The great news about this is that most of us are clear (at some level) that we REALLY can’t change another person AND we can do something about ourselves.

This requires a few simple questions:

1) What words would you describe when you have an ideal relationship with someone?

2) Using those same words are YOU that person on a daily basis?

3) Which of those words could you practice being to become your ideal person?

Until next time,
Brenda

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written."

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17 Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone for everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s,we’d grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift."

Until next time,
Brenda

People talk about not having enough time, yet they spend time with friends and family and go on autopilot. So why are you wasting precious time? Why does anybody? Enjoy the time you have chosen to share with someone.

1) Decide on the outcome for your interaction. (ex: Make someone feel special; share your world with them; catch up on your day both good and not-so-good)

2) Put aside everything on your mind and be with the individual(s). This may mean you make a list of what’s on your mind so you know you can come back to it after your connection time.

3) Pull yourself together and be present. Take everything one day at a time; one hour at a time; minute by minute. Time, like life, is precious.

Until next time,
Brenda
 

One of Carl Jung’s quotes “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” Another way I have heard this said is “When you point a finger at someone your other three fingers are pointing back at you.”

I have found the statements above to be frustrating albeit true. If I have upset with someone (I am now pointing a finger) and I look at what the upset is and how I played a role in the upset I see (three fingers pointing back at me) that my real upset is not with them but with myself. Usually, I find I could have done something different; said/and or not said something; or I had an unexpected expectation from that individual. What I mean by the last statement is I expected them to say or perform in a certain way; however, I never had that communication with them.

The great thing about this is that I have minimized my upset by being accountable for the situation.

1)    Think of a time (either current or past) where you have been in upset with someone.
2)    What did you believe they did to cause your upset?
3)    What will you do differently in the future?
4)    How do you feel differently about the situation?

Until Next Time,
Brenda

Micro waved water - one MUST read

A 26-year old guy decided to have a cup of coffee. He took a cup of water and put it in the microwave to heat it up (something that he had done numerous times before).

I am not sure how long he set the timer for, but he told me he wanted to bring the water to a boil. When the timer shut the oven off, he removed the cup from the oven. As he looked into the cup, he noted that the water was not boiling, but instantly the water in the cup ‘blew-up’ into his face.

The cup remained intact until he threw it out of his hand but all the water had flown out into his face due to the build up of energy. His whole face is blistered and he has 1st and 2nd degree burns to his face, which may leave scarring. He also may have lost partial sight in his left eye.. While at the hospital, the
doctor who was attending to him stated that this is fairly common occurrence and water (alone) should never be heated in a microwave oven. If water is heated in this manner, something should be placed in the cup to diffuse the energy such as: a wooden stir stick, tea bag, etc. It is however a much safer
choice to boil the water in a teakettle.

General Electric’s (GE) response:

Thanks for contacting us. I will be happy to assist you. The e-mail that you received is correct. Microwaved water and other liquids do not always bubble when they reach the boiling point. They can actually get superheated and not bubble at all. The superheated liquid will bubble up out of the cup when it is moved or when something like a spoon or teabag is put into it. To prevent this from happening and causing injury, do not heat any liquid for more than two minutes per cup.  After heating, let the cup stand in the microwave for thirty seconds before moving it or adding anything into it.

If you pass this on … you could very well save someone from a lot of pain and suffering.

Until next time,

Brenda

If I were you, I would send this quote to all the guys and girls you love that make a difference in your life.  This is how I feel at this time in my life as I go through yet another transition.  This is the time I LOVE my girl friends; those that are there just to listen and be.  This is the time I also love my guy friends; those that are there not to fix or make it better but just to watch the beauty of the ever-changing female state. 

I believe guys think girls are always in an emotional state.  They are right.  We are happy, sad, confused, overwhelmed, peaceful, centered, calm, wacky, etc. all in a day’s work. Remember, peace, tranquility, angst, upset, etc. all have their appropriate time and space in our life if not overused.  Love and be loved. 

Until next time,

Brenda

As I look back on my treasure map I am amazed at how many of my goals were accomplished. I believe the reason for those successes was consistently having this board in front of me. I had it as a screen saver; under acrylic on my desk and also in smaller sections in my day planner. Although I didn’t consciously look at it daily, unconsciously my brain was always scanning and registering. Tony Robbins always says what you focus on you can achieve. I have kept all of my vision boards just to look back and see how powerful my brain and intent really was and continues to be a huge part of my success.

I will continue the annual treasure mapping with my family and now I create one for my computer through http://www.visualizeyourgoals.com/cgi-bin/t.cgi?a=478237.  I had such fun creating this one because I didn’t need to be creative.  The selection of pictures; words and affirmations made creating this so much fun.  Music and your own pictures can also be downloaded and I am thrilled with the results so much that I changed my screen saver to come on every ten minutes.  Take a look at http://www.visualizeyourgoals.com/cgi-bin/t.cgi?a=478237

Until Next Time,
Brenda

Life is short
Break the rules
forgive quickly
kiss passionately, love truly
laugh constantly
And never stop smiling
no matter how strange life is
Life is not always the party we expected it to be
but as long as we are here, we should smile and be grateful

-Unknown

Until next time,
Brenda

The Benefits of Doing Nothing
By Ichak Kalderon Adizes, PhD.
www.adizes.com

Every day in the modern world poses an increasing number of problems and opportunities in our lives. There are so many existing and new oppor-threats, that we simply don’t have enough time to address them all. We are all busy, and if we slow down for even a second, we feel guilty because "there is so much to do."

But if you stop for an interval of time and do nothing, you might find it has its benefits.

Firstly, doing nothing gives you the time to reminisce; to review what you are doing and analyze whether or not you should continue doing it. You get to see the value, or the futility, of doing something or anything.

Doing nothing for a moment is like pulling yourself out of a picture, so that you can see the picture from a different perspective. We all know how difficult it is to see the picture when you are in it.

When you do nothing, you give yourself the opportunity to ask, "Is it time to change?"

Filling your time with something to do is a perfect escape from yourself, while doing nothing forces you, sometimes painfully, to face yourself and your concerns.

I have noticed an interesting phenomenon among people who ask for a divorce. I asked them, when did the idea germinate; when was the final decision to make a change "born?" It often happened when the person was on vacation or sick in bed with nothing to do. When you do nothing you give yourself a chance to review everything.

In the Hindu tradition, zero and infinity are related. Everything is nothing. Nothing is everything.

Another benefit of doing nothing for an interval of time is that it provides space for creating something new. When your brain is fully engaged it is not available to be creative.

I have found an interesting common denominator among my entrepreneurial clients: When they were young, they were either sick for a long time or, for some other reason, they were alone with nothing to do.

Having nothing to do, they had to create something by themselves. Often they did lots of daydreaming, and over time, they developed their dream, which became their reality.

With nothing to do, they had the time to evaluate their past and make plans for the future.

Read the rest of the article here

Until next time,
Brenda

“Spring has finally arrived. It is a time of awakening, of new beginnings. All of nature bursts forth with tremendous growth. For something new to grow, the old has to give way. As we look at the world situation, we can see that many of the old structures are beginning to crumble. We look for change, for something that will support greater harmony and cooperation among the family of man.

Internally we also look for change, for a giving way of old patterns and conditioning, for a breakthrough into a higher consciousness, a more joyful existence. Whenever we are in the process of experiencing whatever is there in the moment, we have the hope that we will move past it into something beautiful. The mind imagines the breakthrough and the heightened sense of joy that will come. All of that activity is actually moving us away from the experience itself.  We need to realize that there is no point in focusing on the future.  We cannot visualize bliss, what it will be, what it will feel like.  That is just moving us away from the experience.

Just see and be in the condition of the moment. Watch how the mind is trying to shake off the experience. If we can do this, just sink into the experience, whatever it is, the breakthrough will come. The breakthrough is right now, not in the future. Being able to stay in the experience IS the breakthrough we are seeking.”      
http://onenessusa.org
Matthew Ottenberg

I love the coming of spring.  Flowers peeking out of the snow reward those of us who see them as knowing that spring is literally just around the corner.  Love is in the air; nature starts to wake up and it appears even people look up and smile more.  I love it.  As much as I adore the contentment of winter I love spring too.  In fact if I were to be totally truthful with you I love nature in general.

Spring brings a time of renewal; a fresh start; old things are gone; it’s a fresh new beginning.  If you are currently in a relationship what is one thing you could let go of from last year that no longer enhances your relationship.  If you are looking to be in a new relationship what is one belief that you will add to your “formula for success” in meeting that special individual.  And if you were to look inwards at your relationship with self again, what is one thing you will do for you to have a Fresh Start?

Until Next Time,
Brenda