Book of Blessings

Vacation from Posting...

2010-11-14T07:05:00.000-08:00

I just hopped on here to say that I have not been able to post for a few days now and will be unable to post for several more days to come. We are in the final stages of preparation for our move back east. I will catch everyone up with a massive post w/pictures once we are happily settled in at home.

Blessing #74 - Well Timed Phone Calls

2010-11-09T19:25:00.000-08:00

What can I say? Today has been 24 hours of ups and downs here at the homestead. I'm not sure if it is being caused by stress from the impending move, underlying friction from our individual complexes, or just from too much together time since Greg and I have been off work (okay so I've picked up a couple shifts during my unemployment but still....). Added to that was the disappointment of a fractured friendship, that seems to be crumbling around me because of insecurities and mistrust I've been carrying around after a betrayal that is months old, and the apprehension of a possible new relationship separated by a couple hundred miles, a time zone, and a world of possibilities roadblocks, and you can see why I've been more than a little on edge these past couple days.

Today, however, I recieved a phone call from my favorite adult male literally as I was walking off from a fight between my parents about computer settings, and then I got to speak to my oldest son followng a terse exchange with a lifelong friend who has been stalking my dreams lately with death imagery. It always amazes me how the voice of someone you really love can chase away the demons. <3 <3 <3

Thank you, guys, for reminding me that I am loved and, more importantly, accepted neuroses and all.

Blessing #73 - Outdated Stereotype + Slightly Flawed Game Design = Good Times

2010-11-08T20:41:00.000-08:00

Today for $10, I picked up a copy of Calvin Trucker's Redneck Games for Wii. This is a game I played at Ang's place with some people that were very special to me. It's not the best game on the market. The graphics are cheesy, the sound track is cheesy, the concept is....well....cheesy, but it survies as something of a touch stone for me because I had some really good times playing this trashtastic romp.

Blessing #72 - Touring the Land of Tulips

2010-11-07T18:52:00.000-08:00

Pella, IA is a small town that was primarily settled by Dutch immigrants. The unique architecture and feel of this town was a pleasant distraction for a family trip.

Blessing #71 - Brunch With Mom

2010-11-06T18:35:00.000-07:00

Mom and I went to brunch, just the two of us, at the Second Street Hotel. I have to say, it was the first time I ever had sausage gravy on green beans, but it worked.

Blessing #70 - Rainbows

2010-11-05T18:16:00.000-07:00

A sign of a promise...

to always be hiding.....

behind the clouds.

Blessing #69 - Mwhahaha

2010-11-04T18:38:00.000-07:00

First of all....69....need I say more? Mwhahaha

Okay on a serious note, today was my last day of work at Gaumer, Emanuel, Carpenter, & Goldsmith. Everyone was so sweet. The girls all brought in food, Gina got me a Bath and Body Works gift pack, and Bunny made me give her a hug before she left. They did everything they could to make my last day as pleasant and welcoming as every other day. I can't imagine a better group to have passed the last few weeks with.

....and I got a good night story last night from my favorite guy.

Blessing #68 - It's Mario Time!

2010-11-03T18:05:00.000-07:00

3 hours of head to head Wii Mario with Greg....priceless. I can't remember the last time I heard him laugh as much as he did today spitting me off cliffs and throwing me into fires.

Blessing #67 - Sleeping the Day Away

2010-11-02T19:26:00.000-07:00

Wasn't feeling well when I got home from work, so I ended up going straight to bed. I didn't wake up till dinner and haven't done anything of note since then. Sometimes the lazy days are actually the most productive when it comes to healing the body and soul.

Blessing #66 - Wii, Wii, Wii....All the Way Home

2010-10-31T08:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's blessing posted late......

Got home from work to discover that mom and dad bought a Wii today. I'm amped cause I love the Wii. Now I get to get all the fun of picking out games for us to play.

Then we all went to a bonfire at my friend Brenda's house. I haven't seen dad this entertained and relaxed in a long time. We all, genuinely, enjoyed ourselves. :-)

Blessing #65 - Walkabout Wisdom 3

2010-10-29T22:41:00.001-07:00

Blessing #64 - Surprise Family Time

2010-10-28T21:39:00.000-07:00

Gregory was let go early from his job. His last day was to be Saturday, but we ended up getting some extra family time today when they released him within an hour of reporting. "How did we use this extra time together?" you ask. FOOD! Family dinner at Applebee's. YUM!

Mom, Dad, and Greg had their first desert shooters... GOOD TIMES.

Blessing #63 - Wonky Days

2010-10-27T13:02:00.000-07:00

First I tried to do the supply order at work and ran across this......

yes look at that more carefully...the description of the toner cartridge says....
Grill sandwiches and waffles with your free 2 slice sandwich maker....
I guess some companies will do anything for a sale nowadays.

Then a woman came in to ask if we had an original will from the 1970's. Initially that isn't weird but when you consider the person died in 1984, and they have never put the estate into probate.....that means that one cousin got away with living on the land for over 20 years while the other cousin paid for the taxes and now neither one of them actually has legal claim to the property....OUCH!

Blessing #62 - Sorry Ghost Rider Pattern is Full

2010-10-26T17:37:00.000-07:00

Unmanned vehicle hit my parent's van today. The BIGGEST blessing of the day was that nobody got hurt and there were no major damages.

Blessing #61 - Two Fingers of (Butter) Scotch and Some Sage (Words)

2010-10-24T22:08:00.000-07:00

The one thing that I love about real friends is that they always tell you how it is even when it is going to hurt. In the past 24 hours, two friends with very different experiences of me have both field checked me.

First Joe was pretty blunt in addressing my reaction to the doctor wanting to burn out my uterus. He very plainly explained that my fears about completely closing the door to the idea of risking another pregnancy, stating that any guy who really loved me would be able to look past my broken girlie bits....and he was completely right. (I'm still not going to rush into anything irreversible without a. a second opinion or b. insurance to pay for it.) I can't fault his logic as he said everything I would have to any of my friends if they were in the same situation, but I guess I just needed to hear it from him.

Then today Hooch helped put in perspective another situation that has been bothering me lately. Okay so maybe I got off the phone crying and then stayed in my bedroom bawling like a 5 year old for the rest of the night doubting my value as a person in the lives of those I love. Maybe I ended up with bruised feelings in a overly tender heart, but having drowned my sorrows in a butterscotch milkshake I'm feeling reasonably optimistic that I'll have a better grasp on life very soon.

Love you both, but bartender keep it coming.

Blessing #60 - Blueberry Muffin Pudding

2010-10-23T20:28:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought there was no way for junk food to tempt me further than the butterscotch cream pie that stares at me all day at work, I discovered blueberry muffin Snack Packs. OMG....as long as they continue to produce this decadent treat I'm a full fledged devotee.

Blessing #59 - Target Ups Their Curve Appeal

2010-10-22T21:37:00.000-07:00

Target has carried "fat girl jeans" for a while, but their new Fit 1-6 line has finally added jeans that are cut with woman shaped hip/rear/thigh line. Up till recently all the jeans there seemed to be cut with a straight hip line, so women that had, well, womanly assets struggled with finding a jean that would both go over the fuller parts and not gape at the waist without taking them to a seamstress.

I'm pleased to say that I am now the proud owner of an indigo wash pair of jeans that fit as well as they feel. :-)

Blessing #58 - 120 Down; A Lifetime to Go

2010-10-21T17:47:00.000-07:00

I have officially been a non-smoker for 120 days. This is the longest I have gone without a smoke outside of pregnancy since I was 16. If I made it this far, I'm feeling very confident that I will never go back to smoking again.

Blessing #57 - Walkabout Wisdom #2

2010-10-20T20:00:00.001-07:00

Blessing #56 - Yin and Yang of Personal Care

2010-10-19T20:01:00.000-07:00

Good news is the doctor has come up with an option to resolve at least some of my health problems. The doctor wants to cauterize my uterus to stop/slow my female cycles. If it works this would resolve my heavy flow issues and also could help limit the number of menstrual triggered seizures and other complications I have been struggling with for years.

Bad news is there is no way to get the procedure approved and completed before we move back out east. That means the onus is on me when I get back to West Virginia to either find affordable health insurance that does not have a preexisting conditions exclusion OR find another way to finance this out of pocket. The other part of the bad news is that this procedure will not completely remove the possible need for a hysterectomy down the road in response to my abnormal paps and history of gynecological cysts/fibroid masses.

A friend suggested I ask all my facebook friends for $20.00 as a way of raising funds. I told her I didn't think it was quite that bad yet, but I'd let her know before I hit the street corner with a tin cup. ;-)

The other major draw back is that this procedure would completely destroy any chance I had at even considering having my tubal ligation reversed to have children with any future husband. I shouldn't have been considering it anyway since the reason for tying my tubes was the concerns of my OBGYN at the time. He felt that my life and that of future pregnancies would be at risk if I continued to reproduce. I can't say that I was really ready to offer my womb up to even the right person, but I had been giving the idea serious consideration lately.

I guess I'm just going to have to hold out hope that either that special someone will be able to accept my inability to reproduce or that I eventually I meet someone that will be able to love me, missing pieces and all.

Blessing #55 - Walkabout Wisdom #1

2010-10-18T20:48:00.000-07:00

Blessing #54 - New Shoes

2010-10-17T19:53:00.000-07:00

Got me some new shoes today. Rock-n-Fit pod bottomed fitness shoes in bronze. I've been wearing them most of the day, and I will admit that the outside of my calves and hips definitely feel a little worse for wear. Here's to hoping. Tomorrow mom and I are going to get back into the habit of walking again. Starting with a stroll down the riverwalk, so I guess that I should charge my phone so I can snap some pics and make the most of it.

Blessing #53 - Sister Secrets

2010-10-16T19:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the best secrets are those shared between sisters. I love you, Annie-Dots, and I think you are a pretty slick chick. I hope we have many, many years ahead of ourselves, sharing secrets and smiles and songs. Just think, in just over a month we'll be back in the same state again. Watch out world, you ain't seen nothing like the Western-girls calling their own shots. ;-)

Blessing #52 - Hope for the Holidays

2010-10-15T20:24:00.000-07:00

My oldest asked me today if (assuming we could convince his dad) he could be with me for Christmas. After having been alone for the past 2 years at the holidays feeling lost and hopeless, I now actually have hope for a happy holiday season. I don't know if he realizes just how far that one moment went to heal the years of despair and fear that have been constant companions since I lost custody of my children. I've spent what feel like a life time convinced that as the time passes they need/want me less and less. I've convinced myself more than once that they would have happier, more well adjusted if I wasn't a part of their lives anymore. Tonight he proved to me without question that he still does want me, that I am relevant to their lives, and that things will some day get better.

I love you, Jamie. Thank you for the biggest blessing I could even imagine at this point. When I said tonight was going to be about dragons, I didn't realize you were going to be the one slaying them.

Blessing #51 - A Perfect Evening

2010-10-14T20:34:00.000-07:00

Start with 1 bottle Dragonberry Bacardi....

Add Big Bang Theory on CBS.......

....and finish up with speaking with good friends, spending time with my amazing family, and enjoying the fact that I don't have to get up early tomorrow...

could this be heaven?

Yup I think it just may be, despite the lack of a Jesus in a tuxedo T.