brainmenu mental health blog - depression, anxiety and perfectionism

Shall I compare thee to a summers day?

kim.nospam@nospam.brainmenu.com (brainmenu) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 08:39:00 +0100

Shakespeare famously wrote "Shall I compare thee to a summers day?" to which I would reply "Does it really matter?"

We all seem to have gone comparison mad. We have web sites for price comparisons for shopping, insurance and mortgages, school league tables help us compare schools so that we can decide which school is best for our children, we compare presidential candidates answers to questions to decide who we should vote for, Linux is clearly better than Windows and Mac OS/X is superior to both of them (joking!) and we compare ourselves to the people we see on TV, newspapers and magazines. Is it healthy to make all these comparisons and if not how do we decide which comparisons are good and which are bad for us?

Some might argue that it in a democracy it is your duty to vote in government elections and therefore it is surely healthy to compare presidential candidate after all you want the best president for the country. But do you really need to know about the lives of their children? Does it matter if one is a distant relative to royalty or a famous actor? Actually, I think it can be important to some people to know these things but it is a very individual and personal thing.

Think about this example. Your local shop owned by Mr and Mrs Smith has been in your town for a long time and has become part of the history and community but the supermarket on the other side of town has a wider choice, loyalty offers and convenient free parking. The Smiths shop is closer to you but you will need to walk to it whereas you can drive to the supermarket (you wouldn't want to walk to it!). You can't stand drinking coffee without sugar in it and you have just run out and haven't got much time before you need to go out to meet some friends. Do you goto the local shop or supermarket to buy it? Many of these types of decisions are made on auto-pilot with little or know actual thinking or real comparisons taking place. The decision is easy to make and anyway there are lots of other more important decisions to make than where to buy the sugar. But what if the Smiths shop is going to close and your elderly neighbour who relies on the shop will struggle to make it to the supermarket? What if the Smiths shop is more expensive than the supermarket and you are short of money?

Making comparisons is something we do all the time but I suspect that many of the comparisons we make are done on auto-pilot and few are actually unhelpful in achieving our goals or useful in making better informed decisions. Here are my tips for making healthy comparisons:-

- Evaluate whether the comparison helps you to achieve your goal and not just whether it makes interesting gossip.

- Is the comparison fair and accurate? Try not to make comparisons based on rumour and consider whether you need more evidence.

- Be open to re-evaluating the comparison and any decisions you make based on it if new evidence is provided. Is someones decision from years ago still important today or might they make a new decision based on the experiences and knowledge they have gained since?

So here is a challenge to you. Try to catch yourself making decisions on auto-pilot and instead try to make an informed decision or try to catch yourself making comparisons that don't really matter and see if it makes a change in the result or the way you feel. With practice I think you will find yourself less stressed and more comfortable with the decisions you make.

No biological limit for a persons happiness

kim.nospam@nospam.brainmenu.com (brainmenu) — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 16:56:00 +0100

You will no doubt have heard of the phrase "a leopard cannot change his spots" being applied to people which suggests that peoples personaility are set in stone and are not able to be changed. But Professor Martin Seligman believes that there our limit to experience happiness is not pre-determined biologically and has carried out a study to test the theory.

This fits in very much with my experience and belief. Just as a leopards spots can actually change their spots as they get older a person is also capable of achieving substantial change in their behaviour and feelings. I look forward to watching the BBC programme "The Happiness Formula" to see what else is uncovered.

Read more about Staying happier for longer on the BBC web site.

Interesting free audio and movies on Mental Health, Science, Meditation etc

kim.nospam@nospam.brainmenu.com (brainmenu) — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 10:17:00 +0100

iTunes U which includes topics such as Health, Science, Business and Engineering. Perhaps of most interest to visitors to my blog would be the availability of material on depression, anxiety, sleep, dreams, behaviour and even meditation. The content is provided by a host of Universities and Colleges and other organizations and much of it is of a very good quality.

I recommend you use the iTunes U url which should open the iTunes software on your computer and then use the Power Search from the Quick Links section. You can tell the power search to just focus on iTunes U and then enter your keywords in the description such as depression, anxiety, behaviour or bipolar. I was surprised to see the results that got returned.

Ones that might be of interest to you (I am not recommending them, just highlighting the varied range available):-

A Mind of their own: Bipolar Disease in Children by Karen Brown (American Public Media) (audio)
At what point do irritabilit, mood swings and tantrums in children constitute a mental illness? This program looks at three children with bipolar illness, their families, and the professionals who work with them.
Familial Mood Disorders by Natalie L. Rasgon (Movie)
Depression and bipolar disorders can be passed down in families but are common in women. See what can be done to treat mood disorders and associated reproductive dysfunction.
Health Matters: What is Social Anxiety Disorder (Audio)
Simple Mindfulness Exercise (Audio)
Coping with Anxiety and Depression in Uncertain Times (Movie)
The experience of psychological trauma is not an uncommon occurrence in today's society. Recent research indicates that severe psychological trauma can cause symptoms of persistent anxiety and depression.

Actually, if you do find ones that you recommend it would be great if you could let me know and I'll do the same. Perhaps together we can come up with a list of really useful resources for people like us.

Practice makes perfect - doesn't it?

kim.nospam@nospam.brainmenu.com (brainmenu) — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 07:41:00 +0100

My children have at times been frustrated with not being able to do things that they think they should be able to do. Typical examples are a word in a reading book that they struggle to pronounce or a word from a spelling test that they have trouble spelling or they forget part of their times tables. To try to encourage them I point out that the only reason I know the words is because I am much older than them and had lots of practice and to reinforce that nobody knows everything I sometimes pretend to not know something so we can look it up together which we all really enjoy (yes, the Internet is useful for other things than just blogging).

The phrase "Practice makes perfect" is something that we have taught them from a very early age and they frequently quote it to each other when one of them gets frustrated and it genuinely seems to help but as a recovering perfectionist I wondered whether the phrase was really appropriate and perhaps they might become to think (like I did) that if things didn't go well that it was because they are not trying hard enough and that they need to try harder. I accept that the phrase on it's own isn't the problem but it made me wander what steps I might be able to take to help them in having confidence in practicing but at the same time realising that perfection is not attainable and not always healthy.

This reminded me of how imperfection is a vital part and sometimes fun part of our lives. It reminderd me of when my mother was in hospital for an operation and my father was having to look after my sister and me. The kitchen was a new discovery for my father and you could see he felt uncomfortable in this alien surrounding. None the less he realised that his children needed feeding and decided that we could have toast for tea. Unfortunately he got distracted and the toast burst into flames!!! Once the flames had been extinguished my sister and I saw the blackened bread and proceeded to laugh and giggle. My father was furious, he had tried to do his best and failed and was being laughed at by his children which to him was about as bad as things could get. In the future the burnt toast became a family joke but my father never joined in and always looked sad if it was ever bought up in conversation. Interestingly, to my sister and me the toast being bought was not just funny but showed that my father was human like us, that he could make mistakes and it was an opportunity to bring us closer together and even though my father reacts negatively to the memory I still remember the occassion with a certain fondness. Even now my father still hasn't realised the importance of making mistakes and that our imperfections, our vulnerabilities help define who we are and can be a very positive experience.

I set myself a small challenge. Could I come up with an alternative to "practice makes perfect"? After about twenty minutes of trying with phrase such as "practice helps", "practice makes things better", "practice can improve things - sometimes" I felt like giving up and came to realise that actually the phrase wasn't important that what I needed to teach my children was that phrases such as this can be helpful but when they begin to outlive their usefullness we should let them go. That is when I came up with my alternative - "practice has a purpose". Practice doesn't need to be to attain perfection. Practice can be useful for a wide range of reasons such as it being fun or because it's nice to try. I'll try the new phrase with my kids and see if they like it but anyway the important thing is that I help them to understand that imperfection is as important as perfection.

The power of dreams

kim.nospam@nospam.brainmenu.com (brainmenu) — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 10:48:00 +0100

During the last month or so I have had some problems with my dreams and this has created an interest in dreams that I have never had before. A few years ago, I became aware of when I was dreaming and began to control some elements of my dreams. If part of a dream seemed very odd then I could replay that part of the dream and even change that part of the dream. As my awareness increased the length of time I was aware of dreaming increased and the number of different dreams I had during a nights sleep also seemed to increase.

This might all sound a bit odd, even unbelievable or perhap interesting or exciting but at the moment whilst I never suffer from nightmares (after all I am in control) I do sometimes get left quite emotional and the quality of my sleep is effected. My personal feeling is that dreams are not there to be interpreted and so that part doesn't interest me (maybe it will later?), for the moment I am interested in learning about why we dream and the impact this has on our wellbeing.

The things I dream of are incredibly odd and the places I visit and the people I meet in my dreams are not always familiar to me. Sometimes when I dream I am not always myself and may be seeing things from a different perspective. Where do these images come from and what purpose if any do they serve? I would love to hear if you can you control your dreams or if you have had any strange dream experiences (I can think of one as I write this - I'll save it for later) or if you have any pointers to information on the science of dreams.

Meditation with children

kim.nospam@nospam.brainmenu.com (brainmenu) — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 08:24:00 +0100

When I was having trouble getting three of my children to go to bed and sleep I thought I would introduce them to the experience of meditation. This is my story of that experience:-

The children had been in their bedroom for more than a 1/2 hour and still hadn't settled down to sleep. The three of them share the same room so often if one of them cannot sleep they often decided the other two should not be able to sleep either but tonight all of them were very excited and noisey and my previous attempts at settling them down had all failed. I stomped back up the stairs and decided I would have to try something different to make this my last trip to their room tonight.

Having heard me stomp up the stairs they had already rushed to get back into their own beds so at least I didn't have to worry about that but what could I do to calm them down? Knowing that they like to try to copy the things that I do and seeing that they knew that I had recently begun meditating I decided perhaps they could give that a go whilst I thought of something else to try. I asked them if they wanted to give meditation a go and I received three excited squeels of approval. I put on the softest most mysterious voice that I could manage and asked each of them to sit up straight and close their eyes so that we could begin. The reaction was pleasantly surprising as each of them complied with my request. Talking slowly I told them to close their mouths and breath through their noses. If they concentrated on their breath I said they should be able to hear the air going in... and out... as they breathed in.... and out.... I asked them to breathe with me.....

Breathe in........ and out.... in...... and out.....

The silence didn't last long before I heard a little voice

Daughter 1: "Dad!"

Me: "Yes"

Daughter 1: "This is boring and I'm tired. Can we go to sleep now?"

Daughter 2: "Yes. Me too!"

Daughter 3: "and me!"

Me: "But we haven't finished yet. Breathe in..... breathe out....."

Daughter 1: "Dad. I'm really tired"

Me: "OK, if you are all sure. Go to sleep then"

And you know what they all did go to sleep and I didn't hear a thing from them after that. Wow! This meditation is really powerful stuff ;)

Problems with ending my mental health therapy

kim.nospam@nospam.brainmenu.com (brainmenu) — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 08:09:00 +0100

The end of my CBT sessions is in sight and I wanted to share with you some of what I experienced relating to this.

When my CBT was arranged I was told how many sessions I was going to have and that towards the end of the my time doing CBT we would review how things have gone and whether it was effective and if further CBT would be appropriate. The first series of CBT sessions had lasted 20 weeks and when things were reviewed it had been decided that the therapy had worked well with my depression but that as the depression subsided new problems involving anxiety had arisen and that it might be beneficial to use CBT (a further 6 session) to deal with these.

After 4 of the 6 CBT sessions the therapist thought we ought to talk about how I thought things were going and about working on ending the sessons. I got quite emotional with him when he told me there would be no more that the 6 sessions and I told him why I was upset. He tried to explain that they had limited resources, that CBT was normally (in the NHS at least) only scheduled for a set number of sessions and that I had more than most people would and that if I CBT hadn't worked for me by now then maybe CBT wasn't the appropriate treatment for my anyway. I felt really upset because I felt that the CBT was beneficial, that I still had problems and that once the CBT finished then I would go back to square one and lose my job, my family and home. He tried to explain that just because the CBT sessions ended there was no reason why I couldn't carry on using the techniques and continue to improve my life but I was too upset to really listen and I felt that the sessions ending were more to do with NHS resources than it wasn't beneficial in continueing with them. I left the building feeling that I wouldn't be attending the last two of my CBT sessions - after all what would be the point!

Two weeks later I went back for my 5th out of 6 CBT sessions and the therapist asked me how I was doing. He looked a bit tense probably wait for a negative response but I told him I had been having some difficulties but had made some progress. We talked about ending therapy again and he was visibily surprised at my change in attitude and I was pleased that we were able to put the last session behind us. When he asked what had changed my view on ending therapy, I was happy to explain that when I left the last session I put a lot of thought into whether CBT had helped me at all and if I really felt that I still needed CBT. It was clear to me that CBT had helped me but I also felt that I still needed it. However, if CBT was really beneficial to me and was working then it would seem logical that I should be able to put into practice the techniques I had learnt and therefore I would be handling the end of CBT much better. So, logically it seemed that if I couldn't cope with ending CBT then CBT probably wasn't the appropriate treatment.

I wonder if I hadn't already booked myself on a mindfullness based stress reduction course if I would have been able to change my mind but I am pleased that I have booked myself on the course and therefore it doesn't really matter anyway. As we talked a couple of things came out that might have helped me if I could have understood them before:-

Experience tells me that I am not really the best person to decide whether to stop treatment or not.
The goal of CBT is that you should be able to apply the CBT techniques without having CBT sessions for the rest of your life.
CBT Sessions are just lessons in learning CBT techniques the real work happens outside of the sessions.
CBT doesn't work for everyone.

I still feel that limiting the number of sessions is a lot to do with NHS resources but coming to the end of the sessions has forced me to come to a new level of understanding that I might not have otherwise reached. Whilst this current set of sessions may be coming to an end it might be that in the future it could be appropriate to have more CBT and I feel quite positive about the future (it's a nice change!). If like me you are having problems ending therapy then perhaps it might help to try to look at things in a different way - I didn't find it easy but I feel much better for it.

Official report on the symptoms, cause and treatment of depression with recommendation

kim.nospam@nospam.brainmenu.com (brainmenu) — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 10:18:00 +0100

Alien report on condition humans call "DEPRESSION"

The following is an excerpt from a top secret report rumoured to have been distributed within the National Security Agency (NSA) earlier this year. The existence of the report has not been verified but the contents are believed to have been obtained as part of alien communications intercepted by chance using techniques developed in the 1940s and used through the 1950s in Project SIGMA.

Depression

Depression is categorized by humans as a mental health disorder. It is widespread within the human population (121 million humans) but is also known to occur in other animal species on planet Earth. It appears that the other animals are most at risk of depression when in contact with humans.

Symptoms

A consuming feeling that separates a human from reality and results in a "depressed state" with a loss of interest or pleasure, feelings of guilt or low self-worth, disturbed sleep, distrubed appetite, low energy and poor concentration. It restricts a humans ability to maintain relationships, difficulties working and they struggle to lead a "normal" life often resulting in the sufferer withdrawing from contact with other human beings.

Cause and spread

The cause of depression is varied and can be different for each individual but research suggests that parents of sufferers are ultimately to blame as without them this disorder would eventually cease to exist.

Depression may be passed on through human genes but the presence of these genes is not required to get it. It is a highly contagious disorder that can spread without phsyical contact and with symptoms that will affect the majority of people who come into contact with a carrier. Human family members are particularly vunerable to catching depression. Research has identified that it is possible that although a person may not exhibit symptoms of depression they may be a carrier and cause depression in others.

Effective treatment

Frequently treated with stigma and disbelief and widely believed to be cured by increasing the height of an item of clothing known by the humans as "socks" (optimum length of socks has not yet been determined). The most effective treatment of depression is a widespread culling programme which the humans appear to already be putting in place in Iraq, Afghanistan, Georgia and other areas of the planet.

Recommendation
The human population has implemented a programme called "religion" which in turn has led to various culling projects known as "wars" which have successfully killed millions of people. Unfortunately, religion appears to be a failing programme which has lost momentum and our own attempts at restarting the programme through our scientology project has attracted many high ranking humans but has not been as effective as we would wish.

Fortunately the humans have started a new project called "global warming" which is likely to be of greater success but until this programme has been completed the planet earth will remain inhabitable by ourselves.

This report makes fascinating reading and I am sure other Alien reports on mental health disorders must exist. If you know of any other similar reports please let me know.

FDA Problem drugs: Quetiapine (Seroquel) mentioned

kim.nospam@nospam.brainmenu.com (brainmenu) — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 03:09:00 +0100

The U.S. Food and Drug administration has published a list of potential problem drugs which they have identified and one of the drugs mentioned is Quetiapine (Seroquel) because of "Overdose due to sample pack labeling confusion".

BUT please don't stop taking your medication just because it's listed. From the page "FDA wants to emphasize that the listing of a drug and a potential safety issue on this Web site does not mean that FDA is suggesting prescribers should not prescribe the drug or that patients taking the drug should stop taking the medication. Patients who have questions about their use of the identified drug should contact their health care provider. FDA will complete its evaluation of each potential signal/new safety information and issue additional public communications as appropriate."

P.S
Sorry for not posting much at the moment. I'm working hard on resolving some issues at the moment and find it hard to write about them but I am confident normal service should resume soon.

Research suggests older fathers linked with bipolar

kim.nospam@nospam.brainmenu.com (brainmenu) — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 07:49:00 +0100

The age of a father has already been linked to schizophrenia and autism but now research published in the Achives of General Psychiatry also suggests a link to bipolar disorder.

A woman is born with all her eggs but a man makes new sperm throughout their life and as a man ages the chances of a DNA copy error appear to increase and this is believed to explain why the children of men over the age of 55 are 1.37 times more likely to have bipolar disorder compared to children of a father between 20 and 24 years of age.

This is interesting research particularly as few risks factors for bipolar disorder have been previously identified. No doubt the research in this area will also lead to future suggestions of links between various disorders and the age of the father.

Link to BBC story: Older fathers linked with bipolar
Link to original article: Advancing Paternal Age and Bipolar Disorder (subscription or payment required)

Antipsychotic drugs double stroke risk: study

kim.nospam@nospam.brainmenu.com (brainmenu) — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 07:13:00 +0100

Having taken Seroquel (quetiapine) myself it was concerning to see the headlines "Antipsychotic drug 'stroke risk'" and "Antipsychotic drugs double stroke risk: study" on the BBC and Reuters web sites. British researchers are reporting (published in British Medical Journal) that you are nearly twice as likely to have a stroke taking antipsychotic medication compared to those not taking it and the chances of a stroke increase to 3.5 times for patients with dementia.

This study is concerning and hopefully the finding will lead to more research in this area. For most of us, I guess things are so bad when prescribed antipsychotics that the risks associated with not taking the medication are greater but it is good that this type of study is available for us so that we are better informed of the risks.

The importance of balance in your life

kim.nospam@nospam.brainmenu.com (brainmenu) — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 11:00:00 +0100

It may be obvious but sometimes I feel that we need reminding of the obvious but balance is probably one of the most important aspects of our lifes to get right and yet I suspect few of us actually pay it any real attention.

What does "balance" mean?

By balance I mean that you have asserted an appropriate level of effort in the directions required to achieve a healthy and realistic position. If you think about someone riding a bike you can appreciate how important balance is as without it you would more than likely just fall off and potentially hurt yourself. But balance can be more subtle than that and you aren't always going to get an immediate response to help you recognize you are getting it wrong such as falling of the bike. Perhaps a better example would be the "work-life balance" where an unhealthy balance in favour of work might lead you to neglect other important aspects of your life such as family, friends or yourself. It might not be immediately obvious to you that you have unbalanced work-life but over time the signs become more obvious and at some stage the balance will need to be corrected.

I don't have a balance probem!

You might be doing very well at balancing your life but it's still important to recognize that part it plays in your life. One of the problems with balance appears to be that the person least like to recognize the imbalance is the person directly affected by it. Others are frequently in a better position to see the problem but because of the imbalance we are unlikely to accept or recognize it ourselves. By improving our awareness of the need for balance we can become better at seeing potential problems and maintaining a healthy balance becomes more natural.

Correcting the balance

If you feel that your life is unbalanced in some way I might suggest that you do the following:-

Learn to recognize where the imbalance is.
Understand the implications.
Try not to let the implications get you down but instead use them for motivation. If the implications are making you unhappy and you have recognized it then you know have the opportunity to do something about it.
Learn why the imbalance exists
The chances are that the imbalance exists to counteract, compensate for, or reinforce a behaviour or emotion. If you can see where the imbalance originates from then you can assess whether you really need it, whether it makes you happy and healthy and begin to identify areas to change.
Take action to change things
You will need to take action to balance things correctly and you need to be honest and realistic about the action required. Writing things down and spending time each day reviewing your life balance will help you enormously.
Take your time
The chances are that you didn't get into this position overnight so give yourself time to take the action to address things. Remember your first bike ride and think about the support you needed (stabilisers, helpful/caring parent or friend) and no doubt you fell off at some stage and got a few bruises and/or cuts. Getting your life balanced is the same and you will get better at it with practice until it becomes almost natural - almost like riding a bike

Days with my father - actually not my father someone elses

kim.nospam@nospam.brainmenu.com (brainmenu) — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 14:42:00 +0100

I read a lot of web sites and I browse even more and every now and then there is a web site that really strikes me as important. "Days with my father" is one of those special sites that sticks in my mind and makes me want to tell everyone else about it. The site contains some wonderful photography but take time to read the writing as well as it really is worth it.

It makes me think about how amazing we all are and how our relationships with each other are just so incredibly fascinating.

Heads down and getting rich

kim.nospam@nospam.brainmenu.com (brainmenu) — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 08:28:00 +0100

As children my sister and me were always finding money on the pavement. We would walk down to the town centre with my mother to do shopping and frequently find coins on the pavement and even the occassional note. This became a family joke for a while but it now makes me wonder why we both had our heads down so often - we certainly weren't actually looking for money.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.

kim.nospam@nospam.brainmenu.com (brainmenu) — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 07:28:00 +0100

I stumbled across this cartoon by Polyp which I wanted to share with you.