Brave New Sales

The Love Coach, Revisited

2012-02-14T11:56:47+01:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

I couldn't resist dusting off my speech from the Toastmasters 2006 European Humorous Speech Contest, apropos to love... and sales.

That's right! A sale is a love affair, and storytelling works in engaging the human heart and mind at many levels.

Here's to love... and successful selling!

Thanks again to Toastmaster extraordinnaire, Bill Monsour, for shooting this video way back when on very short notice!

Sell With Your Head High: Differentiation

2012-01-24T08:53:35+01:00

Stop Pitching Away Your Assets For Free

I just saw this post, To Hell With The Sell by Blair Enns via my great friend Ken Jacobs who helps PR agencies grow business and develop staff.

This post resonated with me because, I have to admit, it aligns with some of the material in my book, Sales Pitches That Snap, Crackle 'n Pop, particularly the second, third and fourth points:

We will replace presentations with conversations;
We will diagnose before we prescribe; and
We will re-think what it means to sell.

That last point resonates because it reinforces a timeless adage that great salespeople do not push their product, but instead facilitate the buying process; they help the buyer buy.

We Shall Hold Our Heads High

Following that, Blair moves into high gear with respect to communications and ad agencies.

The overriding theme is that if you don't differentiate, and if you don't proactively lead conversations, you will find yourself playing "against" your prospects as foes... and on a slanted playing field, at that.

While Blair and I define pitches a little differently, our approach is aligned. In my book I actually say that the paradox of a pitch is that it should not feel pitchy. In early-stage opportunities, whenever you can move away from your presentation toward a customer-focused conversation, you should "ditch the pitch!"

So definitions aside (and Blair does use "pitch" in many other blog posts), I highly endorse Blair's book, The Win Without Pitching Manifesto.

As salespeople in the B2B world, we really should hold our heads high. We should consider ourselves experts in a field where we can best help clients if we take control of the selling process, and don't chase low-probability and low-profitability RFP's.

Awesome stuff, Blair. You're probably not winning all your pitches, but I bet you're winning a healthy portion of those that are more profitable to operate and more exciting to work on!

Photo/Illustration of Blair Enns from his website, link above.

Sales & The Power of Apology

2012-01-18T12:00:16+01:00

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

It was so early in my career that the fax machine was still the business medium of choice.

We had pitched a potential partner on an exciting marketing platform, and they liked it. We were now negotiating deliverables and returns.

A cantankerous lawyer on the other side of the table fired a shot at our team. "You guys were supposed to fax us the payment schedule. We never received it!"

A thousand negative impulses went through my body and mind in a split second. I had drafted the fax for my boss, but due to travel schedules, a stressed-out personal assistant and plain ol' high work loads, it never got sent.

Would this turn into finger-pointing?

Would this slow us down?

Before the next split second could start, my boss shrugged his shoulders and said, "Sorry. That was my fault. I saw it on my desk but didn't act on it. Let me call the office right now and see if my assistant can dig it out."

You could almost hear the pressure in the room drop.

My young head was telling me to shut up and play it safe, but my gut told me otherwise. So I leaned forward.

"I have it," I said. "Sorry, I should have followed-up to see if it got sent."

My boss smiled and said, "No, no. You left it with me and I dropped the ball. Shit happens."

There were chuckles around the room as everyone focused on the payment schedule that I was passing out.

The Future Is More Important Than The Past

It wasn't about the payment schedule, really. It was about everyone moving forward, not staying stuck in the proverbial shit that had happened.

If we hadn't apologized, if we would have made up some stupid excuse, the mud would most likely have risen above everybody's knees and soon covered the meeting room table.

Our prospects would have been looking at us as though we were either incompetent, unreliable or both. Instead we seemingly formed a bond with them, that we're all imperfectly human, and little shit happens every day. Onward and upward.

Easy, right?

Indeed, to some.

But to many, sorry seems to be the hardest word, thank you, Elton John.

"Sorry" shouldn't be the hardest word. It should be one of the easiest words, because you win when you use it genuinely.

"Sorry" doesn't mean "I'm wrong, you're right." It doesn't mean "I should be penalized, you should win the point." If you're stuck in that mindset, then you'll aplogize too infrequently, especially in business, and especially in front of prospective customers.

You can tailor "Sorry" to mean what you want it to mean, because the spirit and tone in which you say it counts, too.

"Oops. Too bad this has happened. I'm BIG enough to admit I had a role in it; I'm excellent enough to focus on accomplishing something big here; Let's move on."

A Little Competitive Advantage Doesn't Hurt Either

And here's what I really (and a bit selfishly) love about apology: It often puts you in a stronger position.

When you deflect or over-explain, the tension usually rises in the room. Defenses go up. Bonds are broken. Trust is lost, and if you'e the seller, you're the loser.

When you apologize, tension usually drops. Defenses go down. Bonds are built. Trust is gained, and you're the winner.

Apologize quickly, and others not only let you off the hook, they often give you the benefit of the next doubt.

The Sooner The Easier

The sooner you apologize, the easier it is to do so. It's that simple.

Think of any situation in your professional or personal life when it really was incumbent upon you to apologize, but you delayed. I'll bet you my last buck that it would have been easier to do so shortly after the incident, or even immediately.

All that negative energy is a drain on your karma, and damaging to your relationship.

The sooner you say, "Oops, sorry," the less collateral damage is done. Not only will you move on sooner, you will leave less wreckage in your wake. You'll have good karma.

Go easy on yourself. Be secure in your imperfections.

Sure, customers want to deal with competent people, but they also want to deal with secure people. If you never admit to even the smallest mistakes, they will admit them for you.

If you apologize and move on, they'll admire you, like you and trust you more. You'll experience less pain in your sales cycle, and probably more sales, to boot.

If you don't believe me, well, I'm happy to leave it and move on, sorry.

Now where were we?

Photo by butupa: http://www.flickr.com/photos/25792994@N04/

"Offers That Wow!" Guest Post, Ann Soderblom

2012-01-13T14:28:04+01:00

I'm delighted to have my good friend and fellow entrepreneur Ann Soderblom of Soderblom Design guest posting in Brave New Sales this week.

In her recent newsletter, Ann wrote about getting to know your customer target group and more specifically what they really like and want. If you have done all of that research it is time to put it into practice.

Offers That Wow!

It is time to create an offer that will make 100% sense to your customer. So how can we do that? Well, by using the data you already collected and by considering something as fundamental as human nature.

Interested? Let's get started!

The structure of your (written) offer could have the following parts:

1. Introduction

2. Identified problem

3. Solution

4. Call for action

5. Testimonials

When writing the offer consider the following points:

1. Does it say "we" and "us" all the time or "you" and "yours", only focus on the one person who is reading the offer: you.

2. Use the exact same terminology as you heard in your interviews and research with prospects. The language you use is not necessarily the same as of your customers.

3. Formulate the problem you know that they are experiencing (and that your business will help to solve), and add a little extra salt. Maybe even touching on some underlaying frustrations that you know this problem is really about.

4. Is your product or service something that solves an urgent and important problem? Make it urgent by talking to the underlaying desiree. E.g. more money, freedom, happiness etc. Always clearly state the benefits of your offer.

5. When offering your products and/or services, be very specific about what it really includes. E.g. 10 hours of make up consultation, 1 make up box from L'oreal etc. People normally value things more that are specific and can be measured.

6. It may sound like a worn-out concept but Free is wonderful. Make a package and include something for free, make sure to specifically note the value of what your customer is getting. E.g. 1 Free make up box from L'oreal (Value 100 USD).

7. Read through your offer and ask yourself if it talks to the prospect in a respectful and maybe even in a flattering way?

8. Quantify it. If you can show a specific number of how your product or service helps your prospect, add it! E.g. Increase your conversion rate of paying customers up to 70%. Do this carefully and only based on your real track record. You could even add how you got to this number. "Our last 10 customers in 2011 increased the conversion rate of paying customers with 70% from January to March."

9. Make the offer time limited. E.g. offer available until May 10, 2012.

10. Address all the concerns and remove all obstacles. If you have done your homework of actually talking to people (taking them for coffee) you should have a pretty good idea of common concerns and doubts people have. Use the exact same wording as your prospects in their interviews and answer them. E.g. "A personal trainer might feel like a very posh and costly thing to have but compare that to the medical costs of being ill later in your life due to poor health."

11. Everybody wants to feel important. Can you send your offer to an exclusive group? a VIP membership group?

12. Call to action. Make it extremely easy to say yes! Don't do this: "Send us an email with the answers to the following questions xxx, then register for xxx on the xx page. We will then get back to you with xxx, and" blah blah… Don't ask more than one question at this point. Do like this: Interested? register here: (email form). You can also create a simple email link with a pre-written subject line and message.

13. There is something magical about a "Ps." - section right after the end of your offer. For some reason we tend to like a little extra info, right after the end. This could be a good place to have your Free product or service. E.g. answer already today and we'll send you a Free t-shirt.

14. Testimonials. The prospect has just read your offer and it makes a lot of sense, it sounds great actually BUT.."how will I know that this is really going to work for me?"

By asking your customers to give you testimonials you show the following things: 1. That your company really exists 2. That some people have actually experienced this 3. That you actually have a successful business and much more. Testimonials means trust, your prospects also need to know that this is not fake: write the name of the person, maybe even with an image, professional title and city where he or she lives. If you want to really create a mind blowing testimonial, combine this with point no. 8.

Remember to use as many of these techniques in your offer as possible. Always in a smart way, your prospects are not stupid and nothing is so un-attractive as a too direct hard-sell. Make the points from this list subtle but still there, in a classy and thought-through way.

Jack's note: If you want to see Ann's services, check out: Soderblom Design

Thanks Ann!

Pour Your Soul Into It

2011-12-16T09:07:34+01:00

What do presenting and DJ-ing have in common?

As I recently discovered... a lot.

If you love your content, want to give it generously to the audience, and you arrive prepared, presenting and DJ-ing are both a blast!

A Little Background

Two months before the Toastmasters Fall European Conference (D59), the Basel organizers bought into my pitch: let me be the DJ for the post-gala dinner dance party.

Yep, DJ Jacko would spin the tunes.

Over the years, I had taken over the turntables and stereo equipment at many a party. But in Basel, this wasn't just a party. This was 250 people wanting to let it all hang out after a day-and-a-half of workshops, competitions, a gala dinner and award ceremony.

Outcome?

In my own view, it went great. A few things to improve upon, but overall a big success.

You may chuckle and say, "Come on, Jacko. A little more self-awareness." But I have three reasons for believing it went well.

It felt good. Be as analytical as you want, but your own gut is something to be contemplated, too.
The dance floor was filled from the third song right through to the end. (The first two songs were mood setters by design.)
The feedback was positive... and some of my fellow Toastmasters just couldn't believe an old guy me could rock the house!

That doesn't sound very humble, I know. But back to Point 1. I had a tremendous buzz from beginning to end and, yeah I admit, from the feedback and comraderie afterwards.

And that's one of the great things about Toastmasters: the more you give, the more you get. I not only got compliments, I got great memories and a first DJ job in my CV. Yeah, look out DJ Bobo. DJ Jacko's on the rise!

So what are the similarities between a good presentation and a successful night of DJ-ing?

Content Is King

Yep. This has been my big focus as a Toastmaster specifically and as a presenter generally in recent years. Delivery is important, but it's my belief that great content is what puts you over the edge.

It's the same thing in DJ-ing. You could play it safe and just bang out cookie-cutter club music. You could boom-boom-boom the same beats and similar rhythms all night so that the masses just keep on keepin' on. Or you could inspire people with music, and content, that pulls at the heart and soul.

I went with music that has inspired me over the years and even over the recent weeks. And I didn't play it safe.

Sequence & Organization

A great presentation takes the audience on a journey. Why shouldn't a DJ's repertoire do the same thing?

I put a lot of preparation into selecting the music, and I put even more into sequencing it.

As soon as the award ceremony was over, I didn't want to force the dancing on everyone... at least not in the first two songs. The segue should be easy and unpretentious. So I started with a bit of loungy pieces with the type of rhythms that, I believe, built an expectation that something big was coming.

By Song 3, the train had left the station... and my fellow Toastmasters had left their chairs... for the dance floor. Fun, upbeat tunes to express one's self on the dance floor, a bit of Latin, a bit of funk, there was no turning back. We were partying.

But you can't hold that pace all night. So toward the middle, the journey had a sensuous, slow section so that humans could do what we long to do.

And then it was time to build toward the finale... a crescendo that had the place screaming past the moon, with no hope of earth's gravity holding them down.

Houston, we have a problem. We just passed Pluto!

Preparation

I alluded to this above, but I can't emphasize this enough. For a presentation, a pitch, or spinnin' music to inspire people to shake their booties and party like there's no tomorrow... preparation is critical.

If I would've shown up with a bunch of good songs and then started to assemble my playlist and sequence on the fly, it would've been a disaster. I had all of this prepared, including the cues -- the points at which you cut into and out of each song.

We had a few challenges just before "going live." But because I was prepared, I didn't have to worry about the actual presentation of the music at that point; I could focus wholly on solving the problem.

It's the same thing in a presentation or a sales pitch. Improvise at your own peril.

Pour Your Soul Into It

I'm sure you've noticed passion in a presentation or pitch. There are those who just go through the motions of getting the job done, and those who love their content so much that they want you, the audience, to love it, too.

Well, it's the same thing in DJ-ing. I love music. I love to dance, and I have so many dear friends and inspiring colleagues within Toastmasters District 59, that I gave this every ounce of my soul.

By the fifth song, I was enjoying it so much that I often went out and danced with everyone. I was inspired... and I couldn't hold back.

Don't Obsess Over a Mistake. They'll Forgive You!

I made a few errors. Early on, I wasn't happy with my fading/transitions between songs. No one seemed to notice, and I got better by that fifth song. And twice, while cueing up the next song in my headphones, I abruptly crashed away from the heart of the live song in progress into the middle of the cued up song.

What do you do in this situation? What else can you do? Push on.

Yep, when you're presenting and something doesn't go perfectly, don't belabor it. If it's minor, just push on. If it's major, acknowledge it with good humor and... yep, push on!

And so it was when I miscued. I looked up and saw an entire dance floor with startled looks and some even a bit disappointed because they were just finding their own groove with the previous song.

I just looked at everybody, laughed, shrugged my shoulders and yelled, "Oops!"

Within a few seconds, the next song had found its way into their souls and the journey continued, speed bump forgotten!

If your delivery is solid and your content is inspiring, your audience will forgive the small stuff and appreciate the big stuff.

It's a Virtuous Cycle

And that's just one more thing I love about Toastmasters. We're all there to bring out the best in each other. It's therefore inspiring to just keep giving.

So thank you Basel organizers again. Thank you District 59, Euro Toastmasters. And thank you fellow Toastmasters.

I poured my soul into it, and I felt your friendship and warm support every second of it.

And I have to admit, it was a blast watching everyone shake their booties, too!

Photo taken spontaneously by friend and Fellow Toastmaster Douglas MacKevett. Damn, I wish I would have thought to take a photo to show my view of all that booty shakin'.

The Book: Sales Pitches That Snap, Crackle 'n Pop

2011-12-01T16:45:14+01:00

Now available on amazon!

In a B2B pitch, you're not there to close a deal, you're there to open a relationship. The three objectives of a pitch, therefore, are to Snap, Crackle 'n Pop: stimulate interest, start a customer-focused conversation and build trust.

If you achieve these three objectives, your prospects will not see you as another vendor, but rather as a trusted advisor.

Sales Pitches That Snap, Crackle 'n Pop shows you how to achieve this in straight-forward and sometimes hard-hitting language.

Dr. Tobias Kiefer, Global Learning & Development Head at Booz & Co says, "Jack slaps you in the face with best practices and makes you laugh...

... at the same time."

As an example, Chapter 13's title is PowerPoint Sucks! Chapter 14 is then titled, OK. OK. PowerPoint Doesn't Suck. Presenters Do!

"Jack is a high-impact presenter," says Stacey Allaster, Chairman & CEO of the Women's Tennis Association, "and as this book demonstrates, a high-impact writer, too."

Says Frank Palmer, Chairman & CEO of ad agency DDB Canada, "Jack's punchy, take-no-prisoners style comes through in this valuable book. For those looking to secure more B2B clients in these challenging times, this is a must-read."

Sales Pitches That Snap, Crackle 'n Pop is now available on amazon.com by clicking on this direct link. The Kindle-eBook version will be available by the end of January.

Book Cover Design by Peter Schlief, Bisturi Publicidade, Lisbon

Pitching & Presenting: If You're Not Smiling...

2011-11-11T12:27:27+01:00

"Smile and the whole world smiles..."

My father has said this ever since I can remember. "Smile, and the whole world smiles with you."

It's good advice when pitching and presenting. If prospects smile with you, it's a safe bet that they're more engaged with you.

I know many presenters through Toastmasters, TEDx and my work in sales improvement. The best presenters openly admit they're not perfect, that they're continually improving something.

Humble self-awareness is the first prerequisite to improvement, and I hear more and more presenters say they sometimes catch themselves with serious looks on their faces.

I'm the first one to admit this. One positive of my presentations, I've been told and I believe, is that I'm intense and I usually deliver with high-impact. The downside of that is that I sometimes appear too serious and unapproachable.

I'm working on it, though. Are you?

If you're not smiling, you're probably scowling.

It's that simple.

A smile goes further than being visually noticed. It transcends into the voice.

Studies show that, over the telephone, we respond more positively to someone who delivers the same material while smiling than while being serious. Perhaps this is where the cold-calling best practice of "Smile and Dial" comes from.

So while you're rehearsing a pitch, pay attention to your facial expressions. They will send both a visual and verbal signal to your prospect. While a disingenous, forced smile will only hurt your cause, an occasional, genuine smile will make you look, sound and feel more engaging.

That's a subtle but powerful advantage.

Smile, and the whole world smiles with you.

More prospects might buy from you, as well.

Photo by Hiking Artist: http://www.flickr.com/photos/hikingartist/3515471358/ and http://hikingartist.com/

Another Killer Question

2011-10-21T13:52:00+02:00

Three Things To Improve?

I had a great time chairing the Enterprise Marketing 2.0 Conference last week in Amsterdam, organized by KGS. Many of the speakers I introduced over the two days were leaders in social media and inbound marketing, so I learned a lot of relevant stuff!

When the conference was over, I was asked to present at a Meetup.com event, Influence Ecosystems, where I could discuss some of my own mojo.

So I highlighted my upcoming book, Sales Pitches That Snap, Crackle 'n Pop, because I firmly believe that as valuable as online marketing is, ultimately you have to get in front of prospects, physically, that is, if you're going to sell anything of significant value.

It led to an open, group conversation about face-to-face selling. The topic of the killer question came up; that is: What are the best questions that a salesperson should ask a qualified buyer?

The answer is, it depends. It depends where you are in the sales process or, better yet, where the buyer is in her buying process.

One question I particularly like is, "What three things would you like to improve here?"

Of course, any such question should be within the scope of your product or services, as well as within the context of the conversation.

Asking for three things is effective because it's not too exhaustive, on the one hand. On the other hand, the answers could provide you a range of issues, allowing you to align at least one of them with your offerings.

Another benefit is that you might prompt the prospect to think in new areas and, consciously or unconsciously, she will feel that having you around is a benefit, that you are a resource.

Such questions also position you as the go-to partner instead of just another vendor. They earn you the subliminal title of trusted advisor.

Prepare questions like this as you prepare for meetings with prospects. Then use them as and when they fit into your customer-focused conversations.

Steve Jobs & Brand Religion

2011-10-07T14:41:03+02:00

A year ago I made the leap of faith...

I bought an iPhone.

I got a pretty good deal from my mobile provider, but it required a significant long-term commitment. The customer service rep was passionate that I was doing the right thing.

I felt like I was joining a cult.

When I got the device in my hands and started using it, I knew I had done just that.

It was a beautiful experience, yet... there was so much to learn. How do I dial a contact? OK. Now how do I download apps?

The learning was intuitive and I'll let you in on a little secret. It was fulfilling. My learning experience was becoming a love affair complemented by the beautiful design.

I was connecting with a higher calling... the Apple brand.

Until this awakening, I had been more than a bit cynical when people would use their iPhones in public. Was cynicism really camouflaging my feeling of exclusion... from the cult?

Well, I was excluded no longer, and it wasn't long before I was proud of my device, too. (A freaking piece of hardware? Was I getting attached to my material possessions, Buddha?)

I'm not admitting (at least not openly) that I would commit the heinous act of flaunting.

But I had become a believer.

Before long, I found myself proselytizing. That's right, I wanted non-users to convert to the iPhone, and to the religion called Apple. I was doing this for one simple but powerful reason, a firm belief: this product would make your life better!

The User Experience

Last year, my entrepreneurial bible, Fast Company, published an interview with John Sculley, Apple's CEO in the 80's and early 90's, who took the company from $800 million in annual revenue to $8 billion. Sculley gave several reason reasons as to why he should not have been Steve Jobs boss back then.

Mind you, Sculley didn't elbow his way through the political ranks of Apple to get the top. It was Jobs himself who lured Sculley away from Pepsi-Co, who asked Sculley to become his CEO. Jobs recognized that Sculley had the skills Jobs lacked.

Jobs reportedly sealed the deal by asking Sculley, "Would you rather sell sugar water for the rest of your life or come with me and change the world?"

Talk about brand evangelism and sacrifice for the greater good!

Sculley often said that Jobs was an obsessed missionary, that Jobs cared relatively little about product technology, that technology was just a means to an end.

Jobs was obsessed, however... by two things: design and the user experience.

Today, this probably surprises no one. But it does give me, at least, a sense of what it must have been like to work inside Apple. Were the Cupertino Headquarters a temple? I can almost smell the incense.

Brands can learn a lot from religions, with their rituals, icons and leaders of deep conviction... who also dress the part.

Think of Jobs and you probably see that dark turtle neck, blue jeans, no belt, sneakers, short hair, trimmed beard, granny glasses... and intense, authentic eyes.

In his book Corporate Religion - Building A Strong Company Through Personality and Corporate Soul, Jasper Kunde shows examples of great brands that not only create compelling messaging platforms externally, but also preach authentic corporate culture internally. This internal culture and external messaging are fully aligned.

Authentically living the brand from the top down is part of the magic.

Kunde overlooks Apple as a case study, probably due to the fact that Apple was in the early phases of its own resurrection at the time of writing. Kunde does, however, show how great companies have strong leaders... obsessed communicators who unite their entire organizations around a shared vision, a corporate religion.

This is vital for building a brand religion made up of passionate customers... evangelists promoting your brand for you, proselytizing future customers.

Sound silly? Talk to almost any Mac user or iPhone flaunter today, and you will sense devotion. Their conviction is almost irrational.

If you're an Apple user, you feel it. You know it.

If you're not an Apple user, you might be skeptical, or even cynical.

This is human nature. Too many human beings are cynical toward other religions. Personally, I find that sad but true when applied to humanity. Professionally, I find that accurate and powerful when applied to branding.

Great brands have devoted followers as well as skeptics, and Apple has become one of the world's strongest brands.

I'm a Believer

Last week, I stepped further into the temple. I bought a MacBook Pro. I'd have to wait two weeks for delivery with an English keyboard here in Switzerland, but that didn't stop me. I plunked down my money on the spot. Why cause a further delay?

And wouldn't you know it? Steve Jobs goes and dies while I obediently await my... vehicle to Apple's ultimate brand experience!

Am I worried about the future of my user experience, now that I've made the leap of faith? Will the design of Apple products suffer like they did when Jobs exited the company the first time?

No. I don't believe so.

When Jobs left Apple in 1985, the company was in the midst of a schism.

Jobs had not prepared his succession because he was... a bit distracted. The sacrificial blood was running on the streets of Cupertino, and it was his.

This time, it's very, very different. Jobs' death was a surprise to no one, not even him. Pancreatic cancer and related complications have been plaguing him for years. Meanwhile, he was leading Apple from one miracle to the next.

Jobs was not an easy man to work for. But then, what spiritual leader is?

While the Dalai Lama is seen as warm and cuddly here in the West, he's reportedly a tough and disciplined monk around the temple in Dharamsala. Jesus is seen as the savior by many, but let's not forget that he was an outspoken rabbi committed to changing his religion's politics of the time.

"Without a vision, the people perish."

As unique and fiery as Jobs himself was, surely he wasn't oblivious to his own vision of Apple's future without him.

Silicon Valley is loaded with talent, like Tim Cook, who Jobs also groomed and hand-picked. Beyond Cook, qualified and devoted disciples are surely in the wings to keep spreading the faith.

The devotion will only become more passionate in Jobs' passing.

And I can't wait for my MacBook Pro to arrive.

Facebook, Your Brand Is A Heart-Breaker!

2011-09-23T15:30:10+02:00

Oh, Facebook, you hurt my feelings.

Again, baby!

Oh, we've had a rocky relationship right from the start.

And each time you hurt me, we kiss and make up, and then we slowly slide back into the state of normalcy. Correction: I slowly slide into your new definition of normalcy.

You give me vague explanations. You tell me that this is for my own good. But I'm beginning to wonder about this relationship. I'm beginning to see the light.

You're a wicked soul mate, Facebook.

I'm hooked on you... as a product.

A product is something we buy and sell. It's something we use.

Sure, it's cool that you let me use this valuable product for free and then you monetize it. You sell advertising. Cool.

A brand, however, is a relationship.

A brand is so much more than a logo or a trademark.

It's an expectation of an experience.

A great brand inspires trust.

A great brand inspires loyalty.

And your brand sucks.

You're riding high because your product is the biggest game in Palo Alto. Will that last forever? When the chips are down, will your brand carry you, Facebook? Will it? Will it?

Have you built strong, trusting relationships?

Not with me, baby!

I'm not too upset that Mark Wunderkind Zuckerberg (allegedly) screwed his best college friend out of millions... billions... while insisting he's not driven by money.

I'm not too upset that I have to adapt to this week's "new views" on my homepage. I've been keeping up with technology for 30 years, and I can handle this.

But I do question why you feel you need to be the editor of my life, of the community that I've stored on your platform, Facebook. What other bits of my information are you editing?

I do question why you were commercializing my data without notifying me. I found out through other, more trustworthy relationships. They coached me on how to proactively adjust the settings that you surreptitiously manipulated and abused.

I'm upset that you've been cheating on me, Facebook!

I'm upset that I heard it through the grapevine!

I'm upset that our relationship is always on your terms!

Oh, I've been such a fool! I now see that... you're just using me, Facebook!

I've pulled myself together. I've wised up. And now I'm just gonna' use you back... your heartless product, that is. I'm just gonna' use it.

But your brand?

You ain't been showin' me the love, honey!

Your brand has breached my trust.

I can only imagine what you're doing when you come home a little late and then feed me that line of bull... you and your nerdy friends eating pizza at the office while writing HTML code.

My imagination runs wild. I've got pictures in my head of you runnin' around town, sellin' my soul to the highest bidder, sellin' my data to any bidder, and then tellin' me that everything's gonna' be just fine.

Oh, I've wised up alright, Facebook.

And I'm sorry, baby, but... I don't love you any more.

Sure, I still need you. I've gotten used to this lifestyle, and I need this roof over my head for a little while longer.

But it won't be long and I'll be cheating on you, too, Facebook. When another product of equal utility comes around, my heart won't hold me down to your brand.

I just know I'll start sneakin' out out the back door from time to time... with another social network!

You can bet that if that relationship starts working for me, if I start building trust in that brand... I'm just gonna' walk right out that door, honey.

Because I don't trust you.

And that's not my fault.

Your brand sucks.

Photo by http://logo-s-collection.blogspot.com/2009/10/facebook-logos-facebook-facebook-logo.html