BrashGash

Wolverine Senior Cornerback Injured, Potentially Season-Ending

2010-08-17T23:56:00.000-04:00

Troy Woolfolk suffered a lower body injury during practice on Tuesday afternoon. The word on the internet is dislocated ankle, he's out for several months at least and the entire year is likely.

This is what Butch Woolfolk, Troy's father, told the Detroit Free Press. “I’m only listening to what the coaches told me, but they said it happened during a tackle. His foot got stuck in the turf and his ankle just turned,” Butch Woolfolk said from Sugar Land, Texas, where he lives and where Troy grew up. “It was dislocated and when they put it back in the socket, they did an X-ray and found out about the ligament (damage) and the bone broke.”

The doctors are waiting for the swelling to recede before deciding on surgery.

What this means for the Fall season

Troy going down leaves JT Floyd at one starting cornerback position and a true freshman on the other side. Cullen Christian and Courtney Avery* will battle it out for the other spot and the loser will see plenty of time at nickel.

Teric Jones has recently transition back to corner from safety. He should see playing time as he is now one of the few upperclassmen at the position.

The depth at corner is desperately thin, the Woolfolk injury is truly tragic. If your initial reaction was to sit in the darkest corner of your room and cry while "Don't Stop Believin'" played in the background, I wouldn't blame you.

Without Woolfolk, the only senior in the secondary, Umich can expect to lose at least one more game this season. By all accounts, he had been increasingly more vocal throughout the offseason and he would have been a leader on this team.

* Courtney Avery Digression: His first and last name are male/female first names. My first instinct was that this was a girls name. Don't believe me? I searched the omniscient Facebook for people with the name Courtney Avery. Out of the 46 people that share his name, there are only three other guys on the list. Courtney Avery is an 8.7% masculine name. How's that for metrics? Maybe I shouldn't be making fun of freshman cornerbacks; I don't want to hurt their psyche.

What this means for next Fall

Whoever coaches the team next year gets a 5th year senior in Woolfolk. He can redshirt this season as long as he is willing to come back next year.

Lebron James Rumor Round-Up

2010-05-22T00:22:00.000-04:00

There currently are a lot of rumors swirling around about LBJ, and I think he would really appreciate it if I took the time to dispel the dumb rumors and give cryptic answers about the true ones.

I will be grading rumors on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being not so true and 10 being extremely true.

Lebron and Chris Bosh to the Chicago Bulls: 8

Lebron wants to win and he wants to win now. His best shot at winning a championship immediately is going to Chicago with Chris Bosh. This is where the rumor gets complicated, the only way both go to Chicago is with one of the two being involved in a sign-and-trade. Bosh has already put Chicago down as a team he is willing to be traded to, and Cleveland would be wise to grab a package involving Luol Deng if LBJ is set on leaving.

Delonte West and Lebron's Mother, Gloria James, have been sleeping together: 1

This rumor started going around after LBJ lost to the Celtics. Supposedly, Lebron found out about Delonteand his mom after game 4, and this caused a breakdown in team chemistry that directly resulted in the losses to the Celtics. Right, the reason Lebron lost wasn't due to his supporting cast is filled with choke artists and the Celtics played suffocating team D, it was because Delonte was having secret sex with Lebron's mom. (P.S google "Delonte West drives the lane", it accidentally brings up this rumor)

This rumor is foolish and it's a result of old men's penchants for chain emails. Seriously, what's so great about a chain email? Chain emails are so antiquated; Now there are Facebook, Twitter, Stumbleupon,Chatroulette, and Textsfromlastnight to get ridiculous messages across the internet.

There are secret bonuses in Lebron's contract that activate if he signs with a big city team: 2

There doesn't seem to be any official clauses in his contract, but that doesn't necessarily mean he couldn't have a super secret clause hidden in his contract that you can only see with a decoder ring. Sometimes things are hidden in obvious places for a reason. For example, I had no idea that there was a treasure map hidden on the back of the Declaration of Independence until I saw National Treasure.

Lebron James is the man responsible for leaking the new iPhone: 2

No comment

Worldwide Wes is shopping Lebron James in a package deal with Air Bud: 3

Though Air Bud would provide more support than Antawn Jamison, I just don't think any team would be willing to put up with the headache both divas would cause.

Lebron James will go play Tight End/Slot Receiver in the NFL: 5

Ok so maybe this won't happen, but the reason I gave this rumor a decently high rating is because there is no doubt in my mind Lebron James would be a Hall Of Famer in the NFL. Seriously, he is 6'8'' and would simply be uncoverable. He weighs more than most linebackers and has deep threat speed. Teams would have to use a lineman to bump him on the line every down because a corner or linebacker trying to jam LBJ would be laughable.

Lebron James will team up with Captain America, Iron Man, and Thor to form the Avengers: 1

If Lebron really wants to win a championship, this is his best option.

Taste the Sad: March Madness Early Rounds Recap

2010-03-22T16:20:00.000-04:00

That was a great weekend of basketball. I can't complain about the parity, I find more beauty in chaos anyways. These are some of my thoughts after the first two rounds of the tournament.

What I learned

Setting up 4 tvs, delicately arranged in a way that would make Best Buy proud, elevates the first couple days of March Madness to a minor holiday (I am also grateful to be in college where I can take full advantage of my education by skipping classes on both Thursday and Friday).

Villanova struggled worse than my Grandma on Chatroulette. I can't believe they survived the first round, and it was no surprise when they bowed out of the second round. They did not deserve a 2 seed.

Brandon Jennings is a trendsetter; college athletes aren't flocking to Europe to play ball, but they do seem to appreciate his hairstyle. The faux hawk is in, I saw somewhere between 5-7 scrappy point guards sporting the hairdo in the first round of the tourney. Let's hope his new cut does not become popular next March Madness.

Don't trust Mormon athletes with awesome names; Jimmer, you broke my heart.

What I actually learned

Cornell apparently is an offensive juggernaut, shooting above 50% from the field in both of their wins. Two dominating wins over two solid teams means Cornell is the first Ivy League team to reach the Sweet 16 since 1979. Mild celebrations occur all over Ithaca.

Jordan Crawford is the real deal. His dunk over Lebron James last summer became an internet phenomenon, but he is not a one hit wonder. He is one of the best scorers left in the tourney, a sleek combination of a slasher with solid range.

There's a good chance a team seeded 9 or higher will make the Final Four. Typically, these teams would be labeled Cinderella to exemplify their rags to riches story. I don't think Cinderella would be a fitting name this year. It should be something like Snow White; she was hot from the beginning, but she didn't get any love because she hung out with dwarves (MVC, WCC, Ivy, etc.). Finally, the Prince hooks up with her and she wakes up, gains massive popularity, and then makes the Final Four.

Kentucky, West Virginia, Duke, Kansas State, and Syracuse all blew through their first two games. Look for the champion to come out of this group of teams. There clearly isn't a wide talent gap between teams, so their runaway victories mean they have the talent and the momentum to win it all. I did not add Ohio State to this group even though they have won their first two games in blowouts because Evan Turner has been sub-par. Ohio State needs him to show up if they want a championship.

Without a doubt, this has already been the most exciting, frenetic March Madness I have ever witnessed. Let's hope that the rest of the tournament keeps the pace.

Team America's Success Hinges on Clint Dempsey's Knee

2010-01-19T04:26:00.000-05:00

I'll be honest, I'm not sure what type of audience I am writing to.

Are you an avid US men's soccer fan? Haha trick question, there are only four of them in the world. Are you the enemy British, who injured the beloved Clint Dempsey in order to derail a World Cup group stage foe? Maybe you're a fellow US sports fan who is also beginning to appreciate the beauty and intricacy of soccer, and for you, I will happily explain how important Clint Dempsey is to the US men's soccer team.

Clint Dempsey needs to play the World Cup. He is an integral part of the offense, second only to Landon Donovan. His loss may force Donovan out of the middle and into Dempsey's position at right wing due to the lack of experienced replacements at winger. His finishing ability would be missed; he was the leading goal scorer in the Confederations Cup (Man of the match against Spain, America's 2nd greatest victory over socialism). He is the US's best goal scorer with Charlie Davies injured and Landon Donovan's increased emphasis on creation and not finishing.

Are you worried yet? The results of Dempsey's MRI should come out later today, but his manager has been saying it's his PCL, an ominous prediction. Seriously, this isn't good. I have bought every single horse placenta on Ebay and I will send most of them to Clint Dempsey. I hope it works.

The loss of Dempsey would create the previously mentioned hole in the midfield. Jozy Altidore, at forward, would be expected to alleviate the loss of Clint Dempsey. Jozy Altidore may become Didier Drogba one day but he currently is too young and raw. He probably will not respond well to the increased pressure, and Landon Donovan would also attempt to shoulder the burden. The worst possible scenario for US soccer is an injured Clint Dempsey, and a subsequent Landon Donovan choke job due to the fact he was trying too hard.

It's important that the US performs well in the upcoming World Cup. The rest of the world doesn't like us that much; they blame us for pollution, obesity, the recession, and Jersey Shore. We're trying to change our image though, we elected Barack Obama as President and created the iPhone (you're welcome).

The US tends to dominate most international sporting events yet we have never been able to make an impact in the world's most popular sport, soccer. This year's World Cup is a fantastic stage to show the world that the United States is changing. Of course this would require a strong showing from Team America, and that would require all the major actors, including a healthy Clint Dempsey.

Agent Zero May Actually be a Secret Agent

2010-01-03T11:14:00.001-05:00

Gilbert Arenas, commonly known by his alias, "Agent Zero", caused an uproar recently when he pulled an unloaded gun out on a teammate.

While the general population and the NBA are upset over this latest development, I am enthused for Gilbert Arenas has just reaffirmed what I have been suspecting for the past ten years... Gilbert Arenas is an undercover secret agent.

You may scoff now, but I suggest that you look at the facts.

His nickname is Agent Zero: Sure, it's just a coincidence right? Nope, it's actually the loose thread that unravels Gilbert's secret identity. Wikipedia also tells me that a second nickname for Gilbert has been growing in popularity, "Hibachi". (Possible double agent for the Japanese? Have I gone too far down the rabbit hole?)

He keeps unloaded guns in the locker room: Guns do not belong in a NBA locker room. Gilbert is an exception because he's a secret agent, and he needs to carry a firearm with him wherever he goes. Sure the gun didn't have any bullets, but it was loaded with insults and bruised egos.

He wears expensive suits: All agents dress snazzy, everyone knows this.

He plays for the Washington Wizards: It's convenient that the NBA team he plays for is in our nation's capital. Very convenient. The Verizon Center is less than a mile away from The White House.

Agent Zero hasn't been injured for the past two seasons, he has been off resolving conflicts in Iran, North Korea, and Antarctica: You never heard about the penguin uprising in Antarctica? You can thank Agent Zero for that.

Now that you can see all the pieces laid out and organized, I hope you have concluded as well that he must be a secret agent. That or maybe he's a clown.

McNabb's Last Chance

2009-12-29T13:43:00.000-05:00

Call me a hater, it's alright I can take it.

The Vikings lost Monday night to Jay Cutler and the Bears. I've actually always liked Cutler even though he is prone to turnovers; it may be because he is officially the only starting QB in the NFL with a double chin.

It seems as if the honeymoon period is over in Minnesota, and their failure means the Eagles can earn a coveted first round bye with a win this Sunday in Dallas.

I am ecstatic over this new development; the Eagles will need all the help they can get to finally win a Super Bowl. Sure, the Eagles have rifled off six in a row now, but their latest win over Denver was not convincing. In fact, it exposed the weakest part of the Eagles' offense, Donovan McNabb.

Run DMC is the limiting factor to this offense for the first time in his career. The Eagles offense is most talented and entertaining unit Andy Reid has ever put together. Donovan McNabb is good, but the rest of this offense is simply better.

The o-line has been patched up with duck tape and cardboard, yet they still form a solid pocket. Brent Celek is the most underrated tight end in the league. Leonard Weaver and Shady McCoy have added depth and a short yardage run game. Maclin keeps getting better while Avant is no slouch, and of course, Desean Jackson is one of the premier playmakers in the league.

If Desean Jackson ran any faster, he would solve the time/space continuum. No one can cover him on a crossing route, no one, yet Donovan made Champ Bailey look fantastic in coverage Sunday. Donovan consistently threw behind DJax, giving Champ time to recover and make diving deflections.

I have always been tired of Donovan's inconsistent accuracy; there are passes that he overthrows and there are also sinkers that would be more appropriate in baseball rather than football. But throwing behind Desean and Maclin is the most egregious, they're running crosses and slants yet they constantly have to slow down to catch McNabb's passes.

I'm worried that these errant passes will hurt us in the playoffs. I'm worried that I can name six quarterbacks in the league that I'd take in a heartbeat over McNabb, and that all these quarterbacks are in the playoffs. I'm worried that McNabb can still make plays on the ground, but for every run he makes, there are three wasted passes. I'm worried that McNabb is good, but he's not good enough to win a Super Bowl. I'm worried that the Pacquiao-Mayweather fight might not happen. (Did you know that Pacquiao has considered taking legal action against Mayweather for slandering and defamation, and he may still go through with lawsuit? Am I missing something? Why would Pacquiao, whose profession is knocking people out with his fists, want to settle this feud in anything other than a boxing ring?)

I'm convinced that McNabb lost the respect of his team after the Terrell Owens debacle. Andy Reid loves Donovan like a son, and instead of letting Donovan go, he let all the other veterans leave. Andy put together a young nucleus that don't even remember when TO was culturally relevant, and these young guys naturally look up to Donovan as he has been an icon in this league for a decade.

Andy has given Donovan his best oppurtunity to win a Super Bowl in an Eagles uniform. If Donovan can't handle it this year, then perhaps it's time we start the new decade with Kevin Kolb.

Avatar gave me a headache

2009-12-20T06:22:00.003-05:00

I cannot freaking sleep and it's 6:20 in the morning and it's finals season. My eyes are still in Cameron 3D mode. The only way I get rid of the headaches is by closing my eyes and pretending that I am still watching Avatar. Seriously, my eyes do not seem to be working as a cohesive unit anymore. My brain is Avatarded right now, full on headache and all I want to do with my life is save Mother Nature.

I spent the first hour of the movie trying to figure out how to watch it, and it took another hour after that to finally get comfortable watching the movie.

You can look around online at other sites, and you'll see are others whose minds melt away while trying to grasp the 3d perspective. They determine that the cause of the eye straining stems from viewers trying to focus on blurred objects on the screen. If this were true 3d, your eyes would be able to move the blurred objects into focus. With Cameron's 3d, these blurred objects stay blurred and your mind doesn't fully comprehend why you can't focus in on that damned object.

Why are those objects blurred to begin with, you ask? Cameron's killing two birds with one stone. It's obviously much cheaper to produce blurred images and backgrounds, and blurred objects are a common director tool used to emphasize the importance of a scene.

Tiger Woods Rumor Roundup

2009-11-28T13:47:00.002-05:00

As many of you know by now, Tiger Woods was in a one car crash at 2:25 AM Thursday night.

Information on the crash has seeped out at a steady pace, yet these decidedly odd details have given birth to wild rumors.

To help everyone out, including Tiger, I will first lay out the facts on the car crash, and then describe the rumors while also scoring them on a scale of 1 to 10, based on their veracity.

The Facts

Tiger was not drunk, yet crashed his car in the middle of the night

The air bags did not deploy, suggesting that Tiger was driving less than 30 MPH

Tiger was found on the ground, bleeding around the mouth

Tiger's lips look like they were stuck in a bag with a claustrophobic raccoon

Elin Nordegren smashed the back window of Tiger's car with a golf club

This is the most buzz golf has ever received in the history of time

Elin Nordegren is very hot. Seriously, any woman Tiger could cheat on Elin with would be a downgrade.

The Rumors

1. Tiger and Elin had a domestic dispute before the car crash

This seems to be confirmed by both Elin and Tiger's separate reports to the police. The only reason I am not calling this a fact is that it was reported by TMZ; the award-winning journalism site that has exclusive rights to the "Mini-me" sex tape. 8

2. Elin went Catwoman all over Tiger's face and smashed his window in anger

This one is kind of scary, TMZ is also reporting that the lacerations on Tiger's lips and the destruction of his window were both due to Elin's wrath. Elin reportedly was chasing after Tiger with a club when he crashed into a fire hydrant. It does seem a bit strange that she was wielding a golf club, though she could easily have gotten one from the trunk of his car to rescue him. This one could be true since the rumors line up nicely with the facts, but I'm going to keep it a rumor until Tiger presses charges. Once again, this story comes from TMZ, the breaking news outlet with brilliant reports such as "Brad Pitt dies in Plane Crash" and "Maya Angelou is Dead". 6

3. Tiger is having an affair with Rachel Uchitel

The National Enquirer reported earlier this week that Tiger has been putting his disco stick (golf metaphor's are boring) into another woman, Rachel Uchitel. Their facts to back up this claim? They both were seen checking into the same hotel at different times in Australia. Rigorous journalism. Even though there clearly seems to be some trouble in casa de Tiger, this story is too weak to hold any water. For what it's worth, Rachel has been adamantly denying the scandal to anyone who asks her on Facebook. 3

4. Elin is just a pawn, the true puppetmaster behind the destruction of Tiger is..... Jack Nicklaus

Yes, wily old Jack. He knew that Tiger would inevitably surpass his 18 career major victories. Tiger is too sound physically and mentally to not end up as the greatest golfer of all time. No, the only way Tiger could fail would be to attack his heart. Jack could move some money around, get some rumors going, and shake up Tiger's life. Think about it, Jack is rich and old. What is the one thing old rich people care about the most? Their legacy. Jack, you old coon, you thought you could get away with this, but I'm watching you. 2

Alright so the last rumor was completely made up, but it does bring up a major point. The next couple of days can determine the rest of Tiger's career, his public perception, and his ability to win tournaments. Tiger can fade away and become a tragic blip in golf, or he can shrug off all these media antics and return to normalcy. Honestly, I hope for the sake of golf that Tiger shuts down this circus and gets back to winning.

Kobe Bryant Done Change the Game

2009-11-15T17:27:00.000-05:00

Here is the scariest story from the start of the NBA season; Kobe Bryant has gotten better.

How could this possibly happen? Shouldn't his hunger have been satiated by winning the championship sans Shaq? Shouldn't his knees be getting weary from all the games he has played in the NBA?

Nope, Kobe has used the championship as an ending to the first chapter in his book, and now he is filming the sequel.

Kobe is currently scoring 31.4 ppg at a near .500 field goal percentage. His three pointers are down, but he has become deadly from within the arc. The main reason for his newfound success? The addition of a killer post-up game. This is why Kobe is the best player in the game; he is never satisfied and is willing to add new facets to his game. Hey LBJ, maybe you should be taking some pointers from Kobe.

Apparently Kobe has gotten sick of Shane Battier constantly putting his hand within licking distance of Kobe's face. Shane had figured out a way to bother Kobe, he could never block his shot so Battier would block Kobe's line of vision. Last week's Houston-LA game proved that Shane cannot handle Kobe 2.0. Battier is bigger than Kobe, yet Kobe continually got the ball down low and scored with ease. Fadeaways, bank shots, and layups, the only thing missing was the '70's afro.

Kobe may have had only a couple more years left at the top of his game, but his new post game has granted him access to the fountain of youth. Black Mamba can save his legs by posting up as much as possible. He may have five plus years now where he can still play at a superstar level.

Kobe also seems much more relaxed now that he has won a ring without Shaq. It's like his ego has been satisfied in a way Kanye West could only imagine. He doesn't force shots anymore, and it appears that Kobe can truly score whenever he want to. You could put freshman girls out on the court and Kobe would be scoring just as easily.

Kobe is setting the tone for the league. Everyone knows that Kobe and the Lakers were gonna put up a strong title defense, nobody realized that he has been gunning for the repeat all along.

T Swift

2009-11-10T18:00:00.000-05:00

I can't decide whether Taylor Swift did a solid job on SNL or I'm blinded by the superfluous combo of singing and hotness. I'm gonna lean towards a good job because her acting style was pretty dorky and it works because she's unconventionally hot. Did I mention she can sing?

Ryan Howard, One Man Platoon, and Other NLCS Thoughts

2009-10-20T03:16:00.000-04:00

Ryan Howard brandished his bat at Dodgers' pitcher Randy Wolf in the first inning of game four, and Wolf was undoubtedly intimidated. Ryan has been the most lethal force so far in this postseason, batting .379 with an OPS of 1.25. He has 14 RBIs in only 29 at bats, and by the way, he is batting .291 against lefties.

Randy Wolf was suppose to be another southpaw from the Dodgers' flotilla of lefty pitchers that would neutralize Howard and the Phillies lineup. And just like the other southpaws Ryan has faced this postseason, he demoralized Wolf with a smash into the stands.

Ryan Howard is squashing his tribulations against left handed pitching. He still does worse against lefties than righties, but he has fixed the holes in his swing and he is currently too hot for any pitcher to handle.

Chan Ho Park had another strong outing in last night's game and he is currently the Phillies' most dominant relief pitcher. He's using 4 different pitches with success and displays the control of virtuoso conductor. He can hit 96 on the radar gun and very few balls leave the infield.

He was credited with a loss in game two, yet the two hits he allowed were dribblers with the velocity of a hamster. Utley is debatably more culpable than Park for the loss; his Chuck Knoblauch impression nearly cost the Phillies game one as well.

Park's rise coincides with Madson's fall from grace and who knows which Lidge will show up any given day; there's the Lidge that blows games and the Lidge that nearly blows games. Ultimately, Phillies fans can feel safe with Chan Ho Park in the bullpen. (This entire paragraph may originate from the fact that Chan Ho Park's playoff beard may be the most resplendent Korean facial hair I have ever seen in my life. He looks like a cross between Paul Bunyan and Ken Watanabe. I can only hope to one day grow a beard that is half as full as his.)

I was lucky enough to attend game four and amid the jubilee, it was easy to see that this Phillies team simply refuses to lose. Philadelphia is lucky to have a team that is somehow even more motivated after winning a championship. This team possesses the special "it" factor necessary to win postseason games and potentially multiple championships.

If you have a tough time perceiving the Phillies' hidden quality that keeps them winning, just look across the street at the Eagles. The Eagles always have a talented team yet they don't have the gumption that the Phil's possess. If you ruffle their feathers, sometimes they don't fight back. This attitude leads to inexplicable losses like the one against the Raiders last weekend. This is why the Eagles have to make changes to the roster before they can win a Super Bowl.

The Dodgers are still a lethal team and it would be premature to say this series is over. However, if the Phillies do advance, this team deserves to be recognized for their relentless spirit and unbending will.

3 People Die in the Detroit Marathon

2009-10-19T16:21:00.000-04:00

This is extremely sad, Detroit has been suffering for a long time now. Three runners dieing in the marathon will not help Detroit's image as the American city where dreams go to die.

Source

Fightin' Phils

2009-10-18T21:06:00.000-04:00

Glad to see the Phils crushing it right now. Lee is our most reliable pitcher; if we don't win this game, we don't win this series. Hopefully Utley is finished doing his convincing impression of Chuck Knoblauch.

Sorry for lack of updates

2009-10-04T19:07:00.000-04:00

I've been living in the library. The population of the engineering library is a solid 90% Asian on the weekends.

2009-09-18T19:19:00.003-04:00

I've had the sickness now for a solid week, and I've decided to make a list of pros and cons about the swine flu

Pros

University will send me food
Don't have to attend any classes
Roommates are scared of me and thus will do anything I ask
I can bestow my virus upon anyone I choose
Nyquil

Cons

I don't want to eat any food, I've lost 5 pounds already this week
I am getting behind in classwork
Constant fever is not that much fun
Cannot have anyone visit
Roommates constantly Lysol everything I touch

That's a solid 5 vs. 5 right there, the pros and cons list could make a sweet pickup basketball game.

24 hour Pharmacy

2009-09-16T01:26:00.005-04:00

I've contracted flu like symptoms so I went to CVS to get tamiflu. I don't think I have swine flu, but I have been hungering for pig meat...

I had my parents write me a prescription so I could circumvent the school's shitty public health system. Hooray for private healthcare! As the pharmacist hands me the drugs, he asks, "You're not sick right now right, this is just for 'just in case' right?".

Sure, Mr. Pharmacist, I came to the CVS at midnight to get anti-flu medication as a pre-emptive strike on my future flu foe. Maybe he was obligated to ask so I just let him hear what he wanted to hear.

Summer Movie Round-up Pt. Deux

2009-09-11T20:11:00.002-04:00

I am finishing up my summer movie thoughts well into August.

District 9

Crazy. The first half was uncomfortably engaging. The movie changes pace midway through and it isn't very subtle. Overall the production was too messy for me, but the CGI was fantastic. Hard to talk too much about the movie without giving anything away.

500 Days of Summer

Funnier than Funny People. Easily. Surprisingly different than normal chick flicks. Zooey Deschanel is very attractive.

Inglourious Basterds

That's my first curse word. Boom. The gloves are off now. Anyways, this was my favorite movie of the summer. Tarantino's homage to different eras in European cinema shone scaldingly bright. Enjoyed all the characters and the tension was fantastic. My buddy who came with me thought it was too slow, but I felt it had great pace. The movie is on the longer side, 2 hours +.

You're Not Hardcore Unless You Auction Draft

2009-08-27T23:11:00.005-04:00

Hey Fantasy Football owners, do you hunger for more control over your fictitious team? Do you feel like crying when Destiny gives you last pick in a 12 team league? Do you give backhand compliments to your buddy who won your league because he auto-drafted? If you answered yes to any of the previous questions, then it's time for you to switch over to fantasy football auction drafts.

Standard drafts are out of fashion; it's time to usher in a new era of fantasy football. This fantasy football revolution starts with auction drafts. The time to transition is now as ESPN has decided to make auction drafts available for free. Before this year, auction drafts typically had to be done in a paid league (gross), or manually with all your buddies in one room (exceedingly tedious).

It's pretty simple, comparing standard drafts to auction drafts is like comparing a horse and buggy to a car. It's a VCR to TiVo, a dustpan to a Roomba, Tropicana to Simply Orange (I'm an orange juice snob). I guarantee you that five years from now, everyone will be using auction drafts.

Standard drafts work in a snake order, with the draft order picked randomly. The snake part comes into effect by forcing teams to draft in reverse order every other round. Thus if a team picks first in the first round, they will pick last in the 2nd.

This system is antiquated; you have to take whatever draft position is given to you. Sure, the snaking order balances out the draft, but you are essentially forced into drafting players based on their ranked value and your draft position. Auctions eliminate this issue.

In an auction draft each team is given the same amount of currency, let's say 200 dollars. Every player is available for auction, and you bid to win players. The highest bidder wins, however the only limitation is that you can not spend more than your allotted 200 dollars total.

Auctions are free of limitations, you can get any player you desire by being the highest bidder. Adrian Peterson isn't reserved for only the person with the first overall pick, anyone can get him but at the cost of putting too many eggs in one basket. You spend too much money on one player, you limit your ability to purchase others.

Auctions are the fairest system of them all and end up requiring much more skill than a standard draft. Unleash your inner Warren Buffet by grabbing undervalued players. You can a couple studs or a team full of sleepers. You have full control over the shaping of your team as there are no random factors like in standard drafts.

There's another brilliant aspect to auction drafts that separate it from standard drafts: subterfuge. You can actively attempt to undermine your friends by raising the bid price on players you have no intention of buying.

Lastly, people who forget to attend live auctions or decide to auto-draft are punished. Auto-drafting in auction drafts rely on preset auction values for players or values the auto-drafter sets before the draft. Either way, the auto-drafter is crippled and can't really expect to contend at all unlike someone who auto-drafts in a standard league.

Auction drafts have no weaknesses now that they are offered for free. If your friends already set a standard league, tell them they can easily switch over to ESPN and do an auction draft with little hassle. Tell them they will be trendsetters by adopting auction drafts before auctions become the norm. If they still don't agree, be reasonable and question their testicular fortitude. It's alright, peer pressure every now and then is good for the soul. Convince your buddies to switch to an auction draft, you won't regret it.

Summer Movie Round-up

2009-08-27T17:39:00.002-04:00

Short thoughts on this past summer's movies.

Transformers 2

I thouroughly enjoyed this movie, and I thought it was Michael Bay at his best. Bay is not known for crafting movies with a cohesive plot and character development, he's known for explosions on the grandest of scales. Transformers 2 bypasses normal movie conventions and appeals directly to human's primal emotions. Seeing giant robots fight to the death while Megan Fox runs in slow motion is clearly a different form of cinemateque.

It's a terrible movie in the normal sense, but treat the movie the way I do, like modern art. Bay just directed the MoMA of movies.

Funny People

Garbage. There were a few funny points and the last half of the movie was a complete drag. Apatow's movie was doomed from the start because two of his main characters were an over the hill comedian and a failed actress. Clearly, no one was suppose to actually enjoy this movie. However, Eric Bana was a nice surprise as his humor successfully quelled my urge to strangle myself rather watch the end of the movie.

I'll come out with the rest later

Arnold Palmer's Greatest Legacy, The Arnold Palmer

2009-08-21T12:03:00.005-04:00

Arnold Palmer, The King, will forever remain a legend in the game of golf. His 7 major victories along with his charisma helped make golf the popular sport it is today. Arnold along with his frenemy, Jack Nicklaus, created compelling tv and cemented the two as superstars in their sport. Arnie was even named the 6th greatest golfer of all time by Golf Digest in 2000.

However, even with all his accolades and adoring fans, his truly lasting legacy is The Original Arnold Palmer Tee, Arnie's trademark drink that he would order in clubhouses all over the world.

The Arnold Palmer is a delicate balance of both iced tea and lemonade. The two drinks by themselves are solid but with shortcomings, however when you fuse the two together, they eliminate each other's weaknesses and create a liquid supplement unlike any other. The drink's popularity is not derived from it's famous originator, it comes from the sweet refreshing taste that became popular for it's fantastic taste and energy restoring abilities. The drink first became popular on golf courses, but has since spread into the mainstream and is now available in larger than life cans for under a dollar in groceries and convenience stores everywhere.

Information on Arnold's life is readily available on wikipedia, however the origin of the drink remains a mystery. Legend has it that the drink was born at Cherry Hills Country Club in Colorado, a bartender refused to mix Arnold's drink but with Arnie becoming angrier with each passing second, the bartender finally relented. It is a funny story but completely untrue, I know the real origin of the drink and I am willing to tell it's tale.

This story is set at Cherry Hills Country Club, but little else remains the same.

Arnold Palmer was having an extraordinary day. The sun radiated brilliantly, yet there was not a cloud in sight. A cool breeze blew throughout the day and diminished the sun's heat, a truly perfect day for golf. Arnie was having the round of his life, 16 holes through the course and he was set to obliterate the course record.

The Gods quickly grew envious of his pin-seeking ability, Arnie was fearless, attacking every hole with precision and grace. One God grew more jealous of Arnie than any other God, it was The Mighty Zeus himself. Zeus refused to let Arnie achieve the course record, quickly blowing clouds into the Colorado area. A fierce storm began, postponing any hope Arnie had of finishing the round.

Arnie was unfazed, he was perturbed by the juxtaposition of the fluke storm, but he assumed it would soon pass. He grabbed his iced tea and went to seek shelter. Luckily for him, he found a venerable lemon tree, the only one in Colorado, a bright yellow beacon of hope that ably blocked the Greek God's spite. Arnie coolly drank his iced tea and decided to wait out the storm under the tree, for surely it would soon pass.

Zeus was aggravated; he knew of Arnie's stubborness and a simple storm would not break Arnie's will. Zeus decided to attack Arnie with lightning bolts, a brash decision that would change Arnie's life forever. The bolts sped towards Arnie, but the lemon tree shielded him from danger. The bolt had missed their target, but they hit something else, a lemon.

The lemon sacrificed itself willing to protext Arnie, and with it's last gasp of breadth, dropped it's body fluids into Arnie's iced tea. The drink began to transform with every drop of lemon, it soon began to shimmer with a golden light. Arnie had to shield his eyes as the drink grew to become so bright, he could not look directly at it. Arnie carefully took one sip, and invigorated with a fervor he had never felt before, decided that all the world must experience this new golden drink. And thus, The Arnold Palmer was conceived.

Zeus had stopped The King from finishing his record round, but Zeus foolishly had bestowed Arnie with something else, immortality. Arnold Palmer's achievements on the golf course may someday fade away, but his drink never will.

Give the NBA a 'Cash for Clunkers' Reboot

2009-08-15T13:49:00.004-04:00

Whether you believe Barack Obama is the second coming of Karl Marx or not, you have to admit that 'Cash for Clunkers' has been a success.

Since NBA commissioner David Stern admitted that over half of the teams in the NBA failed to make a profit last season, I believe it's time to give NBA teams new life.

Is my idea ridiculous? Most likely. Could it actually work? Probably. Did I conjure up this idea while I was drunk? Definitely.

My idea is pretty simple, give each team a mulligan on one player's contract. Allow the team to release the player without any cap penalty. The NBA would cover the difference between the player's old yearly salary and his new one with his new team as long as the player keeps playing in the NBA. You could even give this specific group of players a name, like the Roofies, because their former teams want to forget they ever existed.

You know teams would love it, they would increase cap space and choose to save it or use it on the new influx of free agents. They could even install this idea right at the end of the 2010 season, which would be like making an already exciting 2010 offseason shotgun a Red Bull.

Supreme Chancellor Stern would allow it, because even though the NBA would have to cover the difference in salary for the Roofies, the difference itself probably will be managable because there aren't too many players that are drastically overpaid in the NBA.

Of course, the real reason Stern would allow it is the fact that all the new signings would create fan excitement and would subsequently lead to an increase in ticket and jersey sales. The NBA could end up profiting from this move. I'm not so crazy anymore am I.

There could even be fun little twists like if a team uses their newfound money to sign a player with a higher efficiency (PER) rating, the NBA could bestow upon the team an OLE, a Once in a Lifetime Exception, to sign even more players or increase the amount they can offer to a free agent.

Imagine all the possibilities:

Zach Randolph could finally be put out of his misery.

Mark Cuban could overpay for several crappy centers in the same offseason to finally create the tallest starting lineup in the NBA.

Quentin Richardson could be a possible Roofie. He wouldn't have to switch teams more often than Lindsay Lohan, he could finally control his fate and choose which team he wants to get traded away from.

The Sixers could get rid of Elton Brand, who is a worse fit than Rush Limbaugh on NFL Countdown. This is actually the secret reason I came up with the idea in the first place.

The teams that could be in contention to sign Lebron James could balloon into the double digits. Couldn't you imagine Lebron James touring the country visiting team after team like a rock star? ESPN could even follow him and call it 30 days of Lebron. This would be better than the normal abortions ESPN puts on tv in the summer (I'm looking in your direction, Who's Now and Titletown USA).

Yes, I know my idea will never happen but I can't help but dream of a commercial going, "The NBA, where literally anything can happen".

Stupid Pipe Dreams

2009-08-13T15:48:00.002-04:00

Last night I had an epiphany, I conjured up an idea for a fantastic iPhone app.

Typically to keep track of a baseball game, you would need an archaic pamphlet called a score keeper's book. My idea was to streamline the entire process by making baseball score keeping and data tracking into an iPhone app, not only would the process itself be easier but all your data would be digitized making it easier to track.

The audience would be nearly infinite, it would be a fantastic addition for any coach/parent from little league all the way up to college ball. It was the perfect idea.

I was already imagining all the trophy wives and gold-plated household items I would purchase with my newfound millions before I even thought of checking the app store in iTunes to see if someone had already made my idea.

Of course there were already several apps similiar to my idea already up in the store; the iPhone has been out for 2+ years now, great ideas are rarely unique.

Foolish, impulsive dreams always end up in the clouds.

Leave Josh Hamilton Alone

2009-08-12T14:49:00.002-04:00

Josh Hamilton has been a Cinderella story, an inspiration to many because of his epic fall and subsequent climb back to the top. He has mentioned Christ as one of the main factors for his redemption, a life devoid of drugs and alcohol that has allowed him to reach his full potential as a baseball player and a human being. Photos suggesting a relapse have surfaced on a prominent blog, and his poignant, refreshingly truthful admittance of his momentary regression has proven his character and has made him a more endearing story.

Deadspin stamps a Scarlet Letter upon Hamilton's chest

Deadspin, a surprisingly witty blog, was given photos revealing Josh Hamilton crushing it with several girls in January. The blog chose to post the photos of Josh's drunken escapades, fully knowing the repercussions of it's actions. Without a doubt, these photos needed to be released, Josh Hamilton's life has been an open book and he had to face his mistakes. These photos most likely were released by the girls he terrorized with that night, and this source also revealed that Josh had asked at some point in the night for cocaine. However, it's important to note that there was no mention of infidelity.

Hamilton faces the allegations

Hamilton addressed his mistake the same day the photos were released. He took full responsibility for his actions, and admitted that he thought he could handle just one drink, but unfortunately just one drink for Josh ends up becoming 10 to 12 drinks. The overlying theme of his apology was that he is only "human", he admitted the onus is squarely placed on his own shoulders, and that is exactly what an apology should be like.

His apology was open and unrequited, so truthful it was bizarre to hear coming from an athlete. In a world where public figures are guarded and use wordplay to hide their deceit from the public, Josh refused to lay the blame on anyone else. His honesty allows us to look at what really happened; He has an addiction he struggles with every day and he made a mistake; He drank and had what looked like to be a good time. There seems to be no sign of adultery, and his wife has already forgiven him for what he has done.

His story is more inspirational now than it was before, he is in a constant struggle with his demons and these photos show that he has had only one bad day over a course of several years. The man faces more temptation every day than Eve at a Jamba Juice, the fact that he has had only bad day since his recovery and his willingness to admit this fact displays to the public that the man isn't just "human" as he proclaims, he is superhuman. His wife and his teammates have forgiven him, and his God happens to be a forgiving guy too, I think it's time for the rest of us to forgive him as well.

She Wolf

2009-08-12T11:17:00.000-04:00

I am both terrified and turned on by Shakira's She Wolf music video. I'm guessing that's what she is aiming for.

Dissecting Hedo Turkoglu's Decision

2009-08-11T19:11:00.002-04:00

This post was originally written on bleacherreport.com

Hedo Turkoglu surprised everyone this weekend with an about face, reneging his verbal commitment with the Portland Trail Blazers to sign with the Toronto Raptors.

Comparing the two teams on paper, it's a no-brainer, he should have signed with the Trail Blazers. They have a young, talented nucleus that should contend for the title for the next decade.

Toronto, on the other hand, is a lame duck franchise poised to lose it's franchise player, Chris Bosh, in the next offseason.

I will attempt to solve the Hedo mystery using the various conspiracy theories running rampant on the internet.

Hedo Turkoglu Has Already Won a Championship, Who Needs Two Anyway?

Hedo earned a ring with the talented 2001-02 Sacramento Kings. Oh wait. Huh? They lost to the Lakers that year? Hmm. Scrap this theory.

Hedo's Wife Wears The XXL Pants In The Relationship

It has been reported that she did not even go with Hedo on his official visit to Portland, and they did not even need to take a visit to Toronto. Toronto has a large Turkish population in the metropolitan area as opposed to the virtually non-existent Turkish population in the comparatively smaller Portland.

The couple just had a daughter last February, and Toronto would probably be a better environment for the wifey and the daughter to live in.

The Contract With Toronto Is More Lucrative

Both contracts have the same amount of years but it is known that the Toronto contract with leave Hedo richer. There are varying reports on how much richer he will be, ballpark estimates are three million more overall.

However, it won't be final until he can officially sign on July 8th. Nonetheless, Hedo chose between 50 million and 53 million, ultimately it is safe to say that money was not the deciding factor.

Hedo Is Scared of Portland's Large Homeless Contingent

He has already met Greg Oden and seen him play; he can't bear to even look at another Portland hobo.

The Trail Blazers May Not Be The Best Situation

Hedo is already comfortable in the softer Eastern Conference, everyone hasn't learned his go to move is his one step fade-away so why bother leaving? Hedo's arrival immediately makes Toronto a playoff team, and debatably a top four team in the conference. The core of the team is young, and Bosh may not necessarily leave Toronto if they have a 50 win team. Is that really worse than Portland, which has to compete in a tough western conference? Toronto also has a more international roster with Calderon and Bargnani starting.

Truthfully, it is probably an amalgamation of multiple reasons that caused Hedo to withdraw from his agreement with Portland. The bigger story probably is his Boozer-like deceit, but I am intrigued with the Toronto roster and will keep an eye on them next season.

Are there any possibly reasons I missed that shaped his decision to join the Raptors? Please leave your thoughts in the comments section.