Without giant, fluffy microphones in the shot, have you ever wondered how they get such crystal clear sound on your favorite “Krystal and Katie Double Anal Lesbian Squirt” porn? Well, apparently it’s less about secretly hiding a boom mic and more about having an expert come in after the fact and dub in perfectly matched skin-on-skin noises. Grant Meyers is one of those experts, and he will go to any lengths to make sure the sweet sounds of gagging, slapping, and gushing are exactly how you like.

Or, y’know, this is just a hilarious parody video. Take it as you please. Happy Friday!

Are you in need of a little afternoon delight but are either a) too busy or b) too disgusting to find yourself a booty call? Yes? Ok, second question. Are you really horny, completely and utterly alone AND too broke to buy yourself either a Farrah Abraham sex toy or iPad compatible fleshlight? Well, you’re in luck. The folks over at BroBible (via Gawker) got a hold of a video tutorial on how to DIY your very own masturbatory tool, using nothing but sock, latex gloves, a blanket, and a belt – all things that most creepy men have in their homes!

Check out the (terrifyingly silent) instructional vid below, you pervert.

I do take issue with BroBible’s assumption that it “perfectly replicates” a woman’s “box and butt,” mainly because no ass I’ve ever seen has been made of FLEECE. Plus – what are the odds that you have a skin-colored blanket lying around? The only one I can find is Darkwing Duck-themed and that would make this experiment a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE.

*** Note: for this week’s Hump Day Hottie, we couldn’t find anything more daring and sexy than Amber Rose. For your daily dose of hot, refer to Monday’s post. We’ll return to our regularly scheduled hottie next week.***

 
One time in high school my friend’s mom gave him a taser because we lived in kind of a crappy area. He kept it in his glove compartment just in case he had to park far from, and then walk to his house. I don’t think he ever had to use it on an actual attacker, but one time (because high school), a group of us played “Spin the Taser” in the parking lot of a Papa Johns. Yep – we were about a cool as teens get.

Needless to say, I can’t really get mad at the “idiots” in this “art” video who are allowing themselves to be tased, except for the fact that they are NAKED and getting tased on the sensitive skin on their stomachs, which sounds way worse than getting tased through your jeans. If anything I know they are slightly LESS dumb than a man who set his hair on fire while wrapped in a Confederate flag. Via Gawker:

The only thing better than watching naked people get tased? Watching the maniacal faces of their friends and significant others as they blast their loved ones with 300,000 volts of electricity. Here’s that clip:

I mean, I don’t know how this all qualifies as art in any way (maybe I r just dum-dum), but I do know watching the almost sadistic grins on the faces of guys tasering their girlfriends is friggin’ hilarious. B+ – would watch again.

The Emmy’s were last night – did you watch them? Yeah, we didn’t either. It’s the same thing every year, wrought with terrible jokes and drawn-out acceptance speeches and weird publicity stunts that are kinda-funny, kinda-yikesy. We scoured the web trying to find SOMETHING, ANYTHING from last night’s TV award show to share, but aside from Billy Eichner’s hilarious bit (where a woman called the Emmy a “GOBLE,”), and Sarah Silverman showing off her pot stash on the red carpet, there was just straight nothin’. Boring ass nothin’.

So instead this morning we thought we brighten your day with what we hope is the LAST ALS ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE ever. What’s that, you ask? How could the ice bucket challenge get any more ridiculous? Oh, oh my sweet child. Let me show you.

We could have waited till Hump Day to share this, but it was too good to pass up. We love you, Amber Rose. Will you marry us?

Image via http://www.redbookmag.com/

Now this is the kind of news we wanna get on a Friday! According to a new study, men who remain virgins until marriage are more likely to struggle with their sex lives. So yep – enjoying casual dating and booty calls till you finally decide to tie the knot? Probably a good idea.

Sarah Diefendorf, a sociology doctoral candidate at the University of Washington in Seattle, studied a group of men in a group called The River, who all pledged abstinence until marriage. Her research seems to show that this kind of pledge can often lead to poor sex lives during marriage, because the men felt like they had no one to talk to about this new (and highly important) aspect of their love life.

Via The Daily Mail:

Ms. Diefendorf said [that guys who make virginity pledges] “spend the first 20-something years of their lives being told that sex is wrong.  They’re expected to make this transition from the beastly to the sacred, but they don’t really have the tools to be able to do that effectively.”

She goes on to explain that a reason these men have a difficult time having healthy sex lives is because although they’ve had frank conversations about temptation and masturbation with their church groups before they get married, they’re left hanging without any support once they walk down the aisle. “Post-marriage, the church teaches: keep it in the dark,” says Ms. Diefendorf. “Most of the men said they felt discussing their sex lives was inappropriate and disrespectful to their wives.”

To top it all off, inexperience and likely nervousness make these men feel like they can’t even have honest discussions about sex with their OWN WIVES. Many of the men told Sarah they struggled with extra-marital desires and pornography.

Obviously, the number one casual dating site on the web is going to advocate for healthy, fun, casual sex experiences before settling down. But this research – in which actual men have experienced a sex-less young adulthood, and are struggling because of it? We think this puts the nail in the coffin: casual sex is a good thing.

This video, like most BuzzFeed lists, is a combination of “haha” and “uhhhh” and “wtf” and “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!!” But, it does a good job of reminding us that we constantly have more to learn about our bodies, our partner’s bodies, and sex as an act in general.

Sure, it’s hilarious that some girl thought you should blow during a blow job and that someone really believes that random sex isn’t as good as “sex with someone you love,” (we beg to differ), but there is a ton more that could be added to this list by people who AREN’T under 21 years old.

For example…

…I didn’t know that not peeing after sex can lead to some VERY UNFORTUNATE SITUATIONS.

…I thought that sex was going to be emotional every single time. FALSE.

…I thought that the bigger the penis, the better, when in fact it’s the motion of the ocean that counts.

…Porn made me think orgasms always happen during intercourse – when really, foreplay is the key!

What did you learn about sex recently? We all learn new things every day – even about sex. Share your sexual revalations in the comments!

I haven’t always been a Nicki Minaj fan. Something about her voice makes me feel like I’m getting an anesthesia-free lobotomy, and her ridiculous outfits on the red carpet seemed to be the world’s biggest plea for attention (actually, second largest behind this nutjob). However, in recent years as she’s shown up less in the media, I’ve started to think, maybe okay she’s not that bad. And DUH, she’s got a crazy curvy body (plastic surgery or not).

And as you can see, her video for her recent single Anaconda showcases that curvy bod for almost 5 straight minutes, and it’s goddamned mesmerizing — especially the part where Drake is clearly trying to wish his boner away. We think we’ll be taking today off, putting this on repeat, and drooling for the next 8 hours (with the mute on. We’re not superheroes and that song is TERRIBLE). Happy Hump Day, Nicki. Thanks for ruining our productivity with dat ass.

We talk about orgasms fairly frequently here at BCU. It’s an important topic when you’re striving to help peeps have satisfying sex lives. We’ve learned that men fake orgasms as well as women, and that it’s really hard to sing while you’re experiencing a Big O, and that taking risks can lead to super-powerful finishes. Today, though, we’ve learned something that should make the guys in the audience want to take some sex classes: lesbians are better at giving women orgasms than men!

Via The Daily Mail:

The Journal of Sexual Medicine study also found that for women, but not men, the likelihood of orgasm varies with sexual orientation, with lesbian women having a significantly higher probability of orgasm than either heterosexual or bisexual women (75%, 62%, and 58%, respectively).

They also found lesbians experience orgasm during sex 75% of the time, compared to 62% for straight women and 58% for bisexual women.

The researchers theorize this could be because lesbian sex lasts longer, according to previous research on the length of sexual encounters – or because women are more comfortable with the female body.

‘One possible explanation is that…lesbian women are more comfortable and familiar with the female body and thus, on average, are better able to induce orgasm in their female partners,’ The study’s authors wrote.

I mean, I guess it’s not that big of a shocker. Ladies know what works on themselves to get to the finish line — why wouldn’t they be able to find the magic spot on their female partners? All we know is guys might need to call up their closest lez friend and ask them for a little advice on how to make their bedmates scream.

And NO, guys, watching a bunch of lesbian porn DOESN’T COUNT.

This story is just TOO MUCH for a Monday morning. Via The Independent:

Kenneth Douglas, 60, worked as a morgue attendant in Ohio, USA, between 1976 and 1992, where he committed the sexual crimes against the dead women while working the night shift.

He admitted to sexually abusing the cadavers of three women between 1991 and 1992, two of which were murder victims, and disclosed in a deposition that he had had sex with up to 100 corpses over a period of 16 years.

“I would just get on top of them and pull my pants down,” he is seen telling the court in a deposition video obtained by WCPO.

So! Keep that in mind ladies and gentleman! Even in death, someone will want to f*ck you. Congratulations.