And you may be wondering what’s wrong with playing video games if you’re an adult.

The stigma is no longer there. It’s fun, it’s something to do when you get back from work, something to do with your friends when they come over, etc.

It seems harmless at first, but when you dig a bit deeper, you begin to find the subtle harmful effects of it.

First off, like any drug, it provides escape from the real world.

And there’s nothing wrong with that once in a while. We do it all the time when we watch movies or a TV show or read a novel.

But if you keep on doing that, if you keep on trying to escape the real world through video games, what do you find?

It slowly BECOMES your world.

You get addicted to it because you find the video game world much “better” than the real world.

After all, in the video game world, it doesn’t take much to become a “winner”.

To be somebody.

To be a hero.

It’s instant gratification to attain that status. Move around a joystick and press some buttons at the right time and bam – you can be somebody.

If you can be a hero in a video game, then why bother with the real world?

Why bother trying to improve when you can be a hero just by pressing some buttons at the right time?

You begin to subtly equate in your mind that becoming a hero is easy. It’s instant. And I use the hero term broadly here.

You can be a Superbowl champ. Be a leader of a clan. A general of an army.

That kind of endowment of virtual status distracts from the real world and cuts any ambition at the knees to improve in it.

Moreover, to rub more salt in the wound, you don’t even have that much time to devote in improving your life in the real world. The video games take up that precious time. And it’s not like you can cut it cold turkey. It’s meant to be addicting as well. The video game industry spends a lot of time and money to see how they can stimulate your mind to produce feel good chemicals when playing their games because after all, it’s good business. That makes you want to buy the next game and the next and the next gaming console as well, ensuring long term profits for those companies.

Young boys today are particularly susceptible to this. By constantly playing video games, they become stuck in this alternate world, where they are somebody, all the meanwhile, forgoing any desire to step up in the real world, delaying their evolution into becoming men.

And if some of them muster up the courage to try to step up in the real world, they find it’s hard to do so, so they inevitably retreat back into tot he safety cocoon of the video game world where everything is soft and easy and can be attained through the pressing of a few simple buttons.

Like all drugs, video games seem harmless at first.

You try it out a little because you hear people say it’s good.

Experiment just to see what it’s like.

You find it’s pretty good.

So you try a bit more.

And a bit more.

And a bit more.

Until you’re free falling down this slippery slope that you don’t realize until you hit rock bottom.

And the climb up becomes twice as hard, because you never really experienced “physical climbing”.

Only “virtual climbing” with a push of a few easy buttons.

Stanford completely manhandled the USC Trojans even though they were unranked and USC was ranked 9th in the nation.

To give some more background information on this game to see why it’s such a big deal, USC was king of the Pac-10 the past 7 years. This year, they lost big to two teams in the Pac 10 – Oregon and Stanford.

Both those teams had great strong identities.

Oregon’s identity consists of a fast, no huddle, spread option offense.

Stanford is your tough as nails, smash mouth, power I formation, run the ball down the opposing team’s throat type football team.

Both teams stayed true to their identities and that proved to be the key to defeating USC.

Oregon torched USC’s defense with their blazing speed and spread option offense and Stanford ran the ball right down the Trojan’s throats.

Here’s what powerful about the idea of having a strong identity.

IT NARROWS down a team’s strengths and gives them FOCUS to become the best they can be at it.

When you have a definite, central identity, it’s easy to spend a lot of time at getting good at it and what I mean by that is improving yourself to LIVE UP TO THAT IDENTITY.

It’s easy to be aggressive when you’re clear minded, not when you’re confused.

Having an identity does that for you.

It lets you be aggressive at getting better at BEING that identity.

Then, people see that and they want to become a part of it so the team begins to recruit players that fit in harmony with the team’s identity, making it even stronger before thereby snowballing the effect.

And here’s where the quantum leap hits.

The actions of the people on that team become congruent to the identity of the team.

You go from doing to BEING.

When you ARE something, it’s easy to DO.

It’s been said that Stanford trains so physically hard during practice that they run a great risk of having their players injured. But the coach knows that and still does it because that’s their identity.

Because the coach has put that identity on the team, it obviously took a while for the team to embrace it, but once they did, they don’t have to force it.

They ARE that type of team – that type of team that will just physically manhandle the other team and play good old fashioned, power I formation, smash mouth, run the ball down your throat football.

Now realize there’s no right or wrong identity.

Just your own.

Oregon’s identity of being a blazing fast, no huddle, spread option offense is no better or any worse than Stanford’s identity of a good old fashioned ,power I formation, smash mouth, run the ball down your throat type offense.

Each serves the team well and each works hard at reinforcing that identity and finding similar people who identify with that team to solidify it as well.

This is the wisdom behind “Know thyself”.

Find your identity, built it, and it will attract the people who are congruent with that identity, which all comes together to help you BE that identity and DO what the identity is all about.

For example, if you habitually exercise and/or lift weight’s you probably see yourself as a person who’s disciplined, strong willed, and always want to improve, and you probably meet other people in the gym while you train who are of the same nature.

They become your friends and as iron sharpens iron, that identity of being disciplined, strong willed, always wanting to improve begins to carry over into other areas of your life.

It can’t help but happen.

Why?

It’s a part of you now.

And when you get to that point, things become easy.

Don’t deviate from that identity because that will get you nowhere.

When Stanford started the game, they came out passing when their identity was smash mouth running. That proved to be fruitless as they went 3 and out and USC got the ball.

When Stanford got the ball back, they went back to their identity of a smash mouth run the ball down your throat offense.

And they never looked back.

55-21.

The most points EVER scored against the Trojans at home.

That’s the power of identity when you find it and work hard at becoming it and you STICK to it.

It brings new meaning to the advice we hear of not trying to pretend to be someone you’re not.

If Stanford tried to be like Oregon that game, they would’ve lost. No doubt about it.

They stuck to the identity they built over the past 2 years and that proved to be the factor that helped them dominate the Trojans.

So this begs the question.

How do you create your identity?

Well the way I see it, there are two ways.

One is you look within and you have that instinctual feeling of who you are and what you’re all about.

This doesn’t apply to all people. I have a feeling only a very few people are able to do this, who genuinely “know” themselves, who they are, and what they’re all about.

If you are that type of person, STICK to that identity. Work hard at becoming it. Do the things congruent to that identity and you will start to BE and attract people who are of similar nature to help you reinforce that identity.

For those not so fortunate, have no worries, because you can CREATE your identity.

Think of the type of person you want to be and realize you can change your identity. It usually happens when you’re in a rut and lost, but that’s one of the best times to create a new identity because you start fresh from scratch.

Realize the key to creating identity is realizing how important it is to consciously choose what kind of decisions you will make based on the fact that those decisions will reflect on your identity. Will those decisions build or destroy the identity you’re trying to build?

You have to be aware every single time, at least in the beginning stages.

That will reinforce your new identity until it become second nature.

For example, if you want your new identity to be one of a person who is self disciplined and you tell yourself you’re going to do 30 minutes of cardio, do 30 minutes of cardio.

Hell do 5 more minutes just to make an even bigger impressions on your mind that you mean business.

Things of that nature will help you solidify your identity and bring people into your life that will reinforce it and help you succeed beyond your wildest dreams.

Find your identity.

Work hard at becoming it.

BE it.

People will see it who are of similar identities and come to you.

And together, you will succeed in the endeavors you’re reaching for.

Things like just let your goal go, be “open”, don’t work on your goal so much, etc.

At first glance, it raises the B.S. alarms. We think it only caters to the instant gratification crowd. The advice seems a bit woo-woo and contrary to the real world.

But the thing is – those things work.

What’s the catch?

You can’t apply the advice without doing the hard stuff first.

Because it’s by doing the hard stuff that allows you to easily do the easy stuff and see the results.

Authors tend to unknowingly perpetuate this frustration because they offer this advice and they say if you just do this, it’ll work.

And it will.

BUT, the readers can’t do it. They can’t apply it. Because they didn’t do the hard work first.

Here’s a classic example.

The idea of acting on your flashes of intuition.

When I first heard that principle of an idea flashing in your mind that will help you achieve your goal, I scoffed. This was way back when I was a mere child. I thought it was hocus pocus talk.

But I tried it to give it a shot and it never happened so I dismissed it.

Fast forward many years later, when I actually focus on a SPECIFIC goal, remind myself of it continuously, take action on it, think day and night about it, the flash of insight eventually came.

And it was brilliant.

A masterpiece.

And notice the big missing piece here.

I didn’t do any of that other stuff before. My goal was vague, I thought about it once in a while, never really took action and lo and behold, the brilliant idea never came.

It’s as if the self improvement industry is split into two camps. The “hard” and the “soft”.

The “hard” camp is all that we are familiar with, the “real world” stuff like taking action, discipline, persistence, etc.

The “soft” camp is all that is unknown, the stuff that’s hard to swallow – letting go, trusting in a higher power, having faith it will all work out when things seem their bleakest, etc.

It’s as if the two camps butt heads completely.

We don’t really trust the “soft” camp and when we try it out, it inevitably fails.

And we don’t consistently apply the advice we hear in the “hard” camp, so we never get to a level where we can truly apply the advice in the “soft” camp.

And therein lies the catch 22.

You want life to get easier by trying to apply the “soft” camp advice directly from the get go, but you can’t really successfully do it until you apply the “hard” camp advice.

But it’s rare for people to successfully apply the “hard” camp advice to get to the point where they can apply the “soft” camp advice.

The only way out of it is to start in the “hard” camp first. Really master it. Appreciate the fundamentals. Honor the timeless wisdom in it.

And when you reach a point where you have mastered it, you find yourself successfully applying what you learned in the “soft” camp with greater ease and with results this time.

And you no longer see the two camps as butting heads all the time but you see the great synergy between the two and how one leads to another.

Life doesn’t get easier “directly”.

You can’t start from the beginning and hope to take advantage of all the “soft” camp advice directly.

You must apply the “hard” camp advice to be able to easily apply the “soft” camp advice and see the results.

And as I’m reading over this to proofread and correct spelling mistakes, I know that this might sound confusing to some people.

And for others, it will make perfect sense.

I don’t think this is one of those things you can really articulate.

Only experience.

And for those who have mastered the “hard” camp and have seen the fruits of applying the advice in the “soft” camp, and have stumbled upon the same realizations as this article, they will understand completely what I’m talking about.

If this is flying over your head, it might be because you still haven’t mastered the “hard” camp yet. Keep at it. And you’ll find the “soft” camp advice you read will begin to make more and more sense. You will look at it differently now and when you apply it, you will see the results.

Remember, life doesn’t get easier directly.

It’s always hard before it gets easy.

Just let it all go.

Forget about your worries that lie in the future.

They don’t even exist.

Don’t worry a future that is always changing.

Don’t worry about the past. It’s set in stone.

Relish the present today.

Breathe in that crisp morning air.

Feel the sunlight warm your face.

Bite into that juicy fruit and savor the juices flowing in your mouth.

Really engage the people you meet in today.

Tell your husband/wife how much you love them. Your children. Your parents. Your brothers/sisters. Your friends.

Never take them for granted.

Relish every waking second of your day.

Let your heart be filled with joy and thanksgiving.

For today.

Make the conscious effort to live and focus on today.

Tomorrow will bring its own events.

Just for today.

Enjoy it.

And let it be your present.

Obviously the very first thing to do is to see if you qualify for unemployment benefits.
If so, apply for them. This alone will help ease the blow since you know you’ve got some cash coming in.

Now what you want to do here is TAKE CONTROL.

Losing your job tends to make you feel out of control, helpless, a victim, and the less you stay in that mentality the better.

Obviously it will be hard to make the switch instantaneously so feel free to take a small amount of time to mourn your job loss but the sooner you delve into action by taking control of your situation like applying for unemployment benefits, the better.

Obviously bring out your resume, update it, let people know you’re looking for a job, contact old bosses you had good relationships with, start slimming down your budget, organize your house, clean it too with the extra time you have, etc.

This is all technical stuff but realize that the beauty in all this is that you feel in control.

Now here’s the juicy part.

Losing your job is an event that forces your hand in a way that you’ve rarely felt before.

Before it was easy to just go along with the flow.

Now there’s a big kink in the flow. It’s putting you in a position to force yourself to take new direction.

To revaluate maybe starting that business you’ve always wanted to do while working part time on the side or maybe going into an entirely new field, or maybe going back to school.

The real blessing behind losing your job is that it gives you a taste of that “do or die” attitude. It forces you into action. It gives you a pretty big kick in the butt. It gives you that burning desire to get things done. You’ll never work harder than when you’re in near survival state.

Some people are most grateful for it afterwards because it gave them the courage they were seeking to do what they wanted to do all along. They couldn’t do it themselves but when life put them in that position, it brought that courage out of them to do it.

Take it as a sign. A new beginning. A new chapter in your life.

Be grateful for the opportunity and make the most of it.

Use that extra “kick” this kind of event brings along with it to fuel your journey in the new direction you choose to go to.

If you look at it that way, you take yourself out of always reacting to life to IMPOSING YOUR WILL on life.

And when you start getting in the habit of doing just that, you will begin to see the world in a whole new light.

And I also know you might be curious about what this FANTASTIC something is.

And I’m not exaggerating here.

I’ve actually been thinking about how I can take this site to the NEXT LEVEL for the past couple of months - how I can add even MORE value to my readers.

If you take a look back at the evolution of this site, you’ll see that first came the articles, then the FREE M.I.T.’s, then the books, then the exclusive premium subscriptions, all of which added TREMENDOUS value and has changed the lives of tens of thousands of people for good.

Now is there something better that can TOP all that?

The answer is YES.

There is ALWAYS room for improvement.

This is something that I’ve been wanting to do for some time and the vision didn’t really crystallize until about two weeks ago.

It happened on one of my walks and the idea came pouring in with the pieces fitting neatly together and I KNEW it was one of those things – one of those moments of inspiration that I knew I should definitely follow.

Over the past two weeks, I’ve been planning everything out, getting everything together and I am now in the “beta” stage of the project.

Some of you will be receiving EXCLUSIVE INVITES to this project to get a sneak peak at it. Only a VERY small handful of you so if you’re one of the lucky ones, you’ll know when I send out the emails in the coming weeks.

If you’re BURNING with curiosity, let me tell you this. For those of you who stuck with me from the every beginning, I actually tried to do something similar to this back then but it turned out not to be the right time. That’s a big clue there so you veterans will probably know what I’m talking about. For those of you who are new, no worries as you’ll find out what it is in the coming weeks and months ahead. I’ve closed comments on this because I don’t want any speculation and want it to be a total surprise.

I’m VERY excited about this, more so than I’ve ever been on any of the other things I’ve added on this site mostly because I know it’s something that is beyond what I can deliver alone and it’s something I know that will add EXPONENTIAL VALUE to people’s lives.

Not just add value itself, but EXPONENTIAL VALUE.

I’ll just leave it at that for now.

Now let’s talk about the special offer for October that I would’ve put up had the 31st of October been on a Monday.

There are two weeks left until the exclusive premium entrepreneurship subscription ends for the people who signed up it when it first came out and I really had a blast writing it.

For those of you unaware, all of my exclusive premium subscriptions only come out 3-4 times a year. Why?

Because I want to REWARD those who take the INITIATIVE to sign up for it when it comes out by giving them a head start to take action on the ideas in the subscription.

If I made this subscription available 24/7, that advantage wouldn’t be there. There would be a ton of potential competition so to reward those who have initiative, I only release this particular subscription a couple times a year.

This subscription will probably be only released 3 times a year and the next time it will be released will be around April/May of 2010 to give the people who sign up now a great head start.

The reason why I wrote this subscription is because first, entrepreneurship is one of my passions as I think it utilizes a lot of what you learn in self improvement (it’s a great “crucible” for self improvement) and second, I know that many people want to start their own businesses but the two biggest obstacles that stop them are – the idea and the money.

How can they think of a FREAKING business idea? And more so, how can they think of an idea with LOW start up costs?

Therefore, I wanted to create a subscription address those two issues – how they can think of a SIMPLE, LOW COST business idea that they can start from the side (because most people can’t afford to quit their jobs in the beginning) and eventually grow that SIMPLE, LOW COST business into one they can make a living off of.

This subscription covers the 4 main areas – specific strategies on how to come up with your own SIMPLE, LOW COST business idea, how to market it, sell your product/service, and GROW your business into one you can make a living off of full time.

And to give it a nice polish, it’s designed in accordance with The Hidden Secret in Think and Grow Rich so that’s a special treat for the readers of that book.

Can you still learn even if you didn’t read the book? Yes. But some of the stuff I talk about won’t make sense so it’s best you read the book before you get the subscription.

And if you haven’t, that’s ok, because the first week of the subscription is to give time for those who haven’t read the book to read it.

And if it’s been a while since you read it, that first week is also there to give you time to brush up.

And to show you how great this subscription is, realize this:

There are two testimonials of people who after reading JUST The Hidden Secret in Think and Grow Rich ALONE, started successful businesses.

Brent C. of Canada sold his for a generous sum and Effrain Guerroro is doing very well with his weight loss coaching business and is in the process of taking it online. You can read their full testimonials on the sales page for the book (scroll down a bit when you’re on the page to find it).

Imagine HOW MUCH MORE this subscription will help with all its’ specialized knowledge!

You also get a week to read the best bonus ever offered on BrianKim.net – How to Get Rich: The Sorely Needed Logical and Structured Essay That Won’t Be Found Anywhere Else Today, which provides a great foundation for this subscription.

You can’t find this information anywhere else. Specialized knowledge on how you can think of your very own SIMPLE, LOW COST business that you can start on the side and grow into one you can make a living off of full time along with ACTION ITEMS at the end of each issue to help you APPLY what you learned.

If you loved my stuff, you’ll love this subscription and the best bonus ever offered on BrianKim.net as well.

The sign up window for this special offer only lasts for 72 hours and will expire on Wednesday November 4, 2009 at 11:59 Pacific Time and the next time this will be released will be at the least, April of 2010.

Edit 11-4-2009: The special offer has expired. Please sign up for the newsletter to wait for the next release.

It’s as if we can’t seem to get a firm grip of the whole situation. It all seems so jumbled up that we can’t take a clear COMPLETE analytical look at it. There seems to be too many different moving parts and gears going on.

So how to we make sense of all this and make this whole process of tough decision making way less confusing?

It’s like how we make all things less confusing:

WE SYSTEMIZE.

There’s 5 steps to this process and 3 of them, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard of.

The first step is to CLEARLY state the decision so that it’s a yes/no question.

Should I do x?

It shouldn’t be something like a brainstorm question.

It can’t be something like: “What’s a great career to get into?”

It should be something like: “Should I get a career in nursing?”

Then you would assume the next step is to list the pros and cons, but we have to back up here and lay down the facts of the situation FIRST.

Get some background info on your decision. Research all you can on the pertinent information relating to your decision and once you have all that info, THEN you can go to the pros and cons because having that information will come in handy in developing your pros and cons list.

Moreover, without doing your due diligence, you risk “polluting” the pros and cons list with information that isn’t even true.

Really block out everything and try to do the best you can in EACH step of the process.

Really do your due diligence.

When it comes to writing the pro list, really do your best. Think of every pro you can. Don’t hold back.

The same thing with the cons list.

The beauty in all this is SEPARATION.

Before, you’re trying to do this all at once, and that’s why it gets really confusing.

Here, you can give yourself permission to look at the decision from just ONE ANGLE AT A TIME to the fullest of your capabilities.

It’s like organizing a desk. It’s so messy that you don’t really know where to start so you keep putting off cleaning it up but once you start making neat piles – this is for faxing, this is for outgoing mail, these are notes for transcribing, these you can throw away, etc., it all becomes easier to deal with and you know EXACTLY what to do afterwards..

So once you’ve exhausted each of those steps to the best of your abilities, you come to the last part, which is arguably the most important.

After reviewing everything you’ve written down – the clear yes/no question, the background information, every pro, every con, you ask yourself this:

What are your feelings about all this?

This is key.

And note that this goes LAST.

Why?

You need to see the background information and the pros and cons list BEFORE you process your feelings because it needs that info to “process” and give back the overall vibe.

Without all that information, it’s hard for your feelings to be “right” just like it’s hard to judge something without hearing the whole story.

Go carte blanche here. Really let it loose. There’s no “wrong” feeling here. Just see what your vibe is on it. Let it out.

It’s usually comes across as a form of comfort or discomfort and it’s obvious what each of those forms mean.

What you’ll find with all this is that at the end of the day, your feelings will most likely be the deciding factor.

It’s how we usually make all our decisions, even if we are not aware of it, because it’s our intuition that’s usually right – PROVIDED it has all the right information to deal with in the first place. Your subconscious mind can process all that very quickly and give you the answer in a flash.

Once you SEPARATE each “side” of the decision making process and lay it ALL out on PAPER – there’s no more turning it over in your mind.

You’ve dumped it all and gave each “side” its place to talk so now your mind is FREE to review all the info from top to bottom in an easy, logical format and once it does all that, it can spit out the gut feeling it gets.

If you feel mostly comfortable after all that, go for it.

If you feel mostly discomfort, it’s best to avoid it.

Either way, I guarantee if you do this exercise, you’ll feel a lot clearer on where you stand and that alone will help you make your final decision way less confusing.

What I’m talking about by not fitting in is looking EXTERNALLY FIRST to find something for you to fit into when you’re pursuing something.

The classic example is looking outside to see what kind of business to start that you can fit into.

For example, you’ve probably heard that network marketing is a great way to start your own business. Whenever I hear that, I cringe inside.

First off, if you’re not at the top, it’s very unlikely you’ll make a lot of money in network marketing. You need to have a big down line because that’s where the majority of your money will be coming from. If you’re at the bottom of the down line, you’re not going to be making it.

But here’s the thing.

If you don’t really like doing small talk all the time, meeting with people, constantly socializing with a variety of people, you’re going to tank. It’s not a good fit for you.

This seems like common sense, but it’s not.

We are blinded by popularity.

We think just because a particular choice is popular, that it would be a great fit for us, but chances are it’s not.

It’s like trying to find a great shirt and then you pick one up that’s 1 foot long and 4 inches wide.

It’s not going to fit.

Work the other way around.

Don’t look outward first.

LOOK WITHIN FIRST.

See what matches with the inside.

If nothing does, then MAKE something that FITS.

The custom fit shirt always looks and feels the best doesn’t it?

The easy choice is to look outside to fit in but it rarely works because we are all different. Moreover, by choosing that route, you’re in bloody waters of competition because everyone else is there and the person who wins that competition is the one that by coincidence, is a great fit for it in the first place because it matches up with who they are and what they want.

When you look within, the competition is reduced. You create a great fit just for you.

It’s one of the strong foundations of entrepreneurship. Most entrepreneurs get frustrated because nothing outside “fits”, so they make something that “fits” and succeed.

For example, the thing for bloggers to do is to get published, go on speaking tours, promotional tours, etc.

I choose not to do that because it’s not a good fit for me.

I like writing, not speaking.

I enjoy freedom.

I have people always press me to go down that route, but I remain steadfast in my decision and I’m truly happy with it. I’ve customized my strategy according to me and it fits perfectly.

I don’t want the grueling traveling schedule, staying in hotels, going on tours, speaking engagements, etc.

My best strength is in writing and the only way I can do that is to have freedom, peace of mind, and tranquility in my life. If I’m running around the country, I won’t have any of that and I know I won’t be happy and my writing will suffer as a result.

Doing all that isn’t a good fit for me at all.

Plus, by retaining control over all my products/services, I get pretty much all the profit, rather than get a small percentage for each sale if I go down the publishing route.

And moreover, my products can sell consistently over time rather than just get a big boost and then have it fade within a matter of months like most published books do.

But by looking within to see what I want, I’ve created customized strategies that work for me, that fit me perfectly like a glove.

This is why it’s hard for people to copy exactly what others have done, to go down their route and have success with it because those people didn’t look externally first.

They looked within and built from there and because they did that, the road they built works best for THEM.

When others try to copy that, the majority inevitably fail simply because the route wasn’t built for them so it doesn’t match in the first place.

I hope this is making sense because it’s one of the easiest problems to stumble into.

Look within first.

Discern who you are and what you want.

Then look outwards to see what fits.

If you find something that reasonably fits, great! Go for it. Chances are you’ll have a much better shot than the rest of the competition in it because you looked within first and found what matched on the outside.

If you can’t find anything that fits, even better.

Custom make something that fits just right for you.

“Don’t worry about the small stuff. Just take care of the big stuff.”

“Pay attention to the details. Then everything else will be taken care of.”

Which side is “right”?

Both sides are right.

Then which side is “better’ if any?

Like all things, it’s not either/or.

The magic is in the order in which they are put to use.

When you first start off, tackle the big things - THEN take care of the details.

But it doesn’t end there.

You repeat the process and refine it every time you do so.

The classic example is the cleaning up of one’s financial situation.

The majority of advice lies in the details – clip coupons, carpool, shop at thrift stores, etc.

But look at the bigger expenses first – most likely your car and house.

You don’t have to have a huge car payment every month. Get a reliable used car to scale down that payment and choose a higher deductible on your insurance, which will be lower already because you switched cars and right then and there, you killed 2 big holes in your budget with one stone.

You can also rent out a room or your garage and you get another big whack at your housing expenses there.

Those two things will free up some nice chunks of cash for you to do as you please and then after that, then you can go into the details.

Then you can look for deals on food, clothes, maybe switch the light bulbs to save on electricity, get a better deal on your cell phone, etc.

After that, you can start the process once again by focusing on the other side of your financial situation – the money coming IN, not the money going out, which you focused on before.

Think of the major move you need to make in your career and/or business and then go on to take care of the big things you need to do to set that into motion. Maybe you need to go back to school or take classes to get certification or save up money to launch your own business.

After you take care of those big elements, then you can focus on the subsequent details to refine it.

This goes for any new venture you’re thinking of getting into. Just get it going, forget about perfecting everything, just do the major things that need to be done to get the ball rolling. Then you can focus on the details later on.

The people who stress the importance of details – they’ve already got the initial main parts down and they’ve got the ball rolling.

People who talk about the big things – they’re still in that phase where the initial momentum is carrying them.

Both pieces of advice help.

The application of them just depends on where you are right now in your own situation.

I’m talking about breaking those unwritten rules, the rules that people believe they should live by - the rules of “society”.

There’s a certain appeal to going against the grain. We have a number of clichés for it like think outside the box, be a maverick, take the road less traveled etc.

And should you get an inkling to break society’s rules of expectations, how do you know if you should do it? How do you know when to break the rules?

The answer is very simple.

You break the rules when your highest values are supported in doing so.

It’s the only thing that will make you successful in breaking the rules.

There’s absolutely no point in breaking the rules if by doing so, it doesn’t support your values.

It’s a waste of time and energy.

You’re just a rebel without a cause.

When you choose to do something aligned with your highest values - that gives you the energy to follow through on it despite all the people around you telling you not to because of the rules.

Arnold Schwarzenegger broke the rules his entire life. His parents wanted him to be a police officer. He wanted to become the greatest bodybuilder of all time instead.

After that, he wanted to act but all the agents told him it couldn’t be done. A man his size with his thick accent was not Hollywood material. They suggested he should pursue something else instead.

But because one of his highest values was to be different, he was unwilling to compromise himself in that aspect, to conform to the rules of Hollywood in what a good actor should look and sound like so as a result, everything around him had to compromise to fit HIM.

He starred in movies that suited his size and accent like Hercules and Conan the Barbarian but they didn’t turn out as great as he hoped they would.

But then Terminator came along and that fit him perfectly like a glove. He didn’t have that many lines to speak and his body suited the story line and the rest was box office history.

The same thing happened when he ran for governor.

The political rules were that you had to go through the system – become an assemblyman, councilman, mayor, etc. but he went for it all the first time.

If this seems like in direct violation of the start small -> grow -> big model, this is an exception to that model. He already had a foundation of fame, fortune and political connections built so he could run for governor without going by the rules. He didn’t necessarily break the rules – he just didn’t have to abide by them because his foundation was already built.

Moreover, he did break the rules in terms of what people expect when it comes to being a governor. Who would’ve ever thought a bodybuilder and famous actor with a weird accent would be governor of the great state of California? He certainly didn’t fit the polished, well spoken, politically correct image that most people think of when it comes to politicians. His highest value of giving back to this country that gave him so much motivated him to break these kinds of rules.

We see this all the time with people who decided their highest value was freedom and quit their high paying job to start heir own business. They went against the rules of society which dictated they should hang on to that steady paycheck for dear life in exchange for limited freedom, but they decided to break that rule in order to support their own highest personal values.

Since they’ve believed so strongly in the cause they fight for, so strongly that they refuse to quit, so strongly that they become immovable, fixed in their stance, life has no choice but to work around those people, to fit everything around that person and his/her stance.

As a result, things work out.

When you don’t have those deep roots, when you don’t believe that strongly in something, you tend to play by the rules by default, and then get tossed and turned by the winds of life. It’s easy to get uprooted and blown across way over there and way over here and feel like you’re not in control of your life.

If you ever come to the point where everything inside of you is telling you to break the rules and go for it, chances are you should go for it.

Believe in the values you are fighting for.

Draw the line in the sand.

Break the rules.

Put those roots in deep.

Refuse to quit.

Life will test you by not delivering what you seek in record time. It will drag it out to see if you really mean it and should you stick through it during that time period, you’ll have passed the test.

And joined the ranks of those who have broken the rules, succeeded in doing so, and achieved their very best.