brandensbaked

Long Time Eh? Soooooooo...

2020-03-28T19:17:00.000-07:00

Trump is the doctor assisted suicide of Presidents. These are historic times we live in mutherfuckers. If we make it through this shit intact, it will be in spite of the Idiot-In-Chief. He couldn't be more incompetent if he were a Saturday Night Live skit. So anywho, what the fuck are you all doing with your newly found free time? Me? Oh, I'm actually working. Ha! No shit. I will tell you what though, when I get some free time, Imma go get started on a bunker on the Okanogan Property. When I'm not working on my bunker or working for a living, I'm living it up at the Clover Valley Headquarters with my Bestie Tara. Oh man is she sexy. Young too. I'm just biding my time until she hits rock bottom, then...Valerie is downstairs on an air mattress. Frank is in the downstairs bedroom. No music is being made at the moment. Sad....On a brighter note, Summer is just around the corner! The Mustang is almost done and I have my eyes on another. I miss Kayla. I miss Obama...

Here's some Jollymon for your punk ass-

2018-10-23T12:12:00.000-07:00

Mr. Clean- One of my favorite songs from a PDX Powerhouse...Jollymon. Rumor has it they are back together and making new music!

This is why we can't have nice things Donald.

2018-10-08T19:07:00.000-07:00

So, like everything the fucktard touches, the Supreme Court is ruined. Repubs put another sex offender on the SCOTUS. BTW Clarence Thomas is the other. The country is going to shit in a shitbag. I am very displeased indeed. I will vote in the midterms, but I fear my countrymen are of such a low intelligence we have no hope of a satisfactory result.

WTF?! Is Branden even Baked? Read below to Find The Fuck Out....

2018-07-13T03:03:00.000-07:00

Well well, what have we here? A fresh new post, post respite, I suppose. Me? Oh, I've been fighting the good fight, pursuing revenge to an unhealthy level, chasing demons, pussy, and of course, the dragon. I've managed to stay out of trouble. No. Nope. Haven't done that exactly. I've managed to stay under the radar, participating in the usual amount of trouble. No cops in my life, knock on wood. Since last we spoke, I have lost the girl, had the girl return, ravished the girl(to prove a point), then banished the girl. Now, I am at peace with the(much heavier) girl just being a friend. I had a tattoo installed on my calf, had another one updated, and had my first one refreshed. I have the studio running and have been using it regularly. My dog died😢. I have resisted the urge to get a new one. I am enjoying the freedom from responsibility. I now have a troop of rabbits that live under my shed. They are eating my landscaping, but are an asset to the yard overall. I've nearly completed my side-yard project which includes a new deck and a water feature. I have had a new roommate for a year this month. She is a peach, and we share many passions, well, dope. My old roommate Dave Pettit Garcia, got shot in the face and murdered. RIP Dave. I miss you buddy. Frankie is doing well, living on a couch in East Brem. And finally, the 900 lb. gorilla in the room, Donald Fucking Trump. As with Baby Bush, I fear he will be re-elected. I hate what this cuntry has become. This cunt is running game on us you fucktards! The Republicans are a joke, and the joke is on us. I'm not even going to waste my typing trying to motivate anyone to vote Democrat. You either get it, or you suck. I will hope for the best and plan for the worst. Btw, you might want to grab some ice or snow and sock it away in your freezer so the grandkids will have some idea what things were like in the past.
Revolution and titties motherfuckers-

P.S. How 'bout them M's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Micro is the new Awesome super-fun to completion.

2017-08-05T15:33:00.002-07:00

Micro. Seems simple enough. Small. Little. Tiny. Yet somehow, these synonyms do not convey the whole story. Microbrews are not designated driver drinks served in a thimble sized frosty mug. They are hand crafted, exquisitely rendered small batch masterpieces, which somehow absolve you of the lable drunk mother fucker. A microcosm is more than just a shrunken cosmos. It is a perfectly sublime example of a complex system in an easy to digest analogy. Micromanagement is the art of losing the forest for the trees. Yet micro is also an apt descriptor when I think of my own self image at this crucial crossroads that my life has stopped at. Look left. I see fresh new pavement. Perfectly drawn lines. Sensuous curves, not too sharp, roll away in the distance. Look right. Straight. Flat. Lonely. Behind me, my road I've known for years. Bumpy? Sure. Some fucking nightmare potholes too Brah. The road I've traveled to get here. Finally, I could go straight ahead. May be some trouble up around the bend. For sure, some nasty fender benders that I will have to take care of. My heart says stay the course. Work out the kinks as they come. My mind, which is tired of my heart getting its way, says hang a left and lick that route from stem to stern. Revel in that smooth tight fresh road and never look back........................................................

Tool is Cool

2017-06-19T21:34:00.001-07:00

Watching them makes my mind drool.

Changes come to the Clover Valley

2017-05-29T14:06:00.001-07:00

Damn fine weather we're having. I'm using the opportunity to get shit done.30 year old fire pit? Removed. Crappy side yard? Improved.

Val is gone...

2017-05-25T19:47:00.000-07:00

To treatment. Five days in detox, and 20 days in treatment...Then TOOL!!! June 17th at the Gorge in E. Washington. Damn! It's been a long time. About 15 years. I didn't see the 10,000 Days tour, figured I'd just catch the next one. Weather has been pretty good. 70's and sunny. My yard is to die for. Stone cold pimpin. I'm gonna use this time with Val gone to take care of some loose ends. Get organized. Take care of my damn taxes. Etc. Get some shit done yo.

McDonald's...

2017-05-13T18:14:00.001-07:00

Again, I find myself in Shoreline, trolling the local fast-food shit-hole, waiting. I drive a long way for the privilege. It's like my job. No, no, it is my job. Many depend on the clockwork of my trips. Shoreline. Federal Way. Tacoma. All stops on the insanity train. Less insane for me than them. They're the ones with the puzzle to solve, I only wait for them to figure it out. I always rise to the top of the heap. Carried by the less clever, by the less determined. Oh, don't get it twisted, there are risks, but if I'm careful, they are manageable. The risks are better than the alternative. Ah, my hook arrives!🎱🎱🎱🎱

Ferry back to the Homeland.

2017-05-08T23:45:00.001-07:00

Fresh with supplies.

AZ was KAss

2017-04-14T14:02:00.000-07:00

Cali was beautiful. Oregon was a blur. Washington was making me a little queasy. Vacation was needed but always glad to return to my girl. That was my first flight since 9/11. I opted for the pat down instead of the invasion of privacy death ray. All in all I give my trip 9 thumbs up.

The Shit Show Continues...

2017-03-06T17:05:00.000-08:00

Trump continues to prove his incompetence. The world loses respect for the USA. I love this country, but the inbred, fat, stupid, lazy, uninformed section of us grows while the thoughtful, tolerant, well-read, forward-thinking intellectual section shrinks. I guess we(the smart ones) will have to adjust our moral compasses to have the guts to do what's necessary to save the planet and ourselves. Yes, you guessed it. Forced sterilization. I know that sounds extreme, but let's face the facts. These back ass intolerant hillbillies are running the show while we play by the rules. That has to end. I want to make this country great, but we'll have to break a few eggs to make an omelet.

Trump Puts the Cunt in Country

2017-03-04T04:24:00.000-08:00

Well hello from the resistance. Trump is in DEEEEEEEEEP shit yo! His Secretary of State got caught lying to Congress. The secrets are hidden like Russian nesting dolls. Me? I'm okay. Been working on my truck. Slow going though. 'Bout had it with the fuckheads I call Red state Americans. Time for a coup.

Trump. Nope.

2017-01-12T18:26:00.000-08:00

So, as I recover from an unfortunately placed abscess, I am watching, reading, listening. I know Trump has already done enough to justify impeachment. Not that I am foolish enough to think the crooked Republicans would even think about that. Hell, they may even investigate Hillary before they focus on the most unethical man to hold public office since Mayor Berry of D.C. So I wait. When Trump is sworn in, when he begins to deny people their constitutional rights, then if our congress fails to act, it will fall upon all able bodied men. And we will act. At least the real men will. We will be staring the end of the USA in the fucking face, and those that conspire with tyrants will be remembered, mark my words.

In other news: I got a Google Pixel. My brother is such a cunt. I'm going to Phoenix for M's spring training. VP and JP are moving to Manchester. It has been below freezing for weeks. My electrical is still fucked up. I have some big projects planned for the nice weather. Dry wells, drain field improvement, tree removal, new shop. Later, and keep up the resistance!

Electoral college flunkies!

2016-12-20T00:12:00.000-08:00

Today was the last chance to deny Donald "I'm the greatest at you know like words, I mean, I have the best words" Trump, AKA "Not my president", AKA "Someone took a Trump in a paper bag and lit it on fire on our front porch", the highest office in the world. They failed to use their judgement in a competent manner. If we don't use the Electoral College to deny the office to this douche, then why the fuck have it? It serves zero purpose. Fuck those guys and gals, fuck Trump, fuck the Republicans, and if you voted for this shit for brains...Fuck you too. So, as the heavy weight of reality settles onto my shoulders, my spine begins to compress, and the bounce in my step is grounded as I realize this racist piece of white trash is going to dominate the fucking news cycle for the foreseeable future. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Well, I'm not going to let it ruin my life. I'll just have to do what I always do...Make some strong-assed lemonade out of this big fucking bushel of lemons, life hath dealt us. I feel for the minorities. You folks must be shopping for bullet proof vests as I write this. Well, if you voted for Hillary then I really feel bad and I apologize for my race of jack-asses. If you voted for Trump, or you didn't vote, well, you are about to get a civics lesson the likes of, we ain't seen since old Tricky Dick Nixon or South African Apartheid. God knows what the fuck this fool is capable of! I really hope there is something worth saving the next time we get to vote. I have a sneaking suspicion that you lazy fucks will put the fucking stuffed crust pizza down and get your ass off of the couch and VOTE!!!!! Trump really will be a billionaire by the time he is done fleecing the shit outta us. We about to get ripped the fuck off. I leave you with this: Keep your hands where the officer can see them. Lock up your valuables. Store plenty of dry goods, fresh potable water, batteries and ammo. Don't let any of the women out after dark. White women. Don't let minority women out period. Too fucking dangerous. Take your money out of the bank and stuff it in your mattress, at least until this is over. Sell all of your investments except for precious metals. Hunker down and stay safe. We have four fucking years of this bullshit ahead of us. Don't be quiet. If you see some fucked up bullshit, speak the fuck up, yo! Get involved in politics. You're about to see how important that is. Watch the news. No. Not Faux News. Real News Fool. NPR if you don't trust CNN. Read the paper. Check your sources. Don't get drawn in to some bullshit because you're a gullible jack-ass. We, more than likely, will get through this. If we don't, it was a hellava ride right? We are the last SuperPower on the planet! Democracy won! Before Trump...Now I'm not so sure. I will see you motherfuckers at the resistance meetings. I'll be wearing real tree camo, sucking on a slurpee, boots laced up and ready to take MY MOTHERFUCKING COUNTRY BACK!!!!

As The Month Progresses....

2016-12-18T17:45:00.000-08:00

The Seahawks are as finicky as a spoiled house cat. The Dawgs are preparing for the biggest bowl game in their storied 127 year history. The Huskies have played in 36 bowl games including 14 Rose Bowls. The Dawgs are 18-17-1 overall and 7-6-1 in the Grandaddy of 'em all.

Banner Jump Joint...

2016-12-07T23:11:00.000-08:00

GOVERNMENT CHEESE from The Banner Jump on Myspace.

I Mind...

2016-12-05T15:33:00.000-08:00

This song needs to be re-worked. That being said, this is the original version still squatting on myspace...

I Mind from Supercell on Myspace.

In other news: THE HUSKIES MADE THE PLAYOFFS THE HUSKIES MADE THE PLAYOFFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Seahawks kicked ass but lost Earl for the season. Sales are down. It snowed here today, but caused almost zero mayhem. Trump is still a dick. Republicans are still evil. Not the cool kind of evil like moi, but the frustrating kind that all of the lemmings follow and think is patriotic. Dawgs face Alabama on New Years Eve...Biggest. Game. Ever.

Butcher Babies Win BBaked Award for Rock Costume

2016-11-30T03:33:00.000-08:00

Daddy Like...

I'm done pouting...On with life.

2016-11-24T02:22:00.000-08:00

So I found this delightful little angel, and she is good. Let the record show that I found her first. I am trying to be more positive and this is the beginning of my balls to the wall positivity. You've been warned!

In other news:
Happy murder the injuns day! I'm eating at Sherry's with my roommate and my girl. Hawks are definatley heating up! Dawgs are still in it. Need to beat Wazzu! The weather sucks. A trip to Arizona is in my near future. The house is slowly conforming to my vision. My evil plan for world domination is coming together beautifully! Muha ha ha ha ha ha ha a a a a a!

Trump wins! Humanity is vanquished again.

2016-11-19T19:07:00.000-08:00

So. Dawgs got beat by USC. America got beat by Trump. Tough for me to admit. Give him a chance they said. Dawgs can still make the playoffs they said. First the good news. UW is crushing Arizona State. Now the bad news. Trump is filling his cabinet with White Supremacists. Ok. Lemonade out of lemons. UW can still make the playoffs. Sorry America, that's all I got.

My Oh My! Dawgs Eviscerate Cal!

2016-11-05T23:11:00.000-07:00

Damn Dawg! That shit was brutal. 66-27, and IT WASN'T EVEN THAT CLOSE! These Huskies have the killer instinct that other UW teams haven't had. USC next week and a great test. If that doesn't move us into the top four they can shove the CFP rankings up their loose, calloused asses. I am itching to fight someone worthy. I'm hoping the WSU-UW Apple cup is one to remember. I'm rooting for WSU to go undefeated until the game against us. I'm guessing they will. Setting up a perfect storm of UW power VS. WSU Couging it. Fun fact: I lived at Wazzu in 1989. That's where the legend of Brad and Branden got it's glorious start. The winter of '89. Oh yeah. Spokane. The Parkade. Leather jackets. Eating moldy cheese. The news said "Don't go out today!" Good times. Good times. In other news: Val came home today. Seahawks already looking at a must win on Monday night. Cubs win it all. Frankie has worn out his welcome. Too bad too. We always had a good time, but a mutherfucker needs to pull his weight...He doesn't. Plus, the lies. I got two new PA speakers today. Peavey SP2 ti. The election is uncomfortably close. Visited Mom today. My B-Day is Monday, I'm hoping to get a Seahawks win. Brad and I had a crazy night December 4th, 1989 at the Monday Night Football game against....The Buffalo Bills. Took place in the mighty King Dome. Hawks won a thriller 17-16. Fucking poured down rain today. Cold too. Got the foose ball table taken down and put away. I'm on a historic runner, and shit is getting done yo. I'm over 500 followers on Instagram. @brandenhuff Stay tuned for more remastered Supercell joints. Trump is gonna get trucked. By a girl.

Anxiety Level Rising, Irritation Level Keeps Pace...

2016-11-03T17:05:00.000-07:00

So, this fucking Trump thing, it just won't go the fuck away. What started as a joke, progressed to a spectacle, has ballooned into a full-blown, fucking, nightmare. Jesus Trump, do us all a favor and hang yourself in the closet while masturbating. Oh, I know. Trump only masturbates in a room full of mirrors, but a guy can wish. The thing I'm really struggling with, is my utopian vision of democracy. You know, everyone has a vote and a valid point of view. Well, I'm rethinking that. I'm starting to feel like the fucking idiots are dragging me along on their stupid idea express and God-damn it, I want the fuck off. I don't like the idea that a dumb-ass that can't extrapolate their plan to it's horrific, if not apocalyptic, bloody end, so I have to be involved while they "try" it. Just because you are too stupid to see Trump as the grifter he so obviously is, doesn't mean I should have to let him make America fucked again so that I can say "see asshole?" I'm starting to think that perhaps the intelligent 25% of our country should use this advantage to oppress the 75% of jack-asses and shut them the fuck up. It wouldn't be too hard. Oh sure, we'd have to suspend the constitution and impose some kind of emergency marshall law, but if that were ever warranted, now is the time. If that prospect makes you uncomfortable, how about dividing the country into two, and letting the conservatives govern their inland empire the way they see fit, and us liberals will run the coasts the way we want, and in 25 years, compare notes(If we haven't had to destroy them). Oh sure, they would think they had the world by the short hairs, due to their media spewing propaganda instead of news, but when they see how well our system of common sense has done for us, maybe they will come around. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I know, ridiculous. They haven't let reality intrude on their fair and balanced view of the world yet, no reason to think they ever will. I guess the only thing to do is systematically exterminate them. We'll call it a "fair and balanced" approach to the stupidity epidemic. If we wrap it in an American flag topped with shiny new Jesus-fish and play some country music in the background, serve pizza with hot dog crust, free ice cold Bud, and 'Dew for the little ones. Keep all of the participants lily white. Screen for GBLT types. Live stream it on Facebook. Bill it as, "They're going fast, so don't miss out on your chance to own your own little slice of heaven!!!!" Then send 'em to the afterlife. Good luck and goodbye!

Here is another re-mix off of my album 15 on One:

Happy Halloween

2016-10-31T23:11:00.000-07:00

I cannot wait for this fucking election to be over. So tired of all of the lemmings following their blow-hard, ass-hole, dog-haired, liar of a presidential candidate around like beggars at a coin show. Fuck you Trump. And fuck you Trump followers. So sick of you. Go away mad. Anywho, I remastered an oldie but a goodie for All Hallows Eve. Here ya go...

P.S. HOW ABOUT MY MUTHERFUCKING DAWGS BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Storm Of The Century (Trump's Upset)

2016-10-13T21:29:00.001-07:00

Soooooo many things to blog about! First order of business, my Washington Huskies! They hung 70 on the Webfoots of Oregon. Somehow we got even for 12 years of frustration in one Saturday afternoon. Excuse me Ducks, I'm just gonna use your beak as a stepping stone, I'll put my foot right here, sorry, that's it, perfect. Thanks. We now have a clear path to the playoffs. Second order of business. This storm. Started earlier today, and is predicted to wipe humanity off of the planet, or at least cause some flooding. Third order of business. The Seahawks. Bye week is over. Everybody is well rested, and a tough Atlanta Falcons team is coming in to play this weekend. I like our chances. Jimmy Grahm has 100 yards in each of the last two games, so, let's keep that streak going. Finally, and surely least, The Trumpleupppagus is vewy upset that the mean weporters are all wighting mean stuff about him. He is so disadvantaged! Just because a pushy, my-way-or-the-highway kind of guy grabbed a couple of women by the pussy, then bragged about it on tape, bragged about it on Howard Stern, bragged about it to anyone who would listen, doesn't mean that it really happened that way. No, no, it was more like this: These women were about to fall, and Trumpy saved them by catching them by the inner-inner-inner thigh, cause it all happened so damned fast. Now everyone wants to spin it to make Trumproast look like a bad, bad, man. It's all very unfair. You know what? I'm gonna drop the gratuitous sarcasm and just be real for a minute. You dig? Here goes. Trump is a bully. Plain and simple. He bullies anyone he can get away with. When he gets grabby with women, he is really just trying to dominate. He is a punk bitch. Sexual predators are the lowest of the low. I'd like to see him bully me. He is not fit to lead anything, let alone this country at this crucial time. I hope all of my many, many readers that accidentally clicked on my blog while looking for 90210 style cooking tips, will do their civic duty and vote for Hillary Clinton on November 8th, and show the world that we're not all camouflage wearing, fat, uneducated, racists that watch NASCAR and shop at Walmart. PLEASE! Put down the Dew and Vote! In other news: Living room is painted, now working on the trim. Got my hard drive caddy for the laptop, now I need an SSD. Came in second in the first poker game of the year, congrats to Smackpaka. Got my LLC paperwork done, just need the 200 bones to file. Val is going to stay with her sister tomorrow for a while. We are still going strong, it's kind of a please-the-family kind of thing. I need to step up my game in the daily work dept. Chelsea has a chaweeny that is awesome, thinking about a puppy. That's all the news I choose for yous to chews. Until next time....Peace and Hillary, Not Trumpian Chaos.