AAAAAAANNNNND that’s enough for today. I’m going back to bed. Have a nice weekend, I’ll be rocking back and forth in my shower trying to wash this off my brain.

See you Monday!

img via lisamarksmedia

Little did I know she could pull a move that would make her 10x more obnoxious and at least 10,000,000 times more creepy: she could be the face of lube. According to The Superficial, Kris Jenner has signed on as the new spokeswoman for Zestra Essential Arousal Oils, “which claims to enhance a woman’s sexual pleasure by heightening sensitivity to touch.” Via the source:

“She’s tried it and uses it. She wants to promote great sex,” a source tells Life & Style about Kris, who has been married to Bruce since 1991. “Zestra is an over-the-counter product clinically proven to enhance a woman’s sexual pleasure.”

Let that sit for a minute. Yep. There it is. Feel that? That wave of nausea? It’s probably because you’re subconsciously imagining Kris and Bruce Jenner mashing their overly-silicone bodies together, with Bruce’s frozen face hardly budging and Kris constantly yelling “oh GOD I HOPE THE PAPARAZZI DON’T ACCIDENTALLY SHOW UP AT THE SCHEDULED TIME THAT I INVITED THEM!”

I’m sorry to do this to you this early in the morning, but if I have to see it, so do you. That’s how it goes. Have a lovely day picturing Kris mid-orgasm.

What concerns me most about this video isn’t that they have clearly greased the floor of a children’s arcade, or that this kid is one wrong move away from flipping that thing and shattering his skull, or the strangely depressing Metric song in the background. It’s the fact that there are several people that walk in and out of the background of this video and NOT ONE OF THEM STOPS TO WATCH THIS BAD ASS. Which leads me to believe that Cancun, Mexico is just crawling with wheelchair-drifting kids with palsy, which leads me to believe that I need to go to Cancun. Now.

Source

You know a video is good when it can potentially give you seizures, that’s what I’ve always said. Other things I’ve always said: THAT SH*T CRAY.

Well, here we go:

What is in the photo above?

A) A shedded skin fossil from an early Cretaceous period snake-like creature
B) An artifact from the ancient Aztec game of ullamalitzli
C) A steamboat captain’s reusable sheep intestine condom
D) The mummified sex toy of a Egyptian princess

ALRIGHT, PENCILS DOWN. PASS YOUR ANSWERS TO THE FRONT.

Did you guess D? You were… WRONG. It’s C. From OhioHistory.org:

The condom above, discovered in an account book, presumably belonged to the Muskingum River steamboat captain, Monroe Ayers. This particular condom was made around 1860 from either sheep skin or sheep intestine, but rubber condoms were also commercially available at the time. Why did Ayers save it? Many condoms at the time were designed to be reused.
Should you want to see the condom in person, it’s part of an exhibit at Ohio Historical Society entitled “Controversy,” consisting unsurprisingly of a selection of controversial items from U.S. history.

Keep that in mind guys, it WILL be on the final.

This gender-role-reversal video is pretty accurate, we’d say, especially the awkward “Mother Hen” friend who always tries to get their friends to leave when they aren’t getting hit on. Now if only chicks were ballsy enough to really be like that after a hook up. Sigh… someday…

Now if THAT doesn’t make you want to buy a crate of Durex condoms (or OBC’s condoms, either one), I don’t know what would! Banned or not, this ad did it’s job. Consider me sold.

I guarantee you that they picked this blondie to interview because she is super cute and has another pair of super cute legs in spandex wrapped around her head. You know what they say, sex sells, even on daytime news shows which are the least-sexy thing in the world. However, they must have instantly regretted spotting her in the crowd but her response to “what Giants player do you want to see” in the post-Super Bowl win parade was about as shameful as you get. I bet that girl is rocking herself back and forth in the shower saying “MANNING. MANNING. I MEANT MANNING. MANNING” right now (and forever).

Head over to PR Newswire to read the whole story, and share it with everyone you know!

You know what’s obnoxious? When you’re doing some online shopping for, oh, I don’t know, Belgian waffle irons because damnit you love Belgian waffles and you deserve to eat them everyday, and then BAM, on the side of the screen some cheesy ass dating site ad pops up that’s like, “this ridiculously hot 18 year old wants to make sex with you!” and you’re like, “Oh, I’m sure.”

Well, at OBC we don’t need ridiculous ads like that. Instead, we have weekly testimonials from real members who have found hook ups, booty calls, relationships, and even MARRIAGE on OBC, and we’re proud to share them with you. Check these out!

“I have been on OBC for a long time. I’ve met some nice people and some strange ones too, but just recently I met a great guy on OBC and we really hit it off. I think this one is a keeper. You never know who will cross your path, but when they do it is for a reason. Good luck and have fun!” Female, 45, Weatherford, TX

“I met somebody, thank you.” Male, 32, Brockton, MA

“This is a good social site. I enjoy it a lot, although the name says booty call I have met some very nice and interesting men. Only leaving because I found someone I’m trying to pursue on a serious note. Thanks!” Female, 49, Fort Worth, TX

“I’m engaged!!!!!” Female, 21, Catonsville, MD