like to throw myself on the ground tell myself to get back up before anyone else gets the chance to. Especially before a returning practice/bout.

That way the ground/track don't feel like a foreign, scary place to end up. It's just part of a good, committed warm up. I still do this sometimes, even coaching, if I'm having an off say on my skates. Just to feel like a boss.

4) Write some new goals and affirmations.

Injuries feel like they're taking you back to where you used to be, but they're not. You'll never be the skater you used to be, you'll always be the new you.

The new you is forced to take the time to work his/her way back up. So... maybe the new you makes/takes the time to become an even more skilled, strong and athletic person than the old you ever bothered to be? Writing some new goals, and coming to new resolves will help you be the new person.

Let the old you go, that version of you is in the past. Who do you want to be now??

I've seen so many skaters COME BACK be better skaters than they EVER were before, (including myself, and I did it several times) by taking the time to do it right. Just tell yourself that you're one of those, if you want to shake off the fear monster and play as a better version of you than the world has ever seen!

Just take the time, and be patient with yourself. You can totally do it!