Brain Drops Falling Out Of My Head

Music Is A Gift

Fri, 22 Apr 2011 01:49:00 -0400

I am in one of my “musical” moods today where I have been listening to music all day long while packing up our apartment for moving day on Saturday, and thinking about the fact that my dad is the reason why I can listen to music non-stop for more than 8 hours and not tire of it. My mother was also a music lover, but it was my dad who focused on exposing me to as much music as possible. He would get such joy out of watching me enjoy music.

When I was 5, I had a Fisher Price turntable record player and a collection of kids records. My dad would occasionally let me play his records on it, and he would show me how to carefully hold the record by the sides, how to clean it in a circular motion with a soft cloth, and how to clean the needle between playings. He would come running in from another room when he would hear “SCCRRRRAAATTCHHHH” from me deciding to “skip” a song or decide I was done listening to a record, and inform me that this was not how we treat our music. That in itself helped me understand how important music was, so important that we must treat the very things that make listening to music possible with utmost care.

But what I remember most was how my parents experienced music. Dad would put on some music, and I observed utter joy as they listened to their favorite songs. Sometimes they danced and swayed. Sometimes they had huge smiles on their faces. Sometimes they looked as though the music was moving right through them. Sometimes, it made them cry. It was always an emotional experience in one form or another. I have no problem believing that music was as essential to them as food and water, and for my dad, it still is. At 63, he’s gone all modern now and keeps a loaded mp3 player in his car at all times. When I went to visit him at Christmas, I was excited to show him what I had on my iPod. I hooked my iPod up to his car stereo and proudly played him one of his favorite songs, “Tobacco Road” by The Nashville Teens. What’s more awesome is that Dad loves ALL music. He has everything from classic country to modern rock in his collection.

For me, music is also essential. It nurtures my soul. Some days, the rush I feel with certain songs gives me more energy than caffeine ever could. I can hardly get through a day without listening to music (preferably LOUD, just like my dad always has and still does). My husband often tells people, with fascination in his voice, about how music is an experience for me. That “experience”, in the form of many different emotions from joy to tears, is truly a gift that my dad gave to me. This gift, this appreciation (or obsession, depending how you look at it) for music, would never have been such a big part of my life and I would not get so much joy from it if it weren’t for my dad. I will never forget that.

Feeling nostalgic and silly. I had this record when I was little...

Mon, 11 Apr 2011 01:19:34 -0400

Feeling nostalgic and silly. I had this record when I was little and got all excited to find it on YouTube. I wore it out and scratched it up on my little Fisher Price record player (complete with carrying case…fancy!) This song was my favorite. I was quite the chipmunk fan, as I also had “Chipmunk Rock” and “Chipmunk Punk”.

My handsome hubby in his new clerical threads. The photo is...

Tue, 05 Apr 2011 15:27:00 -0400

My handsome hubby in his new clerical threads. The photo is sorta blurry and it made his eyes look strange, but you get the picture. He was going to court with one his peeps today. =)

OH. MY. GOD! I had no idea this video existed! I love Green...

Sun, 03 Apr 2011 01:40:09 -0400

OH. MY. GOD!

I had no idea this video existed! I love Green Day’s version, but of course, I LOVE John Lennon’s version most of all. I Love that Green Day did this. The video brought me to tears.

Moore Square Tribute For Homeless Raleigh Man | NBC17.com

Mon, 14 Mar 2011 00:59:40 -0400

Moore Square Tribute For Homeless Raleigh Man | NBC17.com:

My hubby was on the news!

Cardiologist Visit

Sat, 12 Mar 2011 00:46:00 -0500

Today I saw the Cardiologist/EP specialist who did surgery on me just after Christmas in 2009. The surgery, called an A-Fib Ablation, is designed to treat patients who suffer from recurring Atrial Fibrillation. Before the surgery, I was having terrible AF episodes about 2 to 3 times a month. They were excruciating, with symptoms resembling that of a heart attack. My heart rate would get dangerously high which would make me pass out, and on 2 different occasions, it got so high that my internal defibrillator shocked me (unfortunately I was not passed out either of the 2 times that happened). I was in the ER…ALOT. Sometimes I would have less severe episodes that lasted 2 or 3 days, which resulted in me being put under anesthesia and shocked back into normal sinus rhythm. Life sucked for me physically. Hugh and I were so relieved when we were informed of the surgery. We were told that there was an 80-85% success rate with the procedure and that patients RARELY have recurring AF episodes.

Post surgery: Other than occasional atrial flutters, I was AF episode free for more than a year. Then, about 2 months ago, I was wakened from a deep sleep at 5 in the morning with terrible chest pain. I recognized it immediately. It was a full blown episode, just like the ones that put me in the ER pre-surgery. I was so upset. I did not wake Hugh. I laid there, hoping it would go away before he woke up, because I hated watching him lay there and stare at me, worrying and begging me to let him take me to the ER. I HATE the frigging’ ER, and it is pretty pointless because all they do is hook me up to monitors and watch me. They typically only shock you back into rhythm if you’ve been in AF for more than 10 hours, otherwise they admit you the hospital (YUCK) and monitor you till your heart decides on it’s own to beat normally. So I avoid the ER. Fortunately, the AF went away on its own before Hugh woke up. I told him about it in a nonchalant manner, then called my cardiologist at Duke (Durham) who told me to make an appointment with the EP specialist in Raleigh.

Other than that episode, I’ve had some minor short bursts of AF but nothing that has slowed me down for more than a few minutes. I’ve been feeling fine overall and have been exercising, which I knew had to be a good sign despite the bad episode 2 months ago. In the doctor’s office today, the doc interrogated my internal device which records everything my heart does, dating back more than a year (cool, huh?), and prints it out. What’s even cooler (and a tad bit freaky) is that my device is wireless, so the doc can control my heart rate from across the room using a computer. He tells me ahead of time that he is about to change my heart rate, and, with a few taps on the touch screen, I feel my heart speeding up or slowing down (yes, I was totally geeking out at that). The computer confirmed that I indeed had AF on January 31 at 5am, lasting 45 minutes, and it detected the shorter, less severe mini episodes. I learned some other cool things about the AMAZING technology of my device, like the fact that it can detect my over all health and activity levels. It detects when my lungs are retaining fluid, and my doc showed me on the printout that the AF episodes seem to happen when I have excess fluid (AKA, edema). He said that can trigger arrhythmias and AF, and advised me to monitor salt intake *SIGH* and to take extra diuretics when eating salty food is inevitable. I am a total salt-a-holic, so this is hard for me, especially since I drastically reduced calorie intake. What is ironic is that all of my family members who inherited HCM(obstructive) all seem to have salt addictions. Almost like being lactose intolerant and craving dairy all the time.

Overall, things are good. The doctor said that HCM patients commonly have recurring AF and often require a second ablation…but….in my case, that does not appear to be necessary. He said that I am actually doing better than most HCM patients post ablation and that there is nothing to be concerned about. As long as my episodes are infrequent, I will be fine. He encouraged me to continue exercising and losing weight, to watch my salt intake, and to take extra diuretics when needed. YAY!

How To Be Alone (via andyradorfman)

Tue, 01 Mar 2011 21:56:58 -0500

How To Be Alone (via andyradorfman)

A Visit To The Mosque

Sun, 27 Feb 2011 14:26:00 -0500

Saturday afternoon, as part of a date night in which Hugh and I planned to eat Chinese food and go see a play, we attended an open house for the Islamic Center of Raleigh, a new mosque located not to far from Western Blvd. Upon walking in the door and over to a sign in table, we were warmly greeted by two ladies who made us some name tags and gave us the scoop about the events going on in the building. By the time we left the mosque, tons of preconceived notions I had about Islam were completely crushed.

First, I must confess a few things. I consider myself an open minded, progressive person. I believe everyone has the right to freedom of religion. When everyone was in an uproar over the mosque that was to be built near Ground Zero in New York, I was 100% in favor of the mosque. But even in my new found way of viewing the world and beliefs that all humans are entitled to their constitutional rights, I was still in denial over my prejudices of Islam itself. My view of Islam was still based on what I’ve heard from the media, from conservative evangelical Christians, and from others who think they know everything about Islam.

The one thing that bothered me most about what I “thought” I understood about Islam revolved around women’s rights issues. Keep in mind, my only exposure to Islam what what I read in magazines, saw on the news, and heard about in conservative Christian circles. I’ve heard horror stories about child brides, rape, physical and mental abuse, and the overall misconception that Muslim women are 2nd class citizens to men. I had heard that they are treated as property and have no rights. I had full blown arguments with my husband about it because he understood what I did not. He must have been surprised when I was even willing to visit the mosque.

Before we left to go to the mosque, I questioned Hugh. I made it clear that if I had to wear anything on my head, I refused to go on principal. With a slight snicker, he assured me I would not have to wear anything on my head. He understood why I was worried but I think he was partially amused by my lack of experience. I am certain that he was also hopeful that this would be an eye opener for me.

After entering the building, putting on name tags, and getting the scoop on events, we find a room in which there was a Q & A. We sat in on that for a few minutes and then found the gymnasium where the fun stuff was. They had a table set up with take out boxes full of samples of tasty, Middle Eastern style food, and another table set up with juice boxes and bottled water. All of it was free. We grabbed one box of food and got 2 drinks and sat down and sampled a little bit of everything. It was all good! We saw some familiar faces there which is always a pleasure. We chatted with folks, saw children running and playing, and took in all the hustle and bustle. This was when I came to understand that this is not particularly a church, it is a community center.

What was most enlightening were the information tables which displayed big stand up boards with information about Islam. Every question I could have possibly thought up to ask about how women are treated in Islam was answered:

-According to the Qur’an, women are 100% equal partners to their husbands. They are entitled to the same rights as the men and aren’t expected to solely be bearers of children and housewives. They aren’t even expected to share their wealth and earnings with their husbands. Preconceived notion #1, CRUSHED.

-The Qur’an clearly states that no woman or child shall ever be emotionally or physically abused. It even goes as far to say that a man shall never “annoy” his wife. Yep. It actually used the word, “annoy”. Another preconceived notion, GONE.

-As far as the clothing is concerned, I had always assumed that women covered up because they were acting in submission to the men and that they had no choice. One of the women speaking in the Q & A session stated that every woman has the choice to wear what she wants. She is not forced, but the Qur’an clearly states that BOTH men and women shall dress dress modestly, covering anything that makes them attractive to the opposite sex. These rules are not enforced violently, unless you are a Muslim extremist. Muslim extremists are to Islam what Fred Phelps is to Christianity…..people who interpret the teachings of their God in a way that is harmful to humanity. Islam is not a violent religion. More preconceived notions, OBLITERATED.

After reading the info boards, we waited in line to have our names written in Arabic and English calligraphy on a blank piece of paper. The man, who was in his 60’s, sat at a table with his wife, armed with multi colored sharpies and pens, was happily writing names for a long line of people. He spoke softly and gently to everyone, especially to the children. One moment that struck me is how he gently held the hands one one little boy as he spoke to him. I am feeling foolish at this point for ever having held the belief that all Muslims are unfeeling, unemotional, violent people. Forgive me if this sounds cheesy and cliche, but it was both beautiful and enlightening to finally understand that they are just like you and me. They are people who want the freedom to live their lives in the best way they know how. And they don’t hate white Americans. We were treated with kind hospitality and was told we would be welcomed back. Amazing how one experience like that can change a heart.

Weighing In & Weekend Calorie Budgeting

Fri, 25 Feb 2011 12:38:00 -0500

So…..I stepped on the scale this morning and celebrated another victory. I have lost 10 lbs! I started at 225 and am down to 215. The exercise has dramatically helped my metabolism, seeing as I actually lost 4 of those pounds just this week. Unfortunately, I had gained back 3 lbs during Valentine’s week last week due to some careless eating during the week and while my husband was out of town on the weekend. But this week, with more mindful eating and daily increased exertion exercise, I lost those 3 lbs I gained last week plus one more. It was a bit of a set back but still…YAY me! I have learned the hard way that having too many “cheats” in one week makes me gain weight back quite rapidly.

Keeping my victory in mind, I am realizing that I have a tough weekend ahead of me. We have a weekend packed with social engagements which will involve eating foods that I will have no knowledge of the calorie count or how it is prepared, and I don’t have the expectation that I should know. I have come to the conclusion that I will have to get used to events, dinners, and parties that involve food, because they are just a part of life, especially if you enjoy being social.

There are ways I can enjoy all foods without sabotaging my weight loss efforts. One way that I am coping with these challenges is through calorie budgeting. We are attending a “dinner party/gathering” tonight and I am being told that there will be Italian food and possibly dessert. Hearing this earlier in the week struck me with fear, because I know my weaknesses. To be blatantly honest….I do not have the ability to say no to something when everyone around me is eating and enjoying the same thing. One thing I do have control over is what I eat leading up to each of the events this weekend, and the portion sizes I eat at the actual event. Today (aside from the 180 calorie low glycemic LUNA bar I had for breakfast), I am eating nothing but raw fruits and vegetables. I also have plans to do one hour on my exercise bike today. This gives me more calories to $pend tonight and will allow me the freedom to not fret and worry about every bite I put in my mouth.

The one thing I will not give up is my one cheat meal every weekend. We are going to another party Sunday night, so I have picked that event to eat whatever the heck I want without as much calorie budgeting or worrying about “over spending”. I still intend to do an hour on the bike each day, regardless of what I am eating that day. I love that exercise gives me so much more diet freedom. Embracing an active lifestyle has made my life so much easier and much less stressful, especially on the weekends.

I am looking forward to a wonderful weekend!

LADY GAGA - Born This Way (Cover) (via rojuanearagon)

Thu, 24 Feb 2011 10:33:45 -0500

LADY GAGA - Born This Way (Cover) (via rojuanearagon)

A Patch of Blue - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Sat, 19 Feb 2011 00:01:18 -0500

A Patch of Blue - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:

I fell madly in love with Sidney Poiter after seeing this movie……*sigh*

GED Classes Have Begun & Diet Update

Thu, 17 Feb 2011 21:33:00 -0500

I just completed my first 5 hours of online GED classes. So far it has been an array of pre tests to determine which areas (units) within each subject I am weak in. When you don’t master a particular unit, they present you with with “lessons” to study on that unit. So far I am only weak in one unit (out of 7) of Language Arts/Reading. Apparently, I have a hard time understanding style and structure of certain written works. The other units (which I mastered) are:

1: Understanding What You Read

2: Applying Ideas

3: Analyzing Ideas

5: Understanding Fiction and Nonfiction

6: Understanding Poetry and Drama

7: Synthesizing What You Read

I have no idea what #7 means, but if “synthesizing what I read” helps me pass the GED, then YAY me!

I have already started the pretesting for the writing/grammar part of Language Arts but decided 5 hours was long enough for one day so I called it quits after pretesting for one unit on writing/grammar. I have several more for that subject, and I still have pretests to take for Math, Science, and Social Studies. I am planning on being finished with all of the pretesting by Sunday night. I want to start next week with actual instruction and get this ball rolling. My hope is to have my GED by May.

On the diet front…..it’s been sort of a lax week and I am feeling guilty about it. Monday was Valentine’s Day so Hugh and I over did it (which was planned), but the rest of this week I got lazy about counting all the calories I ate. I went for an hour long walk with a friend Tuesday morning and it kicked my butt and I felt great for the rest of the day, but I have failed to make time for any more exercise this week.

Today Hugh and I had lunch at Market, an awesome restaurant a friend of ours owns which has a predominantly healthy, West Coast inspired menu, but I have only been one other time and haven’t tried the one thing on the menu everyone RAVES about…the crack fries. Oh my gosh. They were amazing. And there were a lot of them. And they only come as an appetizer. I chose Cuban pork tacos as an entree and ate baked kale chips as a side, which was also delicious! I told myself that I would skip dinner to make up for all the excess lunch calories, but I have learned that it is a terrible idea to eat a high calorie, high glycemic lunch and then try to skip dinner. It does not work. My tummy was growling by 4 o’clock and I have been stealing bites of cheese and peanut butter to calm the hunger sensations. Ugh.

In the throes of diet frustration, I just have to tell myself…..Tomorrow is a new day!

A Uniquely Raleigh Valentine's Day

Mon, 14 Feb 2011 23:17:00 -0500

My husband Hugh and I had a wonderful Valentine’s Day today. The day started with errands and family stuff (my niece had her tonsils out today), then from 3 pm on, the day was ours. When you live in an awesome city like Raleigh, there is no shortage of cool things to do.

After a quick coffee run following today’s errands, the first thing on our agenda was to go to the NC Museum of Art, but we were disappointed to see it was closed. I’m not sure if this was because of Valentine’s Day or if they are usually closed on Monday’s, but I digress…we went to Quail Ridge Books instead and hung out for a couple of hours. Spending hours in a bookstore is a regular date/outing for us anyway, so this was a great alternative. I am ashamed to say that in the 3 years I have lived in Raleigh I have never been inside this independently owned bookstore until today, and I discovered that I have been missing out. If you’ve never been there, check it out!

After browsing the bookstore for 2 hours we headed to Piccola Italia, a cozy little Italian food place in Cameron Village that we began to grow fond of in the summer of ‘09. It is our go to place for “extra special” date nights and was where we ate for our Valentine’s Day dinner last year. It is family owned and has been around since the 80’s. The food is fantastic and the service is great!

We had plans to get dessert after dinner but were so stuffed after dinner that we needed to kill some time to make room for dessert (such a 1st world problem), so, being the book nerds that we are, we went over to the Cameron Village Library and browsed. It is not hard to kill time in a beautiful, 2 story library that, I must add, Raleigh is VERY lucky to have. We probably spent a little over an hour there and left with books we had checked out.

Last thing on our agenda…..Escazu! The best chocolates I’ve ever had are made here. Hugh and I are both trying to lose weight so we knew that buying a box of commercial chocolates that would sit in our house and tempt us to eat off it for a week or more would sabotage our efforts to shrink our waistlines, so we opted to buy a few pieces and a couple of drinks and eat them right there as a perfect end to our Valentine’s Day. I snapped a few photos while I was there, but here are my two favorites.

I am very proud to say that every dime we spent today went to local businesses.

I LOVE Raleigh. On a day like today when everyone is expressing love for each other, I want to express not only the love I have for my husband, friends, and family, but for the city I live in. I am very fortunate to live in this place. I am most fortunate to share my life with an amazing, loving man who loves this city as much as I do.

Saturday Morning Breakfast

Sat, 12 Feb 2011 13:00:00 -0500

I woke up this morning in the mood for a classic, nostalgic breakfast. I wanted the kind of breakfast I grew up eating in those carefree days where I didn’t have to worry about fat and calories. Yesterday, I blogged about how I am doing a diet that preserves my sanity and does not eliminate ANY food groups. Well, this morning’s breakfast is a perfect example of that:

3 slices of thick cut bacon (blotted with paper towels after cooking)

2 scrambled eggs (with 1/8 tsp of bacon fat rubbed onto the skillet)

1 English muffin with (1tsp) real butter and (1tsp) honey drizzled on top

Lots of ice cold water (because I won’t drink my calories)

Grand total: 610 calories

I ate this at 11 am. It was so filling that I will be satisfied till dinner. On a 1,300 calorie a day diet, that means I can indulge in a 700 calorie dinner! This really helps keep me on track knowing that I can have this stuff once in a while. I definitely don’t intend to include bacon and eggs in my daily diet, but I never ate bacon and eggs daily at any point in my life anyway. It was always a weekend treat. When I “dieted” in the past, I would have never fathomed ever eating bacon while trying to lose weight. I am aware that it is more beneficial to not eat meals so spaced out, but… some days you just gotta indulge and cut corners where you can.

CUTE VIDEO!! Coco plays fetch by herself! (via msavvy1)

Fri, 11 Feb 2011 21:58:47 -0500

CUTE VIDEO!! Coco plays fetch by herself! (via msavvy1)

Weight Loss Challenges

Fri, 11 Feb 2011 14:57:00 -0500

Losing weight has always been extremely difficult for me, but once I am focused and determined, I am full speed ahead and nothing gets in my way….except weekends. Weekends are the biggest challenge. There is something about Friday, Saturday, and Sunday that has often made me lose my focus and gives me a “devil may care” attitude about eating. I am not sure what causes this phenomenon, but the weekends just feel different and more lax. I do allow myself one cheat meal on the weekends but I have a tendency to want a “cheat weekend” instead of one cheat meal. When my husband and I get out of the house or have date nights, I suddenly long for the days (a whole month ago!) of not watching my weight and ordering whatever I want on the menu without doing any research on calories. There’s also the tendency to indulge in more snacks at home while watching movies, and making dessert or snack stops at places when we are out. It all adds up to an astronomical amount of calories! When I over do it on the weekends, by Monday morning I am not off the wagon completely but I am dangling over the side, struggling to get back on. This is why I have decided that Friday mornings are the best weigh in day for me.

When I stepped on the scale this morning, it displayed the benefits of my hard work this week. Since the 2nd week of January, I have gone from 225 lbs to 217. That’s 8 lbs. That may not be rapid weight loss but I refuse to completely deprive myself to speed things up. 1,300 calories a day, not severely limiting any kind of food group, and one cheat meal a week is healthy (in my opinion), and it will help keep me sane and satisfied till I reach my long term goal of 150 lbs. It is do-able if I stay focused, and one of the things that will keep me focused is remembering that number on the scale Friday morning. One entire weekend of bad eating can almost completely undo a weeks worth of hard work. Now that I have added exercise to my daily regime, I am even more motivated to stay focused because I hate the idea of adding calories after I have worked hard to burn them off.

I will thoroughly enjoy my ONE cheat meal every weekend (although I actually have a plan to reward myself with an entire cheat day every time I meet a short term goal of losing 10% of my body weight). Since this Monday is Valentine’s Day, I am saving my cheat meal for that day, so this weekend will be a little difficult. I will just have to remind myself of this mornings weigh in, and strive for that satisfied feeling of accomplishment of future Friday morning weigh-ins. My 1st “short term” goal is to lose 10% of my weight (22.5 lbs), which will put me at 202.5. Wish me luck!

Videos Posted by The Waking Circle: your final text message

Wed, 09 Feb 2011 12:48:38 -0500

Videos Posted by The Waking Circle: your final text message:

This can’t be said enough. DON’T text and drive!

Buddies. Tony (left) and Felix (right). Our “fur...

Tue, 08 Feb 2011 12:22:19 -0500

Buddies. Tony (left) and Felix (right). Our “fur babies”.