Brainstogether

(Vicious) Software Circle?

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 03:56:00 +0000

Although I am not a firm believer of the hypothesis of Karma but it does seem we land up almost at the same place where we started from.

Indian software industry is pretty much a circle (I won't go up to the extent of calling it vicious) and it's hard to escape it.

Rajesh a software engineer for past 2 years got frustrated from his job, Since past 2 years he was working for the same company and working on the same client account, he was assigned to the maintenance of an application. In between for 3 months he was assigned to an internal application development project but that was it.

Rest of his software career has been stuck with the tasks of monitoring application performance, check that the application down time shouldn't exceed more than a couple of hours, fix any defects that come up and some production critical bugs needed to be fixed at any hour of the day. It so has been the case that he has been woken in the middle of the night and early morning (as early as 4 AM) to fix some production issues.

This wasn't the life he dreamt of when he passed out his software diploma (and with decent grades) course.

Like most other students of his class he has dreamt that he would be involved in writing Softwares that will have high business impact and if he gets a chance he will write his own browser or at least a compiler which would be widely accepted or may be a social media application which will be at least twice as good as Facebook.

But then after 2 months in which he couldn't get a job (primarily due to his grades and the aptitude questions he messed up), he was forced to take the first job that came his way.

At that time he was happy that he at least got a job as it was becoming difficult by the day for him to sustain in the big city and he was getting more inclined towards joining a call center job for the time being.

The first month in the new company went in the training and orientation and he was enjoying it. Once the training was complete he along with his 2 other batchmates were assigned to a project which was already developed and needed some bug fixes. There were already 3 people working on the same, he came to know they were part of the development team of that project.

He was happy that he would get to learn from this world class project and the experience of his seniors.

'Freshers' as they were called started with the ramp up of the application and slowly and gradually Rajesh started getting a hang of the application after spending many nights and early mornings in office.

In the mean time one of his batchmates left citing the reason that he has to go back to his hometown and find a job there as his parents don't want him staying away for long.

Things started happening fast, understanding the application, talking to the client, debugging the application, getting to know the architecture of the application and getting to know the usual defects that crop up every now and then and how best to address those defects or at least make the testers understand that it is not a defect.

After around 1 year suddenly one day he realized that the seniors have moved out of the project and he was left with his other batchmate all by himself to handle the project and continue fixing the issues.

By now he was aware of the term and heard it many times 'Application Maintenance' or 'Production Support', when he joined he was told that it was a project, now he was slowly grasping the concept that though everything is called a project but not everything that happens inside a software company is a project and specifically the one activity he was working on is called Maintenance and it has no end date.

He wasn't unhappy with the company he was working for nor was he too unhappy with the salary he was drawing and moreover it being his first company he got all too attached with it and made several friends, nevertheless he wasn't enjoying the work now. He knew all the things in that application that were to be known and the work became mundane, even if somebody told him about a defect in his sleep he can possibly suggest 2-3 options where in the code to look for to fix that defect.

He has discussed with his manager about moving to a live (development) project and his manager has assured him that he will look into it as soon as there is someone to replace him in the maintenance project but it never happened.

And after a lot of thought and discussing with his friends & mates he decided that it's time for him to move out of the organization and find a new company which will offer him better projects.

And so he switched jobs...

He mentioned clearly during his interviews and negotiation that he was looking for development projects and the reason for leaving his current company was not money but because he was assigned to a maintenance project for far too long and he didn't wanted to be stuck with it.

He was assure that he was being assigned to a large project which is already underway and that from day one he will be 'developing' something.

Rajesh was happy about it and thought his decision was worthwhile and although it took him some courage to leave his first company and all his friends behind but at least it will be good for his career.

As a ritual in every company he went through an orientation and ramp up of the project and technology the project was using and after a month he was assigned to work on the project.

As he understood that project was going on for past 6 months and he was assigned to work on a new module, the requirements for which has come in recently. He was part of a 10 member development team and he started the work with a new zeal.

As always the deadline were too strict and the team had to work a minimum of 12 hours a day and sometimes on weekends too. But he wasn't complaining as he was enjoying being a part of development team and had a sense of achievement ( I created that page, I worked on that module).

Hours flew, days flew, months flew and before he realized it, Rajesh has completed 4 months on the project and the project was coming to an end.

Slowly few members of the team were moved out as the work wasn't remaining much and now he was working with a 4 member team.

One Monday morning Rajesh's manager called him, he was skeptical as to what it was regarding as in the past 4 months of him being with the team, he has hardly interacted with the manager once or twice.

As he sat down in the manager's cabin, the manager began, Rajesh you have done a good job on this project till now, in the short time you have learnt a lot and the client has also appreciated your work. Rajesh was very happy listening to all that appreciation and wanted to shout at the top of his voice.

But the manager continued, as you know that the project is finished now, Rajesh nodded.

So from tomorrow we want you to work on the support team of this project along with Mandar and Reema.

All that could come out of Rajesh's mouth was "excuse me, but why?"

Without giving much attention to Rajesh's manner of asking or his expressions, the manager replied while picking up the stapler from the ground, simple Rajesh, because you have done a good job, you know the entire system, the client is happy with you and other members have been moved to other project. We need someone reliable for this project and who better than you? do you disagree?

Rajesh was flummoxed, he didn't understand what is he supposed to reply, he wasn't sure if the manager was appreciating his work or ridiculing him. Is he really assigning the maintenance work because his work was good or was this a punishment in a way.

While he was thinking all this, the manager stood up with a notebook in his hand and walked out blurting out "I have to run for his meeting, so you get started and let me know if there are any issues. Hopefully you will continue to work with the same commitment level".

Before Rajesh could open his mouth the manager has eloped in the elevator.

A colleague shouted "Rajesh, what happened?" while sharing a smoke. He asked again "What happened Rajesh? why are you smiling?"

Rajesh smiled again, nothing much I was just thinking if like life, does Software also come a full circle.

Are the software companies making young graduates unemployable?

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 16:39:00 +0000

The software industry in India has grown by leaps and bounds in last 10 years. IT/ITES sector has become the major job creator sector.
A few years back (even today in some parts) a Software job used to be a dream job of any fresh engineering graduate coming out of college.
Today software companies employs hundreds of thousands of young men and women.
But are the people working in these organizations really growing intellectually? Are they getting any sharper compared to when they passed out of college.
Are these engineers providing any solutions? Or are they simply getting turned to another coder, developer, tester or whatever they call it in the IT companies.
A fresh young graduate who has dreams of changing this world lands in a software company and 9 out of 10 times that's the end of his dreams.
He gets moulded and typecast into a code churning machine, where most of the time he is copying and pasting and hardly 2% of the times he is using his brains to find a 'real' solution.
The software innovations and solutions are being given by 1% of the whole software population in the world and out of that 1% too 99% sits in the US.
So at the end of the day there is no intellectual growth, there is no sharpening of skills (except for copy and paste) and there is no innovation at all.
In addition, companies come up with their own frameworks, their own tools which the employees have to get used to and after working for an year the employee becomes one of the robot in the army of robots.
If he switches job, that tool's knowledge is not worth anything in the market and with that knowledge and skill set he becomes unemployable in the market, he will need to again go back to the books to prepare for an interview and once again when he is recruited to another company a new tool, a new framework is there to learn. All the theoretical knowledge is for nothing.

The problem becomes acute when you consider that how many bright minds who could have innovated so much, could have been a solution provider, gets stuck in this system which renders them useless for any other task.
Just because of a good job in software company, thousands of people even change their stream to computers from civil, mechanical, electronics, etc.
If these people would have remained in their original streams they could have benefited that stream so much with their knowledge and expertise.
Also if there is proper platform provided in the software companies for these young employees to showcase their talent, encouraging and giving support for their innovation and work could be assigned as per their skill sets then we can have many good engineers and solution providers, who will change the entire game and will lead our country to the next millennium where we would be the solution providers and rest of the world would just copy and paste.

I miss broken heart and Longing

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 03:45:00 +0000

We all grow mature, we all grow old and at times its not such a good feeling.
All through the life we keep on fighting to get someone to love, to settle down with someone we love someone who loves us, to have someone to share feelings and love and everything with and to reach that stage we go through so much.
Short love stories, One sided love, crush, falling deeply in love, longing to meet the lover and broken hearts.
Be it the love in school or college or anytime before you get committed to one.
Once we do get someone in our life, when we get committed to one, when you decide to spend life with someone, when you get a life partner, everything starts coming back to you. Those times when you were in love, when you waited hours to get a glimpse of your love, when you practiced thousand times before going to talk to him or her.
Miss those nights when we wake up just thinking about that person, then the times when you were separated for a short duration and you longed for him or her so badly.
Then the broken hearts we suffered and how we did our best to recover through it, how our friends helped you out coming from that state.
How you vowed not to fall in love again and did again the very next month and with the same process and same results.
Those waits, those waking through the nights, having just that one thought day in day out about that one person, the broken heart every now and then, is badly missed at times. Wish if we could once again have all of those experiences once again now that we are matured.
But then may be all those feelings might not be same now that we are mature.

But probably the process of getting your love and all the phases involved in it are much better than to achieve it and settle down or not to achieve it and settle down with someone.

My Company's VP Code, should I be proud?

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 03:48:00 +0000

There was a time in India when software job was the coolest job (believe me now its not despite whatever your aunty describes your job as to your prospective father in law).

If you are in software you were considered the best brain around. People used to code in html and earn millions. And anybody and everybody was thought to be making a software or was considered a programmer.

The thing was computers were not that prevalent at that time (not that it is to be found everywhere right now, but still it has invaded in our lives a lot). So if you did a small time course or a degree course and you get lucky then you used to come in contact with computer and for that duration of your working.

Hardly anyone other than you (and may be the person assigning you the job) knew what you were doing. So when you walked out of that office you could just pretend to have changed the world for better in there and people would believe.

Then came a revolution in software which brought the computers to a lot many hands. You have computers in banks, offices, homes, reservations, even in grocery stores.
The narrow mindedness about computers got a severe jolt.
I still remember the day when like 7-8 years back someone asked me, you are in computers, right? I replied a confident "Yes". And that guy said can you look into the computer in our shop, it is not working since many days?
That was a googly for me, after asking some normal questions about what went wrong and what you did and trying some hands on that desktop, I told him this is out of my knowledge, you would need to call a hardware engineer.
And that person looked at me like I just murdered someone. He ranted about what have I been doing in computers for so many years and after spending so much money on computer courses that i can't fix a small problem in his computer. I was sure he had the impression before i walked out of his place that i didn't want to help him.
You still might find a few people like that around but by and large people now appreciate the difference between software and hardware and have started to understand that there can be multiple careers in computers (at least people who want to make career are getting aware).

So carrying this impression i was living my life happily and one fine day i got dragged in a conversation between few software professionals. And my interest hasn't aroused until that guy mentioned these words "VP of my company codes man". And said it in such a manner like Dan Brown about to reveal in his novel what the holy grail really is.
And then the discussion went that way, oh really? Regularly or sometimes? How does he gets time to code? What all he can code? etc. etc.

This was not the first time i have heard such a statement, there are people who boasts that they are still coding while managing. Software companies would recruit 10+ years managers who can 'code'. Vice Presidents and Presidents of the companies would sometimes boast within the company about their coding skills. And how they still can find defects in a developers code.
Project Managers who would do the code review and would do testing.

Someone recently mentioned this to me which is very correct with respect to the situation of the software industry today in India. He said, "Indian software industry today is nothing more than a code churning factory".
So very true. I don't remember seeing advertisements for project managers but for PMs with experience in Java or dotnet or python, etc.

Do people seriously still consider that coding or being a programmer is still such a cool job? Whereas in India most of the software fraternity belongs to Microsoft, which with every passing year is introducing new coding framework and languages and technologies which has reduced real coding to literally nothing more than 'googling-copying-pasting' or at best referring to MSDN.

And in a country like India where today every other person who graduates is a computer science engineer and there are thousands and thousands of computer institutes in every nook and corner, do we really think that we would ever stop at producing such people who can do just that (googling-copying-pasting) at least.

I am in no way saying that every person who is coding is doing just that or that coding is not a good job. But for sure programmers today (at least the Microsoft genre) who are doing just the regular business application development (and no product development or work with open source) should not consider themselves out of the universe.

And if the VP or President or the PM of my company codes and is displaying those skills in the company or trying to get on the developers nerves by showing those skills then its time the company hire a different VP or PM. Because the developers would any time cost a fraction of the big man. If the person is so hell bent on coding then make him a coder, his dream would be realized as well as your company can in turn hire a better manager.

What we lack today in our software industry is good managers, good visionaries, good product developers. Till when we will continue to work on the products developed outside the country despite having the biggest software workforce in the world.

Why in the last 35-40 years of software in India we have failed to produce a Microsoft or a Google or a Yahoo? These are the questions that we have to ask ourselves,these are the questions organizations like NASSCOM will have to think about if we want to be a product developer any time soon.
Software Projects doesn't only mean 'Coding' and there could be Project Managers who can manage the project without knowing the technology. We should come to terms with these universal truths for our own benefit.

So if the VP of my company codes, should I be proud of it?
Then I should rather start managing the company affairs, I am sure I can teach him a lesson or two about management.

High School Love Stories

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 20:12:00 +0000

Ajinkya was more than happy to come back for the new school season. This was his last year in the school and he jumped to this last year class with a bang.
He top scored in his class and also got the best score in mathematics the school has ever seen. He scored a 98, the previous best being 95 set like a lot many years ago.
When students come to 12th grade some of the best and some of the worst things happen with them.
For starters they are called the 'Seniors', everyone who has been to school understands what is it to be called a 'Senior'. When you are senior almost everything in the school belongs to you.

'Boys left turn' bellowed Mr. Sahani from the grounds, he was the physical trainer and his voice was like thunder and specially if you are new in the school you dare not put a wrong foot during the parade.

Ajinkya has studied in this school for more than 7 years and this was going to be his 8th and final year.
There was little doubt in any one's mind that he is going to be a senior prefect this year and this realisation every now and then made him all the more happy this year.

The classes started for the new academic season and almost a month passed but more than half of the class hadn't purchased the books. Teachers will every day come and shout at the class to get the books but rarely students listened. Everyone was surviving on the notes teachers were giving and that too sometimes on borrowed papers.
That's another benefit of being in High School, you can dare to do things that you can't even imagine in other grades.
But that day after Mrs. Bakshi lectured for more than 30 minutes on why the class should behave and why it shouldn't take everything for granted just because of being in 12th, it was necessary to get the books. It was the 30 minutes lecture class was scared about more than anything else.

Rahul, Parminder, Ajinkya and Raaj dropped at the bookstore during lunch time and asked for the physics, English and maths books. That's as much as I can afford right now said Rahul, rest of the money dad gave me for books I spent on that guitar.
Don't worry at least physics book will keep Mrs. Bakshi calm. Rest we can purchase next month, said Raaj.
While they were discussing on the side of the bookstore, Can I get a notebook and a pen please? a shrill voice asked. Ajinkya moved his head little on the side to see who was calling.
He saw a girl handing out a 50 rupee note to the bookseller and explaining something animatedly to her friend standing with her. Her smile was beautiful, her short hair were beautiful and her face was, what is the word they use 'divine'. She was laughing madly about something, suddenly her hairs fell on her eyes and she shrugged them off with a gentle stroke of a finger. Ajinkya's heart sank for a moment.
'Where are you sir?' Raaj snapped. He looked in the direction Ajinkya was looking.

'Beautiful piece man' he exclaimed completely checking her out, the other 2 also looked in the same direction, suddenly both the girls became conscious and looked towards the guys, for a split second Ajinkya's eyes met with the girl.

The bookseller's voice interrupted, there you go miss, the girl took the notebook and change back from him and both girls rushed off. Ajinkya took his eyes off her but rest 3 pairs of eyes followed the girl until she turned into a corridor.
And before the guys could start conversation about the girl, Ajinkya rushed them, "lets go fast lunch time is over". They took the books which were sitting on the side of the booksellers table, paid him and they were off to the class.

Ajinkya couldn't forget her for next 2 days and couldn't find her even. He started a small investigation about her, saw her during assembly and followed her.

She was in the 11th grade in section 'D'. He started following her since then, the time she entered the school (he had to come school early for that but it rarely mattered), the time she would be taking lunch in the school canteen, the time she was leaving, everywhere possible.
And all he was doing was crossing her path again and again and after a few times there eyes started meeting every time there paths crossed but he wouldn't and couldn't say anything.

Her name was Shweta, she joined the school this year only coming from Loyola High, she comes at 7:15 AM and leaves on her bike. That's as much information he collected about her in one month.
3 months into the session the extracurricular activities begun in the school and sports sessions also started, so the decision on Prefects was around the corner.

One summer morning in the assembly, prefects were announced, the junior prefects were announced first, there were cheers and whistles in the whole assembly. Senior Prefects for Blue and Yellow houses were announce.
Red House Senior Prefect 'Ajinkya Sahani', a roar of applause broke, cheers and whistles. Raaj with 4 other guys took Ajinkya on shoulders and made way to the Principal's desk.
The Principal tucked the Senior Prefect badge on his shirt. He was too happy, probably this achievement is something no one forgets during his life time. Thats the first real step towards leadership.

Things started moving fast in the school and in no time there were schedules of debates, elocution, parade, sports and quiz contest.

Ajinkya was way too busy in preparing his house for all the events, he has to finalize the debate candidates, basketball team, watch the performance of the parade enthusiasts on the field. He was ably supported by the junior prefects and his house teachers but the decisions had to be his.

In all this rush he has still not completely forgotten Shweta, he was still trying to cross her paths at times but it had become all the more difficult for him to talk to her.
For one, being a Senior he was supposed to be keeping company and so called 'affairs' with the girls in the same grade and not juniors and now that he was a Senior Prefect it was another trouble, he couldn't be seen talking too much with any girl or the rumours take no time in spreading in the whole school. The so called 'dignity' of the post has to be maintained.

On a hot afternoon he was sitting in a classroom with a couple of junior prefects and the his house teacher Mrs. Bose, discussing about the upcoming debate and elocution candidates.
Why are students not coming up for participation? this house always had the best debaters and now we are having trouble finding a good debate and elocution candidate, that's insane, he said with frustration.
We do have candidates, and more will be coming, Ajinkya you need to take it easy, this is how it is always the case. Initially there are few or no one coming forward then once a few students come forward other students get confidence and you have more than desired number of candidates to manage, Mrs. Bose said.

I guess you are right madam, I need to take it easy. I am sorry. That's alright son, we have a girl from 11th grade coming for elocution. We need to see if she fits the bill.
Who is she?
Suddenly there was a knock on the door, "come in" Mrs. Bose said. A short girl with a bright smile on her face walked in. She had some amazing effect on everyone present and everyone started smiling too. Good afternoon Madam, she bowed towards Mrs. Bose and then looking towards Ajinkya good afternoon Sir, she said.

I am Ajinkya and you should call me by that name, he said moving forward to shake hands with her.

Yes Ajinkya Sir, she said, I am Payal singhal from 11th grade, enrolled for elocution contest. Someone else was making way from the now half opened door. Rajat, the junior prefect shouted only Red house here, no sneaking other houses.

"I am from Red house only" a voice came, the voice Ajinkya knew pretty well by now. He looked towards the door, Shweta was standing there.
Payal moved towards her, Ajinkya Sir she is my friend Shweta also in our house, would it be ok if she sits here during my elocution. I was very nervous and asked her to come with me.
Ajinkya looked at Shweta smiled and looking at her, replied to Payal, yes sure by all means.

Everybody set down, Ajinkya saw Shweta sitting and sat besides her leaving one desk.
Payal started reciting the poem she had written on her diary, Ajinkya was half listening and half looking at Shweta, occasionally their eyes met and Shweta coyly looked down or looked towards Payal standing in front.

Mrs. Bose was stopping Payal in between and giving her instructions, where to pause, which word to pronounce clearly etc. and she restarted again everytime.
It went on for like 30 minutes and when Mrs. Bose said "Ajinkya what do you think?",
that Ajinkya became completely present in the room.

She is good madam, except for a few words that she should have pronounced clearly, that we can take care of during training. The good part is she is expressive.

"And Payal" he moved towards her, holded her by shoulders, looked straight in her eyes, 'You have to speak louder than this', this is just a small room you know how big is our auditorium. You will have to speak infront of hundreds of students and make sure that everyone hears your voice clearly'.
There is nothing to be afraid of, You are good, more than good and you have to prove that our house is the best house in the school when it comes to elocution. And we are here to help you out anytime you want. And this time it was diary next time you should learn it by heart, OK?
Yes Ajinkya Sir, I will do my best and hopefully our house will win. The little talk from Ajinkya seems to have filled her with confidence.

Ajinkya suddenly turned towards Shweta, and Shweta what are you participating in for our house? She was taken aback by this sudden question, she tried to gain her composure and without looking at him she said, "nothing as of now".
Why not? You should also take part in some activities, our house needs participation and if you all will not participate our house will take a beating. Look at Payal she is also doing good with the elocution.
Yes Shweta, try to participate, start preparing for quiz contest, Mrs. Bose said. And if you need Surinder can help you, she pointed towards a guy sitting next to her, who started grinning. He is in your grade only.

Ajinkya felt a sudden anger inside him, he promptly replied, yes Surinder or anyone, you can come to any of us for help if you want to participate in any event.

Shweta's face flushed, I am not as good as Payal but I will try to participate in something.

Shall we go Payal? she asked. Both said goodbye and went out of the room.

The debate and elocution contest were good for the Red house, in both the events its students won the first place. Payal won the first place in elocution contest. In sports also the house was standing at the second position.

Ajinkya was well praised for his efforts, he brought laurels to the house through his able leadership.

Time really flies, Raaj said as they were sipping tea at the college canteen.
Yaar it feels just like yesterday that we started the year and we are already coming to the end, the pre-board exams are after 1 week only, Rahul mentioned.
Yes we have to really get started with the studies, there is no time left now, Ajinkya said.
The pre-board exams were relatively tough than any other tests during the academic year, as after pre-board there was normally only a month left for the board exams and the school had the rule that no student can appear in the board exams unless they clear the pre-board exam.
This exam used to give the school a fair idea of which students it can bank upon for bagging the best inter-school student award. Also if students were found weak in any subject,the teachers could provide them extra classes before the board exams.

Ajinkya started thinking about all that happened in the past 10 months or so,he got so busy with the things around him that he didn't realized that how soon the time was passing.
During the past few months, he has seen less of Shweta, although he still tried to cross her path sometimes and a smile of recognition was exchanged between the two but nothing more than that he could achieve and he for sure was not able to get her out of his mind.
For some time he has been thinking about talking to her and letting her know that he likes her. And this feeling grew intensly inside him since last month when he saw her with one of the boy from her class going out of the school and sharing lunch and spending a lot of time with him. The guy's name was Ravi, he wasn't smart type of guy and Ajinkya has wondered since then what she was doing with him.

Since then Ajinkya has been thinking that may be he has already been late in talking to Shweta. But he still wanted to talk to her once and take his chances but wasn't sure when to do it.
"Tomorrow" he told himself, tomorrow for sure I will talk to her he thought.

He was interrupted in his deep thoughts when Raaj shook him, "lets go".
He has not shared this secret with anyone till now except with Shalini, who was his good friend for last 3 years.

She has also suggested him many times to talk to Shweta and even offered him that she will talk to her on his behalf but he refused.

Next morning he was in the school early, he has made up his mind at night and was very anxious, she used to come early. He was standing at the corner window in the class which overlooked the passage leading to all the classes, that was the place from where he has often seen her and then ran down to see her.

After another 15 minutes of anxious wait and looking at many students running in he saw her coming, thankfully still no one was in the class and none of his classmates were around.
He started walking down with butterflies in his stomatch, his mouth dry, and almost sweating in the winter, he had never before actually proposed anyone. With thousands of things running through his mind he was walking down and suddenly he saw her, both saw each other, he started with a little "Hi", she replied in an even lower voice, 'hi' and continued walking.

"Shweta", I want to talk to you, how the words came out of his mouth, he had no idea.
She stopped on her way, turned towards him and suddenly her face expressions changed and she looked taken aback and slightly scared. It seemed to Ajinkya from her expressions that she already knew that this was coming sometime.

"No, no, not now", she said in a very low voice and started walking upstairs fast.

"But listen....."

She was way far by now to listen to his voice. Suddenly a group of junior students passed with all their hullabaloo about yesterday's match from where Ajinkya stood frozen.

He ran towards his class, breathing heavily and if it was not for the class that he was walking in he could have cried his heart out. As he entered the class, Gemini was sitting writing down something, she said good morning to him to which he replied and sat on his desk staring out of the front window towards the green trees and high mountains.

He was heartbroken and in bad shape, he didn't eat, he didn't come to the school the next day. Stayed home and tried to read for his exams but couldn't concentrate at all.
Thousands of questions were in his head Why did she said no? what did she meant by not now? Is she not at all interested in me? Did she knew I was going to propose to her and so she ran away? Is Ravi really her boyfriend? what is wrong with me, why wouldn't she like me? I am good academically, I am the Senior Prefect, what else she wants? Should I try to talk to her again? Is there some problem at her home that she said not now?
Questions and more questions were floating in his mind to which he didn't had any answer and was hard for him to console himself.

He came back to school and talked very less to anyone, didn't go out for lunch, didn't go out to cheer his team in the basketball match and when Raaj asked him after 3rd day of seeing the same behaviour as to what was wrong, he just replied, I am just not feeling well, thats all.

After a couple of days he did narrate the whole incidence to Shalini. He was happy that Shalini was there with him as he couldn't share this with anyone else.
She tried to console him in many ways, that may be she was not ready then, may be she was scared too much, may be she was scared as you are the Prefect or she thought it was some other thing you were going to mention. She again suggested him that she can talk to her but Ajinkya refused.

Days passed but everyday he was stuck up with the same thoughts, he couldn't concentrate on anything else, it was way too hard for him.

Then came the realisation for Ajinkya, it was the first paper of the pre-board exams.
He went pale when he saw the paper, he didn't knew half of the answers. How he prepared for the exam he didn't knew. He was so immersed in his thoughts about Shweta and that incidence that whenever he took the book to read, he would put it down thinking that he knows everything or there is more time to read.

He came out of the exam room, he was numb and as he was crossing the canteen Raaj's voice fell in his ears. How did you do in the paper dude? He turned looked towards Raaj for a minute he didn't say anything and then blurted out, "it was too bad".
And before Raaj could understand anything or ask what happened he walked away, went to the bathroom and washed his face with cold water.

He stood there infront of the mirror and water running down in the basin, he tried to ask himself, what am I doing?, what has happened to me? After another 5 minutes he turned off the tap, came out of the bathroom wiping his face.

He walked towards the canteen and went and sat besides Raaj who was talking to Rahul and Parminder.
What happened to you Ajinkya? Raaj asked. I know you are not alright for sometime but you are not telling us. Tell us yaar, what is it? We are friends, may be we won't be able to help you with whatever you are struggling but we can still share the things.

Ajinkya grabbed Raaj's hand, I know you guys would do anything if I am in any problem. And yes I was not ok till now but I promise you I am fine now. I am just going to be fine from now on.
And now get a tea and a samosa, your treat, Ajinkya said smiling.

Ajinkya knew for himself what his priorities were and who he was. He just couldn't let himself slip into a mess from where he might not be able to come back. He was one of the top students of the school and thats the way he wanted to finish the school. Other things were secondary in his life.

He was amazed at how simple it was for him to understand this thing and wondered why he didn't understood this thing till now.

Only if ever Shweta comes by herself to me then I am going to take it somewhere otherwise I have several other things to finish, he told himself.

The pre-boards finished and except for a couple of subjects Ajinkya did good and now his whole concentration was on the preparation for the board exams. Although the house activities almost came to a standstill at this time of the year but still sometimes there was a few things to take care of. Ajinkya would complete those activities as fast as he could and then return back to the studies. Combined studies with his classmates in the morning and at night by himself.
He tried to shrug off any thoughts that were not studies related.

In that duration he saw Shweta a few times but simply ignored her, he didn't wanted to look at her more or it would weaken him again.

One afternoon when Ajinkya was studying in his group, a boy came running towards them. Sir, Sir please come, there is a fight a big fight is going on. You need to stop that, its really bad.
All the students who heard it ran after the boy who came in with the news.
It was a horrible scene in the grounds, two groups of students were fighting with rods, stones and chains in their hands.
For a moment everybody froze, then Ajinkya made a sudden move, he saw someone down bleeding.
"Raaj, come fast, we have to stop this". Rahul call the security and the teachers.
5-10 guys ran in between the fighting, shouting "Stop it you will kill someone" and some how they separated the two groups, some of fighting group ran away seeing other students coming their way.

Ajinkya ran towards the guy who was down bleeding, he took him and started carrying him towards the medical room. A boy running besides him said, Sir it was a boarder, day scholar fight and someone hit him with an iron rod. Ajinkya saw his face and was horror struck, the rod hit him in the forehead, near the eye from where the blood was dripping down profusely. Suddenly he realised, the guy he was carrying was Ravi.
For a second some mixed feelings engulfed him a memory flash came to him, Ravi and Shweta joking, eating together. He was still not sure what was there between the two but the guy he was carrying was certainly his competitor.

But as soon as those feelings came, they went away as fast once he saw his face again.

An ambulance came within 10 minutes and Ajinkya helped to shift him from the bed in the medical room to the ambulance. Hundreds of students were standing around the ambulance lookiing at the bad condition Ravi was in.

As Ajinkya pushed the stretcher inside the ambulance, he saw Shweta standing in the corner watching. Her face was pale, she must have seen Ravi's face. She stood there staring at him and then towards the leaving ambulance.

Ajinkya looked at her for a few seconds, then took his eyes off her and walked away.

The board exams started and Ajinkya couldn't remember anything else but studies, he forgot the difference between day and night as he locked himself into his room and only came out on the exam day. Raaj visited him often with his questions.
Ajinkya enjoyed his company as always and he would relax for sometime with the new songs he was carrying with him.
Everything was back to what it was.

The exams ended, vacations started and results were awaited.

He never saw Shweta again...

Hello...

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 18:20:00 +0000

Katrina Kaif is god, I always knew that (yea off course god can be female, and in this era god can be only female), the movie was just revealing that secret.

Forget about the movie or even the book on which the movie was based. Although I think movie was better (at least it had some entertainment) than the book.

But what intrigued me was does god really speak, speak to us? And if yes then what does she say?
The last 2 things that are lacking in you (the filmi god's voice said) are:
1. Self-Confidence
2. Fear of loosing

I thought these 2 things are contradictory in some sense.

Fear of loosing:- We all have fear of loosing, loosing the things/people we love, even loosing the things that we don't have yet.
Is this fear wrong? Again like everything it depends upon the extent.
One can't stop the fear of loosing. Everything, everyone we love we want them to be with us forever and don't want that one wrong step of ours will result in us loosing it or them.
Be it in the stock markets or in your love life or professional life you are faced with many challenges everyday, where you have to take a decision. Your decision might result in you loosing your job, or the thing you like or the person you love.
So the big news is Fear of loosing is here to stay.
But yes I agree that the key is, that fear of loosing should not paralyze you from doing the things, things that you think are right (though it is very hard to draw a line between where this fear is normal and where it is paralyzing us.
At times you would be doing everything right but you still will loose.
But at the same time if we have no fear of loosing and jump into everything without giving a second thought and we keep on loosing then yes the first point 'Self-Confidence' that is going to go down.
To boost the self-confidence you need to win or at least not loose.

And yes I think the god does speak sometimes in the voices of people around you and sometimes as your inner voice, she does speak but at the end of the day she or anyone else does not give us solution to our problems.
It's for us to find out. It is a truism that we have to have more self-confidence but how we can develop it when we are beleaguered with several problems and are failing day after day? This solution nobody gives us, that is for us to find out.
So yes god does say 'Hello' every now and then but like other people and yes don't expect solutions to your problems from her.

Keep in touch...

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 03:24:00 +0000

Is it me or the world is really running short of friends nowadays?
The last time I had a big friends party was quite some time back, like an year and though I get to talk to a few friends here and there but it doesn't seem that there are a whole lot of friends there anymore.
Have the species called friends (or rather good friends) extinct?
Now whenever my phone rings or some one pings me on IM and he or she is an old friend of mine, I had to ask them "are you getting married?" or "are you going to states or are already in states?".
Friends don't really are in touch with friends anymore (and believe me I am not complaining just wondering).
Once upon a time there used to be a lot of friends in our lives and then the stories goes like this 'they got married' or 'they got into a job'(we would never think the reason to be that 'we got married' or 'we got into a job').
The job and married life has taken over so much that there is hardly anytime to be in touch with friends.
In such a case probably we remember our friends only when we want to share some happiness with others. And sharing happiness today means mostly an IM or a group email to everyone in our contact list informing that 'you have become father/mother', 'you are getting married' or 'you are moving to States or Switzerland or wonderland'. And once that mail goes out of our outbox most of the time our job of 'keeping in touch' ends there.
You said keep in touch and thanks to Sabir Bhatia and now gmail I am keeping in touch but I am sorry I can't stick around.
With the technology all around us and keeping in touch becoming as simple as dialing a number or connecting to internet we probably have stopped keeping in touch (its similar to a person living in New York for years and not having seen the statue of liberty).

Orkuting or some other type of 'ing' sites (the so called social networking sites and I am fed up of receiving a new invite every week to join a new social networking site) were supposed to be bringing friends closer (and a few did a pretty good job) but then after a while we got even so busy on the internet that we stop scrapping or messaging or walling...

Our life is pretty much surrounded with our office colleagues, neighbors, acquaintances and probably we are so much engrossed in our lives that we don't seem to need any one else, may be not even our old friends.

As someone told me once that I am turning into a narcissist, 5 minutes of thinking make me feel that probably most of us are.

And I am not sure if this is a good thing or bad but it surely has been a long time since I attended a friends reunion.

Happy Friendship Day!!

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 17:44:00 +0000

Do we need such a day? I had asked myself some 5-6 years ago when I was walking towards the institute I had taken admission in.
There were few guys and gals around a shop and they had those things on their hands called "Friendship bands" (though I still am not a big fan of those things).

But that aside back then I couldn't find a suitable answer as to if we require such a day called Friendship Day as we all know, we don't need a day to remember friends, we don't need a special day to call up friends or hang out with them. And yes its kind of embarrassing to wish a friend you meet everyday a happy friendship day.

But times change and so our thinking and today as I sit far from all my friends and not in touch with them for long. I really needed this special day to think about all my friends and say hi to them, through messenger or mail or scraps, whatever. But yes life just get so busy and complex at times that you just can't think of anything or anyone that's not in front of you.

And may be girlfriends/boyfriends or spouse we wouldn't stop thinking about even if they are not in front of us but with friends we go ahead and take the liberty of forgetting them for a while with a surety at the back of our mind that they would still be there whenever we go back (when we have time).

We all have so many friends, the one's from kinder garden, the ones from high school, the ones from cricket field, the ones from college, etc. etc. etc. But all we can remember of are the colleagues/friends from the office or in today's age a few online friends. Day in and day out we are with them and it becomes hard for us to think of the friends in the past.

And today I sit here thinking all my A-Z friends till now, they all matter a lot in some or the other way.
One of them helped me out with money when I needed it the most, the other one completed my biology diagrams before the exams, the other one lend me his bike when I wanted to take my girlfriend out, one of them was with me when I was down and out, the other one gave me strength and kept me fighting when I was searching for job, one of them introduced to the girl I liked, one of them accompanied me when I wanted to attend another of my friend in hospital, one of them helped my parents when I was not around, one of them was always there when everyone was standing against me, one of them left his classes and workouts and stayed with me when I was heartbroken, one of them always listened to me however her mood was, one of them fought for me when I had a class fight, one of them always got the movie tickets for me, one of them suggested me to go towards a career, one of them covered for me in the office when I was late, one of them was always there to answer complex questions about my life. And many many others. And the best part all of them believe in me and want me happy and did all they can to keep me happy.

People come in our lives and go away and sometimes our lives get badly affected by it. But we have our "Friends" who will always be there taking care of us and making sure we are happy.
Though there are friends who are far apart and today we don't have much contact with them but for sure they were their for us when we needed them and have affected a major part of our lives and for sure will always be there for us whenever we need them and probably we will again sometimes cross paths.

But till then we always remember them in some or the other way but its a good day to tell them that we do remember them.
To all my friends I had in my life till now, Thank You for everything and
Happy Friendship Day!!

Life Cycle of an Indian Software Developer

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:08:00 +0000

An Indian software developer life cycle is an array of processes that a candidate* goes through to become a software developer. It has its roots in the software development life cycle. There exists no correct model for the same but the steps can be divided as follows:

1. Pre Concept Phase
Case# 1: My dad asked me to do B.E. so I did and only god can explain as to how I cleared my engineering with just 15% of attendance. Interest? Are you kidding? Who can be interested in the circuit diagrams? I am sure I am not meant for this or the other way round.

Case# 2: It's already been 2 years trying to find a job but this world is not meant for civil engineers. Did everything possible, worked for free for 6 months. Helped out my uncle's friend in his contract but still not getting a decent job. I already knew there is no life for a civil engineer, need to find out something else.

Case# 3: Hmmm.....now that I have completed my graduation, Dad is after me to do something. Do what? Do I really need to do something? Isn't there an easy job for me in this world? MBA, MBA, MBA....I heard it so many times but don't the people who suggest me this understand that to get an admission into a good MBA institute you have to clear that entrance and if I would have been so brilliant to clear that entrance then why the bloody hell would I be sitting in this tea shop every day thinking what to do. But I am sure there is something in this world that I can do or I would be good at.

2. Concept Phase
Case# 1: This is a serious problem, I need to do something. After all some of my batch mates are already in job. Some are pursuing MBA/MCA or some higher studies. This computer business sounds interesting, my pals told me it’s a high earning job. Rahul from previous batch is already earning 20K in 2 years time. I guess I should also join this stream.

Case# 2: It's already been 2 years searching for job and I don't know how much more time will it take to get a decent job and I don't even know after that how many years will it take in that job to buy a car I always wanted. I need to do something else, I need to get out of this civil engineering, it wouldn't be of any good. These computer people seem to have all the good bikes and cars and enjoying in good restaurants, this must be the way to go. I know the solution, I have to get into computers field.

Case# 3: For sure I don't want to do MBA, who will clear that tough entrance and moreover after that 2 years of grueling studies and even after that you are not guaranteed a job. I need to do something quick, some job oriented course so that my dependency on my parents ends and that’s when they will stop preaching me. And those relatives suggesting 'you should do this?', 'Mr. Sharma's son did that course, why don't you that?', ' Why don't you try to get a job first?' will stop blabbering. This advertisement of a computer course is coming out every other day in the newspapers and it says 'Job guaranteed after course or 100% money back'. Sounds like something I would be interested in. I think I would do this. I would go into this 'Computers' thing.

3. Analysis
Case# 1: My friends are doing MCA and they tell it’s the best computer course, I will also do the same course.

Case# 2: I can't do 3 years MCA after wasting 2 years in search of the job, moreover where will the MCA fees come from? Dad doesn't have a penny to spend on me after paying for my engineering. And if I take another 3 years for studies, I guess by then all of my hairs would turn grey and wouldn't even get a decent girl to marry. But then which of these computer institutes is good? Why are they making it so difficult to choose? How do I know if I want to a do a 'QA course' or want to get a 'PNIIT' certificate or I want to be an 'Oracle developer’? And what's the deal with this 'hardware course'? Wouldn't every course teach you at least to repair the computer? My uncle's cousin is doing this 1 year course from 'Sintech technologies' and they are also giving Diwali enrollment offer, 15% discount. And yes he was telling me they are not too many people in one batch so a computer is to be shared only between 2. I think it’s worth the money, I would join it.

Case# 3: Job guarantee or money back and in addition to it this institute is on the posh J.B. Road always surrounded by pretty girls. I would definitely ask for an evening batch. Did you just say analysis? Didn't you notice I just did that?

4. Design
What all will I be covering during the course? Are the course contents good enough to make me ready for this field or I need something additional to fair well in this field? What will I be learning at the end of this course? Is there a process that would be followed during this course?

Case# 1, 2, 3: What are you talking about? Are you talking in Greek? If I am doing all, what am I paying the computer institute for. Let's go to implementation, I don't have enough time for your questions.

5. Construction

Stage 1:
Case# 1: This subject is aptly named 'SAD', it really makes me sad. And who in the world is coding in assembly language? Why are they teaching me all this?

Case# 2: I don't get enough lab time, that idiot lab partner of mine screws up every program. How am I supposed to learn? I can't buy a computer at home, Dad would never agree after paying the fees for the institute. But I don't want to finish last in every lab test.

Case# 3: I have missed many classes already, I need to attend rest of them and most importantly I need to copy the notes from Nilesh before that next week's test. Thank god I have him as lab partner otherwise it would have taken me an year to write that linked list program in C. If C is so tough I don't think I would even get a hang of C++ in next semester.

Stage 2:
Case# 1: Probability, Networking, Graphics, PoM, godddd... what I have got myself into. Why did I choose this field? If I would have studied so hard earlier I would have cracked IIT or something like that. Moreover are these things going to do any good in the market outside? People are learning C# asp.net, Java, CGI/Perl and we don't have a clue about it. Outdated course, and that Data Structure professor seems like she will never let any one go out of this college. On top of that only 50% of the last batch was recruited last year, don't know what will happen this year. I need to complete the semester project, clear all the papers for this year and a couple of back logs, god help me. Why am I in this field? After spending so much I can't even quit.

Case# 2: Year is coming to an end and I can't even understand why we create our own multiple constructors when by default there is one and what benefit is going to be if I create objects? I missed that Mobile computing class that day and now I have to prepare for it myself, no body seems to understand that subject. There are so many programs to write and now on top of that this library management project. Should I make it in asp.net or Java? I wanted to make chat server in Java but I don't want to take chances with my results (after all I want job also). I wish I had a computer at my home.

Case# 3: I should have understood earlier that this institute is bad. Half of the times there is no professor and the ones that are there, most of them are previous batch students who haven't got a job. And on top of that they are now telling me that if I score more than 80% of marks then only the job is guaranteed. That bi*** Raima screwed my career, for first 6 months when she needed free lunches, gifts and bike rides she was with me and when that NRI marriage proposal came, she jumped onto it. I am screwed, I am screwed, I am screwed...

6. Testing
Case# 1: Thank god at least the papers are over. And thanks to Sameer's uncle he gave me that live project certificate from his company for the last semester. The PoM went well, it would take effort for the professor to understand that Gantt chart I drew (because even I didn't understood what I drew) and it would be virtually impossible for the professor to pass me in the Probability paper, I would be happy with the minimum too. God just pass me in all the papers, I need a job. I will go mad if I have to give any of these papers again.

Case# 2: I managed to get an 'A' in the library management project, I figure in the top 5 students of the batch and the final papers were decent except for the radix sort algorithm. If I remain in the top 5 then there is chance of getting any job interview otherwise don't know what I will do. I need a job....

Case# 3: The 2 papers pretty much similar to what was told to me by a batch mate (who maintained a good relationship with the instructor) so they went fine but apart from that other 3 papers I don't even think I will pass. But if they don't pass me I will not leave them, Job they can't give me at least after taking 40K tuition fees they can give me a certificate. They have to pass me.

7. Deployment
Case# 1: After 2 months of struggle, 5 interviews and countless written tests I have managed to secure a job in a decent company, the company is multinational (as is every other company coming to the campus in last 2 months). They have hired me as a software developer for Microsoft technologies. Salary offered is decent. Is this what I was expecting in the beginning? I am not sure but I am happy at this moment and after 3 years and four months of struggle I am not complaining, at least I have a job.

Case# 2: You don't have a degree in computer science Diploma from a private institute is not enough; you don't have any experience in this industry. Why do you want to switch from civil engineering to computers? I was listening to all this crap when I started looking out for job by myself after 1 month sitting in institute, waiting for some companies to come for recruitment. After listening to 2 months to all those statements/questions at last I got an offer from a company, they offered me to keep as a Trainee with minimum pay and if I performed well in 3 months they would keep me as a developer. They liked my work in 2 months and after 2 months I was on their payrolls as a software developer. I have a developer job at last.

Case# 3: The institute passed me and gave me a certificate without hassles though I scored 50% in all. As soon as the course finished the parents were again after me to get a job. "We invested so much money, get a job". Now you know as well as I do how good a programmer I am. I can create a web page with some difficulty but don't ask me as to why there is a '# include' or what does 'inherits' mean. I have learnt it that way and that’s about it, I will code like that (I think all of those things are required, without which page wouldn't work). And don't even ask me linked list, though I have also written a linked list program (I learnt it by heart as someone told me that was coming in test) like others in my batch but I have never seen a list figure (as depicted in books) on anyone's machine. Nevertheless to end the every day arguments with my parents I took a lab attendant job in one of the computer institute's in the city, thanks again to my lab partner (who was by now a good friend) Nilesh. Computers were really tough and may be not the stream I wanted to be in. But now that I am in it (and can't get out of it) I am trying to learn all the nuisances of programming properly to get a developer's job.

8. Lessons Learnt
Case# 1: There is a difference between doing B.E. and doing M.C.A. it isn’t that easy as it sounds. I didn't knew at the beginning what I was getting into but in the end I managed to get through.
Do I like being called a software developer? In the outside world when people look impressed about the profession then I do like it but while learning it or working in software it is no different than any other stream, involves as much blood and sweat as any other and some cases more.

Case# 2: I know the difference between being a Developer, Tester, DBA, HTML Designer, etc. etc. I jumped into this field not knowing what I wanted to be in this field but then by the end of the course I knew I had to code, I wanted to be a programmer. I think this is the right field for me. And no they don't teach to repair computer in software courses. No not even with 3 year course.

Case# 3: Someone who is not fit to be in any other field can become a developer is not really true. May be anyone can come into the computer industry and find a job but not everyone can be a software developer. After all not everyone in the world understands 10 as binary.

*Candidate is defined as any engineer, doctor, musician, graduate, artist, lawyer, factory worker, etc. who turns towards software industry thinking it as a 'Who wants to be a millionaire show' and thinking it to be the ultimate solution to his financial problems.

Aditi

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 06:25:00 +0000

By the time I would finish writing this piece, I am sure everyone in India would be aware about Aditi and Jai. And most probably every guy would be thinking about their Aditi and the gals about their Jai...

It's an age old confusion that is depicted in another way (good) in 'Jaane tu...' and anyone coming out of the theatre would be forced to think about the Aditi or Jai in their lives...

Can we live our lives alone? Can we fight with the odds in our lives alone? Can we achieve all we want, all alone? In most of the cases the answer is 'No'.

Every guy needs an Aditi in their lives. The lucky ones already have an Aditi in their lives...

Aditi is one who would brings smile to your face, she is the one whom you want to be with.

Aditi is one who, when infront of you, will make you forget every bad thing thats happened to you, every problem in your life. She is the one for whom you would leave anything. She is the one for whom you want to do something and everything, whom you want to keep happy whatever it takes.

But is there an Aditi for everyone? Is everyone of us lucky enough to have Aditi?

Not everyone has an Aditi in his life and may be some of us will never have an Aditi.

But the unlucky are the ones who have and Aditi for them but they just don't realise it...

Marriage and Smiles...

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 02:55:00 +0000

I am not usually a "forward" reader (and rarely people send me forwards) but sometimes when my mood is off I try to go through the small list of forwards sitting in my mail box.
Here is one that made me smile the other day:

Toofaani Barish

Aadhi raat

Ramlal, Pizza Hut pe pizza lene aaya

Waiter: Kya aap Married hain?

Ramlal: Kutte! Aisi toofani barish main, kaunsi Maa apne bete ko pizza lene bhejegi?

And here are a few good lines which one of my Friend Kiran Telangi sent along with his marriage card, they are really good and aptly describes "Marriage".

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find
Someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours,
We join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it marriage"

Kiran Many congratulations!! and here's wishing this "weirdness" continues throughout your life.

Funny Business

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Sun, 09 Mar 2008 21:30:00 +0000

There are times in every relationship that we think that it is perfect, nothing adverse is going to happen and we might just 'live happily ever after'. There are good times and then there are scary ones in every relationship but unless the things get worse we still think or hope that things would work out and we would go back to having the same strong bond as earlier.
Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't.

I was having dinner with my long time friend Vishal and his family, which included his wife Supriya and her around an year old beautiful daughter whom they named 'Vidya'.
She was clinging to her mother's shoulder while we shared some jokes over the dinner table.

I have known Vishal since I was 12, I used to play cricket every evening. Once there was a match with another team which we lost, nevertheless that day I made a new friend in Vishal.
I don't clearly remember how we started but it had something to do with balling the right length.
Since then we started playing together and we used to go out and have fun on his bike.
We studied in different schools but we used to meet every day and there were times when I would spend days at his home and he at mine, without our parents worrying.

From class 10th to completing the graduation he had at least 5 relations (I wouldn't like to call them relations but he does). He wasn't very good at studies and just managed to pass. I still remember his father shouting at him so many times about getting serious in life. But he had his own ideas about studies and work.
He never got serious in anything be it studies, work, relationships or any other aspect of life.
After completing 12th we both joined the same college for graduation.
I left the city after graduation and today after 7 years I was meeting him. We tried to keep contact through phone and emails but it rarely works.
But now when I was visiting my city after so long I had to meet him and see as to how he was doing.
The dinner was going very well and we were sharing old anecdotes and discussing all the teachers and batch mates. His wife was very comfortable with the conversation and seemed like she was enjoying her time.
Suddenly he asked, do you know about Tarun and Sneha?
I have heard something last year from one of my batch mates regarding them.
I nodded in the air thinking something, 'a little', I replied.

It was my first day at campus and it was raining heavily, I was rushing to the dormitories when I saw Tarun and Sneha for the first time. They waved a hello to me shouting a question in the rain 'First year?'. I smiled back and nodded.

Tarun and I became friends in no time, half the reason was that I had spent some time in Delhi around the same area where Tarun mentioned his house was. It so often happens that we easily become friends with people from same place, even though we have not met them there.

Tarun and Sneha both of them had separate dormitories nevertheless they were inseparable.
They attended the classes together, they lunched and dined together, they studied together and and yes off course watched the movies together.

They were so much into each other but they still maintained friendship with others too and almost every one in the class liked them.
The best part of their relationship was they both were so matched in every sense, if Sneha was beautiful then Tarun would also make the girls skip their heartbeats because of his looks.
Who was better at studies? Surprisingly they both were equally good or equally bad. And there doing combined studies helped both of them. If one was in a bad mood the other knew exactly how to fix it. Most of the times they would be complimenting each other in everything they do.

I still remember the day when Sneha fell ill due to cold how Tarun woke up for 2 whole nights to look after her.
3 months into the semester and I became very good friends with both of them. There were times when I would share lunch with them and at times I would ask them to help me out with studies.
To me, like anyone else they seemed a 'Perfect Couple'.
Though no one would say it explicitly but everyone in the class wished they had such a relationship in their lives.
The time passed and we all graduated and went our own ways.
Tarun wanted to look for a job so that he can marry Sneha immediately. And when I left he was searching for the job.
Since then I have not heard anything about them. For me it was a predetermined story, he would find a job both would get married and in 2 years time would be parents.

Last year when I was online chatting with one of my batch mates, he told me that Sneha and Tarun got married but within 2 years they got divorced and now Tarun is pursuing MBA and Sneha left the city.

"What exactly happened between them?" I asked Vishal coming out of my visions from the past.
Vishal looked at the corner where Supriya was playing with their daughter and a couple of other kids, thinking something he started. I really don't know what went wrong with them, why they took it to an extreme. I and Supriya, we talked to both of them but it was not meant to be.

6 months into the marriage they started having small fights amongst them as to what all things they don't have in their house and what all they need.
Tarun struggled for a while and then got a small job after coming out of graduation, which was not very high paying. They both got married, they rented a house and started their lives.
But slowly and gradually they started to think that they were not having the happiness they always wanted.
They wanted to buy every possible luxury but Tarun's salary wasn't enough. Tarun didn't wanted Sneha to work.
Sneha started getting frustrated as she was not allowed to work and she didn't even had the luxuries she always wanted after a married life.
The small fights grew up into big ones and at times it went up to the extent, where Sneha told Tarun that it was her mistake to marry him and he telling her that it was his own mistake that he married her otherwise he could have done MBA and would have had a great career.

There were days when Sneha went onto to stay at her Mother's place for weeks but then came back. But it had to end sooner or later.
And one day after a big fight between them, both of them decided not to go further with it.
They decided to get divorce.
I explained them a lot that these things happen in married life and also told Tarun that I will help him in getting a good job but he said that it wasn't only about his job, probably they were not meant to be together.
Vishal's voice became hoarse as he stopped, by this time Supriya was back and sitting next to him. She hold his hand and her daughter still clinging tightly to her.

For a few minutes there was silence, both of us were immersed in deep thoughts. Probably he was also thinking the same, of the time we saw both of them as a 'perfect pair' and everything related to them.

Vishal took a sip of his coffee which must have been cold by now, 'It's funny how the things don't work out sometimes', he said.
I nodded but suddenly I looked towards Supriya then Vishal and then to their daughter who was trying to stretch and reach to her father chuckling all the way.
I smiled and thought 'It's funny how sometimes they do'.

What do I really want?

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 16:42:00 +0000

Life is so complex at times or may be most of the times for some. There is always a path to choose, there is always a decision to make.
The other day I was buying t-shirts for myself (I am way too bad at choices, when it comes to clothes specially) and again I got stuck up with 3 t-shirts which I liked, after half an hour of struggle I could narrow it down to 2. But I wanted to buy only one and I wasn't able to choose between the blue/black and red/white ones.
I liked both of them equally and even though I wanted to buy one I ended up buying both of them and after wearing both of them once I realized I didn't like either of them that much that I could have spent $40 dollars on each.

Neways so the bottom line is life is complicated at every stage, or people like me make it sound unnecessarily complicated. Whatever, but for me buying good clothes for myself is as difficult as, let us say writing an exam.
As difficult it is for me to figure out which t-shirt I want, more or less same is the case with many other things in life for all of us.
We at times (and by at times I mean most of the times) are stuck up with the situations where we don't know what we really want.

In my life till now I have heard this line at least a million times "Do what you really want to do".
Sometimes there are movie stars, celebrities on the television always telling us at the end of their interviews, "Do what you really like", "Do what you really want to do".

Umpteen number of times we come across these lines in newspapers, magazines, books, quotes from some inspiring person.
"Always do what you really want to do in life, whatever inspires you, whatever you like" and when you will do the things you like, you will start enjoying the work, the work will never be work for you again.

Always when I hear or read such lines it forces me to think " What do I really want?".
There are days when I think I am totally screwing up my life, then there are days when I think that I am not doing that bad.

There are days when I think, "do I want to be in the job that I am in?" On a bad weather day (when I am bored at office by doing the same work again and again or would have had some sort of argument at office, or wouldn't get the salary increment that I expect and my friends in other
careers did better than me and many other such occasions) yes I think that I am in a wrong job, I don't want to do this.
But then there are days when I have interesting work, I am doing something creative, I come to know that I am earning much more than my friends in other careers, when I excel in my work, when I am appreciated by my seniors. Those are the times when I think yes this is the right job for me, I always wanted to do this.
I always think is it only me? Am I the only person who doesn't know what I really want?
Is rest of the world very clear about what they want in their lif?
Luckily, the answers to all such types of questions mostly is No.

When Snigdha fell in love with Ranbir (or at least she thought she did), she was going through a rough patch. It had been less than 2 months since her previous relationship, with Saurabh ended. Both would blame each other for that (as it usually happens) but deep inside in her heart she knew she wanted it to end. And the reason? she wasn't sure of the same.
She just got bored of the relationship, probably. Was this the first time for her?

Hell no, she had at least (if not more) 5 relationships since school. And more or less each of them met the same fate.

She did a bachelor in arts and she didn't knew why. Most of her friends were doing it and she couldn't come up with a better reason and told her parents that she "wants to do it".

Unless you have medieval parents, now a days parents would allow their children to do anything as long as they can convince them that they really want to do something (off course they would always bless you with their advice for doing or not doing something).

Mom I really want to learn this thing, Dad I really really want to go to this college, Mom/Dad I really love this dress and want it. Dad I really want to marry him/her. And I think in this generation they would rarely say no (provided you yourself are really clear and confident of what you want to do).

Sonali was one such girl whom I had rarely seen unhappy (except for some silly girly arguments with her girlfriends). I always loved to talk to her. She was one person to whom whenever I went I would come back smiling (regardless how bad my mood was).
She was a chatterbox, always so in to herself, I did this, I went there, I am planning on this, etc. etc. And yes after she is done with herself she would make it a point to ask you how you were and would always provide you with advice (which she always thought was good).
But luckily for me, by the time she was done talking about herself I would always be good and hence less advices for me.
She was one such person whom I had seen being very clear about what she wanted from her life.
Though studying in 11th , she had her whole life figured out.
Often when I was sitting with her asking what she wants to be, she would read out her complete life plan. I want to pass 12th first, shouldn't get third division, 2nd is fine with my parents and then I would be doing B.Com in xyz college (why in that college? because some of her relative(s) daughter has studied there and they were saying it was good).
And once I have done my bachelors I am not going to study any further. By that time my Parents would have already chosen some good match for me, would marry him and settle down, end of story.
The toughest choices she had to made in her life were which lipstick or which shoes would go with her dress ( and believe me she can take more than 4 hours figuring that out).
Though I was not a fan of her way of living life (where everything was so very much planned), nevertheless I also envied her that she was so clear about what she wants in her life. It is not hard for her to make decisions or choose between right and wrong for her.

Ranbir has often questioned Snigdha, if she really loved him and if she really wanted to be with him. And always she has replied with a yes.
Initially there were times in their relationship when she wouldn't have left him ever, if she would be at home, she would give him a call. If she would be talking to someone else, attending a function she would message him. But after 6 months of relationship, things were not same.
Ranbir on one hand, skeptical initially has started to love her deeply and care for her and Snigdha on the other hand has started to drift away from him. She would be involved in her own life, in her parents, in her friends and sometimes with her relatives. She would go to meet Ranbir whenever he would call her but not otherwise. The phone calls lessened the SMS stopped and whenever Ranbir would call her she would try to talk her way out by giving some or the other reason to him.
"I don't know, I really don't know", she was shouting in desperation as I enjoyed my coke on that hill top.
The hill top was a good place, we (as like many other students) used to come there, it was a quite place and you can see a big green patch of land from there. And if you shout the voice will resonate (and couples used to like proclaim there love for their partners by shouting from that hill top).

"What do you mean you don't know?", I asked. Its simple either you love him or not, either you want to be with him or not.
No, it's not that simple. I love him and he loves me. He loves me like crazy, like no one has ever loved me before. He does everything to keep me happy and I know he will always do that.
But I am confused. I want to be with him whenever I want. I want him to be around me whenever I need him. But I don't know if I want to marry him, he was talking about marriage, about meeting his parents and stuff. I am scared, I am confused, I just don't know what to do.

"You really don't know what you want girl. "
"Exactly thats what I am saying", she screamed.

I have known Snigdha for like 5 years and I knew she wasn't a sadist. She was the one who would help out anyone and everyone if the need be. She had her preferences but at the same time she made sure that she was not hurting anyone willfully.
But this indecision of hers has led to her failed relationships. Not knowing what you really want can sometimes be more fatal than knowing it one way or the other.

She couldn't decide if she wanted to be with him and he wanted her to be pretty sure before going forward, as it was affecting their relationship. She broke off with Ranbir after 1 month.

One fine day when I was online, someone with the name of pretty_girl88 tried to add me. Turned out it was Sonali after all, she got my Id from some classmate. It had been more than 6 years since we talked.
I was very much interested in knowing if her plans materialized. They did. All of them.
After passing 12th she did B.Com (never fell in love) and yes her parents found a businessman in delhi for her, she got married an year after she completed her bachelors.
We chatted continuously for more than a week, we both were happy to be talking to each other after so long.

The next month while I was visiting a friend of mine in Delhi, I met herat a restaurant.
But she had changed, the Sonali I so loved listening to and after talking with whom I would forget my bad mood, she had changed. She wasn't talking as much as she used to.
"Are you happy that things turned out to be the way you wanted them to?", I asked.
"You know what?", she said "I don't really know if this is what I wanted".

At the end of the day we are just humans, there are things that we sometimes don't understand. Why we love, why we love someone specific, why we choose one thing over the other, why we decided on what we decided. These are things for which we do not have any answers.
And what we really want, there are times when we can't tell.
It's true that our decisions our choices make up or screw our lives and it would have been good if we would have always known what we want for ourselves but if we don't then just keep on going with the life, as we are never sure that what we might have wanted for ourselves would have been right.

As they say:
मन का हो तो बहुत अच्छा और मन का न हो तो उससे भी अच्छा

Getting Back....

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 00:23:00 +0000

Getting back to something or someone is always difficult (unless that something or someone is toxic). For quite some time I wanted to return back to my blog and start writing again, but for the reasons unknown to me I wasn't able to. Suddenly I realise that it has been more than 1 year since I posted on my blog (I always thought it was just a few days back that I posted a story).

There is a lot to write, lot to share, lot of stories which I want to tell. So I think this short committment to myself (in writing) will keep on reminding me, my blogs is waiting for me.

I would post something interesting soon and would get back.

I want to get back to it.

PS: Till then I would leave you all with the beautiful NYC christmas pics.

Have a look at the beautiful shop decorations, penny harvest and christmas tree.

Ex – Friend

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Mon, 25 Dec 2006 18:34:00 +0000

“When Bipasha can be a friend with Dino why can’t you?” I joked.
C’mon I have never refused to be a friend with either of them, Rajat said laughing.
Now don’t get off the track, you know exactly what I am talking about.
Rajat for sure knew what I was talking about because this conversation was now going on for more than an hour.
He again met Shivani today and he has again made a mess of the situation. He got totally drunk, fell down on the dance floor and he didn’t even remember when and how I carried him back to home.
This wasn’t the first time such a thing happened, 9 out of the 10 times he has met Shivani after their breakup, he has always created a situation where he has embarrassed himself along with her.
And yesterday night it was the worst, and the reason as everyone in the party later talked about was Mayuresh, Shivani’s new boyfriend.
It was now over a year that both of them broke up with 2 attempts from Rajat for reconciliation.
When they were in love, they were really the talk of the town. Sometimes you see a couple and you say they are really “made for each other” and that was with both of them.
Their relationship lasted for a year, they started off with petty fights and which at last grew to a big one and it all ended.
What went in between them, nobody knew for sure but the gossip was that Rajat was pretty possessive about her and would always want her to be with him and not talk to other guys. In the initial days of relationship he was fine with whatever she was doing, wherever she was going, he had no complaints but later he became more and more possessive, would keep on telling her not to talk to some guys, to dress up in a particular manner and not to dress up in other way.
Shivani also never seemed to mind the things he would say initially, she would love to dress the way he wanted her to. She liked to be preached by him. She knew that all he was doing or saying was because of the reason that he loved her so much and she used to enjoy being so special to someone.
But later on as he became more and more critical of her ways, it started pinching her and at times she started to argue about not always telling her what to do. It used to result in small fights but either of them would come up and talk to other and everything they had fought about was gone.
But the day they broke up, it is said that Rajat said something really bad (something about her character) and that was the end. She couldn’t take anymore; she would have forgiven anything but him talking about her character. She realized that everything he said was out of temper, but she wasn’t ready to let him go on those grounds. That day might just have been the triggering point of the things going within her for the past so many days.
The relationship came to an end, for 2 month none of them talked to the other, didn’t even face each other but slowly Rajat started missing her a lot. He tried to talk to her but she wouldn’t, she wouldn’t take his calls either. But one day he could get her to talk to him in private and all she said was “it is all over between us and there is no love left within me for you”.
He was mad, mad like a dog. For next 15 days he rarely came out of his home, wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t do anything but shed tears whenever he was alone.
Lastly when I came the third time to talk to him, he said “how come can she forget me? How can she say she has no love left for me? All that love of her for me was fake? Doesn’t she miss me like I do?
“I guess it is very easy for her to forget me, and if she can forget me I can also forget her, I won’t die without her”.
Listening to him I just wondered, was he right? Is it really the case that he only has been yearning for her and it has been easy for her? If both were truly in love then she should also had been in a bad shape and would try to contact him (some part of me just wished that she would call him and both can talk and sort things out).

I just sat by his side and listened, I knew once he vent his anger he will become bit normal and it was really essential for his recovery to shout or curse like that, to say whatever comes to his mind then. I never saw him in such a bad shape.
I spent next 2 days with him, took him out of the house and tried to cheer him up.

He started to recover but again whenever he used to see her the same old feelings started to grow within him (he said he would forget her, but he knew within himself that he can’t do that even if she has).
Another 3 months passed and he was up again and ready to go in front of Shivani. He told this to me and I rejected it outright. “Please don’t do that Rajat”, you will again get hurt. “Just forget her and move on”.
“I can’t forget her”, you know I love her and when she is in front of me how can I forget all those things that happened between us, how can I forget that we both loved each other so much.
“You don’t love her you loved her” and if you feel any comfortable then just talk to her like any other person, don’t talk to her about love or anything like that and I am sure she would respond if you talk to her in that manner. Just try to be friends, if that helps.
But Rajat never listened to me. He got his chance after a few days when they were together onto a picnic with other friends.
During the entire trip he kept on following her and once he could get her alone, to talk. He told her that he wanted to get back and questioned how she can be so hard. How she can not remember him when he remembers her moment?
She was much milder in her responses this time.
“Look Rajat, whatever happened between us was bad, I do realize that and things shouldn’t have gone to that extent when we were really in love” but then things took a wrong turn, I guess we were wrong somewhere or our love missed that extra something.
I don’t blame you completely for what happened; it was the fault of both of us. You never understood and I couldn’t make you understand.
I know what you went through; I know how hard it must have been for you. But believe me it wasn’t any easy for me. The only difference between you and me had been that I couldn’t express the pain, the anguish the way you did. I was also in love with you, I also missed you a lot but I realized that I can’t end my life at that point and I had to move on and so I did. I moved on, you might say that I was hard or heartless but I would say that I was just that bit stronger than you.
And now I suggest you, you too move on. Move on with the life, there could be lot in store for you; you just need to move ahead in life to find that out.
Going forward let’s just be friends, let’s forget what happened in the past. It would make life easy for both of us. Take care of yourself and if you need me sometime I would be happy to be there as a friend.
That was the last time she had such a long talk with him.

Even after Shivani’s talk, Rajat couldn’t come to terms with the fact that she is no more in his life and would never be.
Nevertheless he tried to come out of the big mess he was in. He tried to get his life back on track. But whenever he would meet Shivani, within a group of friends or see her at college he couldn’t control his emotions.
She would always say hello and ask him the usual questions but he wasn’t pretty comfortable with ‘friend’ thing.
Whenever he would meet her inadvertently he would bring up a topic of their past and would popup the question of their getting back.
Probably all these actions of his did nothing more than making Shivani’s decision firmer.
He would make comments amongst his friends about breakup and girls being heartless whenever she was around.

“What are you thinking?” My voice brought him back from his stream of thoughts.
“Nothing”, he shrugged.
I just don’t know how to handle it. I try my level best to come over that past relationship but it keeps on coming back. I just don’t know what to do? Honestly I myself don’t want to live my life this way and for sure don’t want to create problems in her life.

Is it really hard for a guy to get over a relationship then a girl? I never thought that way. As others I was under the impression that it must be real easy for a guy and must be too difficult for a girl. But for sure I was the witness to a situation entirely different.
Probably being friend with your ex is not what guys are best at, whereas girls might be handling it pretty well, why?

Shivani handled the breakup well, came out of it and moved on to a new relation. It was easy for her to consider Rajat as his friend probably because she was able to totally detach herself which Rajat couldn’t do. The way I saw it in Rajat’s behavior I was pretty sure that he would never be able to consider Shivani as just a “friend”.

But that night’s actions of Rajat, did something good for him, probably that was the last nail in the coffin of their already dead relationship. Though he did behave in the worst possible manner but he, after seeing someone else with Shivani got the message loud and clear, that it was all over.
The one thing that I had been trying hard to make him understand, Shivani had been trying to make him understand and probably he might himself be trying hard to understand but couldn’t, was clear to him in just one sight of her being with someone else.
And the way he behaved after seeing Shivani with someone else, probably that was the last outburst (that would have been necessary).

After that day I never made him understand anything, I guess never again he had a talk with Shivani but he just understood. He got hold of himself and the situation around him.
And he succeeded in getting his life back to normal.
Never again he tried to contact Shivani, instead if he would saw her, he would just walk away.
Unlike a movie ending they could never get back again. After 6 months Rajat went to Delhi to take classes for MBA entrance and got enrolled himself into MBA after a year of preparation.
After 3 years we had a small reunion, he came down to attend the party. And as we were enjoying the party, Shivani walked up to him (he knew that she was engaged now and was going to marry in 2 months time), “Hi Rajat, how are you?”
He was taken aback for a moment seeing Shivani in front of him.
“Hey, I am good. Heard that you are engaged, congratulations”. And before she could have said thanks, he moved out from that place uttering “excuse me” to the air.
Even today he wasn’t able to consider her as a friend.

Get tested, it's in fashion

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Thu, 30 Nov 2006 03:30:00 +0000

I heard this line sometimes back on a TV show.
A new york based designer Sanjana Jon brought the Miss Universe 'Zuleyka Rivera' to India for the AIDS awareness campaign.
I wouldn't stress on why to get tested, as I am sure anybody reading this would be well aware about HIV/AIDS (If not, then there is plenty of information available online or watch the movie 'Phir Milenge').
I just want to endorse this line for all of those going in for sexual relations with new partners and also those already in a relation.
One of the way to do our bit is before you are going to marry it is the best that both the partners exchange the HIV certificates.
Getting tested before marriage and exchanging certificates shouldn't be seen as disrespecting your partner or doubting his/her integrity but rather as a caring gesture towards your partner. Nobody would like to pass on any disease to his/her partner, whatever it might be.
And being educated and knowing about the disease so much, this is the least we can do to spread the awareness about the disease.

So my request to all of you getting married talk to your partner and "Get tested, it's in fashion"

Zune: The New Tune

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Fri, 24 Nov 2006 16:25:00 +0000

I had always wanted to get an MP3 player (to be specific an IPOD), but as I made up my mind to get an IPOD I went around the net trying to know what exactly is an IPOD. With IPOD not being so prominent in India, it wasn't very clear to me as to what all an IPOD can do apart from playing music. I got quite a lot of information about it on the net and then also came to know how crazy people in US are about an IPOD. But then I also got a news about MS new product coming up in the market called 'Zune', which was said to be the competitor of an IPOD. It took me a while to decide why I would prefer a Zune over an IPOD.
Apart from IPOD and Zune also there are a hell lot of good MP3 players available based on your requirement and after having a look at all of them it became confusing for me. Once I decided what I really wanted from an MP3 player, Zune became an obvious choice for me (off course it's brown color was also one of the major factors). For an entire month or more than that I followed the news and views as to how Zune is bad and how an IPOD is better. But still I went with Zune for the following reasons. 1. Plays MP3, wmv, wma (and that's the most I would need to play) 2. It has got Radio, which is not there in the IPOD (I don't know why IPOD never gave one) 3. 3 inch screen which makes viewing the videos a pleasure (I never thought videos would look good on a small screen but they do on the Zune screen) 4. Zune is also WiFi enabled (though there isn't much of a use of wifi as of now) but still I place my bet on MS to give me a lot more from that WiFi in future. 5. Lastly, I am an MS guy and looking at their past track records I can very well say that Zune is going to be much more than an MP3 player in future. Only thing I would ask MS is to concentrate more on Indian market for Zune where IPOD is still not something to shed blood for. Thought I should post a few pics of my Zune (off course Brown). Enjoy!!

The Incomplete Love Stories

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 01:22:00 +0000

The summers seemed too hot this time round but at 2 in the June afternoon you can’t expect a cold breeze. It was not the scorching sun that was the problem for Vivek; it was that she hasn’t returned, while her tuition class time was over 1 hour ago.
But she didn’t have a clue that someone is waiting for her in the scorching sun and that just of glimpse of her would make him happy.
Aakansha was beautiful without doubt and the best part was she was as much innocent as she was pretty. She was one of the classmates with whom I hadn’t talked much but whenever I did had a short chat with her, like others I too was mesmerized with her voice. She spoke so softly that at times you really had to put your complete attention to what she was saying. She had a charm that anyone would fall for it.
And Vivek wasn’t an exception, he liked Aakansha very much as several others in the school but she was such a different type of girl that nobody dared to talk to her about any stupid thing.
Lovers in the school never mattered, not even anyone in the class, any tensions which were there were just because of lovers in the same section. You always have the school house rivalry, class rivalry and then you have section rivalry.
Any girl who belongs to commerce section no other guy from other section can talk to her (forget about flirting) and also forget about guys from junior classes (they just can't dare) or anyone else looking at the girl in that section (it always use to end up in someone getting hurt badly).
So that was the case with Vivek also, he never bothered if anyone else liked Aakansha or not, he was just bothered it shouldn’t be someone from the commerce section (and certainly not any of his friend). But he was pretty much doubtful about a few (he never knew about the ones who never talked explicitly about their love for her).
When the schools started after the summer vacations, every one in the section was new, no one knew the others in the class.
“Welcome students you are going to form the class 11th of 95-96, so let us begin the introduction”, this was our class teacher, madam Savarkar.
The introductions started, some had been in the same school for past few years and continued, most of us had come from other schools and joined fresh.
Guys were happy because there were many beautiful girls in this batch, anyways commerce section always boasted of beautiful and average (academically) girls, the arts section also used to have beautiful girls (many a times much more in number and much more beautiful) but then it was a common conception that they are the dumbest girls around and one may date any of those girls but would soon get fed up (and these findings were based on the experiences of our seniors and were not completely baseless).
And nobody talked about science section, barring a few exceptions science section guys were always like a person lost in the desert trying to pursue a mirage, and those sections were termed as dry areas among the boys circle and often those guys tried to hit on the girls of other section but they all knew their limit. Nobody in science section wanted to get into a fight or any ‘lafda’ because of the syllabus that they had to cover in 2 years.

While madam Savarkar stressed how important this year is for us but everyone sitting in that class knew very well that this can be the year of their lives, they can enjoy as much as possible this year because as soon as you land up in the 12th, you are not spared for a single minute. It becomes so very much difficult to enjoy life.

The first semester started and for the first two months it was difficult to communicate to the opposite sex. Guys and girls both hit off with their groups and only talks that went on that time was about knowing the particular girl or guy well. But this time round the class was much more vibrant and much more active (as was the talk in school).
As soon as the first tests were announced the entire class came in together to help out each other; guys exchanging notes from the girls and girls getting the possible question list from the guys.
By the time first inter house competition was announced (which was a debate competition) the awkwardness between the classmates was over and yes we were all friends.
When you are a student then also you have different facets to your personality and different responsibilites to cater to. You have a class unity, then a section unity, then you have a house unity and then you have a school unity (when inter school competitions are held). Nobody knows how we are able to cater to so different needs within the same place but the relationships are never soured because of maintaining so many commitments and so many divisions. The house rivalry ends when we leave the debating arena or the play field and then once we are in class we have the class unity. Its complex to explain but easy to maintain.
And between the regular classes and so many school activities there is that love thing going on within several hearts. And when you are in the high school that is the first time you start getting mature and start to understand the real meaning of the term relationship. Before that may be all the relationships are just attractions but from here onward everyone starts to think of their life ahead, though nobody talks explicitly but within the heart every one is so scared because of the board exams and without even mentioning they know the importance of those exams in their future life and subsequently everyone starts to know the importance of relationships.
So the love stories started to bloom and the first real one that we heard of was in our seniors section (the current 12th class batch) but you can’t dare to discuss a senior’s love story within the school. So everyone wanted some or the other story to start in their own class, even those who secretly admired someone but never wanted anyone to know about it they also wanted something to talk about.
Shamita was a short height girl and very much out of the league of normal girls, trying everything out from drinking to smoking. She had a group of her own and though everyone knew all about her but she had never been caught by the school authority.
Her dark complexion suited her and her complexion coupled with her attitude made her deserving to a few.
Sameer hit on her and to our amazement succeeded in the first attempt itself. Sameer was all about fun, he was the type of student who least care about the studies, he was well built and was the captain of his house’s soccer team. He wasn’t too handsome or a hunk and he never cared, he liked to get involved into all the wrong things that went around the school and no one ever thought this relationship can materialize.
Nobody knew how both of them hit off, may be there carefree attitude towards life got them together, may be their same disliking got them together but yes everybody could see it that Shamita was madly in love with him. The girl who didn’t even used to talk straight face started liking Sammy madly. And there were days when Sammy used to show us that she can do anything for him and that was for real.
And was he really in love with her? The people who knew him well never believed that and the betting was as to how long will that relationship will last, 3 months being the max quoted. And yes Shamita knew about such rumors but suddenly she didn’t seem to mind anything people said, she even stopped listening to the girls of her group.
They had an unusual relation and used to share things which other couples would never think of, they used to go to watch games together (and not movies) they used to share the smoke (not the food), both couldn’t continue talking without using foul words. She loved to watch him practice soccer, and the first time the class saw her taking down notes, not for herself but for him. What others say never bothered either of them.

Vivek’s first semester grades were an indication to the teachers that again this year the commerce section of their school is going to top the district.
Somehow in the final exams he moved to second spot, first spot going to a nerd in the class. But still his grades were the best for past 3 years of school history in commerce section.
When he started liking Aakansha, nobody knew for sure but rumors were that when they both started the accountancy tuitions at the same place in the 12th class.
He never needed tuition but the teacher insisted on coming just to make sure that he gets the top rank for the school, obviously he wasn’t charged the fees. He used to help out other students in the tuition classes and in the mean time honing his skills. May be there he started helping out Aakansha also and slowly and gradually started liking her.

Nobody knew about Aakansha much not even her friends but only word was that she was raised by a single parent, her father had passed a few years back and so she was too sincere and serious in studies.
11th grade got over and yes the entire class had a very good time. Nobody had complaints, games, studies, love affairs (there were many other in every section), heartbreaks, school fights, picnics, excursion tours, expulsions, the class saw it all and the good thing was that after all the mazaa, masti everybody made it to the 12th, some with good grades some just passing but nobody seemed to mind the grades much. The real game was to start next year.

Defeating all the previous bets Shamita and Sameer continued their relationship and took it to the next year. People stopped talking about them, sooner or later people loose interest in a stable relationship.
After the first three months into the final year the news was in the air about Vivek loving Aakansha, news was among the boys circle only and to my amazement I was the last person in the class to know about it. Once the news was out everyone was following Vivek. He was the first one to enter the school now and the last to leave after Aakansha has left. He used to meet her in the accountancy tuition class and followed her to the economics tuition, he would wait for her outside the tuition center. If he even would get a glimpse of her he would be so happy. The way she talks, what she eats, the things she would participate in, he knew all about her. He used to look at her through the window, across the table in the school canteen, at times would follow her to her home without her knowing.
He could have done anything for her but hurt her, may be this was the reason he couldn’t ever talk to her about anything else than the studies. His friends and others in class made snide comments about him.
He wanted her to remain in front of him always, and that he can spend as much time with her as possible. He was desperate to talk to her, to let her know his feelings but couldn’t do it.
Initially everyone treated this new fever of Vivek as an entertainment piece, everybody would make comments on him, for sometime he was the main discussion point as to where was he seen waiting for her, what stupid thing he did to grab her attention.
But the real shock came in when the first test results of class 12th came out. Vivek got the worst ever grades, he was placed 20th in a class of 36. And in economics he barely passed.
The fellow students and friends noticed it then, that how serious this affair has gone for him. Advices started pouring in for him. Madam Savarkar was also baffled by this performance of Vivek and tried to talk to him about his problem, if he had any. It was not only Vivek but she was always very helpful when it used to come to her students, we had seen her saving 2 of our classmates from expulsion, helping us in every possible manner and taking our concerns to the school management, so we all had our share of fun about the way she talked but everybody respected her. But he told her that he was facing some problems at home and couldn’t concentrate and will pay attention in future.
Three months in the new class and Sammy was again in the news, the bets went wrong last year but the basis of the bet was turning out to be correct. Sammy was dating another girl now, Nina, a junior from the 11th grade to be precise and this time the entire boys group knew it as soon as it all started. Girls weren’t having any clue about it because he was keeping this affair secret and wasn’t seen with her new girlfriend in the usual places.
Nina didn’t had an idea about Shamita and to Sammy’s relief for the first six months Shamita didn’t had any idea about the other girl either.
And the boys group was again having a good time and now the bet was how soon will Shamita know about Sammy’s infidelity.
Winters started and with the winters the tension of pre-board exams also started, they were scheduled for the first week of January soon after the winter vacations were over.
Vivek showed no signs of improvement despite everyone around him suggesting to concentrate on the studies.
When you are friends or batchmates then you might make fun of others you might enjoy others precarious condition at times but there is a genuine concern for that person in every one’s heart. Every one wants every other classmate or friend to succeed, so with this concern everyone in the boys group tried to talk to Vivek but it all seemed useless.

It was a Tuesday morning, it was chilling and we all had just come out of the room after the English paper and were discussing it and comparing the answers. As soon as Sammy came out of the room he ran towards the terrace between the comments of few, “which one you are rushing for?”
The answer came in within 10 minutes, while our group of 7 guys was standing and discussing what will come in tomorrow’s economics paper Shamita suddenly appeared, “Have you seen Sameer?” I can’t find him. I don’t know how his paper went.
He just went towards the terrace replied Manish instantly (who was very good friend of Sameer), as she left for terrace we just couldn’t help it but laugh out aloud on this act of Manish. ‘aaj marega sala’, Manish said laughing out loud.
We all wanted to be a witness of that scene that would happen upstairs but none of us wanted to take the blame so we decided not to go upstairs.
We all were curious as to what happened there, and the next morning as we were entering the exam room, many people asked Sammy the same question. “What happened yesterday?” we saw Shamita running to the terrace yesterday and then out of school and she was very upset (the later part was very much cooked up), he didn’t replied then but after the paper was over he joined us and started with friendly abuses, who sent her upstairs? You people are mean, you won’t get girls so you would not let other’s relation flourish. Tell me who sent her? And after long arguments as to who sent her or why nobody stopped her from going Sammy told what happened, in which everyone was interested.
As soon as Shamita saw both of them together she started shouting as to what was going on. He kept his calm until she stopped screaming and something went into his head (he says he didn’t know why he said that) he blurted out Shamita meet Nina my new girlfriend and Nina this is my ex girlfriend Shamita.
And after that the furor kept on going for another hour until they saw a teacher coming upstairs.
As he ended his story there was a huge uproar in the hall where we all were gathered listening to his story, the passersby stared us but none of us could stop laughing after listening to what Sammy had done.
“But then which one remains with you?”, Manish asked. “Hell none, he replied indifferently, I don’t know what is the problem with these girls I told Nina that she is my current girlfriend but she also broke up and went away. This innocent question and the way he was telling these things made us all laugh more, it seemed it was least of his concern that his relationship has ended only problem was that he will have to start afresh. We all knew he was a different make, not the ones to stick around. This story made several rounds of school and till the time we passed out it was fresh in every one’s mind.
On the contrary Vivek was having the worst time of his life when the results for pre board were announced he failed in not one but 2 subjects, economics and commerce along with 2 other students of the class.
The school had a rule not to let any student sit in boards if they didn’t cleared pre boards, madam Savarkar intervened again and all 3 failed sat for a reexamination and somehow cleared.
We all were now very worried looking about Vivek and many in the group suggested that he should talk to Aakansha, or they do it on his behalf. Vivek didn’t agree to any of that, he just said that he would improve and pass the boards and that we shouldn’t worry. At that time he knew something about Aakansha which none of us knew and came to know only at our farewell party.

The 11th grade organized a farewell party for us as was the tradition in school. Farewell parties are always so good and still no one wants any farewell. If the life allows then every student of 96-97 batch wanted to relive the entire year because everyone knew that this might be the last time they are all together.
The party started on a good note and was going very well, the party was organized very well (but not as well as we did last year every one in our batch would say). We all were sitting together today irrespective of the sections, all the sections science, commerce, arts all of us were seated side by side and sharing jokes, experiences and future plans.
Suddenly a guy on stage who was conducting the whole event announced couple dance for the outgoing batch, anyone can ask any one to be the partner.
And then we all understood that something which till then only Vivek knew.
Initially everyone was a bit reluctant to go on stage, asking others to go first. Then suddenly somehow everyone came onto me, I stood up and asked my very dear friend Monica for the dance, she complied and we were the first on stage and slowly people started joining. Suddenly Manish who was dancing behind pinched me, “look there”, me and Monica we both looked towards that direction he indicated.
Ameen, a science section student was standing in front of Aakansha’s chair and was asking her to accompany her to the dance floor and to our amazement she happily joined him on stage.
A few of us just froze there (may be one of the reason was how did we miss that), we searched for Vivek, there he was standing in a corner looking exactly where she was dancing and his eyes were just sending us the message, “I knew that already”.
We took off from stage to join him but for once as I forgot about Vivek and looked at Ameen and Aakansha, they looked beautiful together, the best couple I had ever seen in the school. The way they were dancing, the way he was talking to her, the way she was smiling back, they just looked perfect.
After a while we all joined the stage again for a free form dance and dragged Vivek in forcibly, he danced with us for a while and then he left the stage with tears in his eyes.

For the next two months the batch of 96-97 didn’t had anything else in their minds but the exams, helping out each other in subjects, finding teachers wherever possible to get the answers to the questions (which nobody listened in the class), the teachers were as much supportive. Madam Savarkar helped us in every way possible, she had never seen us so sincere (but then she told us later that this happens with every batch).
School showed a 98% result and commerce section an excellent 100%, the batchmates whom we always thought might not even pass, they got excellent grades and the ones whom we expected got lesser than expected but more or less it was a satisfactory result.
Vivek passed but with bad marks (we were just happy for him that he passed at least), Sameer passed with second class (which was the best he could expect from himself). Shamita passed with good grades but never talked to Sameer again, but you could see her looking at Sameer whenever he passed in front of her (she couldn’t stop loving him).
Aakansha passed, but after 2 months when the results were out, we got news that Ameen left for Delhi to join engineering coaching. What happened between them no one knew, but for sure she never married him.
A few others tried to keep their love going after the school, tried to remain in contact but none of them from that batch could keep their relationship alive.
There were many other love stories like that of Shamita, Vivek, Aakansha in that batch, too sweet and some too good and for most of them it was the first time they experienced love but unfortunately none of those love stories could find the finishing the people expected when they started.
But those incomplete love stories must still be in many hearts…..

the One and the Other one

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Mon, 14 Aug 2006 02:53:00 +0000

When you are in love it so often happens that you want the time to stand still forever and you can't think of any other person in your life then the one you are with at that time.
What is it with love that people turn crazy? they can't think of anything or anyone else? and most importantly how they rule out the possibility of anyone else walking in their lives or that one they are with walking out of their lives?
I am not going to provide the answers to those unanswered questions as I like anyone else in the world don't have a clue about any of those questions.
But the question that probably has risen in most heads and hearts at one or the other point of time is "Is he or she 'the One' we were searching for?" and 99% of the times when you are with that person the answer to that question is 'Yes' and once you have broken up the answer to that question is flat 99% 'No'.

"How can a girl be in love with 2 guys at the same time?", Shivani was giving me that inquisitive look like I had a ready answer to her question, and that I would be out with it as soon as she was finished asking it.
She was talking about her friend Shweta but the question wasn't specific to Shweta alone, the question she really wanted to ask was can a person be in love at the same time with more than one person?

Shweta and Shivani had been friends since the time both moved in together in the same room. They were studying together in the same class and they didn't had much of a choice when they moved in together. The school had allotted them the same room and with them was another roomie named Shalini.
The only common thing between all three of them was that the names of each of them started with the alphabet S.
The similarity ended there as they had different views about life, studies, relationships and any other thing above the ground and below the sky. Nevertheless they were able to keep on going with little fights at times, why you used my cosmetic types.
And when you live together inadvertently you become friends (even though you don't share much in common), after the day was over they used to sit down and gossip about the day. Who was with whom? who has got a new cellphone and how and what the xyz couples had been doing and where?

Shweta was having a long time relationship with this guy named Saurabh who was currently in Delhi completing her MBA, both have met at some common friend's party and from the first time they hit off. They had all the fun and vows between them before both of them left to advance their academic career. But yes they had all the plans of marrying once he was settled and she has completed her graduation which seemed like some 3-4 years away. This was the short story that Shivani knew of Shweta.

On the other hand Shivani never had a so called boyfriend ever (as far I knew or as far as the class knew) till 3 months back when she and my friend Vikram fell in for each other. I was a friend of both though Vikram was a much better friend of mine and she was like any other friend in the class but since the time they both started their relationship, Shivani grew much closer to me and she would share things about their lives with me and would often ask me for advice (though I am very bad at it) . Even when both would go out for movie or dinner they would compel me to come along. It was a good relationship with both of them, I never felt odd even when I used to barge in between their talks and they never took it as an offense. At times she would come to me with even such silly questions as what do you think Vikram will like this dress she would say taking a full turn displaying me her new floral dress, and I would comment very indifferently, I don't know.
But she won't leave until I would say it looks great and Vikram would like it like anything and then I would have to make sure that I let this thing known to Vikram so that he should notice and appreciate her dress. At times I thought that she was way too crazy about Vikram and may be she should act sensibly at times.
But sense prevailed me at such times and I never actually said those things to either of them. The result of all this was now I was as good a friend of Shivani as of Vikram.

When she wanted to discuss something she would discuss anything (she never cared if it concerned me or not) and today was yet another of those times.
Recently she came to know that Shweta was having affair with Rahul, a guy from the arts section. Though she had a hunch for quite some time as she had seen them together and many of her classmates had asked if something was going between them (when you enjoy commenting about others then there are always people around you waiting for you to falter once) , but even after this Shivani never believed that something like this can happen, she thought may be both are from the same school house (which was blue) so they are planning some house activity together. She had only one reason not to believe what she was thinking and that reason was big enough for her and that was, that she knew Shweta was already in a relationship and she was sure that relationship was still alive as she saw cards kept on pouring for her and calls from her boyfriend every now and then.
And even Shweta herself sent him a gift this valentine's.

"What do you mean you love Rahul?", Shivani was screaming at her when she told her about the affair.
Shweta, are you out of your mind or what? how can you love Rahul? If you have lost your memory then may I remind you that you are already into a relationship (for Shivani if you have vowed to marry each other it is a relationship or else it's an affair) with a guy named Saurabh, who is in Delhi and you guys are into a relationship since last 2 years.
"Vani, don't scream yaar", Shweta said irritated.
I know everything, I remember everything. I remember Saurabh very well, I know he is my first love, "what do you mean first love?" Shivani cut in, you don't have first, second or third love in your life. Either you love someone or not and when you love someone that's the end of it, you can't love someone else.
Don't talk crazy Vani, it's not like there is a rule imposed like that or it is a punishable offense to do that. You can't help your heart, if it likes someone you can't help it and you can't counter it with any arguments. And see Vani, I am sharing this with you as you are my good friend, I need you to understand and not scream, if you won't understand then it will be hard for me.
I'm sorry for screaming, Shivani replied taking in a deep breath, but it's like it is a shock for me, I have never heard of anything like this before and never even thought of anything like that in my dreams. True I had friends who had many boyfriends and I never liked them for changing their boyfriends but deep down in my heart I never felt that they were wrong if they dumped one guy and went on to pick the other one, may be the things didn't worked between them or may be their relationships were not meant to be. But yea I must say what you are doing is bizarre. You can't just have relationship with two guys at the same time, wait!! Shweta are you suggesting that now you are in love with Rahul and no more love Saurabh and that you are going to dump him?
No, No, No Vani, all I am saying is I love Rahul, that in no way means that I don't love Saurabh anymore. I am in relationship with Saurabh for last 2 years and we have had some very good times, he had given me a lot in my life and he means a a lot to me.
Shivani wasn't getting an idea as to what Shweta was up to and she thought may be she herself doesn't know what she is talking about. They had this argument for another hour or so, Shweta kept on trying to make her understand and Shivani on the other hand kept on trying to make Shweta understand that what she is talking is absurd and such a thing can't happen and she should sit down and think for a while about that. After an hour or so when they both were exhausted with arguments they both went to bed, it was already 12 o'clock and luckily Shalini was sleeping over at another of her friend's room and may be that was the reason Shweta brought up the topic today.

This happened like a week back and since then Shivani was feeling restless, she still couldn't come to terms with what Shweta had told her the other day. They haven't talked about it since that day but Shivani had seen Shweta with Rahul and had just walked off from there without even acknowledging Rahul's greetings.

When she came up to me, she said she wanted to talk about this with someone and she didn't felt it proper to talk about this with Vikram (god knows why). How can this happen, how can we love more than one person at the same time? She kept on repeating this again and again to me. And after an hour when I was sincerely hoping for Vikram to come from somewhere so that I can be spared she said and you know what? "What?" I asked in a dejected tone.
You are not going to tell any of this to anyone, not even Vikram, "OK" I replied.
Shweta just don't have a romantic relationship with Saurabh, she also had a physical relationship with him, and not once as she has told me. Now you think how horrible it all seems.

So that was the part that was eating her up in the entire Shweta, Saurabh and Rahul saga. In addition to romantic she was also having a sexual relationship with Saurabh and now she says that she loves Rahul.
I don't know for a fact but I truly believe that when you are in the same situation as other and something wrong (only the wrong part) happens to other, you start relating it to yourself and may be at this time Shivani was doing the same thing and felt much bad then if she had taken Shweta's case at its face value and as an isolated case.
Somehow I talked her out of that for the time being and I rushed towards my German class.

But the question Shivani asked kept on ringing in my head, at any point in our lives can we be in love with more than one person? and is that right or wrong?
For myself I knew the answer to the first question just that at that point in time I didn't wanted any argument with Shivani so I just didn't put forth my point.
Yes off course we can be in love with more than one person at a time that is what I believed and I guess we all have seen that happening some or the other time, with someone or the other. It's just that people at times are so hypocritical that they try not to see the real thing.

As Shweta said most of the times you can't have arguments with your heart, you can't make your heart understand the logics of the world. The answer could be (as many people say) take control of your heart. Agreed but sorry as the majority of people I am not aware of that art. I can't control my heart and I think so can't most of the people in the world, if people knew that art then there would not have been any complications in this world.

Personally I didn't felt there was anything unusual about what happened with Shweta, she loves a guy whom she is not with right now. There are lot of guys she meet everyday and her boyfriend is not around for her to share things she would love to, she can't go out on dates like her other friends who have their boyfriends with them. Whatever may be the reason but she found someone she can be happy with right now, with whom she can share things, with whom she can go out and have fun and may be that new someone is also caring and more loving then the boyfriend she already had.
What do you do if you find someone who you think is better at that time then someone else you are already into relationship with?
Just that a new one comes in your life your heart just don't start hating that other one, he must have been caring and loving too that's how you choose him or her in the first place and now the new one is caring and loving too, so what you do? Do you leave the previous one?
So often married people get hooked on to relationships outside their marriages, they have not only found the one but they are also committed to the one, but still their heart wouldn't stop beating, it won't stop loving someone else if it finds the other one special and in such a case they can't leave the one they are with because he or she also forms an integral part of their lives and not to forget they also love them.

Breaking up is always hard, when you spend time with someone and that too in such a close relationship, you just can't accept the fact that he or she will no longer be part of your life or they will end up with someone else. May be that is not love and may be that is still love, you want to have both the persons in your life. Leaving anyone of them is going to hurt you.
And does having sexual relationship with one or the other or both have anything to do with it? Not necessarily, sex is just one part of a relationship and if even having a relationship with someone couldn't stop you from loving someone else then sex can never alter that decision of yours.
The point is that many of us are in love with more than one person in life, it's just that we don't let that feeling overwhelm us. It's always a probability that there are more than one guy or girl around you, you admire more than one, you get one of them and other one walks into your life you start feeling the love for the other one too, you just don't want to loose 'the one' for the 'other one' and also you don't want to rule out the possibility of the love of 'other one' just because you are in love with 'the one' and that's the real truth, that's the real thing that heart wants. If we don't let that feeling take over, it's not because its wrong its just because we are afraid, afraid of what people around would say, afraid of what any of them come to know of the other.

Is it right or wrong? No one knows for sure, if one is totally driven by ethos and society implemented rules that person would reject such a thing outright, like Shivani did. But then at times that feeling is so strong that we like to go with it without thinking of the consequences, we like to enjoy what we have in our hand.
Nonetheless it complicates our life, we want the happiness in our life and any way it comes we try to go for it. But sometimes or the other reality strikes us and we might think that we made a wrong decision.
If we go any further then the truth is that we can never say for sure that 'the one' we have chosen is really 'the one' for us.
Every relation has its good times, tough times, bad times and even times when we start feeling that the relationship is stale and definitely not the same as it started. And this is the time we start looking out of the relation we are in and that's when things start getting real complicated.

Should we get involved in such a relation? Nobody is sure as it is not up to us to fall in such a complicated situation.
Shweta was enjoying her life with Rahul, she was getting the love and care she longed for since the time Saurabh was not with him. She wanted that life should continue like that. Rahul should keep on loving him, she should also have love of Saurabh and most importantly both should not know about each other. Call it selfishness, call it meanness or whatever but this was the true thing that her heart wanted and the only unusual thing about it was she was one of those persons who have heard and complied with what their hearts really wanted.

Things continued the way they were for another six months and as the way she wanted, either of the guys was not aware about the existence of other. But Shweta understood in just 2 months what mess she was into when she had to manage both the relations. Now whenever she was saying those three magical words to anyone of them she was confused, confused that is she doing something wrong (as Shivani has told her). and confused about who she really loved and if such a situation comes where she has to choose one whom she would be choosing. "Can't I have the love of both of them?" every heart beat of hers kept on asking that question.

But life is really full of ups and downs and surprises, they say "time heels everything". Not exactly that time heels everything but yes time at least changes the situation for you at times. After about six months with Rahul, surprisingly things started changing at Saurabh's end, what changed Shweta never came to know but yes, Saurabh was getting away from her for some reason, the calls to Shweta has lessened, where earlier he used to call at least twice a week now it was like twice a month, less conversation, less gifts. Their relation was really less intimate now and for Shweta it was a welcome relief. The guilt feeling she developed after listening to Shivani and may be some other people started to vanish slowly. He would call rarely and she would not ask why and he also would be happy that she is not asking why. The long distance relationship they were trying to maintain so hardly was stale now and Shweta was thankful that it was the same for Saurabh too. And she was almost certain he must have got someone else in his life but she never asked and he never told. Even now the thought of Saurabh being someone else's didn't sink in very well in her heart, she still thought (and wished) that he was hers only.

She was enjoying her time with Rahul like she never did. As earlier she was now into one relation but with the other one. But again like any other relation, this relation of hers was also slated to go through all the phases that any other relation of any other person would. The school was going to end in another month and her relationship with Saurabh already had. None of them said anything to the other, none of them asked anything and the best part was none of them was complaining.
In short, if Shweta was in love with more than one person at a time then Saurabh too must be doing that.
The day she explained this to Shivani, Shivani just smiled and remarked "good for you" and went off. But now I could see that in Shivani's talks that she has come to terms with the fact. The scenario she was rejecting outright some 6 months back she now at least thought that it was possible (though she still wouldn't have wanted her to fell into one such situation ever).

So Saurabh wasn't the one for Shweta but do you think Rahul is the one for her? Shivani asked me with mouthful of ice-cream, we were out of a movie (a Sharukh Khan crap) and Vikram was also with us, who was by now as much aware about the whole story as I was (girls might always ask you to not to tell it to others but they are the first ones to tell it to every other person they meet), Vikram had the least interest in that story and never even asked me how did I come to know of it.
Though he loved Shivani as much but at times he used to get fed up of her and her stories (as it happens with any normal guy who has to keep up with his girlfriend). If I am around he would make some excuse to leave and come in a while, leave me to listen to her and would always come late and to my agonizing looks would remark "thanks brother" with a wink.

Shivani got the answer to her question sooner than she expected and not from me but she herself was a witness to it.

Once the school was finished Rahul was off to Pondicherry to pursue a degree in French and Shweta planned to go to Delhi to join fashion designing. And this time she never took those vows she did earlier with Saurabh, she had been through all of this before and she didn't want false commitments this time. She was well aware of the fact now that it's hard for her to say that Rahul was really 'the one' and she didn't want to fell into the trap that life laid for her the last time. She now knew that though you can be in love with more than one person at one time but the sad part was that you can't have all of them in your life and in her case none of them.

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Sat, 12 Aug 2006 23:51:00 +0000

Software Loyalties

In one of my job interviews I was asked a question which in today’s software world is having much more weightage than the salary negotiation.
“How can you guarantee us that you would be loyal to the company?” the gentleman interviewing at once realized that he has put up the question in the worst possible manner, he at once regained the composure and continued “let me put the question in other way how long would you stay with the company? It is just that you know now a days attrition rate is so high in software industry”.
Who is the better person than a developer who himself is looking for a change to understand what the attrition rate is in the industry today.
One good thing that has come out of the high attrition rate, for the candidates is that they have now more bargaining power not only in terms of salary but also in terms of working environment, hours of working, perks, rejecting any bonds and whatever the candidate can think of.
There has been a time when companies out there have taken the full advantage of the candidates (when the market was not so hot) and made them sweat for 12-14 hrs a day and paid them peanuts and in addition to all this made them sign bonds.

They say “what goes out comes back” and this is what is happening now. The market is hot companies ready to pay any amount to the candidates with right skills and even ready to hire candidate without any skills. For every potential employee there are at least 4 companies standing out there with offers beating each other.
So is it wrong for the candidate to take advantage of such a situation?
How long and for what reason should a candidate be loyal to a company?
What factors constitute loyalty towards a company?
And most importantly if a candidate is loyal is there an assurance that the company in question would also remain loyal to him when the market would (god forbid) would not be so hot?
When my friend Rajesh joined a new company after quitting his old company in just 6 months of time, I asked him was there no work in that company or was the other offer too good to resist?
Rajesh when joined that company was on bench for first month, this is the time when any employee joining a new company is eager to prove himself. Being on the bench is the worst thing that can happen to a developer who has always kept on working for more than 10 hrs. It’s a sort of retirement and when he starts to enjoy it then there is work for him to do.
Work he was assigned to after one month was a short in house application (that’s even worst then the bench as it always is driven by the whims and fancies of the bosses).
He somehow managed himself and in 3 months time of working on that project made a name for himself and he was put onto an ongoing project which was about to finish in a months time, he was assigned ad hoc tasks and without knowing the system he had to work on it and by the time he started to get a hang of the project it was over.
In these six months he realized that market is paying much more than what he is getting (though it is always a feel of every employee but in today’s world this is the truth), he put up his thoughts together.
To get an increment I had to wait here for another six months and that too he was not sure about the percentage that he would get, he had heard of a 30% max and when he started trying out he got 3 offers in 7 days of time with the max offer being 70% more than his current salary.
Work was the last thing on his mind, he has already seen it all over here, things can’t get worse than this, if he has to sit on bench only or has to work on some low level projects than why not do it with a better salary at least.

Yes there are many loyal employees in this industry too but I would rather call them satisfied employees than loyal.
Until and unless an employee is satisfied or stuck up due to some reasons of his own there is a slim chance that he would stay with that or for that matter with any organization. And there is nothing wrong about it.
Loyalty should not be wrongly interpreted as an employee sticking to an organization even when he is not satisfied.
An employee might be serving the organization for numerous years but he might not be loyal, he might have been trying to get out of the organization but due to some or the other inabilities he might not have been successful.
There might be employees who went off and came back in the organization, they also can’t be considered loyal most of the times for the simple reason that had they put faith in the company previously they wouldn’t have left in the first place.
An employee can also not be considered as loyal if he has been threatening the company every now and then and keeps on getting his things done, such an employee can run out any time when the company stops playing by his rule.
Also if an employee is always finding faults with the company and not doing even his bit to improve the situation he can’t be considered loyal too.
Then the big question is what constitutes loyalty of an employee towards his organization?
The answer is simple; don’t expect an employee in this industry to stick with the same company forever. The companies should see if that employee in his tenure has delivered honestly, when he is in the organization has he done things to improve the face of the company. If the employee has been vocal about the problems within the company processes or the manner of operations and time and again the employee has suggested measures to improve it that’s the most loyal employee that a company can get. If a company can ensure that every employee that is working is at least 70% satisfied in the company, it will also ensure their loyalty for the company.
The tenure of an employee is immaterial when it comes to measuring loyalty. At times the organization presents no reason to the employee to remain in the organization, its better at such a time to let the employee go and benefit some other organization which is in the real need of resources.
The days are gone when people used to start with one company and they used to retire from the same company. It’s a free world today and every employee has got a lot of options in his hands in all the sectors, let the loyalty be for what the employee has been for the company and not how long the employee has been with the company.

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Sat, 10 Jun 2006 20:22:00 +0000

The Balancing Act

This is the 12th one this year, I screamed. All Hell has broken loose it seems, people have gone mad or has there been a virus attack or what? Why is everyone so hellbound on marrying? Never ever have I heard of so many of my friends marrying in the same year.
Never ever have you been in the age in which you are now, Shavak retorted. It's nothing unusual, normal people do marry around this age and if you and me are not marrying then our families are to be blamed, he continued with a chuckle.
You will see our hairs will turn grey in another year or so and we won't be getting girls to marry he said with a laugh this time.
Hell!! Who wants to marry anyways? It's so scary, I don't think that I am yet well settled or am in the right shape to marry and those friends of ours are mostly of the same age, how come they decided to marry?
C'mmon don't talk rubbish you know parents pressure, someday or the other you have to bow down to it Shavak shouted while picking up his helmet which was sitting on my television( I never knew why he would keep his helmet only at that place, I told him many a times not to but then he won't listen).
"Khuda Hafiz" he said and went out in the scorching sun.
After he went I threw myself on the couch, some match was going on the television in which India was not in a good position(no wonder). With my eyes on the television and my mind on the marriage thing, I started thinking,
"Is marriage inevitable?"
"Will marriage change us in any way?"
I knew the answer to the first one for sure, also I was almost sure about the second question too but didn't know exactly "in which way?"
I have seen my colleagues marrying, a few of my friends marrying.

For sure they have changed and some have changed drastically, even those have changed who have sworn by the vodka bottle, that come what may they are never going to change.
"C'mmon yaar, we have been friends since last 10 years with just a girl walking in, how can I change. It will all remain same, our parties, our outings and watching cricket too."
But alas!! such people have changed the most.
So is it right that everyone changes and more important is that change inevitable?

When my long time friend Vishal married some 8 months back, it was a sudden shock to him(don't talk about me I got many such shocks later). He went to visit his place in the weekend, parent were all ready with photos and all. Within 2 days of time he met 5 girls.
The questions from parents came "how was the girl?"
The poor chap replied with honesty "she was good" and promptly came the reply "so we take it as you are ready to marry her".
Hey dad, I never said that.
Why? Is there a problem? You just said you liked the girl.
Yes I did but I don't want to marry right now.
Now you don't give your father those sort of answers, even though you have started earning we still know what is right for you. So don't make a fuss of it, some day or the other you have to marry, so why not now? "Aur aajkal acche rishte badi mushkil se milte hai" (parents sometimes talk in such a way as if scarcity of good girls or boys is predicted in the years to come)

With such arguments and counter arguments lastly he relented and was ready to marry, nevertheless he was happy that the girl which was selected was very pretty and 98 out of 100 chances had he met that girl outside this 'shaadi' thing he would have liked her to be his girlfriend and may be later would have married her.

So in the end with grand ceremonies and all he was married, I remember his marriage because after a long time I had seen so many 'baraatis' (there were around 400) participating in the shaadi and by the time 'pheres' were concluded every dish in the non-veg section was finished. And yea I also remember his wedding because that was the first time I had to dance in a 'baraat'. I never liked the idea of dancing on the road but then for friends you have got to do things which you would abhor otherwise.
I started noticing the change in him after around 4 months of his marriage, we had hardly spoken at length in the past 4 months, firstly it was his honeymoon and then work pressure after coming back but then after all that settled down even now when he was not able to take out time, then it struck me.
I tried calling him a few times, we would talk for 4-5 mins, "how are you?", "how's work?" sort of things but it was just a formality. Even he would call me once in a while but our call still would be on the same lines. A few of the times when I called in the evening and his wife picked up I kind of felt odd, like I am invading their privacy. None of them gave me that feeling but just that a thought crept within me and I stopped calling in the evenings or nights.
Whenever asked about weekend plans he would have to go out with wife for shopping or to meet relatives or will have some work at home.
At times when we have met on some friend's party or function he would have to leave early and now no one could pursue him to stay.

So did Vishal changed? for sure he did but then why did he changed? And was this change inevitable?

When Robin married, a couple of months after that it became difficult for him to manage between office life and his married life. He had been working since past 3 yrs in our organization I would see him working for 12 hours on a normal working day and even when we would have asked him to leave he would keep on doing some or the other work (the initial work pressure, finished his social life and now when he had time he didn't wanted to go out and socialize as he wasn't in the habit of doing that now, same old story of a software developer).

Now after his marriage he wanted to leave after standard 8 hrs of work but couldn't, some or the other work keeps on coming as soon as he plans to leave. It became difficult, wife wanted his time his company wanted his time. The company didn't want him to change just coz he is married, if you were working 12 hrs a day till now the company would like you to work at the same pace now too. And after you are married you hardly can annoy the company, every person wants that job security whichever position he or she might be in.
Though Robin still used to finish his work but now the time that he used to spend in the company has reduced. He would seldom stay late unless the work is of critical nature. While in office he would get the phone call of his wife atleast 3-4 times a day, and then he would start worrying about the things back home.
No gas in the house, Groceries for the house, have to go for the tapestry today. Things started to happen in his life and his undivided attention that previously used to go to work and work alone was divided and may be slightly more on the house hold chores.
And after a while the pressure started showing on his work. It was not the same quality of work that he was delivering before, code with lots of bugs and logics implemented with so many bottlenecks, he would miss some obvious testing scenarios in his code (previously he would help out others with them). Your lead and managers don't give you much space to breath and this low quality code from Robin was unacceptable.
He had hard times then, he was trying to balance his life between office and home but he was a novice to begin with in this thing called 'marriage'. Friends and colleagues around him would joke upon the fact that marriage has changed him completely. The person who wouldn't go out with his friends even if work was pending had to at times leave when his wife would call him up for some urgent pending work at home.

So why did Robin changed? Did he now gave less priority to his work?

Ruchika has always been the girl I always admired, whenever in office she meant business, despite her drop dead gorgeous looks and several males around making passes at her, her attention wouldn't get diverted. I wondered how. Not that she wouldn't have light moments but yea if they came as part of the tasks assigned to her.
So when she got married everyone thought that now she wouldn't be too long in the office (it so used to happen that girls marrying would leave the job soon in pursuit of striking a balance between their married life and office work) but as I knew her, I had no doubts that she would continue the work the only thing I had interest in was in seeing as to how a girl changes after marriage.
As the time passed by yes she did change she would have to rush back to home at times, would have to take a day off at times (coz of some function at home) would get late at times and yea previously when she was always worried about her work and her weekends, that was now divided between her home, her husband, her inlaws, and office (you don't have weekends for yourself ever, once you get married).
The thing I liked was she was trying so hard to strike that balance, she would do things which she would have never done if she wasn't married, without any complains.
So yea when I saw her change it was like, may be it was a normal phenomenon after marriage.

May be there is a time in life when you are completely at your own, you work for yourself, when you are happy that happiness is yours only, when you are down and out you yourself would kick yourself up and get going. There are things that you would do for yourself, you are on your own, you like working, you like to have that separate identity of yours which you have created with your own efforts.
In short you love your life that way, without any bounds and most important even without anyone for you.
Marriage introduces a new person in your life and you are made to understand that your life is now not yours alone.
Yes things would change and you would change, even without marrying I can understand that now. You are habituated to things, to your surroundings, to people around you.
One fine morning when you wake up and see that world around you has changed, there is someone else with you now, sharing your bed and your life, you are no longer alone, you can no longer have that carefree and independent life, it must be a whacky feeling.

May be your slippers are not exactly by the side of your bed, may be your towel is not at the right place, things change, may be your morning tea which you used to make yourself is sitting by your bedside and it contains more milk then you are habituated to.
The first reaction of every person would be to revolt, you would like to scream and shout and do everything possible to show that you are not happy but then deep within the heart you realize, that new someone who has come in your life is yours and you have to live with him/her for the "rest of your life" (as they say) and you start understanding and start dealing with the things in a much civilized manner.
You start taking care of that other person much more than yourself (it may be an outcome of a fear that you have to get this new relation going or may be just a human nature) and may be the change becomes inevitable.
You change, you sure as hell do change, change for that someone new in your life, change to keep your new life happy, change in the fear that things shouldn't go wrong, change for the other new related people who have come in your life.
In which way your life changes? does it change for good or bad? these are tricky questions , it then solely depends upon the perception of the person. But nonetheless life starts teaching you some new lessons, to be patient, to work with people around you, the ability to understand, the ability to put your point across without hurting anyone (coz that anyone is now your husband or wife). May be you become more compassionate. Most important life slowly and gradually teaches you to strike a balance between different facets of your life. It is like you have gone one round up in a computer game and situations would be more complicated with every step you take in future.
The best way to play this game? the good or bad thing is that there isn't a standard way to do that, every person devices his/her own method to tackle the upcoming situations.

For a while the people you have known for so long takes a backseat and your attention is diverted towards those new people who have come into your life overnight. For a while you take those people for granted(be it your friends, your colleagues, your relatives or for that matter your company), that if they have stuck with you for so long and with all that you have done for them in the past, they would be there and understand you in this new situation.
And that comfort is the least that you can ask for with your whole life changing infront of you.

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Wed, 05 Oct 2005 09:56:00 +0000

What is it with the girls??

They say no one can understand girls or women. Can’t comment on the women part as of now but it so holds true for the girls.
What a girl wants?? Hardly a male can answer that and why so simply coz they are so unpredictable. At this hour if a girl wants something, by the time you try to get that for her she might not like that.

When Shavak saw Subarna the first time he was head over heels (as he has been for any other beautiful girl like her, the only difference being this time he seemed more serious then ever) in love with her.
Mission patao Subarna began without much ado.
Shavak has been in this school for past 7 years and she has joined recently and as the fate would have liked it she fell into his section which was ‘D’.
One big advantage with Shavak has been his charismatic personality, seldom has he failed in his pursuit to make friends with any one, be it male or female. He was well built, had a cute face (which females mostly fall for) and a constant 1000 watt smile (even at times when he was being punished by the teacher) which could make even the hardest person melt, the only negative aspect of his personality was his height, was the shortest amongst all in the class (but the class unusually had taller boys), he was around 5’7” and nowadays he was donning that French cut beard which on his milk white face looked too good (to others envy).
Subarna couldn’t resist much talking to him due to his continuous persuasion with some stupid but always workable questions such as ‘You new to school?’ ‘ You done that homework ?’ ‘You taken those notes?’ types.
So at last the story started, though I can’t exactly tell when he got serious with her, as in love they say you can never say when the love has really started to bloom.
Classes used to end at 1:30 PM for Shavak and for Subarna around 2:30 PM (as she has taken political science as an additional subject.
Shavak could be seen waiting for her at the school canteen, which was almost deserted after 1. She would come and they would spend another 1-2 hours (depending what reason she was going to put today at home about coming late) talking to each other.
And yea there were days when they could be seen talking to each other for like more than 5 hours (when they both used to bunk their classes).
She used to like the way he used to dress, the way he used to admire her, the way he used to bring gifts for her, the way he used to wait for her.
Initially (as always the case) everything seemed to be like a dream come true for both.
A year passed by and both went into the final year with much the same grades, which was a capital ‘C’ (oh yes girls are not always so bright as everyone think, to put the facts straight Shavak got much better grades then her in subjects like accountancy, economics which mattered most).
This was the interval time in the story and the story was due to take a twist now, as many of you must have guessed by now.
Just after the 11th grade exams and before the 12th grade classes started we got around a month’s holiday and yes we all had prior plans for these upcoming vacations and so did Shavak.
He started taking swimming lessons, he used to come to play cricket with us, he was much into music and in these holidays he wanted to go one grade up in his guitar lessons, wanted to see many of the missed English movies (which came around the exam times), in short he had all the desires which a guy of his age would have and has started acting upon them.
He started with all these activities and no he didn’t forget about Subarna, after she used to come from her music lessons, he used to meet her and they used to talk about their usual stuff. The difference was now he used to keep running for attending the multiple activities he was involved into. So it was time when he used to say Subarna, shall we move? (It was exactly opposite in the school days when Subarna after every 15 minutes would say that she has to go and she has much work left to do, that there is a function she has to attend at her relatives home, etc. etc. and Shavak had to work really hard to make her spend more time with him).
Now there were days when she had to wait for him for 10-15 minutes and it used to appear to her that she has been waiting since ages for him. And boy!! He is not admiring her at all nowadays she used to tell Monica (the only other soul I had seen her talking so much to).
Days went on and the anguish in her really started to grow, they had little rows sometimes but most of them used to get settled when he used to apologies unconditionally.
School started again, and guess what, the guys got really lucky this time with 3 beautiful girls coming into the class (may be girls also got lucky as 2 guys also joined in, but I don’t know for sure about a girl’s liking). This is the time where being a single is so cool, you can look at any girl, can talk to her, can spend sometime (for any reason) and yet have no one to boss you around, I could see that look on Shavak’s face when we all used to discuss about the new girls or used to talk to them, it was the look which used to say, god!! Why am I not single or even better why everybody in the class knows that I am not single?
It’s so hard a feel that you can’t look to other girls can’t talk much with them for the sheer reason what you might have to face if you do that.
The classes went onto become too hot day after day and by the times the winters have started we had really started to feel the heat of 12th board exams. Mostly everybody used to be in school for 10 hours and there were ones who were there at nights also for extra lessons.
It’s just the heat of 12th exams, which even if one doesn’t want to take, gets into him/her. Pressure of parents, teachers, talks of getting good grades for future life, these exams being the foundation for your life. To be very true a student can just go down preparing for it forget about facing the exams. Those beautiful girls were still there but for the guys at this time of school it was like nothing else existed in the world except the studies. Pre-board exams were announced and also with that principal’s decision that anyone failing in the pre-board exams will not be allowed to take the board exams. One can afford to go down fighting in the final game but not being able to qualify for the finals, it was literally a position where most of the dad’s would have killed their sons.
With the heat of exams increasing, the cold started to set in Shavak and Subarna’s relationship.
There are times in a relationship where even if you don’t communicate, even when you don’t meet each other for days, the heat of the relationship, keeps both warm.
But alas this didn’t happened in their case.
It rained heavily the previous night and still in the morning it was drizzling and the temperature was close to 2 degrees, from our school we could see mountains covered with white snow just 26 Kms away. It was a marvelous site, in my entire life I hadn’t been a spectator to such a beautiful sight and the good part was that I had always enjoyed winters.
We got four free periods that day as even the teachers were not prepared to teach in such a cold weather, we went onto the canteen and between the sips of hot tea we were discussing as to which all questions can come in accountancy pre-boards. Subarna walked up to us and asked Shavak if she could talk to him for sometime. To a guy it seems very awkward when he is dragged out of a conversation with his friends by a female. Two of them sniggered, and when Shavak turned to them the same old comment hit him “go man!! Otherwise you will have to spent another hour explaining why you were late in coming”. Without saying a word he moved on with tea in hand.

They both were now sitting in the open playing arena below in the grounds, a bunch of guys were playing basketball, a group of girl was giggling at god knows what on a safe little distance.
“Shavvy we should breakup”, she declared breaking the silence.
And why do you think so Subbi? he asked. What have I did this time? (A guy always starts with a presumption that whatever be the reason he will be held responsible and even if he retorts he will have to apologies in the end).
Why you talking that way Shavvy? I have never said or found you wrong (oh yea??). It’s just that I have started feeling that our relationship doesn’t has much left now and may be you don’t have much interest left in me and you want to move on (hasn’t she said I never found you wrong in the last sentence?).
What exactly happened this time? (For god’s sake tell me without creating an air), he asked in a bit high tone and then lowered it.
It’s not only about this time, it’s been a long time and now I can’t take this anymore (girl for god’s sake get down to the point straight).
Subbi, will you for god sake tell me what happened? Until I know what happened I couldn’t exactly find out a solution to it.
It’s not about a specific problem to which you can find a solution. Then what? (I swear girl I am gonna kill you if this goes on for any longer, TELL ME FAST what’s happened)
Look Shavvy, when I first joined this school around 2 years back you were the first good friend of mine, even Monica became my good friend after you. (So?)
We used to spend so much time together; you used to take so much care of me, for even one day if I didn’t used to come you used to get so bothered. You used to wait for me (So?? Was that a mistake I did then and you gonna make me pay for it today?).
Yes Subbi, so what has happened now?
That’s what I want to ask you Shavvy, what has happened to you now? Why have you become so different, is there some other girl you have started liking? Tell me Shavvy, if it is the case, I will just back off and you can live your life with her. (Oh yea!! Now she is coming to point. As if I will tell her a girl’s name and she is gonna leave me, haa ha)
C’mon Subbi, stop saying all these things, you know that I love you only and there is no other girl. You know that, don’t you? (Wouldn’t you have been spying on me, if you have doubted that?)
Yes Shavvy, I do want to think that there is no one else but then why have you changed so much?
Changed?? How have I changed Subbi? Tell me what has changed in me or what has changed in our relationship?
Previously we used to spend so much time together, you used to care so much about me. But after our 11th grade exams you don’t seem to have much time for me, you don’t meet me so often, you don’t wait for me as you used to do, you don’t talk to me much about your life, don’t even ask me about my life. And for past 2 months, it seems that you have been trying to ignore me. Do you remember when we last talked at length? (Oh yea, didn’t we talk for more than 1 hour just 2 days back?).
Just tell me Shavvy haven’t you changed? (Now, the real thing has started, I should have known this thing was coming).
Subbi…and a long silence fell between them, Shavak’s mind was racing like a F1 car.
He started to think, what Subbi was saying was it really true, has he really changed?
Pictures from the past started pouring in his mind. Yes they have been spending much time together in the first year of Subbi’s coming to the school, how he was waiting for hours just for her at times she used to come too late and used to leave within minutes, he used to feel so bad about it, He wanted her to stay for a bit longer, but he used to become helpless after her statement, “Shavvy, you don’t understand me?” “You don’t understand how difficult it is for me at home to explain every day”. “You don’t understand how much backlog have I got”. And guess what, he had to understand. “I understand” used to be his reply, “We will meet later then”. After she had gone he used to curse himself at times why does he love her? Does she think she is the only one who has got work at home, is she the only one who has got the backlogs, why doesn’t for once at least she understands him?
But after an hour of tussle in his mind he used to satisfy himself that she must be under too much pressure then him. And at least she loves him and some day or the other she will also understand him. These instances used to take a back seat as soon as he has spent some good time with her. He has never complained but has taken things in his stride and yes, had tried to understand her always.
The first time he has got a card and a soft toy as a gift for her he has spent his 3 months savings (which he was saving for his new guitar) and how many times has he taken money from friends for giving her gifts, he didn’t much remember anything exceptional that he got for himself from his pocket money after Subbi coming to his life.
How he has time and again turned down his friend’s requests of coming to movie with them, to come for a match with them, just coz Subbi had given him time to meet. How many times has his friends mocked him for not being with them and for being a couple.
There were friends who have been with him for years some who were there for him since the beginning of his school days. Friends who have been with him in all his pranks, who have helped him out with the studies, friends who have helped him with his house work and friends who in spite of making mockery of his love had always lend him money to buy gifts for Subbi, who had lend him their bike so that he can take her to movie.

Has he really changed? he was still thinking. If he wanted to fulfill his hobbies in that short span of one month which he knew would never come again, had he not completed his next grade in guitar, had he not learnt swimming that time would he have got enough time to do all these things after that (when he already knew there were board exams next year). If he has done all these things and in this process if he has to ask a few times to Subbi that can they leave, in spite of her asking the same thing, has he changed?
If in this crucial year if he is concentrating more on his studies forgetting at times completely about her, has he changed? Is his fear of not getting clear in the board exams, his working hard in studies spending more time with his friends who will help him out more than any one else, are these signs of change?
Hasn’t the situation at his home front changed since last one year? Hasn’t his responsibilities changed? Hasn’t he started spending a bit (though still not enough) more time on work at home? Hasn’t his dad who have never argued about his pocket money has recently started asking him to value money more than he is doing right now?
Hasn’t his mind, which was free of any botherations now more preoccupied with the thoughts of getting into a good college, getting the subjects he wants to take?
The answer was ‘Yes’; yes with a capital ‘Y’ yes he has changed. Shavak has changed, he has changed and not only changed for her but for everyone and more so for himself.
He was clear about his answer, Subbi is right, he has changed and in his own views changed for better, and changed for all not only her.
But the next question was “Now What?”
Why would Subbi not understand him? Why is she saying that he has become same as other guys? And what would being same as other guys mean? Isn’t every guy or for that matter every girl same?
Though Shavak was asking these questions from himself but he already had answers to all of them. He now knew exactly what has gone wrong.
He has changed and so has Subbi but the problem was she has not realized it; she herself wasn’t sure what she wanted from their relationship.
Shavvy knew exactly what needed to be done, he stood up and turned to face Subbi, and did exactly what he had been doing since the beginning or what he knew would calm the situation down, “Subbi, I guess you are right, may be I got too much involved in myself and other things bothering me, so I hadn’t been able to give much time to you, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you anymore or I have started liking anyone else.”
“How could you even think of it that I will love anyone else except my Subbi”
The episode lasted for another half an hour and we all knew the result, yes as always with the girls they do get pleased once you beg them for forgiveness.
Subarna and Shavak were together again.
You might think that why did Shavvy make it up with Subbi even without his fault? Guys, don’t we all do that for someone we really love? Shavvy really loved her.
And yea he didn’t made her understand that just coz he has grown up enough to understand that ‘you can’t make girls understand anything, be it computers or be it cricket:)

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Sun, 03 Apr 2005 08:26:00 +0000

Changing World
-------------------------------

I had never thought in my school life that I would end up with computers. Any one asking me that time would have got a reply as to army or scientist. Then weather changed, in my teens I wanted to be an accountant, but yea as fate would have had it, I ended up with computers.
I don't know if I wud have been into something else wud it have been better or worse but yea I try to keep myself happy by constantly reminding myself that I am into the hottest industry.
So you see with time the ideas change, the thoughts change and in short everything changes.
Raghav who always used to say to me when we were in school that he would never marry a girl(though he didn't meant it otherwise too as that time we didn't had today's concepts) and all in all he never used to have a smooth talk with girls, but change set in him and when he was in college he had the max number of girls around him and his views were like, 'no girls, no life' and he was the first one in our group to marry(though his condition today is entirely a different changed story).
One day I was sitting with my cousin, I was going through the magazines and he as usual was channel surfing. His views about girls are those of generation Z. He would keep on telling me how many girls he have been with this week and which one was more pretty and wat should they wear, how should they act , etc. etc . He is FYBCom student, good looking he is and so yes I never doubt things whenever it concerns girls. But yea that day he has been telling me his views about how to treat a girl and what girls are. And on most of the points I didn't agree to him, I tried to retaliate with my points but he won't accept. After a while listening to him I realised that he can't be satisfied with any point right now. He won't accept it now but he will change as I had and as others have. The guy who is sitting here and telling me that love is all sh** is going to come back to me after some time and will be having some good views about love and girls. Then he might start preaching me about love........isn't it?
Another short instance about change, there was this friend of mine I used to hang with. We shared quite sometime together and the reason we used to gell together was that we shared almost same views on everything above the earth and below the sky.
We have shared our views on sports, politics, girls, culture, marriage, and we used to share the same brand of ciggarettes too.
We have bullied many of our friends on the issue of they being changed after a girl has come in. "yaar log kaise badal jaate hai, ladki ke aane se....", "kya bhai ab to doston ke liye time hi nahi hoga...." and the likes of statements used to reverberate in any of the usual gettogether.
They were not only statements but also the feel was the same, no one could understand the reason as to why a person who used to sit with us and share time with us is no more available, why has his priorities changed?
All said and done but everyone used to be friend.
Time changed, places changed and so did everything.
I met with this same friend after many years on one of the weddings I was attending in his city. We were happy to meet again and we started to relive our old moments, the usual reunion types, he tells me that he has got a girlfriend now, ummm.....u not joking?? no seriously yaar... and thats how the news went in ...
The next day I thought I wud stroll with him, talk a lot and do some shopping will go out for lunch and dinner, but he was no where to be seen, called him up and guess wat, yea offcourse he was with his sweetheart, and despite promising to meet in the evening he couldn't turn up. I went out alone, did some shopping, had lunch at a quiet place. The good thing was that I knew the city well and I knew where I can get the things I wanted to shop for, so wasn't much of a problem.
The next day I had to return in the afternoon.
He came at night, was sorry he had to leave as there was something urgent on his GF's side that he had to attend to, "ok lunch we will have together"...he says, "sasha will also join us". I was fine with that. The next day I had to reach station by 1 PM and till 12 PM there was no confirmation about the lunch, I called up and told him I am leaving and I already had lunch as I was getting late, we will have lunch the next time we meet. "No thats fine...I'll catch a taxi.....Bye" abd Ieft.
Sitting in the taxi the things we used to say to others reverberated in my mind......"yaar log kaise badal jaate hai, ladki ke aane se...."
But yea, they say thats wat change is all about.....and change is inevitable and in addition to it no one will ever accept that they have really changed;)

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Fri, 31 Dec 2004 12:53:00 +0000

The Matrix

I didn't get to talk to my room mate for past few days, so as I was about to board the train I was giving him some last minute instructions as to that I have kept the rent cheque on dressing table and other things there and that he needs to take care of all that now. He told me that he might not go home this diwali as his leaves are not sanctioned.
I have always wanted to be at home on diwali as like many other guys and gals who are away from their home for studies or job or some other reasons. But for me diwali was the most important of all the festivals and may be not in other fests but I have always wanted to be home at diwali. The coziness and warmth of the family can be felt clearly at this time of the year. Winters start at this time and new year is also near by, may be the feeling of working for the whole year comes in and we become so tired that we want to be with our family and enjoy the last few days of the passing year. And for me one more reason could be the Americans, they also enjoy this time of the year with their chirstmas and new year party with their families and loved ones. So when once my boss asked me to work on diwali and take leave on christmas and new year, my reason was, when they can enjoy their fests then why can't we? I wud go on diwali be whatever. May be an acrimonious feeling has set in me from that time which keeps on reminding me that we are also humans and thats what keeps me up against any injustice and to keep us at par with the americans.
Well whatever be the reason but joining the family on diwali is a feeling which has to be felt and trust me, can't be expressed in words alone. I was ready to board this train called Jhelum Express which will take me to my destination (not exactly though). The scene was not much different then last time when I was borading this train that also happened to be a novemeber day and then too I was going on diwali vacations, so yea it has been an year that I wasn't home and after an year again on diwali holidays I was going to my home.
The train was packed though it has good patches of free spaces to keep your feet ( coz at times it really becomes that bad), mostly the crowd was young, students who have got diwali vacations and working professionals who have taken out a few days of leaves to add to their diwali vacations given by their respective companies.
As I entered my coach and looked for my berth I saw a a group of guys sitting on the seats around me. One of them boasted with the infy t-shirt. Just looked around for a few minutes and set up my luggage and then went out as the train was to start after 10 minutes and sitting in a still train is really boring. So I came out and stood on the window facing my seat to keep an eye on the luggage, the good old words of mom always keep coming in mind whenever I travel,"keep an eye on luggagge", "keep the money in different places", "don't go away too far from your luggage" and so on. Though I must admit I don't follow many of them but yea some of them which even my consciousness tells me are right, I try to follow them according to my convenience.
one of my colleague and friend was also travellling with me so that was sort of good as the journey upto my destination from train is around 22 hrs and yea after that i have a bus journey to do.
The train started and I was till then settled on seat, I had a middle berth and so as the train started so I was sitting on the lower berth with others. I had a sneaking feeling that we are more number of people sitting out there than the number of berths. In one compartment we have 6 berths and 2 berths sideways and the number of people sitting there were around 8 -9 and 3 on the side berths. But I knew from my past experiences that these things are common in a train in India and when groups of boys and girls travel along, many of them sit everywhere except their own seats.
So yea I was sure that was the case. As the train moved on, the usual talking started and slowly and gradually it became a usual indian train. While I was standing on the window side on the station, I saw a guy with a C-DAC bag sitting on my side of the seat, some memories did came flying by. This was the third time that I was going to home in diwali from Pune. The first time I went home from Pune was when I was doing C-DAC and we had mid term break and that time I remember taking my C-DAC bag with me. So yea the memories of first novemeber from Pune came back to me. Pune has always been good in terms of weather and in the months of nov, dec and jan also its not very cold. So that bag reminded me of those days and I thought that some student from C-DAC might be going home and then came the feeling might be he is from my institute so I can have a light chat with him about how the institute is going on and what all has changed and things like that.
But now as I sat their and was listening to the talks of people around me, I came to know that mostly all were working professionals except a few who were I guess preparing for CAT - MBA exams. So I found out through the converstation between them that there were around 3 different groups sitting around me and two of the groups were linked to each other through one person.
Gaurav, if I correctly remember his name was that linking person. These two groups were having berths in our compartment as well as couple of berths after 2 compartments. So one person from their was sitting on our side as he was friendly with a few of them. The usual chat started as where are you going and how many days of holidays have been sacntioned and all that stuff. The guy told that he has just left KPIT and joined Geometric a week ago, the reason? got bored working their so tried in geometric and got through. Technology?? the next question, I thought must be dot net but the reply was VC++. A sense of respect came within me for that person as in this tech field we have been inculcated with the habit of respecting the people working on VC++ and geomertic was a good company after all and I regularly see its building as it is just opposite to my company's building and moreover they are getting their new building up which he also confirms. One day I went to that construction site of geometric and had asked my friend that we can put up a few stones and our names will be in the foundation of geometric.
Another thing that I was amazed was he has just joined the company a week ago and he is going on a 8 -10 days vacation, that was unusual for me coz I have always thought that its not good to ask for leaves initially in company but then geometric is a big company then mine and may be they are having different rules and regulations towards the leaves.
The chatting around me was now in full flow as mostly all of them knew someone or the other around. Subject: company's performance, new technology and the projects.
There at the extereme end of the seat I was sitting on, was that infy guy with a blue infy T-Shirt on with the caption "A billion dollar company". Their was a time when respect generated within me after looking at such t-shirts but now that I am into this industry and know the ins and outs after interviewing many of the fellows these things don't impress much and rather it seems like a show off.
The voices from within comes like 'who the hell are you telling you work in infy?', 'you won't be able to answer simple things if I ask you'. But yea then there is also an accepting voice, oh yea he got through infy and he has all the rite to wear that t-shirt and boast of that achievement.
But fact is also that this is sort of trend in Pune to wear t-shirts of the colleges and institutes you are studying. The first time I was going home in the same train 2 years back there were these students of symbiosis who were donning their colors and so proud as if they have achieved great heights in their lives. Some how I have never liked wearing the organization accessories out of the organization premises or in contests where your are representing your organization.
So this infoscion was talking to this other guy consistently and during their conversation I came to know that the other was also an infoscion though not in infy t-shirt and both were roommates. They were discussing on the proposition of traveling by air rather than train. The other infoscion without t-shirt one was arguing that you people were not decided on the date so he could not fix for air tickets and also they reserved the seats so late that they got one waiting.
What man we are getting 25-26k in hand and still we have to travel by this train which takes almost 2 days to take to our destination, had it been air we would have been their within 3-4 hours, he argued. I smirked at them thought they didn't seemed to notice it. It was true, harsh but true. Eight years back when I used to go to dehradoon for my SSC then also i used to travel in trains and with reservations and now after eight years when I am earning then also i am travelling by trains. The only thing that has changed is that previously dad used to pay for it and now I used to pay myself but other things remain same, the trains, the long time they took, the late schedules of trains and the jostle and fight to get your reserved seat. I also didn't liked this proposition but still didn't had much of a choice. Have read in the newspapers and all that airfares have reduced and all but by how much and how many flights do we have to reach to my place these are the factors that were still hanging in the middle and that’s how we were left with no choice than to travel with train.
I had heard from some one that in mumbai that a person earns 4000 or 40,000 all have to travel by local trains. This seemed true to me for those guys and me too. As I was in these thoughts that I was questioned by someone, 'Are you in cybage too?' I turned my head to see a short, stout and a happy go lucky sort of person asking me that question. No I replied, 'oh many people sitting here work in cybage so I thought that you might also be in that company', I smiled. "Then where do you work?", I was expecting this one,"Digital infotech". " Where's that?" bang on target. Every time I have answered the former question I have been thumped with the latter. I tried to keep it short and sweet and replied "Hinjwadi". No further questions. I have always hated the situation when you have to tell the location of your company after telling the name. I guess that was pretty ordinary, every techie wants to work in such an organization which has got a good name and when someone asks where you work the name should be enough to stop further questions. So that has been my idea too but by and large I was coming to terms with the reality that brand name isn't everything. It was all coz I came to know people working under big names and working on something timid and some working under big names and fetching package far less than me. Initially when people used to insist that brand name is not everything I as a fussy child used to reply ok let me go into such an organization and then I will also say that. But yea when you really come to terms with reality many of your beliefs change and many of your dreams get molded. Today I was more than happy to sit in my company and getting to work in what I was working on but yea still questions like that do bother me till date, so I mostly try to ignore such situations.
The train moved on, after the T.C. has gone by after checking the tickets, my friend who was in the other coach walked in, made some place for him to sit and while we were enjoying a cup of tea I saw both the infoscions climbing to one side berth
I talked to my friend for some time and the talks mostly related to workplace the technicalities surrounding the project, what does H1B mean and what are pros and cons of a business visa and things like that.
There was this guy sitting opposite to me and talking to the other two guys sitting besides him, initially I thought that he is also a working professional but came to know that he is going home for MBA prepartion and after coming he is going to give CAT exams. The usual jokes between them was about how much are you prepared and will you study after reaching home. I remember being much more serious than him while giving CAT the one and only time but yea still didn't got through and a thought came to my mind that after failing CAT he will get enrolled to one of the several B-Schools in the country and ask his parents to pay the hefty fees and after 2 years he will also be joining the job market.
God knows why but if you give me a situation like this then I can wove a complete story out of it, with my ideas and expriences, I have never questioned myself as to is it right or wrong. May be every person is like this or may be I am the only one like this, but I am sure of one thing we can only wove such a story if we have expeirenced something like that or we have seen such a thing happening.
So at last I was happy someone in that compartment is out of the worries of the projects, away from the tensions of reporting to TL's and clean from the office politics.
The person who asked me my company's name was from Wipro, he was telling someone else. But some how if i had been given a multiple choice then also I wudn't have voted for him to be in wipro. But thats how it is, what you expect the least happens the most. And as he said wipro, a real good scene came before my eyes, those sexy girls working in wipro. Wipro spectramind has its establishment near my office and gosh!! what sexy girls are working in that call centre. I have always believed and told my friends that the prerequisite for getting into spectramind for a girl must be a good figure and must be beautiful altogether. So whenever wipro's name pops up those scenes always come before me.
Well so all in all I could very easily say that was a software train that was taking the techies to their destinations. Techies who involve themseleves working day and night, developing softwares that will make life easy for many and automating the procedures that has been taking too much time. We have made many a things easier in life but is the life really easy for us? We still have to travel days to reach upto our destinations, we still have to fight for our resevered seats, we still have to stand in long queues to get our tickets done, we still have to go down infront of govt, officials to get the work done, we still have to pay bribe at places to get the work done quickly. Still the world is same fighting on caste marriages, murders for a piece of land, use if people for political favours, banners and posters of the politicians thronging all thorugh the city, drains still getting choked, roads still damaging in one rain, minor rape, old age problems, its just that in a five day working routine we never get time to think that there is world outside the company premises also and more or less I never feel bad about being in that premises as my problems are restricted to that premises for 5 days. The day you step out of that premises for a long time you start to come to terms with the realities of the world and I must say they are very tough then solving the technicalities of a project.
As these thoughts were going in my mind I felt the last light going off in my compartment, all the techies were down on their berths(those two infoscions on one and some techies with waiting ticket were sleeping on the floor too), everyone was too tired as most of them including me have to rush from the office to catch up this train and now I was sure no one wanted technology to be discussed for a week or so, all them wanted to return to their real world, out to face real problems, out to feel real happiness which was with their families not with their colleagues, most of all out of the matrix....

noreply@blogger.com (Always Abhinav) — Mon, 22 Nov 2004 15:49:00 +0000

The Appraisal

I haven't faced such a big interview panel even at the time of my recruitement so it was a bit of surprise for me but neverthless I expected something of this sort coz some of my colleagues have already been interviewed and they told me that there were 3 of them 2 of them were constants which have already been declared at the top of the page, they include my Project Manager and the HR Manager, the remaining variable was initialized at the run time it was either of the HR Executive.
After a long wait this was becoming a more of a dwindling task then anything else. I was told atleast 4 times that the interview would be in half an hour and then something or the other has come in due to which the interview was postponed. Sometimes they couldn't find me on my desk and sometimes something else happened that they interviewed the candidate after me.
I already didn't had the interest in such a useless exercise and postponing the interview on myriad occassions has got my interest to the rock bottom. I always had the believed that these exercises are just to pacify the top management that the HR and Admin department is working. In a small organisation like ours (strength 60 odd) every person knows the other and atleast the TL's and PM does know about who is working and who is not. It's the same story in all the organisation i guess every one know how much a person has worked, what all good has come out of his work and what wrong he did while working.
So I did not have much interest in that appraisal interview as I was sure that the top shots must have decided by now who all should get how much. It was like I was watching a yesteryears drama on doordarshan where before going in the interview room lalaan singh used to knew that he has been selected as his uncle knew the member of the interview panel or coz he is the son of such a such person.
So it was more or less similar to that situation, the only change could be today this was an appraisal interview of a software professional. This was only the second time in my career that I was going to have an appraisal interview, the first time it happened it went a bit sour and the result I left the job. It's like the candidate always feel that he is delivering more to the company then he/she is paid and on the other side of the road the company thinks that he is paying the employees more than the other companies and providing its employees world class eminities and that its employees are always demanding.
The only thing I had interest in was the interview, I have always liked to present my views and when its like the PM sitting there and listening its sort of good. Not that I can't go and put forth my view other times but its like presenting the views at the right time and when asked for and I loved to have cross questions and answering them shrewdly. It was like I also knew that the question asked is tricky and now I have to dodge somehow. You can't always (or I wud say anytime) call a spade a spade in a working environment. Your views should not hurt anyone and also you should present your views, thats the trick because the people sitting out there have big egos and there ears are programmed to listen to some pattern of words.
Whenever you want to present your idea against your superior, "This is a fantastic idea you have put, if I may only add this point to your idea...". For a completely useless solution use, "The solution is good in short run but it may fail in the wrong run.."
So with all those ideas in my mind and with a feel to have some fun I moved on to the conference room after 5 minutes of intimation by the HR himself. It was a chilly day of november, we were going to have our company's party latter in the evening and I was preparing for it too and after that I like many others was looking forward for the diwali vacations. I moved inside...
We have this round glass table in our conference room that I have always liked and have at times thought that when I will have my house in pune then I am gonna put that table up. So the two constants were sitting on the other side of the table and there was a vacant chair on a bit distance from my PM, I soo realised that chair was for the variable and I moved on to the only other vacant chair in the room exactly opposite to the two constants, ready for a half an hour joy ride.
I must admit as they were prepared with some of the questions I was also prepared with some of the answers at that time and I knew where they can catch me and I was also thinking of the points where I can get them grounded, believe or not it was going to be a bull fight, who was the bull remains to be seen.
I still remember my first appraisal procedure it was also my first company. As I completed my one complete year (there was a flat appraisal across the board in first six months and thats why I was in that company) a formal appraisal was due and on my colleagues and my consicousness insistance I went on to the boss to thank him for all the support he has shown me and all the opportunities he has given me to work in the organization. I asked him to provide me the feedback of my one year's work and most of all to remind him of the appraisal through all these talks.
Boss was also shrewd as all the bosses on this earth are, I guess it is one of their attributes, "I will talk to you in sometime about your performance". 2 days passed , 5 days passed, 1 week passed. After 15 days the boss calls me and apologises for the delay, "sorry I got stuck in some work so your appraisal is a bit delayed. I am sending you this document, fill it up and get back to me as soon as possible.
I went on to the desk and opened my mail, I hated all these things as to tell others what all have you worked on and what all have you achieved for the oragnisation. That form was not much different. The questions those followed were very much similar to appraisal questions of any other company.
1) Give a breif description of the projects you worked on and the leads and project managers you have worked under.(Though for me only PM has been my boss and the question presumed that I have worked under more than 1 PM's and I had worked on 2 projects which my Boss was well aware of. So the question seemed to be like I am one of the thousand employees of the organisation that my PM don't have a clue about).
2) Deliverables to the company and the quality of the deliverables.( Do we ever write deliverable quality bad and full of bugs and what can come in case of a programmer in the deliverables section except the code I could never understand why there were so many rows in that section)
3) In which other ways have you beneiftted the company apart from what you are supposed to deliver.( Other ways that I have benefitted company now that was a real tough one, I started thinking for a moment leave aside the company in which ways have I benefitted myself by being in this company, the answer didn't came till long and when it came it wasn't convincing enough so I stopped thinking about my part and meditated on the other ways I have benefitted the company. After a long thought process the answer was 'none', yes 'none' I didn't benefitted company in any other way. It was only I stayed and worked here for 16-18 hrs a day for the company and
4) How do you see your progress in this organisation?(I guess no idiot is going to answer it in negative even if he/she feels it strongly but yea I try to answer this question with utmost sincerity without letting the person sitting on the other side get any bad feel about me.)
5) What are the 3 bad and 3 good things you like about the organisation? (Good things are x,y,z and I still have to find some bad things coz what is bad in my view mite be good after all and it could be my inexperience that I find it bad so I am still not sure about the bad things. Isn't it at good one?? I believed it was when I first answered it and as soon as I completed that answer I said bravo!!. One thing that is to be kept in mind always is that when boss or a person sitting above you asks about the bad things or the weaknesses of the organization or himself/herself, he/she doesn't really mean to listen to your well thought views. Boss has some preconceived idea about that answer and would always love to listen to any answer on those lines, you try to differ by telling them the real weakness and they will rip you apart by asking myriad questions on that one simple answer as to why do you think so? what could be the reason for that weakness? what steps can we take to remove that ? and most important of all you think that is a weakness but is it really a wekaness? After half an hour or may be if your bad luck is really bad then after an hour the boss will make you feel that the weakness you have mentioned is really not a weakness but a mirage created by you and offcourse you will bow down to it and if you will bow down that time then why to waste time bow down initially at least that will save your time.
Once my boss was sharing a smoke with me (offcourse that is a dangerous proposition never take initiative in that unless and until you are compelled to do so) and he said Man!! we are growing at a fast pace much faster than the biggies like Infosys and Indus and I knew at the outset that he is talking about his growth when he said "we" but I didn't mind much as he is also a human after all and he can also get emotional at times without not knowing what he is saying....
6) How has been your relationship with the clients and how did they like your work?(Has any employee remained in a company without having a good relationship with the client....???? hahaha...literally i am laughing guys .....just think for a while about the extent of stupidity of this question. If an employee is not able to keep good relationship with the company's client then can he/she be retained for even one day? You can spoil relationship with anyone in the company and can still afford to be retained in the company but when it comes to the client no one can help you out. You win for yourself and you also loose for yourself in this case. So this question as to how I have been keeping my relationship with my client is complete farce.
Getting back to my current appraisal when the bull was yet to be decided I had taken the seat and was ready for the onslaught and believe me it was all the same as has been the case several times in several lives. Some excerpts:
What are the three things that have helped you grow in the company and three things that have hampered your path of progress?
I must say I didn't give an idea to this question and just went away with what all was their in my mind.
What are your expectations from this appraisal? God I had been dying for this question...my expectations, my expectations as similar to those of any other employee working here would have.
Cross question: what amount you think is suitable ?? I must admit I wasn't ready for this one coz I thought that company would be decent enough not to ask this and moreover ask this to a person like me but now that the googly was thrown so I had to play somehow keeping my wicket intact.
"This is for the organisation to decide as to how good I have been to the company as a resource, I can't quote a figure, it's for you people to decide. "But why can't you quote a figure?" coz if I did and I didn't get that amount then i wud be disappointed, as these words went out of my mouth I knew I am grounded and this has paved the way for further questions and yes they did come and man I played them well enough according to me. "What if you don't get that time?" Now the question was about does money matter to you or not and offcourse it did but to a certain extent and that extent was extreme at this time. If I don't get that amount then i wud have to compromise on some aspects and the organisation has to compromise on some fronts. And I was in no mood to comment on the latter part of my statement but I knew now this is going to be discussed in great deal and it did. I felt like I am walking a tight rope and I have to keep a balance, it was not as though if I will fall everything will end for you but at times you just want to mantain balance for living upto your reputation.
A few other stupid questions came my way which I can promise you had no relation whatsoever with this appraisal, it is like if you have come up to this room let us have some or the other chat. It's like : "Huzoor aapka bhi aehtaram karta chaloon, idhar se gujra tha socha salaam karta chaloon".
Then the last words went up, you have any other question for him? "no I don't", "neither I have something to ask, except that if he wants to ask something himself".
"No, none at all"
Thank you and I walked out....