bountifulplate

A Book Every Autism Mom Should Read

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Sat, 26 Apr 2025 01:21:00 +0000

When Dominic was diagnosed with Autism at 2 1/2, I went to our local library and took out every book I could find about Autism. Sometimes I would bring back 20 books. This was 2006, so a lot of the information was very "dated." I guess I was looking for a book that would tell me what I should do next, like a "manual." Autism doesn't quite work that way! The saying is, "if you know one person with Autism, you know one person with Autism." Every mom to an individual with Autism follows their own "path." I think as moms, we judge ourselves much harder than anyone else does. I was 41 when I had Dominic. Did he get the diagnosis of Autism because I was an older mom? because I drank a lot of pop? I could sit and think about that every minute of every day. I am pretty integrated into the Autism community around Lansing and have told more than one person that it took me about two weeks to come to terms with Dominic's diagnosis. It is so incredibly important to accept the diagnosis or else you can't move forward. I have been told that is pretty quick. Every person is different. I am blessed that I have friends who have children with Autism that are older than Dominic. I have been able to ask questions about potty training, puberty, wearing deodorant, etc. I have been on the Board of the Mid-Michigan Autism Association for almost 10 years. My favorite parents/caregivers to talk to are the ones who have a child that was just diagnosed. It's what I really wish I had in 2006. Someone just to tell me it would be okay. When you put the word Autism into a search engine, it brings up millions of entries. You truly don't know where to start. The Mid-Michigan Autism Association wasn't founded until 2008, so I couldn't reach out to them yet. I recently heard about a brand-new book written by three Autism moms. It's called, "Autism Out Loud: Life with a Child on the Spectrum, from Diagnosis to Young Adulthood." I put a hold on it at our local library, and I picked it up this past Wednesday night. I finished reading it this morning. Wow. It was written by three Autism moms who all have children with Autism and are different ages (Kate Swenson, Carrie Cariello and Adrian Wood). The mom with the oldest child has a son close in age to Dominic. The past two days, I kept telling Larry that so much of the book resonated with me. So many of the things they talked about, I could 100% relate to. It really is a book every mom should read, whether you just got the diagnosis of Autism for your children or you are a more "seasoned" mom like me! These days, I never pass up an opportunity to talk about Autism! Dominic, another Board member from the Mid-Michigan Autism Association and myself had an opportunity to talk about our organization!! We were on a local television station and did a "live" interview. That is something I could have NEVER imagined when Dominic was first diagnosed!

Finding the Right "Reward"

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Mon, 26 Aug 2024 21:07:00 +0000

During the 2023-2024 school year, I would ask Dominic if he would like to read a book from time-to-time. The answer was always a "no." I didn't want to put any pressure on him, since he got on the bus about 7:20 a.m. and didn't get home from school until close to 3 p.m. He also had art therapy, speech therapy and music therapy! This summer, I tried a different approach. The Capital Area District Library System has a summer reading program. You could log in reading times online, but with Dominic being such a "visual" learner, I opted to print out the sheet. We also worked with his private speech therapist to have him ask me, "Mommy, can we read a book?" He would have to do that first, me not ask him. The sheet from the library had two sets of circles that you could check off or put an "x" on. Each one had 30 circles, for a total of 60 circles. Each "circle" represents 20 minutes of reading. When he reached 30 circles, I told him he could get a prize from the library. He said he didn't want to. Just being able to cross off a circle on the reading log was enough of a reward to him. When he reached 60 circles, since the summer reading program was over, I asked him if he wanted to stop reading or keep going. He said he wanted to keep going!! I went to the Capital Area District Library System's summer reading program website and printed out another reading log. We love the "Who Was?" or "Who Is?" books! It is just about at his reading level, so it's a perfect series for him. We have run into words occasionally that he doesn't know or doesn't know how to pronounce. I use it as a "teaching moment" for him. We have read about George Washington, Helen Keller, Willie Wonka, the Wright Brothers and Mozart. We are currently reading about Dr. Seuss!

Dominic started back to school last Wednesday. When he got home from school, I was VERY curious as to whether he would stop asking to read. I was pleasantly surprised when he asked to read!! I am hopeful that the 2024-2025 school year will be one of reading every day!! So far, so good!

Those "Steps" to Independence Can Be Hard

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Wed, 10 Jul 2024 18:52:00 +0000

We are heading towards 600 orders for Dominic's business. Since our long-term goal for Baked Goods By Dominic is having a "brick-and-mortar" and hire those with disabilities, it is essential and imperative that I continue to teach him all parts of the business. Since I prompted Dominic for so many years for speech, he has become "prompt dependent." What that essentially means is that he will look at me for a prompt, like, "what do you do next?" I do that one a lot. Dominic has been going to a private speech therapist for over ten years and she reminds me often that Dominic usually will know the answer, if I am patient and wait for him. That has been a very hard habit to break! Dominic has an incredible memory, so I put it to the test this morning. I didn't write out the steps, I wanted to see how much he could do completely on his own. We have a customer picking up his order today, but the only thing that had been done is putting the cookies into the four separate containers (our customer wanted one dozen of each kind of cookie). All I told Dominic was the customer was coming this afternoon. I sat at the kitchen table with him but was doing something else. He first said, "scissors," and then cut out all the labels. Next, he said, "scale." He went over and got it off the kitchen counter. After a few attempts to turn it on and me not prompting him, he said, "I need help." That is HUGE. This is a skill that his teacher has said he needs help with. He will stand in front of a cabinet at school and not say anything until someone asks him what he wants.

When we have more than one item in an order, I have started to write the initials on the top of the product in black marker (SC for sugar cookie, etc.). For the first container of cookies, he looked and told me they were chocolate chip cookies. I reminded him that the initials were on the top and he didn't need to look into the container. For the last three containers he did that. He put the first container on the scale, told me the weight and was getting ready to tape the label on. I waited about 30 seconds and then said, "did you forget something?" He had forgotten to stamp the logo on the label. He then said, "stamp," and finished the label. He next said, "where is the tape?" I kept my mouth shut and he found it in the drawer, taped the label to the container and then finished the three other containers. Lastly, he signed the invoice, went into the desk in our living room where we keep the long envelopes and tucked the invoice inside.

He took a look at the front of the envelope which was blank and realized he forgot to put the customer's name. He pulled the invoice out, looked at the name and wrote the name on the outside of the envelope and then tucked the invoice back in. During the entire time from beginning to end, anytime he would look at me to prompt him or tell him he did the step right, I didn't say anything. More than once, he got pretty upset with me and would start "scripting" from Barney. "Scripting" is when you repeat a certain line or favorite part of a movie or television show. Some of those individuals with Autism will flap their hands or bang their heads when they are overwhelmed. Dominic typically talks about Barney. I just kept telling him he was doing a good job and learning to be "confident and "independent" of mom. After about an hour or so, I asked Dominic if he preferred mommy telling him what to do or whether he liked doing it himself. He said, "mommy." Guess we have a little way to go!

Presume Competence

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Wed, 23 Aug 2023 22:36:00 +0000

Since we have traveled outside of the United States since Dominic was very small, we have had to get him a Children's Passport every five years. Since his current one expires in February of 2024 and he is now 19, we had to apply for an Adult Passport. I don't know why my husband and I picked Dominic's first day of school and Michigan State University moving in their students, but the appointment was yesterady at 3 p.m. We had gathered all of the documents needed and then went into a special room in the East Lansing Post Office just for Passports. The three of us sat down and the clerk asked Dominic his age. He said, "19." Since we were also getting his picture taken for the Passport, he went into a separate room, where she took a picture of him and then let him look at it to make sure he liked it (it will be his picture for the next 10 years)! He said he did, so he sat back down with us. The clerk filled out a bit more of the paperwork and then she let Dominic sign his name on one of the forms. During the entire process, she didn't ask us to help Dominic at all. He did everything by himself! I was so proud of him!! The clerk we had was phenomenal. So many people don't talk directly to the person with a disability. Dominic understands everything, he just has a harder time processing the information. The clerk told Dominic exactly what to do and didn't overwhelm him with too much information. I am going into my eighth year of being on the Board of Directors of the Mid-Michigan Autism Association, a local non-profit organization. One of my favorite things to do are the "Autism Awareness Trainings" we do for businesses and organizations. We offer them for free and typically, it's another Board member (who does the PowerPoint) and me. I lend the parent perspective. For the past couple of trainings, I have said one of the most important things to remember with individuals with disabilities, is presume competence. There is a family that is very close to my heart and their disabled individual is a woman in her 40's in a wheelchair. When I first met them, I assumed that she was non-verbal. She wasn't. I was SO embarrassed. When Dominic was younger, I assumed there were many things he couldn't do. Lauren and Larry would tell me all the time, to not do that, that Dominic was more capable of doing things than I thought. I was not presuming competence with my own son! My reasoning was that I didn't want to see him try, not be able to do it and then get upset. But the only way to learn is to try! At a recent Presentation we did for Dominic's baking business, one of the attendees asked Dominic what his favorite cookie to bake was. I didn't automatically jump in and answer for him. I gave him some time to process the question and when he didn't, I told the attendee that Dominic had to be given choices. I told him the four different cookies we make, and he then asked Dominic which of the four cookies he liked making the best. Dominic answered, "snickerdoodles!" Just adapting a question slightly and he was able to answer! Below is one of my favorite quotes:

There are many ways for Dominic to learn and I need to remember that more often!!!

Why We Pursued Guardianship of our Son with Autism

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Wed, 12 Oct 2022 14:18:00 +0000

Last Thursday morning, my husband, Dominic and I went to our county's Probate Court and had Dominic's Guardianship Hearing. My husband and I are Co-Guardians, and we were granted "Partial Guardianship," which means Dominic can make some of his own decisions (future educational and vocational placement options, what to wear and how he wants to spend his free time), but my husband and I will make his medical, health care, legal, contractual and major financial decisions. The subject of Guardianship in the disability "world" has been and continues to be a controversial and divisive topic. I was a panelist for an Autism Conference this past summer and presented on what it's like to have a child with Autism. Towards the end of my presentation, I mentioned that Dominic had just turned 18 and that we were going through the Guardianship process. When the attendees could ask questions, the first person that went up to the microphone started telling me that I wasn't giving Dominic enough of a say in his future. Let's just say she was very angry and combative. I was caught so off-guard, that I really didn't know how to respond. Later on, after the Autism Conference was over, and I had time to think about that interaction, this woman doesn't know Dominic. She doesn't know what he is and isn't capable of. She was making a generalization, based on probably her own experiences. Deciding which route, you want to go with your individual with a disability, when they turn 18, is a very personal decision. Many, many factors go into deciding what is right for your adult with disabilities. In Michigan, there are two types of "Guardianship for an Adult with a Developmental Disability," one is "Partial" and the other is "Plenary or Full." I had heard that if the Judge grants "Full Guardianship," it is basically impossible to reverse. Part of the process before the Hearing was that a behavioral psychologist from Community Mental Health had to administer some tests on Dominic, which we did about three weeks before his Hearing. We were able to see a copy of her report before the Hearing which I appreciated. The day after his Hearing, I was talking to some business colleagues of mine, and I was telling them that Dominic's Hearing was the day before. One of my colleagues knew about Guardianship, because she has a brother with a disability. The other colleague asked me what it was. I told her that seeking Guardianship of an adult with a Developmental Disability is a way to protect them from possibly being taken advantage of. In the eyes of the law, when Dominic turned 18, he is responsible for making his own decisions. Unfortunately, there are people out there that are appointed a Guardian or Co-Guardian of an adult with Developmental Disabilities that don't have the persons best interests in mind. I have thought from time-to-time about going to law school and becoming a lawyer for those with disabilities based on all the different experiences I have had. Who knows? Maybe one day I may just do that!!!

An Important Anniversary

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Sun, 28 Nov 2021 18:30:00 +0000

When Dominic was first diagnosed with Autism at 2 1/2, I truly had no idea what would happen when he turned 18 (which is now just 8 short months away). Would he go to college? would he live in a residential facility? would he have a job? It is so hard to predict the future for any of your children, but especially for those with higher support needs. Today, marks the one-year Anniversary of Dominic's baking business, "Baked Goods By Dominic." I have spent the past few days thinking about that. I read recently that just 32% of adults with Autism have paying jobs. That means there are 68% that are not employed. That is a HUGE number. I have told more than one person since Dominic's business started, it's not like someone was going to knock on our front door when Dominic turns 18 and say, "hey, I'm here to offer Dominic a job!" We had to create an opportunity for him. Living in Michigan, he can be in the school district until he is 26. We had a choice to make this year. He could wait until he "aged" out of the school system or have him "graduate" with his typically-developing peers in June of 2022. My husband and I discussed it and decided that we wanted him to graduate with his typically-developing peers in June. Dominic first started special education services in the school system when he was three. Putting my "baby" on the school bus that first day was very difficult.

To my knowledge, he has never been bullied. I like to say that he travels around in his protective "bubble" at school. When we go places in town, we almost always run into someone that says, "hey Dominic!" He has had amazing teachers, parapros, therapists, etc. and I am personal friends with many of them. Each and every one of them has had a part in getting Dominic to the point he is now. In the Fall of 2021, he started working at a local business doing custodial work. He is able to tell the hubby and I every day when he hops off the bus what he did. It has been amazing to watch how much confidence he has in himself when he can tell us. When Dominic turns 18, we will seek full guardianship of him. As much as we had hoped he could make his own decisions, we also have to be realistic. My husband and I have to do what is in his best interests. Dominic's business just hit 150 orders. When we first started out a year ago, it reminded me of when Dominic was first diagnosed with Autism at 2 1/2, I had no idea what the future would hold for the business. When my dad unexpectedly passed away three weeks after the business started, it was devastating, even more so because we couldn't travel from Michigan to Maryland for the funeral because of COVID. In early 2021, I started a Facebook page for Dominic's business. He now has a huge on-line "community" that supports him and our family 100%. I use the Facebook page to talk not only about his business, but what it's like to raise a child with differing needs. It's like what I use this blog for! I have already had parents reach out to me and want their children to work for Dominic. I have parents who have children newly diagnosed with Autism tell me that Dominic's business is an "inspiration" to them and gives them hope for their children. It makes my heart so full to hear that! As for the business, it is no longer a matter of "if" we will have a brick-and-mortar business, but "when!"

Focus on the Positive

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Sat, 21 Aug 2021 14:49:00 +0000

Dominic starts his senior year of high school this coming Tuesday. Living near a large university, we have received a handful of brochures and letters in the mail addressed to Dominic asking him to consider going to their college. I came to terms with the diagnosis of his Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), a long time ago (like two weeks after the diagnosis), but I have to admit a small part of me was sad. If Dominic was a "typical" incoming senior, we would be making an appointment with a professional photographer for senior pictures, visiting possible colleges for him to go to and he would probably be driving a car to school everyday. Instead, I decided that I wanted Lauren to take his senior pictures, we will not be visiting colleges and he won't be driving himself to school everyday. When Dominic was first diagnosed with ASD, I truly had no idea what to expect. I have said it before and I'll say it again, my only frame of reference of ASD was the movie, "Rainman." No one on my side of the family or my husband's has Autism. It wasn't that long ago that doctors automatically told parents to put their children with ASD into institutions. I follow a handful of ASD blogs on Facebook and yes, some children and adults need to be in residential facilities for their safety and the safety of their family members/caregivers. I originally started writing this blog over ten years ago, because I had experienced a ton of grief and needed a way to get it out. I wanted people that read my blog to know that even if you have been through a lot, you can still come out the other side and be okay. I have written about the losses of family members, my own health issues, Lauren going to college, having a stepson and many other topics. For the past few years, I have written a lot about Dominic. With the current statistic of 1 in 54 having Autism, you are bound to know someone with ASD. I have always wanted my blog to have a "positive" spin. I know that I personally don't like to read blogs that don't give any hope at all. Yes, raising a child with different challenges isn't always rainbows and unicorns, but there are many things that Dominic has accomplished that I never thought possible when he was diagnosed with Autism at 2 1/2.

I had given up on potty-training Dominic because I thought it was impossible. It took a long time and he was over age nine, but it did eventually happen! I never thought Dominic would be able to read, but he has read 22 books to Lauren (it's something we started during the Pandemic and we have no intentions on stopping). I have always wanted Dominic to altar serve in our church. If you have ever been to a Catholic Mass, you know that you can hear a pin drop. When Dominic was very young, we didn't take him to church at all. As he got older, we would sit in the glass hallway because he couldn't sit still. Dominic worked very hard with his private speech therapist to be able to be quiet in church. We would have to promise him elevator rides as a reward. We then sat in the chapel area in the very back of the church and then eventually made it to the front of the church. Dominic altar served for the first time in our church about a month ago. It's hard to put into words the emotions I felt watching him.

Last November, we started a Michigan Cottage Food Business called "Baked Goods By Dominic." Yes, we started a business during the Pandemic!! My dad unexpectedly passed away about a week before Christmas. We were not able to attend his funeral and it was one of the worst experiences I have ever been through in my life. My dad and I had gotten very close, especially after my mom's passing a little over three years ago. It took until about the middle of January, to start the business back up. We were on television twice and on the front page of the local newspaper.

Fabulous opportunities keep coming our way. Yesterday, Dominic delivered his 127th order! This past year, our family has experienced the losses of family and close friends. Just yesterday, we found out a gal we know from church passed away. She is just a few months older than my husband. We had just saw her at church a week ago. While her loss will leave a huge hole, I am trying to focus on the positive memories I have of her. She always greeted us with a smile at church and she went out of her way to be friendly to both Lauren and Dominic. Life has a way of being very unpredictable, doesn't it? Even though Dominic will not be a "typical" incoming senior, he has accomplished so much! I try to find something positive in each and every day. That's the way I live my life, how about you?

It's Time to Leave the "Protective Bubble"

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Mon, 07 Jun 2021 17:47:00 +0000

This Friday is Dominic's last day of 11th grade. He did part of 10th grade and all of 11th grade "virtually." While "virtual learning" has been good in some ways, there definitely has been one huge disadvantage. He has had seven seizures since March of 2020. All of Dominic's seizures, except the very first one, have been caused by anxiety/stress/change of routine. Each time he has had a seizure, I have had to call his Pediatric Neurologist and we discuss his medications. At Dominic's most recent in-person appointment, the Pediatric Neurologist basically said Dominic was at the top limits on his two current anti-seizure medications and she was very concerned about adding a third, especially since he was continuing to have seizures. After some discussion, since Dominic also has Generalized Anxiety Disorder, we decided to treat the anxiety with a low dose of the generic version of Zoloft. Thank goodness he hasn't had any side effects and he has had only one very small seizure since he's been on the generic version of Zoloft, so I would say it's a success! We did have the option of sending Dominic back in person a few months ago, but given he had not gotten the COVID-19 Vaccine yet, the hubby and I decided it would be better and less disruptive to let him continue the remainder of 11th grade "virtually." During this Pandemic, we added another day of private speech therapy, private drawing classes with an awesome artist

and started a Michigan Cottage Food Business, Baked Goods By Dominic.

He has had no disruption of his private music therapy, since we have a piano at our house. In Dominic's "dream" world, he would spend 24/7 inside our house and never go out. He really needs to be around other kids his age, although I am pretty sure Dominic would disagree! Since March of 2020, he has been able to do countless puzzles,

Legos and his calendars. We were given the choice a few weeks ago of sending Dominic to an "optional" Summer Program at his high school. My initial response was no, only because I didn't know what the Program would be like or how many kids would be in his class. Once I found out that it would be structured, a small class and working on skills we have been working on at home, my husband and decided together it would be really good for him. The Superintendent of our school district sent an e-mail very recently that said in-person classes would resume for all students in the Fall of 2021, unless you have a medical exemption, so in retrospect, we definitely made the right decision. This morning, I got up 15 minutes before school started and Dominic woke up 10 minutes before. He didn't have time for me to write his schedule, have breakfast, get dressed, brush teeth or give him his medications before school started (these are things he ALWAYS does before school). He did his first class in his pajamas! On top of that, the hubby is having his oil changed in his car and we had to go pick him up at the car place shortly after the first class ended! I told Dominic to put on his flip-flops and bring his breakfast with him in the car. I had some anxiety, actually ALOT of anxiety (I also have Generalized Anxiety Disorder) that throwing all these changes at him (with basically no warning) would fluster him, cause a meltdown and/or he would have a seizure. It has been like walking a tightrope since March of 2020 because of the Epilepsy. I was pleasantly surprised - he had no trouble at all!! He handled it like a pro! This morning, after we got back from the car place, Dominic had just enough time for me to write his schedule down, take his medications, brush his teeth and get dressed before his second class. I went back in forth in my head as to whether this morning would be a good time to tell him about the Summer Program since his morning routine had not been "typical" at all. Since I had already put it off for a while, I decided to take a chance. Dominic is really into calendars, so I took the June calendar off of our fridge and told him to get the July and August calendars. I then told him I wanted to talk to him about something. I had written down all the Summer Program dates on a separate sheet of paper. He watched me write down every date for the Summer Program onto the June, July and August calendars and I also told him some of the kids that would be in the Summer Program. He knows three of them, so I am anticipating the transition to be smooth. Since March of 2020, it's like Dominic has been in a "protective bubble." He has gone for walks and to church. That has been it. I knew at some point this time would come - he would need leave the "bubble" and return to school. I can say with 100% certainty that both Dominic and I are ready!!!

Living with Congestive Heart Failure

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Tue, 13 Apr 2021 16:26:00 +0000

Both of my parents passed away of Congestive Heart Failure, my mom almost three years ago and my dad almost four months ago. So, I guess you could say it runs in the family. I never thought in a million years that I would be diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure, but I was. It will be ten years on November 21 of this year. It was interesting how I was diagnosed. I had routinely been giving blood at the local American Red Cross and the nurse noticed an irregular heartbeat when taking my pulse. She said, "has anyone ever told you that?" I was like, "no, I don't think so." Around this same time, I noticed that I was having shortness of breath, but attributed that to possibly walking too fast during my daily walks. I reached out to my regular doctor, told her my concerns and she ordered a stress test. It involves walking/running on a treadmill. When I had my appointment at the local hospital, they had to stop my stress test because I was breathing really, really hard. The technician stopped the test immediately, because of that. I started to get a little concerned, when they said, "hey, do you have time for a cardiac catherization?" I was like, "let me check with my husband, he's expecting me back home soon." Once I called my husband (he was watching the kids) and told him what was going on, he told me to go ahead and do the cardiac catherization since they had an open appointment. Okay, now I'm going to get a little graphic here. They put you flat on your back and put a catheter through your groin and up into the heart to see what the heck is going on. I was pretty chill, because I was positive they would just tell me I was stressed out (2011, up until that point was an extremely stressful year). After the cardiac catherization, I had to rest a bit. I will never forget what the cardiologist told me when he came in the room to tell me the results. He said, "Mrs. Blatnik, you have Congestive Heart Failure." Pardon me?? The next question immediately out of my mouth was, "so, what is the worst case scenario?" His matter-of-fact response was, "heart transplant." It was at about this point, I began to feel like I was in a really bad dream. Shortly, after the cardiologist left, my husband, Lauren and Dominic came into the room. I think they were all surprised that what was supposed to be a stress test, ending up with me lying in a hospital bed!! Shortly after my family visited and left, my blood pressure took a dangerous turn. I remember feeling a little dizzy and me pushing the button for the nurse, because I was thinking something odd was going on. The next thing I know, a bunch of doctors and nurses ran into the room, trying to get my blood pressure stabilized. It was like 30/10 or something around there. I think they gave me a medication to bring it back up (I don't remember) and I started to feel better and my blood pressure went back up. I was kept overnight in the hospital, because of that little episode and I went home the next day. All I kept thinking in my head was that I would need a heart transplant and/or be hooked up to an oxygen tank for the rest of my life, I was just 48 at the time. Luckily, the cardiologist has me on a "cocktail" of medications that keep everything in check. I make sure to NEVER miss the medications and I go yearly to the cardiologist. When I tell people that I have Congestive Heart Failure, typically a look of shock is next. Once I tell them it is managed mostly by medications, I see them relax. I have an echocardiogram coming up on September 27. Since my dad's passing in December of 2020, I definitely have been thinking more about my own diagnosis of Congestive Heart Failure. What if that nurse hadn't noticed my irregular heartbeat that day in 2011 when I donated blood? She literally saved my life. I like to think she was my "guardian angel," because I only saw her that one time and never again. Neither of my parent's Congestive Heart Failure diagnoses came soon enough for them to be treated for it. I am very blessed that I was and I don't ever take a day for granted.

Why The Pandemic Has Been the Best Time to Start a Business for My Son with Autism

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Mon, 01 Mar 2021 14:15:00 +0000

This month marks the one-year "anniversary" of Dominic being home full-time from school. When the Pandemic started, I guess I was VERY optimistic and thought it would only last a few weeks. Little did I know, that almost a year later, the Pandemic would still be raging on. It has been of a bit of a "learning curve" having Dominic here and my husband working from home (the hubby likes to call it a "preview" of what it will be like when he retires)!! We have worked out a good system, so one of us is always home with Dominic. He can't be left alone because of his Complex Partial Epilepsy. He has had six seizures since the Pandemic started, the most recent one was the beginning of January. Since we have had LOTS of extra time in our schedule, in June of 2020, we went from once-a-week private speech therapy to twice-a-week. It has been a pretty seamless transition from in-person to "virtual" learning with her. His private speech therapist has moved away from worksheets and started to concentrate heavily on "work/life skills." It was her suggestion to start to have Dominic bake for her and then she would pay him for his finished baked product. We really wanted him to make that connection. I started to wonder if we could bake for other people and make it into a "business." I started to comb the Internet for information and found that Michigan has something called a "Cottage Food Law." I did some research and then sat on the information for a while. It was several pages of Rules and Regulations (very overwhelming and intimidating at first). I began to think long-term and after finding a free on-line workshop on running a "Cottage Food" business and registering for it (the workshop wasn't until December), I decided to move forward. I already had tons of recipes at my disposal on my food blog, so I knew that I wouldn't need to be continually testing out new recipes! I then began to think that we probably should come up with a name and a logo. This is where an artist friend of mine, that I had used for classes for the disability ministry came into the picture. I asked him if he could start private art lessons with Dominic (even though Dominic had showed ZERO interest at previous art events with the disability ministry). Dominic started his weekly private art lessons in August of 2020 and except for a few times, he has been going steadily every week! It has been AMAZING to watch his self-confidence grow!! A few months into the lessons, I asked if Dominic could start designing a logo for the business. My artist friend agreed and we let Dominic make all the decisions about what it would look like, the colors, etc. I even ordered a shirt with the logo on it for Dominic and one for his sister!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways, we got our first order at the end of November and little by little, we started to get orders. In the second week of December, a few days after the on-line workshop about running a "Cottage Food Business," my dad (who lived back in Maryland) went into the hospital with what we all thought was a minor infection. It turned out he was in end-stage Congestive Heart Failure and my beloved dad passed away on December 17. I was devastated by his passing and it took me until a week or so into January before I felt like I could re-start the business.

A few weeks ago, we filed the name "Baked Goods By Dominic" with the local county clerk's office AND opened a bank account!!! Our family has had an outpouring of support and Dominic just delivered his 22nd order a few days ago. I have mentioned it before, but my maternal great-grandfather owned and operated a bakery in Butler, Missouri. He is the shorter gentleman standing at the far end of the counter. Pretty cool to have this picture, isn't it?

I love that this baking business has started for several reasons. One is that I had stopped baking, because my life pre-Pandemic had gotten very, very busy. This Pandemic has forced me to slow down and resume my passion for baking!! The second reason is that Dominic is learning both "life" and "work" skills. One of his favorite things to do when we go on a delivery is to hold my phone and help me "navigate" with Google Maps. The third reason is that my ultimate goal for this business is for Dominic to have his own bakery (like my great-grandfather had), but employ ONLY those with special needs. It's a great (and realistic) goal to have, don't you think?!?!?!

Never Giving Up Hope

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Fri, 04 Dec 2020 14:47:00 +0000

I have mentioned before that when we first received Dominic's diagnosis of Autism at age 2 1/2 , my first thought was him as an adult sorting paperclips into boxes. I thought he would never talk. I knew nothing at all about Autism. I did grow up with a neighbor named Tommy who had intellectual disabilities and he would visit our home frequently. This was the 1970's when those with disabilities were separated in school and many parents were told to institutionalize their children. Looking back, Tommy's parents went against that thinking. They let him walk around the neighborhood unsupervised. I never asked Tommy if he had Autism, we accepted him the way he was. Speaking of acceptance, it took me about two weeks to come to terms with Dominic's diagnosis of Autism. In my own opinion, I think that is very important to do because you really can't move forward until you have done that. After the diagnosis of Autism, Dominic subsequently received diagnoses of ADHD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Complex Partial Epilepsy. In a lot of ways, when Dominic received that diagnosis of Autism, I was actually relieved. I found it much more stressful before we got the diagnosis. We knew something wasn't right, but didn't know what it was. Dominic turned 16 at the end of July and in a little over a year and half and he will be an adult. Now that I have been on this Autism "journey" with Dominic for almost 14 years, I can say with complete transparency that he has surpassed many of the expectations that I had for him!! Dominic's speech is delayed and most likely always will be. When Dominic was able to say two or three word sentences, I felt like jumping up and down!! This past Friday, Lauren asked Dominic what he wanted for Christmas. He responded back with, "Legos and puzzles." This was the very first time that he ever told us that!! Woohoo!!!! Given that he is almost 16 1/2 we have been waiting a LONG time to hear that!!!! When you have a child/adult with learning differences and speech delays, when they are able to tell you spontaneously, unscripted and unprompted what they want, you want to shout it from the rooftops! I belong to several Facebook pages that have to do with Autism. Earlier this week, on one of my favorite Facebook pages, I saw a post about a 4-year old boy that saw one of his favorite Disney characters and spoke for the first time. Another parent saw that post and said, "thanks for giving me hope!' Since I was so excited that Dominic had told us when he wanted for Christmas, I posted it on their Facebook page. A different mom wrote back to my post saying that she would give anything to hear what Dominic said to us and that her son is 16 as well. I wrote back to that mom and told her I was sending her a "virtual" hug and to never give up hope!!!!

Doing the "Right" Thing

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Wed, 21 Oct 2020 14:17:00 +0000

While this Pandemic in some ways has been good (like doing our daily walks), I have definitely noticed Dominic becoming more agitated at things that typically wouldn't have bothered him so much, pre-Pandemic. It has got to be SO hard to be a teenager with limited language and be in puberty. Everyone goes through puberty, whether you are typically-developing or not. When Lauren was a teenager, she would go to her room, shut the door and get some alone time. Dominic doesn't do that during the day. He only uses his room to sleep. We have worked really hard with the private speech therapist on how to manage his emotions. He used to go in our living room and hit the bay windows with the palms of his hands. Definitely not the best way to express how he is feeling. Slowly, he transitioned from hitting the wall to throwing a pillow on the ground. Last night, our evening was going well until he looked at his "schedule" from school. Dominic's teacher is awesome. She puts a daily schedule on-line for the entire week. It is very detailed with the times of all of his classes and the subjects. I print it out on Monday mornings and attach it to a clipboard. As he completes each class, we check it off. It also lists homework. Well, out of the blue, after we had eaten dinner, he picked up the clipboard, took a look at Tuesday's schedule and noticed that he hadn't done the homework. I told him we could do it the next day. He wanted me to cross it off, even though he hadn't done it yet. I told him doing that would be "cheating." Dominic didn't like that explanation too much and he ran over to one of the decorative posts in our family room and yanked it hard. I raised my voice and told him not to do that and to go to his room to cool off. He ran upstairs and immediately came back down. I told him that he could get his school computer back out and do it. He kept shaking his head and continued to tell me no. He then threw a pillow on the ground. This side of Dominic is a side most people don't see. The hubby had been observing the ongoing interchange between Dominic and I and finally said, "why don't you just stop talking about it?" I told him that Dominic was the one that kept talking about it and that he wanted me to cross off the homework even though he hadn't done it. I guess that would have been the easiest thing to do, but honesty is one of those traits that I strongly believe in. Both Dominic and I were standing our "ground." By this time, Dominic was REALLY frustrated. His face was red and he was doing a lot of grumbling. After another few minutes went by, he went over and took his computer out of the case and turned it on. I said, "do you want to do your homework now, so you can cross it off your schedule?" He told me he did. As he completed each assignment, we crossed it off. After he finished, he logged the computer back off and put it back in the case. I think Dominic had mentally exhausted himself, so he went to bed early. I felt that it was extremely important I didn't give in and let him think that type of behavior is okay, because it's not. It was mentally exhausting for me too (I was hoping he didn't have an Epileptic seizure, which are sometimes brought on by stress), but I am really glad I stood my "ground." I knew in the end that Dominic would do the right thing and he did!

Why It's Important for Dominic to "Pay it Forward"

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Tue, 08 Sep 2020 16:57:00 +0000

About two years ago, Dominic's private speech therapist starting teaching him the process of when you do chores, you get an allowance. You then save up that money and buy something that you really want. In Dominic's case, it has been Legos. If you have a child/adult that likes Legos, you know how expensive they are! Sometimes, it has taken Dominic three months to save up enough money (he gets $5.00/week). About a month or so ago, I took a look around our house and I felt like we were living in a Lego factory. They were literally everywhere!! I couldn't walk anywhere in our family room without stepping on one. If you have ever stepped on a Lego piece with the arch of your foot, you know that doesn't feel too good! I knew that we needed to take a break for a while from buying them. Dominic's private speech therapist gave us the option of taking part of his allowance to our local bank and have him deposit it into his bank account, but I want Dominic to get the full experience of filling out the deposit slip and waiting his turn in line to see the bank teller. At our bank, you have to make an appointment to go into the lobby. Dominic could make his deposit at the drive-thru, but it isn't quite the same as doing it in person. A few weeks ago on a Saturday, I started the discussion with Dominic about how we are lucky to have food on the table and a roof over our heads. I explained to him that not everyone has that. I then asked him if he would be willing to donate part of his allowance once a month to church. Without hesitation, he said yes. I had him grab the glass jar that we keep his money in that he has earned from his allowance. I told him that he could decide anywhere from $5.00 to $15.00 to give to church. He picked $15.00. Dominic keeps a ledger in a notebook of what date he gets his allowance and the amount, so he always has a running "tally" of how much he has. We subtracted the $15.00 from the grand total. I then found an envelope, wrote a note, tucked it into the envelope and put the $15.00 in it. As many are with Autism, Dominic is very visual. He watched every single part of the process. We typically go to the 5:00 p.m. Mass at our church. I made sure I had the envelope in my purse and when we got inside, I had him put the envelope in the offering box mounted on the wall.

Dominic has watched me for years filling out a check and putting it in an envelope, taking it to church and putting it in the collection basket. According to Kiplinger.com, there are three ways to instill enduring financial values in children, "teach them how to save, teach them how to spend and them how to give." Dominic turned 16 at the end of July. He has his Individualized Education Program (IEP) meeting a little less than two weeks from today. At last year's IEP, we started the discussion of Dominic working on his vocational skills with the ultimate goal of getting a job, so I know we will be resuming that conversation this year. The skills that Dominic has learned from getting an allowance will apply to when he starts earning his own money at a job. The hubby and I will make sure that he continues to donate once a month to church. We feel it is extremely important for Dominic to "pay it forward." Dominic has been working very hard since the end of July baking and cooking different foods. This afternoon, it was Apple Crumb Muffins. Every time I mention to my husband that what he is eating is something Dominic made, he says, "he has a future in the restaurant industry!" The muffins were the eighth thing Dominic has made since I started keeping a "journal" of what he has made (another great idea from his private speech therapist). I think they look pretty yummy, don't you? If you are wondering why Dominic's grin was so wide, it was because I told him he could have TWO muffins!!!!

An "Anniversary" Worth Celebrating

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Sat, 22 Aug 2020 17:50:00 +0000

Yesterday was a HUGE milestone. Do you want to know what it was?!?!?! Well, I will tell you! It was five years almost to the day that Dominic has been going to his barber, Vince. Dominic was 11 when he went to Vince for the first time.

He just turned 16 in July. Vince has watched Dominic grow from a boy into a man.

In case you were wondering, both Vince and Dominic had on their respective masks during the haircut. They removed it briefly for the picture! So, for those of you without sensory sensitivities, getting a haircut can be challenging because of the bright lights; the noise of the hairdryers, people and the clippers; having someone touching their head and lastly, the smell of chemicals. For most of us, those things wouldn't bother us or we block it out. For those with Autism or sensory sensitivities, it can be very difficult. Before Michigan lifted the restrictions for getting a haircut, I asked Dominic a bunch of times if he wanted me to cut his hair. It was always a resounding NO. I think he remembers all the years I cut his hair where it literally looked like I put a bowl on his head and cut. It was never a thought in my head of going to a different barbershop after the restrictions were lifted. When my husband and Dominic walk through the doors of the barbershop they are treated like family. Throughout these five years, Dominic has formed a trust with Vince. That is so incredibly important for someone on the Autism Spectrum. Dominic is very intuitive and he knows if someone feels uncomfortable around him. From day one, Vince has treated Dominic with respect, patience and compassion. Vince carries on a conversation with Dominic and even if Dominic doesn't respond back, Vince just keeps right on clipping. If you find a barber that is as wonderful as Vince, consider yourself very lucky!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We sure do!!!

Going Outside the "Comfort Zone"

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Sat, 08 Aug 2020 19:22:00 +0000

Before this Pandemic took over, Dominic was pretty "set" in his ways. Trying anything new and out of his "comfort zone" was not anything at all on his radar screen. As are many on the Autism Spectrum, changes in Dominic's routine are not always easily accepted. Since we are living in a different world now, I have used this time with Dominic to not only work on his social skills, but to also try new things. When the opportunity to sign Dominic up for a "virtual" music camp in June arose, I really had no expectations that he would be engaged and participate. We had tried this particular camp in-person and it was too overwhelming for him and I never signed him up for it again. Much to my surprise, he LOVED it!! The camp had just the right mix of breaks and participation. Based on that positive reaction, I signed him up for another camp similar to the one he did in June. The "Showcase" is this coming Wednesday night and Dominic will be singing, "Happy" by Pharrell Williams. Dominic has been in the choir at school for several years, but there has been more than one time he hasn't sung, like not at all. I am hopeful when he does go back to school in-person, he will have gained the confidence to sing every time he is on stage! Since just about every activity has moved on-line, when I saw on Facebook that the Food Network along with some other sponsors were offering free cooking classes, I signed Dominic up for three. He made Chicken Barbeque "Pizza," with Rachael Ray; Chicken Parm with Angel Hair Pasta with Andrew Zimmern and yesterday, he decorated a cake with Buddy Valastro.

Typically, when we decorate a cake, I only let Dominic do the "sprinkles." I have learned these past several months, to loosen the tight control I have on Dominic. That grip was real tight at the beginning of the Pandemic because he had three seizures within the first month. Since he has been seizure free for over three months, little-by-little, I am making progress and loosening that tight control. A huge lesson that I have learned having Dominic with me during this time of the Pandemic is that he has to learn to adapt to this world, the world isn't going to adapt for him. Speaking of going outside Dominic's "comfort zone," I asked an artist friend of mine if he would be willing to give Dominic private art lessons. Those start this coming Wednesday. I will keep you updated!!!!

A Sibling's Point of View

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Tue, 07 Jul 2020 15:46:00 +0000

There was a news story a while back that you may have missed and I feel that it is still important to talk about. It was about a very popular YouTuber named Myka Stauffer. I had never heard of her until my daughter, Lauren, forwarded me an article about her. Myka Stauffer and her husband had adopted a son from China, who was named Huxley. After finding out he had Autism and other disabilities, they decided that he should be placed with a different family. The Stauffer's already have four biological children. Evidently, some of Myka Stauffer's followers were asking what happened to Huxley since he wasn't in any of the videos she was posting. About a month ago, Myka Stauffer and her husband made a video explaining where Huxley had went. There was a lot of negative fall out from the video including tons of judgment. Everyone seemed to have an opinion. Very few supported her decision to return him. What I learned from one of my best friends is that you shouldn't judge others unless you are walking in their shoes. Many were concerned about Huxley and the effects of all of this on him. I read a lot of the comments and I don't think I saw any about how having an adopted brother and then not having him in the family would affect the four biological children. That was Lauren's number one concern about the whole situation, given that she has a younger brother with Autism, named Dominic. As a mom, I could only see it from my perspective. Besides having an older sister (Lauren), Dominic also has a stepbrother who is 36 and married. My stepson has never lived with us full time and when we moved to Michigan in 2001, he was a senior in high school, so he stayed back with his mom in Maryland. We talk to my stepson and his wife each week, so Dominic is able to stay connected to them. Lauren was eight years old when Dominic was born. When the Myka Stauffer story came out, Lauren was like, "what about the other kids?" "They will be wondering where their brother went." During the time of the Pandemic, Lauren stayed with us for close to three months. Dominic started reading the "Magic Tree House" books to her. When she went back to her apartment, I was trying to figure out how the closeness could continue. That's where Skype comes in!!

Even though Lauren has a full-time job, she makes time in her day for Dominic to read to her. He reads a chapter to her at a time and they are now on their fourth book!!!! Lauren has always thought of Dominic being her brother first and having Autism second. Isn't the way it's supposed to be?

A Trip to the Post Office

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Sat, 06 Jun 2020 20:03:00 +0000

So, we did it. This afternoon, for the first time since the Pandemic started, I took Dominic to a public place, our local post office. We needed to mail something by Priority Mail as well as buy some stamps. Before we went, I had put it on his daily schedule and showed him the Social Story for using a face mask. The only other time we had tried to get him to wear a mask was a handful of weeks back and he took it off after 30 seconds, so I was VERY apprehensive about him keeping it on the entire time we were at the post office. Before deciding to take him, I talked about it all morning with the hubby and Lauren. Even though I am on two medications for my Generalized Anxiety Disorder, I still, once in a great while, get that old familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach, that unpleasant pre-worrying feeling. Anyways, I asked Dominic if he wanted to take the Social Story with us in the car on our way to the post office and he said no. Once we pulled into the parking lot, I put on my mask and told Dominic that he had to put his on and keep it on the entire time we were inside the post office. I had to help him put it on, but once it was on, he didn't try and take it off. The hardest thing for Dominic to do with the mask on was trying to figure out how to pick his nose (no, I am not kidding)!! LOL. Once inside the building, I had to grab a Priority Mail label and start filling it out. I fished around in my purse and I couldn't find my pen. I knew I had one in my purse, because I checked before we left our house. I had literally worked myself into such a bundle of nerves, that once I calmed myself down, I found it. Luckily, we didn't have to wait at all. During this whole time, Dominic was cool as a cucumber and not once did he try and take the mask off while we were conducting our business at the counter. The transaction with the postal clerk took less than five minutes and then we left the building. I told Dominic that once we were back outside, he could take off the mask. He handled the whole outing like a pro. I, on the other hand, was stressed out the entire time. Dominic having three seizures at the beginning of this Pandemic, really messed with my head. I have been TERRIFIED of taking him to any public place. I knew at some point, he had to get out. Believe me, this isn't the first time my anxiety has prevented Dominic from doing something. I am continually working on it. All I can do is just keep going forward and giving Dominic that independence he deserves!! Wish me luck!!

Random Acts of Kindness During this Quarantine

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Thu, 28 May 2020 20:11:00 +0000

As we continue through navigating our new "normal," one thing in particular has stood out to me as far as parenting Dominic goes. No one can make it alone through this. I'm sure you have heard the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child." Never has that been more true than doing these unusual times we are currently living in. After I had Lauren, I had two miscarriages. When I got pregnant with Dominic, I was worried every single day that I would have another miscarriage. I think I knew deep down from the time he was born that something wasn't quite right. When he was diagnosed with Autism at age 2 1/2, it surprised me, but not really. As the diagnoses started stacking up, ADHD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder at age 3 and then Complex Partial Epilepsy five years ago, I knew that we needed additional support. Say what you will about Facebook (I know not everyone likes it), but for those parenting children and adults with disabilities (such as our family) it's very much a "lifeline." Isolation was HUGE for our family in those early days of Dominic's diagnosis of Autism. During that time, our daughter was having significant health issues and we were taking care of my husband's parents back in Cleveland. It literally was all I could do to function each day. I guess you could say, "I was going through the motions." When everything settled down a bit, I then starting looking for my "village." It's not like you can go stand on your rooftop and say, "hey, I need support here!" I wish it was that easy, but it isn't. When I started posting on Facebook years ago about important milestones Dominic reached, my on-line "village" would comment and/or like my post. During this Quarantine, Dominic (and our family) have been the recipients of many "random acts of kindness." At the beginning of the Quarantine, a neighbor down the street gave Dominic a puzzle because he knows from my Facebook posts that Dominic loves puzzles. Five days ago, another neighbor (who just happens to be Dominic's old music teacher) brought down five Magic Tree House books that her daughter picked out special to let him borrow because she saw on my Facebook page that Dominic was reading them:

This past Monday, I met up with one of my closest and dearest friends in a high school parking lot (so we could social distance) and she gave me six puzzles, three of which Dominic has already done and yesterday afternoon, Dominic's special friend, Madelyn brought over four puzzles.

Wow, I'll tell you, I am overwhelmed and humbled by the generosity of my "village!" Thank you from the bottom of my heart, and please know this, it is very much appreciated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How a Daily Walk Has Helped Me Through this Quarantine as Someone with Generalized Anxiety Disorder

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Tue, 12 May 2020 19:30:00 +0000

I used to make a daily walk a priority. As I had gotten more and more busy over these past few years, I would find every excuse I could to not walk. I'm too tired, I'm too out of shape, I have a heart condition, etc. My husband tried to encourage me, but I ended up taking offense at his not so "gentle" suggestions. He stopped after a while. Up until the past four weeks of this Quarantine, I would come to the end of the day and realize I hadn't set foot outside of our house at all! Not even to get the mail from our mailbox. Yikes. Lauren has been temporarily living with us and she kept asking me to go for a walk. I kept telling her no, until I decided that for my mental health, I really needed to get out of the house at a minimum, once a day. I am so incredibly thankful to her and her persistence, because we are now on week 4 of our family "walks!!" The first week or two, I had to come home and lie down after our walk because I was exhausted. I have slowly built my stamina up and don't need to do that so much anymore. Dominic's private speech therapist has built his speech therapy into our walks. He has to find three things he sees on our walks and write them down in a spiral notebook. During his weekly Zoom sessions with her on Saturday mornings, he is able to have a conversation with her about what he saw on our daily walks. Pretty cool, huh? For consistency and routine purposes, we aim to go at the same time, 11:30 a.m. Lauren asked me recently if I was going to continue my walks even after the Quarantine is over. I told her YES!!!

It's a "Group" Effort

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Fri, 08 May 2020 21:20:00 +0000

Since going to the local barbershop is still not allowed where we live, it fell upon us to figure out the best way to shave Dominic's beard and mustache. Typically, Dominic goes to our local barbershop to get his haircut and his barber (Vince) also takes about 30 seconds to shave the beard and mustache. This August, it will be five years that Dominic has been going to Vince. That in itself is a huge milestone as anyone with a child/adult with sensory sensitivities knows. Anyways, earlier in the week my hubby, Lauren and I had all noticed that Dominic's facial hair definitely needed some assistance. I mentioned to Lauren that I needed to find a "social story" about getting a shave. Before I had a chance to find one, she took it upon herself to find one and print it out, it had both an electric shaver and shaving cream/razor stories!

That meant so much to me, because she didn't have to do that, she wanted to! I showed the social story to Dominic and said with tons of enthusiasm, "we are going to shave!" His response was a resounding "no." I just kind of casually left the social story out on the kitchen table and more than once, I caught him taking a look at it. Since he showed some level of interest, the hubby and I discussed it last night and decided that today would be the day!! I wasn't sure what time the big shaving session would be. After we did a family walk (a new Quarantine activity) and the frozen pizza in the oven for lunch was almost done, I heard my husband say something like, "Daddy is going to shave and then it's going to be your turn!" My husband switches up his shaving "routine." He either uses his dad's electric shaver, which I am guessing is at least 50 years old or he uses shaving cream and a razor. When I rounded the corner to the bathroom, my husband was making his best effort to shave Dominic's facial hair. It didn't appear to be working because either Dominic has too much facial hair or the electric razor just couldn't handle it. The noise was really starting to bother Dominic too and he put on his headphones. When my husband went upstairs to get the shaving cream and a razor, I told Dominic what were going to try next. My husband put some shaving cream on Dominic's face and he actually laughed!! The hubby also got some shaving cream on Dominic's lips which I wiped off. It took longer with the shaving cream and razor, but Dominic handled it like a pro!!! Lauren, the hubby and I kept telling Dominic how great he looked and Lauren made the comment that it was a "group" effort to get Dominic shaved. A few hours after the shaving session, I asked Dominic what he preferred, the electric shaver or the shaving cream and razor combo. He said the shaving cream/razor combo. I was kind of surprised because Vince uses the electric razor. I asked Dominic why he preferred the shaving cream and the razor and he said it was because the electric razor is "too loud." I don't know if we would have had the same fabulous results if it weren't for all of us coming together as a group to achieve the ultimate goal!

Investing the Time Now to Prepare for the Future

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Wed, 22 Apr 2020 23:13:00 +0000

When the Quarantine first started, I spent the first week trying to replicate what Dominic did at school on a daily basis and unfortunately, he had a seizure that Friday, March 20. The next week, I let him do whatever he wanted because I had a huge case of mom “guilt” that I had caused it. Secretly, in the back of my mind, I was hoping the Quarantine would last two weeks and things could go back to the way they were. As we all know, that hasn’t happened yet (at least here in Michigan). The third week, I started using a whiteboard for Dominic’s detailed “schedule” as well as having him write his daily chores in a spiral notebook. Dominic has had a handful of chores for well over a year now (a fabulous idea from his private speech therapist), but what I began to notice, is that I was starting to give him additional chores, many of them life skills that he will be able to carry with him throughout his life, whether he always lives with us or not. Some of his new chores include making his own lunch (he has been making his own breakfast for several years) and bringing in the trashcan from the curb after the garbage guys come through. I gladly let him take that one over from me! Dominic has been baking along side me from the time he was in diapers. Before the Quarantine, I was so incredibly busy, that baking had really taken a “backseat.” I was hardly doing ANY baking. During this time of togetherness, I have started it up again! Dominic used to just put the ingredients in a bowl and leave. I have “expanded” his role to reading the recipe, as well as finding and measuring the ingredients. A few weeks ago, he spilled a bunch of flour and got upset.

He is what you would call a “perfectionist.” I had to reassure him several times it was okay. So far, we have made my mother-in-law’s Sour Cream Kuchen four times, as well as Brownie Pie and yesterday, Sour Cream Biscotti!

My great-grandfather was a baker in Missouri. I have LOVED baking since I got my first Easy Bake Oven. I think Dominic has inherited his great-great grandfather’s passion for baking. Dominic will be 16 in July. He is on the life skills “track” at school, not the academic “track.” Employment for those with disabilities is hard to find. I don’t know the exact statistic, but I do know the number is quite low. I see SO many stories on social media about those with disabilities working in coffee shops, restaurants, etc. Dominic loves repetition and organization. Throughout my volunteering with the disability community, I have met the most remarkable woman who I have the utmost respect for. She took over as the President and CEO of the Greater Lansing Convention and Visitors Bureau right around the time the Quarantine started. I have watched her handle this crisis like a pro. It makes me even respect her more (if that's possible). When I sent her a draft of this blog post her words to me were, "with Dominic's winning smile, he's perfect for the hospitality industry!" Thank you Julie for having such a positive influence on Dominic!

Why Tim Tebow's Night to Shine Prom is So Important for those with Disabilities

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Sun, 09 Feb 2020 17:50:00 +0000

This past Friday night was the second time Dominic went to the Tim Tebow's Night to Shine Prom. For those of you that don't know what that is, I will tell you! For one night a year in February, over 700 churches from around the United States and the world host a Prom for those with differing needs. It doesn't cost a dime to attend and as long as you are at least 14 you can attend, there is no maximum age. There are dances at Dominic's high school (Homecoming, etc.) and each time I have suggested to him to go, his response has always been a resounding no. He doesn't have enough language to tell me why he doesn't want to go, so it remains a bit of a mystery. I have my own thoughts as to why - too crowded, too loud and flashing lights. A prime setup for an Epileptic seizure. He's had 10 seizures in the past 4 1/2 years. There is a memory that is seared permanently into my mind from elementary school. This would have been approximately 1973 or so. We were walking as a class in the hallway, when the Special Education classes filed past us. I remember staring, because I hardly ever saw them. Those students were kept completely separate from the classes I was in. I'm sure they didn't like being stared at, but, I truly didn't know any better. I didn't understand what I didn't know. Fast forward to 2020. My son Dominic has Autism, ADHD, Anxiety Disorder and Epilepsy and has been receiving Special Education services in school since he was three years old. He will be 16 this July. A lot has changed since the early 1970's, but there is still more that needs to be changed. The absolute worst thing you can do is keep the Special Education students separate from their typically-developing peers. The world is full of individuals of all different abilities. If you would have asked me what Autism was back in the early 1970's I would have had no clue. Little did I know, I would have a son diagnosed with Autism when he was 2 1/2. Do you know what they used to call Autism? Childhood Schizophrenia. According to a recent article in Medical News Today,

"it was not until 1980 that childhood schizophrenia became understood as a separate diagnosis - before that time, children who today would be diagnosed with Autism, which is a type of "pervasive developmental disorder" were grouped under the diagnosis of schizophrenia."

That was a year before I graduated from high school. It was not uncommon to suggest even 20 years ago that you automatically put your autistic individual into a institution. There was a mental institution called the Crownsville Hospital Center in Maryland that opened in 1911 and closed in 2004 (the year Dominic was born). The conditions that those with mental disorders lived in were beyond deplorable. It is a part of history that I'm sure many would like to forget never happened, but sadly it did. I am SO glad that in 2020, children with special needs are integrated into the "typically-developing" classrooms and there are events such as the Tim Tebow's Night to Shine Prom. When I looked around the room last Friday night, it made me wonder about some of the experiences the much older adults in the room must have had in their lifetimes. I wish I could have had the opportunity to talk to each and every one of them. I'm sure it would make me appreciate all of the possibilities that my son has now.

Why I Continue to Share My "Story"

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Fri, 17 Jan 2020 14:04:00 +0000

When I first started writing this blog back in 2011, it was because it had been a traumatic year and I felt that I needed a way to get my emotions out. One of my first posts was about my mother-in-law who had passed away in January. 2011 ended with me getting diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure and spending the night in the hospital. As I started sharing my different experiences such as watching my daughter go off to college, little by little, the stress I had been holding in, seemed to dissipate. I could write about my aging parents, Dominic's different disabilities, and what it's like to be a stepmom. I have been told that my blog is kind of like the way I talk. I am grateful and humbled when someone takes the time and reads a post. Yeah, I could sit out in front of my house in a lawn chair and tell my story to the people driving by, but writing a blog post and putting it out into the Internet reaches a lot more people. I had one of my blog posts on Yahoo less than a year ago. I was curious what people's comments were so I started reading them (there are 77). Wow, just wow. The "trolls" were incredibly nasty. I truly couldn't believe that a post I had written about having Diabetes was getting so many negative comments. One of the nicer comments was "this person is fat and crazy." I decided then and there, that I would not read the comments unless they were specifically posted to my blog! Yikes. There are a lot of people out there that feel they can write whatever they want because they aren't talking to you face-to-face. Online bullying is relentless. I was bullied in high school but it wasn't by people sitting behind a computer screen. It was to my face. As this blog has grown and evolved, I find myself writing more and more about our challenges with Dominic, specifically with Autism and Epilepsy. No one on either my side or my husband's side of the family has Autism. No one in my immediate family has Epilepsy. Raising a child with differing needs can at times be extremely difficult. I am not going to sugar coat it, it's hard. Last week, I was trying to talk to my husband about something very important. Dominic came into the room where we were and started saying, "mommy, mommy, mommy," incessantly. After telling him several times that I would be with him in a minute, I lost my patience and yelled at him. He immediately ran upstairs to his room. A little while later, he came back down and started hitting himself. He truly didn't know how to handle the fact I had yelled at him. Watching him self-harm, made me feel extremely guilty. After he and I both cooled off, I gave him a hug and apologized to him. I know I'm not perfect, is anybody? I think back to those really early days with Dominic, when he would cry incessantly and not sleep. I would be nursing him in the middle of the night while my daughter and husband slept. Those nights seemed endless. I think I knew something was "off" but couldn't quite put my finger on it. When Dominic was diagnosed with Autism at age 2 1/2, it was like everything started to make sense. We were able to start getting him some help. This July, he will be 16. Parenting a teenage boy with differing needs has at times been, ahem, interesting to say the least. I am blessed that I have women that I can turn to, because they are willing to share their stories with me! It makes me feel less alone knowing that. Isolation is something extremely common in the special needs "world." Lately, I have heard from parents that even within their own families they don't get the support they deserve. I love my dad with all my heart, but he has struggled with how to be around Dominic. It wasn't until he had a major stroke, that he started seeing Dominic in a different way. Dominic will still cover his ears and hum around my dad because he remembers when my dad would raise his voice to get him to behave. I feel it's important for Dominic to spend time with my dad because it's the only grandparent he has left. I have learned a lot about myself by continuing to write my blog and I will continue to share my life "story" with others because I feel it's important to make sure that people don't feel alone.

To the Dental Hygienist Who Went Above and Beyond

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Thu, 03 Oct 2019 14:26:00 +0000

Raise your hand if going to the dentist is your absolute favorite place in the world to go. Our "journey" with finding the right pediatric dentist has been YEARS in the making. My anxiety at one point was so high, I totally avoided taking him. We tried the dentist my husband and I go to and Dominic hopped out of the chair and wouldn't cooperate. We went to a dentist that everyone said was wonderful and she automatically wanted to sedate him after seeing him for 30 seconds. Yet another time, we tried a dentist that a bunch of my friends said was the best around and he didn't really try and work with him. So, after asking a friend of mine who used to practice Dentistry, I finally got another dentist to try. I loved this fourth dental practice the moment I walked in the front door. The front staff, the hygienist and the dentist all tried really hard with Dominic. After him non-cooperating, it was mutually decided that he would need to go to our local hospital and get fully put under. This was in May of 2018 when he was 14. Prior to that, Dominic had never had his teeth cleaned or x-rayed. I imagined the dentist coming out and saying, "your son's mouth was riddled with cavities." I was very happily surprised when she said he had one small cavity between his teeth. I knew Dominic was okay when the first thing he said when he woke up was, "I want to go to McDonald's." Food has always been a very BIG motivator for him. The dentist then said, "he's good for another 18 months." Tuesday of last week was when he had that appointment. I had written it on our family and personal calendars and it was on Dominic's "daily" schedule. True to form, my anxiety was through the roof the whole day. Yes, even though I take TWO medications for my Generalized Anxiety Disorder, for stressful situations like this, my anxiety goes into overdrive. About one hour before his appointment, I got a call that the dentist had a family emergency and we had to reschedule. It was hard for me to process my emotions, in some ways I was glad we didn't have to go and in another way, I just wanted to get it over with. Flash forward to this past Monday at 3:20 p.m. (the rescheduled appointment). My husband works at home on Mondays and I told him I wanted him to come with me to the appointment. The entire time up until Dominic got home from school, I talked to my husband about how I didn't expect Dominic to cooperate and how he would have to get sedated no less than five times. When Dominic hopped off the bus at 2:50 p.m. I immediately told him that he was going to the dentist at least three times. In the back of my mind, I had already mentally prepared myself for him not cooperating. I fully expected having to go into a side office and discuss the date he would need to go to the hospital to be put under again, because that is what happened 18 months ago. We got to the office a few minutes early and filled out paperwork. Pretty close to 3:20 p.m. we went back to the room and waited there for about 30 minutes. Not the best scenario for a child with Autism. After making a little small talk with the hygienist about the weather, she then did something amazing. She started asking Dominic if the television above his head was too loud, if the lights were too bright. She kept reassuring Dominic that it would be okay. When she found out we were going to McDonald's after the appointment, she asked him what he was going to eat. She asked him how school was going. Truly, going above and beyond. She just didn't reassure Dominic, she reassured my husband and I. She could have just left us alone in the room for those 30 minutes. She chose to stay with us the entire time. When the dentist came in, my husband reassured Dominic, I counted so the dentist could do what she needed to do (a few times she told me to slow down), the hygienist calmly held one of Dominic's arms and talked to him.. A few times he sat up and said, "time to go to McDonald's!" The dentist and hygienist calmly let him take his breaks when he needed to. The four of us worked as a "team" and Dominic was able to complete the exam. I was thinking to myself, "woohoo!" It finally went great! By the way, Dominic LOVED his meal from McDonald's!

Knowing When to Ask for Help

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy B.) — Tue, 17 Sep 2019 15:06:00 +0000

Shortly after the death of one of my husband's cousins earlier this year in Cleveland, Dominic started telling me, "have to get Grandma out of the Burcham Hills." Burcham Hills is the care facility in East Lansing where my mother-in-law lived for several years before her passing in 2011. We visited my mother-in-law a lot and she came to our house for dinner at least once a week, so he got to know her pretty well. About a month ago, Dominic said, "Grandma Martha is wearing a black coat in the cemetery." As most people know, I am rarely at a loss for words. I truly had no clue what to say to that. My mom (Grandma Martha) has been gone about 16 months. About two weeks ago, I had lunch recently with two of my very good friends. During the course of the conversation, I told them about how Dominic was still coming to terms with my moms passing and the best I have been able to come up with was, "she was broken, couldn't be fixed and went up to Heaven." Immediately, one of my friends said something along the lines of, "if Dominic breaks something, he will think he is going to Heaven." I knew in that moment, I needed help on how to explain this better. Both of my friends mentioned Ele's Place, an organization in Michigan that assists children and teens in grieving a loved one. I got a contact name and number and immediately reached out. In less than 30 minutes, I had a response back. She put me in touch with the Program Director who I chatted with last Friday. The Program Director told me that they have worked with children and teens with Autism and that she had several resources she could send me. In less than six hours, I had those resources. She also gave me the words to use now with Dominic (she was very, very, very old; very, very, very sick or very, very, very injured; her heart stopped beating or her body stopped working). Dominic with his limited language needs words that are very concrete. A word not to use is "lose." The Program Director also told me that when there is a recent loss, it triggers past losses. Given the recent loss of my husband's cousin earlier this year, that totally makes sense as to why Dominic was talking about Burcham Hills and my mom in the cemetery. A literal "lightbulb" went off! I like to pride myself on being able to handle anything that comes my way with Dominic. In this particular situation, I'm really glad that I asked for help. I just wish I hadn't waited so long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Dominic with my mother-in-law

**Dominic with my mom.